U.S. Hockey Debockey

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But she is a nut who thinks that hormonal contraception, the side effects of hormonal contraception, are worse than the side effect of not taking hormonal contraception, which is a whole fucking pregnancy. Senator Patty Murray was quite flammoxed by the whole conversation. I mean, the thing is, like, I could tell you some side effects of pregnancy. Ask anybody that's not a kid or been pregnant, and they'll tell you, uh, those side effects are 100% worse than anything that happens to you when you're on hormonal birth control. But go off, sis. Today, we're talking about Trump's State of the Union address, Kash Patel taking the Olympic U.S. men's hockey team from hero to zero, the disturbing case of Representative Tony Gonzalez's inappropriate relationship with a staffer that ended in tragedy, the latest on the Epstein files, And then, of course, we'll talk Candace Owens' new series on Erica Kirk. Alyssa, this is my Christmas. It's a party. It's going to be called Bride of Charlie. The key art, 10 out of 10, no notes. We're not Candace apologists here, but just to paraphrase Marie Kondo, we love mess. Love. you're listening to hysteria the podcast that appreciates the post-heated rivalry reminder that hockey players are idiots what a week they i mean alissa listen you grew up with hockey players right i did yes so did i you know that there is a over-representation of dumb assholes in the hockey playing community. I would say if you look at the population as a whole, a certain percentage can be expected to be dumb assholes. If you look at the male hockey playing population as a whole, the dumb asshole percentage, pretty high. Everyone except my cousin. I mean, right. Everyone knows a nice hockey player, and I'm not talking about them. Hashtag not all hockey players. But just, you know what I mean? Just like as a group, come on. Look, they showed us their best yesterday. I mean, whatever. Okay, so let's talk about how this whole thing has all of a sudden become— The hockey team is now Donald Trump's hockey team. He is taking credit for their victory because he has no victories. Here's the thing. Can you just imagine anyone— Like, there is no less athletic person than Donald Trump. He has probably never watched a hockey game start to finish. He has never put ice skates on. Like, it is so absurd to me how foolish he is acting. I mean, we all know why he's doing it, but it doesn't make it any less absurd. I mean, we'll get more into this later, but the second that Kash Patel was led into that locker room, their win became forever tainted with Donald Trump pissing on it like he's a dog and they're a fire hydrant. He was establishing the hockey team as his territory. And if I were a member of that team or someone who loved a member on that team, I would be so irritated with this administration's decision to piss all over them. But then I would also be irritated by the team itself being like, oh yeah, piss on me, bro. Love it. Love it. I'm going to go to the White House. I was willing to be a little generous. I was like, look, they're high on life. They're clearly drunk. Maybe they're caught off guard. I don't believe that to be the case anymore. I believe that there is at least one member of the coaching staff that upon and information and belief, is a big MAGA guy. And I believe that that person is responsible for letting Cash Patel in the locker room. But I also think he never should have been let in there. He didn't play for one second. He didn't practice. He didn't sweat. He didn't do any of that shit. He looked like a sweaty frat brother. He didn't look like a frat brother, though. He looked like a make-a-wish kid. He looked like a little boy that was, like, jumping up and down. Like, imagine the selfishness it would take and the entitlement to feel like, okay, like, I really love watching, like, Team USA Gymnastics during the Summer Olympics. Now, imagine if I'm, like, the UN ambassador. That'd be hilarious. But imagine that I'm the UN ambassador and I show up to, like, the Team Gold Medal round. And then after Team USA Gymnastics win, I, like, get myself in the locker room and celebrate with the girls. Like, that's pathetic shit. Pathetic shit. No. I didn't do any of— Here's what it reminded me of. Do you remember the show years ago called Bridezilla's? Absolutely, I remember that show. So there was like the opening to it when they would like preview all the Bridezilla stories and they would mock, they would make all of the Bridezilla's like into a cartoon going, my day, my day. That was Kash Patel in the locker room. It is really, it is really crazy. And I don't know that he possesses the self-awareness to understand just how like childish and selfish and silly. It was so uncool. And silly that was. That was so fucking silly. And we'll get into like the lameness that ensued after that initial original sin in the first place. But first, let's talk about the State of the Union. Must we? I mean, I think that people are going to be listening to this on Thursday. Well, I know they're going to be listening to this on Thursday or later. And this was such a forgettable, empty, non-speech, rambling, ridiculous thing that I don't think has any consequence for very much time. No, none at all. And also, it doesn't help that Donald Trump lies about everything all the time. He's either like he's lying, he's embellishing, he's making shit up. But like it's just sort of him, you know, rambling. Him doing his like Prairie Home Companion like evil, demented shit. But it was 108 minutes of nonsense on Tuesday night. It was so long. With very little like actual policy proposals. It was the longest State of the Union speech in history and it said probably the least. It was the level of— The second longest was also him. The second longest was also him. It was megalomaniac, second grader type stuff. He kind of lustily described the murder of people whose loved ones were in the room. That was really disturbing. He's weird. I mean, I'm going to— It is the way he talks about—and this goes all the way back. Do you remember the—of course you remember. But when he got mad at Megyn Kelly after the Fox News debate back in 2016, and he said, and she was, the blood was coming out of her eyes and her blood. And the way that he talks about violence that happens to people is almost like he's horny. It's really disgusting. It's really weird. And you also like, it's been, I'm sure that he got into fights when he was a kid. He was sent to like a military school because he was like a uncontrollable, dysregulated person. But like, I don't, I don't think that this side of the 2000s, he's gotten in any kind of physical altercation with anybody. I don't think that there's been any, I mean, like maybe he's tried to like grab a woman or child, but like there's no, there's been no like man bare knuckle fight type situation, but he's so horny for violence. He's got a subterranean approval rating. He called his detractors crazy and he declared that he ended eight wars. Okay. Same. Surprise to everyone. Same. I've also ended eight wars because. Including the countries he listed. Because truth doesn't matter. So yeah, me too. Me too. I ended eight wars too. Like a two-bit dictator in a Broadway play, he gave out medals and he gave out awards. And of course, he blamed everything bad on undocumented immigrants as though America's myriad problems could be remedied if only people filled out the proper paperwork. It was about as pleasant as getting a pap smear through the eyes and the ears. But before we get into this speech, I want to point out two notable global stories that Trump never mentioned. Not a peep about Jeffrey Epstein. Wonder fucking why. And not a peep about the two Americans killed by ICE in Minnesota. Not a word. Did he shout out Greg Bovino by name? No. Okay, Carolyn's shaking her head no. That tells me that Greg Bovino is actually on the out. He's in trouble. Yeah. Wow. How insulting for Greg Bovino. Okay. Anyway. Did Did he actually shout anybody out by name? I mean, like, Hocko. Marco. Just Marco. Hocko players. What? Oh, I mean, aside from his, like, the people he brought in, his props. Well, let's talk about some of the people that he brought in because I really want to talk about this. He told a very confusing story about a young woman named Sage Blair. Oh, my God. A teen who, this is the story that he told. He said, it's a teen who alleges that her school in Virginia tried to socially transition her to a new gender. And then later, when she ran away from home, a judge forced her into an all-male group home. That's what he said. So, like, let's listen to the clip of him talking about her. Okay. In the gallery tonight are Sage Blair and her mother, Michelle. In 2021, Sage was 14 when school officials in Virginia sought to socially transition her to a new gender, treating her as a boy and hiding it from her parents. Hard to believe, isn't it? Before long, a confused Sage ran away from home. After she was found