Junkie Bump

Well hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there, wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here, yeah I'm a sports junkie, I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning and I really think you should too. But right now it's HVACmania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup, normally $148. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace some love. And if your system is about to crash out like a 5 seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to StandardHeating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Oh God, how long were we sitting here? Very brief. Okay good. Long enough to enjoy the song. Lost my train of thought there but we gotta get going. And we're getting somewhere's now, it's the Friday show. We're close by God. Awful close. Welcome everyone to the 93X half fast morning show, sorry I got caught up reading some things and writing some things down. And I had no friggin idea where I was. Things could get interesting later on this morning on the show, our pal Randy Shaver. He normally checks in with us every morning at 7.30. And we plan on that same routine today. But today the packer had, he won't be sat in front of his garbage quality home broadcast set up there at the retirement home here in town like he normally is. Today Randy is in a place called Iowa City at the local hospital down there. He's awaiting on his youngest son's wife to splash out his latest grand kid. So Randy has informed us that he's gonna call us on the telephone at 7.30 this morning live from the hospital. I'm really looking forward to this because this could be a total disaster. Yeah he might be. Total catastrophe. He should FaceTime us. He might be weird. He might be weird this morning. Yeah like weirdly emotional a little bit maybe. Yeah emotional kind of giddy. Some of the taxisons he really can't wait for this. I couldn't help but roll my eyes a little bit about how he said my son and his wife are in labor. Yeah is he? Is he giving birth too? Yeah you know what I've heard people come down on other folks like that where a gentleman will say yeah we had our kid last week and somebody will say what do you mean we had our kid. Your wife had your kid. Actually I was guilty of letting that slip a couple times like yeah we had you know here's the baby that we had and he would always correct me. He'd be like I didn't have anything to do with that. Well you know in the beginning he did but he's like that's all you. You did all that work. He brought you ice chips in the Jimmy John's at some point I'm sure. What should a guy say then? I don't remember what I said. I knew people gave you crap if you phrased it certain ways. Maybe like we welcomed our baby together. Not just don't use like you know labor. We're the labor unless you're only talking about like her. I mean Randy Shaver has a kid or two grown. How one of them I think the older ones got to be 40 at this point and he already has a grand kid or two. So he doesn't have to be told what to expect down there today but for those of us who don't know what's that whole experience like Josh, Ashley. What's the whole scene like? You mean like from the beginning to the end? From the beginning to the end. What the hell we got a whole Friday show here. We got all the time in the world. I wouldn't know the first thing about what goes into the friggin process as a dad or a grand kid. That wouldn't make any sense as a dad or a grandfather or a mom and a grandmother or the parents themselves. I have no clue. I've heard the stories but I have no clue. Like say Josh is it gross? Yes. It's gross. My husband would say no. Why would he say no? Because he's afraid of you? It didn't bother him at all. Like he was he held one of my legs. He watched the whole thing. It never seemed to bother him whatsoever. Well I'm not going to say it was bothered but just is it gross? Yeah. Just objectively? It's a whole bunch of things all at once. Is he awake right now? Yeah he is. I want to text him myself and ask him is it gross. He's probably afraid to say it's gross to you. No he would tell me the truth. He's brutally honest with me in an annoying way sometimes. But I will say the one thing that kind of got him which is so weird and odd because it was nothing is when you're in labor you know stuff down there is happening. Chances are you get a little bit of blood involved. And I was just sitting there you know waiting on the baby to move on down so I could start pushing and I got up to go to the bathroom and there was maybe like a quarter sized spot of blood where I was laying. And for some reason like that got him a little like he was like whoa. And he said it was so weird because he said he was just like not expecting anything yet and I think it was because his nerves were so high. He wasn't ready for he wasn't ready for blood. Yeah and then I mean but then when they came in he was getting some sleep before staying started very smart and they came in they're like all right let's do this. And I was like cool let's do this. And they like wake up we're gonna we're gonna do this now and he was completely fine from there on out. So it's gross. Well it's at the same time it's pretty amazing you know not to be cheesy but it is it's like to answer your question I was not expecting it to be as viscous as everything was there's a lot of fluids and whatnot. The real gross part is the placenta I wish somebody would have warned me about that. Of course I knew what it was but when it came out I thought oh my god there's a second passenger in there why is that so big. It was awful. But it's it's really it is pretty insane what's going on and then you're nervous right. I mean I you just like hurry up and cry yeah me and then the baby at the same time just to know the kids okay. Yeah that's that's a that is that those like five seconds it's probably not even five seconds are absolutely terrifying I actually it's kind of it is this part is gross to me at least there was a time where there there's this thing called like Marconium Marconium and I believe it's like the baby's feces so like if they go to the bathroom on the way out it can like get lodged in there like their nasal passageway or whatever and they're pooping in their own nose Jesus and because of that they had to just to be safe they had to call in the NICU team in case they needed to take him to the NICU right away. What is a NICU so that's like the it's like native intensive care or a natal intensive care. Baby savers yeah and when they said that I was like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. They're calling in the what is happening. Don't call the baby savers. I was like this is absolutely terrifying but I mean it was pretty cool how like one second the only person in there is a nurse that's helping you through your contractions like the doctor isn't even in there yet and next thing you know the room has 15 people in it just staring at your hoo-ha. Some guys pass smooth out don't they Cubby. Yeah you know you're you're nervous you're nervous for your significant other obviously you want the baby to be healthy all that kind of stuff. You were higher than a giraffe's ass weren't you Ashley you said it was kind of a smooth process for you because they shot you full of dope. Yeah I got the drugs and the the guy that like inserted the epidural was phenomenal I've heard horror stories of like them doing it incorrectly and only half of your body goes numb and no he was great. I was like do not mess this up please this is crucial. Do you have your own private room or are you in a big giant room with other couples spitting children all over the floor. Well ours what there's a bunch of like hay all over the place some animals in different pens on the outside it's like this big red wooden structure that's where it all happens. This yet sounds to me like you were in a barn. That's what it said on the outside. Yes barn it was a barn. No we had our own or my wife had her own room. Yeah hospitals in general hospitals in general are a are an interesting place to be. Yeah it's so different when you're there for like something good though like I it's almost like fun. I don't know how to put it. I was like oh we got all our snacks we got all our you know our special drinks this is great. You know and the nurses are so awesome. I mean they're pros. It's like watching I don't know a very good basketball team or something the way they work together. Sure except for the nurse that helped me out of bed the first time. Oh you had a bad experience. I actually like felt for some reason I felt bad when in reality I think this was on her. She had it you know I got the epidural so my legs are still numb but enough time has passed so they're like all right we got to get you up so you can so you can pee so we know like things are doing what they're supposed to do. Okay cool and I like she helped me up get on the edge of the bed and she like helped me up but she didn't really help and I fell immediately like just completely boom right on my butt. I think my husband was about to kill her he's like this is your one job to make sure she doesn't fall like that's why you're here right now. Maybe maybe she wanted you to fall. She didn't like all the attention you were getting. It hurts so bad. So Randy Shaver down in Iowa City today at the hospital waiting on his latest grand kid hopefully when we talk to him at 730 I hope it's absolute madness. I want to hear screaming I want to hear babies crying I want to hear Randy panicking possibly crying on the telephone. Oh he's got an emotional guy tears of joy of course I don't want nothing horrible going on. I knew him. He's an emotional guy. He is I don't know if I've seen that from him. Oh you haven't you haven't seen him get choked up. No. Oh yeah yeah he'll get choked up to talk about certain topics. Did you guys sit down and have a couple of beers and you got all emotional on you. No I've just seen him kind of talk about some things good things like tears of like emotional as in he's touched by something versus just heard some terrible news. Well there you go. This is a better way to put it thank you Magic Playing Machinist Jesus I came up with like a very good basketball team. It's like watching a good pit crew. Yes that's a much better way to put it. Describing the nurses at the hospital are like a good pit crew. And I think all of the nicest nurses in the world decide to go into that that line like the mother baby situation because I've never had nicer or sweeter nurses. Oh they're just angels. They are. It's got to be exhausting to one of our listeners says the first thing he did. At least he was told by his parents the first thing he did as a little baby was eat his own poop. Yeah I guess I can tell my son that too. The first thing you did was consume your own feces. That's just so terrible and he says Josh life hasn't improved much since. Everybody's felt that way before. I was hoping by this point I'd have a few more questions about the process but but. Well actually be the person to ask. I don't even know what to ask. I mean that's how foreign this is to me. I think the best part is so at least where I gave birth Maple Grove they are phenomenal. I'd recommend everybody go there. The best part is like so you're in like the delivery room and that's a whole thing and then they move you to like the room that you stay in for a couple of days. Right. And it's it's get the TV got a bed over in the corner. People can start coming in and bringing you food. Everybody's happy. Baby's healthy. That's the best part. I mean my husband talked about that all the time like if we ever have another kid that's that's the best part of having a kid is those like first couple days in the hospital where it's just you three people bring you stuff and then they leave because they know they don't you know not to bother you too much. It's just like nothing but bliss and then you go home and you're like oh crap. Oh we're on our own now. Oh God what do I do. I agree with you that if if if there's no imminent danger hospital the setup at a hospital is pretty nice. You got your bed you got your television they bring you three meals. People are allowed to come in and say hello and they're not allowed to stay too long. That's another bonus about the hospital. Visitors can only stay so long. You don't have some schmo sticking around for six eight hours. You know some uncle or something you didn't want to see in the first place. After a certain amount of time he's got to go. Even the nurses like told me when I toured the hospital they said yeah if you don't want anybody here tell us and we'll be the ones to be like nope time to leave. I was going to ask you if you had that same experience actually that's how it was with us. They're just like all right time to go. Yeah awesome. Last time I was in a hospital I don't know how long ago it was when I had that situation where they thought I had a stroke. So it was serious at first. The ambulance ride was 200 miles an hour. They thought I was a goner. They thought I was having a stroke and it turned out to be something much much much less serious. But I will admit that even when I even when I thought I was in real trouble there was something really cool about watching like you said Josh that pit crew or that how did you describe it. Yeah pit crew is the tax that came in but I thought it was like just a really a good basketball team. Yeah just so smooth and even though I wasn't all there and things were serious in that moment it was kind of interesting to me to watch the process. I was being wheeled in and out of rooms. The communication between the doctors and nurses was just really interesting to me. I like the medical show like the pit speaking of pits. Oh so good. It's an awesome show. I am wildly impressed by those people. I don't know if a television show would hold me it's possible. I've never gotten into any of the doctor programs over the years so I don't know. I liked House quite a bit for different reasons but the pits great. And there was we talked about this once before there's a Minnesota guy who consults on it and it's basically very well respected for how real doctors and nurses say the show is. A lot of the procedures they do and exactly how they work. I don't know if you'd like it or not but if you like watching that kind of thing they definitely do that in that show. There were two moments from my recent hospital experience that that I'll always remember. I had some sort of inner ear it wasn't vertigo it was something inner ear related where I felt like I was on the tilt a world times 10. I couldn't even open my eyes. That sounds so miserable. My eyes were spinning inside my skull it was just a bizarre thing like I said they thought I was having a stroke. So when they got me to the hospital I'm lying on that gurney and they're wheeling me faster than a sumbitch down the hall whipping me out of this room in that room. Here's one of two things that I'll remember. I had to keep my eyes closed or I would just vomit all over myself. That's how discombobulated I was by this condition. So I had my eyes closed on the gurney. The folks who were wheeling me in and out of rooms they thought I was unconscious because my eyes were closed. I wasn't I could hear everything that was going on around me and again like I said a minute ago I was so interested in what was happening to me and so interested in watching that teamwork that I would open my eye a little bit just because I wanted to see what was happening but I couldn't keep it open for very long. So my eyes are closed and the dude who's pushing my gurney passed it off to another dude and the second dude says what's this one's name and I thought oh that's kind of cold right? This one. But he deals we probably go through 30 people a day right getting wheeled and so the dude says what's this one's name and the guy who was pushing me says Nick and the second guy says alright if he comes too I'll call him Nick. I love it. Those people that transfer you those are some of the best people I've ever met in the hospital like they're so fun to talk to. And I wanted to say to the guy hey dude I am awake. I wanted to tell them but then I thought well maybe I'll keep my mouth shut in case he says something else interesting. Yeah there might be some other good stuff coming. The other part in this part I didn't like so much. I knew that they were scanning my heart listening to my heart reading my heart whatever the proper term is. I do have a heart condition I have a regular heartbeat. So again my eyes are closed. They think I'm out cold and two doctors are reading my chart. My heartbeat is being tracked. There's got to be proper terms in here somewhere but I don't know what they are. My heartbeat is being printed out on a piece of paper and one of them tears the piece of paper off the machine and I know that he's reading my heart rate and my heartbeat and he goes oh dude and he passes it off to a second doctor and the doctor goes oh yeah man that's not right. Oh boy you don't want to hear that. Don't freaking say that. And that had nothing to do with your heart right. No they were just yeah that was just on a side note. I mean they were checking everything but when they saw how irregular my heartbeat was these are doctors. They see it all the time and one of them goes oh dude and the other one goes oh yeah that ain't good. Son of a bitch. Have you guys ever been hooked up to one of those maybe I've maybe I've just been hooked up to machines too many times but sometimes I'll like be watching it and I'll like hold my breath to see what happens to the what it's reading or you want to test out the system. Yeah at one time I was doing it and it like it dropped. I don't know what the numbers are or whatever but whatever it was reading dropped like all the way down to like a one or two and the nurses ran in and were like oh my god like what's going on. I was like oh sorry I was just breathing weird like gosh darn it they caught me being a freak over here. I mean it turned out to be fine but they're probably like oh my god she's not breathing. Oh no I've never tested the equipment. I just get bored sometimes. Let's see if I can stress out this equipment. There's only so much SVU I can watch. The friggin hospital. That's where our guy Randy Shaver will be calling us from later. So this will make three grandkids. Two with one