The Adventure Zone: Abnimals Ep. 22: Escape from Governor's Island!

In spite of what you've done, we're at the height of our powers We're top of tallest towers, we're still We'll never stop, but smile Take my hand if you trust me, and we will do what we must Until it's tearing up just like a flame And we're not away so far It is long, but our mojo is strong And unless I'm wrong, and I'm not We're at the height of our power We pick back off, right where we left off Lamar and Navy, you've just made it outside of the volcano You see your friends, mid combat, surrounded by River City Enforcement agents who do not look happy to be there Shrouded in darkness from the blacked out sky above We feel like we've got the power to survive We feel like we've got the power to survive We feel like we've got the power to survive We feel like we've got the power to survive Lamar has the shield and says I'll do my best man to like protect you guys and try to take hits You just tell me where you want me to post up Yeah, I was thinking maybe you could post up the edge of your shield into the head of that guy right there Or that guy right there hot like hot. I think my friends endorsing whole scale murder Well, that's tough for a passive. Yeah wild to come out swing We've done each other for about three minutes man, and you're challenging my belief system But I'm gonna do my best to still protect you because that's like what heroes actually I didn't even think about this Hold on one second. Hey, River City first guys. Are you all pacifists as well? No No, yeah shoot kind of you shoot what did you hear that one? So Lamar these guys are gonna kill us. Yeah, man, and I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna protect you. I'll take the hit Okay, great. So you tell Lamar where you want him to stand and he is going to try to keep some of the heat off While you guys fight Cool Lamar why don't you sort of post up by the east gate there and see if you can't just kind of like block people from coming in towards us All right, man. I got you I Don't know how you're gonna do that without hitting a little bit, but it's up. I guess that's up to you to figure All right, give him shell and he goes through a high five cool. Well, that's cool Yeah, I mean I gotta take that high five Let's show what all right navy what do you do? I look around I look at Roger. I see what's the what's the sitch? How many of you guys taken out? Well taken out maybe two two is not a lot. Okay Well time for me to bust out some my new tricks I'm gonna run over to this fountain at the center of the square here. I assume that's what this circular water feature is And I'm gonna just kind of get in there while charging up the splash pack and right as this group of RFC soldiers goons Roll up on me I'm gonna look at them and say well Let's get it wet and I'm gonna launch myself up into the air do incredible triple luts up there spread eagle Horizontally sort of aligning myself with the ground and bring myself down on these ten guys in a glorious You're you're writing a gigantic check with very few rolls here now. I'm hearing a lot of Adjectives that you're just dropping down on a group of enemies from a significant height Navy seal can deal damage to the group with a single I'm hearing a lot of graceful elegance I hear a lot of flavor text first thing yes first point we need to use the hydro propulsion roll to launch you into the air So that's 5d8 Since it's your signature item and it's upgraded. I have not used any time to shine dice I'll use one for this. I imagine I'll probably need more for the actual attack 68 common atcha That's two successes very glad that I used my 68 there Because there were a lot of red colored dice in the mix as well now But wait Griffin what if the two time to shine dice you used were the first two failures? I only used one so that's a good point. I could have just wasted that dang You don't think about that you don't try not to think about now man You don't you know and everything's about how much statistics and probability play into tabletop role-playing games Thank you. Well, it all seems like fun and devil worship and then you find others math involved Yeah, yeah chased many away. Yeah, man more devil less division. Okay true Griffin Yeah, so with your phone. Yes that is going to be a 48 roll for it being a Mondo move Okay number of successes you get are going to be the number of guys that you're able to knock back You could also add time to shine dice to this if you yeah Okay, I'm gonna add two more time to shine dice to this to try and get 68 and Really really just try to just try to wreck it I'm gonna wreck it. That's more like it Five five successes with two eighths Thank you, what even is that a mega mega? Yeah mega cowabunga So yeah with a mega cowabunga all Let's see eight of the guys eight of the ten go flying They are not Knocked unconscious or anything, but they are definitely Some distance away now some of them landed on top