Fighting Richard Gere w/Colin Quinn

And now back to the bonfire with big J. O'Carson and Robert Kelly. I love this. Whatever. He deserves it this time. You deserve it. I can't hear the song at all. Jay's singing the song. Here it comes. Jay's dancing to the song right now. Where's he staying in the hand? Here it is, his favorite part. All right. Is he on the phone? No, you're just put him up to the speaker, Christine. Not to the headphone, Jim Numskull. I'm just so he can hear the song. Christine put the phone up to the headphones. I was so he could hear the song. Congratulations, buddy, on your well-deserved comeback win. History. History-making comeback. Well, look, I've been part of history being a Boston fan, so I know what that feels like. Feels good. Feels real good. It does feel good, right? It's a good week. You deserve it. You deserve it. I'm very happy for you. Well, this is how I wanted this to go. Well, how about this? The nicks are going to wipe him in four. All right. They had a good one. You went to piece two. You went to piece two. How is it? I know you're at the Netflix as a joke festival, but you're missing out on the Bonfire Comedy Festival we're doing here all week with me, me, Voss, and Colin and Paul Verzi. Yeah, and Eleanor Kerrigan. And Eleanor Kerrigan. This is like that concert they did out in the desert, the old cello. This is like when Stan Hope did the Just for Laugh side fest, the tea party. Yeah, they're like in the car wash. Yeah, nobody, everybody's there, you son of a bitch. You having a good time? Oh, I just landed. I just got to my Airbnb. I haven't even unpacked yet. I came outside and called the show so I can do this. Oh, God. Really? What an ass. That's how important it was for me to be a part of this. Your team choked the 3-1 lead. Oh, fuck off, dude. You're so lucky. Shut up. The percentages were in the teens. Well, but Tatum did get injured, right? Yeah. I mean, Joe, I'm being kind of besides his surgery a week ago. Oh, that's true. Yeah, but he's recovered from that. He got injured more. Tatum got way really bad. Plus, being kind of plays in that, he plays like he's injured. He kind of clumsily throws the ball around, you know, and bumps into people. So he doesn't need to be. It's about being born to win. Come on, you're so right. They are going down in Florida than X, but still. This is Jay. This is Jay's technique. Don't let it do this is what he does. He goes, he said the same thing. After the Celtics won that game, he's like, well, that's it. It's over. It's done. He got all sad. It's supposed to go 4-0. It's supposed to go 4-0. Yep. And he goes, it's over. Who's a good series? Who's being polite? This is what he does. This is how this is how the Sixers win by Jay saying they're not going to. They're going to go 4. It's a technique. Yes. There's a simple reason for this. It's because I can dish it out and yet I cannot take it. You can't. You guys have a great show. I'm going to go unpack. Thanks, Jay. I'm going to go watch. Love you, Colin. Thank you for doing this. Love you. And I'm sure. I'll text you guys in a few hours when the Sixers probably lose this one tonight. Oh, I hope they just know this. We're going to be playing the Nick song tomorrow if they do whatever shitty song that is. Oh, God. It's great. Oh, shit. All right. I love you guys. I love you too, buddy. Have fun at the other festival. Love you. Have fun at the Not Fun Festival. Yeah. This is the Fun Fest. Do you ever see Casino when they're all sitting there? We're having fun. Like Joe Pesci and them, we're having fun over here too. It's one of the greatest moments. So you got the show coming out. Yes. You have another... Is it a one... It's not a one minute. I'm not in it. I just wrote it. What the... What? I'm not in it. You're not... I wrote it. No. So what is it? It's Immersive Theater. Oh, God. Robert. Oh, God. I don't like this call. I don't know if you would really appreciate what this is. It's not comedy per se, but it is funny. That's a good way to sell it on a comedy show. It's funny. Well, it's different. It's a... Why are you not in it? Because I just... I'm done. I'm done hearing my voice. I can't do it anymore. You know, what's Immersive? Well, Immersive means... Well, Immersive means... Epcot Center? Yeah. Well, I mean, Epcot Center is kind of immersive. It's an old reference, I know. They've updated it. They have Universal Park. But you know, they have these things now where like all these things where you walk in and you're like surrounded by like... Like even the Friends exhibit. Like you're in the Friends set. What is that? The Friends exhibit. They're doing some crazy thing on 20 Thursday, I think. I went as soon as it opened. You went? Yeah. So it's immersive, right? Like you... Yeah, you're like in the... You're in their apartments and you like... They have a stick. You poke fat, ugly naked guy with it. That was fun. You're my friend, Becky. It's funny if you still want to call it