245: That's Not Funny.. Ft. Hannah Berner

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I'm your Italian. Here's the thing. There's like a singing coach where they were like, everyone can sing. You just haven't had the right tools. The right training. I don't believe. Honestly, I feel like out of anyone I know, I feel like you'd pull singing out of the bag. Just be like, do you know what's going on? That's your new party trick. You wouldn't stop. My mom is a jazz singer. And it just missed me. It's in your jeans. No, but you just don't know how to harness it yet. So my theory is that I can accidentally hit a note. Like I thought I could accidentally hit the wicked note. I literally went on the Kelly Clarkson show. Looks at Kelly Clarkson, who by the way, I'm just going to say Hall of Famer. Number one, ever singer. And I was like, I think I can accidentally hit the wicked note by mistake. Like how even. You didn't. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut. Is that even a broken clock is right twice a day? I love that one. And she kind of laughed and I was like, yeah, but if you if I did it like all day, tried on the show. I've tried it before. Honestly, I'm a little, you know, I have a little sniffles. So I don't think I'm just like, I mean, girls, I'm sick. So I can't hit it today. Normally it would. Thank you for having me. Welcome back Hannah Burner. You guys on another episode of two hot tags. Here we go. I'm so happy to be back. Also look at you already. Christmas. That's a good. Festive. You miss Thanksgiving. Immediately. Don't care about it. Don't care about it. Don't care about it. Thanksgiving in Canada is like the end of October or something like that. Oh, so November first hits. And I'm not Canadian, but like, I was like, I was like, why are we talking about Canada? But I've been raising that mentality. Yeah. And I posted on my story and all my listeners that responded. We're like, girl, you're fine. It's November first until like March 31st. It's cool. And I'm like March. I can get behind that. Let's go. I mean, honestly, the Christmas spirit is with us today. I know. And it's also socially constructed anyway, so we can do it. It's like the most capitalistic. This is my asshole me coming in and that's hurting so much Christmas spirit. Oh my god, you're so cute. The Garland over the fireplace. Not to get so deep a minute into the pod, but let's go. I think it older, I realize it's the little things. It is. I get so jealous of people who can get so much joy from from little things. What's the littlest thing you get joy from? The right shade of ice coffee in the morning. When you just you're like, they did it. They did it. It's going to hit. I know. This one. It's like a little pumpkin cold. A little foam. A little foam. A little fruit. Just. Or just like a funny text from a friend. That gives you a little, you know, when the air just comes out of your nose, a little and you go, those are so little things. But I'm not I want to be more like fandom of things and like get excited of things. So I'm working on that. I'm sorry. I think what I can introduce you to. I've been on like a big space kick. I'm probably the wrong person to talk about this with now. I feel like you like random things. I've just been like finally getting a chance to see TV again. I started a book. I started fourth wind. Really, really good. That's amazing. Fourth wing. Fourth wing. Fourth wing. Sorry guys. I've written it now. I'm just getting it right. I just read captions on Instagram. But I will I need to get back onto my book. My book. Wormswag. Instagram is the only thing I'm reading. And I read it. No, but I also read the close captions on all my TV shows. So I've read a lot. What do you what good TV shows do you have to share with the people? Well, I recently started watching Nashville for the first time. Hayden Penetiera. Hayden Penetiera. Oh, wow. By the way, is cunning and incredible. And such a good little villain who you kind of root for. Did you ever see heroes with her? It's kind of a vintage show. No, but it's heroes. Shout out to Hayden. I want I want her back. I know. I want her back. I love her. I used to get told I looked like her way back in the day. Wait, I was gonna say. Way back. Am I also way back? This is a hot take and a little niche, but I would argue that she was kind of subrienic harpenter back in the day on Nashville with her. Because she's so tiny. I know she's with her big blonde age. And she can sing too. She can sing. I've downloaded on my Spotify soon. Yeah. I'm going. Watching Nashville. If you or anyone wants a space show, I started for all mankind on Apple. Blown away. Absolutely. Herit rate is high. Shrinking. Did you see more of us come out? Pluribus. I heard nothing, but great things. I don't know what a plural basis, but I watched the first two episodes. It's an AI kind of apocalyptic thing. And I love me some apocalyptic stuff. That's like the only thing I dream about. Yeah. Apocalyptic. We're all ending. And Justin Bieber pops in every once in a while. Well, he's definitely connected to the Earth's forces. Yeah. He's running something. I could see that. It does seem like Justin Bieber's in charge based on what I've seen over the last a couple years. You've collaborated a little. You've collaborated here and there. So you were in a hilly. You would know. She follows me on TikTok and I'm like, please come under putt. Kaylee loves a funny girl. I love that. I love that. Well, let's give you a chance to be a funny girl today. I've got some... I'll try my best. Chaotic stories. Oh great. I just went all across the board for you. Well, I'm so excited to come here because my favorite thing is having strong opinions on things I don't know that much about. Okay. And I love to lean in. I got you. And go with my gut and help people. I got you. I got you today. Let's dive in. Let's do it. 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Okay. So this one is coming from today I fucked up. Titled Today I Fucked Up by Mocking My Neighbor's Parrot for the last couple of weeks. So I live in an apartment where the walls are thin enough that I can hear my neighbor's TV, phone calls, and unfortunately, their parrot. This parrot, very beautiful animal, but makes me want to rip my hair out and do things. I'm not proud to admit. Let's just say he has become my morning alarm clock for the last few months. Oh no. About two weeks ago, I started mocking his sounds back. Heed squawk? I'd squawk. Heed whistle. I'd whistle back. We built up a little routine. Kind of like distant, angry roommates communicating through bird calls. Sometimes I would even initiate it. Like when I was cooking, I would randomly have a turret like outburst and start squawking lovely. I know this is strange, LOL. Yesterday, my neighbor knocked on my door and had a really odd look on her face. Apparently, ever since I started doing my bird banter, her parrot has become obsessed with me. I guess I just wasn't in the mood for bird talk the last couple of days and I went silent. She said that he paces and screeches when I stopped responding. She even showed me a video. It was such an awkward experience. She said he used to have a parrot friend a few years ago that died. And she thinks it wants some sort of bird companion. Anyways, she asked me to make a couple of bird sounds as she put a treat in its cage to see if it would eat. I reluctantly agreed and felt humiliated, of course, but I went through with it and sure enough, the little fucker started eating in plain. Long story short, I became the object of a parrot's affection. And my neighbor asked if I could talk to him for a few minutes a day. Even gave preferred times if I'm home. I've unintentionally entered a long-distance relationship with a bird. This is TLC. I'm dating a parrot. Oh my god. It literally is. It's kind of like when you meow back to your cat and you wonder like, what am I saying in that language because I'm just meowing? Yeah, who knows what he was saying in the parrot language. Oh my god, you're probably being like, I want... What if the parrot's like... 30 things. Yeah, what if they were sexting? Holly wants a nude. Not a cracker. Holly wants a nude. Also, I love that this parrot is going starving for attention. It's doing a hunger strike. A hunger strike for a man or a woman. We don't know. We don't know. We don't know. But I've seen this kind of love story in a while and I'm kind of rooting for them. I feel like there's other neighbors. The neighbor needs to get another bird. Yeah, the neighbor needs to get another bird. Like get a bite. I feel like if I'm already annoyed with the parrot next door, I don't want two parrots. No. Unless it means they'll just snuggle and nap. Oh my god. It is hard with... with animals. I've heard a ton of horror stories with neighbors where like, we actually have, I guess, these people go to work and they don't realize that during the day, their dog just cries the whole day. And like, I hear it and I feel... Have you left a note yet? No. I see that a lot on Reddit. A lot of note like... Had to leave my neighbor a note. Their dog just barks incessently the whole day. Like your dog is sobbing. Yeah. Get a fur bow. What's that? Oh, love a fur bow. What? It's like this little machine that you can talk to your animals through it. And maybe that's what she should get for the... For the bird. For the bird. Get a little fur bow to talk to it. And then it gives treats and it... But it also like records what your animal's doing and stuff. Okay. It's kind of like toy story, but for pets, you know what they're doing when you're gone. Sounds adorable. And the fact you give treats. And the fact you give treats. Yeah, like you with your horses. I wonder if they would make it for a horse. I feel like there should... I want a fur bow for my boyfriend. I married. Married. But yeah, this is definitely a tough situation. I feel like also having a parrot as a pet. This... They're gonna have so many weird problems. You are. And they live so long. Oh yeah. My neighbors across the street for me, they have had their parrot for like 60... I think they said like 60 some odd years. I feel like getting a parrot has to be like a family thing. Like it's like something your family does. I don't... Or do you just one day wake up and say let's try a parrot. Oh, I feel like definitely people inherit them for sure. Or it's like... Yeah, I don't know. But they're like turtles. They're like dinosaurs. They live forever. They are turtles too. What would you do if you were the the neighbor? It has to babysit here and there. I don't want to be talking through the walls anymore. I feel so impersonal after we have such a deep connection. So I'd be like can you just bring them over? It'll just you know. Imagine a date comes over and you're like cooking and then you just go Bacchoooo! Sorry, I'm just talking my friend. Like what? They would think you have some issues for sure. I do think that there needs to be some training involved where maybe like we learn how to soften the conversation like maybe a more of a quieter thing. Because how are the other neighbors feeling? The other name is probably like I have a human yelling. I have a parrot yelling. Everyone's yelling. They're losing it. They're losing it. I would lose it. I would lose it. I would not survive. I actually there's this famous thing in Burbank. It's like the Burbank Parrots. Okay. And there's a lot of rumors like it's unclear how they ended up being here. Some people speculate it was a pet store release. But there's like a flock of at least 150 parrots and they roam Burbank squawking. And sometimes they're like a gang. They're like a gang. They're like a gang. They're like a gang. And if you get woken up by those. So like I immediately knew. I'm like just put me out of my misery. It's brutal. They squawk and then they fight. They fight over the trees. Nope. Also this is a thing with parrots. They're geniuses. So I'm so smart. I don't trust animals that are smarter than me. And it freaks me out for sure. I just don't like when someone gets a pet. It means it's your pet. It shouldn't be other people's responsibility. No. I mean giving someone time like here's ideal times if you could just talk to them for a few minutes a day. I mean, but it's better than the parrot starving itself. Well, why doesn't the owner talk to the parrot more? I know I guess they have something special. It's special in that voice. Have you seen that cat video where it's like this person being like if you want to talk to your cat, here's a noise you make. And it's like and the cat just runs. Yeah, it goes. Everyone's cats at home are going to be like. She's talking shit to me. I heard that. Are you listening to Hannah to podcast again? Oh, yeah, I pause every single video being like, this is how to communicate with your cat. And there was apparently an app to say that it could like translate what your cat. These guys are conning me. They're conning me. You're gullible like me. I'm gullible. Yes, I paid for pets I guess. I'm gullible. I really hope that's what they should get. A pet I can. I've had one talk with my horse and it's the coolest thing. It's so cool. She said because he came from Texas and when he came to California, he wants to buy a review. He misses the crickets. He goes, it's really loud here. It's like it. She's like, there's so many noises. He says he feels like he's at Disneyland. How does horse