Naomi Grossman + Teresa and Bryan (Carolla Classics)

Welcome to Corolla Classics, I'm your host Superfan Giovanni. This is the podcast where we play the best moments, highlights, and fans like the clips from all 17 years of the Adam Corolla show. If you'd like to hear any of the full episodes or clips presented in these episodes, make sure to check out Adam Corolla's sub-stack, adamcorolla.substack.com. Here you'll find the ad-free archives of the Adam Corolla show, the Adam and Dr. Drew show, as well as the podcast Beat It Out. If you'd like to request a clip, please email us at ClassicsAtAdamCorolla.com. Alright, let's get the clips from our first week of Adam Corolla show 1534 featuring Naomi Grossman, Matt Acherdi, and Gina Gratt and Brian Bishop from 2015. Matt Acherdi, everybody. Rotten Tomatoes, good to see you, my friend. Aloha. Aloha. Boy, I don't know what's going on out there, but I was just driving back from Walnut, which is super. Where is that? Every time I talk to the catch of contractor guys and they tell me where I need to be the following morning at 8 a.m., I go, you understand, I've spent 50 years in this area. Uninterrupted. I have not heard of most of the places you're sending me to. I don't know how you're consistently able to pull that off. Every once in a while, you think you'd sprinkle in a recita or Sherman Oaks or Hollywood or something, and I'd go, yeah, I think I used to date a chick who lived in recita or something. But these are all places I know not of. But I took my kids with me because, you know, they're driving me nuts. They're on their spring break. And you're going to teach them to catch contractors early. Yeah, they want to catch contractors. They like the show, and it's sort of, there's a lot of kids that like the show because it has that sort of, thematically, it's easy. It's a bad guy, and then the big guy with the tattoos yells at him. Tell them that. I'm a teacher. So it's pretty easy thematically, and they wanted to go. And so we got up early this morning and we drove out to Walnut. And then I drove straight here from Walnut, and then they hung out the whole time. And they're sweet kids. And, you know, I'm one of the stars of the show, so they're not going to, you know, get yelled at too much. But they're good. I mean, I thought they, I was kind of trying to teach. I am a very strong believer in bring your kids to, expose your kids to kind of, you know, this sort of one day in the classroom. I mean, even they, they're off. But if they were in class one day of being on set with me the entire day and just seeing what everybody does from makeup and hair to the sound guy to all the producers and the blood, the video guys and all that stuff is so much more valuable than you. Can you ever think of a valuable day that you had in class? I mean, some better than others, but one that you couldn't have burnt off to really go be in the middle of a production. Well, not especially because most, most people spend the majority of their lives where they were born. They end up coming back and they live there. They just live there forever. And if they're going to live in this town forever, it's nice to know that there are many jobs associated with the entertainment industry or production or whatever. And also a lot of kids growing, grow up not knowing what their parents do for a living, certainly not being able to explain it to somebody else. Well, and even more importantly, there's no craft service in school. That's right. Thank you for getting me. Many a kebab was had. A note from the fat guy in the room. Thank you. Yeah, good food and a super far away place. But kids had a fun time and look, they get they get a kick out of watching their daddy do what what he does and what they see on TV. And for me, that's a huge part of being a parent, you know, this part about they need to be their friend and their confidant and they need to trust you and they need to bubble. I really think they need to respect the shit out of you. Like I really do. That is a massive thing. Like we're always talking about are they getting the filtered water and are they learning, you know, they're learning a second language and what about music and how by the way, how, you know, everything expands, everything. It turns out two hours of cello practice a day and and and they're the the the statistics of them getting into a top five school go up 28 percent. Like, yeah, all right, no shit. But I know I've almost fully taken care of what I'm saying is is watching daddy or mommy do their thing or interact with other people or have other people come up to them and address them with respect and have daddy or mommy respect back to them. Real good thing for for kids to be exposed to. And yes, man, do you close the loop with them to a certain extent on like, OK, and kind of go back through like, here's why I did this and here's what I was doing and kind of give them a little insight as to why what you're doing is important. No, I am. I my thing is kids are pretty spongy and they don't need the explanation. They just need the realization. They just need to see it sort of unfold. They'll take from it what they will. But I just want them to just be in it. You know, I don't turn it into these things where we drive back from Walnut and I quiz them up on who's doing the sound and who the first ad is. The boom. Yeah, who's the boom person versus the person versus the mixing person or whatever. It's just, you know, come down, spend a day, see where I go, by the way, when I'm watch me on TV, you can see now where we're at and then just kind of throsmos is just absorb. And I don't need to quiz you and I don't need to know what you learned. I just you got something out of it. Probably something different than I'd imagine or each one of them probably got something different. But either way, they got something and and it felt good. It feels it feels good to share that and then more people ought to do it if they can. Now I'd imagine if I was lower down the totem pole, they probably would have told me to leave my fucking kids at home, but they have to be nice to you. So one good the one good thing about being on a show is they have to pretend to be nice to you. You know, the takeaway is be the boss so that you can take your own kids anywhere you want. That's right. That's that's what I'm saying. Well, Matt, you bring your kids to run tomatoes every once in a while. But I don't let anyone else take their that's what I'm saying. See their damn kids. That's what I'm saying. Were they were they inquisitive at all? Or they just sat there quietly taking it all in. It's just a waste of my time. No, and, you know, Natalia and skips wipe wife Allison are having a love affair. So you know, she's making her all up with the makeup and doing all the stuff and Sonny's floating around and yeah, they wanted to tell you to want a tattoo. Yeah, they want to get on camera and blah, blah, blah. So I shot a little thing with them. It was probably never going to see the light of day. But you know, they think they don't understand how much hits the floor. Yeah, they do those ad buster things between the commercials, little like, you know, 10 second things, maybe making them. We're going to have to tap hardly. Yep. So anyway, that's what I did. But when I was driving, yeah, it's a union thing. When I was driving back, it was raining a little bit. I was merging from the one 34 to the five. It was one of those. OK, there's a couple arrows sideways kind of telling you you're going to be merging. I'm real good with the blinker. I put the blinker on well in advance. I do that move where I'm a little bit of a head of a car that's to my left and I'm going to merge in front of it. So I got the blinker on. I start to speed up. It's not I don't do the move where I speed up and get around the person. I just sort of slid in front of this nice ish looking 30 something year old woman and an SUV and get the horn honk kind of the point where I'm a little bit confused, like is who she honking at or is that is that for me? Because I don't really do any. Nothing aggressive, nothing. Herky jerky just literally slid in a merge from one freeway to another, just slid in front of her, starting out a little bit ahead of her. Didn't have to hit the gas or the brake or jerk the wheel or anything. And then I realize I'm getting the extended dance horn, like not just a tap like, Hey man, I'm getting the lean on the thing. And then I look in my rear view and she's just got the F finger up and she's just holding it in place for an extended period of time. I just thought, why, where's all this coming from and what's going on and how's the rest of your life working out? And I'm driving a nice car. I got my kids in the car. What really just transpired here? What about this? It's very traffic. There's a lot of cars on the freeway. It's 530. How is this interaction going to affect you in the next hour, let alone the rest of your day? Well, something tells me this started way before you. Yes. And I hope we're fucking stepdad dropped more than one digit on her. And that's where this all comes from. I mean, that's how I sleep at night. But and I hope they were in untraditional places, places where digits don't often find homes. But either way, I just thought, well, first off, it's drizzling. It's 530 in the afternoon. It's LA. I didn't do anything. You're you've given the long horn and the long unbroken F.U. You know, just finger out straight in front of the straight in front of her face. No, I wasn't. I ended up it was so traffic that I ended up just getting six car lengths ahead of her without even speeding up. It was just the traffic was so slow. And it's just this thing where it's like there's a part of me that is a part of me that always just wants to pull up next to him and just pull a gun out and just put it back in just to get him to stop. What are you doing? What what's the upside to this? Pretend I who knows? I could be chug night. It could be a really bad day for me. Yeah, you know, a good day for a good day for a good day for a normal day for I could just I could have just learned I got divorced and I could have just heard from the attorneys that they're taking the house and whatever else. And I could just be on my fucking last nerve and I could be in ramming mode. Like what is that? Why are we so fucking casual about this? And when did it just sort of permeate our society? And when you're encased in metal, you feel a righteous indignation and you go for it. I get it. I'm not excusing it. I'm saying I think that's why people do it. I'm just driving. Yeah, like I'm just driving. There's nothing aggressive, herky, jerky or anything about it. Just it was a merge. I slid in front of you, could have put the brake on and got tucked in behind you. There was no reason to do it. I just sort of just sort of dovetailed right in front of you. No, no, move at all. Long honk with a big old finger. So your amygdala didn't get hijacked. You just kept moving. I my first impulse is like. I want to think to myself to anyone behind me. You have no idea what I could do to you if you if you provoke. How do you know? I thought boxing for 20 years, you know what I mean? I could just be fucking punch a hole in your head. Like what are you doing? What? Why are you? Why are you chance? Yeah, why are you fucking doing this Russian roulette all the time? Whoever it is. I'm looking at my rearview mirror. I got a hundred pounds on this bitch. Who knows? I could be fucking hopped up on tranquilizers and just fucking jump out of my car and just attack or whatever. It's like, why are you doing this? So my first impulse is like. I can't believe that you're just throwing this out there willy nilly to the world as an invitation to get your ass kicked. Yes. And then my second one is, oh God, who cares? And then my third is always all they want is a reaction and I'm not going to. I'm not going to give them one. Yeah, they want to they want the ball pitched back to them. Something. Are you I'm I find the best way to give that reaction back as you do the smile and wave like I do that too. That's crazy. Right. Like, hey, hey, how's it going? Are you guys people that absolutely have to speed up to the person to get a look at them? Because I'm not. I actually hate that. I give them the stink eye. I well, I think about the one who gets the no, the one if like somebody you don't like the way the person in front of you is driving. So you pull it next to him and give him a look and see in there. I think about the smile and wave is good, but it's still something to engage. And I would always argue that nothing. I mean, I look at everything as like a high school breakup, you know, that girl coming up to you and going Danny Finnegan, I hate you and I never want to see you again ever. It's so much better than, huh? Oh, yeah, you know, I don't think so. I pray to God we have a listener named David Finnegan. Me too. But what did he do? Nothing is devastated. I would start off with the hair pulling and then it goes to I never want to see you again. Are you sick of me or I hate you? Where's our viewer? The last man on earth. I wouldn't be your boy. But that's still something. Right. This is just the disinterest is much more painful. You're burning a lot of calories when you yell at somebody. It's almost a way in a weird way in this town. I think you would rather have George Cooney go, oh, ball, Brian, guys do back right then who? Yeah. Who just means you've never been born. You who just you don't exist with and what could be worse, at least in an insult is directed at a human. Yeah. And so for me, I never do the anything because that would validate your existence. Yeah. I don't know who that is. Is the possibly the most damning. You know what I mean? Like I don't know that guy is insignificant. Well, think about when somebody's on the Internet and someone goes for me, I mean it, but they do the some so and so is talking shit about you on the Internet or whatever. And they got their own podcast or the cable, whatever. And I just go, I don't know that is. And they go, he's a comedian, you know, any blah, blah, blah. And you go, I never heard that name and I do comedy. Like that's what that's so much better than a whole while settle his hat. That's what I'm talking about. It's the ultimate. It's ultimate fucking settling of the hash. You don't know the human being's name. All right. Matt is here. Let's see. Ah, stamps.com. Gina grad threw a cell phone into a swimming pool and then dove into after it. But yes, I dove in after fully closed. Yeah. Full makeup, full hair. Full makeup, full hair. All right. I would like to hear. I would like to hear that one second. First stamps.com. Small companies out there. You're leasing your postage meter. Not a good idea. There's a better way. They're stamps.com. No hidden fees, no long-term contracts, no hardware to buy or lease. It is stamps.com. Save up to 80% versus the postage meter. And what you get is you get a $110 bonus offer. No risk. You get the little digital scale plugs right into your computer and then you get 55 bucks. Free postage. You can print out the postage from your printer and just tape it. If you want, just tape it right on the envelope there. Go to stamps.com before you do anything else. Click microphone, top of the homepage. Type in Adam. That's stamps.com. Enter Adam stamps.com. Gina, grab what you got. Well, I was 30 minutes before my cousin's wedding. I decided to get dressed before the hotel just so I wouldn't have to screw around there. So I did the hair. I was all done, the makeup. And I throw the dress on right before. And it is hot in Westlake Village. It is scorching in Westlake Village. It is. Westlake Village is considerably hotter even than the valley, I think. It is. It was very, very, very hot. And I figured, you know what, we have 45 minutes. And this was when? I can't sit here. This was Saturday. The Saturday just passed. You know what, I'm going to kick my shoes off, go talk to a couple people. I see cousins from that I haven't seen since I was 12. They're playing music. They're having a hoot and anny. There are people, there's tons of people I don't know. And I'm just dangling my feet in the water, happy as little clam, talking to everybody. Then a group of drunk sorority girls sort of paddle up to me with the champagne and go, can you take our picture? We haven't seen each other in so long. Oh, George. Where were they from? I don't know. They seemed like so-cal chicks. Maybe they were there for a wedding. They were there for some event that something brought them together. And they're little bikinis in the fedoras. So she swims up to me and I go, absolutely. I take the phone, I flip it around to take their picture and it just falls out of my hands and just dunks right into the water in slow-mo. I literally felt like, and there was nothing I could do. I see it just kind of- It's doing that move. Yeah. And they look at me and they're kind of drunk so they're not moving very fast. And I don't know what to do. And I immediately thought of your story of the man that almost broke his tailbone trying to give you your phone. I thought, if I show a little effort right now, then I won't have to give anyone $600. I jump in in full regalia, dive in like an Olympian swimmer. So you're wearing a wedding, I mean a bridesmaid's or whatever. I'm wearing a dress, hair, makeup, everything's ready. Dive into the water, to the bottom of the pool, grab the phone, come out like Ariel. I'm like, I got it. I got it. I'm so sorry. I got it. I got it. Everyone stops. There's probably 80 people at this pool. They're staring at me. I'm wheezing. I'm apologizing. And the girl looks at me and she goes, oh, hey, don't worry about it. That's fine. Just grabs it back and swimsuit. Wow. Arthur in the pool. I look like a drowned rat. My family is mortified. I don't know what to do. I am so humiliated. And I go, well, yes, I should go back to the hotel and get my swimsuit because I can't not show back up. You know, like I have to, you know, save face. What do I care? This happens to people all the time. So I go and get my swimsuit, swim around in the pool like an asshole and then go put in. But the chick had no. She said, uh, I said, if someone did that to me, I'd be very upset. She goes, well, now you'll know for next time. Don't judge me. I was so relieved. She was definitely not the one behind me when I merged on a fucking five freeway today. Yeah. But her phone was destroyed. But I thought if I don't do something in this moment, then at least I'll show that I tried and I sacrificed the whole wedding look. I think the, I think the, for me, I like that strategy because if I wouldn't, if I asked somebody to do something and then they fuck it up, that's always on me. If I asked somebody, can you take, can you do this? And then they drop it. That's me because I started, I'm a very strong proponent of chain of events in the Genesis. Yes. And in a specific scenario, you introduced the phone into the pool environment. Yes. Yes. But if I was going to be the kind of person that would be cunty about it, like the cunt that was behind me on the five, I, the diving in and ruining your hair and makeup and dress would show enough effort to really, you know, be one of those, it'd be one of those things were like in the, in the movies, man. When the guy talks, when the, when the, when the wise young kid gets in the grill of the mafia kingpin guy and a certain point he's like, listen son, you got stones, you got stones. Yeah. You got stones. You know what you remind me of? Me. That's right. What version of me older, same age or younger? I was like you when I was a kid. Yeah. I wanted to flip. I want to mix it up every once in a while and just go, you remind me a lot of me in the future. Oh man. Just a feature. Like five minutes from now or like an old man. Five minutes. 