Unlocking Inner Peace: Healing and Growth with Iyanla Vanzant

This episode with Iyanla Van Zandt is so amazing. It is a true masterclass in healing and in your spiritual journey. We talk through a whole bunch of things, but I'm going to hit you with this one. Sometimes there are just things that you will never understand because you're not supposed to. You're supposed to learn from them. And so in this episode, we talk about the importance of learning through your journey and not only that, but how to protect your healing. So sometimes life isn't just about the healing. It's how you protect it. So without further ado, this is the queen, Miss Yama Van Zandt. You're listening to Mick Unplugged, hosted by the one and only Mick Hunt. This is where purpose meets power and stories spark transformation. Mick takes you beyond the motivation and into meaning, helping you discover your because and becoming unstoppable. I'm Rudy Rush, and trust me, you're in the right place. Let's get unplugged. Miss Van Zandt, how are you doing today? Hi, how are you? Oh, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Just thank you for everything. I thank you more than you'll ever know. And we're going to get into some of that today. But just the human being that you are, the wisdom and care that you show people, and the truth. I think that also is the biggest part. You're not afraid to tell people the truth. And sometimes, most times, the truth is what people actually need to hear to overcome things that they're going in their life. But Ms. Van Zandt, I always ask my guests this first question about their because, that thing that's deeper than their why. And you've been so passionate. You've gone through so many things. If I were to ask you today, what's your because? What's that deeper purpose that you have today? Serving God. That's it. Because it serves God. It serves God for me to heal. It serves God for me to support. It serves God for me to fall down and get up. It just serves God. That's my because. And that's again, that's why you're amazing right there. And, you know, I want to I want to tell you what I haven't told you offline and something that's going to be passionate for me, therapy for me. You know, growing up, I grew up in a two parent household. Right. But it was as if I had a single mom, because from an emotional standpoint, like my dad wasn't wasn't present. And, you know, like later in life, when I was in college, my parents separated. And I can say I don't have the greatest or a relationship with my father. But I've learned to heal from that through you and how you teach. Like, it's okay. I think a lot of people think that you're supposed to forgive. But it's okay to heal and work through it. It's okay to learn lessons, right? It's okay to do that. And so I'd love for you to just talk to the viewers, to the listeners about it being okay to learn lessons in life. Yeah. Well, that's it. That's the ultimate goal, you know, to learn lessons. And if you learn the lesson well and you take copious notes along the way, you will heal. You know, you will heal. Forgiveness has become almost a buzzword these days. And the real work that requires deep forgiveness really isn't about forgiving anybody else. It's about forgiving yourself for the way you thought about it, the way you spoke about it, the way you allowed it to become an excuse or a reason. The real forgiveness work is about yourself. But because the universe is so merciful and graceful, it gives us the opportunity to forgive others, hoping that along the way we will bump into the truth and forgive ourselves. Yeah, that's good. And thank you. Thank you for sharing that as a man, because so very often men think if they don't have a great relationship with their dad, that they have to spend the rest of their life either trying to find it or falling apart because of it or and not learning the lessons as you said that's the most important thing absolutely lesson you're exactly right and and one of the things that that you told me you were not talking directly to me but you were speaking indirectly to me was mick just move on right like you can dwell on it all you want to, where you could try to piece things together. You could look at the past and do things, but just move on. Like just, it's okay to close a chapter and move on because the lessons that you learn may come back in the future. And now you know how to react or how to adjust or how to communicate. So I'd love for you to just give us a moment of what moving on means to you and why it's so important to us. Yeah. And, and, you know, we say just move on and that is not in any way minimizing the impact of the experience. Not at all. But how long are you choosing to cry? How long are you choosing to be hurt? How long are you choosing to use that as an excuse? So when we say just move on or when I say just move on, I'm saying, OK, let's reframe this. Let's unpack it, first of all, because, you know, Mick, how many people are angry, sad, hurt, upset and don't even know why? They think it's because, let's say in your case, daddy left. No, no. Are you upset because daddy left or are you disappointed because you didn't get what you needed? Are you angry because of what was expected of you because the person was there? See, that's not about daddy. That's about what got triggered inside you and how you responded