when the weight isn't yours to carry

Whether you're into unsolved mysteries, solved mysteries, or creating your own mysteries, Amazon Music's got millions of podcast episodes waiting. Just download the Amazon Music app and start listening to your favorite podcasts ad-free, included with Prime. Hi, I'm Chandler Garcia. As a pick-you-nurse and global health advocate, I've cared for women and children all over the world, from Costa Rica to Egypt to Kenya and beyond. No matter where I go or how tough the conditions get, I always wear my figs. These scrubs are lightweight, breathable, and super soft, perfect for long shifts in any environment. They've got pockets in all the right places, the fit is flexible, and they're durable through every admission, surgery, and post-op. But it's not just about the scrubs. Another big part of what I love about figs is when they say they're committed to supporting healthcare workers all over the world, they mean it. I recently joined them on an impact trip to India where I worked in triage, caring for babies in a mobile clinic. My figs aren't just what I wear. They're part of the impact I want to make. Wherever my work takes me, figs helps me show up ready to make a difference while looking and feeling my best. Get 15% off your first order at wearfigs.com with code FIGSRX. That's wearfigs.com, code FIGSRX. Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of Christ with Coffee on Ice. I am your host, Ali Yost. It is a joy and honor to be here with you guys today. Happy Friday everybody. Happy Friday. Thank you so much for being here today. If you are a new listener, hi, welcome. My name is Ali. I am your host and I am truly so grateful that you are here today. I feel like I should say that because I don't typically like, I don't pay, I try not to. Let me just say I try not to. I'm not perfect at this, but I really do my best to not focus too much on numbers. We've talked about this on the podcast probably. But I was going through my notes in my phone and I had realized I had written down the amount of subscribers that Christ with Coffee on Ice had. I recognize that this podcast, the name of this podcast is a tongue twister. Anytime I'm introducing it and I'm introducing it, but people are like, what do you do? I'm like, oh, I have this podcast. They're like, what's it called? I'm like, Christ with Coffee on Ice. What? Christ with Coffee on Ice. It's just like Christ with Coffee on Ice is such a mouthful. Anyway, even it abbreviated, CWCY. Tongue is tied. Tongue is tied. Anyway, what was I saying? Where are we? Who am I? What's going on? Like truly, actually, what was I saying? Anyway, I had written it down somewhere of how many subscribers we had on YouTube alone. And we've gained quite a bit since I made that note. And that note was like, I don't know, a couple months ago. And we've gained quite a bit, which I didn't even realize. So I say that not to boast in myself, but to boast only in the Lord. God is good. And I am just so grateful that so many people are hungry for Him. I saw something today. I don't know. I'm quite gullible and I'll believe anything, but I do believe this is real and I believe this is true. I saw that 2 million Bibles in the month of October alone were sold, which is outrageous. So God is on the move. He's waking up the world. People are hungry for the truth. Thank you, Jesus, that you are the way truth in life. And so, yeah, I'm just so grateful that people are coming to the truth of who Jesus is and realizing that when people say He's truly so good, it's not out of a place of slavery. It's not out of a place of being scared into it. It's truly the truth. Jesus is actually genuinely the coolest person I've ever known in my life. And I was sitting with Him this morning, and which I'm about, we're going to dive into that, but I have something on my heart that I'd love to share with you guys. And this might be kind of just more of like a chatty episode rather than giving like sermon energy. I know we can kind of bounce around where sometimes my messages feel like very note-taking and I don't know, there could still be notes from this one. But I would really love to just testify and share with you guys what I personally have been kind of walking through and confess some things because, you know, I'm not perfect. And I think that through my confession and through my honesty, it will help people also feel seen and maybe relieve you of your own shame and guilt knowing that like even people like I, plenty of people listening also will relate to this. We'll jump into it in a second. But I was spending time with Jesus this morning and I was saying that to him. I was like, God, you're the coolest. Like actually the most genuine, humble, loving man I've ever met in my life and you will always be the most like nobody compares to Jesus. He's it. Like when God says I am, what was I reading? I was reading Exodus and Moses was like at the burning bush. I haven't even really touched the Old Testament in months, which I am ashamed to admit, but it's the truth. I think it's really easy to just stay in the New Testament because it's less intimidating and the Old Testament sometimes is a little scary and just like there's a lot, you know, I just love reading about the direct story of Jesus, even though Jesus is sprinkled through. I mean, Jesus is prophesied and pointed to through the entire Old Testament. So it's not that Jesus isn't in the Old Testament, but I love reading the stories where it's like Jesus physically spoke, you know, anyway, but I'm reading Exodus and Moses encounters this burning bush. I want to read this. Can we, can I read this to you guys really quick? I just love this. This is Exodus three. One day Moses was tending the flock of his father-in-law, Jethro, the priest of Medan. He led the flock far into the wilderness and came to Sinai, the mountain of God. There, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a blazing fire from the middle of a bush. Moses stared in amazement. Though the bush was engulfed in flames, it didn't burn up. This is amazing. Moses said to himself, why isn't that bush burning up? I must go see it. When the Lord saw Moses coming to take a closer look, God called to him from the middle of the bush. Moses, Moses, here I am. Moses replied, do not come any closer. The Lord warned, take off your sandals for you are standing on holy ground. I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob. When Moses heard this, he covered his face because he was afraid to look at God. When the Lord told him, I have certainly seen the oppression of my people in Egypt. I have heard their cries of distress because of their harsh slave drivers. Yes, I am aware of their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the