Connor Nobrows and Brooke Noseforward Get High

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Join the loyalty program for renters at joinbuilt.com. slash BNC. Listen closely. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash BNC. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. The thing about cans is that I haven't had one in a long time. Right. So I think that's why it's hit me hard and fast. But if I remember, they kind of fade fast as well. They come in really hot and yeah. They burn bright. So we'll be okay. Why can't something burn bright in for a long time? We have... It will explode on itself. Well, that's like the sun. The sun will explode. I know. It's disappointing. I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. It is. You don't need to be so bright. I'm sweating. Maybe if you weren't burning so bright, we'd drag this thing out a little bit. Oh, how disappointing that the sun will be out one day. Woo! Change the subject. Hurry. Flagging that Connor and I have chugged cans. the THC infused drink before this episode. And I worry for its quality. I don't. Really? I know I can't inside and out, trust. I thought I did, man. I thought I knew. Because these are the little ones. Yeah, they're babies. And usually the little ones, like I need two. But what happened today was I only needed a few sips for it to hit my empty stomach. Well, I can't wait for everyone to hear the ads that was no that wasn't okay we recorded the ads um at the before we recorded this so um this is post ads i think you'll know well i think you will hear little inklings i'm gonna move on from talking about it dude what why are you talking like a hippie i have something a little gross to say all right man what we never talk about gross stuff No, this is gross, but my ears have been like really flaky this winter. Like more than any other season. Was it a white Christmas? It's just like why my ears as opposed to any other. Like my ears are as worse than my scalp. What's like the inside of your ear? Yeah, you don't have just like ear crap. I floss a lot. Q-tip? Q-tip a lot. It's just like the skin of my ears. Like the outside, not in the hole. The outside? No, no, no, no. The outside of the inside. What is this? Like this thing. What is it? I guess it's the kind of- Should we look up parts of the ear? No. Yeah, let's look up parts of the ear. I'll tell you what's flaking. Hang on, I did trivia. You want to hear something crazy? Do you know the part of your body? Your appendage that has the tiniest bones? Your nose? Your ear. We're talking about ears right now. Oh, yeah. It has three tiny bones. My concha is so flaky. And not to mention my anthlex. Oh, my gosh. For me, it's my Darwin's Turbicle. Or it could be my intertriangle notch. Are you talking about the intertriangle notch? So where are you guys going for spring break? probably the simba concha and then we're gonna make our way over to the darwin's turbical for dinner and we're gonna take the helix why don't they like this is what the piercing should be called like i have the con oh that's funny it is called the conch piercing is it i used to have a conch piercing it's on the concha and that's the helix there's a helix piercing is there really i there should i actually genuinely gen on god have my darwin's turbicule pierce and it should be called the darwin's turbicule piercing i don't like that it sounds like you're it sounds like a it sounds like a late stage there is triangular triangular fossa i don't know why they had to go so hard with scientific names like outside inside soft but it just seems like we shortened them like why couldn't we just say lobule instead of lobe. It's not that much harder to say lobule. You're almost putting an accent on it. Lobule. Like home, like lobule? Yeah, it's like an extra thing. Lobe, we can all agree on lobe. We'll always have lobe. Oh, you're talking about the general population, not just me? Okay. Wait, you have to hear Tristan and Channing's song. Sorry. Yeah, let's do that. Wait, that one's called... Wait, can we go back to the ears? So sorry. the metis where are you seeing the external auditory metis yeah metis yeah okay they should call delis metis okay sorry just to can you explain this i don't so i know that tristan and channing had written a song alongside noel no but that he helped with it not at all made up i think it's just them They just made a song with some producers. They wrote a song. It's called Always Been You? It's called Always Been You. It's a Valentine's Day song. Oh my gosh, this is perfect. Hope everyone had a good Valentine's Day. We're pre-recording this. My Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Mine too. Wow. So they recorded this in a studio? In a studio. It's called Always Been You. Did you say that? It is genuinely, I heard it for the first time this morning, An incredible song It sounds like a One Direction song Let's hear it I want to do this with you I don't know I don't mean to copy them But I do want to do this exact thing I mean What did they say Good artists copy, great artists steal I don't think we need to steal it But I think we just need to make our own I want to be in the studio Listen to this Oh lordy here we go again Doesn't it sound like One Direction? Yeah, like OG Yeah We met for wine Where our friends don't go On Sunset and Vine Nobody else has to know Closing time But we don't want to leave Said two checks or one Agree to disagree I say baby it's me What the fuck? Like it's good? Yeah, it's like funny Like that it's just new Until it's the end A hundred percent I can't pretend That it hasn't always been you Oh, good little hug This is my favorite part coming up It is good. Really good. I think this is my favorite part. The second stanza I really like. The stanza? Yeah. Almost there. How great was that? My first time living to you? Is it all their like sangs? Yeah, they're definitely interspurt. I said I would interspurt. this much at the amc been pre-screwing since lunch do what now for me our hands start to touch my fat i sweat through the sea that's my favorite part in my area feeling the heat oh that's funny How do you get the music for it? Who did that? So we had a producer write the music part of it and then we went into the studio and wrote it. Is that not amazing? Yeah, that is amazing. What would you want? To me, that's giving country meets pop. meets she's from texas yeah i can tell exactly giving that like and one direction i think we should what is our sound rap ah your how about your versus rap oh my gosh we could do like we could literally luda when i was 13 yeah you and i'll be justin okay cool i like that okay oh i love that oh i like it too a lot so yeah you'll do the rap first So yeah, I will. Okay. Perfect. And I'll do like a show tune and you come in with the rap. It could be really like, it could be really a mashup. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I do. I really like this. Okay. I wanted to flag really quickly. Yeah. Brooke is not doing the, we're putting a hold on the morning. Just temporarily hold on milking farm. On milking farm. But I did want to, did you see what this says at the top? A monster bait roaming? A monster bait romance? Yeah. Is that a play on words? I think it's play on words for masturbate. And we didn't catch that this was not like a... Oh, I knew. She's tugging his chain? Oh, baby, I knew all along. Oh, wow. It took me a second to get that. But you saw that she has a new book coming out. I sent to you yesterday. Same author. It is... Oh, yeah. Let's see what it's called. The Young Woman. Oh, Moon-Blooded Breeding Clinic. so the young it's a monster bait romance the young woman is spinning a wheel with a couple words on it and it's just and it's werewolf which i am more comfortable with personally because it's more they're more a lot more human but someone said i need to face my prejudice i would just say if you look at this like this this minotaur has my you know my dream body my dream body but it just goes to show you that like no i'm not gonna say what i was gonna say it's like weird say it no i'm like i was gonna say that the the minotaur was a butter face but like we don't know like what's attractive to their standards don't you do you ever think that this i wanted to talk to you about this last night what um first of all i was gonna say do you ever think like our animals like that he's hot like in the animal world like he's hot i think it's like like cat on cat like he's hotter than him and they're we don't know what their beauty standards are we talked about this we're reverse engineering a conversation that we had what was the conversation evolution and who who benefits from being like no one benefits from there was no there's no evolutionary yes there is reason for someone to be ugly yeah there is i just figured it out what is it there needs to be tears like you can't all be going for the same people oh it's a population thing like if we were all going wait hold on for me i had it so I call it so clearly and it slipped through my crack. If everyone was a 10, did you say it slipped through your rack? It slipped through my cracks. I'm sorry. Listen. I had it on the tip of my tongue, but it slipped through my rack. If everyone was a 10, it'd be like a free-for-all. It's confusing. It's like that episode of the Fairly Odd Parents where everyone's a gray blob. It's like, who do we go for? It's like, you don't. Then it's all based on personality. Yeah. Then you don't want the same people because you want the people with the good personality. We have to be broken up into groups. No, I feel like I'm doing pro-segregation right now and it's not what I mean at all. Here's what I want to do. I want to stop talking right now. And I want to come back to, I don't think I ever had a grasp on what I was trying to say. I appreciate you letting me try. And I don't think that, I don't believe in segregation at all. You made that very- I want to be very clear about one thing. None of us are sure. I want to go back to a few minutes ago when we didn't have this conversation. Well, before that, we were talking about would you rather fuck a dog or a cow? Oh, no, no, no, no. Here's what I remember I was going to say. You want to go back to that? Do you ever, like with Max, think about what he would look like in human form? And have we had this conversation before? I don't think about that with my dog, but I look at other dogs, I go, I know exactly who you would be. I know exactly who Rob would be if he were a human. If he were to transform into a human, I know exactly. did we talk about this i don't know is he i don't think we did i think we talked about jack black like sorting people into cat and dog like jack black boy exactly yeah it was a similar conversation well i just believe that all dogs are boys and all cats are girls regardless of their gender i think all cats are boys now because mine are boys yeah but i used to believe you Yeah okay Do you want to hear who Rob is? Yeah I don't know the actor's name Can you look up the cast of Knives Out 2 Glass Onion is he? That is a good one Oh it's freaking incredible Have you seen the third one? Yeah I didn't like it Dave Dave Bautista Bautista? That's Rob Dave Bautista? That's Rob You think your cat looks like Dave Bautista? If he were to transform into a human Yeah Your cat is not Dave Bautista Yes he is And Jonathan is Troye Sivan You're projecting a very sickened fantasy onto your cat. I don't have a fantasy about Dave. Who did you? Oh, you saw Dave in Glass Onion. Yeah. But I didn't have Rob then. So it wasn't crossing my mind. But I was thinking about Rob last night. I'm in the same boat trying to post an Instagram story. It's been since we started recording. It's been 14 minutes. I haven't posted it. I'm able to try and imagine what it looked like for me to try and post my tour announcement. I don't know. After my can a few minutes ago, 14 minutes ago, I did that. Yeah, that's, is that not who Rob would be if a fairy godmother turned him into a human? No, he looks like that guy you went to high school with. Who? How would I know? He does not look like anyone I went to high school with. Yeah, he looks like, not Corn Sweat. He doesn't look like David Corn Sweat. Corn Sweat. Remember when they used to name people's last names over like what you did a lot? Imagine being named Corn Sweat. Did they used to name people's last names? Yeah, like Blacksmith. And then someone's name was like Megan Blacksmith. I didn't know that. Yeah, right? That's where it all came from. Then what would... How did it devolve? Dyslexia. Let's move your last name around. Yeah. Yeah. Last names originated during the Middle Ages in Europe. and much earlier in China as populations grew and to distinguish individuals with the first name, same first name, people adopted names based on their occupation, location, parentage or physical characteristics. Whatever that means. Well, imagine physical characteristics. Yeah, I wouldn't like that. Connor no brows. Oh, I like that. That sounds good. It kind of rolls off the tongue. What would yours be? Depends what stage in my life. I guess it's hard because you have to name someone when they're a baby. you would just take your parents yeah but so i wouldn't have a joy there's genetics oh and you could be no it would be nose forward which but then that's like i got brook nose forward yeah yeah it works yeah connor connor no brows and brooks nose forward make a podcast but then it's like you get a nose job and are you lose you have to change your name or you can hyphenate. Do you change your name? FKA nose forward. Formerly known as Nate nose forward. Brooke rhinoplasty This might be too dumb Yeah we high I don know what you want I don either We not high Who would Max be as a human Like KJ Apa. I could kind of see. High energy, kind of a freak. I don't see that. He's a freak in the sheets. I don't see that for Max. Did you just call your dog a freak in the sheets? And is that something you wanted to do? Why do you think your cat's Dave Bautista? That's something that I want to look into. That's just what I see. I feel like you're projecting Something sexual onto that It feels that way No Okay Dave Bautista to me reminds me of like Dave Bautista that's lost all meaning Completely It's just like a string of nonsense And I bet like his family used to be baristas And then someone fell and hit their head And they were like Bautista And then that stuck Did you say barista? Yeah at one point I said barista but now it's like No, because I was going to say they were probably baristas and then I was like wait, I think he just said that Parallel thinking Yeah Hey guys we want to take a break to thank a sponsor of today's episode Willie's Remedy Are you tired of waking up hungover and worrying about what happened last night? 