Charlie and Natalie Are in The Queue

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So if you guys listen to the show, be honest. I have. You've never once listened to the show. Oh, but I've watched clips. You've never once listened to the show. No, but I don't really listen to talk podcasts because I'm afraid I'm going to steal the demeanor of the people. I don't listen to podcasts either, but it's like Charlie, you look close. You know why I did? Why? Because the clips were so funny. You mean that? Yeah, that I needed more. But I love... Remember I brought the cussards? My gay guys community doesn't support me. But I love comedy podcasts. Like, he doesn't listen. Do you know what it is though? I will say gay guys refuse to support me. I am completely fucked from your eye. Lesbians will. Right. What am I, Charlie? I want you to speak on this actually, not for you. I know that we're, you know, we're getting, I have an opportunity to get closer all the time, but what do you think it is about me that makes gay guys run away? We're parallel. Wait, but have you, let's just make sure we're doing this all the way. Have you listened to our podcast? Have you listened to ours by any chance? Um, well, I think... This is good. No, actually. It's an interesting question. It's definitely an interesting question. It's the way you worded it threw me off a little bit. What do you mean? It's just confusing, I get that. I think it's more like, you know, we're all professional, we're in the back of the club, you know, someone's up on stage, we're chatting. You know, we don't need to be watching all the time, we respect. Were you asking if I've listened to a full episode of your podcast? Was that the question? I guess I was trying to ask the same question. Oh, back to me about yours. I have not. But think about how you love us and you still... Oh, I love you both, but I don't listen to podcasts. So that's what Charlie has to imagine now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. So just for me, like for you, like exactly. This was good. Yeah, this was really good. This was really good. This was very healing. It really saved me. So I really... By the way, I look like a fucking simp, but I'm down for that. I really stand in my desire. Can I take it again when you ask? Yeah, but I do want to get back to my thing with you guys. Oh, yeah. No, that's a separate thing that needs to be gotten into. I want to ask both of you questions about me on this episode. Yes, sir. Charlie, did you listen to my show? Yeah, really? I love it. What's your favorite episode? I love the one you did with Brittany Broski. Right. Save that, really save that. That's beautiful. I love yours and Brittany's because I love your chemistry together. Yeah. And I thought it was funny and I laughed. And I thought at times it was really poignant and interesting. And it made me feel warm. Landed. Yeah, you're killing this. I commented on the YouTube video. I just said loved it on the YouTube video. Just because I didn't want to take up too much space. So I just said loved it on the YouTube video. You can check. You want to leave room for other commenters. I didn't want to take up too much space. I had a paragraph... Listen, this is what happened. Paragraphs and paragraphs thought about, you know, you said this, you said this, deleted all that, just said loved it. I think you did worse on this. I thought it was great and then it did not end. It got more... Yeah, I dug myself a hole. You did because you started saying things that were factually provably false. I'm listening to it now on my phone and I can show you right now it's the last thing up on my phone. You're like, I texted you, I texted you this and I called you. I called you during it and because I was listening to it live from the door, fuck. I have to tell you guys when we get off mic and the listeners hate when I do this, remind me to tell you a story about someone who did something so psychotic to me at a party recently. But I can't say what it is because it's so specific they would know. This is called the podcasters tree. And that's when we get to know a secret off mic story. And then sometimes the listeners will be in the comments like, don't bring shit up if you're not going to fuck you. I'll do what I want. It's my show. I'll do what I want. I really admire your relationship with your fans. You're super stern with them. It's like they need to know. It's loving, it's firm, it's like a type of motherhood that's like, I'm not your friend. I'm your podcaster. I'm your podcaster. Like it's a different, I have a life outside of you. This is not a democracy. Hi, I'm in charge here. Hi, it's a cheer tater ship. It's a cheerocracy. It's a cheer tater ship. That's right. That's right. That's right. You from bring it on? Do you know what I'm referencing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I thought I asked. I'm flopping with you guys today. Don't even say that. Wait, I did want to ask you a serious question. So far. So far. We could change it. We could change it in moments. We could do really well from here on out. My tummy really hurts. No. I would never say that. I would never say that. You have said it to me before. I would never say that stuff. So you've ordered it in front of me, I think. Bondi. Bondi. Really good poke bowl, but my tummy is hurting right now. That sucks, ass. You know what can you help? What? It's coke. Oh, you're having it. Yeah, I'm having a coke. I'm hoping it'll sell up. You're doing Madison. Oh my God, I had a whole bout of nausea this morning. What happened? I don't know. It just came. I mean, can you even believe that? I do. But how did it go away? Exactly. It just did. You have tummy issues sometimes. I know that about you. But who among us? Do you know what I mean? Doesn't. I think three people all tell me don't have. My friend Caleb has a tummy ache right now. I do at the moment, but I wanted to ask you guys, I brought you here to ask you, what is it that gay guys will, here's what I'll tell you, I've noticed. If I see any lesbian on Instagram, like if someone tags a lesbian friend on Instagram and I click on their page, there's a 95% chance they follow me. They're following you. Not when the same thing happens, but it's gay guys. Gay guys don't follow me. You're blocked. They don't support me. Basically. What do you think I'm giving that's not welcoming to gay men? I think there is a competitiveness among gay men. Do you think so? It can be for a sense of limited resources, a sense of, especially when there is like a kind of outspokenness or confidence that people are like, okay, why? You think you're better than me? Wow. And do you? I don't know. I don't, but I wonder if that's why I don't like certain gay guys. What do they think you're? No, me to them. I wonder if I'm being, I wonder if I'm being, what's what I'm looking for? Scarce, scarce, scarce city mindset. Well, you know what? I think sometimes how I respond to that, because I do sense that too in me sometimes where people are like, or like a little cold or like kind of tough and I just meet it with kindness. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so true about you. You're laughing because you mean it. You're laughing because you mean it. You mean it with kindness completely and people will be, oh, what are you, how do you know what, this party, you know, I just say, I'm so happy to see you. I love those pants on you. Yeah. And say that kind of stuff. That is how you get gay guys to warm up to you. You kill kindness. Actually, you do have to kill them with kindness. You say, ugh, you look so cute today. Say that kind of stuff. And people just melts like that. It works for you, Charlie, because you're so, you are so charming and likable and I mean that, but there are gay guys who try to do this stuff that there are, I'm thinking of at least three prominent gay men that I don't like. And let's just name them really quick. That have a different social situations, tried to like charm me into liking them. And I'm like, this only makes me more convinced that you're the sociopath I thought you were. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because it's so calculated. Right. Being like, oh my God, lovey. Like, I'm like, we have barely spoken. And when we have, I've been cold to you. This is actually very, I think this is very stute and we're getting to something really good here. Get into it. And I am going to moderate in some ways. No, you're a panelist. You're not a moderate, you're a panelist. Turning again to Kala. Well, I'm just saying, like, I feel like I study gay guys and you guys are them. So I'm like, I can come in, but I can only say so much. It's researcher subjects. Exactly. Kind of yes. Thank you. I've anthropologically put myself among them. Can I just commend you real quick? You clearly almost stumbled on anthropologically, but the way you persevered and like pushed through knowing that you were up until 5am. I don't know if we got that in recording, but like that was bravery. To be honest, like I fought for every syllable that came out of my mouth. Yeah. They hit me, honey. They fought back. They fought back. They were swinging. And if you're listening, I would just hit the reverse 30 seconds. Just check it out. Run it back. I think I didn't know when the word was going to end. So every sound, I was doing the voice of it being the last sound. The cumulative sound. But I don't want to distract from what you were trying to say. Oh yeah. Well, basically, I think there is a sweet spot. First of all, I do think gay guys can be cagey with each other as a default. Everybody's wounded. Yeah. Let me say that to camera. Everybody's wounded. Two. Two. Everybody's wounded. And second of all, I feel like it's like a sweet spot of like warm, but not over warm. But respectfully, like sometimes people just act like they know you. And it's like, it's okay to be like, I don't know who you are. I'm giving you warmth, but we don't know each other. It's warmth not over familiarity. Don't be overly familiar with us. You know what is a problem? I think is that you're kind of known because you've a podcast. So I think it really confuses people. They think they know me. They think they know you. Of course. They know my podcast. I was like, wait a minute. What is this? When did you get into podcasting? I mean, fair enough. No, but it's yeah, they know my podcast, not my story. They know my swag. I honestly have a really hard time being around people who I know from their work and I don't know them. Yes. Like I literally don't know. It's like, it's so hard to calibrate your like, do I go really familiar? No. Do I like pretend I don't know who you are at all? No, there's something in the middle, but it's easy to misfire for me. It's impossible. I'm like, I love your recipes, but whatever. Like I don't care. I'm like, sorry. And then you're like stressed out. I get really freaked out. I feel like in that situation, I'll just be like, obviously I know a bunch about you from the internet, but it's nice to meet you. And then I behave as cool sort of normally. Is that crazy to say? No, I do that too. I never even considered that. I default to like, I know, oh, I know you. I do that too, actually. I know of you. I love you. I'm a fan. You do just have to name it. You have to be like, well, obviously I know you're from the internet, but I love your hair. Shit. Wait, can I ask you something? What's your guys' romantic life updates? Holy shit. I haven't seen either of you in a minute. Oh, you know. You're kind of 30 flirty and thriving. That is actually what I'm having. I'm 30 flirty and thriving. I'm, you know, going on dates, seeing if anything sticks, trying to love myself. Nice. And it's trying. Nice. Nice. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like figuring it out. I don't think I have a clean narrative yet on what exactly is going on in my life right now. It's odd to be single. It's like I've been single for an extended period for the first time since I was like 23, honestly. And I'm legit like, where is my little friend? I was just feeling an energy from you that maybe you were kind of seeing somebody right now. Whoa. Maybe that is an energy in the future and I am soon to be seeing. A premonition. A premonition. Holy shit. I'm not going to feel like that. My situation, my situation is look, I'm a guy who has a lot of fun. So true. I'm going to have a lot of fun out there. We sound like the guys from Summer House. Yeah. I'm like looking for a good time. I'm like, yes. No, I didn't. Look, look, look, look. I mean, it's like everyone's here to have fun, I thought. We want to have fun. We have amazing connections. We value you. We know what? We know what? We know what? We know what? We know what? We know what? We know what? We know what? We know what? I really feel that. Like I get home and I'm like, so this is my bachelor pad. Like I don't have a kid, I don't have a wife. Not yet. Not yet. Fingers crossed, you know what I mean? I did move to New York to find love. Whoa. Yes. But I wonder if I'm capable of it. I just cried out. Yeah, you excuse. Oh, me? Yes. Yes. Well, it made me happy because first of all, I love love. Yeah. I love New York. Yes. So that's combo. And second of all, I third, I think, actually, I like that it's like, if you're just saying that, first of all, people are so afraid to say that. Yes. Second of all, it's like, then you're in a movie. Yeah. And that I like. I will say, I did move here with the intent of finding love. And I am facing, the problem is, it's still me. And so I get really, I'm so good at dating in romance. I'm really fun to date. I'm really good at picking dates. I'm really good at sending flowers. I call a lot. I'm an incredible person to date. I can't lie to you. One second. Like you're so creative. You're so nice. I just can see that being really good. Honestly, I feel like you're like, and by the way, I'm saying a bunch of stuff about you. I'm not positive about it, but let me know if I'm wrong. It's fun. We're laughing. Well, I just feel like you're very independent. You really have a fun life. You enjoy your life. Right? And so you're going to get your bachelor style, enjoying your life, throwing it down. Can I say something after you're done? Great. So the cue has been set. If anyone else wants to get in line, you can. I'm going to put me up after that. OK, and then I want to get after Caleb. So it's going to go me, Charlie, Caleb, and Adam. And let's just go round Robin like that. And I almost said Jacob. I don't know who that was going to be among YouTube. Probably me. OK, no worries. Oh, probably Caleb because of the B at the end. The B is what I was going with. That's cool. I never thought about that with Jacob and Caleb. I mean, how about the whole A-love? How about that? J, oh no, no, it's a cup. It was close, though. I liked what you were trying for. How about A-love, A-cup? We shot for the moon and we landed amongst the stars. With Caleb and Jacob, really. I'm going. So what I would say is it's not that I'm mad. Have you ever met? Why is it? Sorry, I was just laughing because I was like, I was going to ask you, have you ever met anyone named Jacob? No, I would love to. I'm like, I think I could find, I haven't either, but I bet you could find someone for you. I've dreamed of it. We have one. You do have one. Don't even say it. We should introduce you to our friend Jacob. Single? Yeah. Gay? Yes. Attractive? Yes. Fun? Yeah. Gorgeous. Warm. Amazing. Successful. So warm. Love in his life? No. Yes. Well, that's great. Not room hints. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just met a lot of blocks surrounding him. No one loves him. He's not an A-love. No, he has nothing. He has nothing. He lives in dark cold. He's lonely. He's lonely. Scared. You're a monk. You're in cold darkness. He's in a cave of emotion. OK, yeah, goodnight, Tess. He won. He had an eighth grade. He was the, he placed in the statewide pummelhorse competition. Yeah. So he's really big arms. It took, it really took me a second to understand that we weren't talking about a present day eighth grader just now. And I was like. No, we are. We are. I was like, hold on. We love him. That was adorable. Whatever, OK. Whatever. It's through the ages. Wait, are you guys tapped into the Bradley Cooper age gap relationship? Gigi? With Gigi Hadid. I never thought of them as age gap. She is 30, and I believe he's 63. He's quite a bit older than her. I actually have a little, a little lot of the things to say to them. I want to say something about me messing up my words today. OK. So yes, they are getting the best of me. And I'm swinging my fists and they are swinging back. But that's opening me up to finding out new interesting things about the words. So I'm grateful. Yeah. Like a love a cub, remember that? Yeah. So that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't of like had all that trouble. Yeah. I'll just stay up till I find out. So I can't. Yes. Sometimes when you stay up really late, it actually opens up a new way of thinking, genuinely. Staying up really late and getting really caffeinated can really generate creativity. I will say there have been. That's not my thing from the queue, by the way. No, that's not your thing. We're still working back to the queue. Of course. I will say that the number of times, it's funny how many times in my life I have accidentally stayed up until 6 AM and then been like, you know what? I'm just going to start the next day and stay awake. Really? And then been like, and then like 7 or 8 AM, been like, I've gotten a million things done. I've cleaned the house. I've gone to the grocery store. I've taken a walk. And I'm like, I'm going to start doing this every day. I'm getting up at 6 AM every day. Tonight when I go to bed, it'll reset me forever. Right, the reset fall asleep. And then at 10 AM, I fall asleep for five hours. I wake up so depressed I want to kill myself. The midday nap, you're like, I don't exist anymore. That's one of the worst wake-ups. Waking up from a five-hour daytime nap, it's already dark out and there's no text on your phone. I don't even know how to find. That put me in a cage. Comment, put me in a cage. I agree. It's good to be like, that's not happening to any of us right now. You have to get. Let's remember. No, that's not right now. We're at the podcast. Specifically no text on the phone. I know. Specifically no missed texts, no missed calls, no notifications. That's just like, take your meds. Or like a notification from my DoorDash that's like, we will deliver food. Like it's like, oh my god. A reminder about that existence of Uber. Somebody, I don't remember who did it, but somebody online once said the funniest thing. They were like, how come every time you get a notification from your bank, you have to click in 17 times to open it. And then when you do it, it's just a letter that says, we are your bank. So true. They're like face ID. They take like a blood sample to make sure it's you. There's an inbox in the chase app. You're like, when has it ever been there? You're like, I'm not messaging within the app. I don't know. That would come up. Yeah. But I think in the queue, we were with you. Yeah. I don't got it, y'all. Nothing. I can do it. I can do mine. Yeah. I'm going to Charlie. He was just going back to talking about. He was too ready, I feel like. Sorry, I had it. I did a little mine palace. So I remembered what my queue item was. Do you remember the other thing in the mine palace? He started it the other day. I'm there. To me, I'm like in a wig, I feel like. I don't remember where. All right, whatever. Everybody's there in the mine palace. This is, OK, I was talking about. You're making me do something disgusting. Just so I can remember that we need to get our nails done or something. Yeah, exactly correct. This was talking about, oh, being bachelors. And this is what I was going to say, something that has helped me make sense of being single. Is I reframed instead of being like having a gay standard of having sex where it's like, you know how gay guys sometimes have sex twice a day? And so if you're not doing that, you're like, what am I even doing? I'm basically, I started reframing sex like a straight guy. And straight guys are like, they talk about, they're like, I got laid. And I'm like, that's cool. Yeah, I like talking about it. I got laid last night. And it doesn't happen that often. And it's like, so when it does, you're like, I got lucky. Yeah. And that has really helped me and feels good. And also, it's more comfortable wanting as a straight guy. You're allowed to be like, oh, man, I'm so. It's like, actually, Bruce Springsteen kind of helped me get into it. Like, he's really just like, I'm so horny. Fuck. And I'm like, that's kind of how I feel. It's cool. I didn't know that about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has been really helpful for me in accessing a part of my, honestly, masculinity. It's cool. You guys treat sex like a twice a day medication. Yes. Exactly. Like, it's like a thing you just have to do. It's like a probiotic. Yeah, it's necessary. It's boring. It's just like, funna. Like, I just need to do it. And it's like, are you like, are you hooking up? Are you seeing anyone? It's like, no, I mean, I had sex this morning. And I'm seeing someone tonight, but I'm not. Right. Yeah, it's like, you just message them when you're like, what do you like? OK, come over. And then you do that. You do that. It's barely even an act. You like do the chore. Yeah, exactly. And then it's like, have sex, do the dishes. The straight guys will really be like, oh, man, there's this fine girl I really want to bet. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And I'm like, she's weird. Bring that energy into my life a little bit more. Well, it's cool because you're acting like it's like, so girls don't want to have sex allegedly, and guys do. Allegedly. And by the way, it's true. That's what you're alleging. And it's true. As are your words, you were right when you said them. So you're like, you're scoring. Yeah, exactly. You're scoring on like, the whole thing is the goal. Like, it could be easier. It could be easier, so it's like, making myself feel really good. You know, it's like, whenever I like. By the way, it's still so hard. Yeah, whatever. It's like, in my opinion. Yeah, exactly. When a straight guy convinces a woman to have sex with him, it's like, from 300 yards away, he's shot a can off a rock with a BB gun. The BB gun, exactly. When a gig guy has sex, it's like, you were five feet away from a barn, and you kicked a soccer ball and hit the barn. It's like, it is such a different game. Exactly. And by the way, like, bumpers all the way there. So now imagine if you were playing soccer against barn, but you treated it like BB gun from 300 yards away. You're like, boom, another one. Got it. You're like, I think I'm being, I have a protector above. I'm with divine problems. You're like, I could get a point off Serena. You're like, feeling so good. Bruce Springsteen guided my dick. Exactly. You like, kicked the ball, doesn't even go, but then someone just comes in and is like, oh, oh. It touches the barn. Another one. Bruce Springsteen guides me into a man. Yeah, it's really beautiful. No, but I think that's awesome because. Yeah, that's my idea. That's like, it is, it's great. Thank you. It's great to have sex. It's great to feel that way. Thank you. I really want to commend you for it. And that was my cue item. And now I relinquish my space. Back to me. Yeah, see you. What do you guys think is the most important thing going on right now? And it can't be serious. Oh, shit. Oh, well, I don't know. But can I say something else? Of course. Because it is important about GGN. Can I stop really quick? You guys can say anything in here. This is your time and space. This is your episode. This is about you. I'm happy. I don't want to get you confused just because I started asking you questions about me. That's just how I am. This is about you guys. This is our big day to shine. I'm going to answer more questions about you. I'll ask more later. Oh, yeah, I do want to do that, actually. Yeah, I'll ask more later. Sounds fun. I do wonder what you guys think of me. Miranda, Carrie. Let me say it. Let me say it. Dude, OK, hold on, Charlie, because I'm going to fucking cry. Be careful. OK. Because as the listeners know. Oh, my god, it's fraught. OK, OK. Oh, OK. I just I like put this to my followers' response on Instagram and I really could cry because like a lot of people said I was Charlotte and like. Wait. I'm not a virgin. I'm not a tight like that. That is completely wrong. I'm not preppy in that way. It's like no chance, you know. I'm like, no way. Yeah, I don't like it. No, I mean, I have two options for you and I hope it's OK. It's OK. Here's my first. Yeah. Miranda. OK. And second is Carrie. Oh, really? I was going to say Samantha first. Thank you. Because it's like you always have a joke. You're going out. But I think your life is a little more serious than hers. Serious? She's sometimes in the show. Yes. And honestly, it's a great plot line. And I'm sorry for her. So you liked it? But sometimes in the show, it's like she's a little bit sidelined where it's like they're going through such real shit until the very end. And she's like dating a guy who's making her have sex in a dump truck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't think you'd like take your life like pretty. That's not nice. She's like, I love a big cock as much as the next gal. But yeah, it's like Samantha. I know a dump truck, but this is ridiculous. Exactly. But I don't know how I see you. I see you as being a little bit more serious about your life. Oh, thank you. Oh my god. Is there an iPhone charger in here? Oh my god. Can I plug my phone in? That was crazy. I just remembered I'm going to have to leave here. My phone is on 6%. Isn't it good that I thought of that? No, that's not right. I feel like. It can't work and that we don't have one. No, I see it dangling. I have one in my bag. Isn't it right there? There's one dangling. OK, love you, see? Oh, it's maybe this one? Yeah, doesn't that feel like it? Oh, that is. Is it correct? Oh, that's also not correct. All right, that's my bag. I have one in my bag. No, it's not worth it. I'm going to handle it later. It just came to my mind. It's not worth it. What are you talking about? You're going to be screwed. You think this one will work? Oh. Oh. I have to unplug the keyboard. Oh, do you need the keyboard? OK, beautiful. And leave this all in. Because I want people to know that I'm real. You're treated. Also, people will go, that's your job? Your job is podcasting? It's not that easy. No, I have a lot of stuff that goes on. That's how I feel like the phone. I feel like that was more of your top of the call sheet moment. Oh. You were like, I need a charger. And we were all like, there will be one. We can find one. I'll get one on. Like, that was crazy. You're right. You're right. I would have done the same for either of you. I know. You know. Well, if I had to leave a place and not have my phone. That's true. You what, baby? What? Itching my thumb like this. Yeah. That's cute. And this is really adorable. And this podcast is filmed. OK. Oh, yeah. We put out the full video, guys. I like that. It's amazing. So what I want to say about Gigi and Bradley, this is something I said before, which is like when people are like, he's gay, it's a beard. Can you say that? Yeah, I like totally say that. That's why I got really silent on the issue, because I don't know what to say besides that. Well, my thing to say to that is, like, no, it's not. Because when you see the two of them together, you know chemistry. And if you ever put a gay guy in front of a girl that pretty, they would have chemistry. It would be a luxury. It would be fucking lit. And me, gay guy in front of a girl that beautiful, that soft, that smelling good, that, I'm like, getting horny. Yeah. You're like, true it. That fucking pretty, that gorgeous. You're like flexing for some reason. Yeah. Just saying, like, that's catnip. And it would be like, hey, on the lower back, you know, it would be like when gay guys just hold a girl so close, and it's like so sexual. Yeah. So that's why I think he's straight. It's a really good idea. I've actually had some women in my life tell me to cool it. Because I've worked so much that they've been like, hey, it's like, it's like really actually. Because it's not a joke for them? Well, yeah. Because women are bi. It's like home skits, goosebumps, you know. It's a thing we've had to honestly navigate. Yeah. Because we, on tour, we share plans. I would say navigate is. Is like a swag. Yeah. No, it's not. Remember my Bruce Springsteen thing? Yeah. I'm like a straight guy. You're like really close. No, I know you are. But it hasn't so much been navigating as much as like every once in a while. I'm like, Charlie's bi. He will have sex with me. We won't work together. I've placed both of you on different watch lists. I've got you on bywatch and I have for a while. And I've got you. Do you already have a they in the mix? Is it just she heard the moment? Yeah. I've placed you on theywatch. You're on bywatch. And you're on theywatch. Funny because they're on. You're on bywatch. You're on theywatch. And that's where you'll remain until something happens. Oh my god. Not theywatch. Theywatch. I'm so dead. You know, I do get made then sometimes at shows. And I'm like, OK. And I got served the other day for the first time. Wow. Congrats. I was like, what? In this society, that can be really helpful. And he was like, oh my god, I'm sorry. And when I turned around, and it was like, I mean, a lot of friends that happens all the time. And they're just kind of like whatever. But since it was new, I just kind of like really looked at him. And I was like, me? He was like, yeah. He was like, my bad. OK. Yeah. It was awesome. But sometimes, yeah, some specifically with home, sometimes I'll touch their lower back or something, and they'll get goosebumps, and we'll have to have a talk. And that's really actually sad and scary to me. Because for me, it would never be like that. I'm so exclusively strictly gay. Yeah. But they just can go that way. No, they can. Right, right. They have that versatility. Yeah. It's too awesome. So you're never even? No, not in a long time. It's not for me. But not even for thinking about it? No, it's over for me. I thought about it for a long time, really intensely. You were doing that, though? In high school, yeah. In a relationship. You were putting in the work. You were like, I would love for this to work out. Oh, I did. Yeah, I did all this stuff. And I didn't enjoy it. It just wasn't for me. I'm so gay. I love men. And I just want to be with men. I'm saying, I just love sex with men. You guys love guys. I do, actually. What's your favorite part? Curve of the balls. No. Thank you for positing that, but that was a good place to start. Let me guess. My favorite part of guys? Oh, god. Their eyes are their mind, probably. Stop. OK, make me look like a pervert. Probably just their brain, the way they think. For me, probably their eyes are their balls, probably. Specifically the curve. The eyes are the curve of the balls. The curve of their eyes are the curve of their balls. Or the hang of the balls. I like small orbs. And I always have. Yeah. Yeah, it's always been one of those things. It's been a really long time to learn what was going on inside the ball sack. OK. Like, I was like, so I know there's two, but I'm only seeing one thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. You didn't notice that they were hanging on either side of a, I get a freniom. Is that a freniom? What is that thing? So that's called the little Ripple Summoner. Yeah. Is that a freniom chance? Would you Google ball sack terminology? No, a freniom. Can I say what it is? Can I be the one to say it? Sorry, just because I read Cosmo every day for 20 years as a child. Of course. So all I read as a kid, I didn't read Catch on the Rye. None of that garbage. It was just like what to do to the freniom and the alum. Yeah. Which is, by the way, Robert. Yeah, thank you. There's a camera, by the way. None of these are working at me. Any of them will work. That's annoying. But this one's probably close. One's probably best for you. Robert. Robert. So I believe the freniom is the part at the tip where it's like it has that slope. And then on the other side, that's the freniom, right? I think that just so before Chance says it, I want to say, and I'm willing to be wrong, I think that you're wrong. And I think the freniom is the little suture that kind of goes through the center, the ripple of skin that goes to the center of the ball sack and kind of creates the two sides of the ball sack. Am I right, Chance? Oh my god, I'm annoyed. I feel like that's right. So if you think of a male penis as a nose. Don't mind if I do. The head is a nose. The freniom is like the nostrils. It's like that piece of skin that's like directly beneath the head. Oh. That's what Navi said. Is that what you were saying? Yes. What is the seam on the ball sack called, the parent niche? All I'm seeing is scrotum. I don't know if there's a. No. Wait, wait, wait. I'm bored. Either find it or don't. I'm like moving on. There doesn't seem to be a word for that seam. Oh, the Caleb. There's no chance there's no. What? That'd be amazing. When the medical community had no choice. Because I'm the first one to bring it up. Maybe the Huron. Wait, do you think we could do