249: Couldn't Leave You Hanging..

Hello everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. Joining you from cold snowy Minnesota with our lovely sidekick Luna here. Can you see her? She kind of blends in. She's there. Yeah. Can you give her a little Hakuna Matata hold up? Yeah, there you go. Lil' Lion King baby. Oh, she has a... Oh, it's okay. It's okay. She sometimes coughs. But she's going to be a very cute little mascot. We just got done recording the episode. We have some very good, some intense stories. But I think it shaped up to be good. And this episode was never meant to come out. We were supposed to have a day off. You know, I will be better about this in 2026 and taking some time off. But it didn't feel right to have the first day of the new year. Be a Thursday and not give you a little something. True. But it's been an amazing past year. It just feels like such a crazy shift to like finally be here in 2026. I'm so thankful for all of you for listening. I just I can't believe what this show has has shaped up to be and the supportive community we have and how much this show means to you. I was reading a lot of the Christmas episode comments, the holiday episode comments. And just you guys sharing how this show has impacted your life and how it's created such a positive outlet for you or brought you comfort or felt like you have friends or even got you out of the world. Even got you out of bad situations. I just came across this post on the THT subreddit female 30 how THT changed my life. And it brought me to tears. I mean, I'm blown away by you guys and your support. And I just can't thank you enough. So I couldn't leave you hanging on the first of the year. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I'm a big fan of you guys. I want to put together a full episode more about New Year's resolutions. But obviously those stories have to roll in a bit. So this is just kind of an audit sort of good stories that haven't really found a place for but I've wanted to read and one amazing, amazing feel good one at the end. Yeah, I think happy New Year and let's kick it off. Okay. Let's dive in. Yeah. Okay, starting it off on a little bit lighter of a foot. Okay. This one is blowing up on the our slash confession subreddit. It's only a day old and it's titled I've lied to my son about manatees for the last 24 years. Manatees huh? 24 years ago my six year old son got me a birthday present. It was a mug with a picture of a manatee on it. He got upset when I wasn't sufficiently thrilled. I was thrilled with his gift. I assured him that I loved it. Saying that manatees were my favorite animals in the whole wide world. Since then, manatee themed items have been my default gift from him. Manatee shirts, manatee calendars, manatee beer stands and so, so much more. I've never been. I've nothing against them and they seem like gentle creatures but they hold no fascination for me. I only said I loved manatees to soothe the feelings of my young son over two decades ago. Year after year, I rolled with the lie because it was harmless and I was in too deep to tell him the truth. Now my deception has reached its zenith. Next year I am turning 55 and he is turning 30. For Christmas, my son has booked a trip for the two of us to go to Florida to see the manatees. Wow. My son is so excited for this trip and is telling everyone in our family about it. Even my ex-wife is gushing about my trip to finally see the manatees. Of course, I am thrilled to spend time and have an adventure with my son. I am grateful for his thoughtfulness and love for his old man. We will have a lovely time together and make great memories and I will continue the deception about the manatees which are not my favorite animals in the whole wide world. Is it? He's going to keep that lie going. You kind of have to at this point. Really? Yeah, because I think there is, it's really tough but I think when you got the second, the third, the fourth gift that was manatee related. You should have told him. Well, you could have just been like, and you don't have to be fully honest but you could say, I think my favorite animal has changed. I think I have a new favorite animal and maybe shift to what actually is because it seems like you're going to keep getting gifts of what your favorite animal is. And the thing that's so fun, you know, from everyone else's perspective is they think, oh, this is great. And it's building up, culminating all the way up to this trip. And you're going to go see them and it's like, I don't know, you're going to rob someone of all that and be like, oh, well, why didn't you tell me I get it when I was, because how, how much time is progressed right about a decade. So it's 24 years. Yeah, that's way too far. So when your son was a child, yeah, you say, oh my, you know, it's like accepting a gift, even if it's something you don't like, you're like, I've been wanting one of these and similar to say, oh, man, he's my favorite animal. This is awesome because you want to hype up kids. You want to encourage kids to start giving gifts and feeling good about it. You know, it's a great quality to have and to start feeling when you're young like, wow, look at the what I did with this. I made them so happy. But yeah, I think you even five years in, you could have made a shift or something, but at this point, you're into deep. And it's, then you could say like, you know, adult to adult at this point. I'm going to be real with you about this, but I just, I don't know. I feel like you rob someone of all that. It's not so much. All of this was a lie more than my mind goes to it's shifted. It's changed. Yeah. Or hey, I had a bad experience with a manatee. One was being really mean to another. They're not my favorite animal anymore. I know they're so cute. They're so cute. I don't know. This one's tough for me because I feel like 24 years here in really deep might as well. What's the harm? And OP does share what their favorite animal is in the comments. It's dogs. So it's like, it's not necessarily a exotic, fun animal like dogs. We all love dogs. Like little looting here. But it's so common to love a dog. And so a manatee can be like your favorite exotic animal. And you could just like be like, oh, yeah, normal animal. My favorite's a dog, exotic's manatee. But I think it would like break a lot of trust. However, I saw this lady that or like someone was telling the story on TikTok or somewhere, but they were telling the story about their grandma being on her deathbed or something and like coming clean that she doesn't actually like owls. Because for the past 70, 80 years people have been getting her owl gifts. And so she finally came clean on her deathbed. And then it's like then everyone else feels bad for getting her owl gifts for years. And that's what you leave them with. Come on. I know. That's selfish. I don't care if you're in your deathbed. You don't do that to everyone. You take it to the grave. That's even that's way worse than this. You think so? Yeah. Why do you feel like you're going to die without a clean conscience? Maybe. It's not that it's also just not that serious of a lie. There's some really bad lies. And this is not bad. But it's just being a good person. I think at some point being a good person is not necessarily always telling the full truth. Because you're going to save people a lot of unnecessary hurt and distrust and all this stuff over something that isn't really that big of a deal. So just say it shifted to dogs. I don't know. You're in too deep. You're in too deep. Do the trip and start pulling away. Do the trip, not not relationship wise, but pulling away from the manatee thing. Start being like, well, you know, after seeing a person and after having my dog, I just I think honestly dogs have taken the number one spot. You know, I don't just got a shift