and one with the other. Oh two with one of his families and one with the other family. His sons. There you go. What else is going on. People are texting in the proper terminology. Cardiogram EKG. Yes I've had all of those. I can't remember exactly what they were doing to me but my heart rate or my heartbeat. Caught their attention it did. Then there was a time I was in the hospital or pardon me that's not at all where I was going but similar. I was in an ambulance once where my and I was in the ambulance because my heart rate had gone through the roof. That was part of my heart issue for many years was this wildly accelerated heartbeat. Doesn't bother me anymore. I just knocked on wood if you're wondering what that sound was. Doesn't really trouble me anymore since I quit caffeine and I dumbied down my lifestyle a little bit. But I mean there were times where I would sit up out of my chair and my heart rate would go up to 275 beats a minute. It was a little high. It was insane and it could be so frightening. So one night I'm at a concert. My heart takes off for no reason. Other than the fact that I think I'd been drinking for like three or four days straight and when I wasn't drinking beer I was just having straight Mountain Dew. It was just awful what I did to myself but I'm in the ambulance. My heart is flying. I mean it's absolutely flying. I thought I was going to lift off the gurney because it was bouncing and beating so fast. This is one thing I always remember. I got the two paramedics back there and they're charting my heart again and they're like yeah that's some bitches cooking. They tried a couple of things to slow it down. It didn't work. And that's when the one paramedic looks into my eyes and says okay I'm going to give you a shot right now that's made to stop your heart and then start it up again. And you know it's meant to stop it and then start it up at a regular beat. And I said okay I can't remember how I put it. Stabbing along the lines of how well does this normally work you know. And he said don't worry it's 99.9% accurate. You're not going to die. And I said let her buck go ahead. No I would have been like no. No no no. He stabs me with that sum bitch. Stabs me with it. And this is where Ashley like you were saying I was watching the charts. I was watching the screens that were. He stabs me with that needle. He hits that plunger and I waited to feel something and didn't do a damn thing. My heart blasted right through that medication and kept on screaming. And I remember looking at the first paramedic who looked over at the second paramedic and they both shrugged their shoulders. Son of a bitch. That was nice knowing him. That seems like a last ditch effort. Like what else you got. Yeah I'm a lot of ideas. Oh and that was the night when they said you know what piss on it. We were parked in a parking lot. You know I was in a I was at a bar. The ambulance pulls into the parking lot. I get into the ambulance. They were hoping to treat me there and not have to take me to the hospital. You know how they do that right. But after that shot didn't work they said okay we got to take him to the hospital. And that was when this happened where they said okay let's go. And we were at the hospital. I didn't know. I didn't know we were like three and a half blocks from a hospital. I was in a neighborhood I wasn't familiar with. So Josh we went like four and a half blocks and it cost me $975. I could have friggin walked there. Did you say where you were. Were you at the myth. Yes. Yeah yeah St. John's Hospital is literally a block away. Piss me off. Friggin bastards. The most expensive Uber of all time. They could have given me a piggyback ride to that son of a bitch. That sucks. I'd be like no no no take me to regions or something. I want to get my money worth. Somebody should give you a heads up on that. God. Just so you know you might be better off getting wheeled over there than getting the back of this vehicle. Oh I'd be so ticked. Oh yeah covered in metal Jesus texted yes that was when they prescribed me Stryreachland straw. That stuff will mess you up. You don't want to see one paramedic look at the other and shrug their shoulders. Dana have you ever been in the hospital. No I haven't. That's why I haven't really had much to add to this conversation. Like you Nick knocking on wood I've never been in the hospital. That's so crazy to me to like think about others people that haven't been to the hospital. For a while you had a punch card your own room. Yeah they know me. I was just in here like three days ago. If I need to get ahold of Ashley I wouldn't bother calling her cell phone I just call the hospital. Can you put Ashley on the phone. Hey well if you ever do need to go to the hospital for something let me know and I'll tell you what one to go to. It's like is it what is the the Delta Club or what's that fancy club. Yeah like the Sky Miles Club or whatever it's called. Yeah you've got your own at the hospital. Ashley's got Yelp reviews for every hospital in town. They know what they're doing if I need something fixed I'm like whatever let's do this. Like hey we're really busy right now we'll get to you when we get a second. Hey I know Ashley. Oh alright alright yeah we'll get you in we'll get you in. I've been a I've been in a few of them for different different reasons collapse long testicular torsion. Ouch. Gastritis that's a fun one you know Josh and I Josh and I were both in the hospital separately for gastritis. It is so it was so embarrassing. What was the other numerous heart issues the wannabe stroke that I had. I heard it's so painful though Josh. I understand having to go to the hospital for gastritis. Oh yeah I had it it was killing me for like three days I couldn't sleep and eventually we called the doctor like you got to get in your appendix is bursting. Go right now so we went in and the doctor lady doctor too. You got gastritis there pal that's what that's all it was but you're right it was incredibly painful. Yeah for me right. Was it good feeling relief when everything got sorted out. I don't remember how it got sorted out but yeah once that was gone that was much much better. I bet I'm going to say pump you with pain meds who I don't know what they gave me. I know how I got mine sorted out I've vomited all over myself like freaking like what was the character Gary like Gary in Team America World Police. Yeah it's terrible I don't wish that on anybody. They gave me a pill to make me vomit and by damn did it do just that. I thought that felt good. It did I had no control over it. I'm just spraying it all over myself. My brother comes in the room and he's making fun of me for a bit. My brother walks in laughs. Why did they give you anything. I forget did they think it was your appendix as well. No no they knew exactly what was going on. They knew right away. I've been eating Sicilian Pizza Hut pizza and drinking Budweiser for two days straight. Why didn't they give me anything. What do you mean give me anything Ashley. Like something to throw up in a trash can or you know it's a good question. I think because they knew it was going to be so uncontrollable that a bucket probably wasn't going to cut it. It was just everywhere in the hospital that day. Were there any new guys. Oh damn yeah but they could handle it. They could. These new guys were tougher than most. Yeah they've seen a lot. It doesn't really happen too much at a hospital I bet. I bet the new guy doesn't really puke in the corner at a hospital. They've gone through all kinds of training. These guys were these guys were tough. Yeah. Ah cripes. You know what you're a hell of a crowd. We're pumped because this is our final final. And like we said there's a chance at 730. We'll have a first for this radio show and that's a live childbirth. Randy Shaver will be calling us from the hospital as he's waiting on his latest grand kid. We'll put that cell phone right up against the old special purpose and we can hear it all happen Josh. Stupid news coming up next on the program. Half-assed morning show 93X. Well hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning and I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks and no it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12 now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standardheating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Use of hard work and now you've got pain in your back your shoulders your knees maybe your joints you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer Dave Bialke he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer call Bialke Law today 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com that's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com and it spells relief for you. This is in your average podcast. This is full send. Just like a boy scrap. Join the party. We threw like a spontaneous party out of nowhere was crazy and we pulled off a crazy prank. Pranks parties and viral culture at its wildest. Just seeing like the guys that you brought in and like seeing their different personalities and stuff it's been entertaining dude. This could be the greatest content build of all time bro. The full send podcast. Dude let's get ready to rumble. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's do it. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Come on. We got to get it going over here cubby. Get some. Yeah we started off the program. It's our Friday by the way. We started off the program talking about the magic and the miracle of childbirth. Sounds pretty gross from what I understand. I'm even having a more and more difficult time as I get older. I'm having a more and more difficult time just walking through the miracle of afterbirth barn at the state fair. I used to have no problem with that but as I get older and older I get a little squirrely when we walk through the miracle of afterbirth barn at the state fair. It turns my stomach. I don't know how the farm kids do it. I wonder what changed. I don't know. But it's just wall to wall liquefied feces and different odd colored fluids spraying up and down. Don't get me wrong. Baby cows are cute and everything like that. But maybe let's think about putting up a tarp. Can we put up a curtain somewhere in there Josh? I'm going to get hit in the forehead by a blood clot or something at one point or another. I wish they could time it out. Just tell you hey this thing's going to happen at this time. I've only been in there a few times. I've never saw any action. Stay out of the splash zone. And I'll say this too. The pregnant cows. Oh do they look miserable. They're laying there like come on this sucks. They look so miserable. I want to comfort them somehow but you're not allowed to touch the animals. Those pregnant cows. Yeah you kind of wish your body came with a windshield wiper from what I've heard. It's just violent. It's just everywhere. That's pretty much all my dad did from the time he was 12 until he went into the service. It's just pull smaller animals out of larger animals. He didn't pass that down to me. I don't know if I can handle that. So we were talking about the miracle of birth. This darkened things up a little bit. How about we start off our stupid news report with a couple of junkies who penetrated each other in public. The two of them decided that everyone in town would want to watch them bump. The miracle of conception is what you get a chance to watch. Beautiful thing. The miracle of conception I suppose. Sure yeah. Hell this was out of doors don't you know. The two derelicts they pulled down their dirty pants and even dirtier underwears and started slapping back and forth. Says here it was 8 p.m. There was still a little bit of daylight at the time of this junkie bump. I'm not going to wait until after dark. Yeah when you need to get it you need to get it. I understand that feeling but you gotta the brain has to work at some point. Between the two one of you has to have some sort of reason. There was still a little bit of daylight. And they were effing at what they call here a quote children's slash dog park. Sounds like an awesome park. This was the local park for the kids and where you bring your dog. So little kids and dogs saw the two of them make the beast with two backs. That ain't right. That'll get you in some trouble. They were arrested Josh you're right. Yeah you can't be doing it in front of the dogs that's just not right. The two drug addicts go by the names of Benjamin. He is 35. His hot lady is I had it here somewhere Christy and she's up to 42 years old. They're officially felons now. The cops are going to dump a charge of well there's a couple of them a lewd and lascivious exhibition. That's the one that I believe is a felony. Oh and then you go down the line in decent exposure. Oh resisting arrest. So dude took the wrestling with the cops while they had a bone on. Let me finish. Let me get this done. That's disturbing. That is disturbing. Do we have police coming in the building later. We do yes. The troopers will be here. Gary. Yes. Yep. And Ricardo. Gary and Ricardo from the state patrol. Help me I can't remember now. Gordon shank Gordon shank and Mike Lee. Mikey Lee will be swinging by later. So try to remind me to ask them about because in this case the dude junkie he wrestled with the cops when the cops pulled him off of his girlfriend. He's hammering away at his girlfriend in public and when the cops tried to end it he fought with them. So that makes me wonder we can ask Gordon and Mikey later but I know we have cops listening. Maybe they can text in and tell us 651-989-9393 in a year. How many times on average do you have to deal with naked people. Based on news and stuff it seems like it's often monthly at least but I'm sure it happens way more than that. Let's see if the text machines take off here at one point or another with some members of our local law enforcement. Danny you mentioned not having sex in front of the dogs. How do you guys feel about that sex in front of animals. Do you guys kick them out. I thought I don't kick them out. Did you use to. No. No. For some reason I thought you said in the past that yeah you just it doesn't seem right to you. Well it's never bothered me like one of my dogs is literally like in the bed. The three-legged one like I just move her over. It's not like we're taking up the whole bed. Our dog knows what's about to happen and he doesn't care for it so he leaves he just goes and hides somewhere. One of my dogs is like that. Doesn't even enter my mind Cubby where the where the pets are at. Did it ever maybe like the first time. No. No. Why do you ask. I don't want to enter now because everybody else is on the opposite side of that. Now I wouldn't care but I used to kind of wonder like am I harming the dog in some way. No. Did they going to need Josh therapy. I have no idea what Josh. You're barely harming your partner. Well that's true. I'm thinking I'm not going to enjoy this. The dog doesn't want to see something like it. And people wonder why I say Cubby's the most polite and considerate guy on planet earth. Yeah you have to have the talk with the dog. Hey listen you know what you saw are two people that love each other. Yeah and they're like I don't care. And it's a physical expression of that love. And even if they are uncomfortable I mean what's 45 seconds of uncomfortableness for them. Okay good point. He steps out of the shower to take a piss and he makes sure the dogs aren't offended when he has sex. The most considerate son bitch in town that's you. Yeah my dog I don't even think she moves. She doesn't even like lift her head up. She doesn't even take a look. Nah she's passed out. Does that offend you that she doesn't even want to watch or anything. No see I actually yeah that would be weird. It's like you had a dog that like watched and you let them and you like kept them in the room that's a little weird. Alright I got a text message from a cop. So far I'm finding one police officer in here in my text messages 651-98993-93. I asked like say in a year how many times on average do you cops have to deal with naked people. I got a simple answer here just says very often. I was looking for a more direct number but I appreciate you getting ahold of us regardless. The answer from one cop very often. So to that police officer like every shift or once a week and yeah because I'd imagine it does happen quite often because it's the drugs right folks on it seems like whatever the drug is that gets you naked a lot of people are on it. Yeah get back if you don't mind getting back to us one more time maybe you're on duty we don't mean to get in the way of but can you give us a number in a year in an average year how many naked people do you have to deal with. So people on the topic of having sex around your animals folks don't let it happen because sometimes the animals want to get involved in the way they're like hey I want to play this game and then they jump up or smell places or they think they're wrestling. Yeah like hey we're all playing around what's going on. I will say like if she's too cool like my dogs too close to us like we'll move her because I can't be like touching her at the same time that's that I don't know why I'm like they call that a three way. Okay check it out our cop got back to us with a direct number dude this is worse than I thought I asked how many times in a year you had to deal with naked people this cop says three to five times a week. Oh my goodness another cop says about 10 to 20 times a month lots of methane around what in God's name that's is that more than you thought it would be 10 to 20 in a week. Oh yeah I mean because they're they're working in one city or even if they're like a sheriff that work or a deputy they're working in one county that's a lot. And I imagine too kind of like Nick the accidental nudity you saw in Wisconsin Dells these people are not the types you want to see naked. Right oh absolutely no no I think that goes without saying these are not the people that you want to see in the nude. So easily you see more naked bodies at work than you do in your personal life. Way more naked bodies at work than you do in your frigging personal life. And how do you get those mental images out of your head. Well and also the it's on camera now. Body cam. You gotta watch that for court or something. Look what I saw today. If you do the arithmetic this cop