of buildings. Yeah, they're probably not gonna be a concern for wow This is like that moment I was always confused in like Xena and Hercules where sometimes they would hit people and it would be like a bar fight And sometimes they would hit people and the people would go flying backwards through walls and over buildings This was one of the they went flying backwards through walls and over buildings It would be great if like in the next scene like one of those guys comes back and is like out of breath like dang Man, you really how sent me a far way away from the fight, but I'm here to pick it back up What I'm imagining too is like when you hit the ground with the food Not only is it the force of your body from being a bulky boy Yeah, but there's also like water expelled from your splash back like one of those like Cushioning yeah, it's also like sprays out. You know what I mean? Yeah, you all definitely still do here Oh It still doesn't feel but that's how you know It worked and it is a food and Roger I'm also going to say since of your proximity and this has no effect on you unlike mechanically But your shoes did get a little wet From the splash because you're in this flash Sorry, bro But that has cleared out the West track pretty well you got two more guys over there I look up at those two guys like seriously and they they stand and they kind of they We got we got wet, but we didn't get drenched. You know what I mean? Yeah But he was intimidating. I Appreciate that. Can we maybe skip a turn you need to catch your breath man? Yeah, I need to catch my catch my ribs a phone will do that to you man While it's your turn you've got some guys here You're over in the shadows in the bushes and two of the RCF agents have approached your location You could see them kind of sweeping their mag lights around, but they have not spotted you. What do you do? Mmm This is perfect. This is exactly This is exactly where I want them. I am Going to Mimic the sound of a cricket But a big one mm-hmm a cricket to where they're like that's weird Chirp chirp exactly like that Griffin. Thank you. Actually, that's that's weird That's the exact sound I was gonna make so you would just I'll just have you do that Whatever I need a little bit of the old Peppery But yeah, so I'm gonna make like a big manly cricket noise because you could just like Chirp Yeah, I'm gonna try to lure several of them over Okay roll I'm looking here and it doesn't seem like you have any special skills in this area now. That's what makes it art Okay, 2d8, please. Huh? Mix success. Okay with a mix success Two more like I gotta investigate what's going on over here, but The two that are looking have found you The two that were already there. I mean, are you sure? Yeah Okay, do they clock somebody in the bushes? Yes Perfect and they're going to attack you now Don't take another step man Oh My name's my name's dr. Bush And you're oh dr. Bush, and I don't know how to tell you this but you have a pestation problem Okay Yeah, man You look around no look around you you've got some serious problems with bugs and I'm and dr. Bush is here to sort it out Come close look at this ash beetle. All right roll 2d8 for me That's a big success. Yeah, that's a mix success one of them's like oh ash beetle that's rare in this location I'm pretty sure that's an invasive species, but the other one is gonna take a swing at you. Oh Wow Jesus Freezes I don't think kids can hear Jesus No Listen with their heart actually had a page too low for child that years to hear that's so Travis is rolled An 8388 so a triple mega Well, so on attack it just means the eight can't be defended and goes through any arm, but Axelow also doesn't have any armor so axelow is going to take three points of damage And so Lamar's base defense is three So One's gonna take a swing at him And he blocks the two hits that would have come from that one The other one takes a swing at them and he blocks the two hits from there. It's graceful He's moving right the wind there is no anger to it But rather as the wind moves a feather so does Lamar move his shield Roger But they move for a whole turn that's all I get to do is make a cricket noise And even I did it to be fair Justin You made a cricket noise and pretended to and I can't tell if you were trying to be a bush or some kind of like I was just making conversation. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize So the dr. Bush thing was just a coincidence a road just pull ever man It's just being neighborly just like for the podcast you have to say something. Yeah, yeah, it's a wrap sash You can't just like look menacing or be quiet. Well, I just want to point out that I could have been quiet and that would have hidden me better But that doesn't mean for a very good podcast But there were two guys already drawn to your location looking for you and you're like here's what I want more guys Looking for you're right. You're right. It would have been way smarter I'm trying to respect Lamar Just hearing him from across the sidewalk you're like, that's not a bad idea Passivism, I mean I have a hatchet that I use exclusively as a tool like it's it makes a lot of sense to me. No, I That's right. I'll take my lumps Roger The two guys in the front of the southern line Move forward They are going to take shot to you The first one would have gotten two hits with a five and a six But your Kevlar suit is going to deflect those with two game introduction and the other one one hit So they take swings at you With batons and fists, but they are going to bounce off of your Kevlar vest and it is your turn Roger makes that universal sign. You know where you you know rub like a couple of fingers under your nose and And he says to Lyle Lyle I believe you have a Batman in the Belfrey You might want to get that He makes the universal sign of two fingers rubbing under the nose again and and looks Lexi Lexi Lyle really know Hey pause real quick Justin Griffin as does describing this universal sign to you guys have any idea what it's assigned for I'm trying Rubbing it under is he smelling something? Is it like like it's like the most insane improv impulse because it's not just like it's not a comedy prompt It's a puzzle. It's like daddy will say universal sign and as soon as he uses those words I know that I'm not going to understand the thing It's a booger. You got a booger Tell if like he taught us the universe, you know what I mean like yeah No, no, no if we don't know it can't be universal because like you taught it universal It's universal. Okay, so you want my You want my axolotl man to think he has a booger Yes, and what do you do when you have a booger? I Mean I get a tissue and I wipe it. Yeah, maybe a tissue, but maybe not a tissue maybe a Hankerchief or a pocket square I'm not Not smart I'm sorry. We have these cool new pocket squares the red pocket How come all of your action How come all your actions are dependent on us doing prop comedy because I am a team player That's not what it being a team player means What a team player is It takes two to complete a pass in the NFL someone's gonna throw it So we have a you're yelling at the quarterback throw it to me throw it to me throw it to me You're like mailing the person a letter with where the ball is gonna be if they can solve the Reapers. I mean like I Guess I gave you too much credit. Yeah, I don't know you raised the stupid son. It's kind of your fault, dad I Okay But do you do you eat it with a flourish? I Would I could I? Yes, I Daringly Eat my pocket square. No, okay. Oh, I I wave around a red pocket square that I have in my pocket Like telepathy this is communicated it's so clear Lyle what Roger's with the universal move. Yeah, obviously and So Roger invokes his ab move Toria new one When somebody waves something red Roger runs straight at the thing with the irresistible force Okay with his goal to be to Attack the guys lined up Next to okay, so you're gonna roll for DA And I will tell you this if you get Two successes or less you will hit people but you will also hit Lyle as he is the one waving the red handkerchief So if you choose to use time to shine dice, you need three successes or more to not include Lyle in in your running into people That I'm gonna use two time to shine dice because Obviously, I Don't want to make this have bad resonance for Lyle so that he'd never do it again Yeah, you want it to be a positive. Okay. I wanted to be a positive. So roll 68 Three successes us three successes seven a six So there's a cow bunga in there as well. So not only do you spare? Lyle but you are going to take out four of the guys all four of them that were surrounding Lyle Including the bug expert that's why Lyle was the oh the one who was looking at the Ashbeetle Yeah, you knock all four of them away Okay So Lyle your pathway have now been oh wait, I have something to say. Oh good good Olay All right I'm still waiting for dad to say the thing he was gonna say he's olay Olay, okay oil of olay Okay, so the two that were They make their way down the path Where you are now lying in your post-foon position And they are gonna take swings at you, maybe Good luck Oops Have any armor, maybe I Don't I have extra health Good because that's three hits at a one And two hits from the other Ow ow ow ow okay, geez yikes. Okay, that's half my health, but it is your turn I Thought we were gonna take a round off Oh, I thought you meant after we went to like have it a complete like you your half our half take a break Just forget the whole thing this is ridiculous. This is why nobody trusts you guys I'm gonna press a button No, man, your reputation is doctor. Oh, man. I'm gonna press a button on my Like controller for the splash pack that turns every nozzle Frontwards towards these dudes and I'm just gonna open her up And sort of put my back up against this fountain for you know leverage and just really let them have it Really really give it to all right roll 5d8 