Chris Farley, Penis Surgery, & the Olympics!

I like stories. Oh, look who it is. Hey, man, I'm a witness protection right now, but I'm sorry I created all this sh**. Ha ha ha ha! Pfft! What a mate. Nick's having egg asm. What? She's having egg asm? Because he's like, well, when you come home to me, you're like a dial tone, is that why? They said put a turkey wiener on you, and he goes, no, I want to do it in turkey. Ah, OK. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. That doesn't even... Does that make sense? That's his wiener. Just a couple of times. I try to go festive sometimes. That's what this is about. Oh, you're... Cheerful. That shirt? My shirt, yeah. Is that what it's reading? I think so. I got a blue one, and that's exact same size. Put it through the dryer. It's twice as big. What the fiyahk? I got clowned last night. I went to the comedy store and all the comics, especially the female ones, like, you have the worst shoe game. It was really embarrassing. They all were like, trashing my shoes. Your shoes? Yeah. So they're looking down on your shoes? The worst part is it's true, and they go, and those army pants are from the Gap, and I was like, no, they're not, and of course they are, because Dana had them on, and I said they were cool and I went and got them. They're khakis. But let me tell you this, like, I, you know, our podcast with Marcello, that's out now. Oh yeah, the one with Marcello, yeah. I posted a thing of the three of us, and then I saw you guys, and I said, it's me and my, or the vanilla boys. Cause you guys look like you're in a singing group with your sweats. Oh, me and Marcello. Yellow and white, the vanilla boys. Oh, we were? Yeah, we needed a set last night. He stayed in town a day, and so we went to dinner last night, and then I went and got trounced by everyone about my shoes. It was a real shoe gate. I walked out of there like this. I was driving home like this from a womb. Did you go on stage with a little bit of edge to you, or they ridiculed you, ridiculed you after? It was, I saw Whitney backstage. Whitney looks great, by the way. I saw Whitney, she had nothing. And his Whitney not look great. I know, Whitney is, looks just great. She looks like a model. I, well, Marcello came with us over there, and then I said, they'll just let him jump on, and he felt, well, he didn't want to bump, so it was Whitney, it was Jim Norton, I think Santino, and then I think he went on. Oh, Andy. Robbie Hoffman. Andy Santino. Oh, Andy, who's a friend of the show. A friend of the show. Yeah, we will say that Marcello was funny on the show, on the podcast, up now. Yeah, he's got the goods, man. He's got a likability, you know? And I've talked to two people, say, whenever you see him, they saw him at the Grammys, you can't take your eyes off him. Yeah. It's like that Frankie Avalon song. Who was that? Yeah. The Four Seasons. Four Seasons. Can't take much. No, but he's cool. I root for him, he was very sweet with us at the end of the show, you know? Oh, he's very nice. Well, it's the idea. I did meet along the way bitter comedians. Even successful ones, the kind of you could tell at an edge and didn't want you, Still mad, yeah. I'm mad at you, just for being young. You know, it's like, so stupid. So he's surprised we root for him. Yeah, he was fun on the show. He also brought it. He was fun and did jokes. He kept doing Sebastian, which was hysterical. Yes, he had a gear I hadn't seen, that swallowing words. And as someone who does voices, I love those little tiny addendums that little escalation. Sebastian's usually like, my Uber driver's here. Are you good, Gack? But Marcelo was doing the other way going. I go in there. Yeah, I get soup. My wife comes in. He does that wind up before it goes big. It's funny. So everybody's honking now. Like you barely can hear what he says. I like when you go, I'm clipping my toe. Pull that clip in the toenails. See, toenails is a great word for Sebastian. And he looks at that. But it's such a compliment to Sebastian that he's got this rhythm that is so freaking infectious. I mean, the only guy that is a bigger fan than us is Sebastian, is this guy. No, that was good. That matches. Here's my uninspiring delivery. Dogs are funny. Your thing I know isn't a kind, hey, buddy. I mean, do you have a catchphrase? No one knows what it is. Rack'em. I did say rack'em the other night on stage. And all the fine-the-wall people were like, shh. You should do a character that says rack'em after every joke. And with a little sound of billar ball going into the couch. I said one last night. I said, the ebsnit vials came out. Three million emails. It was so much to go through. I said, that was a busy boy. Like, he's got some 16-year-old girl laying on the hammock going, come on. And he's like, hang on. I got to fire off another 15,000 emails before midnight. I'm on a schedule. I'm pacing out. Rack'em. That was pretty good, rack'em. I have. And I was judging the 3 million. And then I looked at my Gmail account. And I have 54,000 emails. Oh, I bet it has. Because I'd never go through and erase anything just in case. There's a little court case. But I did have a friend check. Did AI with the ebsnit vials? And he said, you're not in it. You can go on Jmail or some weird. Oh, I'm not in it or you? I'm not in it. I'll check for you if you want. No, you don't have to. But even if someone mentioned me, you could be in it. They're watching your special on the plane, guilty. What if they were all on the plane to the Ebsnit on watching Dana Carvey's special? That's how you get mentioned. I don't know. I have another story from the road. Story? I like stories. Oh, look who it is. Hey, man, I'm a witness protection right now. But