immersive bits. That's his first immersive bit. You stick a fat, pokey guy. It's not a bad idea. So can you... Can you... Unlike your mantra, can you reveal some of the... Yes. It's basically... It's a building of the World Trade Center in the late 60s, early 70s. Okay. So during COVID, I started writing these monologues and then my friend Vinny Piazza was an activist. He was lucky Luciano on Boardwalk Empire. Who was he? He was lucky Luciano on Boardwalk Empire. He was on Tulsa King. Okay. Oh, he's the guy who became the boss last season. Yes. Oh, I love that guy. Yeah, he's great. He's great. So he's like... He's like... Yeah. Like close friends? Yeah, like we talk all the time. Like we... He's co-producing. He's the reason we're doing it. Because I was like, yeah, I wrote these monologues. And he's like, no, no, we got to do these. And he just keeps organizing, putting all these things together. And the other one is your girlfriend, Catherine Narducci. You know I'm in love with her. I know. I mean, like that is my... I know. That is my jam right there. Yeah. She's great. And they're both... I met her. You did? I did Chaz's podcast and she was in the house. You go to Chaz's house. That's right. He lives right down the street from me. Never been asked back. Five minutes away from my house. Never been asked back. Love Chaz. Love Chaz. Great guy. Did his podcast. I felt like I maybe bombed a little bit. I think I was too excited to do it. Right. I was too... Came in too hot and then Chaz was like, that's not how we do it here. Yeah, I was like... Yeah, he's a little... Yeah, I should have listened more. I was a little yappy. Yeah, you're like, I got to score with Chaz. Well, I thought he was going to take me under his wing. Well, you thought it was like a Ryan Reynolds situation. Well, that's going to happen. I've been waiting. You've been there two years. You haven't even run into him. I've run into him twice. Yeah, because you've done shows with him. I'm gritting out... I've met him twice. Yeah, you've met him twice on shows. Hi, Ryan. Did you meet him at the last show? Dennis Larry... No, he wasn't there. Dennis Larry could introduce you to him. He must know him from the Michael J. Fusca. I'm not pulling that bullet. I'm not shooting that bullet till I need it. I'm still trying to meet him at the bakery or maybe downtown on a Sunday afternoon. Why are you laughing? First of all, there's no downtown. That little Katona... Katona is a beautiful... What are you laughing at? That's a beautiful downtown. Better than your shitty downtown where you live. You mean downtown Manhattan? Yes. All right, well, you got a good downtown. You were... You were a real downtown in the planet. Yeah. First of all, I think my downtown was before your downtown. Katona? Yeah. Oh, no, why? Because you have one stupid sign established in 1787. That's the stupid sign I'm talking about. Yeah. I... Yeah, I went to Chas' house and I hung up, but she was there and I panicked again. You did, yeah. Well, because she's... I mean, she's so pretty. Yeah, she should have just said Colin Quinn says you're the best and she'd be like, Oh, she dropped my name with her and she dropped my name with Ryan. I think Ryan had a newfound respect for me. I'm not dropping your name with Ryan because you bombed him from there. No, I bombed in front of him, but then I went on stage and killed. So I bombed one-on-one with him. You bombed personally. Personally, I bombed with him. Which is worse. But it was his fault because... What? It's his fault because I went up to him with the best of intentions. First of all, you know, I'm obviously a comedian of some note and I go to... I go, Ryan, that movie, whatever, Just Friends, I go, that movie's one of the funniest things and I could see his face like this. Like he was already disgusted thinking about it. Like, you know, these guys do... Here's the problem with these movie actors. They do the movie, then they have their own experience on it. It's old hat. They do some other stupid movie that they think is amazing. Like it somehow resonates with something in them. And then you're trying to tell them about a great movie, Just Friends, and they're like, Oh, that didn't even make money. Ryan, it's not all about making money. Just Friends is a comic masterpiece. It is. Back it up. You're like, this is the funniest thing ever. Out of Paris? Open your scene. She's the funniest. Chris Klein is hilarious. It's an underrated comic. The mother, the brother? The brother's the best. The whole movie's great. The whole movie is great. Just Friends is one of the funniest movies. So I start ranting about it and he's like, Yes. Yeah, we shot that up in Canada. Like, basically just go and let me get away from this boring fan. Now luckily for me, then I went on and killed. I think I redeemed myself every day. He's probably like, you know what? Maybe the guy's right. And he probably went back and said, you know what, Blake, let's watch Just Friends