power of the Egyptians and lead them out of Egypt into their own fertile and spacious land. It is a land flowing with milk and honey, the land where the Kenanites, Hittites, Amorites, Hittites, Hivites and Jebusites now live, Ali botched that. Look, the cry of the people of Israel have reached me and I have seen how harshly the Egyptians abuse them. Now go, for I am sending you to Pharaoh. You must lead my people Israel out of Egypt. But Moses protested to God, who am I to appear before Pharaoh, who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt? God answered, I will be with you and this is your sign that I am the one who has sent you. When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God at this very mountain. But Moses protested, if I go to the people of Israel and tell them that God of your ancestors has sent me to you, they will ask me, what is his name? Then what should I tell them? God replied to Moses, I am who I am. Say this to the people of Israel, I am has sent me to you. God also said to Moses, say this to the people of Israel, Yahweh, the God of your ancestors, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob has sent me to you. This is my eternal name, my name to remember for all generations. I bring that scripture up because he is. Jesus is. God is. Who I am. Say to the people of Israel, I am has sent me to you. So as I was reflecting in my, in my quiet time with Jesus, I was like, you are. And that's it. Like that's actually it. That's the end of the sentence period blank. He is the most genuine. He is the most faithful. He is the most humble. He is the most forgiving. He is the most patient. He is the most loving. He is the most providing. He is above all, like he reigns over everything he is. There is no other. It's just him. Anyway, that's what I was feeling today. I was like, you are and I will never meet anyone else. That's it. You are. Okay. Guys, welcome to the welcome to the episode. We have our Christ. Yes, we do. We have our Christ. We have our word of God right here. We have our John one one, which is that in the beginning was the word and the word was with the God and the word was God and it was made into flesh. Jesus Christ himself was the word in flesh. So we have Christ. We have our Christ and we have our coffee on ice right here. And I did some fun little cold foam that I made by myself and it's completely deflated. It doesn't really look like cold foam anymore, but I can promise you that this coffee is still on ice. It is not watered down and I love her. We have a little ASMR moment. Guys, remember when we had our intro? I used to have an intro, not me being like, hello, welcome to another episode. Like I had like an intro song and like the sound of ice was in it and it just brought me back for a sec. All right, everybody. Are we ready to get into it? Let's get into it. Well, okay, confession, confession. So this is, this is, okay, this is what I've been feeling and going through and also slacking in and I don't, it's just what we do. Okay. It's not an excuse, but I just want you guys to know that there is, there's also no exempt for me like either when it comes to these things. I'm not exempted from these struggles or my own laziness or selfishness or excuses of like that I'm too busy or whatever. But as of late, I have not been the best about staying locked in with Jesus. And that's just the truth. Like I obviously like, I pray, I literally talk to him if people from the outside, like I can only imagine what strangers think of me because I truly, it's probably giving schizophrenia like I do talk to Jesus 24 seven all the time, probably more than I should, but I don't care. It's kind of giving when Paul was like, I wish all of you guys spoke in tongues as much as I did. Like that's what it's kind of giving right now where I'm like, I wish all of you guys talked to Jesus as much as I do. I'm not bragging. That's not what I'm trying to do. But like I genuinely talk to him all the time. I will say though that I haven't been the best about being in the secret place. I have truly just been like putting other things above that like sleeping in. And then when I sleep in, I don't have time anymore because I have everything else that I need to get to. And that is like, I'm so sick and tired of that being a broken record in my life where I go through phases of that. And then I, I feel like I get the Lord's like shepherd stuff where he kind of like whips me back into shape and reminds me like, Hey, we're going off course a little bit. Got to come back. Like I'm literally just a sheep. I'm such a sheep. Okay. Anyway, you know what I mean though? It's like, and I'm so sick of doing that, like falling out of it, being locked in, falling out of it again. Like why do I do that? But I do. And I start to prioritize other things or I start, it's not even that. It's just that I think I get so comfortable in how like solid I'll feel in Jesus. Does anyone relate to this? We're like, I'll be in such a healthy routine and I will feel so healthy spiritually, physically, mentally. You know the seasons when you're like so locked in with Jesus and you're just honestly like, I'm not saying that your life is perfect, but you're like spiritually fed. You're healthy. Right. I think it's really easy when you get to those places of feeling so full to like let a couple of days go where you're like, I've been so fed. Like I think it's okay if maybe I just, I'll just sleep in a little bit today. You know. And then it just, it really becomes a slippery slope. Like you, you give yourself an inch and then all of a sudden you've taken a whole mile. And so that's truly what I have sucked at lately. Like this last like week and a half, two weeks, but also low key month. Like if I'm being so honest with myself, I think like this last month and I was using the move as an excuse and you know, being exhausted from that and like working and having all these deadlines and doing all these things and personal life stuff, like being there for other people and like serving others. Like all of it is truly, it does come from a heart posture of wanting to do what's best, but I'm still neglecting what's most important, which is, which is being locked in with Jesus. You know what I mean? So that's, that's just the truth. And I think how I know that I'm not locked in enough with Jesus, how I know that I'm not being spiritually fed enough or I'm not allowing myself to let the Holy Spirit like really pour into me and let the presence of Jesus fill me and convict me and like just allow myself to get into a space of repentance and just like getting back to what truly matters is I know that I'm not doing all of those things. I'm not in a good place spiritually when I start