or reacted to it and how you've allowed that feeling inside of you that has gone uninvestigated, unexplored, unexamined to govern you. And then you just laid that basket at daddy's doorstep. So just move on means be willing. First of all, give yourself permission to feel what you feel without making it nice or sweet or calling it something else. If you're pissed off, say you're pissed off. You know, if you're hurt, say you're hurt. If you are disappointed. But you know what the challenge is? So many people have such a limited emotional vocabulary until they can't do the work required to get the lesson needed to really move on. So unpack it, whatever it is, unpack it, explore it, investigate it, and then let it go. See, this is about to be a masterclass right here. Everybody that's watching, if you're listening, like all these nuggets of wisdom truly help. They truly work, you know, and I want to go a little bit deeper into what you just said. So for the person that's watching this, like, sounds great. How do I unpack that? What advice do you have for them? Breathe and let yourself feel it. Let's start there. Breathing is a powerful step towards spiritual hygiene because it keeps your, it opens your mind and it purifies your heart. So many of us don't breathe. So many of us stop breathing when daddy left or when mommy died or when boo-boo broke our heart. You know, we stop breathing. So move on and breathe, first of all, because you've probably been tensed up since the thing happened. Breathe and give yourself permission to feel it. You know how many people won't be mad at their dad, won't be mad at their mom, won't be really heartbroken by whatever the disappointment was. They just won't do it because they believe that to do that is a sign of weakness. or some people get in it the anger the upset the grief and they wear it like a red badge of courage and use it as an excuse to do everything but they haven't really felt it that means drop your hands to the side sit in that feeling and dare it to kill you dare absolutely absolutely and here's I'm going to give you even more credit in my situation because I used to think that I was carrying a chip on my shoulder of anger and that that is what was driving me to be successful. Right. Like I didn't want to let my mom down, but I also was angry at the situation. But by studying you and we're going to talk about all the courses that you have to offer and all the things that you do in a moment. But you give you you have resources for people if they want them. What you made me realize was it wasn't the anger that was pushing me or was motivating me. It was the fact that I didn't want to be like him. And that was OK to understand that. No, it's not anger. You're not angry at your dad. You just what you're doing is protecting your healing so that you don't become your dad. And that is totally OK. But I truthfully was not able to understand that until I started studying your works. Well, you know, not only that, that happens very often. And you have found that a secret sauce. Let me tell you what the secret sauce is. You didn't want to be like your dad, but you did the work required to become Mick. Correct because some people don want to be like that but they spend so much time not being like that until they never become who they are The secret sauce is not holding on to, I don't want to be like that. It's because that wasn't there or because that happened or because I had that experience. I don't really know who I am. So let me do the work required to self-identify as opposed to demonstrate an inherited trait. How about that? That's why I love you. That's why I needed you. I'm telling you, that is why I needed you. And for those that are that are watching, if you're listening, I want to give some some quantification, some qualifications here on this fan's that because those that are. Are believers or followers like I am, we all have heard the saying many times. God gives you no more than you can bear. Right. Well, this man is that you can bear a lot. you can bear a lot your journey um the things that you have healed from and that you're probably still healing from um i'll be honest i don't know many people who have gone through those circumstances of life and are you meaning are able to talk about it are able to shed light into it are able to interpret it and learn the lessons from it to help others would you just take a few moments and just talk through however you'd like to a little bit about your healing journey. And then we're going to get into the spiritual hygiene as well. Well, you know, what I know now that I didn't know as I was going through those things, that was my curriculum. That was my spiritual curriculum. And we all have one. And some of us take algebra. Some of us take calculus. You know, some of us take geometry and some of us take, you know, computer science or whatever it is. So my curriculum, in order for me to step into and fulfill my purpose, required that I learned the power, the presence, the, how can I say, the effectiveness and the efficacy of universal law and spiritual principle. Because I didn't grow up with a structure. Classic case. You know, my mother, my birth mother died when I was three. And nobody told me. Nobody told me. So I grew up thinking that one woman was my mother who wasn't. Now, within, I always felt something was a little