again tonight. Trust me, that's what he did. Maybe. It's possible. It's possible. Did you see him after that? Have you seen him since then? No. Yeah. I haven't seen him since. Well, I'm not going to, I'm not going to bring him up. I'm not going to drop your name with Ryan. I'm not doing it. It's just not happening. It's a mistake. Because no, because then Just Friends will come out of my mouth. That's going to just shoot out of my fucking pie hole. Like, yeah, he was talking about Just Friends. I agree with him. I think it's one of your best. And then he's going to walk away. And my luck, I'll go up and bomb in front of him somewhere. Unfuckable. Unbelievable. You bought, did you bought? You know what you do? What's up? When he's at the bakery, when he's at the ordering, you pay for it secretly and tell the girl behind the counter to put a little note. This is because I want to be Just Friends. Well, I've already thought of this. If, if, if he is in front of me, if he is in front of me, it's going to be harder. But if he is behind me, I'm going to be like, look, I'm paying. I'm going to have to say I'm paying for my friends right there. I'm going to have to say friend. He's not going to know I said that. I'm going to say I'm paying for my friends too. Or if he's in front of me at the last minute, I run up and just put my, my card on the bar. I go, I got it. Dude, I love you. I think you're the best. Oh, and then I do that. If you do that, I promise you might the disgust he felt for me. It'll be 10 times worse if you pay for his stupid muffin or his crumb cake. That's my bakery, LMNOP. I fucking love it. No. I have it all planned out. No. I sit out front with doodles. I feel like doodles is going to get his attention. Dogs always get somebody's attention. They're always going to talk to the dog first, which is fine. I'm going to ignore him when he talks to the dog first. He's going to come up and oh, is she friendly? I feel like, oh, yeah, absolutely friendly, friendlyest dog ever. You should tell him she's friendly and so am I. Don't put these things in my head because you know I'm going to panic and I'll probably want to say these stupid things. I'm friendly too. Here's what you do. You order your food if he's behind you and you go, he's paying and walk out with you. I've never seen anybody famous in Katona so far. Richard Gere, you're still there. Who? Richard Gere. Richard Gere. Did you ever tell you about the big dust? The big dust up me and him almost had. You almost got a fight with Richard Gere? Oh, yeah. Well, I was, you know, it was about 1982, 83. I just talked to the woman that I was with at the time about it. That's Richard Gere, Richard Gere. That's at the peak of Richard Gere. She should have fucked him. That's peak Richard Gere. Or she liked me. And she was like, oh, he was just trying to get your goat. I was like, boy, I was just trying to get my goat. I'm walking by him with this restaurant. And for some reason, he was in there with some beautiful girls. She was wearing like a gore's dress. I was blown away. And then he said, she's just flirting with the girl I was with. I go, what's your fucking problem? I just fucking, 20, 20 fucking asshole. I go, I go, I fucked you. And then the managers came and I wonder who got kicked out. You got kicked out? You got kicked out? If Richard Gere ever flirted with Don, I would let it go down in five seconds. Yeah, I mean, I really did. I did wrong by her. Yeah, you did. But it was with his girlfriend. It was a little rude for him to do that with his girlfriend. It's Richard Gere, a peak Richard Gere. Yeah, right. I don't deny it. American jiggaloo, Richard Gere. Yes, I don't deny it. I don't deny it. It's a look at Richard Gere. Yeah. One of the hottest fucking guys ever. So fucking smoking hot. Oh my God, he's wearing a fucking bullfighter shirt. You should have. How hot? You have to be to wear a ruffle bullfighter shirt. I think he's wearing just every picture. He's like a dream bow. I mean, he's wearing pleated pants and he's sexy as shit. What the hell? Why would you deny this woman? You probably smoked back then. You're real thin. I smoked. I was thin. You had little chicken legs. Yep. But I didn't deny her. I just wanted to fight Richard Gere. Because you're a psychopath. Because he was starting shit with me. He was not starting shit with you. He was disrespecting me by the way he was talking to her like in front of me. And his poor girlfriend. First of all, he was respecting her by hitting on her. Yes, he was. He was respecting women. Absolutely. She could have. And here's the other sad part. This girl lived about probably 200 or 300 feet from the fucking restaurant. She could have took him right home. But then now she had to take a fucking train back to Brooklyn with those thin legs. That stinks. Yeah. What did you do at the end of the night? Did you have a good? Did you at least give her a good night? I don't probably not. I probably argued with her and drunkenly