who said three to five times a week he says that's about 260 naked people a year. Wow that's too much too much. What was the question you had Dana how do you get that image out of your head. That's why a lot of cops are heavy drinkers. Yeah that's a stressful gig already and then you got to deal with something like that. It's got to be the new guys that they make tackle that suspect if they have to. Probably. Now he's riding in your squad not mine. So we're going to get Gordon shank and Mikey Lee in here from the state patrol later. I know state patrol officers deal with a little bit of a different set of clientele than city cops but we'll see if they have any a naked perp story or two. And you cops who are texting in now we appreciate it. If you have a favorite naked perp story try to keep it brief text us back we got all the time in the world. And if there's ever one that you thought word because we're picturing that's never happened it's very attractive person right and like we're talking like holy naked right none of this half naked crap. Oh we'll come up with a bottomless because I got that you know shirtless dudes. That doesn't oh well if you've watched cops that's every guy. Obviously we're not counting shirtless dudes. I think from the waist down if you're new that counts. Yeah oh yeah porky pig in it as you say. This person says when I was a rookie I thought it was sweet when I got dispatched to a call of a naked person and I found out real quick you do not want to go to a call of a naked person because I'm sure they're extra dangerously insane at that moment high on whatever it is. You don't want to touch them. But then we got another cop here who sounds like he works in the middle of nowhere's in Wisconsin you know like we were saying state patrolmen have a little bit of a different experience than big city cops. I imagine if you're out in a whisk go in the middle of nowhere's I mean sure we all know Wisconsin is loaded with lunatics but if you're just roaming the roads and whatnot you get a little different experience because one cop texted in and said I saw more people when I was delivering I saw more people that's not at all what we're talking about. I saw more naked people when I was delivering packages for UPS. Oh yeah I apologize not too long ago that my UPS guy had to see me in my underpants. It's walking by at the wrong time. Underpants. Here's a guy who said a cop who said he had a I'm sorry he or she I guess I don't know had a naked lady very high on meth this girl was full nude and thought she was having a baby. She pushed so hard that quote a few turds fell out. Oh no. And I was cornered in that hotel room. So she was not having a baby. Oh thank God. She was so high she thought she was having a baby. Oh she thought she was having oh oh and she pooped. Yep. Dana said he's been in the bathroom before and felt like he was about to have a baby. That's true. All right thank you for your text we'll try to keep up with them. Oh good point from Boxtoss and Jesus who's wonderful by the way said at least you know naked people are unarmed. True. I mean I guess there is one or two places they could hide something but. Yeah there's a story in the stupid who's not too long ago where a guy was holed up in his house and they were trying to get him out and when he finally came out he came out naked just to show that he wasn't uh wasn't caring. Is that right? Yep. Yeah here's a cop or pardon me a firefighter who said once they got a call about a naked well obviously naked about a girl who had fallen in the shower a woman who had fallen in the shower. Oh boy I bet that can be bad. And he said all the rookies on the fire department wanted to take that call. Shower rescue you've got a whole game based around it. I have had a lot of success playing the game shower rescue yes I have cubby. I've never asked you after all these years when you've talked about shower rescue. Were you ever the damsel in distress or always the rescuer? No I always wanted to play the hero role. Did you ever consider just being rescued by a bunch of uh sexy female firefighters? Never thought about it. I never thought about it till right now. Is it okay if I don't refer to myself as the damsel in distress? No you gotta call yourself the damsel in distress. Do I have to call out help? Yes. Help me! We got a few cops listening out there cops firemen got a few derelicts too. Josh haven't I heard you say before that it ain't easy finding school bus drivers these days you know a thing or two because your son more importantly my god son is a school bus rider. Yes um if there's a school bus driver who's sick they'll send out a notice saying sorry no bus tomorrow so they don't it seems like they don't have backups and we've got a few school bus drivers that have texted him before that say the same thing like it's it's kind of nuts they definitely need people. You're even considering putting in some hours behind the wheel of your neighborhood school bus. I think I'd like to do that. Yeah. I mean it's kind of one of those things where maybe a school bus driver would say you say that now just wait but I do think like if we get canned from this place I'd consider that for sure. The kids would pick on you so much Josh. Oh yeah so different than work. Trust me I've had 30 years of training or going home to my family. You might get it worse here yeah. I can take abuse pretty well. The kids aren't going to come up with anything as good as what we use to bus. You call that a joke. I know I have to say I've heard worse this morning before I got on this stupid bus. You would have to be one of those bus drivers though that like gives out candy canes on Christmas and stuff like that because those were the best. I don't know can you even do that anymore. Oh yeah probably not because every kid and their stupid allergies and stuff and they can't have a red die or whatever. Kids are so dumb. I'll have a vape that everyone can hit. Yeah make sure you take a couple shots before you get behind the wheel. Only if you could it'll be a reward for the good kids. Well that's too bad that the school bus drivers aren't as plentiful as they used to be. The kids need to get to the school house somehow right. So anyways on the topic you'd hope that the few school bus drivers that we have remaining themselves and I'm sure the great majority of them do. But then you hear about a guy like this. Now in the end I ain't so mad at this guy but I'll tell you the story a school bus driver in Massachusetts opt and took a piss on the damn school bus right in front of all the stupid elementary school kids. Yeah that's not good. You gotta keep your packer in your pants brother. What the hell is wrong with you. But again there's more to the story. The story says that the bus driver old piss pants they don't give a name. The name isn't included here. He's a 71 year old fella. So when I read that the first time I wondered okay does he have some kind of health issue or something along those lines. Yeah they can't hold it for very long. So piss pants is driving all these kindergarten to second grade age kids to the school house. Just little potlickers right. He's driving the kindergartners the first graders and the second graders to the school house apparently it hit him hard and he had to take a squeege like a racehorse. So here's where you might come around a little bit. If it makes you feel any better. It says here piss pants pulled the bus smooth over and told the kids to get to the back of the bus. And then he hauled it out in his driver's seat and he pissed in a coffee mug or a coin jar or something. So dude made an effort to keep the kids out of the line of fire and the line of sight. So now yeah now where do you go with it. Yeah I'm not that upset. I mean what's the alternative is him like parking somewhere and then getting off the bus because I'm sure parents would be very mad about that situation. Probably didn't want to get off the bus because somebody might spot I'm leaning up against a tree. Oh yeah actually I didn't consider that I was thinking pull over and find a tree or a gas station but you're right he probably can't leave the bus. I didn't consider that. Oh that's hard if it's between like him having to do that or like pee his pants I mean you have to do what you gotta do. After he put it away piss pants he got that big old bus back on the road they all made it to school just fine. As soon as they got there a few of the little kids went running up to tell their teachers about the pee pee. Snitches. And everyone freaked. I get it their parents probably taught them right. Piss pants you sound so angry about that. Yeah like hey like you're doing what you're supposed to do but. What do I hear now if you see something say something right is that the new slogan. Piss pants was fired. School busing Kai Jesus said that if they get off the bus it's considered child abandonment. Oh so yeah I feel bad for this guy. So piss pants was fired. The question now is whether or not they want to charge this poor bastard with a crime. I say give this old timer and his rusty prostate a break. I'm with you on that. I don't know why I didn't consider sooner with the point you brought up Ashley that he couldn't step off the bus. I never would have thought of that. Yeah it seems like you know if he's just running to the woods or something it'd be cool but I bet you're right he's probably getting real trouble for that too. Especially with tiny little kids we weren't talking about 15 year old kids on this bus we're talking about eight year olds. Yeah he did the best that he could. That sucks. We were talking about school bus drivers and just the shortage and school busing Kai Jesus said yeah I know it's bad he tries not to miss a day for that reason. I mean I know there's somebody else where was it. Shoot somebody else said that they even have just staff that work in the office pick up routes because if somebody's sick what are you going to do. Maybe you explained this and I missed it. Why are there so few school bus drivers now? Yeah good question I don't know. I'm not sure. You know it's kind of weird like after the pandemic it seemed like the Thanos snap where half the population disappeared and nobody worked anymore right. Everybody was having so much trouble finding workers. Does it not pay well? Yeah I'm not sure. You'd think that'd be you know you'd get a pretty good paycheck out of that driving kids to school that's an important thing. There's some other bus drivers have checked in saying they love it. There's not one that says they hate it and there's even Northern Recycling Jesus said he used to drive school bus and was some of the most funny hat in his driving career. Oh that's nice. We got a problem on our hands. We need some of you folks to start driving the school bus. Okay well here's again school bus Kai driving Jesus. School bus something or another Kai Jesus. School bus and Kai Jesus. What do you say? He said the kids behavior is terrible. Okay I get that part yeah. If that's why some bus drivers are walking away because kids these days are entitled little pricks I totally get that because they are. And I suppose just things like angry bus driver Jesus talked about you know a candy sharing incident on the bus where that kind of went bad and you know all that kind of fear right you everybody's so pissed so easily that it's top two. You give a kid a snicker bar next thing you know the dad's got you in a choke hold because of whatever reason because parents are idiots. So yeah he's specifically he said one day he went to the elementary school there was a school resource officer that came out of the bus and gave other kids a third degree saying someone poisoned one of the students. The poison was a piece of candy the kid had that apparently there was a dye in it that he was allergic to and the family went nuts. Yeah yeah that's part of the problem. Well that sucks. Okay real quick back to something we covered earlier and that was cops dealing with naked people. We were shocked at how often as we learned from cops via our text machine we were shocked at how often cops had to wrestle naked people. We knew it was a thing absolutely how do you everyone knows it's a thing with the drugs like Josh was saying with drug problems people get naked and run through the street we just didn't know how often I mean cops were saying five times a week they have to they have to wrestle naked people to the ground and Anuses, Genitalia. That's like the majority of their problems. Right listen to this now a cop texted in to say he was training in a new guy we love talking about the new guy. He's got tummy issues. He does his stomachs and can sometimes be a little iffy the new guy so he says I was training in a new cop. First night oh wow it was the new guy's first night and we got a call about a naked man in a tree out in the woods hollering hollering and hollering naked guy in a tree in the middle of the woods screaming his screaming his ass off. That's fun. The new guy goes charging up to the scene because he wants to make an impact he's the new guy naked dude in a tree drops out of the tree ha ha and the new guy took his testicles right across the face. Hazard pay. New guy testicles across the face. I would quit right then and there. Firefighters too this person's a firefighter they say about once or twice a shift they get a naked lift assist and they said they've never had a hottie a naked what it so I'm wondering if they mean just like a fall right somebody's naked and someone yeah they fell it's never been a hottie never been a hottie no hotties can usually get themselves back on their feet yeah couple EMTs checked in and said very common very common all the drama I'm telling you what cops naked people school bus drivers. Here for whatever reason I'm running around naked we guys please put like a loincloth or something on me now the sheet over you find a fimble to cover my I'm putting a pair of panties and a bra on you I am I'm taking pictures and I'm gonna say I found this some bitch like this I've known him for 30 years I had no idea he's got a trunk full of this stuff yep. All right forget it then I'm putting a pair of little thong underwear is on me naked. Thong underwear. Everyone knows I wear boxer shorts 10 times too large. That's true. Maybe that's why you're hiding what's actually underneath. I have fat thighs. Thong underwear. When Josh is walking around in his boxer shorts he looks like a member of the fab five for Pete's sake some of yous get that joke some of yous don't. I'm picturing Kevin McAllister in Home Alone 2 when he puts on his dad's swim trunks that are like five sizes too big and they fall off in the pool. That's about right. All right of course we're gonna have to stop by the far southeastern portion of the United States before we make a clean break from today's stupid news report. Let's see if we can make this one happen. Here we have a total plug by the unique name of Farron Farron. Some bitch was trespassing at a hotel a couple weeks ago. The hotel said he refused to leave the joint after his checkout time. What a pain in the ass. So the hotel folks they don't want to babysit this jag off so they called the local cops. When the cops showed up they saw that Farron was a wearin. Shut up. What I can't do one pun. Josh does 77 of them. I can't do is it okay if I do one pun. You do puns from time to time I enjoy it. This Farron guy was wearing a stolen jail inmate uniform. Okay the uniform belonged to the local county jail. The cops looked into Farron's background and they found out that he was not an escapee from jail but he had been there recently. So to stole the jail house jumpsuit. The last time he was in the cooler and he's wearing it around town. What in the world on his way out he grabbed a jumpsuit. Yeah I know we've told this story many many times but we did work with a couple people in this building who would wear prison jumpsuits to work. Yes it only lasted a couple weeks because it's like slight. Yes what because slipknot hit the slipknot hit the scene is that the band. I believe it was slipknot related. We're gonna go ahead and blame slipknot so slipknot shows up on the scene and that was part of their gimmick right to wear a prison jumpsuit around on stage. Am I correct about that? Yeah that's how I remember it. And so a couple people in the building here were big fans of slipknot so they mimicked and they would walk and it was absolutely the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. That is so dumb. As far as workplace wardrobe goes it was the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life. Why would you ever want to like portray that that's so dumb. I don't know. Yeah we were confused as well we thought is there a costume party in the middle of June you were not aware of. And we've seen some dumb friggin outfits around here over the years. Also I bet going to the bathroom is a bitch. So anyway this guy. Real quick I was just gonna say I can't remember if it was you or somebody else described some of the attire around this building as not people like dressing for work they wore costumes. Yeah they didn't wear clothing they wore costumes. Everywhere they went. Big mink coats. To present themselves as mink coats. Yes. Like I'm assuming fake. Yeah fake. Oh my god I'm so glad I was not even born yet. Like they look like kind of big robes. So why this dude would want to wear a stolen jailhouse jumpsuit around town I have no idea. But obviously now seeing how he was arrested for trespassing the jailers don't have to fit Dinkus for a new jumpsuit. He's got one on already. Oh and because cops are all amateur comedians these days the local sheriff said I've heard of dressing for success but never dressing for arrest. If you don't mind me saying I don't know it's just something that came to mind. That took him a while. He workshopped that one around the office. Yeah he sat it to himself in the mirror a couple times. That was AI. AI came up with that. AI. That hell and Iverson sure is clever. Yeah you know what he's getting a lot of attention lately. He's in the news constantly. Seems that way. Yeah. Writing a lot of school papers from what I hear. Yeah that's nice of him. Never took him as the type. Giving back to the kids. Alright we got time I think for one more this one doesn't. This one won't keep you. The gist is here. A dude is looking at five years. Hey that was gas. The dude