Comedian Danae Hays on being Funny, Southern and Gay

Indeed presents. Highers, you can't afford to get wrong. Like payroll manager. Hi, I was just checking my pay slip and it's all in Japanese yen. Yes, you're welcome. Sorry? Given the exchange rate between the pound and the yen, you're technically a millionaire now. Don't spend it all in one place! I can't really spend it anywhere. This is a job for sponsored jobs! This is what happens when you don't sponsor your job on Indeed. So the next time you need someone to get the job done right, get matched with quality candidates with an Indeed sponsored job. Visit Indeed.com slash NextHire and sponsor your job today. Heather MacDonald has got the Juicy Scoop. When you're on the road, when you're on the go. Juicy Scoop is the show to know she talks Hollywood tales. Her real life Mr. Sake and Serial Data and Serial System. You'll be addicted and addicted fast to the number one tabloid real life podcast. Listen in, listen up! Heather MacDonald. Juicy Scoop. Hello and welcome to Juicy Scoop. I'm so excited to introduce you to a new Juicy Scooper. You may be familiar with her hilarious stand-up comedy. Yes, she's a funny lady. Hi, funny lady. Thank you for having me. An epitochist thing to say to someone. Funny lady. Dineh Hayes, she has got her buckwild tour. She is a tall, gorgeous, happy lesbian from the South. Happy lesbian. I need to make tour marks and says that. I'm a happy lesbian. And, um, oh my gosh, but we were just talking about my Juicy Scoopers. No, I love fashion. I always think I like look good when I choose my outfit on stage. But I've been doing this for so long and I have changed my style many times. On stage. So I just started wearing like dresses. Yeah, I never did. I feel like I feel like that would be hard to do in stand-up comedy. And when I started, I never wore dresses because I thought, oh, that's distracting and legs and like, I don't think people. And then when I saw like younger people and other comedians like dressing up and I'm like, my God, you're right. I'm like, I like that look. And then some of it I like some of it. Anyway, I your body is banging and like you have a real nice snatched flat waist. Thank you, which I think is the best thing you could have if you are a female comic. Forget about being funny. All you need is a divorce. Just go through a divorce. I think I dropped 25 pounds after I got a divorce and people are all like my D. Divorce from your other. Yes, from your other way. Yeah, well, you only have one. I was about to say. I am. You do have a girlfriend that I just met. Like I'm a Mormon swinger. No, yeah, I was married to one lady. Sounds like I was married to an 80 year old, but I was married to a lady. And after the divorce, I think I did. I think I dropped like 25 pounds. And the divorce tide is the way to go. Everybody says people were like, oh, she's on ozimpic. And I'm like, no, it was literally just stress, nicotine and lack of sleep. Well, I don't know. It looks pretty good on you. I'm going to keep doing it. Keep doing it. You're not afraid you're going to just be like become a fat, happy lesbian? Look, I want to I want to be able to stand sideways, stick my tongue out and look like a zipper. Like that's that's my goal in life. I've always been the girl that struggled with her weight. I think I was really I was 16 or 17. And I had just like, I just had a muffin top, dude. Like my muffin top was just it was there. And I would not take like my warm up shirt off my softball jersey to play softball. I was the only one with it still on. And my parents were like, you are a softball player, too. Were you out at 16? No, no, I hail no. Everyone on this on the softball teams. Are they gay? I would say like I played softball at the University of Alabama. And I would say probably 40 percent. That's nice. Yeah. So we, you know, but you weren't allowed to date the other players. OK, I did. But you were supposed to. But at 16, you did you know or you weren't out? No, I knew. I knew I knew when I was eight years old. How did you know when was that moment? I didn't know what the word gay meant. I mean, you know, I'd seen Ellen DeGeneres on TV and I was like, we're kind of the same, but not really. So did you identify more with her as being a gay woman or that I want to do what she does? Because I know I'm funny and I could see myself doing that. She dressed different than most women, especially in the South, like everybody in the South. A lot of the women wear like Lily Pulitzer and like they always look like they're going to church, even if it's on a Tuesday. And Ellen had a cool little style there for a minute. Not really my style, but I was like, oh, it's cool. She could color outside the lines. And I just gravitated towards that. I was a tomboy. I always wanted to beat the guys out on the playground. And then I just started to develop a crush on only the girls. When I noticed all the girls were like, I like the guys and the guys were like, I like the girls. And I was like, well, what does that make me? I didn't I didn't know what gay was. So I told that to my parents and they're like, oh, hell no. They were not about it. We're from a really small town in Alabama. Were you religious? Yeah, the whole family were Southern Baptist. But I think it was less at that time about religion and more of just like, oh, God, we had imagined Danae to have a boyfriend. Then that would be a husband and she'd have kids. And I think they also were like, this is going to make her life really hard. If this is, you know, who she is. And then she has to be this in our 1200 person town in Alabama. I don't blame them. It would have been really freaking hard. But then I'm saying, hey, did they just go, OK, well, you know, and like brush it off, but they worried by in silence? Or was it a constant conversation throughout your childhood? They took me to conversion therapy. They didn't know at the time that that's what it was. They didn't like say, we're taking you to conversion therapy because we've had these conversations later in life now. And they were like, we found the guy that said he could help with this. We didn't know that that's what conversion therapy was. It was a religious therapist. And then he would just sit there in his recliner. He was like, what fucking therapist sits in a. Just you and him? Yeah, just me and him. And he would sit there with his feet up and he would always be eating a turkey sandwich on white bread. And it would just get stuck to the roof of his mouth and he'd be trying to get it off the whole. And he whistled. And I'm not I'm not bullshitting when I say this. He whistled when he talked and he would just look at me and he'd be like, Denae, it's not a sin. It's not a sin to think about robbing the bank, but it is a sin to go out and rob it. And so that was kind of our M.O. Oh, OK. So I could I could think about hot girls, but I couldn't touch hot girls. And how long did you go to him? Like how many sessions? God, I want to say maybe a year. But would you talk about other things like a normal therapist? Like, how was your week? How was school? It was just constantly about. Yeah, it would always start that way. Denae, what are you struggling with this week? And that was the same age that I got diagnosed with OCD really bad. And so we. And how did you how did how did that come about? I started feeling these feelings about how I knew I was different, but I couldn't control them and I couldn't get them out of my head. And I was like, I just want to change. I just wish I like the boys. And then because I was so out of control with that area of my life, I started to develop OCD. So it was just constant counting with my feet, how many steps I was taking, how many times I touched a doorknob. I had to tell my parents I loved them 20 to 25 times before I could go to bags. I thought they were going to die in their sleep. And I needed them to know I loved them. I've never really understood that how all of a sudden it can happen. And then in your head, you come up with the number of those things. Yeah, it's it's it's more of like, OK, I need there to be 17 steps for me. At least there I need there to be 17 steps by the time I get to that stop sign. And if I if I could only make it in 19, I would start having to take bigger steps and jumping so that I could get back to 17. And then how do you correct that? That was a lot of just my parents were very patient with that because that was the worst part of it all. My parents were just always using logic with me like they were not going to die. If you take 19 steps over 17 and I would spiral and they would be like, we're going to force you to walk from here to there and you cannot count. In fact, I want you to recite something in your head out loud so that you can't physically count. Starting to do that, we're just like living in the misery of not being able to fulfill that tick. Eventually made it easier for me. But do you have it anymore? Yeah, my OCD is now more of like obsessive loop. So it's less of like killing and physical actions. And it's more of like when I'm in a really healthy space, it's my superpower because I get obsessed about what it is that I want to do. And my brain will not stop thinking about it from the time my eyes open until my eyes close, like I could go, you know, if I'm awake for 