I'll add one really going through my time to shine dice here, but it seems like The time to do it that's gonna be three successes three six six seven six seven or five so these guys Go blasting back Not quite to the wall, but it definitely clears you some distance to maneuver Okay, and I'm gonna get get to my feet. Okay Just so as to not get stomped on by any more bad boys Okay, can I get on the radio and be like dr. Kildiff house at a ex-fuel playing going pal? Yes, it is coming along quite well um I Think it's going to be Just a couple more minute you hear something like sizzle and pop and he's like yeah, this this is normal Are you cooking right now? Are you cooking like an omelet or something just some quick back bacon? Will you please it's a grain food? Dr. Chulbeth on show let him cook I'm dying. I am dying. Oh, okay. Cleft honey. Will you watch the back bacon? I need to finish the adjustments on the escape route. I'm cause dear you Hey a couple quick announcements to you before we get back to the episode We've got a bunch of cool stuff over at macro emerge calm if you haven't checked it out You need to go through that 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to border angels Macroemerge calm check that out also Griffin's book the stowaway is out now to choose your own adventure adventure Go to bit.ly slash Griffin stowaway and get all the information there or find it at a local bookstore Thank you Travis. You're welcome Griffin and Justin's great too. He does cool things Whatever. All right back to the show Max fun meet-up days on Thursday April 23rd Max funsters from all over are getting together to hang out and celebrate their favorite podcasts Want to go and meet some friends who like similar stuff and care about the same things as you head to maximum fun Org-slash meet-up to see where and when your local meet-up is don't see one nearby Host your own and make some new pals all you need to do is pick a place that could hold a small group a bar cafe Park library wherever then felt the form at maximum fun org slash meet-up We'll add you to the page and help get the word out so go to maximum fun org slash meet-up and maybe we'll see you on April 23rd Hello, this is Alden Ford and Mujans of a cary two of the creators of mission to zix your favorite improvised obsessively sound design sci-fi sitcom here on the max fun network and the news is With an all-new mini series set in the six universe the young old turf Chronicles Well dirt find his own killer before it's too late to find out how that question could possibly make sense Well, you just have to tune in yeah, and as always it's ambitious and labor-intensive to a frankly absurd degree indeed So if you are looking for a little break from your own galaxy, we would love for you to check it out That's the young old dirt Chronicles search mission to zix ZYXX in your podcast app or on maximum fun org keep it fresh Okay, why you're up This is my moment This is the moment that I've waited for I might try to push the truth the so that I want to push into the guys That have all crowded around me that have no idea that I'm here well bad news I was hoping you've forgotten okay I want to grab the two guys that are closest to me and knock their heads together as hard as I can with my arms and my fists Okay, well, you know what that sounds like to me, Justin And any things a drone anything's a drum You're playing these boys like symbols At this point the improvised melee weapon is the other person's head hitting their head Oh my gosh, and it and those that the way that that like adds to it it goes back and forth Infinite always like a little straight up like if both of their heads are the improvised weapon, right? And I get a bonus that bonus will reciprocate back and forth between those two Weapons that are also the things that they are striking until that bonus is basically Infinite Wow, but that would explode the world It will unmake them You get to roll 3d8 if you roll 3 8 you want make them I've wanted a lot of unlikely rolls for this one. Oh one success one success As you bonk them together one of them is is knocked out But the other one is just kind of it hurts his head, but it doesn't knock him unconscious And he's gonna take a swing at you But he's only gonna roll 3d8 because his head hurts He does get two hits though Wow must not hurt that bad He's just mad mostly The same two guys at the front line are gonna take swings that one more No, no no hits Wow where were those rolls on my body on my person question Roger you're up I'm going to show okay explain one thing to me the whole light situation though that he threw Hatchet man, right? At the ceiling. Yes. Yes. What did that do created? They would be hitting with 5d8 and they're hitting with 48 because of a circle of darkness And the ones that have been knocked out of the circle are much slower coming back in Because they're having a hard time So where is this is that circle centered around the