BEST OF: This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von 2025

That's what this is called this past weekend. Yeah. How'd you come up with that? Because I just started on a Monday to be honest. It really does. That's good. What about Bill Cosby? You ever get to meet him or not? Before you had all the problems. Is being a rapist one of the problems? Oh, I'm sorry. He said it like before he got scurvy. Oh, my God. Hey, Theo. My name is actually Theo as well. Oh, hello, Theo. Good to meet the others. Onward. I got a situation here. I've been talking to this girl for like two years. And it turns out I got a pregnant. After that all happened. But the word got around and somehow it turns out that she's my first cousin. Any advice would help. And thank you so much. Wow, dang, brother. That's, you're going to be raising a dang lizard, homie. You can. Wow, brother. Good golly. That's like shooting fish in a family or whatever. I don't know. I mean, I haven't looked at a chart recently. I don't know the genetic legalities of that. But it do. Yeah, I mean, they say, you know, don't pee where, or don't eat where you don't piss where your family is or whatever, whatever that old saying is, dude, you, I feel like you've gone past that at this point. And God, that thing is going to have, you're going to need, um, yeah, you're going to need a, uh, fairier to come and put shoes on that thing. I'm just chirping you. I'm just chirping you, dude. I look, I feel you. I look, it's having a child with a cousin, I think at the very least it's going to need glasses. They saw prostitutes that work the streets. Do they? Yeah. Not easier. I don't have to do anymore, right? Where are street walkers still in America? Can you pull that up, please? Cause I've been looking, I've told my friends before, I don't get laid much. I, that's just a fact about me. But um, I told my friends just surprise me with a hooker one day and don't tell me the hooker, a male hooker. A male hooker. I'm not sure. I think that they, yeah, definitely. I mean, there's like a tagging guys if that's what we're talking about. Um, but you know, some women, they say, oh, it's so easy for a woman to get laid. They can have whoever they want. Not, not true. There are some of us that have really hard time. Really? I know a lot. I feel like I could name us at least five or six guys that would definitely make love to you that I know firsthand. Oh wow. And have seen in the past two weeks, you know? Wow. And you've got some cool pals. I mean, or just, you know, like, I mean, cause, yeah, I don't need, yeah, but it's like, what am I even talking about? Is that a crazy thing? No, no, no, it's great to hear. Actually, that just gave me a little bit of a boost. Dude, yeah, are you kidding me, man? I know. Some people that were definitely probably knock you up even. How would you have? You have a lot of decent amount of children. Yeah, like 85. You have 85. Is that your goal? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you got it. That's my goal. But then also the people I've had kids with, we were all on one accord. The ones that I've accord. The ones that I've accord. I only dated women that were athletic. I'm not having kids just to just to have kids. Oh, so did you have some strategy? Yeah, there was strategy behind mine. I don't care about you being a bad bitch. I don't care about you being on IG, which ass out. I don't care about EDLs all that. I don't, I mean, that's fine. Whatever you need to do to feel a bit about yourself. I'm fine with that. But I needed an only dated woman that were athletic. So my kids had a head start on that foundation of athletic ability. And I only date women that already have kids. Hmm, you can get it. You can take that kid off to the side, say, man, because I mean, for me, dating a woman with no kids, they never have fucking food at home. Yeah. They always want to go out to eat. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know what it's like? No, I don't know if you experience this. But you know what it's like to have sex with someone that has kids and wake up at 3, 3, 3 in the morning, get a fucking Capri-san. Hmm, that's good. Oh, that's fucking amazing. Bro, I'm with half a mouth full of lunchable. I'll make love all night. Yes. See, that's what I'm talking about. That's too wide. Hey, I'm boy. I mean, it's like losing your virginity to Pamela Anderson. Well, that's a bad, that's a dated. Who's the new hot lady? Um, who is it now? Oprah. No, it's, uh, Rihanna. Who do the kids like? Oh, uh. Sydney Sweeney. Sydney Sweeney. That's a good one. Look at the tits on Dickless. God. Oh, wow. Holy Hachi, machi. She's making beautiful young lady, huh? Very attractive. She just got a separated from her husband. Oh, hey, you're in. That's Slurplord. I thought about Senator Messes, but I don't know what I would say. Say nice, yeah, I'm bitch. Oh, yes, true. I think she wants that. She'd no one talks to her like that anymore. So it probably turn her on. You think, oh, I'll definitely say something about that vegetation. Yeah. She's got the crop circles. You want to hear some wild data on homosexuality and hormones? Yeah. Okay. So years ago, when I was a graduate student at Berkeley, I was part of a study. I wasn't the main author that looked at finger length ratios and homosexuality in men and women. And how much testosterone was in utero? Now, I don't want anyone to freak out and just start staring at their fingers, but because it has to be measured correctly. All right. All right. So if you hold up your right hand, like I'm holding up my right hand, my ring finger here is a little bit longer than my pointer finger. Okay. Which one's a ring finger? Yeah. So, but turn it the other way around for me. Yeah. Okay. So your ring finger is a little bit longer than your pointer finger. Yeah. Okay. Well, heterosexual male pattern. Okay. Now, people are going to be like, this is bullshit. Listen, this has been replicated more than five times in humans. Okay. If you look at gay men, men that identify as gay, there, there, there, there, very few men that identify as bisexual, actually, but if you look gay, gay men, that difference is much more pronounced, much bigger. They have a hyper male pattern. Now it can't be due to behavior, right? You can say, well, they're having sexually a lot more people, sex increases, testosterone, know, it's directly related to how much testosterone you were exposed to in utero when you were in your mom, he's belly. Now, can you get exposed to testosterone in your mom's belly if somebody ejaculates into the mom? That hasn't been looked at, but I don't think so. There's a lot to talk about you. Yeah. So yeah, you can put that hand down. So ever since you like help people call me a lesbian, or whatever, like because your looks or whatever. Yes, because of me sometimes too. Some lady the other day said, is that a wig on your head? But the doctor made an assumption at birth because I had one kidney in the way my face looked and assumed and told my parents that I was like there was a high percentage chance that I was down syndrome. Yeah. What do you mean? Yeah, dude, I'll tell you this. I heard that Frederick Douglass, um, I heard Frederick Douglass was gay. I'm sure who told you that? I've heard it from Paul. Probably almost 15. Where do you go to find the people who tell you that Frederick Douglass is gay? Look, I'll tell you this. You must have hang out more interesting places than I was in white people that told me. Really? Okay. Out of the gate, I give it a little bit more credibility. And that's why he wanted to free all those men because he was having trouble meeting anybody. It's right because everybody was at work. That's, you know, I'm gonna talk. I'm gonna talk. You're watching. JD Vance, congratulations, dude. You stand there like this, but you still flex. Right. Keep the stomach in and you keep the apps flex and the caps flex and the biases and the tries to flex. So that was the idea. And I was always having great joy with that. But then you wait for the for the individual posing. So then you come out one after the next. You do it's a reminiscosing routine. And what's the tricks there? Is there any trick of the trade elastment thing you use? You would like pinch your tits or just rub some just like molasses in your land? Like was it what was like a last minute thing people would do? Put ice under your arms or something? No, I think the key thing is just that when you go there that you're so ready that you don't shake. You know how many bodybuilders I'm sure you've seen it. They hit a shot and then they after a few seconds is that shaking. Oh, so that's bad. Well, for that level, I mean, it's natural when you have a Mr. Venice Beach competition. Yeah. The musclepiece Mr. Montgomery, Alabama. Yeah. You know, so that's what it is. So it's all about the seven piece. You know, the seven piece proper prior planning prevents pissed performance. Right in the Marines to have that. I'm a prior planning prevents this for performance exactly. So that's what it's about. It's the same there. You can't prepare it. You know, that's always a war of temptation in your mind. There's always going to be that there. There's always going to be smelling zones. Oh, yeah, oh, my god. This is so strong. I can already feel a little of that. God. Let me ride. You know, the differences, Jamie. Let me ride that little bit. You know, the differences. This one, I kept this on it. I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I kept that on it and that it was sealed. I'll lay on my back in 69. This bang brother. I'm already going to be strong, Joe. Quiet. Don't look at me when I do it. I didn't get enough. You didn't get enough. No, you just get you didn't inhale. You got scared. You missed. You're right. Oh my god. Oh my god. No, no, you don't do that. You don't do that. What you just did scared everywhere. I'm sweating. I'm sweating too. I'm sorry. How are you? Are you okay? Bro, you just changed time lots. Because of you, Justin Trudeau resigned. First, I want to talk a little bit more about race and race baiting. Okay. Cross racial behaviors right here. This is a clip that of a white male. Let's see that Druski put together. Okay. Okay. Here's the love. Here's the honor. If you can't come in, come on. I think this is a Jason Kelsey impersonation. Also, look at this. Hey, see where it is. See where it is. He come up. You need to look to your man. See their point. Hey, you lost, mom. No, I'm going to race. What race? NASCAR. You going in NASCAR? I said, I love this. Hey, mom. What is it? Do you think that kind of racism happens that much really? This is more like in movies type shit. I mean, look, dude, I live in New York. I don't know what it's like in the South, but I know racism exists. I also know that it's kept alive by the media and the internet and all that stuff. Because there's so many people that make so much profit off it that you're like. But I mean, I think that's fine. Druski doing that is just like a good bit. But I should be able to then fully dress black. Now, my question is there was said that there was a prize where whoever won it got to say the end word one time. Is that true or not? Yes. Yes. Okay. Do you feel like everybody in a life have said the nigger the word you said it wrapping the song? It's a part of it. Every once said it and kids even Tom Brady one time told me man my son was asking me about it. Because it's the curious thing is like you put power on the word like don't say that because it's not like that. But words could mean whatever you want on to me. It's all about how you take it and separating it with yourself. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm your favorite nigger is like, yeah, I'm your favorite black guy. You know what I'm saying? If I say you my nigger that mean like you're my god like you my wife. If somebody says it to him, sit for black fellow says that to me, I feel pretty good for that. You like you my nigger? Like I fuck with you like we Jane where we have a bond that I care about you. I feel like okay. You know what I'm saying? Let's do it. I'm gonna buy some fucking jays. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, man. But now is there why don't black people lease the in word out to be said like at a certain event or something? No, because there could be a lot of money in that. Is that crazy to say that? I feel like just how you use it, you know sometimes oh, I agree. I don't mean using it in a derogatory way, but say like tonight they had like Angelina Jolie was paying 50 bands to say it right on you on a live stream. And you don't want to see how she say it. That's the thing. And you just say it like she has slave. She said right right because I might be fucking a wet girl but like you'll call me a nigga. Oh, who are these people? You don't like that huh? I have no idea if I like it or not But I just think like it's like it's prerogative. Okay, you know what I mean? It's like a sign is just like off it's fucking and will they do it sometimes? Yeah No way why wouldn't they house? Macklemore now I don't know I don't know I didn't know they're doing all that so I guess if somebody's fucking you can say it That's right you drink coffee man or no No Really yeah, I'm gonna you've had it. I have Sometimes on vacation. I'll drink it recreationally. It's like everyone's in a while Just like it. Yeah, it's like a like a celebration Yeah, no, I just like hate anything that Messes like I don't like it kind of chemicals or anything like that people a lot of times like there's Guys who are like kind of you know Elon Musk is probably like a socially awkward guy and I would say that I think Yeah, we all are right we all are right. I think we all are yeah And it's interesting that there's like probably people have I mean you ever felt socially awkward over your years No, I'm I'm really smooth Yes, yeah, I'm like the most awkward person people have been calling me a robot online for 20 years It does wonders for my confidence No, your confidence cannot be impaled. I don't think that's one thing you have that's probably a sheer North Star inside of you It's gotta be well. I got you You've got to become bulletproof. I think there's times where yeah, you seem like a guy who probably like Like watch the video of how to be a guy on YouTube or something, you know But I think we all we all go through like we're all like awkward in different ways You know you put you in certain environments. You're not at all I but I think it's interesting that there's I haven't found those environments Even being here today, Rose is nice of you. What's like one of your fears like what's a fear you have of AI like if you have like a fearful space that it could go like I know you mentioned a little bit this morning I was testing our new model and I got a question. I got email the question that I didn't quite understand uh And I put it in the model This GPT-5 and it answered it perfectly And I really kind of sat back in my chair And I was just like a all-man here at his moment There's a lot of people that talk to the chat GPT all day long There are these sort of new AI companions that people talk to like they would a girlfriend or a boyfriend um And we were talking earlier about how it's probably not been good for kids to like Grow up like on the dopamine hit of scrolling You know Sure, or whatever. Yeah, do you think that that how do you keep like AI from having that same effect like that negative effect that social media really has had? I'm scared about I don't I don't have an answer yet I don't think we know quite the ways in which it's going to have those negative impacts Uh, but I feel for sure it's gonna have something we'll have to I hope we can learn to mitigate it quickly Um, can AI's can they pull up pornography and stuff like that too or now sure. Oh my god God, I didn't know that You know, I brought you a present today. Did you really? Yeah I Always like to share new products that I find useful in my life, and this is a dick laser Oh, damn what it is is it's like a laser pointer That uh is a dick that projects dicks Oh really? Yeah, so if anyone's running their mouth too much in here Look at your shoe look what I put on your shoe right there. Oh, that's cool That's pure cock, huh? It's pure cock. There's uh some variable settings on there too I think where you can kind of uh change what nasty stuff you put that's the that's the PG and right there That's just your light the other end is where you get the dick right there. Oh So this is where you find a suspect like that. Yeah, and then the other ones where you embarrass him Wow, dude. Thank you, bro. Yeah, you're welcome. I think you could use that anytime anyone's talking too much in here You just throw one of those across their forehead and it'll shut them up fast. Oh, you know I saw yesterday speaking in social media the Rizzler you ever seen this kid? Oh, I've seen the Rizzler I met him in person Yes, I'm having dinner right I was having dinner. I look over and And it's a kid and you don't want to look for too long because it's like It's just not something you do and look at him look at him. Oh, and you got a pick with him too. I love it I was so excited not but it's kind of weird because you don't want to be like I'm talking to a kid or whatever and then But definitely dude. I'll say this way you the wherever you guys out is that crags? I went to crags The Rizzler's just hanging out a crag so I blew my mind There was like some guy in there who like we had like overdosed on age or something like some super old guy is like I'll a producer, you know He's like I produced the may flower whatever I was like that was a fucking boat in 1800s, but um But yeah, anyway, this was like this is the coolest thing that ever happened So it's so excited and not to snitch on him whatever first of all he had two Pepsi's or whatever past 8 p.m Which I think yeah, that's late He's gonna the bedtime stories won't work anymore. They'll be up all night. Yep. Yeah, that's a little late and Some people some people say his grades have been suffering and I'm like well I think he's evolved past grades right he's never gonna have to learn anything He's just gonna be able to do whatever he wants in this world. I think yeah. Yeah, that's true. It's a lot Um, you got the fourth grade coming up, huh? Uh-huh. Is that true? Yeah, okay How are you feeling about it? I want to blow that candle so bad you do All right, how about this you answer answer this next question. Let you blow it out, okay What's one of your biggest fears about the fourth grade coming up something that you might that's you know got you maybe a little bit nervous Oh, no, I'm not very nervous. I know. Really? Yeah, all right do Yes Yeah, you gotta get on top of that bad boy There we go Yeah, yeah, tell me about it brother Hit some over here. I'm gonna call my sponsor brother good. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about brother God, I'll forget light up a hole for a couple pounds of that Uh, now smells even better here. It does not love that Mm-hmm. It's like a bird. That's like when you get a birthday cake and get to blow it out. Yeah, that's the best man. Why is my His gloves in my pocket are there really Let me see him or you a crimp. What is he's for crime or whatever you guess so You guess out. I don't know Oh, yeah, I guess I'm gonna attack this Oh, yeah, I'm a detective now, huh? Check this for fingerprints Yeah, I like that, huh BLM, I mean, this is dope I like that. Yeah Dude, what if you do the dark risk? fingerprint. No Who's is that? An elf. I don't know. Yeah, probably some local scoundrel Dude, you ever do this in a glove? What's that like? Oh That's really It's a black tie affair, huh? You smell pretty good. Yeah, what's one of your favorite smells you think sharpies brother Let's like that candle again, huh? Do you think the billbellic check thing has adjusted the dating the way that dating is look because it's kind of a big like he kind of open the portal like the portals open For older men. Yeah, there's my parents have a big difference too. Yeah, I told I mean this is this is a huge difference I don't know how many years difference is it I also changed my probably 50 years bro. No, Raleigh, man 74 and 74 I believe that's 50 no bro. That is 50 man. I just crunched numbers I don't know if it's actually ages, but that is 50. What do you say to people who say that's 50 dude? But I the only thing is I changed my opinions a lot so this could be outdated like I'll change my opinion on this tomorrow Dude all I'm saying is the portal is open for old man and young women. He this is the I mean the portal's open now And um, it's probably easier than ever to meet them. There's probably there's so many apps and stuff Where you can and I don't and girls seem to be really attracted to Guys who have money and guys who are successful and they don't seem to care about looks and it doesn't seem like they care about ages Much is that true? Is that crazy? Say people look younger than ever kind of how what age difference are they? Can you just fucking tell me a number sorry Raleigh, but damn You fucking have a computer you're working with Never mind. No Jesus Christ Just stick to come and dude stick to stick to come My on and off again girlfriend. She's only 25. She's in Columbia January 7th of this year How um she hit me with a pot of Fedor Chini noodles that I was boiling I'm trying some chicken Parmesan Um making Fedor Chini noodles and making the vegetables and um and then when um I was moving out of the kitchen She began looking at the stuff on the stove And I was hoping that she did not grab the chicken Parmesan which the vegetable oil in it. Oh and instead she grabbed the pot with my Fedor Chini And I said to her don't do it if you do it you're gonna go to jail and then and then she picked it up And as I turned to run I felt it hit me And when it hit me I ran out of my door and I was screaming. Ah you really burnt me and then my dog snowy Snowy started trying to um attack her then how did that feel when that first hit you man when that Chini hit you bro What it is what it was? It's done It's done something fierce I screamed Ah This shit stinks and I ran out my door and I said to her you burnt me um There you are right now and that's it damn look at this shit here You look like a model in one of those like fashion shows or something and what my friend said to me was This is like some BC BRG Maxas area, bro. You look like damn blackster not, bro You look like you go into space right there. I'll share my life's penis if you want to miss you wouldn't care Yeah, she wouldn't care. Oh dude. Maybe let's do a drawing of it for me. Okay. All right You think or just show it now kind of go like this a little all right Um, I won't show it on camera just be sure to just show it to me. I don't want to see all of it at once. Oh yeah She's I can't show it all on camera because she's a lady she wouldn't care for that no lady wants to be in the show Completely on camera. Oh for sure dude. I don't even want to fucking look at it. If you want to show it to you If you don't know I'm okay like um Let me see You can I won't just I won't just hit you with it. Yeah, it's also proud. You know be like Let me find an acceptable photo that she would be uh That she would be proud of okay. Uh, no, she wouldn't like that. That's a video Um, I'll find one for you. Yeah, take your time. I'm gonna think about something else for a minute All right, you want to see? Yeah, one. Okay. Yeah Whoa brother Oh my god Jim your wife has that that's my lady That's my best gal Wow That is uh That is a tall