14 hours, there's not a single 30 minute period where my brain hasn't hit that loop again. It's just rumination after rumination. So in a good way, it would be like focus in manifestation. Absolutely. So like back in 2022, I was watching Chelsea Handler at the Ryman and I'd never done stand up before. Like I was just solely making funny videos on online and I filmed myself at the Ryman, watching her as a spectator. And I said, one of these days I'm going to be on that stage. Well, I would go back and I would watch that video constantly. And I was like, in my mind, I was like, I don't have a path forward, but I know I'm going to do it. I know I'm going to do it. So for the past four years, I've been obsessed about the Ryman, never doing stand up. And then I just had my Ryman debut last week. So it's like it's a it works in my favor. Yeah, I'm definitely believe in, in my day, we called it secreting because there's a book called The Secret. I love the snap. Everyone calls it manifestation. Yeah. But truly, it's also prayer. It's whatever works for you. It's actually believing in what you want. And it's interesting because in my day, my friends and I would go, don't say he's going to be your husband. That's jinxing it. Yeah. And manifestation is like the opposite of jinxing. You should say it. You should vision it. You should be positive in your thoughts and confident in your success or whatever. And yeah, when I was young, we had a cable and it was A and E evening at the improv. And my parents, we would watch it. We watched them, you know, all these comedians go on, they do these shows. And my parents would be like, oh, one day Heather will be on the improv stage. And then I do remember the first time I did LA improv. And I was like, oh, you know, so I love that. And there's many other moments that I've done that. So it's cool to hear that you did it too. And it worked out and congrats. Thank you. So let's talk about a little bit about your doing these videos and how you kind of realized you were funny. Yeah. My dad, he bought me a camcorder back when I was like 12, 12, I think. This was before social media. Like there was no, as my dad would say, Facebook's, you know, none of that. But I just was always sitting, my dad and my mom down on the couch. And I was making them watch my Saturday Night Live performance. So I would, you know, I'd come up with like four storylines or four sketches. And then I would play all the characters. And my dad was like, you know, probably because he was getting sick and damn tired of having to watch me. He's like, I'm going to buy you a camcorder. That way you can film it and watch it yourself. So he did. And I learned how to edit. I just started creating as many sketches as I could come up with. And I would edit it to where it looked like this character was talking to this character. And would you put it on YouTube or anything? No, because YouTube, this was like 2006, maybe. And I think I didn't even hear about YouTube till like 2008. OK. So all of this was really just for me to have a creative outlet. And so I've always been that girl. But when you grow up in a really small town in Alabama, the arts aren't really celebrated. Like you're kind of a loser if you want to do theater. And I was like, I want to be a loser. But I also was a stellar athlete who went on to play college softball and we won a national championship. Where'd you go to college? Alabama. So. Oh, that's awesome. So I was stellar in the athletic department and I was getting so much praise doing that because that's what we love in the South. And I just didn't have the balls to do entertainment. So when the pandemic happened and we were all sitting at home and I was watching. And did you have a regular job at that time? Yeah, I was doing a pyramid scheme, Heather. I was I was slinging the I was slinging fitness programs on the Internet. Oh, really? Now, tell me about that. Let me say this. All right. It's called an MLM, right? MLM. Multilevel marketing. Now, I will say this out of all the network marketing, you know, businesses out there. Yours was the best. Mine was pretty good because we were helping people feel good, you know. However, it, you know, I'm very embarrassed. The fact that I did that. But was it a product to was it? How would how would you get people underneath you to then get up people underneath them? Like, how would that work? So I had never heard of network marketing other than maybe I think it was called AdvaCare. A lot of people in my hometown were doing that. But my ex-wife, she was really good in the beach body world. OK. Like really, really good. And I wanted to move to California and get out of Alabama for a little bit. But I didn't have a job because I was selling real estate at the time. And she was like, well, why don't you join my team and become a coach? And the way it was presented to me, which is how you learned to present somebody else seemed pretty easy. And you don't really understand the ins and outs of it. But once I joined, my job was to help people buy fitness programs that they could do at home and not have to go to a gym to do. So that's why I'm like, OK, I wasn't out here pimping like leggings out or Tupperware. Yeah. There was some value of helping people feel good about themselves. And I still get messages from a lot of the people that I signed up that say, you know, I know you probably didn't enjoy doing multi-level marketing, but you helped me lose 50 pounds. And I'm I'm really grateful for you for that. So that is like it's a conundrum. Yeah. Yeah, good. OK, so you're doing that, which is also great to be in it when the pandemic hit. Right. That was like everybody was working out at home. Yeah. Yeah. And so that's when you started to do some funny, like comedic videos. Yeah, I started doing a little bit of that. Nobody really seemed to care. And then I posted on a whim one night. I posted on a whim a prank phone call to a taxidermist in Alabama. I saw that one. Asked him if he'd stuff my dog. And had he not agreed to it and acted like that was too big of an ask, I don't think the video would have done as well. But he was like, yeah, where's the dog at? And I was like, he's in my deep freezer. And he was like, you've done everything right. Bring him up. So that video got like 26 million views. It is really funny and like how you're like. And also with your accent and everything and how you're like, you know, the dog really like to always put his paws on the top of the chair. So could you put him? Could you position his body in that way? Like he's paled in. Yeah. And he was like, oh, yeah, like we can put we can put him in any position. And so what happened with that guy? So funny enough, I called him back and I said, hey, that was a prank phone call. I'm not bringing in my dad, Rob Wilder to get stuff. And he was like, oh, man, I was kind of excited. He was like, business is really slow right now. And I was like, you asshole, Denay. I said, what's your number? Or your business name and everything? I'm going to put it in the comment section of the video, you know, if it does well. So the video took off and I think he got like between seven and ten thousand dollars worth of business from that prank phone call. So I felt a little better about harassing you after that. Two people in the South actually do their pets taxidermy. I've heard of a couple of people stuffing their Chihuahua. When someone really was on house, like the deer head. Yeah, like in their living room. That's just about every living room in Alabama or man cave. So you kill a deer. Yeah, and then you. It's got to be a buck. OK, with the man, you mean? Yeah, the boy. And then you. Who like takes the head to the guy? Well, you take the whole body. OK, so you don't want to just chop its head off in the woods. OK, you want to you. The goal is to take it to a processing plant and let them strip the body of all the meat and the tenderloins, OK, all that, the backstrap. And then you just do that. And then you they sometimes will transport it over to the taxidermists and then they'll they'll mount it for you. Now, do people ever resell that like a piece of furniture? Absolutely, they do it all the time. Yeah, because they're like, I never shot a 12 point, but I'd like to have said I had some of this off Facebook Marketplace and put it in the living room and pretend I shot it. Wow. It's it's men. Yeah, yeah. You'd never see a woman haggling a guy off Facebook Marketplace for a, you know, a 14 year old dead deer. Yeah, but a man would. I grew up here, so we don't know about any of that. But now I live in an area that has a lot of deer and I just love it. It's so cute. Never. They're just so cute, like whole families of four and stuff like that. They're just so cute. But I hate I understand if that's someone's culture and everything. I'm not here to do it. Can I just I love how politically correct everybody in California is. You're like, but I'm not judging like I'm not. I'm really not because I feel like that is a cultural thing. And I so I'm not going to say that like it's awful. I really do. I'm like that. No, I think a lot of people are not like that, actually. But yeah, because downstate like that's because like I'm from Alabama. I live in Nashville now. And it's so funny because like I was on a podcast yesterday and there was probably six or seven moments in that podcast where the host was like, I'm sorry if that was politically incorrect. And like I didn't even know what politically incorrect meant until about three years ago, because like the shit people say back home, just I mean, just zingers left and right. And you have like my grandmother thinks it's OK to call people deaf and dumb. Like she doesn't say they're deaf. She has to say they're deaf and dumb. And I was like, grandma, we got to cut the last half out. Like they're just deaf. And she's like, well, they can't hear nothing. So what does that make them? And I'm like, you just say deaf. Here it is. Like I'm caught and she won't call somebody like she'd never be like, hey, that guy's a fat ass, but she'd be like, man, he is so big, boned. And just zingers left and right. No, no political correctness back home. Now, what did the grandma think of you being a lesbian? I think it surprised her a little bit, but she was mostly upset because she thought in her heart like Heather, I'm not joking. Like she felt in her heart that I was going to marry Tim Tebow. It was so it was less about me being gay and more of like, oh, so we're not going to be able to have Tim Tebow in the house. She really thought there could be that could happen. He's married now with a child and she still brings him up. And I'm just like, that was never in the plan. 