away. Shift it. Top comments says this plot twist. Once you actually see manatees up close, they will indeed become your favorite animals in the whole wide world. That could be. Yep. That could be next comment. Abumped in one wall in the water in South Beach years ago. I can confirm what you're saying is true after my first encounter. Someone goes, yeah, I've swam with them before. They are super chill and gentle and they let you pet them and are generally unbothered. Also, they haven't had it because I was going to add this like it's illegal to pet them. So don't pet the manatees. Just observe, you know, don't interfere with nature. They bump into you. That's fine. If they bump in you, that's a different story, but you can't pet them. Yeah. Someone responds to that person. When I went swimming with them, a mother brought her calf to show us the baby would not stop playing with us, no matter how much we try to keep our distance. Despite their gentle and meek reputation, they have no respect for laws. Like a little bunny. Yeah. Really cute. Hey, and maybe that's the case. And if so, then you still don't need to say, hey, by the way, all these years, I didn't like them and this trip made me realize I did. It's just unnecessary. I know. I guess we'll see. We will see. I don't see any updates from OP. There is like a little bit of an edit. Thank you for the award and the laughs for those asking my favorite animals or dogs. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Like this new year. My good. Yes. There's a day go. Whoa. The day ago. There's only a couple other comments that OP responds to. Someone goes, you're going to have to take this secret to your grave. I'm afraid. Someone goes, a grave with a manatee on it and OP responds, you made me snort my coffee. Probably like a manatee emblem. Yeah, right on the tombstone. So carved into it. Someone goes, you will be buried in a manatee style coffin and smile about it. You and your sons sound amazing. Yeah. And OP responds, my son and I also share a love for Costco. So it will either be a manatee coffin or a Kirkland signature coffin. I'm down with that. They should start making this. I don't know what they should. I'd be so down with that. Why do I see them selling coffins? Costco sells caskets. But they don't sell their own brand. There's no brand. Is there? It's kind of crazy. Well, and then Costco members receive an exclusive value on earns. What if Black Friday rolled around or holiday sale or New Year sale and you went to the Costco main page? And it's like 20% off all coffins. This is crazy. I didn't realize Costco sold coffins and they're like nice. And I don't know if any one of you have had to deal with like going and picking out an earn or a casket or things like that. But like the prices are shocking. This is these aren't bad. This is heavily discounted. What are the return policy is on these? I would assume non-returnable. Well, just because the return policy is so good. Like what if what if someone died and then came back to life kind of thing? But they never used it. I never used it. Imagine rolling up into the front of Costco with one of the flat carts and in you just roll a coffin. And they're like, was it used? No. Didn't end up needing it. It does say apparently this is a frequently asked question on Costco's website. Okay. There's a whole page dedicated to caskets. Why is Costco wholesale selling caskets as a service to our members? If members have more questions, please call. Will funeral homes accept the casket that we order? Yes, the Federal Trade Commission requires funeral homes to accept any casket purchased from an outside source. Yeah, that'd be weird. That'd be crazy. How long before I receive the casket? By 5pm after three business days. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. But someone does ask what is the sales policy or guarantee? Costco.com will accept a return of a casket. But you cannot return them to Costco warehouses. So yes and no. Hey, it makes sense. But. I wonder if there is a manatee casket now. Now I'm curious. Manatee. Oh, googling that might get me a bad result though. Like it would be a casket for a manatee. No. No, not seeing any manatee. That's too niche. It actually custom. Praying hands. There's camo caskets. Yeah, this would be custom. You could get it done. There are some really beautiful external paintings put on caskets these days. Okay, well, that got really dark from a beautiful happy story. I'm so sorry we took it there. But I would love to go see the manatees and I hope OP learns to love them. Yeah. I think they're going to be. I think they're going to be beautiful. Happy little cows, sea cows. The cows of the sea. That's just bump into you. A little bump. I want one to boot me. I love them. Okay, moving on to this next one. I'm going to give you a choice on this next one. Okay. Option one, I will say. Here's a story I've just been holding on to for a while and I can't. I can't find a theme for it. It doesn't feel appropriate anywhere. And I know like, okay, I don't have to have a theme to make it work. But it is a bit of a heavier story. And so I've wanted to have the right place for it. The title of this one is Am I the asshole for initiating a divorce while my wife is in the hospital after a car accident. So that's option one. Knowing that it does, it is a little heavy. Okay. Or option two. Am I the asshole for refusing to have sex with my partner while his family is staying with us and telling his mother exactly why. See, I'd like to find a way for you to use your story, but that one's just so much more relevant to the times. New things out because we're at the family house in Minnesota. Staying on everyone just stayed with family, you know. It is true, but we could get to that. Okay. Just saying don't let me influence. Yeah. I don't know. I wish I could just like hear everyone in my ear right now like Morgan number one silence. No, yeah. Okay. I think I'm just going to do both. Okay. Okay. So there's the determination. We're going to start with the heavier one. So then if you want to skip, you can just move along to the next story and you'll be good. It does have a pretty pretty tough update on it. And I just I know people don't like me spoiling when there's updates, but it just needs to be said that like it is a pretty heavy story. Okay. So there is an initial post from two years ago. This post was titled, Am I the asshole for telling my wife I don't give a damn how she drives when it's just her and her kids in the car. But if me or our kids are in the car, she must be safe. My wife had two kids before we got married and they have an actively involved father. We have had two children of our own. My wife is a terrible driver, but she refuses to acknowledge this. She's been in multiple car accidents and even had her license suspended. Not for a DUI or anything, just because she is a shitty driver. Wow. She will do stuff like reach into the back seat to deal with a kid rather than either pull over or let me or one of the older kids deal with it. She got t-boned in August last year because she took her foot off of the break at a red light to pick up my son's pacifier that had fallen out. She didn't put the car in park. Thankfully, only she was injured. All four kids were in the car. I have had it. I told her that she is welcome to endanger herself and her kids, but that if I'm in the car or our children are in the car, she will keep her eyes on the road and her hands on the steering wheel. She is finally at the point in her rehab where she can drive again. I reminded her of what I said. I told her that I loved her. I said that her older kids were important to me and that I loved them too. But I told her that if she ever decided to do stupid shit while driving, our relationship would be over. And I would make it part of our