Pretty Little Episode #79

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Handsome Pod. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. It's a very pretty episode with two very pretty little ladies and ladies. I'm Mae Martin. I'm joined. Now I'm a fortune theme star. Yeah, you are. Yeah, that's right. Good to see you, my friend. I love to see you smiling. Keep smiling. Keep smiling. Knowing you can always count on me. For sure. Is that right? Something like that. Because that's what friends are for. We're starting out strong. I can't believe we've never done karaoke together. You would crush it. We're going to have to put that on the list, Thomas. throw it on the list lest we forget that i've done karaoke with thomas in that's right phil yeah that was in um after our show at the ryman you guys went i was um licking my wounds from my recent separation and could not bring myself to go you couldn't get it up to the lesbian bar yeah i could not do it yeah that's fair yeah or maybe i wasn't separated yet i can't remember when that was yeah i don't know um so we're due we're due a karaoke set we are due we're due dude we're due we're good at karaoke because we have passion yeah yeah i sometimes get weirdly shy about it but um then that wears off pretty quick yeah yeah you ever go to those um the karaoke rooms where you rent out a whole room that's my favorite that's my absolute favorite yeah you get like 10 people and it's so it's just like being in control of your playlist and all nostalgia but it's always that one friend that won't give up the mic yeah yeah and you're like okay all right it's never the one that can sing the best too it's just the loudest it's the loudest one it's yeah it's the one that has too much passion yeah uh and you're like okay how about we how about we pass the mic down i just got back from the um chiropractor how does that go that was a bit of a left turn there sorry no turn away um it was cool I got to drive on the highway to get there. Still exciting for me. And then I still like can't stop talking about it. So I arrived and I was like, guys, I just drove on the highway to get here. And they were like, okay. They're like, cool. Cool. And then, but they did an x-ray of my spine, which I've seen them do that on Instagram. And I've always wanted that. Yeah. And it was very like validating because I was like, I swear something's up with my spine, you know? and it turns out I do have a very slight scoliosis and a very slight I mean it's probably nothing but then he did some cracking and yeah it was cool to see my spine we got skeletons in us dude yeah we do we do these bones are important we need them to work properly and stay intact yeah and it's so weird how we're like I'm me with my personality but then you see your skeleton And you're like, we're all just this. Like, we're all just these weird bones. Now, when they told you you had these things, is it a problem at all? Like, are you sore or having troubles with this? Like, when I lie on my back, my right foot just goes out. It's hard to explain. And I feel like, this is so boring, but I feel like it's like a twingy, tingling feeling in my sacrum. And I'm like, this is going to go. At some point, I'm going to like, five years from now, I'll bend over and I'll be fucked. So I'm trying to preemptively. Yeah, you're trying to course correct a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. But I did have to take off my shirt to. Yeah, you did. Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah. It's always. like he wasn't sure how to handle it. Cause like, it's so weird that like, like he had a gown, but he was like, or you could just take your shirt off. And I was like, yeah, I'll take my shirt off. I've been working out. I was like, I've been working out. I'd like to show you my muscles. Yeah. But I could tell he kind of felt like I was just sitting there with my tits out. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like me in my hot tub, like you in your tits out tub. Have you been in your hot tub? No, but I did finally get back to tread and water today. It has been, I was on a long hiatus from it because I have been so busy. Yeah. And, uh, I was like, I gotta get my body moving again. Cause here we go. Talking about aches and pains. My hips been hurting. Yeah. So old today. Um, so I was like, okay, I gotta get my body moving again. Um, but not back in the hot tub. Cause you know it's tits out hot tub and um I just wanted to stay nice and warm yeah um but people have been coming up to me going how's that tits out tub I mean you should be doing ads for that company I know well I just want it to be a wee bit deeper so that I can be have some coverage you know yeah yeah I'm gonna be cold in my hot tub how was treading water do you feel like you're out practice or you're right back to it? I like it when I have a distraction because then I, that's what I used to love about playing sports is I had my eye on the prize. So I would forget that I was like running or, or tired. I like it also with, um, training water. So my mom called and, um, she and I ended up talking for over an hour and I just put my phone on the