fell asleep. Oh, that's great. That's great. She's just lying there watching American Jiggalo of what could have been. Yeah. That guy is hot as fuck. Look at him in a tray. Everything he does was gorgeous. Yeah, he was gorgeous. Yeah. And this is before right. But this is like after American Jiggalo. He's in a movie about fucking banging broads. And you get pissed off that he's fucking girl. You're with you. You selfish piece of shit. You're a selfish man. He was fucking with me. It wasn't fucking with you. He was liking her. Yeah. Was she hot? Yeah. Yeah. There you go. There you go. There it is right there. So you're a mercy. Yeah, she turned she turned me on to a great song. Love and affection by Joan Almetrae. I hate all your music. You know this. This is the girl's music, not mine. I your music. You send me these songs and it infuriates me. And I don't know why everybody else thinks it's hilarious, including my wife and Max. You remember this song, Joan Almetrae? No, I wasn't open to persuasion. This you can actually say this to your buddy, Ryan Reynolds. I'm open to persuasion. You think I should say this? I'm not looking for friends, but I'm open to persuasion. This is the kind of deep cut that somebody like Ryan Reynolds would probably like. Joan Almetrae. I don't like what you're doing right now. She was Tracy White. She was Tracy Chapman before Tracy Chapman, 10 years before. Because you're coming up with techniques to move in on my Ryan Reynolds. You know what I mean? My my my shot is gone. It's gone. I could see his face. He was disgusted. Yeah. God knows why. I see you got him back. What's that? You got him back, you said. Well, I think I mean, all I know is I killed that night. So if he was anyway in the vicinity, there's no way he could deny that. Guarantee he didn't see it. In my life. I guarantee. As soon as as soon as old fucking just for friends topics went on stage went, I'm out of here. I'm gone. You know how many times in your life you're like, oh, God, I killed in front of and then they go, oh, that person left like an hour ago. It's happened to me so many times in the cellar. I remember DeNiro. I think DeNiro and Pesci were in the crowd with Seinfeld. And as soon as I stepped, they watched the whole show. And as soon as I stepped on stage as Keith gave me the intro, they got up and left. It's unbelievable. And Keith, Keith went on the mic. They left. They left stupid and DeNiro laughed. Thought it was funny. He went there. We left. Oh, yeah, his his love of stand up is a little annoying. Well, who he likes. DeNiro. No, just his general obsession with stand up. Well, he loves stand up, but he's not that funny. But he. No, but he's a no. He was he was funny when he was when he was playing like in when he played the was his name Travis Bickel and he played Rupert Pupkin, then he's funny. He's like a weirdo. He's a funny actor. I mean, what's the into midnight run? Midnight run. Fucking great. Hilarious. Another famous movie that people don't know. The minute of great movie, great fucking movie. And he was he's a funny actor. But I wouldn't imagine he'd be maybe me fun to hang out with. You've met him. I met him, but I never really hung out with him, except that great bomb story. You took a hot one. Now, this weekend, you had another show that I was waiting to hear. I didn't call you a weekend because you were going to do a therapy show. No, it wasn't a therapy. Go what was it? It was just a show. It was like a benefit type thing. But for for just some like a good will type organization, but it wasn't therapy. OK. But anyway, yeah, let me tell you something. I get up there and in the first you know how it is because these anytime you're going to gig, it's not a comedy thing. It's 50 percent. I don't any comedian ever say they don't vomit these things. And I get up there in the first few minutes, I'm kind of just talking about what's going on. I'm doing good. And I'm like, you know what? I figured this one out. Yeah. And then there's always that moment when you get up there where you're like, I figured it out. And then what to do? Yeah. And then 15 minutes in, I was drowning. You know, you have a dream where you're drowning and just can't stop it and just drowning. That's exactly what was happening. I'm a hero, so I don't know about those. Oh, you're right about trying. I don't know about it. It's like I was falling into a pit. Yeah. And I was just falling and falling and nothing. I couldn't grab on that. How much time do you have to do? Forty five. Holy shit, balls. I did every second of it. Because you got to get that check. Here's when you know. Yeah. Here's when you know you when you know you didn't do well, because sometimes you can't really tell you because you're like, well, there's some laughs. It's a weird set up. The room acoustically is strange. So, you know, just rug down people at these tables. And then afterwards I get off. Here's a, you know, I talk to the guy that ran the sound thing