fountain? Yes in the middle and it goes One two three four five back In each direction, so you are currently in shadow and two more of the squares on the grid to the north Are also in shadow. Thanks roll 20. Okay Roger is going to move into the light Move out of the shadow and into the light Okay Is that fair enough? Yeah. Yes Okay, he's going to move out of the shadow into the light and is going to do the Flamingo flamenco There's a light source shining on him like a spotlight or in this case the light I guess the light from the ceiling He does a stomping clapping solo dance on one leg that is impossible For adversaries to ignore all attention is drawn to the dance It is irresistible and he holds all attention for 10 seconds Roll 48 and we're gonna see how many agents attention you grab Okay, 48 Six of the cowbunga everybody in this area is immediately focused on you Amazing man, he must have traded Juilliard maybe mool yard Incredible look at him go Oh, I love And that sonically just such such a lot. Lyle that's gonna leave you clear such a lot To do whatever you'd like to do now What's the status of the two guys whose heads I knocked together there? There are they dead and he's a funeral going for them or I can't remember I mean you can say I don't know last rights or whatever But I think you just knocked him unconscious the other one his headache But he was drawn in by the rhythmic dancing of one Roger Moore So right now you find yourself remember that remember that you remember it. Yeah, I remember dad It was in my mind. I so now I can't ever forget it now you find yourself Unencumbered unsurrounded free to move or do whatever you wish Hmm I could dance some more well, you're never gonna not dance again Dancing forever So there's nobody around me right correct, okay and Luma is anybody who's in the most active. Oh, I got it perfect. I know exactly what I do There's I'm right I'm gonna say I'm going to the safest place I could think of and I go and I stand near Lamar Hey man, hey, I'm gonna stand near you Okay, like I figure if you love protection stuff so much Next to the big living shield is like the most killer place for me to be man So I just kind of I just kind of grooved it over here, okay Just watch out because the shield's kind of unidirectional, you know what I mean? Well, that's fine because I got something for the guys that can't reach and then I'll punch the guys nearest Lamar So I'm like back to back with him. I'm the punching side. Okay great There's a guy that just stepped up to you exactly right? So I'm going I'm like Lamar I'm I'm kind of like little spooning into Lamar Use his protection on my back. That's what every pacifist is looking for really like a really aggressive body Yeah, exactly The yin to his yeah, exactly that The pacifist is just waiting for some psychopaths To complete them it'd be all violence Okay Give me how are you attacking the guy that just stepped here? Oh Oh, I am does Lamar have anything on him that would be funny Give me a second I don't have a minute to thank Travis I reach into Lamar's pocket and I grab the first thing I can't I gotta improvise a weapon I pull out my hand and there in my hand is it's an incense holder in the shape of a Ceramic pizza smell you later Then I hit him on the I hit him in the head as hard as I can with the instance hold it Okay, great. Give me an anything's a drum roll with 3d8 Two successes yet the ceramic pizza shatters over this guy's head and he goes down Well, he looks incensed now. Oh Man, that was good. I hate that you broke my ceramic pizza, but it was worth it for that line man Yeah, sorry that that really sticks And you get a call over the radio. Yes, come in you before I got it. It's me dr. Kildeth Gregory Hey, dr. Kildeth. We're just getting fired up over here with the hurting people right Lamar Yeah, I'm gonna run around this man, but Thanks for getting my back Well, actually I had no choice but to get your front. Oh, okay, cuz I mean you were my back But then you're my back. Oh, you complete me or a boros All right. Well, it's Hey, hey, hey, hey or a listen everyone. Let's get this clean or a bros. Listen. Shut up. Listen or a bros. Oh Yeah, man. Yeah, man Thanks for hurting people on my behalf one sides all violence one sides all show you got your peanut butter in my chocolate both sides are all vibes. Oh Yeah, dude Oh, okay. Well, I was going to tell you that I finished the modifications and you guys should make your way back in here But if you're having fun growing out, I understand no rash. I'm dying Make your way back into my home Roger do you need help getting out of there man? Cuz it feels like you're lost in the sauce a little bit And if you stop dancing you'll be instantly Just disintegrated by the 12 dudes are ready Yes, a bit weary All right, can I run over to Roger and try to grab him and like jet pack out of there and Dunk down into the top of the volcano that would be a sweet poster move sure can you know It's not