is looking at five years in the cooler. For getting paid for a job and the prick hadn't shown up for work in ten years. Sweet. This was in some tough part of the world wasn't it Josh? Yeah. Kuwait. Oh god Kuwait. I wouldn't mess around there. No. I imagine they're a little more harsh about things like this in Kuwait. Hadn't shown up to work in ten years. But he was getting paid. And now they might have to put this son of a bitch in prison. He was some kind of public servant so they were public funds that were paying his salary. Along the way someone found out that he hadn't done Dick Tracy for a smooth decade. That's like half of the other person who's like in charge of that. The half their fault too. If you're going to charge him charge them. Of course. I mean somebody else effed up obviously you're right. Somebody was sending him a check in the mail every two weeks for ten years. So maybe that person was in on the caper and if so they probably deserved some punishment as well like you were saying. Aside from being sent off to the penitentiary. Dude has to somehow pay back all the money he stole over the last ten years remember. He's been getting paid for ten years for a job that didn't exist. He's got to pay back all the money he stole times two. Oh no. They're sticking it to this guy. Yeah. Oh my god. Josh. Lord. He's also been ordered to put together a football team made up of inmates to take on the guards. Oh there's some research he could do. Two versions the second one much better. I mean the second one so so much better. This reminds me of I worked at a gym for a while and so you get a free membership when you work there and then I stopped working there but they never like changed my profile over so I just like went to the gym free for like two years maybe even longer. It was awesome and in one day I was just doing something at the front desk. I think I was going to go tanning and they were like your thing is still set to like being an employee. Do you work at one of these gyms? And I was like no that's crazy. And you could tell she knew right away that like I knew this was happening and then she started treating me like crap about it and I was like look at look here. All right. I'm not going to remind you guys how to do your job. I've never had a situation like that where maybe I had a streaming subscription and they cancelled it and they didn't realize I've never had anything like that. It was I saved a bunch of money. I was like oh god. I was like they're going to come after me for this money. They never did thankfully she just switched it over but I didn't like the attitude I was catching. Well isn't that the same as stealing? If you're aware of it I think they could probably say something like that. Maybe but I was like I don't know. That was like that's on you. You should have switched it over. Every month I was like oh they probably switched it over this month. It's all on them. Have you never felt responsible to walk up and say hey look I don't work here anymore. I need to pay for my gym membership. No. None of that was none of it was your responsibility. I never felt the need. What does this say now? There was also an Italian teacher years ago that didn't show up for work for 16 years but somehow she was still getting a paycheck. I'll be dipped. Oh I guess I have had some fun along these same lines. Maybe the rest of yous have had this experience. Have you bought a new car and they give you a serious XM or whatever it's called for free for three months. But then it turns into like three and a half years and you don't say dick. Yeah. No they've always cancelled it. I mean then I'll get like phone calls, letters, emails. They've barred you. Sports. On the 93X half-assed morning show. What did you see kind of offensively in the fourth that made it harder to? I mean a couple things. You know we missed a couple of layups early in the quarter. Turnovers in the middle of the quarter and then missed wide open threes later in the quarter when we had the game. Chance to tighten it up a little bit. That was really kind of it. I forgot to turn my mic on. That's Finchie there. Wolves lost in Detroit. Close ball game. She was a close game. They just had one bad stretch and that settled it. The Pistons beat the Timberwolves. 113 to 108. Anthony Edwards had to miss last night's game. They say he has a quote illness. Is he pooping again? Maybe that was the start. If that's the case. Oh yeah you're right Ashley. That was the warning. The precursor. Oh he's got something wrong with him. He's got an illness. I don't know if it's fecal related. Question. Yes. I never got past the headlines. What's the deal now? Anthony Edwards can't win some sort of award. You have to play a certain amount of games to be considered for post season awards. Okay so that was my guess. MVP and things like that. 65 games is the threshold and after missing last night's game he's officially out of the running. Yeah. Had he played last night he'd still be that was it. If he played last night and played through the rest of the regular season he would have been eligible but no he's not. But speaking of the Timberwolves they just tweeted a minute ago. The big ticket returns to Target Center April 12th. That's their final regular season game against the Pelicans Sunday April 12th so looks like KG's going to be in the house that night. Oh cool. My wife was just asking me. She said when's Crazy Ass finally going to show up for a ball game and she means Kevin Garnett when she says Crazy Ass and I think we've all seen some interviews and whatnot with Kevin Garnett that leads you to believe the same thing. April 12th is the answer. April 12th. He's uh he's he's something. He is. At times. Sometimes when I hear interviews with him or podcast clips I can't understand a word he's saying. He's a little uh just a little different these days is what I would say but I'm excited to have him back in the mix. I mean he's Kevin Garnett. I still trust his influence on the organization. We'll see. So that's the final home game. Final home game of the regular season. Actually final game of the regular season. That'll be that'll be something. That'll be massive. People will go crazy. Absolutely. I'll admit when he came back you know for that short period of time how many years ago was that when he came back to the Timberwolves and played out the rest of the regular season. Back when they had Ricky Rubio and whatnot. I was at that game. I cried like a child. I bet. I loved Kevin. You weren't alone. Oh absolutely not. Uh pigs won last night and that means good things in the long run. I think that puts them in the playoff. The winds got a win on their way out of Kansas City yesterday. Randy Shaver will be checking in with us at 7.30 and it could be very interesting. Randy is not at the retirement home here in town today. He is in Iowa City, Iowa surrounded by Iowhegent doctors. He's at a hospital right now awaiting the birth of his next grandchild. He's awaiting the splashdown. I'm surprised. Uh the wifey, his son's wife let them come. They don't get along? Uh I just um usually especially nowadays it's like common to be like hey yeah we just want this time to ourselves. Like as soon as we pop the baby out we don't need you holding a freshly newborn baby. Maybe Randy and his wife uh they don't know their uh they don't know uh personal space um the way the rest of us do. You know what I mean? Yeah. Maybe they're a little clingy. They're a helicopter grandparents. Maybe Randy's son and his wife are going great mom and dad are here right? We don't know. You might be on to something. Yeah we're going to find out at 7.30. I'm hoping we hear all kinds of dramatic things in the background so that's what will be happening here in about a half hour. Oh real quick before we go because Josh has a news report coming up. Before we go we were talking about a lack of school bus drivers these days. We had a lot of text messages on the subject. Josh knows a thing or two. He says they just don't have the school bus drivers like they used to. He's even considering putting in some part time hours. Cubby over there. Got a couple of texts on the subject. Oh uh here's a listener. We've gotten varying reasons texted into us. Why is there a shortage of school bus drivers? We've got many great answers. All of them make perfect sense. They mentioned this and that. One listener says there's a shortage of school bus drivers right now because at this point 99% of us have gotten a DWI. That disqualifies you? And this interesting text from Cowboy Jesus. He says in the late 80s my after school bus driver was also a DJ for Hot Rockin 104 FM. Oh yeah I used to listen to that. I listened to Hot Rockin 104 FM when I was in the 80s. I certainly did. That says a thing or two about radio right there doesn't it? Big money. That seems very on brand. DJ at night after school bus driver during the day. Josh's news report is coming up next. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Well hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now. We truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning. I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks. And no it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12 now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standardheating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialke Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hey there. I'm Paula Pan. I'm going to make the smartest money decisions possible. Joe, you know what's been great about being a saver? More money to make. And that money over the past couple of years has made a pretty good yield. Pre-pandemic, money was making zero. Now it's actually making something, but that's starting to go down, down, down. I love how we can play the fact that inflation's been really high as a positive. But if you're a saver, you know what that means? Cha-ching. Silver lining, Joe. Silver lining. Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Police were there and the kids were still there. And then all of a sudden everybody started running at one time. It was so weird. It was, it was a little scary. Police uh... Sorry. Police. You know what? Forget it. I'm sorry. That's so mean. I deserved it. We've got an important news report here that Josh put together, but he may not be able to go through with it and it's my fault. Just horse it around right when we went live, right when that audio began. I got Josh's attention. I got him to look my way and I gave him the finger. He was so happy before that too. Like literally jumping around. Yeah, what was going on in there? Every once in a while I like to show my coworkers how good I am at jumping. And so I was showing them, I was showing, well, I can't bicycle kick. I've never seen anything like it. We've got a 51 year old man in here. And once or twice a week when we're playing commercials, he attempts to bicycle kick around the room like David Lee Roth on the Diver Down tour. I don't know why you do that. I'm excited to be here. I enjoy being here with these guys. It's really bizarre and I'm worried about you tearing something. I think I did kind of hurt my hammy on that bicycle kick. Just for fun, I gave you the finger right when we went live and I think I took all the wind out of your sails. I'm just horsing around, Josh. I don't mean anything by that. It's Friday. I can handle it. Who gives an F kind of a thing? I probably had it coming. I love you, dog. Right back at you, brah. Can you make a fun, what, oh, Dana gave me the finger now. Everyone's... This is a terrible day. I would never do that to you, Josh. Do it. Dumping the bird on old cubby. I just want you guys to know when I take my bath tonight and write my daily entry into my journal, this is going in there. While sipping on a nice glass of milk. You tell like, oh, that guy wrote that angry. Look how he's basically tore the paper with that pencil. Can we start over again? Yeah, let's start over. My apology. Second chances. You accept my apology. Of course, I wasn't even really mad. I mean, it just hurt more than anything. You appear to be hurt, yeah. Police in Crystal say they're cracking down after a series of large fights at a local park about a group of people I've warned you about. But y'all make fun of me. I told you they were scary. Teenagers. Teenage brawls going on at the neighborhood park. Crystal PD has responded to a large amount of disturbances in the late afternoon, hours at Becker Park over several days. Crowds of 75 to 150 rap scallions arrived from outside the city, police said. What is an Orbeez gun? Don't they shoot those little gel pellets or whatever? Yeah, that's why I imagine those would be colorful. Oh, no, they look like legit guns. What? That's what the cops are saying is that they look real. Yeah, I thought it'd be like some cute little colorful kid gun, but no. So they're shooting each other back and forth with fancy guns? Yeah, they're shooting each other with a gun. They're shooting each other with a gun. They're shooting each other with a colorful kid gun, but no. So they're shooting each other back and forth with fancy BB guns more or less? Yeah, I think it shoots like little gel beads. So are these real fights or are these like the old BB gun fights we used to have in Junior High? Well, I mean, okay, they also said there was pepper spray that made an appearance. Oh. And at least one taser-like device found in the mix. What? I see that police shut down the park in the name of public safety. And even then, though, the crowd didn't exactly call it a day. They spilled over into nearby businesses and shopping centers. We went in to disperse those crowds, which we were able to do on Saturday and Monday. On Sunday, the crowd was so big and so charged that the decision was made to close the park entirely. Again, you all scoffed at me, but the teams, they're organized now. That is actually terrifying. If I had showed up at a park and there was just that many teams, I would be so scared. Multiple young folks have been arrested and charged with disorderly conduct, trespassing and theft. And Crystal PD says it'll crack down further on illegal activity and step up patrols in the area to turn away rideshare services carrying large groups before they're able to enter the park. You know, some would say it's a good sign that kids are getting outside again. I'm with you, yeah. I was saying that too. Like, hey, they're outdoors. They're not on their phones. And again, I'm still wondering, is this like a serious violent fight or are these kids just playing a modified version of what's that video game called? Call the duty or whatever. Like, are they just putting on a... They called them fights, but maybe like you said, it was just kind of like some of those nerf wars, but with different, sometimes a little more dangerous stuff. Yeah, just kids being kids. We used to have some hellacious BB gun fights. We always did it on someone's property. We weren't running around the neighborhood. We would do it in someone's yard. One time a kid, cubby, got a BB up under his eyelid. Oh, ouch. Yeah, he had his eyeball cut open. They had to pull that BB out of their forearm. Oh my God. Have you guys checked it? I'm checking text right here. Yeah. What's up? A lot of people are giving me the middle finger. Oh. Like, a lot. Chokes on you, blocked. Everybody's blocked. What? All it's going to take, Josh, is for one sumbitch to send you a thumbs up and everything's going to be okay. True. That's true. The department also says it'll take what's called enforcement actions against parents or other adults who allow kids to participate in these gatherings. Yeah, maybe if we were hearing from a lot of cops today, it was cool. Maybe if there, more middle fingers. Maybe if there's a crystal cop listening, they can tell us. I mean, are these actual fights or are these kids just kind of messing around? Cops coming from crystal. See, sounds like fun in 1985, but these days, if you're hauling around a fake gun, I mean, you're asking for trouble. Yeah, and sadly, chances are somebody's got a real one out there that shouldn't have one. Yeah, exactly. A lot of responsible gun owners. And they're not going to understand what you're doing. Scary these days. Two people are facing assault charges after taking a man's car keys in Robbinsdale, attacking him with a golf club, and later saying he got what he deserved. Started March 23rd when police were called around 6.22pm. When officers arrived, they found a man bleeding from his head with blood on his face and hands. He said he stopped behind two vehicles involved in a road rage incident, backing up traffic. When he got out of his car to try and defuse the situation, the passenger in the front vehicle suddenly brought the fairway to the freeway, attacking him with a golf club. After he was teed off on, he realized his car keys were gone. Video of the incident showed a brown sedan speeding past a red sedan, cutting in front of it, and then giving the old brake check. The injured man was behind the red sedan. He got out of his car and began yelling at the driver, the brown vehicle. Both occupants of the brown car then got out and started yelling at him. As this was happening, the red sedan drove away, and one of the occupants returned to the brown car. The man then returned and headed back to his own vehicle. Court documents state that's when one of the occupants of the other car attacked him with a golf club, and the two ended up fighting on the ground. One of the suspects then took the man's car keys from his vehicle and also struck him with the golf club before others stepped in and broke up the assault. I appreciate that, Josh. Thank you. I was wondering if anybody would get it. Coon Rapids Police later located the brown sedan and arrested both individuals. If you want to get in the middle finger for that, I get it. Coon Rapids, Robinsdale. How can you, uh, fricking Coon Rapids? This has been an ugly news report so far. With some of the talent stuff you mentioned? Coon Rapids. I dated a guy, you mentioned Robinsdale too. I dated a guy who lived in Robinsdale. Oh, she had to have been absolutely smoking hot if you're willing to date somebody who lived in Robinsdale. Never got a good night's sleep out there. Never got a good night's sleep. So as they're taking the two into custody, one of them said he got what he deserved. The 31 year old and 37 year old golf fans were arrested