I'm sorry I created all this shit. And am I really dead? Who knows? I know they say they hustled them out. The whole thing is going to matriculate for a while. But I want to hear what's new in David's world. Let's brand this story. OK. What's new in David's world? The only story about when I went to Milwaukee, Appleton, and Chicago, other than the great crowds, I have to say, minus three when I got to Appleton. I've heard more people doing that Michael Keaton joke, where when it's three degrees out, you go, why be any? And I did. And then they were all, I said I put the walk in Milwaukee. That was my big opener when I was there. But I only walked on the hotel room. And here's the only story that jumped out to me. I'm leaving. I'm at the airport. You know the guys that make you sign? I always bitch about. John McEnroe's got a video out right now where he's doing it. And he's got one guy that's chasing him and just keeps going. Just a picture. Just sign this. Just big. And he keeps going, no. Any airport people are like, dude, get him out of here. And he keeps following him. And I'm like, he's going to knock him out. And McEnroe goes. He goes. So what happened? The guy doesn't know. I wasn't there. I just saw this video. And I go, 99% of the people are going, just take the picture. I was the only one going, don't. That kid is such a. He's been walking with him for a mile in the airport. Just get in his face. Won't stop. Won't stop. Anyway, I get to this. That's not the story. The story is a woman is sitting down where you put your shoes on after the you go through the shoe thing at TSA. So I go, can I sit with you? And she goes, yeah. And she has a baby. And so she says, oh my god, will you take a picture with my baby? But I don't like to hold the baby. So I said, yeah, you do. I don't want to break it. You know, they done that to you where they go, oh, yeah. No, I've never, no. But they've asked you to hold their baby. I have to say, no, now I'm feeling like I've been left out. They don't trust me. And no, it's OK. We just bought the picture. We did it with David Spade because he loves kids. I'm like this. Anyway, I go, you hold. I'll just get in it. So we do some goofy picture. So this guy goes, I look up. He's standing there. He's like a big Wisconsin guy. He goes, I'm in a way. I don't want to interrupt. I have a great Chris Farley story for you. OK. And then I'm taking pictures. And then she wants me to leave a message for her husband. So we're doing all this. And he's still there. He goes, it's a doozy. And I'm like, OK. So anyway, she's finished. I get up. I go, hey, buddy, what's going on? He goes, OK. Chris Farley. You know, he went to Marquette. I go, yeah. And he goes, his older brother is friends with my brother. And when he stayed there, Chris spent the night. And I go, right. And he goes, it's crazy, man. It's a crazy world. And I go, that's one for the books. I mean, that was the whole story. That was it? Yeah. Wow. I go, and then he did something crazy. And he's like, just the fact that they're all in the same room and they're all hanging out. I'm like, did you get it? You're killing me, man. Come on. I can't stop. And now. I go, hey, I go, I'm doing a book on boring stories. Can I use that one? No, I said, oh my god, there's a movie there. That's got a beginning, but not a middle and not an end. So for you. Not an end. Well, you go up to the celebrity. You got to make sure you got a story to say. Just saying, Chris Farley slept over, ain't going to hack. Yeah, me and my mustache are going to ski thattle. I like how you incorporated the recent story. The story. That's how I'm going to do it now. So it won't be ad hoc. No, that's good. Because we should say that once again, we're talking about professional people who get bobbleheads and stuff and sell them, which is fine. But they've compete and they'll chase you around and stuff. It's not like in the olden days, it'd be like, gee, mister, I was hoping maybe one day I'd be on TV and tell jokes like you, you know, and you sign an autograph. This is very different. They don't even like you. They just sign this and get out of my way. They don't like each other either. Because it's. Yeah. And the second you don't sign, they hate your guts. But anyway, that was John McEnroe. This time they were fine, but they were in Chicago. They just line up and they wait. And if you don't talk to them, they walk with you. It's just there's no winning. A great story like Monsters, Inc. stays with you forever. And Disney Plus is where you'll find your next great story from the return of the award-winning hit series, Rivals. Welcome to the naughtiest show on television. To the unmissable crime drama, High Potential. Gotta dead body, gotta go. A lifetime of great stories awaits. This spring on Disney Plus, 18 Plus, subscription required. T's and C's apply. Hi, everybody. I'm Maury Povich. On my podcast on par with Maury Povich, I'm going to sit down with the icons, the stars, and the faces at the very center of today's big cultural moments. With everyone from comedians Josh Johnson, Dan Soder, Leigh Ann Morgan, to newsmakers Don Lemon, Joy Reid, Aaron Parness, and so many more. So join me for new episodes every week, because nothing is off limits. Great conversations. They're always on par. Follow and listen to On Par with Maury Povich wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everyone. It's Stavros Halikis, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast, Stavi's World. Each week, we're joined by great guests like Josh Safty, Eric Andre, Caleb Herron, and more. It's sort of an interview show, but really, we're just messing around, making each other laugh, and hopefully making you laugh while you're