pussy. She's tall lady She's tall lady. Oh that thing's in 4-8. Yeah. Oh you gotta spray some roundup on that Because back then in the UK nobody was doing YouTube, you know It was it was just we a weird thing for someone. Oh, yeah, for a stand-up to do People other stand-ups would be like oh, yeah, he's just a youtuber, you know that kind of was a slur right Uh, yeah, you two, but yeah, youtuber. Oh, but no hard-or on it You two, but yeah, that's crazy. You two, but please Yeah, dude. Oh, have you heard that song? youtubers can be gay to yeah, have you heard it? No, I want your idea to hear this song is great There's just like a it's a summer Bob that's really taken over and then we'll get back to this Hell yeah What a banger This is that bang a bro. We got to remix it shit for the summer dude. Yeah Too very hard to sing along Doesn't your car he can say this in your car. Yeah, yeah, you just say this to your friend He's not wrong though. They can't be gay. Oh, he's definitely I support this guy. Yeah, hey This guy has a vote for me bro. It needs to be said. Yeah, that's too much toxic masculinity in that and N word communities sometimes. Yeah, you gotta let the air out the tire That's what I'm saying boy Sometimes the best seasoning is a little bit of zest Yeah, ginger's traveling impacts is a dangerous dangerous thing Yeah, we don't really see each other like that you know like we don't When I see another red item there was a red headed girl yesterday working this event that we were at and she was like my brother And I said let's take it easy because I don't know if you're an enemy or a friend yet You know a regular person I meet on the street. Hey, how you doing another red head I go I like to see the resume first. Yeah before I let you into my space because I don't know what kind of ginger they are There's different levels really is it really oh big time. It's almost like black people met albino guy or whatever You know that guy I'm talking about yeah that undercover black guy bring that guy up. Yeah That's gotta be there's gotta be a vetting process, you know like can the albino black guy does he say the n word bring up a couple of our biggest Is that a term it is now dude Can we say that or not look at that black albino guy with red hair. Oh, that's what the fuck is all Bro, that is the future dude bro take my money bro Whatever he's selling and I don't know if that's more me or more If he's more red or more black. I don't know what group he'd go. I mean he's invited to the cookout and has to have bring sunscreen Which is wild Sunlight Jackson. How many are you kidding me? Dude are we gonna get trouble for saying out big as I feel like I don't know bro I'm gonna have a little sips Celsius because I need to pick me up. Yeah, have you ever had this before? No, not this no is it good Yeah, yeah, it's great. I thought it's great. So it's really good. I'm gonna have to try this stuff. Can you have a little bit? Yeah, no alcohol no out okay, so what does it have it? It's like water Hmm, ooh months cherry colo flavored. It's like spicy stuff It's like a little bit of ADD kind of oh good this stuff actually tastes like like the grapes that you squeeze out of the Like not the grapes that you eat from the store, but like the amish grapes that you can buy like the ones that you squeeze out of the How do you call that the skin? Have you ever had those grapes or you just squeeze them out and you swallow them? Yeah, it tastes just like this really? Yeah Let's get a look at those amish purple grapes Yeah, they're they're uh, yeah, that's how they look and those you know how the stores like they have no seats in them Like these have like a seed in them you just squeeze them out and then you swallow them because if you try to eat them like chew on them like um Like you just bite into it a seed and stuff. Oh you just squeeze them out. It's actually tastes exactly like that So it must be very natural Yes, sir. It's the best man. That'll definitely uh That'll get you home brother. That'll get you home. Yeah, so it's If this I saw that this this have caffeine in it. Yeah, that's a little bit of caffeine. So I'll be like moving around Yeah, you'll be feeling something. Yeah, um dude. That was the best. I don't know I don't know if you're recording, but I mentioned before that that dude was awesome And you said you were in contact with him. Yeah, and my question was how Yeah Dude we got to send you over there see that guy. I would love to hang with that dude Some things I take for granted. Oh, yeah, when he was just like stoked to like Getting a corvette with like two chicks and he's like Like my whole life, but I'm like Ah, it was pretty fast too. Yeah, it goes the pedal. Yeah It made me super reflective like and like the one I thought he was adorable. Yeah, he's nice Yeah, nice and like Very honest and earnest, but I also was like man. I got to stop like Take a ship like that for granted. I mean I filmed episodes we did an episode about assassins that was just a couple of miles from my home in LA And I interviewed an assassin who guy who's paid to kill no just a couple of miles in in in LA and undisclosed location But in LA not far from my house. It's insane. And so we met and so we get there He's on he's at set night undisclosed place, but very close to my home And he's waiting outside the car and the moment I get there you could see he's like jittery and nervous and not happy and he was there because his friend asked for this favor and In his case sometimes it's easier for me to sort of have that human connection and try to talk about how I want to understand what they do His case he was just not he was like, okay Here are the ground rules and he said it made you see this First thing he pulled out his gun. He said show me his gun is like if this is a fucking setup If the police shows up, I'm gonna point this I'm gonna shoot you all of you you and your team are all dead It's like, okay, and so the rest of the interview was me being super afraid that what if police shows up not because I'm there But what if they just what if a car just drives by and he's a wholesome Shelby cops hide from his shift over here right off the edge of this DSW shoes or something Exactly so I was Scared I was so scared and I think it was the shortest interview ever done I mean it lasts like 15 20 minutes, but also because you know, there's the question the initial questions is what do you do? How often have you done it? Why do you do it? How do you live with yourself doing this kind of thing? I always the accountability questions I always ask them But the part that you didn't like it wasn't actually like do you know that you're doing harm to people This is what you're doing is horrible like do you feel guilty about this the questions? He didn't actually like was when I started asking him he says I only kill man no women in children And I asked him but do you have children and basically obviously I was trying to get to the point that even if the child isn't killed their parent the dad is sure that's horrible and He's already better than netting Yahoo now. He was like don't ask me questions about my children Don't you trying to get all all soft on me? He got he was like his macho Persona was getting You know He didn't like that um He didn't like talking about his children. No because it probably made things very personal for him Yeah, yeah, I think I think part of his persona being a hip man is that he you know, you can't show emotion right I that's what and so I was threatening to him in the sense that I was trying to get emotion out of him He was not okay with it and he said this is over and and yeah, and then we left uh Theo You're gonna be the primary in this one. Okay, you got it The subject's name is Michael Brady. He goes by Mike. Okay, sir Hello, hey Mike Yeah, who's this? Oh, this is Theo actually. I'm the I'm working. I'm here today, man. Just um I really screwed up didn't I man? I think it seems like you've had a tough day. I have had a tough day, but I mean I I screwed up this time didn't I I think you're probably enough to answer some questions, you know, but I think everything's gonna be okay, man. How's it gonna be okay? This girl like this girl's pregnant man I mean, how am I gonna face anyone after this? Well, I think you're gonna have to Her dad's gonna be pissed. Yeah, I mean, yeah, people are gonna be upset. I'm not thinking about her dad I'm thinking about my family. Okay, people get it. Yeah, it's gonna be yeah, man. It sucks Okay, it sucks But here we are. Yeah, I mean, how am I gonna face my son? Your son's pretty upset right now. Yeah, he is of course he is. I knocked up a 14 year old girl I'm a youth pastor in a church. I teach it to school my life is over Give me a good reason why I shouldn't just put this thing to my head and b***** my brains out because your son's life is still around and That's not what he needs right now You know, I really write about that, but you know, I mean how can I face him man? I think you call him first Call him and say what what would you say in that situation? I don't know. Oh I don't know. I would say I would tell him the truth. I would say I messed up And you think that's the answer? Tell him I messed up. I know I messed up. I think it's part of it I know what you know you did, but he probably doesn't know what's going on He doesn't is he out there right now? Yeah We'll put him on Would you yeah Okay How do you feel? How do you think you did? Is that intense? It is intense. It is intense. F**k it's intense Because you're like is now even if you get to that part is he just gonna tell the son goodbye? Exactly See you see it feel you are super wise brother That's exactly why we wouldn't put the son on the phone because that's exactly what he would likely do He would try you would likely and so this is why we train. This is why we train We had some guy cut off his own dick and threw it on the sidewalk. Oh for what? Because he was he was crazy He was mentally ill, but we don't know any of this so the call came in in the morning I was on the way in it was early in the morning. It was cold out. I remember that oh, yeah I have the radio on and I hit the dispatcher call a car and then start to laugh and then she says disregard We don't know what's happening So I'm driving to the station and then a call comes in again sending a different car because it was like the midnight shift ending sending a different car hey, can you go to this location? Someone said this is a some mail and a piece of mail and addemy on the sidewalk and we were all laughing We thought it was Which I was a dildo. We thought it was a joke. That's why the dispatcher was laughing He decided it was like a w and b a game or whatever I said wasn't green Call comes in like 10 minutes later in my detective that I was working with the time looked it up on the computer to see the text of the call Like what does this actually say? And then we saw that the caller was from a nearby health center and it's a said there's you know It appears to be a penis on the ground. There's blood everywhere. Well, like oh shit That's that's not fake So we would do what we call John Stings and we put ads online back page doesn't exist anymore But we put them on that um, so we'd all put our ads up and then what you know you put on it 8 at 8 30 your phones Ring it. It's crazy 8 30 in the morning They're already starting to call and we'd set up our dates for the day like we'd have a hotel room And we'd be waiting in the hotel room and we'd have dates set up every half an hour to show up and we'll y'all hunt under the bed No, no, it's hide under the bed. I would have to open the door and and there'd be like guys like in the bathroom Officers in the bathroom behind the wall. So I my trick was and I was at like 45 46 when I was doing it and my add I'm supposed