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New deals and styles are listed every day, so don't wait, download the Poshmark app and use code JUICYSCOOP when you sign up to get $10 off your first purchase. Or shop now at poshmark.com slash juicyscoop and get $10 off your first purchase. That's P-O-S-H-M-A-R-K.com slash juicyscoop. My mom, one of the things that got my standup going was I relayed a answer machine message, cause we had answer machine messages, it was like one of my, of my mom calling me and saying, and she had this like funny voice cause she had like one vocal cord. She's like, I lost one of my vocal cords after screaming at one of my five children. And she's like, Heather, this is your mother. I've got two words for you, Conan O'Brien. He's six, five, Irish, Catholic, went to Harvard and he's going to be the new host of his own show and he's single. And I just think that the two of you would be so funny together and, you know, and then she would leave her phone number, you know, and like, I think I know the phone number, she'd always leave the phone number. And so anyway, like she really thought that, you know, Conan O'Brien being tall, cause I'm tall and Irish, Catholic, I'm Irish, Catholic. That was just like, Yeah, and it's as if you can just call him up today and be like, Hey, want to go on a date? You know, like that's what my grandmother thought about Tim was, Oh, just give him a call. Yeah. My mom was like, why don't you try to find him? And actually he had a younger sister who was like in different levels at the groundlings. And she did see the, like I did a little bit at the groundlings or something about it. And she was like, that's my brother. And then I was like, so embarrassed because I would have gone out with them. He actually was dating Lisa Kudrow. Oh my God. And I was like, you know, but there was no interest or anything. And then only once did I see him in person. It's a pretty good song. Did you mention it? No, but this did happen. Okay, so tell me. I'm, you know, I was on Chelsea Lately writing and producing the show. And she did this like sketch where we were taking over the Conan O'Brien stages at Universal. So she had this like idea of how like there was a locker room and she was going to go in naked and he was going to go in naked. And it was like this funny thing. And so he was coming to do the sketch and I was walking by and he was walking by with, and he did like do a rung at me. Really? Yes. This recent like he's married, I'm married. It didn't mean anything. So with us? At that time, she, yes. And I think I, So you got to tell her? I may have told her, I may have forgotten to tell her. I may not even put it together. Your mother may have tested that for you. Yeah. So, but both of us, I think have been married for a very long time. Like, you know, he's just a little older than I am. But anyway, Conan, I still would like to go on your show. Now I think it's just a podcast. But anyway, no, I never was on a show. I never met him other than that time. But I was like, and I was with a couple witnesses. Yeah. Absolutely happened. It happened. I fully believe it. And I'm like, yeah, it really did. Getting back to you again, someone's, okay, we're the comments. Heather, let your guests speak. We've already heard your lame story. Shut up. They say shit like that? Only the mean ones. Anyway. I just got a mean one in the car today that said something about, I have a pepperoni pizza face cause I filmed a video with no makeup and I had zits on my face cause I started my period, okay? From a guy. I'm just like, I try to post and ghost and not read all that shit. But it'll like, you know, you log into TikTok and it'll be like, it's like right there. It is hard. The one thing that really helped me was, and I mentioned this, there's this girl, I can't remember her name right now, but she does her whole account, brilliant, is she'll find a post under like a beautiful person, Kate Hudson something. And then she will read the mean comments that they're saying about Kate Hudson. Right. And they're like, she looks old. And then she shows the lady's face who said it. And the woman's like, yeah, literally. Total like frumpidumps, not put together or awful guys or whatever. And ever since she's done that, and I've found it and I follow her now, it really, really helps because when you hear something, cause there was like a time like that, it'd be like thinking I looked so cute. I, you know, have a little outfit. And I think it's chic and everyone's like, you know, whatever, tons of likes, everyone's like, yeah. And then I would just see like, oh, she thinks that it, and it would sort of bother me. And now every time I read that, I just see this. You have to. That's what I see. I just see that and I go, why, who cares? Please send me her profile cause I'd love to. I get probably. So wonderful. My fix with that. With some of my friends in Nashville that, you know, like, like Lainey Wilson is a good friend of mine. I'll, I'll, you know, read her comments. Cause I want to support her. And then like, you know, a comment is bad. And I'm like, how do you say that on this picture of Lainey Wilson? Gorge. You know what I mean? So that brings like some lightness of like, oh, there's just really miserable people out there. Yeah. Period. The most, yeah. It's so funny. Okay. So then you start doing, so that video kind of goes crazy. And then that encourages you to start doing more of what you've always wanted to do. Yeah. So that, once the prank phone calls, I like bled those dry. That was kind of what I was known for at the beginning. And then I kind of got tired of them. Cause I was like, you can only do something so much before you've lose creative freedom on it. And so that started doing sketches. So I brought a lot of the sketches back from like my, my childhood or that energy. And then, and would you do all those just by yourself playing different parts? Yep. Okay. So that, cause it was the pandemic. So I was, you know, kind of isolated at home and, and bored out of my mind. And then I moved to Nashville and I started releasing country comedy music. So like one of my songs is called Dick and My Nightstand, but it sounds like a legit. Can you sing a little of that? Yeah. It's just like, I got a dick in my nightstand. I can use with my left hand. So good. Keep going. When I'm alone, it always treats me right. Never too tired on a Friday night. Oh my God, so good. So I started doing, you know, like parody songs, if you will, but they sound legit. Yeah. And the production of them sounds amazing. Thank you. And the production behind it sounds like it's gonna be. You play the guitar too? No, I'm learning. And that shit's hard. Oh my God, it's so hard. Especially after. I don't play any instruments. I just speak any languages. I don't know how people do either of those. Yeah. I'm learning. But so I started doing the music stuff just to find another way to be creative. And that was when my agent, my now agent called and he was like, Hey, I'd like to take a meeting with you. And I was just like, Oh my God, it's so hard to even get an agent's attention when you aren't out doing what you want to be doing to get the agent's attention. Now, were you making any money online yet? Yeah. Being creative. Okay. At this point, I had given up selling the Tupperware. Doing the fitness stuff. Yeah. Doing the fitness stuff. And I was solely 100% a content creator. And when he called me in his office, he was like, do you do stand up? And it was like me, him and like 11 or 12 other guys at CAA. And I just thought in that moment, I was like, you can either tell the truth or you can fucking lie. And I lied. Good for you. I said, Oh yeah, I do it all the time. And he goes, really? Can we see some clips? And I was like, Oh, I've actually never recorded any of my stuff, but I will next time. And he was like, well, what do you say if we do like a tester run with you and book seven