something about that? Of course. The Huron. Call the medical community. It's Huron, but don't worry. I loved your take on it. Just knowing how things are going to go. But remember, I knew the freniom. Yeah. You know you did so good. And I want to say that. By the way, not that I would really know how to. I'm sure you guys could work it in a way I couldn't. Pardon? You heard me. What'd you say? You said that we could work the freniom in a way you couldn't. You know how to work it. Yeah, I'm saying like, even though I knew it, I don't want you guys to get intimidated. No, I would never be intimidated. I'm intimidated by you and many arenas. But yeah, not when it comes to like cock play and stuff. I'm intimidated by you intellectually, spiritually, emotionally. But when it comes to like servicing cock, et cetera. I don't have so much fear. Listen, don't count her out. I feel like her stand up is like, I love her stand up. Like I feel like maybe she did better on that show. But like then when we were doing cock play, I feel like I was kind of better. So it's like, kind of evened out. It's just like evened out. The industry has room for all of us. That was like rude of me to even say as a joke. There's room for all of us. That you did better on that show. I would love, I- It would never happen. Well, people refuse to put us on a show together. That's number one. I know, it's never happened. So we don't even know who would rank where. Who did you rank where? Our show. You guys won't invite me. The only time you guys invited me to your show was once in the back of a bar in like 2019. Oh yeah, and you came. No, and I came and I think I murdered and then you guys never had me back. Well, you said some pretty offensive stuff. Why would I always do that? We would let that be back. I actually think we've had you. That's so sad. We've actually have asked you. And you've been busy doing your other projects. Movies, TV shows, books, touring, musicals, opera. You guys know I'm shy. Writing, projects, engagements. I like to see you like that. Me shy. I get, you know, I get, I get, a lot of the auditions I get are for characters that are like so, like a lot of, I feel like every audition I get is for a character who's like, hey guy, like it's very like, you know what I mean? It's very like, they want me to play like, I'm just like really looking for friends right now and like it's so easy to look not, like very like sweet, like almost dumb, saccharine. You know what I mean? That's so funny. That's not your vibe. Do you like playing that? Oh, I love playing that. It's not, I don't think it's really my vibe, but I think it's fun. You can finally relax and play. Play. That's why it's called playing. Get to be silly. I want to play it. Most people refer to acting as play. Yeah. It's play. Wait, you were going to say something before, oh, what's the most important thing going on right now? What do you guys say is the most important thing going on right now and it can't be serious? It can't be serious. So don't say like, you know, like immigration, or something. It's like, no, it can't be like that stuff. Not our place, not our place to weigh in. Okay. Can you go first? You don't have anything? This being the thing that stumps you guys is crazy. It's like, my honest answer is like random stuff going on with me. Yeah. I'm like, it was not serious. It's like, okay. I want to buy a tree for inside my apartment. What kind? A big tree. I want a citrus bearing tree and I want it for inside my apartment. Now I have not been invited to your place systematically. And I think it speaks to all three of our friendship. What do you- That'll be fun though. Now that you said you want to come over. Yeah, do you want to come over sometime? I do, but how's the tree going to work in there? I have like kind of tall ceilings. Not to brag, it just happened. Seriously, it just happened like that. My apartment is rent stabilized. An old hospital. In the old hospital, I live in an old hospital. It's haunted. I overlook the old morgue legitimately. Did you know that? Which is now a diner. That's beautiful. That's the diner. Is it Kellogg's? No, that'd be cool. I love Kellogg's. It's me too. I actually shouldn't dox myself. They made it too slick though. I already did by saying that. Kellogg's, now there's someone with an iPad at the front. It's like, whoa. Things are completely different in there. Once an iPad enters the picture, a restaurant can be so ruined. And luckily Kellogg's is still in the play. Like it's not ruined, but it's like when a girl with an iPad popped up at the front, I did say, whoa. Things felt different then. Yeah. It's a hard binger of something. Mm-hmm. Yeah, thank you. A girl with an iPad fundamentally changes every space. You can't have a girl with an iPad somewhere and not change the vibe of the space. So true. I would love to see what it's like to have an iPad someday. I'd love to see what it would be like to hold one and use one. I'm just curious what that would do to me. I want to wheel power with one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like look, I mean, because it's cool to have a clipboard, right, but there's not so many opportunities that I could come up with. It's also a dorky. It's dorky. Tab it up, pad. No, clipboard. No, yes. I want to have an iPad that has the handsleeve on the back so you can hold like this. I want to stand in front of a crowd of expectant others. You want an iPad. Do you want to say no to us with an iPad? Yeah, yeah, you guys come up. This is like a fancy restaurant that you're really hoping to get a table at. Yeah. Okay. Oh my gosh, thank you. Oh my God. Hi. Oh, it works too. Hi, one second. Sorry. Oh God, I'm changing things on the actual screen, okay. That's fine. Hey, what can I help you with? As in you don't have a reservation? You don't have a reservation. No. My birthday. It's her birthday. It's your birthday. People usually make reservations for their birthday. I'm an Aries though. It's just two of you? Yeah, we love this place. Yeah, a lot of people do. You said you don't mind the bar. Sorry. Hold on, I'm gonna drop back in. Okay, you said you don't mind the bar. I could get you guys in at like, it's 7.15 now. 10.45, I could do two seats in the kitchen. If you wanna give me a phone number. And then caught in boiling water. Yeah, it's like the best I can do. Let's do it, yeah. Yeah, I think we'll do that. That sounds fine. Really. I just let us know if something opens up sooner than that. Yeah, that's fine. It'll probably be the 10.45 seat in the kitchen. Yeah, that's fine. And it is one seat. That's good. You're gonna drink in the bar in the meantime? No, ma'am. What's your name? Natalie. Natalie, N-A-T-A-L-I-E. L-I-E, last name. Thank you so much. Oh, you can just do R-O-T-T-E-R. Yeah, that's it. Okay, and phone number? Ready to launch your business? Get started with a commerce platform made for entrepreneurs. Shopify is specially designed to help you start, run, and grow your business with easy customizable themes that let you build your brand, marketing tools that get your products out there, integrated shipping solutions that actually save you time, from startups to scale-ups, online, in-person, and on-the-go. Shopify is made for entrepreneurs like you. Sign up for your $1 a month trial at Shopify.com slash setup. That was fun. That was fun. That meant a lot to me. And I'm also glad that we worked something out. Yeah. I'm glad it wasn't just like, no, find somewhere else. It's like, okay, we'll make that work. And it opened up a different thing, which I don't feel like I've really gotten to share about myself yet, which is like that when I'm logistically giving a last name and I only use R-O-T-R. Yeah, I didn't know that, honestly. That was beautiful. Because it's like, who cares? But then you're like, is this gonna be a thing later? Like, are they gonna not be, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they see your ID, they're like, just it doesn't matter, we can review alcohol. But like, who chips your ID? Like, I just don't know. So anyways, so that was cool. So you want your hands to be iPads, I feel like, is your thing. Kind of, wait, can I tell you guys something? One time I was at a rental car place, basically the back window had blown out of my rental car on the highway and I had to get a new one. Oh my God. It was crazy, but it was in like the middle of this tiny little town in North Carolina, the closest town to me that had an Avis, and my friend had dropped me off over there. And I had such a good rapport going with the counter lady. We were like really vibing. And I was like, I was like, God, I'm so sorry to bother you. And she was like, oh honey, it's no bother. Oh, she's like smiling at me, we're having fun. I was like, look, I've got to get to the airport. I have a flight in Charlotte in like three hours. And I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I can't miss this flight. And I totally could have missed the flight. But we were right, I was going home, you know. We were really vibing. And then she was like, honey, I am so sorry, but every single car today is spoken for and people are coming to get them later. And we were having such a vibe that I tried like a charm move. I did like a charm offensive. And I was like, yeah, I went around her. Did I get a little kiss on the cheek? No, I was like, I love this texture. I'm like, I love this song, do you wanna dance? No, I go, I go, I go, she goes, all the cars are spoken for, people are coming for them. I go, hey, listen, it's just me and you. Those people aren't here yet. Why don't you take one of their cars and just give it to me? And then when they get here, you can just upset them. And I'll have made it to the airport already. And I bet neither of us will even get in trouble. And keep in mind, we had been having so much fun. She goes, yeah, I'm not doing that. And I went, no worries at all. For sure. No worries at all. You thought you were the cutest patootie on the planet Earth. I just thought like, oh, we're gonna, like she would consider it. I said, no worries at all. She realized in that moment, oh, you don't give a fuck about me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like she was like, oh yeah. I'm just a pawn in your fucking game. This is all fun and games. Like you don't give a fuck about what happens to me. I have another notch in your bed post. You're some nice guy, your window blew out. The person who's coming could be the meanest fucking lady I've ever met in my life. And you would be willing to put me in that position. Yeah, yeah. I'm proud of her, honestly. I am too. She said, it's all fun and games until Avis corporate comes down on me. And you won't be here. You'll be off to the next town. This is my fucking job. Yeah, by the way, the thing she ended up doing for me, she was like, the best I can do, honey, is an hour and 15 minutes from here. There is another Avis that has a 15 passenger van. So if you can get over there, keep in mind, we're two hours from the airport. So she wanted me to find a ride an hour and 15 minutes, pick up a 15 passenger van to go the last 45. And I said, I think I'll have my friend just take me to the airport. You should drive a 15 passenger van though. I mean, it does sound fun as fuck. I almost did it for the bit. But then I was like, I did ask Rackshaw. I was like, if I go to that location, will the van definitely be handed over to me? And she goes, we can't guarantee. No, we're not gonna guarantee. And I said, I can't go for the chance. The opportunity to get a van? I'm willing to risk it. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. I'm willing to sign me up. That's awesome. Just for the opportunity to maybe get a van. I have such a contentious on and off. Me and Avis employees, it can go either way. We were just trying to chat up a car rental employee the other day. How'd it go? Remember that guy? Oh yeah. It was cute. You didn't even talk about it. We never talked about it. But we were both, I don't know why, but yeah, we were both trying to score, we were literally both trying to get laid by this car rental guy. Cause he was, we were like, nice day. He was like, yeah, this is a nice day. We were like, that's so true. Yeah. And then there was like those things that take the cars up and down. And I was like, do you ever ride on that? He was like, no, no, but my friend did. Or what did he say? Yeah, he was like, no, but I've like operated it while my friend rode on it. We were like, you should do it sometime. He was like, maybe I will. We were like. That is also, by the way, such a straight guy response. No, no, but my body actually did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did it for my friend. It's like, you're not him. Dude, I'ma fuck you. I'm like, stop. No, I know. I'm like, don't be so beta. Like you're the operator. Like get in the thing. Get in the thing and ride the car machine up and down. Also, I'm like, where's he? That sounds like a fun loving guy. Exactly. Then connect me with this dude. Where's the friend? But that was not our energy. We were like, yeah. That didn't even approach our energy. We were so happy. And then we both got in the car and were like, all right, let's go. That's what we did when we talked about it once. We were on a little drive. It was nice. I feel like I started chatting him up and you were like, got it, we're chatting him up. And then you took it. It was cool to watch you do it, actually. I'm like, so are you interested in gay guys or lesbians or bisexual women? You want to watch us or what do you want? What do you want? Anything can be worked out. I just need you to say. We don't play those kind of games. Tell us what you want from us sexually. And then we'll just do that. Do you know how sometimes there's randomly like a German or like Swiss word for some crazy thing? Like you'll read on the internet, it'll be like, you know, the Germans have a word for when the wind hits you just right at the burger stand or whatever. And it's like, they should have one of those words for the specific joy and horniness that is watching your friend kill a social interaction. Yeah, totally. You mean like watching your friend nail a social interaction? They should have like one of those words that's like they're dipped in flutes, you know? And you're like, that's the joy and horniness of watching your friend murder with an employee. Be actually smooth. And there should also be a word for watching your friend blow it with a stranger. Like to be like, oh, how's your day? And it's like silence. You know, like, bro, she hates you. Dude, that sucks. You bombed. Saying something they don't respond, you say it again. Then they kind of like, cause you're like maybe they didn't hear me and then it becomes clear that they didn't respond cause they don't give a fuck. Wait, guys, I shed a memory. Can I share it to you? Of course. Okay. Share it to us. Hold on. That's fine, you can share it to me. Is that okay if I share it to you in my memory? You decided that's fine. I don't want to say what city cause I don't know if either of them are listeners. I was in a city recently. I had message a guy on Tinder in the afternoon. Okay, I checked Tinder when I got in. And I had messaged this guy, this is a while ago. And I messaged this guy, we had forwarded a little bit and he said, oh, I'm going out with friends tonight. I said, oh, me too. I think we're going to this area. Maybe I'll see you out. He goes, yeah, maybe. I go, cool. Then I'm out that night and I'm at, just do you remember this? We'll find out. I'm out at the bar where we were growing with a bunch of our friends. It happened to be that, anyway, I don't want to give details cause it anyway. So I don't want to give identifying information but you'll know soon I think. We had that really great burger with that really off-putting person afterwards. Do you know what I'm talking about? That's not going to give it away, you guys. No, well that person can know cause they actually need to figure some things out. But they were like a sex worker and they were like, I feel like people are weird to me sometimes cause I'm a sex worker. I'm like, we love sex workers, you're annoying. You know what I mean? Right, that's really tough. I was at the bar and I met a guy at the bar and I started flirting with him and then we made out a little bit. And then he was like, I have an early morning tomorrow, I got to go home. I was like, okay, fun that we made out but I was like flop in terms of getting laid. Okay, flop. And so I was like, okay, flop city, go home. You know, I was like, I'm going to go home. And then- I kind of have to go. Flop, flop, flop, flop, go home, flop. Wait, flop. Okay, you flopped. I'm putting you in the flop bin. Get it out of here. I kind of have to go home. Go, go, you're flopped. Don't want to hear it. Don't go out your flop pad, get the fuck out of here. La, la, la, la, la, la, flop. It works best start. Yeah. Sun's coming up, get out of here before you flop. You're a son. So but then like an hour later, so I go back and hang out with my friends. Hour later, I'm like about to go back to the hotel for the night, I'm kind of horny. So I message guy number one from Tinder and I'm like, hey, where'd you guys end up tonight? And he's like, hey, we actually ended up at the bar that you were at and I did watch you make out with another guy. So. Oh. And I was like, I was like, hey, just so you know, that was so not personal. Like trying to make a joke of it. And he was like, he was like, LOL, yeah, we kind of like know each other. So maybe it would just be a little weird now. I was like, rock on. Wait, him and the guy know each other? Him and the guy know each other. Small city, small city, small gay scene. Small city. And I was like, rock on. I hope you have an amazing night, King. Peace. My main message to you is peace. Hey, it's this all day long from me to you. Peace, love, unity, respect. Peace, love, unity, respect. The L you are, poor. That is like, okay, so you don't want to hook up with me after the random guy made out with me at the bar, like, okay. Why don't you walk over and punch him? Like, what are you, what are you talking about? Man, yeah, like bring back man. But also imagine his life. It's like awesome gay guy comes to town and then he finds you on Tinder and he's like, ah, and then he's flirting with you and then he looks up at the bar. Party on you, party on you, party on you. He won't even fight for me. It's like men used to be men. I bet you the two of them have a really fraught history. I bet you it's like there has been a long-term, unrequited, one-way, intense crush friendship. Or they have only obliquely talked about. Or guy number one has lost out on past romantic partners to guy number two, which is what I fear the most. They always go to guy number two. They always want Flop. They always want the mirror fucking Flop city that I made out with briefly. No, it sucks. And you're like, by the way, I wouldn't have done the make out if I had known it was totally disqualifying for the other guy and then he was gonna flop. That's why people have to tell you if they're gonna have sex with you right away when you meet them. Yes, I totally agree. Yes. Disclose, just disclose. It's a no, you're like, great. Now I can make an informed decision for me. How easy actually would life be if we all behaved that way? I know. It's too bad. It's too bad. And by the way, you also, when you're talking to someone, so please, please, let me have this. Definitely. When you're talking to someone, they should tell you who you can't make out with. If you know what I mean. They should say, hey, if you see a guy with six, three dark hair tonight at the bar, don't make out with him if you want any chance with me. Yes, exactly. Six, three dark hair. Six, three dark hair. Wow. That was just an estimate. I mean, making out at the bar is rarely ever a flop for me. No, that's fun. I'm honestly thinking that's so cool that you did that. It's hardly ever that I even want more than that. Honestly, I'm like, make out at the bar is so much hotter than hooking up. Hooking up is like base and I hate that I have to do it. I actually like making out at the bar, you're like, I'm full of vital energy and spirit. Should we defeat? Yeah, I'm like part of something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like life forces like coursing through me right now. I'm part of a deep history. Because also it is a little, it's like, oh yeah, people make out at a bar. When you see people make out at a bar, it's like, you notice. Like it actually is, you're like, I'm being watched. Actually, there were people making out after our show in Boston the other night. Really? Yeah. Oh, yes. I walked out into the lobby. It was like, I was like one of my cousins. Yeah, and they were, I mean, seemingly. By the way, every time I've ever seen people make out in public, I've wished that it was happening to me as well. Of course. Every time I've been like, I wish I was doing that. Making out in public is the most chic thing. It is, it's so chic. I need to get there. So sometimes when I see it, I'm like, ehh. It just, you know what's cool about it is like, when you're doing it, you're like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Like you're like, maybe this is weird. Yeah. I feel like. But you're like, cool. Like I don't give a fuck if this is being weird if everybody's looking at me. I think it's awesome. It's awesome. Yeah, it's awesome. I think it's so awesome. I think kissing is such a black box. Like unless you're actively doing it for me, unless I'm actively kissing, I can't remember what it's like. Yeah. So every time I do it, it's like, what? Yeah. Which is like, cool. It's like a surprise. This is weird. And you're like, how would I do that? Like it's like, I know our mouths are open and they're touching and our tongues are involved, but it's not only tongue. And like, but it's like, what? It's not like teeth, but like, where did the teeth go? Like I don't get it, but I can do it perfectly. But I don't know. But it's complete like back of the spine. Yeah. Knowledge. Yes. Cool. Yeah. I think about kissing pretty much all the time. It is a special thing to me that we do. It's so cute. And it's no reason, right? It's very sweet. It's no reason. I read that once. What? Well, they're just like, why do we do this again? And the scientists are like, we don't know. We don't know why we do it. We like it. We like it. We just like it. Yeah. Because it couldn't be cuter. Because it's like little sweet. But it also feels so good. We're like sweet little creatures. Do you ever give yourself a kiss on the shoulder? No. I do that sometimes. But I will. I'm going to do it now. With the arm. Yeah. Oh my god. That was really sweet. That was so sweet. I loved it. You can do that whenever you're going out or coming in or whatever. You can do that whenever. Yeah. Wait, do you know what? When you guys are talking, I'm like watching a tennis match. Yeah. It's a name between. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Well, our tet-a-tet is like no other. It's so electric. It's a shame that you and I will never be. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? I need to call Holmes. You're playing the fuck out of me. Do you want to hear something? I think it's so sweet. Yes. I was in Kansas City recently, and I was on a walk with my old gay guy friend. And he's like 60-something. And. Right. You have amazing intergenerational friendships. I have been so blessed. And we walk past a restaurant. That's not a restaurant anymore. And he goes, OK, back when this was such-and-such restaurant, when I was 20, I got hired there by an older gay guy who ran it. It was a really busy restaurant. It was like lying out the door every weekend. I got hired there as a prep cook. And I said, oh, had you worked as a prep cook before? And he goes, honey, no. The guy wanted to get in my pants. And he goes, so basically, my job. I love getting my pants. Getting my pants. Isn't that so old? It's like arcade anyway. Let's bring that back to it getting laid. And he kind of said it in a dirty way. Yeah, yeah. It was like he said he wanted to fuck me. He was like, he wanted to get in my pants. And it felt dirty to him. It's so much dirtier, because it's like you're going to shove the dick in your pants. Yeah, it is a good pants. When you're in pants, you're like, wow, that's really where all the stuff is. That is where all the things happen. It's actually totally like this role of an image. And he's like climbing in. Right. Because it's an image. Yes. Fucking your like that's like so abstract. Oh, fucking is an image as well. Fucking can't be an image. Come on. Fucking tell me you see nothing. I wouldn't even start conjuring up anything for me. The fucking can evoke an image sometimes. But anyway, after the conversation, I was like, you have to send me a picture of you from this time period. I need to know what this guy was seeing. Yeah. And he did and he was cute. Really? He emailed it to me, because he doesn't have a cell phone. And I emailed him back and I said, I would absolutely hire you as a prep cook in my kitchen. And it was cute. That's so cute. And that's sweet. I love that. I thought that was so sweet. I've been thinking about it a lot. It's like to be like when you're like, oh, this person looked hot at these different ages. And then it's like some of us are going to be so hot when we're older. It's like we don't even know where we're at right now. Yeah. On our hot journey. Yeah, on our hot journey. Right. Because some people, right, they really do actually like peak at like 60. Can happen just like relative where it's just like, holy shit. Think about Bradley Cooper. Think about Bradley Cooper and his girlfriend. Yeah. Vanessa Hudgens. Vanessa Hudgens. I was distinctly unsexy when I was like 20. I was not sexy at all. I'm not sexy at all. Oh my god. It's only getting. I'm like, my thing is probably in the 40 area. I'm like working my way towards that. I mean, I pray to motherfucking God that mine hasn't happened yet. You're both going to be hot in 40s. I can feel it. I hope mine's like. You're thinking 50, 60? Yo, yo, yo. Yo. I don't get that. I don't get that. I'm going to get to the back of the room. Yo, yo, yo. Yo, yo, yo. Way later. That's beautiful. I want to say something. Go ahead. We have a podcast. So I'm promoting it on your podcast. What are you doing? We're promoting our podcast on your podcast. I don't think you can do that without an legal agreement or something before. Well, let's get the teams together. Usually those kind of things happen at the end of the episode. Do you want to do it right now, Charlie? No. No, it's OK. You go ahead. I mean, your plaque is behind. Your little thing is like. Oh my god, true. That's you guys. My brother's girlfriend made that. What's beautiful. Isn't it so sweet? It's really beautiful. And it sits there. During all the episodes we do in New York, you guys sit right there. Oh my god. So cute. We've always had a presence on this podcast. Your guys' energy is inherently and inextricably a part of everything that I do. Charlie and Natalie are right there with me. We get that all the time. People often are like, Caleb, is he ripping your stuff? No, I'm trying to. I'm protecting myself. I'm building up a wall. From Natalie. Because he's flirting with you. He's flirting. That was really hurtful. No. Would you guys want to play a game? Yes. Oh. What's that? I was wondering what this was. Guess what? Well, if Charlie, if you'd ever watched the show, hun, we have a segment called True or False. I know. The segment. The Brittany Brozky episode. I'm going to read you 15 statements. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if you think what I just said is true or false. If you get 10 or more corrects, we're going to give you $50 US. Holy shit. And we'll go each. We'll go each on this one. $50 each. Oh my god. I'm going to start with Charlie, and then we're just going to go back and forth. OK. So we have to answer as quick as you can. OK. Just true or false? OK. Bamboo can grow up to 35 inches in one day. True. That is true. It's invasive. Don't plant it in your yard. I knew that. It was in my friend Lauren's backyard when I was growing up. That should have been mine, like, so dog millionaire style. The pope is required to be an organ donor. No. False. They cannot be an organ donor. New pope, American. Yes. After water, coffee is the most consumed drink in the world. True. False. No, it's tea. I knew it. I'm blowing her. The verified oldest man to ever live. Yes, of course. The verified oldest man to ever live was 116 years old. No. True. Yale's mascot is Hanson Ron. No, false. False. It's. Hanson Dan. Nice. I wish. OK, so that one could have been a fun day. I switched. Anteaters have no teeth. That's true. Glenn Quackmeyer from Family Guy is an airplane pilot. True. True. Jennifer Aniston is 5'11". No, she's shorter. False. She's 5'5". The liver is the largest organ in the human body. False. False. It's your skin. A group of frogs is called a ribbing. No, ribbing is something you can do to someone. False. It's an army. Chorus Leachman graduated from Columbia University. That's cute. True. False. Northwestern. Mine. Starfish don't have brains. They don't have brains. They don't. It's true. Carrots were the first food to be grown in space. They don't do that. That's not your question. You can't answer that one, Natalie. They don't question. That's a distinctly Charlie question, please, if you don't mind. False. False. It was potatoes. Yes. Natalie. I was right for the wrong reason. The largest. That's correct. The largest bowling alley. What? What? I'm excited. I can't have a little fun. The largest bowling alley in the world is in Japan. Yeah. That is true. The first iPhone to include Siri was the iPhone 4S. True. That is true. 12. 12. What are you going for? What? Ten or more. You had to get ten or more. And this is the other thing. For every additional point you get above 10, Caleb throws in an extra $200. Do you know what you just did is exactly my little cousin? We were in the park. Charlie is like your little cousin. A little bit sometimes. Yes. We were in the park last weekend. And I told him if he could catch a football that I threw, that I would give him $100. And then I was throwing it so far. And I kept raising the price. We got to like $3,000. And then towards the end, he ran the ball back to me. And he was like, OK, there's new rules. This time, if I catch it, I get a hug. But if I get the ball from where it is and bring it back to you, I get $3,000. And I said, absolutely not. And then, yeah, we were arguing over the rules, and it really cracked me up. It's funny. He's like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not fudging on this. He's like, we don't deserve it. He's like, I'm in a huge opportunity moment right now. And I'm not going to blow this. I should have seen the way. I forget sometimes that he's so on the spectrum that he can't let shit go like that. So he's 10. And he was running after the ball in a way that was like, brother, you have to see the pattern here. You're never going to catch this. I'm throwing it so far beyond you. But he did. He just kept being like another one. And I was like, dude, it's like getting sad. I was like, buddy, it's been like three hours. First of all, I woke up the next day, my whole right side of my body hurt. Of course. Because I was chucking that front end. Rotate the path of injury, perhaps. Careful. It was tough. Seriously. Be careful about the rotator cuffs. Don't fucking play. Don't mess around. I did get a cute picture of us playing catch though. That's so cute. Don't worry, I'll show you that too later. And you will probably sell that picture for $3,000. And you'll get not a penny. I want to say something about this game. Excuse me? I'm on such a high from winning $50. You guys did really good. I feel like I'm a billy on the street. We're donating it. You are a billy on the street. I feel like I'm a billy on the street recipient. You are a billy on the street. I wish. He's so funny. OK, this is what I want to say about this game. I feel like I don't know that many facts necessarily. But I've learned to understand the nature of a fun fact or just a fact. And that is what allows me to win. Do you know what I mean? Like the largest bowling alley is in Japan. I'm like, OK, so obviously I don't know Diddly Squig about that. But I'm like, it's just too random. There's nothing tricky about it. Why would it not be Japan? I was just like, yeah. So that's my story. Everyone fucking hates it. Thank you for dissecting that a little bit, because you really did both. Both of you exhibited such a competence in that segment. Can we go through it and we can talk through our reasoning for each of them? Or does that fucking sell as an idea? I think that's really boring for the listeners. But I think we should do it anyway, even though it's boring for the listeners. That's celebrity status. Well, let's do this. How about a Patreon exclusive? People pay $50 to listen to us going through our reasoning for the devoted fans. Guys, subscribe to the Patreon. I will be going through it, Charlie and Natalie, to go one by one their reasoning of why they answered how they did on The True or False. Each one, we're like, I don't know, just a guess. That one. Oh, the last two were true, so this is false. We just guessed that one too. You said carrot in a way that I thought was kind of funny, so I said false. Nice. I do always wonder if my reads are giving any hat tips. Like