500 years. Okay. Listen kid. Re-animate it. I'm trying to be a cop. Okay. Not going to get you a shying box. Yeah. You remind me of an old dead Billy bats. That's right. So you showed a lot of Moxie kid. Thank you. And I respect that. I appreciate it. I came back later in some sweats and they're still in the pool getting shit faced and they couldn't have been sweeter. Oh, we're looking at that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like chicks and pools and phones and things in general. Like people, the problem with booze, I think the problem with booze versus pot. When people are stoned, they're where they're stoned and sort of act accordingly, drive accordingly, handle durable goods by the phone. They do things accordingly. Drunk. Costly trying to convince yourself in the world. Right. Right. But you've lost some hand eye coordination. You're slurring a little. You shouldn't have that. You should not have that phone anywhere near the pool. When you're drunk and if you were stoned, thing would be tied in a hefty bag and taped to a mop panel and planted on the lawn a hundred yards away. I think the difference is you hear people all the time say, oh, I'm not drunk. No, I'm not drunk. I'm fine. Whereas people were stoned like, dude, I'm so stoned. I gotta tell you something. No, it's always, yeah. We always used to laugh about it because I'll tell you how it works. You asked me if I'm drunk and then later asked me if I'm stoned and I'll give you the two responses. Adam, are you drunk right now? No. I mean, I had a beer. Two. I'm not drunk drunk. I mean, I'm a big dude. I play ball. I had like three or seven beers or something, but I'm fine. I mean, that was over the course of like 20, 40 minutes or something. So I got a buzz. I could feel, but I'm not drunk. I'm not drunk drunk. I'm not ray drunk. You know, I had a beer. That's all. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay. Now I asked me if I'm stoned. Adam, are you stoned right now? That's all you get. You just get to laugh. That's all you get is to laugh. They don't say no. They don't say yes. They just get the weird covertly laugh. That's the drunken stone. All right. See a couple of phone calls here. We got the game to play. Oh man. Let's see. So many questions. Marissa, 31 from Richmond, Virginia. Marissa. Oh, hi. It's actually Richmond, California. Oh, all right. Where's that? I don't even know where that is. Is that your walnut? Is that it? Dawson, here's from Woodshed. Yeah, Richmond is in North Bay. All right. Kaelin, tell us where the, give a sit at this state or something. It's over the bridge from San Francisco. I know, but there's a few Rochester's in places like that. You know, it's just helpful to put the state in there. It's not the Richmond. Hollywood, Florida. Yeah, that's a lot of that. All right. Anyway. Texas dude. What else we got? Go ahead, Marissa. Kaelin, you don't. Don't. What's going on? I'm a huge fan of your podcast and I understand you have very strong feelings for a runaway father and I don't have a runaway father. I have a runaway mother and I was curious to know if your advice applies on, you know, both either parent, if, you know, one goes away, then, you know, they're gone. And the reason I'm asking is because I feel like I'm under a lot of pressure. She was trying to reconcile with me and I was not open to that because of the way things happened. She was gone for 12 years and the only way I was able to functionally deal with that was just to assume she didn't exist. And then when she came back and wanted to reconcile with me, I wasn't open. All right. Well, here's an interesting point. Yeah. Runaway dads are, you know, a dime a dozen. It's in a weird way. It's more in our DNA and more in our natural just behavior to runaway than it is to stay and pay. Pay some more. But really just staying and paying is kind of against what we're wired for. So when the guys run away as much as I frown upon that from a societal standpoint, it's in a lot of guys DNA and it's maybe in every guy's DNA, but there's something called maturity. And when you're mature, you have, you own up to your responsibilities and that's what we would like out of these guys. When a woman abandons a child, she's broken. It's weird. She's, she's, she's, you're going again. It's nature and a huge way. I mean, you, if you took my wife and told her she had to lay off these two, son in Italia for a week, she'd be miserable. If you said six months, she wouldn't, she wouldn't do it. And if you put her in a prison, she would literally dig her way out to get to these kids. When when a mom is able to do it, when a woman is able to look at her son or daughter and just go, yeah, I'm all right for a little over a decade in between seeing you. That woman is horribly broken and in a huge way. And now you have to say what broke her. And now you perhaps need to feel some empathy for her because I guarantee something happened to her along the way. The only person I've ever known, the only woman I ever know whose mom was a runaway mom was Teresa Strasser. Her mom was sort of absent for many years and she turned out, okay, but she had a great she had a great turn out amazing. But her dad was so incredibly, you know, nurturing and supportive. And I think that had a lot to do with it. So I don't know your dad situations like Marissa Marissa, are you surprised that Adam gave that advice to, to maybe have some empathy? No, I'm not surprised, but that's why I asked his opinion because I like to know some of her history. So the history. Um, so my father passed away from cancer two years ago. So he's not in the picture, but I can understand how he could have contributed to breaking my mother because he was a compulsive hoarder and an alcoholic. And I, what from what I understand was the hoarding is what drove her away. But for me growing up in that environment, I didn't understand if there was anything wrong. Yeah. By the way, compulsive hoarding and alcoholism is a horrible one to punch because I get drunk and I do that. Where did I put my keys? But I don't have 1700 sports pages piled up in the corner. I mean, compulsive hoarding and having shit all over your house got a lead in a lot of where my sunglasses when you got a buzz going. Um, well, I'm looking for from Marissa. Your mother was attracted to a guy who was an alcoholic and a hoarder. What? I helped put it into perspective. My dad and I were actually on the TV show hoarders and there was a failed attempt at cleaning up the house. Really? Wow. Yes. How, uh, he was featured in episode. Yeah. Brian's laughing because, uh, when I said to my mom once, uh, how's your friend, Merlene doing? Oh, she's doing great. She was just featured in episode of hoarders. She said it like she, like, like she'd made partner at the firm except for featured in an episode of hoarders. She's starting. These are my mom's celebrity friends. These are, these are my mom. These, I've literally said to my mom about our old neighbors. How are they doing? Two girls, uh, the daughters, the two twin daughters, she said, uh, well, one of them is in jail and then said the other one's not doing very well. But we're worried for her. So quite a bit worse off than the one that's incarcerated. These are blonde 21 year old girls, twins. This is who my mom chooses to chill with. And it's confused. Well, I don't want to hang. Yeah. You think you got a rough Marissa? Yeah. Uh, your mom was attracted to this person, which means her dad was probably an alcoholic, which means maybe her dad did some horrible things to her, which meant she was broken inside much like the cunt that was behind me on the five freeway today. And that's why I have empathy for her and her and you and them. Could that be possible? It's possible. I think it's just going to take time for me because of the way that I literally just took off one day and I did. Yeah. But how did your mom grow up? I, she never talked about it with me. That's usually bad. So there you go. Well, why don't you know your grandparents? I was told that they were upset that she's from Japan that because she didn't marry someone who is Japanese, they disowned her and all of us. Right. So she was disowned. She was disowned and she disowned you basically. And I thought, you know, maybe, you know, one contributed to the other, which is why I was so shocked when she wanted to reconcile. Cause I like, like I was saying earlier, the only way I was able to functionally deal with her being gone was to just separate myself from this person and kind of move forward. So she's Japanese? Yeah. Hmm. I wish I had, I wish, you know what? I wish my mom was Japanese. Hmm. Cause I'd be like, man, you really did a piss poor job raising me. Feel like killing yourself. You prompt to the Hari Karstner. Yeah. I mean, pride's pretty hard about it. You did bring great dishonor. You're a lot of dishonor to me. You know, that school lunch program is very shameful. Very shameful. Is that some sort of ceremonial robe or something? When we set out or? When I bowed for Andrews, I'm bowing down pretty low. Pretty low. Yeah. The Naginta or the Katana to take care of the job. Ooh. Somebody was a theater major. Thank you. Yeah. I think if you have a Japanese parent, you might be able to shame them just enough. You know what I mean? I would you like to use the bell tower? You know what I mean? Good luck, Marissa. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. Tell her you got a D minus on your trig final and see if she falls on that knife. You have mid-to-piano practice in weeks. Marissa, I think what you should do. Your cell oversight would be very polite. Brian, please. This is offensive. Now, what I think you should do is get, be very selfish like she was selfish. Okay. And then get what you want out of this relationship or lack thereof. So she was selfish. She didn't see for 12 years. Now you think, all right, I'm going to be selfish. If it would make me feel better to forgive you and reconcile, then that's what I shall do. If it would make me feel better to never see you again, and I truly mean that, then that's what I shall do. So just use it. Use it or don't use it. Whatever makes you feel better. I would assume that forgiving her would take some burden off of you and make you feel better. All right. Some quick questions. We got the rotten tomatoes game. Let's see. Let's just blow through these and then we'll jump on some rotten tomatoes. I love that game. Ryan, 28 Phoenix. Hey, get it on. What's going on? Hey, Faw, Faw Roadhard loved it, bought shrinkage and loved it as well, ball Brian. I was curious. So while you were on your Roadhard tour, there was a video came out with a bunch of fried guys on a bus making the racist chant with a bunch of inwards. Since then, did you ever hear of them? The chant had, okay, I got you. Now I got you. Since then, a couple of the students have been expelled from the University of Oklahoma and they filed a lawsuit saying, hey, this is a public university, this is a government. They can expel us for free speech. So I just wanted to hear your take on that. Yeah, I didn't really catch too big a wind of all that mess because when you're traveling, man, you really don't realize how far out I get. I don't use a computer when I travel. I said my phone, which was broken for a few days. I'm literally out at 7.30 in the morning. I come back at 12.30 drunk and then just sort of pass out and start again and I get completely lost. I'm done with the PC police. People should be shamed. They should sort of live with their own actions, but I don't need the government sort of policing everybody that way. In general, what I would like is, I don't know, I always feel by the time it gets to us, by the time we hear about it, they've been punished in my mind because it's been all over YouTube, because it started the evening news and whatever it is, that guy or those guys will have some scarlet letter on them for some period of time. Possibly the rest of their lives because they're going to have a very, very, very typical life. If someone goes to Google them for a date or a job interview or anything, apartment to rent. The way the internet works, all their names get thrown out on some website and then shared and then shared again and tweeted out and whatever. The mere fact that we're aware of it means they've been punished quite a bit for what they did. We will continue to be as, look, the guys on the Duke Lacrosse team, I'll bet you some of those guys will get punished just because the way history works. You don't remember the part where it turns out they didn't do what we thought they did. I mean, if you asked me five years from now, I'd be, oh, those guys, you raped the chicken. Right. So that's usually punishment enough for me. I like society to kind of police itself. I always say this, look, if you open a bar and you do a bar and it's like a white only bar, I don't want the city to close you down. I want you to be closed down because folks don't patronize your bar. So that's my story and I usually stick to it. But what about colleges who say, well, we have a specific code of conduct, we have a code of ethics, they violated it, they can't stay. So the government aspect is almost a loophole because the school is saying this is just not reflective of what we're going to do here. Do you want to be different if it was a private university? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess when you're going to a private school, you're allowed to do, you know, make the rules you want to make. But in general, I just, well, here's what I also feel. I always feel like the expulsion is only because everyone is aware of it and they need you to do something about it because everyone is looking at you. Feels like grandstanding. Well, not. The piling one. Not grandstanding in a traditional way, which is, I guess what I'm saying is, is it's sort of like if you're standing next to someone and their dog takes a dump on someone else's lawn and there's nobody around you, then you just kind of go, we can move on here. But if there's a whole bunch of people looking at you, you go, hey, man, you got to pick that up. You know, you got to take care of that. That's not right because you're feeling the eyes burning on the back of your neck. And once something gets this big, the university is compelled to do something. They have to do something because my feeling is always this because I see the human is half empty. I've always feel like, look, and I know it, whether it's a program director on a radio station or what have you, I've never had a program director demand. I apologize for anything that somebody didn't tell them that I need to apologize for. It's not like your program director or the dean or whoever in a vacuum, like this thing never got out. If he's the only guys who got eyeballs on it, you know, look at the NFL and Ray Rice. When they, when they have the, if just the dean of that school, the exact, let's just say the same person that expelled them, if he knew, if you got that guy drunk and or high and said to him, you're the only person that will ever see this thing. You have the only copy of this thing and he just go, just tell them to knock it off. There'd be no reason to damage control. Don't do it again. But I think there's a case to be made in this day and age with the ubiquity of devices and knowing that everybody's got the potential to record something, that if you're dumb enough like these kids to say something like that and you can't tell me that that's the first time those guys had said that song. Of course not. No, it doesn't. It sounds like they were there with the lyrics sheet. Right. If they did do that song, they'd sung that before and if they were dumb enough to do it in front of a camera, like how many times have they done that before? Oh, they've done it for a hundred years. I think. And if they've done it and it embarrasses the school, like the school kind of has to do something, right? Well, that's what I'm saying. It embarrasses school and the school kind of has to do something. So we're on the same page. If it wasn't filmed, look, I, same way with Ray Rice and the NFL. I don't think any, well, I think we know the answer to that. They weren't going to do anything. Right. They'd heard about it before that, before that video broke. So I don't even, I don't, again, I've never had a program director tell me to apologize because he said, you know what, Adam, I was driving home listening to Love Line the other day and you said something that was very offensive to the Asian American community. I, I demand, nobody's written me a letter, but I demand that it's, I don't know that it ever exists. Yeah, I can't imagine. So whatever it is, apology, expulsion, it's not sincere. At least it's done, but it's just done because of public pressure. Anyway, hopefully, well, not hopefully those guys' lives will be adversely affected from this for a period of time. There's no doubt about it. And also, let's not ever underestimate how fucking dumb 19 year old males are. I mean, the shit I would do when I was 19, I, you know, I, there's. I would get friends. Take out people that didn't have cameras when you were a teenager. No, but I mean, all you had to do is fucking point up at a three story roof and dare me to get naked and jump off that condo and see if I could make it to the neighboring pool. You know, that wasn't even in the same condominium. You had to clear the fence. Like, I was fucking, it was on. Where are you going? No, that's what we do. We just do dumb stuff all the fucking time. That's part of being a 19 year old dude. And you don't even have role models at that point because we actually showed the video when, when Jim O'Hare was sitting in and there was a 70 year old house mother that was singing right along with them. Oh, really? Yes. Well, she's setting her way. Yeah. All right. Let's see. Eric Toronto. Holy shit. Get it on. Yeah, man. Get it on. Hey, when's Roadheart coming up north? We're dying to see it. Oh, uh, Roadheart is coming out in Canada. And I think they told me when, but I can't remember like April 20 something or something like that. It is as as memory serves. It seems like it was a month behind our Los Angeles or sorry, United States. Beautiful. Yeah. I mean, Gary's looking to check, but I remember discussion about, I think it was about a month. It was about a month off of when it was really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, tuned to April 10th. Alright, there you go Eric. Thank you man. Well it was just I obviously never wanted to happen but I was curious since you work so hard do you ever have thoughts or plans on retiring or even just slowing down your crazy schedule? I keep thinking about it and not retiring but I am I mean I just finished catch contractor today and then we're off for a couple of weeks and I have to go to Vegas for the day and we're doing a road hard screening and I get to I get to be around and like not be traveling and just have like three jobs for the next couple of weeks and I'm fucking say I'm look I'm savoring I'm just salivating and savoring those moments in advance I'd like I'm so excited I'm looking at this weekend all I have to do is go to Vegas do a showing do an after screen do a Q&A take some people out to drinks and come back and I'm looking at this weekend is wide open and work Sunday night but while I'm looking at this I'm looking at this weekend is like I'm no one I want to work this weekend so yeah looking looking forward to it and retiring I don't I don't think so I do miss I'm not making a lot of my vintage races and it's something I'm missing Tim yes fast we got to play the game okay quick question do you know who the drummer buddy riches yes okay greatest drummer of all time arguably anyway I stumbled across an interview can I say yeah I hear that but to be honest I'm not a good enough anything to say oh that guy's drumming is better than that guy's drumming I'll just take everyone's work for it yes right but what I'm saying this an interview with him or he's speaking about certain things about like censorship and society and how the music industry is geared towards the youth and the highway patrol hands out chicken shit tickets and all that kind of stuff I swear to God it was like a sooner listening to you well there's a there's there's a more apt connection between me and buddy rich which is him yelling at everyone in his tour boss much you can find that Gary so you're saying it's all your whole act from buddy rich I'm saying there's a great I think it's buddy rich yeah it's a series of days there's a great whole a tape of buddy rich just telling everyone they played like shit tonight and they better get their shit to eat your lunch for you and it's fucking awesome and I like to think that that's the buddy rich I most resemble Gary'll find it not the gifted drummer not the gifted musician dollar shave club love these guys buddy you don't have to be rich for dollars I go tell my son I made a funny yep razors they're expensive but not anymore you got dollarshaveclub.com let's not waste time let's not waste money never have to worry about razors again I use them you should use them they give you the handle and then they send you the replacement blades every month or every other month upgrade it is smart it is a smarter way to shave by the way they have a bunch of grooming products they got some real good stuff over there so what do you do go to dollarshaveclub.com slash Adam that's dollarshaveclub.com slash Adam all right let's just listen to buddy for one second thanks man Fuckin' big kiddin' me! My daddy you call yourselves professional! Assholes, a man like fuckin' children out there! You got your fuckin' where the fuck are you? You told me heard? Everybody gonna hear your fuckin' fans out there, you don't need a mic for that! You gonna do this fuckin' time? Blow on what? Shit! You stand out here all fuckin' I try to blow your fuckin' brains out when I come trying to play! What do you play? Clams? You got no where to fuckin' go to next day, because if I hear one fuckin' clap from anybody, you've had it! One clap and the whole fuckin' band is through tonight! Try me! Anyway, that's the buddy Rich, I think I've modeled myself after. Gary accidentally played the post-show meeting. Alright, shall we do a little rotten tomatoes with Matt Acheny? Yeah, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam, Liam Liam Liam Liam Now it's time, I really hope it isn't lame Please let's go, I totally can't hit this note I can't forget all anymore, anymore It hurts my balls, hurts my balls Archety, he names the flicks and the king makes flicks man Archety He's a swampy guy and when he drives by the king has to guess Do the critics scores make him rotten or fresh? Archety I, by the way, realized that Roadhards thinks sitting at 50% on rotten tomatoes I think it's over for me and the critics Critics, because I just realized It's half full, half the critics like it The guy, well here's the point Half the critics like it I'm the guy who said women weren't funny So what kind of review are we going to get out of the village voice? That's one review, you've only got 18 reviews so far I've noticed a sizable difference from the last time I did a movie When I wasn't on O'Reilly to now There's a big difference And then when you direct there's a big difference I will tell you, having read through all these reviews There are only three negative ones that mention anything about your political stance Oh, they're not going to mention anything I'm so praising that to mention it No, I'm not saying the group is to the left Okay Don't you agree? I don't think it has anything to do with that Anything I think it has less than you think So if Dinesh D'Souza does a movie talking about how great America is It could possibly be because Dinesh D'Souza's movie is not that good Well, no, not that good It could possibly be Not that good will get you It could possibly be That'll get you 16% I mean, it doesn't get you a zero Okay, but Dinesh D'Souza's movie sucks No, it wasn't bad for what it was I mean, it wasn't a good movie But it was like talking about how great the United States was It wasn't supposed to be that good But I know, but that'll get you 13% Yeah, all right Maybe you start with one strike No, I made two movies that were the same movie And one's at 50%, one's at 80% I'm just saying that's what changed And some of the reviews are saying that they like the hammer better Yeah And they feel like this is too close to the hammer Look, on a certain level, like a lot of the reviews that are right on the line That we've marked negative because we've checked with everybody I get the sense that people think that You are capable of doing better than they thought you did in this Yeah, I don't think anyone's... There's maybe the Village Voice review But I don't feel like many of these reviews are writing you off as a person And a performer Oh, why... I'm not all of them, but there's a larger percentage than there were a number of years ago But it's only 18 reviews so far All right, well, we'll see 18, I mean, you've got up to... You've got twice as many reviews for the hammer Well, I guess the Canada Right Exactly, blow it out of the water No, I'm not... Listen, I don't want it to be sour grapes or sour tomatoes I'm just saying I think that Sitting next to O'Reilly does not help you in the critics department When you look at the folks that are doing the critical reviewing Not that they mention political affiliations or anything In the review themselves, they're just not fans I'm the guy, remember, who said women weren't funny All right, but if Roper says that he likes you Does that mean that discounts that review as well? No, he's a genius Just so we're clear No, I know, the fans have been cool They have it at 85 or whatever they have it at I'm happy with that I'm just saying the... Nothing has really changed that much But I got put into a category that is not a good category I don't think I'm getting into Sundance with anything I think you could argue that the hammer and Roadhard Or the Paul Newman doc were as good as many things that get into Sundance But it's not... That's not part... I'm not part of that arena that's by So why does Eastwood get a pass? Eastwood doesn't really get a pass Okay I think American Sniper should have probably been a better reviewed I don't know, in the low 70s 75% certified fresh I think that's more of an 80-90 movie I don't say that you get thrown out with the bathwater I say you get a percentage I say American Sniper versus Birdman or something like that Or it might be in the 90s Or versus... There's many examples Skeleton Twins or something like that That's much more friendly to what that group is I don't think American Sniper should be 18 points or 20 points below the Skeleton Twins Or a movie of that ilk American Sniper, and correct me if I'm wrong Matt Didn't that just absolutely blow all the other movies out of the water In terms of box office revenue? I mean that was like people were going to see American Sniper Yes they were That was a surprise hit though The level to which it was, it was reviewed obviously before Settled those records Yeah, but I think... No, I think Clint takes a little... I think American Sniper is better than a mid 70s film I guess my point is, Clint does his bit at the National Convention And that movie focuses on Chris Kyle Who is not a popular figure in liberal circles And that movie still resonated with three quarters of the critics out there So I understand your point, but I think it's... It's somewhat disingenuous to say that critics can't get past their political beliefs With the movies good enough No, what it is is it's a percentage thing If there's ten people that disagree with you politically Or aren't fans or don't like some of the things they think you've said in the past Or disagree with you So seven of them or six and a half of them will just put all that aside And give you a whatever It's hard if you don't... You're not a fan of somebody, just like... It works both ways It's hard if you're not a fan of anyone in any direction to just put all that aside Or if you are a fan And then just do it But there's a percentage, maybe three and a half... You know, three of those people or four of those people might let it bleed into what they're doing But the negative reviews are very specific about the film itself And their complaints about that don't have anything to do with who you are No, they're not gonna say Adam's a right-wing douchebag Or said women weren't funny Thus, I'm gonna give you a shitty review You just get, you know, jokes that land with a thud and tired old and a lot of that Like, you can tell they weren't... They may have not liked some of the things I've said in the past But listen, I tried to get the hammer into Sundance and the guy said he wasn't a fan I mean, literally just said, I'm not a fan of that guy I don't like that guy So it exists No, it does It exists both ways But I don't expect them to, you know, talk specifically about, you know, political issues And they think, not fans Well, and that'll also discount their review if they say, oh, and by the way Yeah, I don't think they'd be that naive because it makes them look like they're doing it Alright, Matt's rolling the sides I'm not saying all of them, I'm saying a percentage Do I need to take my trophy back? I get, I still get my... I still, I earned that one Okay, let's play some games Alright, so they were right on the hammer Adam, have a pen The hammer was pre-me O'Reilly We're in a close line again Listen, I didn't, I didn't, I had not made the perceived statement that women were not funny When I did the hammer, and I didn't direct the hammer I didn't direct the hammer, directing's a lot bigger I'll make you a bet The hammer, 82 I'll make you a bet If you're at 50% and we're seeing these same types of reviews around the Newman Dock Then I will admit that you are right with what you're saying But if the Newman Dock does well In the critic With the critics I want to revisit this discussion You predicted this one, it's 70 Right Alright, but Well, that's an idiot What's your prediction for the Newman Dock? I think the Newman Dock's gonna be a lot higher Well, it starts Newman, but if it's me, you know, if Jules Dash directed that bad boy It would be 10%, 10 points higher, that's what I'm saying I just think if Newman Dock does better Oh, Newman Dock will do better because I'm not in it It'll do better But your name's still in the movie, you're still the director Yeah, it's in that'll slow, that'll hurt it a bit But it's not gonna do as bad as me being the star And I didn't write it and whatever I agree with you, that will do better Okay Okay, let's play But I'm not gonna use that as a yardstick To measure this I was tempted to put together a list of movies that were all at 50% for the game today No, I'm not, I understand it That's where, that's a cultural thing Alright, so I put together a list because he was in a movie last week And somebody, Twitter handled by David McCollum suggested this Ed Harris movies And I want to give a shout out to Hiltor user Hilti Diggs Hilti Diggs who puts together that great list of past movies that we've used Because that was very helpful today First up, 1989 James Cameron film starring also Kailin's old man Fuck yeah The Abyss Hmm Geez, it's one of these movies you hear a ton about, it's all groundbreaking and everything But I've never really, I think seen the entire thing And I can't figure out if it's groundbreaking special effects or a really good movie No Alright, no Groundbreaking special effects and in my opinion, a little underrated but not great In which case, I'm going Alright, I'm just going to put it in my movie, 50% Well, I have learned my lesson by being way too optimistic So fuck it, completely cynical today, I'm going 39% Shit, I may have a way, way, way too, I said 70 89 Whoa Brian, fuck my shit up He said 70 What is the time? That was an excellent pump fake Wow That's a spin move I fucking bit, I bit on that pump fake You really juked everybody on that one Wow, I had no idea they loved this movie so much The Hakeem Shake Alright Alright Next film is Ed Harris in a David Mammet adaptation starring your buddy Alec Baldwin In a legendary opening scene written specifically for that movie, the movie is Glen Gary Glen Ross What is a sock? Favorite movie Alright, I gotta love this Always be closing Coffee's for closers 92% Alright, 96% I was going to go 96 too, can we both do 96% Sure, whatever your number is, 94% Ooh, right in there It's a beloved movie, everybody's in it Alright, here we go Alright, the next movie was going to be The Rock But somebody came in and mentioned the score So I had to change it So the next movie is World War II movie set during the Battle of Stalingrad And Ed Harris plays a German sniper, the movie is Enemy at the Gates Never saw the whole thing, didn't hear spectacular things about it, I didn't hear anything bad about it either Was this a movie? Was this a book adaptation? Believe it was I think it was, Jude Law, Rachel Lies I think it was going to help Joseph Fiennes Excuse me, you're right, Joseph Fiennes Alright, 71% I said 72 I'm going 80 54 Damn it Wow, really? I see, the audience has an A3 That's not a bad movie See, you're only four points off Enemy at the Gates Yeah, oh, they were shooting people I saw this once in 2001 and there's still scenes to stick with me from this movie There's some stuff that I didn't think of Yeah, the scenes where the Russian army, if somebody gets shot, somebody else has to pick up the gun They have more soldiers than guns Yeah, you see the scene where Joseph finds hides himself