comedy clubs and just see how the tickets go and then we can reassess after that? And I was like, yeah, like how long is my set? Like 10, 15 minutes. And he was like, no, no, no, you're the headliners. You get an hour. And I was like, Oh, okay, great. Yeah, that's great. When do you want to do this? And he was like, two, three months. I was like, okay, cool. I left there, Heather. And I drove home and I was like, yeah, how many followers did you have at this time that they thought that you had a big enough name that you could headline and sell out? I want to say across Facebook, TikTok and Instagram, probably two and a half million at the time. Oh, that is great. And they were like, let's let's try it. So I drove home and it hit me. Number one, I've never done stand up. Number two, I've never done anything in front of a live crowd. And number three, how the hell do you write an hour long show? So I went home and I YouTubeed. How do you write a stand up show? And like nothing pulled up. And I was just like, do you know, I just have to say, do you know that Sarah Silverman had a movie? Like it was her stand up movie. And this was probably like, I don't know, 15, 20 years ago. It was so funny. And it was basically that she has a show that night, but she hasn't prepared any material. Yeah, I remember that. That's it. It was so funny. Yeah. That was that was me. Um, this is a crazy. So you looked it up. Yeah. I looked it up. Like, did you use AI? No, no, chat. GPT wasn't even a thing back then. All right. And so I was just like, what do I do? So I find this one guy on YouTube and he's like sitting in like a basement. And I'm like, it's got like 50 views on it. So like this guy must not know what he's doing, but I have no direction. Yeah. And I didn't really have any friends doing stand up comedy. So I didn't have anybody to call. So I know the rooms that the agents book, they were in close enough for you to get to, or you were going to have to like travel. So it was Birmingham, Huntsville, Alabama, Nashville, Charlotte and Greenville. Okay. So a Southern. And so yeah, I could drive. And, um, so this guy's just like, you know, just like right from the heart. And just try to find good segues from one joke to the next. I was like, all right, fuck this. This didn't help at all. So I just sat down and I thought, well, how can I do this? And I just started writing things down. It's scary at all to think that you were going to get in front of people or throughout your life you were comfortable being, giving a speech in class or whatever. As weird as this sounds, it, it didn't freak me out at all. The only part that freaked me out was I didn't really have a playbook of how to write it. So I ended up coming up with some material and my first show was 90 minutes because I wrote way too fucking much and drew it way out. So the first time you ever did stand up with was your headlining a place. Yes. You didn't try to get up any place locally for five minutes. I didn't even think to do that. That's how fresh, green and brand new. I didn't even think to do that. In fact, I want to say a week before the first show, my agent was like, why don't you just so that we, you know, it's all new material. Why don't we put you in like a 20 person room in this, this back lot of this improv comedy place called third coast comedy. And I was like, yeah, we could do that. And I'll just get my close friends and family. And he was like, yeah, we're just posted online and see if anybody wants that ticket. Since you've already sold out the Nashville show. And I was like, okay. So I did. And, you know, we got 20 people in there and that was the 90 minute show. And then I had a week to kind of cut, you know, some fat off the bone. And then I went into the seven, the seven comedy clubs, which yeah, once I got on stage, I was vibing. I was like, this is the most addicting feeling I've ever had in my life. But I don't know if I, if what I know now, if I knew it back then, I don't think I would have agreed to it. Mm hmm. Because it's just sometimes you can know too much and it'll keep you from saying yes. But I didn't know anything. So I said yes. Now have you gotten any hate or heard about hate from comedians that obviously I know comedians that have done doing this for 30 years that have some definite bitterness towards a tick tock sensation that's taking stage time from people that are classically trained though there's no classically, we're not Bellarinas. There is no playbook for standup. But there's definitely a way that, you know, previous generations did it, which is you start with five minutes, you start with 10, you become a feature, you become, you know, move your way into headlining, you've done, you know, you do the road for a few years, then you get your tonight show. And but no formula works anymore. And I say that to people too. If people told me I could not start standup in LA. Right. They're like, what do you mean you can't start being a standup in LA? I'm like, well, I'm born and raised here. So what else? So my trajectory was different than someone else's as well. So that's why I'm like, I don't, I've never felt a bitterness towards that. I'm like, you do you boo, make it work. I have noticed over the years though that certain there was a time when YouTubers, they did like a YouTube tour and stuff. And that didn't seem to work because those YouTube people for for most part were very comfortable being alone in their room and editing. And it was funny because of the editing. Right. And without the possible, you know, a little bit of training on the standup. It may be a couple of people made it like Trisha Paytas. Yeah. I told the story, but I did a thing where she was years ago and I was like, this is on some weird network that doesn't exist anymore. And they're like, we want to pair a real standup with a YouTuber and see if they can do standup. And I got Glozal and she had already done some standup. But that was like a secret. So she already liked, she was funny. She was easy, whatever. And Trisha Paytas went up there and I didn't know who she was. I just thought she was just like this sexy little adorable thing. And, you know, she went up there and she's very, she's pretty dirty and because you know, nobody had much prep time. Like you only had like a few, maybe we met like three times or something. And so anyway, afterwards she, um, we're in the green room and she's like, should I start doing standup? And all of a sudden there's all this candy in front of her. And I go, where did you get all that candy? And she goes, oh, my fans brought me candy because that's what I do on my YouTube. I just sit and eat candy and talk into the camera. And I go, and you have a million, whatever you're making money. I'm like, fuck the standup, eat the candy. And you're living room. Why would you ever want to stress about this? Well, now, you know, 15 years later, she's doing so amazing and she does a stage show, but this thing that she's doing now, the singing and the stage show is, is better suited for her, you know what I mean? And she's doing great, but it's like, it's that kind of a thing. So I, that was a long-winded thing. But have you had to defend yourself among against some traditional standups that might be a little bitter towards you? No, not directly, but I know that that energy is out there. Yeah. And I just don't associate with it only because if, like, we're not doctors. Exactly. We don't have to go to school for this shit. You don't have to be a certified standup. Either you're funny or you're not funny. Right. And so. And there's all different kinds of storytelling. There's jokes. There, you know, there's all different kinds of ways of being funny. There's people who do all impressions or do all characters. I mean, like one of the only talk to the audience, like a Matt Wright, somebody else would say that's not real standup. There's a thousand ways to cut the pie. And one of the greatest athletes I've ever played with in my life. She was a four-time All-American and an Olympian that I played with at Alabama. But we also were from the same hometown. So we went to high school together, middle school together, travel ball together. She didn't start playing until she was 12 years old. That is so late. Everybody starts playing. If you want to go be an Olympian, you start when you're four. She started when she was 12, but she was naturally good at it. And I remember when we took her on the team, the other players, parents were just up in arms about it. They were like, this kid is raw talent. We've invested thousands in our child. How was she going to get to start over my kid? And then eventually the stats just don't lie. And it's like she could just do it. She just had a different path to get there. So I think on that note, the goalie of the USA team of hockey, his story was something like that. He wasn't the chosen kid in high school that got to go to the special school for grooming the best hockey players to that. You know, even the college I think he went to wasn't Division One. And then, you know, he's like the greatest goalie ever. Yeah. I mean, there's everybody has their own unique story. And I think the cream always rises to the top. And so if somebody has been doing it for 20 or 30 years and maybe, you know, they're wondering, like, why is it my career