when I'm reading it, I'm like, oh, did I read that in a way that made it seem one way or the other? No. You know. You're very, yes. I try to be measured. Yes, you're very measured. You're like this, you're like. And when you say no, you guys got it wrong, it's so mean. But when you say yes, it's not that nice. Do you want to mean it? If you are against us in the game, it's us versus you. Of course I want you to say that. You're like this, you're like this. Carrot is the first thing they planted in space. I was actually, it's a testament of how much I like you both, that I actually wasn't being very tricky this time. Sometimes people will answer and I'll go, are you sure? And that really throws people. That would have really been hard for me. I know you would have struggled with that. And I would have never put you through that. Well, you would have been fine, but that's because you and I have a special connection. Stop. Sorry. I'm not allowed to play on my own show. And we and I wouldn't have been fine, because I'm very vulnerable. Are you? Yeah. To what? To like mind tricks and things or like really? Very, very, very gullible. Do you guys find yourself susceptible to cult type of things? Oh, it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be the R. The reason we're taking time is because we care about you and we care about the question. No, I'm not. You don't think? Listen, I'm very open. I'm seeking. I'm wanting a lot of advice and lifestyles. But I am really thinking about who is acting weird at all times. That's right. That's right. And I'm bringing it to everyone else. So I feel like that would stop me up in a cult way. Like, whenever... Someone's being weird. You're not going to let it. Yeah, you're like... When we walked in here to the office today, I was like, Emma, can I talk to you for a second? And then I was like, why are they watching soccer? Like, what's going on? It was very affronting to see them in watching soccer. And Emma's like, I'm not even recording with you today. Like, I can't... She was like, I have a meeting. Like, I was like, I just feel like the vibe is so weird. Like, did everyone just eat to lunch? It smells like food. She's like, yes. Who always watching soccer? That was really intense. The main, the head guy. The head guy. It was like Jake mostly, right? And he was playing... He's the head guy. He's the head guy. It was really... Is it an important game or something? Chance, can we open that door for me briefly? You want to bring him in? I just want to speak to him really quick. On our podcast recently. Let's just ask... Jake, why are you guys watching soccer? Is there something important going on? There's something important going on to be... What is it? The semifinal of the Europa League. The semifinal of the Europa League. Chance, shut the door. Shut the door. Like, what is the key? It was very upsetting. He's like, European-identified. He's like, it's the semifinal of the Europa League. The soccer people. What about them? They become European-identified. Yes. No, but you speak on that because you're onto something. Like, they literally do. They're like, they are like, I, Bristol is important to me. Yes. Their team matters. Yes. That's just something that I really care about. I feel like that's kind of fucked up. Manchester is always something that's really spoken to me as an identity. Yes. Right. American guys who get into soccer, they start smoking cigarettes in a very gay way. They start walking with a swing in their hips. They transition to European in a very serious way. They have health care. It's nice. They do. They get health care immediately. They get health care immediately. It's one of the big draws of being an American soccer viewer. Yeah. Suck a dick. It's like one of the, and they, it's like, yeah, they start drinking beers in a really weird early hour. It's like, yes, that's right. So American soccer fans are terrified. That's so true. Like, you can have a beer at 11 AM if you're watching soccer. It's like, no, you can't. No. It's like, fully the morning. Have some coffee and like eggs and stuff. Well, did you guys ever do kegs and eggs in college? Yes. I hated that idea. It pissed me off even in college. Really? For all of college, like people would be like, we are going to get up at like 7 AM and start drinking. And I was like, no fucking chance. No shot. Because I want to sleep the fuck in. Yeah. Like it took me so long to ever be like, if I'm not going to fail a class, like I'm not waking up early ever. And then I would like wake up and be like, where is everyone? Like before like the big game, I was like, you guys, you're already drunk. I could not have been me. First of all, that's what the night time is for. 6.30. What? Beep, beep, beep. Ah. Ksh. That's a course light. Rising grind. You were doing that or you were not doing that? Of course. The truth is you have to do what everyone is doing. Exactly. You actually have to just like follow the herd. But you didn't. No, no. And I learned my lesson. See, that's why she's so weird. And also this is a workplace, so it annoys me. And if you're going to have gay podcasts, then it's like be a little more like. Accepting. Amenable. It's also like it's not just any gay podcast. It's a very gay podcast and also to like be a recording space and be like clapping out loud. Like the listeners might not know this, but they're clapping and screaming like banshees out there. As if we're not doing. Successfully soundproofed. We're doing business in here. We're doing business in here. I heard it. No, I heard it too. It was completely distracting. And if you start my guests and it's like, these are my guests. And by the way, he had his feet up on the table out there. Which. Very sensitive. And I'm totally scared. I'm back in my shell. You should be. I don't feel comfortable speaking. Do you know Jake came into this office recently? And I told him. What? I said, he had his feet up on the table out there when he was watching, which is rude. And I know I have my feet up right now. But that's a different thing. My performance for recording. I'm being the role of the character. By the way, you're a guest. Yeah. And by the way, I'm on They Watch. He's not. I need to be comfortable. They watch in a very serious way. Can I say one thing about the They Watch, which is so funny. Totally. And by the way, I'm all I mean by that. No, I know it completely. That's not what I'm going to say. I'm adding to it. Any baggier. If the haircut gets any shorter. Well, this is what I want to say. When my older sister had a child. Oh, I just remember I'm not supposed to talk about her. Wait, I'm not supposed to say her name. OK, so we're good. She wants privacy. Oh, boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries. Having trouble with that. OK, when she had a baby during COVID, it was like, are they going to let people see the baby? Not. It was like still early days. Not that early, whatever year in, but it up. They made a like a numeric system where you had to equal like five or more points to be able to see the kid. And it was like a negative test. Hold on. Sorry, I'm just getting upset. Five points right away. Yeah. Masking plus outdoors. Masking is like two points. Outdoors is one point. You know what I mean? You put it together. That's the they watch. There should be a numeric system because to seem to other people that you should be they themed. It's like. And I'm talking about like the public or whatever, because you will just get they them depending. And you're like, so what is the point system that I put together today that tipped the balance over? No. Right. And a beret. And I have like a visible tattoo. And I'm holding a coffee. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I just want to say that the specific they watch that you're on, it's less about it's like not like it's not like it is a point system for sure. I totally love that system. And I love the way that that's how they did their baby. It's more an energy. I think you're so smart and advanced that I find you. But I would never I'm not worried about you becoming they them. I'm thinking she they. She they, of course, obviously. I'm thinking she way the entire way. 100%. Yeah. I mean, I'm with you. If you pop that with he him, I would be obviously so supportive, but terribly shocked. Of course. Well, by the way, if I was going to do that, I would call you. Yeah. I would 100% give you a head up. Find out about that from online. 100%. Or you wouldn't get the clue for my clothes first. I would see they for a second. Were you in college? Yeah. Did you know that doesn't surprise me. But what I find even little forms. I was like, yeah, let's just test it out on this Google form. Yeah. And it was honestly more of like a political stance, yeah, genuinely and more of like a cultural signification than it was. Although obviously it also was like an expression of something true to me as well. Yeah. Saying that to camera. You can be the judge. Truly you. That's me like eating pussy. Yeah. Like it's political. It was true to me. Political savior. For me. In college it was. I did it on a Google form once. I feel humiliated by how often I am on he-him. It's accumulating in this day and age. I'm like, I does feel at least they. Don't you feel that I should? But I don't feel that way. No. And to be honest, like as much fun as we're having, like I'm pretty sheer. Like in the sense that like it just is not like, ob my gender is more like something. But it's like, it's just, it's right now. I like don't like, it's not where I'm like, I need to. I do feel like the pronounocity is not like the one way to have gender variance, honestly. Yeah. Like that, it doesn't have to be. I mean, it's like an amazing tool, but it's not the only tool you have to like express or like think about your gender. Yeah. It's so fun though. It's so fun. What's pronouns? Yeah. It's so cute and gender and like everyone is just like. Humping and they're changing the way they look and then they're humping other people. They're changing, they're humping, they're changing, they're humping, they're changing, they're humping. I think it's sweet. It is sweet. And sometimes when people say things about boys, I'm like, I do just relate. Like I am competitive. I do love violence. No, it's like I love like legit. Like I do love violence. I'm sorry. Don't fucking take my train. Like that's my train. When a movie's about war, like I'm simply watching. Oh, I love it. One of my favorite movies is Inglourious Bastards. Are you for real? I didn't know that about you. It's just like, that's the kind of stuff that's like, that's a boy. And I feel very girl because like I would never seen any of those and mine are all like misconjuniality, lily blonde. I also love those. That's the gay. You're gay. That's the gay guy. You're a gay guy. I'm like, there has to be some kind of social niche for a person like you. Are you gay guy or you guy who's gay? No, I'm gay guy. He's a gay guy. I'm a guy who's gay. Whoa. I think. Don't you feel? You tricked me. Football. It's football. Oh, football. In Inglourious. Saying that with like my arm hurts. I can't do that. What's funny is with my family, which is mostly on my dad's