i feel like my life is boring and it scares me

Somebody said something interesting to me the other day, they said, Am I, you know, you kind of feel like a grandmother stuck in a 24-year-old's body. And when they said this, I took a pause. And immediately, a bunch of thoughts and feelings that had been bubbling below the surface came to the surface, and I had an epiphany, that my life is kind of boring. Considering my age, I'm 24 years old, my life is shockingly boring. When I think about what it means to be 24 years old, based on stories from my elders, the media, etc. I think of chaos, mess, fun, mistakes, irresponsibility. Everything that my life is not, basically. My life is really tame. I don't drink alcohol. I don't do drugs. I don't go to very many parties. I can't tell you the last time I went to a club, okay? I don't have a lot of sex. I'm like the relationship type. I go to bed at a reasonable hour. I eat healthy. I exercise. I have a routine that I stick to. I'm incredibly disciplined. I try to do the right thing. I think I'm pretty good at doing the right thing. My life is really tame. And as much as this is sort of a wonderful thing, like in theory, isn't it wonderful to live a life like this? I feel like a lot of young people actually are striving to live a life like this. And by some miracle, I have found myself in this position where I'm living a really beautiful, healthy life. But I found myself feeling really bored in it and understimulated. Looking at other 24-year-olds and thinking, should I be living like that? Have I expedited my life in a way and ended up in a stage of adulthood? This more developed than where I should be. Am I wasting my youth being almost too responsible in living almost too healthy and too tame of a life too soon? It causes a sense of restlessness in me. And it bothers me because it doesn't make sense. And so today, I thought I'd investigate this feeling. I thought we could investigate this feeling. And maybe try to resolve it. I want to either reintroduce a level of chaos into my life for the sake of youth because I'm only 24 or once. You know what I mean? Or I want to find some level of satisfaction in the lifestyle that I've found myself living. Come up with some sort of plan. I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Venmo. Okay, hear me out. Apparently, you can earn cashback with your Venmo debit card. All you have to do is join Venmo stash in boom. You get cashback when you shop at your favorite brands. It's kind of an awesome flex. With Venmo stash, you can get up to 5% cashback at your Fave brands. Just pick a bundle of your go-to's to shop with your Venmo debit card and earn cashback at them. And you're free to mix things up. You can easily swap out your bundle of brands every 30 days. Start earning when you do more with stash. Venmo stash terms and exclusions apply. Max $100 cashback per month. See terms at Venmo.me slash stash terms. Now back to the episode. Let's start by analyzing how I developed my lifestyle, why I live the way that I do. Sort of grandmother-esque. In the eyes of some. And kind of in the eyes of me too. Although I don't think I live like a grandmother. Like I'm not full on grandma. Like I don't think grandmothers are like popping a zin. Because yes, I am using the zin. I'm still addicted to nicotine. That's like the one naughty thing that I do. I also occasionally will, I don't know, watch too many YouTube shorts. That feels kind of naughty and young. You know, I don't think grandparents are watching YouTube shorts, although I wouldn't be surprised. But anyway, let's discuss how I got here. Starting out with my sobriety. Okay, I don't participate in alcohol or drugs. Why? Because I have a terrible physical reaction. This is not by choice. This is not me being like, oh, it's healthier to not, you know, participate in these things. I didn't wake up one day and read an article and then say, you know what, I'm done. No, with alcohol, I had to quit because I'm pretty sure I developed an allergy. Alcohol gives me hives and rashes on my face. No, actually, I don't know if it's hives. I get super red and like patchy red on my face when I drink sometimes. I also developed a nausea from drinking that I didn't used to get towards the end of my drinking career. If you will, towards the end of my drinking, I'm having one glass of wine and getting so nauseous that I either feel like I'm gonna throw up or I actually do throw up. And the combination of everything to me was a sign that clearly alcohol doesn't work with my body and it made me miserable. So I stopped drinking and I haven't drank alcohol since October of 2024. Wait, yeah, October of 2024. It's been over a year. And to be honest, I actually really like being sober. I'd be super anxious after a night of drinking. It made me feel gross physically, sluggish, just like shit, I don't know. I enjoy not drinking. It's a bummer because I used to enjoy a little buzz at a party or something. I used to enjoy the experience of going to a wine bar with friends and getting to fully participate. I do miss it to an extent, but it wasn't worth it. And I will say it has forced me to learn to be social sober, which I think is an incredible skill to have. So to me, it's okay. Drugs, marijuana, mushrooms, shit like that, freaks me out. Marijuana, every time I consume marijuana, I have a panic attack. I had such a bad panic attack from edibles one time that it permanently changed my brain. I'm not kidding. My brain has never been the same. It made