where I want it to be? I truly believe my dad's always said the cream will always rise to the top. You just have to come. It's it's the people who quit that aren't going to figure it out. And, you know, that naturally great person that is beating the comedy clubs doors down on open mic nights and then and then doing it. The if you will, the traditional old fashioned way, they will get where they're they're supposed to go. But this new generation of like the kids that are, you know, in their teens right now, social media is all that they know. And so that's what's going to break everybody. And it's like AI now in the sense of like, you can hate AI, which I do. But if you don't adapt and learn how to use AI to help you, like my mom's a real estate agent and I came from a real estate agent family, too. I was a real I was too. I read that about you. Yeah, I was a realtor, too. And I've had to remind her like, mom, you need to learn to ask chat, she BT how to market yourself in your particular demographic. She's like, but it scares me. I don't know how to use it. And I was like, you're either going to have to learn how to use it or you're going to get left behind. And so that's why I just I was like, social media, I'm not going to ever view it as a bad thing for me because like, like Trisha, my fans have learned to just like follow me through their phone screens and they have this parasocial relationship with me. And so when they get to see me live, it's such a treat for them because they've been seeing me so much on their phone screens. So it is totally different. And I respect I have to always say, I respect the traditional old fashioned way. I have so much respect for people that do that and have done that. And that's where they're that's how they've gotten where they are. But I know that we also have to adapt and know that social media comes with so many perks and it doesn't make one less valuable over the other. Well, ready to launch your business? Get started with the commerce platform made for entrepreneurs. 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I mean, I feel like for me, I'm someone that that did both, right? You know, and what I would also say is what people don't realize is how much work goes into being an influencer, posting sketches, the editing, this, that. And so for the person that's just doing the comedy clubs and kind of bitter that they whatever, only have, you know, 500 followers. Yeah, because you're not posting five times a day and you're not coming home and you're not having someone film your set and then spending nobody, you know, a lot of people don't like to watch themselves back. Well, you have to and you have to cut it up and you have to post it and everything. One of the things that was interesting, again, the traditional thing of this the first time I did stand up, it was like after a little like six week show. And I love that because I knew I had to do it, but much like you, I had a deadline. I would have never done it had I not had a deadline. And it was this little show at the end and everybody's coming and everyone's excited to come because I have my USC friends and my high school friends and my parents go into the Santa Monica improv, definitely exist anymore. So I'm like, OK, here's my deadline. I'm going to do it. So after that, it went really well. And everybody's like, oh, and somebody gives me this agents info like Colin and somehow I got him on the phone. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I like just did this class and I just had this. And he said, well, first of all, nobody in the industry should see your stand up after two until you've done it for two years. And because if you suck, they'll always remember that first time that you've sucked, which is kind of true, too. So I'm like, well, how do you tell someone that's starting to do stand up, not to film it and put it out there? Right. Because they think everybody, you know, how could you not? I filmed what I had on my yogurt this morning. What do you mean? I'm going to do stand up and not put that up. Right. But I do think for some people, you know, you could wait on that a little bit. Oh, for sure. Or do very shorter clips. I've had people on my team be like, let's, let's, let's, you know, try to get a special in the works. And I'm like, I'm only on year three of doing stand up right now. There's no rush. I want to do this for the rest of my life. So let's continue to, you know, pound the pavement and get out there. I think I did 120 shows on my first tour. I was like, and that was the best thing I could have ever done because I got so many reps in. But yeah, I don't want to blow my load too fast, you know, and yeah. And put, you know, something that maybe I'm proud of right now, but that I have no idea how much more growth I can have out into the universe before, before I'm ready, because, you know, we're just getting started. So it's like, let's just be, be cautious about that. I remember when I was doing the improv, this is like, you know, I'm in my 20s. And all these guys started to talk shit about me. And they're like, she's packing the audience because I actually had friends. Yeah, OK. He's fucking losers in Howdy, friends. Losers. I actually had friends and they were really excited to come out at 8 p.m. on a Thursday night to see me. They were also laughing at all the other people. So you should be fucking grateful. I brought these people, you know, but they tried to act like, oh, I'm not actually funny because I again, only been doing it like a year or two years. And I'm able to fill a room out when I do 10 or 20 minutes. Right. And that was really annoying. I think softball and I hate to keep bringing it up, but I think bring up softball. I think being such an ultra competitive person, sports taught me so much about. You know, having a jealous teammate or having a teammate you can't get along with or having a teammate that wants to play the position that you're just naturally better at and like learning how to navigate those relationships. Whereas like when I got into the comedy world, if something like that happened to me, it just didn't bother me any or if they, you know, said, oh, she hasn't been doing this long enough to deserve what she has. It just I just put my my brain just goes right back to playing at the highest level of softball and having to deal with 18 other women on one team. Yeah. And they all want to play and they all want to start, but there's only nine positions. And I don't know. I don't I don't really let myself get too worried about what other people's opinions are of me just because I just love what I do so much. And the only time I think I've ever fallen into that trap was after my divorce, where it was a personal thing, not a professional thing. Because like no matter what somebody says about my talent, I just don't believe them, whether it's good or bad. I just I don't crave affirmation and I don't crave criticism only because I never was like that in softball. But I just played the game and wanted to be great at it. Play for fun. No, hell no. That's always very interesting me too. OK, so I'm the most non athletic person as a last pick for every team. Back then they used to pick teams like at the PE, which is only once a week because it was Catholic school. Yeah. I was just so like stressful to me. I just started playing pickleball, hence the outfit. Thank God. I want to get into that. Oh, I'm sure you I'm sure if we played one game by the second game, you'd kill me. I've never played athletic people, tennis people, guys. Yeah. Playing against a guy. Now, the ticktocks of these competitive pickleball tournaments, though, like y'all get really fucking mad at each other out there. I'm not at that level at all. I'm just happy to like return the ball and have fun. And now I'm like now I'm getting a little better. I'm like, OK, now the only way I like to play now is girls that are all at my level. Or if we play guys, it has to be the guys have to match and the girls have to match and then we play with a guy. That's not your husband. And then you can then I can that's a pretty good swing. Really, yes. Yeah. And because it can be a lot of, you know, it's not good. Like, for example, like I finally was starting to feel like I can't believe that I can play a sport. I mean, I'm telling you, I could never play. You look so athletic like you look like you would have been a volleyball player. Outfit and I'm tall. But I also I didn't start young. Yeah. And so because my mom worked and I was youngest of five, like I wasn't doing sports or anything. And then then I just was like wanted to be like in the theater or whatever. And so but I was like, God, mom, if you would have put me on that soccer team team at four, like I wouldn't be so fucking lame now. You know, like I totally believed in like you better start early. So I mean, the pickleball started and I was like, oh, my God, this is like a million times easier than tennis. I think I can be OK. And then the first time I went right away, this woman was like mean and just like annoyed that like I didn't hit the ball back or whatever. Oh, my God. And it took like it was like I was immediately at eight years old feeling lame. And I'm like, I just don't think that non-athletic. I don't think athletic people understand what it's like when