washing the dishes or grocery shopping, or out on a long drive. Plus, I take listener calls, where we have honest conversations about dating life and everything in between. Imagine if your therapist was a vulgar degenerate whose office was in a Greek diner. No scripts, no polish, and absolutely no holding back. Listen to Stavi's World wherever you get your podcasts. OK, so we covered I Have Horrible Shoes. We covered the fucking unbelievable Chris Farley story, one for the books. That was, I mean, I was riveted. I laughed. I teared up a little bit. We laughed. We walked away because we were all like, did he skip something? Was that it? He was just excited to say his brother met him. Well, it's Chris Farley. It is a big deal. But you'd think that the setup felt like Chris did something very Chris-like, ate a whole pie, or did somersaults, or something. Or chewed up a baked potato, and the skin was on it. Pretended a pillow was a marshmallow and roasted it. All the kind of stuff that Chris would do, you know better than me. Anything, anything. Anything but what the story was. I said, well, that was a real roller coaster. Yeah, slow down, partner. I mean, you're going to take my job away from me the way you're going. I'll be opening for you someday. That's what you say to him. What's up? No, they were nice. I mean, I would have said hi to the guy anyway. He was nice. Everyone in Chris told me once, you're going to go to Wisconsin. That's where they all look like me. And I went and I go, Chris told me this, and he was right. There Husky, let me ask you a question about Milwaukee. Did you play Milwaukee? Please, yes. OK, here's my story. That's not a big story. I just want your opinion. So I go out there, Larry Bubbles Brown's opening. And I can't remember the theater. It was all incredibly nice people. And it's really quiet out there. You know, when your opener is like, holy tomatoes, what is this? So I go out, I do my set, and they were incredibly nice, but really, really quiet. So I came off a little shook up, because I always want to try to kill. And then the guy who's booking, he goes, oh, you did great. No one gets laughs in this room. Oh, yeah, it's totally normal. I go, maybe you should have told me before I went out that it's impossible. Yeah. Or pick a different theater. I don't know. Maybe they're Minneapolis nice. I don't know. I mean, I remember it. Were you at Norm's funeral? Oh, yeah, don't say that. Do you remember Norm's funeral when I went up to speak? He killed. And yeah, it's all. It's 100% was it. 100% comedy competition. And I fell on the stairs walking out. Yes, I remember you saying this. And then Conan fell. Yeah. First he caught me. And then when he went up, he fell. And the stage and I go, god damn, there's something on that top step. It catches your foot. And he goes, oh, yeah, everybody falls. Yeah. Couldn't give a fat fuck. Yeah. Tell somebody that you might fall. Fix it. Because Conan's very agile. You know, I mean, the idea, if Conan can't get up the stairs with his kind of fast Fred Astaire. Yeah, me too. Yeah. Then and you with what shoes were you wearing? My shitty ones. They're all shitties. So my shitty ones. Where there's a little tongue that comes out and curls around like a little clown. They're sort of red with green stripes. Yeah. Was that it? The McDonald collection. Ronald McDonald. Now, what made you think that you could get away with shoes that ugly? Your words, not mine. I have to say, Marcel and Robbie Hoffman were so concerned with my shoes. They sent me links of where I can get other ones. Just to just get my act. They go, this is one tweak. It'll change your life. I go, well, what's a cool shoe for a standup comedian? You'd be destroyed. No offense. But my A6 were. They look like old skateboard shoes. They're just bad. And I agree. That's the worst part. I get it. But I'm like, I'm doing a set, guys. I'm not on the runway. I'm not on the red carpet. Well, the thing that you get dressed up for is in Dandelion, which is available now on Amazon, wherever you get your comedy shows. What was on your feet? Dandelion's bad ones. I mean, even in movies, when they put me, I go, most of the time, it just kills my back. So she told me to wear K-Swiss or Stan Smith. And I go, hey, don't put me out there in flats. Yeah. You know what I mean? They're like a millimeter. I'm like, well, I did a movie. Give me some hocas. I'll be like, woo. I did a movie. I had hocas. They're great. Man, I did a movie once. And the leading lady was great. Super nice. But I think the director really liked her. And I think she's like 5'11 and had heels on. And I'm like, well, that's fine. I'm not that tall. So it's cool. But every day I'd go into my trailer and I'd see the shoes that I was wearing. And they were adding like a half inch a day. But not telling me. They didn't tell me. They just started. These aren't the same as yes. You can just put me on stilts. I don't give a f***ing lie. Tom Cruise collection shoes. He's got like four inches buried. There's some sort of like AI machine. When he gets in, they go, hmm. Well, they have an inflatable thing. And so if he's in a scene going, I don't know. I don't know what you're doing here. He actually goes, and he can get himself taller while they're shooting a take. Who was the actress, Olivia Diablo? Nope. No, she was in something. What was she in? She was in Pop Knocks. Wait for World 2. Oh. Yeah, she is brilliant. I mean, incredible talent. Was she off the wonder years possibly? Or am I crazy? I don't know. Let's look at a clip. Let's become a clip. I'm going to show you a picture of something. OK. This is, oh yeah. So I have a part in a movie that comes out. You're kidding. April 10th. Well, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Wait a minute. Apple TV. Yeah, I know. You, David Spade, you got a part in a movie? You go, are you still acting? So, and by the way, I think Bust Boys might be creeping out. But I got more to come out. When can I see a rough come? I know. I know. I know my way around confusing bad, silly comedies that need a little trimming. Confusing bad, silly. That's our poster. I've done a few of those that are confusing. But it's got you and Theo. So he's got two superpowers that if they're harnessed, should be funny. Because we're Bust Boys that want to be waiters. And I said in the trailer, I should say, two losers with the wispiest dreams possible. They're Bust Boys that want to be waiters. To be two losers. I'm not even kidding. I mean, really, these are two losers. Even the actors are losers. It should be called losers. But these two losers wanted to call Bust Boys. That'll light up the marquee. Good luck being on Amazon Prime two days before you come out. Yeah. It's not in theaters. You can only find it on a kaleidoscope. Check YouTube first before you spend any money. No, it's great. It's great. It's pretty much done. So I did this movie. And they said, here's a picture to release. And they said, just throw it up. And we'll show the picture. Did they use that? There it is. Throw it up. I'll show you a picture of the one they sent me. I think it's going to be a super. This is Keanu Reeves. It's called Outcome. And all these people go, you shaved your head for this. So I go, wait, I guess they think I'm, that's Jonah Hill. That's Jonah Hill. Yeah. And so I say at the bottom, hey, I have a part in this. Like, I'm part of this movie. Keanu Cameradilla is Jonah Hill. But there's a picture. And then next time I'll have one with me in it. But this is how they staggered out. What's the movie about? Let's just, because you're. The movie Outcome is Keanu plays like a Robert Downey superstar who is a huge star but ruins his career with drinking and drugs. So he finally goes clean. And after a year, no, a couple months of being clean, he's got his new big movie comeback coming out. And the week it comes out, he gets blackmailed. And he's on a race to say, I can't let this video out because it'll ruin me. And the guy's like, how much is it worth to you to have your comeback and you have to pay, you know, whatever? I'm just his neighbor, of course. Are you playing David Spade? No. Oh, are you playing a guy? I play a layered character. No, I play, I'll, no, I won't even give this one. It sounds, I mean, it really honestly. That's a cool idea. It sounds like a. You fucking ask. A really cool movie. I mean, I, you got me at like his career. Wait a minute. He did, he drank too much or something. Oh my God, Dana, you're really, you say it back to me is not as good as this. It's Cameron Diaz is his best friend, Matt and Boomer. Is that a thing? Boomer. And they are the three of them. And I'm his neighbor when he lives in Malibu. So I'm kind of a Malibu guy. Look, and people might go, why is Dana doing that? It's just, it's all about how the movie's done. The byline is great. I mean, it's, it can be a, it could be a brilliant movie. I think Jonah Hill is incredibly bright. He wrote it, he directs it. I bet it's really good. Cause I think. It's super fun. I was a little starstruck around Keanu, I have to say. And he's a super, yeah, obviously he's a cool guy. Keanu is, he has his own lane. I mean, he's so, I don't even know how to describe him, but he is kind of the coolest of the cool. Like there's no sense he's really in traditional show business. Like he doesn't really, he's on his motorcycle. There was a plane that had emergency land from Santa Rosa and in Modesto or Bakersfield. And he was super chill about emergency landing. He didn't get a car to take him back to LA. He took the bus with everyone, make sure that the driver knew to drop everyone. I mean, so. He left the plane land on his back. He does so many things. I'm like, Keanu, do I have to give everyone a, I said, it's hard to keep up with you. I've been on this movie four days. I have to buy everyone a fucking motorcycle and the cast. Well the only thing that gets him, and this is the only, the only thing never say to him. And I did it by mistake once. I just walked up to Keanu and I said, Hey, wait a minute, man. Were you Bill or Ted? Oh boy. And then it was like, I ducked it. No, he was doing, I think a play for Bill and Ted this year. So he's still full into that. And anyway, obviously fun to see him. And he was very chill. Like he had a lot of dialogue. I remember reading the script going, Oh my God, this guy's got a lot to carry. And he was just like super mellow, unflustered, unstressed, beautiful wife hanging out. Oh yeah. Yeah. He's married now. Sorry ladies. Whoops. He's off the market. Yeah. He really is. He's literally like one of the number one hot guys they like. Yeah. I think so. Right. Whoa. Ha. There was, you should have a Keanu want to go. Whoa. Whoa. Uh-oh. It's not going to be Keanu. He tell me when the fucking show starts. Oh yeah. Hey applause. I did see some positive reaction to the paddles. Look, I don't have to do them. I just do them. No, I saw positive. I'm not going to do them too much. I know a lot of people like that. But it's a visual aid. I have new ones too because you know what it does is it makes me work on the impression. Yep. Got this guy. I've never really tried this guy. Now why was that never an Emperor's New Brough sequel? Oh, it's hard. I haven't got the impression. It's hard to just make up. You got to eat your hooks first and then you can branch out. Well fuck you, David. Well, how about we do buzzing around and then