divorce that she not be allowed to drive with my kids in the car. She started crying and said that she didn't do it on purpose. I asked her how exactly she took her hands off the wheel, took off her seatbelt, took her foot off the break and turned around to pick up the suather by accident. She said that I'm treating her like an idiot. I don't think I am. My children have to be safe. Before you ask, I try and do as much of the driving as I possibly can. I have stopped drinking when we go out. I traded in my car that I loved for an SUV, so there's room for all of us. I offered to pay for Uber, so she didn't have to drive if I wasn't available. She actually likes driving. Her ex and her parents are on my side. He also told her that if she ever thinks about endangering his kids, he would either go for full custody or ask that she be barred from driving with his kids in the car. Her parents have threatened to stop helping her pay her stupid high insurance premiums. She thinks we are being unfair because she loves her kids and would never intentionally harm them. She just loses concentration when one of the kids needs something and doesn't think to ask for help. The end. That's the end of the first post. There's nothing else you can do. I honestly feel like they're lucky with how these some of these situations have turned out. I mean, we've seen what happens when you take two seconds to look down at a text message. Cars are so dangerous. They come a big thing over the last decade. That's why all the states and everyone outlawed. Obviously, texting would also be talking on the phone or any of that. I get it when people are fumbling around with the screens on their car. It's not much better. No, it's horrible. It's actually, I feel like, so much more dangerous than the buttons and the knobs we used to have. It's so dangerous. But at some point, someone's not getting it. You have to keep this is what we've preached the whole time we've been on the show. When a boundary isn't accepted or you know, followed, it's got to increase the boundaries. There's consequences. And it's no different than someone breaking the law. And then they break the law again. They break the law again. I think it's just such as. You can't keep giving someone chances. If they're not taking anything you've said in a consideration and being more safe and being more respectful or abiding by the boundary, there are consequences. And this is four kids' lives potentially at stake. No more driving the kids. No more. Well, and just to understand how dangerous it is to drive. And I imagine many of you listening to this probably are driving right now. It's the most dangerous thing we do by far. And people think, oh, planes and flying and all these crazy things you can do. Yeah, no, it's a sick car. It's in cars. And a lot of the time it has nothing, you know, in these cases it would be her fault. But a lot of times even a lot of stuff that happens on the road to people isn't even their fault. So yeah, I mean, there's nothing wrong here. It's just that's what you have to do when someone isn't getting it. Yeah, and the comments do say that. I mean, the top comment kind of quotes what OP said about she started crying said I was treating her like an idiot. And they go, well, what did she expect? She is behaving like an idiot, to be honest. Her intention doing it on purpose or not is not relevant here. She shouldn't be driving at all since she is putting other people at risk. But clearly she shouldn't drive the children. That is the least you can demand. Right, because it's obvious you're not purposefully trying to get in an accident. No, and like maybe she has the most insane case of ADHD. Like I have ADHD. I will constantly be walking around my house trying to do something and then I'm walking down the hallway. And I forget what I was starting to walk down the hallway for. And then I turn around and I start something else and then I lose track of that and then I go back and I'm like, oh my god. I remembered why I'm walking down the hallway and I go and put my toast in the air fryer. And then I go about my day and I come home six hours later and my toast is still in the air fryer. Like I have ADHD. I live with that. But in a car, you have to check in. And if you can't, there's medication, there's other strategies, or there's not driving. You have a person, your partner, who's willing to pay for an Uber. Like don't drive. Yeah. If you can't be safe. So really tough. But okay, that initial post was March 25th, 2024. There's an update posted May 14th, 2024. Okay. And it's titled, Am I the asshole for initiating a divorce while my wife is in the hospital after a car accident. My wife was involved in a single vehicle accident. She was seriously injured, but thank goodness no one else was in the car with her. I have spoke to her about her driving habits and I warned her. I went to see her in the hospital and then I went to a lawyer. I'm also going for full custody with only supervised visitation for her. I am sick to death of her driving habits and I will not wait for her to injure or kill one of our kids with her bullshit. I feel bad for doing this while she's in the hospital and facing charges, but I can't take any more chances on her. That's your right. And you know, none of us can say that's right or wrong necessarily because that's your choice for your relationship and for your kids. None of us can say, oh, well, that's crazy that you're doing that. You need to just do XYZ, but it's like if that's your choice and you've hit your limit, I mean, you've definitely been through it. She was injured in the last one enough to have rehab, which at first when you said that, I thought she was going to driving rehab. No, they like sit and walk you through the steps of therapy. Yeah, to where she could physically drive again. And then here we are two months after that other post. That's quick. People don't get an accident. It's like boom, boom, boom, boom. It doesn't happen like that unless you truly are unsafe. I know. That's the only way you get into accidents that close together. And so, you know, I it's fair. I know a lot of comments on this one, a lot of people just very supportive and saying not the asshole. Your last post is just one month old. It's really hard to imagine somebody is as careless as your wife. I hope she never kills somebody or herself. Next comment, not the asshole. I remember your last post. Protect yourself and your kids. And OP does respond. I can't believe it happened this quickly. I'm just glad none of the kids were with her. The same person responds back. I definitely understand that. Has she said anything about the new accident realized that she's got a problem? If I remember right, she was very upset about you stating that she should not drive with the kids in the car anymore. And OP responds, she left some paperwork in the back seat. So she parked. Then she went to grab it. Unfortunately, she left the car in gear and stepped on the gas and drove into a canal by the mall. I'm just done. A canal. Like water canal. That's what yeah. That's what it's giving. Oh, and some and some way she was trying to do it correctly. But maybe that's her story. Because no one can prove it right unless there's a, I don't know, do cars come with a black box like a plane? No, you can see all the functions that I mean a lot of cars now do have a data. Yeah, it's always your cars are actually recording a lot of data. I guess the only way you truly knows if you had a dash cam that was ones that can see in, in and out. Yeah, but you can see if she tried to. So down. If you try to put a car in park, it's not hard to tell if it's in park. You know, it's not. It depends on the car because some new cars like even if you put them in. Like if they're in drive, but you stopped and hit the break and let your foot