Alcohol Sucks | Girls Gone Bible

Have you ever been in a relationship and kept having unwanted doubts like, do I love them enough? Am I really happy? What if God has someone better for me? And those questions felt impossible to ignore? And suddenly you're repeatedly praying for certainty or signs, constantly comparing your relationship to others, asking friends what they think over and over. But you can't find peace, no matter what you try. Unwanted relationship doubts can feel so real and scary. But here's what's important to know. Lots like these can be a sign of relationship OCD. Unlike the stereotypes about being organized, real OCD is a serious condition that can latch on to anything we care about. Relationship OCD creates this never ending loop of doubt, anxiety, followed by behaviors you do to try to feel better. But the relief never lasts. But OCD doesn't have to take over your relationships because it's highly treatable with a type of specialized therapy called exposure and response prevention or ERP. And that's why we're so excited to tell you about no CD. No CD is the world's leading OCD treatment provider in all of their licensed therapist specialized in ERP. Therapy with no CD is 100% virtual, covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans, and includes on support between sessions. Their therapists are extensively trained, deeply understanding, and ready to help you reclaim your relationships. If any of this sounds like you or someone you care about, visit noCD.com and book a free 15 minute call to learn more about how no CD can help. That's noCD.com. Hi guys, I'm Anj and I'm Ari. And this is Girls Gone Bible. We are a faith-based podcast where we talk all things spirituality, mental health, relationships. We talk about everything from a biblical point of view because we love Jesus so much. We are just two average girls. I don't know why I thought to myself below average. That's why. We have to absolutely destroy ourselves. We are murderers. So you're not alone. We talk about everything from a biblical point of view because we love Jesus so much. He saved our lives, transformed our lives. And we always say come as you are. Just don't stay that way. What's up, Anj? What's up? How you doing? I'm doing really good. Other than the fact that I came 40 minutes late. I thought we were starting at 2.30. We were starting at 2. But I was five minutes late. So you're only 35 minutes late. And one of my green flags, I'm going to give to myself is that I'm always, if you tell me to be there at 2, I'll be there at 1.30. Yeah. You can use a green flag. That is my green flag. You're always early. You're always on time. You are a respecter of time. I am a respecter of time. I got a haircut today. My point was that nine. I got there at 8.20, sat outside. Her thing. What is that? Does there a day just get up? I just don't want to be, what's the word? Disrespectful? Like, you know, something of your time. Inconsiderate. Yeah. That's a great word. That's a really simple word. I couldn't get out. And I am for just going to be able to say the word. That's a great word. That's a great word. I love your haircut. Thank you. What's the word you said in our prayer? I wanted to, vitality was it? Oh, no, virality. That's a really good word. Explain to us what that means. You are to see us in my, when you were praying, I opened up one lot ago. Really? Virality is something going viral. And so I prayed right now before we started this episode and I prayed a lot this morning. I pray typically over every episode, hopefully, you know, but today was a really important one for both Ari and I where I prayed today, I never pray that God would like give us more eyes or more views or have more people watch the podcast. But I literally prayed and I think He would release me to say that like this morning, I prayed for favor on this episode. I prayed for virality that in episode like today where we're talking about sobriety and alcohol and drugs and smoking and a bunch of things I prayed Lord, like I on a shameyly ask for favor and then this episode would go viral. That parts of this episode would go viral so that people could hear a message like this and that there would just be a call to sobriety and a call to laying down of the things that we know are not good for us. Let's get into it. Let's get into a girl. So I know that you wrote a devotion solely on sobriety. So why don't we get into it because I think it's your best and then it's your best devotion. Really? Yeah. I love when you talk about sobriety because I know how many people it's freed and I know that could have been easy to come out and talk about sobriety. Yeah. I know how much it's freed you even being so vulnerable and talking about it. So I remember maybe one of our first like maybe the sixth or something episode was sobriety. Do you remember how much I was freaking out being like, are you what are we doing? I like went into my story of how much I drank and the little alcohol bottles and how I was an alcoholic and it was really bad. And I remember freaking out and it's so funny looking back now being like, now we've told everything and we have no issue like disclosing anything and back then I just remember talking about my sobriety because I had never talked about it on Instagram. Nobody knew I was sober. Yeah, really quick. I want to say look at it. Look at it loose. What is loose? Dude, look at it. It's so great. I just want you guys to know we just had a meeting for this for our devotional today with our team and like, you guys, they're ecstatic. I'm just going to go out and say it because we should celebrate our