off. But I didn't know what it was. That experience, I learned at 30 that my mother wasn't my mother. Taught me the power of truth. So I am like one of the first things you said is telling people the truth. Truth is my oxygen. Truth is my oxygen. I grew up with a lot of neglect, a lot of abuse that made me think something was wrong with me. Something was wrong with me. I'm bad. I'm wrong. And I lived that until, so those experiences, those experiences helped me to understand that I have to find my own worth, my own value. I have to figure out what those are. So, I mean, I could go through lots and lots of things, but whatever it is that you've experienced, I was sexually violated as a child. I was physically abused as a child. I lost my mother as a child. I buried two of my children as an adult. It was in my curriculum. And everything that I've experienced, see, I don't talk about it as what I went through. I talk about it as every experience laid a brick in my foundation that allows me to stand fully in my purpose without falling flat on my face. If there's a collection plate, send it my way. That was the word right there. That was the word. That was the word. Yeah, my purpose is in the world, I'm a teacher, but in this most ancient and universal structure, to teach us to educate. And the most ancient definition of educate is not to put in, it is to draw out. That's what education is. It is to draw out. So every experience I've had has drawn out something in me that I had forgotten about, that I may have missed. So I'm a teacher and I educate, give people the tools, skills, information they need to draw out the truth of who they are. Amazing. Amazing. And to me, that's this perfect segue to spiritual hygiene. When I saw the title, I said, oh, and then when I read a few of the first chapters, I said, oh, I got to read these again. One of the best reads I've had, it is to me, it's a blueprint. It's a masterclass. It's I mean, the title says spiritual healing. To me, it's something that is spiritual and makes whoever's reading it really have a reconnection with themselves. Like, that's what I got out of it. Right. Like, I need to have that reconnection with me, that self-finding, that peace mission. I'd love for you to take a few moments and let's talk about what sparked you to do this book. And we'll start there before we get into the book. Okay. Okay. As I share early in the book, I lost my youngest daughter, Nisa, two years ago now. She was a non-compliant type 2 diabetic. And I say type 2 because type 1 is a very different thing. Type 2 diabetes can be really managed and controlled with diet, exercise, a shift in lifestyle. but Nisa had what many people have, which is denial. She didn't believe that she was a diabetic. She wouldn't accept that. So she lived her life and ate as though she wasn't a diabetic. And it just went downhill from there. And so watching her as a spiritual teacher, I could see the writing on the wall, but loving her as a mom, my hair was on fire, And I was trying to, you know, stop. I became the food police and and and just really the controlling czar trying to get her to to accept where she was and to take responsibility for her health. until I realized, until the spiritual teacher realized, this is her choice. This is her curriculum. And no matter how much you talk and how much you fuss, it's not going to change. And what I realized along the way of that two-and-a-half, three-year journey from the time when her health really started to decline was that she had poor spiritual hygiene. She didn't cleanse her mind from the experiences that she had as a child. She didn't have her heart open to receive love and to be loved because of what she said about her experiences. And when I finally realized this was such a powerful realization for me, Nisa, none of my children were raised by Iyanla. None of them. All of my children were raised by Rhonda, the broken motherless girl who grew up in abuse and neglect. That's who raised my children, not a yamla. And once I got that, Mick, and told the truth about it and looked at it, oh, yeah, she had bad spiritual hygiene because I had bad spiritual hygiene. And I taught her everything she knew about how to abuse herself, abandon herself, reject herself, deny herself. And I had to live with that and watch it and watch how spiritual hygiene could have saved her had she made the choice. And she didn't. You know, one of the outcomes of reading the book is understanding that sometimes a lot of times we have not just physical and emotional burnout, but we have physical or spiritual burnout, too. Yeah. Talk to us about that, because, again, in this book, that was one of the first three things that I took out was I need to look at my burnout levels. because a lot of times we think emotional, we think physical, but a lot of times it's the spirit, right? Yeah. Because like everything else, you know, we live in a world that clamors for our attention and demands a certain level of doing. You've got to do this. You've got to do that. You got to get a career. You got to pay your bills. You got to have a good credit score. You You gotta have fight likes and followers. You gotta do, do, do, do, do. And we start doing our spirituality, whether it's wearing clothes a certain way or whatever we think. And spiritual spiritual spiritual power is not about doing it about