side on speaker And so the whole time I talked to her I treaded water and it made me like be able to do it for an hour without really realizing it. That's so good. So it's a good way to get back in it. Like, you know, whenever they're like training Taylor Swift or whatever to go on tour, they make them like sing while they're on the treadmill, like do their whole show on the treadmill. It's kind of like that you're having to talk while you're yeah oh i can't imagine singing three and a half hours worth of songs that's i know a lot it's heaven and hell it's heaven and hell but my mom loved it because i ended up i think i ended up talking to her for like an hour 20 i i would take little breaks here and there from the treading so i'm gonna say i treaded for like an hour yeah um but yeah that She loved it because I'm not a big phone talker sometimes, especially if I've been on the road. And she got a whole mouthful today. Yeah, you were settled in. Lucky both of us. Captive audience. That's right. Yeah, nice. Well, should we hear some questions from our lovely, handsome listeners? Keep smiling. Yeah, I'd love to. Keep smiling. know when you can't. It's going to be in my head all night. It's a good song. Yeah, let's hear what everyone wants to know. Let's do it. Hi, handsome. This is Jasmine from Hamilton, Ohio. I think Mae would really appreciate this question, but I just wanted to ask you guys, what is your favorite fact that you know? Or the most crazy fact that you know? That is a good question for you. I'm trying to think if I even know any fact. You know a fact? Do I know a fact? Do you have a favorite fact? A favorite May fact? I do have several. Off the top of my head. Okay, one of the things at the moment that I'm into is, okay, go with me. I'm on this journey. so when you die you can get your ashes made into a thing called a life gem where they make your ashes into a diamond i have heard that yes or you can get it made into 250 pencils that you can distribute to people to draw with or whatever they desire so i was then googling like how long of a straight line could you draw with one pencil before it runs out to a little stub like how satisfying would that be like but it's like 30 miles so or 32 miles or something and then I was thinking about how far is outer space from earth and it's only like 60 miles straight up which is crazy that you could you could drive there less than an hour if you you know on a not even a full tank of gas and then I was thinking okay that's two full pencils and then that's about as far as I got but basically I'm interested I'm interested in the life jam the pencils and that the guy who invented the Pringles tube has his ashes buried in a Pringles tube. I love that. Yeah. And then I'm still stuck on Frau Trofia and her dancing plague. Yeah, of course. That's important. And the Dyatlov Pass mystery is if you're looking for someone to Google and go down a rabbit hole, the Dyatlov Pass where like nine hikers in Russia went up into the mountains they were found one of them their tongue was missing one of them their eyes were missing they'd swapped clothes they were radioactive there are so many yeah they had radioactivity on their clothes so many weird details about it and it's never really been solved like uh-huh so you can do a deep dive on that okay yeah wow i've never heard about that How about you? I just kept thinking, did you know that the human head weighs eight pounds? That's my vibe, let's be honest. Is it eight pounds or I can't remember. You know it's a human head. Yeah, Jonathan Litnicki, remember him? And Jerry Maguire, right, that little kid? Yep. Gosh, are there any facts? Do you know any facts about cooters? That they're turtles. Oh, yeah. They're called cooters. Oh, that's crazy. Okay. Is that where that comes from? I'm trying to think of. If you got a snapping cooter. Somebody gave me coasters this weekend at one of my shows. And it has a turtle on it. And she called them cooter coasters. Yeah. Perfect. this is what i'm saying about we do the podcast and then we go out and do live shows and people are getting us really on point gifts like they know our niche interests that's right they're very invested in which golden girls we are i've been having a lot of people reaching out about this and they were very shocked that you and tig had never watched the golden girls and i said listen welcome to my world two against one all right yeah two against one but me being the only one that has any sense knowing that the golden girls exist and have watched it and you guys have not yeah yeah it's very two against one uh fact is that those women were like in their um 50s when they filmed that right they were young they looked like they were 70 and they were like 50 years old One fact is that wombats have cube-shaped poo. Cube? Yeah, they poo in cube form. And it took a really long time for scientists to figure out why. And it's like a really specific sphincter muscle thing. But yeah you could pile up their poo and make a castle if you were so inclined I think I need to learn more facts because Same actually Nothing coming to me No, cooter, that one counts. Thank you, the cooter