know what a Disneyland is? That's what I wanted to know. That was my first question. I did get a pet's like a guant who said my cat was really so cast like and she thought the other cat was fat, which is so funny that my cat is body shaming the other cat. And then cats are really judgy. Love how judgy she is. And then she said that one of my cats, stomach was hurting him. And then a week later, he had kind of a stomach problem. So I was like, she's legit. She's legit. She's a giant. I'll take her number. She's during COVID. I think I found her on Facebook. Who knows where she is now? Oh my gosh. Shout out to her. If anyone's got any good pet communicators, put them in the comments. I wonder how parents communicate. They just like, hi, what's up, psych? I don't know. I need a pet psychic to phone in. Yeah. That'll be the next episode. Top comment on this one. Bra, this is like a buddy movie where you forced yourself to be your enemy's best friend. Yeah. I feel sorry for you, but also good for you. Kind of sucks when you want to be a dick, but make friends instead. Yeah, it's funny. He started by being annoying and then like needing it. Needing it. It's almost like, um, what is that stalking movie on Netflix that maybe reindeer? Oh my god. I never watched it. It seemed too scary for me. It's really fucking amazing, but it's kind of like how the pair is being annoying and then he realizes, wait, do I love the parrot? Dude, there's some crazy stuff on Netflix right now. I just watched the perfect neighbor. Oh my god. That was the most upsetting thing I've ever seen. Hard braking. I just, I don't love. There's so many documentaries. They should give like a warning for how disturbing and how horrible it's going to be. Yeah, we need a scale. I need a scale because some documentaries are just about sushi. And then others are about like families falling apart and I just like need to know what I'm in for. I'm like, what level of murder? Yeah. Is it, yeah, I just need to do a little warnings. I'm a huge documentary person. Yeah, I've watched all of them, but that one particularly. I was really sad. Took me like three days to recover. I just watched it last night. I'm like, I'm still just reeling. Even with the Christmas spirit today, it still doesn't do it up. But now if I'm like, I gotta go home. If you haven't watched it, what's fascinating is it's all police footage, the entire thing. All of it. All body cam footage, all doorbell camera. I'm not like the fact that they had enough body cam footage because this lady called the cops so much is insane. Insane. Okay, this next one. It's a little goofy, but not, I don't think it's, you know, that crazy. It's coming from Am I overreacting only two hours old titled Am I overreacting? wife introduced me by my first name instead of husband when meeting a new man at the bar. wife. He's like, should we divorce? Affair? Am I, do I have something to worry about? My wife, her dad and myself were at the bar sitting at a table, having a few drinks with some people we met there. Later that night, an older but good looking man walks up and sits at the table and introduces himself. My wife introduces herself, then her dad as her dad, and then introduces me by my name, but never mentions I'm her husband. I didn't think of it to be a big deal at first, but then she continues talking to him and only him for the next 15 minutes without ever mentioning me. She has never once not introduced me as her husband to anyone except for this one time. I saw this as disrespectful and I let her know and it caused a big fight. I feel if you fail to mention your partner to the opposite sex, you are leaving the door open to feel you are available. Am I overreacting? Look, mama was flirting. Hot man sat down and she said, this is for me. I need this 15 minutes for me. It's crazy she did it with her dad there and her husband there as well, but I think she just wanted to feel like she had some attention for a while. Make him a little jealous? Yeah, I don't, maybe. But I also, I don't know a lot of men that I hate to stereotype, but it's quite the observation. I feel like my husband would never even realize that. He is a stuute. A stuute? He's taking his own observations. Yeah. I might tell you right now, I would be personally a little peeved. Yeah. Like if I'm sitting there and like some hot girl walks up and like very clearly sits down next to my husband to talk to him, I'd be like, hi. And then he goes, yeah, that's, hi. And that's old Hany over there. That's the old nag. The ball and chain. Ha ha. No, but it is so weird. She's like, dad and there's Rick. Who's a Rick? Don't even know this guy. Oh, who is Rick? Oh, man. I, these are so interesting because there are definitely levels to it. And also the fact that you ever have a moment where like maybe someone is a little jealous and they say something to you and you go, oh my god, what? Like, that's not thing. And they go, oh, yeah. And then you move on. But the fact that it became a huge fight means like there's some stuff on their knees. Stuff brewing. The head of the car. Oh, they need a mechanic. So we don't really have any comments from OP. There's literally one comment. And it's not in response to anything. Okay. And all he said was dog. DOG. So it's, I don't know, maybe it's an accident. I don't know. It's a little confusing there. OP, who's a dog? Gear dog? Are you in the dog house? Was she talking to a dog? Was it a dog? Are we getting, are we getting poked? Was it a dog? No, but I'm confused now. At first I really thought it was petty. And then when you explain the details, I was like, I mean, he's absolutely right. I just not most husbands would like, no, look into it like that. Look into it like that. I know. I'm trying to think if like, I don't think Justin would care. Justin is like the type when we go out to bars, like, guys buy him drinks, not me. Like it is, it is so nice. Like he's got to do the legwork. He's got to kind of flirt a little bit. And he gets the drinks and I just reap the rewards. Because I get one. Yeah, I could see my husband like, if a woman comes up just quickly being like, oh, yeah, this is Hannah. And that's just whatever. But if it's to like, they sit down and he's like, talking or intensely and introduces me like that, I think that's, that is kind of weird. Also, what are you doing at a bar with your dad and your husband and a random man? Like why are you in a weird sitcom situation is this? My life literally. I'm like, this was my life. Like me, Justin, my dad kind of third wheel and hang, you know, those all the time. And then we got to like really watch him because he's one of those people. He gets a little wild in public. Your dad? Yeah. Wait, I'm obsessed. Oh, wait, I met him briefly. I could, yeah. He's kind of a liability sometimes. I love that. But that keeps you on your toes. It does. It does. It's probably bonds you and your husband a little. Yeah. It's like babysitting. It's a toddler. It's a little chaotic. But also, I think it's weird for someone to approach a man to approach a woman sitting with two men. It is interesting. I wouldn't, I don't know. He really, he saw what he liked and he was going to get it. Yeah. I want to know how to end it. Like how they end up like, there's no trouble now. A sister-wife situation. I could see that. I mean, post is still really new. So we don't have a lot of comments really. Top comments right now are people asking info. Who was the guy? Why did he come over? Did you and your father-in-law just twiddle your thumbs and stay silent? Next comment, right? So many missing pieces. Hard to judge without knowing what actually went down. So maybe we'll get an update. But moving along. Moving along to this next one. This episode is brought to you by Schemes. I need to be comfortable when I sleep. That is a non-negotiable. And so many other sleep sets bunch up. Give you wedgies in the middle of the night. And just get too hot and aren't comfortable. That is not a problem with Schemes. Unlike other sleep sets, the Schemes, sleep and soft lounge sets are as cute as they are comfortable. Your old pajamas just can't compete. Especially around the holidays. When all you want to do is live in them. There's so many adorable prints and colors to choose from. They even make the perfect gift. Maybe get the whole family a set. Take a cute holiday photo. If you've ever seen the movie for Christmas's, that is my life around the holidays. So I will be living in my Schemes sleeps at this year. I got the little red one with the cute reindeer. It's so comfy and no one can say it in dress up. It is cute. So shop our favorite pajamas at Schemes.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey. And be sure to select our show in the drop down menu that follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Schemes holiday shop is now open at Schemes.com. Okay. This is coming from... I love when you judge it right before. I know, I guess this is going to be good enough for Hannah. This is coming from our very own two hot takes subreddit. It is titled, I realized my female 30 husbands male 30 family doesn't like me. And I think it's pushing me towards divorce. Anyone been through this? I female 30s, I married two male 30s, who unfortunately comes from a family that doesn't like me. Or at least doesn't seem to want me around. And I'm starting to think this has been a huge factor in me considering divorce. I'd love to hear from others who have gone through something similar. Here are some examples that have really affected me. In appropriate boundaries, my mother-in-law once asked my husband if we use protection. He shared parts of our sex life as she kept asking. He told me later since I wasn't around then. I was mortified. When I told him I felt violated, he said it's normal for him to talk about this with her. That I'm too closed off, that with family and friends, they're just like that. Passive aggressive jokes. She said foreigners like me always take things. And that an example was me because I stole her son. My husband laughed when he told me. Again, she said it when I wasn't around. Dismissive comments about my interest. She mocked my love of books. You guessed it, when I wasn't there, calling it an obsession. Even though my husband knows that's a sensitive subject for me. Instead of backing me up, he accused me of being resentful. Weird emotional competition. Before our wedding, she told me flat out she'll always love him more than I ever could. Oh, jeez. And said it seriously, not as a joke. No one at the table said anything, not even my husband. Constant emotional dumping. She regularly calls crying and venting, even when he's overwhelmed with grief, like after his father's death. She never seeks therapy and expects him to be her emotional support system. Unhealthy family dynamics. His extended family uses his car without asking, damages it, and then laughs it off. They reject my cooking. Whenever I cook at mother-in-law's house, suddenly more people show up every time, but no one eats what I cook. He says they're just picky, but even the vegetarian aunt refused to try the salad I made for her. The culture. Very recently, I've noticed no man in his family, mother-in-law's brothers and nephews, is still married. It's a very matriarchal family, where the woman form a tight circle and I'm left out. I often sit alone during gatherings, while they whisper in the kitchen. Some of them don't even refer to me by my name. Resentment or subtle digs, I get the feeling his mom resents me, not just for taking her son, but for being different. They've started to make very xenophobic comments lately, and I'm an immigrant, so it's hard to not take it personal. Lately, all of the extended family are shifting towards radical, right discourses against people like me. And yet, my husband defends them constantly. He says there's no bad intention, and that his mom is just being herself, and that I'm too sensitive. He minimizes my feelings and seems more concerned about their well-being, and not upsetting them than how I feel. I'm starting to feel invisible, like I'm walking into a family where I'll never be truly welcomed. And even though I love my husband, I'm wondering if this is sustainable. Christmas is coming, and I honestly don't want to spend another one there. I'm thinking about telling him about divorce before those dates. Has anyone else ever felt pushed out by their partners' family to this extent? Did it affect your marriage long term? Would appreciate your honest thoughts. Wow, wow, wow. Let me begin this just by saying, I'm not a great person to give advice on this, because I'm married a man whose parents are dead, and I did it strategically, so I didn't have to deal with this. A lot of people break up over in-laws. I mean, people, you know, you joke about like, hey! I have a joke in my new standard routine. Come see me on tour, but I said my favorite thing about him is that his parents are dead, and the audience always do the gas. A lot of them gas, and then some of them start laughing, and I'm like, this is so funny, because majority of you are like, that's not funny. But then a small percentage are like, what's it like to live my dream? And they always say, people say you don't marry the man. You marry the man's family. But I say, not if you time it right. But this is the thing. I thought she was going to be like, the mom is annoying me. Like, I feel like we had a tip for something. This