"Colin Jost"

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Across the pond, I'm in Liverpool. Wait, why are you there? My home away from home. I'm doing a little thing with the club. Oh, why didn't you know that? And with our friends at Tommy Hill figure. Shout out Tommy Hill figure. There it is. We've got it. And was it ever Thomas? When did he go shorter with it? Have you asked him? I haven't. I haven't asked him. I'm going to have dinner with him later. And it sounds like a perfect opportunity. Which is, which is why it's going to be. And yeah. So Shawnee, you're back in Los Angeles. Oh, God, you got this. After an incredible, successful run. What a run. What a run. He's got himself an Olivier Award already from this thing. We will see what our friends over at the Tony Academy. This guy's talented. No, no bounds. No, no, Jade. The Olivier is from Gwyneth Oscar. Oh, the Olivier was for Good Night Oscar. Did you win an Olivier? Yeah, he sure did. No way. Yeah, isn't that crazy? But, but Shawnee, yeah. So we haven't, we haven't started the award circuit yet for this. No, you're the unknown. It's called the unknown, but, but, but you can't because it's off Broadway. So, I mean, I... Off Broadway has no awards? It does, but, and I got nominated for the one that they do, which I, it's called the, I forget what it's called, but... Is it called off Tony? Yeah, it's very nice. It's off Tony. Yeah. Are they called the Tinnies? The Tinnies. And let me ask you a question. If you're off Broadway, do you need to go backstage and say hi to people? No, you do not. You do not have to do that. But Sam Rockwell, we, your ears must have been burning. Sam came backstage. I know you're working with him. Love that Sam Rock and Roll. He's so nice. He's the best. Yeah. He's so sweet. Yeah. And, and yeah, I just got back two nights ago. It was great. And by the way, you know, the adrenaline dump, right? Don't you guys feel that after you do a movie or a TV show or a play or anything like that, when you're done, you're just like, oh man. And usually you get sick because the body knows it's now, now it can be ill. Right. But you came back and did you, what was your illness? Just basic nausea from all the saturated fats that you? Yeah. I ate so much. I, I, I, on the plane back, I had ordered everything that I could. I had. You, you order food on the plane? Yeah. All the time. Yeah. This is like a menu? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'll have it. I had chicken, the beef, I had a hot French sundae. You can't order two entrees on a flight. Yeah, you did. And I had like three pretzel roll. I was so hungry because I hadn't eaten in three months because of the play. I lost all that weight. Anyway, who cares? Wait, why didn't you eat during the play? Because it's the whole thing I told you. You, you're like, you have to watch what you eat, when you eat, and you can't eat before a show because of acid reflux and then you can't talk because then you're constantly clearing your throw. And so, and so, well, where does the spaghetti bolognese with the side of Swedish? Yes. So that came, that comes after, after when I get home, after like, like I texted you guys a two-show day. I'm like, oh, I'm done. No, we saw the pics, man. You don't think the acid reflux would come from a midnight bowl of bolognese? No, because I stay up long enough for it to not happen. Six or seven hours. No. No, like. Stay up. Stay up. It's not like you're going for a walk. When you say stay up, you're just sitting on the couch and just letting it sit. This is correct. This is correct. Why don't you sleep in an upright position? That way you can just eat until the last possible moment. I do sometimes. You want to get like a, you want to get like a sleepable turlet, you know what I mean? Like thingy that you could be. Sure. Remember how like in Clockwork Orange, he had his eyelids taped open? Yeah. Yeah, maybe you do that with, do that with your valve, you know? Just a tube right in there with bolognese. And just go right to sleep. Guys, my guest today. Why don't you just throw it in the toilet and cut out the middleman? You know what I mean? Throw it in the toilet. I hope your guest understands your dark, dark offensive humor. He loves it actually, which is good. My guest couldn't speak until he was almost four years old. We're going to learn about that. When he finally did, he says he sounded like a member of the Soprano family. His mom was chief medical officer at the New York City Fire Department. She survived the collapse of the South Tower on September 11th. Oh my God. He once went through 12 dumpsters looking for his wife's lost engagement ring. They named their son Cosmo. He co-owns a decommissioned Staten Island ferry, which he has called the single dumbest person of his life. Please welcome the longest-serving weekend update anchor in Saturday Night Live history. It's a hilarious and charming Colin. They got it first. Colin, just for a few. Ah, you mean Michael Che. What's up? Michael Che here. Hey, how's it going guys? What is up? What is up? What's up guys? That was really, I loved hearing that you guys are setting up here. That can't be true. That can't be true. I learned a lot about you guys. Oh, by the way, you're in your office right now. I can tell by the ceiling. Yeah. Is that true? Yes. These definitely asbestos ceilings that are still here. Those are the kind of ceilings that you could stand on a chair, lift up one of them and hide stuff up there. Put the square right back down. You could have that. Wow, you watch a lot of movies. This one you see has a large stain of some kind that's been here since before I moved in. Yeah, something up there is leaking that was hidden. They came to the SNL offices like five years ago and they said, listen, over the summer, you got to clear stuff out. We're removing asbestos from all the offices. And I was like, I've been in this office for 15 years. No way. It's too late. It's way too late. Really? Yeah. They just found that out. You ought to call one of those commercials that come on late at night with those doctorate. You should join a class action. I mean, while I have that and I've got my vaginal mesh that I've got to call about. No, no, no. Yeah, what's the problem now? Good. The mesh is separating? Yeah, the mesh is, it sounded great at the time. You know, he's like, you want to do this vaginal mesh. Sounds so cool. But then, of course. Tell me, what is, just by the way, what is vaginal mesh? Yeah, by the way, I wanted to ask too, but I was afraid I didn't know. By the way, just get more serious on the question. Well, I did want to get back to the asbestos and I wanted to pitch Colin, because I think I've pitched you guys before and I don't remember your response. But Colin, could you please let me know if you think this, I'm thinking about getting into mold removal business based on just the company name that I've got nailed down. It's called adjacent abatement. And I think if I could just go into that business, I'll do pretty well just based on the title and just the joke alone. The paint on the side of the vans, the bus benches, stuff like that. I'm pretty sure I'll get some nice traffic. Oh, when people have extensive mold in their house, they just want to laugh. They want to know they can laugh. They're looking for a pun. Honey, I hope we find some mold, because I just want to call adjacent abatement. That's good. By the way, I've never heard that. It's pretty good, right? Colin, thanks so much for doing this and being here. Thanks for having me. Colin, what is it? Thursday night, this is a busy time for you. We're off this week. I just came here because I was doing something nearby and it seemed like a good place to... It's so quiet here. Well, that doesn't sound shady doing something nearby. I was doing something nearby. Edit that out. Are you bugging Lauren's office again? Not in a way he would suspect. Have you seen the new Lauren documentary? I did. I just, we went to the, I guess, premiere of it that was at Lincoln Center last