in a horrific situation in Maryland, a left-wing judge refused to return Sage to her parents because they did not immediately state that their daughter was their son. Sage was thrown into an all-boys, stayed home, and suffered terribly for a long time. But today, all of that is behind them because Sage is a proud and wonderful young woman with a full ride scholarship to Liberty University. All right. So there is a lot of things that he said in that statement and none of them are verifiable. Right. OK, so he was right that she was socially transitioning. It's interesting to me because when it was first released publicly that Sage Blair would be at the speech, it was implied that the school was trying to like transition her. Right. And that's not. It's not what happened. No. So this nosy little bitch pulled up the lawsuit that her, that's not her mother, that's her grandmother. Her grandmother adopted her. Oh, who was the person sitting with her? The person sitting with her is legally her guardian, but that is biologically her grandmother. That's not her mother. That's her father's mother. So it's her paternal grandma. That's not her mother. Okay, so this nosy bitch pulled up all the, like, law stuff. Because I was like, this story is crazy. The story that was told— Totally nonsensical. It's nonsensical. I pulled up, like, news clippings about her at the time from, like, 2023. And the news, like in the Washington Examiner, the New York Post, etc., like unsurprisingly presented the story of Sage's grandmother without questioning any of it. So the entire source of this story, there's been no like fact checking. There's been no validation, nothing. The lawsuit alleged that Sage went to school as a freshman in high school, decided that she wanted to transition to male pronouns and a male name and be allowed to use the boys' bathroom. That's literally what the school did. That's it. They let her use the boys' bathroom, and they called—they let Sage go by he, him, and a different name. They supported their choice. And then Sage also told the school counselor that she wasn't comfortable coming out to her guardians. And I wonder fucking why. So the school honored Sage's wishes and did not tell her grandmother that she was transitioning. They referred to her as she, her pronouns, and by the name Sage. So that was like the offense that Sage's grandmother was so upset about, right? There was no medical transitioning. The school was just, like, honoring her privacy. The lawsuit makes some crazy claims that—so Sage runs away, right? Sage runs away from her house, and that's, like, somehow the school's fault. Right. Sage ran away from her house. She ended up living in a group home. There is nothing in this lawsuit indicating that the group home was all male, just that there were boys that were living there. So that seems to be something that has, like, changed from when the story was first being told. And then she ran away from the group home, and the story that is told in news reports is that Sage was found—and the news reports go completely off the grandma's word. They don't check any of this, right? The story that's told in the news reports and in the lawsuit is that Sage was trafficked to Texas and abused in Texas and imprisoned. And then law enforcement officials rescued her and returned her to her grandmother. So you'd think if that had happened, there was like a 15-year-old kid that had been sexually abused and trafficked into Texas and was rescued by law enforcement officials and returned to her parents in Virginia. Right. I looked into this. There is no news story from that period of time when it allegedly happened reflecting this set of facts. I could not find anything corroborating this. In the lawsuit, there's a specific date. I look specifically for like news stories around that date. I could find no reports corroborating this. Can I tell you what's even a little bit wild about this? Yeah. So Sage was a guest of Melania's in her box, right? Tradition that goes back to Reagan's first term. Do you know that when you pick these guests in your box, they are like vetted to heaven and back? Like it is, I can't tell you because everybody knows the level of scrutiny. And you and I, I mean, you went much further than I did. But as soon as I heard this to him, like, this can't be real. And I start Googling. There is nothing at first blush that makes any of the—there's nothing corroborating. There is nothing that you can find that says what he said. Right. We have the word of this grandma who seems—I mean, she seems a little unhinged, first of all. Like, things are not great. And then also, like, in the lawsuit, she—it just feels like a very sad situation. the only people who are like sources on this are like the grandma and things the grandma said that sage told her after she was returned home which come on also getting a full scholarship to liberty university you basically have to have a pulse and be like yeah i love jesus like like it's not it's not a hard school it's not a good school you know no i mean i mean especially their acceptance rate is quite, like, bullish. But the reason that this story, I think, deserves us to, like, pause on it for a second is because this is such a good example of, like, conservative red meat stories that just spread like wildfire in the, like, MAGA Facebook groups. Nobody fact checks anything. Conservative influencers grasp onto it. Governor Glenn Youngkin has talked about SAGE as like an example of like why transition, like schools need to like not transition minors, whatever. This is dangerous because like none of this is verified. None of this. Well, that's the thing, right? They don't care if it's verified. They care how many people they can get to believe it. Right. And that to me also reflects a deep cynicism among right-wing influencers, which is that the people that consume their content and follow them are not going to fact check a single thing they say. They can say anything they want. And as long as it fits into their worldview, then that's like— They're like copy-paste. Proof enough. You know, case closed. Say no more. Another thing that I wanted to point out is that Sage Blair has been used by conservatives. Sage Blair and her grandma have been used by conservatives as justification for laws that would prohibit minors from transitioning. And I think that's a very dishonest thing because the lawsuit that Sage's grandma filed was about parental rights. and to make it illegal for minors to transition, period, it undermines parental rights. I don't think that like parents of children who wish to transition should have, it should be between the children, their parents, and the children's doctors and therapists. That should be, that's the relationship here. And the law that they're seeking to use SAGE to justify would insert the government into that relationship. And they all want smaller government. Yeah. And also, like, I mean, come on. Trans kids are so vulnerable. Right. And I don't think the school did anything wrong to respect her as a human being and respect her wishes. I have someone really close to me works at a school, and they told me that this is for years now. This is what happens. Kids come and they'll say, you know, I think that I want to transition, and I want to use these pronouns, and I want to use this name at school, and, you know, I'm really scared of my parents. And so, like, can you not tell? I mean, like, teachers, first of all, are put in horrible positions. And all the school did was support her. That's it. I mean, and also, like, teenagers are human beings. They have agency. And I know that's very uncomfortable for authoritarian parents. And, like, I know that, like, in the far right and Christian conservatives believe in this kind of very authoritative model of life. Like, every single relationship should be one person is in charge and one person is just completely at their mercy. And I don't think that that is a humane way to treat teenagers. They should not be given complete autonomy because they do not have a brain developed enough to make the right decisions. But also they are human beings that have basic privacy rights and they should be able to make basic medical decisions and they should be able to be treated as someone that's an entity that deserves to weigh in on things like they're in privacy. Anyway, I could go off on this, But that Sage Blair story is something we're going to hear a lot and we have been hearing a lot. And I think that more mainstream outlets, reporters should take stories like this and actually dive into them and drill down because now this is like spread so much that it was at the State of the Union. And like, how can you put that horse back in the barn? Well, and there was another story from the State of the Union, the one where Trump talked about the Ukrainian woman in North Carolina in Charlotte who was killed violently by a migrant. The person who killed her was born in Charlotte. That was on MSNBC last night. Yeah. I mean, but that's another example. And