off, it'll stay in that position until you hit the gas. So you would think it's in park. But then if you accidentally hit the gas, obviously the car would go. Yeah. Really tough. So we get one last final update on this, this whole saga. And again, this is kind of where it gets pretty dark you guys. So if you can't handle like a tragic death, then please skip ahead. How much later is this one? So this is coming from November 19th, 2025. So a year and a half later. Okay. It goes. I feel terrible making this post about my ex-wife's driving. I don't know how to link my old post. Sorry. I will summarize. My ex must have had ADHD or something. Should be driving and then decide to look in the back seat or on the floor of the car instead of pulling over. She was badly hurt when she took off her seatbelt at a red light to get a soother that my kid had lost rather than just pull over in park. I told her if she did it again, I was going to divorce her and take custody. She was in physical rehab for a while. She then drove into a canal by the mall because she didn't put the car in park when she was getting paperwork from the back seat. After my ex drove her car into a canal, I was done. I knew she was going to get my kids injured or worse. Both me and her ex went for full custody of our kids and part of the divorce settlement in my case was that she was not allowed to drive my children anywhere. Our divorce was rough and I still loved her. I just couldn't risk my kids. She got a dog. The dash cam, her insurance, forced her to get, showed that the dog was making puking noises in the back seat. She turned around to look at what the dog was doing and she got hit by a semi when she drifted into oncoming traffic. My kids lost their mom. Their older siblings lost their mom. I lost a co-parent. I still cared about. Her parents lost a daughter. I feel awful, but a few of you have asked for an update. I think I will be forgetting about this account forever now. I will probably not reply to questions. I just felt like the folks that helped me before might want closure. See the dash cam thing. Honestly, it's very sad. But you just think about it. How does this keep happening over and over and over? That could have been a full family in a small car on the other side. When it gets so bad, you almost look at the best of the absolute worst case scenarios. No death like this is none of this is a good scenario. No. You think about it with drunk drivers. At least they didn't kill someone. It's just so tough because everyone took the measures they could. Everyone was trying to protect her and get her help and make her realize you have a problem. You got to be safe. I don't know. It's just so sad. It's horrible. But everyone did what they could to try and control what they could of the situation. Yeah. Be safe. Just too bad her mind kept reacting in a way where what is this? I need to look now. I know. And then it's just. I don't know. Man, it's tragic. It's a bad one to start off here with. It's tragic. I think it it provides a lot of lessons in it though. Like be safe this year. A lot of people in the comments on best of registered updates are like all trying to find the silver lining. Like someone literally says silver lining. All her kids and ex partners are alive and unheard. There could have been kids in the car. There could have been all four of them in the car. There were measures taken to make sure everyone was being as safe as they could be. And like OP was in a rock in a hard place like truly like for sure. I love this person, but I need to protect our kids. She won't I need to stop doing. Here's a divorce. So I think there's a lot to. To take from this. I mean, some people just in the comments can't even believe it. Someone the top comment actually is. I remember the previous Borough post. I thought it was funny when it was revealed in the comments that the accident that brought on the divorce was rolling into a canal. It's not so funny anymore. And it's just. I don't know. I just felt like this story like it's an intense tragic story. But I think it is just a reminder of like a how fragile we are. And be safe this year. If there's a bad habit you have, maybe it's the time to address it because. Life is short. Well, and also don't get too comfortable. Which I think we talk about a lot in the sense of. You know, always have that. Look over your shoulder. Always be aware of your surroundings. But especially driving you can get really comfortable driving, especially. You know, most of the accents happen close to home because that's where you are the most. And that's where you're the most comfortable. So you don't think like, oh, this stop light. I know what happens here. And it's like the one time you're caught off guard is the last time. I know. So even if it's green, look left and right. Always don't use your phone. Like the amount of people I've seen in Minnesota literally just driving. And their phone is like up in their face. And they're going mind-aligned aligned back and forth. Up in their face. I'm like, what are we doing? And it's snowy here. There's glare ice on the road. Like be safe. Yeah. Be safe. Let's move on to that one that you initially picked. And it gets better from here. OK? I promise. Let's go. So this one is coming from AIT-AH. It is only a couple hours old at this point. Titled, am I the asshole for refusing to have sex with my partner while his family is staying with us? And telling his mother exactly why. Whoa. I, 33 female, live with my partner, 35 male. We generally have a good relationship, including a healthy sex life. Until recently. About two months ago, his parents and younger sister came to stay with us temporarily while they dealt with some financial issues. That temporary stay has turned into eight weeks with no clear end date. They didn't ask me directly. My partner agreed first and told me after. Since they moved in, his mom has completely taken over the house. She rearranged the kitchen, comments on what I eat, and has made several passive aggressive remarks about me not acting like a wife. We're not married. Oh my god. His sister goes through my things, and once walked into our bedroom without knocking, when I was getting dressed after showering. Because of all of this, I told my partner I was uncomfortable being intimate while they're here. I don't feel relaxed. I don't feel like I have privacy. And frankly, I don't feel respected in my own home. I've still been affectionate, just not interested in sex. My partner says, I'm, quote, punishing him for something that isn't his fault. And that adults should be able to have sex even if family is around. He also said, it's been long enough and that I should try harder. Things blew up last weekend when his mom confronted me and asked if I was withholding intimacy from her son. I was shocked and told her calmly that, yes, I don't feel comfortable having sex when I'm being judged, invaded, and treated like a guest in my own home. Nicely put. Now, his entire family thinks I'm disrespectful, overshared, and I'm trying to control him. My partner says, I am embarrassed him, and I should apologize to his mom for bringing our private life into it. I told him she brought it into it first. He says, I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and that sex shouldn't stop just because I'm annoyed. I think my comfort and boundaries do matter. So am I the asshole? No, oh my God. No, I'm ready to, he can go and take his family. Go shoe out. You're new man. Honestly, you're the fire horse. That's what's about when your relationship is kind of on into this for a second. When it's on the edge, when it's on, you know, your own fragile ground, it's time to go, man. Time to go. I know. I'm putting up with that. Are you kidding? And how did she find out? Did he tell her? Mommy, she won't, she won't have sex