you're not athletic because it comes so easy to you that you're like I'm guilty. And it's a state. And I would say, you know, this doesn't apply to you because you also are great on stage, but I'm saying one time I said, you know, would you make every kid in the class sing a solo? You wouldn't. Right. So why would you expect every kid to want to play? Performatively, people are watching you miss the ball. Right. The whole everyone. It's just fucking horrible. Right. And so it's like so I start playing pickleball and. And so like I actually like it and I can play pretty good and I can carry on a game and a rally. And this for the first time in my life, I can actually play a sport. So so that is why that's why I like it. Can you play easy for everybody? Everybody can pick it up. Is it singles too? Is it just? No, you really do singles. See, that's where my competitive nature comes in. It's like, I don't want to have to rely on anybody like put me out there by myself. That's why I love golf. Do you play golf? You should get into golf. No, we play golf. OK. Yeah. Because I was about to say if you like pickleball. Yeah. My husband and son are really good at golf and I'm just starting to play. And you know, they're allowing me to play. Yeah, that's what I also liked. I also liked that I when my son first started to play it, I was like, oh, my God, he's competing against somebody. And he's like, wow, that was a great shot. And I was like, oh, you just don't see that in any other sport. No. You're really just playing with yourself. 100 percent. Yeah. And that's stand up, too. That's the other thing of when, you know, because I I did come from, you know, sketch to sketch and improv and plays. And what I loved about stand up is I was like, you only need yourself and a mic. Right. And you don't if you have a partner and they don't feel well, they're pregnant, they get another job. Oh, now how do we do this little two person play or whatever it is? And so that is also what I love about stand up. And it is such a unique talent, especially with so many people having podcasts and stuff, not very few people can actually talk for an hour by themselves and be entertaining and be funny. And so it's it is a great thing that, you know, that you are doing it. I think that's awesome. My best friend, his name is John. He'd never done stand up before, but he's truly one of the most naturally funny people I've ever met. And so I had four comedy shows at a comedy club to kick the tour off. And I was like, hey, John, I got 15 minutes at the top if you want to take it. And he was like, really? And I was like, yeah, he's like, done. I'm down. And this was probably, I don't know, maybe a month before the show. And we got there and he just went out there. And you honestly, Heather, you would have thought like this guy's just been kicking ass at comedy clubs and open mic nights for years. And that also reminded me that, like, a lot of times you're just put on this earth to do what you're supposed to do. And, you know, it's up to you to find it. And sometimes we find it later in life. Sometimes we find it when we're four years old, but seeing John do that and do it so well and just find a rhythm and go up there. Like he wasn't even nervous and it was annoying. I was like, how are you not nervous? I thought I was going to have a heart attack, you know, the two seconds leading up to my first show. And he was just cool as a cucumber. And now he's like, I want to do this. And I'm like, well, let's get it done, you know? It's it's and the same thing goes for someone that is spending all that time posting or, you know, doing something in the creative arts online that isn't getting the views. It's like, well, do it for as long as you enjoy doing it. Because that's the thing, like when I would be auditioning and things like that. And I wasn't really making money at it first. And once in a while, I'd be like dating somebody and be like, my God, since I've been dating you, you've gone on so many auditions. Have you booked any of them? And I'm like, no, I never do. That's the fun of it. I never know. I never know if this is going to be the one. I get so excited just to have an audition. I never expect a call back. I never. I'm like, that's why I'm I'm like, I'm not doing it. Like I just go to the next thing and I go. But if I ever feel I don't want to do it anymore, then I won't. But like, as long as you enjoy the journey, then just enjoy the journey. There's like, there's no like, oh, and then once you turn 30, go through, hurt yourself off a building and stop doing it. Like, what are you talking about? Like, there is no timeline for it. Which is really, which is really cool. Auditioning is like literally it's got to feel like taken here when have you had you auditioned it all for much stuff? Yeah, just started doing some self tapes over the past year and just self taping alone. I'm just addicted to that. Like acting has always been like the pinnacle. That's I've just always been like, I want to do the Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy style, where they get to play themselves or a character like themselves. And then play a character like the nutty professor or Mrs. Downfire. Yeah. And yeah, so just auditioning alone has been just so fucking fun. And have you had any like childhood friends or anything that like secretly or you found out that they were like not thrilled with your success and then you realized they weren't a friend. Oh, yeah. Yeah, not not like close friends that like I would go out to dinner with now. But like people that I went to college with just kind of like started mass on following me once I once I started doing well. And I'd like, you know, start liking their pictures and then I would realize, oh, they don't even follow me. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, what did I do? You know? And yeah, that that that shit's real. It's so real. I saw this this girl, I just started following her. And she told she popped up on my page today and she goes, I'm going to an event with three friends I'm no longer friends with. And what happened? She goes, I started to she was a lawyer, but she started to do some online stuff. And she kind of lately was like, I want to kind of build this and like, whatever, give this advice or whatever she was into doing, talking about. And she's like a young girl. And so she said all my friends. And these are like a handful, you know, friends from high school. First, I want to say she had one friend that would like everything, share and even had multiple accounts to like and share. OK, then she had these other friends that they would watch her thing because then they would ask her about it. They were like, oh, my God, that that story about that date, what happened? So she knew they were watching it, but then she would check because she was so in the infantile stages that they were never liking it. So then she was like, well, maybe they don't understand how this works. So she's like, hey, you know, it really helps me if you like and share and comment and, you know, and save it or, you know, anything like that really helps me. And they turned on her and were like, what? Why do we have to do that? Like you're annoying. And then so finally she was kind of like, well, then maybe we can't like really be friends or whatever. And then somebody wrote like, I can't believe to her. Someone wrote like, I can't believe you're going to end a friendship over a like or lack there of like. And then the the friend liked that. No, the one thing she liked was the mean comment. And I'm like, well, there's no more evidence that you need than that is a sum that is somebody who would is dancing on your grave, but you're alive. One hundred. Like, so just know that something really bad happened to you. They might show up with a casserole or they may go, huh? But their secret, their initial first thought is. Yeah, yeah, they're waiting to boo you and they're jealous. And this is something what I do, what you do, what content creators do, what influencers do among women. It is something that a lot of people could enjoy and like, but a lot of people feel like it looks easy and they could do it too. And because they're not doing it, they get like, I found some of my haters are fucking hilarious. And I go, oh, that's why you hate me because you're really fucking funny. Exactly. Didn't pursue it. Exactly. Yeah. It's always, I wish I was doing what they're doing. Yeah. But I, and, you know, I read a quote one time, it said, go where you're envious. And this was back during my, you know, fitness and real estate days. And I hated what I was doing. I tried pharmaceutical sales. I did real estate. I did all that to the sports broadcasting and I just was not fulfilled. And I read this quote and it said, go where you're envious. And I started researching the ground links and I was just like, I want to do that so bad because I love sketch comedy. I love improv. I love all that shit. But I was just like, I'm from Alabama. People from Alabama don't move to LA and do that. So I just stopped thinking about it. But every time I would see a comedian online, like I just kind of started becoming like, oh, I wish that was me. And I was like, finally, then they buck up. If that's what you want to do, go, go fucking do it. You know, I just don't think