acting in certain ways or like certain things start to flood my mind and I'm going to tell you what that is. I think a huge indicator for me specifically and I think a lot of us can relate to this ways that I know that I am, I'm going a little off course and I'm not, I'm not locked in with Jesus and I'm not the best version of myself spiritually, mentally, which then leaks into physically. I start having a lot of fear of man, like I feel restrained and it creeps up on me. It's so crazy. Like it's not even that it's just an overnight thing where all of a sudden it's like it truly is like an inch that slowly turns into a mile. Fear of man is my thing that will just creep up and I am starting, I don't even realize it. That's how sneaky all of this stuff is. I don't even realize that I'm thinking this way until it gets so bad where I'm like, I'm starting to feel really anxious and I'm starting to feel like literally Peter drowning in the water after he stepped out of the boat. Like then it's like, oh, I'm not okay. Jesus help. I'm drowning. Oops. I took my eyes off of you. You know, but the fear of man goes crazy for me and I think that the times that I am not being responsible enough and like taking that extra time to be with Jesus and to read the word of God. Why? Why do I do this to myself? I'll look back and I'll be like, wow, haven't even tried to read the Bible in five days. Haven't even tried to read the Bible in a week and a half. Seriously. That's just me being honest. Like I think just busyness of life is such a dumb excuse, but it's an excuse that I've been using lately and it's like, it goes back to that. It kind of, maybe it sounds like a cliche thing to say, maybe a little cheesy, but it's true. Like if we are not filling our minds with scripture, other things will fill it. It goes back to that scripture. I know that it was talking more so I think about the Holy Spirit, but there's a scripture where Jesus is giving this, he's giving this parable about if you sweep a house clean and you don't fill it, the demon will just come back. Like you rebuke the demon, you sweep it all clean talking about like, like honestly us as a vessel, you deliver that person from the demon, but you don't fill them with the Holy Spirit. They're not filled with Jesus, with God. Ain't nothing stopping that demon from going right back. You've already swept it clean. Great. Now I'm going to bring seven more of my buddies. That's what the scripture says is that you sweep the house clean and that demon's going to come back and bring seven of its other friends. But it also kind of makes me think of this too though, our minds. So I know, I mean, I think that this could apply in a way where it's like if we're not filling our minds with the truth and the word of God, something else is going to fill it and it's not going to be of God. It's not going to be the truth. Like it's going to be anything else, which either is just us or the devil. You know what I mean? So that's how I know. And I think one of those things that fills my mind, if I'm not filling it with scripture, if I'm not being responsible and I'm not, it really is like your walk with Jesus, there's discipline, there's self-control. There's gotta be, there's a lot of it that's like, you have to be willing to just resist whatever it is that your mind is telling you of why you shouldn't or why you can't spend time with Jesus. There's so much brain power, strength, like you need to resist. And I'm weak too, y'all. That's what I'm literally saying right now is I also can be weak. And it's unfortunate that sometimes it gets, I get to a place of feeling like so brain foggy and so detached from Jesus and reality that that's the point where I'm like, ah, okay, help. Like Peter physically being under the water, like drowning, being like, okay, Jesus help. But like that's unfortunately sometimes the place that it gets to with me. It's like when it's like bad, bad. And sometimes I'm like, Al, it didn't have to get that bad, my girl. If you had just resisted those temptations to just, I'll do better tomorrow. Okay, I'll just spend more time with Jesus tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes and I still don't. Like it could have been, I, it could have been a lot better for myself had I not. So anyway, there's no condemnation in that, but it's just like, it's the reality and it's the hard truth of like, girl, wrap it up. Like it does take, I think it, I think it's a practice of just mental strength, you know, and being willing to say, no, I'm not. And so this morning, that's what I did. I finally sat with Jesus and I was like, ah, I'm done. I feel so anxious. I hate how I feel right now. All I care about is what everyone else thinks, which I know is not your voice. Like I'm starting to, I can't even do the things I love anymore. Like I can't even like make videos. I can't do anything because I'm so afraid of what everyone else thinks. And that is like the most restricting mindset to ever be in. And like, whether you make content or not, like, okay, problems of an influencer, but like that can apply to literally all aspects, like any, any job maybe, or, or anything that you have to be creative in it, like has to flow from a place of genuineness and passion and freedom. I believe that like the way that God has made all of us to create in one way, shape or form is, is, should be coming out of a place of freedom and expression without any fear of how people are going to receive it or what people will think. And I know what it feels like to be in that. Like I know the freedom like where I just throw things out on the internet and I don't even think twice about it. And I'm like, that just felt good to do. Like that just felt good. That felt expressive. I had fun being silly and like comedic or that felt good to encourage that person and like whatever message I felt, you know what I mean? And so the minute that it doesn't feel that way anymore is when I'm like, ooh, like alarm bells are going off in my mind or like red flags are kind of waving where I'm like, that is not how I should be feeling right now. I shouldn't be caring so much or like, I'll think about a specific individual and I'll be like looking at everything that I do, but try to see it through their eyes. And I'm like, that's not right. Are we making an idol? You should only be looking from a perspective of like how this is seen through the eyes of the Lord, you know? And that's just, that's also I think a way for the Lord to just give us like complete freedom where it's like, does this please God? Does this please Jesus? Is he excited about this? Cool. And that's all that matters. But that's just a sad reality of what happens to me when I'm not plugged in. When I'm not connected