1449 - Jordan is Cheating on his Wife with Guys?!

Blowing out budget on metrics that look great till the CFO sees them. That's bull spend. And marketers are calling it out in... Dashboard Confessions! I remember telling my boss, it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow. Yeah, it wasn't. Cut the bull spend. LinkedIn lets you target by company, job title and more. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend 200 pounds on your first campaign and get a 200 pound credit. Go to linkedin.com slash lead. Terms and conditions apply. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Strictly Anonymous Podcast. Conversations with online strangers. Replace ads online. The Craigslist is definitely like the gift that keeps on going. Real people respond. You go to Singapore or Thailand. You can't not do it. The temptation is just too much. Real followers. Your friend know that you're banging her? No. No, he has no idea. And anything goes. Mono the show, let your freak flag fly. Probably the only good advice I'll ever give you is to re-hide your whips and chain. Here is your host, Kathy. Hey, welcome to the Strictly Anonymous Podcast with Kathy. If you want to follow the Strictly Anonymous Podcast on Instagram or Twitter, follow the show at Strict Anonymous. If you want to be on the show, it's called Strictly Anonymous because they change everybody's voices and everyone's name. So if you have an interesting naughty secret life or even just regular not so naughty life that you want to talk about while remaining anonymous or not anonymous, if you're out and proud, that's cool too, you can be on the show. I also look for like health related stories now. I have a sexual health Saturdays. So if you have any kind of interesting health story, I love stuff like that health and fitness story, you could send me an email at StrictlyAnonymousPodcast at gmail.com or just go to my website StrictlyAnonymousPodcast.com and click on be on the show. 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Last thing I wanna tell you about is if you are looking to get into the lifestyle, the site I recommend to everybody is SDC.com. SDC.com is like the world's largest online adult dating site, but it's so much more than a dating site. It's more than a pickup place, okay? You go on there, you're gonna learn everything about the lifestyle. They have live events. They have educational stuff that you could learn on there. They also will tell you where all the gang bangs and swinger clubs and orgies and parties that are going on in your area and your neighborhood or if you're traveling, you can find out what's going on there too. That's what's great about SDC. It's like a one-stop shop for the lifestyle. And if you use my code 37712, you're gonna get a free trial so you could check it out. So go to SDC.com, use code 37712, or just go to the description and click on the link. All the links, everything I told you about, including my Patreon is in the description. Okay, today I have on Jordan. He's cheating on his girl with guys. Oh my God. And he called in, you know, in his email, he did say he was looking for advice because he doesn't know if he's bi or gay. And I do give him a lot of advice at the end. And it's super interesting, I think. I think I give him good advice. But we really do get his whole story. He talks about like when he first realized he was into guys, he had an experience when he was younger, he talks about that. And then when he was single and a little bit older, he had a bunch of experiences. He talks about those and how he's felt and everything. And then he also talks about his experiences sexually with women. He does have a getting it up problem. And we talk about that too. And he talks about what he does for that. And why that has happened to him. And then he talks about how he met this girl and the issues that they're having in their sex life and how and when he started cheating on her. And I mean, like, you know, he's on that website Sniffy's, which is like, oh my God, in this episode, I'm like, I want to join Sniffy's and see how this is all set up. Because it's kind of crazy. Like people are meeting at Home Depot and bathrooms in the mall. Like it's all crazy shit goes down. It's Sniffy's. And because things weren't good in his relationship with his girl, he talks about, you know, the issues. Like I said, in their bedroom, he started seeing guys behind her back. And now this is a guy who was cheated on people who got cheated on in the past. Now he's cheating on his girl and he feels really bad. And then, you know, after he talks about the times he's cheated on her, we do go through some, I do try to give him advice on what's going on in his life. Is he gay? Should he stop cheating? He really wants to stop cheating. And when someone says they really want to start cheating, I give them the real truthful advice. So stay with it for that. And don't call me rude in the comments because I think I really helped him actually. So anyway, I'm gonna get, it's a great episode. Okay. And I'm gonna get right to it and be right back. And he, by the way, he's only 27. I didn't tell you that before. Anyway, I'm gonna get right to it and be right back on Jordan. Oh, hi Jordan. Welcome to the Strictly Anonymous podcast. Are you today? Good. How are you? Good. So listen, Jordan, you're a guy and you kind of like need advice because you're like, I might be bi, I might be gay. I don't really know. You're dating a girl. You're cheating on her with guys. Oh my God. It's a little bit of a mess. You did say you were a little nervous calling in. You should be nervous. I'm to worry I'm gonna change your effing voice. Okay. So your girlfriend doesn't find out, but you know, we need to go back and get into this whole like a guy and guy thing with you. Like, I mean, cause you're young. You're like in your late 30, like, what are you? 37, 35, 36 or seven around there? Well, I'm actually 27. Oh, 27. Right. Young. Okay. Sorry. I don't know why I got 37. Okay. So you're 27. Okay. Let's go. First of all, how long you've been dating your girl? It's been about a year and a half. Okay. Year and a half. Now, is this the first girl that you started cheating on guys with? Like, and is the first time in your life you ever hooked up with guys? Technically no, there was one time before, but We'll get to that. It was a long, long time ago. Okay. Cool. And that's where we'll probably start. But, you know, have you dated other girls before her? Oh, yeah, several. I've only ever dated girls. Okay. But I'm just saying, did you ever cheat on any of them? Or is this the first one that you're doing this to? Pretty much. Yeah. Okay. So never cheated even with girls with the other girls. Correct. Okay. So you're a monogamous guy, but somehow the itch got to you when you started hooking up with guys behind this girl's back. Yes. Yeah. And how long ago did you start? You're in a year and a half with her. Like, when was the first time you did something like that's behind her back? I want to say it was about six months in. Oh my God. Okay. Let's go all the way back. Since you're so young though, like, did you always know that you like had a thing for guys too? Like, obviously you like women, right? But did you always know you liked dudes? I would say when I first started watching porn, I kind of stood up to me because it was like the first time you actually seen another guy. Yeah. So I always had a curiosity, but nothing really came up of it until I was probably about 17. Okay. So your curiosity, I mean, did your curiosity confuse you at all? Cause I know like right now it's kind of confusing to you. You don't know if you're bi, if you're gay. Back then though, was it so strong that it confused you as well? Or did you just like not pay attention to it? I really didn't pay attention to it. I really, I mean, it wasn't really something I really harped on. And honestly, I would just watch porn and jack off. And then after that, I would never think of it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So let's get to the point where you wind up having some sort of interaction with a guy when you were younger. Yeah. It's a really weird story. And it's kind of, I don't know, it's kind of out there, I feel like. But I was with my girlfriend, actually. We were at an amusement park and I had to go to the bathroom and I was using the bathroom and a guy kept on tapping his foot underneath the stall next to me. And I thought that was kind of weird. So I think I had watched it in porn. Oh, it's like code. It's a code. Yeah. Oh my God. And I don't know. We just, it probably went on for what felt like five or six minutes. And then I, he slipped his hand under and then he blew me and then I left. No, no, no, no. Okay. You're in separate stalls. He just sticks his hand under and blows you. There's a lot that has to happen before that could happen. You're not even in the same stall as him. He sticks his hand under and does what? Like says, come here or something and then you go into stalls. Yeah, like motions. Yeah. Okay. Well, explain. No, he motions. Sorry. He motions and then I like got on my knees and had my dick exposed. Wait. So we're, you got to paint this picture better. Okay. So you don't ever go into his stall. You like kneel down. First of all, are you in a, okay, wait a second. Cause like maybe I'm confused cause I'm a woman and I have women stalls. You know what I mean? Are you in like the stuff, like those things against the, the, the things against the wall, are you in a real stall? Like a real stall. Okay. So you bend all the way down. You don't ever go into his stall. You bend down and put your expose yourself that way. So you don't see him. Yeah. Correct. Yeah. Kind of like a glory hole. You're just on your knees and like pretty much like right where the stall, like bottom of the stall is. Oh my God. You could fit down there. Are they low? Well, not, not said, but you're on your knees. Yeah. Oh my God. So he's put his hand like, and so you know, for