being How many of us know how to be still Be still You know I have a prescription that I been giving people for the past month and that is to spend seven minutes, three times a day, for 21 consecutive days in stillness. No phone, no music, no lights, cameras acting. Just be still and breathe seven minutes, three times a day for 21 consecutive days. And people are starting to report to me. I'm on day 40 because they'll do a day and forget. And if you miss a day, you got to start all over seven minutes. We can't be still and breathe and listen for seven minutes. And that's why we burn out spiritually, emotionally, mentally, because we're too busy, just too busy. See, I needed that. I needed that. So I'm writing this down three times a day. Seven minutes for 21 consecutive days. Yeah. Don't journal. I'm going to report back. Don't listen to music. Don't do anything. Just be still. Just be one. okay yes see you you knew i needed that that's why you brought that up because if you ask anyone you ask anyone in my circle you ask anyone around me i am and i don't wear this as a badge of honor so i'm not saying it in this way but i have so much going on that it's like when i have a moment it's like all right let me go solve this other thing or let me go do this since i have some time but what I actually need to do in that time is just be still. So I'm going to be still. My mom is smiling right now because she tells me that all the time to be still. So I know she's watching or listening and she's probably clapping her hands. So my mom thanks you. Let me ask a question and not to you specifically, but to all of us, if we're so busy getting everything done, what is there for God to do? if you can do it where do you get the grace where do you get the mercy where do you get the support where do you get the insight now it's happening all of the time it really is and particularly when we're on purpose and when we know we have a relationship with God's source creator but if you have to do it what is there for God to do just a question That's the end of the sermon right there. The doors of the church are open. If you want to work with Ms. Vent, no, no, we'll get there in a second too. You talk a lot about something that I want to open up the floor because I know how busy you are. No pun intended, but I know how your schedule is also. So I want to make sure I'm cognizant of that. But for those that are watching, that are listening, you talk a lot about protecting your healing. Can you talk to us about what that means and then more importantly, how we can do that? Protecting your healing means, first of all, becoming aware of what it is that you're healing. Let's start here. To heal means to make whole and to restore to our original purpose. What is our original purpose? Our original purpose is to celebrate life, and we do that with breath. To celebrate life. To anchor the presence of the divine and to do what brings you joy. Those three things, celebrating life, anchoring the divine, do what brings you joy, equal love. Yeah. So anything in your life that thwarts, hinders, obstructs, delays, deny, thwarts your capacity to celebrate life, to anchor the divine, and to do what brings you joy needs to be restored or brought back to holiness. That's healing. Doesn't mean that you're broken, wounded, damaged, you know, any of that stuff. It just means that the three things that we're here to do, the one thing really, which is love, but how we get to love is through those three steps. Those things are not happening. So protecting your healing, first of all, means getting clear about what it is that requires restoration. You know, maybe you are people pleaser or maybe you're a striver. Maybe you're a controller. Those things will keep you from celebrating life. So you got to get clear about what they are, create clear boundaries for yourself to get that healing done. You don't have to tell everybody what you're doing. That's a big thing. We think we got, oh, I'm going to the mountain and meditate for 62 days. Can I tell you a quick story? I want to tell you a quick story. It's a parable. Yes, ma'am. But there was a man who was in search of love and happiness. That's what he was in search of. He searched all over the world doing again. He went to this teacher. He went to that teacher. He studied this religion, that religion. And finally, somebody said, oh, there's a monk in the mountains of the Himalayas. He can tell you what that is. So he dropped everything, got on a plane, flew to wherever he had to fly to, took a boat somewhere, and then walked for three days to get to this particular monk to find out how he could get to love and happiness. Got to the monk, had to wait for two days because the monk was meditating. The monk came out and he said, OK, you've come to see me. What is it that you want? He said, I want to know how I can find love and happiness. And the monk said, oh, OK. He said, don't think about monkeys. the man said what he said don't think about monkeys he said wait a minute it took me 11 days to get here to see you people told me you were wise and wonderful and I've come here to learn how to find love and happiness and that's what you're going to tell me he said yes that's the secret don't think about monkeys so the man was very disappointed and he went back all on the walk back to the boat, he thought about