to the vine, y'all. When I'm not connected to the vine of Jesus and the truth of the word of God, like that's a clear indicator. Whether you're solving murders during breakfast, cracking cold cases on your commute, or playing amateur detective at bedtime, Amazon Music's got millions of podcast episodes waiting. Just download the Amazon Music app and start listening to your favorite true crime podcasts ad-free, included with Prime. Hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my how we do it gaming team. Take on Gilly the King and wallow to $6, 7 million dollars gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown. Four rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus a halftime performance by multi-platinum artist, Travi McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins in advances to the championship match against Nioh. Right now at globalgamingleague.com. That's globalgamingleague.com. Everybody games. Another telling sign of how I know that I have not been connected to the vine nearly as much as I should be is I get so insecure about everything that comes out of my mouth. It's so crazy. I will be like on the phone with people and I'm overthinking like the tone of my voice and how I'm speaking. You good? Like the pride that comes with insecurity is like ridiculously restraining, restricting, no freedom. It sucks. It literally sucks. And then I'll get off the phone and I'll be like, what? You good? Like I feel like kind of crazy because I'm just like looking at myself so much. If we're not looking at Jesus, we're just going to look at ourselves. My entire life before knowing who Jesus Christ was, knowing how much he loved me, that he died for me, the ways of like how we were truly created to just look at him. I only looked at myself. What do you mean? That's what we do. That's our default. That's in our pride and our selfishness outside of God. That's what we do. We look at ourselves. So that's what I do. Unfortunately, if I'm not looking at God, I look into a mirror and I'm looking at myself, but not in like a really sweet, reflective, repentive way. I'm like obsessing and overanalyzing myself. I get so insecure if I'm not plugged into the vine. Another thing that happens to me, if I am not plugged in to my life source, the living water that refreshes my soul, I kind of just like, I have a hard time operating in life, like day to day stuff. Like I just, I find myself getting more anxious and that anxiousness kind of causes me to freeze up. I think everybody kind of handles anxiety differently. Like when it creeps up on you a little bit or a lot of bit, I just kind of freeze and I don't know what to do. I feel like I get easily overwhelmed. My problems feel bigger. My feelings feel bigger. My insecurities feel bigger. I feel bigger. What? I don't know. No, but like everything feels massive. I really think that it's crazy how I feel such relief once I finally sit down with Jesus and like quiet my mind. My mind is like so much busier when I, when I'm not rooted in Jesus and I haven't been making a good hat, like I've gotten off track, right? Like I'll have such a habit of getting in the secret place with him every single morning and then I kind of like break out of that and I fall a little bit. But it's crazy once I get back, like the way that my mind is just silenced. It doesn't feel as buzzy. Like my brain without remembering the truth of Jesus and remembering like who I am in him is like static. Like just buzz like a bunch of bees. That's what I hear. Like it's, oh, it's terrible. It's terrible. So my mind gets really, really buzzy and busy and then that, and then it makes me angsty and then I just freeze up and I'm like, I can't do anything right now. I don't know where to start. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. Everything feels massive. I feel heavy and you want to know why it feels heavy. You want to know why everything feels massive because I'm carrying the weight by myself. It's literally scripture that Jesus says those of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens. Let me just get the scripture out. I think it's Matthew. I love Matthew. I quote it like every day. All right. It's Matthew 11, 28. Then Jesus said, come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light. So like I think the reason I feel so overwhelmed and I feel like everything is so heavy is because I've gone so many days now by carrying my own burdens. And so I feel heavy. My soul feels heavy. I feel tired. Like my soul. You guys know the feeling, right? When your soul doesn't feel like it's at rest, which then also honestly I think can manifest to like a physical exhaustion. But Jesus says, come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. He says, I will give you rest. True rest for your soul is the only place that you can get that is from Jesus. And so he says, take my yoke upon you and let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light. Is such a reminder to just take the freaking yoke that you've put on yourself, take it off and put on the yoke of Jesus and that his burden and his yoke is easy to bear and the burden that he gives you is light. And so I think the best way I do that, some of you guys might be listening and say, what the heck does that mean and how do I do it? Do I just say, Jesus, I give you my burdens. Amen. Yeah, I guess you could. For sure. I think that'd be effective. But I think the best ways that I do that is in repentance. Like the way that I feel that lifted the most, like when I sense that I've been carrying my own burdens, I have been obsessing over things. I've been looking at myself too much. I've been stressed out too much. I've been trying to do everything by myself. I haven't been considering Jesus in my life. I haven't been like really truly like looking to him and going to him. And I just kind of get a little prideful and I get in the busyness of my life and I'm like, I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. Now I'm exhausted. I feel like homegirls got to repent. Oops. Boo boo. Shouldn't have done that. That's not right. Jesus, please forgive me. I forgot. I forgot. Why did I do that? How did I forget? I've been here so many times. Why did I do it again? Jesus, please forgive me. I love you. Oh God, thank you that your mercies are new every day. And it's so funny that, I mean, God made sure to say that in scripture too, that his mercies are new every morning because he knew we were going to need it. Yep. He did. He knew we were going to need it every day. He didn't say my mercies are new every week. He was like, my kids, I love them, but they're going to need it every day. Yeah. And they're going to need it in writing. They're going to need that in writing that my