because then I don't have to walk through the crowd yet. So I'm delaying the walk through the crowd by talking to him for like three minutes. They open the all leave, but they don't because this is where they are for the night. Yeah. And this guy's probably like, boy, this guy's really cool. He's talking to me for three minutes. I'm chatting to him on this side. You're asking him about, hey, what's that button do? That's interesting button. Yes. Now, when you got into sound, yes. Did you go to college for that? And I'm like, so bubble. You just don't need to do whatever that is. And then I ran out of things to say to God, I didn't have to take the walk. I walk back when you kill the whole crowd. It's like, even give you more applause. They get the pounds and the high five. Yeah. These guys like this. Talking to each other. Just nobody wants the stink of failure. So you had to walk by a crowd that nobody acknowledges that you're walking by. That's right. Like you were some type of waiter. Like, yeah, like I was just, yeah. The worst is the people that booked you, though, were they there? Yeah. How was that? They're like, your car's outside. And you were alone. Yeah. And you got the car alone. Oh, yeah. And the first thing the driver said, this is when you bond with the driver, too. You start telling him all, just make lies up. Now they didn't say like he knows about a gig. They didn't set it up right. No, no. You know, the mic was off. They didn't have a monitor. You need a monitor as a comic. You need a fucking monitor. How am I supposed to work on the monitor? He's like, buddy, I don't know. I know airport and hotel. Yeah. We did you did you have to stay the night or did you go right home? No, luckily I was staying somewhere else. But but here's the other top part. You walk out to wait for the car and half the people that were at the show are waiting for their car. Oh, God. You're right in the middle of it. Oh, you have. And there's nothing. Nobody said nothing. No, no, one guy. What one? Did you hear whispers? At least one. No, one. One guy said, oh. He knew you. You ate your dick. He goes, oh. Oh. How long do you sympathize with me? Oh, how long do you have to sit outside for? It was only about five minutes, which is in that time. That's like 30 years. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that sucks. I mean, thank God it happened. Yeah, because it would have sucked to be like killed. Great. Awesome. But having a bomb. There's nothing like I did you call somebody that night or did you just eat it? I just ate it. I call. I have you and Voss are on my speed dial and Jay. When I take a hot one, I immediately have to call another comic. The thing I hate most is any comic goes, I never do that. But it's like, shut up. We all bomb. You know what I mean? There's comics that don't bomb. Like who? Ryan Hamilton. I mean, if he said any other name, I would have argued. But no, actually, Ryan Hamilton actually told me. Luckily, when a few months ago, he had a rough one like the one of these days at Skankfest. He had a rough one. Ryan Hamilton should not be at Skankfest. He's not. That was a joke. He's never he would never step foot. Speaking of Skankfest, you're going to come this year. I don't know. Maybe. Do you? Maybe. I mean, dude, you would love it. You'd have such a good time, bro. No, I wouldn't because you guys. I know what I tried. I know what you guys are about. What are you talking about? I know what you're all about. And you're the biggest offender of them all. I am. Yeah. I'm not even it's this legionist skanks is the first of all you exactly you. You're not the Lia zone. So don't even ask me to come. I'll leave that up to you. The liaison is right there. That's fine. But here's my point, Christine. And I'll tell you right now. Are you going to tell me that I'm not going to have to do five to 15 fucking podcasts? It's all these cocksuckers putting their podcasts down there. I'm sick of it. And as everyone's like, oh, let's get crazy. And there's a plan to the audience. Like everybody comes out, fucking music, walk out music on podcast. It's infuriating to me. These fans need to be put in a place this year at Skankfest. Maybe I'll do that. I'm going to do an early morning show. No fucking cheering. No woos. Just straight, honest, quiet, and occasional laugh or titter. You're going to get what you used to. Do you want to do it from this last weekend? Do you want to lecture people from the boxing ring as people walk into the festival? No, no, he doesn't want to do any of the hijinks. That's that's just what I'm just forming, forming what he wants. Yes. I can I tell you what you do? Can I tell you what you do? Ready? Sure. We ship your immersive stage to Skankfest. And we do that. We have an exhibit in one of the halls. The what is it called again? Marty Garwald. No, building building. We have building the immersive comedy of Colin Quinn. That's not a bad idea. Why don't we do that? How much is going to ship