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And they just restocked. willies ships directly to your doorstep in 40 plus states too order now at drink willies.com and use code bnc for 20 off your first order and free shipping on orders over 95 and enjoy life in the high country hey guys we want to take a quick break to thank you sponsor today's episode rocket money i try to stay on top of my finances i've always tried but doing it all manually can be overwhelming and it gets overwhelming very quickly for me that's i get overwhelmed fast and over simulated even faster but between subscriptions bills and random charges it's easy for things to slip through my cracks so having something like rocket money that helps organize everything in one place makes it a little less stressful and way more manageable rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings with rocket money i found out i was paying for two different streaming subscriptions for the same app no that's disgusting i agree one through my phone and one through my credit card without realizing it for months rocket money flagged it instantly and saved me from double paying for literally the same thing rocket money shows me all my subscriptions in one place they flag the ones i forgot about and lets me cancel them in a few taps on the app no digging through emails no awkward cancellation stuff hoops which saved me both time and random charges i also love how it automatically kind of categorizes transactions across all my accounts and i can customize these categories and tags to actually see where my money's going rocket money is helping me start to save for a like i want to do a trip to miami where i'm doing like i went and i saw these people kind of living it up last time i was there and i looked up the hotel what are all these people doing for work pricey um like unimaginable but i want to like get a massage at the hotel yeah but i can't even imagine what it costs so Kind of I'm saving up just to stay here right now I thought you saw the price Of the room Oh the massage Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster Join at rocketmoney.com slash B and C That's rocketmoney.com slash B and C Rocketmoney.com slash B and C But uh Uh What was I gonna say about Dave? That's not KJ Do me a favor and don't scroll up on this image You know who this is? Who? He's like Sam Rockwell Wow, I used to get way more likes than I do now Sam Rockwell What? Changed my mind There needs to be There's so much AI, there needs to be a Who would my dog be famous person Generator Dave Bautista Oh, that's gonna be my new thing It would be someone with like a heavy Adam Lambert Heavy eyeliner No I think it's more of like Adam Maroon 5 That is not Max I'm sorry That's not Max Max does not look like Adam Lambert Just like He's more of like a black cat That could be Adam Lambert I could see that I could see that Because he's wearing a tux I think that that's helping Are we talking at a pace that works for a podcast? I do feel like it's minus 2x Okay Do you? I mean this is not Max either You know who showed up on my For You page last night? Who? Remember Sanjaya? No You're lying Sanjaya? Sanjaya from American Idol I didn't watch American Idol You didn't know Sanjaya? No is it sanjaya or sanjaya or am i thinking of zendaya no sanjaya does anyone remember who i'm talking about there's no way no okay this couldn't have been a niche experience no okay so no one no one knows he there was just something about sanjaya that what was sanjaya okay you gotta give up i'm losing it's slipping through my grasp sanjaya slipping right through my rack he will he was just a phenomenon like he wasn't good but he was a personality and he made it very far that can be so because they thought he had what it took to beat the american idol despite not being able to sing that's foresight yeah i think oh wait he's great he's good i think he's incredible holy shit maybe he couldn't sing once he got to the big leagues something was something like he wasn't like he might i don't know i don't really remember why we loved sandaya why were you telling me that you saw him i don't know man it's just flagging i thought you would have known him wow the only thing i have my note page for today is i want to get lucky what do you want to happen not sexually i just would like something good to happen to me and kind of i don't want to work for it i just kind of want it to fall in my lap a lot of good things have happened to you yeah no i want more you should start a gratitude journal i have one do you use it video you have a gratitude video yeah the horizontal style of like things you say you're thankful for yeah and i was having a blast last night i went on a walk on the uh boardwalk and i was filming just outwardly gratitude vibes everyone down there's kind of talking to themselves so like it wasn't weird or uncomfortable for me to be vlogging style my gratitude did you ever do one second a day no why did you say it like no i don't i don't know i did you did and you film one second of every day for the year and then it makes a movie at the end one second isn't like enough for me to grab like it's just you are you would be shocked at how long a second is really what in the in film tell me more it just it felt long and it was a long Izzy can you wait it's 365 seconds that's that's over two minutes that's like an episode of it's like a very long tiktok wait what it's six okay it's six minutes as i was saying that's so long wait you have gotta oh absolutely i think i get that okay i think i get it i remember the day i learned long division please don't say division here i remember the day well brooke could you could you and not like outside of this specific window of time and where we are and mentally could you draw this thing put a number here and put a number here and say oh let me get to the bottom of this zero percent chance oh my gosh ask me to divide something no zero percent can we do can someone ask me to divide something and then putting the bigger number in front of the smaller one like that makes any sense go to hell 36 divided do you want me to do something that goes in evenly or not yeah like start me off 36 divided by six six amazing whoa that was not even me 50 divided by five ten 52 divided by two oh i'm just saying the day 52 divided by two yeah 26 yeah you can do this you're really good i don't i don't well i failed you know i failed calculus calculus that's i don't i don't oh my god that made me fucking sick like i don't want to do the rest of the podcast because i heard the word calculus um when they started putting the numbers into the math into the that sign yeah they never even gave us a reason as to why we were doing that no what is