An NBA Mailbag, Belichick’s Snub, Pats Disrespect, and Half-Baked Ideas With Zach Lowe, Kevin Wildes, and Joe House

The Bill Simmons podcast is brought to you by Fandall Sportsbook. We are also brought to you by the Ringer podcast network where the rewatchables recently moved to Netflix while staying on Spotify as a video podcast. And it's all over the place on other platforms, but you can also get it on Netflix. We did Zodiac on Monday. We have Wild Things, which a movie that's on Netflix right now. That's coming next Monday. And if you want to know everything that's happening with this podcast or the rewatchables or any other podcasts we're doing on Netflix, all you have to do is find the podcast and click on my list and just add the podcast. And then every time we have a new one, it'll pop up on Netflix. Like this one is about to come up. Zach Low was here because he was recording his podcast in this very studio. So I grabbed him and we did a little mail bag at the top about the NBA and then old friend Kevin Wiles joined me and Joe House. We talked about this Patriots. Nobody believes in us run that is apparently happening now. Super Bowl stuff, Bell Check. And then we did half-baked ideas and it was very fun. And I had a great time and I got to talk about coffee for long, long stretches. So that is all coming up. We're going to take a break. Pearl Jam and then, Zach Low. The Bill Simmons podcast is presented by Fandall. Playoff Modezon. Fandall's got it all. Same game, Parla's, Quick Bets for Jumping in Lives, offers to boost your winnings every game day. You do not want to miss out on the playoff action. The remaining playoff action we have on Fandall, download the Fandall app or head to Fandall.com slash BS to get started. 21 plus and present and select states are 18 plus and present and DC can talk your realm and game prom call win energy game where we visit rg-help.com call 888-789-77777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut. Zach Low is here. He actually used my studio for his podcast, Zach Low showed today. I didn't break in. Then you can be on Amazon tonight. So I was like, well, you're here. Let's do some mail-back questions. You and I watched Rockets Spurs last night and Castle was the one. I know you probably talked about in your pop, but Castle was the one taking it to Durant in a really unusual way. I was trying to think last night like all the times we've seen somebody do that to Durant. It wasn't like he was doing it for two hours, but there was a moment in the fourth quarter when he turned it up and just in general how comfortable the Spurs seemed against the Rockets. Now no Steven Adams. Now, Van Bleed obviously gone. And then on the other side, you have very comfortable against OKC. And I don't think the Spurs are going to make the finals. Do you? Are you comfortable against the two teams that want to be comfortable against, other than Debra? Yeah. I mean, I think they could. I would still slap them behind Oklahoma City and Denver, assuming Denver gets healthy. I think they could. I just, to win all those playoffs series and it was hard, but their legit, really good. I mean, last night was a very good Dylan Harper game. He's kind of been in the swamp for a while. So like when everything clicks, they can beat anybody, but it's hard for young, mostly and experience seems to click like that every single game in the playoffs. Could be like an OKC two years ago where there's a lot of, we're ready, but there's also some, we're not quite ready. I gave you my theory about Calden Johnson being the electric socket. I like that. I like that theory. Every once in a while, team has a guy that the other teammates love so much when he does well. It just super charges the team. And I feel like he's one of those guys. And Yannis, who you talked about in your pot as well, but we just feel like this is a holding pattern now. I get right any time in the next week, just get your phone, keep your phone alerts on, or it could drag again into the summer. Who knows? I got a couple of emails about this because I'm going to do some mail back questions with you. And I'll just, I can't even find the one I want to use, but there was a couple versions of the same thing. Miami can only trade two picks because they have this weird 2027 situation. Why couldn't a team just trade them another pick that could substitute and make it so that they could actually do the four firsts. We don't see it that often, but it does feel like there's some chicane or in play that they could do. That could happen. What was it last year? Phoenix traded one of their unprotected picks for three picks from Utah to give them more flexibility. Yeah. And so like you could stop. You could stop more. You could see that because it feels like Miami and Golden State are the two that would have the urgency to maybe try to jump in now before it gets to the summer. And Miami's problem is the picks. Golden State's problem is they don't have the. Interesting. Where to put it in there. No, I could argue Miami. I don't know if Tyler here was interesting either, but maybe where is. Does BAM need to be in that trade? He's not going to be in that trade. I don't think so. But if I'm a walkie, I'm like, cool. I'm glad you want to honest. Let's talk about BAM. Well, we're not trading BAM. Okay. Good luck with everything. Yes. I mean, look, I don't. I don't think BAM makes a ton of sense from Milwaukee if they pivot into a rebuild unless they think they can then flip them for other stuff, which is easier said to dumb when your contract is as big as his is, same with cat. I wonder if we could all lead to my dream of having BAM monk and Fox on the same team again. Wow. It's been one of my, like, deepest, stupidest NBA dreams. It's just to get those three. Yeah, they had the tough loss and the tournament. Get those guys back. All right. Here we go. Wow. I didn't know that about you that you had. I've always said, you know, I have some dreams. Mail back. I have no idea what's coming. We could just go just to make clear. This is your worst nightmare of being completely on crap. No, I'm free. I'm free. Well, this is true. Yeah. Well, your fresh off confidence boost. We taped up rewatchables with the yesterday. I didn't even say what the movie was. No, it's fun. It's lurking. So now you're going on Amazon tonight. I'm catching a good time. Paul Peters writes. We've always heard of Paul Pierce for a second. Paul Peters. We've always heard about the first team to get 100 as a marker for likelihood to win the game with current scoring influx as a time to rethink the benchmark. I agree with this. I think Lawler's Law is dead. So what's the number? I think, first of all, I think you have to just Lawler's Law is so good. But I've just, no, but you have to just every time a team crosses 100, you have to just have to Ralph Lawler. Just the best. So did it stay Lawler's Law at 100 and then we give somebody else. Lawler's Law is always going to be 100 and then the new benchmark. It's not a law though. It's just getting the team score. It's scoring 120 points a game. I understand. I'm just saying it's Lawler's, I mean, we can get Ralph Lawler on the pod and ask him what he thinks about this. If we should amend, there should be a Lawler corollary. Well, it feels like I'm good to, I'm good if we move it to 110. I guess what's the number? I think it's got to be 115. I did this. I didn't, without researching, 120 seems a tick high. 110 seems a tick low. I'm going to go 115. Every single team in the league, I think, is averaging at least like 113, 114, except for maybe like one. So 115 might be too low. Well, I'm going 115. Because think about when he did Lawler's Law in the 100s for 100 teams were averaging like 94, 95 a game. So if you got to 100, it was like, oh yeah, we're winning. We're at 100. So I think it's at least 115. But what do we name it? Do we, your point is do we read, do we just amend Lawler's Law? Do we have Lawler's Law and a new Law? I think Lawler would have to have a press conference. He gets to weigh in. Like thank you for your consideration this time. I'd like to now amend this to 115. We're like good. Lawler's Law, new. Maybe I'm in rewatchable mode, but we just have an aside on Ralph Lawler. What is it? Opening scene of Drive is one of my, Drive is at the Ryan Gosling movie. One of my all-time favorite scenes in any movie. And I just love that he's listening to a Clippers game and not a Lakers game. Like it's just such a great touch of like, just guys to see a Clippers fan. Like it's like probably written by Boston guy. Trade from Scottsdale. OK. He says, I've been seeing the Warriors front office get a lot of shit across fan pages for how they couldn't extend the window. And I'm unsure how that could have happened. Was there a trade staring them in the face they could do to make? Was there a poor they passed on for someone else? Sometimes windows closed with a slow-stated account climb. This one had enough tick in the middle, so it feels different. Of course, it had to get you on us in a week. This is moot. It's the two drafts. I think people point to and then not trading the picks. Not trading, Kaminga, or even Wiseman, during the one and a half years, who probably had value. Just not springing into action with assets. The way if like LeBron had been on that team instead of Curry, I think LeBron would have pressured that team. What are we doing? I'm running out of time. You've got to turn these guys into something. They did the opposite. They tried to do the two timelines. The only trade I've heard of that pretty confident is true. It was that they could have turned Kaminga in a Caruso around the time of Gidey. I don't know if it was during the February before the Gidey trade or that summer, but that was Kaminga's value for a while. It was in that teams that would trade a really good role player for a young, up-and-coming guy. But did you hear anything else? Like, what else could they have done? They were definitely in on Caruso. I'd have to go back and dig into the Serenks of Caruso. The Aaknuts. My Zoey. But this is like, I've had this conversation with Warriors, higher ups, several times, including several times in the last few weeks, like, what's the missed opportunity? And I wrote to Sidious Pan. They've floated the number two pick. They tried to see what they could get for it. And it just- It's COVID-19. And it was like, could they have gotten in the Bradley Beale sweepstakes or the Ben Simmons sweepstakes? I mean, are those things changing your life as a team? They tried to get Siacum. They tried to get in an OB. They were in it. Like, they had to mark in and Paul George thing that they were trying to do. I think that one's instructive because, like, they didn't have enough to get both of them. And then Paul George had a little say in that himself because it was like, a lot of balls in play. But like, could they have traded everything for a Lowry Markinon? Maybe. It's like, everything, like, coming down to the ski, like, four picks, whatever. But if you trade everything for one guy and he's what's lower, Markinon, the 22nd best player in the NBA, 18th best player. And also, just make that best player. Title contender. That's what I'm saying. So yeah, I don't know that there was the move or moves that are out there other than how your life changes if you get the Wiseman pick right and what that trade-play had. I can't hang in on. I think that COVID draft, everybody was wrong. It was like the next draft we can kill them on. They had these two awesome picks and they both times picked the wrong guy. And we both know they were split in the draft room for who to take. They took Camingo over Franz Bogdor and they took Moody over Traemerphy and there might have even been some Shringoon boys in there. And they just, they went over too. I think the biggest thing you can kick them on because drafts, whatever, you can always go one way or the other. The pool extensions, the worst thing they did in the five years. That was the most indefensible one because they didn't take care of Dremond. So they took care of pool. They had the Dremond thing looming that they didn't really do anything with. And like, could your daughter have figured out that that was gonna be a problem? Like how young of a child do you have to be to figure out? This is probably gonna go badly that you did this. And yet you yourself last night were remarking on how Jordan Pool hurt the Celtics, your beloved Celtics. They should have found them. But they didn't need to sign them for 30 million dollars a year when they did. They could have waited. He could have been a trade asset. They could have seen if this was real or not. They