mercies are new every morning because otherwise, yeah, we're literally, you want to know why Jesus, okay. The reason that God refers to himself as the shepherd and we are his sheep. Can we, can we go into the, the biological and just like the, the cycle, the psych of sheep? Cause they're not bright. I just asked chat. I said, our sheep dumb and chat goes, the truth is sheep aren't dumb. They're just, they're just different. This is really interesting. Okay. So sheep, um, they're very social. Sheep rely heavily on their flock for safety. If one moves the other follow, not because they're brainless, but because sticking together protects them from predators. So that's pretty interesting because I think that that also speaks volumes to like how us as people, Jesus, you're so sweet. We are the same way, you know, where, uh, we, we follow each other and that's not bad. Um, but also I think that that's worth remembering when, uh, the Lord advises and cautions us to be aware of who we surround ourselves with. Because it's, it's obvious and it's not a coincidence that God would use sheep. Um, as an analogy or a comparison of how we are, you know, and so, um, if we're going to surround ourselves and be influenced by the people around us, we better make sure that it's also iron because only iron can sharpen iron. And it says in the Psalms, I think, or the Proverbs, maybe, um, hang out with fools, you'll become one, right? And so let me be more specific. It's Proverbs 13, 20 guys. Okay. And it says whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 14 seven says, stay away from a fool for you will not find knowledge on their lips. First Corinthians 15 33 says, do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character. So, um, yeah, just make sure you're not, you're not allowing yourself to be influenced by people because clearly that's like one of the first things listed, um, about sheep is that they are very social and they rely heavily on their flock for safety. If one moves, the other follows not because they're brainless, but because sticking together protects them from predators. And I do think that we're, we're just, yeah, we're, we're easy, we're easily influenced. Okay. Um, we trust each other. Um, sometimes we get burned from that, but I think we're pretty quick to trust and follow and do, especially when somebody else can look like us, you know, um, I don't think a sheep would follow a ladybug. A sheep is going to follow a sheep. I don't know. Sometimes we're like, Hey, you look like me. I trust you. So there also might be a little bit of that in there too. Um, okay. Side tangent, but make sure that you're surrounding yourself. We can always evangelize. We can always be the example of Jesus in scripture also says that we can be in the world. Just don't be of it. And I think being of it would be hanging out with people and allowing them to influence us in a way that maybe we shouldn't. Okay. Anyway, it's a whole different podcast episode. They have good memories. Studies show that sheep can recognize faces, both human and sheep for up to two years. That's really cool. So, um, I think that speaks beautifully to Jesus, right? Is like, especially if we spend more time with him, the more we will recognize his face and his voice and the Holy spirit. And, um, you know, even like gut feelings that the Holy spirit can give us like, like anything of God, right? The more that you're going to be spending time with God, the more you're going to recognize his voice and his face. And when he's in things or versus when he's out of things. And so we have good memory. Like sheep do in that way, right? They can learn sheep can navigate mazes. Remember food locations and even respond to their shepherd's voice. Jesus. Okay. So we're not totally helpless. I mean, we can, we can learn from Jesus, obviously. Um, we can navigate things from what he's taught us and respond to his voice. Our shepherd's voice. I love that. They're cautious, not clueless. So their instinct to follow and avoid new situations comes from self-preservation, not stupidity. So when the Bible compares believers to sheep, it's not an insult. It's about dependence, trust and guidance. We're like sheep because we're not meant to wander alone. We need a shepherd, Jesus, to lead us safely and lovingly. There's a following instinct about sheep. What makes them seem easy to follow others is their strong flocking instinct. When one sheep moves, the rest tend to follow, even if it's not the best direction. This behavior is deeply rooted in their survival instinct. Sticking together helps protect them from predators. So it's less about forgetfulness and more about trust and safety. They naturally look for leadership and direction, which is exactly why the Bible often uses sheep as a picture of people and Jesus as the good shepherd. It shows our tendency to follow others and our need for wise loving guidance. And it's not actually that I have forgotten. Like it's not that I've actually forgotten that when I get in this secret place, I'll feel better. Like I know that. I didn't forget that part, but I think there are just distractions and there are other things and maybe even other influences of like, I mean, this thing gets in the way of my life all the time. My phone, if you're listening, I'm holding up my phone. I mean, scrolling on social media, like there are other ways that I've, I can follow and be led astray in a way where I'm like, what am I doing over here? And that to itself, like speak such volumes of how we always, we need guidance. We need somebody to lead us. And if it's not Jesus going to be led somewhere else. And so, yeah, it's not, I guess it's not that I forget, but kind of I get distracted and I'm like, over here and over here and oh, but I can do this. And oh, but, and yeah, my shepherd, I mean, he's right over there. I'm good. Like I know, I remember. Like I know his face and it was voice. It's all good. I'll recognize his face when I, but like, I don't know. And I just, I wander and I do my things. So. Whether you're into unsolved mysteries, solved mysteries or creating your own mysteries, Amazon Music's got millions of podcast episodes waiting. Just download the Amazon Music app and start listening to your favorite podcasts ad free included with Prime. Hi, I'm Katie Duke and I've been a nurse for over 20 years. Listen, I used to think that I was my most stylish in my 20s, but honestly, style and confidence only get better with age. And that is why I love figs. These scrubs are beautiful, comfortable, and they are built to last. They're not those boxy, scratchy uniforms that we all started out in. No, no, no, these fit perfectly. They feel amazing and the quality is just wow. My favorite color, burgundy. It's