some reason like, oh, let me just like, what am I taking out and put it there? Yeah. I'm pretty sure I saw it in porn. Interesting. I wonder if people are going to email me like, yeah, that's a thing. I've heard that like, you know, Home Depot is a prime spot for a guy and guy. Hook up like the bathroom and Home Depot, supposedly. Like, you know, there's this underground, like, if you know, you know, seeing that goes down, you know, maybe like this is a thing at a museum park. I don't know. Yeah, I've done that at Home Depot. What? Yes. Okay. Don't slow it down. Don't get there just yet. I like it. Okay. So wait a second. So music park, your poor girl is waiting outside. So you did cheat on another girl. Sorry to say. Okay. Like he said no before. The answer would have been like, yes. One other time. Okay. So you go, you lean down and then this guy like gives you a blow job. Yep. And how was it? Uh, I don't really remember. I can imagine. Yeah. I think it was, I think it was like the intensity of like, Oh, somebody could walk into the bathroom. Of course. Everything about it is crazy. And like, you know, whatever. So you come out, how do you even look your girlfriend in the face after that? Ah, that's a good question. She didn't seem like she wasn't like, what the fuck happened to you? Like, I don't know. I'm such a detective. I feel like I would have noticed on your face that something weird just happened. But you walked out and then just like hung out with your girl the rest of the night, like nothing went down, right? Yeah, exactly. And never thought of it and never spoke, like never said anything. Never thought of it. That's kind of interesting. So it wasn't like it turned you on so much that you always like brought up that memory, like, you know, to get turned on later. Not in that moment because somebody did walk in and we left the stalls and I saw his face. And I think when I saw his face, it kind of like really got me, like, I didn't like that, you know, like I, I don't know. I felt like almost like guilty, but I also felt like, like almost close not clarity, but I didn't finish, you know, what do you mean? You didn't finish. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody, somebody came in and I got spooked. So I left the stall and then he followed me out and I did not like that. Oh my God. Another like, uh, what do they call those people? Predators. Yeah. Yeah, I did not like that. So I. Okay. So, all right. So there was, it wasn't like just a totally great moment. So you didn't reflect back. I'm reflect back on it, but did that, but did, was that confusing to you at all? Because here you are. How old were you at that time? Do you remember? Uh, I was, I was 17. Okay. So you're like a 17 year old guy. You have an experience with a guy. Does that like confuse you about your sexuality back then or did, was it just so fast and quick that you just like sort of went into denial about it? It was, it was the second. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We all have ways of doing that. You know what I mean? We could just pretend something didn't happen. Okay. So let's fast forward to this girlfriend over all the times though, since you're 17 to when you date this woman, do you start to feel the desire for guys coming up again in your life over time or something? Like we've even before you get with her. Yeah. So I dated this girl. I was 20 at the time and she was 34. Okay. And we, we dated for about a year and we broke up and things like that. And I would start watching porn excessively right after that. I was just very gazed and confused and actually downloaded Tinder and started like trying to meet up with girls again. And I switched the feature because I was always curious about guys. So I switched the feature to start looking for guys and like, you know, I would probably get one or two matches, like a week with girls and like just talk to them. But nothing really ever came up it. But once I switched to guys, I mean, it just blew up. It was crazy. Yeah. No offense. I always tell my straight guy friends, like if everybody switched their Tinder profiles to guys instead of girls, they'd get more action. If they switched to just dating guys more than girls, they'd get laid more. Like, you know, it's a matter of very different than women, you know? Yeah. It was much easier with guys. So I switched it to guys and I started talking to a few and I invited one over. He was actually a news anchor at a local channel. Did you know him? Like, did you know him from TV? Oh my God. Not really. Cause that was like a college time. I was watching that shit. Yeah. Yeah. So I wasn't watching the news, but he came over and whatnot. And I think I was like so nervous again, cause this was my like first one on one experience, like getting a guy over to the house. I couldn't get hard. It was kind of embarrassing. Um, so nothing really came of that. Like we tried and whatnot. And then we kind of talked for a little while and then he left. Um, I felt kind of bad because I kicked my dogs out that time and my dogs actually destroyed his shoes. So he had to walk out barefoot. Oh my God. He was probably pissed. Yeah. Well, he came over again. I tried again. Yeah. Uh, I took him out to dinner and then, yeah, I don't know. How old was he? Uh, he was not much older than me. Probably in his mid to late twenties. Okay. 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No one wrote because you were on Tinder looking for people, right? OK. No. But then I met another guy. He was a he was into gymnastics. So he actually went to the same college. I didn't know him in college or anything, but he went to the same college and this guy was really fit. And I'm not a fit guy whatsoever. Like I'm not like morbidly obese, but I definitely got a few extra pounds on me. And that's something I'm like self conscious about. But this guy was super, super fit. And he would come over quite often, actually, like we would just blow each other. Oh, it was kind of a great experience. I don't know. I kind of the guy was pretty cool and whatnot. I never thought about dating him. He asked me if I'd be his boyfriend, but I turned him down. Well, at that point, because we're going to start, you know, analyzing you as far as like how you could define yourself, like at that part, what or at that time, like, why did you not feel like you could date him? Was it because you weren't attracted to men romantically? Was it because you just felt like you couldn't go against like, you know, society and all the stuff and completely switch up your life and whatever? Or did you just not feel that you were into guys like that in that way? You know, I actually really strongly thought about it. I thought like maybe I could date this guy, but I don't know. I've always dated women before and I just, I don't know. At the time I said no, but it would have been too complicated. I got it. It's a big difference. It's not just like, oh, I could just go date guys. It's more loaded for you if you switch things up like that. Right. But it wasn't like, I mean, that's what's interesting. It wasn't like, no, I don't want to do this because I'm not attracted to men in that way. Right. It's not that, which says something, don't you think? Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, for sure. Okay. So how, how many times did you see that guy and you were single at that point? I'm assuming. Yep. Yep. Um, yeah, I was, what was the question again? Sorry. How many times did you hook up with? How many times? Yeah. Oh, probably I want to say like seven or eight times. Like. Okay. And several times. All right. And at that point, are you questioning yourself or just as just your little secret? It was kind of just my little secret because I was also talking to girls and I went on a date with a girl shortly after that. And so it was kind of like just trying it out to be honest. Right. Okay. So you're experimenting, but now you're finally enjoying it finally with this guy. Right? Yeah. Yep. Okay. And it's just oral. Yeah. Okay. We tried, we tried, I tried topping, but it didn't really work. Like we, we, he got on top and he was wanting to try it like and whatnot. And then I don't know when we tried sticking it in, I kept going soft. So it didn't quite work. Okay. Cool. All right. So let's, let's get to the point where you meet this girl or do you have many guys before her after that guy? Um, no, there wasn't really many guys after that. Okay. So eventually had you meet this girl on Tinder? Uh, yeah, actually. Yeah. I never thought girls who were even on Tinder. Is it more like a hookup site or am I just like too old to get it? Well, it's kind of funny when I started talking to this girl, we went on a date and she's, she kind of made it clear that she wasn't like super looking into something serious and whatnot. Right. And I told her, I told her like, oh, you know, I'd be down for something serious, but I'm not like super picky or either. But, uh, we went on our first date. It went well. And then we went on another date and then we just consistently started seeing each other. But the first time we tried having sex was on the second date and I couldn't get it up. I was just struggling so much. Why do you think? Um, I think, well, it had been about a year between having, it was about a year prior to her, I stopped dating completely. Uh-huh. Um, and I gained a lot of weight at that time. And then I was working on myself trying to lose the weight. And there was more of a confidence issue. And I was watching, I was watching porn excessively. And I was like jacking off probably two or three times a day for a year. And you'd like desensitize yourself to the real thing. Like you, like you were so wired into all that other nonsense that you couldn't do it when it came to the real thing. That could happen. Yeah. You know. Yeah. I, yeah. The crazy, the craziest part is I really liked the girl that I'm dating. I've been with her for a year and a half. We've actually moved to a different