936 | "Rach, my friends are competitive mean-girls!" "Help, I'm going into debt to pay for my son's college"

but if they're not the kind of friend you want to have, they go real quiet or they find a way to make your win about them, or they find a way to make your win have something to do with them or their past or why they aren't where they want to be. Oh yeah, I was going to do that too, but you know, I was going to run the marathon too, but like I hurt my knee back in college and like, I haven't been. Her college knee has nothing to do with you running a marathon right now. Pay attention to when your thing becomes about them. It's hard to notice these things, especially when it's your friend, because you're like, oh, we're just chatting. But those kinds of people who find a way to weave it back into their own narrative, they're not in this friendship for collaboration. Okay. They're in this friendship because there's something that they're getting out of it from you. And if that's why they're there, there's always going to be that underlying current of we are in competition with each other. Okay, guys, welcome to Ask Rach. This is one of my favorite traditions here on the podcast, because I get to hear from you. Hey, Rach. Hey, Rach. Hi, Rachel. Every single week, you guys call the hotline, tell me what's going on in your life, and I give you real talk and tough love and the big sister energy you didn't know you always needed. So if you've got a question about life, love, work, parenting, how to find your purpose, honestly, anything, call me and spill it. 737-400-4626 and your question might just show up right here on the podcast. Let's see what the community is asking about today. Hello, how are you guys? It's Rach. Welcome to a new episode in our Ask Rach series. If you have never hung out with me before during one of these episodes, let me give you a rundown. We have a podcast hotline, which is really just a fancy way of saying you can call and leave me a voicemail. And people call from all over the world and they ask me questions. They ask about relationship advice and parenting and business and finance and faith and honestly, everything you can possibly think of over the last five years. Then producer Jack takes all of those voicemails, puts them into a sheet for me, and you and I listen to them together in real time, meaning that when you hear it for the first time is also when I hear it for the first time. So my answers are from the cuff, from the gut, just what I'm thinking and what I would say to you if we were sitting together having coffee and discussing our lives. Now, I always mention that because if I say something that you feel like really resonates, you should totally use it. And if I say something that you don't believe in at all, you just go ahead and ignore that, sis. It was just an idea. I'm a random girl you know from the internet. You don't have to take anything I say to heart. But in case you are wondering what I think or want some advice, you can call the hotline yourself at 737-400-4626 and ask me anything at all. Without further ado, I say that you and I just jump into the exact, I'm just going to go question one on the 2026 voicemail list. That's right, you guys. We're busting into a new list. It's really exciting. And the first subject line says life. The question's about life. That's my only indication. Feels like a good one. Hi, Rach. This is Angie. I have a question for you. I feel like I'm stuck in a state of paralysis. I work part-time in our family business, handle the house and the kids and everything that comes with that. And on paper, it seems fine, but I always have this feeling that I just want more. I keep having these ideas and then dipping my toe into things and pulling back and telling myself it's just not good enough or it won't work. And I feel directionless and lost. My kids are getting older and I feel this strong pull to have something of my own. Part of me just wants to create and have fun and feel alive. And another part of me deeply wants to build something that's actually meaningful. and I've been back in this loop for years. I'm getting really fed up with myself, just not committing to something or making up my mind or figuring out what I want and I just feel lost. So how do I move forward? Thanks, I love your episodes. I listen every week and I hope you have a great day. Okay, Angie, let's start by normalizing the feeling that you are having because girl, I have been doing this work a very long time, both in podcasts, in books, and live in person. And I can tell you for sure that so many women and probably men too have the same feelings as you. So this is a totally normal thing to be grappling with. And I think the fact that you're willing to grapple with it is huge. Lots of people will stick their head in the sand or numb themselves so they don't have to think about the fact that they feel sort of listless, like they don't have a purpose. They don't really know what to do with their life. And your willingness to stay in that tension and figure it out is huge. So hooray. That's number one. Number two is I want to take you back to something that you said yourself, because I always think the words we use can become a map that we use to get us to the next level. And you said, you know, part of me wants to just like have fun and create. And then part of me wants to do something that has meaning. And there's, I don't know if you use the word legacy, but that's sort of what I was thinking of. You want it to be something bigger than just having fun and creating. But when we're not sure what the legacy will be, when we're not sure where we should go or what we should do, lean all the way into having fun and creating. Now, this goes in total opposition with everything we are taught, right? We're taught that we're only supposed to do things if there's money behind it or there's success behind it. Like how many of us used