chic, it's timeless, and it's even the same color as my apartment because I'm kind of obsessed with it. And I love adding custom embroidery to make my scrubs as personal as my style. And since I work in telehealth, my embroidered figs even double as my ID badge. It's never too late to reinvent yourself or your scrubs. Get 15% off your first order at wearfigs.com with the code FIGSRX. That's wearfigs.com code FIGSRX for 15% off your first order. Guys, hi. Oh my gosh, I, um, I had to have a little intermission for like four hours. Now I'm back. I'm sitting on this couch again, but in real time of me recording this, the last thing I said was four hours ago. So we're back. Hopefully this is going to still flow well. I believe that the next thing I did want to get into after that whole sheep, shepherd, little rant that I was on, hopefully it made sense, um, is what I do to get out of these funks. So obviously like I've shared personal and this might be like a fun exercise for all of us to do, to be honest, because this was something that I saw to do and just like reflecting with the Lord of him being like, okay, so Ali, like where were some signs and clear indications that maybe we need to get back on track? And so that's when I felt the Lord, um, prompt me to just kind of like look at myself and be like, Oh, okay, well, I definitely get anxious and I definitely start to get a little bit more insecure and like fear of man starts to bubble up in me a little bit more. So those are my personal things. And whether that spoke directly into your situation or not, um, I think it would be like a really good exercise, you know, to do. And, and to do it with God and be like, all right, Jesus, where are some areas in my heart that start to kind of bubble up or there's things that I start to kind of act in or there's like beliefs that I come into agreement with or there's certain, you know, thought processes that I come into when I'm not spending enough time with you and reflecting on that and like making a list and being like, okay, well, just from trial and error and analyzing myself and looking back and being like, Oh, these are some things that definitely happen when I am trying to carry my own burdens and, um, I'm not taking on the burden of Jesus, you know, and like taking on his yoke. And so, um, now the next step to that would be like, okay, how do I get back on track with God? Like how do I get back on track? Because obviously I've proven that I can be very on track with him, but I've also proven that, um, I can kind of fall off of that. And, um, so I'll just share some ways of how I get back on track. And I really think that first, and I've already shared this, but like first step of what I do is I repent. Like the first thing I do is I just have a genuine and I know that the word repentance like sounds really, I don't know, like repent for your sins. Like admit that you're an idiot and you suck and apologize to God for being such a failure. Like I feel like there's a very negative association with the word repent. And I think it's because maybe people have used it in a way that's, that's harsh and condemning, but that's not actually the point of repentance. And that's not why God, it's a gift actually that the Lord has given us. It's opportunity to just receive freedom from him again, freedom that you always had access to. But I think that when we fall back to like, you know, our own silliness and we kind of, we get off track and we get distracted or we pick things other than him. And then the next thing you know, it's been weeks, like whatever that looks like, it's a gift to be able to repent because that is like fresh start, clean slate with God and being like, okay, you know what, I am going to confront the elephant in the room and I'm going to admit Lord shouldn't have done that. And there's a freedom in just like being honest with God too. You know, it's not even just about like, God, please forgive me. It is. Yes, God, please forgive me. But there's also such a beauty in repenting because it's also like confessing and just being honest and like getting that like, that, that, that connection with Jesus again. If it's been a while since you've really repented, I'm telling you it's such a gift of being like, you know what, I surrender it all. God, I messed up. I'm so sorry, Lord, I gotta admit, I gotta be honest with you. Shouldn't have done that. Shouldn't have freaking done that, you know? And there is like an intimacy every time I do it, you guys, every time I finally get back to the feet of Jesus and I admit to the things that I had been doing out of pride. I had been admitting to the things I was doing out of anxiety or fear, like believing and relying on anything else other than him, like relying on my own understanding, relying on my own feelings. Like the minute I just released that, it's like, I receive his freedom all over again. And it's beautiful. That's why it's a gift. It's a release, you know? It's a release of just being like, it's like a, it's like a, it's like after holding your breath and you're just like, forget it. Oh my gosh, I can't do it. I'm sorry, Lord. Repentance, surrender, it's relief, it's beautiful. It's also, I feel his intimacy every time. I feel closer to God after I do it. I feel like there's a lie in our heads sometimes that if we admit to being wrong to God, he won't want anything to do with us, which is like so far from the truth because God already knows everything, right? We've said that plenty of times on the podcast. He is all knowing. And so that's not even possible. Like you not physically admitting it and saying it out loud to him, you're not protecting him of anything. Like he already knows it all. He already knows what's in your heart and what's in your mind. He already knows the fears of what you have to even confess it and say it out loud. He knows everything. And that's not something to be afraid of. That's something to be comforted in, like that he's still with you. Even with knowing all of that. He's already promised you that he's going to be by your side no matter what. So it actually should be comforting knowing that God knows all of that. Not something to be afraid of. But yeah, it's so silly that there's a part of us that could think, well, if I say this out loud, he's going to want nothing to do with me. No, he knows. He knows everything already and he still wants everything to do with you. And he knew all of that even when he died on the cross for you. He already knew about all of it. So that's just not even a real thing. Like there is no like, but if I say this out loud, it makes it real and then God will want nothing to do with me. It's not true. He wants everything to do with you and he loves you so much. And honestly, he