that you that we weren't even solving for i understand when you're solving for x we gotta figure out x a b c d what are those why did you put those in there what was it for i really think that at some point it was just like let's see how far we can push these dummies i'm gonna add a bunch of letters how many did i used to have in there like tell e sometimes there was an f i know i've never seen a g too close it looks i don't remember that i'll be honest i to think that i made it through those classes oh i think i think this is the episode where people start exit a mass exodus it's not our fault This is where we genuinely are on. No one else, we could possibly blame it on. I just can't. I just was trying to tell you, I remember the day I learned Long Division. Oh yeah. And I just remember her, Ms. Rayna, writing that design, what is that called? Symbol on the board and me just thinking no, no. Yeah, it's like, and I just remember like, This is not. This is the end. This is where I tap out. No, I mean. And then it created a mental block, right? The second I saw that sign, it created a mental block in my head so severe that to this day, I've never learned long division. You had to have learned. I don't think I ever learned long division. I'm not kidding. I think it's a wash. They would like hold people back. Whatever happened to holding people back? I don't think we're doing it enough current day. Did they do away with that? We only stopped in high school, in middle school. Oh, people should be held back pretty much indefinitely. People were really only held back like first grade latest, I remember. We should be held back in adult life. Hold up. Yes. Yeah. What does that look like to you? I'm thinking. To me, it's like if I'm mentally 24, then I should still be on my parents' health insurance, even though my body is 29. What is the test for that? Long division, etc. If I can solve this long division problem, I get to be back on my parents' insurance. Thank you. I would love to know our mental age. Letter to your congressman. I promise you I'm not X years old. I'm more 24. Yeah, why are we going based off of our physical age? When mental is just... Oh my gosh. who oh my gosh who cares about how long my my my meatus has been around what about my brain like where i'm at mentally yeah oh yeah you're right so holding back maybe they put us um oh my gosh we're talking about segregation again no this you know remember the spongebob lost episode no there was a lost episode and he spent an episode with patchy the pirate trying to find the lost episode when patchy was seen you check out you pissed me off patty must have been an echo baby or like was like fucking a studio exec patty where did you come from where did you go where did you come from cotton i'd joe you know it's like it was similar to when patty was discussed when sitcoms do like flashback episodes now you're being ableist patty is completely a peg leg and completely a hook for hand i wasn't talking about all his missing appendages the pyre is disgusting i forgot he was an amputee it has nothing to do with that well as i was saying this episode needs to be like the last episode of spongebob like it just needs to be lost oh this should have been the last episode yes wait why did patchy live in like he lived on top of the seat house well yeah he's yeah man that's his bedroom oh patchy's might have been like on the epstein list look at his bedroom he's he's the pirate was on the ep he was sailing the ship yeah why do you have a bunch of children's blankets i just thought about walking in on um we you know those like older guys who like came to your school for like so like nature jack talk about nature jack he like came to the school with like lizards and stuff oh and like different pieces of nature and he would like show the kids like hi i'm nature jack and like show them anyway i walked in on nature jack in the bathroom he was just like going to the but like he didn't lock the door i was a teacher oh yeah it was in the staff bathroom i walked in what'd you say ha jack i called him nature when nature calls jack what is it yeah sorry i don't know why i don't know no that's funny i always thought it was funny because during we had pep rallies and during these pep rallies they'd be like jump rope extreme jump rope double dutch double dutch nature jack over here i got a ball constrictor i got a lizard now do you want to do drugs kids i'm like yeah i wish i would have taken molly before this this is absurd i'm watching the people on bikes doing wheelies yeah i want to do drugs they're all on drugs you think nature jack was playing with his lizards all sober probably not he's probably high he's probably where we are now did you sign that poster that i would never do drugs or drink of course yeah connor truly like when they were doing their presentations and like talking about marijuana i was like that is like hell incarnate and there is no difference to me between marijuana and methamphetamines the the gateway drug like yeah it's like if i could see myself now i'd be sick I would think like that person needs Like to be locked up And to get help That person should be held back Yeah A hundred percent It's a good song My fat ass sweaty through the seat That should be tattooed on my body For like my Kelly Clarkson Do you think you'll get another tattoo ever? I think I'm gonna get all of mine removed I'm annoyed I didn't just do them all at the same time I wish I had like an old picture Of like someone Someone in my family that I could get tattooed on me in like a like a classy way and not like huge on my back That so interesting Yeah Like fine line Yeah but like if it was like from a distance Yeah, like their silhouette? I would not get this, but like my dad is like a toddler with a balloon. Like that'd be cute. Would you get your dad as a toddler tattooed on you? Like, bad example. No, I guess because I'd be like, is that your son? my nose my dad like and he's just totally alive that's so interesting that was just a bad example let me take my horse size vitamins really quick i've tried to take them all at once and he saw me i threw up into my hand my brother can take like 15 pills at once no i used to be able to i put them in my mouth broke i go look and i go right in and as he was looking making eye contact with when I, when I, when I put, okay, so I have to take them one by one, they're so dry. I just got really nervous that someone's trying to call me. What? Are they? No. Not at all. But I just got like a feeling that like something's like a miss. Like someone's like trying to reach me. Now I'm scared. Everything's okay. Everything is awesome. The doctor was calling to tell me that all of my moles that I got removed are benign. Oh, that's so nice. I was going to sleep every night like moles getting bigger. Like tomorrow's your last day. I really truly was convinced. You know, you don't have to be totally naked to get the mole removed. If it's on your back. Yeah. You took your... Well, were you not wearing panties in the first place? Did I not show you this? I was going to do like a funny... You should also wear panties to the doctor. I was wearing underwear. Okay. I elected