on second degree assault charges and the 31 year old is also facing an additional charge of aggravated robbery. Aggravated robbery is what he said in case he couldn't make that out. My delivery is bad. Today's a rough one on me. In theaters this week, Robert Pattinson and Zendaya or Zanzaya? Zendaya. I've heard of both ways a million times. You've got both ways a million times. In the drama, a happily engaged couple gets put to the test when an unexpected revelation sends their wedding week off the rails. That sounds awesome. This looks pretty good actually. They've been doing a press tour and they are hilarious together. I'm really excited for this. What's the name again? The drama. Zendaya? Zendaya or Zendaya? Zendaya. Zendaya. Zendaya. Zendaya. With Robert Pattinson, Patterson, Edward. Pattinson. We don't know how to say. You were on the wrong side of that whole twilight thing actually. No. You were Team Jacob? Yeah. Most people were. I understand. Oh were they? I thought they were all Team Edward. I don't really remember. Yeah, shirtless and tan. Yeah, everybody was all about Team Jacob. But it was so weird watching this press tour. I didn't know that Robert, I'm not even going to say his last name anymore. I didn't know that he wasn't. Wait a minute, wait a minute. He has like an accent. Totally explainable that I couldn't pronounce Zendaya. Why are you having trouble with Pattinson? I keep thinking it's Patterson. That's why. Well you're wrong. I know. That's why I don't want to say it. Mario ventures into space exploring cosmic worlds and tackling galactic challenges far from the familiar mushroom kingdom in Super Mario Galaxy, which actually hit theaters Wednesday to record breaking numbers. I saw one review so far and the headline read, Super Mario Galaxy Movie Review. It'll make $1 billion and it sucks. That is a direct quote. I found out that Charlie Day, he plays Luigi? That is so weird. No, that's a bad, bad, bad casting call there. That makes no sense. Chris Pratt, I mean God love him. He's a talented guy, but I can't listen to him be Mario. That's just not right. My husband was telling me about that when he was telling me about Charlie Day and he was like, I mean I get that. He's hot. I was like, how does that matter at all in this movie? An animated kids movie. Maybe he went, met Mario and Luigi. On the streaming side, your friends and neighbors began its second season today on Apple TV. And for those who care about such things, that is John Hamm's real naked butt you see in the season two premiere. He came out and said, no, that's all me, baby. And making its streaming premiere on Peacock five nights at Freddy's two. Special Ed teacher, Jesus, texted in a cool shout out today. She said her son's red bearded gold mining Jesus and no Jesus name yet, Matt the miner, will be making an appearance on the Discovery Channel tonight. It's following their Alaska gold mining operation. Very cool. Happy birthday tomorrow to weed from the one he loves the most, Dozer the dog and his wife. This text says. I call him Weedy, but sure, I guess we can call him weed. Oh, that's who it is. Yeah. The text said weed. I don't know. Everyone else calls him weed, but I call him Weedy. You added the E.D. Yeah, rolls off the tongue better, I think. Now say the last name of the guy that plays Edward on Twilight. Pattinson. You nailed it. Yay. And on Sunday, happy birthday to our longtime co-worker and pal Justin. And that's 93 X news. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half ass morning show. Turns out of the corner with the puck. Now the Zuccarello is locked out. The score. Tip by Hartman and Minnesota extends the lead to four two. I'll tell you what the pigs won last night in Peterborough lost. So as of now, we're in the playoffs. We'll get to that in just a minute. Let's see if we have everyone lined up here. Brad Ryder's. Good morning. R.R.Y.D. E.R.R.S. Brad Ryder's. And this has a potential to be a hell of a deal. Randy Shaver's joining us on the telephone today, but he ain't calling in from assisted living today like he normally does. Where the hell are you at, Randy Shaver? I am sitting in my youngest son's home in Iowa City. Oh crap. I thought you were going to be at the hospital. Oh gosh, no. Oh, I was hoping to hear screaming babies. If I go to the hospital, they may not let me come home. So I'm staying here. That's funny. That's how his nicks. Going from one life extreme to another. He's going from the old folks home to watching newborns being birthed. Wow. The circle of life. I don't believe they call that. Yeah, Randy. I don't blame you. Every time I go to the doctor, my number one fear is that they're going to want to keep me. That's right. See. Well, that I'm a little disappointed. I thought you were going to be sitting in the hospital. Yeah. Oh gosh, no. Well, I just read your text said something about Iowa City Hospital grandchild this and that and I expected you to be sitting in the waiting room. So Randy's in Iowa City, Iowa, surrounded by Iowhegians. You're awaiting the birth of your latest grandkid. That's correct. I'll be damned. Yep. So we got the phone call last night about 1130 and things were happening. And so now we jumped in the car and took off and we drove all night and I got down here. I think we got to their house about 445 this morning. You sound terrible. Wow. Yeah, you do sound tired. You can tell. Driving all night. Yeah, I think so. I'm a grandpa. But they have a dog. So we were basically dogs sitting for them while they're up at the hospital and so far no baby yet. They're still working on it. Yeah. So far nothing yet. Oh, okay. Everything looks okay. So I think good. This is something I've never experienced. I know nothing about how any of this works. Even the conception, Josh, right? You were so surprised when I told you. For all the practice you supposedly had, you don't know what works. Don't know word one about it, Randy. I thought you and so your wife isn't even at the hospital. I picture your wife as the type who's standing outside the delivery room. Oh, if she could be there for sure she would be there. Did your son and his wife tell the both of you is not to be there? Well, I don't think they allow that anymore. Maybe back in the old days they, you know, they'd have people pacing in the waiting room kind of thing. I said kind of not the way it is anymore. In fact, I'll be honest with you. I don't even think once he's born, I don't think we'll even see him until he comes home. Okay. Yeah. I don't think they really do that a lot anymore. Things have changed, I guess. Yeah, because knowing your wife, if she was there, she'd be climbing the walls until they let her. Trust me, that is a part of the deal right now. She is climbing the wall. She'd be dictating to the doctors how to do their justice. Yes, yes. The doctors? She'd be dictating to my daughter-in-law how to do it. Well, I'll tell you what, if they, when my older kids, when they start having kids, I can't imagine my wife not going to the, even if she's like scaling the outside of the building and looking through a window, they would not be able to keep her away from that. It is life-changing. There's no doubt about it, to have a grandchild. It is the most amazing thing that, you know, I love my two boys. They're great, but having, I wish I could have had grandkids first. I didn't have my grandkids. Because there's just nothing, honestly, there's just nothing better. The two that I have right now are just so fun and loving and wonderful and just funny and, you know, you just look at them different than your own kids. And I'm sure this third one will be just the same. So is that, is that common for, for grandparents to love their grandchildren more than they love their actual children? I think if you ask them, if you were to do a survey and you may get some response on your text machines this morning, I think you might get that kind of a response because, but don't give me, I love my boys. Trust me, there's nothing gives me more. I'm just so, you know, blessed to have two great kids, but my grandkids are unbelievably great. I have a theory, I have a theory on that. I think, and I don't have grandkids yet, but I have a theory on it. I think it's probably because you love them just as much as your children, but you don't have the responsibility. Right, you can go home. With, yes, with, with your children. You can just love them, love them up and not have to worry about necessarily about their day to day life. Show them some love, have a couple of beers and you're out of there. Yep. All the kids having a temper tantrum. Well, good luck. We'll see you. See you next time. Trust me, you still, you still worry about them as much as your own kids. In fact, in some cases, maybe even more, but you're right. The beauty of it is to be able to hand them back over after, you know, they, my two grandkids stayed overnight with us on Sunday night. It was fun. We had a great time, but when Monday morning rolled around, I was so, I was glad, you know, hand them back over, let them go. It's kind of the same theory for men who like to date married women. You know what I mean? You spend a little time with them. You show them some love, but at the end of the day, they're not your problem. Right. Yeah, that's exactly where I was going. That's a great analogy right there. I love that. There's a ring on her finger that says she's somebody else's problem. And you move on. Randy Schever, you sound a little tired, but are you in the mood for a comedy bit? Sure. Go ahead. Okay. A listener, porno Jesus, suggested you go over to the hospital, find the janitor, get, get a plunger from them and try to walk your way into the delivery room. Okay. I want to get this some bitch started. Oh man. I think I'll pass on that one. Brad Ryder, are you prepared for grandfatherhood? I'm not, not right now. I mean, my kids are pretty young. So no, not right now. Oh, I thought you were adult kids. Well, I mean, you're kind of in between. I will say, but I've got a, I've got a daughter in college. I really don't want to be a grandparent. And then, and then my son's just out of that era and he's not ready for it either. So no, I'm not. Your son's just out of college? Well, yeah. Oh, well, damn, it could happen any day. No, it's not going to happen any day. What about you, cubby? I can't wait. Personally, I just, my oldest just got engaged and yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, you're the type. You absolutely are the type. Josh, you'll be the cool grandpa. I don't know about cool. I'll be a loving grand. Yeah, you're going to spoil the hell out of that kid. All right. Well, I was hoping to hear screaming nurses and sirens and whatnot in the background. I thought Randy would be calling. You know what? I actually, honestly, I kind of was hoping I would too. But it's moving along, but it's kind of stalled at this point. So after Ashley can relate. So actually had to leave the room, I think, because she's pumping milk out of her boobs or something. Yeah, yeah. She's doing mom stuff right now. I've never heard of put that way before. So she can do that when you're a grandma. What's that? I said, you don't have to do that when you're a grandma. God help us. I hope not. That'd be odd if you did. Yeah, I was also hoping you could put a doctor on the line. I've got some symptoms I want to ask him about. Free doctoring. Yeah. Dr. P, I guess next time we see you. He'll be in on Monday. So there you go. All right, Randy Schaber. Well, holler at us. If anything happens over there, I will. I will. Now I've and you said you don't know if you're having a grandson or granddaughter. Is that right? No, they're having a boy. That's right. It was the name that you weren't aware of. Yeah, no, we haven't been told the name. So that's another thing that's got grandma climbing the walls too. So yeah, if we if you put her on the telephone right now, would she make a lick of sense right now? Oh, would it just be madness? Like any more than normal? I wouldn't dare do that. Yeah, she's not. Is she sleeping? Well, she's probably trying to. We both have been both haven't had any sleep. So well, by the way, OK, so a few minutes ago, you said you bet our listening audience on the text machine would know a thing or two about the difference between grandparenting and parenting. I mean, we have gotten quite a few texts from listeners. One of them says, I call my grandchildren my rentals. They're rental children. Wow. OK, savage beast. Jesus, I am the father of six, he says. Where is he? I thought I had this somewhere. Yes, grandfather of one. Most days, the grandson is my favorite. And he even sent us a picture of his grandson, who has a fresh mullet haircut. Nice. But speaking of grandmothers being in the hospital when their child gives birth, you know, to meet their grandchild, I can tell you this much. I've forgotten all about this, but I was on the ground floor. I was ringside, not literally, but I was at the hospital when my sister pushed out her child. I was at the hospital. I got a telephone call. They said, if he's want to come over and meet this baby, go ahead. So I showed up. My mom and dad were there. Just the three of us. And I remember the door opening and the head nurse or whatever, saying it's a girl or whatever, right? So I'm sitting there with my mom and dad. My mother shoots up out of her chair and begins to walk into the delivery room. And the nurse said, actually, Mrs. Born, we're going to need to give it a few minutes. And my mother just kind of looked at her like, yeah, yeah, whatever. And just kept walking. Just blew right past the nurse and next thing you know, my mother was ordering people around as to how do we get out of there, old lady, for Pete's sake. My dad and I stayed put. My mom blew right past security. It's a sure that happens all the time. Absolutely. All right. What do we got going on around here? As far as jock sniffing, we played the, played some audio from the pigs win last night at their home rink. As I mentioned, if you match that up with that loss by Peterborough last night, it puts them into the playoff. The final final in the morning to. Yeah, I was looking at standing this morning. They actually have an outside shot at catching Dallas yet because they've got a game in hand. So there's six points back. They've got a game. Let's say they win. It won't matter. It won't matter, but they might get home ice then. Yeah, they might get home. They might get home ice in that series. And so they're still going to play him, but they might get the first two games at home. They got that game in hand if they win that game. They're four back and they do play Dallas, I think next week for the week after, so if they won that game, then they'd only be two back. So they do have a shot to get home. I can't have many teams playoff. I don't have in front of them. They've got six, seven games left, seven games left. Yeah, Brad, they go to Dallas next Thursday night. So that is a potential to be a very big game. And the only difference would be home ice in the series. Yes. Right. Yeah. And I know in any, any chill in the playoffs, it doesn't matter that much, but it would be nice to have those first two games at home. Sure. Couple of home games. So last night, the final final was four to slash five to Matt Boldy and the Russian kid had a good game. Heartmental, a Zuccarello. So seven games left back to back noon games this weekend tomorrow in Ottawa, Sunday in Detroit. And we can start talking now. We got plenty of time to jaw jack about this between now and the start of the playoff, but the question will be, is this the year that this club is able to scissors their way out of that opening round? Or do we get kicked in the bag again? It'd be really disappointing to get kicked in the bag again. I've been more intrigued by this wild team than I ever have in my life. I've watched more wild hockey this season than I have probably the last 20 years. Just try to figure out. I love Marcus's answer on Wednesday about would he rather have the playoff set up at one versus eight and not the way that it is right now. And honestly, if it was set up that way, they would have a much better chance to get out of the first round. The problem is their division is so difficult and there's so much talent in that division. It is hard to get out of the first round of the playoffs because of the people they've got to play. So, yes, you probably have to play. You'll have to play those teams later in the playoffs anyway. I get all that, but it would be nice to get out of the first round and at least get that under your belt. Have you figured out the rules of the game yet, Dana? You said you've been watching hockey more this year than ever before because I think Josh has audio of a gold tender explaining the rules of hockey. Oh, that'd be helpful. Yeah. He talks about high sticking, slashing, icing. Do you know when icing happened? The puck come down, my arm go up, and then we start and stop up again. In case you need a brush up on the rules. That'd be very helpful if Josh could find that audio for me. Here's a text from RoastmasterJesus. All right, like I said, we got a couple of weeks here building up to the playoff. All RoastmasterJesus wants is some playoff games. Sorry, dude, I don't think you're going to get it. Not in the opening round. All I wanted some playoff games that start before 9 30 p.m. Oh, gosh, you're not going to get it, dude. Probably not. Unfortunately, it sucks. It just sucks because they want to put that East Coast game on first. Ah, yeah, we've got a little better shot if they're playing Dallas. I mean, some of the TV networks might, since they're both central time zone teams, they might not be there to them in the first round. It'll be nine o'clock. Well, if they're playing Colorado or Vegas, then you're right. It would be for sure. Nine or nine 30. It sucks. Are you ready for your lesson, Daniel? Yes, please. What does icing? I sing at pen when the puck come down bang, you know, before the other guys, nobody there, you know, my harm go comes out, then the game stopped and start up. What is high sticking? I sticking up and when the guy take the stick, you know, when he go like that, you know, you don't do that. You don't do that. Oh, no, never, never. Why not? Against the rules. You know, you stupid when you do that, just some English pig with no brain at all, you know, what is slashing