monkeys. On the boat to get to the airplane, he thought about monkeys. Got on the plane, all the way home on the plane, he was thinking about monkeys. He got back home for the next two years, all this man could think about was monkeys. He said, what in the world is going on? So he got back on the plane, flew back to the boat, got back on the boat, walked another three days, go back to the guru and says, why is it that all I'm doing is thinking about monkeys? He said, oh, because the mind loves to do the very thing that'll keep it from being happy. You want love and happiness? Don't do the things that don't make you feel loving or happy. That is what we do. That is it. The very thing. And the other part of it is, the deeper part of the lesson is, that he took the boat and the plane and walked three days just to find out that everything he needed he already had. He had the love. He had the happiness. All he had to do was stop thinking about monkeys. that's how many times do we do that people don't understand the storyteller that you are um and how you can metaphorically put things together that like i'm gonna take that and i'm gonna talk about that later tonight i promise you okay good good good good good see that drew something out of you yeah use it please because it's so true it is so true people want to go on a diet, they think about how fat they are. That's all they think about. And it makes them so upset that they eat cookies. Stop thinking about being fat. Just don't eat the cookies. So protecting your healing means being willing to reach in, not out, not asking for somebody else what it is. It's remembering that you came here locked and loaded. You know, I come from Brooklyn. And in Brooklyn, you know, there's a street lingo. And I say that all of us come here strapped. Strapped. You know, in the street, to be strapped means that you're carrying a gun. You are, what's the word? Oh, use your words, Iyanla. What's the word when you're armed? You are armed. Yeah. And protect it. We come here strapped, but we come here forever looking for what to arm ourselves with. Another degree, another business, another, you know, wig, a BBL. As opposed to being still and listening. Start there. That's it. Protect your seven minutes three times a day to get still and silent and go within. Protect that. I'm going to. I am starting today. I still have time to get it in three times a day Start tomorrow Start tomorrow Start tomorrow Set in intention tonight that you going to start your stillness process your stillness practice seven minutes three times a day for 21 consecutive days That'll give you time to set the time so you don't schedule. Let me tell you what's going to happen. You're going to say, OK, I'm going to do this at 6 a.m., 1 p.m. And I guarantee you everything that is going to be scheduled for the times that you have to do it. Why? Because you're going to be thinking about monkeys. It's going to be hard for me the first three or four days to not think about monkeys while I'm sitting still. That's right. That's right. So give yourself time to really be with it, to commit to it. No rush. You got plenty, 21 days. but start tomorrow so that when you go to bed tonight, you can say, I'm going to start my stillness practice tomorrow at these three times. You know, I'd like to do it early in the morning, late at night. And I find a time. Otherwise the ego, the deceptive intelligence is going to start working against you because Nick, the enemy is in a me. It's not out there. The enemy is in a me. And as Neil Donald Walsh taught us in a conversation with God, anytime you declare yourself to be a thing, everything unlike it is going to show up. So you declare yourself to be loving, somebody's going to goad you into an argument. You declare yourself that you're going to be still, people are going to find 52 things for you to do. Aha, but you set a bedtime intention. You go to bed tonight and decree it and declare it for tomorrow. at least you're starting on a good foot because you're strapped ready to go. The doors of the church are now open. Again? They are officially open now. If you want to get in touch with Ms. Van Zandt, how would we do that? And let's talk about all the things that you do. Like you've got, I don't like calling them coaching programs. You have mentoring programs. You have masterminds. You do a ton of speaking. Like people can interact and work with you like you're out there like you're 25 years old still. I know I know you're 28, but you're out there moving like you're 25 with all the things you got going on. So what how can people interact and get to to work with you in various ways or platforms? Now, I'm going to say this, and it's going to sound weird, because in this world and in this, you know, matrix that we're in, people would expect me to say, go here, go there, go the other way. This is how you can get in touch with me. Take a breath and go within and ask your higher self, is this my teacher? And if I am, you'll find me. All you need to know is how to spell my name. that's all you need to know. I'm not going to tell you come to my website or buy this book or do whatever, because if that was supposed to happen, it would have happened. Now Mick has given you exposure to me. Ask yourself, because you know why I say that, Mick? Because I'm not a personality. People come because we are addicted to