week. Have you guys seen it yet? No, I don't want to. I don't think it's out yet. It was very... It was funny. It's... There's a lot of people in it are really funny and I found it kind of moving. I don't know that I even necessarily learned anything about him. In fact, in some ways, he seems less known of having seen it. It was... I found it kind of moving because he is very much him and it felt like it was in his voice, weirdly. I don't know. I love that he's finally allowed somebody to kind of dig in, right? I think the thing that people don't know about Lauren and you can attest to this, Colin, is that Lauren's really funny. He's... Yeah. He's... Lauren is really, really funny. Yeah. Yeah. And he is funny in it. Like he's funny in it. But he'll... Someone will be talking about an idea on whatever Friday night and pitch something and he'll just look at them and be like, idiot. He'll do things that are very out of character and always very surprising and funny. But it is. It's funny. He's funny in it and he lets them go to his house in Amagansett, his house in Maine. And you see... Not all the inside of the house, but you see why he goes to those places to kind of escape and be in the woods and be in H. Yeah. It's... I was surprised at that. Yeah. He seems very kind of... When I worked there or when I did the show, I think 83 years ago, he was always a little... He's scary if you don't know him because he's a little off-putting. Like he doesn't speak much. So you don't know where you stand with him. At least that was my... Yeah. He's kind of reserved until... What if Colin's just like, what are you talking about? He talks to everybody like... He's never... Did he not talk to him? He's like the most outgoing guy. He's like one of the most ton of jokes and... You gotta slow him down. Colin, I think the first time we ever met was only last year at Robert Downey's birthday party, right? I think it was the first time. And you were so kind enough, you remember this, you mailed me the form that you have to fill out to get a face mold on Saturday Night Live. You mailed it. Do you remember mailing that to me? For Louis to get to do with Louis? I don't know, but it was like a format with my polaroid on it and all my measurements and my head measurements to get like a mold and you just sent it to me. I was like, oh, that's so nice. I happened to... Yeah, like see this... I think Jody who does all the wigs and Louis does... I think they had all these things and they were kind of getting rid of them. And I was like, wait, some of these are... They'd be cool. Like they're also some of them are historic and everything would be cool. Yeah, they're cool. It's cool. It's like a cool memento to have. Did you go ahead and get the face mold measurements, Sean? Yeah. And did you have a couple of spares made up of my face? Well, just walking through... Could we let me ask this, could Jason and I make masks and go as you for Halloween? Or if you wanted to scare the shit out of me. Or just target practice and stuff like that. Why were you excited about pursuing a face mold? Well, you have to. You did it, you're supposed to start out there. Didn't you get a face mold? I don't remember. And I don't think that I would track down the information on how to get one myself. It's a horrible process. I'm so addicted. It's unbelievable. God, yeah. I don't know what goes on. I'll end over there with you and Scotty. You probably did it and you probably blocked it out because you get... You can't breathe. You know, you're breathing through just straws in your nose because your mouth has to stay steady. Yeah, yeah. It's very claustrophobic. But did Sean, did you get... You got information from Colin about how you can go ahead and get another face mold of yourself? All that information is on the form that they make for you. So now I have it. Anyway, let's move on. Now you have it and that's a great thing. Yeah, why not? Just in case you might want to make a face mold of yourself. Unless my head is shrunk or grown or something, it should be the same, right, Colin? Oh man. You got to get a new model every five years. By the way, by the way, right, Colin? Like as if Colin fucking knows and or gives you shit about how this process... He keeps tabs on me. He just found a piece of paper and he was like, here's the person that you should talk to. He's not invested. No, no. Then I went back to the files. I compared. I was like, well, these measurements are a little off from the last time. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. All right, so Colin... You know the famous thing about Jeff Daniels got it done, right? When he was hosting. No, wow. They set the mold in the wrong way, so it stuck fully to his face. It was stuck with just the straws and his nose for like hours, and they had to chisel it off of him. And he had all this sort of scarring, not scarring, but like almost burns from it and then had to host the show. No way. Yeah. That's a night, that's a fucking nightmare, man. You could still sip Coca-Cola through, like he could still drink something. Oh yeah, so he was fine. But yeah, don't worry, Sean, you can still... A little taste of Coke. Yeah, you can still have your sugar sodas, Sean. Yeah. Don't worry. Sean, is anybody ever put Swedish fish in a blender? Okay. What's your go-to tackiest, awful snack, Colin? What do you ashamed that you still eat? You look like you keep it pretty tight. I'm fine. I don't eat great. I don't have any discipline to eating and drinking, but I'll eat Swedish fish actually at SNL, because there's like a... Every Tuesday when there's a writing night, they used to come in when you're up all night and just pour a pile of candy, like cover the entire writer's room in candy. And so I would have all... Tuesdays, I used to eat candy all the time, and then being up all night, there was one time in Lauren's office Wednesday after the table read, where I was having like heart palpitations. I have that in my notes. And thought I was having a heart attack. Yeah, I thought that was from stress or something. It was a combination of stress, not sleeping, and also having all the sugar. And I thought I was having a heart attack and like called the doctor in Lauren's office. Was it AFib, do you know? Paddles wants to know what it was. Well, Jimmy Kimmel calls me paddles, because I've had so much AFib so many times. It was not... It was just a... Yeah, it was like probably a panic attack, essentially, that was brought on by... Okay. Not... But you haven't had one since. No, and the doctor I went to, he's like, you gotta try to sleep a little, and you can't have sugar all night like that, or I was like, whatever. Sugar doesn't make you... Sugar makes me so tired that sugar peak, and then the crash, I go right to sleep. Doesn't affect me. I can run or sleep, it doesn't matter. Here we go. But then I was just at an age where I was like, it didn't matter, and then it caught up with me at some point. I was like, oh. Colin, wait, talk to me about this. I found this fascinating. What do you mean you didn't talk to you or four years old? What does that mean? And then I read that it wasn't Tony Soprano that you sounded like. Carmella. Because I was like, oh, he must have compared himself to Tony Soprano when he opened up his mouth. But what do you mean you didn't talk? No, I said Carmella, Soprano. Carmella. Oh, Carmella. That's right, Carmella. Like I was... There's videos of me trying to sell a bike that I had that's like, yeah, it's pretty good. It's got two wheels. You can get on it. It's got brakes. But I'm genuinely talking like that, and I'm six or seven. When does a kid usually talk? I forget with my kids. It was like one or 18 months or something like that. They start to put stuff together. I think it's typically 18 months around that. And I think it's almost always before two or usually. Yeah, girls before guys, I think. Yes. People are a little later, but I think it was just getting to a little bit of a more extreme place where they didn't know what was going on, my