like, I don't know, I think it's such a challenge for us to—people who are in the MAGA sphere have made such an effort to erect silos, like impenetrable silos of bullshit around themselves. And Donald Trump just kind of like adds more bricks to the outside of the silo. You know, every time he speaks, he's like, yes, this thing that— He's like, oh, that worked. Yeah, this thing that people are telling you that matches your preexisting worldview, yes, yes, it's true, it's true, it's true. And it like I feel like mainstream media has to play whack but we have to play whack We have to We have to like engage on these stories because I mean this to to use Sage Blair story as justification for outlawing transitions for minors is so fucking dishonest It is so dishonest. And we need to call it out, even though it's exhausting. I think we need to keep calling it out. All right. We're going to take a quick break. But when we come back, more hysteria. Hysteria is brought to you by Quince. Quince is all about elevated essentials that feel effortless. Designed for layering and mixing, each piece helps build a timeless wardrobe made to last. With versatile silhouettes and thoughtful details, they're the kind of styles you wear again and again. They've got the wardrobe staples with quality that's made to last. 100% organic cotton sweaters, premium denim made with stretch for all-day comfort, Luxe cotton cashmere blends perfect for the changing seasons. 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I haven't ever worn any of their jeans before. So this is, I will give you feedback when I get them, but they're out for delivery. So by the next time we talk, I will have quince jeans. I will have information on quince jeans and how they work. I am super excited. Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com slash hysteria pod for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Hysteria pod to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash Hysteria pod. Hysteria is brought to you by One Skin. Erin, I have just been obsessed with the OS1 eye cream lately. It keeps my delicate under eye skin firm, moisturized, bright. And with One Skin, I know I'm supporting my long term skin health at the cellular level. At the core is their patented OS1 peptide, the first ingredient proven to target senescent cells, the root cause of wrinkles, crepiness, and loss of elasticity, all key signs of skin aging. 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Born from over a decade of longevity research, OneSkin's OS1 peptide is proven to target the visible signs of aging, help you unlock your healthiest skin now and as you age. For a limited time, try OneSkin with 15% off using code hysteria at oneskin.co slash hysteria. That's 15% off oneskin.co with promo code hysteria. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. And we're back. Okay, let's, what else did he talk about in this? Oh God, everything. Like there was just nothing that was truthful. Yeah. I mean, he called on Congress to pass the SAVE Act and then called for the end of mail-in ballots with few exceptions. Right, that's wild. Accused Democrats of only winning by cheating. Donald Trump has voted by mail in the past, of course. Right, right. He thinks we're the hottest country in the world now, which is crazy. It's like an SNL cartoon. The hottest country in the world. I've got like two hands worth of people that I know personally who have like fucked off to other countries since he— Really? Yeah, yeah. Two hands worth of people. And like they all have different reasons for doing it. I think most of them fucked off to Spain. But, you know, there's like— Not bad. It's a real, it's a real, but like, it's a real thing. People are leaving. People are leaving. He's making it awful. Educated people of means who have the ability to up and move to another country, who have the economic ability to do that, are like doing it. And okay, but sure, the hottest country anywhere in the world. Also, he turned the whole night into like the fucking Price is Right. Yeah. Just handing out medals left and right and then saying every medal he gave was the highest medal, by the way, even though some of them were different. And he's like, I want one. Someday I want to get one. Right now I can't get one, but I want one. What is wrong with you? Like literally, what is wrong with you? Yeah. I do have to say there are a couple things, you know, beyond the substance. Let's just like be bitchy for a second. Can I be mean for a second? Please. Um, anybody who was, listeners, if any of you have dyed your hair blonde before or gone, like, very platinum, email me and correct what I'm about to say, hysteria at crooked.com. Um, they left something in his hair for too long, right? Yeah, something was off with his hair, for sure. Donald Trump's hair is looking fuzzy. I think he got something, he got a bleaching or a dye job, and they left, there was a step that they left in for too long. There was like, and also there was a piece that was like this the whole time. There was a piece that was like, but he looked like it was just more, it was like anti-gravity. It was sort of like, it kind of like. He needed like a dryer sheet rubbed down on it. Right. But I feel like there was a step in the hair dyeing process. He is, he is an old, he's got old man hair and he's trying to use young boy processes to change his hair. And when you get to a certain age, you can't, you can't just beat the shit out of your hair anymore. It just doesn't. No, his hair looked really crazy. It was really. It was almost like see-through. It was see-through. It looked, and you could see the baldness at the top of his head too. Absolutely. You see like the real color of his skin. It's like a dark purple. It was like actual joy watching him walk in the chamber and like the lights right on top of him. And it's like, oh my God, wait till he sees this. He's going to go crazy. He's going to get so mad because he is bald as fuck. And also like, you know, we shouldn't have to say like some bald men are great because they are. But like he's vain and we don't like him. And so it's funny. Right. Right? Yeah. And then also we had some Epstein accusers in the room, some Epstein survivors in the room. That was good. But I think the most effective thing that Democrats did last night was not show up. You know, I've been torn. And I think I agree, though, that for Trump, he thrives on crowd, right? He thrives on a full room. And a photo. The photo. And a photo. And I think that, like, the one thing you notice is that just by there being some Democrats last night, he had these like really directed vitriolic lines where he'd be like, and that's because of you, and that's because of you. And that kind of falls flat if nobody's there. Right. And that's why I think that next year, more Democrats should consider not going. And we've talked about this on the show. And I think protesters in different parts of the country realize this, but the best way to fight a photo op fascist is to ruin the picture. Ruin the picture. You can ruin the picture by not showing up. You need a couple people in the audience to make sure, like how Elon Omar called him out last night. Mark Kelly was giving him stink eye and so was EW. Like, I think you need some people there, but in general, I think it's better. It's better to leave him with no punchlines. Yeah. And I also think like Ilhan Omar, first of all, like I think of her when somebody tried to attack her at a speech and they sprayed something. Oh yeah, and she just beat them down? She just like ran at them. Ilhan Omar is like a badass and not to be trifled with. And I think it was really brave that she showed up and just was who she was. however I don't think that that expectation should be put on women of color who are in congress I think that the burden and energy it would take to be a woman of color in that room is a lot to expect of of like and yeah also he was leaning he was leaning big time he was clutch into that podium yeah and you know he was fists both like yeah he was he was holding on to it like it was the 50 pages of Epstein files that the FBI should have released but didn't. The interview with the Trump accuser. How about the fact that J.D. Vance is in charge of fraud? That's so funny because he's changed his name like three times and he does always seem like he's lying. Yeah. I mean, also, J.D. Vance being in charge of fraud is very funny because, like, the person who initiated the fraud investigation in Minnesota for the Justice Department was so disgusted by the like ice overreach and the way that the DOJ was operating in Minnesota that they fucking left like endangering that the end of the fraud cases that were first of all many of which had been concluded some of which were ongoing like they they're they're like overkill on response to fraud or they're like flimsy uses fraud as pre of fraud as pretext for like a full invasion of Minneapolis-St. Paul and the surrounding areas, it undermined their efforts to go after fraud, which