me dissociate so badly for the first time, by the way, I'd never dissociated before. So no weed for me. Mushrooms, I've done mushrooms a few times. I actually really enjoyed it, but I'm a little bit too anxious these days to take anything like that. I'm too anxious of having a bad trip and then being stuck in it to the point where it's not even worth participating. And then any other drugs are just dangerous and bad and bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, so it doesn't matter. I wouldn't do those in any circumstance. So that's why I'm sober. These things just don't react well with me. Like listen, if I wanted to reintroduce a little bit of chaos into my life, could I try drinking again? I guess, but I don't think, I don't think that's the root of the problem. I don't think being sober is the reason for my restlessness. Because honestly, when I look back when I used to drink, it made me so anxious and unhappy. And that was at its best when I was having the best reaction to it, the least uncomfortable. It was like severe anxiety. And then at worst I was having, I would get a rash or be nauseous. You see what I'm saying? So I don't think that's the issue. Okay, next, I don't go out very much. I think there's a few reasons for this. Number one, my friends are older for the most part, between like five and maybe like five and nine years older than me. And the age difference is noticeable when it comes to going out. Because they've already gone through the going out phase of being in your 20s. They're now all in relationships, comfortable, satisfied. And they don't feel the pull to go out as much as maybe I do being single and 24. So if your friend group doesn't want to go out, go to a club, doesn't want to go to a party just for the sake of going to a party, doesn't want to go to a bar, just for the sake of going to a bar. You're not going to end up going. You're going to do what the rest of the group wants to do. I don't necessarily mind this because in reality, I don't really even enjoy doing those things either. But there are times where I'm like, I'm itching to go out. I need to go out. I need to be social. My friends are like, I'm a, we're tired. We're tired. No, no. That's not to say that I don't like, that I never go out. I do go out sometimes, you know? I'll go to a party every once in a while. I will go to a bar every once in a while. But less frequently than other 24 year olds that I know. But as I said though, too, I don't want to go to a club. It's too loud. It's not fun unless you're under the influence of something, which I obviously am not. It's just not, it just doesn't work for me. If anything, I prefer something more social, like a party or a bar. But even that is sort of hit or miss. Like, I'll find myself itching to go out. Itching, itching, itching to go out. And then I'll go to a bar, go to a party or something. And I'll be like, ew, I'm bored. This is not that fun. People are, you know, being maybe less social than I expected. It's, this is just less stimulating than I anticipated. Like, and I could have skipped that. Moving on to my sort of boring love life, okay? I am usually in a long term relationship. When I'm not, like right now, I don't really like casual hookups and I don't love serial dating. If you don't know what serial dating is, serial dating is, according to the internet, a serial data is someone who frequently dates many different people in succession, often moving quickly from one relationship to the next without much downtime, driven by a love for the thrill of new romance, avoiding commitment, fearing loneliness, or seeking validation in attention. They enjoy the early exciting stages of dating, but get bored easily or shy away from deep commitment. When I think of an exciting love life for someone in their early 20s, I think of having sex, making out with random people at the bar, going home with people and having sex. I think of going on a bunch of first dates that are like shitty and being like, God, damn it, that one was bad, that one was bad too. Now I need to go on another date or, oh my God, I'm in love with this person just to then be like, ew, I hate them a week later. Like this sort of excitement drama. I've tried it a little, you know, I've tried the casual hookup thing, and without fail every single time I feel icky afterwards. I don't feel good, I feel gross. And I don't think that has anything to do with societal expectations or beliefs or feelings around casual sex. I actually don't think it has anything to do with external factors like that. I think it's strictly the experience of being romantic with somebody that I'm not close with. I don't necessarily feel 100% comfortable and safe with. That experience to me is icky. I'm attracted to safety. As much as I'd love to be like having random sex and stuff because there is something satisfying about that when you're single, it's sort of a, I don't know, it makes you feel in control of, how do I put this? Having casual sex is a reminder that you're attractive, that people want to be with you, that they're attracted to you, which is reassuring in a moment of singlehood. I absolutely have moments when I'm single, experiencing it right now where I'm like, does mom still got it or what? Like does anyone like me or it would be nice if someone would be really interested in me, like it would be interested in me sexually because I'm a little nervous that no one likes me. Do you know what I'm saying? And this is just the truth of it, the reality of