to remove them in case she needed to check my butt or something. All right. Hang on. What was I showing you? Something from the doctor. Yeah. I need to show you this because I thought it was funny. So I was at the doctor and I was going to make like a funny video for my friends. and then I'm butt to the camera cheeks out and she comes in and I had to like flip around. I had my I put my hands up like she was gonna okay hang on. If I could figure out the camera like app I would have already shown you by the way. I can't on the new phones. It's nice to revisit all of my memories on my way to find one specific video from less than two weeks ago. I took my laptop to the Genius Bar because I broke it. Yeah. And they were acting like really serious, like it was like a hospital. And they were like, it does seem like your laptop is in critical condition and we need to keep it overnight two nights to get the diagnosis and then we'll call you once we have the prognosis. And I was like, this feels like a doctor's show for my laptop. Should I just, what was the issue? Oh, I spilled a bottle of water bottle on it in my bag, but it actually was fine. Like it was working fine and just didn't charge. So when it died, it died. And so I just needed to get that thing replaced, which, and it wasn't that expensive. It was amazing. I was really happy with the outcome. That's amazing. Yeah, I was really impressed. I need the whiteboard if you don't mind. What are you doing? I'm trying to find the video of me at the doctor, But go figure It absolutely isn't in My role Oh found it It's because of my butt okay You could just She knocked on the door Oh I did see that but I didn't hear the knock I can't show it Well I guess I can I'll send it in I'll submit it Are you going to show everyone your butt? No I'm going to blur Would you do full nudity in a movie? Yes. Full frontal. Are you kidding me? Yes. You would? I'd love to. Love to. I'll do full frontal on the podcast. Cool. Yeah. I don't think I would have a problem with it. No. Well, I would just in terms of like, I don't want my body on TV. Well, I guess I would if I don't want my body on TV. What? I actually, I would be fine with having my privates out. I don't think it's any of your real. I'd be fine. No, you would have to be real, I'm saying To you Put your cooter in a movie They put Jennifer Lawrence's Cooter in a movie Yeah, and no hard feelings Remember, she had that fight scene on the beach Yes, that was her Genuine body, her cooter and boobs No, I swear to God She got a fake cooter implant No, she did not That is her real one You're talking about J-Law's cooter piece Yes, that's her real. Trust me. No. That is not what it looks like. Try and trust me on this. That is her Jennifer. Jump into my cooter for a second. Yes, Jennifer Lawrence was actually naked for the infamous B-sheet. Hey guys, we want to take a break to thank a sponsor of today's episode, Skims. Before Skims, underwear was always an afterthought for me. I would focus more on what I was wearing on the outside and think that a new dress or new jacket would make me feel my best. But Skims has made me realize that the bra and panty I put on in the morning is actually what defines whether I'll be feeling amazing in my clothes. Now with Skims, my entire top drawer is filled with the most amazing, stretchy, and supportive fabrics that keep me feeling comfortable and confident all day long. One of my biggest pet peeps with underwear is when it stretches out or loses its shape halfway through the day. I've tried so many brands and nothing compares to the Skims cotton jersey full brief. The fabric is genuinely life-changing. It holds its shape every single time. I've worn and washed mine hundreds of times and they're still my absolute favorite. Shop my favorite bras and underwear at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. Hey guys, we're going to take a quick break to thank a sponsor of today's episode. Bear Bells. I'm always looking for easy ways to get my protein in. And that isn't just pounds of chicken. And that's exactly why I keep Bear Bells on hand. These protein bars genuinely taste like a candy bar, but each one has 20 grams of protein and no added sugar. They're that perfect balance between flavor, texture, and function. You're not getting that chalky, dry protein bar situation. It's soft, satisfying, and actually something I look forward to eating during the podcast or when I'm out running errands. And they have delicious flavors like cookies and cream, chocolate dough, cookies and caramel, and peanut butter. I had the salty peanut one yesterday because I was interested in something that wasn't as, I wanted a little more savory than I did sweet. It was, it's my new favorite. I texted you guys on the side. I said, this is my new favorite protein bar. Bear Bell's protein bars are available at retailers like Target, Walmart, Vitamin Shop, and GNC, or use code BNC at 415% off at barebells.com. Told you. You did not use the body dump. I can't stand it before the T. What I'm trying to say is in a scene like that, I'm fine having my cooter and boobs out, but I don't want my stomach out. I would do like a crop up just around my stomach with private shooting out. You could do, and I have a story after this. You could do like, okay, say your tube top rolled down and then rolled up, which doesn't happen with skims. Exactly. Even if you wash them a hundred times since birth. Even if you were born in a river, a little tent. I would do like a fake pregnant stomach. Naked. Sure, me too. Now, I was in Mexico long, long ago. I don't remember anything about this trip. But my one wish as a young man, I now know better, obviously. but I wanted to swim with the dolphins. So we go and we swim with it and you're doing that thing where you, they push on your feet and you go up and you take it and there's a picture they take. Dolphins are fucking huge and scary, by the way, there's a size of Jettas and I, they swim underneath you. Then they come, they're so smart. They pick, they get, pick your feet up and they go, this poor woman, girl, woman, probably. There's no way. I don't know. I don't remember. This is like a memory. I don't know. She gets pushed up by the dolphins. bathing suit here bathing suit here so her picture taken and it puts it up on the screen for the whole lobby boobs out like it's like full frontal and then get this she just she like goes to jump off because she's like my my rack is showing yeah and she flies off and the water catches her bangs on the way down cooter out oh and bathing suit around her ankle. She fell forward. It's around her ankle. Launched into the rocks. She's pussy out on the rocks. That sucks. Just crazy. That genuinely sucks. And? I like that for a scene in a book or movie. We should be writing or talking more about what the waves can do to one's suit. Maybe you do a book about a woman that falls in love with a wave. When you succumb to the wave. I think I'm going to do you think we're gonna stick to more traditional romance so you're gonna kind of stick just like human on human not as much monster bait not as much monster bait or sea bait but you can write it I want you to feel like