side, it's mostly boys. And they'll play football. I'm like, no. But then they'll play frisbee. And I'm like, yeah. You know what I mean? That completely tracks as an ideology. Well, they're also Jewish. No. OK. So. No, stop. Don't talk to me like that. Stop it. I feel like you're gay. Sheerish. Does it out drawing? No, never a year. Sheerish. No. No. Different. OK. That's mom. Stop. That's fine. I was going to say, I feel like you're very gregarious. That can be guy. Yeah. Sometimes. Guy first is like. I'm loving, by the way, the dichotomy of Jewish gregarious. I'm loving that. So the Jewish was like, that's why they can play frisbee and not football. They play football. I just don't do it. Do you know what I mean? Your family? My dad said, yeah, they'll play football together. And that's when I'm like, it's actually just too straight for me to get in. And that's why you're a guy who's gay. And I'm like a gay guy. Yeah. But I can do sports with that. I go on bike rides with them. Yeah. And I like to be athletic, which is kind of be a gay guy trend. Totally gay guy. But sometimes, but with the football of it all, I'm like, this is just a sticking point for me. I just can't do it. Yeah. It's just too much. I'm like, I'm just too flouncy. Yeah. For me to really feel comfortable in it. You're a gay guy. I'm just like, I literally throw football. I'm like, ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's beautiful. Oh, fuck. Fuck. Oh, shit. Fuck, I threw it too short. Yeah, exactly. Do you think you're a gay girl or a girl who's gay? I think I'm a girl who's gay. Nice. Or what? I don't remember. Don't worry about it. But I am Natalie. Woo! You're so Natalie that it's crazy. Again, none of the camera's pointing at me. Wait, did you guys prepare us so true for you? I am needing stores to not anymore play music with lyrics in them. Sorry, what's so true is I am needing stores to not anymore play music with lyrics in them. It's like a lock in that kind of phrase. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And why? We're going to hold on that. Yeah, we're just saying. Because it confuses you? We're printing that out. What? It confuses you. Why? Because I get really overwhelmed and already being in a grocery store or something, it's distracting. And there's so much great ambient and instrumental music. But I'm in stores. Sometimes I'm going through a hard time occasionally. And the stores are playing music. It's like, oh, I miss you so bad, whatever. That's very distracting. Or the store is playing. They're playing loud, loud music with lyrics. And I'm trying to read the back of the bottle to understand what's going on with the bottle. What's in the bottle? Well, I wouldn't know. You name it, sister. What? I got it. You name it, sister. Who knows? Anything can be good. Any bottle. I'm with you on this, I guess. Thank you, thank you. That's right, it cost me nothing. It totally sucks. No, it's good. What you did was a good so true. It's your trepidation that's making it slide off. Right, because actually what I had to do is be like direct a camera like this. That, I mean that. Yeah. Oh, I do have a so true, actually, this episode. I agree. I'm going to do another one. Yours was really good. Thank you. Kava. The fact that I cannot order a Kava wrap ahead of time unless I am a loyalty member is fucking insane. Let me order a wrap. I mean, that is crazy. Well, that's just like why are they trying to limit their sales. I'm trying to buy food for me. Right, right, right. I'm waiting in a 30% wine in Midtown Manhattan. It's an artificial scarcity thing for them. Yeah. They're like, we're going to be a little more in demand. We're going to reject you arbitrarily. No, I don't want, it's like you are not that in demand and you don't need to be like reserved. Let me order a wrap. Let me order a wrap ahead of time so I can walk in and grab it. It would also do you a favor. You're over playing Kava. You're over playing me, man. You're playing cards you don't have. You play cards you don't have. You're not for Gain. Wait, I saw a really funny Trump clip today. What was it? Sorry, I know I hate to say it. It's OK. He was talking about Pete Buttigieg and he goes, this guy, he doesn't know what he's talking about. He rides his bicycle to work with his husband on the back, which is a beautiful and loving relationship. But he literally said that. And I was like, he's a genius. I'm sorry. One of the funniest people alive. I don't know what we're going to do about it. I want to show you that I know your work. So surprising. I love what you said about him being like he'd be such a good Joan Rivers. Thank you. That's so true. What do you always want it anyways? I know that stuff Caleb said. I like that. OK, I have one. Say it. I'm going to do another. Thank you. OK. Because I'm watching Summer House right now, which is a show about straight people, I'm learning something from them. Oh my god. That straight girls, they go into dating like war. And the people they're dating are not their friends. And they have their army of their little friends behind them. And they are ready for things to go south. And when they do, they're like, it's a tacit. It's the anger of a thousand failed hookups comes out on the guy. I like that. And I think gay people could learn from that. You know what I mean? Instead of like a kind of kumbaya like, hey, no worries. That's it. When you're dating, like. It's helpful to have a little bit of a like a fucking. I like the properness of it. They're like, take me out on a date. And then the guy doesn't do it. And it's like, you're not getting my flower. Like I like that. Yeah. That's cool. I will say I just said on maybe maybe today's episode, which will mean nothing in the context of when this comes out. But I just said on a recent episode of the show that I don't. I think people who tell themselves that they're watching reality TV anthropologically are fooling themselves. You are the only person who I think. I genuinely think you are one of the only people who is actually watching reality TV and learning anything for a minute. I think you might be the only person applying lenses to reality TV viewership. Everyone else is kind of like a fool who's kidding themselves. You're like one of the only ones. All she's doing. You are watching it for fun. Yes. Of course, I enjoy it. But it enriches my life more than any relationship I ever had. I've watched Real Housewives with Natalie and it's like she is pausing every four minutes to be like. So the thing with her is that she does that. She has this lack of self-awareness that makes it so that when she's in conflict, she doesn't understand her tone. She pauses. She's like women make ourselves smaller. It's like, yeah, OK, I am actually. I'm actually with you. I'm learning. Yeah. Well, it's just fun on Housewives because there's no men on the show actually. Like the men are just like little puppets that they put their hands up. Yeah. So it's fun. It's like a world without men. Yeah. OK, not you guys, obviously. Of course. No, no, no, no. I'd be in there. Here's another one. You don't need to do another one. What? You don't need to do another one. But I want to. OK, you're welcome, Sue. This is my other one, which is, you know, I miss when in texting and in chatting and online chatting, there was a clearer, more defined state of when you were available and when you were in. And I want to be able to bring back G2G and BRB because I find it really frustrating and difficult that you can be chatting with someone just like kind of dynamically and fluidly. And then all of a sudden they drop off because they're understandably not able to be on their phones all the time. But the way the language works is it's kind of assumed that you are just a little bit available. And I think there should be clearer available and away message. Yeah. Actually, we should have like an away message and available for like chatting. Yeah. Untexting because I find it so sometimes I'll throw in a BRB and people act like I'm crazy. It's well, when you do say not you, but like when one, if you like I've tried to do a thing where we're like, OK, like you're talking to someone and then you're like, OK, I got to go. They're like, fuck you. Yeah. I'm not trying to marry you. You're so desperate. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It like comes off as a like, sorry, I know you kind of want to keep chatting. Yeah. I know anytime someone says that to me, it's like they'll be like, oh, I have to go. I'm like, I have to go too. Like I'm also having to go. You think I don't have to go? Yeah. I'm literally in I'm about to start a Pilates class right now. Like what are you even talking about? I'm going as well. Everyone's going. Everybody's going. That's the trend these days. Yeah. Everyone's going to go. But it is still what I want. And you can choose one of my so trues and you can vote on it. It's text either one text either one or two to eight, seven, seven Caleb. Guys, we we have to finish the episode because we still have to do the bonus content. What? So we've got bonus content to do. So if anyone if anyone wants even more of this, what have we been recording for an hour and 20 minutes? Yeah. So if you guys want even more, you can head over to the Patreon. Do you get is there anything I want to plug your obviously your podcast? Yeah, let's plug Charlie and Adelie's podcast Exploration Live on the head gum network where it's basically just like this. Yeah. Except it's a little bit less Caleb. A little all the time. There's sometimes when I come, that's true. Yeah, she'll come back. Well, you have invited me and I've come when I've been invited. I keep being like, why have you not come to my house? Yeah, I'm not neither of your homes, but I've been invited on the podcast and I have come. That's true. And I did your live show six years ago. And that was beautiful to me. Ending like in a super tense place, but I kind of like it. No, it's not tense to me at all. These are just the facts. I feel a deep love towards both of you, even if whether or not it's reciprocal is obviously the jury's out. But like I have a deep love for both of you and that'll never change. Oh, yeah. We love Caleb. We love Caleb's fans and audience. And in the comments, feel free to say, hey, y'all, if you made it this far. Yes. Hey, y'all. Are you going to do the hey y'all challenge below? Are you going to talk about sorry, baby? Yes. Okay. We're on this. No. Okay. Yeah. Well, basically I have a part, small part in a movie that's coming out in the end of June. I think that's okay to say, right? It's called Sorry, Baby. It's written, directed, starring my very close friend, Eva Victor. It's really good. It honestly has so much buzz. So it's honestly like, yeah, it's really cool. The movie is amazing. I saw it. So you guys should go check it out. I think it's like New York City. New York in LA and then onwards from there. So coastal, you all got to show up. The coast have to show up for once. I know you're probably busy with your gallery openings and whatnot, but try to make some time. Charlie and Natalie, we love you. Thank you for doing this. Thank you so much. You're having us. That was a hit gum podcast.