a lot of people like I didn't. I didn't have the confidence to go out and do it at the beginning. And so instead, I would just be like, well, I wish that was me. Yeah. But I wasn't doing anything about it. So you have a very cute girlfriend in the, in the outside. And I mean, not outside. We're in the closet. She's not. No, she's still in the closet. So you started telling me about how you guys met. I was like, wait, I want to say it for the show. So tell me how you guys met. Oh man. Well, first time I met her, it was a very casual. Hey, how's it going? I met her at a friend's, um, friend's house. A mutual friend. And I was like, what do you do? And she's like, I'm an actress. And I was like, oh my gosh, I would love to get into acting. I was like, I know nothing about it. And she was like, what's your email? I was like, uh, this. And she goes, okay, I'm going to send you everything, all the resources for national acting that you need. So sure enough, about four or five years later. That's what I would have known that she was interested in you because no other straight actress would help another straight actress with anything. I didn't know that. Now I know. Now I know, but I was also married at the time. So it was like very like platonic and just like very, just shows that she's a nice person. Very nice person. Yeah. She loves to help people and so unusual in Hollywood. So yeah, but I guess in the South it's different. Yeah. And she's from Wisconsin. She's just a sweet man. That's where my mom's from. Yeah. Just sweet midwestern girl. Yeah. Um, and then we ran back into each other. I had gotten a divorce at this point. We were at the American country music awards in Texas. And I was like, I'm obsessed with you. You were the hottest thing I've ever laid eyes on. And you said all that. No, in my mind. Okay. I'm not that bold. Okay. I'm not that bold. Uh, I probably acted really stupid in front of her and, uh, she, we hit it off. We started hanging out at the ACMs. And then two days later, she was like, I'm going to fly to Memphis and surprise you at your show. She told my friend that and she did. She surprised me. And that was. And at that point you haven't, you haven't acted like you like her more than a friend. I was flirting with her, but I've known Jen for a, for a while at that point. I think that was probably three years and she had only dated guys. Okay. And so I just thought, you know, this is just going to be for me. Like this is going to be something that gets me through another hard week is to just be excited about this girl that I'll never have a chance with. Okay. Come to find out. She was like, I've never had feelings for a woman in my life. And how does she say that to you? She goes to the show. She goes to the show. Does it make you nervous when you have people, you know, come to your show or does that make you even do a better show? Um, it depends. Like my, my mom and my sister have never seen me do stand up. And the first time they saw me was last week at the ramen. That was a little nerve wracking just because I. You want to do such a great show. And it's such an amazing, you know, venue. Right. Yeah. I would say I was really nervous when Jen came just because I was like, I want her to think I'm so cool and hot. Yeah. And then she liked the show. She loved it. We went out on bourbon, not bourbon street, uh, Bill Street afterwards. I don't wouldn't recommend that at two o'clock in the morning, but we did it. We held hands at a bar. I was like, oh, I got this on lock. I was like, I'm locking her. So now you're like, and now have you dated other girls that you were their first girl? I dated one girl in college. I was her first girlfriend and she was so sweet. We took it so slow, but Jen is just different. Jen is just like the most godly woman on the planet. She is just so Christlike and like you don't, you don't enjoy cursing in front of her because it makes you feel bad. Now I cursed a few times during the show. I'm fucked, you know, um, you know, no, no GDs in front of us where she draws the line. Okay. So I just, you know, I just wanted her to, I wanted to feel like I was good enough to date her. It was the first time in my life where I felt like I needed to be, I needed to like be better in order to date somebody. She's like Hobby Lobby. She is Hobby Lobby. If Hobby Lobby was a person, she's just sweet and kind and live, laugh, love. And, um, yeah, I just took it really. She actually kissed me first. I wouldn't kiss her because I don't know. I just felt weird about doing it. And then what was that like for her then to share you with the world? It was tough because people magazine wanted to break it. And she was like, I feel like everybody's telling me I need to come out, but I don't feel like I need to come out anywhere because I've never known I was gay. I just fell in love with you today. Like I don't even view you as like a woman. I just view you as a soul. So she's like, it feels weird that I have to use the word coming out when that's never really been my story. And she told her parents that she liked me the day after the ACMs. She sat them down at breakfast and was like, I have a crush on Dene Hayes. I was like, Oh, is that easy? My parents put me in a concentration camp, you know, like that, that's how you do it. She's like, yeah, we're from Wisconsin. And I'm like, so you're going to eat cheese while you do? Like what the fuck does that mean? Yeah. Oh, my parents, yeah, put me on a breathing tube out the middle of the woods. And was like, until you change and get the devil out of you, don't come home, you know? And so we have, so they were cool. Her parents were cool. Their only reservation was that I sing a song called Dick and my Nightstand. They wanted you to sing the song for them. They didn't like that I didn't like the song. They're like, oh, she sings a song called Dick and my Nightstand. No, not, not that I've got tits. So that's where that went. But yeah, I'm obsessed with her. She's just. Yeah, I would marry her today. Like if I could find a chapel to marry that girl today. Like I love her so I just cherish her. Right. I just. Well, when, when I, when you came, I'm like, oh, and you're married again or something and you said, I'm not that gay. Oh, you said I'm gay, but I'm not that way. How did you say? Yeah, you're like, oh, so you're married again. And I was like, well, I'm gay, but I'm not that gay. Like because lesbians tend to like you haul it the next day. Right. And here we are. We've been dating 11 months and I'm already like, I want to marry her again. But yeah. Yeah, I guess I am pretty gay. I'm pretty gay, I guess. And if you were to get married, what would you wear? Um, I don't know. I love lesbian wedding outfits. Yeah. I love that sometimes it just, I don't know. I just like it. I don't like dresses. I like some. Yeah, I love it that sometimes one wears a dress, one doesn't. Sometimes both wear suits, sometimes both wear the same dress. I don't know. I think it's kind of fun. I just can't imagine myself being in a dress. I hate dresses. Well, obviously you should wear what's cool for you. I'd probably wear like a feminine suit, maybe. I don't know. I think with your body, you should wear a. Give it to me. Okay. I think you should wear like a, like imagine JLo in a sexy white pants suit. I think you should wear a tight pants. She's got a little bit bigger of an ass than I do. Well, I think you should go with like a shorter, like, like it's tight, but it's a shorter leg. And then something very like a lacy, like where the lace bodysuit underneath. Yes. And then a very nipped in like cute jacket, but like short. The jacket will only hit you to the mid hip and nip you in at the waist. I'm just going to call you when this happens. Heather, would you style me for my way? Yeah. And then, and then I mean, you wear boots. So you I don't, I don't really want to wear in cowboy boots. I don't work out. I want to do just a sexy white pump because with the short capri pants. Okay. Yeah, just I'll give you a holler and you just come on down to Nashville and when people ask, what are you doing? I'm styling a lesbian for her wedding. Yes. I want to style lesbians for their weddings. Yeah. I could love that. I just love it. I just can't imagine me wearing a dress because I that I'm not, I kind of have a hard time like deciding where I'm at on like the spectrum of femininity and masculinity. Because it's like my energy is more masculine. Like the bros love me and I love the bros, but I'm not very feminine, but I don't dress super masculine, but I also don't dress very feminine. I'm somewhere in the, what are the kids calling that? Androgynous nowadays? I guess I'm in. I don't think you are at all though. Yeah. Because this outfit and everything is super cute. Maybe it's just I've mindfucked myself into that. Yeah. You're like, you're not androgynous at all. No, not at all. Like I was like, yeah, when I was like looking at you, I was like, oh, like I wouldn't have. Oh, she doesn't look like she works at Home Depot. This is awesome. My mom was so afraid I was going to work at Home Depot when I came out. What? Why Home Depot? That's the only time she interacts with lesbians. She's like, I saw a lesbian today at Home Depot. And I'm like, oh, no, where else did you see him? That's really the only place