in a pile of dead bodies And the Germans that come by just spray the pile with bullets But they miss him just coincidentally and it's a riveting scene Well, again, yeah, the people like it but the critics not so much Alright, next up, Enhirus plays the bad guy in a sequel starring Nicholas Cage Where I think this was the one where he kidnapped the president National Treasure, Book of Secrets Now, this is a movie that I'm sure got slaughtered But, as I always say, it delivered exactly what the poster promised Which is fine with me because there's room in life for cheeseburgers and steak There's surf and turf but then, hey, if you want a fucking churro Chicken tacos Chicken tacos or corn dog, fine As long as you know what you're getting into I thought these movies were fun I don't call them great movies, they were what they delivered what they said they would But the critics are gonna have to hate it So I'm gonna say 33% I thought that same number but then I thought for some reason my mind was well reviewed Like a guilty pleasure kind of way so I hedged my bet and said 50 I only remember people making fun of this movie so I'm going 25 35 Ooh, it could have gotten me back in the hunt Damn it Yeah, this movie was fun Alright, final film This is a movie that stars Ed Harris and he directed it The story of the painter, the groundbreaking modern art painter, Jackson Pollock The movie is Pollock That was a great movie I was not gonna start on that movie because I knew I just wasn't gonna finish it I loved it You loved it, huh? I don't know if that's gonna help, trust me, I've already knocked out from the abyss They're gonna like this, he was good in it There's some nominations there Marsha Gaye Hardin's also in this Oh man, it's crunch time because me and we could be not and we could all be pretty close to Alright, shit Critics love this kind of shit I don't heard that that much great stuff about it I'm gonna say 82% 88% 85% 81 Wow I could have done it, see the audience had this one lower But this is more the vibe Alright This is a solid movie Yeah, I never saw it Let's see what the score is We have a tie Oh my god, we have a tie Here's why, that's hilarious The tiebreaker was the one that was given away and right before the show, Carrie was like What are the chances we're gonna need the tiebreaker? We've never needed it before What number is Matt making of? I'm sorry, I do have a tiebreaker We do Well we don't know who the ties I'm sure it's Adam and Brian Adam and Brian are not at 61 What am I, just so I know, I'm 93 I think Alright Here we go Alright, next up 2005 film directed by David Cronenberg One of his rare, this is him getting away from kind of the weird horror movies Also stars Vigo Mortensen He's a guy with a dark secret He's characterized by Ed Harris in an early scene The movie is A History of Violence Oh, that was a great movie Good movie One day we should do good movies with horrible scenes Hey man, what are you out there? Showing me up, catching my pop fly As that whole scene The bully's inciting incident was that he popped out to right field to end the game Well first off, the bully was skinny armed and won about 141 pounds He walked, he did the Babe Ruth point out to right field and went I'm hitting a round tripper my friends Then he hit a ball that the kid in right field had to not move to catch Like he took half a step forward and he just caught the fly And then it smashed cut to them in the locker room And we're going, hey man, what are you trying to pull out there? And it's like, you popped out to right It was a shallow pop to right There was an attempt to create some conflict But there's many ways to do it Have him slide into second with his spikes up high Get him in the shins or Rob him by home run Something other than a routine fly ball has hit to him He decides then he's going to make this kid's life hell All movies that have bully friends Never have my friends in high school that want Hey jerk off, if you don't want him to catch your fly ball next time Try hitting it over his head Because this one he just caught It was a weird fucked up scene And I was like, oh, whoever wrote this knows nothing about sports But other than that What's your number? I liked it There's a lot, there's also weird oral sex scene on the staircase With Maria Bello This is a good movie, but it is a very poorly written movie Matt came in a little early with a yes There's also a scene with Maria, yes Yeah, there is Because she puts on that cheerleader skirt There's a lot of weirdness I wouldn't tell people not to watch this movie But there's definitely a couple of holes in this one It's a hole in guys' face when it gets shot But from Academy Award nominations for this one But the critics wouldn't know the sports thing was kind of a fucked up thing No, not at all Yeah, that's what I'm talking about I say 77% I said 70% 87% Yeah Yeah, this is too high Way too high The people got this one a little better closer to it This movie had some shitty scenes in it Congratulations Yes, thank you I'll take the victor I'll choke on it All right, play us out Play us out Rotten or fresh I'm shitty All right, how we doing, Gary? Should we take a quick break? Yeah? I want to mention Gary was the one who made sure that we did have a seventh tiebreaker Oh, he did? Yeah Good man Rotentomados.com is where you go And also, well, the website, Rotentomados.com And then what's going on with the pod, man? We're still doing it And we can go to iTunes or Rotentomados.com Or whatever we like All right, we'll take a quick break We'll be right back after this We think we got This is the mindset Free This is the mantra Free This is the MindTap, MindTap With movies like Pineapple Express, the entire Star Trek film franchise and Gladiator And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Fairly Odd Parents and Ghosts Pluto TV is always free Huzzah! Pluto TV, stream now, pay never It's time to check Adam's voicemail Oh, you've got to play that Rotentomados theme song I throw my voice out every time trying to hit those high notes It's killing me because I cannot sing along Anyways, keep up the good work Thanks, Adam I'll keep tuning in Although, my voice is fucked Thanks You can leave us a message at 888-634-1744 Yeah, get it on, man Tricom Cold Weather, here Not here, but wherever you are That's dry, itchy winter skin Instead of using the same old anti-itch stuff Use the little Tricom This stuff's good, it's five times more effective than Hydro-Cortis Hydro-Cortis zone! Got to save fast And none of the side effects, none of the steroids That got the itch-free guarantee If it doesn't help, if it doesn't stop the itch, man You just mail them the empty tube You get a full refund So, you can get a tube and we use it over here Put on your lips You can put it wherever, it's totally safe It doesn't smell like anything, it tastes like anything Can I tell you something about that? We actually put it on my boyfriend's dog's belly Because he was itchy and it seemed to help Oh, you know, it's weird, I used some on Molly Girl too The other week Yep, get it, Tricom Keep it in your medicine cabinet Keep one in your car, throw one in the glove box Keep one in your desk, it's a white tube Blue box, anti-itch aisle And Walmart, Walgreens and CVS Naomi Grossman here You may know her from American Horror Story Fx, it's Pepper, also went to the Groundlings Now, how'd you do in the Groundlings? Were you a-groundling? I was not, neither were you, from what I understand That's true, but look at us We both landed on my show No, but I mean, the roster of people who have not become Groundlings that became successful is much lengthier Than that, which became Groundlings Love to get on that list one day How far down the Groundlings line did you make? I was in the Sunday company Oh, that's pretty respectable No, thank you Love to get from the beginning Then they do intermediate, then they do a writer's lab That's like triple A Sunday company Yeah, it's maybe even, yeah, yeah It's right before the show Yeah, it's pretty good, yeah, it's right before the show It's the 40-man roster in September Then they do an advanced thing And then they do the Sunday company And then there's the Groundlings after that It's faster to be in an astronaut, really Yeah, I don't know how long years took I was like six years Yeah, something like that Before they handed me my walking papers I wish I would have told me that six years earlier So it was yours, yours was about the same Yeah, exactly It's a weird program You could get, you could be a medical physician Faster than you could be a Groundling And there's probably a higher percentage chance That you could actually pull it off Oh, it'd be cheaper too Yeah, but you learned a lot Oh, sure Yeah, zip Well, no, just the fact that you said oh, sure Means you learned something We were playing zip-zap-zap I don't mean zip like I learned nothing Sorry, double entendre I wonder if we had, you can always I can tell how old I am because there's people Who were in my classes Who were now instructors So they were like, they were in my Groundlings class Who became instructors later on But anybody, were you there with anybody? Any notables? Notables Mikaela Watkins? Oh, who? I like that She was on Saturday Night Live for a season Yeah, Mikaela Watkins She's on that show Bench, which is now over She's just always on shows that get canceled Is SNL for one season worse than no season? Depends on why you leave after that one season Well, maybe you're assed Maybe you're shot and chased and you're going to a movie career Or maybe you're... I'm just saying Like if it's not a foregone conclusion That yeah, the movie shit just took off And it came calling and he had to go do that Yeah, the one and done... I don't know, was Jay Moore one and done? I feel like there are a few notable one and done Robert Downey Jr? I think the whole cast was like one and done Back then Naomi, by the way Her website, NaomiGrosman.net Is where you can go if you want to find out What she's up to in her hijinks and all that And see your stuff on Funny or Die and all that Where is Funny or Die? I don't think I've ever been to... I've been to like College Humor And a bunch of other places But is Funny or Die have a place? I don't think so I think it's just in the internet Because College Humor has, you know, two floors Oh, interesting In Manhattan There's a whole wind there and there's a whole shitload of people Oh, you've got like their headquarters There's a headquarters, yeah Funny or Die's got to have us They must have advertising I mean, yeah, that's true They've got Will Ferrell and all sorts of stuff They've got to have something over there Anyway, you can go there You can see some of Naomi's stuff And we're going to plug American Horror Story But it's just ended, right? Right We've been trying to get me in here for about three months The show, my episode was airing when I was supposed to be here Oh, alright Well then, say what? I'll tell you what, Graling's for you Right, basically I'll tell you what people should do They should just hop on Netflix or whatever they are Wherever you go to find those What is he back episodes? Hulu and places like that Oh, for back episodes Well, this most recent season Won't actually be on Netflix until October But... Oh Wow, that's all the books you just keep kidding about And by then, you know, I might actually become a Graling But, yeah Video on demand, I too Sure, there's other ways, of course And, yeah, this last season, Freak Show Of course, ended on air in January When I was supposed to be here But alas I would say, yeah, Orphan's episode was my notable episode The whole, you know, it's basically The first time we've seen a character return To the series, you know Because each season is self-contained Alright, so go find it somewhere Track it down That's what I'm saying Your internet savvy folk? Yes Alright, shall we do a little news And Naomi, you hang out Crack wise, jump in, do what you do That made you good enough to get in the Sunday company Which I was not good enough for Well, Jimmy Kimmel revealed some pretty personal stuff At South by Southwest over the weekend And some of it was about his penis San Matejo, by the way, is where funnier die Is California It's right up to high school Oh, I brought that Alright Sorry, back to Jimmy's penis Let's get back to the cop The late night talk shows divulged during a panel That he'd had two surgeries on his penis In order to fix a very unusual problem And we're lucky enough to have some audio of him Talking about that problem I think I went with him Why, Gary, does it seem like this catches us By surprise oftentimes? Is our computer down or something? We're having an internet issue Alright I can tell you about it I can tell you about his cock, too Oh, perfect I went with him to Dr. Drew's office His urethra shut And this is really lose-lose But do you really need your urethra? Well... Once we clean my shit out of it It worked just fine It's free-flowing Yeah No, when your urethra starts closing up You never really think about it But imagine that feeling of not being able to take a piss I mean, sort of like having your head held underwater I mean, that could bring on some panic That's something you want to do when you want to do it And I think Dr. Drew took basically a kebab skewer And did what we call in the construction of parlance Yoked it out Oh, a little fracking Yeah, just kind of slid down And kind of give it a little swizzle stick But he said in the interview that he actually had to do it twice Do you have any story about that? I cannot hold the man's hand every time he has his cock yoked out But I do seem to remember going to Pasadena with him After doing the K-Rock morning show I think we recorded it, actually Like a live remote? I think we did It was sweeps, you know Listen, when you're doing a morning show You've got four hours to kill You're looking for material And when somebody in the morning crew Is doing some cock-based activity with Dr. Drew Let's drop everything You bring the dat That's how it goes Do we have a recording of that? Oh, we think we have the audio working Oh, I'm sorry Yeah, I think we did it on the air in Kevin and Bean But anyway, here it is What happened to the hole in your peanut? I just want to keep saying hole in your peanut It just kind of closed up on its own I don't know why it happened I still don't know why It just opened one day? No, I had to have an operation You had to have an operation on the hole in your penis? Twice Yeah Oh Like I want to kind of vomit Well, you brought it up You did at the panel yesterday That was at a panel That's in front of a panel Were you diagnosed with something? What? Were you diagnosed with like, colitis? What is it? I was diagnosed with, I don't know The guy said you were a hole Your reed thru is closing up We need to operate on it And they did And then they said, yeah, we didn't really get it It didn't quite work We have to do it again And they did it again And now Jimmy has the biggest hole In his peanut Thank you I'm a real pee hole That's better man, a hole I seem to remember that they just kind of work it open And I'm not sure It sounds like it was more of a He ended up going back for more of a medical procedure I've never seen any stitches in his cock Right And I've never gone more than two days Without seeing his cock So it'd be tough to get that one past me I think the procedure is to again try to Yoke it out Maybe they put you to sleep at some point Because the discomfort level is so insane But it's not, think, maybe they cut a little at the tip I can't remember what the second part was I do seem to recall the first part But I'll validate with that I'll shoot him an e-mail If something figured it out And that's the thing And I'm sure Naomi can back me up on this We're used to all kinds of problems In that you get the UTI You get a touch of the pregnancy You get whatever You have to deal with that area Whatever But I actually feel really bad for anyone Who has to get yoked and swabbed That seems like that's not supposed to happen You're not supposed to be doing that there I think, I've never, I've been very lucky Not in life, but from a urethra point of view I've been blessed And I've never had anything going the other direction Down that salmon stream Knock on wood But I can tell you this If you do the finger and the throat thing Where you put your finger down your throat And even if you make no contact with anything You can still feel it And have that gag reflex This is that But it's your whole hand going down your throat Because it's not like they're threading the needle Not touching anything It's not the game operation Your nose lights up when the thing hits the side It is all sides of the urethra being hit Especially when you're trying to yolk it out a little bit So anyway, probably enough cock talk With the kids here today Oh, damn, because I had a question Would you rather have that area probed Or your ass, for medical reasons Ass, for sure My ass Got it For sure I'm making a note I'm told that feels alright For some people Well, and also the ass is meant I mean, you know, gay guys can have a baby You know, or something The point is, the ass is meant The ass, I have something a lot wider In circumference than a swizzle stick Come out of my ass probably twice a day Right I don't know what it is I'm not a hacker Some things going on out of size Right That's what I'm saying You know, if you... It's meant to stretch Take a look at your handiwork After your morning constitution And you go, alright That's what I'm capable of You know what I'm saying? I wrote about that chapter in my book I feel like I've been through my own childbirth I don't feel that way With urine, it's basically... It's interesting Because urine just will reduce itself To whatever size of the hose it's coming out