is whatever. It's very Orwellian. All right. Well, let's talk a little bit about the hockey team because I feel like we have to. All right. Right. Okay. So as we, I'm going to tell you a joke, Alyssa. It's a really, really funny joke, but I'm going to give you like, because it's so complicated and sophisticated, I'm going to spell out every step of it for you, okay? Oh, okay. With bated breath, I await. So here's the premise. There's a guy, an old man, who is fucking gross, and he's implicated in one of the biggest pedophile child sex trafficking rings in American history. No, it gets funnier, okay? So far, I follow. So he's implicated in this. He also is the most powerful person in the country, and while he's been in power. He has passed laws and championed policies that dehumanize women, endanger children, slash funding to programs that benefit women and children, made it more difficult for women to obtain health care, endangered the lives of pregnant women, talked about the birth rate in a way that's very like gross. So it keeps getting funnier. Don't worry. So this is the same guy, right? The same pedophile guy. Okay. He did that. And then also this guy, this guy also, when he speaks about women, he always talks about them in a way that's like disparaging and chauvinist. He's like famously chauvinistic. And a judge found him liable for sexual abuse in a court proceeding. Okay. It gets funnier. It gets funnier. Okay. So there's the setup, right? Okay. Got it. Okay. So the country that he's from, the gold medal women's hockey team, the women's hockey team wins a gold medal he doesn't call them okay no it gets funnier and a few days later the men's hockey team wins a gold medal and he does call them and then on the phone he's like i'm only going to invite the ladies because if i don't i'm going to get in trouble isn't that fucking funny i have a question though wait i have a question i have a question oh my god isn't that no no no no we got to call nikki glazer we've we've got to call uh we've got to call anthony jeselnik we've got to call michael che we got to tell him about this amazing joke It's such a funny joke. Wait, but I have a question. What's the question? Okay, so the men, it's the first time they'd won a medal in like 40 years, right? Yes, yes, yes. Oh, yeah. Also, the women's hockey team is like way more dominant globally than they are. Right. Like they've won every year since they joined the Olympics in 1998. Right, right. Oh, my God, it makes total sense. Isn't it funny? Okay, so like if I were in that room when I heard that joke, I would bark like a fucking seal. So funny. So funny. slap my knee so funny oh my god oh my god okay like there's been a lot of discourse now about the fact that you know that room was with cash patel probably wasted off his ass off one man size beer um and wearing maybe a women's medium hockey shirt they're all standing there laughing like morons while donald trump tells that joke and to me that moment is incredibly american especially this moment in America, because I think a lot of women know this, but when men are in a room and somebody makes a chauvinist pig joke, men in that moment, nine out of 10 times, will prioritize the comfort of that chauvinist pig over the honor of their wives, their mothers, their sisters, their daughters. The most important thing in that moment is providing for the comfort of the biggest pig in the room. And that's what we saw. And that is what MAGA is. MAGA is the biggest pig in the room is the one we should all be catering to at any given moment. And also the secondary part of that is any man, any white man, by virtue of being a white man, is better than the best woman or the best person of color. That's the truth. And that is what that moment said to me. It's like, I don't think that hockey players are complicated enough, brain-wise, to really distill what was happening at that moment or what they were participating in. I mean, I agree with that. I feel like they won, they were drunk. I also think Kash Patel, like, crashed their party. But here's the thing. I don't think they had any idea who the fuck he was. I think, I don't think they did either because they were just kind of like, all right, some random, like. All right, some guy who came here on a military plane. Yeah, some random little dudes in here. Like, I don't know, maybe it's a sick kid. Who knows? But like it was, the biggest pig in that room was on a speakerphone too. You know, like it is so, it would have been so easy for one of those. I mean, we didn't see every single hockey player. Because it's the only way he thinks he can relate to them. Well, because Donald Trump assumes that all men think the same way that he does and he knows nothing about sports. And a lot of them do. And then the ones that don't will just kind of go along with it as though they do because they don't want to make a man uncomfortable. There were two people who did shout out the women. Yes. No, no, no. That is 100% true. Give them the props. Oh, 100%. And I think five or six of them didn't end up going to the White House. Yeah, it was like five. And at the same time, there was some complaining by a different player that was like, I don't know why it has to be political. And it's like, bitch, you let it be political the second that Kash Patel came in that room. Like, I think that, like, how hard would it have been for— Also putting the MAGA hats on while they were there, really, you know. Yeah, it just was such a perfect distillation of what MAGA men think of women, what a lot of men think of women. Also, did you see the video from Miami? No. Erin, the whole hockey team went to a strip club where they made everybody sing the Star Spangled Banner. Well, I will say I was in Chicago when the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup for the first time in a really long time. And I will, I feel like they ended up going, they did something very similar. The Blackhawks did when they won and everyone was like, oh, they're so excited. And I just kind of feel like if that strip club Star Spangled Banner thing had happened outside of the context of the like dumb fuckery, I would have been like, well, that's, you know, that's exactly what I would expect. Do what you're going to do. That's exactly what I would expect a hockey team to do after winning an Olympic gold medal. But I think that like that's the the takeaway here is that Donald Trump doesn't have any victories and he put his stink on them. And now even the ones that were just kind of laughing to just go along with it and get through that moment or whatever, they're just it's their gold medals always going to have that stink on it. Which also, the way that he just didn't even acknowledge the women Olympians in any way, you know, none of them got a phone call. I think 61% of medals were won by women, U.S. women in this Olympics. Two-thirds of the golds, for sure. Two-thirds of the golds. Yep. It's like— It speaks to this belief that, like, if men do something, it matters, and if women do something, it doesn't. Even if the thing that women did was more impressive than the thing that men did or equal to the thing that men did, it just doesn't matter because women did it. And, yeah, I just—and also this point has been made by other people, but I don't want to hear another fucking thing about protecting women's sports from these phony morons. Yeah. You can't make this whole thing about, oh, we're protecting women's sports, and then you clearly, so fundamentally, do not give even the remotest shit about women's sports. Right. It's just—it all goes to this—they're all fake. They're fake as fuck, Erin. They're so phony. They're a bunch of phonies. Everything about them is phony. And the women's sports thing is also like, I had this dark thought where I was like, why do they have their panties in such a twist about like high school and college sports? Is it because it's okay for women to play sports as long as it's like keeping them skinny for their future husbands? Like is that until they can get married off and they can have like little girl bodies until they're like 25? Like why are they interested in women's sports at all? And like, I don't know. I just, it's demoralizing. I'm not mad. I am just, it is one of those moments that like really brings you back to reality where it's like. 100%. Well, it's exciting. It was an exciting game and it was an exciting win. But reminder, this is the country we live in. And this is the way that nine times out of ten men will act when they are in a room with only men. And they knew they were being filmed too. So many cameras out. What happens when they don't think they're being filmed? No, it was really disappointing. It was really disappointing. But also. But not surprising. Disappointing, but not surprising, because it's important to remember like, oh, yeah, it's a hockey team. Oh, right. That's a team of hockey players. Okay, cool. All right, we're going to take a quick break. When we come back, more Hysteria. Hysteria is brought to you by