sounds racist. This sounds like there's radicalization happening. This sounds oppressive, and the fact that he's 100% supporting and gaslighting her, and supporting the family. I told myself, Hannah, when you come on this podcast, last time you told everyone to get a divorce, let's think it before. Real it in a little. It's real it in, but I'm divorcing. I think you divorce, and then you hit everyone else with his car, that's already fucked up. Fuck it. Take them all out. I mean, because also the, she's also at the stage where it's like when your friend says, should I break up with him? Like, she's going on Reddit, asking if she should. Using the D word in the beginning, I was like, whoa, that's where we're starting when I'm starting with that. There'd be anything. I think she's realizing that him at his core is not good, and how this woman is going to do everything in her power to make her life miserable. I mean, this family, I don't, I honestly like, I don't know how you, whatever come back from this. Even if they woke up one day, and magically started including you, how do you get past all this hurt? Yeah, and thinking the back of your head, all the things they've done and said, I also think there is a world where you do an ultimatum with your man and you say like, it's them or me. But at this point, I feel like he's the problem too. Oh, he's horrible. He's horrible. He's horrible. I think he's, he is like them. I know. I, I think he's bought into the family. I think there's like definitely some, as OP put it, inappropriate boundaries, and a lack of boundaries. And then there's not one mention here where he's ever gone to bat for her. It's always like, oh, you're overreacting. You're too sensitive. You're not even too much in a way. Oh, at least be like, sorry, my mom is like, fucking out of her mind, and has some insane political beliefs, and I can't control her, but I can try to control us and navigate our relationship to protect you from her. But also, that's like, that's what you bare minimum need from a partner. Bare minimum, also. See you, babe. I'm gonna say it because we're all thinking it. You'll never love my son more than I love him. What is it? We get it. You want to fuck your son. Like, I'm sick of these boy moms being so weird. Like, your job is to raise your son to, to be his own man, not for you to want him to suck your teeth still. I know. Was that too graphic? No, I think the listeners will appreciate it. I think it was important. It is important. I mean, cut the umbilical cord, buddy. Like, I don't understand. And I think you see it on like TikTok where like, I saw this one video of this mom like making lasagna with her like three year old. And she's like, he'll always know my lasagna is better than your daughters. And it's like, where's this? This is a made up competition. You can't have him. There's no competition. You psychopath. This is not disgusting. This is so gross. I just, I also wonder like, how did he even fall into this relationship or was he, do he hide her from her? Did he hide his beliefs before he met her? But it seems like the wool is finally being whatever that quote is. It's off. It's off. Yeah, what is that? The, the, the wool being pulled off the eyes? I'm so, I mess up every single like idiom. Same. But I just say a word. And I'm like, you guys know what I was talking about. What is that one? The wool has been pulled over someone's eyes. Over someone's eyes. Yeah, the wool has been pulled off the eyes. I made it up. I mean, to deceiver, trick them to hide the truth or to gain an advantage. So he pulled the wool over eyes in the beginning. Yes. Yeah. That came out of the vault. That was a good one. Things, but I also feel like I can't, we cannot judge any of these people when it comes to love because it's like so easy to see what you want to see because you want to make love work. And this guy probably has so many other qualities that she was like, I want that in a husband. But then this woman is maybe we should be grateful that she's showing her two colors and you're not learning this like 10 years later when to have a family with him. Yeah, I mean, your female 30, female 30s, whatever it actually is. A literal child. You're not in the grave yet. They're still time. You're a child bride. I think so. As a 31-year-old. As a New Yorker. I just got married. Yeah, like, I honestly, I could have waited if I would have had one more year, I would have been so happy like, it takes three years to plan a wedding in my world. I don't know how I did it in two, but like getting married as a 32-year-old sounds ideal. Yeah, sounds like it. She couldn't let this guy at 25. His brain wasn't fully formed. Now it is. Let's get out of there. That. Your brain's changed, babe. Yeah. Yeah. So someone does ask, I don't even know how you get to the point of marrying someone like this. And OP responds, we were long-distance during the pandemic. We visited each other, but wouldn't often see extended family. Then we got married to be together. Okay, she fucked up. Girl, this on you. This is on you. And as given your talk, this is on you. Tough love time. Long-distance is not real. And I don't mean it's not real like, it's not real relationship, but as in, you can't decide to marry someone based off a long-distance relationship. No, it's very honeymoon phase. That's someone that did it for three years. So honeymoon phase. It's honeymoon phase. Whenever you see each other, you want to hook up. You miss them. You're yearning for them. You're making up in your head what they're like day to day. You don't know. They're totally different person. I've had someone who really shouldn't have. I mean, not so many, but I've definitely had the long-distance where I'm obsessed. And then I finally, and with them for like a year, I feel like, who is this guy? That is not what I was expecting. Because I'm creative, so I like to fill in the blanks with... Well, we all do that. That's like, you can imagine the potential. You have a serial addiction. Why do you have 40 bulls of serial next to your bed? Oh my God. What type of mold and research were they trying to conduct? There's something going on, but these are things you cannot know. Oh my God. You could have never known until you were there. But yeah, she didn't know who this man was and how she does. Yeah. Apparently, before marriage, his parents were very loving to her. The only incidents I had were with his dad and my husband would defend me. Hence, me thinking it would be like that with everyone else. The only incident with my mother-in-law before marriage was her comment about loving him more than me, which was at the wedding. So, yeah, I'm like, given that, I'm like, I guess, Opie also adds here after my father-in-law's death, the situations I've mentioned have dramatically increased. So I think maybe, like, mom is now using Son as like this emotional partner, this emotional surrogate. Yeah. And that's, I mean, that's so tough losing your husband. And I can't even imagine. Yeah. And the guy losing his dad, he's definitely going through a trauma, but sometimes traumatizing times reveal, like, if you guys really want to make it work. Yeah. Like, I feel like traumatizing times. Not to bring up documentaries, but I watched a lot of missing children's cases. And so dark. Yeah. But were you trying to like hurt yourself that day? Like, just stab yourself in the heart. Like, those cases are as someone that covers that on a true crime podcast. Yeah, they're brutal. But sometimes the couple becomes closer, but then sometimes it immediately disintegrates the marriage. Because they can't handle that stress. And sometimes they're like, you're the only person that can get me through it. So it's just so interesting how certain relationships thrive during trauma and certain ones. They're like, this isn't, you're not right for that. It pulls them apart. Yeah. No, it is really interesting, especially like with a sick kid or like, yeah. Yes, true. Like that also, yeah. Because sometimes you're like, this person now just reminds me of the sadness. And I want to like leave this life kind of thing or be like, you're the only one who understands the trauma I've gone through. Not that one's better or worse. It's different coping. But anyway, you had to force him. Divorce. Especially divorce, because he's refusing any type of therapy. Both individuals or couple, like does not want to work on things. There's a couple of other comments from OP just like. But I also wonder if she's an immigrant and maybe she like needed a green card. I know, mention. I mean, maybe because that one line that she gives, like, we got married to be together. Got it. Like, maybe, honestly. Maybe that's why it was a little more rushed. I honestly, like immigration right now in this country is so hard, like DACA. I know like a lot of people that are DACA recipients. And like, her whole family got their green cards. And she is like still a DACA recipient. And like, constantly, like, can't leave the country, like constantly kind of at risk. And this in between limbo. Yeah, because I also don't want to put her in like a vulnerable place divorcing this man. But you're also in this like emotionally difficult place. That's like another really big thing to consider. Really big. Yeah. Well, we do get an update. We get an update from her. I love when you do this. I love when you do this. You little sneaky. The update came a month and a half later. It is quite long. Okay. So I think we're getting a lot of tea. I would read it. I don't know what we're getting into. Okay. When I last posted, my husband was about to leave for his country for six months. His mother's house specifically to heal. I thought distance might help us deal with this better and that I would wait to see him in person to address our divorce. But what happened before and after his trip made everything painfully clear. One afternoon before he left, my parents asked if we wanted to go out for lunch. He had just taken a shower. And when I asked if he wanted us to join them, he got angry. See, I knew this would happen. He insisted that if he showered, then he wouldn't get out of the house. He has many rules like that. He said it was very rude of me to ask because it meant I wanted to go. And then he had to go. It escalated into an argument about how I was cold and selfish. I tried not to fuel any argument and that was also a problem. He called me totally apathetic and said I didn't care anymore. He's crashing out. He's crashing out. He's creating issues now. He then made a comment that scared me. Something about not seeing the point of living anymore. It wasn't direct, but it left me shaken. End upset because I've suggested therapy many times and he refused it. The next morning he ignored my text and the door when I knocked on the bathroom. When I opened it, he laughed and said, you probably thought something happened after what I said yesterday. And he laughed. That's when something in me broke. My worry, my care, had become another tool for control. Did he love me? Or was he mistaking love with control? She's smart. Her therapist is good. She's on it. She's clocking him. Man, we had another talk about his family before his flight. I told him I felt uncomfortable when they cross lines and that I needed him to stand up for me. His answer was, quote, of course I'll back you up. We'll just discuss it privately after it happens. That's when I confirmed one last time he wasn't planning to defend me at all just to avoid upsetting them. When he left, he refused to let me drive him to the airport because it would make things harder. I stayed home, realizing the real goodbye had already happened days before. After arriving, he said his mom saw him at the airport looking tired and joked from your wife. He told me that story like it was funny. It wasn't. But it summed up our marriage. During his first week in his country, we barely spoke. Then out of nowhere, his mother, who hadn't texted me in years unless it was something about her son, messaged me. She wrote that she hoped I was doing well and that they were trying to move forward despite how bad things were and that she enjoyed having me there with her son. It caught me off guard. I knew she meant it to sound kind, but it felt performative, like she was trying to keep me emotionally connected to him through her. Or like a message saying, we're already going through a lot so you better not make it worse. Oh. I didn't reply. It was the first time I realized how blurred the boundaries in that family really were. That night, he complained about me being cold and rude. I said I asked to speak to him that week, but he said he was busy so we could speak the next day since it was the weekend. He said no, it had to be now. I asked for him to respect me wanting to speak the next day. Then he flooded me with text and calls, saying I respect your boundaries followed by, I need you now. Pick up. I'd never do this to you. I won't sleep. The next day when I asked for a divorce, it was a tough call. He was refusing saying that he would change. I asked him to respect my decision and the call ended abruptly. Then he sent me a long emotional letter full of guilt and self-pity saying, I'd treated him like trash. That I'd controlled everything and that I hadn't given him a chance to even change. He then went to his country to change and be better and I disposed of him. The next day he said he understood and respected