to be 34 I didn't fucking look 34 But I don't know I'd have like my hair. Oh, it would be the girl. Oh, I was a prostitute. Yeah Yeah, what were y'all right? I have to talk to them on the phone where we all understaffed or something They just shouldn't have you the also the detect it. No, you have to have you're the one you're the one establishing probable cause So it it if someone else is doing it and then you have to like go testifying court Well, you're not the one that had the interaction with them So what we do we put our out on the line you put your photos and some stupid saying like you know what you're offering and how much a cause Oh, it's is and it causes acronyms for everything That's what I didn't know anything about this before I started about GFE which is girlfriend experience. It means I'll kiss you Full service means like sex and a blowjob and then there's like Russian and Greek and there's all these stupid acronyms for everything else and They they thought they were being clever by saying oh, I want GFE So they're not asking for sex. Oh, I see so by them saying I want GFE or I want Russian or I want this They think they're being clever except you can say like well based on my training experience I know Russian means titty job like go whatever and then so you taught they call you on the phone Yeah, that's a Russian by the way. I didn't know that I'll take it. I mean whatever they're you know, I mean it is I'm sorry. Yeah, that's okay So you'd you'd basically talk to them on the phone they call you and some of them are real nervous obviously You could tell the long time or say you got right to business and some of them want to flirt with you on the phone or whatever Can you send pictures of your eyes or your feet? The foot fetish guys are out there big time But and then you like the more you do it. I'd like I don't time for the shit Like do you want to come you were showing up or not? So you'd basically make the arrangement so once they showed up You already have probable cause they always already agreed to pay you for sex before they ever showed up So then by them showing up at the hotel. They're like basically completing the entire The elements of the crime they showed up they already agreed to pay you for such and such so then you can arrest them Right when they get there really yeah The amount of content that was being uploaded to porn hub if you put those videos back to back just the amount of content They would upload in one year Mm-hmm. It would take 169 years to watch if you put those videos back to back That's how much content was being uploaded So or had been uploaded total you mean no per year wow yes, that's not even counting the images unbelievable So I Tested it. I found out like I said what millions of people already knew and that was that all it took to upload was an email address So in under 10 minutes anybody with an iPhone Anywhere in the world can upload a video and they were not checking age They were not checking ID to make sure that these are not children in the videos. They're not verifying consent To make sure that these are not rape or trafficking victims and because of that I quickly understood that porn hub was not a porn site it was a crime scene like it was infested with videos of real sexual crime And then of course because there's the algorithm right they have set up the algorithm to make sure if you see one video like that They're gonna assume that you like that content. So then they're gonna take you on a crazy rabbit hole. I call it like You know Just hellhole of rape like that's what it was and then you go and they'll show you more and more of the same kind of thing you know um and so then the people would upload them and then make money what off of advertising on them somehow or Yes Yeah, so the so the ones that were making money off of this content because this is free porn right right Free porn is not free right it is heavily monetized with ads So they were selling 4.6 billion ad impressions on porn hub every single day But that's the whole point of America is that we have like standards of Decentcy fairness. I love the use that work because that is the core of it. It's fairness Justices overused fairness is underused is just a child knows what's fair If his brother's getting three Oreos and he's getting one that's just unfair He doesn't have a degree in economics. He just feels it. He knows it the sense of fairness is innate dogs have it Because it's part of the natural fabric. It's organic and We're a fair country and the rich man gets the same treatment and the justice system as the poor man It doesn't matter where you're from you're both citizens and you're both equal because you're both created by God That's our whole system in one sentence and that is being eroded because the people who run our system But agree with smote rich and every other third world dictator These people are damned by their birth whatever they are. That's what affirmative action is. It's like no I don't like the way your parents look. You don't get the job What that's what we hated about the Nazis what we hated about segregation which I want to say was evil Segregation was evil why because it punished some people and rewarded others on the basis of things they couldn't control Their skin color. Yeah, and we'd had mixed babies a lot sooner too, which are pretty cute a lot of them And the Epstein thing You know, I've never understood what the The justification for keeping that information secret jet Epstein was murdered in prison. Okay I know a lot about it. I'm not just throwing that out there Epstein was murdered in prison. Well, they put him with a cellmate that was kind of a crazy like former police officer, right? Yeah, former police officer killed a number of drug dealers I'm not saying that guy did it, but I'm saying well, I asked bureau prisons Because I learned all this stuff about it because I know Epstein's brother Mark well and I never expected to get down this rabbit hole at all. I had the guy called me like a week after his brother was killed Mark did yeah, and yeah Literally sitting my backyard in Maine and he called me and I don't know how he got myself And we ended up this years-long thing. It's not interesting and I won't bore you with it, but the bottom line is Jeff Epstein was murdered in federal lockup in Manhattan in the secure unit. I think they're only 16 men on the unit and I think only 14 there that I may have that slightly wrong but it's very small And it's the most secure federal lockup in the United States and he got murdered in it So that raises all kinds of obvious questions like who is the power to do that? So that's a big deal and then the the attorney general at the time help cover it up and I know him and Bill bar so I and I say that and he's like well, I'm gonna show you and I said go ahead and sue me I hope you will Israel is actually the exception. They are the only country that's allowed to lobby Americans like everyone else has to register as you know foreign agents and under Farah like with A back or whatever Yeah, so A-Pack the back story by the way before JFK got shot he was fighting A-Pack They were previously called I'm blanking on this it was you can look it up And he was literally saying you have to register under the foreign act and then he A-Pack out lucky because he got shot and killed What also you could like and and then of course when I allowed to read the files but leading up to his death He was having arguments with the prime minister Ben Garian and so it's like yes, or is Israel doing it legally because a president got shot sure But it's wrong. There should you a country should not be able to lobby to get what they want and control our congressman And you get to see them flex that muscle like Tick-tock and things of nature when they when they are now interfering with our speech And they'll get laws passed really quickly It allows a literally a foreign country To make decisions in our in our nation lobbying should just not be a lot of full stop So and said they go oh, we're focusing on it because they're Jewish Don't you're the only country that's allowed to do it? I would feel the same way of China if there was a Chinese lobby That was spending no there's no other country's logic is but Israel only A-Pack there's no other country There's a conflict that's had been happening in the Middle East people know about it um Between Israel and Palestine and some of the areas over there the Gaza area they talk about and uh And I just think it's it feels to me I don't know if I it just it feels to me like it's a genocide that's happening while we're alive here in front of our In front of our lives um And I don't Sometimes I feel like I should say something I'm not a Geologist or geographer anything like that, you know, so I don't know a lot of the Some of it I do know though like I know the basics of the issues over there But for me, it's just like how I feel like you see all these photos of um people Just children women people Body parts just People like putting their kids back together um And I just can't believe that we're watching that and that more isn't said about it Um and so I'm not saying anyone else needs to say anything But I think I'm just that more isn't said about it by me So I just uh, I want to be able to speak up about that that I think we're watching probably like You know one of the sickest things that's ever happened And uh and I'm sorry if I've kind of haven't said about it I've tried to talk about it and learn about it um But I don't know maybe I just want to I just want to say something. I don't even know what to do You know and it's crazy because our country is also complicit in in it you know, it's uh in in it and has been for a long time and um And it's just kind of interesting because then you just realized oh well, I'm just uh Y'all remember this country, but I'm just What we want sometimes doesn't matter You know and you just have to be a member of a place uh and your government is making other choices um So I don't know if I don't know if I said that correctly or I don't even know exactly what I said But I just I just have it just like been making me really sick and I feel like I just needed to say something That I think you don't have to think that I'm not asking you to do anything um But I just have to say that so I'm not sitting by You know, there's that piece inside of me like why why wouldn't you can you say something? You know, there's people that can't even speak and you can say something, you know, and so that's how I I just had to just speak up anyway. I think maybe it's starting to make it about me there at the end, but um Yeah, so just praying for those people and just the grief that that is all gonna cause You notice like what are we doing? What were situations like with children there and providing care to children like what was the realities of that like uh Was were you able like save any like keep them from the gore like was there? You know because usually you know a lot of times with in there's like children's hospitals in the Those hospitals and then there's places for kids right it's a little bit different and less severe Um, what was that like there? So there was a kid's hospital, but it wasn't the trauma hospital So all the kids trauma still came to Nostra hospital. They're right next to each other And so we were seeing all the kid trauma as well and the kid trauma was was different man um Just so you know Difficult to see and experience it was difficult to process difficult to treat Um, difficult to talk to the family members with these children I mean you were seeing you're seeing kids as young as one, you know sometimes you know infants, but um Majority of them are like, you know young boys young girls and just why in the con unis There's a 10 city one third of Gaza all live