Tavala. Mm. Oh, you know what, Alyssa? Before Tavala, reheating food that is like kind of a comfort food. Yeah. When I say comfort food, I mean like chicken tendies, right? Love a tendie. A tendie or like half of a burrito. Like my eyes were bigger than my stomach, so I ordered a whole burrito and then I threw the other half in the fridge when I was done. Reheating it was such a chore because I would either have to put it in my like traditional oven. Right. Or forever but I hungry now right It takes forever to heat up takes forever the whole thing Or if you put it in the microwave and it becomes like a molten goo Yeah If you put it in for like even a second longer than you need to put it in Microwaves are really only for melting butter. Oh, that is a take. That is 100% a take. But I really love my Tavala because, first of all, it's got these really cool features where you can order pre-prepared meals and you just scan it. Like it has a QR code on it. You scan it. The oven is like, I know how to cook that. And then you put it in the oven and the oven does. Whoa. Everything. Like it cycles between steaming and baking and whatever the meal needs to prep, it does. And it is so good as like a toaster oven. It has a bake function. It can do all of the things. So last night I heated up a burrito in there and you know what? It took 10 minutes, so not the like traditional 20. And it was like perfect. It was perfect. Back to life. Ficked. This podcast is sponsored by Tavala. Tavala is a smart meal delivery service, fresh meals, and a smart oven that does the cooking for you. Hysteria listeners can get a Tovala smart oven for just $49 plus free shipping when you order meals six or more times. Just go to tovala.com slash hysteria and use our code hysteria. Tovala's meals are chef crafted and taste just like homemade meals you'd make yourself just without all of the headache. Plus, all of Tovala's meals are made with fresh, real ingredients. If you're like most people, Tovala is great because you can eat better without putting in a ton of effort. There are high protein options, calorie-smart options, gluten-free options, comfort food, whatever you're into. With Tovala, you can finally dinner better and remove dinner from your to-do list. For a limited time, because you're a Hysteria listener, you can get a Tovala smart oven for just $49 plus free shipping when you order meals six or more times. Go to tovala.com slash Hysteria and use our code Hysteria. That's a $49 Tovala smart oven when you head to tavala.com slash hysteria and use promo code hysteria. One last time, that's T-O-V-A-L-A.com and make sure you use our code hysteria. Remember, with Tavala, dinner is taken care of. Hysteria is brought to you by Babbel. So Alyssa, I understand on your docket, you have decided to learn German. It's time to do German, Erin. I've got French. you know I think that it's time to get deep into my heritage. I need to understand my Oma's recipes so I'm going to get into I'm going to get into some nighttime babble German. Oh that's so exciting. See if it sounds like Omi saying me to sleep. Well I'm really excited to see how you're. See if I can do it. See if an old brain can learn new tricks. Well Alyssa we just applied to send Juniper to a dual language program in Spanish and if she gets in mom is going to have to read her in some Spanish. Yes, ma'am. So I've got to brush up on my Spanish so that I can help her with her schoolwork, which is probably going to be half in Spanish starting next fall. I think I've got time. Several months, plus I live in a place where many, many, many people speak Spanish. And you just need to keep up with a toddler. Well, learning a new language with Babbel is all about small steps, big wins, and progress you can actually track and feel. As Alyssa said, they're bite-sized lessons fit easily into your daily routine and are also easy to remember, just 10 minutes a day is enough to start seeing results. 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You're listening to Hysteria, the podcast that marvels at Speaker Mike Johnson's ability to be both condescending and stupid at the same time. I came up with a new word for it, Alyssa. Hit me. Condestupid. Did you see? His suit looked like gumbo last night. Gumbo like the Louisiana food? Yeah. It was the first thing I saw. He's from Louisiana. Maybe he's just got school spirit. Maybe. Have you ever made gumbo? Yeah, it's very good. You've made it yourself? I've made it years ago. Okay. I really want to make some gumbo. And I was looking at a recipe. This is not related to the news. Maybe that's why I was thinking last night. I could really go for some gumbo. I know. But then I was looking at it, and it was like, there's so many different ways to do it. And it seems like very work intensive and technique. It was a whole day ordeal. Yeah, which is fine. I love a project. I taught myself how to make pho that way. I love a project. Oh, I remember when you did that. Yeah. I'll give you my recipe. But anyway, I really want to do it, but it seems very work intensive. So listeners, do you have any gumbo tips? Send us a good recipe. Send us a good gumbo recipe, hysteriaicrooked.com. Okay. That was a light intro because this subject is so dark, and I feel like we need to really get into it. This is one of those news stories that is sort of a hum in the background these last few weeks, and it is horrifying. The reason I brought up Mike Johnson is because he plays a role. His complete spineless crassness plays a role in this. There is a Trump-endorsed representative from Texas named Tony Gonzalez who has been under increasing pressure to resign. He's been quietly under investigation by the Office of Congressional Conduct over an alleged affair that he had with staffer Regina Santos Aviles, who later died by suicide in November. She self-immolated. It's horrible. It's horrifying. The investigation is not quiet anymore now that newly released text messages have come to light amid Gonzalez's re-election. The text messages include Gonzalez pressuring Santos Avila to send him sexy pictures and asking what her favorite sex position is, despite her expressing repeated hesitations. Alyssa, have you read these text messages? I have read the text messages. They are fucking creepy. He's a creep. He's a creep and a gross person. And her husband discovered the texts and her mental health took a sharp decline. And her husband blames the congressman for the decline that eventually led to her suicide. Gonzalez has, despite all this, denied the allegations several times. Writing on X, during my six years in Congress, not a single formal complaint has been levied against my office now days from an election coordinated political attacks. Rain in. Rain in? Did he spell it R-E-I-G-N? He's really. He's a. Okay, he spelled rain in, and it means like the stuff that falls from the sky, but he spelled it like horse. Like rain. No, like rain, like the king reigns. Yeah. Okay. It won't work. Halfway through early voting, an intensity resides with TG voters. I'd rather be us than them. Okay, that's like barely literate, but whatever. Santos Aviles' husband did not take too kindly to that tweet and responded, calling Gonzalez a homewrecking, perverted, sick man. But despite Gonzalez's effort to avoid scrutiny, the messages are incredibly damning and have now gained the attention of several Congress members calling for his resignation, including burgeoning feminist hero Thomas Massey. Listen, he was sitting there locked tight with Ro Khanna last night. I love that buddy comedy. Give it to us. We're here for it. The more I read about Thomas Massey, the more I'm like, OK, Tom, like you and I disagree on a lot of things. There's a little room for you over here. You are not a phony. That is not a phony man. Exactly. That's a fair estimation. That is a man of kooky principles. And I 100%—I think he, like, lives off the grid. He's got, like, a self-sustaining—he's, like, a very—like, imagine, like, a libertarian kook who absolutely does—like, he lives by his own principles. So he's like Rand Paul but lives by his own principles. He's like Rand Paul except if someone beat Thomas Massey up, I wouldn't be like, okay, let's listen to the other guy's side. I would be like, don't punch Thomas Massey. That's my feminist icon. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Anita Hill, Thomas Massey. All right. On Monday, Republican Lauren Boebert of Colorado led the charge, followed by Ana Paulina Luna of Florida and Nancy Mace of South Carolina. Speaker Mike Johnson had endorsed Gonzalez for his primary, which is less than a week away, and then we call the allegations very serious. He has not retracted his endorsement. I wonder why. Also, does his endorsement really matter? I mean, Johnson told reporters, If it doesn't matter, then, like, retract it. Fair enough. It costs you nothing. If the accusation of something is going to be the litmus test for someone to be able to continue to serve in the House, we'll have a lot of people who would have to resign or be removed or expelled from Congress. Mike, that is fucking conda stupid. We've seen the text messages. She killed herself by lighting herself on fire outside of his house. He is a father of six, by the way. Congressman Gonzalez is a married father of six. That is immoral behavior. That is disgusting and immoral behavior by anybody. Also, expedite the investigation. Yeah, I mean, we need— Give me a break. Here's my question. I would ask Mike Johnson, what information could possibly come to light to put what we know in a context that would make him not someone who should be removed? Because also, Gonzalez, I think, was fanning around saying that, like, the text messages were fake. I don't know if you want to pretend that buddy because yeah it seems problematic I feel like calling people liars is a good way to get sued and getting sued is a good way to trigger discovery look he's learned everything from Trump I mean he's defending himself the way that Trump does but Donald that that shit only works for Donald Trump like you can't it only works for him it works great for him but it only works for him and I am just I don't think Gonzalez he's he is valuable. He's in a tight primary too, right? It's like Chip Roy is hot on his heels. I mean. I don't think it's Chip Roy. I think he's running. I think it's Chip Roy. He's running against a gun guy. I think there are two still left. Okay. Yeah. I'll check. Yeah. Anyway, he's running. I don't understand why. I mean, I understand why Mike Johnson doesn't want him to resign because Mike Johnson has no soul. And if Gonzalez resigns, then that means that I think they have like two votes. They have a two vote majority. Yeah, yeah, that's, this would be a big deal. It would be a big deal. And I really hope that more Republicans actually join to call on Gonzalez to resign because like those text messages like made my stomach feel sour. Because she was basically like in the, when you read the text messages, she's trying to give him an out to stop and not be humiliated without making him that. Hey boss, you know, do you, I don't think you meant that. And it was really. He was, yeah. It was so. Predatory. Exactly. He was very predatory. He was so uncomfortable. Also, if I can just be a bitch for a second. Please. Love that for you. That's my, like, default is to be a bitch. Let's just be honest. But one of the things he texted her was, like, I'm a very visible, visual creature. I'm a very visual guy or something like that. And that just like my eyes rolled so hard that I thought they were going to fall back into my skull. Because what a fucking hacky thing to say, first of all. Second of all, Tony, you look like a wet bag of flour. Like what are you talking about? If you're such a visual creature, then why do your suits fit you like that? You're just a fucking predator. You're a disgusting predator. And like I hope that his wife and children are able to leave him and have a great life somewhere else. Because what an embarrassing man to be your father. Ugh. Gross, gross, gross. Alyssa, why do you think that, like, affairs scandals don't have the same impact they used to? Because the person who's the president of the United States had a video that came out before an election in 2016 where he said you could grab women by the pussy and do whatever you wanted to them, and he still became president. Yeah. There's just no—it's like no rules for anybody. It does not feel like, it does not feel like there is something about the immorality of Trump, of who we have come to understand him to be, that's been validated so many times over that people, well, let's be clear. If it were a woman who had an affair, that would be different. I mean, Kristi Noem, but she's being subject to more scrutiny, having a consensual affair. That's because she's having an affair at work with her, like, employee. With her employee, yes. And it's like an open secret. But it's also like clear that both of them, she didn't like bully Corey Lewandowski. And she wasn't like, send me a pic of your penis. Like she wasn't doing any gross things like that. Like, come here to the back of my fuck plane and get it on. Like she wasn't doing anything predatory, even though the relationship. She was like, Corey, get my blanket. Yeah, this, the relationship is highly disgusting. It's not disgusting in the same way this is, which is like this relationship, Gonzalez's actions toward her are fucking evil. It's like what he did is fucking evil, especially given like her decline in mental health and the like tragic outcome. It just fucking evil. Because it's one thing if you have an affair, right? Say you have an affair, it's a mistake, whatever. She was, through the text messages, you could see she was asking him to stop, like to leave her alone. And she clearly didn't want to quit her job. You know, I mean, it's just, It is those text messages were so heartbreaking that I find it really hard to understand how Mike Johnson can look at them and not be like, you know, sorry, but you're fired. Because he's kind of stupid. Kind of stupid. NPR published an investigation into the Epstein files this week that revealed the DOJ has withheld files related to allegations that President Trump sexually abused a minor and has removed some documents mentioning Trump from the public database. This includes notes from conversations with a woman who accused Trump of sexual abuse decades ago when she was a minor and over 50 pages of FBI interviews. Huh. Some files related to Ghislaine Maxwell have also been scrubbed. Double, huh? NPR's investigation found in the most recent file dump an internal FBI document from 2025 that mentioned a credible accusation of Trump that did not appear anywhere else in the files. hmm this led to npr reporters to analyze the files tracking the serial number like tracking numbers of documents which revealed dozens of pages removed they found evidence that this accuser had been interviewed four times by the fbi the only interview that she did that was included in the files was one where trump was not mentioned now i've seen other people other reporters have talked about this too npr like did their own reporting but like nina burlay roger sullenberger have reported on this their independent journalist nina nina's work she's one of my favorite reporters, TBH. But her work appears everywhere, but she had been doing some digging into this as well. So it's not just NPR. Let's give credit where it's due. House Oversight Committee member Democratic Rep. Robert Garcia, who has reviewed the unredacted files, released a statement after NPR's reporting saying, yesterday I reviewed unredacted evidence logs at the Department of Justice. Oversight Democrats can confirm that the DOJ appears to have illegally withheld FBI interviews with this survivor who accused President Trump of heinous crimes. DOJ's excuse for withholding these documents that were legally mandated to be released have been all over the place with a mix of claims that the documents are privileged as part of ongoing investigations or only temporarily pulled. Wait a minute, Alyssa. I thought last July the DOJ was like, this investigation is done. It is done. Nothing more to see here. The only thing I can see, this is my Pam Bonney. There's disgusting things in the files. Disgusting things. We're not going to talk about it ever again. And now there's an ongoing investigation. What? Okay. When NPR asked the White House for comment, a spokeswoman told them that Trump has done more for Epstein's victims than anyone before him. Oh, sorry. Should it say done more to Epstein's victims than anyone before him? That's a joke. And also said Trump has been totally exonerated on anything related to Epstein. Repeated enough times and it becomes true, doesn't it? Unbelievable. You know, we knew, look, of course we assumed they held things back, right? Like nobody thought that this was on the level. Yeah. But it's just when you really see how not on the level it is that you're like, God, how much worse is it than we can even imagine it is? Yeah. I mean, he has been accused with enough credibility that the FBI conducted a long interview with this accuser. It's pretty damning. Now it's like the president was investigated or there was like an investigation into whether or not the president of the United States abused a minor girl. It's crazy. I just, I cannot believe how incensed Republicans got over the fact that Bill Clinton had an affair. I was just going to say that. With an adult woman. Yes. And lied about the affair. Mm-hmm. They are so mad about that. They just, they stayed mad for decades. And now this kind of doesn't matter. It's so, it goes back to what you were saying about how everything is so fucking phony. Fake. Rules only apply as they can be used as tools to oppress people they don't like. And then if somebody that they do like breaks one of the rules, then I guess the rule doesn't matter. Or what they did doesn't really matter. The person they did it to, most importantly, doesn't matter. Mm-hmm. I