when you point it out No, when Michael Jordan goes in for one of his nasty dunks everyone someone he's never like here's comes a great Poster moment. Hey, take a picture. I think he does that. That's exactly what Michael Jordan does. No does That's the present. Oh, yeah, right the first time he does it every day on the basketball court We don't even put it on TV anymore. No, he's still out there doing his best He's only got half a quarter. He still does it you run over there So I'm gonna have you do first the roll with the splash back to take off with him Okay, then a roll to see how well the aiming goes Okay, I'm running out of time to shine dice. So I'm gonna just do this one raw That's okay though because that's three successes successes. Yeah, you're able to get him and launch into the air Yep, and so you guys definitely get clear of You know what I'm gonna say on three successes. Yeah, no I stretch Roger out. Oh Geez wow. Wow Nice lean beef You are able to make it into the volcano Amazing Wow, I figure you got Lamar Axel Isle you you have and you're much closer to the door. Absolutely. See you guys make your way in. Yep. Yes You reach the inside and Lamar is guarding the entrance and he kind of slams his shield down into the ground Creating a bit of a barrier there as you've run inside you guys had knocked everyone back far enough that you have some time here to get Into the volcano And you see dr. Kildaf standing in his patio area Near the fountain and he says climb in climb in climb in and you see that the fountain has opened up into a set of spiral staircase very thunderbirds When you reach the bottom of the staircase there you're in a missile chamber And he says yes, I have this saved in case I wanted to do one last attack on the sick But now wait They accommodated that when they built the I built it It was my plan. Oh Carved out of soap. No, this is just going to be kind of like if city hall ever got too big for the bridges kind of thing I was gonna call ahead and let them clear out. It was mostly symbolic a final Fireworks we don't have time for that. I Modified it now. It will launch you safely out of the prison Tell me more about everything you just said because It will launch us safely out of is there a landing mechanism on this aimed it for water aimed it aimed For water how how what's your specificity on your aiming there man? Like how certain are you that we're gonna make it to this plasticism? I am Very sir Are you how certain are you like we will get what we make it drenched or we're yeah, 92% Okay, and and when you say water are we talking about like point Nemo like the spacecraft Cemetery in the middle of the ocean or is it gonna be swimmable to land? I'm sending you back towards land. Listen what I lie to you. Well, somebody wanted to flex the red mental floss this morning Hey, I know stuff about the ocean okay, I'm an ocean guy That's actually fair. Yeah. Thank you All right, so is there another option? Maybe is there like a high-speed rail you could go back out there and keep getting hit a bunch No, I'm resting I mean fight your way out. I guess is the other one Hey is is I Can never remember this fool's name. It is the River City first officer whose career and life we've ruined and I should remember His name because gosh, miss force. Thank you so much Is gosh, we're gonna be okay cuz I think he's still here and he's got like taken yes When I spoke to on the phone he was definitely taken but he wouldn't have been taken here It would been taken to River City first HQ Okay, cool. Hey, do you want to come with cuz like we actually could probably use some help getting around your old stomping? Oh, I'd love to but I do have a bridge game tonight with calculator and shock to plus, but Any slides you the plans for the HQ this should this is everything I know Hopefully they haven't changed much in the remodel Okay, um any other questions for I'm fine, man. That's what you doing over there. Lyle. I hope you're going to the bathroom. There's not one on the rocket Yeah, I'm sorry. I've put it on this go pull on me Yeah important wait hold on is there like a is there like a Place where we sit in the yes We're gonna be the warhead out I took the explosives out So there should be room for you guys to kind of cram in there Hey, you took the explosives out so you'd have room for something truly dangerous you us oh because Let something truly us I Don't know who that was for like are you trying to intimidate some? Okay Lamar Are you ready? Are you ready to man if carver's in trouble, man? I gotta be there for you if carver's in trouble. You're ready to stand there and protect him Cool and protect him awesome. Let's get rocking wait, let's get rockin Let's okay, and hey, let's let's rock this rock it. Let's take out the explosives and fill it with something truly dangerous Dang it No one's filming this do eat is this for the real a Maximum fun a work around network of artist owned shows supported directly by you