in in this place called the Moassi camp I'll sort of do a picture of this And it's just tense like you literally just find a plot of land you put your tent down And you have like 20 family members living in there. Yeah, so like each one of those is a tent right you think crazy looking Yes, not like just you and your wife. It's a you and your wife and your family and right and kids and in laws Um, so this is kind of the new Gaza here. It's one third of Gaza's right here What survives here man? I know that's a crazy thing to say like it's a damn nightclub or something, but Oh They got a balancer up front Um, you know you see kids playing on trampolines you see kids being kids Yeah, you see fathers kind of Salt, you know, salt can try to figure out like what to do You see mothers kind of just hiding in their tents trying to take care of the little ones You see grandpa's kind of like hanging out with other grandpa's You see what you would expect the normal life to be And that's what it is. These people are normal civilian and just living their life I just I fear what's gonna happen in the next generation like we're gonna see some Not only psychological diseases, psychiatric diseases, but also literally physical diseases that's gonna come about the more we learn about um history and the more we learn about just like um the The like well America did these things and some of it 9-11 could have been the result of some of that just more you start to learn that America hasn't always been this perfect partner and this That it just starts to test like okay. Well, what does it mean to be an American to me? But then At the same time you need to be an American because you live in a country that's safe and you're able to operate here Within the country. So it's I don't know. It just makes it kind of interesting. Does that make sense? Yeah No, I get it. What you're what you're exhibiting is a is a very normal contradiction that a lot of Americans uh when faced with the reality of American foreign policy They they come to terms with this like they tried to they try to resolve this contradiction We're on the one hand. You're saying well, I'm an American I like the security blanket that I exist under right but also simultaneous Some of the things you're like, but damn we're doing a lot of fucked up shit around the world um, I mean look I'm a I'm a People always yell at me and say oh Hassan you only say America bad Uh, but I don't just stop at that like I I want America to be good. I think America has an incredible potential It's the wealthiest nation on the planet. It should be doing so much more uh to to Help its own citizens and so much more to lead the way paved the way for a new evolution of the way that we look at international Relations than the way that we engage with conflict um, but The reason why America is the way it is is because I see it as basically, you know, 50 corporations in a trend suit Like it's just uh, it's it's a holdover to extract tax revenue from everyday Americans And then give it directly back to corporations in the form of subsidies without ever regulating them and and you know demanding anything in return Lincoln as a young lawyer not yet 29 years old 28 years old addresses the young men's lies Seam in Springfield, Illinois and he's and they're discussing foreign policy And he says once shall we expect the approach of danger shall some transatlantic giant step the earth and crush us at a blow And then he answers his own question never all the armies of Europe Asia and Africa could not by force Take a drink in the Ohio River or make a track in the Blue Ridge in a trial of a thousand years If destruction be our lot we must ourselves be its author and finisher We are a nation of free men who will live forever or die by suicide So there's our challenge, right? You want to get self-involved? You want to make the your neighbor your enemy you want to make lots of them Then you are headed towards that self-destruction that Lincoln's talking about you want to figure out what we share in common this a corny sort of civic Virtue civic energy that is comes from the Declaration of Independence like how you can work together to do it and you know A lot of people who are unbelievable citizens. It's like they go to the school board meeting They like they participate in you know, we I live in New England and we have a town meeting and and you know Sometimes the biggest decision is whether to buy a new bumper for the fire department. That's a big deal That's civics that's dealing with the stuff and it's also saying I've got a vote And I have a responsibility as a citizenship to do it and then we'll save our country then Then you know if you like the abstraction of Of disagreement and violence and all that sort of stuff We're suddenly just because your your feed tells you one thing that somebody's an enemy then you're lost Yes, but if you look across the room and you say, you know, I don't share in common that much with somebody who comes from Louisiana and lives in Tannis I was born in Brooklyn and grew up in Delaware and Michigan and now I've lived in New England for the last you know 54 years What will we have in common? We share a love of those ideas. We share a love of that process the pursuit of happiness. God See the thing is man if Trump succeeds At the reshoring effort with the tariffs Yeah, that's part of it But if in if in general he gets manufacturing Re-invigorated in this country Then there's going to be a challenge that like a lot of people aren't talking about which which is labor right so there's In January there were 480,000 open positions in manufacturing in this country right 480,000 open positions if He gets his way and this all gets reinvigorated you're talking about two or three million new jobs but there's There's no workforce sitting there going. This is what I want to do or prepare to do it that they're not So there's a skills gap for sure, okay, but there's also a A will gap right Donald Trump is Going down a road and if he succeeds he's going to Create millions of manufacturing jobs in a country that currently has Nearly 500,000 manufacturing jobs open Because the people who run those factories Can't find people who want to do the work so it's not enough to create the jobs right and look a lot of you Your listeners are probably thinking well make the pay better make it more Make it more interesting make it more palatable and we can have that conversation for sure But the bigger issue still is there's there's no enthusiasm for the work We took shop class out of high school We robbed kids of the opportunity even see what that kind of work even looks like Meanwhile, we told a whole generation of kids they were can screwed If they didn't get a four-year degree Thomas Massey. Thanks for coming in man. Absolutely. Good to see you, dude It'd be here. Just had to cross the state border to get here Yeah, that's what I see from Kentucky and you are you drove like you just took me into your Home in your camper home Vehicle it's a F250 with the truck camper and I lived for two solid years in it DC still occasionally do And where would you park that thing at well? I don't want to disclose where I park but I did get in trouble I parked the truck camper. It's a super duty It's got a even though it fits in the back of a pickup It's got a shower bathroom stove and a fridge. Oh, it felt super when I was in there that live in arrangement in there I could have definitely Cozyed up it felt very cool the milk felt cold in there. We had a little cup of milk, which is definitely It's all milk. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it's hopefully don't tell anybody across state lines with that It's holiday time and that means sitting down and eating and watching love ones eat Sometimes it can get a little chaotic I remember my aunt we went to her house one year and um She'd made a cornbread dressing Type of deal and had not uh cooked it hadn't cooked it for gosh. She hadn't cooked it Just put it out with the other stuff everybody ate it And it was just people thought it was just like a weird super something and it was horrible But that's life You know holiday meals aren't about perfect food. They're just about really getting together And good ranchers helps do that better than anyone good ranchers is locally sourced Of meat and poultry it's The chicken nuggets that they have the no seed oils they do it. 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I want to put you up on some game When I need more bitcoin Moon pay It's always the first app that I open Because it doesn't force you to buy a whole coin And it's super easy to use moon pay is one of the biggest partners on the show And I'm excited to share that I've made the decision to accept my compensation from them in bitcoin Instead of us dollars. That's facts I'm planning to hold and save that bitcoin in my moon pay account The bitcoin will sit in a digital moon pay wallet that nobody can access except for me The US dollars continues to fluctuate in value So by making this decision, I'm diversifying my portfolio And hopefully earning more from our partnership than I would have otherwise Remember while moon pay makes buying crypto straightforward. It's essential to do your own Research and understand the risks involved crypto trading can be volatile And you could lose your investment moon pay is a tool to facilitate transactions not a source of financial advice trade responsibly contraception begins at erection now So there's a law that they're pushing Ohio Democratic lawmakers proposed Conception begins at erection. Okay. Yeah, they're trying to put it on the man a little bit more So what exactly are they going to do about this now? Well, a new bill in Ohio would make it a crime for minuadjacly With that intending to have a baby. Oh wow that is that's definitely something that I could see A lot of people probably would be guilty of for sure. Hey shoot a shoot, you know Yeah, yeah, I could see that being I mean, I don't want to get in too much personal detail But I think I'd probably be Locked up for a long time Yeah, we're going to visit Tom this weekend again He's on the bars. Yeah, my god. I thought he's gonna get parol plenty of time to break the law in jail though Ha ha ha $10,000 per discharge Whoo But here's the thing some just running around Skating or whatever they call it and I don't know what they call it in different countries, but They're not going to have an extra 10k on them. You're gonna have the court system would be filled with every Every kid in the world every 14 year old kid. Yeah, I mean, I'm assuming yeah Does this I don't I don't know how much I want to talk about this in detail? Look how to say you don't get pregnant on your own I was so lucky because you used to do little sniffy jiffy. I heard and uh it is um Fun there are negatives But we always start with the positives especially about that If I could afford more when I was parking cars and being a bus boy. I would have a Definitely gone crazy. I could not thank god I could do a quarter gram in a weekend and then I just I could only for 25 bucks That was it and uh, yeah, even that wasn't money well spent But don't get all excited you're getting your phone or it is exciting I mean talking about it doing it. It was fun. It was hard to just Quit it, but it's just I just watching you go no way to have a career There's no way to have anything good with all this pressure and shit you gotta do and people like to rat you out And people like to say this guy you know, he's not Yeah, D's D's yeah, little power flower now and then so if they start getting that word out there I luckily never got that word I didn't do any the whole s and l and that's the funniest part is that I did dabble a little bit before that Just cuz I was in for a good show biz and you're from Arizona