mean, this is just, it's just so hard. It's so hard to understand. You know, nobody, everybody knows life's not fair, right? But this is, I know, I know. But there is something so stark about this level of corruption that it's hard to understand how it'll go, how it might ever revert. You know what I mean? I mean, Donald Trump is such a parasitic presence on America. Yes, yes. He is sucking the life and the joy out of everything that he touches. Like he has, he is willing to take whatever he wants or whatever is there to be taken or even things that he doesn't need. He is willing to like, you know, harm women. You know, women have credibly accused him, possibly harm a young girl. He believes that rules don't apply to him. And so he can just kind of take from the government as he wants and set aside money and slush funds. And he is tearing down the White House to build something uglier. He is like trying to erect things, changing the name of the Kennedy Center. It's like everything. Airports. Like it is. He's a blood sucking. It is pathetic. Yeah. It's pathetic. He's such a, it is such loser behavior. Yes. He is. He is like a tumor. He's a big old tumor on America. And half of this country is like, I really like this tumor. This tumor is telling me I'm a winner. I'm doing pretty well under this tumor. I've always felt like a loser, but this tumor keeps being like, you're a winner. You're a winner. Despite all evidence of the contrary, you're a winner. And like, I don't, I just think that like if Donald Trump, if Donald Trump supporters aren't willing to like let him go, it's just sort of like there's no saving them. We should there should be no reaching out to them If by now they still with him they always going to be with him Right And it won matter who he hurts or what he does And so Democrats progressives leftists leftists might as well just run as fucking leftists Don't reach out to them. Fine. Like, fuck him. Fuck him. I'm sorry. Like, I know this isn't probably something a political consultant would say, but I'm not a political consultant. You get to be you. Fuck him. Like, they are not going to ever abandon him. They will pretend to go along with Democratic ideas because they're big old phonies. But at the end of the day, that's their guy. That's their guy. And they're never going to abandon him. He's their guy. It's a real bummer. All right. We're going to take a quick break. When we come back, more Hysteria. Hysteria is brought to you by Qualia. Look, magnesium is something most of us lack. And if you're taking the drugstore variant, you're still not getting the full picture. And industrial farming, chronic stress, and everyday aging all make it worse. Almost every supplement uses one form of magnesium, but magnesium comes in many forms, and each form helps your health in a different way. That's exactly why you need to try Qualia Magnesium Plus. Most people know that magnesium is critical for sleep, but some forms help muscle recovery, brain function, heart health, bone health, mood, and over 300 functions in the body. 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It's time to see what you can accomplish with Shopify by your side. welcome back you're listening to hysteria the podcast for people who are already dreading the trump appearances at the 2028 olympics it just occurred to me oh my god when he brought that up last night i was like oh no dude it's he's gonna be like cleopatra being carried around on a barge all through Los Angeles for two weeks. It is going to be, I like, you know I'm not from, I'm not from the West Coast. I love California. I love Los Angeles and I'm an apologist for the city, but it is really living life on hard mode when you've got little kids to be here. And there's a part of me that's like, maybe we should say fuck it and bail before the Olympics comes. Or maybe we should plan on being out of town if we're still going to be like, Like, it's just— It'll be a nightmare. It's going to be terrible. I mean, 100%. It's going to be terrible. And, like, I live kind of on the northeast side of L.A., which is not where, like, a lot of the venues are. I feel so bad for everyone that lives, like, in Englewood and anywhere near the venues. But, like, LAX, like, oof. It's just going to be—it's going to be a terrible time. But maybe we can all kind of unite and get through it together. Ugh. Oh, he's going to be—you know—I'm going to make a prediction. Mm-hmm. Donald Trump's going to light the torch at the beginning. Gross. Don't you think? He's going to light the torch. He's going to light the flame. Don't put that evil out into the world. You know he's already thought about it. I feel like they should be like, you can light the flame if you can run up the stairs. I think that that's what they should say. If you can run up the stairs, you can light the flame. Otherwise, we're going to just watch him try to run up the stairs, and I think that would be a humiliating experience for him. All right. Before we get to Sandy Petty, let's get to some announcements. for the class. If you're trying to make sense of the absolutely bonkers state of the world right now, go check out this week's Pod Save the World. Host Tommy Vitor and Ben Rhodes break down Trump's tariff chaos, the latest on Iran negotiations, and the very real military intervention talk, and why Mike Huckabee managed to spark a diplomatic incident across the Middle East during an interview with Tucker Carlson. Tucker Carlson's a good interviewer. Tucker Carlson doesn't let up. I do have to hand it to him. also Mike Huckabee is such a Huckabee it's such a good interview like another thing that I've noticed that Tucker does I know we did this fucking guy in him where I really thoroughly made fun of him but he does this like face when he's caught someone I totally know the face then what? it was really masterfully deployed and he does like a little lean in when he goes in for the question yeah exactly he did it in this interview with Sam Altman too that I thought was like really I know exactly what you're talking about I watched the same interview yeah alright so So Pod Save the World has an interview on the cartel operation that rocked Mexico over the weekend. That was crazy. Yeah. And I fully, when that news was breaking, I was like, I fully don't understand what's happening right now. I'm going to wait and listen to Pod Save the World so that I can get some context here. So definitely glad they're talking about that. New episodes of Pod Save the World drop Wednesday. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on YouTube. All right. Now let's get to Sandy Petty. We've decided to unite. This is a good one. We're uniting. Alyssa, I feel like, you know the scene in Star Wars when Luke gets his hand cut off and he's clinging and he's like, no, and then he's just like, let's go. I actually do. Yes. Okay. That's how I feel with, but like instead of letting go into like this air shoot of a spaceship, I'm just letting go into the crazy. I'm like, take me away. I feel it. Take me away. Let's go. So for our joint Sandy Petty, the trailer that broke the internet, or at least broke our hysteria group chat, let's just watch it right now. President Trump says that Kirk has died after he was shot from a nearby building. After being shot at Utah Valley University. The great and even legendary Charlie Kirk is dead. The cries of this widow will echo around the world like a battle cry. I didn't get to give him a kiss goodbye. That young man. I forgive him. Take your time. Erica Kirk has been named the new CEO of Turning Point USA. My husband's dead. Like, I'm not trying to be morbid, but he's dead. It's weird to say excited. He describes your husband's funeral as the event of the century and merch hats. We have 50,000 plus hat orders. Nobody knows why she's out there in a glittering pantsuit in a recreated tent that her husband tragically was murdered and throwing merch out. Everyone grieves differently, so if someone's acting weird, don't read into that. Zionists, the prime minister of Israel, all lied through their teeth about Charlie Kirk. Her operation was in Constanta, the epicenter of Romania's trafficking scandal. We are in conversations to have with a 15-year-old. I'm going to touch your butt. $8.6 million to their own show company. What is going on? We have nothing to hide. My aunt used to tell me, never do something that you don't want on the front page of a newspaper. I mean, Candace knows how to make a sizzle reel. That is a very good trailer. My loins are girded. My loins are girded. We are recording this before the episode drops. Yes. And so, Alyssa, you are like, I feel like you're a reluctant passenger on the Candace train. No, I'm not. I'm not. You forget. I do the Katie. I do Katie Miller. Okay. You do Candace Owens. That's true. Because I find— I think I probably have more fun than you, though, because Katie Miller is— Yeah, because Katie's a ding-dong. She sucks. But Candace, to me, I get worried sometimes because I put Candace on while I'm, like, folding