we'll. Yeah, let's do buzzing around. Okay. So buzzing around for those of you at home. Yeah. Let's do the intro. I'm giving Dana a made up scenario, right? Okay. Buzzing around is sponsored by 5R Energy. The return of their confetti craze flavor. Bring big birthday energy wherever you go with this. Plan your confetti craze party at www.5Renergy.com or Amazon. There you go. Available now. So I'm going to give you. I'll give you three impressions. Okay. And then you have to make up a scenario. Trump because. Always funny. You know Trump. Yeah. I mean, you know how to do him. Yeah. Do you want Carson? Why not? Okay. And then you get dealer's choice. I want Carson. For the last one. All right. You pick one. I'm going to show them. Trump Carson. I picked soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer soccer AFLCA, and he goes, how do you spell Euclophilchio? That's a real one. That's a real one. The thing going that if it was funny, it was funny. If it was horrible, you could make it into the fun. He would just stare at the camera. Yeah, it would be fantastic. Ed would laugh. That's great. That would have the best time. Simpler time. The best straight man in history, Ed McMahon. Okay, let's see what you got. What's the scenario going to be? Okay, Johnny Carson, let's have him do his monologue. Have Trump be his Ed McMahon. Okay. And have Tony Montana be, what was the band leader? He's the guest. Oh, that's Doc. He's his band leader. Okay. Should I have him call him? Trump, yeah, and Tony. Tony and Donnie. Okay. Which one's Carson? He's hosting. Yeah, he's doing his monologue. He's doing himself. Okay. There's been some interesting news out there. Donnie, interesting news. There's always news. And if you look at it, you look at the news, you can always get bold news. I couldn't have said it better myself. I mean, Jeffrey Epstein was all over the news and apparently he had a lot of parties. Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. That was a lot of parties, a lot of parties. And apparently he, a lot of people made whoopee at his party. What do you mean? What are you talking about? Well, Tony, that whoopee is just sort of like people having adult type fun. I thought I was down, man. You talk about whoopee. What do you think, Donnie? He doesn't know. No. We're looking at things like this. People call whoopee, they do it. They do it a lot. Got these parties. They did a lot of things and they know how to do it. And quite frankly, if you look at it, many people are talking about it. You had the biggest security. I don't think this is the time, Donnie. The biggest company, the best company is a bit of a, but I gotta be. I try to run it. I don't know if I'm still in Trump. Can you jump in there, somebody? Look, David Spade is my guest. David. Oh, hey, guys. I was just wondering, Tony Montana. What are you? Do you understand what whoopee is? You know what sex is? Have you ever had sex? No, about the Saros. We're in Cuba. You're a daughter of Pará. You don't know whoopee. You do a carousel. Then you come in with a father. You don't know what a carousel is. Oh, whoopee. That's like a kid's show. That's like little kids in the five year olds at a little birthday party. But when you do the carousel, everything goes back. Carousel. You know what? I think we got it to put them. We got it to put them. We got to get them out of here. Tony Montana. Oh my God. It came full swing ice came into this. Shit. Sorry. I wasn't. This is too incendiary. Listen, that was buzzing around. Go to a commercial. No, it was good. That was buzzing around. Sponsored by Five Our Energies. Confetti, crazy flavor. Hold it up. Back by popular man. Confetti, crazy taste. We're the worst show. But it tastes like the best birthday cake ever with its rich buttery and vanilla e-flavors. Since Five Our Energies shots are tiny and resealable, it's easy to take that birthday flavor wherever you go. I see it. Okay. It's good. I'm trying to make up. Plan your confetti, crazy party at www.fivehourenergy.com or Amazon. Available now. Nice. Good job. That's good. You know, we really threw people back to the old Carson show. Right. Right. We were a little bit different. Maybe we should trim out the ice cream. You didn't call it birthday cake one. Oh. This one's the birthday cake one. You can tell by the confetti. Listen, I have to ask you a question if we get into the news stories. Let's go with stories. I saw a couple of press junk at interviews for weathering heights. Now, I did not see weathering heights. I don't really even know what it is. Emily Bronte or something. Unrequited love. I think it was first in the 1940s. They've done different incarnations of this story. Okay. I have to say it's got two of the best looking people in it. Margot Robbie, arguably one of the prettiest out there. Jacob Alorty, who every woman's in love with because he's 6'12". He weighs 99 pounds. He's ripped. He's ripped, shredded. She was doing a press junk and stuff. They like to be like, oh, it's such a great time. It's just a fine line between she's married and the stuff she says is too effusive for me. Okay. Here's him. If you have the opportunity to share a film set with Margot Robbie, make sure you're within 5 to 10 meters at all times. Watching how she drinks tea, how she eats it. That's not that great. She was saying, I can't be breathing the same air as him. I'm lost without him. I feel like a little kid without Jacob. He's my blanket. And then there were rings made on the set for them to wear together when the movie's over. She's so codependent. I developed that quite quickly with Jacob. We didn't like to be apart from each other ever. And he's so beautiful to look. She was just, it went on and on. And at one