low-score style. Yeah It's not still yeah, well, it doesn't mean it wasn't really the cooking capital the world But you know, I was in the comedy biz and a couple guys had it and I was like if I got choo I would partake just for fun and uh Obviously and then yeah, brother, but one time I did a lot and I was like yeah, you're like I should go to the hospital You know And then you'll walk over there. That's the craziest is no I'm fucking sprint it No, because the funny thing is you just turn into John but hey one bump and I'm like oh my Yankee doodle Danny and I'm feeling great and then I I made my friend drive me And I got there and he's like and it was freezing and I was shaking and tight And then he goes you got to go in there and I and he goes but they're gonna ask because I didn't stand up for about a year Right and they go they're gonna ask and they're gonna yeah They're gonna have to call the police. I go no Extra scared and he cranks the heater on in the car and I'm starting to fucking sweat But this is a good friend because he was there with me for three hours. He goes I'll let you you should go in there in a second But just tell me more and I was I was calming down as was the trick I didn't know this and my heart was going from like three thousand over two thousand to like started to get Back to normal and then it got light out And then I go let's go Oh so gross and then I go I'll never do it again four days that are hated Yeah, I'm fucking jinking Yeah What a great guy And they make me That's why people gravitate to you because there's nobody like you Well, thanks man. I feel the same about you. I feel like everybody does Oh, and you have a statue of me at your house, so you know, so yeah Thank you, man. Yeah, thank you for letting them even do that statue. What was that whole deal like with them with Michaels That's where I got mine. That was at Michaels right Yeah, did you do it? It wasn't a collab or what was it? No No, they just Robbed my image and likeness Because they were doing it for religious purposes. Oh, yeah, I allowed it Well, thank you wish you a black Christmas Look, I'd be honored to have one I'd be honored to have one. Yeah, man. I because yeah, when I met that guy there He said we got two left man, you know, and there was 200 and one of them was marked down because I had a chip in But um it's still minutes and honor I keep it up in my house year-round And people walk in and they're like no way that's care William right now It is and it's beautiful man. Thank you. Yeah This was in our Covington, Louisiana but um But yeah, they had about 13 miles from slide down. Yeah, there you go Wow Map Williams in the building baby. Um, but and that's when I realized that we go dirt every everybody's Dude, what about being the first gay dude ever? It must have been crazy Imagine everybody straight right and you wake up or something happens you can hit by lightning or whatever And suddenly you're gay and you're like oh my god like you're just talking to your buddy who you've Who you've talked to every day for years and and you're just like thinking like I'm gonna stuff his fucking face with some Weiner and you're like what and and then you like don't like imagine that because then you have to take some other guy Asider somebody aside and be like hey, this is gonna seem totally crazy to you guys But I keep thinking about Coming on Jacob or whatever you know people are like Yeah, that does sound crazy. Don't tell anyone that don't tell anyone that you're the only one that thinks that And I try to trick me off the back of a bus and Vietnam you did yeah, and the guy was gay I don't fucking know what they're I don't know some of their culture is That's a big sign usually They're starving over there like I could have been ordering soup And soup Jewish people love it for some reason. Oh, I'm listening. It's a little cold. I'll eat half and send it back But I like that joke. I'll eat half that joke and send it back Well, don't almost done There's a hair in there It's the biggest problem with juice going ball. They can't send soup back And I was just calling ask I uh Well, I'm Particularly gay and I was secretly gay the fellow said let's hear more I haven't told a lot of people And I want to figure out how I can tell my mom And I thought I could get some advice on here. Okay brother. Yeah, thank you for calling dude um And congratulations on your uh Gay ship or whatever it's called gait them or whatever um being gay Um, I mean you there's different ways you could go about it You could do something you know kind of fun you could do this like a knock knock who's there Um gay, you know that old trick or whatever or or you could get a deck of cards right you could write I'm a gay son on each one I Put them like that Have her pick one out say pick one out and read it and bam you don't even say nothing she says it And then you could be like what the fuck do you mean, you know you could uh roll switch or whatever So that's it, you know, that's reverse psychology dude So that's something that's crazy me and big actually almost did the song um But I don't know I didn't I actually sent him a song and he didn't finish it so I don't know That's on him um I guess I don't know what he was doing. He was jail Diddy Not a long time not long enough not I went to jail too He began with Hey, if you behind bars write a couple You're on a pretty famous like text chain with like other SEC coaches. This is alleged. Yeah um Kirby smart Aw sarkeesian Who what are the vibes on the chain? I feel like like what is it like on there? I feel like I keep it together like I keep the group together because like one will beat the other They'll say something and they kind of like get mad at each other and Then they won't like text for a week if like you beat him Then he doesn't text for a week or if they're playing each other that week They certainly are gonna say anything and I'm like guys and by you beat him It means you when you guys beat Georgia last year, but go on. I feel it But then I just say something that night, right? I know like hey man like You'll probably get us next year, you know like they don't like they don't think that's funny You know like then one of them side text me like hey man shouldn't have said that Kirby's pissed off, you know And I like dude. It's just a game it relax or buddies Do you guys vote on how another coach gets into the text chain? What is the yeah? There's been conversations about that really um I just kind of actually have a note they may not know this We're giving a lot of information out today Appreciate you coming so you don't kind of give you some special insight I have multiple ones So Sometimes I'll say something that guy's not in it and that guy's you know, then this guy's in it And so like I kind of make sure I know who's in him You know when I say certain things and then Never once walk out someone does something and then I left I move out of the chat. No, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's happened, you know Jimbo Fisher removed from chat RIP and then like then I like put them back in yeah, but and and they're like typical coaches They don't know how to remove somebody or add somebody. Oh, yeah, it's like pretty cool that I can do it And then like how do you do that? Yeah, yeah, Lane's one of them tech wizards. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, coaches are a little behind time That's a big deal to be able to remove somebody from chat like whoa He must really like have somebody teaching him this stuff. Yeah, dude the Scots man the fascinating They're just fascinating you're almost like I wouldn't be surprised if you was in the US You know or in your inner zoo and had a couple of nassam way Like you know, but they're taking care of everything. Yeah, yeah, drinking sort of like they're healthy man Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah screaming at the fences and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sounds that sounds like us Singing like a good um do they have like a lot of good like Scottish songs and stuff? Oh Scotland When will we see You're like Your wee better and clip that stood against Predate words are me and sent him home To think again come on Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's that's that's one that's a good one that we've got we've also got um What's your name? Ali? Ali, Ali, be sitting on your mommy's knee It's a good one. Yeah, I don't know when it goes after that. Well that one ends in the courts I think it sounds like yeah, exactly. It sounds like a domestic's this beat Yeah, as soon as I tell people I grew up in South Carolina. They're always like oh Must have been so racist all the stuff and of course there's there's moments where it was nice and I and like people calling you Almost inward or something like that. Oh inward not almost. Oh really? Yeah, yeah, cuz people are near sighted or whatever I know that that's crazy, but There is also I feel like you know, there was a time I was writing something and I asked my parents to just tell me like I didn't want to write Stuff about people being racist to to people I wanted to write something positive So I was like tell me things you remember that were positive like experiences you had you know being cuz someone cuz you know My parents are there in the 80s. Yeah, different for sure. They don't People there didn't even know what Indian people were they didn't see him in the culture they didn't see nothing Understand it looks like a black person that they didn't finish the job on or whatever Kind of you know judgment that let's just make sure that quote is attributed to you you have a new show That definitely like sparked me off its animals on drugs. That's right. We're texting when I was in Colombia Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, it's on HBO max as of like yesterday. I think Oh, yeah, dude always just like do send me a gift from Colombia so I can snore Take me through this show animals on drugs because you know, they had like the cocaine bear Uh-huh cocaine bear the movie yeah, and then they have I was trying to think of some uh, oh crackoons would be good crackoons How did I not think of that as a title come on crackoons? Oh, what is from what's in that no brainer? What's that in your recycling bin? Yeah, you see a little bit of smoke coming up in the risk Like the bins vibrating yeah Crackoons Smiling yeah You went turkey on my mic wild. I heard oh yeah, I did Yeah, I went down there and it was fun, but it's like I Don't know some of the tur it's like They just seem like an unwell bird What do you mean turkeys on well and what way that is don't seem like they're Like a top like I don't want to say like they On it like I don't want to say on educate they just seem like they Like they got picked last for Jim kind of Dude, that's the dumbest sound I've ever heard really. Oh, yeah about a turkey. Yeah, if you look at a turkey to seem like they like They can't do they just are Yeah, they just I don't know they weren't doing a lot Dude is a big-ass bird his head changes colors from red to white to blue. He tastes good. Yeah, he's basically the He's like walk around the woods making insane noises Yeah, which I mean like he it's a omnivore it can eat all kinds of it can eat all kinds of stuff. Okay Well, now you're selling me on it. Yeah, what else like what like what else? What else? Tell me better name a better bird It's like you can be oh a bald eagle. He eats a bunch of rotten fish from the side like like a turkey. That's America's bird, dude Are you familiar with the gentleman named Ben Franklin? Yeah, okay You know that Franklin didn't like the bald eagle as a national bird because it was a scavenger And he threw out some it's debated how honest you it's bait is debated if he was trying to be a smart ass or not Ben Franklin said America ought to go with the wild turkey because at least it's a vain bird Hmm. What does vain bird mean? It's beautiful. He puffs his feather the the male puffs his feathers all out Yeah, he's got a snooed He's got like a imagine like a packer on Your late across your face. Okay, that changes all the time. It gets erect. Wait goes limp turkey has that Yeah, dude To just like come in and like start to spayage in a turkey right off the top of the bat You don't know me. I'm just okay It's like very it's like it's disrespectful that is a that is a that is the best that's the best bird in our in our country It's so scared it's also to think about I always do this too many times like do you think about truly how many animals there are If all this food is being given to people it's so scared Like what are you saying like how many like chickens are murdered are not not murdered but killed a day like so many I'm just trying to think about this reason like if I order Uh an order of wings at a bar and there's 10 wings in there does that technically mean that I'm having five chickens Like two wings of chicken. I think there are some chickens that have more than two two hundred six million a day Globally or probably two hundred six million chickens are killed for food each day. It's wilds that What is that holy shit, dude? It's like since we started talking about this 140,000 chickens just died Oh, that's wild. That's the original Gaza right there, dude. That's crazy. I can't believe they're doing that What else we got? Oh in two separate recent WMBA games have been plagued with a new problem unruly spectators throwing sex toys onto the court. Hmm Oh God I saw a picture. I mean it is kind of wild I guess to But first of all, I'd embrace it if I'm the WMBA right I would shoot those things out of a t-shirt candidate during pride month or whatever Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I mean if things get wild and people start tuning in that's great That's good money, you know You don't want people to get hurt and I guess that's disrespectful, but it's like yeah make it turn the negative around Yeah, let's put a positive spin on it. I mean that lady was excited And I don't know if that's AI it could be AI that I just saw a woman would they have a woman that has two Kudas actually I saw she's on tiktok the other day There's a woman what now are you talking about the anatomy now I'm changing it so I want to hear of okay No, yeah go there is a woman who has yeah tovajan is that's on tiktok. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah She sent a DM the other day to me the other DMs did she send one of the one for me Dude Replica DMs that's insane. So can I tell you a story? Yeah, so I'm At my boys wedding and we're he's from he's from Ohio We're at the you know reception now the after reception. We're all just hanging out in the hotel room And the one dude's like, oh do you remember uh? You remember that girl went to high school with with two vaginas and he's like dude You're talking about Cheryl and then his other buddy's like, you know double barrel Cheryl And I just thought that was the funniest fucking nickname I've ever heard in my life double barrel Cheryl. I was like that's got to go in some American pie type movie Just double barrel Cheryl. So Susie's gonna talk about that. I was like oh, I have one What are in a museum? She used to apparently choose to say like this once for my boyfriend. I'm saving this one for my husband. Oh Yeah, yeah Beautiful. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, cuz I would just I would if I had both I would Dude you blowing both We exactly exactly dude No, I'd be like I'm saving this one for after dinner or whatever I would definitely dude Bro, you telling me I would love a hug from somebody's grandmother God Those hugs are Just the way you land in them. It's like being at a spa You get a young hug from one of these young bitches some of them are strong and shit they got You know some chick hug me that is she had a couple damn dumbbells in her hand two barbells Three and a half pounds like what the fuck is this? But you get a hug from a grandmother she got them damn catchers mitts full of love She got two of them bitches, baby And their arms go right into the tits They ain't even a difference, bro That's just a big bicep tit tit set bicep tit that's just a damn fucking That's a fucking love seat She got them two arms like a damn front end loader that bitch of hug you God It's hard to know if you it would seem like you seem like a guy who likes being in Hollywood or doesn't like being in Hollywood I guess there's thing that really like about it and things I really don't like Right and I wish they didn't have to be together but they are right like this kind of life There's just you gotta take the good with the bad because they always get pictures of you where you seem like you're like the The dwarf that like is kind of like the backup dwarf, you know like you're on the side you're smoky like what is that guy I didn't I don't know that character You know like is he pissed because he's a little fest. Yeah, he's a understudy. He's the understudy dwarf Okay, but that and not dwarf like you're a regular headed guy But it's like but I and that's in a said dwarf. I shouldn't say anything, but it was like um I don't know the oh and it's like they only put this chronology out of you and that makes you seem like you're kind of bummed Well, here's the thing um If the only time like When somebody's taking a picture of me. Yeah, I'm bummed because usually I'm with my kids I'm trying to go somewhere and then there's four guys we're like I'm like hey man every time can you give me some time? I'm trying to be with my kids. I'm she do mind Can you you know what I mean? So the look on your face is kind of like and then they go away and I take the picture He's going side and you having a good time, but it's this selective experience of like take a picture of somebody every time They're feeling irritated. They're gonna look irritated Especially if you're the one irritating them. Yeah, it's like I'll come piss you off and then take your picture and then put and then be like Look up this stuff That's exactly what that's exactly what that whole system is really right, but it and it's like useful because that that's why like you know I'm sure you seen on all this stuff like the you know It's kind of the idea is like fall somebody around antagonize them right and then hopefully they'll have like a nervous breakdown and go crazy on you and then your video Be worth more money, you know, yeah, it's it's such a it's that whole thing gets really black mirrorish man I'm like you I'm super critical on myself I don't honor the commitments I made to myself on the bitch. Yeah, you know Definitely and here's the crazy thing I would think having I would go I would go for a room one day or do something And then I'd be like we grind in every day. I'm gonna go to I'm gonna go for run a million mile next week I'm running seven miles and then the next day I wouldn't even go for a run But I'd have built up all of this steam in my head like I was in the Olympics And so then I'd let myself My aspirations were so Diabolical and ridiculous that But when I did let myself down I would let myself fall from the heights of my aspirations not even from So you just one way you was there. Yes, you just took one room You just one neighborhood over and you got yourself at the Olympic trials in Atlanta like but the shame I would feel would be the fall from the Olympic trials and I only fucking went Damn probably 1100 feet. That's why everybody That's telling me they want to get in the fitness. They be like what you think I should do first. I say baby steps Yeah, baby steps Take baby steps if you walk in the gym and walk out you still showed up You did something that you wouldn't have done yesterday Maybe this time you might get on a treadmill and walk for maybe two or three minutes. I don't know who knows start drinking more water Baby steps like everything is baby steps. Yeah Yeah, I would never even get myself the grace of like let me have those babies You know, you know something else I used to do. I used to compare myself to people that was taking steroids And I'm like I want my body look like this and I'm like And I used to I used to watch them do say stuff like if you ain't got no six pack you fat homie And I was like damn I'm fat So I had unrealistic expectations. I'm just like you and then I start giving myself grace and I'm like yeah I didn't even come in at the look like that. I just wanted my clothes to be able to fit good. Yeah, I just I just didn't want to be Tiday man anymore. Yeah, yeah, he didn't want to have them nice titties on Presta's I just didn't want to be Tiday man anymore and then You start comparing yourself to other people and you lose we lose ourselves in what we really wanted What was our goal? I just want to I wanted a beer everybody When you get up really really crazy high in life for too high You're Madison Square Garden and all this kind of crazy shit that I was doing. It's like the fall will kill you and Because it's not a human height. It's not human and there's no oxygen up there And there's no drag on your wings and it's lonely and it doesn't have it It's not affected by your feelings anymore. It's just this other thing but When I went back to work and I was like I'm doing clubs again. How's that gonna feel? And I'm sitting in the funny bone in St. Louis and the coke the machine that sends coke to the bar is Is next to my head and I'm sitting there And there's a smell of chicken wings and pizza and I'm doing retail comedy one you know I was happy as fuck. I was so happy to be telling the jokes to people whose faces I could see And whose admission prices is they're giving that to me as a As a gift and they're going home happy and I got back to that level of comedy and it was really beautiful That's where I live now. I mean, I do the theaters because I'm still a fucking pig. I still want I still like it but One someone more nice to some of them are nice to read the rhyming and oh yeah Nashville beautiful. I'm excited to come over there. I think even this year's been tough for me. It's just like Yeah, I just feel like Works gotten busy and it just makes me scared kind of a little bit and it's like yeah You know, and then popularity makes you scared and that's kind of scary and then you're scary looking at your set and you're like what am I even You you're like I can't even feel like I can't even the controls feel far from my hands sometimes not Not like I'm doing crazy stuff or anything, but just like You know, I just I don't know No, it's it is scary and it should be as the thing is it's like another electricity you got to respect it It's not it's not small small thing being famous and it can go bad and it's it's your fault because you got into it Yeah, but that's I don't know. It's also a human thing to want to share your work and want to be out there You know, but once when when it goes bad You get in this predicament of like I want to go to each person's house and tell them what really happened And what you know the little things that are that aren't in the way that's you know And that's just never gonna happen. Yeah, and at this point with all to me I just want to get I just I just want to live if you had to share something with somebody who had lost a sibling or who had dealt with you know some grief from loss something that you've learned because I mean You're like almost the The Neil Armstrong of Loss. I mean you've you've had you've endured a lot in your life You know and watched and watched other loved ones endure a lot, you know What what what if you kind of learned that you feel like you could share if anything Well Thank you for giving that