parents. What were your first words? Will. No shit. Yeah, I'm not just saying that. I mean, I... No, no. Of course, I believe... I'm looking at your face and I know that you're not just saying that. That's incredible. And that's it. And then I didn't say anything else for five more years. Why bother? Why bother if you said it all? And then it was Jason. And then it was Jason. Jason abatement. Jason abatement. Because there had been so much mold in my brain. And there was nothing... They didn't pursue any sort of reason. There was no diagnosis. It was just... You just weren't ready. Something. Yeah, my mom said she wasn't worried because it seemed like I was comprehending everything that they were saying. I just wasn't saying anything. A lot of... And then I went to like... A lot of... A speech special. A speech specialist at Staten Island University Hospital, which maybe sounds like a setup for... Yeah. But... And... I mean, you do your own... Everybody can do their own math on that one. I like the idea you were just nodding along... You nodding along and doing a lot of winking. He was winking a lot of people. So we knew he was cool. We knew he was cool. Oh, Dr. Nook, just following. He was winking and doing the hands where he makes the curve hourglass. But he's fine. And then walking, there was no pausing in the walking. The walking was on time. I was walking so much. Walking like a walking. Because I couldn't stop walking. Okay. All night, all through the night. It was basically they based that horror movie this year, Weapons on Me, because I would just walk out through the woods. You see our arms out like you're flying. So I remember when my middle son, Abel, was... He wasn't walking. He was like 13 months. He was a little bit later in his older brother's walk before a year. So I know. So we were nervous. Not really. But I remember Amy being like... When she's like, he's not walking. He's not walking. And I go... She goes, he's never gonna... I go, look out on the street. Do you see people dragging themselves by their hands? Pulling themselves along the sidewalk? He's gonna get it. Okay. He's gonna pick it up. Yeah. And then you ask people, what are you doing? Like, I never picked up walking. Wasn't for me. I never picked it up. I never... Wasn't for any other. I mean in New York, in New York there might be like 20 to 40 of us. You don't think it. Well, that was just not for them. Yeah, it's just not for them. We'll be right back. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, stuck, anxious, or unsure that is okay, those feelings are more common than we think. Whatever you're going through, you don't have to go through it alone. Having someone with you to listen and understand can make all the difference. Whatever is keeping you up at night, therapy with BetterHelp can provide you with tools to help you check in with yourself and gain support from experienced professionals. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and preferences and BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching work for you. You can also feel confident knowing BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully qualified. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash smartlist. That's betterhelp.com slash smartlist. And now back to the show. All right, so I want to talk about something you're probably so sick of talking about, but I don't know anything about it, which is the Staten Island ferry you bought with Pete Davidson. Because I've seen you tell jokes about it on the show and started out live. And I always laugh because I kind of know the gist of it, but why and what was the plan and what's the goal and all of that? Because you paid like, you still have to pay like a dot. Like don't you? Are you still paying for it? These are the exact questions the financial advisor asked me. Now what and what is the plan and what is the... Is it just fun? But was it because of your... Because these guys don't, Jason and Willow, no, but when I was doing my research about your reading, is the journey you took an hour and a half every single day to go to school from Staten Island to Manhattan and you took the Staten Island ferry? I took this, I actually, this one. Oh, you did? This exact, usually it was this one, which is again, as I explained to my friends and they're like, yeah, but you also took the subway. You didn't want to buy one of those. Or a bus, but it was named after JFK. It's named, it was commissioned for John F. Kennedy when he, after he died and it was, it was usually the 7 a.m. ferry that I took, because I went up to this high school called Regis High School that's up on the Upper East Side and it's free if you get in. It's a really great school. And so most people that go don't live in Manhattan. Most people come from Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island, Jersey, even upstate. And it was about an hour and a half every day? Yeah, I took the bus. There and back? Oh, man. Each way, yeah, bus, ferry, subway. How old were you? I took the sixth, 14. I did it 14 to 18. Oh, my God. It's just high school. They don't have it. But it was so, I mean, now it seems like a lot, but now everything seems like less of a trip. It's like so, and I was never, and once you're there, you're like in Manhattan with your friends. So it was kind of, it was very fun. You'd use the time for homework and whatnot. Like you wouldn't really feel the, yeah. Yeah, I never, I really never rarely did homework at home because it was such a trip. Jason went to school on an actual bus. And the school was on a bus. Which is true. On a bus. Which is true. On a bus. Is that true? Yeah, that is true. For a while. How does that work? Not well. A lot of massaging. That's also true. There's some massage. It's also true. Ask him, please call and follow up. What is the nature, why, how does massaging get involved? No bus I'm ever on is like, and between two massages? Yeah. This is one of my favorite areas. This is second only to Ernest Borgnein jerking off all over his house. Keep going, Jason. It's all true. This was an experimental school. Colin, a friend of my father's, started one of these things in his home out in Calabasas. And it was called Heartlight, one word. Heartlight, like L-I-G-H-T light? That's right. And there were, because Calabasas is, as you know, you're familiar with the city here. It's a great deal of traffic. About another hour and a half. Just like yours. From Calabasas into the city. And so there were city days and country days. City days, we'd go in and see the museums. Oh my God. And so they thought a good way to take advantage of that traffic time is to run classes in the back of this bus. Because they were an incredibly progressive group. And so we did that. There did be some motion sickness. And then on the country days, that's when we'd get into all the fun electives, like massage, it's cheapy building. It wasn't an accredited school. Colin, I don't want to paint a fucking die. In an accurate picture here. But it was fun. I've never seen Will Laugh Harder at all. God, it's the most fun. I love, I love Jackie Bates so much. And I paid for, out of my own pocket, I was forced to pay for the school. And not like regular bus fare, like school fare. No, no. I did do some bus riding. There was a massage just extra, and did you tip? Two was like the tip. Did they pay you? It depends if I'm giving or receiving on that, on Tuesdays and Thursdays. What was the massaging? So, Colin. Favorite. What a great, it sounds like such a great idea concept. Like, well, might as well use the journey for the school. By the way, that part makes kind of sense in that way, right? Like that, yeah, it's a long way. You have to applaud them for the idea. And then you're sitting so long on the bus, you got to provide massages. It starts getting away from it pretty quick. The doughnut they had to give each kid to sit on. There's so much class time on the bus. Not great. Anyway, Colin. Well, so anyway, so I texted Pete, which is the wrong person to text when you have