could have maybe used him in February. I think that was the biggest mistake they made. And that's the one I think they can get things done. Tom Adelaide in South Australia. Okay. Who's the guy you don't wanna see come playoffs? For me, it's Kauai. If he's healthy, he can win a series or two with that Quipper sign up. I assume he doesn't mean Yokehjur SGA, probably like next level. Yeah, I was gonna say, Yokehjur, but I guess we can't say that. But hold that because this leads to the next question. Okay. This is from Jamis and Drake. It's a Quipper's related question. Jamis and Drake. Yeah. My favorite thing every NBA season is the Clippers roller coaster that the media goes on. That reaches a point in the middle of every season where the media fully buys into the Quippers and the way they are playing. This is an obvious case of the Amnesia. They will inevitably lose the series in the playoffs that they should have for three reasons. One, they're the Quippers. Two, I didn't write this. James Hardin always disappears when it matters most. And three, you cannot count on Kauai's health. On the roller coaster, is this the peak of Quippers hype right now? We're getting close. I mean, eight, like six, this is a good email. Three, 17 and three and 20. So we're almost almost at the top before we're about to have the fun part. The shoe drops soon. I mean, history would say like, are you buying it? You said there was second best team in the West. I just go into the playoffs last year. The Kauai thing, I don't. Last year was my last time ever trusting a hard team in the playoffs because watching and not look at the rim for the first half of game seven, that was my never again moment. Never again. Did you pick them in the shoes? Is that Tom Hanks in Castaway when he gets mad at Wilson? And then he finds them in the waters. He never again. Did he ever get mad at Wilson? Well, he got mad at Wilson. He thought Wilson was talking back to him. Wilson was a volleyball who got to him. But I just remember Wilson was falling off the, oh, I thought he fell off the raft. That's right. He throws him off and then he gets back to it immediately. And that's right. Never again. That was me with James Hardin watching him. I can't really believe it. You were still holding out. I thought they were really good, but I mean, they, they were really good. My weakness as an evaluator is if I see a game in person, I overrate the game in my head later. Like if I actually see the matchup and I catch one team on an awesome night, the other team on not a good night, I, my brain can't properly calibrate that. So I'm like the Clippers, they play awesome against OKC and you just kind of get carried away with that. With that said, I thought they really could have beaten Denver in that series and Denver, it took everything they had. Everything. And yet it ended in exactly the way. And yet it ended the Clippers way. So we agree it's close to the hype, but not totally. All right. Next question from Randy. Randy. If the owner of the Brooklyn Nets offered you a six-year contract to be the GM position of the Nets with all powers of decision making, would you take the job? You can continue all podcasting. That would go great. And are even encouraged. Yeah, that'd be awesome. Or are you even encouraged to regularly talk about life as a GM on your podcast? So wherever you'll be judged for life based on your success or failure is a GM. Here's the key question. Is there any MBA team you would not accept this offer from? I think both of us would probably take G, like we could be talked into GM jobs. It was a six-year contract? Six-year contract. I'm not taking a six-year contract ever. Not even to be a GM. The only reason I would take a contract to be a GM is for the money. And then it would have to be a two or three-year contract. That's it. Unless I intentionally get my serving all six years, no matter what, or can I get myself fired? But I'm there to pay me. You could just emulate some of the GMs we've had the last 45 years. But I want all my money. I want all my money. You'll get all your money. It's a six-year guaranteed deal. I don't think being a GM is fun. I actually don't think it's fun. I don't think GMs really like their jobs unless their team is awesome and they have a chance to win a championship. People think the GMs are like, like, the idea that you could continue podcasting while being a GM is not sane. It's not possible. It's a 24-7 job. And not as much of it as anyone thinks, not nearly as much as scratching out trade ideas on the whiteboard and calling Daryl. I mean, there's some of that calling Daryl Mory. There's also just so much of like, oh, this is the agent of my 15th guy calling to complain about shit and like, this assistant coach wants to take a job over there and I got to put out that. That's a bad idea. It's just, it's not, it's not, you know, see your family you're traveling all the time. It's not worth it. I'm out. I'm out unless it's a three-year contract and I get paid a lot of money. I would only take one job if it was the, to help run the expansion Seattle SuperSonics. That'd be it. I'd love to Celtics too much to want to take another job. You can't make any money. I think you would damage Celtics. I think you would just, I think we'd go badly. No, I couldn't take the Celtics. I would never do that. Because if you fail running your favorite team, how do you, where do you go from there? This is what we're hoping doesn't happen with David Stern's, but the men. But, well, true. But Seattle, the chance to like be on the ground floor with that basically tried to do a press D. I'd at least have a call. Here's another one. Here's another one. I've had this conversation with a few would be or currently are in demand, like big team executives. Someone has to save the bulls. Some, like, have a question about this. Like you're talking about like, you'd be a hero in Seattle if you revived the Sonics. If ownership would ever just get out of the way, whoever saves the bulls, it's like a hero. You revived the brand, one of the brand name franchises of all the sports that's just been more. So that one I would consider. So, destitute Bulls fan Shane wrote in, I have less of a question more of a plea. We desperately need the national media to start coming down on Jerry Rhyne's off the way they do on the other bad owners, Rhyne's worth. I don't think everyone is aware of the magnitude of Bulls fans' desperation. It took so long to hire, to fire Garform and John Paxton. Bulls fans raised $8,000 in a GoFundMe to put up a billboard that said, fire Garb Paxton. Six years later, we hate this front office, even more. Ryan Starve allegedly once advised another GMM based about it, oh, it's finished second because it keeps the fans wanting more. I never heard that story. This guy sucks the bulls suck, the white sucks suck. Oh, and we have to pay extra watch. Some lose on a private streaming service. See, he's not happy. Wow. Yeah, this is Chicago Bulls, man. Every Bulls fan I know, or even peripherally know, feels exactly the same as that guy. Everyone hates the Bulls from our office. They're the most unhappy fan base. Sacramento's fan base is just beaten down to the point of like, I can't even summon rage anymore. The Bulls fan base is the angriest. Sacramento's the most damage. Like you could, you could probably do a pretty good documentary about how dark it is for them. Was the quite, he didn't have a question. Well, Randy, well, his, the Chicago fan's question was why don't we hear him? Yeah. Randy's question was, is there any NBA team you would not accept this offer from? Like assuming both of us wanted to be GMs, is there a team we'd cross up? I thought that's the same thing you did at Sacramento. And I would also not accept New Orleans. No, I would do Sacramento. I would do Sacramento. I would do Sacramento, but I would negotiate my contract. I'm allowed to write a tell-all book after I get fired. That would make more of it for money. No, no, no, no, that, that'll do it. I can't imagine running the kinks. And you, you're like working on a trade for two days and then like Vavak comes in with whoever, like his right hand person is at the time that he inexplicably listens to. And they're just, and you lay out the trade and they're just like, nah, we don't like it. What about trading for Zach Lovene? Should we do that? What about the bulls? Should we just get all the bulls, the former bulls and try to make that work? That's just trade rosters. Quick one from Brett W. Here's one. Porzingus is traded at the deadline. He's weighed by a new team at the buyout deadline and then the Celtics signed him on a minimum, sent him to Germany for some treatment. And he's miraculously healthy enough to give them 20 minutes of game off the bench during the playoffs and Tade was back as well. Possible, question mark. I did get excited when I read this. Because if Atlanta does make a big move and Porzingus is stensibly is in it, it's probably to a team that then waves Porzingus, I would guess, and allows them to buy a contender. And at that point, the Lakers probably come flying in. I would guess. Do you have any faith that he's gonna play? I don't, but if it's like a minimum last two months of the season, you gotta take that. You and I were talking about this last night, how I sound like an old man sometimes now talking to NBA people who are like, well, you know what I was saying today, we should get traded here and Jeremy Grant could get you traded here. I'm like, they never play. Like I sound like my dad, like he doesn't play basketball. Yeah, he doesn't play. He's I want my players to play get sort of getting close to that, Yannis Point. Talked about that with legs on Tuesday. I don't, are you playing 75 games? Another one is Cam Johnson. Great guy. Everybody loves Cam Johnson. Can you get on the basketball court? How many games are you gonna play? Jalen Suggs. These guys in these four or eight or 65. Yeah, some honestly, some guys are more durable than others. We were talking about Jalen last night. I literally can't remember a Jalen injury. Like do you? And when you said that, I said knock on wood because we said the same thing about Tatum, right up until. Right. But two of the more durable young guys we've had, but they also really take care of their bodies. This is a good one from, I don't know how to say this because it's an international name, J N N E. So maybe Yann, Johnny, East first West, all star game. Winning conference has home court for the finals. The coaches and players would care. The counterarguments should be the team records of the first way to determine home court, but is it? Conferences have different schedules. They're imbalanced. Would this work? No. Didn't baseball try this, right? It's just immediately, it was like, it's not a good idea. I don't think it would work either, but you know what would work? Just getting rid of the all star game. Yeah, I'm out 20 years of ideas of how to save the all star game. Maybe the idea is to just not have it. I'm officially just out of the conversation. It's not going to happen. I don't want to go. I don't want to watch it. They don't care. They're going to have it over here. My only contribution would be 12, if you want to expand it to 13, 14, five, just East West. Just scrap all this other shit. I have a 40 minute game. I can't even, if people ask me, if fans, actual fans are like, hey, how's the all star game working this year? Like, oh, it's interesting you ask. So first, we split them up in international versus US, but there's two US teams, one in national team. Then team A plays team B in a game, not a quarter. And then team B plays team C. Oh, and another game, no, it's the second quarter of the game. Then the third, I'm like, I'm just, if this is what we're doing, like, what? It is a great point. If you can't, if it takes more than a sentence to explain something, it's a bad idea. Yeah. Is there like, if there's a loser's bracket within the game, it's like, let's just call it a day. I give it. I'll probably go this year because it's in LA. So we missed this last night. Cleveland Lakers, after Jaron Tyson said in the post game Lakers interview, that this is Donovan Mitchell's city now. The look on Mitchell's face was the same as Vito Corleone when Sunny talks out of Turner in this lots of media. I have a set of a week for my young teammates. And I spoiled them as you could see. They talk when they should listen. But it is funny that what a quick email into the mail. Whether it's a freeze frame picture of him saying that and then Mitchell, like, because it's good because he's taller than Jaron Tyson's taller than Mitchell. Mitchell's like, so did you see