wants you to say it out loud less for him and honestly more for you. It's not even for him. He doesn't need it. He doesn't need it. Like it's not like God can't be God if you don't repent. Like it's actually not even about him. It's about us needing our dad. That's what it's about. It's actually all about you and it's all about how much he cares about you and cares for you and knows the freedom that you can receive if you just release it and confess and repent and say, Oh God, okay. You know what? Let's just be real. And so that's step one. Truly like that is that and honestly sometimes that's like all I need to do. And then all of a sudden the fog lifts from my eyes and the buzzing in my head of the millions of bees like this is like the fuzzy static in my head like lifts. It's probably oppression. And it all just goes away or at least it feels so much lighter after that moment. And then the next thing that I do after that is I pray for strength from the Lord. I say, God, okay, I we see how I did this. So I'm a need your strength Lord. I am going to need self-control from you. I'm going to need, I'm going to need discernment. I'm not discernment. I'm going to need a discipline from your spirit God and I'm going to need like a serious conviction from your spirit as well. But the next time I'm tempted to be lazy or to sleep in or to not spend time with you, convict my spirit that it makes me so sick. I have to get up. Like I can't do it again. And so I'll just pray. I'll pray for the strength because honestly it's in our weakness that the Lord then gets to be strong for us. It's only when we're weak that we actually get to be strong through Christ. And so it's also a gift to be weak. It's funny, these things all feel negative, but it like it really goes back to like everything that was meant. God always brings back to his good and there's always fruit and there's always opportunity to grow deeper with him through our mistakes and our mess ups and our boo boo's. Right. And so even in our weakness, which feels like something we should never be actually, I pray I'm weak every day. I pray that I'm weak because that means I can, I can get strength from Christ who is perfect. Like his strength is perfect, supernatural, unexplainable. That's where I want to get my strength from. Like I don't, I don't even want my strength because what's my strength compared to his. Right. Whether you're into unsolved mysteries, solved mysteries or creating your own mysteries, Amazon Music's got millions of podcast episodes waiting. Just download the Amazon Music app and start listening to your favorite podcasts ad free, included with Prime. So it's also actually a gift to be weak because then that goes back to the analogy of being a sheep. Like, well, then I need somebody to lead me. I need a shepherd. I need guidance. I need to follow someone because my strength alone isn't enough. Clearly because I've gone two weeks without reading the Bible. I've been carrying my own burdens and trying to do it myself. My strength has not been enough. God, I'm weak. I'm weak and I need your strength. I need, I need your discipline and I need yourself control. I need you. I need your spirit. Holy spirit, please convict me the next time I want to fall to this. And I'm telling you, you pray that with your whole heart. He's going to show up for you and then your mind will be blown at the way that he, he took that prayer so seriously. He took every word seriously and now he's holding you accountable and now you visit like now you're back, you know, and so I'll pray for the strength and, um, and then I choose, I choose the next day to say enough is enough. I'm not doing this anymore. I'm getting up early in the morning and I am spending time with Jesus. And even in that, sometimes you guys, even in that, when I, when I get back to the secret place and I get back to that place of being with Jesus, my brain will still want to wander. It's a fight y'all. Sometimes it's a fight. It like, it's no joke when God tells us that there is, there is a spiritual fight that is happening behind the scenes, whether we see it or not. I know, I believe we feel it. I always want to be as discerning as I can on whether it's just alley or if it's actually like oppression, you know, because I don't want to over spiritualize and like give the enemy too much credit. But there is an invisible war that is going on between good and evil and oppression is real. And it really can feel like a serious fight to get back into the secret place with Jesus. Why? Because that is what the enemy wants you. That is the last thing he wants you to do. Like just because we're saved and just because we have a relationship with Jesus and just because, you know, we've received salvation through Christ and through the action of what he did on the cross for us does not mean that the enemy isn't still going to try to take you away from the truth and distract you and take you away from things. And in a way that's so subtle, you don't even realize until you're like down bad and you're like, oh my gosh, wait, where's Jesus? It's been way too long. What am I, what am I even doing? I feel like I'm in a fog. Like this isn't real. Like I don't feel good. And so yeah, I mean, it'd be naive of me to think that there wasn't also a strategy of the enemy to try to secretly and quietly distract me and drag me away from the thing that gives me the most life, which is Jesus. So it's going to be a fight. It will be a fight. But once you're there, you're there. And once you kind of fight through that initial, like I know you guys have to relate. Like some of you guys know what I'm talking about. Like sitting in the secret. Why is it, why is it that all of a sudden now I feel like I could take a nap? Why is it that once like I already had my cup of coffee? Okay, I've already had my cup of coffee. I said okay, because I'm like, oh, is that an idol? Anyway, like I've only been awake for two hours, can't be exhausted yet. And then it's the minute I try to start reading about scripture is when I feel like I could go back to bed. Why am I exhausted right now? It's like it can be such a fight and you just got to push. You got to push. If that means you're going to start reading out loud, then you're going to start reading out loud. If that means that you have to go back and read it again because your mind wandered, you go back and you read it again. Why? I honestly think that God allows that because it is disciplining your mind. And that is something that God has shown me is actually so important in our walk within life. Like in our walk, living here on planet earth, it is so important to have mental strength. And I honestly, I think that the only way we can really do that is through the