This is the Jocko Underground podcast, number 212, sitting here with Echo Charles. We have some questions from the field, from you in the field, and we will provide some guidance, some cases, some answers, and at a minimum, some courses of action for you to follow. Yep, sounds good. Getting you through this maze of life is what you refer to it as. Sometimes, yes, it is a maze for sure. All right, let's go. Some direction always helps. All right, first question, Jocko Echo. Huge fan of the podcast, been listening since 2016. Never miss an underground pod. Okay, recently I found out from my buddy that my fiance used to date at Seal before me. Ever since hearing that, I can't help but wonder what the heck she's doing with me. And I feel like I probably come up short in every possible way. How do I accept my newly realized inferiority? And just to get, and just get back on the path of being the best husband and hopefully dad soon. Very average purple belt in jujitsu. So at least I have that going for me. Although I routinely get humbled by 15 year olds at AOJ. Part of jujitsu, by the way. Where I train, okay. Yeah, cool. Hey man, listen, first of all, being a Seal doesn't make you a good person. Doesn't make you a good fighter. Doesn't mean that you're smart. It doesn't really mean that you have any positive qualities other than perhaps you will keep going in rough situations. But even that's suspect. Cause there's people that go through buds and they skate and they duck boat. And Seals are all over the spectrum in every aspects in their behavior. And so in other words, Seals are people. And this guy that your fiance dated at some point was just some dude that happened to have made it through you know, Seal training, he wasn't a superhero. And there's most important, and the guy could have been a great guy, could have been terrible cause it doesn't really even matter. Like it doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is, whether this guy was a great guy and a hero and a stud or not, none of that matters. Like why are you even thinking about that? Because they're not together anymore, she's with you. So guess who won? Or lack of a better word. Let me guess who she ended up with, you. So I wouldn't think about it too much. You know, don't compare yourself to some myth that's in your head, which by the way, I must remind you that if you reveal this, you look real insecure, which isn't gonna make your fiance super stoked, right? Like the insecurities that come out from this, they seem real weak. And there's no reason for them. Because whatever the guy did in the past, it doesn't really, whatever some guy that she dated a long time ago, doesn't really matter. Doesn't really matter. So I wouldn't worry about it, man. Honestly, the dude's just a dude. He's not some mythological creature that you've built up in your head. He's some random dude that happened to make it through seal training. So he's probably, you know, probably would have been a terrible husband, by the way. There's a 90% divorce rate in the seal teams. Not that there's not great dudes in the teams, but there's a lot of dudes that are great seals. They're not the best husbands. You wouldn't want them to marry your daughter. I can tell you that. So, yeah, just keep getting after it. Keep training Jiu Jitsu. Keep taking care of your girl. Don't worry about this. And don't, yeah, don't, don't think about it. It's not that big of a deal, man. You know, that's the way. What am I missing here? I have questions. Because it's gonna be hard for me to answer this question. Yeah, because you're the Navy Seal. Yeah, then maybe it is for you. What would you say? Oh, I would say what you said is correct. I believe the only thing. I might be in a different kind of maybe perspective or whatever is I understand what this guy's saying. Not from necessarily, ooh, the guy was the Navy Seal. But you know how, I think sometimes we trick ourselves or I don't know, for some reason have this miss, like understanding that things that we look up to and respect is something that my fiancee or even just the woman, the potential girlfriend, whatever might look up to and like and be attracted to. You know how guys in the gym, they put on more weight if a girl is around? You know, like, bruh, girls do not care how much you can bench. They care if you're strong versus super weak, of course, but that's sort of it. So if it's like, oh yeah, this guy can bench 315, three wheels, hell yeah, okay. But this other guy, he can do 350. She's not gonna be like, oh, I'm no longer attracted to this. It doesn't work like that. I think we make up these myths, like I say in our head, that it's like, oh, this guy's a seal. So of course, somewhere inside of him, he's like, dang, he kind of looks up to that as an idea. And then, so he just assumes maybe sub-consciously that she looks up to it kind of the same way, but just from a female, intimate kind of standpoint. And then he feels like this thing, but it's like, yeah, you're right. So what does that mean at home? What does that mean as a husband? What, like he's fucking sick with his weapon? Like it doesn't make sense, you see what I'm saying? So yeah, and then I think what you said, the point of like, okay, how does this translate into being a fiance, husband, dad or whatever? As a Navy SEAL, you said the 90% divorce rate is kind of like, okay, that's actually more of a factor than all these cool missions he probably went on. And as cool as- Or may or may not have gone on. May or may not have gone on. Okay, you know, even there you go, even additional stuff, you know what I kind of consider. So yeah, you know, makes sense. I mean, yeah, that delusion I think is- Did you ever see the movie? I think it's the movie Meet the Fockers, or it's