point I was reading it going, if I'm the husband, what do you do? It's too far at a certain point, in my opinion. Yeah, I think that I don't know anything about the Nicole Kidman Keith Urban situation, but I remember her press junk. I'm a baby daddy. I'm a baby girl. And she said, I just had, I couldn't have an orgasm anymore. I just had so many orgasms. I just was exhausted. I couldn't have orgasms. Whoa. And Keith Urban's a natural. Watch it and tell you, what a minute. Nick. What a minute. Nick's having orgasms. What? She's having orgasms. Because he's like, well, when you come home to me, you're like a dial tone. Is that why? Because there's no orgasm going on. It's probably not really natural. For a spouse to have no response to that would just be interesting. Of course. It's bad enough they have to make out an FUCK the whole. Yeah. But then blast it to the world privately. Right. And I would be jealous of him anyway. And he's dating Olivia Jade. So he's dating someone but not married. It's just all, I think, it's just something to debate. And we tackle the issues. Right. We're never right. We tackle the issues. What would be a really positive take about that? Like they're just really artists and this is just their spiritual thing and their spouses, well, Jacob's not married. He's like 19, right? He's between 19 and 40. I have no idea. But he was also, was he on euphoria, I think? Yeah. Girls love this too. So I think they're taking a page out of most movies, but most recently is the one with Sydney, Swinney and Glenn Powell, where they were saying, oh my God, are they dating? Oh, they're kissing. Oh, they're hanging out after the set. Oh, they were just canoodling in a booth. Yeah. This is them. This is. And that's what they're trying to recreate that because that movie, yeah, all about you. I forgot the name of it, but it did well. The young kid person comes in to Margot Robbie's trailer. This is good film. We're going to get ready to get some press going. And do you have anything to say about Jacob? She's like, oh, he's terrific. He's a great actor. We had a good time. He's fun. And I think he's a great actor. Hopefully we really delivered a performance. Does anything else you could add? Yeah. Anything like something like you find him irresistibly attractive. Could we start there a little bit? You need his oxygen. He's unbelievably sexy. How do I live without him after being with him without? Why do I dream about him every second of every day? Now, why do I scream out his name when I have an orgasm with my husband? I mean, anything you can give me would be great. And then Jacob Eldordi. Eldordi. That's the part of this. I like to shimmy up his long legs like a native boy looking for a coconut. Pete Hart, the great Phil Harmon. What is he saying? Chick hazard. I like to shivay up a coconut tree like a native boy looking for a coconut. I can't remember. Something like that. Chick hazard. Yeah, great. Anyway, okay, next story, but that's a real, that's a good story. That's interesting. Interesting is a strong word, but it's something. I'm putting it out there. Okay. Billionaire dies in penis enlargement surgery. Is this real? Surgeons have been banned from performing plastic surgery after this. A diamond dealer. Yeah. Diamond dealer. Oh, he died of a heart attack. What happens there? Why do people die of heart attacks during surgery, Dana? Is it something with the anesthesiologist doing too much or something? Well, first of all, but if you go into surgery, any kind of surgery, you should have a cardiac checkup or you shouldn't make sure the edge. He may have had some plaque in his arteries and it just so happens. I don't know if there's association with penis enlargement and heart attacks, but I don't know. Yeah. I mean, I do know. I'm not going to tell you, but doing some light research on this over the last seven years, I think it's too risky. Well, the weird part was that they, the wife insisted they complete the operation even though he'd passed away. Really? Yeah. I was like, what is that about? One of these you find out were like, unaccredited doctors or they went to a different country that wasn't quite up to standard. Yeah, I don't know. I know. I guess Turkey's a big place. Syria, you know. They said, we'll put a turkey wiener on you and he goes, no, I want to do it in Turkey. Oh, okay. Does that make sense? That's his wiener. What is the couple couple? I mean, it talks. Yeah, it's a turkey one. Is that even from a turkey? We shouldn't do these late in the day. I don't know. I don't know when that's going to make sense, never. My shirt is so wrinkly. It's kind of silky golf shirt and what happens is you can't set up straight in these chairs. Oh, Mondami and AOC. Oh, David, don't worry. That's a scary story. We just have a lot of rules here. Okay. I'm Mamdani. That's it? Everything's going to be okay. Yeah. What's ours is yours. Okay. Because we want to make sure that everybody shares. Okay. Yeah. You all give anything to you and you'll give it to me. Do you like me now? Oh, it sounds flirty. Oh my God. You're so cute. Whoa. Start rumors. Oh boy. That's a press junket moment right there. I love your byline. I'm talking to them. I like this. I think it's real. So I have to react in real time. Well, I don't know what to do with him. He's got a kind of a cool voice. It's a little more soft spoken. He's very smiley. I'll give them. We will get away from the darkness of capitalism to the warm embrace of collectivism. Right, Lauren Michaels? Not a fucking chance. Lauren turns into the predator. Oh. Marcella was doing Lauren, wasn't he? A little bit. Hey, we wouldn't do it. He kept saying I do a good Lauren. Yeah. And then he gets past it. Okay. What's the next story? No, he didn't give it. That's all right. He did make us talk in Spanish. Like two idiots. I know. Yeah. House cleaner goes viral after sharing the note her clients left her to our cleaner. We hit a hundred mini ducks around the apartment. We do this to ensure a job. Well done. Please leave all 100 ducks in this jar. Oh my God. We just got to go find them all. So that's, is that a trap? Yeah, it's to make sure she's cleaning every corner. Look, there's a picture. Here's one behind the couch. Oh, I see. So you bet. Here's one by the pipes. Yeah. My housekeeper would find four out of 100. That's rude. Here's one in the tree. Hi, water me. I had it too much to drink. Are they talk to the walks? Do they do anything? Dude, is that a dog? It looks like a mouse. That's in the toy. I'm on a sponge. Anyway, that was, I would be offended. Oh, the rumor that Sandler, there was an Instagram that I swear all my friends saw were, I think the AI one where he goes, Adam Sandler's daughter was rejected by Chanel. It shows pictures of everyone, but it's not from this story. You know what I mean? So it looks like it is Chanel's store. I think it was Chanel. And then she went to buy a purse and like pretty woman. They said, dear, I don't know if you can afford this. His daughter said he was lovely. And so they go, she called her dad and he came down and he said, don't you do this to my daughter and he bought every purse on the shelf. It's absolutely a million, million percent made up. Million percent. Like every single moment of it is made up. Every moment. And everyone they call me goes, did you hear what happened, Adam? I go, I do you saw this too? I go, that couldn't have happened. No. And they were like, but I didn't ask, they did you ask them? And then everyone's telling me to ask them. I go, I don't want to waste my question with this embarrassing, just to calm and say this. So I talked to Jackie. Oh, you went for Jackie. Well, Jackie asked for something. Adam's wife. And I said, Jackie, I'm fielding all the people hitting me about this stupid story. And she goes, I know it's not ridiculous, but I, I was thinking he is protective of his daughters. He, but he's not that showy where he'd go, watch this. Oh, by everything. And you'll all go, I'm not going to be a showy. And you'll all get a big commission. I mean, it's like, it doesn't show them. They see him and they already feel stupid. Well, there's a flaw in the story. Yeah. What is it? Well, when they said you can't afford this, what was she dressed like a homeless person? I mean, what do you mean? There's like a little mini standler. Did she have a credit card or a debit card? Well, it's a flaw. I asked you a question. Oh shit. He, she had, she tried to put it on her Miley Cyrus fucking membership card. From Miley world. From last week's show. If you know, you know. Um, no, she, uh, she was wearing a hoodie. By the way, every kid wears like a hoodie that matches some sweats. Yeah. And they're all right. You can't tell who's got money and Beverly Hills. So it didn't happen. But if it did, she'd be like, daddy, they won't let me buy a purse down here at the store and sit and Adam goes, what do you want from me? Yeah. I can't think of a good way. Adam would. What are you doing? What do that? He walks up to the landing goes, you blew it. That's a good gift I send to people. It's Santa going, you blew it. Uh, so now that everyone's cleaned up and also me and you didn't ski down that mountain. That's the other one. Uh, people talk. Where they go, Dan Carney and David Spade are professional skiers in their spare time. Everyone's like, you ski good. I'm like, this guy isn't even trying to sound like it's real. I know. I had a Uber driver like that. I guess I don't know where he's from. You ski good. I saw. Mr. Spade. I see you fly down ice many times. I saw clickbait. Where are you from? Me born in Tarzana. Oh, you sound like that. I thought you were Tarzan. Me, Jane. Are you gag-gag? That's a, that's a Sebastian joke. He goes, I walked out the street with my Uber. Are you good gag? Cause it's all like 19 consonants in a row. It's always like a funny name. Yeah. But we'll be gagging. Okay. Oh, let's do another story. We're really, we'll wrap it up soon. I'm getting punchy. We're doing too good. So we should pull back. Yeah. Let's pull back because then we want to match the other episodes. I thought you'd be interested in the story. I am already. Okay. Click. I see it. Okay. There's that position. Guns off. 70 year old Rasty. Here we go. That's in the middle of the track. That is me going to Erwan. When I heard shakes are only $72. Mr. Kicks. That is 70. You don't even look 70. It's alive. 1347. Look, I mean, here's the thing. I mean, the main thing when I would watch guys at 70 race when I was a kid at indoor track meets, they'd be in the blocks, it'd be ready set, and they'd get up and they'd be like stiff, like, oh, like just no mobility, you know, the hip. And no, so for a guy to stride out like that with turnover like that at 70. He's maybe getting a little extra something and his Cheerios. I don't know. Oh, he's got five hour energy. Okay, there we go. No, you know what? No, but I sent you one to yourself. I sent you your text about like a high school kid that broke the mile record. Remember that? It's getting ridiculous. Literally, ladies and gentlemen, the 1500 one mile race is being dominated by teenagers. There's 19 year olds running 345. There's now a 16 year old. Means nothing to anyone. Parent, it's really fast. These would be world records. Yes. You know, not too long ago. So, I don't know what's going on. I thought when they were saying Lindsey Vaughn wiped out, Lindsey Vaughn's a friend of the show. When they, we should have her on during the Olympics. When they said she wiped out her knee, I said, cause they didn't say what it was, but I thought. My first thought was, is it already the Olympics? What do they keep saying 20, 28? Well, it's the winter one throws us off. Why are they two years ahead? That's not the 20, 28. They try to alternate it. I don't like it. But yeah, I don't like it. I've never liked it. Cause there's no hype right now. It's just like, oh, the Olympics are on in 10 minutes. What? Oh, it's the one where they shoot a gun and ice fish or whatever that one's called. Well, I don't know how many events they have compared to track and field. The summer games have swimming. It's so comprehensive. It's easier to promote it. But I guess they have cross country skiing. Come on, Hans. Let's go shoot the round. You know, they have all that. What's that one called? They ski and then shoot a gun. Yeah. Pentathlon. Ski and shoot. Ski, shoot, one other thing. Let's go faster. Fischer, sirty. Fischer, sirty. My name is Carl Taferte. We win the gold medal. Guess what? Question. Who has the highest recorded VO2 max? That's Hart Lung's power for endurance. Michael Phelps. Nationality. It's not Michael Phelps. Nope. Uganda. Norwegian cross country skier, 94. Scared. What should we do? Are you afraid of? Why are you frightened? Why are you frightened by facts? Don't make me do another puppet man. No, no. Don't even start. Do you remember Greg Lucianus? What was his name? Greg Lucianus? Yeah, yeah, I got you. He was a diver. Okay, how do you say? Okay, let's go one more story. Then I gotta let you go. Yeah, I gotta get some five hour energy. You gotta water that fake plant. Okay, let's see what this is. I don't even know what this is. Look at the monitor and give the full name of this person. No way. I don't see it. I don't see it. Oh my God. Are they serious? What? Or is that AI? We shouldn't end on that one. I don't know. Maybe they just think it looks like, I don't know. No, it doesn't look. I don't think. I'll end on another one. I think it's AI. All right, let's go back to the tape. You don't know anything about AI. I know. I am AI, believe me. Oh, I don't think this is horror displays. Let's just play it. We'll get rid of it. Oh, this person says they have to hold things because they have no gravity in their body. In their body. I guess it might not work. It's so fucking dumb. If they let go, it's just going to float up. She has to carry a bag of, oh, what are they picking up? She removes the bag. She floats. Ready? Oh, you float it up. You have to hold her. This person claims they need a bag. I think it's funny. It's like a plane kind of thing. See, look, she's floating. It's beat her pan. Hold her down. She's floating away. She's floating away. All right, that's enough. It's so dumb, but she's really flying. The flyer like a kite just straps up to her ankle and fly her up. God, I was too loud, too. Anyway, we'll end on that banger. Someone was almost going to float away. You float away. The thing is, gravity doesn't affect me, so I have to carry this sandbag with me. And then one's like, prove it. And then she proves it. And I think people give her money. I don't know. I think I'll camera up. She goes, oh, and then everyone kind of lifts her up and goes, oh, there she goes. David Blaine's got to be involved. That's there, David Blaine, and it's not that good. Yeah, come on, man. David Blaine's in Vegas. That's a show I'd go see. That guy's the greatest. I mean, you know, because magicians know how they do it, but the way he does it in his pattern and everything, like pick a card. And now let's walk over to this department store and go up in the exact card you marked is in a shoe. We were leaving a charity gig and I was with Rosie and he came up and he meets her and then he goes, we use sign a card. And then he talked to us for a while and then he said, look in your purse and her card. It was so crazy. Everyone's like, we're just like, I have no idea what's going on. The one that is online, it's Harrison Ford. He's in Harrison Ford's house in the kitchen. Yeah. And he's like, oh, very authentic. And he's doing cut the deck, cut the deck. Harrison Ford gets the card, marks it, puts it back in the deck. Just so there, he's not even next to Harrison Ford. And he goes, your card's not in the deck anymore. He goes, what do you mean? Hey, get off my airplane, off my airplane. So he goes through the deck and the card's not there. And then he goes like four feet away. There's a, there's a tray of fruit. And he says, just pick a fruit. Oh my God. And he picks a fruit in Harrison Ford. What is this? I want to tell George Lucas. Sorcery. Now, open the coconut. Cut it and then open it up. And then, and then he sees his card with this weird little signature. And then Harrison Ford pauses, doesn't say anything. It just says, get out of my house. That's a great ending. Get out of my house. That's a good clip. Yeah, cause like, yeah. We should have David Blaine on our show and have him make us disappear or something. I like David Blaine. There's also mentalists, but you know, I get scared of that stuff. Okay, well that was a good show. Good Harrison Ford story. Great, great show. Lots of good stuff. We'll see you next week. Thanks for coming by. See you next week on another edition of Flying on the Wall without a guess. Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us review, five star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Flying on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet-Tek, booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at flyonthewall at audisee.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y-I dot com.