an idea like this. And I was like, should we buy this? Right, because he's going to say yes. The city was auctioning it. And he was, yeah, he was immediately like, fuck yeah, we got to do this. And I texted my dad, who's a teacher on Staten Island, and he literally was like, did you do your homework? Which is such a teacher thing to say. And I was like, dad, I'm just sort of texting you as a formality. I already bought the boat. I texted Scarlett like, guess what? We own a ferry now. And she was like, we. Did it stay in operation? It was in operation until they, there was a new boat that came in. And the new boat cost like 300 million to build. So I was like, I'm getting an old one for only 280,000. Right. This is a deal. That's all the ferry cost was $280,000? Yeah. And I thought as a real, I thought, I was thinking in a real estate way, if you put it somewhere, it's 70,000 square feet. Oh my God. So I was like, if you put that on a dock in Manhattan, you've suddenly got basically a building on the waterfront. Yeah, parties. And on that square. Was that the value? Scarlett? That could be a school. That could be like three schools. That'd be a great school. That'd be great. Kindergarten, elementary school, and high school. Did you ever explore that opportunity? Like that you could actually park it there on the East River and kind of have yourself a little, a little, not a little, a house right there on the water? We are in the process of doing that. And it's just, it's a long process because all the waterfront stuff is just, there's environmental, there's, so we're in that process. And I think we're actually getting close to that process, having a dedicated spot. Oh, wow. Yes. I joke about it a lot, but it is, and we've done some events on it where we really have already made back the money we've invested and the money we've spent on stuff to dock in and all that. So it's very misreported that it is some sort of crazy money pit. Amen. I'm not your dad. I'm not your dad. You don't have to prove it. Gosh, okay. It's going to be fine. Sure. But wait, wait. Is this a good financial sign where you're like, it's fine. What's going to be, what's a home run? What's the goal with it? What's its park there? I think the goal, a home run for me is like, it's a thing that could be used for an event space, but also has like a norm, like an everyday purpose of, like two versions of it to me are like, it could be an operating entertainment like club, like a place where you can go, like you can have parties or there's regular parties on it. Bottle service or whatever. And then like, I grew up in Gargoyle, but instead I went to this place, so it was called the Great Hill Swim Club. That was like a swim club where people would just go and the kids could all hang out, adults could hang out. And I could imagine creating a place like that. That's not like a weird fancy members club, but it's actually more like middle class in Manhattan. You could just pay as you go, you could go pay to use it. Yeah. And you play it and like there's a pool on the top and a diving board off the top. And you have these crazy views. You can just dive into the East River and enjoy yourself. Really enjoy yourself. Really swept down into the sea. Are we really pitching a swim club on the East River? Yes. Like put a pool on the roof deck. But the pool. Diving board into the pool, not into the river. It's like a cruise ship that doesn't leave. A cruise ship that doesn't leave, but for families and it would be actually a great, like people would spend summers there. And then it's also movable. So then half the year would be Miami. And it would be, you'd have that in the winter when it's cold here and you'd have summer there. And I think it could be a great thing. Now I'm seeing that Carmela Soprado in you. This is your picture. Then we go to Miami, we take over the Highlye racket. Oh my God. I gotta say I'm kind of sold on this, Colin. You kind of got me a little bit. And then you'd have weddings and quite like people already want to rent it out and we, which we, we will do, we've done it a couple of times, but we'll do it when we have a permanent spot. It just makes the economics way better. Yeah. Yeah. And this is all about economics ultimately. Sure. Obviously. Sure. And then, and then you registered in Liberia. Yes. We're very open to pirates. If anyone wants to know. I can't wait. I'm going to approach it on a Zodiac with a mouthful of cat. QAC. Are we, I feel like the cat, the cat used to just fall. Have you been doing any recently? I feel like we've not, what is cat? What is cat? Well, it's like a plant you chew that has like a, almost a combo of cocaine and hallucinogenic. QAC. It makes, the thing I read about it that it makes you, it's the phrase I read was it makes you immune to atrocities, which is such a great description. I think they use a lot, there was a lot of usage of it, sort of in the foreign of Africa, right? Am I right about that? And so, and a lot of, they accused a lot of these, these pirates of who would go and commit piracy to, of chewing on it. And it makes, yeah, it makes you just do crazy shit. It's an appetite suppressant as well. It could give you, it's like a, you know, a sand bag-ish, you know. This sounds like a fucking silver bullet. Where does one, do you need to be in the, on the southern tip of Africa to find it? No, up in like up near sort of Somalia, Ethiopia, up in there. So it's closer. Yeah, I'm right on the, it's very private. You see these huge bushels of it is terrific. I got a guy, I'll get you a number. Are you on WhatsApp? All right, Colin, first question for our guests today. Wait, Colin, let me take it. So Colin, you go to this school, you go to this great school because you're really smart. Well, no, we'll say the school's Harvard. No, I'm talking about the school. Oh, that one. Oh, sorry. For Regis, yeah, yeah. From there, you get into Harvard, evidently based on your academic merits, I'm guessing. As opposed to- What do you mean? I'm not a traditional athlete? Yeah, like- Well, I'm not a D1 athlete in your money. Well, you don't have your, a name on a building is what I'm saying. Like, or- That's true. Yeah. So- Not even on my own ferry. All right. So at a hard, go ahead, Will. No, no, I was gonna say, you go take it over to Harvard. Oh, no, no, no, I was just gonna say, I, you know, you got involved with Lampoon, right? Yeah. Yeah, and then you wrote 80 pieces before you got one accepted. What's the funny? Yeah, trying out for it. Tell me. There was a time, Colin, five years ago, where Sean- Sean was nominated for best interviewer. Interviewer on- And you want to end the follow-up from Kat. Anywhere, we're going to- We're going to follow up from Kat, he's the best. The follow-up for him and his questions has been- And since that nomination, he's gotten tight, and he can't spit it out. And no, he didn't. No, you be quiet. No, because I wrote down a bunch of stuff that I actually wanted to know. I know you did, baby girl. You give him your best one. Take some time, find the best one in there, and you give it to him. Well, 80 sketches, none of them picked up, right? I would stop it for failures. But I would stop it too. Like, you really wanted to be a- How did you get involved in Lampoon? Oh, that's so much better. I didn't know any- I didn't know about it. Did you guys have any awareness? Like, had you ever heard of it? I mean, I had heard of the National Lampoon. Yeah, I mean, but I didn't know what it meant. I didn't understand what it was until I started knowing some of those SNL guys who'd come out of it. Right? So for Tracy, it is literally a magazine there at the school. Yeah, it's just a magazine that has been there. It's actually the 150th anniversary is coming up in a week. So we're going back, like, that Conan and a bunch of people are all going to go back for this thing, which- Oh, that's cool. But it just was like a student magazine. Like a precursor to something like The Onion or even like Mad Magazine, right? Something like that. Yeah, yeah. And