Bonus #179 - Usama Siddiquee [PATREON PREVIEW]

Saving Seekers, we hear you. At EON Next, we know energy savings isn't one size fits all. So if you're looking for a tariff below the cap, or EV charging at off-peak rates, our tailored energy solutions could help you satisfy those savings cravings. Mmm, mmm! Find out more at eonnext.com forward slash save. EON Next, we make energy savings work. Next, pledge lower versus our standard variable tariff. Energy solutions include EV charges, combined with an extra drive to achieve off-peak savings, eligibility, postcode restrictions to and sees apply, visit eonnext.com slash save. I'd like your thoughts on a moral dilemma involving a family secret that's been in the family for a couple decades now. I'm in my 30s for context, but when I was around 18, I was drinking with my mom and she decided to let me in on a fucked up secret about my little cousin. My mom told me that my cousin's biological dad died in an accident when he was an infant, I think like three, and apparently this dude had quite a bit of money and had left a trust fund to my cousin. Well, my aunt, she made the decision not to tell my cousin that the dad he's known his whole life isn't his real dad, and that his bio dad died and left him this huge sum of money. And according to my mom, almost everyone in the family knows the secret, and the aunt's been known to threaten anyone with disowning them if they decide to tell my cousin the truth. At the time I was livid for a my mom telling me the fucking secret. Yeah, that's fucked up on your mom's part. Telling me that I can't tell my cousin the truth. But also, wait a second, a mom that gets drunk with her 18 year old had a problem with boundaries? That's shocking. I'm blown away that the secret was revealed that late, you know, if this is like a drinking vibe. How did that not come up earlier? Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I mean, why you decide to tell your kid this is crazy, but let's let her finish, Eldis. And I don't know, I was young and my mom begged me not to tell him, so I didn't. And now all this time is past and I'm getting the urge to tell him again. I personally feel that he deserves to know. I would want to know. To get the money to get the money. I feel like a medical condition. It's important to know your family history. But I don't know if I tell him, I'd have to tell him that his real dad is dead, that his whole family is known for years and tell him and on top of all that, my aunt decided to use the trust fund for the whole family and the money is gone. The final, the final. Thanks. Thank you. Love you. Sorry. Sorry. What? What? Oh, that's cool. Oh, what? Whoa. That's actually fucking insane. Use the money for what though? Like she said, use the trust fund for the whole family. I don't know exactly what that means. Like, did she get a house? Maybe the house? Does the kid get anything? So she, so she took the money from the guy. How'd she even access it though? If it wasn't hers, I guess. If the kid was young, probably just guardianship. Yeah. And that's illegal, isn't it? Who knows? I mean, who also knows what this guy, I mean, who even knows how this set was set up? Right. I mean, the guy died in an accident. So it's like he was planning to fucking die. Sure. But this is fucking insane. That's wild, dude. She's bad. She's a bad lady. How old is the kid? How old is the, did they say how old the cousin is? She's 30. She's in 30s. She's in her, you all right, buddy? She didn't specify. This is the funniest podcast producer of all time. He's like, I'm Amelia Baddilia, but for podcasts. I was like, I can press the button eight times. I've never seen a man. I've never seen a guy less in tune with his instruments. He's like, what is this? It's actually fascinating how he's able to do this. It is this device. Okay. All right. That's the device. There's lag in the, in the feedback. Do you want something new? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Do you want something new? What do we got to do to upgrade? I gotta do some research. Do we need to upgrade at the new place? Yeah, for sure. Okay. All right. Anyway, so I'm sorry. I'm very confused here because I was thinking originally that this is a trust fund thing. When the kids 18, they find out, Hey, we didn't want this to get in the way with your dad because he says your dad, this guy loves you. He raised you like a son. And he loves you like a son and you should think of him as your dad. But things are, you know, it was a little complicated. We never know. It didn't know how to bring it up. We also didn't want you for this money to fuck you up. We don't want you to be like a weird kid who always knew at the end of the day when he turned 18, he had 3 million bucks waiting for him. Straight. I can see that too. To me, that is a little like, Hey, it's fucked up. Your mom let you in on this, but just mind your business until the kids 18. Right. But now it seems like this money's gone and no one's planning to tell this person that has not. Here's the thing. It's one thing for your dad to not be who your dad is. I'm on the record is thinking like a lot of this is nurture more than nature. I've had, we've had arguments on this podcast. I think a lot of times it's like, look, I think who raised you is your dad more than anything. And obviously biology plays a part. But to me, that's actually, that's weird, but I also could see it. What you're bearing the lead. This is not your aunt is hiding your kid. They're your cousin's parentage. This is your aunt stole from her fucking son. Yeah. And this is a fucking crime. And in my opinion, unless look, if there's