to love to dance or play an instrument or do something that wasn't very practical as a pursuit? How many kids have been told to stop doing those things because you can't make a living as a dancer? You can't make a living as a musician. There's a woman in the coaching community who was just talking about this the other day that when she was a little girl, all she wanted in the whole world was to just sing. She wanted to be a singer, but she got it in her head that that wasn't practical. And she had all of these adults around her telling her that she should choose something wise. And what that ends up creating is all of us running around as adults doing things that are practical, but we've lost passion. We've lost joy. We've lost that little kid excitement over something that's interesting. and I don't care what the world tells us, that is not how we are supposed to live. Do y'all remember me telling you the story about, I was doing this keynote speech like six months ago or something, I got invited to go speak to a group that was hosting their annual conference and I was invited to the women's breakfast. There was like a women's group within this huge company and they had a breakfast and there were all of these people there and then there were like, maybe out of 300 women, And there were like 50 men. And I don't know if those men were there to be supportive of the women's group or if they just wanted free breakfast, but whatever, they were in the room. And I ended up talking back and forth with the audience, as I often do. I'm like, do you guys ever feel like this? Who can identify? And I'm sort of like chatting with the audience. And I said something to the effect of, you know, have you ever gotten to the place where you feel like you checked all your boxes and you look around and you're thinking, is this it? Is this what I was aiming at? Is this what I was trying to do? This? And it's not that you don't love your family and it's not that you're not proud and grateful for all that you have, but you feel deeply unfulfilled because you check the boxes, but the boxes didn't actually fill up your heart. So I'm saying this to the audience and there's this man in the front row and he is nodding like so aggressively that I'm like, excuse me, like, would you talk to me about this? And he's like, sure. And so I ended up having a lot of the keynote that day being kind of this live coaching session with this guy. And he turns out was a really big executive in this company. So he's like, it's an even bigger deal that he's willing to admit in front of all these people that he works with that he's unfulfilled. And he's like, you know, I've, I've done all the things. My kids are great. My wife is great. We have the home. I have the nice car. Like I've gotten promoted. and I'm like, okay, cool. Who were you before you were theirs? And he's like, what? I said, well, who were you before you were this guy wearing your Patagonia vest and your button down shirt? Like who were you before you were a leader at a company Who were you before you were a husband Who were you before you were a father Who were you Who was that guy What was he into Like take me back You're 19 years old. You're 20 years old. What were you into? And guys, his whole countenance lights up like a candle, like a flashlight. It was like an instantaneous response that he had. Just by me asking him that question, I'm like, whoa, what did you just remember? And he's like, no, nothing. I'm like, no, tell me. And he's like, I love live music. I love concerts. I love like going to see a band. That was my favorite thing in the whole world. And I'm like, amazing. Like what kind of music? And he's like, system of a down. And he like just starts naming all of these bands, like this sort of hardcore, like punk vibes. He's like, it was my favorite thing. It was so, and I was like, oh my God, oh my gosh, you should go see a band. And he's like, no, that like, I'm, you know, in my fifties. Like I, I was like, look, I don't know a lot about punk music culture, but my understanding of punk music was that the whole point of that culture was that you were accepting of everybody. And he's like, yeah, that's true. And I was like, there's nothing that feels more punk rock to me than some guy in his fifties who is living his best life at a concert. Don't you think that 19 year old you, if you saw 50 something year old you jamming out at a concert, you'd be like, hell yeah. Like that's who I want to be when I grow up. And he's like, yeah. And I was like, out of curiosity, are there any other men here at this breakfast who would love to go see some punk music with our boy? And like all these guys hands shoot up and I'm like, look around the room. Like these are your coworkers. These guys would love to do this with you. And I'm like, well, have you ever talked to your kids about punk music or played them some of your favorite artists? And he's like, no, never. I'm like, so you don't do the thing that lights you up. You don't do the thing that you love. You also don't share it with anybody else. So you have no way of making this something bigger in your own life. You have no way of allowing this to grow and fill you up in bigger ways. Is that right? And he's like, yeah, exactly. Guys, we think that we are supposed to be out here chasing more success, more money, the nicer car, the bigger house, and nothing is going to feed you more than some silly little thing that you used to love when you were a kid. And you do it not because you think it's going to turn into a legacy and not because you think it's going to have a bigger purpose. You do it because it makes your heart happy. And when you're doing this thing that makes your heart happy, ironically, you become better in every single area of your life. You become a better human. You become a better parent. You become a better partner because you have joy now, right? And you are leaning into those