they started- People from there started like Spy Magazine back in the day, which I never- Yeah, really, that. But that was- And they started, they did like Lampoon magazines and yearbooks and stuff. And then- Spy Magazine was- I remember it in New York in the night. Spy Magazine was phenomenal. Yeah, I loved it. Yeah, it was so good. And there were so many people, you mentioned Conan, so many incredible comedy minds, sort of big sort of icons of comedy. You included have come out of The Lampoon. A lot of people, a lot of people. It was like back in the day, it was a lot of writers, like literary writers, you know, like John Updike and George Plimpton and George Santayana and all these people. And also business, like William Randolph Hearst was a member. There's a business board. So he helped fund the building that's there, like this Lampoon castle. And he and Isabella Stewart Gardner, who has the museum in Boston, she collected a lot of stuff that went to that museum on the same trip with him. And a lot of the stuff he got went to The Lampoon, which is pretty cool. And it's a bit of a feeder for SNL too, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, so like around the 70s, 80s, a lot of it was this guy, Jim Downey, who I'm sure you guys have met through these, but he went to SNL, he was a writer the first year of SNL. And then after that, people kind of saw that you could write in comedy instead of necessarily only writing novels. And then people started getting into it there. But I didn't know, so I didn't know, having any awareness of it when I went, like I went to school for economics weirdly, and I didn't have any idea that there was a, like a humor magazine or anything like that. And I had always done comedy things, but you didn't know it was really a job. You just did it with your friends. It wasn't a destination for you to get into comedy. It just didn't, yeah, I didn't know you could really. Like it didn't seem like a real thing. And so that was the first place where I went and people just were really funny and I wanted to hang out there. And then I started learning that people would graduate and go apply and work at different shows. And did you just apply for SNL? How did that happen? Yeah, you just cold submitted. That's a time limit. I actually submitted a packet. And then it was just the wrong time of year. I submitted it and so no one read it. No agent, no nothing. You just did it yourself. You mailed it in yourself. No, no agent, nothing. And I submitted and no one looked at it because it was the wrong time of year. And then the next time, it was like the next summer. And then I ran into someone who had been in the lampoon who was like, I heard it's, you have to submit in the summer in like June or July, whatever the deadline was. And so I put together another packet and submitted it then. And I was just lucky there was a ton of turnover. I wrote like six sketches. And there was a bunch of writers that left. And then I got like Tina was one of the head writers, Harper Steele. And they liked some, you know, something that was in there and brought me into interview. And then I interviewed with Lorne, which was insane. And then just was very lucky that there was an extra spot. And I was probably the last person hired. And I got hired with Samberg and Samberg and Sedeikis and Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig. And then the Lonely Island guys, Yorma and Akiva. And a guy, Brian Tucker, who came from... Yeah, Tucker and Sedeikis was just hired as a writer first for that first year. Yeah. Yeah. That was, he just started, he had just got hired into the cast when I started. So that was the eight of us that all started. And how old were you when you started? 22. And so, well, so you go into school to study economics. Was there ever a thought that there would be a career in economics? Or was it just, I got to declare a major and let's have it be this? I think it was a... I thought I could maybe work. I mean, I interned at like Merrill Lynch when I was in high school. And I just thought that was... In Staten Island, like there were certain... All my family was firefighters. Like my whole mom, like my mom was in the fire department, my grandpa, my great grandpa. So that was like a clear path I knew. And then from Staten Island, like people would go take the ferry to Wall Street. There were people that worked in finance. And then obviously there was a... I knew about being a doctor or being a lawyer. Like those were the kind of jobs that I understood. And so I sort of thought I would do something in that range. Like I would do work in finance, or I would try to be a doctor someday or try to be a lawyer. And then so then you start to get the kind of this, being your bonnet for comedy. Did you like talk to me about the calculation you were making at... So you're sitting at Harvard where you really, whatever fields you decide to study and get your diploma in, get your degree in, you've got a pretty good sort of base salary to assume there. And so like picking what you're going to get your degree in is kind of you're declaring what your life is going to be. And it's going to be pretty good. And so you're thinking comedy, economics, or I can study this. At what point were you kind of like all in, it's going to be going to go into comedy writing, or did you mitigate that risk by minoring in something else? Like just walk me through that. My parents definitely were worried, once I was going down a comedy path. I mean, when I was there, I switched. So I switched from economics to... I declared I was going to be in economics, but then when you actually had to declare, I studied Russian literature. Like I went, I was reading a bunch of books. And so I was like, and then at some point I had to learn Russian. I had to live in St. Petersburg for a summer. And I was going down that path, but not... Let's pause there for one second. Why Russian literature? What was super interesting? Are you a Russian asset? Be fucking with us. I'm open to it. Are they asking? I just like the books. I just liked reading. I read in high school, I read some Nabokov and Tolstoy and Dostoevsky books and senior year. I liked them, so I wanted to read more. And then it just kept going down that line. Like I didn't have a plan for it. I certainly wasn't assuming it was going to be a career. Can you speak Russian? I was fluent in Russian. Wow, that's crazy. That's awesome. Okay. All right. So then I, sorry, then I realized, I guess when I was at the lampoon, that most of the things I did in my life leading up to that were kind of comedy versions of what I did. Like I ran the school newspaper, but I did the comedy, wrote comedy for it rather than like regular news. I was working at a newspaper, but I mostly wanted to write comedy there. I performed in plays and musicals, but I really only cared about the comedy part of it, not the serious part of it. I did speech and debate, but I only did funny like oratories that I wrote that were kind of versions of comedy or performed funny things and didn't do any, you know. So I just, I started realizing that that was probably where my interest was, even if I was doing it in these other ways, and that there's not really a funny version of finance. Right. Again, along with the statements, it's not, yeah. Unless you buy a Staten Island. Yes, then it is. There's certainly some more predictable financial security in the lane of economics as opposed to the world of comedy. You're talking about it. You're talking about like making the bed on it and going all in. Yeah. Yeah, I did. I just did, I didn't have another plan. And I didn't, I honestly don't know that I could have imagined then going to law school or after that, I think I just decided that whatever version of it, it was going to end up being, I was going to enjoy being around people that were funny and doing things that I tried, things that were funny. And the lifestyle didn't necessarily matter. It's so great. I mean, I'm sorry. I, a reason I keep hammering on this is because, you