of Where is the ass? The sphincter's much more accommodating I'm dropping a dirlog Open up Here we go It opens like a stargate Thank you That's right, it's an aperture Mm-hmm Howard Stern Mm-hmm CNN reports that Howard Stern may or may not renew His lucrative contract with Sirius XM At the end of the year But he will apparently have plenty of other opportunities To consider In fact, Stern said on his radio show Monday That a massive job offer recently fell into his lap Stern said, my agent called me with an opportunity That is so mind-blowing Like it would be the dream job of all time for me Wow And nobody knows what that job is What a fortune of coincidence But how exactly? Howard confided that he'd happily also just stay home And do absolutely nothing Well, he always says that because it gets the price up Yeah And people should know as a side note When Matt Acherty was leaving and I said What's up with Abyss? I don't think it was that great He said the environmental message is what sent the rating up Yeah With the critics And I said, isn't that what... You're making my argument now There's an environmental message Why is that resonating with the critics If the critics aren't into that It's all the one that doesn't resonate He said, well look at the time My mom's calling me Alright, I'm not saying there's not room for real criticism I'm just saying I feel like there's some point shaved When the guy says women aren't funny And it's time to review his movie Those points find their way over to the Abyss That's right Well, yes, there are If you do a movie about a certain topic You will gain 20 points versus whatever else Anyway Sometimes, by the way, women make it into the Sunday company Turned What? The groundlings were lousy with broads when I was there I had all pretty much female teachers straight on through I had like Cynthia Segeti and Mindy Sterling And all the luminaries over there when I was there I got a friend of the groundlings right now I just want to see his thing of a year or so ago Many more women than men actually Significantly more women than men Yeah Well, I think probably attracted to that genre more than stand-up For instance, where you have more men in that world But anyway Alright, so what could that thing be? And let's hope it wasn't Conan's dream job Because he'll be devastated for a second time Do you have any guesses? On what is... What the offer might be? To hosting some sort of TV show? Hosting the Adam Crawler show I really got up way too early to venture any guesses But we wish him well So remember the video from yesterday with that woman Who lit up a cigarette on the airplane and started ranting About how the US has declared war on Venezuela And nobody knew what she was talking about So now we know who she is The Miami New Times identified the woman And it's 52-year-old Karen Halnan Who's an associate professor of sociology At Pennsylvania State University, Abingdon And by the way, the people that were next to her on the plane Or at least somewhere on the plane were her students And after expressing her regret for making a scene While she had the college kids with her She added in an email, in a democracy One must speak up against injustice And that she'd been mistreated during her arrest Adding to be tortured is not democracy She was posted a $500 bail after the incident There's no word yet on whether or not she'll be reprimanded By the university, but that's who she is She's a professor Who tortured her? The police who were waiting for her colleague Escorted her to a room and gave her a talking to Oh, she said she was tortured I'm sure she was water-boarded That fucking Logan Oh, I don't know where they landed Miami, right? Miami, yeah, tortured It's broad, just nutty, right? Can't people just go, look I was on some pain medication I probably shouldn't have had those two little Miniature bottles of rumrico And I'm sorry I think everyone's allowed in their life Everyone's allowed one major freak out You can write it off to a mental episode The meds, whatever I think you're allowed to, yeah So plan yours well, Gino I'm getting started Well, what about Paris Hilton's brother Since then, sorry, I was on too much ambience I'm with Brian on the That guy's an asshole One freak out, all citizens And Whenever you want Now, I don't want it to be a Denny's situation Where you get to freak out once you're on your birthday And get a grand slam or something like that But I will be I would, by the way I'd like to run on a ticket of Everyone I will give you one freak out I will Give you one DUI Okay I will give you One In decent exposure Like, you know, you're just You're at a park and you just got a fucking piss So goddamn bad and the cops You know, whatever and you can't make it Do that, like I... This is gonna be one hell of a night I'm gonna I will give everyone one When I'm in charge, I'll give them one of like Four or six things Maybe Shoplifting, you know, the shit you could bust it for When you're 14 Yeah, for the most part Soliciting a prostitute Or being a prostitute Like, I think I'll give... Every citizen will be born with One get out of jail free You know, it's not gonna be murder It's not gonna be Arson Unless it's contained But no, I mean, I'll give you one I'll give you... I'll tell you I'll give you one Like, they have You know, excessive speeding You know, there's the one where you're driving an avatain You're doing 95 or 102 or something And the guy's like, it's not a ticket buddy Yeah, there's exhibition of speed Or something where you do like a burnout Or something and that That... I'll give you one of those Because there's nothing, you know, the speed limit's 65 The guy'll go I'll give you a ticket up to 85 But past that, I gotta take you in Because you were doing 102 I'll give you one of those And if you want to use it when you want to use your DUI one I'll have to play both those But I wouldn't mind everybody Now, here's the thing You don't pay your taxes We're gonna need to take them back These are for the folks That told the line Yeah, you want to be a contributor You want to pay your taxes I'll give you one of those Okay How do we vote for you? Let's make this happen And then the one freak out If you're smart, use it on an airplane Corolla Bishop ticket, 2016 Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know Brian was involved If you guys need me I'll tell you what I would use I would use fun Ah, sorry, where am I? Fun, easy, yes, future advisor You got enough to retire Not necessarily Hidden fees, taxes Brokers, getting a bunch of money Governments getting rich That's right, you could be working Into your 70s, future advisor You're smart I got a Nobel Prize winning strategy It's going to save you A ton of money It's going to help you keep your money It is the best It is future advisor Make your investments work, retire sooner Someone want to know when I was going to retire? Well, I should have got future advisor You wouldn't hear me right now That would sound like that Future advisor in my 30s would sound like this That's right, there'd be no show I'd be retired, I'd be drinking out of A hollowed out coconut on some island Somewhere right now Marlon Brando's younger brother But no I wish my parents had gotten this crap Your portfolio, it's lacking Let them help you Go to futureadvisor.com You can get a portfolio analysis Let's see, let's throw it up on the rack Let's shine a light on it Let's get underneath it See if we got any drips Maybe those rotors need to be turned Alright, play in the future And do it in under two minutes Under two minutes and it's free Go to futureadvisor.com Think about your future Free under two minutes Google This is from gambling and drug abuse. It's a lovely message to send to the young kids. Well, but it's a huge deal because before all the weed was being sold and given to the schools, they only, they brought in less than $200,000 as opposed to $15 million. I am all for it, but I look at the school system, especially the school system. Same way I look at candy spelling. There's no, there's no amount of money that she can't absorb. You know what I mean? She'll fucking add a wing on to the wing that she just added to her present wrapping room or she'll put a second story on her bowling alley. Like is there ever amount of money you could give candy spelling where she'd go, that's enough or that's it or I'm not, you know, I'm good. Take it back. Like the school systems were better before this and all this and I'm all for it. Give, give them what you can. I mean, the schools, we back in the day, this whole thing where it's like, listen, everybody needs a tablet. No, they don't. They need a fucking peachy folder and they need parents that are hovering over them, telling them to get the fuck to work. The thing that always bothers me is I know no amount of money ever reconciles the thing. Look, you can go fucking Abe Lincoln style. Just fucking. Slate and a chocolate. Yeah. I mean, two parents focusing on the kid, just being aware, you know, how you doing in school, how you doing in school, what's going on, what's coming up, what's going on. And by the way, I shall show up at school and meet with your teachers and talk. I will be involved. Money's great, but I wish that that money could somehow go into the family and less into just the institution that will find a way to spread it around quite nicely. But at some point a year from now, they'll go, listen, we don't have the funds to and then fill in the blank. And I never understood. I mean, I get it when it comes to, you know, you're in Chicago in the winter, you need heat in the classroom. But the part where money is associated with the schools in such a massive way is a relatively new thing. And I went to school. Schools were shitty, but it had nothing to do with money. The money was never here or there. Well, I had friends that went to Stanford and I had friends that went to Pacoima and did, picked up garbage on a construction site with me, but it wasn't, where's the money? Where's the program? Where's the school? It's like, no, Nate Wittenberg's parents are still together. They live up the hill and they give a shit. The school's the school. And raised parents don't give a shit. They're divorced. So he lives in an apartment. That's kind of, the school was just where we all hung out for eight hours a day. But then we all went our separate ways, some to Stanford, some to San Fernando Valley. When I sort of learned the lesson, we're all in the same class. We have the same desk, the same pencil, everything was the same. Except for when we got home, things were incredibly different. And you know, look, giving them, you know, shrinking the size of the classroom and all that stuff. All good, all pales in comparison to Nate returning to the parents that were together and want to know if he had homework. That's all I'm saying. Fair enough. So the fight of the century is scheduled for May 15th. By the way, it's between Evander Holyfield and Mitt Romney. This is going to happen in Salt Lake City. Romney has no delusions about actually winning this contest. He told the Salt Lake Tribune, it will be a very short fight. I will be knocked unconscious. It won't be much of a fight. We'll both suit up and get in the ring, spa around a little bit. A portion of the proceeds will help support charity vision, which provides doctors and facilities in poverty stricken areas with equipment and resources to carry out eye operations. Again, that's happening May 15th. Punching people in the eye is how we're going to raise awareness. This is going to be the whitest and blackest man on the planet squaring. If anyone was a racist either side and wanted to really root for their own, this is the fight. This is the best you got. Yes, this is the best we got. This is the whitest the white has to offer and the black is black as the offer. Squaring off. God bless those warriors. Here's the problem with this kind of stuff. I heard about it. And Evander was on the show Monday. They can't really box because Evander Holyfield is going to kill him. So now they have to just kind of move around and patty pat pat. And then what is now what are we doing? You know what I mean? Like, you know, my son could play a game of basketball with Shaq, but it is, you know, I'd rather see somebody kind of go at it. I mean, I'd rather have, you know, Mitt Romney get in there with Al Gore and just fucking go out. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, let's have a couple of middle-aged dudes with, you know, the little spare tire, put on some 12 ounce gloves and fucking go at it. And at insult to injury, Holyfield is going to have to take a couple of sucker punches. Yeah. I mean, we'd all love to see like Mitt now go at it, right? And then the deal would, the conceit would be 100% both ways, right away. Yeah, fucking go at it. No, I mean, look, even three, three, three minute, what rounds or whatever it is, but you still know they were going at it. I'd tune in. If you'd be like, who's going to win? I have marginal interest in what Gina described because you're right. It's going to be a little tacky. But yeah, those two guys were evenly matched. Yeah. Especially politicians. Well, yeah, because it's like Muhammad Ali would like climbing the ring with Nelson Mandela and they'd be like goofing around and stuff. And it's like, all right, but I want to see a guy get a little little trickle of blood coming from one guy's nostril. You know, if we do and what if it's mitt, what if it would be accidentally taps a little too hard and it starts bleeding? Oh, it'd be nice. We all know this is going to be a dance and it's not really going to best case scenario, mitt lands a good punch like they're messing around. You're going to play around. Exactly. Instinctively. It may have been like, oh, fuck no. Well, he probably has a little PTSD. It's all said. Yeah. All right. What else we got? All right. Well, the roast on Comedy Central, of course, are designed to push the envelope, but not this far, according to people. The cable network has decided to cut all references to the late Paul Walker of the Fast and the Furious fame in its upcoming Justin Bieber roast. After jokes about the deceased actor were met with audible groans. How many references were there? There was a couple of Jeffrey Ross got one in. Pete Davidson got one in. They're making super off-color jokes referencing Walker hitting a tree and wishing that Bieber had been drag racing with Paul Walker instead. But Comedy Central rep defended the comics saying, roast often pushed the limits of good taste and we give the participants full reign to try things knowing we can edit it after. Okay. Well, you're a hero. We'll have to say whatever they want and then we take it out. We'll mute them. Yeah. That was his way of sticking up for the dudes. Well, as I said, the attempt is to be funny, but the attempt is to out shock and out do and out go and that's what they do. Sadly, there's elements of that in pornography these days. I disapprove. You don't like that. You don't. I don't need to see a lot of the things I've seen. We don't need to, but you get to. I was good somewhere around the mid-80s. We didn't have to get into all the spitting and all the fluids exchanging and all that. We didn't have to get weird. And you got background music. I don't think you get that anymore. Yeah, I miss that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it went, it got a little, it got a little, see, everything now has to have a shocked value to it and I don't need that in that arena. You know what I mean? I don't need to check with the crazy tats and the aggressive piercings. It's just, you know, the guy just beat off into a ladle and she's dumping it on her head. Now, you know what I mean? Oh, on her head, how quaint. Yeah. Just saying. I don't need, we can stop when it starts getting gross and weird. Right. That's all I'm saying. I think that this is the porn and this is the sex that a lot of kids are being introduced to. There's a phrase called being porn ruined that they're just walking right into like, oh, that's normal. We'll just smack around a little bit because that's what you're supposed to do. Yeah. That's a wish of my time. Just a waste of sunny's time. Thank you. All right. Let's bring it home. You got it. I'm Gina grad and that's the news. Gina, Gina grad. That was the news with Gina grad. Life lock ultimate. Love these guys. Look, part of doing business now. Everything's easy now. I just swipe that credit card, go hit Amazon, give them my info. Go to iTunes, go wherever, but the clouds up there, man. It's the storm clouds. Storm a brewing. Miss storms when they used to brew. They used to up brew. They used to brew. The storms are brewing. Yeah. It's back when people used to up and die. Now they just die. They just die. Are they fixed to do stuff? They're fixed into up and die because the storms are brewing. Anyway, he won't shut a man just for snoring. Life lock ultimate. Shers family was delighted to hear that story. Time life. Everything. You need all the banks, all the records, all the things. It's up in the cloud and the man is going to steal it from you. Let's not let that happen. Let's use life lock ultimate plus. I have a myself. I have my two little kids running out there. They have identities. They can be stolen. It's life lock ultimate Dawson. Visit lifelock.com and enter promo code Adam to save 10% on your life lock ultimate plus membership. That's promo code Adam at lifelock.com to get a special 10% discount. Life lock.com network does not cover all transactions. All right. Us at the Irvine Improv next Wednesday, which is this Wednesday. Yes. All right. Yes. That's what it should say. Eight o'clock. Also Las Vegas coming up. See there's a, I have a, I have a third strat of confusion because I talk about things so many times that when I see it