strength of Jesus and falling, failing, standing up again, falling, standing up again. And every time you stand back up, you are just going to be stronger. But a lot of it is mental. Like if we think, I think I said this on a podcast episode literally years ago where it was like everything starts with a thought, every invention, a thought, every, everything we do, everything starts with the brain, everything, like every decision we make, every thought that comes like every action we take. Guys, I'm tired. Sorry, we're going to stay on track. I promise we're almost done for the ones that have honestly, God bless you. God bless you. I'm saying an extra prayer for you guys tonight, honestly, for the ones that have held on this far in this episode, I feel like I've been all over the place. It all starts with a thought. It all starts in our mind. Everything starts with our mind. And so it makes sense that that would be the very thing that would get attacked first. Like the enemy is going to attack our brain and our mind before he's going to attack anything else. You know, like if he can get us to believe something, if he can get us off, if he can distract our minds, if when we're in the secret place, we're going over here and over in it and our brain is going over here and this that. And again, we can't blame the enemy for everything, but we also can't be naive to think that's not possible, right? Or that isn't what's happening. And so it's all here, which is why it would make sense that God would want to strengthen us here. So if it all starts here, this is exactly where God would want to strengthen us, because this is exactly where the enemy would attack us, because it all starts here. Does that make sense? That just ministered to me. I'm like, yeah, it makes sense. Like above all else, he wants to strengthen our minds and he wants to fill it with scripture. He wants to fill it with true wisdom, muscley brain, strong brain, strong will, strong mind. That's what that is. Like with us getting back up. Okay, we fell. That's okay. There's grace. There's there's opportunity to repent and say, Lord, I turned. I'm sorry. I need your strength. Help me. I give you my burdens and I take on your yoke and your burden, which is easy and light. And here I am. Okay, we're opening the Bible. Okay, we're praying. Okay, we're repenting. Okay, we're blocking off this amount of time to be with Jesus. No distractions. I'm not going to think about all the things that I have to do today. And the minute that your brain thinks about what you have to do for that day, that's okay. Back though. Okay, but we go back. Oh, my mind was just wandering for 10 whole minutes. That's okay, but we're going to go back. And that's mental strength, which is something I could grow. We could all grow in, you know. I feel like sports has that kind of perspective, you know, of just like it's all mental, like pushing through those things, you know. Yeah, I wasn't a sports person. I did choir. You guys know that I sang and then I took a couple of theater classes at the end of and I liked art. I would do art. I take like as many art classes as I could. I would take painting. I would do ceramics. Pottery was so fun for me. What the heck? Sometimes I still think it'd be fun to like have like a like a like a pottery like the wheel, you know, where you throw the clay on and you make bowls and plates and stuff. That was fun for me. I really liked that. I actually still have one that I made in high school and it's like actually beautiful. Like to this day, it's still beautiful. A lot of the things that I made in our class are so ugly. They're ugly. And my mom's kept all of them. God bless her. Ugly. Like a lot of my artwork was like, that's scary. Some of them were cool, but others were like like abstract and like just weird. Like I made this one like vase, but like we the thing is, is like our teachers would give us like themes, you know, of like what we had to do for that project. So it was like we could be creative, but like in a box still. So we were making these vases and we were all putting faces on them. And I made a face on mine and he was weird. A clay. It was clay, but he liked this long pointy nose, like a witch. And then I gave him big eyebrows and weird little beady eyes and like creepy big lips, like the lips from that guy from Monstrous, Inc. After he went through. Okay. That gives you nothing creepy. And then I painted him yellow and his lips were blue and his eyes were orange. I don't know who I was being influenced at that time, but someone weird. Yeah, but anyway, so the bowl I made though, I still have it and it's beautiful and I like stained it and it's really pretty and it like looks honestly like kind of ancient. It looks like old, but like in a really pretty way. And I, it's a little dish that I have in my bathroom still and I'll put my jewelry in it. It's like pretty. Like I still like it. It's giving modern. It's giving. Okay, Ali, how can it be modern and ancient? I don't know. Guys, I love you guys. I'm sorry if I gave you a headache today. Um, I hope that this podcast episode was helpful. I hope that at least like a couple seconds out of it, you were like, oh Jesus, or the whole thing. That'd be great. That'd be awesome. Um, I love you guys. Thank you for being here. I hope you have a beautiful weekend and I hope you have an even more beautiful week until I see you next Friday. Hey guys, before we go, can we do something cool today? Can we show somebody how cool Jesus is? Can we walk more like him? Talk more like him? Be more like Jesus. Let's be strong-willed in our minds like Jesus. He had the strongest mind. Can we talk about that first second? The fact that the man never sinned once in his life? That is a man I want to learn from. Strong mind. Yeah, Jesus crushes. Um, all right, you guys, I love you. I'm so proud of you and I will see you next time. Bye. Are some of y'all still listening? Okay, if you're still here, that means you're a real one, which is why I'm about to share this with you. If you've already caught up on all the episodes so far and you don't want to wait until next Friday for a new one, I have really good news for you. Subscribe to our Patreon to get early access to the episodes every week, early access to merch launches or any other exciting news, and receive personalized encouraging messages or Bible verses from us. Subscribe to our Patreon at www.patreon.com backslash c, backslash c w c o i. I do also want to mention that there is a way to give to the podcast, so if you ever feel led to donate, it blesses me so much, and it helps allow the podcast to keep running. You can donate to our PayPal at www.paypal.me backslash c w c o i. 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