clothes. And I get a little too into it. And then I'm like, I forget. I'm like, wait, I got to shake myself out of this. She's insane. Because she's so thorough. Like, she's good at her crazy, you know? She is. She's a good storyteller. She sure tells some stories. She creates a good narrative. Yeah, she definitely does. The Bride of Charlie. The Bride of Charlie, girl. Girl. That is. And also, like, there are two people in that trailer that I know that are featured heavily. One is Brandy Zadrozny, who has been on Hysteria before. Oh, yes, yes. MS Now's Brandy Zadrozny. I think she's one of the best reporters in America. Just me. And Dave Smith, a libertarian podcaster who I used to like go on a show on HLN with. Oh, wow. Like, I mean, in terms of our ideals and our political ideology, we're not necessarily aligned. But I got to say, nice dude. Like him. But I mean, I cannot. She is not. I mean, the fact that this is like a miniseries. I mean her last miniseries was on Brigitte McCrone and she concluded from that that Brigitte McCrone is a man. And like she – it is such a crazy miniseries and it went to such crazy lengths. And then got sued by McCrone. She's getting sued by the McCrones and I don't know where that lawsuit is but part of that lawsuit will be Brigitte proving medically that she is a female. Yeah, it's fucked up. That's crazy. So like, let's just like, Candace Owens is chaotic evil. But chaotic evil is one of those things that sometimes you're just like, I'm really enjoying what it's ensnaring right now. This is fun for me to watch. And eventually it'll like tornado back. Because it's going to be this amazing circular firing squad and they're all going to have violence on each other. Not like real violence, just like internet violence. Yes, they're going to be. But I also, there's a part of me that's like, is this all kayfabe? Like, are they all just kind of like WWF playing characters? I don't think Candace does that. I don't think Candace does either. I do think that Candace doesn't like phonies. And I think that she has latched on to Erica Kirk as a— Well, she's like, I don't like liars. I don't like being lied to. I don't like being lied to my face. She doesn't like liars. But I think that to make it broader, I don't think she likes phonies. And I think that she thinks that Erica is a phony. I mean, I— I mean, she kind of seems like one. She's phony as fuck. Did you see the footage of her at the State of the Union? It was insane. I think that she's been looking in a mirror and practicing her facial expressions. Yes, yes. Because it's just like— It was like, look down, look up, wipe tears. Like, it was— Fake tear. Like, it was— Like, she is a ham. I see her, and I'm kind of like— I'm not a good actress at all. I can't fake anything. No, me neither. But like, I feel like I could be like, Erica, you could just go like, hand on your heart, hold your hands out. Just look serious. Thank you. Thank you. And then look to the side. Look to the side. That was perfect. That's it. That's all you have to do. We know your husband died and you're sad. You don't need to be like, he's in heaven. Like, it's the same thing that she did like during the funeral and during like the interviews afterwards and at first. Which, right, would make sense if then you didn't hear every time there's footage of her where she doesn't think a camera's on her, where she's like, listen. We sold 500 hats. We sold all these hats. We sold hats and we made a tent. The merch is flying off the shelves. I mean, the fact that the—this is a mean thing to say, but whatever. The only thing preventing them making, like, little cross-style necklaces of the site where Charlie Kirk was killed is the fact that it's hard to, like, make a little booth-shaped thing that can be suspended from a chain. Right. She thinks that for recreating the booth at different events she does around the country. It's so bizarre. And like, I think when Kirk was first killed, I was sort of like, you know what, I don't know what that's like. I have no idea what it's like to lose your spouse. No. I'm sure that people act really weird in ways that don't make emotional sense because it's like a highly strange and high pressure emotional situation. So the first few weeks I was like, however she acts does not strike me as weird because nothing would strike me as weird. but then like it's gone on and I'm like all right girl you're laying it on a little thick would you have any predictions for what Candace is gonna say I can't possibly imagine I want it all to be a surprise okay well I mean you know in her most recent episode before she took a break no go please Candace whisper do tell me yes I listened to it on the way home and uh sometimes I like forget that it's playing when I pick up my daughter from school and she'll be like who's this and I'm like, oh, yeah, you shouldn't be listening to this. Sorry, little one. You shouldn't be listening. I mean, she doesn't like say naughty language or anything, but I'm like, I don't want you to. No, but Candace's voice is what I imagine. Okay. Remember Grimm's Fairy Tales? Mm-hmm. If there was an audio book of Grimm's Fairy Tales, it would be narrated by Candace Owens. That is such a good observation. Thank you. Absolutely. Thank you. Absolutely. She's got a very soothing speaking voice. Okay, so in the last episode before they took a hiatus, she gave like a little preview and it sounds like there'll be accusations of same-sex sexual misconduct oh i do remember you telling me yeah of like candace owens exchanging inappropriate messages with a girl who is 15 are probably allegations yeah erica not eric not candace candace would never she would never she would absolutely never she's catholic now and she only talks about how catholic she is and she has catholic stuff behind her she would never do that But Erica allegedly had inappropriate exchanges with a 15-year-old girl. And they really teased it last episode. So really exciting to see where this is going. Well, look, Candice. Hopefully soon I can have a glass of wine. I'll sit back and we can watch the girls fight. I would say this is almost a gummy level situation. Oh, you're better. Because she really, she's going to like. For shit's long. She really goes down some paths. And she'll go, like I've told you my impression of me listening to Candace Owens is like. Oh, yeah, I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Yes. Yes, Candace. No, Candace. What? What? No. No. Okay. Okay. No. It's a ride. It's a ride. Well, we're here for it. We'll be talking about it. Well, yes, we'll be listening to it. I will be sprinting to my car at the end of my workday and putting it on regular speed. I mostly listen to podcasts at like 1.5 speed. So when I hear people talking at a normal clip, I'm like, why are you talking so slow? I'm excited. I got some driving to do in the next two days. So I'm 100% going to just like hunker down. Oh, yeah. Bride of Charlie. We're not being paid for this. We've just lost our minds. We have completely lost our minds. We need a break from reality. we are a board as long as the chaos is engulfing people we don't like. Once it starts turning toward people who have like for no reason are like in her crosshairs, I'll be like, okay. Yeah, no, that's wrong. I've got to find a new crazy podcaster to like. But for now, Bride of Charlie is going to be my— We're just going to dig in. It's appointment listening for me. All right. That's all the time we have for this week's episode of Hysteria. Alyssa Mastromonaco, thank you so much for being my ride or die. This is always like one of the highlights of my week, if not the highlight. No, this is good. You know, I told you last week, I have not felt well for the past couple of weeks. I still don't feel well, but I really, I have like, I feel, I appreciate you. And I have like, shawadaviv now. We had a good time. Yes, we definitely had a good time. Talking about some pretty bad things. Horrible, but like together. We did it together. We got the information out there. We, listeners, I hope you guys had a good time. Hysteriaacrooked.com, if you have any tips, feedback, corrections, we know that you guys are lovely, but just, you know, be nice. A bunch of us read this email. I'm still gentle. Yes, be gentle. And there'll be more Hysteria for you next week. Don't forget to follow us at Crooked Media on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. Subscribe to Hysteria on YouTube for access to video versions of your favorite segments and other exclusive content. And if you're as opinionated as we are, consider dropping us a nice review. Hysteria is a Crooked Media production. Caroline Reston is our senior producer. Our executive producer is me, Erin Ryan. And Alyssa Mastromonaco is our co-producer. Claire Fogarty is our associate producer. The show is engineered and edited by Jordan Cantor. We get audio support from Kyle Seglin and Charlotte Landis. Our video producers are Rachel Gajewski and Claudia Scheng. 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