it. If I were to do that, it would be, I think for the wrong reasons. And that's not the case for everybody, but the case for me. And so that's why I don't have casual sex. It sounds like it would be fun, but every time I've done it, it has not been fun. Could I potentially get out there and experiment and try it again? I could, I could, but I'm at the risk of not honoring my past experiences in potentially putting myself in a situation where I'm deeply uncomfortable at my own hand. And it's like, so yeah, I could do that, but then it's like, that actually seems like I'm, I'm actively making a choice to ignore what I know about myself. And that seems self-destructive. Like it just doesn't seem smart. In addition to not enjoying casual sex, I also don't like serial dating. The idea of going on a bunch of first dates and getting to the honeymoon phase with a bunch of different people and then cutting it off and then starting something new and fresh again, even though it's a bit toxic, perhaps, it sounds fun, right? It sounds fun, it sounds exciting. But for whatever reason, I don't like the beginning stages in a relationship. I don't like the honeymoon phase. I like the part of the relationship when we're farting, we're super close. I don't feel like I have to read into what someone's saying. We can just be completely open because we've made a commitment to one another and a lot of the guesswork has taken out when that commitment is made. I prefer the later stages in a relationship if anything. The beginning is quite stressful for me. I tend to overthink it or not even overthink it, but I tend to obsess over it in a way because that's what's fun about it. It's a distraction, it's almost drug-like. In the beginning, when you're so excited and you have such a big crush, it's all consuming. And to some, that's an escape and that's fun and that's exciting. To me, that's exhausting and stressful and frightening and I would rather just skip ahead to being in a committed relationship and being extremely comfortable together, which is why I don't cereal date. I have never even attempted cereal dating. I have literally only ever gone on dates with guys I'm dating already, like that are my boyfriend. I usually know when I wanna date somebody before we've even gone on a date because either they're a mutual friend or we've started talking via text message and by the time we're like going on a date, we're already kinda dating. Does that make sense? And I never even, I've never even gotten into that stage with somebody who I haven't ended up dating long-term. I don't go on random dates. The idea of cereal dating exhausts me. It seems like an emotional roller coaster, you know, getting into the honeymoon phase with somebody and then once that starts to dwindle, leaving it and moving on to the next or whatever, or just going on a bunch of dates and having sort of a roster of like, these are all the guys I'm casually dating right now. Like that experience, though it seems more stimulating and interesting, also seems exhausting and it actually is sort of on appealing to me. But as much as it is on appealing to me, I look at other people my age doing that and I again, kind of envy it. It seems like it would be so fun and exciting to date that way, but also I think deep down I know the reality wouldn't work for me. I'm not gonna start having random sex and I'm not gonna start building my dating roster of like 20 guys. 20 would be a lot. I don't even think there's 20 guys in this, I don't know, that, yeah, that's not, that's let's say five guys, burgers and fries. No, okay, fine, let's say six guys. Moving on, I live a very healthy lifestyle, okay? I exercise, I go in my morning walks, I go to my hot yoga, I eat nutritious foods, things such as lentils, vegetables and fruits and proteins. I tend to cook for myself, I don't order food delivery very often. I live a very healthy lifestyle, which not in a toxic way though, I don't think at this point in my life, it's not like I don't eat dessert ever, it's not like I'm out at a restaurant with my friends and I'm like, no, no, no, I'm healthy, so I'm not going to have a bite of the pecan pie, that's not accurate. I of course will eat the pecan pie. In fact, I'll probably eat more of it than anyone else because I love a dessert. But day to day, I'm going to my workouts, I'm going on my walks and I'm eating nutritiously and healthily. I don't know, in a weird way, when I think of being in your early 20s, I think of eating an entire bag of cheesets for dinner, staying up too late, I imagine laying in bed all day sometimes. I imagine, like I imagine all these different things because when you're young, you can get away with it and you don't feel as bad, you don't feel the repercussions as severely when you're young, you can get away with saying, fuck it, I'm not going to exercise for two months, fuck it, I'm not going to eat any vegetables for two months, you can do that. And yet, I very early in my life discovered that I feel so much better when I live a very healthy life. That also includes even going to bed early or not even necessarily early, but at a responsible hour and waking up at a responsible hour. There was a time, I would say when I was a teenager, where I did all the things I'm describing. I'd eat an entire bag of cheesets for dinner and have a terrible stomach ache from it. I would go to bed at four in the morning. I wouldn't exercise for months on end and you don't wanna know what I felt like shit, I felt fucking terrible. I