my decision that he wanted therapy to change, to rebuild things. He said that he would set boundaries with his family, be positive, support me. I wanted to believe him. For two days, I actually did. Then he told me his brother-in-law said, oh, so now we don't have to hate her anymore? After hearing we might try again. And of course, he justified it as just a joke. Despite me telling him that it was not a funny thing to say and that again, he justified it. The following day, he started blaming my parents now, saying that for our marriage to work, I should stop working and seeing them that much, stop going to their city. We don't really go that often unless I have to go to work. And that we should balance family events evenly between his and mine. His family lives on another continent. When I mentioned, then we should start making friends in the city we live in. He said it wasn't necessary because we had each other. That's when I realized he didn't want balance. He wanted control. And with these rules, I would be even more isolated. So I asked for space not to play games, but to stop the cycle of, we divorce, we reconcile, we fight again. We were supposed to text every morning just to let each other know we were well. One day, he stopped texting. So I gave him space too. Yesterday was our anniversary. He said nothing. No good morning, no message. I didn't reach out either. I wanted to respect the silence we both seem to need. And to be fair, I didn't see anything to celebrate. Then today, he sent a long message full of guilt, apologies and emotional weight. And immediately after, he blocked me. And somehow, the silence feels like closure already. Because I finally understand that love isn't enough when the relationship requires you to shrink just to keep the peace. It was not just his family. I've discovered through therapy, chats with friends and self-reflecting that there were a lot of other things going on here. By the way, someone told me after I broke the news that they always felt something weird going on. A day before our wedding, this friend saw my mother-in-law crying. And she asked if all was well. My mother-in-law said, it's just that my son is in love. And when this friend looked where mother-in-law was looking, she was watching us kiss. I felt very disgusted about this. I also discovered it was his mom that picked out my engagement ring. Anyways, I may not recover my books and things since he blocked me. But luckily, I have a list of all of them and hopefully little by little I can recover them. It's better than what would have happened if I went there. In December, I'll go with one of my best friends on the trip I had planned. I'm very excited for that. It's not the amicable ending I wanted. But I for sure have peace and time to know myself again. Thank you for your kind advice and words, everyone. I'm happy for her. Same. I'm so happy for her. Oh my gosh. Like, so good on you for getting out and realizing all of his tactics and manipulation. Well, it's the classic what he's doing to you. He accuses you of saying you're trying to control me. And it's like you're you're just saying what you're doing. He's a character that one. He is crazy. He must have been hot. He's crazy. He must have been hot. Tall. I don't know. But it's just flip a switch though sometimes. Have you ever dated someone like once they feel like you get a little bit more locked in than they like are totally different person? I do feel like sometimes they, you know, people will be like mean to the people they like love the most. So it's like they get comfortable with you and then they're like letting out all their were sides to you. And you're kind of like, oh, you weren't like this before. But it's like this is how you show your love. Where this come from, yeah. Yeah. So it's like them behind closed doors when they're alone with you is actually not as fun as when they're like in person with their friends. Showing off. Like the last show. Yes. Everything's so perfect. I'm so funny. I'm so nice. So I'm so lucky. But they started the show with you and then I guess the show's over and you're stuck with them. Oh my gosh. I like recently. I don't know why I'm like having this epiphany. But I thought like I'd never really dealt with like insane love bombing. But like now that I'm like in hindsight, I'm like, oh no. Like people definitely can flip a switch and change. Like one of my exes, I think it was like a month into like talking. He called me drunk one night. He's like, I'm so obsessed. Like I think I love you. And I'm like, whoa. Okay. And he's like, yeah. Like I asked my dad if he would still love me if I converted to Judaism. And you know, I do anything for you. And I'm like, oh fuck. And I'm like now in hindsight. I'm like, oh no. That was definitely some weird love bombing by religiousness. And I'm like, I'm not even that religious. But okay. Yeah. I'm like, but he was like super cat. I don't know. He was super Catholic. So in his world, that was his world. That was the move. Yeah. It's crazy. I also think with technology, it's so easy for people to effortlessly spend time on you and give attention to you and say really loving things to you. For sure. Whether it's FaceTime, text, and but really it's low effort on their part. But it feels like they're obsessed with you. And really like they could be doing that with a lot of people, which is like scary to think, but that's our technology nowadays. Terrifying. Well, I think that's probably how they became so close. Yeah. Because it was like pandemic. Yeah. Everyone was home. Everyone is like, vulnerable, vulnerable in a state of like chaos. Lonely. And they were constantly like long distance and like able to reach out. Yeah. So and also there is something to be said. Now that I'm a little, I think when you're younger, you're like, I'm going to find my soul mate. There are so many people that you're compatible with in different ways. And some people are so great for dating for three months. Some people are so great to live with, but not to marry. Some people are great to date, but not to live with. Like these are all just different compatibility. And I don't doubt that these two are compatible in some capacity. But then once they got into the marriage situation, because marriage, as someone has been married just a couple years, longer than years. What is the couple? Well, I got like a month. I'm only three years in. I'm a baby. You're a qualified. You're a qualified. I'm a literal baby. But marriage is a lot of just really dumb logistic decision making. And even that fight over the shower is such a marriage fight, where if you don't like each other, you could make anything personal, or anything to a fight. So it's two people, like I don't care how hot your sex is, or how funny the other one is, or how romantic you are. Are you guys making the same decisions about like where, what movie you're going to watch that night? Because that's what you deal with day to day. Yeah. I know, the day to day stuff. And like are you showing up in your best way? Like I also know like I can sometimes be a hangry person. Like I'm truly that snickers commercial. Like hey, eat a snickers. Like you're somebody else right now. Like I shut down. I'm I shut down. I'm crabby. I'm short. Like I get it. And like I can tell too when I just like need some alone time. Like I'm very introverted. I need to recharge because like Justin will leave a light on. And I'm just like, can't you walk out of a room and just hit the switch? I'm just like just the little things. But it's like you then got to look at the big picture. Like is he a good partner? Hands down. Like the other morning I had like a recording session early. I needed coffee and he wakes up earlier than me. He goes and works out and I woke up and he had sent me a text where he's like, your coffee's in the fridge. And I put gas in your car. So you're all set. And I'm like, leave every light on. It's fine. I just thought me being like men used to go hunting and bring home like like a dead animal. That's his version and bringing coffee and ice latte and the fridge. Exactly. It's my nowadays would take a day. I don't need a deer in my garage. It's true. I'm good. It's true. And also just remembering like you are going to disagree about logistical things and stuff like that. But it's about choosing your battles. Like is that what you want to snap at him for? Is it a light or is it, are you going to hold it in and snap at something else that's stupid? Because I'm I get angry too. And my husband knows like I'll say something kind of snippy and he'll be like, you hungry. And I'm like, yeah. And then it becomes like a joke. Where like if we weren't compatible, he could be like, don't fucking say that to me. Why are you being so tough? And next thing you know, it's a huge fight. So it's literally, it's not always you. It's who you're with. Yeah. You're like, you're allowed not to be perfect. But you need someone who like sees the light in all of it and doesn't take everything personally like an attack. That is like the best way to put it because like I've really come to the conclusion like as women, we're so our hormones are crazy. Like I feel like we're just bombs. We're just little bombs waiting to go off. We just need the right thing. And so when stuff sets us off, you need someone who's like, you know, the bomb squad, they can properly diffuse you. They can also wear a beer. Like there's so many things going on that men are not aware of. And I'm like, I'm stressed about all these things. Yeah. We have so many different things. And I feel like men are very to stereotype are very good at being present in the moment. Yeah. Where my husband is very good at being like, we're not catastrophizing about that right now. We're just here right now. We're here right now and finding someone who balances. Yeah. I'm the Dicartaster Fizer. I so yes, yes. We are in the same boat. Are you doing okay? Do you go to the bathroom or anything? Oh, no, I'm good. Okay. I'm great. I'm like, I might have to pee after this one, but we'll see if you have to pee. It's okay. I'm like, it's like a car ride. Yeah. You good? Do you need to stop? Look, we've got, we've got like five more miles. Do we need the next rest area? Do you need to pull it? Check it out, get to pull it. Chicken tacos have been like my, like, spectrum food that I like only eat. This is the season on the chicken is great. The seasoning. It used to mess me up, but I feel like it's changed lately. It was so good. Yep, they're hitting really nailing it. And I don't want a carneeta. Throwing a carneeta. Okay, this next one is coming from AITH, six days old, titled, Am I the asshole for not finding my husband attractive after childbirth? Oh, oh, interesting. I know, a little wrench in that one. Well, hormonal maybe. Throw away since my husband is chronically on Reddit. This one is long, so TLDR at the bottom. Our little one is six weeks old, unplanned pregnancy, but throughout the whole thing, my husband was supportive. We went into this knowing I didn't have any close living family to help us out, and his are busy with their own lives. And it is. We have no help is what she said. She's like, and they hate me too. With that being said, his family is very opinionated. They keep pushing for him to get a better pain job. We aren't rich, but live comfortably enough to enjoy things like going out to eat, buying on Amazon, and other more detailed stuff, while saving for a down payment for a house, which we have, we're just adding to it at this point. I was very adamant that I wanted him home using family medical leave act for at least a month. He got 12 weeks approved through his job. If he left his job, he would lose those benefits. Fast forward, a little one being born. Husband was great the first week, changing diapers, interacting with him, and being supportive while I breastfed. Two weeks, and he enters a depression. His family visited and the same conversation came up. Quote, you need to make more money or you're going to make your kids struggle. It irked me. I kept saying he's doing everything I and little one need right now, but it wasn't enough. He spent the next week finding a new job, which has required training for eight weeks before maybe even having a position. He started that at two and a half weeks old, and it's been hell ever since. He's gone from 6am to 4.30 pm Monday through Friday, without the promise of this new job. Once he gets home, he's doing homework and playing on his phone. While I'm taking care of a newborn, doing overnight wakeups, healing, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, and going to appointments. We've gotten an argument. I've cried begging for help. He has tried harder, but doesn't understand, unless I point to something and say, do it now, including picking up his own son. Even then, he throws the, I'm busy right now, excuse. He could hear the baby crying while I'm in the bathroom and doesn't even get up. Or he's on his phone over the weekend while I do everything I do during the weekday. The tipping point was over the weekend. I left the baby with him for an hour to do something for me. When I called, all you could hear is the baby screaming in the background. He has no connection to his son, and I fear he never will now that I just say, fuck it and do it myself. I've tried helping him figure out the dad role, but a lot of times he gets frustrated, which leads to him