wait people from the main don't even know is that not insane Oh my gosh, if you care at all We talked about Pazuzu last week In the bonus The bonus from a few weeks ago I think, is it called Pazuzu's Girl or me and Pazuzu? It's something Pazuzu You, me and Pazuzu We did a really Big deep dive into The tether of a Lububu So his counterpart Pazuzu Who was used in Mesopotamian lore As the god of the wind And plague and plague and he had a monster bait romance wrapped around his leg oh no no he had a huge he had a snake wrapped around yeah he had a boner in this thing he had a little bit of a lot going on i would just get a little bit of this and a little bit of that what was that that no that's wait there's a pazuzu in the exorcist yeah i mean he's the demon of god and more of plaguing was the main antagonist and demon of the exorcist horror novel excuse me and oh my gosh glad he derived the character uh from astrian and babylonian mythology where was considered the king of demons of the wind and the son of we can't remember anything but we can remember exactly pazuzu's job that's about pazuzu um that is nuts that pazuzu is the demon and the exorcist so he's a lot more famous than we had he has an imd yeah okay it has the body of oh it well it okay it has the body of a man the head of a lion or dog eagle like talon feet two pairs of wings a scorpion's tail and a serpentine penis but did the exorcist demon have all those things his elias is our wait can you show up a small bit you're talking about the aliases the aliases captain howdy the salesman i'm pazuzu the demon of plague and wind also known as the okay so odd colors red but green and yellow when possessing yes appears in the exorcist the exorcist two heretic the exorcist three dominion prequel to the talking about heretic the exorcist It's the beginning, Exorcist TV. Pazooz is- Famous. Like, whoa. Tony Nguyen, wait. What's, Egot Nguyen. Yeah. Wow. I was thinking we put Pazoozu on the map when Pazoozu's been on every corner- Wow. Of the map this whole time. Who plays Pazooz? Eileen? Dietz? Pazoozu is a non-binary demon. Well, yeah, no, I was gonna say with a huge piece, but that doesn't matter. Can I identify it anyway? It's a serpentine too. I really believe it's its own thing. Oh, Pazoozus is definitely- I'm seeing Eileen in the Pazoozus. A hundred percent. Wow. Oh, sorry. That's a person. Is she gone? Yeah, it's just Pazoozu now. Jesus, Eileen. Oh. I can't stop watching. This is $40. I bought it. $14.99. I purchased it. What's your favorite scene? Well, my favorite scene is with Melissa McCarthy when they're in the principal's office. Have you seen the blippers for that? I could quote it. Let's watch in the bonus. I'm going to jump up and jackknife you two in the neck, slow blinking eyes. You know what? I'm going to start drinking soon. I'm going to slit their neck like two fish and drink their blood. You won't blink. I'll cut your eyelids off. You won't slow blink at me now, will you? It's so good. Wow. And she goes, oh, really, Kim? Really? Oh, fuck you, Kim. Suck a big fucking dick, Kim. I'm glad your husband died. He probably killed himself. I would have killed myself. It's just so good. Good job. I remember that. Yeah. Yeah, I love that scene. Melissa McCarthy, where is she? She's really like in it. I'm talking about in it. You're talking about in it? I'm talking. What's the last thing she did besides Nine Perfect Strangers? Like The Heat or something? No, that was like, why is she not? Like, where are you? I'm so sorry. Oh, she did Unfrosted. Jerry Seinfeld's Pop-Tart origin story. The Little Mermaid. Yeah, she really. Oh, she's in Only Murders. We need another like Melissa McCarthy comedy like now. That could heal. You know what sucks? And I'm just going to say something really, really just like, you know what I call it. Like I see it. Like iconic. No, I just now think that like when you get to a level of celebrity that You start 3d printing movies instead of Making them good Yeah, she's not doing anything well, no, I'm not I don't mean she's not doing anything She is doing something but like she's not doing 3d printing or Another movie that you know when people get like really famous and then all the movies they come out with it's like is this a YouTube video? Like Glenn Powell I didn't say that but that's what you're talking about no no I'm talking about like let's play 36 questions to fall in love no offense happy Gilmore 2 needs to be removed from oh my gosh so happy Thanksgiving what is it? Valentine's Day yeah happy Valentine's Day I hope everyone was in love over the weekend and cuddled and kissed it was awesome It's great Happy for everyone Okay, so we're going to play 36 questions to fall in love I'm going to ask the first one Do you want to ask the first one? You ask the first one, or I can ask Given the choice of anyone in the world Whom would you want as a dinner guest? Wait, is this for both of us? We just talked about this It's one person though I do think it will be Freddie Mercury right now Jennifer Lawrence I always forget they can be alive I will do Jonathan Groff Would you like to be famous in what way I would I would want to be like an author Yeah Cool famous author It's hard I would want like My books to be famous And I would only want to be like a little bit Famous yeah like Emily Henry Is perfect to me I would want to be Famous but not in like A fall oh he fell off way Just in like when I go places people care but not in like a you're everywhere type of what do you want to be known for don't care statues I don't know okay no like comedy acting oh comedy acting no both of those okay before making a telephone call do you ever rehearse what you're gonna say why I usually write it down what if it's like an appointment or I'm calling the pharmacy for a refill on my medications or something that needs to be rehearsed, I will write it down, but not for like conversations with my friends Yeah I should write things down because I call someone and have an hour conversation and be like oh my God I called them to No, I don't practice, but I also, it's not my best work. Sometimes if I have a call with someone and I hang out and I'm like, they don't know that I'm cool. I didn't nail it. They don't know that I'm like, I'm normal. I'm like, people like me. Like for an interview? No, just like when I'm on the phone, make an appointment. Okay. I'm like, when I get in there to a reception desk, I'm going to put on a clinic. What would you constitute for a perfect day for you? This is a good question. And it's an honest question. Sleep in a little bit, cuddle with the cats, play my word games. Do I have to live in this world? Like, can I go out? Can I walk to the beach? Yes. But I don't live at the beach. Constituates a perfect day. yeah then i walk to the beach and read for a little bit and someone brings me a turkey hoagie oh yeah you could say that again that sounds really good then i go home take a very crispy shower i have tons of new freckles on my note on the bridge of my nose and then i go to sushi fumi come home why doesn't sushi fumi come to you you want to drive to sushi i love going to sushi where do you park it's not it's not bad on