felt physically terrible but also mentally terrible, I felt horrible. So it's very odd once again that I'm like feeling, I'm feeling restless about a lifestyle that does actually make me feel physically good. If I were to drop my healthy habits for the sake of chaos, which sounds ridiculous, but again, we're having a bizarre sort of conversation here because I'm experiencing a feeling that's sort of bizarre and confusing and doesn't really make any sense. If I were to drop all my healthy habits and regress technically and go back and like start eating foods that aren't nutritious and sleeping bad hours and not exercising, I would hate my life. My life would be worse, that's not gonna work. So I don't know. This episode is brought to you by eBay. We all have that one piece. You know the one, the thing that's so you, you've basically become known for it. And if you don't have yours yet, you'll find it on eBay. Let me put you on people. eBay is where you'll find those one of a kind, can't stop researching, stay up dreaming about pieces. Again and again, I'm talking about that off the runway, Red Love The Romer that you've had your eye on, the trendy top with the cowboy on it or that sleek fleece from the 2017 colorway. All of these finds are on eBay. They even offer millions of main character pieces backed by authenticity guarantee. eBay is the place for pre-loved and vintage fashion. eBay, things people love. Now back to the episode. Next, I stick to a very consistent routine like my life for the most part is consistent and pretty mundane. Like it rarely deviates from routine. Same thing every single day, which I think is pretty common for most people of all ages, but my particular routine feels very, it feels a bit, it does feel a little bit grandma-coded. The spark notes of my daily routine is wake up early, make my coffee, recently I've been journaling, go on a walk, do chores, work, take a break from working, exercise, come home, get back to work, cook dinner, oh, probably earlier in the day, cook something for breakfast and lunch, do more chores, feed my cats, I also fed my cats earlier in the day too. Talk to my loved ones on the phone, go to bed, repeat. Now, let me ask myself, what do I think most 24-year-olds are doing on a day-to-day basis? Probably the same thing, but when I imagine the lifestyle of others in their early 20s, I think of people going out to dinners on weeknights, going to parties on weeknights, waking up late on accident. I don't know, like it's just a little bit more, ah, genus say qua, or not even genus say qua, but like a little bit more chaos, you know what I'm saying? It's like so chill my life. It's so relaxed, it's like, it's so consistent, and so simple and so healthy. But I think probably most people, like that's probably most people's routine. So I don't know why I'm sort of, it seems that what I'm doing is, as I'm describing all of this, it seems that I'm doing two things. Number one, I'm creating a false version of what a normal 24-year-olds life looks like, a romanticized version, a dramaticized version, and I'm comparing my life to that, and that comparison is making me feel restless. What I'm comparing my life to is something that is ultimately not real, and seems more fun and more loose and more exciting, and maybe even happier, because I'm romanticizing it a little bit. And as they say, the grass is always greener. It's almost like I'm looking at what I think other 24-year-olds are doing, and I'm like, wait, that looks more fun. I'm all buttoned up over here, I'm being responsible, and it feels so boring, the grass is always greener. It seems that's the first thing that's going on here. The other thing that seems to be going on here is that I think in order to live my life this way, I have to be very disciplined, and I think the level of discipline that it takes to live my life the way that I do is sort of fatiguing for me in a way. Those things don't necessarily come naturally, and the lifestyle itself is a bit underestimulating for me. And so I find myself between sort of a rock and a hard place here where I'm like, okay, I can't go backwards, I know better. After analyzing my lifestyle, I don't see any areas where I could in good faith regress. Why would I regress? Technically, I've actually arrived at a really good place here, and to go backwards is stupid, it's actually stupid, but I'm feeling restless, so what is that? Restlessness. And it seems that the restlessness is stemming from a combination of comparison, and also they're being a lack of stimulation in my life. My disciplined, routine, healthy life is not stimulating enough for me. So how do I address these issues? Let's brainstorm together. What should I do? What should I do? To start, I think I need to work on being mindful about this. I think I need to integrate a bit of mindfulness when I find myself comparing my life to other fictional 24-year-olds. I need a reality check, a self-inflicted reality check. I think number one, I need to stop romanticizing things. I know don't work for me. Just because the fictional 24-year-old in my head that I'm comparing myself to has a bunch of fun with a roster of six people that they're dating at once, and they went to bed at five in the morning because they were clubbing all night. I need to remind myself why I don't do those things. I could if I wanted to. Why don't I do them? Because I know better, because I know that it doesn't work for me, because I know it actually makes me miserable. So I need to remind myself