asking if our newborn is normal. It kills me. Or he'll tell me I'm micromanaging. I can't even look at my husband anymore and see the man I love. All I see is another person to clean after and take care of. Kissing him is a chore, and I know he feels it. We've had basic conversations of me voicing that I'm doing it all. He usually counters with if you need help, just ask. From which I've told him, I do, but I get blown off half the time, and I'm not going to keep asking. I've told him I'm spread thin, exhausted, and emotional, but I always feel like they ask me when I think about why it's hard right now. Am I the asshole for not being attracted to him when I know he's doing this to better our lives in the long run? Not to throw you guys off, but I'm going to be positive on this one. I know. Keep it everyone on their toes. First of all, the fact that he for that week was good means that he has potential. Potential is there. Potential is there. It sounds like I got a little confused because I thought he'd gotten 12 weeks. Then I guess his family told him to get this different job. So he's obsessed right now with getting his family's approval, which is ultimately to bring in more money for the family, but he's missing the mark. I feel like it's not over between them because I think if he can get in the right mindset again, which is you're helping the family by being present right now and worry about the money later. Money comes and goes, I need you here. She will then be attracted to him again. I also think she's going through so much right now herself that she's going through a very particular time and he's not helping. People say a lot of marriages can end when you start just seeing him as another child who you have to take care of. Oh my gosh. That's not sexy. No. But I feel like they're in a really rough patch. He can get out of it, but I do. Whenever someone says to you because I feel like I've said it to people like, oh yeah, just let me know if you need help. You don't want to help them. If you want to help them, you do it. You know, it's so awesome. You can just ask me. I know. That I hate that, which is like you could have asked. It's like you saw me struggling. Like you saw me struggling. And you could have just as easily picked up the baby. I shouldn't have to then do the mental load as well. Being like, hey, can you get the baby and then can you change their diaper or see if they need to be fed? Like, baby's crying. Get your ass off. It's hard because he probably feels also like he's missed out and he doesn't know the right things to do and he like freezes maybe. I'm not fl- what am I doing to prevent him from doing this? I'm like, the guy is trying to be as fast. No, I want to believe that he can like change perspective. Yeah. I know. Like, because it's really hard here, I don't understand why he let his family pressure him or bully him. I don't understand why this wasn't a more mutual decision between the two of them. Why did your family come in and then all of a sudden you're quitting your job? Your job that you had 12 weeks to be with your baby and your family. And like, FMLA, like maybe some of that time was even paid. Yeah. Like, did you literally quit that job before you even exhausted all of that paid leave? And then this training that is unpaged, he said, it's so confusing. Some kind of training with what? He maybe has a position. Like, he has to do required training for eight weeks before maybe even having a position. So you just gambled. What if you do all this training? Yeah. And then you don't even get the job. The decision making was messed up on this. What are we doing for sure? You just had a baby. The baby is six weeks old now. So, like, couldn't you have just gotten out of the trenches? Like, the postpartum, like anxiety, depression phase that like, mom could be at risk for. And like, couldn't we at least get past that? And then like, hey, you want to make more money? You want a different job? Do it. But let me get out of the trenches. I don't need to be in there fighting by myself, buddy. Yeah. I also, I've heard that a lot of men don't feel as connected to the baby in the beginning, because, you know, they weren't caring it. So, like, I do think what he's going through is normal. But like, this is a critical time for him to not keep getting farther and farther away from the family. Yeah. And then maybe even making his own depression worse, because he feels even more disconnected. He feels more inept or has guilt or whatever it is. Like, the good news is he's not in like some job that he's been in for 10 years and doesn't want to lose. Like, he's in a place that he's moving and grooving. They need money, though. So, it sucks that he left that job. That was going to give him leave. I know. Well, and it's like, do you need more money? Yeah, I think for a lot of people, like, they're like, yeah, obviously Morgan, like, more money is always nice. Yeah. But at the same time, like, you have a savings where you have enough in your savings for a down payment on the house. Yeah. And then some. Yeah. Take advantage of like this nice job that you've had. You know what you're expecting. Yes. You've got all this leave. Enjoy your newborn. Enjoy like bonding with the baby, which is a lot harder for guys, typically, especially when mom is breastfeeding, because baby doesn't really want to. Baby wants boot. Baby's like, you don't give me anything. You got nothing for me. And at that point, all they do is eat, sleep, and shit. Yeah. Like, that's, that's baby mode right now. Yeah. You can be helping mom. You can be cooking. You can be cleaning. Like, she's still healing. So it's just like, it's frustrating that it's like, you could have had your cake and eaten it too. Yeah. I just weighed in a couple more weeks. And then go job hunt. And it's like the family is so crazy telling him to get a better job. But it's more they don't know what's actually going on in your family, what you need. Yeah. So it's like, you're right. It was a discussion they needed to have. And so crazy. I also, she clearly didn't marry for money. Like, that was never the issue. Like, if she wanted a guy who had more money, she would have good points. She would have married a guy with more money. So she's like, can you just fucking wake up when the baby's crying? That's all she wants. I'm just trying to take a shit. The baby's crying. Please get the baby. But it's so true. And I feel like so many women who've had so many different guys they've dated. And they're now like in their 30s that I talked to. They're always just like, I want a kind good man. So I want a kind empathetic man who's... Dating is so hard right now. Like, talking to all my friends that are still actively dating. Like, so hard. I have a friend that just moved from LA to New York. And like, a part of that was because dating is so bad here. But I'm also like... I don't know. I don't know over there, girl. You should have put you in Chicago somewhere in the middle. The middle. I wonder if it's because our algorithms are so different. And we're consuming so much content on our phones that when we hang out with like a guy who hasn't been looking at the same stuff, you're just like, Hey. What are we doing here? We're gonna talk about. What are we talking about? What do you like to do? My name's Morgan. Hi. What's your favorite color? I like black. Literally, that's the first date. What do you do? I wouldn't honestly, I wouldn't even know where to begin nowadays. Like, I just, I can't, like, the thought of dating again. Like, there's no, I can't, my brain. I'm like, I'm dying before I have to date again. Yeah. There's no way. Oh, 100%. I also feel like it's like, you either meet someone through friends or like, you just message a thousand people a day forever. That's depressing. That's depressing. That's depressing. A little. Well, it's just like either like, you go full technology and you're like, do a numbers game. Or you go like, I'm gonna just walk. I go just walk. I'm gonna walk through a library and see if a handsome man asks me if I'm lost. The fact that some people actually do still have meet cuts is like, you're like, a meeting there has been on a plane. How? I'm like, are they making that up for a TikTok video? How? I literally just saw a video. Of course, it was a TikTok of this girl that was like, my mom's the best friend asked me to pick her up from the airport. I did. She texted me, get out of the car. I met your husband. Sure enough, standing next to her is this hot guy that she sat next to on the plane. And we're now all going out to dinner together. I'm like, how does this happen to people? I'm hoping it's a reverse effect where like, everyone is so sick of all the online stuff that people start talking to each other. However, like apparently a lot of Gen Zs, this is a probably made up stat. But like some of the guys have never been rejected to their face before. Like guys aren't asking girls to their face. To like, which is like a very critical part of your girl's skills. You need that socialization. 100%. Milestone. Get rejected to your face. Rejection therapy is like a real thing. You need to do it. You need to do it. Girl and guy. Everyone. Everyone needs to do rejection therapy. To your face. Ask the questions. I hate making phone calls. I hate asking like questions and like, service. Hate it. But you never know. There was like something the other day. I like bought something off Facebook marketplace. And I was like, would you take like 500 for that instead of a thousand? She was, I'm like, say, let's all be there. Just ask. Just get in your own head. But a lot of times they'll say, no, I made an offer at a thrift store. And I thought it was a reasonable offer, but she said no. And then you just walk away. It's fine. Nothing personal. You're not going to die. Sometimes I think I will, but you're not going to die. It's okay. Oh god. I could see you being a dating coach. Oh my god. Oh my god. I could like really see you being a dating coach. I love coaching in general. Like I love being a hype woman for people. I have like an agent brain, where I'll see someone. I'll be like, you got to do this. And I believe in you. You got to trust this. You got to go. But I feel like dating is very, like just being your authentic self and the right people will find you. That's very hopeful. Is my what I put out there for people. I appreciate that. Back to this gap. Yeah, back to the baby. Back to the baby. We left the baby crying. Are you the asshole for not being attracted to him? I don't think so. I think it's it's valid. You're not attracted him right now, but know that it's not like it's not necessarily permanent. I think in marriages, there can be ups and downs. You know when you're in a fight and you're like, obviously I don't want to have sex with him right now. He's pissing me off. Like I think it's one of those where she's turned off by him, but I don't think you're not attracted to him. I still have hope for you. I think there's hope. I think you're just really, really going through it right now. You're deeply unhappy, super unsatisfied. And you don't have a partner right now. That's kind of where you're at. And she's making your life worse. He's making your life a lot worse, a lot harder. So no, I feel like I would be shocked if you were attracted to him, to be honest. I do think, especially with women nowadays, we feel similar to men where your partner needs to bring value. And that's like, and you take it. No. I'm not saying you have to be hard. I'm just saying, if you're not bringing anything to the relationship, why are you here? And if you're hurting the relationship, why are you here? Yeah. So when I say value, I don't mean the red pill value, but rather don't make my life harder. And I don't think people realize that. I think because of what's online for men in the content and all the toxicity geared towards men, it's like, it's not like high value. It's like, you don't have to make a lot of money. No. It's not that alpha male stuff where it's like, you have to make over 125K a year. When I start out, high value is like, do you make me feel seen? Value is effort. Understood. Yes. Communication. We're protected. Yeah. And it could be in various forms. It does not have to be like, and you can be imperfect. You can be poor. Yeah. You can have your own issues that you're struggling with. You can have crazy in-laws. You have crazy in-laws. It's how you show up. It's how you show up. And you're ultimately on the same team together. This guy, he's left the team. He's on the bench right now. Yeah. And you need him on the court. And he benched himself. He benched himself. Like, what does mom bench mean? Not to use sports analogies on this. No, he benched himself. We're still smithing this. Get in the game. Panel de-box. I mean, yeah. Yeah, she's some threes. She's out of here. Just run it around. Full court defense. I know, dude. You're reminding me of like, Steph Curry and all the drama that's been on TikTok about. Oh, his wife. Him and his wife. Scary. Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. You don't have a partner. You just have an employer to bang and clean up after. If that's harsh, don't get angry with me. He's the one treating you that way. Someone goes, yeah, she's basically doing shift work with a newborn and managing an emotionally checked out roommate. There's nothing sexy about having a parent your partner. And also, yeah, he is tired. Like, 6am to 4.30. He's definitely tired when he gets home. But it's like, okay, we need to fix this because it's not working. No, I'm going to see if there's any comments from OP at this point. We do have a few comments. Because it's six days old now. So someone has like a really long comment to OP. Why is he doing this new job right now? I can understand slightly from his perspective about being tired coming home and just wanting to be on his phone. But he has a child. He should be taken care of before other things. I think he is the asshole for not helping. But I do see what has happened. Family pressured him. Maybe he felt like he wasn't doing enough. Tries to do more in the wrong way, making more money rather than helping you. Is now tired because of his hours. Became stuck in habit of not helping. I think men forget what actually makes us love them. It's not the fact that they're making money. It's that they're being a part of the family and your life. Period. Hannah. Hannah. He's like, that's what we said. We don't even need the comments. I am the comment. Hannah is comment. Hannah is stuff. I will comment. I will comment. And OP responds, I think that is perfectly put. It's not all about money and it could have waited. He didn't jump into it without consulting me. But at that point, he was severely depressed thinking he wasn't doing enough. And I told him to do what he needed. I warned him it would be hard. But in my head, I didn't see he'd be so focused on the new job that he would forget about us. Yeah. I saw my husband who used to come home from work and help me. I feel like he didn't know what he needed or what he wanted. Yeah. And he thought this job was going to bring him something. And she thought, well, I want my husband to be happy. Mm-hmm. But she didn't realize that he's now just like put his depression and energy into something else. Yeah. Well, and I don't think it would have mattered if she would have been like, not right now. Like if she would have said no, that could have caused even more depression, more resentment, and then it could have been her fault. So it's like, it was kind of a catch-22 in this sense where it's no one's winning. Yeah. Like they're both really losing. Yeah. It also, we're two people who haven't had a kid yet. Yeah. That would know of no one. Last time on stolen egg. I'd be crazy. So we don't know about this like time, but I hear so many like celebs or like moms talk about like, oh, back when I did have my kid, it was the hardest time, so traumatizing. And a lot of women do it just kind of in silence. Like you don't even know how difficult it is. So she probably feels really alone, but I just want to say, I don't think you're alone. I feel like a lot of women are going through this. So many, I mean, I've heard of women, their husband is showing up. And they're like, I'm not a true, he did this to me. I hate him right now. Like there's so many women that like, oh my god, he sneezed and woke the baby up. I hate his guts. Like, yeah. When you're in that new baby postpartum stage, even when you're in pregnancy, I mean, this whole, this being pregnant having kids, it's a feat. Yes. It's Olympic metal worthy. Yeah. So I think you get a pass. Yeah. You get a pretty big pass. I always try to think to like, sometimes with the household, it doesn't naturally flow. And you like have to have some systems in place. Like a job. For example, like my husband and I are both messy. So like we've been trying to get more systems in place where it's like, okay, you are the dishwasher person. Like I will handle the laundry. Okay. Because it's like at least try to put something down. Because it's not working and are like, willy-nilly figure it out. That's me. So yeah, maybe there's a method of like, you do the diapers after 5 p.m. you're on diaper patrol. I'm telling you, this is it. Because you can't. That's really smart. Just like, maybe there's a simpler system so that when he doesn't do it, it's very clear to be like, that's so smart. Your diaper guy. That's really smart. Delegate. Like, here's the clear task. After 5 p.m., we're 50-50 on the job. It's not me 100%. And even saying 50-50, I don't think it's clear enough. No, no, no. I like your task. Like you're on diaper duty. You're on bottle washing duty. Yeah, whatever it is. Here's your task. You cut us. Come home. You do all the dishes. And then, tonight, it's you. And actually, I do a family that has newborns and they have their own systems that work for them. Like, she'll be like, he does, you know, Tuesdays and Wednesdays because he is later on work those days. So he stays up those nights. So I hate that. I hate to say, turn it into like a military operation, but that might be what this guy needs. You might need that in the early days. I, hey, I said, you're in the trenches. Yeah. Bring out the military trenches. Let's bring him, let's do some push-ups. Let's go. Let's go. Yeah. Mike drop. Don't grow bustle close to the sun right now, Bradley. Mike drop. That would make up names for all the guys. That's Bradley. It helps. It helps set the scene for us. Giving Bradley. Yeah. Brad. I think that is the way to handle it. I feel like this is, it's hard because it's like if it's his dream job. Wait a couple. Wait till you're done with the FML. Wait till the FML to be over. I do see like the draw though. It's like he's got his family medical leave. Job is still there. So if he does hate this one and it doesn't work out, there's the safety net. Yeah, and he doesn't want to, he likes being able to do the training so that he can work. But actually, I've heard this before, where men will get family medical leave. And at first they're helpful. But then they kind of take it to like do some other stuff, like start some new hobbies. And like they have all this free time. Yeah. So like this is a thing that I've heard. I'm not going to name names, but some men have done. Some men have done to my friend. But then they worked it out. Okay. Yeah. Because basically, guys are like, what do you need me here? I guess I'll like, I'll take a class and learn something during this leave. Yeah. Just be still. Just be just be there. Just be there. Be present. Sometimes I think men are very like, again, master typing, but they're like, how can I solve this problem right now? She is telling you what she needs you to do. But sometimes it's just like that you're there just in case. Yeah. That you're ready. And you're you're here for the family. Yeah. People have backup pictures, you know, Dodgers is one world series. Like there's backups for a reason. Yeah. There's this new commercial. I forget what I should insurance thing is for. But it's like the professional backups come in. Like this dude can't order out a drive-through window. And the professional backup comes in and like orders everything really well. Like the parents are trying to give like a talk to a kid and they're botching it. And this backup comes in and it's like, when two people fall in love. And it's like the backup explains it's like, wait, just like just be a backup. There's nothing wrong with it. Yeah. Yeah, because you won't be the one breastfeeding, but that doesn't mean you don't have a critical role. Emotional support. Hold my hand. Tell me I look good. There's another. We're starting selling picks on only fans. Sound some dirty stuff. Some foot picks. Sound a little something. But yeah. I also think a little meeting with the whole family could be good. I think that would be good. So we do get a couple more comments that do provide some insight. Okay. Um, so there is a comment here. I know why he decided to do what he did. Both of his parents died while he was relatively young and he had to work for what he has. The family in his ear are his uncle and brother. Oh. With that being said, I make double what he makes. This has never caused fights. But when he looks at our income, he sees his. He thinks he's doing it all with his own money. And that has caused arguments when I have to remind him he's not. He has done therapy before. And I'm sure if I ask, he will again. I think the issue now is that he is so blinded by money and making more money more than ever before. Yeah. In fear that he can't provide for a baby that he's missing out on everything else when we will never have an issue providing together. This is a plot twist. She's like, Mama's got you. Okay. Said breadwinner. Sure go, Mama got you. So stop stressing about your pennies. I know. And if you want to provide for this family, do it emotionally. Yeah. This is like just a real miscommunication of what we were talking about earlier. What is value? Yeah. What is value? What is value? And clearly she's like, I got you on the money front. I just like, I think that's something guys need to get more comfortable with as we like progress forward. It's okay if you have an imbalance in breadwinner or like if your wife is making more than you and you're in that traditional relationship because I think this isn't so much an issue for gay couples or other couples. Like it's those straight couples. But even in a gay couple, if one of them starts doing really well, it could be great for the other one to be like, oh, maybe I'll be more at home for this. For another one. And it kind of can flip back and forth. Yeah. I just think like people that are in the LGBTQ plus community have like those conversations easier. Yes. There's not so much insecurity as where you see in like, well, yeah, they don't say like, I'm the one that should be this. Yes. Because they're not, I don't know. That toxic masculinity of it where it's like, I need to make more money than my what. Yeah. No. You're fine. But I was like, you got, she married you. She's good. I literally just saw a TikTok this morning of a guy being like, what would you do if your wife made over $300,000 a year? And it just shows the guy, like throwing in laundry, like burping the baby. Okay, I love it. And he's cleaning and he's like loving it and like partying at home. Yeah. Which by the way, it's very difficult to keep a home. I wouldn't know because I'm horrible at it. So I don't know. I was there talking to my grandma who's got my arm, she was 18. And I'm like, what would you do during the day? Clean. And she's like, you wake up. You're doing laundry. You're cleaning. You're cooking. You have three kids. I'm not meant for that. Holy shit, Nana. Yeah, your grandma's so cute. She's the cutest. You guys said Nana still got it on Instagram. If you want to follow her, she's very active. Oh my God, like she just went, I think I saw you guys go to like some premiere and her fit. I'm like, damn. Oh, she's poor. Oh. Nana is a fashion icon at 84. I mean, unreal. And real. But yeah, different times. I mean, I don't know how to keep a home either. I will definitely need a lot of help when I have a kid because you don't see my floor very often. My editor, Jenna, sitting here with us now. And I cleaned my house when we had people over for Halloween to pass out candy. And I don't know if it was Jenna or someone else, but they walked in. They're like, this is the first time I've seen your floor. Wow, this looks great here. You're creative. You're an expressive creator. Oh, I just, it's hard. And it's already piled back up. I'm like, what the fuck is clean for a day? Also, it is hard to tell a man, like, look, I make more than you deal with it. I think it's more of changed the perspective of, like, long term, I'd love your career to flourish. Now is not the training time for you to build on that. Because also there are a ton of people who don't find what they love or find the right work situation until later in life. Yeah. He can find a job that he ends up like really ascending and finding a community for himself and making more money in that could happen when he turns 40. Yeah. This isn't set in stone. It's not. And the last comment I'll read, his employer of his old job is aware of all of this. So not at risk. Apparently they've been family friends since childhood. This was an opportunity he has been waiting on for a while. He just jumped into it very quickly instead of waiting for the next run of trainings in early 2026. So there is like such a perfect world here where he talks to whoever is doing the training and says, hey, I bid off a little bit more than I can chew right now with a new baby at home. I'd love to do the trainings in 2026. I will not let you down. Baba, blah, blah. He kind of has an idea what trainings look like. Yeah. And then he can be present for a baby. And you know what, this is why I believe in this couple because I think they're going to be okay. His heart's in the right place. It is. He's just, he's fucking up. And that's okay. You're allowed to make mistakes, but his heart is there. His mom's not trying to like get her deported or whatever the other mom was trying to do. Yeah. So this is good. This is really good. This is logistical problems, which we all deal with. Yeah, I just got to need to communicate. Get on the same page again. Yeah. But I love what he's speaking up for what she needs. Because there's a lot of people that could be like, he's going through it. I don't want to make it worse for him. I'll take on all the load. And said she's like, something's wrong. I'm unattracted to him. How do we fix this? She's on it. And she went to Reddit. And then she's here. And then she's here and we we solve that crime. And thank God she's here because