things that light you up. I think the reason that you mentioned you keep sort of dipping your toe in and then taking it out is my instinct is you're probably dipping your toe into something that you don't think you're allowed to want. You think it's silly that you want to learn how to do makeup tutorials on YouTube, right? You think it's silly that you want to try out for the church choir. You think it's silly that you have this idea to start a nonprofit that might affect some change. You think it's silly or ridiculous, or you don't have the resources. And so you pull your toes back out of the water because now you got cold feet. Start with the things that light you up. Start with the joy. Start with the passion. Your passion can lead you to purpose. But starting out and thinking you have to know what your purpose is and that you need to be doing something purposeful when you don't have enough light and joy and energy in the tank is getting it backwards. So my advice to you would be go see some live punk music or whatever your version of that is. Thanks for the question, Angie. Ooh, this is interesting. This is finance, which we love to talk about. Let's listen to it. Hi, Rachel. I just listened to your episode on seven ways to get a raise this year. I wanted to share a little about my financial situation and see if you have anything to say that can maybe help me to have some perspective. A little context, I am a single mom of three kids. So I did it last year. I got a promotion and it came with a raise. I really wanted to be happy about that and celebrate it, but long story short, it happened at the same time that my oldest child started college. The amount left needed to pay for his college after the aid that we got and after he took the loans that he could take for himself is bigger than the amount of additional income that I am getting from my raise. I have to either pay out of pocket to cover the gap so he can go to college, or I have to take out loans, which will then have interest in that I will have to pay back while his younger siblings are in college. So I'm paying out of pocket as we go along, and I'm paying an amount that is bigger than the raise I just got and financially a worse off than before, which feels so hard and so depressing, I could just cry. I know in the long run, mom making more money will make a big difference, so right now I just feel so sad that I got the promotion and raise, and it's not enough, and things are harder for us all. I just feel like nothing I do is ever enough. Can you say anything to help me with perspective here? I could use some perspective and someone to maybe say yay for me for getting that raise and promotion in spite of the circumstances. Also, I know that it's been a while since you had to worry about money, but if you remember any tips and tricks on living frugally, who knows? Maybe you'll remember something that I haven't heard before and can put into practice. You never know. Thank you for listening. Bye. Oh, my gosh. Okay. First of all, I want to give you the biggest hug. A raise and a promotion is freaking huge, and you should be really proud of that. and I really want to draw your attention to something and I wonder if anyone else listening noticed this too. It is not the promotion and the raise that is what is feeling hard right now. The promotion and the raise were only upside. It's that something has come into your life, a new thing has come into your life that added to your financial stress, but that had nothing to do with the promotion and the raise. And the reason I want you to separate those two things in your mind is because the promotion and the raise is abundance. It is a blessing. It is something huge that you did for your family. If your son wasn't going to college this year, let's say he was still a junior in high school, you would only be feeling the positive effects of that coming into your life, right? Or if let's say your son was like, I'm not going to go to college. I'm going to go get a job and I'm going to do that. Again, you would be experiencing the positive effects of the raise. You're sort of looking at these two things that happened in your life at the same time and seeing it as somehow like you don't measure up. And that's an old narrative from something in your past that is not actually the current reality. The current reality is you have moved up in a major way. You have been acknowledged for your contribution, for the things that you're doing. That is massive, massive. And that is something that you can build on. Your son going to college, completely different thing. Now, I have a lot of thoughts about this and probably not everybody is going to agree with them, but you did ask my opinion and that's what these episodes are all about. So let me tell you what I really think. What I really think is if I could not afford to pay for my children to go to college. Like straight up, my oldest son is in college and I am just paying for that. We put money aside for the kids to have a college fund, which is what you're supposed to do. But honestly, the older kids' college fund is not as plentiful as the younger kids' college fund. And that makes sense because when the older kids were babies, we didn't have as much money, right? So their dad and I started putting money away for college, but it was like what we could afford. The little kids college fund is funded. Hooray. And you're only allowed to do a certain amount, but when they get older and they go to college, that's going to be great. But for Jackson and Sawyer, it looks a bit different. And because it looks different, it looks like mama paying some money. And y'all know if you have kids in college, it is no joke. It is so freaking expensive. Here is my controversial opinion. If I could not afford to pay for my children to go to college without financially hurting the family that is still left at home, there are two options. The options