with me because you guys are here. Mommy. She won't suck my dick. Mom. Oh, sure. 100%. She's withholding intimacy as a form of control so that you'll leave, mom. She doesn't want you here, mom. Why are you having no matter what way he said this, I don't think there's a good way to have that conversation with your mom. I think what happened is I would love for someone if you have a thought in your in your head about like how that conversation could be appropriate. I would love you to put it in the comments because like I can't imagine that conversation. It's so bad. I just think there's too many, there's too many flags around and they're all colored red. It started with the fact of not asking you. And then the family's just there and like cool. You know, we'll just be there for a couple days. We all know how that goes. We've seen that many times. And now we're two months in. How many more months are going to go? I know and I understand when people are having financial struggles and they should be able to move in with family. That is such a nice thing for him to do, but it should have been a conversation. You don't live alone. You live with a partner who I assume is paying rent or mortgage or whatever it is. That's at least a conversation. Yes. Anytime. Even if you have just roommates. Yeah. You still owe it to the people you live with and signed up to live with to say, hey, here's a situation. What do you guys comfortable with? Especially if it's your partner. Of course you should help those in need, especially family or anyone that you want to do that for. But you can't just bring people into a cohabitated space without having a conversation. Hell no. I'm literally I'm not kidding. New year, new man. Because if he is living by himself theoretically, he could have them live there for years. Prove it. Whatever he wants. Yeah, they can stay with you forever. That's not the problem. The problem is the lack of communication. The lack of, honestly, that's the best way to put it, the lack of communication. There's no respect. No respect. He has no respect for her. And then it's like the sister walking in. No boundaries. The whole family has no boundaries. The only you don't even need a reason, first of all, to not be intimate while there's family there. But that's a super easy one. Well, guess what? They walk right in. Yeah. And then the rearranging all of it is just, oh, it's getting worse and worse. Yeah. Is it a bad cycle? No. I feel like it's going to end up with them done. I mean, there's no way. There's no way forward. Especially with him not doing any anything to be a teammate with you. Yeah. Zero. Just his comments too. Sex shouldn't stop just because you're annoyed. No, is like a fine answer. I'm not feeling it. Like you're not going to be in the mood. You don't want to be intimate. You don't have any, I don't even know what like the better word for hornyness is when you are living in a situation like this. Like how are you motivated? How do you feel inclined to want to hook up and do stuff? I think annoyed is putting it lightly. He said it's been long enough. Why didn't I meet the little razzle dazzle on? Hey, I understand this has been hard on you. Let's go get a hotel. Let's go to a nice dinner. Let's connect. Let's get back to us. Yes. Not this. Oh, it's been long enough. You shouldn't be annoyed. You're withholding intimacy. No. Do you know how old this guy is? Yeah. Yeah. He is 35. I thought you were going to say 21. Two old. Two old. Two old to be acting like this. Talk comment on this one. It may not be a smart man, but I do know when a relationship has run its course. You're not the asshole, but I'd be gone. Next comment. Gone so fast. O.P. This is a mess and I would want no partner. He disrespected you when he unilaterally decided that they could stay and further does by not correcting the behaviors of the guests in your house. Root asked people living rent-free, I presume, and have the nerve to ask why he's not getting sex. Are you fucking kidding me? I wouldn't feel attracted to the spineless man either. Yeah, especially when you know you didn't really have a choice of the matter, but you guys are doing this to help them immensely. And then they feel so entitled to everything. And to come run the ship. Oh, I know. And there's a lot of strikes. I mean, people clearly outline strike one, moving people in without asking, strike two, not putting the surprise guests in their place when they started boundary stomping. I mean, as mom rearranged the whole house and was going crazy. That's not just cleaning. That's not just helping like organized. That's like, I'm going to make this space mine. And that's what she's doing. Strike three, acting like you're the problem for being uncomfortable. Strike four, expecting you to put aside your discomfort and be intimate with him when he's made it quite clear your boundaries don't matter. Why would you feel safe in that situation? Not the asshole, but you will be to yourself if you don't move out or kick all of them out if he moved in with you. And then someone else adds strike five, crying to mommy about not getting sex. Strike six. That's insane. Mommy having the audacity to get involved in someone else's sex life. Holy shit. He's a mama's boy and mama knows way too much. OP, if you ever want to have sex again, you might as well be having sex with his mom. They both crossed a line. You don't have a partner you can trust to keep your thoughts and feeling safe and a potential future mother-in-law who will never respect you. Yeah. And she especially won't because he's not putting her in her place. Yeah. This whole situation exposed all of these cracks. Yeah. Not necessarily in you guys' relationship even more just with who, whom you're with. And it shows why some of that could probably be fly under the radar because you're not obviously with his family all the time. But wow is it all showing? I know. I think it's time to move on and let the year of the fire horse do that for you. It's time for big change. I do want to talk about it because it is really, really cool. So year of the fire horse signifies a rare, powerful period of dynamic energy passion, transformation and ambition. Happens once every 60 years. Very, yeah, it's very rare. And combining the horses freedom and strength with fires intensity often brings swift change, innovation and a need for bold action. It is seen as a time for breaking old patterns, fostering cultural shifts, technological leaps and new perspectives. You should move forward with strength and determination. Perfect year to get humans back on the moon. Okay. There you go. Oh, it's happening. We're going to launch. Yeah. There's a lot of interesting legends about fire horse girls and women girls babies that are, you know, born in this year. A lot of interesting stuff. I would like to learn more about the Chinese zodiacs and what my dog means and my wood dog. What are we in 1994? Wood dog. Aren't we wood dogs? A good dog made of wood. Wood dog. What's a wood dog? Yeah, the 1994 Chinese zodiac sign is the wood dog. Wood dog. Wood dog. I've never heard that. Yeah. Damn. Oh, we have pretty good traits. Wood dogs. We value truth and fairness. That's good. The one is dependable friends who are always there. Feels a strong need to protect loved ones and stand up for what's right. Ten to be sensible and grounded. Empathetic listeners. Oh, my God. I'm such a wood dog. Okay. The crowd goes wild. I'm just admiring the moment. Yeah. It's watching a good. I think she should march back in and go. The fire horse is here. I like that. And you guys. You guys are out. I think you just. Yeah. It's probably simpler given the situation that you probably just kind of exit. Irish goodbye. It's the year of the Irish goodbye. Goodbye. No, no, no. None of this. Just. Bye. Out. Secret. Pack your shit. Hopefully