otherwise, hello, we get out of a job. Yep. Be out of a job. Thank God there's next ones here too, because this one, this is also keeping me employed. Okay. Idol money lies in your current account picking crumbs out of its belly button wondering, should I eat them? But when you start investing with monso, your money's always busy. It turns on regular investments. Invests your spare change and tops up your stocks and shares, I say. It even helps you make sense. I'm pretty scared to return. Monso, the bank that gets your money moving. You could get back less than you invest. Monso current account required UK residents 18 plus decenties apply. So this is coming from our such relationship advice. Titled, I, 28 female commented on a post of my boyfriend 29 male on a, are we dating the same guy, page, and he found out, what are my next steps? Wait. How have you seen these pages? So she commented, like she said, is anyone dating this guy? No, she, someone else said, are you dating this guy? And it's her boyfriend? And it's her boyfriend. And he knows that she knows. Okay. I 28 female recently found a post of my boyfriend, 29 male on a local, are we dating the same guy, page? We've been together for five years. There were several comments on there of girls stating that they texted him and went out with him. And I couldn't tell if this had happened recently or if it could have been from a long time ago. So I commented on it anonymously, asking if anyone has talked or hooked up with him recently. And a girl responded saying that she did, and asked if I did as well. And if I had any tea on him, I probably should have said I was his girlfriend, but I was so embarrassed I couldn't and worried I wouldn't get any information. So I just said he told me not to talk or sleep with anyone else, anyone either, but that we never hooked up. Huh? Huh? She responded back claiming he said the exact same thing to her. I then asked when they last hooked up and she never responded back. My boyfriend then comes home and is furious, slamming doors, giving me dirty looks, but won't say anything to me. I know he knows that I was the one who anonymously posted because I had suspicions that he had been cheating on me and have recently been asking him and he denied doing so. I then go back to the post and all of her responses are deleted. So I know she told him and I'm sure he told her to delete them, but he's pissed at me for it. Anyways, what are my next stuff? Do I confront him about it or just wait and see if he says anything? Also, we rent an apartment together and are on the same lease, so that makes things even more complicated. Well, you guys know what I'm gonna say. You know what I'm gonna say? I think this is when you just blame your friend and you go, so my friend, so photo of you, my friend's so photo of you and this girl was saying you hooked up. My thing is like, yeah, it's awkward, but it's like, let's get to the crux of it. Yeah, what's the real issue here? And don't let the fight become, where are you being nosy? Be like, that was my friend. She sent me a friend shot. She sent it to me. What are you talking about? Sorry, my friend knows who you are and saw you. She saw you. She's single, she's dating. Sorry, she's looking out for me. That's what girls do. It's not my fault. She likes to comment on pages. Hashtag community. Like, she's a community. Yeah, hashtag, if you see something say something. In the wise words of TSA, come on. Which you know is a very well-run organization that never has delays. So, I've been on pain. I true, pay TSA. I hate this man. I've had a day, I can't with this man. Slamming doors, sir, grow up. Grow up. And you don't even have the balls to tell me why your mad. Grow up, I'm fighting him. You saw the door in my house? Not in my house. Not in my house. No, I'll get a parrot to yell at you. I would borrow a parrot for revenge. That's actually a great idea. I also think there's the girls who like, you have a sense, your boyfriends cheating, which a lot of girls are witches. So, that is totally valid. Yeah, but this is another level. This is literally like, this is more than like what they're smoked this fire. There's people talking about it. Yeah, I think she knows he's cheating. I think she does. I mean, it was in her gut. She went on that page for a reason. That's the thing. Like, I think if you're gonna cheat, don't, like just break up because women are witches. They will find out like, oh, it's just a matter of time. It's not if it's when they find out. Yeah. Like, your fair partner is gonna become jealous. They'll tell them eventually. Yeah, and five years is a long time. The, there's no way the post, the post was definitely within that time. Five years. Oh my God. So, top comment, you break up with him. Duh. How much time is left on your lease? OP responds, oh, I am. I'm just wondering if I should even say anything about it or just let it be a little over five months. That's a long time on the lease. Next one down. Leave him. Why do you need a confession from him? You already know what's going on. I guess I want some kind of closure. Although I don't think him admitting to it will give me that anyways. Plus he'll probably lie. So just my own delusions, wanting him to realize he's wrong. It's definitely over between us. How do you feel about closure? Do you find it overrated or underrated? Oh my God. Good closure. I feel like closure can just be within you. That's what closure is. Like I definitely have situations where maybe like things weren't said, but it's like I found the closure. And I feel like also closure is where they don't affect you anymore. Yeah. That's my closure where it's like I'm not, I'm not ruining against them, I'm not rooting for them. Like I actually just feel nothing for them. That's my closure. That's where I get with people. I'm just like I'm just neutral. Like you're oatmeal to me. Yes. I'm just going to leave it. Yeah. If someone talks shit about them to me, I'm kind of like I actually don't care to pile on this because I don't want to be involved at this point. I genuinely like, and with the way people twist things, it's like I'm not even, I'm not even saying a word. Like it's just like it's not worth it. Yeah. So even have the ability to have something twisted, that's not even true. Yeah. And you don't need a guy to tell you he cheated for you to feel over him. Like you're over him, babe. But I do think I don't mind like a conversation, at least being like, hey, I just don't feel safe in this relationship. I don't feel good about myself. There's something wrong. You don't have to be accusatory. I just be like, I'm not happy. That's it. And if he wants to confess cool enough not, it's like, sorry, it's, I love that. And also it's like so loving yourself. Like you're choosing to love yourself. He's not loving you the way you want to be loved. So you're basically just saying, hey, your love kind of isn't doing it for me. And I think I deserve better. They always say like the person you're with is a reflection of how much you love yourself and she's loving herself. Oh, okay, great. Yeah. Okay, Mo Robbins. Wow. Not them. You are a healed, very put together woman over there. Okay. No, this is me and my dating coach, era. I am telling you. I'm like, now I'm like fully, I'm like, okay, we have to start this dating thing. I've literally wanted to do like a THT speed dating round. Oh my God. And then we could collaborate on it in New York. The city that needs some love. And so many singles. And then literally we'll just pop table to table and like, fucking like be awkward and weird with that. Make out. You won't do it. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Start a grind line. I see this in our future. I see this. We could easily get someone to sponsor this hinge. Tinder. Tinder. You want to have a fun event? Let's go. Well, we do get an update. Okay. Okay. This is coming 10 days later. And they say this. First off, I want to thank everyone for all of your helpful advice on my original post. He did admit that the girl sent him a screenshot of the post. And he was just upset because he didn't like a bunch of random people knowing his business. Wait, what? But I also found out that he brought that same girl to our apartment when I was out of town a week prior. And they had sex in our bed. Sorry. Never apologized for it. But simply stated that if I came home when I said I was, I went to my mom's because we were in a fight and had spoken in days. And I decided to stay two days longer than it wouldn't have happened. Oh, he's a monster. Oh, he's an evil man. Sorry, I slept with someone else in our bed. It's because actually you didn't come home. He is sinister. We are absolutely over. And although he had begged for me to forgive him for a couple of days, he finally got mad enough at me because I wouldn't have sex with him. That he left me alone. Ew. Okay, this is horrible. Please tell me he's letting her stay in the apartment. It's too expensive for me to break the lease, but we live in a two bedroom apartment. So I am able to have my own space. You know, I'm fucking knocking on your door with a half chub. Or so I thought I woke up yesterday at three in the morning wondering where my dog was as he sleeps with me. I get up and I can't find him. But my ex's door is shut. So I open it because I can hear my dog sniffing under the door to get out. There he is sitting on the bed with my phone in his hand going through it. After we had established that we were not together, I take it and look at the screen time information and he spent over 30 minutes in my saved passwords. So now I am actually concerned and very weirded out and may just ask my mom for a loan to break the lease because he literally creeped in my room when I was sleeping and took my phone to go through it. Anyways, thank you to everyone for the comments and concerns and advice. Although I feel like I wasted many years with him, it was a growing experience and I will absolutely do better in the future. At it, I did also get STD tested as well. Just waiting to hear the results back from it. Oh, ma'am. Also saved passwords. Is he in your chase, the carol babe? I'm like, what is he doing? He's like, he's just diabolical. Yeah. You were cheating and you think you're going to go through her shit? But that is very what cheaters do. I feel like they're paranoid. You're cheating because they're so paranoid about getting caught. But the saved password makes me very, very weirded out. Yeah, was he, like, is he trying to get into her bank accounts? Is he trying to get into like her emails? It's just like private stuff. So change your password. Change. Which is so annoying. I'm so sorry. The admin of that is going to ruin your life. I'm like locked out of my personal TikTok right now. And it's like the worst thing. Like having a forgotten password, having to go through. I call ID. I used to have my university password and then obviously university email expired. Couldn't get it. It's nightmare. Oh my god. Room my life for like a decade. I literally just called my old school like a couple of weeks ago. Like did you guys finally shut down my email? Type B girls. And they go, you've been an alumni for 10 years. We don't keep them forever. And I'm like, Well, now I can't get to anything. I can't get to anything. I just like go to the Apple Store. Anyway, I digress. Yeah, this guy is insane. I don't, I don't like that he was trying to hook up with her after. I don't like that the dog was it? Leave my dog alone. Leave my phone alone. Why'd you take the dog? Why'd you take the dog? We need, no. He's legally bonding her. No, it's not okay. He's trying to steal the dog. Not okay. But I hate that, yeah, I don't know what she's going to do. But as least she knows, and she is 100% right, she learned a lot. I know. She grew, she learned, she's more interesting, she's probably funnier from dealing with all this. I know. And did she mention age? No. And she's only 28. A baby. 28 literal baby. Prime of your life. Prime time now you're getting out and you see things clearly. Now that the rain is gone, I say clearly now. Yeah, see you back to singing. Yeah. I think we're going to find you lessons. I think you can really sing. I think you can. Oh, God. I think this is in your future. No. No, no, no. That's going to be you. That was good. With your opera mom. That was me. You can do duets. Well, traveling duo. I don't podcast anymore. I just go on and do operatic solos. Did you whip out any singing during your Carnegie Hall show? No. I mean, you're at. I was in a disrespect. Carnegie Hall. Carnegie Hall. I wasn't going to flame the place. See, I would have just like a couple little bars to say you did it. I sang in Carnegie Hall. I can't even. I can't play the piano. Music was not my. I didn't have the bug. I could tell it. Oh, man. It's OK. I'm a yapper. I don't call it. I sing through my words. I'm podcast. How poetic is that? OK, moving on to this next one. I think I'm going to give you a choice. OK. Do you like a choice or do you hate a choice? I don't want a choice. OK. You have three choices. OK. Which door? Choice number one. Am I overreacting about my nanny family having sex during the day? Option two. My girlfriend told me she befriends less attractive girls on purpose. Or option three. How can my husband 61 male and I 60 female help our son 32 male move past his high school girlfriend? Oh, God. They're all. They're all winners. Those