know, I've got a daughter that's in her first year of college and even my youngest, the 14 year old, she's, you know, they're both sort of like, you know, as kids do wondering about, you know, am I doing the things that I should be doing to set myself up for the best possible, you know, life? Am I making the right decisions? And I keep saying, well, as long as you're pointed at something, a lot of opportunity comes your way. And so you're going to see some forks in the road that might not necessarily be, you know, the lane you're on right now. And that's, that's good. That's okay. But you're not going to find those forks unless you're driven in some direction on something. It doesn't matter what that is. And so I guess you're sort of a great example of that. That you're driving towards economics and you found comedy. Yeah. And for her too, like, I mean, I think the peer element of it is so important to me. You know, you find people that are serious about something, even if it's comedy and are really driven or are really, you know, and then you learn from them, you're competitive in a healthy way with them. You're, you know, you're hearing about opportunities from them eventually, you know, like when you're, when you're trying to do things or I think that's so important too, and so that you have a, you're not doing it in a vacuum. Right. We'll be right back. All right. Back to the show. Well, so you go to Asenel that year, that, that you mentioned with all those dudes, how long was it before you got the update share? Yeah. Did you go with the intention of wanting to do update or did you go or did it just happen or like? No, no, no, I was, I wouldn't even, I wouldn't have conceived of that. I think I, you know, Colin, I called you in here because I think you're ready. What? Was it kind of like that? He did call him, yes. He, he, I didn't even know why he was calling me in. Yeah. And he's like, so you think you could do update? Like asking me. Yeah. And I was like, Meanwhile, you had only been a writer on the show for a year or two or three? No, no, I'd been there for a long, so I, I mean, I had been there for a long time. I was there, I was probably there eight years or something, seven or eight years. That's what I was getting at, yeah. And cause I, and I, so I got S and all, I would have been happy to have any job in comedy, right? Like I applied everywhere that had a job. I wrote a, I wrote a arrested development spec script when I, when I was going out. I feel like you told me this once. And this, maybe I did, maybe I did tell you that. Yeah. And it was, Oh my God, I want to read that. What was Job's story? Sorry, we'll get, Was it Joe Bay story or B story? No, it doesn't matter. I'm sure he was in it. Yeah, Job, when I have a real job at the time. So, even though you were done? I mean, the one, can I tell you the one thing I remember about it, which was now, which is that it was for, for George Michael was self-conscious and wanted to lose weight. And so he tried, he tried joining a, what he saw was a recreation society, but it was a recreation society. He got cast as Ben Franklin. And so ended up gaining a bunch of weight. That's really funny. It's a great fit. So dumb. Oh my God, Mitch Hurwitz would have loved that. It's a great fit. So I wrote, I wrote, applied all these places and I was very, you know, very lucky to get hired, S and L. And I felt like then I just wanted to be good at that and figure it out and enjoy it. I loved, I loved it. With no on-camera aspirations. No, no, not, I mean, but I did, I had performing aspirations. I just didn't think of it always as S and L related. Like I did stand up. So while that time I'm doing stand up in New York. So you are, okay. Yeah. While I'm writing, I would go after, when there's nights that you can get out and I would go do stand up like three or four times. Like if the seller or whatever. Did you ever, were there ever any summer, like end of seasons of S and L, and you can be as honest as you want to be, where you were like, you know what, I'm gonna move. I'm gonna leave. I wanna do something else. Like did you ever have one of those moments in those eight years before you got the update chair? Yes. Like not, because there was sort of a little bit of a, like, you know, I had a journey as a writer there where I got promoted to like a writing supervisor and then I got promoted to be head writer. And that was like a real honor that I love the idea of getting to do that someday. So that was really important to me. And I felt excited about that. It was, I found it to be a really nightmarish job in a lot of ways because you're suddenly doing the same job you're doing, but you're also having to manage everyone you're working with. That was a very weird period of time for me because it also coincided with getting update. Like it almost exactly coincided. So I suddenly, yeah, it was like maybe a year or half a year that I was a head writer and then got update. And, but I had my only, as I was there for a little longer, I did like performing, I did like doing stand up. And honestly, I wanted to do some version of acting, not necessarily acting like in a serious way, but performing in some way in a comedy way. Yeah. And I thought I've done this as a writer now. I thought maybe after a few years, if I, if I being head writer, maybe there would just be something else I'd want to do or create a show as a writer or do something different. Yeah. And then got this opportunity to do update. And then it was, it kind of went so badly at first for a while that I then thought I was going to lose both jobs that I was going to be so bad at update that I was also not going to be a writer. Why did it go bad? What do you mean? It just was, I mean, I think Seth was leaving. Seth was leaving. He was very loved doing the job. I came in, I started with Cecily Strong. We did like six episodes together. That's it at the end of the year. And, you know, I think I just wasn't very good at it. It's a hard thing to come in and do. And I don't, I think I was like really nervous and I probably that, I probably smiled or laughed in a way that made people think I was kind of cocky about it when I actually felt very much at C and panicking. People were getting me all kinds of advice that was contradictory and I didn't know how to do it. And then, and then basically in the summer, I got told after those six episodes, I got told like you might get to audition for it. And I was like, which seems like a bad job, signed to audition for the job you currently have. And then they tried me with different combinations of people also. So like I did an audition with Leslie Jones. I did an audition with Vanessa Baer. I did an audition with Chris Kelly, who's a really funny writer at our show. And I did an, and I auditioned with Che, who I knew from standup from before he came to SNL as a writer. And I love the idea of getting to do with him because he's really funny, but I had no idea what they were gonna go with. And they also brought in Anthony Jesalmeck just to audition on his own, like just to go in a totally different direction and bring someone else in. And I'm sure he would have been very funny at it. And then they did these auditions and then I didn't even know what was happening. And suddenly, so I was involved in all these processes of cast and hiring. And then suddenly I was completely cut off, really from like all my friends for periods of time where everyone was probably nervous for me or and didn't know whether I should do the job genuinely. Like not that they were being bad friends, just probably were like, I don't know if he's right for it. And then they picked me and Che. And then for like the first two years, at least, we thought we were gonna get fired every summer. We were put on suspension kind of or put on extension and we didn't know whether we were gonna get it or not. And then something sort of just started clicking. Really just we gave, Lauren was, we were lucky that he gave us enough time to start figuring it out. And then it started