are they, that kid, takes out the loan that they need to go to school. And just so we're clear, I think that is a terrible investment of money. I really do. Unless your kid's going to become a lawyer or a doctor or something where they actually have to have a degree to do that thing. I think taking out student loans is just a, it's a terrible investment. I'm so sorry. I just look at all of the data. They promise these kids that when they come out the other side of a four-year college and they have this degree that they're going to go get a job that pays $150,000 a year. And that is just not the case My oldest son is majoring in theater He wants to do production either in movies or TV or Broadway It going to be awesome And guess what It does not matter where Jackson goes to school It does not matter where I don't care if you go to Juilliard. I don't care if you go to USC or UT or NYU or the greatest film schools on the planet. Doesn't matter. You're going to come out the other side. You're going to have your four-year degree and you are going to start as a PA. If you're not familiar with that term, it's like the lowest of the low production assistant. you're going to start getting coffee and running errands and driving people around in a golf cart and you're going to work your way up. Period. I literally, I don't care what anyone tells you. You're starting at the bottom and working up in production. If Jackson wanted to follow that route and I couldn't afford for him to go to college, I would think it would be ridiculous for him to take on hundreds of thousands of dollars and student loans when he could literally go get a job as a PA tomorrow. That's what I did. Like, I know it's so different than what other people think, but I would never suggest that my kids put themselves into debt to eventually four years from now get a job that is going to be the same either way. So option one is your kid can go into debt. I don't recommend it. Option two is they don't go to college. This is crazy. This is why I said people are going to completely disagree with my perspective. But you also have to understand, I am a self-made millionaire who didn't go to college. So it's pretty hard for me to take on that idea as a necessary path, especially now with so much information being out there, especially with YouTube, especially with AI. Like they could go take a course. They could go take, like, sorry, you did not want me to get on a pedestal about education, but there is no world where my kid Jackson would not go to college. He's wanted to go to college since he was five years old. So if I couldn't afford it, then the option, the conversation would be like, buddy, I can't afford it and we can't hurt the family back at home in order for you to do this thing. So if you want to do this thing, this is going to be the first brave choice you make as an adult, which is taking on this debt. Or you can make the brave choice to like figure out your path without this thing. That's my perspective. But you are investing so much, not just in the future possibility of this mythical job he's going to get. You're also then, can I just say like, as a parent, and understand that I've been the breadwinner for my family for a very, very long time. for a very long time, my work is what made it possible for my family to survive. And that is still the case today. I am the one who supports my kids. I say that because there is on some level, we have this idea that like, okay, I'm going to do this. But when you hit adulthood, you got to take the baton. Like mama can't keep being the one who's doing all of these things and running herself into the ground and feeling like it's not enough in order for you to have this opportunity. I know that there are a lot of parents who are like, no, like I would make it work. I would do whatever. I just, if I couldn't afford it, there's no world where I would hurt the family left at home, meaning your remaining children, yourself. I just, I, you can't, it doesn't make sense. Like it doesn't make rational sense. Yes, we want our kids to have every opportunity in the world, but I guess I don't understand why you, mama, are taking on that loan for him. Yeah, I don't want my kids to have student loan debt either. It's a big old scam. But if that's what's important to him and that's what he wants, then that needs to be his choice, not yours. So the idea that now you are going in the hole to cover these costs is unfair. And can I just say too, if he really wants to go to college, go to community college. Go locally. Like you said, like, you know, he got maybe some scholarships and he got some things and you're paying the difference. Unfortunately, like if you don't have the funds, he might not get to go to a school that's as cool. Right? There are lots of people who are over here thriving who didn't go to some big fancy school that costs a crap ton of money. So there's a few different paths here, but I guess my unpopular opinion is that it is not fair for you to be working yourself this hard to only be in the hole to accommodate a kid who is an adult. If you're at college, you're an adult. Period. I know that's controversial and I know not everyone will agree. But yeah, I think you're kind of looking at this wrong. You're like, oh, I didn't do enough. I got promoted, but it's not enough. And I need to figure out how to save more money. And I need to figure out how to be frugal. I actually think you're looking at it wrong. That being said, if you're like, no freaking way, we busted our butt, like our kids are going to college, that's so important for me, then own that. Then own that. Then be willing to do whatever it takes to complete the vision that you have for your family, if that's your vision for your kids, then be okay with the fact that you're going to go into debt and be okay with the fact that the ends aren't meeting and be okay with the fact that you're going to keep