are all really good. Let's do the second one because I feel like we haven't done one of them. About from a boy looks. Oh, and from potentially a boy's perspective. Yeah. Two. OK. So again, this one is titled. My girlfriend told me she befriends less attractive girls on purpose. There is a trigger warning here for ED slash self image. OK. Yeah. My girlfriend was telling me about how her friend is trying to find a boyfriend. So she's using dating apps. She said she's not having any luck. I told her that sucks. She said her friend might have to lose some weight to find a guy. I was like, yeah, maybe. Then out of nowhere, she started talking about how she loves having overweight friends, how she looks better by comparison. Oh, I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? She was like, we're more comfortable with each other so she can say this. We've been together a month. She went on to say that her overweight friends make her look like a model and that she will never get friends that are on the same level as her because she loves when guys come up to her at the club and ignore her friends. She said it makes her feel powerful and desired. She said it makes her feel like a high value woman. Oh, I was just like, all right, that's cool. I guess. I don't know. I feel like she's showing her true colors, but I feel like a lot of girls do this so I can't fault her. Weird. Do a lot of girls do this? I don't think a lot of girls do this. Well, I know girls who like having uglier boyfriends. They like being the reward. No, literally. They actually know a lot of girls like this who they want to be the one that's always like wanted more and the hotter one. Oh my gosh. It's funny. And they'll joke like, oh, it's because I'm insecure. I want an ugly guy that fons over me. Okay. But then I say, I'm insecure. I want a hot guy so people think I'm cooler because I'm with a hot guy. So it's like two different ways of going about it. You know? This is so like, I'm like doing the mental gymnastics, trying to figure this out. Like, but I'm also the same with friends. Like, I like my friends being, well, I actually don't think about attraction. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, towards good people. And if you're like the people in your life, also happen to be like insanely driven or like super talented and like this and that. We definitely like motivate each other. Yeah. I like being around those kind of people. That's what you want from your friends. You want friends that lift you up and motivate you and challenge you, but like aren't also your biggest hater. Like if someone told me, yeah Morgan, I became friends with you because you were bigger than me. I'd be like, that's the sole reason you became my friend. What about like, I'm nice. I'll say. I'd be a good emergency contact. I also sometimes like to get fast food. Also saying you hang out with girls who are bigger than you. So guys come up to you at the club. It basically you're saying you're hate you, hate yourself. And you want a guy to choose you because of your weight. Clocked. You're a clocked. You hate like you have to hang out with people who you deem unlovable for you to be loved. So you're insecure. And but it's funny. She's like owning it. Like for her, opening her crazy up this early in relationship is funny. It's giving pick me. Pick me. Yeah, I choose me. I guess she's kind of like, think she's smart with it. Like she like figured a system or something. Or she like wants to be like the queen bee. She does. She does think she's smart with it. Yeah. Because otherwise you wouldn't admit it. Yeah, she thinks it's like a strategy that just like happens to work. She thinks it's a win. But that's diabolical. Also like I'm just like, I'm so perplexed by this because like, I don't know. Like don't you want someone to like pick you for you? Yeah. Not because like, I just I just, not because you look good against some made up thing that you've put in your head. But also you can't have good friends in your, if you're life, if you're picking them based on their weight. Like if you're so picking people based on a tractiveness and that's what you pick people because you actually get along with them because you like them because you love them. You want to be around them. They're a good time. Like, I'm just, I'm so absolutely flabbergasted by this. And I've had another story recently. It might have been on Patreon. I'm not, I don't remember what episode, but it was someone who was basically like, I called out my friend or my sister because she picked only ugly bridesmaids. She didn't even pick the girls that are actually her best friends. The people she asked to be her bridesmaids are people she's like loosely friends with, but like she considers them ugly. Oh, Jesus. And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're that insecure bitch. You're going to be in all white. Everyone's going to be looking at you. You're the bride. Come on. It's an insecurity thing. I do know that some girls who are like incredibly beautiful may have trouble not to be like, oh, their life is so hard, but some people might judge them immediately and think they think they're better than them or people might not want to be friends with them because they don't feel good about themselves. Yeah. But maybe I'm like talking about like beyond gorgeous women that are, it's freaky looking at them maybe. I bet you're like, your eyes are so blue. I can't look into them. But this girl's definitely mentally dealing with some things. And kudos to him for seeing a red flag because that is a red flag. It is. And like, I think too, just kind of his responses where he's just like, I was like, what the fuck? Like, it does seem like this could be something a guy would just brush off like for sure. Especially if she's like super hot. She looks the way he wants it to look. Yeah. Maybe she's being like joky with it where it's kind of like locker room talk, but yeah, it's just not hitting. It's sickly. And also she doesn't care about her friends and that's like sad. It's very sad. Like, you're using people. It's just lonely. Super lonely. Lonely. Super lonely. Top comment. Man a few words or woman, someone, a few words. Very shallow. Hmm. Which it is. I mean, next one down says very true. Also if the guys are only approaching her with the intention of just sleeping with her, I don't personally know how she could feel of high value. Also, I wonder what happens when a guy comes up to the group and hits it off with one of her friends who she deems ugly. She must fucking spiral. Hmm. Lose her mind to be like, wait, the world isn't so black and white that I'm hot and everyone else is ugly in my friend group. She's ugly. She's ugly on the inside. She's ugly on the inside. And that's where it goes. But I'd love to know what trauma happened at a young age or who hurt her to make her think that that was the only way she was high value. I know. I want him to break up with her. Also the fact she's telling them this after just like a month of being together. Yeah. That's something you take to your grave. Like if you're that delusional and like that big of a bitch, like that's something you take to your grave. But I do just say this is full time hot people problems. This is a hot person who has is surrounding herself with people who never told her that's fucking crazy. She needs to get clocked. She needs to get clocked. She needs someone to read her to filth. But because she's just surrounds herself with people that she sounds like she bosses around and runs Chanel. Chanel number one, two, three, four, five. Literally. No, I feel like I really call you out. You do. And like just this is so unmatched, but I really hope OP breaks up with her and says, also it's because you're so ugly. Like it's because you're just not kind. Yeah. You admitting that is actually crazy and you really need to work on yourself. Like I hope on the way out. He really like slams the door into her. And I don't know a lot about the whole high value stuff. It's not in my algorithm. Wait, what is that? But I know about high vibrations. And what she's doing is low vibrations. It's very low vibration all to just talk about people's weight. I like this vibration. I want to get into this. They say like high vibrational people feel like you feel them. Like there's there's depth. Just good energy. Good energy. And like she's low vibrational. I like that. Apparently, a high value woman is a popular self concept in self improvement in relationship discussions. A woman who possesses a strong sense of self worth. And she doesn't. Confidence. Independence. No. And emotional intelligence. No. Oh, she did that to herself. None. The focus is typically on intrinsic personal qualities rather than external factors. It's funny because I do feel like there's also the side of like you could be insecure and only want to hang out with hot girls to feel like you're hot. Like it's like, one, hang out with a cool crew to be like, I'm cool. See, I'm with the cool girls. So it's just so interesting how people express their insecurities. But yeah, she, she doesn't know what high value means. She's like at the opposite of high value. She's pond scum. Pond scum. But that is actually, I like that. Let's be high value women, which is women who are confident in themselves and emotionally intelligent. But there's like, yes. Yeah. Like you shouldn't be friends with people you don't even like. You shouldn't be friends with the way haters. Like you feel like your friend doesn't like you. Drop them. They're not worth it. You are wasting time and energy on that friend that doesn't even like you or value you. Where you could be making new friends that appreciate you and love you. And like it's the same thing. You can't have two doors open at once. Like all your energy is going into this asshole. Yeah. Where can you give any other time? You only got 24 hours a day. Yeah. And not to be, I've been in LA for three days talking about vibrations, but people can lower your vibration. I fully believe that. I mean, there's some people that like, I've had in a room, I've been in a room with them for like an hour and a half or two hours or three or whatever, a night, a dinner. And I like, I call them energy vampires where you just leave their presence and all you want to do is just like go in a dark room and not talk. Like you are so drained. Yeah. So drained. And it's like the people that like are combative with you. And you're like, oh, I think, I think you look really nice. I love that dress. This dress, I hate this dress. This dress makes you look fat. Fine. Fuck. Sorry. Like it's just exhausted. Life is too short to be drained all the time. So divorce him. I'm just kidding. Get him on the D. Sorry. Get him on the D. There's two types of Ds and you go two different ways. Well, the opposite of an energy vampire is Hannah Burner. Oh my God. I feel this is my about you. A gem. Every time I see you, I just, I feel a little lighter. This is our coffee catch up. It is. Come to town. I know. I'm hot takes. It's so good. I feel reconnected. I don't know how you're doing it. You must have like a solar battery hooked up to you or something. A lot of napping. Hannah's on tour right now. Yes. You need to catch a show. Come you guys. I'm going to be in LA. Actually, I want you to come. The will turn in January. Let's go. I'm there. I'm there. I'll hook it up. I know someone coming to San Francisco, coming to Chicago. I'm coming everywhere. Check out my website. Yeah. You're filming a special at one of them. Yes, in Toronto. So, I mean, like, if you guys want to be on the special, it's okay. It's happening at a very, very complex shows. Thank you for supporting me. No, of course. All of Hannah's links will be in the description, but catch a show. I mean, your first special on Netflix was amazing. It was like, how long was it in the top 10? I feel like I just saw it on my little list. And of course, watch. It was crazy to see it in the top 10. Like, that was wild. Because I'm like, are there people seeing this? Is it just mine? It's just my mom watching this a lot. Did they hack into my account to put it there to make me feel special? Yeah. I was even trying to make me feel special. No, it's amazing. So, check her out. She's also got a podcast. Two podcasts. Yeah. Kigley Squad and Burnerphone. Burnerphone, yeah, with Hubby. Yes. Not someone that's divorced really. He actually, you know, picks up his fair share. So, check it all out. Working on it. Hey, you know, you're busy, busy girl. Yeah, it's all good. Yeah. Yeah. But that's all I got. And until next time, guys, bye. Bye. Bye. If you loved this episode and want even more content, head over to Patreon. There are now three bonus episodes each and every month. And right now, you can try your first month for 50% off with code holiday 50. Come in. You get all the content. Even if you stay for just a month, so you can make it a challenge for yourself. See how much you could binge. If you know you're going to love it, you can even buy an annual membership for 25% off. If we're doing girl math, that's basically three whole months out of your year free. I mean, last month was super fun. We had a wedding theme. We had an episode with Michaela. That was two hours. We had an episode of Lauren. That was two hours. We're just having so much fun over there. So come on over and join us. You got to survive the holidays somehow. See you soon, guys.