feeling okay. And then it started feeling better and not like a huge existential crisis. So fun to watch. You guys have such a great dynamic. You're so good at it. One of the funniest things that I've ever seen was, and I couldn't believe I was watching it and I can't believe it happened, which is Michael told the audience before you showed up to not laugh at one joke you said. And that was the job. And I'm watching it going, oh my God, this is horrible to watch. Like did you, what was going through your head? Oh, I was like, it's all over. It's all over, truly. Because I mean, it was so perfect. It was so perfect because I changed the joke between dress and air early on. And so he had told, he met, by the way, this is the most proactive Che has ever been about anything. And met with the audience before they loaded in, like looked them in the eyes and were like, listen, you're not laughing. I don't care. You do not laugh at everything. Anything Colin says. This is what they're still downstairs. This is while I'm waiting. Yeah, they're still waiting downstairs to get loaded in. And he goes down and meets them, tells them, so I remember watching it. I couldn't believe it. And then so I changed one joke early on between dress and air. And so at air, it bombs. And in my head, I'm like, oh, I shouldn't have taken that swing. But it's perfect because I don't, I could still believe it. It's, you know, then he goes and he crushes. Great, he kills. He does two jokes, crushes. Then it comes back to me and I tell the next one, which worked really well at dress and it bombs. And I'm like, oh my God. At first I was like, oh, maybe it's a bad crowd. Then he crushes. So I'm like, oh no. Meanwhile, he keeps looking at you like, oh boy. Yeah, just not leading. And then the fourth joke bombs. And I'm truly thinking like my career's over. Like I did some things. I've, it's a turned, I'm never getting it back. It's over. And someone in that he had a plant in the audience that he had yell out, you stink after. So simple. So simple. So dumb. Yeah. So good. John Higgins in the, he just goes, you stink. Like old timey heckling. Not you suck. You stink. You bomb. You're a bomb. And I, and I heard that and I was like in full. You can tell if you look at, in shock. And then Shay's like, dude, I gotta tell, I gotta tell you. I told him not to laugh at anything. And I was like, you motherfucker. Yeah, it's so good. So angry. So, it's such a good thing. It was so angry. Is this live? Is this on? Is this on episode? Yes, live. You're at a great bit. Yeah, you can do it. You too, a bit. You can do it. It is so horrifying. Now you know, and you'll look at it, you'll be like, and it's, I was genuinely traumatized for like two more shows. Because then the next show back, I didn't know what to, I didn't know what was coming. Did you ideally start thinking about payback? Are you a prankster? Of course. By the way, did Shay run it by Lauren? No, he just did it. He went rogue. He did. And I think basically Lauren talked him into eventually telling me versus never telling me. Right, right, right, right. And, which was, which made it much better actually, that he did tell me and otherwise would have been perhaps. No, it's better to get your reaction on camera and see it dawn on you. I mean, that's, but it's amazing. That's amazing. And then, and now what I love, Colin, is you're appearing more and more as Pete Hegseth, which is so brilliant. Oh, so good. It's so good. It's such a gift. But does any part of you get nervous about, you know, doing that at all? Well, on a couple levels. I mean, I, first of all, I still, I get nervous even within an, in an SNL world because it's suddenly a new thing and a new rhythm. Like even though I've been there for so long, coming out in the cold open is, is its own weird feeling. And after all these years, it's, it's your right. You've got to, you don't have to admit to this, but you've got to privately just be like, so excited to go out there and show off a little bit. Cause you're so goddamn good at what you do. Whether you're doing the update or, or doing Hegseth. I mean, it just, you got to be, I'd love to see more, more doing your thing. I think it, I think it's one of my, I think it's one of my favorite politician impressions. Yeah. Yeah. It's really funny. That I can remember in the long, and I'm not just saying that because you're here. It's so good. Yeah. But, but there is also the added, because I mean, obviously he's the, he's the secretary of war. And, officially, right? That's, that's official. He also named it. That was passed by him. Yeah. It's the only country in the world where we call that department, the department of war, as opposed to department of defense. I think it's fun that we've now let, like they're obviously letting school kids just name departments. Is that what's going on? So. They're just taking letters. Yeah. War. You can tell the generals are just like, God. Yeah. But, but is there a Tishon's question? Like, is there an added, is there another layer of trepidation as you've been, as much as you're comfortable telling us, has there been pushback in a weird way? I don't, I mean, I'm definitely like a little nervous, but I kind of just think it's not, it's such in the scheme of things, like probably, I hope barely on his radar, like it really does feel like there should be bigger, bigger issues. But there's so much satire on SNL, politically always has been. So like, how is this going to make any big, huge wave? People are conditioned to look for satire politically. I don't know if this guy can end up having a big night. He's got a couple of cocktails under his belt and he might start calling you. There could be some vindictiveness. Guess what? I'll bet he loves it. I'll bet he loves it. I mean, it was the first time I did it, my brother, my younger brother, my younger brother was like, it's just so great that America finally gets to see the real you. Well, that's what I was going to ask. So like, would you like to do more, I would love to see you do more acting, whether it be on SNL or not. Do you think you'd ever carve out some time to do more of that? Well, you got a movie coming out. I would love it. I did this movie with Nate Bergessi, who I love. Called The Breadwinner. Breadwinner that's coming out May 29th. Also, 29th. Yay. Is what I'm told. And I think I have a fun part, like Nate's basically forced to be a stay-at-home dad because his wife goes on Shark Tank and gets a lot of traction. And the Shark Tank scene is so funny. And it's really, it's so, so funny. And the Sharks basically make Nate agree to be a stay-at-home dad. So is why on camera. And I'm the only other stay-at-home dad in the neighborhood. And I'm really, I'm really scared that he's taking over my territory. And he's like a really funny dad that comes in. And it's, it was so, and I was, I loved the script and he sent it to, you know, I was, people, I never think people really think of me for things. So I was very grateful that they thought of me for it. And it was really fun to do. And I got to say, getting to perform not live is even more liberating because you can just, you can take swings and, you know, it's, I never get a second chance at things. It's so liberating. If you could, if you could, if you could wiggle your nose and have full success come as a writer or as an actor, let's say in the next five or 10 years, like let's say go the route of like, you know, let's say Will Ferrell or go the route of like Mike Schur. It's tough, right? Very good options. I mean, I would, I would really love to do, to get to perform in something outside, you know, a thing that's my own voice and, and, and get to create, I mean, you know it well. Like it's, you know, it's, that would be really satisfying. I think that would be really, really fun. You're saying do both in the same project? Yeah, maybe. Or I mean, I don't need to be, I don't need to be, I would rather be perform, get to perform. But I would like, I would obviously be involved in some way. I don't think I