out all the stuff? I don't know. Well, Joe Pagliatoni. Do it. Does he have money? What's his name? And New Orleans has a big, you know, they have a big Italian section. Anyway, I said it could probably you probably know somebody from down there. And here's another thing we do. Joe Pagliatoni. We do we do a thing with Colin Quinn, a comedy show in one in the smaller room in one of the smaller rooms, because it's low ceilings, 200. Was it 200 people? Nice. How many people, Christine? It can like three. It's a really small room. 300, 300. Pack them in. I like that. We do a comedy show. You you're the headliner. You can pick who you want on it. You do an whole hour. You don't have to have like 15 people on it. But just you do an hour. Colin Quinn, 300 people, low ceilings, nice little small venue. And then we do Tough Crowd reunion. Me, you, Voss, Keith Norton. And Nick DePallo. We did Tough Crowd reunion. I know we did. But we do it again. Why do you have to say it like we did it once? We want that. I know we fucking did it. Oh, my God, we do it again. We do one more fucking back. Listen, dude, because here's the problem. Oh, God, we did it once. OK. It was a magic moment. It was. Why ruin it by saying, let's do one more. We're not going to ruin it. It's going to be another magic moment. Why can't we? Why? Why you your shit life into you only get one magic moment in your life? Why can't we have two or three magic? Why can't we just have fucking magic moments? We have so many shit moments on the road. Let's have more fucking magic moments, man. Let's have some magic moments. By the way, by the way, John Gotti's favorite band. Yeah. This is Jane the Americans. We open up the show with this song. We have played at Gotti Juniors' wedding. The fact that you know that is just nuts. Nuts. J. Black. So what do you say? You know, why? Because Karami Amai was like the Italian song. Karami Amai. I don't know. We'll think about it. All right, we'll think about it. I like the way he pitched. He did a good job pitching. He did a great job. He did a great job pitching. I think we're really proud of where it's at now. And you can really hang out the river and nobody will bother you. Nobody will bother me. I know I'll be on every God in the pot. I already know. You won't. I already know. I'm ready to buy you. Hey, this. You do whatever you want. We're going to set. We're going to set the way it works. There I know how we're going to set this up. Ready? We're going to put signs around like wanted posters with your face. No podcasts. Quinn, no podcasts. No pot. You are not allowed to ask Callen Quinn to be on any show other than the shows he's on. That's it. And then we have a super. We have a super secret tent, the Colin Quinn tent that you get to be in filled with Diet Coke's tea and boobs. We have boobs, but all kinds of boobs. Right. Paco's going to be there. He's whatever you want. He's going to be a little gung-a-din. Whatever outfit you want him in, we'll put him in an outfit. Right. And you'll be in there and you allow anybody who have security. You don't even have to take pictures with anybody. And then we do those. I like taking pictures with people. OK, then we'll take pictures. Well, all right, relax. Interesting. So you'll take pictures if you want. We'll have a special picture day. I think this is great. I think it's a very good. It's definitely a possibility. All right. I love it. I love it. It's alive. Let's put it that way. I'll protect you from it. It's alive. It's alive. Yes, we'll keep you away from anybody you don't want near you. Well, it's not. It's not the people. I just don't want to sit there and do 20 hours of podcasting. You won't do any. You won't do any. You'll do one. You'll do three shows. We'll have three magic moments. This magic. Wait a minute. What are the three? I only heard two. We didn't say anything about radio shows. We didn't have a live bonfire. I'm kidding. Kidding. Who's in? You can do whatever you want. It's it's listen. I know Colin so well. And when I there's certain things I can ask him to do, but I have to look at the last time I asked him to do something to see if there's enough time in between when I asked him to do something. Because if there's not, he'll literally just go nope and hang up the phone. Nope. Not doing it. I like where we're at. I like where we're at. We're at a good place. We're at a nice place. We're a good place. We're at a good place. You're going to do two festivals. The Bonfire Festival that you're on right now. I mean right now. We're killing it. Swimmingly. It's going very well. It is. I say it's the best fest of the country right now. The Bonfest. The other one is like I said, it's too saturated. There's too much going on. You can tell Jay doesn't want to be there. He was calling in not just to celebrate the 76ers because he wants to be here. He does. Jay does want. Jay hates going over. He knows the vibe is weird out there. Yeah, he knows. And he's not. He likes