you can find out your stuff. In the middle of the night. Well, hope you can find it all with the mom and sister going through everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, on that note. Embrace the fire horse. And let's end this on a very positive note. Okay. Okay. Okay. This one. I read like curled up in bed this morning after a very late night. Obviously for my grandma's birthday. And I was sitting there in the covers and I read it and I'm just crying. So maybe have a tissue ready. Because it is. It's a feel good. Okay. Before we get into this one. I already know there's going to be issues with my pronunciation. And I've done a deep dive into trying to figure out how this is pronounced. Some people pronounce it Tolkien. Some people pronounce it Tolkien. There's literally a whole subreddit on Tolkien fans about Lord of the Rings, Hobbit, Silmaril and whatever the other book is. And there's literally so many different posts on this all talking about the pronunciation of Tolkien. And literally like the comments don't really get anywhere. And people are like, oh, it's Tolkien. I thought that the whole time. And then other people come up with another pronunciation. And so the top comment that I see on this is, well, I hope you're happy from the comments. We now have three possible pronunciations. So even the super fans are not all perfectly aligned on how you say it. Okay. Here we go. This is coming from our slash Tolkien books 24 days old, titled Try Not to Make Fun of Me About My Boyfriend A Gift and Epicly Failed. I kind of deserve to be made fun of for this, but hear me out. I'm not particularly a Tolkien fan. Not because his work isn't absolutely legendary and deserves all of the reverence that it gets. It's simply because I'm not much of a fan of fantasy novels. However, my boyfriend deeply loves Tolkien's work. And I love that for him. And the man is such a gem that I want to spoil him rotten. Anyhow, I was at a vintage store and I came across this book set, which I had never seen before at any other used bookstore. I was nervous about the purchase and wanted to research it better before going through the checkout line. But of course, just my luck, I had no sell service in this small town. I even tried walking two blocks away from this vintage store, praying that a sell signal would make itself known and save my life. No luck. So I decided to just be a brave girl and purchase it. Mind you at the store, this book set is so ran wrapped. I was not allowed to open it and get a closer look at the books before purchasing. I get home and immediately feel devastated upon discovering that the pages are as yellow as an angorephobic chain smoker's walls. I thought it couldn't get worse until to humiliate myself further. Once I finally regain sell service, I Google it and discover that the set is missing a god damn book. I am so completely entirely deeply embarrassed and ashamed for not knowing any better. I literally cried and know the vintage store did not accept returns. This is gassy. I don't have enough money to repurchase the correct set for him. I spent $50 at the vintage store and even that was already getting outside of the budget I have on my pathetic barista salary at the moment. But God, one of my absolute favorite things about my boyfriend is how much he loves to read and how much he cares for his books. He doesn't dog ear pages. He carefully mens any tears, meticulously organizes them on shelves. I was really, really hoping to knock one out of the park with this one and instead I wasted my money and embarrassed myself. I told him about him a gift that ended up being a fail and I vowed to never tell him what it was and I mean that. That being said, would it be a crime against Tolkien if I repurpose this book set into some sort of art piece? I do collage work and I've been brainstorming some ways I could use excerpts of the text and or the covers to make something for him in the future. Should I just sell it for pennies? Should I just burn it? Put it on the street corner for free. I'm kidding about that, but truly the pages are traumatizing shade of yellow and although my boyfriend would not expect perfection out of a vintage set, even for my taste, the damage and missing book is too severe to give to him. I feel so dumb, but because the shell that the books came in didn't look like they had much wiggle room, I would never thought a book was missing. I can barely fit my thumb in between the books and the shell, so it just didn't dawn on me that the hobbit should have been there. That's the end, but we do have some pictures. Okay. Okay, so here's picture number one. It's three books and they're inside of a red box, what you would have a set of books in. And to me, there doesn't seem like there's a way to fit another book in there. I agree, because why would you have three big ones and one very, very tiny one? I know. That's what you'd expect. And then there's an additional picture where she flips the book and you can see the yellow of the pages. And when she said chain smokers, walls, I envision yellow, but these are yellow. Like almost turning orange red. And green on some parts. It's a very, very scary color to see book pages. Also, the one thing I'll say is the whole, oh, it's wrapped in Sriran wrap. Oh, but you can't open it. You know why? Because you discover there's a missing book. Whatever this vintage shop is, I'm not trusting them. I'm not going. No things. That's messed up. I feel like they know. I feel like they know. I think the three books are still worth a decent amount though. Obviously a complete set would be better. It's probably Sriran wrap, just so you could barely see this. So you can still one of the books. I get it. I get it. Yeah. I get it. Top comment. Sets of Tolkien were and are sold both with and without the Hobbit. Based on how they fit in the box, my guess is that this set never included it. As for the yellowed pages, that's normal for books this age. This particular edition has cover art by Tolkien himself, which is a nice thing. Given that it has the slip case, I don't think that you necessarily overpaid. In general though, I would never buy books that you can't physically examine before purchase. OP responds, by nature, I'm such a careful calculated person that I'm shocked. I even had the gall to purchase a book I couldn't examine first. But that day I was a combination of brutally hungover and foolishly brave. OP gets a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of responses on this. People talking about what year this set is from 1973. You didn't fail at anything. There's nothing wrong with it here. This set is only three books. There's one user that particularly stands out. And this is user over hill under hill. And this user says, I may be able to help you out. I have been collecting Tolkien books for over a decade and have over the course of time collected duplicates of many books. I have quite a few extra copies of the Hobbit that go with the Balantine books box sets and would be happy to send you one for free. I've been slimming my collection down as I have been running out of space with having recently moved. So I have quite a few other Tolkien books and I would be happy to re-home with someone I know would appreciate them. Let me know if you're interested and I'll happily send some books your way. Nice. Doesn't that make you guys just want to cry? Should it happen? So OP responds to over hill under hill. That's so generous of you. After I posted this and read everyone's comments, I revisited eBay and saw that some red box sets seem to come with the Hobbit and some don't. There's so little space in mind that I'm now assuming mine wasn't meant to come with the Hobbit. That's what also initially confused me. I was thinking it was missing a book but also confathom how the book would even