that I'm comparing myself to a fictional 24-year-old for one, and also remind myself why I don't do those things. Remind myself of the times when I have done those things and how I felt, instead of just subconsciously sort of nying on this fictional 24-year-old character in my head, I need to bring that to the forefront of my head, and address it head on, and remember the truth of the situation. Next, I need to stay in my own lane. It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing. I need to stay in my own lane and focus on my own life. I need to put my energy towards my life, and ignore what other people are doing or what other people are saying about what I'm doing. It doesn't matter. I need to put my head down and stay in my lane. When I catch myself comparing my life to a fictional 24-year-old, or even a real 24-year-old, because that actually does happen sometimes too, I would say most of the time I'm comparing myself to sort of this idea of what I think I should be doing at my age, but sometimes it is an actual real person. I need to focus on me. Everybody's on their own journey. I know that. I need to remind myself of that when I find myself struggling with this. And lastly, I think I need to focus on gratitude for how good my lifestyle makes me feel, because I haven't always felt this good, and I rarely take time to be grateful for how good I feel. I put a lot of effort into feeling good. I should take them in every once in a while to acknowledge how good I feel compared to how bad I used to feel when I was younger and I hadn't implemented the habits that I've implemented. Attempting to turn my restlessness into gratitude might be the move, moving on from mindfulness. I've also tried to think about some activities that I could integrate into my life that maybe would help with this feeling of restlessness. Number one, cooking meals from scratch. I actually already started doing this. It was one of my New Year's resolutions. I wanna cook things really from scratch. Not just like, oh, I got a loaf of bread from the store and then now I'm gonna make avocado toast on that bread that I bought from the store. I wanna start making my own bread, or instead of going and getting a can of soup from the grocery store, I wanna make my own soup. I've really gotten into it and I've really loved it. Do I think that it's solved my feelings of restlessness? No, but it's not completely, but it has helped. So I wanna continue doing that and continue cooking things from scratch because it's so immersive. You're so immersed in the experience and there's such a wonderful reward, yummy food. I think the distraction and the excitement of that, at least for me, has been helpful. So I'm gonna continue doing that and continue to make more and more challenging recipes because I think the challenge is what makes it riveting. Another thing I wanna start doing, hosting social gatherings either at my house or out somewhere, I think it is really important for me to be social and I've found that the more social than I'm being, the less restless I feel, but I will say that the traditional methods of socializing seemingly don't work for me, right? I don't love going out to the club. I don't love going out even to a bar or a party. So perhaps I could put together some sort of social gathering that appeals to me and will probably appeal to others. Whether that's a weekend trip with a group of friends or a dinner party at my house or a dinner party at a restaurant or a game night, I need to host more gatherings that are interesting to me. I can't rely on other people to create these experiences for me. If I want these experiences more frequently in my life, I need to put the effort in and I need to actually create these experiences instead of waiting for these things to pop up a few times a year. Why don't I create them? And last but not least, try to become friends with more boys to help with my dating craving. Obviously, I feel like my love life is very boring in under stimulating. Well, why don't I become friends with more boys and develop crushes on them? That seems like the perfect happy medium. And that's something I've wanted to do anyway, but it's just hard. But perhaps I could become friends with more boys through hosting social gatherings. I can say, bring whoever you want to my social gathering and who knows some cute boys might come and then I could become friends with them. And then I could have crushes on them. And then, you know, I'm not gonna serial date them. I'm just gonna be friends and then when I really like one of them, eventually I'll confess my love. Or I will wait until they confess their love to me because I am too scared usually to make the first move. Okay, so those are some ideas of activities that could help with my restlessness. Last but not least, I think I could benefit from a bit more spontaneity. I think there's a way to be spontaneous without regressing and reintroducing bad habits, right? Spontaneity, I think could help bring some excitement into my life. It's excitement without chaos. A few ways I could be spontaneous. Number one, saying yes to every opportunity to travel or maybe not every opportunity to travel. But there are times when I'm so in the minutia of my routine, I'm like, I don't wanna travel right now. So an opportunity to travel might come up and I might pass on it because I am so in the flow of my routine that I don't wanna do it. I think travel is a great opportunity to be spontaneous, to sort of shake up your reality a little