to. He's not good at schmoozing after. You know what I mean? No. And there's going to be a lot of schmoozing at that festival. Behind the backstage is going to be a lot of schmoo... Like hey, hey, hey, hey. A lot of those things. Well, that's what we got to get good at. We got to get you good at for the Ryan Reynolds thing. I'm fantastic. I think I got it. I got it. And I got... What do you mean? I think... You be Ryan Reynolds, I'll be me. Ready? You're at the bakery. I'd like six of... What are those? Those are very interesting. Yes. Well, OK, yeah, we actually have those. In France, we call them boignets, but, you know, in, I mean, in Canada, you know, it's a French influence. Hey, you know what you're really going to try? Not to butt in. Sorry, real quick. Queen Amann's here. They're... First of all, my favorite dessert and the best in the country right here, the Queen Amann's. I think you're pronouncing that wrong. So Queen Amann's, what is that? Queen Amann. I feel like you're pronouncing it incorrectly. Are you Ryan or are you the cashier? I'm Ryan. OK, because I didn't know because you did both. I'm sorry. I was going to tell you to shut the fuck up if you were the cashier. But if you're Ryan, I'm going to... No, no, no, I'm pretty sure it's Queen Amann. I could be wrong, though. You know what? I'm always wrong. Thanks. I'm always... You know, Colin Quinn, just for laughs. Just Friends was one of my... Just for laughs. Just Panic and say, just for laughs. Have you been to the festival? I just did a festival. It's the Bonfire Festival. It was me, Colin Quinn. Everybody's talking about it. Everybody's talking about it. Which one? You must know him. God damn it, I don't have it. I don't have it. No, I like your original idea. What? His original idea was much deeper. Stand in front of his house as Lee comes out. No, you're going to wear some shirt that only he wears from some team. What do you mean? Oh, like a like a rexam shirt. He owns a soccer... Right. Sorry, football, Jacob. Right. ...and a bakery. I get it. This is it. That's it. I get a rexam shirt. You said that. You're the one who came up with that label. I forgot about that. I get a rexam shirt and I'm going to be Jay right now. Christine, order me a rexam shirt. I'm kidding. I get a rexam shirt and I hang out. How long am I going to hang out for days? I'm going to be the guy in the rexam shirt. You just started wearing it once in a while. Yeah, but I'm going to have to wear it every time I go to the bakery. But you said you were going to jog. You think he goes to some track or something? No, he doesn't do a track. He has property. This is not a good idea. Why? Why? Because Ryan Reynolds is going to assume you've been waiting, wearing this thing, hoping to run into him at the bakery so he can see you wearing the shirt. Assume away. That's right. Assume away, Ryan. Rye dog. What's up? What's up? Yeah, I got some fun facts. So if you do wear a rexam jersey, you can be like, you could tell him, dude, so close next year because they were for three years in a row. They promoted that team. So they were almost at the top. So it seemed like you know a little. You think that's going to play? Hey, you didn't make it again. That's going to play not again. First time. First time. I can't say so close. Maybe next year. He's going to be like wearing the rexam shirt. No, he's going to be like, fuck, you're right. We he's going to get bummed out again that we didn't they didn't win. No, here's what you do. You wear it, you wear the shirt, but you turned around. So he has to look at you. You're not trying to show him the shirt. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're by the car. Right. You get a hanger. You try to get it. You go with a hanger. What? No, that's not good. Why? I'm trying to break into a Lexus with a hanger. First of all, that doesn't work anymore. You old coot. He's a hanger. Nobody has hangers. I know the only hangers I have is the cut max shit up. All right. So you just turn around and you just let's see you scratch on your car. You start playing with you have to be turned around. OK, I'm turned around, but I'm doing what to my car? You're just like trying to just buff out a scratch with it. But you try to be turned around. And then he's looking at wherever he is in town, downtown. Apparently it's hopping all the time. It's fucking hopping. So you downtown, you just walk and you just kind of and it'll be like and then he'll follow you. Maybe Wrexham and then you have to know a little bit about them. Now, do you know? Of course, I love the they had the series on, I believe it was HBO or Cinemax. They had a series. You don't even know the names of the players. Yeah, I do. Fuck Vidal and Vidal and Sequence. Sequence and Vlad. I don't know the names. I'll look the names up. OK, I don't know any of the names. Doesn't matter. I know the team. I know the show. Now, this is not a way to get in. We're going to have to get in another way. How about? How