would not be able to, but I would, I would like to figure out an idea, maybe ideally both, where it's a world that's my own, in my, from my own mind too. I would love that. And to think we almost lost you to, to Bear Stearns or something like that. Yeah. But you're doing so much better. I could be long retired really. Exactly. But what about you also? If you go to Bear Stearns, it would have been a disaster. That's because, that's not what I wanted to do. You could have become, you could have become Dandies, you know. Oh, the great Dandies. Great Dandies is the best. Colin, you also do pop culture jeopardy, which is fantastic. Wait, is that the one that's on Netflix? Yes. Yeah. Okay. That's coming out on Netflix in May 11th. Season two, right? Yeah, season two. Yeah. It's, it's, it's really fun. Like the P, I cannot believe the level of knowledge that, that all these teams have about pop culture. It's very, it's really scary. Well, I have a, this is, I have a surprise for these guys, which is a clip. If Bennett can play it or Rob can play it. Really? Oh, wait, I don't think we've ever run a clip before. We've never done a clip. Let's go to the clip. Oh my God. Three. In the category of so help me pod, the smart less podcast is hosted by this trio of funny guys. Anna Marie. Who is Sean Hayes? That is one Alex. Who is Eric McCormick? No, I'm sorry. Steve. Who is Will Arnett? That is the second and Ashley. Who's Fred Armisen? That is a person, but no. Justin. Who is Hayes? I'm sorry. This is hurtful. The one we were missing, Jason Bateman, but the other two are going to be very happy to throw it in Jason's face. Got it. It's going to hurt in the renegotiations, but thanks for running the clip. So let's go for the reactions. Let's go around the horn. We'll start with you, Jason. I bet that was so great. Isn't that, you know what? That Jason Bateman starting to look pretty good, huh? Nice. Bold doesn't sound so bad. I know. So this was not tournament of champions, I guess. These weren't the world beaters. No, these were the most knowledgeable. Come on. Wow. They were like, I think I was the only answer wrong in that whole game. Jesus, that cut-stink. Which you never see. The point is, but the point is, breadwinners, celebrity, SNL, like all of it, you have so much going on and you have kids and you have Scarlet and you have like just a whole, I mean, it's like you have a ton of stuff going on. Yeah, yeah, you're really, you're kicking, you're kicking into high gear right now and it's fun to watch, man. It's really fun to watch. It's fun. I love watching it. And he knows how to swing a golf club on top of it all. Yeah, I know. We keep, we've threatened to play. We got to, let's do it. We got to, we got to, maybe this summer you'll be out all day and we'll do it. Yeah, I'm listening. We're going to be on Long Island. Do you guys do, do you ever do, go to do the Tahoe event or anything like that? Or are you like, you just do it? No, I'm not into the fucking rock and roll with the boats on the fairway and fucking what? Well, now he's never going, but. But I just, I mean, what's happening? Unplugged to speed. And he's still feet people in Tahoe. I just, I don't understand how it's just. We did, we've done, we've done a couple of them before. We did, we did the pebble beach back, back in the day. No, that's a tournament. That must have been fun, right? We did that. And we did, we've done the Genesis a few times and, and. Oh yeah. Cause that's fun. Yeah, that's a no way. But, let's start our own golf tournament. You guys. Yeah, let's do that. You know, what do you say? Let's just be three of us. We'll play nine. I don't love Long Island. You know, I'm in. Keep it real. I'm in. We've taken up so much of your time. So much. Like, we can talk forever to this guy. This is unbelievable. Yeah. I can stay. I've, I've done like a lot of times. Oh, oh, let's get an empty office. Don't even feel like you gotta wrap it up. I gotta go. I'm going to have dinner with Tommy Hilfiger. Right now, that's a, that's a true story. Talk to him. He did in, of Tommy Hilfiger did an event on our Staten Island ferry. Oh. I gotta hang out with him there. I'm going to talk to him right now. What I'm going to say is we drag it out to Sag Harbor for the summer. Yes, please. Yeah. Right. Let's start talking about that. That's what every neighbor wants to look up and see in our, yes, of course. In our darn vessel. All those billionaires, they're not going to be mad at that. No, they love it. It's fun. It's kitschy. Colin, thank you for being here. Your pleasure as usual. Thank you, thank you for bringing in Sean. Yeah. Sean, I'm sorry. Huge fan. You were abusive towards you and your, and your question as a talent. Oh, please. Did you get to, did you add, did you, were you able to ask our guests the things you wanted to ask? There were some other things, there's many other things, but that's okay. We'll get it next time. I'm sorry, Sean. It's all right. This will brings out the worst in me. Why is it me? Sorry. It's Will's fault. Okay. Well, get back to work, Colin. I know you have a lot of work there with it, especially cleaning up that asbestos above your head. Yeah. Because I can still see it. That's amazing. Oh, you know what I find. Thank you, my friends. Thank you guys very much. And I would love to play this summer if you guys want to play any time. I'm going to hit you up. We're going to finally do it. Yes, please. Okay. We're going to finally do it. Bye, guys. Bye, Colin, Joe. Good to see you. Waving. I'm waving like that's been a register. Intruder. Audio wave. Audio wave. Audio wave. Audio wave. Thanks, dude. Sean, what a great guest. What a lovely man and a funny, funny talent. I really like Colin. He's such a funny guy. Well, he's a... I really... Every time I'm with him, he's just like easy. Well, but isn't it amazing? He's the longest... I don't know if you heard in the intro, the longest... What am I saying? A week in update. The guy who's been there the longest of anybody. The longest tenured. Yeah, a host or something. Did you not sleep last night? What happened? I'm still catching up. Is your CPAP hose clogged? Just purge your hose. Isn't that wild though to just be... To know... Like he just submitted to SNL. It makes sense. He's so good. He's so good at NJ too. And Michael J. Who am I don't know? Michael J. is hilarious. Hilarious. Those guys are so funny. Yeah. I love them. What was the joke somebody reminded me of that they did this last weekend? They played like a clip of Trump saying, you know, look, we're holding all the cards. And then they come back to colonies. Like they're literally holding a straight. Yes, I saw that. Yeah. Yeah, I thought that was funny. It was a pun. It was a pun. It's a pun. You know, guys, there's a lot of purchases we've all made in our life. You know. What started out as this... Good buys and some are bad buys. Okay. So, okay, but we're going to back and then do it. Well, why don't you give it a little bit of a head, like talk about the ferry. Yeah. And then in the middle talk about sometimes there's good... Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, the stat. What an interesting thing to learn about that. He, what drew him to buy that stat now that fair when he was a kid. You spent it right there. You can't say buy until the end. So, still... Purchase. Okay. It was an interesting thing that he purchased that satin island ferry with Pete Davidson, because it, you know, because he took it when he was a kid to go to school. Yeah. So, you know, we've all kind of made interesting purchases. Some are good, some are bad, but that started out as a seemingly bad purchase, but in the end it was a good... I know what he's been. Bye. Bye. Yes. I like his good buy. That's really long. I like his good buy. I got to take a leak so fucking bad. Okay. Love you thinking me when you hold it. I mean... Smart. Less. Smart. Less. SmartLess is 100% organic and artisanly handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjalf, and Bennett Barbergo. Smart. Less.