hustling. I don't think that it's a good way for you to grind yourself for something that is essentially still a gamble, right? It's a gamble that they're going to come out the other side and be able to make a good living with that degree that they have. It's a gamble. It's a gamble, by the way, that they'll finish college. Think about that. Like, that's a gamble. There's just all sorts of different paths to education. Community college, online, there are cheaper options. There's going right into the workplace. There's him paying for it himself. But you're taking on quite a lot is my answer. Your promotion and your raise are freaking awesome, and you should be so proud. It makes me think of business. A lot of times people in business are trying to figure out how to make more money. They're like, oh, if I bring more revenue into my business, then I'll have more money. But oftentimes the fastest way to have more money as a business owner is to decrease the cost of doing business. I guess look at it a different way. If you weren't paying this extra money for his college, how would life be better? Maybe you start there. All right. If you have a question for me, just like they did, remember that you can always call the podcast hotline. The number is 737-400-4626. Let's see our next question. Ooh, competitive female friendships. This sounds exciting. Okay. So with this question, she actually asked me to leave out her name and her voice. And this is something you guys can always do. You can ask us to disguise your voice or change your name. You can give yourself a made up name. Like we have no way of knowing if that's real. But in this instance, she was like, don't include anything, but here's my question. And her question was, what is my perspective on competition inside of female friendships? So she's like specifically women who sort of love bomb you in the beginning and they're like your best friend forever. And then it starts to get sort of competitive and mean girl. This is something that happens often inside of women who do the same kinds of things. So if you're both entrepreneurs or if you're both, you know, moms on the PTA or you just have something where there's an easy sort of competition narrative that can come to play. She's like, what do you think about that? How do we navigate that? She's like, it's a big issue in her friendship circle. So my perspective on this is unfortunately for so many of us, this goes all the way back to middle school or even earlier. Like girls have been competing with each other. There have been mean girls as far back as we can imagine. I think all of us have experiences in school where we encountered that and it shows up in real life. Lots of different thoughts I have on this. So in no particular order, here they go. Number one, pay attention to how people respond when you're winning. Pay attention to how your friendships respond when you are winning. There is something that happens in psychology with women. It's a term called tend and befriend. You can look it up. But essentially, it's this thing that happens where women freaking love when another woman has a crisis. They love when there's a problem They love when there is grief They love when there an issue Women have this natural tendency to obsessively want to help another woman who is going through something hard I do this too I think it the people pleaser in me that like, if you're just going along and you're like thriving, fine. But if I see that you're having some kind of struggle, I'm like, oh my, I will be the one. Like I should be the one to help her with this issue. You'll find out someone you barely know is experiencing grief or just went through a breakup or like, imagine when you were younger and you'd like be at a club and you'd go in the bathroom and there'd be some girl like crying because her boyfriend was mean to her. And then you'd spend an hour doing like therapy with her and like hyping her up and getting her back together. Like attend and befriend. It's a thing. Women love helping other women when there's a problem. And I think it's because we have caretaking tendencies. But I also wonder if we were being totally honest with ourselves and our ego was being totally authentic, if we would admit that we like being the one who can help. Because if we can help her, we're not the one who needs help. And all of us need help from time to time, but it's a boost to our confidence when we can help someone else. So we like being that person who does it. We like giving the opinion. You will inadvertently attract into your life women who came upon you because they felt like they could offer something, but pay attention what happens when those same people watch you have a win. Now, if they're good, if they're solid, if they're grounded, if they're the kind of friend you want to have, they are pumped that you are winning. They are so excited. They are hyping you up. It is such a huge deal. But if they're not the kind of friend you want to have, they go real quiet or they find a way to make your win about them or they find a way to make your win have something to do with them or their past or why they aren't where they want to be. oh yeah, I was going to do that too, but I was going to run the marathon too, but I hurt my knee back in college and I haven't been... Her college knee has nothing to do with you running a marathon right now. Pay attention to when your thing becomes about them. It's hard to notice these things, especially when it's your friend because you're like, oh, we're just chatting. But those kinds of people who find a way to weave it back into their own narrative, they're not in this friendship for collaboration. Okay. They're in this friendship because there's something that they're getting out of it from you. And if that's why they're there, there's always going to be that underlying current of we are in competition with each other. Best case scenario, you realize