Jaron Tyson issued an apology for real? For that he clarified afterwards. Like I wasn't trying to step on anyone's toes or disrespect anybody. That's funny. I didn't even have any fun. We got to apologize for that. No, that's not an opinion anywhere. Bill H. For any trade combo, you always hear things like Team X can trade two first rounders today after the draft that can trade four because it's step being ruined. Oh, that's so. My question is, could teams have a handshake agreement to trade a pick later? I'll trade you Kat and Bridges for Yannis right now. And on draft night, I'll trade you three first rounders for Gary Trent. Is this legal? And why wouldn't it be? What would they do if this happened? Wow. They do a trade that just keep everything else quiet. And then the night before the draft, three first rounders for Gary Trent. And they're like, was that related to the Yannis trade? Like, not as far as you know. Just love Gary Trent. Just been trying to get him for years. We just, we two first rounders wouldn't go that far. I mean, Yannis really wanted him. But what would they do? Would they block it? It's a great question. There would definitely be an uproar from the other teams. Instead of it, they can't figure out what to do with the Terry Rosier contract. It's similar. It's not similar, but like, I don't know. If there's a pre-existing agreement that can be documented in any way, sees the cell phones, you know, that would be, almost like breaking bad, like a remote location where they, where they're, it's like, almost like a desert where they're like drilling for oil and you'd have to just meet out there, not bring your cell phones. I always wondered, what was I watching where there was a meeting like that? Oh, one battle after another. Right. How much time do people have? I just kind of drive, or I mean, are those places just so accessible? Like, oh, it's 30 minutes, I'll just be in the middle of nowhere. California, you just go towards like San Bernardino and you could find a way. 45 minutes? Yeah, 45 minutes. Okay. John from Georgia, last question. I have a theory that the NBA's top brass engineers to draft as some sort of market correction in terms of karma. One of the prime examples, Pelkins getting the number one pick in the AD draft after the Benson family buys the franchise, you could also throw in Kyrie, the Kyrie Cavs pick the year after LaBronla. Or something like that. I thought that was coming in the Eno. He said the maps are here in the number one pick in the Cooper Flag draft after Trayn Luca. Obviously, this is, this is, this is spurious. If this theory holds this year, I'm curious who you think has the best case for the number one pick in the 26 draft based on all the times we've, this has happened and we've gone, huh? So who would that be this year? Would it be Milwaukee trading Yannis and then somehow getting the number one pick? I'm a little confused by the definition of like what kind of karma is it? Just some sort of like, because Dallas didn't, I don't, Dallas, like you, was not, should not have been rewarded or I don't think that's the case for that one. That they should have had bad karma. But the case for that one is the leagues like holy shit, we have to say that's what Dallas, like they might actually move out of Dallas if we don't throw them a bone. There's been a few of these. There was the Zion Williamson one was another one where it's like, oh, interesting that that team one. And maybe the karma team isn't there yet. I'll tell you who it, about this. Oh, you got one? Well, I mean, I'm excited. I'm going good karma. I'm going like, no team who's sitting guys left and right for fake reasons. No team who's been like just incompetent for a long time, like Washington or the Kings. Okay. It's tough to rule that out. I mean, I'm just ruling on out. How about Charlotte gets the number one pick? So Charlotte, when I, I used to do the lottery karma rankings and Charlotte would be the number one candidate this year because they've tried hard all year, probably not making the playoffs. They're not far from the play. And now if they get in the play and but that's not this question. This question is the league, the league trying to send a message or trying to do somebody is solid. Okay. And I think the answer is, okay, so you get in the number one pick from the clippers as the aspiration penalty to the clippers. It's really good. It's like, we couldn't find anything but. And then all of a sudden, okay, so you get AJ DeBanza, whoever they get. Dan Peterson, I'm cooling on based on the Ben Simmons. I'm not positive. If you like basketball because you're not playing basketball, what's going on with you? So this relates to my, one of my rules of fund the commissioner. Yeah. If you've traded a pick outright, you should still have to be on the lottery, Deyes, with like the team you've traded it to, if to sit next to them. For the humiliation. Like, you should still have to be out there. Last question because I got this a bunch. Last question, Bill, last question. People keep asking me with the words actually trade stuff. If it was that bleak and he wanted it. And also anecdotally, people ask me this too because everybody loves stuff. Nobody wants to see him in the Kobe last four years with the Lakers, just kind of lottery death spiral. Nobody wants that. And maybe he just wants to stay and he doesn't care. And he's got a great house and that's where he wants to live. But do you think if he went to them and said, you know what? I actually want to chase a title. Is it just off limits? But they do. Like, how would that play out? I think you would, I think that's the only way it could ever happen. And I think even in that case, you would have to be completely, publicly transparent about it. Like, step would have to give a press conference where he talked about, look, I love Golden State. I just have two more years left. I want to try for a ring and like Mike Dundeev Jr. would have to be at the press conference. Like, we didn't really want to do this. But this is like, we love this guy. We love each other. This is all done out of love. And that's the only way I can see it happen. Because like, like, what can I give you a scenario? Sure. Let's say Charlotte does stumble on the top three pick on top of the team they have. And two years from now, they're okay seeing 2023 range. And the words, it's just dark. And stuff's like, you know what would be cool if I could just go home, go home, join this. And everybody's like, yeah, that would be pretty cool. I have to reason that I think in the mellow goes to Golden State and they kind of undo the wiseman pick or he gets bought out. What how do they have to do it to make it easier? The reason I don't think it'll happen is I do think we're in a Kobe Dirk scenario with this. Dirk was never leaving Dallas. There was no scenario you didn't want to anyone is tied on. I was going to say like we you're looking back on the end of the Kobe years as being disappointing, wasted, et cetera. But then you can't do that. I'm not saying you, but you can't do that. And then I also say, well, how cool it is that he's a one team player. And like, same with Dirk. And like, you can't you can't have both. Like, sometimes this is just how it is. And if like, I think one team players are kind of rare and cool. I think it's cool that Devon Booker has probably said, like, I want to be a one team guy. I think it's hard to have both. Be funny if Tatum and Jaylen both said that and the Celtics were like, yeah, that's great. Wow. No, I just I hope they're both one team guys. I love those guys. Can flick the reports about Tatum this week. I would like to say for the record, I still think he's playing this year and I feel really confident about that. And that's there is a setback, which I don't think there's been. I hope there's not a setback. And I hope, well, can they make the finals without them? Can they make the finals? You're closing the door on them making the finals. I don't think that. You saw last thing where we're watching Atlanta game, like, there's if there are three aren't going in and they're playing the right kind of team, like literally 20 teams in the week could beat them. I think they could I think the east is so bad that I can't slam the door on it. Yeah. But a, their health has been perfect, which tends to regress at some point. I do, I do think their margin fairer is like nothing, like nothing. You know who's going to tell us the answer to this? The Celtics because if they keep Simon's versus trading him, we'll be the answer. They try to trade Simon's just for somebody who makes less money and it makes the team worse. We have our answer. Yeah, true. Because Simon's has been important to them. But as I've said many times, if they could turn him into Malik Monk, I would still vote for that. Why do you want Malik Monk? Malik Monk thing. Well, first of all, you're not allowed in the island. I don't want to be on the island. I'm not even trying to turn my boat around. He's fine. Malik Monk's fine. 26 years old or 27. He's 26 27. How old is Simon? 40 years. Shooter every year. Well, he's making 18 million and Simon's making 27. And I still feel like he's a guy in big games that I trust. We saw it and I, that guy's still sitting there. He's just on the worst dumbest basketball franchise we have. That guy is still exists. Yeah, I agree. By the way, that's somebody I would go for. The Lakers. They had him. Right. He rehabilitated. Oh, yeah, maybe he wouldn't want to go back. But I just think, I think that dude, he's going to go to a team. I'm telling you, he's going to go to a contender and people are like, oh, shit, he's really good. I totally forgot. You got to D Kingzum. I wonder if there's like a machine that you have to like step in like a book. A bunch of shower. Yeah, a bunch of lasers. You have to get the Kings out of your soul. And then you can play. You remember the movie SoCo with Barrel Street? I never saw it. It was like a nuclear reactor site. And I had to do the SoCo shower. And it was like this like chemical shower you had to take. Maybe that's what has to happen. There you go. All right. Cyclops. CNA is on tonight. The Bill Simmons podcast is brought to you by Fandall. The interim lightweight title is officially up for grabs this Saturday. 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Kentucky Wyoming opt in required bonus issued as nomadrabble profit boost tokens, restrictions apply, including any token expression, max wage or amount, seed terms, sportsbook.fandall.com. Gamprom called 100 Gambo or visit rg-help.com, call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat and Connecticut. All right, Thursday afternoon. The K-Man Kevin Wilde is here and the fanciest setup he's ever had. He's on the set of his show. Joe Haft is here as always on Thursdays. I am wearing my authentic Tony Simmons jersey that I bought in 1998. House knew me back then because we've known each other for almost 40 years. Drove to the Patriots Pro Shop because they drafted a second round receiver named Tony Simmons. And I'd always wanted the Patriots to have a receiver named Simmons so I could have Simmons on the back of the jersey. And he turned out to be a bust and this jersey's been in my attic for a while. But I'm bringing it back came in because the nobody believes in us. Pats are back. Nobody's picking us. Nobody thinks we're going to win. Bella checks getting snubbed from the Super Bowl. We're underdogs. Joe House thinks Sam Darnel's going to run a mock. We're back, baby. We're so back. I'm wearing retro jerseys. I didn't know what year it is. Is it? 2026. Is it 1998? I don't even know. I need to ask wilds. I'm not sure this is a great idea. You pulled out a jersey. Nobody believe in Tony Simmons and with good reason. So you pull out that jersey for the nobody believes in this game. That's what jersey I wore a lot during the 2001 season. Tony Simmons right here. There was some good luck in this jersey. Well, it's your thoughts. It's a good luck in it. Bill and House's relationship goes back so far that the concept of a personalized jersey that you can get delivered to your home in Anchorage, Alaska in 22 hours. If you wanted to personalize Jersey, you had to scout the newspapers of the NFL draft predictions and hope there was a coincidence of your last name lined up with your favorite team. And the fact that it worked for you is fantastic. It's so much easier now. And when it happened, I had to drive an hour to Foxboro to buy it at the pro shop because that was the only place I could get it specially made and then do it. And now it's not had no money. I just love it. But yeah, those were the days. Anyway, wilds, why don't you stand by here while House disparages the New England Patriots and says why they don't have a chance to have a good. They're no good. No, I know you don't think we're going to win. Absolutely not. You thought we were going to win any week. I do want to call to mind amongst this group that we have done this. This is a reunion of source. Now, while it's an eye, haven't seen each other, you know, I admire from afar his daily television turn. It's wonderful. First things first, all of the best takes me to we even we've even talked ourselves in a liking. Nick right. That's how much we love you. He's great. Nick right. I mean, I have a great podcast with him a couple months ago. I like it. Yeah, it's great. The only question nobody's ever asked Nick right. Is anybody ever asked him why he won't just get a haircut? This is his look. It looks cool. Yeah, let's go into the look. Yeah, let's his look. Is it? Yes, look. Okay. House, you already can't have my hair. It's fine. House, you were compared a week ago to like you were in the backup band of an early 90s boys band without for you were on last week's podcast. That was an email I got. Well, that's great. Sure that was it. I have no regrets. I'm a guy in my mid 50s wearing a game worn not even a game worn authentic pastor's. I'm not here to come at either. It's not a I mean, so what do we do in Indianapolis? We did half baked. We did. We did, but the true highlight of that one of the highlights. There were many highlights because wilds came in and he was firing as as is always the case. But you chose during that show to share with wilds and I how proud you were. That you possessed a Starbucks card like the Starbucks reward card. You remember this one? This is like a half hour. We talked about this for a half hour. That every time I got a Starbucks, I was one step closer to a free ice coffee. And you guys were dumbfounded by this. No, it wasn't a loyalty card, Bill. What do you mean? You were just getting the card just to carry the card because you liked giving a gift to yourself. There was no loyalty component. I did that as well. Yeah, you're right. I forgot about that. Yeah, they got about that. Yeah, I had like a John or a card. Yeah. Jonathan Kraft was on that podcast too. So that's true. That's right. And by the way, this was one of the topics I had. That was the last time I went to a Patriot Super Bowl. I sat with Jamie Horowitz, aka, we were supposed to get our revenge to these Super Bowl, the Giants, Home of Catch Game. The Giants, listen, I'm fine with losing the Home of Catch Game. The second Giants team never should have beaten that past team in a million years. It didn't even play well. And we somehow lost anyway. And it was like leaving your own murder scene for 45 minutes. The problem with the Super Bowl, if you go and your team loses, you also can't get out. And you're just trapped when half the fans are happy for the other team. I was just recognizable enough that I was getting a lot of instruments. How'd that one work out? I wanted to fight everybody. And I was just like, I'm never going again. And I haven't. I've been to Super Bowl. It's just one now at the pad. Some people are asking me, Hey, you going down when you're going to get there? I'm like, I'm not going. I'm going to be watching on my couch. I'm going to have my son with me and my dog. And I'll do a podcast after, but I don't want to go to the game because I'm really scarred from the two giant games. Do you think this is farewells? We were favored in both of those giant games. Yeah. Well, I think the lead down was even harder. Yeah. But now that we're four and a half point underdogs, we're supposed to lose. Now, the lead down would still hurt, but the world thinks we're going to lose. I think it's worth worth the risk to go because the high is going to be extra high this year. Here's a call. I'll fire back a question to you, Bill. Out of our six championship rings. Yeah. Where would this one rank if we pull it off? Well, it's a nice say we and our like we're on the teamhouse. Just in case you're wondering, of course, if we should do nothing, whatever be 2001. And I would rank the deflake eight Super Bowl number two for me. The, that's fair. The just all the ship Brady took that week and then being able to beat Seattle and come back. And also like honestly, there was a little bit of some curse stuff lingering that spy gate had put a curse on the Patriots. And that's why we did bad luck and we weren't going to win again. So that one, I'd have number two. This, this might be three if they did this. It has to be high up there. Yeah. I mean, we were dead. We were like, we were the freaking browns was over. We were the jets. We were, we were the raiders like there was no hope. There was nothing. You don't agree with this? Well, it's no, I, I agree. I, it might be two for me. Wow. Yeah. So you've got one first and there's a home and has one first 16, just the game against the bout 28, three. Yeah. She's on its own island. But I can also make an argument because I was an adult for all of these, but I wasn't a father. Ah, or like a father, you know, that this is the first one that my kids are super into the Patriots. Hmm. This has an opportunity to be one. I think that's fair. I completely agree. It's also a great maze first potentially. Could be Drake May's first the way you're talking house. I mean, I love that. As if we didn't have enough obstacles first. Well, as if we didn't have enough obstacles. Now it's like Drake May shoulder limited in practice today updates. And we have Dr. David Chow breaking down and slow motion. Drake may hit in the turf and all of these things I was not expecting on Saturday night. I don't like any of it. Question. Little bit of gamesmanship. I certainly felt that way with the Stafford back stuff before the year that threw off house and I when we were on the bed on the Rams to, right? House, we just got immediately scared off with the old guy with the bad back thing. Yeah, except I think they were telling the truth. I don't think it was gamesmanship for the Rams. I think they were genuinely concerned about Stafford's back. Right. They had nothing to gain going into week one like, oh, we're going to rope a dope bar a week one upon it. Um, Darnell's I'm sure there's something wrong with this oblique. See that one I like. I like this. This is conspiracy built territory. Hey, look fine. Wing and the ball around take through for three hundred and forty yards. I never know what to do. We found out Josh Allen at a broken foot today. Like there's a release on Josh Allen's broken foot. His foot hurt ball in time for weeks. And all of a sudden he's on crutches in a walking boot. Right. But they're supposed to report this stuff. That's the rules. He ran for 66 yards against the Broncos. Well, he said I would still be able to if push came to shove, I could play right now. I've just played through whatever. It's kind of exactly the opposite of certain employers. Yeah, hero. Yeah, like I don't, I don't feel like trying to think who's the NBA player who would say the opposite of that house. So I on Williamson, Zyme Williamson. Yeah. All right. So the kids thing you're buying that house that that when you can share it with your kids when they've become fans. Because I remember Ben and I watched the 28 to three whole family watched the comeback. And that made a little extra special that I had the next generation there. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Absolutely. See how so you're never going to know because you're the with nothing with the wizards will ever happen with the watching team was in the national. What the NFC championship game. Did you some care though? Then you fired everybody. So you fired everything. Well, everything got went weird. It was all weird. The season fired everybody. By the way, that can happen. So while it's as a long time take person, long time follower, I've been surprised. Not only is everybody picking the sea hawks. It feels like, but now people now it's becoming like evil, Knievel. Now I can jump this canyon with the picks. I think Steve and I said he thought there didn't lose 60 to nothing. Was the thing said this week, they might lose 60 to nothing. We're doing down today. Can he walked it all the way back today? Can Newton was comparing to Trent. No, for Drake Bay. I don't know what can't drink. They idolize. Can't do this. Why is he doing this? It's like his hero. Okay. I want to I want to have a solution to this cam stuff. Great. Because I think it literally personally hurts Drake May's feelings. It's his childhood hero. He went to the Super Bowl. He's got panther stuff. It also hurts my feelings as a guy who loved cam and appreciated everything he did in that COVID year. He moved. He was like by himself. Yeah. He was in a new system and he made that post-spirited era interesting. Free Mac Jones. And here's what I want to say is really. Both this is nice. It's really nice for you to even call it interesting. It was interesting. We were close. We had a few fumbles. Yeah. But it was good. It was immediately staked. I like I enjoyed it. Okay. Here's my take on cam. And I hope this gets to cam. Cam. If we win the Super Bowl and if Drake May plays well in the Super Bowl, you had a part in that. Josh McDaniels made all of his bones in the Super Bowls with Tom Brady who could not move. Movely. God bless Tom Brady, but he's not a running quarterback. Yeah. The one year Josh worked with cam. 592 yards, 12 touchdowns, 55 first downs. This first year with Drake and Josh, 450 yards, four touchdowns, 38 first downs to the point where the bootleg against the Broncos. I started to, I'm like, did Josh get that from cam? Josh was not a guy who designed running quarter scrambles or sneaks or anything. He never did that with Brady. That's you, Cam. You are responsible for Drake's greatness. Not just when he was a kid, but the fact that you put this into the playbook for the Patriot right? You're when you win, you win, Cam Newton. Yeah, he gets the double. We watch you at the parade. Right. How so do you think of this? I can't tell if it's for the Raiders when the N is with the head coach. I mean, which one? He had a few of them. I think I'd be the car. Yeah, like he might. I'm their car and undercut some of what we're talking about here. Yeah, the thing with the thing. I just don't get it. I get why people have to do these stances and do whatever. But Drake, they was really good this year. You can't compare him to these quarterbacks that kind of were along for the ride. I also, the weather thing. This is another thing that I've been arguing with people about. I don't know if you feel like your Jon Snow defending the wall here with the Patriots, but it's fine. If you think they're going to lose the game, I get it. Seattle's really good. But they haven't played a normal weather game in like a month. And Stafford was in Chicago that game that went into overtime that they almost lost. And then one 20 to 17. They scored 17 points and four quarters and then got a field goal in OT. They didn't look like the Rams at all. Puk, I think had 55 yards. They didn't really have any explosive plays and Stafford looked creaky for most of the game. And afterwards, everyone was like, man, really tough weather game. The weather really affected both teams. This has been the entire Patriots playoff run. They haven't played a normal game yet. And even if San Francisco is like 55 degrees and not raining, it's the biggest win. The passive ad weather wise in over a month. So I don't know. Does that sound like an excuse to you house? Yeah, the weather for the chargers and the Texans games was like regular New England weather. Now Texans game was, it was freezing. It was free. Texans game was cold and rainy. That's the rain. England. But that's what happens up there. It sucks. We're saying that those all those players because of how new they are and the system, none of them are acclimated to what New England weather. That's it doesn't go. It's just when you come here and they're in a fared in Darnold's performance with a guy who's playing in a blizzard. Yeah. And look, Drake missed a lot of throws and I don't know what was going on with this shoulder. I thought it was the worst throwing game he's had since the Vegas game. But he made some stuff happen in this leg. So he put together a 10 minute drive that effectively gave them the lead for good. And I just don't think I didn't think he was good by his standards. But we've seen a lot of quarterbacks kind of be up and down like that. The problem is the next game, Darnold and Stafford were both awesome. You know, and then you watch that first game and then you watch the second game. You're like, oh my god. There's also the same Darnold piece that I think people have just slept on. Right? The Patriots I would say is a fair to say, but kind of ended his jets career. That was the tipping point. Right? Is that fair? The IC Ghost Game, unrecoverable. Probably hurt his career more than was fair. More than I think the NFL films team realized when they just had a a random sound bite. You know, they're not trying to hurt people's careers. But that one just it was so he was actually penalized bill for being creative. For being thoughtful about a circumstance. But he's just because he was a good writer. So the sports movie version of this is well now he gets to exercise the ghosts and play the Patriots again in his career as a full circle. The Patriot fan side of me is like, it's fucking sand, Darnold. We're still we're still paying interest on that guy from when we owned him a couple of years ago and I'm trying to talk about some of that. How's what's your case for Seattle just easily winning this game and covering? Because I feel like you're leaning that way. I don't think anything's going to be easy. The cases they have the number one by DVOA past defense and they will put pressure on Drake May and the pressure that they're able to put on him. They're super fast in the middle. I'll take the middle of the field away. It's not like the Patriots possess absolute burners on the outside. So the case would be that they put May under so much pressure. It's the version of what we saw with the Texans except for the Seattle will not be giving New England the ball on the 30 yard line five consecutive possessions. Right. So that's the case. All right. Seattle's not going to be home. Neutral field. I think both things are really good. I think the paths are better than people realize. And I think Seattle is cruising on the fumes of those first two games, especially. Like I go back to week 18. I was sitting this to Mina. Mina and I were getting along. It's, you know, it's a little bit of a tap dance, but it's fine. But I was saying like week 18, Seattle was favored by one and a half at home against the Niners, right? In a must win game for the win scene. They beat San Francisco. They beat them again. Then they they squeezed by the Rams. And now they're being treated like a different team by the odds makers. I personally think this line should be two and a half. I don't think it should be four and a half. I think it should be two and a half. And it seems like there's an extra two points near because there's Seattle. There's some Seattle. Steam. You know what I mean? Well, it's they have some steam. They're the team. We pulled the graphic. We pulled the graphic today. The last seven teams that were favored by four or more, two and seven outright and none of them covered. Yeah. I'm trying not to get too excited about it, but I'd really do feel like we're back. I mean, when you go back to 1773, guys, who was the first place that really stood up to the British Boston? 1775. Revolutionary war. Watch the Ken Burns documentary. Who really put their foot down and kicked the British to fuck out Boston? And ever since then, go all the way through. All the nobody believes in us stuff. You go to gem in the town. You can go all the way through. It's the DNA. But the titles kind of shifted it. We're Boston won a lot. And then you lose that because but now it now being the underdog that is spared underdog. I feel like the underdog. Can I say something and ask what we know? I think you're going to have a visceral reaction to this. Let's hear. As a fan of sporthouse. Yes. Kind of ruined for Sam Donald. As I disembodied my Patriots fan. Removing the Pat's fan. I said, yeah. It's a one. It's a one of a kind. Well, no, I understand. It's a one of a kind story. We really don't have anybody we can point to in our NFL experience that has a career like this. Not only is we had the redemption arc that was the Viking season last year. I mean, he really transformed that Vikings organization, put them on the precipice of being like, you know, a potential run for them. Their defense is so good and they had all those skill players. But, you know, he went and replicated that with a whole another team, a whole another situation of brand new offensive coordinator and skill players that everybody at the beginning of the season. Like, they were question marks because, you know, they kicked out DK Metcalf. They let the other receiver go. And, you know, it was, yeah, lock it. Right. But we came in with a bunch of question marks with Seattle team. And all he did was kick ass and take names all season Kevin Wildes. Well, the other thing is I forgot this. And this is a pretty unusual from a Super Bowl ad standpoint because everybody's so good at doing odds now. You don't really get a lot of future value, right? And there was ironically Fox Sports said this tweet. Top 10 longest preseason odds to win the Super Bowl since 1977. The 99 Rams were famously 150 to one, 150 to one. The 01 Patriots were 60 to one. And the 81-9ers were 50 to one, right? You have the Patriots and the Patriots were 80 to one before the season. The Seahawks were 60 to one. Either outcome would be the second biggest future that we've had since 1977. Which that house, that's not supposed to happen anymore. We do these overunders. And I remember I love Seattle, but they're over under was eight and a half. I don't, I wouldn't have picked them to win the Super Bowl. I wouldn't have picked the Patriots either. It was another team I like, but this is pretty crazy, but it goes back to a pretty nutty season. Do you think the Bell Check stuff is good for the Patriots, sir? It's a non-factor. Don't think it's a major factor. I don't think it's a minor factor. I don't think it's a little factor house. But the Patriots, legacies, in the building of being discredited, doubted or disrespected. Not nothing. I'm just so happy. It's nothing. I'm just so glad it happened this week because if it happened next week as the lead into the game, we'll be losing their minds. Thank God we're going to dispense with this. And the stupid hall of fame is going to change the rules, right? Isn't that the way we're leaning now? The dummies will fix it because it's like, well, we made up the stupid rule that led to this result. They certainly can make up a, can fix the stupid rule and just usher the man in for God's sake. I mean, the football hall of fame especially, as you know, I hate all Hall of Fame's and in 2009, wrote an entire book devoted to blowing up the basketball hall of fame and starting over and making a pyramid. All of these Hall of Fame's have been screwed up. I always, the football... Did you want to actually make a real pyramid? Was that the... Yeah. Is that the five levels you don't have architectural draw? Yeah, it was a pyramid and the top level was the Pantheon. Yeah. You can't see me. I'm making a big deal. I mean, you think Nick Rake got the, got Mahomes mountain from, the fucking Hall of Fame pyramid. Say you could tell him I said it. It doesn't it kind of look like a pyramid now? What do you mean? The Hall of Fame? Well, the concept of the pyramid, the building, I... The concept was you go the Hall of Fame and as you go up each level and this original person who had this idea was my buddy Gus's dad, Wally Ramsey, one of my great English teachers of all time, was the concept is you go up and you go up to another floor and now the players are getting better and then by the time you get to the top floor, it's like the best of the best. And that's the whole concept, the high... It's very good. It's really good. Not a half-baked idea. A fully-baked idea. No, that was a great one. And then the basement had all the people that could have made it, but all had their little stories, like the people, the comments, the drug guys, all that stuff. Anyway, the pro football Hall of Fame guys, I always felt like they were the most annoying because it was like 50 people and they carried themselves like a fucking... Like a fraternity at Harvard where it's like when in social network where Mark Zuckerberg and his remainder trying to get it in that fraternity, it's like, oh, we made the second round in these douchebags and like put a robe on. We all hate all that stuff. Right? That's basically the NFL Hall of Fame, how they do it. It's 50 guys, you're not allowed to talk. We argue about it in the room. Let's get the fuck out of here. Whatever your process has led to the best coach in the history of the week, not making the Hall of Fame the first thing. And I never get mad about this stuff and this actually made me mad. Like at some point there should be a shit to tag apart. I got mad at a visceral level. It's like everyone got mad. It made Bale check a sympathetic figure which was like impossible. Where were the ads of that? That was 80 to 1, like the fucking Patriots. How is it was probably a win for him in the end? Oh, an amazing win. Are you kidding? An 11 out of 10. Speaking of redemption arcs, we're all going to go into this coming summer. And he has a free out yet to preserve his legacy. Is he going to go back to stupid North Carolina and try and do that again? Is he really going to go do that? The team's going to be great. I'm buying stuff. It doesn't make any sense. Especially with the gift that he's just been given. He's just been giving an immense, unexpected, windfall lottery ticket here with this outrageous Hall of Fame nonsense. Just ride on off into the sunset with this. Wilds, would you if Buffalo had a nowhere announced, we've hired our new coach and it's Bill Bale check. How would your feelings have been? Walk me through your first 30 seconds of that. First thought, total fear. That's exactly what my first thought would have been as well. I would have been like, fuck. Second thought, bring it on. Third thought, a practical who are the assistants? Who's the OC? I think he's lost his fat. Without Josh or the whole map of Trisha's OC thing, I feel a little bit calm. So you would have thought? A question to calm down from it. Okay. What would your thoughts have been, House? I want to ask you guys this, there are still two teams that need quarterbacks. I mean, need a head coach. What if Tom Brady hires Bale check to be the head coach of the Raiders after all of this? It seems like they're getting Clint Kubeak. I think that's what they're just waiting. By the way, he's a total badass. But Arizona, Arizona is so irrelevant and has done nothing but cover itself with the opposite of glory, with the way it's conducted. It's affairs. Why not one last run for the old man in the year that he was, you know, undeservedly exactly, exactly one more time. So I was thinking the Browns, and then they hired Todd Mocken, and you're like, that's a team that definitely should have hired. Bale check. Like really, you're going to hire that guy. They did, like they had Jim Schwartz, who's, I think worked with Bale check in the past. But if I'm hiring Todd Mocken, I'm just hiring Bale check instead and let him figure out should or Sanders. And just he comes back to Cleveland. He brings back to Cleveland. Cleveland Browns started to jack it. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty good. It's like, we have unfinished business here. They took the team away. Yeah, that's right. It's pretty good. But I think he's smart enough to know I have to go where the quarterback is. Like that's basically what Brable did. Brable was in all the mix for these jobs I share. And he was like, I want to make sense if it really matters. Like what he's not going to go in and, you know, immediately transform a situation. Bale Bale check at this point. No, I'm saying if you're him, you want a quarterback. I'm just, and I would feel that way if it was me, and I was an F out coach. Like I'm not going anywhere that doesn't have a quarterback. Who's my quarterback? It's like, keep your fingers crossed. That's kind of like the signety to the Raiders. I know he's kind of bored cold water on it, but I love that idea of the coach college combo, a little Jamar Chase, Jill Barrow action. Be really sexy. Let's take a break. And then we're going to do half-picked ideas with Wilds. Unless there's any more 98 Patriots stuff you guys want to do. Are we done? Want to talk about the team? Nothing. Okay. All right, we'll take a break. Hey, there's a massive fight coming this Saturday interim lightweight title on the line. Fandall wants to make sure you're all locked in. They're hooking up everybody with 30% profit boost for fight night parlay's and SGPs, the perfect way to boost your winnings. My favorite BSD fight in Dan Hooker. I'm in. Let's throw him minus 340 money line with Diego Lopez to get his revenge against Volcanovsky. That's plus 118. You put those two together. Plus 182. And you can add the little profit boost to that. And you're ready to roll. While you watch Saturday night, go ahead and place your bets. Unfandall sportsbook, Fandall, play again. And is you? In cinemas everywhere March 19. TZC supply eligible tariff and smart meter required. All right, so ever since I've had a podcast, which states back to 2007, the worldwide leader ESPN, Kevin Wiles will come on and do half baked ideas. I did one on Dave Chang show. I went on Dave Chang show and gave him my idea for a restaurant that only accepts credit card roulette and forces the customers to play credit card roulette with each other. And then they videotape everything and they cut it into social video to promote the restaurant. That might have been a fully baked idea. I don't even know if that was a half baked idea, but I was really proud of that. Like it was almost too good. It was too good. I probably should have figured out how to screw that up somehow. Anyway, Wiles, usually you have like two big ones and two smaller ones. So what do you got? All right, so I'll start with a big one and we'll do four total. And since house is here and I'll piggyback off of your restaurant idea, went out to dinner and said, oh, let's get a seafood tower. Love the seafood tower. You know, I always say great. This is a great time to get shrimp. It's great, but I'm always thinking about the food, you know. Can I just tell you nobody? Nobody loves the seafood tower more than Joe House, like probably in the planet. So this is an amazing start, Wiles. Perfect. The guy on the list says, ah, you know, I don't want the little clams, which are the junior varsity kids table of the seafood tower. It kind of grows like, ah. He says, let's just get this one. It's called the tablo. I should have had red alarms going off in my mind. The waiter brings over a bowl of seafood. It was a disaster. It had no altitude house. So I'm thinking, oh, it's very obvious. I always thought the shrimp and the lobster tail was the star of the show. It's not. It's obviously the height. And I know that's right in front of me, but I needed to be punched in the face with it. Then I'm thinking, you know what? I need more towers in my life period. Just off the top of your head house. I'm going to say a waffle tower. Is there a breakfast bar? No, there's our waffle tower over there. Oh, you want a cobsiled? Do you want to end a bowl? Do you want to end a tower? We got lettuce. We got your bacon here. We got your blue cheese. And as it goes up and up, however tall you got the bacon bits up top, anything can have a tower option. It works so well. It's an incredible concept. Let's, we, this is the second restaurant. We were opening two new restaurants. This is a group right here. We have the credit card roulette and we'll have to come up with a clever name for it. But the name of the restaurant is the tower and everything you want. 20 towers. Yeah. And, and, and the burger tower is immediately the number one for me, right? You can have, you know, like a regular American cheeseburgers at the bottom. And you're climbing all the way up to your most decadent. However funky, you know, whatever you want to have on it, you want to have, you know, for a grá and, and your fanciest cheese is on the top burger. Yeah. It could be a lobster burger. This is a, it's an incredible concept. Well, could you have also studied the tape on this bill? And I'm like, I got a self scout. Am I underplaying the value of crushed ice in tiny things of Tabasco? It's on the board. Well, part of my head immediately went to could the tower also only accept credit card roulette. You just merge the two ideas. It's a one plus one equals three. I mean, you could obviously do that. So I was trying to think with towers. So like sometimes when you'll do, I don't know, when you're at somebody's house and they have they're making cheeseburgers. And then they have the extra plate that has like lettuce, tomato, and onions. And then there's like another plate with the cheeses. The cheeseburger tower would be kind of be perfect for this, right? Because you would have the burgers at the bottom and then it would go up and then the top, as House said, would have all the cool extra things. Why is it seafood is the one that works the best with this house? Like, could you, could you do like a pasta tower? The ice definitely plays a role because it's visually stimulating. The temperature change when it comes to the table, it changes the gravity of the table. And it's visually appealing. And it's so interesting that the variance you get between what a shrimp looks like, what an oyster looks like, even the clams, the clams have, oh, is this a clam or is it an oyster? Well, it's a little smaller. Okay, I got it. You know, some folks will take a tiny bit of a, do a tiny hamachi and kind of like, you know, put some sliced stuff on a tiny plate and slide it like there's all kinds of room for creativity with this. So the sushi tower. So that's a great one. The sushi tower is a great one because you could have different levels. Yeah. I've worked at a few restaurants. I've never worked at a place that sold or offered seafood towers. But if you, if you get a diet coke, I feel like it's out of bounds to ask, hey, I know you've got seafood towers on the menu. Can I have the crushed ice from the tower in my diet coke? I think I would be shut down. I was like, no, that ice is for the tower exclusively. We can't start handing out this ice all over the place than the tower is not special. We built two different things. I think I have two ice machines back there. This reminds me, we built this little bar in the, in the back of my house that had an ice cube machine that has the big ass cubes. Not just a crushed ice, but like those big fat ones. Spectacular. Love those. You say overrated. I present to you the botchy ball ice. Now they're just like big ass ice cubes and square cubes. The joy of people's faces when they're offered a big cube, you can't really put a price on it, including Joe House. Have my hand on it. People just like cube people like, although sometimes it'll be like the two big cubes. Be like, look, look at these two big cubes in my glass. I feel like something to confess. I feel like it's on the ice. I've seen the confess. Yeah. For Christmas this year, my wife, she says, yeah, it's impossible to shop for you. Give me some things. I gave her three or four things. One of the things that I asked for from my wife for Christmas this year was square ice cubes because there is, you can make them and Bill has a machine that makes them. There is, there used to be in Washington DC. I don't know if it's the place to exist. Kind of a curated ice like a place where you could go to buy because there's a machine that will make the perfect ice. Obviously, I'm going to get a lot of feedback from people saying, you just pour some water into a tray and the shape will be the giant ice cube. No, I don't want to do work. So she ordered ice that was delivered to my house that was made by this machine in the perfect shape that I like. I can put four of those cubes in my giant 30-ounce water. And that's what I drink. Get on board. Get on board with the ice, Wilds. Paul, and you're getting, I didn't realize that you're ordering the ice. Yes, I am. Packaging in the styrofoam alone. Sure. Yes. Well, it's good for the environment is what they tell us. I thought that she would go to the local place and she did not go to the local place and it may not even exist any longer. Instead, she did order it and it was shipped here. The shipping costs greatly exceeded the cost of the ice. Yeah, I don't know what it's back. I can't go sign that. I'm not recommending that. I have another one. Go. It's similar restaurant theme. You know those Cosmo places? I think it's called Cosmo. Maybe. It's like an iMacs for sporting events. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's one in LA. I don't think I'll cause my family. Yeah, there's one in LA and people go and it's like the giant screen they feel like they're at the game. Yeah, and it's like you're there, right? It's cool. So combine that with a video I saw of a Packers fan who was watching his game outside in his Packers jersey through the window and his wife was like, what are you doing? He's like, if they're cold, I want to be cold. I'm like, this guy knows what it's about. And me and Billy went to the Texans game because part of it, we wanted to be miserable with the players. We were in it. We're all one. So a bar. If you can't be like the Packers guy in green Bay, but like for LA fans of the Patriots, oh man, it's a disaster in Denver or it's terrible in Foxboro coming in this place. Get out your old North Face. It's freezing. It's raining in here. It's a disaster. A bar that controls the elements. But if the elements are of your favorite home team and you can be different places, the Patriots are playing in Miami. It's hot as hell down here. I'm like, gosh, darn it. Right. It's like 90 degrees in the bar. Yeah, it's a great, we want to go see the Bears game, get your jacket. Sounds like it's more expensive than shipping in ice. I mean, how can you get it cold enough? How do you make it as cold as Chicago was? I said, it gets cold in those places. That's true. That I really get a cold place and makes pockets a bit hot. Yes. I think it's one of those ideas that it would take a while to build the restaurant, get all the elements right. I think there would be a lot of PR when it launched and I think people would go for about three weeks. And then does it have a name? Oh, in the elements. Yeah, elements, something the elements. The elements. I'm going over the elements. It's pretty good. He's hitting, see, it's getting cold in here. What's your next one? I got this is, you are submitted, Micah Adams. To work with. I remember Micah Adams. Send me big research guys. Yeah, great guy. Yeah, good guy. Send me a full paragraph for a half baked idea. I didn't ask if I could use this, but I assume you'd be cool with it. I'll just read it verbatim. Okay. Yeah. You're going to be in immediately. NBA Royal Rumble. It's either one-on-one or knockout, but not just current players. Bring out retired guys, college players, whatever you want. The fans have no clue who comes out next. 30 names, a king of the Hill survivor, but stealing the idea of the Royal Rumble would do just sprint out of the tunnel. There's a belt in everything. Tell me that's not the best All Star Saturday event. That's a free half baked idea thumbs up. Crushed it. All right, so two guys are out there. And what do they play to like three? Played a one. I think so. Played a one. Played a one. So the guy that comes out. No, it's like the guy who comes out has the ball. If you play tennis king of the court, you have to get the person stays on, gets one, but the person entering needs to score two. Oh, okay. Because by the time you're, you know, so it gives you an advantage if you play 10 games. Okay. I'm so glad you said tennis king of the court and not pickle ball king of the court. Is that just what I end of the podcast if you said pickle ball. I'm glad to use the sport where we use athleticism. So believable. All right, so two guys come out. It's Anthony Edwards and Zion. Anthony Edwards wins. He's king of the court. Now Con Canippo runs out. And he's got to score two baskets before, but if Edward scores one basket, he stays on Con Canippo as to leave. He's got to score two times in a row. Guess who else comes then gets who comes out next. But Kimmelize you on. Yes. Yes. Oh my god, it's angel races music. What does she do it here? She's number five. Why not? My god, let her play tennis. Christian Latener. Christian Latener. That's that's a pretty good one. Oh no, that's it. And the music is so good. Oh, you just hear like the Bulls music. What's going on? Steve Kerr? Like Steve Kerr, I thought we're getting Jordan. They play that's right. They play the famous Bulls music. And Steve Kerr comes out. Janine Bush will come out. And then number 30 is LeBron. And everyone gets mad that they rigged it. Of course, he's number 30. Of course, they just wanted LeBron to win. And then we talk conspiracies. Oh my god. This all sounds great. You don't know guys are injured. And you have all like, is Kai really going to be available for all star? Oh, here he comes. Can I tweak this a tiny bit? I'll do respect to Mike Adams. It's a two on two. So it's a tag team world rumble basically. So you'd have 30 names. Well, I guess four into 30 does work. Maybe it's 28. Maybe it's 32. It's eight teams. Okay. And you have like, it goes a little longer. So it basically like, if you score, if you get to five, you stay are ones and how are we doing with ones and twos on this thoughhouse? Well, do you choose your team mate as my first question? No, because you want the surprise of the rumble. That's the best thing with the rumble. Okay. Good. Good. Good. But if you played to 11 with twos and threes, then you won the next two many basketball. So you'd have to play seven? I find. I find. But then I need people coming in and out. Yeah. One to you play one. The entrance is the store. Two points. This is the. All right. So it's single. So keep it. Keep it. I really like it. phenomenal. Here's the other thing. It's a it's a timer like the Royal rumble. If you guys are playing hard defense or people miss tough lock. Here comes Kevin Durant. Oh my god. Why there's three guys on the court now. Grandfold put backs. The best everybody's gone except for Durant. The best part would be like. Case number 27. Who's that's going to be? My god. It's empty Davis. He's running out. He pulled the calf. He's not going to be able to play. Sometimes the greatest financial victories. Aren't the huge flashy contracts. But the mid-level moves that maximize your cap space. Just like tax act. Hope she get a great return by finding every deduction. Even the small ones. To minimize your refund. And great returns presented by tax act. We look back at the best decisions she has made to land. And inexpensive player who paid huge dividends down the stretch. And owners that have seen their team. valuation skyrocket. So I always think of the warriors with this in the mid-2010s. With the combination of having curry on this amazing contract that somehow wasn't a max contract. Even though he was a two-time MVP. Having Drey Montgomery as a second-round pick. And then anticipating the cap spike that was coming in the summer of 2016. Which allowed them to let Harrison Barnes go. And then signed Kevin Durant. And all of a sudden, Kevin Durant, Steph Curry, Jay Montgomery, and Clay Thompson. And Andre Guidala. All on the same team. Hard to think of a better great return than that. And I'm putting them two titles in the row. Great returns presented by tax act. This tax season. Simplify your moves. Maximize your refund. Visit taxac.com to learn more conditions. Apply. See taxac.com for details. All right. What's your next one? Wilds. Oh. All right. Well, I'm going to go back to it. I'm going to go back to it. This is a dumb one. I already got this one shot down by Greg Jennings. But this is a good idea. I don't care. There was a point where Drake May was in shotgun to buy him some time. Because our offensive line was a little bit porous. And I also thought Justin Herbert could have done this. Okay. You guys need to take a deeper shotgun snap to buy some time. Combine that with Caleb, who ran back 26 yards from the line of scrimmage to make a largely normal play. Yeah. Made me think the pocket needs to be deeper. Our center is out. A long snapper is in. I'm taking the snap 15 yards back. I buy myself two extra seconds. I can look around. It's a revolutionary idea. I don't know if the league is ready to hear about this. But once I saw Caleb run 26 yards back and he needed four yards, he's like, this is the best way for me to get four yards. I don't go back 26 yards. But if he had a long snapper, he would just have it there. John. So the problem would be this snap would have to be pretty on target for like 16 yards. But every time a long snapper snaps to a punter, it has to be on target. Like it's not often the case that the punter is like running all over the world. You know, the punters have to jump. They have to move in response to the ball. But most of the court and NFL quarterbacks can move in response to the ball. They can see it coming. There's enough time to adjust. I have a small half-baked idea. I was thinking about icing the kicker when teams ice the kicker at home before a big field goal, right? Call time out. Give the guy two minutes, two and half minutes to think about it. I was thinking about this during, for some reason, my wife and I were watching Bohemian Rhapsody, the Queen movie. And was thinking about we are the champions. Was such a brilliant song by them. And I don't think it was the intention of the song. When they made it, I think they wanted a bigger rena song. But I don't think they realized it would be played in sports for the rest of their life. Like it's perfect. And I think we've even talked in the past about how we don't create enough songs that first sports moments. There should be an icing the kicker song. Some bands should create it. And it should be ominous and dark. And it should like fuck the kicker up. It's almost like what David Fincher, like a song he would have put in seven in the last 30 minutes. And it's just blaring and the thing and the whole crowd is chanting like, yo, a career will never be the same. And it's just like singing these lyrics that are just like infecting the guy's head right before he kicks it. Really dark. Almost like creep radio head, right? You hear creep and it's like, man, that's a pretty dark song. What's the icing the kicker dark song that would fuck with the guy? Can I tweak this house and play it? Please, let's tweak this. I'm listening. Everyone's trying to figure out how to use AI and a lot of data. Oh, right. Oh, right. Run this data through the AI. But you also have AI taking these deep fakes. Oh, it's time we have deep fake video on the video screen. Oh, no. Don't do it. I'll do it. Missing it. In the crowd celebrating and he said that's a relief. He fakes up his teammates being like, oh, no. And then privacy like I never believed in him. On the bus home. Yeah, I love this. It's his wife's like, I'm we got to sell the house. I'm genuinely relieved because I thought sales sign in front of the house. Simmons was was pushing us in a dark direction. And then you said AI and deep fake. And then I started thinking of like really dark things that you could put on a screen. No, not not not not not not. That's what somebody like us. The parents are hostages. Look here. Parents. Your parents are hostages right now. Not that's dark. It's an ethical AI. Ethical AI. Very good. Wouldn't even be. Yes. Great job. I have been doing mailbags. People have been sending great emails. They could send in a BS podcast 332mail.com. David Haines. I love it. Male bags are backed by the way. Male bags are backed. Well, when the emails are good, male bags shouldn't come out. They shouldn't come anywhere. I know, it's my fault. Yeah, I don't know why. It's my fault. You know, we all can't bat a hundred, bat a thousand. I'm not going to run down. It's like a Donald's. Like, I'm going to take happy meals off many for a few years. They'll do that sometimes. We all can't bat a hundred. How did I come up with that? David Haines. A hundred. Yeah. Here's his pitch. You love your new child, but don't you miss the nightlife of the city, co-zing up to the bar for the 1 p.m. games. Maybe you love detaining a matinee before you had a little one. Well, with the baby weight, you don't have to give up the former pleasures of your social life. You can leave your child at home, enjoy hours for your child without anywhere of them getting into the pantry, calling over stairs or really getting beyond the one to two-foot radius where you left them. The baby weight is a weighted diaper that strengthens the will and the physique of your child. They won't go far, but you can. I thought obviously not a great half-picked idea, but I really mired how crazy it is. Wait, you're at the bar. Hold on. Let me get the baby weight. I don't understand. Is it to restrain the baby? Yeah, I think it's almost like a weight harness. You could also just take a 25-pound weight and handcuff them to the weight. What's the difference? I would say that was not even a half-picked idea. It bummed out wilds. That wouldn't make it through our sensors. Did it make it? That's the ethical AI. What was the last one you had? Final one. You guys will like this one. Baby weight. We can recover from baby weight. He spelled it W-A-I-T, which I wrote. Pretty good. Yeah, the best of the other baby. I think that was the genius of it. Baby weight. He's like, I'm packed into that one. Bill, when Sean Payton went for it on fourth down, instead of kicking the field goal and making it 14-nothing Broncos, and you saw that they were coming out in the field goal unit was staying on the sideline. Were you happy or nervous? I have tech threads praying that they were going to go for it. Exactly. I thought it was our only chance. It's ecstatic. Please go for it. I don't believe it. Because even if they got it, it wouldn't have necessarily been a touchdown. They would have been first and goal from the eight. Wasn't even guaranteed. And if we stopped it, which we did, that will be the momentum to carry it. And I thought we could stop it. It's Jared Stittum. Please go for this. We're walked in. As part of your analytics team for an NFL NBA baseball, if you want to pull a picture, do you leave them in? You have one super fan of every opponent you play on your schedule. And you've got them watching the game in your building, but they're hooked up like a F1 racer. And they're seeing their heart rate and their measure and sweat. And your data guys can figure out like, oh, hey, before you make this call, Payton, we've got three Patriots fans sequestered away. And I just saw their dopamine shoot up till 99. Call time out and get the field goal kicker on. Let's see what happens. Oh, it just dropped. Yeah. They don't want you to kick the field goal. They want you to go for it. But the fans and the other team wouldn't want to participate in this because they wouldn't want to affect the outcome negatively. I mean, what really should happen? What? I don't understand. See, you couldn't kidnap the Patriot fans to study their dopamine because they wouldn't want to help the other team. No, it's on, but they were looking at like pupils dilating. You can't, it's on. It's, you're not just saying I want you to go for it. This is your hooked up to a machine like that. Yeah. I still want to choose to be hooked up to a machine, right? Yeah, but what is paid? What an handsome salary? Yeah, what or they turn up my team. I'm helping Sean Payton. I'm not putting the machine on. You could see it's saying you're going to pay for it. Yeah. It's $20,000 and you get seats right on the midfields, 10 rows up and all the, so that's my price and beer. That's my price for helping the Broncos. Well, that's, that would be my price. I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, see. It's a game. See, I think it would be the technology of a camera from far away. Could zoom in and study the pupils of the fans and attendance. That's true. Unwittingly. They're participating. And you, and you have everybody might and you hear the Patriots fans going, I hope they go for it. I hope they go for it. And that's how you do it. There's something here though. I do feel like nobody knows. There's no more honest reaction in sports than people rooting for their own team instinctively being like, I hope this happens or I hope this doesn't happen. I would still take a hundred times out of a hundred over the analytic charts. And I like analytics and I obviously used them a lot with stuff, but that was a perfect example of misreading the situation because no Patriots fan wanted them to go up 10 nothing. When we're in bad weather and there's snow coming and it was just like, this is a disaster if they go up 10 nothing. Please go for this. Yep. 14, nothing, 10 nothing. I don't think even think of a matter. That's a perfect idea. How do you have any golf have to have baked ideas for us? No, no, I didn't come in prepared. I didn't even know that this is going to be the thing. There are most of golf has half baked ideas. That's the thing. Like go, go look at golf gadgets. Like that's a very simple Google you will send back to you 15,000 ways of improving your swing and improving your posture. That's great. Improving your view. Every aspect and remember golf has three different kinds of techniques that you have to be good at. You have to be good at driving the ball. You have to be good at hitting irons more than that. Chipping the ball. Pudding. So every one of those activities, those disciplines has 10,000 suggestions for getting better at them. I have one. I have one small one. First of all, SNL had a sketch about making fun of Spotify rap. It was your postmates wrapped up all your orders and you just got them all delivered of everything you've ordered on postmates or Uber Eats. Any delivery wrap? I already look