the way I didn't talk about it, I think, well, that can't be right because I've brought it up 128 times. The next versus this thing, but uh, Well, it's finally here. Turns out it can be done. All right. Ah, man, great. I'm in a better mood. Uh, just got our biggest order. I think about 850 cases or something going to a bunch of supermarkets. So if you want to try some, go to Corolla drinks.com and order yourself some mangria. aforementioned road hard. Check it out. If you like, uh, give it a rating for yourself on the rotten tomatoes or itunes or whatever you like and enjoy the movie and, uh, whatever you need. It's at the store and Corolla.com forward slash store. Now Naomi Grossman, her website, Naomi Grossman.net Twitter at Naomi W Grossman. And what are we missing Naomi? Gosh, we've covered Jimmy Kimmel's urethra. Um, we touched on it. I want to say we covered it, but it was touched on so much more to say. Um, yeah, no, I mean, I'm voting for you whenever you run for office. Thank you. Um, and itunes video on demand. These are all places that you can catch American Horror Story and it is worth it. Thank you. So until next time, I'm Carl for Naomi Grossman, Manachity, Gina, Brad and ball Brian saying Mahalo. Holy shit. Get it on. We're coming at you with everything we got. All right. That's Adam Crowley show 1534. Coming up next, we have Adam Crowley show episode 92 featuring Teresa Strosser and Brian Bishop. This is when they were still doing the weekly news day and date show where Teresa and Brian from the morning show would join Adam in studio. Hope you guys enjoy. Oh, Riley auto parts. Yeah. Love that jingle. Oh, oh, oh. So they're in the business of keeping your car on the road. We know that they're also, uh, you know, I don't have too many car issues. Usually I can figure them out, but if I can't, I go to a Riley and they got all the stuff there, mostly stuff for me because the new stuff's like a computer, but my vintage cars, man, I can get a lot of parts from O Riley. They've got thousands of parts in stock either in store or online. So you never have to worry if you're getting a jam. Also they'll test your battery for free. And if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one. So whether your car, fish and auto or an auto novice, you'll see the employees at O Riley auto parts are helpful and friendly. O Riley is your one stop shop for all things auto do it yourself. It's O Riley auto parts, right Dawson? Stop by O Riley auto parts today or visit us at O Riley auto.com slash Adam. That's O Riley auto.com slash Adam. Yeah, get it on. Got to get it on a choice, but to get it on. I want to welcome back to the podcast two of my favorites, Teresa Strasser and Bald Brian. Now, last time we spoke to Teresa, it was without Bald Brian because Bald Brian was enjoying his honeymoon back from Maui. I was attempting to enjoy a honeymoon. The reason I wasn't here was because the first couple of days were rough. We were in Maui and they lost it on day one and I got sick on day two. So we decided let's look into extended honeymoon a couple of days and we did. Hence why I was there for a couple of extra days. And the lost luggage thing, it feels like a vestige and a punch line from the past, but they still do it these days. Yeah, you're sitting around the carousel and there's nothing coming out and the people come up to you and they're like, oh, your luggage should come in the next flight. And you're like, oh, all right, should be. Should be. Yeah, should be. It turns out the next two flights. So you and you're calling constantly like where's my luggage or if I like it, oh, it's somewhere in SFO. And you're like, oh, well, how long do you look it out here? And they say, we don't know, but it'll be on another flight. So the flight ends up being next day at two in the afternoon. Well, this is where my ploy of wearing the exact same thing four days in a row when I go on a vacation, no matter where I go, really pays dividends. Right. The copious amounts of ball powder I'd dumped down my shorts so I could wear the same midway brief. I mean, Donny and I went through Europe. I wore the same midways. I got eight days out of the same pair of midways, at least same pair of pants, same thing. What I realized, though, is stay away from the Dacarons and the Rayons and the Polyesters. And I actually had a moment where I was smelling. I had one of these sort of polyester workout shirts, like sort of Under Armour-E or whatever. You know, the sort of workout shirts that are sort of made of, I don't know what, that dries quickly or whatever it was. Wicks away the moisture. Yeah, it's a man-made polymer. Yes. And I was noticing for one of the first times and a long time some funk coming from my armpit. And then I realized, you know what, I shouldn't blame the foreigners for smelling so much. It's not them. They're fiber. It's their fiber. Yeah. They're attracted to the man-made polymers. They don't wear the 100% cotton like we do. Every day labor I've ever worked with wore a dress shirt. Essentially something from the 70s that Tony Monero would have worn in, you know, Dance Fever. And yet that's where the funk. You, I, anyone who's listening, put one of these shirts on and go out and the idea of Rayon, Dacarons, Polyester meets disco is the world meets cocaine. Right. It's the world's worst fucking combination of funk. A small crowded space when you're dancing. So you take this man-made fiber, do a little bump of the little Bolivian marching powder, then go out on the packed dance floor and get your robot on for three hours. And then we'll come home and make sweet love. You're going to fucking stink like hell. Well, that's why they wore so much cologne in that era. You had to. They had to. You had to. So Brian, how's your health? Where are we in your treatment and catch everyone up on it? Treatment is done. I've been, well, it radiates to the diamond. I know for a couple of weeks, my six weeks is over. I've been out of it for four weeks. My symptoms, they feel worse sometimes than ever. Like it's where I feel more tired now than I did in week number two. But they just tell me, I went in my first MRI and they tell me that it looks normal. About the same size tumor, but that's to be expected. They hope the radiation will continue to shrink it over a course of a few months and years. And I'm back on chemo for five days of time starting yesterday. So five days chemo, then off for a month, then off for five days. So you had your first MRI. And they said it's normal. Yeah, that's what they expected. And the idea is to stop, I mean, number one, stop the tumor from growing by hitting it with the chemo and the radiation and then hopefully shrink it. Yeah, they retired its growth and then they shrink it. Right, exactly. So they've hopefully stopped the growth and over the course of the next few MRIs, they won't stop every couple months. They will look for shrinkage reduction in the size of the actual tumor. How do they physically calculate that? I don't know. We've been like, how did I like that? They put you in the exact same position and take a picture and literally measure the picture or hold it up to one another, use it as a, you know, put it over the other one. I guess I can tell how relatively big it is compared to the rest of my brain or the actual size of the actual scan. The one they use now is they call it a baseline measurement. They'll use this one as the baseline measurement to compare all others against so they'll know how much it shrunk. So that baseline picture was probably taken before your first radiation. Right, and that was not as good. So they used it to kind of like discard a little bit. The one they took a couple of days ago, or a couple of weeks ago, is the new baseline which they'll use to measure the progress. That's basically Kirstie Alley before the Jenny Craig. Yes, the Cheers Era. No, no, no, not the Cheers Era. That's the bloated Kirstie Alley. Oh, the Cheers Era was, she was looking pretty good. She looked good in the Cheers Era. That's the fat before picture. And then we use that to monitor the progress as the pounds melt off. Yeah, right now my Kirstie Alley slash tumor will look... I'm just gonna love that. That's the best role she's gotten in years. It'll appear to be worse in some instances, but a good trained doctor can look at it and say, well, this is better, this is better, this is better. Because it's been aggravated, so to speak, by the pressure that's been put on it via the radiation. And you said that some of your symptoms now feel worse. Which are the hardest? My left arm and leg are clumsy, and more so than were in weeks one, two, and three. And as a result, walking around and just trying to walk normally can be a little bit of a challenge. Luckily, Kirstie, my wife, used to be like a fiance, but now I say wife. Kirstie, my wife is really helpful. Really unbelievable to help me get around. She's documenting this whole thing in communitytumor.com. Their excellent blog. Her excellent blog. Here's what a great guy you are. When I had my fiance, Lynette, go from fiance to wife, I called her my girlfriend for the first time. I went down. I went the other direction. She had a commotion. And now I call her my fiance. Can I say something cheesy though? So now it's been a year since I've been married. And if I hear my husband on the phone and he refers to me as his wife, I feel like crying. Really? Yeah, I still love it. It's not embarrassing. Like, what have I done to her to cry? No, I just can't believe he's referring to me. I don't know something about it. When he says ball and chain, you hear wife. Exactly. Or when he thinks ball and chain, he says wife. When he says albatross, I hear wife. That's the whole reason for me to get married because girlfriend and fiance are such lame terms. Yeah, I concur. So Brian had the MRI how long ago? I think the day I got back on Wednesday. And they were positive about it? They were overall, a great MRI would have been, hey, that thing is going away. But they saw some great things out there. The tumor is the same size. There's no growth. And the radiation is working. And they know the radiation is working because it's not grown. I asked the doctor the same thing. I said, how does the radiation work? He looks at me and says the radiation always works. I wonder that too because here you probably had that tumor a long time before you were aware that it was there. So how can you tell if it's fast growing or slow growing? Yeah, they don't know. They would have to biopsy it to really tell. But as doctors say, we've seen enough of these to know what's what. And to get really into it, the new scans are different than the old scans and the MRI. And the new scans show some minor enhancement in the actual area of the tumor. But that's how that kind of tumor responds to treatment. You want that. So they know it's being treated. Exactly. And they say it's acting like a low grade, slow growing tumor. And these enhancements are what are causing your symptoms. Yeah, exactly. Minor symptoms too. I say I'm starting a lot, but it's just my tongue and my lips are kind of numb on one side and it sucks. But it's getting better. Well the wedding was beautiful. And I'm glad you guys were able to add a couple of days to your honeymoon. And Teresa, now you have a condition as well. There's a tumor growing in your belly. Yeah. It's got a name on it. Well he doesn't have a name yet, but we just started calling him Buster. That will not be his name. It's just his little fetal nickname. Due date is what again? October 2nd. And I just realized, I don't know why, sometimes I figure things out very late. Like I think it was two weeks ago when I realized that the G in Gmail stood for Google. That's something a second grader should know. Not me. Did you know that? No. To be fair to me, I've never thought about it. But there are things that just sort of logos and things that dawn on me after a while. Like oh, that's two M's. Yeah, oh that's the name of the company. Oh, there's an M in the FedEx logo. This happened to me when I realized that you're not really pregnant for nine months. You're pregnant for 40 weeks. It's kind of like almost 10 months. And I got kind of upset. I was like I'm seven months into this. I thought I couldn't figure out like why do I keep being six months pregnant forever. And then I realized it's a little longer. Do you feel like you got time tacked on your sentence? Yeah, yeah I really do. I was like this is a sham. My whole life I've been told you're pregnant. Who do I complain to about this? Who do I go to? But I mean, I can't complain because it's been, even though I've had a few little things, it's been a pretty great pregnancy. Although the last week, as I was just telling you guys about seeing that awful My Sister's Keeper movie, I just had this weird like... Off the air you were telling us about that. Yeah, I was telling you guys off the air. What was awful about it? Well here's the weird thing. It wasn't an awful movie but I think it had a week where I was just really down. I just wake up every day. I'd wake up and start crying. And then I'd cry for about 15 minutes. And then I'd pack up my... By the way, when you're having those kinds of weeks you're supposed to rent Mad, Mad, Mad World. Not My Sister's Keeper or Brian's Song or Terms of Endearment. I think My Sister's Keeper, I couldn't figure out what was different because all along since I've been pregnant, I've had worries and fears and stuff, but I've been pretty okay emotionally. And I had this one week where I just felt like really down, really down. In fact, the last time I was here I think was right around there and I got a bunch of emails from people, are you okay? But I tried to trace it back. What happened? Because I felt fine and I realized that seeing that movie may have triggered some weird depression because it was so sad. And it wasn't like an awful movie. It was okay, but I started crying about 10 minutes into it. And then my whole sleeve was drenched because I was trying to... Then I was crying so hard, having trouble breathing. It was embarrassing. And my husband was looking at me, he was kind of laughing at me. I was the same way yesterday, Transformers too. Did it disappoint? Drenched tears. It didn't disappoint, it wasn't that good. Yeah, that's what I heard. So I didn't interrupt your story. Well, to wrap it up, so I've never cried that much in a movie. I mean, it's just... It's about the kid with cancer, for God's sakes, then she gets a boyfriend and he's got cancer, I just couldn't take it. It was so relentless in the music. Eventually the sound guy in the first AD gets cancer, then the guy hit... Everyone on the set, cancer, everyone gets cancer. Eventually everyone, and that was like Hamlet, everyone. And it was... I couldn't... I really couldn't catch my breath during the movie. And my friend Ben Mankiewicz reviewed it on Apple Louise and he made the point that the music is really literal, so the songs are like, she's 12, she has cancer, goodbye. So the whole thing was just too much. The next day when I woke up, my body couldn't differentiate whether that had happened to me or to the actors. I felt like I'd been to a film. Well, I mean, if you think about the way the human mind and the psyche works, you know, like, you ever have that dream where something bad happens or something good happens and you wake up the next day and you wake up and two seconds after you wake up, you realize that didn't just happen, but you sort of walk around with that feeling, like, you ever have those sex dreams where you've had sex with somebody who you work with and then you show up that morning at work and there's that person and there's a whole part of your brain that absolutely knows I did not have sex with this person. But there's this little kernel inside your brain that gives a hell you doing. And or who thinks somehow they know, they're gonna know or whatever. Did you have something to say to Chaffee? Yeah, Phil, thank you. I'm so glad I could broach you. The point is, is you get these little things and you carry them around and your brain has a sort of dimmer switch on it, but it's not a toggle switch. You can't just shut stuff off. And so if you're going to go to a movie and you're going to be moved by the movie, you're not going to walk out of the theater and completely leave it behind. If it's a funny movie, you'll sort of be laughing on the way home or you'll be thinking about those things. I always said that I think about the worst thing you could say about a movie is that you leave the movie theater and it's sort of like, huh? Like what'd you guys talk about on the way to the restaurant? Not the movie. You know, we're completely gone. And the best thing you can say about it is it sort of stayed with you for a number of days. And I would say the greatest compliment you could pay someone like Oliver Stone, who makes a lot of really good movies and he's made a few duds. His movies, like when you watch the doors, the next day you'll be thinking about Jim Morrison. The mood stays with you. Yeah, the mood will be with you. You'll totally feel like you're high. And the next day you'll go, I want to listen to my, I mean, you'll dust off that door sound and you'll put it on or you'll grab a book that Robbie Krieger wrote and want to read it like it'll get you there. Good movie, bad movie, long movie, short movie, boring movie, exciting movie. Just whatever it is, the idea that the next day it's on your mind. Yeah, I remember seeing Dead Man Walking and for, I don't know why, but for some reason I felt like I need a bereavement counseling. I couldn't, I couldn't, I was so upset that Sean Penn had never had shrimp until his last meal. I couldn't let go. Okay. I remember walking to the coffee shop afterwards and the, the person working there said, did he just leave Dead Man Walking? Well, they could tell. They do. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, but for just physiologically, my face was still puffy from crying and my eyes hurt and my body just thought we must be sad. Something bad's happened. Yeah. Same thing with me in disorder, Lace. Yes. Five boys. I just could never, I wasn't right. I understand. I'm okay. I'm going to work the next day and people are like, Adam, hello, wake up. I'm like, huh. Was Polly short in that? No, five boys. It was the fat boys. They were fat black disorderlies. They were orderlies in the hospital. They could do anything right. Hilarity suit. Well, when you get 600 pound black guys pushing a gurney with spindly old white woman on it, that movie's going to write itself. Do you have a Skype call, by the way, Donald or and or Choffee? Yes. Can I briefly say before we, before we do that, that speaking of things that made me cry, what about Brian's wedding first dance? Yeah. First he Rick rolls us. Oh, you're going to ask your reaction to that. He Rick rolled us. Yeah. First he Rick rolls us, then he busts out the heaven. Oh. Not the Brian Adams version. Oh, so pleased. Yeah. Me and Lynette were a mess. Who, yeah, it was wonderful. It was, it was touching. I mean, if I wasn't at the bar, I feel like it would have really been moved by that first dance. Sure. Yeah, he Rick rolled us. Yeah, I'm sorry, Choffee. Yeah, we got Eric on the line. He's got a boxing question for you guys. Let's put our headphones on and see what happens. Hello. Hey, Adam, what's up, buddy? Eric? Yes, sir. What's going on? How goes it? Oh, it's great. Now, I can't tell you what an honor is. I've been listening here for like nine years now and I've started a little thing at school. I go to college and I got up when you came out with your best of podcasts. I've made like 50 copies of them, just handed them out to random kids and trying to do my part, brother. Thank you very much, Eric. Appreciate you spreading the word. Yeah, I just wanted to ask you about the state of boxing in general and how you feel about Arturo Gatti's passing. Arturo Gatti was choked out by his wife using her purse and Arturo Gatti is, he was a champion. Like choked out of this earth? Yes. Oh. Yes. Arturo Gatti had the epic wars with Mickey Ward if you want to see some of the great fights ever. Arturo Gatti is one of these guys that had four fights like Ring Magazine fight of the year. Like every year, you know, the most action packed fight gets fight of the year. The idea that you have one of those in your career is a pretty good, pretty good milestone. He had four in his career. So he was an action packed guy long on heart, not the most ability in the world probably ended up finishing at like 40 and seven or something, something like that. But had a younger wife, maybe a second wife was on vacation with her and got into an argument, went back to the hotel. I'm assuming he was drunk. I'm assuming he was passed out. And I believe she choked him out with her purse and killed him. It's a crazy thing because, you know, not only did McNair, I mean McNair go, you know, a couple of days back, couple of weeks back and at the age of I think 36, 36, 37. Shot by his girlfriend and then shot herself. Yeah. But Gatti also got it too. I think he was 37. He retired just, I think he retired a couple of years ago, tired in 07. And it's insane, obviously, that a guy who was that crazy warrior in the ring would go getting choked out by his old lady and her purse. Yes, sir. The thing about boxing, the heavyweight division is sort of sort of dead. I mean, I've been saying for some time that what really should happen is the two clitch goes should get together. That'll never happen, but that would be one heck of a fight if they would ever do it. Well, they do this thing where it's like, I can't beat you up. You're my brother. Don't most brothers grow up beating the crap out of each other? I had a sister and we beat the crap out of each other. I would gladly fight her for $20 million. What else gloves? I go Reyes because it's a pama puncher and it's a punches glove. It's a Mexican glove and I go Slai Zengoga, eight ounce Reyes and that's the terms. So here's the thing and you guys tell me what you think of this. I have said that these two, although if they don't do it the next year or so, my theory will be shit on these clitch goes. These two giant Russian by way of Germany brothers who are the cream of the crop in the heavyweight division won't fight each other because they're brothers. But imagine it would be the biggest fight of all time. I mean, it would be brother against brother. They would call it, you know, blood, you know, blood war next of kin, whatever it would be. They could both get $40 million for this fight. Now them fighting tomato can de jour, which was my name when I fought. Hard to fit that on the back of a road. Well, it was my poor name too. You fought France. That, you know, that's good, but that doesn't get this nutty. I mean, if these two brothers, the two clitch goes, it would dominate. John and Kate plus eight move over. These would be the biggest news. Jack, move over. This would dominate. They had everyone would be talking about people would be arguing. Is it, you know, is it good? They could, they could give half the proceeds to the big brother program or little brother program or whatever, whatever it is. I don't know what's going on in the heavy, you know, in the heavyweight division. So the boring packing out, getting together with Floyd Mayweather is probably going to be the fight that everyone's looking for. I think that's going to be bigger if than the clutch goes fight because they have more of a recognizability in America, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the clutch go fight. If the clutch goes ever got together would just be huge on a level that sort of transcended box. Right. I mean, it's a big deal when Venus and Serena play each other. Right. And they're not beating the crap out of each other with this. I'd be more interested. I would definitely master. I'm sorry. Watch, watch that fight. Definitely watch that fight. Thanks, Eric. Thanks, Adam. Take care. Appreciate it, brother. You have another Skype call for us. Yeah, we do. We got a question for Brian from Ted. You say, hey Brian. Hello, Ted. Hey, Brian, how you doing? Good man. How are you? Hey, so did you get the Transformers wall art? I did. Was that Chris review? Yeah, it was. Yeah. It's, it's going up soon. Yeah. The real question is now that you're married, does Christie let you hang it up? She actually, she want to put it up first. Really? Yeah. So you got to, you got to. Yeah. They're, they're, they're fat enough. Right? Fat head. Yeah. Yeah. Big four foot wall poster, you know, nice or big for Brian. They're awesome. So you, you got Ted, you got Brian, the fat head poster of Optimus and of Bumpy. And are they, they're six foot tall, four foot tall, four foot tall. Now was making Fox as hot in this movie as everyone is saying. Yes. Michael Bay for better or worse. The director really knows how to shoot a good looking lady. I mean, he really shoots the movie well. And, and they, they featured her and her assets. Yes. And the fat head just goes up on the wall. He just, I've seen the commercials. You just roll it right up on the wall and begin masturbating. And whatever order you want, you stay around the wall. All right. Yeah. All right. Does it clean up well? We'll hope so. Hopefully it gets, it's Scott's garden. Are you telling me Ted that you did not laminate? I did not laminate, but you know, I guess I shouldn't have to buy it. And so Ted, you, you sent this as a gift to Brian? I did. I did. I just got it by the way. Thank you, Ted. Yeah. I figured it came when you guys were all off at the wedding, but you know, whatever. Just picked it up a couple of days ago. It's awesome. Ted, thank you. It was very generous of you. Yeah. And hey, T and Adam, talk to you guys later. Thank you. Goodbye. No fat head for the ace man. Yeah. I guess it'll make John high. Yeah. I hadn't heard of the fat boys or the fat head till now. So that is a sports thing that sort of started off with, by the way, the kids today, you know, we had the poster, Fairfaucet or whatever. These are just full size. You know, they started off with, you know, Albert Poulos and Brian Erlacher and the Manning Brothers, but they've now expanded into, you know, NASCAR. Well, they get into porn. Tell me. Oh, God, I'll show you a fat head. Now, now they just do everything and they sort of, they just peel off and stick on your wall, but it's like static or something. So you can just sort of whip it off and go move it to the next place. No, you know, thumbtacks. No, no thumbtacks and no, like, oh, the next guy moves to the department has to paint over the ghost of Optimus Prime, who is stuck to the wall. It doesn't. I don't believe there's adhesives involved. I didn't peel off yet, so we'll find out. All right. So anyway, you can put all. Did you say peel one off? I did peel one off. I haven't peeled it off yet. Yeah. It's a cool business. I guess they just license, obviously, after license with these companies and then you get Kobe Bryant or Spider-Man or whoever up on your wall. A brief note on porn. Last time I was here, we talked about the Not the Brady Bunch porn, which was Brian, I saw when I was at your wedding in beautiful classy Napa. In Yuntville. We rented a hotel porn in Yuntville and a lot of people wrote to ask about it. I had no idea that it was a giant porn hit. Well, I think it was at one point the fastest selling porn DVD. The Brady Bunch. Yeah. And you mentioned that there was also Not Happy Days. There's also Star Trek parody. Yeah. Well, that that came out before Star Trek even came out. Partridge family. They do all these now. They're very successful. Yeah. Call me when they do Small Wonder, by the way. That's something I really feel like I can stick my teeth into. That's the one. Yeah. Vicky the robot. Yeah. That's right. Vicky the robot. All right. So can you imagine the nightmare of the Partridge family almost being the Not the Bunch? This ain't the Partridge family or not the Partridge family, but apparently there is, they cast the actors to look like. Yeah, but what do you... There's a Bonnet G. What do you... I feel like they could have. Directed by... Well, when you're doing a porn movie where half the cast is under 18, at what point? You know what I mean? Well, the casting is excellent. And I have to say the people in the Not the Brady Bunch seem slightly less molested than the usual porn stars. Then the actual cast. Yeah. Don't they look wholesome? Yeah. So you were able to just rip off a title by putting Not in front of it? Apparently. Like, could I start a professional franchise and call it Not the Dallas Cowboys? Yeah. Not the Yankees. Right. Not the Lakers. Really? I'm going to start a TV show, Not Madmen. Yeah. We should keep going with this. Yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. I didn't really... I wasn't really thinking about... I wasn't doing the Brady Math where you have Cindy and Bobby and Greg and actually all of them. Yeah. Except Sam the Butcher, who's played by Ron Jeremy. Oh, really? And... He gives Alice the meat. Oh, of course. And Sam and... Ow. Well, so everyone is underage. Yeah. You know, they somehow...and they somehow sort of keep it wholesome. Like the first...there's a long time without a sex scene. And then you're in Marcia's bedroom, which the set looks like the Brady set. And then she has some adult toys under the bed. Well, to be fair, all porn sets look like the Brady set. They kind of do. If you think about it, just bad 70s porn. Bad rugs. Rugs. But...so I don't get it in the...in the...whether you're doing the Partridge...like the Partridge family. You're doing the Partridge family porn. First off, which Chris the drummer do they use? Good question. You got to make a decision there. Use the...the Jui Kid or the Arian Kid. By the way, aren't you supposed to replace the kid with another kid that's sort of like that kid? Go off the...go... I see. They did. Because they went with...they went with the...just a Sephardic Jew to a guy who looked like he was in the Hitler Youth. And by the way, the beauty of TV is no mention. No mention of it. He's just a drummer. But Tracy and Chris the drummer, I mean, Tracy in the Partridge family could barely lift the tambourine. I mean, she was, you know, she was six and a half. Right. And in the porn version, lifting the tambourine becomes a euphemism for something horribly dirty. I mean, does Tracy in the Partridge family have sex? Well here's the thing, Cindy Brady in the...I didn't watch long enough. I don't know if Cindy...I only made it halfway through. So I don't know if Cindy has a scene. Jan has a scene, but it's girl on girl. Oh. See, so that's a little... Tasteful. Yeah, and Marcia just has a scene with herself. If you know what I'm saying. Uh-huh. I think if it dildos wholesome. But how does one start a fight with themselves? Oh. So you think they thought about this like they went like, look, there's no way we can have someone who's supposed to be playing a nine-year-old get nailed by Ron Jeremy, but she can go at herself with a double-ended dildo. And that's within the bounds of good taste. Or Jan, who I don't know how well Jan's supposed to be. I feel like they're in the bounds of good taste. I'm sure they're on the mind. Well Jan's just experimenting with her girlfriend. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's definitely right. Well Jan would have been when the show started probably nine and when the show finished probably like fourteen. That is kind of tacky now that I think about it. Something tacky in a porn setting. Yeah. You're sorry about that, you only have half a through. Yeah. You're sorry. You know, so I don't know what really happened. I don't, that's why I focus, I mean my porn is never the family-oriented young sitcom. I go with the cop drama, the Kill Street Blues. Oh yeah. Pretty. I like that, you know, Beretta. That was a good porn. Not Beretta. Not Beretta. Iron side, tough to watch. Not Jinger. Compelling. Barnaby Jones, I don't recommend. No. That was a bad porn. This isn't Cagney and Lacey. A 81 year old guy going at it. Barnaby Jones. Not Quincy. First guy that was going to have Barnaby take him down was the first guy to call him Pops. If you ever watched Barnaby Jones, I think it was Buddy Epson, but it's like some punk could be like, hey Pops, you can't call me. That was always, I always meant he was going to get his ass kicked by an eight year old Buddy Epson. All right, what the hell else were we talking about? Not Golden Girls. It's not popular. Any more Skype phone calls there, Choffser? Yeah, we got Bradley on the line. He's got a question about cars. Brad? Yeah, Adam. What's happening? Hey, how you doing? Good. Hey, I just want to say thanks for making the podcast and I'm turning all my friends on to it, so I really appreciate it. Well, you know, I'm re-clipping my mic on, I give this speech, I don't know, once a month or something like that. That is our reward would be ratings and seeing us up there amongst the leaders on iTunes and all that kind of stuff. That's all we ask you guys to do. If you dig the show, spread it around. Your fans are so amazing. Can I say, I feel like everywhere I go, people ask me about the podcast. They mention the podcast and I don't know if you've talked about this, but the Entertainment Weekly, have you discussed that on your podcast? I'm sure I brought it out. You were on their must list? Yeah. Must podcast? Yeah. I think I brought it. Well, to be fair, they sort of did it like the Brady porn title. They must not in small letters. Oh, no, I didn't see that. Must not listen to this podcast. Yeah, I cut it out somewhere. Look, I think it makes me cruel, but if I would like, I mean, I was very flattered that they put this podcast on their summer must list and they only did one podcast and it was our podcast, but I would still much rather watch the not list. I'd rather read that article if here's all the shows you must miss this season. Here's all the music to ignore. But I'm sorry. What was your car related question? And again, thanks for spreading the wealth. Yeah, I'm looking to buy a new car and I was looking at the Mini Cooper S and I know you and Danica Patrick. I think we're talking about it. Yes. And I'm giving some pretty good reviews. Yeah. I'm a tall guy and I work as a nurse. So I kind of a female oriented profession and they say that it's a chip car and it's not a car or tall guys and I've test driven it and I really like it. I'll see what you think about the stereotype of it. Okay. A couple of things. The size of the exterior of the car and the size of the interior car, two different things often times. I T you'd enjoy this. I'd mentioned a few podcasts ago that I drove recently the new Prius from Beverly Hills to Santa Barbara on less than two gallons of gas. They drain the car. They put in two gallons of gas and I made it from the Santa Monica Pier from Beverly Hills to the Santa Monica Pier and then to the pier in Santa Barbara and less than two gallons of gas. That car, which is a small car, considered a small car is very spacious inside. Tons of headroom. And my Mini the exact same way. As a matter of fact, I have a 1999 Jag XK or I should say XJR which is much smaller, Donny back me up, much smaller headroom wise inside than the Mini is. Just because it's called a Mini and just because it seems like it's very small from the outside doesn't mean that it's not spacious inside. I'm six two and I had plenty of headroom inside that car. So you drove the Mini all the time. I sold it to Donny, but before that I drove the Mini all the time. So A, I love that about the Mini. B, it's a safe car