that someone's having a funny response to good things happening in your life. Do not stick around to see if that's real. Do not stick around to see if that's real. The first time that someone shows you who they are, believe them. Believe them. In my friendships, when I've had to break up with friends, when I've had to let friendships go, when I realize that the reason someone is, and I'm using air quotes, friends with me is because they're using me, every single time there were signs way before I had the courage to face those signs. There were always signs. And when I would see the signs and I would sort of instinctively know, well, this is probably not a great thing. I would always stay in it because I liked having friends. I liked having friends. A younger version of me was like, but I want people to come to my birthday party. I want people to go have happy hour with. Like I want friends. It's fun to have friends. It's fun to be in a group text, right? But the older I get, the more I recognize that those friends are not worth the cost of having them. Because those are the first people that are going to bounce when it gets hard, when you need them, when it's not about them. like the energy that they are siphoning off of you. This sounds very dramatic, but if you've ever heard the term energy vampire, I think this shows up a lot in female friendships is there's like, there's something they're getting out of you, whether that's time or resources or adulation or money, being the friend that picks up the tab, being the friend that takes everyone on vacation. Like when you have people on your staff that are your friend, again, I'm using air quotes, they're not your friend, babe. Like they're on your payroll. And that's okay. It's okay to be on someone's payroll, but it's really easy to get it twisted and think that those people are there for a reason that they're not. I would rather have no friends than have the wrong kinds of friends. I would rather have no friends than have the wrong kinds of friends. And I always give this advice when people ask, well, how do I make good friends? Number one, I want you to pay attention to where you attracted the bad friends. Where you attracted the bad friends. Look at all the bad friends that you attracted, the mean girls, the competitive ones, the whatever they were. Where did they come from? Don't go fishing in that pond anymore. When I was coming up in this work and I started to get more and more traction in the personal development space, there's a lot of people in personal development who sort of wrapped their arms around me and were like, we're buddies, like we do these things and like not one of those people is still in my life. Not one. There's a reason for that. So I'm going to have high alert anytime someone in that particular industry is like, we should hang out. We should have coffee. We should do. And it's nothing against that person. They might be salt of the earth. They might be amazing. They might be exception to the rule. But babe, I've been burned too many times before. It's like if you only dated Marines and the Marines always did you wrong, let's look in a new branch of the military, you know? No offense to Marines, I love you, hoorah. But I'm just saying, if you got a pass where you tend to attract a certain kind of person and P.S., you are, you are magnetized to attract a certain kind of person, just don't go fishing in the same pond. That's my first piece of advice. My second piece of advice is find friendships in shared hobbies, not in like aesthetics, not in the way someone looks, not in the job they have. What is something you love to do? Go join a club for that thing. I swear you guys, I have the most amazing friends who are like book nerds, fellow writers, people who are into the same stuff that I'm into. If you looked at us on paper, you would be like, there is no, why in the world are these two people hanging out with each other? Because we have shared commonalities. On paper, my husband and I make no sense. He was a 40-something single band who had traveled the world as a tour manager with pop stars for two decades. I was a mom of four kids living in Texas, writing books on personal development. On paper, nothing about us makes sense. No joint friends of ours would ever be like, you know who should get together? Rach and Kez. Like no one was saying that. But we have so many things in common that we both love to do. We will be best friends forever and we will never run out of fun activities because we just love the same stuff. That is way more powerful than like, oh, this is my new friend, Sarah. She's super pretty. Which let's be honest, sometimes we can be that vapid when we're looking for female friendship. We're like, ooh, who increases my score by the way they look or the job they have or the access that they have? How do I get more cool girls in my circle? Uh-uh. How do you get more real people in your circle? How do you get more solid people in your circle? How do you get more people who will actually remember that it's your birthday in your circle? How do you get that? That's a way more powerful thing to chase than to try and have a certain type of friend. Having a certain type of friend is, you know, a big reason to my girl who called in that you probably keep attracting these competitive mean girls. I would pay a lot of attention to where you're finding them. Go fishing in a new pond. All right, you guys, I hope that today's questions and answers were helpful for you or at least entertaining. If you have a question for me here on the show, give us a call, 737-400-4626. I would love to build podcast episodes around specifically what you are curious about right now. So call and let us know. We will be back soon with more conversation. Until then, as always, I love you and I'm rooting for you. the Rachel Hollis podcast is produced by me Rachel Hollis it's edited by Andrew Weller and Jack Noble