I see him. Do you have any desire to be a mother? To be my mother? No, to be a mother. Yes. Yeah. Very cool. I'm, I know I better get started though, because I don't know if I want to have a child once I get close to 40. Like I just, I want to be able to, you know, that kid should be able to go take a piss and a shit by itself at that point without me having to change it, Stipe. Well, I don't think 40s, you know, 40s, I was done by the time I was 35. And I think that is, I think that's the perfect time because now my kids are grown and I sometimes think I am so glad. Like sometimes just like I got on a Tuesday night or something. I'm like, I'm so glad I don't have like boy scouts and like, I just think there's a time in your life, you know, and everybody's thing is different. And because of medicine, you can have children, my children, all that. But I'm just like, yeah, there's a certain point where I'm like, I'm really glad I'm not at the welcome back night at school. And the times that I did it, it was really fun. And I had the energy to do it. I don't know how I did. I just like in my mind, I feel like 35 is kind of like where I would want to start having that conversation. It's, I think it's the, for me, it was sort of the ideal time, but everybody's different on their timeline, you know, like, I feel like there's a big movement of people getting married and having kids really young again, which is like my age, it was like, oh, everyone got married at 29 to 30, every single person. Oh, my mom was married at 20. Yeah. Yeah. And but now I feel like there's like a movement of, you know, younger people. I was like, Mom, what were you doing? You were 20 years old and dad was 21 and y'all decided the next year. How many kids are in your family? Two. I was like, and they popped a kid out at 22. And I'm like, so your parents, so your parents are really young. My parents are really young. Yeah. My mom is 57, I think. And my dad is 59. Has anyone ever thought you were a couple with your dad or anything? No, that would be weird, Heather. Well, it's happened. It's happened to me twice. No. With Drake. Stop. And it's the greatest compliment because I had him. I'm sure he loves it. I had him at 30, you know, over 30, I had him. So I didn't have him at 18. Stop. The story was the best one we were in Salt Lake City, you know, which is a little funky. And we're a nice hotel and we're, it's, we have time before the show. And so there it was like a little happy hour. So we were sitting next to each other so he could watch the game. Yeah. And there was this couple to my right and the guy was kind of like hipster, like tattooed and he had those big earrings, you know, like make your lobes. Yeah. And, um, and she was older, but she wasn't like me older, like with like Botox and like hair, like she was looking kind of, your skin is flawless by the way. I've been staring at the whole time. She was looking kind of older. Okay. Like flat hair and whatever. And at one point she was she older or just haggard. I don't know. Cause it was Salt Lake City, but she was clearly older than this guy. Okay. Like by like 20, you don't need to care more. By like 20 years. Okay. Put yourselves together. And at one point she's talking to him and she put her hand on his chest and I'm thinking, Oh, I thought that was her son. That seems a little touchy, but maybe she's like, son, get a job. I don't know what she was doing. Okay. So that, so then I'm sitting there with, with Drake and we're talking, we're sharing food. I'm like, do you want that? Whatever. And then she looks over at me. He goes to the bathroom. She looks over at me. She goes, um, can, can I ask you something? And I thought she's going to say, are you Heather McDonald or whatever? And she goes, are you guys together? It makes me so excited. Okay. I know. Right. But to the parent, it's actually flattering to the kid. It's like, you want to fucking barf. But to the, I'm like, I go, Oh, no, he's my son. Well, now I know this isn't her son. And she's like, Oh, I thought, you know, we just had something in common. I go, Oh, is that your boyfriend? She's like, no, he's my husband, but he really looks like he's actually a lot older than he looks. I'm like, Oh, okay. She's like, I just thought maybe, you know, like we could hang out or something. And I'm like, no, this is my son. Yeah. The other time it happened was in Houston. We were at this airport, um, hotel in Houston doing on the road. And this guy, which is by the way, Houston is like such a creepy place to be because of that airport is like, he was like number one trafficking, whatever. He was freaking me out. And so we're there and like, we go to that already. Like Drake was like, he gets annoyed if I want to like ask someone an opinion, a question that's a human, because this generation doesn't think any human knows anything. You do not have it yet. So I'm like, give me a minute. Like I want to ask the lady because we just found a shit in our hotel room and I want to get another room. You found a what? We did find an actual shit in the hotel room. So like somebody shit in the carpet. I don't know if it was a dog or what. So we switch it and then so now we're back. We had that incident. We came back now we're in the hotel bar and we're eating. And now we're kind of laughing because like now we had a beer or some food and we're there. I don't want to show that nice like everything's fine. And this guy comes up the news out. Oh my God. I saw you all fighting and then you went upstairs and had some makeup sex. And now you're laughing. And I was like, again, so happy. I'm like, you think I'm young enough that this is my boyfriend. What guy just comes up to somebody's like, oh, I went up and fucked around. And now you're back. Like, you're right. And I go and then Drake goes, well, what you didn't see mom is that he had like four beers while we were sitting here, four shots or something. I'm like, I don't care that he was wasted and seeing double. He thought I was young enough to pull you. Drake is just catching strays every time he goes out. And then my friend goes, but do you also think that Drake looks a lot older than he is? I go, well, maybe that's the case, but it's young. How old Drake? If I had to just finish college, he just got he graduated from as you last. I was going to say 23. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I do get that my mom and I look like sisters. Like, we'll go out to dinner. Oh, you want a sister trip? I'm like, doesn't your mom see your mom this love? My mom eats it up. It's the greatest thing ever. And her accent is so cute. It's very nasally. And she's like, no, we're, I'm her mom. And I love it. It's just so I'm her mom. She just draws just drowsy. Well, so, you know, I've had it happen because, you know, I just in LA and I have so many gay friends, gay male friends that there's just been times where I just see a couple out and I just assume that they're two gay men together. You know, and the fact that they look alike and they have a big age difference doesn't mean anything because a lot of gay guys like to find like a younger version of themselves. There's a lot of sugar daddy stuff. And I just was trying to this one, these two guys and I'm like, oh, so how did you guys meet? And they're like at birth. Like this is my dad. And I was like, oh, I was like, I thought you guys were just like a like a well-dressed you know, December gay couple. Like I was like, oh, I forgot. Like that there's straights walking. I have a game that I play when I'm back home in Alabama and it's are they gay or are they just Southern men? Because Southern men dress super gay. Yes. Like they wear the five inch seam shorts with like a sugar sucker suit and like all that stuff and pink and a lot of them. But the voice sounds good. Yeah, they'll be like, the other voice sounds very gay. It's the Onaman. Yes, it does. And they always they're just out tonight so good to see you. You know, Tammy and I love to take you out to dinner sometime. And I'm like, do you even do you and Tammy sleep in the same bed? And every choir director I've ever known in the South is gay. Like the Todd Chrisley. You know what, Todd, if you're watching this, brother, I at this point, I believe you aren't gay. Like I believe he's not gay. I truly I do. I finally gave up. I was like, I really don't. I don't know. Or he did what your conversion therapist said. He thought about it, but he didn't like it. Rob the bank. He ain't robbing that bank. Yeah, I think he might be straight for real. But that's what I'm saying. Is he gay or is he just a Southern man? Exactly. That accent is so gay. Dine, this was so much fun. I'm so glad that we got to sit down and talk. You have an incredible tour. Tell everybody where they can find it. You've got dates all the way through. Oh my gosh, you have dates all through the end of May. You're going to Florida, you're going to Arkansas, you're going to North Carolina, Georgia, Texas, Colorado, Richmond, Virginia. Where are we? We still have Washington, D.C. Nashville. No, Nashville. We already went to Washington, D.C. Richmond. Tell everybody where they can follow you. Yeah. So denayhays.com best ticket prices. And then I'm on TikTok, Instagram, the Facebooks at Denay Hayes. Thank you so much. This is great. Thank you, Heather. Thanks.