about this? How about this? Yeah. I hold a sign up. On Sunday. Says what? Says Rye Dog. With the shirt, every Sunday, I just go there. Rye Dog, where it becomes a thing. Other people start video. It becomes viral. This guy wants me and then he winds up going, I got to go meet this guy. He's he's been out here every Sunday for a year. That's truly the most sadist idea I've ever heard in my life. You know, I'm just going to break into his house and see what he's doing. I mean, that's the you're doing. That's the that's less offensive than you're doing there. It's less intrusive to Ryan's life. Messing up my manifestation by this. I'm trying to manifest this for a long time. Are you forgot about it till I board it up? You're trying. I don't know who. Your one in is Leary. Leary probably doesn't get along with him. Why? Why do you think that they probably he probably high stick them when they were playing fucking hockey in one of those stupid leagues. I felt bad, Leary. Fucking I threw Don on the bus. I got Don kind of manages my stuff, right? So she got an email from Leary for the firefighters day. He has the Leary firefighters benefit and all the stuff. And I got an email. Hey, you're invited. You've done it, I think you've done it, right? The the show he puts on. Yeah. OK. I've never been asked to do it. I've only been asked to do. I've only been asked to do the Boston Comics Come Home. And I felt like the Leary firefighters thing was more of a prestige. OK. Yeah. That more prestigious. So you get to do it. I've done it in 25 years, but go ahead, Mr. Victim. I'm choking right now. Has it been 25 years since you did it? Yeah. Wow. He's literally been on the goddamn board of comics for 12 years in a row. So they had this thing and I couldn't do it. I had a show, but I thought it was at night, but I thought he was asking me to go to it. I didn't want to be a as a comic. You don't want to be asked to be an audience member. Absolutely not. As in then other comics, you know, and you show up. Hey, what are you doing? Absolutely not. And they're like, I'm just here to support. Yes. I don't want to go for that shit. Yeah, we don't support. We don't support. Our support is our jokes. Yes. What you mean is we take the mic. We'd like to take. We like to sit there like that. Yeah, we do benefits. Take the mic and also get a check. Well, from the benefit. Yeah. Do you take the money from the benefits? Some of them. You do. OK. If they offer. I don't. Oh, whatever. It's you. People are different. It doesn't matter. So I turned it down. It wasn't. It was actually a day. You get to be a firefighter for the day. They take you, I think, to Brooklyn, to the firefighters place and they dress you as a firefighter. You get to climb the rope. You get to fight fires. You get to go. You do all the stuff training that firefighters do. All the shit is. Yeah. And it was a daytime thing where I got to be. And then I look and Adam Ferraris, that Pete Davison's there. All these famous actresses are there. And I could have been there and I wasn't. Right. Because fucking Don read the letter wrong. What? I think you said you threw Don under the bus, but now you're throwing it under the bus again. Yeah, I am right now. Yeah. I'm throwing it under the bus again. I thought somehow it wasn't her fault. It's not her fault at all. I just didn't. I read I fucked up. But it's her fault for not telling me exactly what it was. Yeah. It sounds like a fun day for Max. I mean, what you. If you're 12 and fucking you want to climb the firefighter pole and press up and to fire him in the outfit. Yeah. Fucking grown man. Whatever, dude. All right. All right, we're going to wrap it up, buddy. I love you so much. Colin has a nice family at the festival. Thank you for being the first the first comic on the Fest. This is going to be big every year. We should do the bonfire. We should until we get invited to their other. No, until we have more followers than a fucking Netflix festival. All right, let's do that. That's going to take how long? I don't know. 10 years. I won't be here. But well, you're going to be at Skagfest, maybe. Colin Quinn wrote a new immersive showcase called Building. Building. Building. And it will be produced at the Pioneer Works in Red Hook this summer, July 8th to the 11th. That's it. The eighth to the 11th with Vinny Peziot. Piazzia. Piazzia. Catherine Arducci. Your girlfriend. Make sure you check that out. Make sure you get tickets for Skagfest. They're available right now. Guess who's going to be there? Maybe hopefully doing a couple of shows, maybe three shows. Big J is going to be in Los Angeles stories this week. And then he's going to Austin for Memorial Day Week and BigJComedy.com. You guys are the best. Make sure you go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly for all my dates. I'm going to be in Cleveland coming up and I'm going down as Alabama and Wally. All right, we'll see you guys tomorrow. Crackle, crackle, everybody. Go hard.