state. Uh-huh. Um, but before I met her, I was talking to another chick on Tinder and I was kind of just up front with her. I was just trying to shoot a shot because I hadn't had sex with anyone for a year. And I invited her over and I really wasn't interested in her and we just hooked up. But I had a little bit of an issue getting it up with her. But then I, I don't know, I was giving her like a back massage. And I finally got myself hard and then had sex with her multiple times that night. Right. Okay. Do you think you're, do you think your issues with like getting it up? How to do like, are you like just maybe very in your head at the moment and stuff? And that's like, how you roll? Uh, definitely the first time. So the first time I was definitely in my head couldn't get it up. And then the second time, the second time after that, I was always thinking like about the first time. Yeah. That's being in your head. Yeah. Yeah. It's a terrible thing. I remember like, let's. Yeah. I remember listening to one of your podcasts and you were just, you were talking about a guy that you kind of get it up with you and you just completely ignored it. And I'm like, I wish my current girlfriend would have done that. Like I don't think you'd have issues. And to be honest, like even to this day, I still have issues. Yeah. It's a terrible thing. Yeah. You have to, she has to just not even, the worst thing to do is look at it and talk about it and analyze it and have a girl say, what's wrong? You don't like me. And you know, because it's just a snowball effect. And if you have the type, I have your type of brain, like I could get wired into something like that and it could really fuck me up. You know what I mean? And you know, if you attach to something like that, your head, like, because it happened once, you know, you could loop into that and then it happens multiple times, it could become a real thing that you wire yourself into, you know, it's bad. Exactly. Yeah. So it's in your head. At least, you know, it's not like a physical issue. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. Like I, after the second time that happened, I'm like, I cannot have this happen again, like this girl's never going to talk to me. So I went, yeah, I went online and got like prescription ED medications and it worked like I didn't have an issue, but I feel like I'm almost reliant on that. Oh yeah. I take it almost every single time we have sex now because I'm. We did a whole episode on that. I don't know if you listened to one. I had the one of the guys who actually like was one of the founders of Viagra and Dr. Burnett and he was talking about how, you know, it can become like this placebo effect in that you use it, it works. And now you think that you need it. You know what I mean? All the time. I think that's, yeah. I haven't, I haven't listened to that, but I think that's 1000% my issue right now. Yeah. I'm sure that's common. It's about a year and a half. And like it's, it's kind of weird scenarios. Like, um, if it's first thing in the morning, like I have morning would like I normally don't have an issue, but if it's not, or if I'm not in the mood, I don't know, I just, it can't happen. And I think there's like an expectation with guys that it's like, we always have to be hard all the time, 24 seven and I had a relationship that I was like that with, but I don't know. I just, it's almost like a reliance on it. I don't know. It's, of course you got yourself fucked. You're, you're fucked right now. It just, it just, it's just a mental thing because listen, I remember I had another guy on the guy from firm tech who talks about like erections and ED and issues and stuff. And you know, if you are waking up with morning wood, then you don't have like a physical issue with erections. You know what I mean? That's like one of the telltale signs, right? It's definitely mental. It's like, it's like the guys that aren't waking up with morning would and aren't having nighttime erections, which guys do have that it could be a physical thing, but with you, because you are having them, you know, it's really just like mental and you're going to have to work on that, but you use the Viagra with it. Now, do you think it like, do you, are you as physically attracted to women as your men? Like, could it be like a physical, like I'm not as, you're not as attracted to women so you don't get as hard or is that not the case? Well, I have like my body count is as far as like just oral sex and then like penetrative sex with women. It's probably 50, 50, but what is that? What, what, what does that mean to my question? How does that answer my question? What are you trying to say? Like what I'm trying to say is like, I don't have, I typically don't have issues with women typically besides this. No, but I'm not asking you about the issues. I'm asking about, do you feel like you are very physically attracted to women? Yes. Okay. Like you're, you look at their bodies, like you get horny for them, like you, you're like as attracted to women as men. Like I feel like it's switching more honestly, like the older I get, I feel like. Okay. Yes. Switching towards guys. Yeah. And I, the thing is like, I kind of like when I watch porn, it kind of comes in ways, like sometimes I'm like for that year, I was almost solely watching just gay porn, but like, Yeah, that's going to wire you a certain way. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And then, No, I definitely feel that way. Yeah. Then maybe a woman comes in and you're not as attractive and now it's not just like that mental loop thing. It's like at a traction thing because you're wiring yourself into just being turned on by guys, you know? Yeah. I mean, these things happen. You're spitting, you were spending too much time alone on, you know, Google, honestly, I think it can be detrimental in ways like that for sure. But now you're dating this girl for a year and a half. Now, so through this whole time you're taking like a Viagra or something. Do you hide that from her? Does she know? No, she has no idea. She has no idea. Yeah. Where do you like, is that like, is that kind of like a slightly like torturous knowing that you have like the secret and like, what do you have to do? Go in the bathroom before, like, how do you like keep that up? And be spontaneous with a girl that you're living with. And that was the issue that I had when I first started dating because you would take like Viagra, you have to take it right before you have sex or like within an hour of having sex. So it was kind of hard to plan that. Yeah. But then I started on Tidalafil, which is like a very, like, or prescribed a very low dose of Tidalafil. And I really don't have any issues with that, but I take that daily. So it's just like a multivitamint. I just pop it in. Oh, so you don't, wait, wait. So with Tidalafil, you don't, if you take it in the morning, it'll give you wood at night is what you're saying? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you don't have to take it an hour before. Yeah. They say like, at least the provider that I go through online, it says like, oh, works up to 36 hours. So it's like, I can take it to the mornings or typically I take it, you know, at night actually. But then I, yeah, I don't really have an issue. Okay. And it works. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let me ask you the last question. Like that Tidalafil bottle, do you like pour it into like a vitamin C bottle or something? Like, how do you hide that? I'm always curious about stuff like that. Well, it's actually in my closet. Where? That's, that's where I keep it. Well, I have shelves in the closet. So I just put on the top shelf. She's where behind jeans. Oh yeah. Yeah. Just under a pair of clothes. Yeah. You should try to, you ever, you ever heard my intro? Re-hide your whips and chains. Yeah. Hide it better. Put it in a different bottle. Take that fucking thing off. Fucking thing off. And you know, you never know. I don't know. I'm like, I think even more than you. Okay. I'm like a overthinker to the 80,000th power. Okay. And I would think like, how do I know she's not going to go get a pair of my jeans? Cause I, you know, you just don't know. Just put, put it, get a bottle of something at CVS, pour that shit out. And every time you get your script, pour that stuff in there. Yeah. See, I feel like if you caught that, like if I put that something that's going to be like, or why do you have vitamins in your closet? Like that's kind of weird. But then you might not have to put it in your closet. Do you, are you like, I don't know about you, but like I take all my supplements at night, like they're in like a little container right next to my bed stand. I open the drawer, I take them out. I like pour them all out. I take all my, you know, are you like a supplement person or is this the only thing you take? This is currently the only thing I take. I kind of go through waves where I'm like getting rid of the healthy and then. Yeah. Well, why don't you just, why don't you get four other, like why don't you get three other great supplements that you could take for yourself that'll help you get some stuff that maybe will help you with other things, you know, put it by your bed table and put this right next to it and just pop it with the other. I don't know. Just let's move on. No, that's, no, that's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Cause then it'll force you to get healthier with other supplements. Like get yourself a multi vitamin. Yeah. I like that. Well, I always put it on the top shelf because it's, she's super short. So I'm like, yeah, she can't reach that. Oh my God, you're crazy. No, just do what I told you. Okay. This is, this is the way. Okay. So anyway, so, all right, let's get to the first. So you really like this girl, obviously, like, you know, you're dating her for that long. She has no idea about your past, right? You haven't never told anybody about these hookups with guys. It's like a big secret to everybody. Correct. The funny thing is when I first met her family and her family asked her if I was bi or gay. What? Why do you present that way slightly? Like, you know, sometimes you have, someone has like a way about them that you might think. Well, they, and it's kind of funny because we recently talked about it and I guess I have a higher voice. Like my voice tends to be higher than most guys. Doesn't sound high to me. I talk to a lot of people. I'm actually kind of getting over a sickness. Oh, interesting. Okay. But then I also, they said the care about my personnel or like how I present to other people. And I don't, I don't have any guy friends either. Oh, all girlfriends. Yeah. 