turtle. Fact is great. Yeah. But I wonder if only certain kind of turtles are cooters. Right. I'm Googling what is a cooter. no fortune you're gonna see some stuff it says it's a north american river turtle hey dull brown shell and typically has yellow stripes on the head that doesn't sound like what we know but this but then right underneath it says what is a cooter slang and it says a turtle, women's genitalia, or vehicle. Vehicle. This says cooter is a vagina, typically a lower class one. What? A lower class vagina? Oh my God. What's a high class vagina? Like a pearl. A vagine. A vagine. That's so funny. There you go. Should we hear Jasmine? Yeah, does Jasmine have anything? I think we might get hit with a good fact right now. Mine would be that when the Romans discovered the pyramids, the pyramids were as ancient to the Romans as the Romans are to us now. I think that that is absolutely insane. Just how old, just how ancient those pyramids are. It's literally mind blowing. But yeah, that's it. Love you guys. Bye. Jasmine, you are barking up the right tree here because did you know also that Cleopatra lived closer to the invention of the iPhone than she did to the building of the pyramids? Like even for Cleopatra, the pyramids were just like a crazy ancient tourist attraction. Yeah. Wow. Did you know that Julius Caesar was murdered by Brutus? Yeah. At two. Nice Yeah And Cleopatra The Ides of March The Ides of March That is when he was murdered at the Capitol Yeah And Cleopatra was killed by a snake An asp I think But maybe it was suicide Like she put her hand into a basket We gotta look these things up I don't know I'm pretty sure mine's true Yours is true yeah And when I'm on tour if anyone wants to bring me some facts or your favorite facts, please, please. I'm open. There you go. He loves it. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Jasmine. Et tu, Brute? Is that what he says? Yeah. Like, and you. Even you. It's very, like, Judas. Mm-hmm. Hey, Handsomes. This is Sarah from Bainbridge Island, Washington. And my question for you today is, when you go to the movie theaters, what's your concession order? Or if you're the type to bring a snack from home, what are you bringing? I can't believe we've never talked about this. I know. That's so funny because I was just talking about this with somebody about they were going to the movies and I was like, I love the snacks at the movies. Yeah. Because I don't eat a lot of popcorn outside of the movies. But when I go to the movies, I have to have popcorn. Yeah, got to. And in England, they don't pop it fresh. in england they're delivering bags of stale popcorn and dumping it into the popcorn dump popping machine and it's not the same like the movie theaters don't even smell like popcorn really no we can't have that you gotta pop it fresh we need that fresh popped popcorn i love um i popcorn for me is a must yeah and i do you know i know it's bad for you but i do like it that hot butter and when they let you do the butter yourself oh my god look at a treat and you need a lot of napkins especially if i'm with my mom yeah i with popcorn weirdly enough i love a sprite oh yeah okay i think sprite and popcorn tastes so good together yeah and i'm not i'm not a big soda person in general but if i'm getting popcorn a sprite has to come with it now occasionally I will get some um either peanut M&Ms or um uh Reese's Pieces and if I'll buy them at the movie but occasionally I'll have one at home and I'll just stick it in my pocket and bring it with me oh have one at home like no like a bat like a bag oh yeah yeah yeah we're pretty aligned dude. I was ready to be like, when people are really focused on sour candy and stuff, I'm like, no, we want substantial. Like I think if I'm alone or with a friend I'm super comfortable with, I'm, if I'm being honest and I should just eat what I want all the time, no matter who I'm with, but I'm neurotic. So you're an adult and you can do what you want. I know, but why don't I feel that? But if I'm, and you're, and you're, and you're really a fit. So if you splurge at a movie theater, who cares? It's more like the greasy, like if I'm on a date, because I'm like you, like if I'm getting popcorn, I'm getting butter and I'm even layering the butter. Oh, yeah. Like getting the middle part. Yeah. And then I'm feeling real sick after and I get like, you can't really digest popcorn that well. And I found out that a lot of the butter has coconut oil in it. Oh, really? that's tough for you i've been eating it for years you have to ask him ahead do you ask at the movies sometimes yeah sometimes i yeah i have chanced it but i always thought maybe i'm allergic to popcorn but it's got to be the coconut some people especially in north carolina are so crazy about their popcorn to butter ratio i have seen people say will you just fill up it to the halfway right now let me go get my butter and i be back if they do it in the layers that way i respect that people were like yeah sure that You got to get your better So I never done that but props to those people I like chocolate raisins and chocolate peanut M Like, we're really aligned here at Fortune. I