opportunity because that's what I want to do is to try to make it positive for somebody But um You know, it's tough because I want to tell people like when somebody dies It's going to get better, but it doesn't get better man. You don't even get used to it. It just Keep tolerating it and you just Somehow it gets a little better someday, but there's no good word to say to him But when somebody's really busted up, you know with and it When you overcome that and are able to maintain Through that well then it's it's Now you now you've You've achieved through a struggle. You've achieved over on an obstruction. You've gone over a hurdle, you know, and it's like Now you can say you won now I can say you won something because without a fight There can't be a winner. There can't be a champion. There can't be a success unless there's that adversity, you know, and so God wouldn't put you through that unless you're gonna benefit The old you got a great mind you're until they got because oh, oh, thanks man life is He's knocking on your door to more friend You too. I feel like you're me are probably pretty similar in some ways you feel that sure do I do too So um this guy that no David that leaves exactly to um kind of what I was thinking about my next question is how does our quality of life affect our beliefs about the about death or the afterlife Well, you know, I think this is something where neuroscience actually has something to offer. Okay, right? so When I first started studying the brain, you know, 40 plus years ago I was taught well the brain just kind of sits there and it waits to Something some comes in in your senses. You hear something you see something your brain does some and then you move your muscles and you respond to it And that's what is the brain is kind of sitting there waiting for some to happen the reactive organ like a two-stroke motor or something and and Well, even not like a two-stroke motor that isn't even started yet It's waiting for someone to pull the rip cord right for it to start up um And What we now know the modern conception of the brain is that when you're just sitting there spacing out Your brain is really busy and it is a prediction machine Your brain is trying to figure out what's going to happen next in the near term What does that mean? It's means that our brain is wired to presume that there will always be A near term that there will be a future right and so you know I got diagnosed with terminal cancer Uh, I was told four years ago that I had six to eighteen months to live And you know while I mean of course that was really upsetting and I was freaking the fuck out about it uh In addition, you know, I could do practical stuff. Oh, I better write my will I better have this conversation with my kids. I better uh, you know Make sure this is done in the house and like these letters are written for my students You know, so then to go on the next part of their career like all that practical stuff screen right exactly and uh But in terms of actually deeply engaging with myself Not being there anymore with my own demise I felt like you know, I was skittering across the ice, you know, I couldn't really Dig in and grab it. I couldn't really think about what it's like For me not to be there anymore And I thought well, is this a personal failing? Do I just suck? And I I thought well maybe But I mean I do but we all do but uh, you know What I'm thinking fundamentally is that this is not something that we As humans are designed to do our brains are hardwired To predict their near future which presumes it presumes that there will be a near future. Yeah, right? And so If you Extrapolate this a little bit and what do you expect me to do? So people know exactly if you kind of move on to the next step. Okay, right of what this means for faith Right, if you go around the world nearly every not absolutely every but nearly every religion in the world Has an after-knot life or reincarnation story very few Religions Judaism is is one your dad and there isn't actually a story about what happens after your death, but almost every other one Does Are the big and voice you go to heaven you meld with the divine you're reincarnated But there's something that happens these stories are exceedingly popular all over the world in all cultures Well, I think that the reason they are is because of this brain bug We have we can't imagine ourselves Dead because our brains are hardwired to predict the future and that's why we have these after-life and reincarnation stories In faiths all over the world and so I have total sympathy for these not just because I'm diagnosed with terminal Cancer because I see them as something deep and fundamental to what it is to be human And something that binds us all have you ever met someone and you were like I could play that person Like is that because that would be like kind of like I feel like if I were an actor that would be like my power Like you would corner somebody in a room of a fucking party Like I could play you in a heartbeat Huh, you know does that happen with the good actors? I don't know you have to ask good actors. I think I remember when I was young. I remember doing this moving that One of the other actors was talking to the director and he was like Wouldn't be cool if you know Walking did you know This kind of movie you know kind of like so-and-so and he mentioned this other actor that was like my peer who was like like the actor Right and the director was like yeah, but I mean more keen is no So-and-so like yeah and he was like and and the other actor was like dude that's so fucked up with say the director was like oh no No, I just I mean that in the best way like you're a character writer um, he's no friend armistice Yeah, can't actually has like is like kind of code for like you can't really like you're never gonna really get there but you'll work and um And that fucking piss me off But there's a thing but it piss me off because I was like No, I can't I can't more like this not um There's more that will come out they'll come out of me and I just um But I think I well it's really appreciate it because it made me go like well, how do I find That way like how do I find more yeah? There was just something like there was some special about that time where it was like uh I don't know the moment meant so much more You know there was something they used to be something about the past at the moment You couldn't copy you couldn't record it like I think that's why those times We talk about some of this in your book man, and uh, it's like about time and like god like the moments of when I was a kid or sitting there laughing with my friends like the moment was so much more real because you were never gonna get it again right and you didn't You couldn't necessarily record it and you sure as hell to couldn't share it There's a study on this man. I don't know from it say it's like 20 years ago or 25 The moment was the biggest dopamine rush The jump the cresting of the mountain the pulling off whatever you try to pull off. Yeah, scientifically measured the biggest opening hit Cameras and you know mobile devices and stuff come out It slowly turned to the recording of the moment the snapshot Okay, not the cresting right of the hill, but we just recorded it now ownership of the moment right and then What has happened now has been around for 25 years the biggest scientific dopamine hit that we get humans Is not the doing of the deed is not the recording of the deed it is when we press share Really now that's a little bit like living in third person like we're all running around going my rush is not when I Run for a touchdown my rush is when I see myself on the jumbo tron Running for the touchdown and that's a That's a slippery slope man, you know what I mean? Well, it's slippery, but it also seems hard to even conceptualize Who I am then, you know? Yeah? Am I myself? Am I just a viewer of myself now? That's it. We're much much more warriors now right and our identity comes from being objective trying to look at Ourself from outside and now comes from well, what did you think of what I did and how yeah And that's the worst what do you think of what I did because that's gonna be who that'll be my definition who I am Yeah, that that we got to watch that. Raleigh Mal Yeah Yes, sir What is something that you are kind of grateful for this year a little thing in the world that like is there a moment or something in the world that makes you feel some gratitude Yeah, yeah, I've got a got a little baby coming along the way Yeah You have a you have a baby coming I do oh my gosh bro Unreal do congratulations man. Thank you. Oh my gosh, bro Dude, I remember when you hadn't even um come out of your own nuts or whatever remember that Yeah Wow And now you're like I'll show them Wow dude, I'm gonna make this ski Grow up That's a that's crazy dude um and is it a male or female do you know if you'll look at it. It's a male Hey man brother god God has got you man I want to we can even pray about around the year if we pray about it for a second. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it man God we just want to thank you today um you know in times where we're uncertain about things and where we It feels like it's tough to get a foothold That sometimes our sense of purpose wanes based on our society that uh that you can remind us That they're here are important things in the world um God we want to thank you so much for giving Riley um A chance to be a father You know when I met Riley he was barely he hadn't even had any Oh See I'm gonna say it fast so it's not because we are we are in a prayer He hadn't even had any seeming come out of his body and here he is just Serving blasts sauce and just having it grow up into something beautiful And we want to lift this child up to you God before it's even here And what's the name of the child Riley? Uh, we've haven't announced it yet. Okay God we want to lift up this unannounced child to you that at this point is still just a batch of same in an egg um That uh That you made that you are helping Uh cultivate moisturized um And so we just want to lift that up to you God and say thank you for reminding us what is purposeful And that we can find purpose and family rod uh a men ladies and gentlemen Steven Wilson Jr Oh Gary these days been lying in his bed man Working on a sink or going on a decade The scribbles on drum mount on draw attention I never really noticed but now that I mention Ain't a lot of boys name Gary these days born with the cigarette lead to their face Fixing bound anything your hammer can handle Saving on the money because they get it don't get going a lot of girls going by Debbie anymore Got the same nicotine foreign out the post time leaves town but the men and hands days They ain't a lot of boys name Gary these days I Gary these days been worried about the bad news They ain't a lot of teenagers filling up the church No Burn them boys sliced don't talk to his brother The people even still say grace before supper they're ain't a lot of boys name Gary these days I want the cigarette lead to their face fix them bound anything your hammer can handle Saving on the money because they get it don't get going a lot of girls going by Debbie anymore But they got the same nicotine foreign out the post time leaves town but the men and hands days Ain't a lot of boys name Gary these days And only you two d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d The head of each suspicion with the lad out on the front porch, the hard medication poured down with the drained pores. He holds his left arm while his pair keep praise. Does anybody sing much again these days? Does anybody sing much again these days? I'm not mad. No drained all out on the porch. drained all out on the porch. Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby You You