slashing is like that. And there's a penalty for that. Yeah. And for trip also, you know, like that and for hook like this and for spear, you know, like that. Oh, bad. You do that, you go to the box, you know, two minutes by yourself and you feel same and then you get free. You understand hockey now? Yeah, no, that's, that's perfect. Jim Carr on the interview there, Jim Carr and Chiefs Colt under Denny Lemieux. Great explanation. You like that part, Jack? That's my favorite part. Spears like this. The way he does it is perfect. Got him right in the Johnson. Yeah. So there you go. The twins got a win on their way out of Kansas City, a five one win. Hell, did they hit three dongs in the ninth inning? They did. Damn. She was a two one twins lead going into the ninth and that's when Walner and Clemens and Josh Bell set off three separate solo bombs to put the game out of reach. Taj Bradley looks pretty solid. Yeah, you know, he struggled kind of in the middle innings like second, third inning had a lot of had thrown a lot of pitches and then fought his way back to get through six yesterday. And I think honestly, it's, you know, Shelton, let him go longer, which I think is great. That's a good sign. And I think maybe they, they're going to let these pitchers maybe go a little bit longer because I don't know if they, you know, they, they're still trying to figure out this bullpen and how, how, how this bullpen is going to be. Maybe that's Derek Shelton style to let the, let the starters go. If it is, I hope so. I'm all for it. And he let, he let, he let Bradley go a little bit longer in his first start too. I didn't watch yesterday, but I did watch his first start on Saturday. I believe it was. And I think he let him go about 93, 94 pitches in his first start, which, you know, doesn't sound like a ton, but for a first start of the year, that's unheard of for a twins manager to let a twins pitcher go that long. Yeah. You know, he got himself out of some jams. Taj Bradley did. Taylor Rogers came in out of the bullpen. He got some big out. So they're carrying a little momentum into the home opener today. And we covered all the hype and everything that goes along with the home opener. We covered that yesterday, three o'clock today, Bailey Ober pitches against the Tampa Bay devil ray, $2 Steve Wiser's and the whole works. Cubby, there's some trouble coming. What's the over under on the attendance today? Well, that's a good question. Well, it's not even close to a sellout like it has been years past. I know that. Maybe 30. Yeah. 30,000. What? I'm more intrigued about tomorrow at that six, 10 game with the weather and everything that might, that might just be empty. Yeah. Yeah. Part of the reason why I thought maybe I'd go tomorrow night is because I knew there'd be about 300 people there. I think you can go any night, Brad, and you're going to be just fine. So, okay. Honestly, I think you'll be fine. Let's do the over under then today. What is it going to be? 40 degrees, maybe? Yeah. High of 42. Usually, even if the weather's chilly like this, the season opener is going to be close to a sellout. Yeah, usually. It's not a sellout. Usually. But these are some dark days. We all know that. Yep. So what do you, what would you put the number at? Let's go 25,000 people. Oh, I'll take over. They'll announce a lot more than that. I'll go over that too. Yeah. You have to always consider the fact that the twins will make up some live human beings along the way. I think they'll give away a bunch of tickets too. I think they'll, I think they've been, they've been very aggressive. Aggressive. Trying to get with a ticket. So maybe 25 isn't the number. I don't know. No, it'll be closer to 40. They'll announce closer to 40. 40, Jesus. Is that a sellout? They'll announce closer, closer to 40. It may not be 40. It'll be a, yeah, there'll be a good crowd. I mean, the fact it's a Friday too. The home opener always has a decent crowd and yeah, it's a Friday afternoon, $2. Randy, another comedy bit if you want one. If you're just tuning in, Randy Shaver is calling us from his son's house in Iowa City, Iowa. His son and his son's wife are at the hospital right now prepping displeasure. They're in labor. Yeah. Get ready to spray out a brand new grandchild for Randy. So that's why Randy's not in town. He's down amongst the Iowhegens waiting for this latest grandchild. You mentioned that your wife is in the house somewhere and she's trying to get some sleep. So charge into the bedroom right now and say the baby's here. The baby's here. Oh my God. And then when she sits up, you say April Fools. Oh no, I couldn't. First of all, I don't have the pipeline to the child. She does. So she would be the one that could pull the April Fools joke on me. Okay. I'm not, I'm not connected. I'm just, I'm just here as a driver. Driver. Are you basically just a driver, man? Pretty much. Sure enough. How about this? Who wants to make their guesses in honor of the twins home opener? That's how I'm putting it. Yep. The, I have in front of me the 10 longest home runs in big league baseball history. Who wants to? Anybody go ahead. Guess a player who might be in the mix and the, the top 10 longest home runs in majorly Reggie Jackson, Reggie Jackson, great guests. Not on the list. Really? Very bonds. Very bonds. Not on the list. Harmon. Wow. Harmon killer brew is on plenty of lists, but not this one. Jim told me. Where's my bell? Jim told me hit the eighth longest home run in major league baseball history. 500 and 11 feet when he was playing for the Cleveland Indians. Mike Schmidt is not on the list. Now they're all great. Babe Ruth. Let's go old school. Now this might be nonsense because how the hell did they measure a baseball's a travel in, in, in 19, ought to six. But they say Babe Ruth hit the longest home run in baseball history in 19 and 21 he hit a baseball, 575 feet. Yeah, you gotta take that with a grain of salt. You're right. All you had good guests so far. I'll just throw it right in. How about, uh, how about Frank Howard? No, no. From 10 to one, we go move on. Oh yeah. Move on. Big first baseman played for the angels, played for the Red Sox, played for quite a few teams. You know, when he got a hold of one, it was a, uh, a number, a lot of these are older fellers. Oh, wait a minute, Randy, I lied to you. Reggie Jackson is on the list. Yeah. Sorry. Reggie Jackson. How about Dave, how about Dave Kingman? Dave Kingman is on the list. Yeah. So let me keep going. I don't, I'm not familiar, familiar with no more Mazara. Who the hell is that? Oh, he played for Texas. Okay. How about, um, oh, gosh darn it. I was just, oh, no, I can't think of his name. Shoot. All right, I'll keep going. I thought I had one. I'll keep going. Oh, uh, Greg Luzinski. No, great guess because he was the size of a house. Yes. Greg Luzinski was a giant. That name made me think of another old school guy. How about Willie Stargill? Willie Stargill is, he's on the list. Uh, so you got no more Mazara, 505 feet. Jim, tell me we mentioned his 511. Darrell Strawberry. Hmm. Really? Hit a baseball once 525 feet. The aforementioned Dave Kingman, 530. Willie Stargill, 535. Adam Dunn. Oh, right. Also a big first baseman played for the, uh, how do you call it? Cincinnati Reds, like Randy Shaver said. What'd it take me all day to get Adam Dunn? Yeah, me too. Then you go Reggie Jackson, 430, pardon me, 539. In second place, uh, I'll give you a hint. New York Yankee. Frank Thomas. No, not Frank Thomas. Uh, New York Yankee, uh, lots of alcohol. Yes, Mickey Mantle, 565 foot home run. The Wolves lost in Detroit. A close ball game. I watched that game last night, Cal, Lee. I ain't mad. Uh, it was a close game. The boys just had one bad stretch in the middle of the fourth quarter. The Pistons went on like a 15 to three run or something like that. And that was the difference in the game. Nick, how much, how much would you give to have Duren as the center for the Timberwolves? He's wonderful. He is unbelievably good. And he's 22 years old. I am. He's a man child, man. I've grown to love. I've grown to love and embrace the ugliness of Rudy Gobert's game. Um, it still frustrates me. It doesn't make me mad anymore. He can't catch the ball. Trust me, Randy Shaver, you don't have to tell me the shortcomings of having Rudy Gobert be your favorite basketball team starting center. You don't have to tell me that team, the Pistons, that team is built for the future, I mean, for now and the future. They've got some really good players. They do, but they have some veteran guys that, you know, when you look at it on paper, you go, how are these guys so good? But like the Jenkins kid is really a great player. Kate Cunningham is pretty good too. Well, yeah, but he's hurt right now, but you're right. He's great. Um, but like guys like Harris Laverte and Duncan Robinson. Um, I mean, uh, Tobias Harris, they just got some guys that, you know, and I said this before, if Durin and Cunningham don't play great games, they kind of struggle to win, although lately without Cunningham, they're still beating great teams. Yeah. What does it mean? It's time to give JB Vickers staff a little bit of credit. I've talked about him a little bit on the show before our guy played for the Gophers. Uh, he everywhere he's gone, he's won. I mean, he's been, he's been a head coach for three teams now and they've all done really well. I mean, he was, he was in Cleveland and they had the top record in the east a few years ago and now he's in Detroit and they've got the top record in the east. So it's time, time to get him a little bit of credit too. Uh, Geron, Geron, Harvard, how do you say his name? Geron, Geron, Geron, Durin. I can't, the big center for the Pistons. He's a great player. He's a great player, but I have, I've come around to Rudy now and, um, I don't want to, you know, Rudy didn't play down the stretch last night either though. Where the hell was he? Well, they didn't, they put Nas read in there and they played a smaller brand of basketball. Yeah. You know, Goldberg has his, has his strengths. There's no doubt. I mean, he, he, he can rebound. He can, but there are times where he's a liability for them on both ends of the floor. Oh, there's no question. Especially against an athletic team like Detroit. Just not. Yeah. It just doesn't work. And I just don't want to say anything too bad about Rudy right now because he and I got a good thing going right now in the moment. We got a good thing going. Edward said to go ahead and take another night off for an illness. They're calling in an illness. You think maybe Josh, he got caught up with some of the local ladies in Detroit. It could be something like that. Gastrointestinal. It sounds like from the evening before he had to miss part of the game because of a number two. I wonder if it's something like that. Food poisoning. Maybe. Oh God, help us. They're playing in Philadelphia tonight. Philadelphia. They have six games. They have six games left. Six games left. Well, here's the thing. Your boy, baby, that's got hurt last night. Oh, really? And I'm telling you, if I'm the Timberwolves, I don't want to move. I want to stay at number six. Is he hurt bad? I don't want to move. How bad is he hurt? I want to be out. I didn't hear about the injury. It's a hamstring. It's a hamstring. I mean, he's got to have an MRI today. That's not a good sign. Is there a chance he doesn't make it? Well, there's a chance he may not play. I wish everybody else could have seen the look in Nick's eyes when he heard the news about Luca getting hurt. He's an MVP candidate, too. That is the best news. So if he has to sit out a few games, then Denver might pass up the Lakers for the third spot and then the Wolves might have to play Denver anyway. Well, actually, they've got a good history against Denver, though. Yeah, they do. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's why that wouldn't be a bad thing necessarily. An injury to Luca Donch is Randy Shaver talk dirty to me. I just did. God, that sounds good. This is cool. Now we got the final, final four this weekend. Give me the lineup again. Who's playing? Who's playing? You're playing Illinois. Yeah. In Michigan, Arizona. There you go. You're in the top nine. Yeah. They start with Illinois and Connecticut Saturday. Let's go Big Ten. Go Big Ten. Starting Saturday, Illinois, Connecticut, followed by Michigan, Arizona, got a text message here from medical device Jesus, a Michigan State graduate. And he texted in to say, all I have to say is go Wildcats. Die, Michigan. Die. Big Ten final. You do? Well, this is cool. Speaking of the University of Michigan, tune out for a minute here, medical device Jesus. I think this is cool. One of the biggest pop culture phenomena of the 1990s is reuniting it this year's final, final four, the friggin' Fab Five. Jimmy King, Ray Jackson, Chris Weber, Jalen Rose and Joann Howard are going to be all together on what they call here the true TV and HBO altcast of the Michigan Arizona final four game. They made it to the, how do you call it, the 1992 and 93 title games. They got both, they got beat both times and I loved watching them lose. But like I said, a few days ago, I've come around to the Fab Five. Now I'm kind of a fan of their story and that group. But I don't know. I wonder if this is the first time in years that all five of them have made a public appearance, you know, for many, many years, Chris Weber wouldn't come around those guys because of some personal issues and some scandals that happened at the University of Michigan when they were all together. You know, they were wiped off the record books just like the Golden Gophers were, is how I say that. They're not acknowledged for their runs to the finals because of, I don't know what it was, money laundering from a booster or something like that. So they've stayed away from each other, I think, to avoid attention and and having those dark subjects brought up again, but they will be together tomorrow. What else is going on? Oh, oh, there's plenty more going on. I almost, well, first, before we get rid of basketball, this is cool. We were just talking about this lady a couple of weeks ago. All-time great Golden Gopher, Janelle McCarville has been hired to be an assistant coach with the Lynx. Oh, cool. Yeah. I love that. Okay. So she'll work as an assistant to Cheryl Reeve and well, she played for the Lynx too, right? As a professional. Yeah, for a little bit. Yeah. So now, McCarville and Rebecca Brunson are all coaches. That's right. Right. Reunited with Lindsay Whalen as an assistant and Rebecca Brunson. There you go. Yeah. Kind of nice. All I have to say about this is better them than us. That giant dork, Kurt Cousins, is going to go bother everyone in Nevada for a while. Is that five years? I have no idea. I thought it was just a one year deal. I had some multi-year deal, but he's not going to be there for that long. I think he's just kind of a bridge before they start the Indiana kid. He's not going to start for them anyway. He's a backup. Well, he's just going to go wild in Vegas. There's no way it's a competition. I'm going to get him a gift card of the Bunny Ranch. He'll use that. And then Coles, Coles and the Bunny Ranch. Is there a Coles in the Vegas strip firm to go to? There's got to be one nearby. Sure. There is. Josh, you're a little worried about cutting him loose in Vegas. I'm surprised that his wife let him do it. Yeah. What if he just made a major heel turn? It goes nuts. It just goes nuts in Vegas. Passed out on the strip somewhere. I'm not a religious guy, but with all the rumors going around that he was going to come back to the Twin Cities, all I can say is, thank you God for stealing him, steering him, is how you say it in a different direction. He's going to do something quarterback related over there with the Las Vegas Raiders. He'll go teach Brady a thing or two. Well, also I saw yesterday too, because he's making nothing, 10 million dollars. He's now passed Tom Brady in career earnings. For real earnings. Yep. He's earning more money than Brady. Like our guy, C. Willie Miles always says when we bring up Kurt Cousins, all he's ever won is money. I cannot stand that guy. But his agent. That's the guy you want. Yeah. What did people say yesterday? Everyone made the same joke on social media yesterday when they found out about Kurt Cousins new deal with the Raiders. They said his agent needs his own statue. I know his agent a little bit, actually. He does very well. Give him my number. No kidding. Yeah, when his salary got announced, I saw somebody posted a gift from Breaking Bad when Jesse Pinkman is talking about Walter White and just screaming, we can't let him continue to get away with this. He's a talented guy for sure. He's guest speaking in my sports ethics class in two weeks. Kurt Cousins? No, because agent. Oh, boring. It's not, it's not Nick. Actually, you would enjoy it a lot. He gets into a lot of stuff that he wouldn't talk about in the media. So speaking of Las Vegas and their their their hometown Raiders, their fan base, if there are any left, they're probably wondering why this name had to be brought up again. But I got a kick out of this. So as you may or may not know, the Las Vegas Raiders have the number one overall pick in the upcoming draft. Is that correct? Yep. Yep. I believe so. Yeah. The word is they're dead set on taking the kid who just got done playing quarterback for this year's national champion. His name is Fernando Mendoza out of the University of Indiana. Dude also won the Heisman Trophy. So anyways, the owner of the Raiders, a cat named Mark Davis, was asked about all this gibber jabber and Raiders fans. They're like I said, they got to be wondering why he even hinted at this. Mark Davis said having the first pick in the draft is exciting, but we've had that before and it didn't work out. Yeah. Your mark is rough. That's right. My guy. An obvious reference to Jamarcus Russell, who the Raiders took as the number one overall pick in the 2007 draft and it turned out that the kid had no real idea how to play football. Yep. Nice job of the scouting department. He did win the Heisman. It's not like they took a flyer on a guy out of nowhere. No, I know. I know. No, I know. I know. Knowing a little bit about what this, yeah, knowing a little bit about what this Indiana quarterback's like, you can kind of see him getting along well with cousins. Oh yeah, they're