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How's your girlfriend feel about that? She's not great. She's always, because we used to, when we met, I was living with her actually. And nothing happened between us. We're just always the best friends. Yeah, I get it. She felt kind of weird about it. I could imagine. Are they friends? No. Do they hate each other? They don't hate each other. My best friend likes her, but I don't know. My girlfriend always has thought weird things about her. I don't know why I'm so close to her and whatnot. Right. And, but she's just your friend. Listen, I've had a lot of guy friends in my life that I never hooked up with or anything. So I do know that men and women can be friends without anything going on. But I feel like for the people who, because there's a lot of people out there that, like if they're a guy, they only have guy friends. If they're a girl, they only have girlfriends. So they've never had a friend of the opposite sex. And I think for those people, they find it very hard to believe. Let's ask you the question though, because some people would say, yeah, Kathy, you had a lot of guy friends, but I'm sure if you're, you ask them, like, if they want to fuck you, they did. And they wanted to fuck you the whole time, like whatever. Let me ask you this. And you're going to be honest because you have no reason to lie to me. This best friend that you have, right? And your girl's not, doesn't know what the answer to this is. Like, did you always want to have sex with her, but she just like, didn't want to have sex with you? Is that why it never turned romantic? Or you just not attracted to her at all? No, I actually think it's the opposite. I'm not attracted to her at all. When we first met, she was really into me, but I wasn't into her. Uh-huh. Okay. So I always had, like, I feel like I have to be like, I think it's more of an attraction thing because she's about the same height and she's about the same build as I am. Whereas like, I've always gone for like, my one friend said I always have like a type and it's always short, really thinner women. I think most guys like that because you want to be the man. You don't mean you want to be the bigger guy. That's why it's hard for like women that are really tall and bigger. You know what I mean? To get guys like, because they want a man that's like taller than that. You know, a lot of times like that's, I can imagine that that's why you would want that. So she just wasn't physically your type. So yeah, you do. Your girl probably has no reason to be jealous of her, but maybe she just doesn't understand, you know, and a lot of people don't. I get it. It's like a bit, it's an interesting question. Okay. So now you're with this girl and like, what happens one day? Like, do you go on Tinder again? Like, why? Like, let's lead up to the point where you wind up cheating on her because you've been to Home Depot and shit. I'm assuming that happened during this relationship. Yeah. Okay. But how do you get to Home Depot? So there's like a website online called Sniffy's. Okay. But wait, how do you get to Sniffy's? Like, I don't want to go right to Home Depot. I want to know like, okay, so you're dating this girl, everything's fine. You're like in a monogamous relationship with a woman. You're not thinking about guys like, how does the, it come up that this thought comes in your head to go looking for guys or go Google it? Like, was it porn again? Like, what was it that was going on? I think it was porn, but I think it's more of like, I don't feel like, I don't know. I had a, I was in a relationship with a woman that was 14 years older than me and she showed me a lot. She was very adventurous. She was wanting to try all sorts of different things. And my girlfriend now, she's very plain Jane, very vanilla. And I think like, I don't feel like, I feel like it's almost boring. Like, I don't know, like I feel like she's bored with me, but I, she always says that that's just what she's into. But I don't believe her because she's told me she's had three sums before. And I'm like, well, I've never had a three-some. That seems like, you know, like that doesn't seem vanilla to me. And she's like, yeah, but I didn't really like it. Yeah, right. No, I'm just joking. So I don't feel like, I don't know. I'm just kind of bored. And why do you think she's bored too? Well, I, she's not like, I always suggest like things, you know, different things to do. Like, oh, let's, let's do it in this dressing room. You know, that'd be fun. But she's like, oh, no, we can't do it. We're in public. Like that's crazy. Or let's do it. You know, I don't know. I just, you try to spice things up, but she, but when you're saying, but you said she's bored too, it doesn't sound like she's bored. It just sounds like she's not interested in doing more fun things. Yeah, she does. She's never said she's bored. I just feel like, like, I feel like you're projecting because you're bored. Yeah. You're just assuming she's bored. She's probably not bored at all. She loves vanilla. Some people are just like, that's, that's their flavor. Do you know what I mean? And we do, like we do the same positions. I have almost like every single time that we've had sex, it's almost the exact same thing down to a T, like we know exactly what's going to happen. And I don't know. Like, and she, she's like, she comes every single time and we actually, I actually got her to squirt recently. Wow. Yeah. But I feel like, I don't know. I think when we first started talking to and how she had said that she was not looking for something serious, she had just came out of a relationship. I kind of dug into her past a little bit and she, she was very open with me right up front with the guys that she's dated before. And I don't know. I, I've been cheated on. So I ended up going through her phone. I'm kind of all over the place, but I kind of went through her phone and I found her X on Snapchat, like the previous messages on Snapchat. I know. Picture between the two. And I could definitely tell her X is much bigger than me. Oh, did that freak you out? Yeah. I kind of always knew, but I don't know. It got you in your head even more? Even more. Yeah. And that was pretty early on in our relationship. I know it's not okay to go through your phone, but it's also not okay to cheat. So it's like, I'm just, Well, no, no, no, but she did, she didn't cheat on you. It's your past. People cheat. The sad thing is, I remember I got cheated on hardcore by this one guy. And I remember at the end of our relationship, he's like, because I became like, and because like after he cheated on me, I stayed with him. You know, it's like a loser, 20 something year old, you know, and I went back to him because I just like had to have him. And of course it never worked out because after that, I became like a distrustful freak. You know what I mean? It makes you mental. Like, you know, like, you know, now that you know this person's lying, you can't trust them at all, you know. And I remember when I finally was able to leave him because I was so tortured by the relationship, he was like, Oh yeah, well, just, you know, you're going to be like this forever. And I was like, no, you don't understand, like it ends with you, like you're the problem. But you know what? It didn't end with him. Like it stuck with me. And that's the sad thing about getting fucked over like that and having the rug pulled from under you. You know what I mean? Even though it was that person that was distrustful, you could, the next person you date, they could be the most trustworthy person. You're not going to trust them because you have fucking baggage. You know what I mean? I thought the minute I dumped him because he was a lawyer, I'd be with a great guy and I'd be fine. But I wasn't. I was very distrustful. You know, it's a terrible thing to have happened to you when someone cheats on you. It makes you a little mental. You know what I mean? So you're going through her phones because you're mental from your past, not because of her, right? Correct. Yeah. No, she's never given me a reason. But yeah. But your reason was I just don't trust anybody. So I'm going to go looking through her phone. Exactly. Right. Because you're distrustful. Yeah. Dude, do you think it has anything to do with the fact like, I mean, did you go looking through her phone after you cheated on her? You know, honestly, now I completely trust her at this point. So like, even though you're cheating on her. So you don't think it's a projection of, because sometimes, okay, like massive cheaters will be very distrustful of their partners because they just assume that the other partners like that, you know what I mean? Because they're massive cheaters, but you weren't cheating at the time where you were like looking through her phone. No, not at that time. Okay. So how does somebody who like was cheated on and knows how terrible that feels would turn out to be somebody who's cheating on somebody else? Sorry to put it that way. It makes you sound terrible. Yeah. No, 1000. No, no 1000%. No, I completely agree. Yeah. I, I think I disassociated it because it's a guy and not a girl. Yeah, I got it. We all frame it in my head. Yes. It sounds horrible, but like it's whenever, like most of the women that I've been with, I've