want us to just make sure we're acknowledging that. We are acknowledging that. I think the best combo of flavors is the sweet and salty situation. um so that's why i go popcorn and some type of chocolate yeah i agree but not candy no yeah i don't want sour candy with popcorn i don't think they go well together yeah and then if the theater if it's also dinner time i'll sometimes get some nachos me too me too i love a nacho if A little nacho sitch with some cheese and jalapenos. I get really stressed, though, if I arrive and the movie's starting and the trailers are starting, there's a big long line for the concessions. That's the worst feeling. Then usually I'll run into the movie first, drop my stuff, see if we're still in, like, ads before trailers, and then I'll go out. But I don't want to miss a trailer, so sometimes I'll wait until, like, the movie's started, and then I'll go. Oh, you're into the trailers. Yeah, I've got to see every single trailer. I'm not really into the trailers. I'm annoyed that like it says the movie starts at 7, but it's really starting at 725. Yeah. Sometimes 730. I want the whole experience. But I think that's too much, too many trailers. But if it was just the trailers, that's one thing. It's the ads that fuck you. Yeah. I want movie theaters to survive because I do think having a communal experience in film is important. Yeah. But, you know, I think the movies are a little expensive and the concessions are insanely expensive. Yeah. I mean, I think if they were to tamp those down a little bit, they might be seeing people come back to movies more. What I don't like is some of those VIP movie theaters where you can order like pad thai or stuff because it smells up the whole venue. I didn't know you could do that. Yeah, there's some VIP ones where you can get like a full meal, a glass of wine. I'm like, let's keep this. A full meal? Wow. Yeah, yeah. I've heard of like ones that have like alcohol, but I don't think I've heard of full meal ones. And then, you know, now a lot of the seats, they have like recliner seats. That's pretty nice. Yeah, that's nice. I'd like to go to a drive-in movie I've never been. Oh, you haven't? No. Oh, man. That would be romantic. It is one of my favorite things to do. I haven't been in a long time, but my hometown actually has a drive-in movie theater, and I always forget about it, but it's such a treat, especially in the summer. I love it. I got my car now, so. I know. You could back your car up and then open. You could lay in the back, but you'd have to do your thing where it doesn't block anybody, your hatch, whatever. Oh, I see. Trunk hatch, whatever. Yeah. You can make it kind of stop. lower than okay than the full way it goes up you know what i mean and then what sit in your trunk yeah sit in your trunk put some pillows back there whoa a blanket a little blankie yeah have like people take their trucks if you have a truck a lot of people will put the bed of will lay in the bed of their truck yeah that sounds nice just back your truck up back your truck up back your truck up movie driving movie theater very fun yeah yeah very good i wish that for you and your near future. I want to hear what Sarah is eating at the movie theater. For me, I like a salty sweet combo. So I'm going to be doing a bunch of crunch, a popcorn with no butter because I don't want to have to deal with buttery fingers during a movie. And if there's one of those freestyle machines, I'm going to be doing an AHA with lime. I hope y'all are having an amazing day. What's an AHA? An AHA with lime. Whoa. What is that? That sounds fancy. It's like a sparkling water. with lime and what was she saying about crunchy clusters or something is that the bunch of crunch bunch of crunch yeah with the Nestle whatever that is some people really love Icy's too Icy at the movie theater sometimes that's tasty but I'm still always going Sprite and popcorn I want to go tonight oh yeah you could shall we I'm exhausted I would go to the movies with you sometime Yeah that'd be fun No if I'm getting you hanging out with me We're not going to sit silently in a movie We're yakking it up I'm going to make the most of that We're doing karaoke like we said We'll have to rent one of those rooms sometime That would be really fun Once this movie's done I will have a life again Yeah But you're living your dream I'm living my dream I'm living my dream, May. Well, thank you, everyone, for your questions. Yeah, we appreciate it. Check out maymartin.net for my tour deets and come see me on tour. Tell me some facts. That's right. You can submit your questions and advice requests to speakpipe.com slash handsomepod if you want to get in on this. It's real fun to do. I'll be cranking my tour back up In San Diego in March And then a bunch of stuff starting in April So you can check out my website as well Amazing Alright bud In that case I guess keep it Pretty handsome Handsome is hosted by me Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster The show is produced, recorded and edited By Thomas Ouellette Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod. What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast.