This is The Woody Show. secret with us, but then I was told that somebody else has a dirty little secret. Now, I said, hey, anybody here in the room has got a secret to share or a secret, something they've been holding onto or whatever. Something interesting. Maybe we don't know about them or whatever. To put it in the studio top hat. The official hat. There are no names associated with this, so I'll read what it says and then you guys can see if you can guess who the dirty little secret belongs to. All right. Got it. All right. So I'll just take one out here. And this first one says, just this morning, I farted in the kitchen area thinking I was alone, but right after some guy walked up to get some coffee and stood in my stink. Oh, that's easy. Oh, I got it. I got it. That's not a secret. That's easy. Is it just people in this room? Yeah. Who is based on the room? Okay. I know who it is. Yeah, me too. It's Sammy. It has to be Sammy. That's what I'm thinking too. I was thinking Gina. I was thinking Greg. I mean, Gina, I don't think Gina. I think Sammy, because of what we experienced at that Joe Coy shot. That was torture. And it doesn't make any noise. She says that her farts don't make noise. Right. But they stink. Oh, they stink. So do you fart throughout the day? Like a dumpster. Oh, all the time. Something like this wouldn't even be noteworthy for me. I do it all the time. That's not even... But Greg loves talking about farts. Somebody walked up right after. Well, Gina, you don't drink coffee, do you? I have a little bit, but I don't think... Sammy's always had the coffee machine. Can I tell you why this is not Greg's? Yeah. Please. Look at the way that the note is torn at the bottom. Oh, you can't look at that kind of thing. I can. I certainly can. It's a clue. He's using his powers as a detective. Greg would never accept something that's not in a complete straight line. So it's not Greg. Yeah, that is very catty-walled. Okay, well, in that way, yes, let's rule Greg out. Who's everybody's guess? I'm saying Sammy. Sammy. Sammy Sammy It has to be Sammy Sammy Alright Whose secret is this? That is mine Oh it is I know What? I know I put it up against the counter And just ripped it Yes Oh is that like The throw off the set? Oh yeah That's a strategy Didn't throw me off the set It was strategery Yeah 714 is silent but violent That's yeah Yeah It wasn't even silent too And I couldn't hold it anymore And I let it rip Wow And I'm like Well there's nobody around No harm no foul right after I do it. Some dude walks up. Hey, good morning. I'm like, hey, good morning. Like thinking, feel faster, feel faster so I can get out of here. And I thought I got away with it, but it was bad. Oh my God. That happened to be on the fourth floor. I thought no one was there and I was ripping one so hard in there. I don't know why it always happens in the other studio, Evan. Every time I fart, one of y'all will walk in. Whose dirty little secret is this? I've had expired registration on my car for over a year. Oh. Oh, that could be all of you. Morgan. Yeah, I'm going to say menace or Morgan. Menace. Expired registration for a year. Not sure would have to be the one to do that. No, no, no. This is too easy. Really? It has to be Morgan, yeah. I also think just the way it's written. I've had expired registration on my car for over a year. Yeah. It feels like that's missing a couple, like. I'm mad responsible, first of all. Like my registration has been expired on my car for you. Like, yeah, I've had an expired registration. I don't want to give away. I don't want to give away the clue why it wouldn't be me if you're that confident. Well, Greg also tried to throw us off. Sue. Exactly. You know, I can't tell you what the car that I drive is a company car. So I don't even handle the registration. That's awesome. Could this be Sammy? Because it's automatically updated. Put me down for If it's not you I'll put Morgan is my official guess Morgan Has to be Morgan Yeah I'm gonna go I'm gonna go Sammy I'm going Sammy too Yeah I think Morgan No Yeah Sammy has a boyfriend now She's got other things to do She can't even put her Christmas stuff away Yeah And she's had a boyfriend About a year now right See that's gonna make sense And he's not doing it for her Almost So it's like Just not getting done Right Now you're trying to throw us But she's also right Yeah and it's Sammy keeps her car pristine. Right. So do I. Look at my car. And she's organized AF. All right. Whose dirty little secret is this? It's mine. Oh, my God. I was horrified by this. I was going to say, because she lives so close, she would not register. That's another good point. She wouldn't drive that much. So, yeah. It didn't pass smog initially. What? And then it turned into a whole thing. And I just was like, I don't have time for this. Yep. And I had paid the registration, but it wasn't passing smog, so I could never get the tags for it Because it an older car Yeah it about 14 years old That what I going through right now too And so yeah and so that was the whole process in leaving the car there for hours to get it fixed or other stuff, so now I finally pass smog and I'm going to pay it, so I shall have tags soon. But I'm horrified at that, but because, like Mena said, I live so close, it hasn't been a super issue because I don't really drive that much. If you're a girl, if you get pulled over, you know. Yeah, like, oh, here's a fix-it. What's registration? Do I know you effers or what? This next one. For a long time, I couldn't stop pulling my hair out. It was a problem. I don't really do it anymore, but these days I watch videos of other people pulling their hair out, and it's my favorite thing to watch. Okay. That has Gina written all over it. Really? Yeah, you got weird quirks. Yes. You got weird habits. Like watching weird videos. Look at those stupid noises that you're doing. Right, and you get laser focused on one thing. Yeah, she starts watching videos that all share a theme. Right. Interesting. Go down rabbit holes. Yeah, I will say Gina. Gina. Gina. Gina. Gina. Or a smidge of Morgan. Yeah, I say Morgan. Yeah. Morgan, who's your guest? Catch and flack on all these. Gina. Gina. All right, whose dirty little secret is this? Obviously, it's me. Duh. I used to, apparently it's called trichotillomania. I had it like my entire life. It's an obsessive compulsive thing. Wow. Just like pulling my, like, I couldn't stop. I had like patches of hair that was got. I was stressed out all the time. Our program director is always like pulling out her hair. Really? She plays with it a lot. She's playing with it. Yeah, but she'll find one and she'll like take that strand of hair and pull it all the way out. She's got long hair. She'll pull it all the way out. And then as she's talking to you, she's like folding it in half. I get it, girl. I get it. She's folding it in half so she can place it in the garbage. I get it. But you're having that conversation and she's like pulling, folding, tossing. That sounds like she doesn't even know she's doing it. folding, tossing. Really? Yeah, notice it. Oh, I gotta see that. You'll notice it now. So I finally kind of got that under control, but my favorite thing to watch are videos of people plucking hairs. Why? I don't know. What is it about that? But you know how I cannot pop zits and I've never popped one? I will pull any of your ingrown hairs anytime. I am ready at a drop of a hat. I'm good. Happy to do it. I love it. Yeah, that's weird. It's a mental thing, huh? It's totally a mental thing. It's an obsessive thing Right You totally have All those traits I know a girl That ripped all her eyelashes out I also know one of those Same type of interview Yeah Gina was one No no Thank God Because those don't grow back I know somebody Who bites her lip obsessively Just constantly like I think I do that You know Pushing it in with her fingers And then Getting a good Chunk of lip And just biting it I've never understood The biting your nails thing Yeah I get that Oh my god Well that's why I have nails on Literally I think this should be a copay because this is medical. Like I didn't have my nails on for like three days. That's the first time I noticed it. Yeah. And I looked over and Gina's, all her fingers were bloody. Blood. Yes. And I have a legit crazy person. I'm just really all nuts in our own special way. Yeah. Constantly biting. Yeah. I'm the legit crazy person in the room. Constantly biting and like, like picking. For sure one of them We have Greg's famous thumb Like your thumb has been destroyed I don't even think Greg Like his thumb can produce a nail Whatever nail is on there now It's just what's on there And then once that's gone That's going to be it It's just going to be flush That's the deal you made Like this is just the finger I'm going to focus on One at a time And it took years and years That's impressive You guys don't get it That's impressive And I'm down to my one thumb I wonder if I could get a fake nail Like yours And let it heal for a couple years Yeah that would be smart makes all the difference in the world. I don't understand chewing at your own hand to the point where it's like bleeding. Well, just like picking at the, like biting my nails. Like a little flap of skin. You gotta get it off. All right, well, it's official. We're all crazy. Yeah, man. We did it. In our own special ways. Wait, is that everybody? Operating the radio. As you are hearing now, now, it is the Woody Show. Woody, Greg Goring, Menace, Jeannie Grant, Seabass, Sammy. Hello. We got Morgan. You know, dumbass Tyler's roommate. Oh, yeah. The jokes commence. You wear the pants in that household, don't you? You're the boss. My wife was laughing out loud watching the video that Vaughn put together of that discussion yesterday. And when you said, why do you got to bring this stuff into our house? Our house. The way you said it, you just sounded like this bitter old... Ball and Jane. Like married couple. Yeah. Why are you bringing this stuff into our house? The toys. That's something she would say to me, but we've been married for 17 years. Yeah. When are you going to use this? All these toys. Can you get rid of this crap, please? Yeah. Pretty funny. 877-44-WOODIE. Text us over to 22987. Valentine's Day, just a few days away, but your relationship might not make it that long. because according to all the numbers and stuff, I guess today is the day that you're most likely to get dumped or to do some dumping. Oh this is the deadline This is the deadline Cutting it a little close now Too close for comfort 27 of people in relationships say that they have dumped their partner the week of Valentine Day with today being the most common day for it to happen because Valentine's Day you know that's that's the ultimate love day man people in relationships they realize they just don't like this person that they're with all that much and they don't want to go through with the plans anymore they don't want to spend the money why bother I mean I told you dude I've been there I've done this I was at the Grammys doing a broadcast. I was out of town for a few days and then I flew home, got home late the night before. The next morning was Valentine's Day and I was married to my first wife at the time. And while I was gone, I was going through like a lot of, a lot of self-reflection. Soul searching. Soul searching. To the point, I brought a notebook on the plane. How gay is that? I was writing down all these things about like, Yeah, right. I was really trying to organize my thoughts. Dear Terry. So many feelings. You know, gay. Yeah, I'm mega gay. No, but so anyway, I came to the conclusion that, you know what? It's time to move on. And that's when I made the decision that I didn't want to be married anymore and that I was going to ask for a divorce. Now, Valentine's Day is coming up. I can't not have a card. But also, because I don't have the ability to, like, I am, I'm a really, I don't have a great poker face. You know, it's hard for me. If somebody asks me a question, it's hard for me not to give them just the answer, even though I'm supposed to, you know, not, you know, you know, not. Yeah. Like, like I, cause I, I, I'm uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable with the, with the lie of it. Yeah. You know? So I'm going through all these Valentine's, you know how hard it is to find a Valentine's Day card that doesn't say we're going to grow old together. Yeah. I love you. I want to be with you forever. You're the love of my life. Hey, I'm leaving. Yeah, I'm like, isn't there anything for like new relationships where you're kind of not sure? Let's feel things out. Well, we've been together for a while. It's pretty good. Blank card. Yeah, and you got to keep like, I'm like getting eaten up on the inside, man, because I feel so guilty and I feel so bad that I'm going to have to have this conversation, but I can't not have a Valentine's Day card. So I buy this Valentine's Day card, which is the most middle of the road one that I can find. Yep. I think it was pretty generic. I sure do like you. And I wrote like a nice, it was a nice note in there. But man, if she didn't know me, I left it on the kitchen table so she'd see it the next morning when she got up to leave for work. She opened it and she came right upstairs and she woke my ass up. I wasn't doing mornings at this point. I was doing the afternoon show on the radio station. So I was asleep. And she's like, hey, what the hell is this? Yeah, yeah. She knew. And so that's when I told her, I'm like, I don't want to have this conversation. The intent was not to have this conversation right now. Not like this. Yeah, this was the Band-Aid. Right. And she goes, no, we're going to talk about it right now. I'm like, all right. And so we had the conversation and that was it. And that was Valentine's Day. Oh, boy. That was Valentine's Day. And I put her on a plane that day. She was from Portland, Oregon. Every time I go. No, she's like, well, I'm not going to work. And she was upset. Now I'm upset. and I said, well, what do you want to do? And she's like, I don't know. I said, do you want to go see your mom? Do you want to go home, visit your family? She's like, yeah. So I put her on a plane. I booked a ticket, last minute ticket. She went to the airport. That was the last time I saw her. Wait, she didn't even put it in two weeks notice on her job? No, that was it. She just left. Why? She's leaving the city. We were living in Chicago at the time. It wasn't she was going to be hanging around Chicago. Like, so she, she, well, the intent was she was coming back. She was going to go for like a few days, maybe a week. And then she was going to come back and then we kind of sort everything out and figure everything out. But once she was gone, like a few days became a week, a week became two weeks. And I go, well, do you need, I mean, like, there's no real need for you to come back. Like I can send all the stuff. We can do all the stuff as far as like the legal part of it. We can figure that out. And we did. And it was very amicable. There was no cheating. There was no anything like that. I was just like, we got married super young. That was the thing. We got married, I think 23, but we had been together for like five years before that. So like we were dating when we were 19 and 20 years old. Your children, babies. Yeah. And so it just didn't work out. You grow into be different people. So there was no reason to be, other than being upset that, you know, I'm getting divorced. That's the cleanest breakup I've ever heard in my life. It really was. It really was. So looking back now, are you happy that that happened Valentine's morning? Because you were planning on having that conversation later. No, I wish it would have happened in a different way. Really? But you got it over with. Yeah. Yeah, I know. But I don't know. It's weird that she figured it out through the card. Well, she knew me. Yeah. And she knew. It was very crazy. Hey, buddy. How she felt like saying it was. She usually says. No, what? Yeah, because the note usually would say, my love of my life. I really wish. I think about you constantly. I really wish I could remember what I wrote in the card. Because