fit inside the case over hill under hill responds. As someone else said, check the spine of the box and it will either say Hobbit or not. I have a few that say Hobbit and even though it looks tight, the Hobbit is able to squeeze in since it's a small book. Either way, let me know and I would be more than happy to send you a Hobbit or a few other vintage Tolkien books. So OP does add a little bit of an edit. Good heavens. Thank you so much for your responses, everyone. I did not expect to get unanimous encouragement to give it to him. This has totally made my day. Despite its imperfections, I'm so excited to gift it to him after all. Thank you to the redditors who confirmed that the set I got actually should not have come with the Hobbit after all. Right after I brought it home, I searched eBay and saw a vintage set in red that did come with it. So I assumed mine should have as well. Also thank you to the redditors who confirmed that when this particular set was brand new, the edges of the pages were intentionally color stained yellow because although I have quite a few old books myself that have pages that have yellow due to age, these pages seem to be an unnatural shade of yellow. So the color stain makes so much sense. This is saved y'all. So I think some of the comments with over hill under hill came after that brief edit because there's another update coming the next day. Okay. And OP said, tried to edit my previous post and couldn't. So here's an update for everyone who is generous enough to comment. I checked the spine this morning and despite the optimism, some of you shared with me, it absolutely should have had the Hobbit in this set. Which is now refreshing my memory as to why I doomspiralled so hard a few months ago when I bought the set. But hey, I'm still going to be a good sport and gift it to my boyfriend. But there's a strong chance I might be taking up over hill under hills offer to send me a copy of the Hobbit after all. 100% And OP did end up including some more pictures of the book in this and it is beautiful. I mean, even without the Hobbit like this is such a beautiful gift. There's artwork on the cover and if you're a Tolkien fan and you have this, I mean, the set is 50 years old, over 50 years old. And it's still beautiful. Yeah, that's really cool. So a couple more pages of the books in that update. And then OP shares another update December 20th, 2025. So about 11 days later, I made a post a while back sharing that I'd epically failed after taking a risk and buying my boyfriend a Tolkien book set for Christmas at a vintage shop without being able to do research on it first. With my luck, I discovered later that not only were the edges of the pages well beyond the usual shade of vintage book yellow, but worse. The set was also missing the Hobbit. Well, the plot has since massively thickened and the story gave way to a crescendo I was not expecting. I've got updates for you. The first two nowhere near as thrilling as the third. One, most of you commented on my original post saying that the set was never meant to include the Hobbit, even though my slip case listed it. And man, I'll hand it to you. Some of you had me properly doubting myself for a moment, thinking, wow, maybe I didn't make such a blunder after all. Then multiple retiders commented saying they had the same set when it was brand new or nearly new and all four books did in fact originally come with it and fit in that case. That is, apparently only until you open or read the books. Once read, they expand and become difficult to get back into the case without damaging it. Hearing that, it didn't surprise me at all that so many of you own a set that only includes the trilogy. If all four can fit, the Hobbit is unfortunately the perfect book to detach from the set. Two, regarding the chain smoker-esque yellow pages. To those of you that said the pages weren't far off from how the vintage books simply age over time, I think if you could see them in person, you'd get my initial panic. I've loved old books my whole life and I've never seen pages that yellow before unless there was damage present. I still figured there was something wrong until multiple retiders commented that even when the set was brand new, the edges of the pages were originally printed with color-stained yellow edges. That makes much more sense. Three, again, those two things and posting a few more photos of the set I originally purchased are not even remotely the reason I'm even posting this update. It's to share how this whole saga reached some unexpected heights. She find a signature or something? A Redditor read my original post about how much my boyfriend reveres Tolkien's work, as well as how, despite my good intentions, my foolish optimism led to both Christmas gift misfortune and a financial setback, particularly due to my meager barista salary. In response, this Redditor sent me not only the missing copy of the Hobbit that belongs to the 1973 set that I purchased, but also some truly incredible items I could have never dreamed of being able to gift my boyfriend. For free. He would not even allow me to pay for shipping. I'm not often one to shed happy tears, but without knowing the contents of what he had even planned to send in the first place other than the Hobbit, I opened the boxes, this Redditor sent me, and I sobbed. Any photos I include in my post today aside from the 1973 trilogy and its slip case are what he sent me. Wow. I've already thanked him profusely in a DM, but I want to, again, thank Overhill Underhill. Your generosity has left me in awe, and the words to properly thank you have continuously failed me. I would have been thrilled, even to have been given the Hobbit, but all of the other books you gifted are absolutely incredible, and will be deeply cherished by my boyfriend. The print signed by Andy Circus might genuinely break his brain. It broke mine. Nice. And for those that don't know, Andy Circus played Gollum in the Lord of the Rings. I also want to thank the rest of you for responding to my original post and encouraging me to give this up to my boyfriend despite its flaws. I appreciate the helpful information, plot twist, generosity, laughter, and even the ass whole comments because it truly wouldn't have been reddit without them. I can't even fathom what my boyfriend's reaction will be on Christmas Day. He'll know immediately by the sheer number of presents under the tree that I wouldn't have had enough money to purchase all of those things for him. He has no idea what the nature of his gifts are. He just knows there's tons of lore involved and extra gifts as a result. At least had to spoil the fact that reddit community came together for him for Christmas, simply because I didn't want him stumbling on any of my posts by accident. So the poor man agreed to stay off reddit until Christmas. I was feeling down about Christmas this year because I could afford so little for my boyfriend, but now I'm genuinely excited. I can't wait for him to open his gifts and send him the link to the original post so he can read the entire saga for himself. Mary Christmas everyone. I love it. Yeah, it's so exciting when you have all that stuff to give and now the story to go with it. I think the story is even cooler, you know, because it makes everything that much more sentimental. It's so special. It's just like the kindness and like to pay for shipping. Like when you guys see the picture of everything that got sent, it was so, so much stuff. Like I couldn't believe it. Like there's these two books, these two books, so four books, six books. This whole pack of books, there's what, nine other books here in nice box sets. The signed, golem picture. That's awesome. And a whole thing about its authenticity comes with a certificate. This is the set with the Hobbit. I mean, just that generosity and like Christmas is so tough on a lot of people, especially financial reasons and not feeling like you can provide enough or, you know, whatever. And this is just beautiful. It's such a beautiful, beautiful part of humanity. And our lovely friend over hill under hill does see the update and make a comment on it. I'm happy to have come across your original post and be able to help out. The Tolkien community in general has always been such a kind and sharing one. So I always do my best to uphold that. I've had the pleasure of meeting Andy Circus a few times at events. So I definitely wanted to include one of the autographs I had gotten as an extra surprise. Thank you to everyone in this community and everyone that commented on the original post and shared your knowledge on the box set and your reassurance that OP had not made a mistake with her purchase. And as Sam said, there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for. Someone replies to him and says, you have the true markings of a great Hobbit, Mr. Underhill. Oh, God. It's so cute. It's also so cool that he had an outlet for, you know, because it's, I think when you have stuff you love so much, and then I think everyone gets to a point where they have this collection of stuff. And at some point they're like, I have too much me with anything horse related now, but to give it to someone that appreciates it almost even more than you ever ever did. I think that's, you know, that's what we all hope for our most prized things is that they go to someone that truly appreciates them. Yeah. So it's just, it's kind of perfect all around because he probably felt just as good doing it as they did, you know, receiving it. So it's just, you know, it's such a, it's actually, it's a good cycle. We talk about so many bad cycles in this show where it just gets worse and worse and worse. But this is, this is a beautiful. This is really nice. And we have one final update. Many of you requested a final update after my boyfriend opened his Christmas gifts, and here it is, but bear with you if you're not already aware. Brevity is not a strength. I possess initially I wasn't sure what order to gift the books that over hill under hill so generously sent. I thought it might feel repetitive to open Tolkien after Tolkien back to back. So I staggered them between the other gifts I'd gotten him. Each time he got to a Tolkien, he was fascinated and in shock. There were multiple books he hadn't even been aware existed. Once he opened a few gifts, he asked if we had gotten to any of the Reddit lore yet. And I repeatedly pled the fifth. I wanted his suspicion to grow organically and it did. He commented that he was astounded by how much money he thought I had spent. As he knew, I couldn't afford any of that and worried that I had poured all of the purchases onto a credit card. I decided that the second to the last gift would be the print signed by Andy Circus. I knew then for sure he'd know a gift like that and thus the overall theme wasn't accomplished alone. He had already been speechless and in awe over the other books, but the print just baffled him. He asked how I could have pulled something like that off. That's when I confessed I couldn't have done this alone and that over hill under hill sent the print and all of the Tolkien books he had opened until this point. Lastly, I had him open my original gift, the 1973 Valentineset. I shared in detail how I had come across it and how devastated I initially was when I thought his gift was damaged and incomplete and how much encouragement I received from Reddit to gift it anyways. Talked underneath the set was what I framed as the book that truly started it all, which was the missing book in the set, the Hobbit. Admittedly, lost it a bit when sharing how I felt about how these books came into my possession. This all has meant so much to me. He choked up as well, especially reading over hill under hill's comment on my update post and the numerous other comments from other redditors thereafter. Alright, I guess truly last. I gave him a little box of printed QR codes that linked to the multiple posts that I've led up until this point. He saw that my prior update hit 14k upvotes and we both laughed at the absurdity and kindness of it. He's so moved by the reception the saga has received. He also expressed that if any community would show up in droves with kindness, integrity and support, it would of course be the Tolkien community. Your collective moral compass and generosity are unparalleled. You all are gems. He hasn't gotten through even a fraction of the comments as of yet and has his work cut out for him over the next couple of days. He's read some of his favorites so far out loud to me and it's clear how much all of you have impacted him. We both generally loathe being in front of the camera, so just know we did our best to rally beyond our anxious tendencies to post a photo of us for y'all. Merry Christmas everyone. And over hill under hill, please brace yourself for even more of a flood of gratitude from him and I. And honestly, if we're lucky, my boyfriend and I would love a private Q&A from you. We have so many questions, comments and accolades were tempted to inundate you with. Edit, forgot to mention another redditor sending two more books if you can believe it and their legendary two. They should arrive this weekend. And here is a picture of the two of them with all of the gifts. It's like a full collection. It is the most massive beautiful collection I've ever seen and they're so cute and smiling in front of a tree. I'm just like, it's just amazing. Absolutely amazing. That's awesome. So, wow, beautiful, beautiful story. Of course, over hill under hill sees the last final update and just says, I'm so happy to see this final update and glad to have been able to contribute to the saga, along with many other kind redditors. Thank you all for the kind words, especially those who have said that these posts have made them want to be more charitable. This world can always use more kindness. And as Gandalf said, quote, some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love. I love this story. This is where I lost it reading it this morning. So we could go home and watch all the movies and read all the books. That's that's more appropriate. We should read all the books. I know. I haven't read the Hobbit literally probably since eighth grade. Yeah, same. So, what a beautiful, beautiful story. Beautiful community. I just can't even believe this all came about on this small little sub on Reddit. I mean, the sub itself, it has 200k weekly visitors. Like, it's not super, super big. 999 weekly contributions. So, I mean, it's big. Very good though. Pretty good. But like, still, it's just like, wow. Like, how special for these people, like, how do the kindness of their heart to just come and share and send these books? And, I mean, over underhill, you crushed it. Wow, just wow. Yeah. So, that is the note we're ending it on. A little bit of a short, sweet episode. Or the note we're starting it on. Hmm, because it is the first episode of the year. Thank you guys so much for being here. Sorry, this was posted a little late. Obviously, some late-night birthday celebrations. But we've got some amazing, amazing guests this month. And I'm so excited for you to see them. Some really good comedians, some repeat customers. So, that's going to be a good month. And if you surprise guests, I just got an email for a crazy one yesterday. And I'm like, am I getting targeted by a fishing scam? Or is this real? Because this is a big name. So, so excited to spend another year with you all. Two outtakes turns five in February. Yeah. And I'm going to brace the year of the firehors and see what we can really do this year. There you go. There we go. Until next time, guys. Until next time. Bye. Bye.