even though it's a small car. See man, you really forget the difference between driving a small car and a larger car when it comes to parking, parallel parking, hooking a quick U-turn, maneuvering in and out of traffic. It makes a huge difference. The car is very nimble and even though it's not a ton of horsepower, it is a ton of fun. And sometimes there's just the certain intangible, the je ne sais quoi. I don't know why. It's like a girl that's really cute. She has an ineffable quality that you can't explain, but when you see her you like her. She's not tall, she's not blonde, she's not a beauty, she's not a bosomie, she's not anything. Thank you. But it all, no, but here's how you know I'm not talking about you. It all comes together. It all works when you see the person. We went there with plenty of girls I went to high school with that I just had crushes on and they weren't tall, they weren't anything. It just all sort of came together. More than the, or is it more than that? Some of their parts, right. That's what I believe the mini is and also reasonably priced and so on and so forth. Now, as far as the gay part goes, the girl, it is one of the only cars that can simultaneously be macho and gay, which is to say, if you get the, they have a peach colored one, if you get the peach colored one and you get it in a convertible and you don't get the S version of it, that is essentially like driving a gay bar. That's it. That is a gay bar on wheels. I saw that car, by the way, I saw a peach colored mini convertible non-S with the gay flag sticker on it and I thought to myself, why, why are you doing it? I can tell, I can get in the Goodyear blimp and fly over Wilshire Boulevard and see who's gay from, I can see, I'm from fucking outer space at your gay. You don't have to put, you don't have to put a gay sticker on your, you have a gay sticker, it's a 3,000 pound automobile. You don't, well, I can't wait to fly get over the option, like a standard option. Well actually, probably should, because many will do that thing, well they'll put a checkerboard on the roof or they'll put the, they'll put the Union Jack on there. How about just the gay flags that just come on all the peach ones? So if he avoids peach. Now you could do the one I did, and I hate to use myself as an example, but I got mine inside of a gunmetal gray with a black roof and black mirrors and I got the S version and that car, that car is a straight looking version of the mini. So to me, it's the color and it's the S versus the naturally aspirated versions. Naturally aspirated means non-turbo charge or non-super charge. So big endorsement for the mini, go for the S and get it in a straight color. Alright, thanks a lot. Do you guys mind if I ask you one more question? Yes, and by the way, the thing that makes people think you're gay is not your car, it's the crazy nurse shoes you wear. Do you wear the crocs? No, I wear just the black old school Adidas All Stars. Oh really? Yeah, no, that's a good solution. I love the idea of a nurse in normal shoes. Never seen that before. Do you, do you have a specialty as a nurse? Do you treat kids or old people? No. I'm a telemetry, so people have heart attacks. I take care of those guys. That's what telemetry is? Yeah, it's cardiac monitoring. So they go into like VTAC or V-FIV, then we're there to catch it. So do you literally hit them with the paddles? Well we put the paddles you don't really use anymore because you got to apply so much pressure and you got to put them at a funny angle. So you don't use the paddles anymore, we more use the stickers that you see. Oh, okay. It's easier, but yeah, we actually do that. Do you get to yell Claire? What? Do you yell Claire? Because that's the best part. Yeah, actually yeah you do. You go, you put your hand over the patient, you go everyone's clear, everyone's clear. Because you can actually give someone else a heart attack if you hit them. The Claire and the stat are really the two perks of working in the medical field. I need the crash card stat and then when the crash card comes you yell Claire. Claire. Alright, you had a second question? Yeah, how come you guys don't play your Mexican accordion music game anymore? Ranchero Countdown? Yeah, exactly. I think we'll do that, sure why not? Alright, thank you. We'll start incorporating that into the show. A lot of folks don't know, remember Ranchero Countdown, but you pick a random Ranchero song and take bats on how long it takes for the accordion to kick in. You jump in any place in the song. Usually Drew and I used to find us about 3.2 seconds. Hilarion suit. Yeah, and by the way the accordion is a tough instrument to sound good on its own, but what the Rancheros do to it is basically essentially it's like if an accordion got aids and then got backed over by a flatbed truck filled with drunken monkeys, it's essentially what they make the accordion sound like. You get strung a lot of true God itself. Yeah, it is the worst fucking sounding music on the planet played by evidently the drunkest people on the planet for the dumbest people on the planet. That's Ranchero music. Anyway, another question or should we go back to our scintillating conversation? We got one more question actually from Andrew. Andrew. Hey, how you doing? What's happening, Andrew? Oh, not much. I got a question for you, Adam. Sure. What do you think your overall percentage was for sniffing out bogus, love line calls? Well, you never know because it's sort of like one of those guys who says I can always tell when there's a gay guy in the room, or I can always tell when a guy's wearing a bad rug. Well, of course we put the word bad in front of it, but somehow Jeremy Piven grows more hair each episode of Entourage and I don't notice it. Right, I know. Pete Sampras, same thing. Pete Sampras keeps growing more hair too. So when something is done right, I don't know. So you say you can pick out all the gays, but what about the ones you aren't picking out that you're not counting as the ones you've picked out? It sort of happens this way. It's sort of the DEA works this way. It's sort of like, hey, we stopped the biggest shipment of cocaine in history from coming in. That you know about. Right, well that A that you know about, but that B that means people are just shipping massive quantities of cocaine, and what about the two ships you missed that were behind the one you stopped? So I really, I never know. And I wouldn't claim to, but I would say between Drew and myself, we were, I felt pretty good at it. Although, like I said, nobody ever calls you back and said, by the way, that was a bogus call, so go ahead and remove that one or put that as a strike on your record. That said, I'd still say we were 90 percent because usually at some point on a bogus call, you would let us know it was a bogus call, thus the whole motivation for the bogus call. There have to be a reveal at the end. Yeah, and we usually didn't get too many reveals. We didn't get busted too badly. All right, let's get back to us. Ball Brun. So, Al, a question for you. Yes. You were the first person I saw as a married man. Yes. Saw you coming into the reception or in the ceremony late. What was the explanation for that? When they found out why you were a mother's life? I blame my wife, of course, and I don't know. You guys tell me how you feel about this. We arrived in plenty of time to make your wedding. To make the reception, yes. To make the reception, yes. Well, we arrived two hours before your actual wedding time. Two things. Oh, I see. Okay. I mean, arrived in wine countries. I don't know how it works. If someone is getting married and it says six o'clock, no one seems to know if that means six sharp or seven o'clock, or you should be there at six, or their actual ceremony is going to happen at six. And I'll tell you what I'm done with as a husband. I'm done with wearing a jockstrap and a fucking bra. I'm going to pay for the goddamn plane tickets. I'm going to pay for the goddamn town car that takes us from the Oakland airport to wine country. I'm going to pay for the goddamn hotel room. I'm going to pay for the goddamn high heels and dress that Lynette's wearing. And then, sweetie, it's up to you. And when she turns to me and says, does six o'clock mean I'm not, I'm not hella fucking wheeze. I'm a goddamn carpenter, comedian from the fucking valley. And I've said it a million times to my wife. I'm a fucking guy who got a 1.4 GPA in North Hollywood High, played football, went to Valley College, got thrown out of Valley College and then clean fucking carpets for a living and then became a comedian. I'm not in fucking charge of when we should, you figure that out. And Lynette's thing is like, all right, and that's it. But my thing is like, I get in a thing where I'm going like, come on, honey, we should really be going. And I'm thinking, what the fuck am I that guy for? Like why, why, what happened? I mean, T, stop me if you disagree. Look, if you're working and you're bringing home the bacon and you're up fucking mending the roof or troubleshooting the electrical system in the house or doing all that shit, then fine, let him do half his shit. But my feeling is, listen, ladies, it's a wedding. You should be the one who's coming and saying to me, come on, let's go. We're going to be late. You're supposed to get to these things by whatever. You're supposed to pick out the wedding gift to send it, to send a card from you, all that stuff. Right. Which she did, but we were sort of sitting around the room and I was sort of going at 6.20 and she, you know, I could hear the hairdryer going in the bathroom going, how does this work? And she's going, well, they normally start a little whatever. So my feeling is like, I don't want to be the guy who, like I said, underwrites everything and then goes, come on, come on, come on, we got to get going, you know, come on, get you to do it. Which I always do and which I do a lot. The problem is chicks take 45 fucking minutes to get dressed versus six minutes to get dressed. I mean, I literally, I don't even brush my hair. If I shaved that morning, I am under three minutes to literally get dressed. So all I can do, I was watching Charlie's Angels, by the way, all I can do is sit on the fucking foot of the bed in my underpants watching Charlie's Angels waiting for the sound of the hairdryer to stop, to signal me to pull up my trousers. It wasn't not Charlie's Angels. It was actually Charlie's Angels. I wish it was not Charlie's Angels. Well, so we, we didn't, I figured they weren't coming because I didn't see them during the ceremony. I was looking around and then of course right after the ceremony, we saw them walking up and then Lynette was put in a very awkward position because just moments after the ceremony, there was like, you know, cocktails and mingling and we were standing there. How was the cocktail hour? It was great. Good appetizers. It was beautiful out. Sliders. Yeah. Sliders. And so we were sitting and standing and mingling and of course everyone wants to come talk to Lynette because everyone does love Lynette. And so, you know, we were mingling and of course, what do you talk about right after a wedding ceremony, the ceremony? Sure. So, as people kept coming up going, wasn't it a beautiful ceremony? Now she's just missed it. Sure. What's she supposed to do? Going a long explanation about that. So of course she was like, it was so beautiful. We walked from our bungalow up a sort of incline made of grass and literally bumped into Christine Bryant. They just got done. And then I had kind of given her a few details of the ceremony just in case. So she'd be able to engage. Listen, please tell them to stop me if I'm out of line here, men. What the fuck? When did it become our job to, like I said, you know, pay the mortgage, keep the lights on on the house, pay for every fucking thing and be the one who like becomes the nudge. Come on, sweetie. It's late. Come on, honey. That's the chick job. Is it not? I don't know. I remember my grandfather always being in the car honking for my grandma who's always last out and yelling, get the lead out. I've had it happen a thousand times with a thousand different venues, events, whatever, where I'm the one who's going like, come on, swoon on. And it's like, I want to be on the fucking sofa with a beer watching Sports Center and have her come in fully dressed going, Hey, what the fuck? Come on, let's go. We're going to be late. Not me going, come on, come on, come on. And then it's just weird. You become this nudge, you know, like, come on, well, when are you, come on, when are we going? And then also as far as, well, first off, I don't, you know, I'm the kind of, I traveled, you know, 500 miles and then miss the thing by, by 10 minutes. But you know, Donny and I went and saw the 24 hours of Le Mans and we traveled to France and caught the last 10 minutes of the race. I swear, well, they started it an hour. They started it and they finished it an hour early this one year and there was, and it was raining. So there's like some rain issues and our train and we miss our train because our conductor fucked us up. But I'm the guy who literally forget about going to wine country. I literally went to France to watch a 24 hour race and caught the last 18 minutes of it. Donny, my life. You're telling the truth. But amazingly enough, though, when we went there, the team we went to go see won the acid Martin team one. So we were standing there for 50 years and one for 50 years. We're standing in the pit of the winning team. So we can enjoy that. That's nice. But I had to put on the same face that Lynette put on. Oh, it was awesome. Right. It's awesome. 24 hours. Wow. That ceremony was incredible. So I blame it on my wife and my feeling is I'm going to stand by it. I'm not. I it's a constant burn my saddle this sort of blurring of the lines of what the sexes are in charge of. I don't feel like in a relationship, I don't feel like the guy shit has changed much. Now it's true. They don't fight as well as they they used to. And it's true. They don't fix a car as well as they used to. But I've said many, many times I make I make the money and I fix the house and I pay for everything. I'm not going to be the one pushing, pushing, pushing everyone to get out of the house to go to whatever the event is. And then also, like I said, I don't know what the rule is. If it starts at six, what time did you guys actually get started about six, 20? No, six, actually, I think maybe a little late. I wasn't aware to wash. But yeah, you got to start. I mean, if you want, if you're saying started six, I don't know, would it kill? I'm not not blaming you. Not blaming you. Thank you. I killed people to say, you know, ceremony starts at six sharp or arrive at five thirty or some that kind of put I think the sharp versus the soft opening. I think that's it. Because I know I'm not hella fucking wheeze. I mean, I'm really not like I was raised by wolves and I don't don't I don't know anything about etiquette. I always double check. So I think I double checked with their wedding planner. Do you mean six or do you mean six thirty? It was so hot out there. No one wanted to get there early. But I know my limitations and I did check. So we made it. But do you and by the way, I know what you mean about not wanting to wear the bra and the jockstrap. I don't think anyone wants that. Women don't want that. Men don't want that. No one wants to do that. It's not attractive quality. It's not right. Do you are you the one that hurries up Christie? A little bit, but I feel a fair amount of we're both sort of very conscious of what's going on around us. So you don't have to hurry up too much. And during the ceremony that Adam missed. Yes. How was it? It was good. It was a good one. I was just stumbling over. That was not a number one goal. It was not stumbling. But it worked out OK. I wore wide shoes and I dealt up my steroids. So I was able to knock down my symptoms a little bit. It was hot. It was so I felt for you because it was it was what around a hundred. And you had to wear it. Wool tux. Yeah. It was unseasonably I guess unseasonably high. Yeah. Normally it's an 85. It's probably a hundred. I'd say it could have cracked a hundred. Yeah. I mean even even at six thirty in the evening it was hotter and shit. I was someone's car alarms going off outside. Well that's probably good enough sign to wrap it up anyway. By the way your wedding planner Theresa is saying my wedding planner Michelle Buckley of Edmund Julep Social Events MJSD.com. If you're out there planning an event look her up. Yeah give a give a plug. All right T why don't you give your plug for your website. Exploitingmybaby.com. Bald Brian. You can find me highbrine.com and if I'm christianblog which we always reference that and then convenetumor.com. We're also looking at ways to do a fundraising event for Christy and Brian as well. Yeah let's do that. We've been talking about it for a long time. And yeah you know what I was going to do. Yeah. But whenever we figure this out I was going to actually auction off the shaving of my mustache and make the proceeds to you Brian. That'd be good for a nickel. Huge. Thanks Donnie. You're a real good guy. Okay either way we'll figure it out. We'll do a podcast. We'll do a fundraiser. We'll do a telfun. Whatever it is we'll do a live event. You guys who are all listening will be included in on this and will obviously go to a very worthy cause. We'll keep you posted on that. So until next time this is Adam Corolla for Teresa Strasser and dear dear friend Bob Brian and of course my buddy the Weas saying Mahala. Alright this is Adam Corolla show episode 92. That does it for Days of Pool of Plastics. Make sure to tune in tomorrow for an all new installment. Until then Mahala and get it on. We're coming at you with everything we got.