always had a connection with and felt something for them. Um, yeah, it wasn't, uh, I told those most recent girl that I hooked up with before I met my girlfriend that I didn't have any feelings for. Um, but yeah, I've never, like any of the guys that I've been with, I've never had any feelings with, especially recently, like, But wait, is that your justification? Like I don't have feelings for them. So it doesn't matter. I don't get why that has anything to do with how you started. It don't have, yeah, I don't have feelings, but it's also a guy. So it's, I don't know. I still know it's horrible. Yeah. Well, let's get to the point. So you're like dating this girl. It's kind of boring. And so you start to like go online to like maybe like, you know, live out some fantasies or whatever. And you come across sniffies. Yep. Okay. And what happens when you're on sniffies? Um, I just, it's pretty easy to hook up with guys. If you wanted to hook up with a guy, it's, you know, it's less than 30 minutes. You can do it. Honestly, it's just you blog onto the website and what's on there. Like, so what do you find? Like, Hey, I'm in Home Depot. I'll be at Home Depot before meet me in the stall. Like what the, what kind of shit is on there? Yeah, no, exactly. Yeah, no, exactly. It's different profiles. You can see it's a map and you can see where everyone's at. And oh my God. Let me just tell you, I always make jokes about this because I've had like gay friends and they tell me stories about their gay hookups. And I'm like, if that happened in the heterosexual community, it would be considered like RAPE. You know what I mean? Like it would never like the cops would have been called the way shit goes down. You know what I mean? What guy? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's like insane. So like you could see, you could go on there. It's a little bit like I'll be in Home Depot in the bathroom. Well, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I yeah, whenever you message on there though, you like, you always like, Hey, are you going to be there? Or like, Hey, are you interested in you? You just send a picture back and forth and like, Yeah, I'll be there in like 10 minutes or 15 minutes. Yeah. Wow. Imagine girls were that easy. There are a lot of babies running around. Wait a second. Okay. So I mean, so let's walk through that first time because that's like a big deal because here you are like a very monogamous guy who's never cheated. You're with this girl who you actually really like, you know, now you're at the point where you're thinking about being with a guy, you know, like what is that? Like how does that whole thing happen the first time? I just log on. Well, I had used the app before meeting her. So I was already knew about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And what specifically what ad caught your eye? It was I was just messaging back and forth with a guy and I was like, Oh, I'm this is the I guess this is the other thing. The girl that I'm with, she doesn't really give much blowjobs. And that's one thing that I'm super into every once in a while. I think when we've been together, I think I've been blown like maybe two or three times in the last year and a half. You're kidding. Um, yeah. But she just got into it. But yeah, but does she know how into it you are? I mean, you need to communicate these things. I feel like I do. Like at least I could be better about communicating for her to give it to me. But like almost every single time we have sex, I always go down on her. Cause that's what yeah, that's not communicating that you want head. Okay. Just so you know. Yeah. That's that's that's fair. I mean, I yeah, I can. This is a problem because you know, this is what the problem with first wives, you know what I mean? You're not thinking that any of this is a big problem down the line. You're probably going to marry this woman because you know, she's great in every other way. But these, this could be like a big issue down the line, you know, one and a half years, three blowjobs. What about 10 years, six blowjobs? Like it's not going to do it for you. You know, we have talked about it once because we're talking about things we want to try and things we want to do. And again, she's very shut down. Like she, you know, I, I like what we do right now. What's wrong with what we do right now? Well, what's wrong with the answer? Yeah. Yeah. What's the answer? I remember, well, I remember telling her, I was like, oh, you know, I really like head. Like I was never like, I need more head. But I was like, you know, I'm really into blowjobs. I really like that. And she's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So then the next time we did it, we had, you know, she gave me head. But after that, you know, stopped. I know, but that's all. But yeah, but this is what I need to tell you as a guy, like, well, you don't understand anybody in this kind of system. You can't, you don't like, it's not the movies. You're not going to say it once. And she's like, oh, yeah, great. And then for the rest of your life, she's going to blow you every day. Okay. You got to like, because it's not in her, it's not in her, like, you know, what is that called? Like her everyday routine, right? She's never given you blowjobs. It's not in her head to think to do it. It's in your head. She did it the one time you brought it up. So bring it fucking up all the time. Just do you do it until she gets in the habit of doing it. But if you think that one conversation with her telling her that after she blows you, she's going to remember that all the time. You're wrong. You know who everyone's thinking about at all times? Themselves. Nobody else except themselves. Okay. She's thinking about herself. You're thinking about yourself. You have to advocate for your blowjobs because when you do, she says, okay, I'll do it and she does it. And then you think she's just going to happen magically. You got to tell her a bunch of times, tell her every fucking time. Every time you want to blowjob, just feel like, hey, you know, I need a blowjob this week. Can you please throw me a bow? I love that. Who cares? You laugh, but you'll get ahead. Okay. Okay. You would rather be that person that says it and gets a blowjob or keep your mouth shut and think she's going to read your mind when she never is and never, and never get blowjobs. Who would you rather be? That's, yeah, that's valid. Fair. Speak the fuck up. I don't understand how people can't ask for what they want. I'm like, I'll say anything to anyone. I don't care. But anyway, okay, let's go on. So the, so you're talking to this guy, okay? And where do you wind up meeting him and what goes down? It was actually the mall that we were at. Oh my God. Um, yeah, yeah. This one was in the stall. It was just a quick blue job. But yeah. Oh my, in the mall? How did you, how could this go down? I'm never letting my son go in the men's bathroom. I mean, but because I will tell you, this is not happening in the women's bathroom. Okay. Not 100% site. Promise you. What do you mean in the mall, like a crowded mall? Well, I mean, this bathroom was like, it was a very quiet bathroom. It was kind of tucked away in a store. Okay. So go on. So the guy, so you, so he knows like you guys decided on this one bathroom to meet at? Yeah. Yeah. Because it's like, it's that, that specific ball in that specific bathroom is known. I mean, it's a location on the website that's that's just a known location. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. That's what that's what's so interesting. Like you said, like Home Depot is on there. Like these places, everyone's in the know of the good places where you could get, do this and not get caught. Exactly. Okay. So you, you saw his picture ahead of time. Like what comes through to know that you want to be this person? Yeah. I saw this picture and I was like, oh, that's, you know, he's not bad looking. So I was like, oh, okay. And he was about my age. So I said, yeah. Come on. Okay. Where was your girlfriend at the time? I think she was out of town. Yeah. Okay. So you go when you meet him and do you like, how does it work now? I mean, I know that one time in the stall, it's like, one, you're both in separate stalls. Now that you're like hardcore into this, do you just go in the stall together? Typically, I don't really do the, like the stall anymore. Like since I, since we moved and whatnot. Yeah. I mean, occasionally that was like probably five or six times that I've ever done it in the bathroom, but I'm mostly needed. No, but this guy, you met with this guy, I'm sticking to this story. You met this guy in the bathroom in a mall. What did you guys do? Oh yeah. He just blew me. But in the same stall or in separate stalls? Yeah. This one was in the same stall. Okay. And you're not, does anyone come in or out? No one came in. No, no one came in. As soon as someone comes in, like, we got to go. Okay. Well, you can't go when someone's in there. You got to wait till they leave. Correct. Exactly. Yeah. Or if they go into a stall, then I'll be like, I'll leave and you stay here or something. Right. Okay. So who blew who? He blew me. Okay. And then how do you feel after that first time? Typically, like whenever, I don't know, like if I, I, I'm down to suck. Like I like sucking and whatnot, but if I get sucked and then I blow or like I finish, then I'm kind of over it. Like close clarity takes over and I'm like, I'm not really into this anymore. Yeah. But yeah. So he blew me. I finished and then I just left. Okay. I was looking more for like, did you feel any kind of guilt? Because this was the first time you cheated on this girl that you're like kind of in love with living with, you know? Yeah. I did feel guilty and then I kind of felt like, well, I'm not getting this blow job. I really don't like this guy. I don't even know who this guy is. So I'm like, That's the way you just, right. You just justified it. You framed it in a way that you could like live with yourself and not feel like you did anything wrong. And that's what human beings do with a lot of things, you know, because it is all how you frame it, you know? I mean, you could unframe it and frame it a different way out of nowhere at some point and feel like, oh my God, terrible about it. Right. But like at this point, that's how you're framing it. And that's how it were. And that's how you could continue on. Exactly. Okay. So then what happens because you did this and you didn't feel that guilty and you got away with it and everything's fine. Do you then continue on? Yeah. Um, yeah, I started hopping on every once in a while and I would just look at like, see, you know, who's around or if I'm interested in anyone. And then I found a guy here where we live and I was like, oh, he's pretty cool. And he invited me over to his place. And this is the first time going to someone's place. And I'll never bring somebody over to my place because I don't want to know, like I don't want someone to know where I live or, you know, anything like that. So I went over to his place and he said, you know, he just left the door unlocked and he said, just come on in and he was naked and whatnot. And I actually blew him and then I left like, but. And that was a better scenario for you. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And where was your girl that time? She was at work. Okay. So she's at work. You're not. So she doesn't like worry. And you're not on like life 360 with her. Any of that shit where she could see you moving around? No. Okay. Go on. I want to hear about all your hookups. I want the Home Depot one. Yeah. The Home Depot one. Yeah. So I went to Home Depot. I go to Home Depot often to grab things. Yeah. That's why it's a place because there's all guys there. Yeah. So it's not abnormal for me to be at Home Depot. So it's like a good alibi went on. And I'm always picking something up there. And I noticed in this place that I moved to Home Depot has the location on the, their map. So it's kind of like depending on where you're at, if like certain bathrooms are one. That's not like obviously every bathroom, but Home Depot is a specific location here. I think the Home Depot, there was never a Home Depot at the other place where I lived. Oh, interesting. Instagram teen accounts with automatic protections on who can contact teenagers and the content they can see. Instagram teen accounts have contact limits on by default. So teenagers get messages from people they know, not strangers. And default content settings. Plus teenagers under 16 can't change these default settings without parental approval. So parents can help teenagers connect safely. Learn more at instagram.com slash teen accounts. Yeah. I think that was actually low. Oh, interesting. Ha ha. Same shit. Yeah. So Home Depot, I came here and I went to the bathroom and I mean, it was pretty quick. Normally it's not quick, but I got a message and he was like, Oh, are you at Home Depot right now? And I was like, yeah, and this is like pretty soon into moving. And he actually gave me like, I slid under and he blew me and it was one of the best full jobs I've ever gotten. And I was like, Oh my God, this is, this is crazy. Like when you're in a Home Depot or Lowe's or these places on Sniffy's, do you assume maybe if there's other people in there doing the same things, considering it's like an online place? Like in the bathroom while you're in the bathroom? Yeah. Well, as soon as somebody like, I'm very like, if somebody's in the bathroom, absolutely not. Right. But I'm just saying like, I wonder, like, you know, because someone might be in the bathroom doing the same shit you're doing. You think every, you know, it's like on Sniffy's. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, Oh yeah. Yeah. And on Sniffy's, you can see their location. So you could see if somebody else is there. Oh, oh. You can physically see the location of somebody else's. Oh my God. I need to log into Sniffy. He's like, how do I get in there? I want to see how it's all set up. Oh, so you could see like a little red dot and see if there's two more people in the stall next to you? Yeah. Yeah. You could see their profile. You can see the profile and if they uploaded an image, you can see the whole picture. Oh my God. I'm going to download Sniffy's. I'm going to go to Home Depot with my son and I'm going to like see what's going down. It's kind of interesting to me. It's not even, yeah, it's not even a website. It's just an app or it's not even an app. It's just a website. Interesting. You don't even have to create an account. You can just log in. What other places have you hooked up in? As far as like gay, really just that one place here and then the one guy. I've done it in the car a couple times, but... Yeah. That's a big one too. Okay. Let's get to the point of your confusion now. Okay. Because here you are doing all this stuff behind your girlfriend's back. She obviously has no idea, right? Like she hasn't ever said to you like, hey, something going on or something. Because sometimes women have like weird intuition. Has she said anything? Does she get any kind of vibe? Has she ever questioned you or been distrustful for any reason? No, not at all. And honestly, when like when her family, when I first met her family and they asked me if I was gay, like this was after I was having the issues when we first met. She's never asked me. She is by herself, but yeah, she's never asked me. Yeah. What does that mean in her world? Why don't you bring a girl in for some fun? Well, we don't really know many people here, but... Oh my God. Just go on snippy. You know how to find people. Well, she... She doesn't understand. You could make that shit happen. Well, she said she's had three sons before and she just really wasn't into them. Like she didn't really like it. Like she said one of them where the guy got jealous of the girl or... Yeah. Well, they were bad three sons. Have you ever said to her like, do you want to meet up with a girl and we could all like get it on? Have you ever asked her to do one with you? No. I mean, honestly, it's kind of hard to get her to do anything. Oh my God. No, no, no, no. So there's none. It's either yes or no. There's not no... Those two things don't necessarily... Like that's an assumption. Like no, she doesn't do anything else. So why would I ask her? That's like two things that don't go together. You haven't asked her. Fucking ask her. You don't assume just because she doesn't want to blow you, that she doesn't want to eat snatch with a girl with you there. Because by the way, those are two different things. Well, it's not just like blowing me. It's like, do you want to play with toys or do you want to do anything? Doesn't matter. She likes girls. It's different. She likes girls and she hasn't had her fix and she's by. Would that spice up things for you? Yeah. I mean, I... Why don't you flat out ask her? Yeah. I don't know. It just makes me nervous because it's just like so against like playing with toys. So who cares? You ask her for all those things. Why is it that you don't want to ask her for a threesome? Is it maybe because you're not even interested in it? No. Well, I think more is like, I don't know. I guess I just never thought of it. Yeah. I don't understand people's brains. How do you not think of it? She told you she's by. She put that on the table. She's had threesome before, but it wasn't because she didn't like being with girls. She still says she's into girls. They just were like not so great threesome because of the guy. You know, have you ever said like, and you have no trouble bringing up all this other shit that she says no to? Why don't you say, hey, would you ever want to like, because you're into guy girls? Like would you ever want to bring her girl home or do something together? Because I would be open to that. You ever think of that? I think one of the things, well, one of the things is like, she doesn't like to play with toys. And the reason why is because I told her, I told her that I've had experience with the older woman that I was with. Like we would play with toys and whatnot and she loved it. And she says she doesn't want to play with toys because she thinks of my ex and she gets super jealous. Like she gets very, very jealous. Yeah. Cause she's probably, yeah, but that could be a little bit of a little cut queen thing in her. You could turn that jealousy into a turn on. Who cares? One has nothing to do with the other. You're not inviting your ex over to have a threesome. Okay. Stop with the toys situation. Okay. You have no problem asking her about that and telling her about all this other shit. You should have no problem saying to her, Hey, do you want to like hook up with a girl? Like, do you ever think about like, why don't you talk about like the stuff that she actually likes? You're bringing up all this shit that she doesn't want to do. There's one thing that she told you she's into, which is checks. Okay. You've never brought up that a toy is not a girl. It's your ex girlfriend as far as she's concerned. Okay. She has that framed in the most ridiculous way. If she was my friend, I'd be like, get fucking over it and try a vibrator. You'll love that. Okay. Who cares about that girl? But for her, you know, she doesn't want to go there. Okay. But maybe she wants to go there with a real woman. Like just, could you just bring that up? Okay. It's not the, it's the least of your worries right now, but yeah, just ask her. No, that's fair. I, yeah. I mean, you could turn your whole really, she was jealous with other people. She's jealous of your ex girlfriend because she wasn't there. And your ex girlfriend, you loved her. It's a very different thing. If she picks the girl, you could actually, hey, let me ask you this. Would you allow her to have a free pass and go hook up with a girl without you? I think so. Yeah. Okay. So you could start there and you could say, or cut out, you could maybe, or you could even say be with a girl and I could just like watch. Would that be fun for you? Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you say, since maybe you'll be jealous because, you know, you could say, I won't do anything with the girl. You could just be with the girl. Yeah. Spice shit up. Your girl's down. Yeah. No, I like that. I like that. Oh my God. Why do I need to bring this up? How come you never thought of that? Well, I just never thought of that. That's because you're too busy on sniffies. Okay. Let's talk about your issue right now. Okay. You're very confused a little bit, right? Like, you know, when did these thoughts come into your head? Like, because you did say in your email and I feel like if you said it, it's got to be there. You know, I don't know if I'm like, bye, maybe gay. Like, I don't really know. Like, what is that all about? I think it's mostly because of the EV issue. Like I'm still like- Look at how you're starting to whisper. On medic. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I think it's- No, you're good. I think it's the medication. Like I'm like, I like struggle, especially at night. If I don't take the medication, I'm probably not going to get hard. Like it's very, very difficult. So I'm like, am I gay because like I like blowing guys, but I can't get hard with her? I don't know. Like when I say it like that, it's like, well, what's going on? Like it's, I'm just so confused. Well, do you feel like you did say earlier, you did cop to the fact that you're feeling like you are more attracted to men than women, right? Yeah. Yeah. Right. I mean, that could be a real thing. Yeah. You know, I mean, even your to Dallafill that you're taking is giving you issues at this point at night with your girl? No, no, no. And like sometimes like, I'm like, lately I haven't been taking it because our sex life has kind of slowed down a little bit. How come? Like she was sick. Okay. And then her, one of her family members died. Oh, right. That makes sense. Right after that. So yeah. And then I got sick. So I haven't, I'm not going to take it if I'm sick and what that is. Of course. Of course. So, so are you saying that sometimes like you could get a horny for a guy that day, but not for her later on? Sometimes, yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, when you, because I'm kind of bored, you know, like it's we're doing the same thing. Yeah, but that doesn't mean I get in my head. Like if I'm, I get in my head, like sometimes if I'm bored, then I feel like she's going to be bored. Of course. But that's a projection. Okay. She's obviously not bored, but maybe like I said, she has this desire to be with girls and you're not even going there, which you should considering, you know, then maybe you could like admit one day that you're fucking by because you really are, you know, and be honest with her. I mean, like, cause like, what does your future look like, Brandon at this point? You're only 27 years old. You know, there's like two paths you could go down. You're going to keep this a fucking secret your whole life, marry this girl, cheat on her forever, have boring sex, never get blowjobs. And that's your life. Or, you know, you know, there's a lot of other paths you could go down. Like what do you, how do you see your future? Well, for one, I want to stop blowing guys and then just stay with her. Like you want to be a monogamous. Yeah, be a decent guy, you know, are you feeling guilty? Are you feeling more guilty now about what you're doing? Is that coming over you now? Because it wasn't in the beginning. Yeah, no, I feel like I'm like deep down, I feel like I've always been guilty, but it's like, yeah, I don't know. It's like when I get horny, it's like my brain shuts off. Yeah, it's like being drunk. You're not thinking properly. And let me just tell you something that I worry for people, for people that cheat that feel guilty. And I'll tell you why, because the part of you, like, because what, like the people that are more likely to get caught cheating are the people who feel guilty because it's kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's what I believe. I believe that there, you know, if you have this part of you that feels guilty and is saying, I want to stop, I want to stop. If you don't actually, it's like the person, this is how I always make the analogy. It's like the person that, and we all know this person, the person that's working at a job and it's talking about how much they fucking hate their job a million times every day. I hate my job, I hate it. And then they get fired from their job. It's like, well, you hated your job, like the universe provided, like you didn't like it, you know what I mean? And instead of, if you hate your fucking job, instead of saying it out loud, you know, or thinking about it 50,000 times until you get fired, why don't you go find another job, leave your job with your head up high. Same thing with the cheater. You feel guilty, you want to stop, you want to stop. Well, maybe you're going to stop, but if you don't stop yourself, if you don't actually take the, make the conscious decision for that, I believe that subconsciously sometimes what happens is you wind up getting caught and that's the way you stop. So do you want to stop with your head down low, with your girlfriend crying hysterically because you've been cheating on her all this time? Or do you want to stop without her ever knowing and ever finding out and, you know, never seeing that face and never having to disappoint her? Those are your choices, especially because you feel guilty. Yeah, no, I would never want her to feel bad. Right, but maybe you have to think of that. Yeah. So how do you, but you know, but the thing is, like, do you, do you think ever, whether maybe you would be more interested in being with men, like romantically in a relationship, maybe instead of a woman? You know, I don't think so. Okay. But I would never, like, I'm never, I'm never going to say no, but I don't think that's not a thing that you think of is what you're saying. Yeah, right. So where are you at right now? You want to stop cheating on her? Yeah, yep. I guess my biggest thing is like, again, like I, I struggle with this. I can't get hard with her without the pill. Our sex life is, I feel like boring. Yeah. You have a lot of things going on at once that, and you're making like all these sort of it, like you're coming to conclusions that aren't necessarily true because you have a lot going on. You know what I mean? The reason why you might not be able to, and I remember having one of the ED doctors come on and he said, you know, sometimes when you really talk to a guy and he thinks he just can't get up and it's his problem, like, you know, you start to find out, like maybe his wife, he's not really as a tractor turn, it's very hard for him to come to those terms. And maybe he doesn't even know that that's the reason why there's a problem. You know what I mean? Like you have said numerous times that it's so fucking boring. She doesn't even give you the thing that you like. You're doing the same thing over and over again. And that could be the reason. You know what I mean? And it's so confusing because you have this other thing where it's a guy, so you're like, oh, you know, you kind of don't know which it is, you know? Yeah, exactly. But it's not necessarily that you're not a tractor because she's a woman. It could be because she's boring. I think, you know, you need to forget about the toys and maybe try to spice things up with another girl or something. I don't know, you know, but if you're feeling guilty, like when was the last time you hooked up with a guy? It's been a couple weeks. Oh, weeks. How often do you do it? Like in a year? Do you've been with her a year? You started cheating six months ago. How many guys have you been with? I would probably say like eight different occasions. Okay. So like once a month, a little bit more sometimes. Yeah. Do you see yourself ramping up or slowing down? Lately, kind of like ramping up, I feel like. Yeah, fortunately, that's what could happen because you're scratching an itch and it just gets itchier when you scratch it. You know? Yeah. Yeah. And I would say like recently, like I've tried to like listen to your podcast. I've like tried talking to her a little bit more here and there and she's kind of opened up a little bit, but she's even said she's like, she's brought it up to me. She's like, I feel like I'm too boring for you. And she's like, I feel like she knows it's deep down, but I always deny it because I don't want to hurt her feelings. No, no, no, no, but I know everybody's so like, I don't know. And this is why people hate me. And you can see the comments and people think I'm so fucking rude. You know, because I don't, you know, it's okay to hurt someone's feelings sometimes. It's, it's you're hurting her way more by cheating on her. Like this is what doesn't make sense. Like every all you fucking people pleasers out there that can't open your mouth and think, I'm so rude when I tell people the fucking truth, you know, because people think that people can't handle the truth. What you're doing right now behind your back is way more hurtful than you saying, yeah, I kind of am bored. I, you know, I am, I love you. I love everything about you. But in the bedroom, we do the same fucking thing all the time. You're not into toys because of my ex, like you could, she went like that truth that could maybe hurt her feelings for one day, but it is the truth. It's okay to tell someone the fucking truth and hurt her feelings. She's not going to crumble up and die. Okay. But you know what's going to be bad is when she finds out your fucking sucking dick in Home Depot behind her back, that's what's going to hurt her feelings. So why you are bored, you know, you should tell her the truth because from there, you things can change. Sometimes you need to light a fire underneath your partner's ass, whether it's the man who won't fuck his wife anymore or the woman