Meet the Parents. The Parents, yeah. And Owen Wilson. Yeah, yeah, hell yeah. He plays like the ultimate ex-boyfriend and the Robert De Niro loves him. And I just remember that scene where he's like, he unveils the like- The Hopa. What is it called? Well, they call it Hopa, but it's the- What, you get married? Altar, right? Yeah, like the altar. And he's like, oh my gosh, how much time do they say? And he's like, oh, it took me 135 man hours. But you know, to me, it's just working with your hands. You know, if it's good enough for JC, it's good enough for me. He was a carpenter too. Just everything he says is just so perfect. And what's his name? Ben Stiller, who's just the lower level dude in this scenario. But the fact of the matter is who's she getting married to? She's with Ben Stiller despite his, you know, gross shortcomings in comparison to Owen Wilson, who plays the perfect dude. So it's kind of the same thing. Oh, actually, I'll do you. You're more right than you know. I think that was literally an illustration of this exact concept where, but the way they did it was way more appropriate than the Navy Seal thing. Cause just like I said, the Navy Seal thing, it's like, that's your comparing apples to oranges. Like a badass dude versus a badass husband is like two different things, you know, in this situation. But in that movie, they chose the things that girls tend to look up, you know, this guy, like if you look at the, if you watch that scene, there's pictures of them skydiving together, doing all these adventurous things, you know, and he's like, he made all this money, which is a known thing, attraction like point for girls, you know, so he's super rich, you know, and all this stuff. He does all this like interesting stuff, you know, he's a handsome dude or whatever. And the dad likes him, everyone likes him, you know. So it's kind of like, he has a point to be. Do you remember by chance why they weren't together anymore? No. Like what went wrong? She's, if I remember correctly, she said something. Oh, she just simply said I wasn't in love with him. Oh. Okay. That's all she said. Damn. Yeah, so there you go. It's a good comparison though, right? And Ben Stiller's mind, he thinks like, bro, I can't compete with this dude, but she literally doesn't even love Owen Wilson. And I'm sorry that I don't know the character names and I'm not trying to attribute these attributions to the actual humans, even though Owen Wilson, dude, that guy's freaking awesome, dude. Cause he was like, and that guy just says, in general, he does a really good job in like, you know, playing these characters, but they add these little details that it's like, it would make you super freaking, whether it be jealous, insecure, whatever. Cause he'll be like, oh yeah, she was a Tomcat. We had some wild times. And he kind of goes into, he thinks about it to himself and then Ben Stiller, he's looking at him like, and then he's like, they were playing volleyball. And then she was like, and they were on the same team, the Owen Wilson and the girl. And he was like, hey, good job, Iceman. They had nicknames for each other. Whoa, that's when he got jealous, he finally got jealous or whatever. Bro, I'm telling you that's real though. But here's the thing, man, and this is where you gotta kind of get, you gotta get control of the, gotta get control of the dam, of the damn steering wheel here, right? Cause you gotta steer away from like this jealousy and this insecurity, bro. You gotta steer away from that. Because it is in its own right, what the weakness is. You know what I'm saying? Does that make sense? If you're insecure, that is the insecurity. The insecurity isn't that this guy might be bigger, stronger, faster, taller, richer than you. That none of that matters. What actually matters is the one thing that you have control over is, is like, are you gonna act insecure? Cause if you are, then you'd break up with her. Cause it's not gonna be good. But if you can be like, oh cool, I get it. Might be a little bit jealous of that shit, but I'm gonna kind of, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna make a deal out of it. I'm certainly not gonna act it out. Which means you have to stay detached enough from your own little like weird control system that you don't steer it the wrong way. You know, well, I don't know. Well, I don't wanna go to a party if he's gonna be there, you see what I'm saying? Yeah, fully. Or, no, I don't wanna go see this movie about, about Navy Seals might make you think of Fred, or you know what I mean? Like if you do that, you're just, you're revealing the one thing that actually could matter in a negative way. If you're like, bro, yeah. You know, if you just go, yeah, I'll go see that. And she goes, you know, that reminds me of that guy, Fred. And you go, oh, who? Well, I dated a guy. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. If you say it like that, she's all good. If you say it like, well, I don't wanna see another one of these movies that's gonna make you think of him. Like you're just pathetic. So don't do that. Just get control of your steering wheel. And listen, I'm not saying you're gonna feel the pull. You won't feel the pull of the steering wheel. I get it. It's part of nature, right? Part of nature. You're looking around. You're gonna be jealous. You're gonna be resentful. You're gonna have all those things. But you don't let that feeling control. So that is a little excerpt of what we are doing on the Jocko Underground podcast. So if you wanna continue to listen, go to jockounderground.com and subscribe. And we're doing this. We're doing this to mitigate our reliance on external platforms. So we are not subject to their control. 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