giving me the two biggest dorks in the league. Yeah, exactly. Look at that quarterback room. No controversy in there. Yes, my son, Cubby. The top hair scientist in the world comes to and says, guess what? I can give you a full head of hair, but it has to look like Mark Davis' haircut. Oh. What do you say? Absolutely not. I turned that down too. Oh, I, oh, it's disgusting. It's so bad. Why does he do that? I don't know. Doesn't it look like Mo from the Three Stooges? Yes, but worse. Is that his real hair? I kind of wonder. It can't be, right? It's got to be something else. The man must be insane. Whether it's his real hair or not, why do you want to look like Mo from the Damn Three Stooges? It is a full-on 1952 bowl cut. It's just, I don't understand. You've got to be nuts to look in the mirror and say, I'm good to go. But, and it's like too tall as well. It's very odd. Yeah, I wouldn't want the hair. It's a toupee. I mean, we don't know. We were, that's what we were just saying. We don't know. Whether it's real or fake, you must have some faulty wiring to look in the mirror and say, good. Because it's so bad. Good. Oh my God. You're looking at it? That's so bad, bro. Where would you rather have, Nick? Larry's haircut from the Three Stooges or Mo? Oh, I'd go Larry personally. What about you, Nick? Larry's got some body to it. Yeah. It looks like he's fun when you see that. And if he puts on a baseball cap, you know, nobody can tell. I, Mark Davis, if you don't know, look it up. That is truly bizarre. I think it's one of those things where he has so much money and so many yes men that everybody's afraid to tell him that he looks like an absolute, well, like a Three Stooges. Yeah, you might be onto something there. Dana, you do or do not still own a Jomarkis Russell? What is it called, a fat head? I do not have it anymore, unfortunately. What did you do? Leave it at the apartment? I think you think we left it there. One of the greatest stories ever around the world of sports and sports fanatics. So this was after Jomarkis Russell's out of the league. I was living with a high school buddy. We were just out of college. Garbage apartment. We only picked this because it was closest to the bars and uptown that we like to hang out at. Nothing on the walls, furniture from Goodwill, just a disgusting pit. And we somehow ended up with a fat head gift card. That's those big Klingon athlete, you know, basically a cardboard cutout you put on the wall. Huge, they're massive. Yes, they're life-size. And we were looking at them, we're like, all right, well, let's get one. And we were looking, you know, Justin Morneau, I think there's like Adrian Peterson was on the list. That's kind of dorky. And we're like, let's find the dumbest one we can possibly find. So we went to the clearance section and we found Jomarkis Russell. He was already out of the league at that point. So we got a Jomarkis Russell fat head and the thing was massive because he was a big dude too. Yeah, he was big. And we put it on the wall and we thought it was kind of funny. And then we thought, well, let's spruce it up even more. There's got to be more Jomarkis Russell clearance stuff on the internet. So we were getting jerseys, magazine covers, programs, and we just decorated the living room with all Jomarkis Russell stuff. And then you hosted a party when people wanted to call the cops because they thought you were so insane. Well, because like I said, the only reason we lived there is because the proximity to the bars, we were right down the street from Bar Abilene, if anybody remembers that joint. And so we always would host every Friday and Saturday night, people kind of come to our place, we go to the bars and they'd bring friends and we wouldn't acknowledge. We'd wait for them to somebody be like, okay, fine, what's the deal with Jomarkis Russell? That's hilarious. That's awesome. I friggin love that. I'm just like, what do you mean? It's out of the league. I think he's in jail. But yeah, everybody loves a comeback story. He's one of the best football players of all time. We're not counting him out. I dig it. Good news from balls like tennis balls Jesus who said, Kirkos and Luck, there's six coals in the Las Vegas area. He'll be fine. There you friggin go. Oh God. Oh, Randy Shaver earlier I said, I asked you to talk dirty to me when we were discussing the injury to baby nuts. Speaking of talk dirty to, oh, this is exciting. Poison frontman Brett Michaels is going to perform at the NFL draft. What? I like Brett Michaels. There were a lot of headlines for that yesterday. That's what they're going with. I'm going to sign you like you're kind of like washed up, huh? He's a nice guy and everything. Come on. Truly a great guy. Well, he's a Pittsburgh guy and that's where the draft is happening. Yeah. Brett Michaels. I'll never forgive him. He had a couple catchy tunes. Well there you go. We're going to wrap this up because we got some company coming in. Randy Shaver, good luck with everything if he just tuned it in. Randy's calling in from Iowa. He's down there awaiting the birth of his latest grandchild. So hopefully everything goes beautifully. I'm sure it will, Randy. I'm very optimistic that everything will be just fine. I do think it's funny that you're watching the dogs because yeah, dad's parents watch the dogs. Wife's parents are in the room. Is that right? Oh yeah. My mom was in the room with me and my husband's mom and dad were watching the dogs. Your mother was in the room with you when it all fell out? Yeah, I needed her there. And then my dad of course showed up later. He didn't need to be there. That was weird. Oh dad! Why are you here? No, no, no. He didn't want to be there. No. Has a dad ever watched that happen from their own daughter? Is that legal? Oh god. No, it's not legal. It's not allowed. That's not legal. No. I would turn that down. Randy Shaver, you're now the oldest guy we know. By quite a bit. Randy? Yeah? Randy? His hearing's gone. Congratulations, oh Randy. I hope everything goes great. Tell your wife, tell your wife we said hello too if she doesn't claw your eyes out out of stress related attack. I can see you're just coming out the bedroom right now and tearing your eyes out. Say hello to everybody. That would just be a normal Friday. Yeah. We'll talk to you boys on Monday. Thanks. See ya. Alright, the police are on the way. If you have a question for our cop buddies Gordon Schenke and Mikey Lee from the Minnesota State Patrol, go ahead and text us at the telephone number at 651-989-93. 93 will talk to Gordon and we'll talk to Mikey here in a few minutes. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Well hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie, I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning and I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania and these deals will help offset the cost when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tuneup normally 148 bucks and no, it's never too late to show your furnace some love. And if your system is about to crash out like a five seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standardheating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialke Law today 763-571-2410 or go to BialkeLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com and it spells relief for you. Hi, I'm Joe Salci. I hosted the Stack In Bedlamans podcast. Most economists agree small amount of inflation is actually good. 2% is what you're going for. But why is everybody freaking out? Oh, because it's the fallout. People don't track their budget. You have this slow slipping that happens every month. Till all of a sudden you go, man, I don't have any money. The reason is now two people go to a restaurant. The bill is 60 bucks for two. Two guys walking to a restaurant. They start screaming. Isn't that hilarious? $60. Stack In Bedlamans, following listen on your favorite platform. Minnesota State Trooper Gordon Shank. I called you to report a crime that I don't have nothing to do with. I'm not involved in the crime. I didn't perpetrate the crime. On the 93X Half-Hast Morning Show. Yeah, yeah, here they are. The damn cops checking in here at 828. On the 93X Half-Hast Morning Show, our guests this morning are armed. And they don't take no lip from anybody. From the Minnesota State Patrol, we're rolling with Gordon Shank and the pimp. Mikey Lee is also here. Good morning, boys. How are you? Good morning. We're doing good. It's wonderful to see you again. Nice to have you back. Glad to be back. Hey, let's just clear up the air here. I did not see either of your names in our application pool. What's going on? We had an agreement. Recently, you guys had a, how do you call it in the business, Mikey? Hiring process? Hiring application. Hiring jamboree or whatever. What kind of numbers do you guys get now? Because for a while it was overwhelming, wasn't it? Like, I thought you guys, there's waiting lists basically. Is that the same? Yeah, I mean, when we applied, it was like thousands of people. Yeah. And then it kind of dipped down for a while. And then I think this year is pretty comparative to last year. It's about the same. And thousands of people applied and they picked you two? My goodness. I talk about that a lot. There was an 1100 in our application process and what 48 of us got picked. Yeah, we made it. It's a modern miracle. I wouldn't make a good police officer. Josh Wood, we've had that conversation many times. I wouldn't make a good cop. I can't even, I get out of breath just putting my shoes on. I can't picture Josh ever writing a ticket. Like, all right, I'm just going to let you go this time. I understand, you know. I've told you before, I was, I wrote along with a gentleman. Yes. And I was, oh, did he? Tell him he's an a-hole. Gladly. I was given that my job for the day was choose, right? What would you do? Sure. And I said no to everything. Every single one. And I had reasonings behind it. Oh, now you're going to ruin that guy's weekend. I'm not going that fast. That was wonderful. You know, that person's got enough problems. And he yelled at me. Pure anger. He's like, what the f are we even do out here? Why am I out here? What's going on? He's out there to bust perps. Now, we obviously want to open up the text line so our listeners can bust your chops or ask the two of you as a cop-related question. But selfishly, we have some questions ourselves based on some past conversations we've had on the program. There are recent conversations that we've had first and I know we've probably covered this before but we can't remember. Can you hand out a DWI to someone on a bicycle? Like a pedal bike. Well, I guess maybe both. Either one. Pedal bike, electric bike. No. So according to the state statute, the definition of motor vehicle, it does say a self-propelled vehicle. But if you look further into the statute, I'll go to section B. I know I'm nerding out a little bit. It does define the fact. I didn't notice any difference. Go right ahead. I'm sorry. I think the difference is just a little bit. Usually it's a lot more. I appreciate that. It does kind of articulate the definition of the e-bikes and the classifications there. So really, if they are on an e-bike that fits the classification under the statute, they would be exempt from it. But you can get some kind of alcohol-related ticket. If you're swerving all around, you're cutting into traffic or something, where would you go with that? Yeah, like Nick said, if you make it out into the street. You're obviously wobbling and unsafe for yourself or anyone else in town. Yeah. And of course, we deal mostly on the highways. Oh, true. I forgot. What if somebody's biking on the highway? What happens then? Well, you can't be on the highway in that capacity. That's a crime in itself. I don't have the state statute, but you're prohibited from walking, having a bicycle, scooter, any of that on a freeway. So that in itself, we could issue a citation. What if they're riding a wheelie for like a really long time? Do you let them go? You know, I'd say, all right, that's pretty sweet. You're drunk on a bicycle. You can't technically receive a DWI, but you could get in some trouble. Sure. That's what I heard a few years ago. One time, we were working nights one time and there was an individual. I think it was right after bar clothes. There was an individual on a wheelchair that was in toxic. Oh, man. And I don't know how they didn't get hit. He was on 394? Was it here where some poor guy got stuck on the front of a semi? Did you ever see that video? Maybe it wasn't in Minnesota. I don't think it was here, but it's one of the most fascinating videos. Oh, thank God he didn't die. A dude driving a tractor trailer somehow bumped into the back of a dude in a wheelchair. He never saw him and didn't know he was there. They're going down the interstate 65 miles per hour. And this dude in the wheelchair is helpless. Luckily, someone spotted him and convinced the trucker to pull over. Whoever makes that wheelchair, they should advertise. Exactly. How that sumbitch stayed intact as he's roaring down the freeway. Here's our second question again. We wanted to get these out of the way. How often do you deal with naked people ? We had cops check in earlier and it was overwhelming. It seems like, certainly, weekly, some said daily, same with firefighters and EMTs, the amount of times they run into nude folks. We asked, at the time, in the moment, we asked, average naked people you deal with in a year holding down a job in law enforcement. Average amount of naked people a year. I don't know that we have the same interactions as, like, police officers do. We mentioned that. You guys have a different experience than city cops, generally speaking. So you guys are lucky in that aspect because we had city cops texting in saying that they wrestled three to five naked people a week. You know, truckers, they get flashed sometimes. Do you guys ever get flashed? Does that ever happen to a trooper? I have not. So career naked people for the both of yous? Probably a couple. And it's, again, it ties back to individuals that are walking on the freeway. And I can't stress this enough. Stay off the freeway unless you're in a vehicle and you can drive. It's not good. I had a buddy who went to St. Thomas. He came over to the U of M to party with us one night and he couldn't find a cab home, so he decided to walk down 94. That'll get you a dad door in some serious. Yeah, he got, I think a trooper gave him a ride home. Well, you appreciate you handling our business and solving the questions that we had. Late night Jesus has a procedural question for you guys. How many times does he need to remind the cop that he pays their salary before you're required to let him go? That's good. Is that just kind of a joke? I mean, you see it certainly people's like TikTok video or something. I think I've got it maybe like once or twice. I'd say a couple times. Other years it kind of like a okay, dude, whatever. Just kind of part of the job. Yeah, it is what it is. You say thanks. Yeah, I could use a pay raise. Yeah, you don't want to talk back to your boss though. Yeah, you got any cash on you? You can just pay me directly. We can eliminate the middle man here. A question for the troopers here has been texted in. We got Mikey Lee and Gordon Schenken studio. Oh, they're looking for your opinion on the best way to just slow people down on the roadway. And here are a couple of options from this listener. Ticket by camera. Okay, how's the ticket by camera thing working? Is that a good thing? Trying to think. I know that there's a pilot project. Largely in part from Office of Traffic Safety. I think that was deployed in a couple cities and a couple areas. Minneapolis has a few. I know because I get those letters that my daughter got another one. Shows up at my house. Yeah, well, it was more when it was just a warning. Like, hey, just so you know, this is going to go active. I think we got like six of those. Oh my God. So, okay, so there is some of that going on around town. With a camera picks you up, you're going too fast, they mail you a ticket. Okay, ticket by camera. Do you like that idea to slow folks down? Or a monitor device, a monitor device in the port of your vehicle to pay your insurance according to how you drive. Has anyone heard of that before? Oh yeah, isn't that like you get a good driving discount? What is that thing called? It's like the snapshot or something? Yeah, you can opt into it. They gave me that option when I signed up for my insurance and I said, no. I wouldn't either because I've heard it's just things like how you're braking, even how you accelerate. You know, not that I'm worried. Yeah, I wouldn't want that because all of a sudden somebody tells me I've been braking stupid and I didn't know it. I don't need that. That's really interesting to me. I've never heard of that. It says insurance companies are saying if we don't get accidents down, rates are going to be too expensive for most people to afford. I've never heard of that monitor on your vehicle. You pay your insurance company according to how safe you drive. Some people I know would be absolutely boned on that. They just drop them. Any thoughts on the insurance thing? Yeah, like we said, it's kind of already in play with a couple of companies. Ultimately, I think everyone here has the same goal. Speeding is a major problem and we want to combat it however we can. In the meantime, we'll do our part stopping cars and being out there being visible. Pension fools. Do what we can. This is why I really enjoy being here some days. Bastelair Jesus said, you look like a person who breaks dumb. He said that to you? For the record, I don't think I do break dumb, but maybe I do. You're a hell of a good driver, Cubby. I have a question about the hands-free law. How many times, say you have it connected to your Bluetooth and your car and you've got the screen that you can touch, is there a limit on how much you can mess around with the screen for it to be considered like, all right, you're not really doing hands-free because I've watched you punch your screen like 12 times now. That's a good question because that's part of why you guys are here, right? You have an enforcement like this going on this entire month. Oh, you got something going on? Yeah. I'm mostly asking because it finally happened and it was the best day of my life. My husband finally got a ticket for not being hands-free. It's the best day of your life. He has deserved that. And he's like, I guess he's trying to say that his Bluetooth disconnected, so he was trying to reconnect it. And I was like, dude, you're not fighting this because you deserve this. I watch him do terrible things on his phone behind the wheel. He deserves this ticket. And he's like, well, I don't know. I think I could get it thrown out. I'm like, no, no, I don't think so. Sounds like you and your husband have like more issues. Do you guys help with domestic situations? We call city departments. Do you guys know any good relationship counselors? Well, along those lines, I saw just a couple days ago the worst distracted driver I've ever seen. And it was right by the Egan Police Department, so she was even maybe clueless where she was or wasn't aware of it. Wait a minute. Worst in the guy who was playing the guitar would one leg out his window? That guy at least was maintaining control of the lane. She was swerving all over to the... And I was behind her and I'm like, okay. I thought, well, maybe she is text for a second. And then I thought, she's got to be drunk. And so I kind of pulled up next to her at the red light to see what was going on. And she was looking straight down, texting the whole time. And to be honest, I didn't know what to do. I'm like, do I call the cops? And by the time they get there, she's not going to be... But it was pretty bad. And I thought, do I say something? And then I thought at the same time, I don't want to get, you know, like somebody's going to think I was some sort of pervert. Because I'm talking to some teenage girl on the side of the road. I think you're... Go ahead, Mike. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Well, we'll go back to Ashley's question. Yeah, so part of the law is like, you can't have a one-touch when you're operating your mobile device. But yeah, you can't neglect it. You can't just be doing one touch all the time. Because then, essentially, you're just using your phone. So I would say it's... You know, use your smart discretion. And in that case, or your husband, just pull over, stop somewhere safe and don't try to do it while you're driving. Thank you. That feels good. Yeah, he's listening right now. Was there a second question in there, too? I think Josh asked what he should do in that situation. I think one thing, and I know you've mentioned, like, do I say something? We don't encourage interacting with other drivers because you can risk road rage incidences or things of that nature. But there is nothing wrong with calling 911 in those situations. I mean, I think that you could certainly get a little bit of a problem happening down the road. If they're continuing that behavior and if there's a cop, troop, or deputy close, hopefully they could get it stopped. Sure. I bet she was, like, a younger, like, teenager. Josh? Yeah. That'd be hilarious if you, you know, you confront her and then, next to you, you know, you had a teenager beating your ass up the side of the road. Right. What'd you say, old man? That's another thought I had. She beats me up right in front of the cops here. I could get flagged and down or something. I didn't really know how to handle that situation. Sure. Gordon Schenke and Mikey Lee here from the State Patrol. Here's an interesting question. I heard you guys swab the insides of windshields to test if someone's been smoking marijuana. Is that true? No. I do not. No. Is that a real thing? I don't...I mean, no. Okay. It sounded kind of... It sounded kind of silly. It was just curious. Interesting. Swab the inside of the windshield. Yeah, I hadn't heard of that before. Pick up some marijuana residue or something. I saw the state was looking at... they're still...maybe this is the year they come up with the test for somebody being under the influence of marijuana. Have you have any information on that? Was it a spit test? I can't remember. I read an article not too long ago. It's a sniff test. That stuff is strong nowadays. It can be. Can smell it from four or five cars back. Yeah, so... just so people know, like, you can still be arrested for being under the influence of marijuana and or any other controlled substance. But what you're referring to is, like, the roadside testing similar to, like, a PBT. There was a pilot project conducted and the results are in and it hasn't passed legislation at this point. But, yeah, it's something that we could hopefully use our technology to help make roads safer. You ever pulled anyone over who was all peeled up like Tiger Woods the other day? Yes, I've been arrested in paradrivers. Alcohol and drugs. I won't compare cases. Josh wants to know why he keeps rolling vehicles over. What's the problem? Why can't he keep them up right? Got a problem. Yeah. What is it that makes people roll? You're looking back too fast? You gotta be over-correcting. Pills. And the pills make a difference to your expensive vehicle. Before we take a break, is it legal for a commercial vehicle to use the shoulder to accelerate up to speed beyond the merge lane if needed? Can't use the shoulder. No. Don't be using the shoulder. I love the looks on your face, Shay. It's like, what? I know it's a pain in the ass. You're driving a heavy vehicle. It takes you a little while to get going again. But yeah, you don't be using the shoulder. Because we learned there might be a naked person on a bicycle. Someone said, seeing someone very distracted, honking your horn. Well, I did notice this once. So this is what stopped me from doing that. Again, I pulled up at a red... I just wanted to see, is she having like a diabetic issue or is she on drugs? Is she texting? Is she texting? I saw somebody do that once to try and tell the person to stop texting. The person thought that the light had changed. Because they were so distracted by their phone so they just started going and blew a red light. Luckily, there was no cars coming. But that was my fear. She's going to go, oh crap, and just take off and get T-Bone. It was a couple busy roads. And then she's going to say, that man in the car. Right. We're not going to make it, are we? With the alleged illegal tent, I'm not going to get the alleged anymore, right? It's confirmed. Well, it's alleged until I get in trouble for it. Alright. Minnesota State Trooper Gordon Schenke I called you to report a crime that I don't have nothing to do with. I'm not involved in the crime. I didn't perpetrate the crime. I'm a 93X half-assed morning show. Of course, it's not just Gordon Schenke here in the studio. That would be enough. Don't get me wrong. If it was just Gordon, that would be enough. I'm here. Mikey Lee, both of them from the Minnesota State Patrol. I'm just a sidekick. You're much more than a sidekick by God. You're the comic relief is what you are. That's right. They've been fielding some questions and smart mouth comments from our listening audience. We've got a few minutes to fill here. We've got time for some more. They really try to test you at times. Okay, here we go. Here's the latest question I have in front of me from a listener. If you're in a parking lot parked, sleeping off some cocktails, you have ignition interlock, which means your car will not start. No one else is in the vehicle with you. Are you still in physical control of your vehicle? Boy, there is a couple of complexity. Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. Yeah, sure. You're in your phone and jail, punk! Yeah, but part of that is... I mean, is the ignition airlock working appropriately? Because we've seen it where it might physically be there, but it's not hooked up. So we have a process to make sure that the ignition interlock is working. Oh, that's smart! I never considered it like you could just get a fake one and let it sit there well. I couldn't possibly be drunk driving. I mean, look at this. Dang, you guys are good. Man, what the hell kind of night have you had where you're sleeping in the parking lot? You know what I mean? I've been there. I was... I was a young, young man. Alright. Uh, soon enough it'll be summertime and you guys are trained on tornado spotting and all that, aren't you? Or, like, you're involved at times. They have confused faces. I mean, if a trooper sees one, they'll probably say, oh boy, here it is. It sure looks like a tornado to me! You couldn't pick out, like, a wall cloud or something. Well, maybe the wording was incorrect, but part of your job responsibility is to... Spot issues, concerns, emergencies. Yes. Absolutely, yes. So if they see something, they would air that out on the radio. Let dispatch know. A listener wants to know, if you spot a tornado, will you text me so I can see it too? What a dork! I mean, that's got to be kind of cool and exciting, or is it... I mean, that's the thing with being a trooper is we're across the state and you see different things and different areas of the state and so you think about those open wide areas of the state, where you could probably see a tornado a little ways out and you could provide that information to help some people. That's kind of cool. I think that would be cool. I mean, you guys, like, working on a big storm or something like that, you know, where most people aren't out, you get a chance to see it. I mean, but is it cool, let's say I'm a state trooper, is it cool if right when I spot it, I get the hell out of there? I mean, because I'm not sticking around for that. I get a little score league sometimes around those. That'd be understandable. Hopefully you tell someone though. Yeah, tell someone, get the hell out of there. We were chased by a tornado many years ago. Oh, that sucked. Man, that sucked. I love storms, I love all that kind of stuff, but I really thought we were going to die. And it was actually the response of a police officer that scared us the most. That was bad. We knew there were storms in the area. And, you know, I was kind of watching the cops to see their reaction and one of them was terrified. That was when I thought, we're dead. If this guy's freaked out, we're in so much trouble. We were outdoors. This was at a bar up, was it North Branch or something like that? Outdoors, tent party, live music in the parking lot. And that tent was going to fly away. People were hanging onto that thing for dear life. The dark clouds rolled in. Bad place to be. And the cops said, okay, we've got to move everybody inside. There's a tornado warning. Josh ain't kidding. One of those cops looked like his hair was on fire. He ran so fast. We both got on the freeway and were driving as fast as we could. We were so dumb. We thought it was over, right? We thought it was over. And it will now be a good chance, a good time to make a break for home. We were frigging wrong. Oh, you probably thought it was over. You were probably in the eye of the storm. Suddenly I noticed I'm the only guy on the road and the trees are whipping. I'd never seen anything like it. I pulled over to a motel on the side of the road diving into the lobby like a jackass, but it was a hell of a deal. But you made it. Yeah, that was probably the most nervous I've ever been in my entire life. That was pretty scary. Easiest snack to eat behind the wheel is the next question for our state patrolman. Easiest snack to eat behind the wheel. It depends on the person. And here's the thing. You can eat whatever you want when you're parked. You don't have to do it while you're driving. Well, they're talking about you guys. While you're working. What do you like to shovel down while you're behind the wheel? Honestly, I don't like to eat in my car. Yeah, either. The worry of spilling something and making a mess in my squad. We're on the uniform. I'm a clean car guy. Imagine you go pull somebody over and you've got hot sauce all over your shirt. I'm not going to let them eat in the car. Good for you. I have to take a look at my wife's car to find out why. My wife always has car popcorn, car snacks everywhere. Popcorn, that's the worst thing to have in the car. There's so much. That's all her for the most part. She lets the kid eat in there. I was in a friend's SUV recently. She's got two kids. I was knee deep in Cheerios. People are saying, of course, donuts. They don't believe you turn down donuts. Tough to be taken seriously, I suppose, when you're pulling someone over if you've got a lap full of marinara sauce or something like that. You get mustard on your tie. I would totally call that out, too. What do you got right there? Exactly. That's what happened to us. I thought maybe it'll lighten the mood a little bit. Yeah, I agree. So you've got something cooking right now. You're after us for what reason? I forget. We're asking this about now. It's all for good reason. What is it again? April is Distracted Driving Enforcement Month. So us and 300 other agencies across the state will be enforcing distracted driving, along with our other duties as well. Temperatures are rising and people want to do fun things and that's great. Just urge people to plan ahead. Don't be calling, texting while you're driving and make sure we can get to our destination safely and get home safely as well. If it makes you feel any better, I never do it. I never come anywhere near the telephone. What's that, Josh? I was just going to say, you referenced it earlier. I did see a guy playing the electric guitar with his left leg out of the window on a freeway. What's the worst offense you've seen as far as distracted driving or maybe heard about from one of your colleagues? Hmm. You know, we just see people watching movies. We see things like that. That's pretty nuts. On their phones and they're completely distracted. Those are the types of things that we run into and you run into your regular person that you saw with their head down, texting. Whether it's at a light, which people ask and I text at a light, if it's a red light, you cannot. You have to be focused on driving the entire time you're on the road. I just remember, distracted driving isn't just using your phone. I've stopped someone who's blatantly reading the newspaper and I'm just reading it multiple lanes. What? Were they 80? That was the weird part. Where the hell do you get a newspaper, pal? This was kind of at the start of my career. I'm like, what? Why? What is the logic here? It's the news. It's not changing. It wants to get up on current events. I'm not putting this son of a bitch down until I find Waldo. Nick, if you tried to text while driving, you just wouldn't have any hands on the steering wheel. I would have texted when he's just on land on his feet. You guys can text with one hand? Even with these big fat ass phones now? Yes. I have a permanent indent on my pinky actually from the way I hold my phone. Bobby, can you text with one hand? No. I have small hands. It's just a big phone. I can barely hold it. I've got tiny hands. I can't do that. In the early days, I'd sell your other telephones and I'd get the size of a damn chicken McNugget. I could do it one handed then. They called that T9, right? Where you just hit the letters or numbers enough. I could do that without looking easily. Sure, but those bastards are too big now. I'm not good enough. They're right. I can barely do it sitting still here in my chair, let alone while driving a motor vehicle. Back in the day, I was pretty bad. I'd have that little mini phone in my hand all the damn time while we were driving. I was bad too. I had one experience that changed it. I thought I can do this better than anybody. I can easily text and drive. Did you have that moment of realization? Yes, and it was right over here. We have a train tracks right by us. All of a sudden, I looked to my left and there was a train. It was parked there, but even so, I never saw it. I could be that out of it. Who the hell put a train there? Why is that train in the middle of the road? I'm on the tracks. I realized at that point, maybe I shouldn't be texting and driving. That was ten years ago. You just don't want to. I haven't done it since. Don't friggin do it. I could never live with the guilt if I hurt somebody because I was getting back to a stupid text. I was just going to say that. Imagine if you hurt or killed somebody and simply because I was writing, I'll be there. The worst part is, it comes out in court and you wrote it and it was a stupid joke. That's all public. Did you guys ever have those people come to your school when you were younger? Or I guess not. That would make no sense for you, Josh or Nick. They would come to our school and they would play a slideshow of the last text people sent that killed them or killed somebody else. That messed me up. Back in our day, it was newspapers, Ashley. Ashley, they would show us the last handwritten letter that somebody wrote. Somebody's got a telegraph. It's a stone tablet. It was a... Buckskin. Written in blood. Cold. Sometimes they would use a chunk of coal. A lot of calligraphy, back then. You two fellas, Mikey, Lee and Gordon, Shank, have a great weekend. Thanks for spending some time with us. Don't go. I appreciate it. So nice having you guys. Happy 29th birthday to Ballbag Jesus from Cheese Machine Jesus. Happy 50th to Jen Thura, Jesus. Jen Thura? Jen Thura? That's a real name. I don't know if it's a nickname for this person. That's a real name. Or maybe this is a voice to text. Very unique. Happy birthday to Jared from Your Hot Life. And concrete cowboy Jesus text in a shout out to his smoking hot life, Felicia, for the 6th anniversary of her 29th birthday tomorrow. Happy Easter, everybody. That fast morning show, 90, 3, X. Well hello to all the wonderful podcasters out there. Wherever in the world you're listening right now, we truly appreciate it. Dana here. Yeah, I'm a sports junkie. I'm a wing lover and of course a smart club member because I trust my home comfort is standard heating and air conditioning. And I really think you should too. Right now it's HVAC mania. And these deals will help offset the costs when your brackets get busted. You can score a $45 coupon on a furnace tune-up, normally $148. And no, it's never too late to show your furnace of love. And if your system is about to crash out like a 5 seat against a 12, now's the time to replace it on your schedule with 0% financing from standard heating and air conditioning. Go to standardheating.com and mention 93X. Standard heating and air conditioning. The comfort you deserve since 1930.