la cienega most of the time la cienega there's that open strip on la cienega but if not you can post on a side street okay wait i need to write something down so don't forget to park and post and then i'm eating sushi fumi crispy rice salmon nigiri moon roll blue crab hand roll shrimp temporal cut if i'm very hungry extra salmon if i'm hungry then go home get a little bit high my friends come over we watch a movie my cats are on the couch i fall asleep on the couch i wake up my friends have fallen asleep too and we're all alone but together have you thought about this no mine is dave bautista shows up i get on his shoulders write that down no no that's what you were saying dave bautista shows up in my house i immediately get on his shoulders. He gallops like how you would a horse. He's not on all fours. He's just two. I mean, he's moving as fast as a car. He's built like a house. That's it. That sounds fun too. But genuinely, what is your perfect? Genuinely wake up, walk to coffee. And everyone's up. So like it's like a great, we have the coffee. Sit somewhere, but guess what? Where are you? I don't know. somewhere not my house unless people are staying with me and we're going to do something that weekend that is fun what sucks about me is as soon as a weekend comes that i'm looking forward to and everyone's having fun i'm immediately like tick tock tick tock you're at the beginning of the weekend that's going to end pretty soon oh i hate that that's where my brain goes what enjoy a part of it i can't i i struggle with that too anyways perfect day um we walk we get coffee but there's things to do we have an activity planned for the day we all pack up a new car we've packed a lunch we do a hike and the hike is to something like a waterfall or a lake and then head home and then we go to the beach to lounge beach to pool so you've now gone beach to pool on me on my fat ass we sit there pool there is an attendant at the pool they're gonna ask what do you want I'm gonna go ice cold beer in a plastic cup for me how about turkey club too hang on right in there you get there no there's a place I went to one time in Hawaii and it had sushi and pizza and they just served sushi and pizza and it was poolside because I'm not like sushi and pizza as good as it is and if it's available to me yeah I'll have it I'm not like a huge chicken strips guy like they're not really yeah like they're good I like them but I'm not like like are you talking about like chicken fingers chicken strips like by the pool everyone I feel like by the pool I've never heard them called chicken strips what do you call chicken tenders or chicken fingers I don't call them tenders I call I'm from in Philly we say fingers chicken fingers but I feel like typically they call them chicken tenders and you're thinking about chicken nuggets no i'm not chicken strips no you just said little i said those are nuggets what do you call them chicken fingers are you thinking of chicken katsu i promise you i'm thinking of chicken strips that's the way i was raised never heard that okay chicken strips i mean unless you're talking about chicken katsu no which is like why would i ever be talking about chicken katsu be so fucking for real that's a strip that is shaped like a strip yeah this way chicken strips are long yeah so is chicken katsu god damn i don't you're right too i mean but i wouldn't that to me is the only thing and katsu katsu yeah that's probably right i don't yeah sorry i'm from philly it's okay i never apologize for being from philly we are philly strong thanks anyways I'm not done with my day I get a beer and then I do the same thing I go up I'm a little my skin feels a little like it's tight on my body you know my skin feels tight I take a actually you know what's crazy about me if I go swimming at the beach in salt water unless it's Santa Monica which I do swim in so I don't know why I scowl like that I'm just saying I shower after I get in the beach in Santa Monica I've been hearing recently that it's pretty gross Even though I open my mouth And I jump into my eyes open and stuff I don't usually shower if I go in the ocean In Kauai or like a Mexico That's nuts to me Because I have the ugliest pool and ocean hair Oh I look so good You look so good Ocean hair That's why I jar it up Yeah I know I put on a nice Hawaiian shirt And some linen pants Are you wearing underwear? Nope and they're a little see-through if they get wet. Deal with it. Sorry. You think I asked for this? We get a reservation. We go to dinner. Light dinner, heavy drinks, karaoke time. Make some friends. Take it a little too far. Ask to leave. Uber home. You get asked to leave or you are asking? Someone in my party has asked to leave, not me. even though I was pushing it. You wanted to go? To karaoke? No, to leave it. To leave the karaoke? I thought you just left karaoke. No. You just got there? No, no, no, we're leaving now. That's what I thought. You wanted to go? Or someone else wanted to go? You just said you were pushing to leave. No, I was pushing it about to get kicked out. Pushing it to the limit? You're pushing the limits? With my karaoke songs. I'm begging the DJ, play my next. I promise this is not what the people want. You know, they want no air. Trust me, I've been doing it for years. They want no air. The people who don't want don't stop believing. Trust me. Well, some people might want the Glee version. No, they don't. Some people might. They don't want Mr. Brightside either. I hate to break it to you. They don't. They don't. They don't. Someone just did that. What? Mr. Brightside for karaoke. Yeah. I don't This season of love is blind I think I'll tell you about it later Did something happen? Nothing should taste like that What was it? Like Do you want a lick of my pill? Wait what did you just eat? My vitamins Oh I know what those taste like Horrible Put them in capsules I just got a chill down my whole body I think that was like a seizure Wait okay you're done karaoke it's done i'm going to bed okay when did you last sing to yourself to someone else we don't have to do that one i feel like it was like just five seconds ago if you're able to live past age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30 year old for the last 60 years of your life which ones you want i know my answer i know mine go ahead well oh that's hard i obviously like mind but it like that does suck because i am constantly worried about aging my face i have a gray hair and multiple of them no where you're doing body well here's the thing the mind is great a 30 year old mind i don't really want that bad but our careers rely on I'd kind of like to be a 90 year old that just like I say and do whatever I want, whatever I'm thinking. I don't filter anything. I'm like crazy. Nothing really bothers me. You know, there's not a there's not a worry in the world to like a like a healthy well 90 year old. Like they're like a little bit spooky. Yeah, I guess you're kind of right. I would love to have like a hot tight bod and like this kind of kooky brain. That's great. People. I was thinking about writing. I don't want to forget anything. People still write into their very late years. So I'm fine with keeping