that has hasn't blown her guy in 10 years. You know, I remember a therapist telling my sister's husband because she was like not interested in sex anymore. And she wasn't really affectionate with him and all these things. And he was complaining, complaining, complaining. And then, you know, his therapist said, you know, why don't you go to her hair and say, listen, I've never wanted to cheat on you, but I'm really afraid that I might because, you know, and when she, when he told her that, like she fucking woke the fuck up and changed everything because she never thought. So what happens sometimes in relationships is everyone just gets comfortable and you lying to her and telling her you're not bored because you're afraid, you know, it's not helping anything. You're just groundhog day forever. Okay, that's like ridiculous. You need to tell her the truth. You need to say I am bored, but it's not because I'm not attracted to you. It's not because it's because you're not trying toys. It's like, it's ridiculous. It's ridiculous that you want to try toys because of your ex girlfriend. Okay, sorry. Like you need to push her out of her comfort zone a little bit and let her know the real truth. She's never going to push herself out of the comfort zone. If she thinks you're happy with this boring scenario, which you're not because you're fucking lying to her. No, you're absolutely right. I never even thought of it that way. So obviously I'm glad I'm glad I called in. No, that's the three I opened. It's sad that it took that. It seems so simple, but it is just the truth and everyone I remember once I was like Ed and his bar and I was like, said something to my friend and you just got so upset and I looked over at my friend. I'm like, Oh my God, I can't. I hate that this always happens. And he's like, you know, Kathy, it's just like, you're not like, I feel like so terrible because now he's like upset about what I said. And he said, Kathy, you just like hold the mirror up in front of people's faces and sometimes people, a lot of people don't want to see it. And, and, but you're not like mean, you know what I mean? And that is the truth. Like people could say all they want in the comment section. Sometimes people think, but I'm just like a truth teller. And I don't, I personally, I first of all, I'm motivated by insults. I'm telling you, like, I love a fucking truthful insult. Like it will light the fire under my ass and I'll be so grateful because it will, I'll change my life for it. So I give it the way I like it. You know what I mean? And so many other people are so afraid of that. There's nothing wrong with the truth. I think a lot of people give other people, do other people a disservice thinking that they can't handle it. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Your girlfriend is not a five year old child that can't handle the fucking truth. Okay. Who cares if she cries, she's not going to die. No, it's not a big deal. But like I said, what you're doing to her is 10,000 times worse. And that's what you need to remember. Take that. Go be honest with your girlfriend. If you start focusing on your relationship at home with her and doing everything to change things up six months for now, eight months from now, you could be calling up telling me she's, you know, hooking up with chicks, she's all having fun. And then she starts playing with toys with the girls. And then she's open to toys. And then she comes home and plays with them with you. Like everything could change, but you just need to be more honest. And you need to tell her that things have to change in the bedroom in your bedroom. Because what are you going to do? Why not marrying this girl? Like the way things are now? Yeah, you're not going to stop cheating on her as long as things are boring. Because what are you going to do? So it's either a get caught cheating or take your focus from sniffies to, you know, your relationship and fixing it, being more honest, talking about your blowjobs, talking about how you are bored, sorry, like things are not good, like you're having issues, like, and it's not okay, you know what I mean? And something needs to things need to change up. There's a lot of apps out there where you get to know about those apps where you could, you know, swipe on things that you're interested in. A lot of people tell me that completely changes the game. I forget the name of the app, but there's like an app out there where you and your partner go through all these kinds of things that you could sexually be interested in without the other person knowing. And you say yes or no, whether you're into it, and then you see what you match on. Now, if you put something like, you know, guy and guy action, and she didn't match on it, she won't know what you matched on, you only know the things that you matched on, right? So if she put in something that she's into that you're not, you won't know it, right? So it's like private like that. It's set up in a very cool way. But you know, a lot of times couples who have done this, and they've been on my show, they find out that the other person is into something that they didn't even realize it's very safe, right? Because like I said, you only know if your guys are both into something, if you both say yes, you won't know if you don't. So maybe try playing that game with her. Get off of the fucking sniffies and go use the internet to help this relationship instead of going home deep out. Do you know what I'm saying? No, absolutely 1000%. Yeah, do it. Get that app. Start bringing out things. Start getting things from your girlfriend. Start, you know, keep the, and don't think one conversation changes life. You need more. Okay? Yeah. All right. All right, good. This was a great conversation. I'm very hopeful for you. I feel like maybe a little light bulb went off on you and keep me posted and let me know what goes down. Well, thank you so much. I appreciate it. All right. Thanks, Brandon. I'll send you an email when your episode is going to go up. It'll be very soon. Okay? Thanks. Bye. In a world of noise and uncertainty, IG is the investment platform that backs you. Take a reflexible stocks, ISA, which gives you the freedom to withdraw funds anytime and replace them in the same tax year, all without losing your £20,000 tax-free allowance. And if that's not enough, pay no commission on your stock shares and ETFs when you invest with IG. IG, trade, invest, progress. Your capital's at risk. Other fees may apply. Tax treatment depends on individual circumstances and is subject to change. Thank you all so much for being here at our wedding. I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with a woman of my dreams. Speaking of dreams, have you ever dreamed of tasting all the colours of the rainbow because that is exactly what you get with Skittles. Five bold fruit flavours in every pack. Lemon, orange, lime, strawberry and blackcurrant. They're chewy. They're colourful. They're perfect. Just like my wife. So thank you for coming and remember to buy Skittles. Shamelessly promote the rainbow. Taste the rainbow. At Aldi, we think low prices are for everyone. And boy, do we mean everyone. You, your nan, your cockapoo, your ex-situationship, Barbara from next door, traffic wardens, Piers Morgan, even that annoying guy James from finance. Yep, low prices should be enjoyed by all. Not just those with a membership, what's it? So Aldi, don't do one. No points, no cards, no fath. Aldi, which cheap is supermarket, even without a loyalty thingy? Okay, I just want to tell you before you go that I do have a book. The book is called Shrinkly Non-Misconfessions, Secret Sex Lives of Total Strangers. The book is basically 17 different stories taken from my show. I kind of picked one story from each category that I talk about on my show. Like there's a hot wife story, there's a cuckooing story, there's a cuckold story, there's a gang being girl story. There's like, you know, like I said, 17 stories and they're all told in the third person, right? So I took the interview and I rewrote it and the third person, I wouldn't call it like an erotica book, though there's plenty of sex in there, right? But I didn't write it to sound like erotica because that's like the vibe of my show. You're going to learn a lot, you're probably going to get a little turned on. It's a different way to hear these stories, like I said, because they're written out in third person. There's an ebook available if you don't want your partner to know that you're reading my book, get the ebook it's available. If you buy my book in any format, I will throw in a complimentary link to my discord. My discord does not disappoint, okay? There's no way you'll get the discord and go in there and be like, oh, this sucks, okay? It's like pretty amazing. There's tons of people on there and everybody shares content with each other. That's what's great about discord. You get to post your own videos and pictures and there's tons of channels and we have contests over there. It's a super fun place to be. I will be giving anyone that buys my book at any time access to my discord. It is private. The only way you could get in is through me giving you the link and that's why I think my discord is so great because I have vetted people. It's not like it's just open to the public. So everybody that's in there, people that listen to my show and people that listen to my show are fucking great. So my discord is fucking great. My book is great. You're going to love it. If you buy it, all you got to do is send me the receipt or a picture of proof that you bought it and I will give you free access to my discord. Send it to strictlyanonymouspodcast.gmail.com. You could find my book in the link in the description, okay? Or just Google it, strictly anonymous confessions, secret sex lives of total strangers. You could find it anywhere. You buy books, send me the picture and I'll give you access to my discord email strictlyanonymouspodcast.gmail.com. Anyway, thanks so much for listening.