it wasn't cold. It wasn't. I can promise you. It was very warm and it was, you know. You probably said have a good one. About like, you know, you're a kind, loving person kind of thing, you know. It was about her not about the two of you together You such a great person Man I really wish I could remember Stay cool yeah have a great summer but uh her name was summer oh my god yeah her name was summer i messed up though in high school because i uh ended up getting with my high school girlfriend a week before valentine's day oh that's that's the opposite pressure and guess what i didn't get anything on valentine's day but she got me a ton of stuff. I've been in that situation where I've gotten a guy stuff and he didn't get me anything and it's very like, okay, I know my place now. Yeah, but I also had a friend, just a really good guy friend that had a thing for me that it was not mutual and he gave me a present for Valentine's Day and I was like, I just, I can't accept this. And he looked at me and he got so many through it. He chipped, just chucked it in his locker and it broke. It was a CD and he just scattered it and stomped off. Was it like a mixtape? totally all the love songs he worked hard on that no he bought it he bought and I said I can't and then he just stomped on it like a little baby and walked away I can't accept that gift it wasn't like a diamond tennis place I know it was the most expensive thing I'd ever gotten I was 14 it's a slippery slope though exactly I'm no gold digger I just don't like why wait you know like if why wait why intentionally break up with somebody the week of Valentine's Day. Yeah. I mean, it's on your mind probably a lot more. Yeah, it's like people do before Christmas, like what, the three-week deadline before Christmas? The faking it gets harder. Yeah, right. I don't know. I know a girl who wanted to break up with her boyfriend and she just kept putting it off and putting it off and he proposed to her in front of her family on Christmas Day. Nice. Oh, no. How'd that go? Did she say yes? She said yes. No. In the moment? Yes. But then got out of there later? Okay, good. We don't want to make it awkward at the party. Yeah, exactly. I guess that's better to not hurt his feelings. In front of her whole family. Awkward. I know. Just dump him, ladies. Just dump him. Yeah. They can take it, right guys? What are you waiting for? Well, and that's the thing. I mean, she was young. This was right out of college. So maybe now you're like, bro, get off your knee. But then you're like, okay. Right. Mom and dad are there. my wife Jen now my second wife when we met I was married to my first wife she was in a long term relationship and we were just friends we were co-workers the guy that I was doing the show with they had grown up together so that's how I knew Jen and everybody kind of hang out as a group and this guy that she was with for a number of years turned out to be gay like legit Oh, snap. And even after she found out and she confronted him about it, he still proposed to her. Huh? What? Yeah. Even after that confrontation, he proposed to her. I'm very confused. Is he bisexual? No, I think it was just like he didn't want to accept it. It was a hell, Mary. It was a hell, Mary. Hell, Mary. What do you mean she confronted him? Like he was caught in the eye? Like, hey, gay guy. Because one of his friends felt bad, like, what was going on, because he was, like, I guess, like, with these dudes and stuff behind her back. Yeah. She's a beard. And they felt the need that, hey, you should know this. Yeah. You know. Why do you pose after that? He wants to double down. Very weird. Yeah. Weird. On his denial. Yeah. Does she still talk to him? Are they, like, buddies? No. Oh. No. I just broke up with my boyfriend at 15 years last night, and we have an 11-year-old. It was bad, and we both knew it, so it was amicable, but it has been a long time coming. Damn. Change is hard. Woody's ex-wife knew the D game was weak, and she wanted out of it, too. Hey, she could have very easily pulled the ripcord. Yeah. I wouldn't blame her. You're right. Weak D game. D game. Not good. Yeah. Not great. But also, it's not like you were surprised. It's not like I pulled the old switcheroo, you know? Right. Bait and switch. like you knew like before you bought the cow you knew what the milk was. Yeah. You know. That weak ass milk. That weak milk. That skim milk. Right. Legal water. Yeah. Oh, when it comes to wife material you guys strap in for this one. This is good. Women who want lots of stuff don't make good wives. What? Yes. Takers don't make good partners? Explain. Okay, so researchers studied married couples, and they found that when the wife was materialistic, right, and about one in three of them were, both spouses were dissatisfied with their marriage. Now, one possible reason, the wife hassles her husband for more cash, regardless of the couple's financial standing. And if she doesn't get what she wants, she thinks the man has failed as a husband. But yeah, this just in, women who want lots of material things don't make good wives. Oh, really? What? Oh, really? Oh, really? Me, me, me. What about a few material things? Yeah, jot that down. Yeah, look for those red flags. Yeah, put that on your mirror. I'm going to post it. 877-44-WOODIE. Text us over to 229-87. More Woody shows next. The Woody Show. We'll be right back. I'll see it when I believe it.