bit. So if like all my friends are like, hey, we're doing a little weekend trip to here. You know what, fuck it, I'll cancel some responsibilities that I had that weekend to go and do that because I think that that's really important to me. That's what I'm talking about. Now, is that gonna come up on a monthly basis, even probably not, but as often as these types of things come up, I should try to take those opportunities. Also a less extreme version and probably a more frequent opportunity. Saying yes to spontaneous plans with friends. Again, as I said with the travel, I will sometimes be like, ah, you know, like I had plans to work this weekend because I didn't get as much done this week because I wanted to and nobody made any plans with me this weekend, so I'm gonna work this weekend. And then if spontaneous plans were to come up that weekend, I'd be like, oh no, I can't. So I'd skip out on the fun activity less of that. More saying yes. Because ultimately those memories are more important. You know, listen, there are times when you gotta get down when you gotta get down, but clearly I'm experiencing in extreme where it's like, I don't have enough spontaneity in my life. You know, I could use a little bit more than I have. So I'm gonna attempt to say yes to more spontaneous plans with friends and maybe even create more spontaneous plans with friends. You know, if I'm bored on a Saturday afternoon, instead of laying around or whatever or filling that time with responsibilities, why not call my friends up and say, should we just go to Disneyland tonight randomly? Like, shit like that. I don't know. Another idea would be to make an effort to break routine by trying a new grocery store, a new coffee shop, a new workout class, et cetera. I've talked about this before because occasionally I will do this and without fail every single time. It is such a grounding experience that forces me to be present. I'm such a creature of habit that anytime I change one little thing in my routine, it really like shocks my brain out of autopilot and I'm forced to be present in such a beautiful way. Every once in a while, it's really nice to sort of shake up the minute details in routine. I think I could do that a little bit more often and I think when I find myself feeling restless, that might be a time to try something new or even potentially like changing up my work week, maybe instead of taking Saturday and Sunday off one week I take Monday and Tuesday off. minute little tweaks in routine can really kind of energize you in a weird way. I don't know. I need to integrate a little bit more of that into my life perhaps. Here's the thing, I don't really know what's going on. The reason why I wanted to talk about it is because I feel like people might look at my lifestyle and think wow, she has her shit together. She lives such a healthy, responsible lifestyle. I don't feel like my life is like that. I feel like I need more discipline or I feel like I need to be more responsible or I feel like I need to focus more on my health and well-being. I feel like people might look at my life and be like and compare and feel bad. And I wanted to discuss this because I wanted to show you that the grass is always greener. You can really have your shit together and still and just because of how the world works because of how human brains work will still find something to whine about. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. And I think it's just proof that there's always more work to do. Like there's no such thing as arriving. You're never gonna exist in a perfect version of your life. There's always gonna be work to do. And it's shocking to me that I'm probably living the healthiest, most fulfilling version of my life. I ever have my life and I'm feeling restless within it. How hilarious is that? But hopefully in like six months from now, I can come back to you and tell you how I resolved the feeling of restlessness. I mean, I think analyzing it to this extent has helped me a lot. And I have somewhat of a plan moving forward, some things to try. But I'll keep you updated. The intent of this episode was not to answer questions. It was more to just explore. So we'll see. Give me a few months and maybe I'll get back to you. That's it for this episode. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, this 24 year old grandma posts new episodes of anything goes every Thursday. If you wanna watch video that's on YouTube and Spotify, listen anywhere else you get podcasts. On social media, anything goes. I'm on the internet at Emma Chamberlain and my coffee company is Chamberlain Coffee. That's all for today and I'll talk to you in a week from now. I love you all. I appreciate you all. And I'm gonna go do some grandma shit. Like bird watching and like crocheting and making cookies for my grandkids. That's what I'm gonna go do. So I'll talk to you later. I actually don't do any of that stuff except for making, well I do love birds and I do love watching them, but I'm not killers. And I don't have grandkids, but I do like cooking and baking. So I have been doing that lately. So I guess I have been doing that too. And I don't crochet. That is a step too far. I'm not ready to crochet yet. I have the second half of my life to crochet. So we're waiting on that for as long as possible. Okay, anyway, I love you all. I appreciate you all. Thank you for listening. Talk to you soon. Talk to you next week. Love you and bye. I just said all that. I think twice. So anyway, okay, love you. Bye.