fame and fortune. You know, people will follow this one because they've got followers. No, no, no, no. When people show up now in my life, I want them to be serious about their healing. I want them to be serious. So start with spiritual hygiene. Do you have your copy of spiritual hygiene? Go get that. And if something in there calls you, my name is on the front of the book. Just .com it and you'll find me. and when you find me ask your higher self what is here for me is it this program that program is it this meditation that meditation you know make i i don't want to do it the way the world has set it up to be done and i don't want people coming to me because they think i'm wonderful and marvelous i want them to come to the work that i offer because something in them knows this is it right now. Does that make sense? That makes more than sense. Wow. I felt that. I felt that. I felt that. And here's what I'm going to do because you've meant so much to me. I'm going to go purchase 20 copies of the book. 21 copies of the book because I'm going to do something special. 21 copies of the book. And I know your team is here so like Y'all reach out to me. Somebody on my team has a credit card. They'll take care of it. We're going to do this today. I want 21 copies of the book. And the first 21 people that message me 21, collectively, we're going to do the 21-day challenge. We're going to do it as a group. We're going to talk about our journey together as a group. and we're not even going to do it social media unless miss van zant wants us to but we're going to send it to you miss van zant like we're going to talk about this journey together and how you've done this for us so the first 21 people that messaged me 21 and i don't care which platform you all know like miss van zant said you know how to find me right first 21 that messaged me 21 we're doing this together. We're going to talk about it together as a group. We're going to create this mini little mastermind together, and we're going to give our report back to Ms. Van Zandt together. I accept. I accept. I welcome it, and that's how you do it. That's how you do it. Yeah, 21, that's a divine number. Yeah, and we'll get all of my information to you. If you hit a wall and you need some support, email me. However you all choose to do it, that would be fabulous. And I hope that 10 of those 21 who come forward are men. I hope so. Because we got to do it different, Mick. I think we know that. I think when we look at Minnesota, we recognize, oh, hell no. We got to do this. This ain't working. But how many times in our life do we just accommodate conflama and drama and we don't say hell no? Hell no, no, no, no, no, no. That's a divine right that we have to create that boundary, to stand up, hear me, for yourself, within yourself in such a way that it commands how you behave out here. That's how you protect your healing. That's how you do it. Stand up for yourself within yourself. Tell the truth. Create a boundary and move forward like you know who you are. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. And a woman. And a woman. There you go. There you go. Well, everyone again, I'm going to have links to the book in the show notes in the description. So whether you're watching this, listen to it. Click. Go get the book. the first 21, I'm going to get those for you so you don't have to worry about it. But Ms. Van Zay, I'm so honored just to have you on. I mean, again, what you mean to me, what you mean to my family, there are not enough words in the dictionary to give you the grace, to give you the credit that you deserve. So I'm just going to tell you, thank you for my soul. Thank you. Now, here is one thing I want to say before we go. Every Saturday night at 8 p.m., on the Oprah Winfrey Network, I am unpacking past episodes of Fix My Life. And let me tell you why we did that. Because when we did Fix My Life, I did the work. And now the show is called The Inside Fix. And I am showing you, telling people, we're breaking those shows down. This is what this is. This is what we're looking at. This is what's going on here. And how do you do that? we've created a worksheet, a workbook for every single show that we're going through. So that after the show, you can download the worksheet and do your own work. That's how you get strapped. That's how you get locked and loaded. So 8 p.m. Saturday night on own for the inside fix because spiritual hygiene is the inside thing. Love it. Love it. Love it. We're going to have that in the show notes as well. This means I thank you again from my soul. Thank you, Nick. I've needed you every day and you've shown up every day and I appreciate that. Well, I'm going to wish you well on your journey and I mean it. Let me know how you do on your seven, on your 21 day process, seven days, seven minutes, three times a day, 21 consecutive days. And please don't let it be upset if it takes you 68 days to do the 21. You got it. You got it. And to all the viewers and listeners, remember your because is your superpower. Go Unleash It. That's another powerful conversation on Mick Unplugged. If this episode moved you, and I'm sure it did, follow the show wherever you listen. Share it with someone who needs that spark and leave a review so more people can find their because i'm rudy rush and until next time stay driven stay focused and stay unplugged