something where she's like, I'm going to tell him when he turns X like, if this kid, if whatever, the ages are different. And this is her little cousin and her mom told her when she was 18. But I don't know that. But if this person is an adult who no one is planning on telling, right, I think you got to tell him. I think, I think, I think you got to tell him. And I think, and then the aunt is, is threatening to disown you. It's like, who cares? Yeah. The aunt is definitely the villain of the story. She's a piece of shit. She stole from her kid. She's straight. Yeah. If you want, like, I don't know. Maybe I'm, I don't know the details. Maybe it's the kind of thing where there's financial instability. They needed to dip into it, whatever. But it's like, the money's gone. This kid's biological dad. You have, and look, it's also kind of disrespectful to this person's memory. Yeah. Who like, he never got to meet his kid. He doesn't even get to know and he left all this money for his kid. Yeah. You stole it and you're not even telling him this person existed. I think it's insanely fucked up. It's also a point of a return, right? Like you've, there's too many infractions now. For her, yes. So it'd be like, hey, bring it on. For her, yes. She would love for this to stay buried forever. But I think, and look, I'm normally a key, like I am normally a mind your own business guy in a lot of ways, especially if you love, which I assume you're pretty close to your cousin, you care about him, whatever, especially if there's somebody who matters to you. This is a huge injustice. Yeah. And I think that he deserves to know. And I think you should tell, and I think you need to blow this shit the fuck up. And now you need to understand that you would, many people in your family will see you as the villain, even though it's not your fault, right? Many, you know what I mean? Like, like many people will see that and you have to be ready for that. You have to be ready to deal with the fallout. Yeah. But I also think you kind of, in my, I would say in my, in your position, I think I could not live with that secret. If no one is planning to ever tell him, and especially the money being gone. I think you owe it to your cousin to tell him, actually. Yeah. Like, this is a directive. This is fucking insane. Like, I think you got to tell him. I mean, and then buy him some lunch too. I feel like, yeah, give him a little cash, something, something. This guy didn't even know. I mean, this guy lost how many? I mean, I want to know the, I want to know the number two. I mean, look, who knows? But I, and look to play devil's advocate to argue against this, is there a let sleeping dogs lie? Like this person has no idea what he lost, right? And you would be potentially letting him know some, you actually, you'd be really fucking up his whole world. Cause you'd be letting him know. For the dad thing. The dad things a whole thing. Huge. We're like glazing over that. But now you're letting know that his mom stole from him. Yeah. What if somebody told you right now, your mom took two, even if it's like, even it's like 25 grand. Sure. But let's say it's like a sister. That's funny cause she already has taken that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Like your mom. Yeah. That's the entry level for the house. Yeah. But I'm just saying like, like, like if somebody right now told you like, Hey, um, your mom stole a million dollars. I honestly think it would fuck me up so much. Yeah. Also your dad's not your dad. It would fuck me up so much more to hear my mom stole from me. Yeah. That amount of money. And then she crafted a lie that included hiding my dad. Yes. Cause it's not just your dad's not your dad. It's your mom didn't tell you your dad was dead too steel for you. No, no, for sure. Another point of this is that you, you, if your mom is a hoe, right? Sure. Sure. And you don't think your mom's a hoe. That is a deep core tenant of your philosophy when you're growing up. My mom's a good mom. Yeah. It's not a whole lot of moms have home moms and they, they started there. So they can deal with the home mom. Right. If you had not a home mom and then you have to find out at 35, you got a home mom. That's tough. That breaks up a lot of shit. That fucks up your whole whole concept. Like women calibration. What? A lot of times you compare women to your mom. Like she's a hoe. That's not much. But your, your mom is the center. Right. Now your mom's the hoe. Where's your, where's your compass now? Yeah. Your compass is all fucked up. So that's what I'm thinking about too. And so I think in situations like this, I tend to go don't stir the pot until something becomes really egregious. And to me, the fact that there's no plan to ever tell them is that's egregious. No letter. That's egregious. Yeah. It's a combination because it takes what could again, it could have been an innocent if misguided attempt. Because people now say that literature is you want to tell kids as early as possible. If they're adopted or whatever. Sure. Sure. You could argue that if they didn't steal the money, this is a misguided attempt to like make sure this kid grows up normal. Right. Before letting him know about the money. But once you put money is stolen, this becomes a really crazy infraction against your child. Sure. And it rises to the level where I would have a moral problem keeping the seat. I really would. This is just two fold too hard. I agree. Also, are you reading a lot of literature about this? I just mean like I've taught. I know. It's funny to say that. Well, you know, the prevailing voices that might be the sovereigns like. I really have been dealing with something about adoption, like a project that deals with adoption. And so I weirdly have like learned a little. You draw that like it was like, of course, as a man who is engaged in this kind of thing. You know, this this program, we give advice. I'm sort of an expert. I'm not an expert. Do not listen to anything I say legally. You cannot fucking sue me for anything. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Anyway, that's what I think. Elders, you seem like you have some thoughts bubbling up over there. I honestly don't really. You don't know. Okay. Great. Besides that. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. They're lying to this kid. I don't even know what I would do. That is like such a big responsibility to know that especially to like. Unload that on an 18 year old and that can be like so traumatic for an 18 year old to where it's like, do we know how old he is though? I mean, I mean her like her finding this out. Right. I'm telling her like if someone told me that's an ATM, I'd be like, whoa, that's pretty juicy. No, at 18, it's not. I'm not faulting her for not acting right. Right. I'm saying I get why this is eating her alive. Yeah. Yeah. And I think even though the time has passed or not passed, but it's like it's been a while I think it's like. Tell him I would like to know that if this were me, I would want to know this information. Yeah. I think this is this is just such a crazy. It's very sad. Low key at the core of it. It's very sad. And also like I you also let's give some grace to this woman who like the person she was having a kid with died. Yeah. The kids a month old. Right. She doesn't know what the fuck and I get making again. Let's other things. She said he was three when the dad died, which is kind of crazy. He wasn't three. She said an infant and then she said three, which is wrong in two ways. An infant's not three. That's a toddler. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. She might be either way. She said, I think like three. The kid was young. The lie worked on him. Yeah. I get again to put some grace to this woman. She went through something insanely traumatic. Yeah. Right. Who she was with died. She's scrambling. You know, raising a kid to talk high and mighty while someone's raising a kid alone. But she wasn't alone. It was with somebody. Probably how well there's a period between sure. Right. And listen, maybe if it was like pure emergency, the trust fund, but something tells me the way she says, use it for the family. I don't. I think it feels like she stole her. It could have been just for catering and stuff like that. Vacations and so I don't know that's I need more information. Also, how close is the family? If the family sucks in general, then you don't owe them anything. If you all are meeting together every week is a different thing. May y'all are tight knit. That's, is that even worse? I mean, like, it wouldn't change how I see you. What you do. Yeah. It will be different how your life changes once you do do it, which I hope you do. Yeah. Tell this man about this. Oh my God. And I think you need to do like a, I would also do like a kind of rallying the troops thing first and be like, talk to your mom about it. Yeah. This is insanely fucked up. Yeah. We should do something about this. Or I don't know. I wonder how the finances of the guy is, you know, if he's poor, it's going to hurt way more. That's interesting. And also it's like, what she says for the family, did she use it to pay the kids? Yeah. Cowards that she put. Did she do it? Yeah. What a Godfather terminology. You know, I kind of need to know. Yeah. For the family is such a weird way to describe it. And to me that what that means is that it started for like emergency. Yes. And once you get addicted to that little extra money, it's like, oh, God. In college, I remember my roommate got in a car accident at Percocet. Oh yeah. And you know, he does. I'd say I'd say it took him six months. He didn't have any. I took one. And then I looked around. He didn't notice. And then we're great. We're fucking leaving. And it's I'm cleaning out the fucking I'm cleaning out the like medicine cabinet. And I'm like, oh, he'll won't notice. There was one pill left. Literally. I know what it's like. Yeah. Steal a little for my dad. And the first time I did it was because I actually got hurt. Yeah. I had like tooth surgery and I asked him for pain pills and they wouldn't get it. And it starts for real reasons. And I'm like, wouldn't it be awesome to take three of these and use my meal plan for Chinese food? And that's what I, you know what I mean? It starts good. And then it becomes literally my dad coming over to the hospital, you know, heavy drugs, OxyContin, you know, all the shit. And I'm just like, I'm not even an addict by any means of any kind. But I'm like, okay, it's here. Let's take some. I had a train ride back from DC. Take a little don't sleep. Sounds awesome. Ride it out. I was a Molly kid for a long time. So get back to those days for a little bit. Yeah. So anyway, I think you got to tell you personally. I think we, we really did dive into this because it was very meaty, but that's, that's our, that's our, and I'm just so sorry. I'm so sorry. That's going, that's going through your, that's really sorry. Hard goes out for real. That's crazy. She can't, your mom is a dumbass for telling you. Yes. Yes. That's on her in a major way. Her voice and what the story she told was so great. Like, came in so cute, first time listener. Anyway, here's the fucking bomb show. Yeah. You dropped the bomb on us. And I respect that. That's some meaty. That's a good fan right there.