at my door dash orders. I thought it was a great idea for pleasure. I thought it was a pleasure for pleasure. Everything in there and it's just like how I did in 2025. I thought that was great. Can we talk about? So people, if you have dogs, like some people have dog walkers, some people walk around dogs, some people have help if they have work. Why don't we have postmates dog walkers? Nine thirty at night. Murphs just has too much energy and I'm like, oh man, Murph probably needs to go out and walk around. But I'm wearing pajamas. I want to watch this Clippers game. I don't feel like taking them out. I'm going to go outside and that dialogue exists. But certainly not at the level that it should. That's right. Postmates dog walk. I call in. It goes up, walks the dog 20 minutes the same way they would deliver food. I love this. And door dash, at least in my area, now has expanded to where you can order stuff, right? You can order running shoes. You can order a computer mouse. They're basically like a personal assistant. That's it. So there's you add to the menu of things that are available. Or dash, you've reached whatever postmates, a personal assistant that is also available. This person will be your residents in 30 minutes. I mean, maybe they have a bunch of people in the neighborhood. So they have like 15 people that they're kind of on call for like doctors. Feels like that. This is where we're all heading. We're just never going to leave our house is where we're going. That's a thing. Convenience is the enemy. It is a good idea. You could probably tie it into an exercise app too. It's like, hey, get your steps up and do it with the dog. Well, let me ask this. Wilds, we just went through an enormous snow storm here on the east coast. I know you got walloped. Did you shovel your own walk? I definitely he definitely did. Yeah, there's no wilds as I actually started. I like doing it. Yeah, wow. It's written in for us. I like it for when it's about two inches and it takes a half hour to do one portion of one walkway. There's no chance for what Washington DC received, the DMV received, which was five inches, five six inches of snow, and then hours and hours of sleep on top of that snow that made the snow way each shovel full 214 pounds. I mean, I might be exaggerating, but I waited until Monday, you know, all the snow was done Sunday night. I waited until midday Monday and I went into my task rabbit and found a couple enterprising young fellas like come on because you know, we don't have any more wilds or Simmons kids that come to the door and say, hey, can we show we walk for 20? I was one of those happy kids. Like, hey, there's money to be made out there today. Yeah. Yeah. We're like different. Like we did the zodiac rewatchables on Monday and there's a scene in zodiac when the guy's flashing his lights behind the lady who's got the kid in the car played by only sky. And she pulls over and he's like, Hey, your back tires loose. Let me fix it. She's like, Sure, thank you. And then he loosens the tire even more. So it comes off because he basically wants their kidnapper. People are just way more trusting and friendly back then. We've lost that. Nobody would shovel your house now. We're all afraid of the guy coming behind you flashing his lights. That's the problem. No, what? House next time call me. I'll get on the intrac. I'll do it. I appreciate it. I like it. Thank you. I appreciate that. I had one last tiny, I don't even know if this is a half baked idea, but it's about my son. It's almost like a parent corner. My son started drinking coffee. Hmm. Love it. That happened about two months ago. I had never tried it before. Never really understood it. And just decided at some point, you know, they have like the, those zins. They have all these different things. Those little nicotine things like not for him. Wanted some sort of a little caffeine boost. That was a big soda guy, but finally had a coffee and was like, this is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I had a coffee in the morning. Yeah, I don't think he needs it per se. Well, because I had left over coffee had it in the morning, had a great day at school. And he's like, I can't believe you didn't tell me how great coffee is. And I was like, well, you saw me and mom drinking it. You know how much I care about it. We make it every day. It's like my favorite thing of the day. Like, I don't know where you're missing. You've been here the whole time. It's like, yeah, but you still, you didn't tell me. So that was really in a coffee. Today he made a coffee and made a little in the espresso machine, little espresso to top it off. And I'm wondering, here's my half baked idea. Should I just do PSAs for people for where we used to do the don't do drugs for when we were kids in high school? Do I do? PSAs about how great coffee is for high school use. People like eighth grade and up. Hey, it's Bill Simmons. I want to tell you about something called coffee. It changed my life. I have a twice a day. It's really great. Do you feel a little sugar shits cold in the mornings? I have an idea for your coffee. I felt like drinking coffee in high school felt like you were an adult. It was validation. Well, you're carrying around like you and the teachers like, yeah, I hear you. Like, yeah, I got a coffee too. I'm at Duncan Donuts. It's fantastic. It's the best drug. How old are you? I am. I am Joe House. Every afternoon, I have a Trenta ice coffee. And then express our shout to it. And I'm able to do podcasts for three hours at a time. Please try a coffee. How's my kids are? Are they teenage? 13 in 11. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. Two in a wind. driving back and Ben's like, looks at me and goes, Starbucks drives through. I almost started sobbing tears and joy. I was like, this is the, I've never felt closer to you in 18 years. It's appropriate. He is college age and it is part of the college experience. And that's like really where you experiment, you find your thing. I mean, the coffee experience is so much more sophisticated now than what we grew up with. You know, what we had available to us, it was purely a matter of function that we were in college. It was not like, this is delicious. You know, it was like, I need this for fuel. I need this to put in gas in your car. Because on the zodiac pod, I said, one of the most 1970s thing about the movie is somebody comes over to somebody's house and the cop has to wake up and his wife goes, let me make some folders. And I said, that's the most 1970s thing that's instead of saying coffee, she said, Folgers. And then I got some emails from people like, you're a snob, they still make Folgers. Like, it was pumping. Yeah. And I personally don't drink Folgers because I'm a coffee snob. I like to buy like really douchey $16 bags. Like we get stuff from, milk tests from Hawaii sometimes because I like the coffee. Well, you have to confess all that. You could just say. I'm like, I really like coffee. Enjoy getting like, go full douche. I like, I'm going full douche. I like trying different coffees. I like trying different beans. And Folgers just seemed like that was like what you bought in a store 50 years ago. But apparently it's still being made. I'll, I'll drink coffee as a drink and deal with the caffeine, deal with the caffeine, even though I know it's bad. Nine o'clock, want to express so after dinner? Oh, do I want to be up to three in the morning? Yes. Well, that's what I will get a decaf because I love the warm, I love the smell of it. I love how reassuring it is. It's comfortable. I don't think it's, yeah, I know. I don't really have a lot of vices. Correct. Like, I like to get on football. But I'm not like one of those, oh, I got this great $300 bottle of scotch. You guys got to try it. But I really do like coffee. And also like when my wife makes it, she never made, I'm always like a little off. Like I feel like I'm like an F1 car. I need like my engine needs to be perfectly calibrated. You can't not too much coffee, too much caffeine. I feel a little off, not enough caffeine. My head hurts. Like I kind of know what my engine is. Do you guys feel that way with coffee? No. Am I the only one like this? Supposedly, the guy who gave up coffee was it Michael Bolian who's written all those like. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he gave up coffee and his like. Brain started to try to get him to places where there was coffee. Like you need to go run this errand, but his brain was telling him to go over there. Really? Because there was coffee. So he gives up coffee for 30 days. And the question he was discussing was, is his normal self caffeinated? When your normal self is actually not caffeinated, right? Your normal self is your normal self. But I view my normal self is caffeinated, but it's not true. I'm actually on the stimulant. Is it a stimulant or is it just a drug of the gods? It can be both. Can it? It's the best drug we don't have to choose. Just everyone's like, we've got to legalize this. I gave up sugar in my coffee right after Christmas. And I missed it for two days. Now I don't miss it at all. If anything, it makes me taste the coffee even better. And now, and now, house is like, he's blacker than black with the coffee. Yeah. I don't put anything in it. He pours tar in his coffee to make it blacker. So the other thing that this Poland was talking about, he quit for 30 days. And he said that first taste of coffee was, didn't taste good out of this world. Oh, out of this world. That's right. Exactly. That's right. So the point where I was like, the way he was describing, I'm like, should I quit coffee? Just to hit that high. Because I'm now I'm drinking coffee and it's not hitting. You know, I got to, I feel like if I was built up too much of a tolerance. There's a 30, there's a half-baked idea in here. If I was Tom Hanks and cast away, the coffee thing would be a top three thing. I'd be the most upset about on the island. Like no humans, not knowing what sports is going on or what that everybody film was alive. And then what the fuck am I going to do about coffee? Is there, can I find a cocoa bean on the silent? He wants that before. Have a food and a water saw. I'd be walking around like, is there coffee? Wait, does that look like I could grind that with some rocks? Like grind that. Then I would figure it had a spearfish and maybe, maybe we'd mess up up. But I really love coffee. Anyway, wow. Thanks for hanging around. Just for people. Well, thank you guys. Well, it's headed here in Echo in his ear the entire time. So he's probably like half insane. I'm just part of the poor guy. All right. House. We had a fight through it. Great sea was always. I'll see you on Tuesday. We'll do some, we'll do some super ball stuff. So don't forget about. Well, it's that first things first with Nick right and Bruce art. Every day, three walks. Did he? Every day. How much taunting is there with Nick right? Because he was like such a fucking pompous chiefs fan there for a while. Like, oh, they have sea runs through us. And guess what? It doesn't in your coach's old. You know, I've, I've at some point, Nick is going to get mad at me for how pompous I've been. I'm going to pull a line from that old like drug commercial was like a PSA. It's like, you know, I learned this from I learned it from you. Yeah. I learned it from watching. I remember that commercial. That's a great one. Let's dig that up. Kevin, wow. Thank you. Thanks, House. All right. See you guys. Thanks, fellas. All right. That's it for the podcast. Thanks to Zach. Thanks to House. Thanks to Wilds. Thanks to Eduardo and Gahau as well. Don't forget rewatchable zodiac was last week. It's up. You can also find wild things is coming Monday night and you can watch that on Netflix over the weekend. Enjoy the weekend. I'm going to be back on Sunday night at 5 p.m. P T 8 p.m. ET live on Netflix. We're going to be doing our special Super Bowl props episode that we've been doing since the 2000s. Like I'm not kidding. That's all I'm going to be doing it live on Netflix and you'll be able to hear that wherever you get this podcast, including on Spotify. Hope anyway, enjoy the weekend. See you Sunday. Must be 21 plus in president select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas star casino or 18 plus in president DC Kentucky or Wyoming. Game problem called 100 gamble or visit rg-help.com call 888 797777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat Connecticut or md gambling help.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gambling help line m a dot org. We're call 800 3 to 750 for 24 seven sport. 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