the brain that I have. Oh, yeah. I'll look 30. I'll have the body of a 30-year-old, but I'm going to have to do some editing on my body before I reach the 30. Yeah. I think I'm going to... I was driving in West Hollywood the other day. They do a jowl removal, which I was looking into. Where? Non-surgical. If you guys see me looking real... You know, they do non-surgical nose jobs. How? Injections. They just fatten it up or what? I think they do. Give me one of them fat nose. Or they just like make yeah like if you have a bump it'll like fill in the Empty space so it looks like it's a straight line. Do you have a secret hunch about how you'll die? No I don't even want to think about that right now. That's crazy. It could be any moment. Ah, let's move on. Yeah Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common What three things do we have in common? Our racks I'm being Jen Okay Our love for rom-coms And sushi Rob Thomas Rom-coms Oh I love Matchbox 20 I do too Okay Matchbox 20 Rom-coms and sushi Hello Okay my perfect day Prashanified I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell Right now My mouth is watering Right now I don't know if you can tell That is such a good song I listened to it yesterday I think I did too That's good 3am is an amazing song It's 3 a.m. I must be lonely. I have to show you something. I thought you were going to tell something else. Tokyo Disney, Tokyo Disney World, there is a vampire and Frankenstein, and they're singing the most, the like out of pocket American songs. You know, when you see a t-shirt in a different language and it's just like, like you'll be in like Paris and see a t-shirt in English. That's like, that doesn't make any sense. This is what's happening in Tokyo. like you have frankenstein it's like spooky it's thundering like and frankenstein singing santana that's awesome to me it's awesome but it's like really like out of place like santana like i think they were going for something spooky and he's going it's just like the ocean under the moon And like, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Well, I could see that being spooky. It's just like the ocean under the moon. It's just like, imagine. Okay. I just saw a person that's not there. Just now? Fully blown 100%. There was a person there. And I was like, oh, I'm seeing another. Okay. Well, that's real crazy. I hate when that happens. take four well i don't want to do four minutes if if you could change anything by the way you were raised is this the fallen this is like really scary if we're getting deep okay let's see what's the okay what's the most okay what's your most treasured memory do you think for whatever reason when anyone asks me like what was the best day of your life i go back to the sixth grade renaissance fair i don't know why it was just like that school field trip feeling of like, I feel like I'm like traveling abroad. I'm abroad with my friends right now. They had this like dragon egg that had a prize in it. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life. This guy was swallowing swords. He called me up on the stage. What did he do to you? He made me hold the swords. I was like, this is absolutely freaking incredible. These guys were jousting. I was like, this is just amazing. I tried to try latte for the first time. Fun. School bus back. It was a freaking movie. I mean, I had the best day. Oh, wow. Then I wrote in my journal about it. That's great. Yeah. I just thought about the other day how, like, when we lived with our parents, it would just, like, be the end of the night and everyone would be like, okay, goodnight. And just, like, go up to your room. What a crazy concept now. Like, we were all roommates. We were roommates. Yeah, that's true. It's just so crazy. And like everyone just like woke up and did their own thing. It's crazy to think like you lived with your siblings too. I know. Like I, there was a point in my life where I lived with my siblings every day. Yeah. Really weird. Very weird. What's your perfect memory? I mean, it's like my favorite memory ever. It actually gives me chills. Day you met me? Yeah. There was a day that we went, we were, we took like a college trip. like my college friends and I went to this like we went to Hawaii because we had friends in college there and we like all slept on we all shared like one hotel room it was like eight of us and then we went to this party and it was like pool party it was so much fun and then we were like we're gonna go camp on the beach and we go camp on the beach we had a fire and everything and then we all just brought blankets we didn't have tents we just slept in the sand on the beach whoa and then at 6 a.m everyone just kind of like started rustling we were in like a huge like just pile of blankets and we sat up and the sun was coming up and there was a pod of dolphins swimming by and we all ran and sprinted down and jumped in the ocean and it was warm and it was like 6 in the morning and the ocean was warm and we were just like swimming bobbing in and out of the waves that sounded that like story entered my soul it sounded amazing and we went and got poke for breakfast and when we got to the poke place the guy was wheeling in a in a trash can on wheels the fish from the ocean that they had just caught. And he gave an extra. Wow. That sounds like a perfect day. Okay, how close and warm is your family? I have to pee really bad. Okay, I can talk for a second. Well, we can wrap up. Okay. Or do you want to end with this last question? How is this 36 questions to fall in love and one of them is how do you feel about your relationship with your mother? Because you're getting to know each other on a deep level. What if anything is too serious to be joked about? like is that like one of the questions nothing if you write a good enough joke all right we'll wrap up there thank you guys for listening brooke has to what of all the people in your family whose death would you find most disturbing this is like this would send me home early yeah this is your house containing everything you own catches fire if you were to die this evening Like, what? All right. That's kind of crazy. No, imagine you're on a date, and someone's like, yeah, it's great to meet you. If you were to die this evening, what would be one thing you would? If a family member of yours was murdered. I'm just spitballing here. If your whole family were to be. If your house caught on fire tonight. What's one way? Do you have a hunch about how you're going to die? What do you think? That's incredible. That's Patchy on a date. Patchy on a date be like. POV on a date with Patchy. All right, man. It was great talking to you. Sorry about everything I said earlier. Sorry about what I said about whatever. We love y'all and I have to hit the pisser. She's going to be on the can. I'm going to be right here. My Kelly Clarkson. Off that can. Off that can and on the can, brother. All right, get in there, girl. Put your loafers on and get out of here. All right, we're wrapping up. I'm going to probably eat my lunch that I was going to save for later, but it's time now. It's 11 o'clock somewhere. Oh, it's almost noon. It's lunchtime. All right, bye, guys.