devotional that we put our blood, sweat and tears into writing this was so beautiful and so hard. We could have never prepared. Do you know how much it hurts your head to write so many words? We had a meeting in our team is just like ecstatic because it's people are loving it and people are buying it and people are like getting transformed through this devotional and we could have never thought that. I remember there was so many moments like especially with the purity devotion. I would have I like erased the whole thing. I was like, I'm not putting this out there. And then I just felt that conviction of like, you know, you're putting it in there. I think this episode is brought to you by IQ bar our exclusive snack hydration and coffee sponsor IQ bar protein bars. IQ mix hydration mixes and IQ Joe mushroom coffees are the delicious low sugar brain and body fuel you need to win your day. When life gets busy, sometimes you just need something quick that doesn't feel like you're eating straight sugar. And that's why we love IQ bar. Their plant protein bars are packed with plant protein tons of fiber and zero added sugar. So you actually feel fueled instead of crashing an hour later. And if you haven't tried their ultimate sampler pack, it's honestly the best way to start. You get nine IQ bars, eight IQ mix hydration sticks and four IQ Joe mushroom coffee sticks. So you can try everything. We're talking flavors like mint chocolate chip bars, blueberry, pomegranate hydration mixes and even mushroom coffee that gives you 200 milligrams of natural caffeine for mental clarity with over 25,000 five star reviews and counting more people than ever are fueling your busy lifestyles with IQ bars, brain and body boosting bars, hydration mixes and mushroom coffees. Their ultimate sampler pack includes all three. And right now IQ bar is offering our special podcast listeners, when he percent off all IQ bar products, including the ultimate sampler pack plus reshipping to get your 20% off text GGB to 64,000 text GGB to 64,000. That's GGB to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. God, we did. Those hard parts, we've seen so embarrassing and so many people were like, no, I relate to this. Even with sobriety. Yeah. So many people open up and be able to who's calling us. Who's calling us answer it. Everybody wants some on baby, you're on the air. Sing them a song. Sing us a song. Give me a word. He's so sick. He's so sick. He had me because he's coming out of his eyes. Let's say I need all 15, 25 million of you subscribers praying for me. Oh, guys, pray for John because he's feeling sick. You must be better. No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's not. Oh, shoot. Tom. Oh, shoot. I don't know him. Okay. Love you. Oh, come on soon. Are you going to come on soon and speak in tongues? He speaks in tongues over the all the seats at our shows. That's the best thing ever. Never, never in English. Never in English. You want to say a little something? Only with the spirit of the Lord saying we're talking about sobriety today. If there's anything you have to say, yeah, what would you tell the kids? They worship. They really isn't worship. I promise you guys this is a mighty man of God. But as a mighty. What do you mean? Best devices. No, where is it? I know. It is. If you play, if you put those fire kids, you're going to get burned. Yeah. That's really good. Yeah. And maybe what's the word of the Lord? What would he say? He'd say less than it ain't worth it. Okay, baby. I love you so much. This is our devotional out of the wilderness. 31 devotions to walk with God through your hardest seasons. Like we said, we love this devotional so much. And we are blown away by the impact that it's had. All that matters is that God's in it and that people encounter Jesus through the devotional. And we believe that that's happening. But to hear from our team how well it is doing and performing is just like absolutely insane. And we're so grateful to Jesus. And it's just a testament that like the spirit of the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. Like this book speaks prophetically into the lives of whoever reads it because it's our testimony of Jesus that speaks to them prophetically. It's absolutely amazing. So please get your copy at girls gone bible.com slash book. And so we're going to start today. You guys, we want to talk about sobriety. We want to talk about alcohol, drugs, smoking weed, smoking cigarettes, vaping, all of the addiction, so all of the things, all of the substances that for some people watching, you might have grown up as a Christian or you are born again and really all in with Jesus. And you're like, this is a crazy topic to even talk about because as a Christian, of course, nobody does drugs or smokes weed or drinks alcohol. But the truth is we live in a world where lukewarmness is a thing and double mindedness is a thing. And passivity in your faith is a thing where you can be following Jesus and still partaking in activities that are, I believe, and are believes so against what God calls us to do. And that's happening with a lot of people all around, all around us. And so we just want to talk about sobriety because it's a huge part of my life. I've been sober in November. It's going to be six years, which is. Oh my gosh, no, it's coming out. The peak is coming. Yeah, it's going to be six years. Six years, which is like, I cannot believe it's going to be six years. Time is literally flying. I make you know three. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by glorify the number one Christian daily devotional app. You know, people ask all the time how we stay connected to God throughout the day, especially when life gets busy. And honestly, one of the things that's helped me create space for that is the glorify app. And what I love is that it's built for real life. You can start your morning with the Bible passage of the day, read the daily devotional, and spend a few minutes in something called the daily walk with God, which helps you slow down and refocus your heart. I am obsessed with this one. You guys are going to love playing it during your afternoon walks. Because if you need a reset during the day, they also have guided meditations and worship playlists that bring you back to God's presence. At night, you can even wind down with sleep meditations that help your heart and mind resting God's peace. Right before bed, you can meet the scripture in peace. I will lie down and sleep for you alone Lord. Make me dwell in safety. Whether you've been walking with Jesus for years or you're just beginning your faith journey, glorify me to just where you are. Join the millions of Christians who have downloaded the glorify app and deepen the relationship with God. The most of the show can get full access to glorify for just $29.99 for the entire year. That's glorify as the lowest price ever. When you download the glorify app now at glorify-app.com slash ggb, feel closer to God this year with glorify. Get full access all year for just $29.99 at glorify-app.com slash ggb. That's glorify-app.com slash ggb. That's such an accomplishment. Six years. It's so crazy. Wow. Unbelievable. So what a testimony. Thanks a lot. Seriously, what a testimony. It is so many lives. And I can't wait for you guys to hear because as time has gone on, Aryan, I talked about this the other day where as you mature in your faith, you begin to realize more of your own testimony because you're able to look back. The first time I got touched by the Holy Spirit that I like got encountered by the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit fell on me. I remember I was thinking about it on my way here. Looking back, I didn't know what was happening. And I was listening to a sermon, literally get wrecked by God, like literally get brought to my knees. Holy Spirit's on me. I'm crying. I'm shaking. I don't know what to do. I think it's something about the sermon. So I take out my headphone, rewind the sermon, and then put it in my mom's ear and wait for the same things that happened to her. I didn't know that I encountered the Holy Spirit. I was just like, what just happened? Was a girl get up? Yeah, it was Sarah Jake's Robert. It's the first time I ever remember getting like, a girl get up by Sarah Jake's Robert. It's a sermon. God met her. Yeah, that's unbelievable. Is that crazy? And it was in your house? Yeah, my mom was caretaking for a woman named Julie. So we're at Julie's house. And I was just in the bathroom, maybe like washing my face or something with headphones in. I get baptized in the Holy Spirit. Baptized. Like the Holy Spirit falls on me, not because all of us have the Holy Spirit inside of us, but the Holy Spirit came on me. And I didn't know what I didn't know what being baptized in the Spirit was. So I take out my headphones and then put it in my mom's ear and I just stare at her, waiting for her to experience what I experience. And she's just like, cool, cool. Like, you know, isn't that so interesting? And then why? And then I over time that kept happening. I kept getting encountered by the Holy Spirit. I would listen to you put the drink down. No, no, no, no. This was way after. So this is like there's like different. Yeah, there's it's peels you like an onion. Peels you like an onion literally. No, that's how he deals with us. Yeah, it's like layers layers. It doesn't, you know, yeah, not every sometimes people have a story where they give their life to Jesus. They're baptized in the Holy Spirit. They put everything down. They're delivered, freed, saved, transformed in a moment. I know that people who have that story, that's not either of our stories. It's been a process. He meets us. Then he meets us again. Then he meets us again. And he chips away at the stuff that's around our heart, you know what I mean? And we're going to do another episode kind of like all around that. So I'm just going to start a little bit out of this devotional. It starts with Ephesians 518. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery, instead be filled with the Spirit from Angela. Alcohol almost destroyed me. Because of my experience, I have taken a hard stance on overconsuming alcohol or any other substance that alters one state of mind. I hope my story of how alcohol nearly ruined my life, shed light on the effects of this epidemic. Since I was a little girl, a looming feeling of danger has haunted me. I've always felt unsafe, and I've always looked to outside sources to feel secure. My brokenness and pain in this area drove me into the arms of a vice that would never actually fulfill me or bring me last income firm. I was only 15 years old when I realized that I really enjoyed drinking. It's not even that I loved to party. What I loved was the ability alcohol gave me to escape my pain, even at such a young age. Self-medicating with alcohol or any substance is all funny gave until it turns on you. It feels like it's helping until it's not. This is how the devil works, not just with substance abuse, but with any sin in our lives. It's always good in the beginning, shiny and appealing and seductive, but then Satan leads you to your destruction by the very thing that used to feel so good. Anxiety and alcohol were a deadly duo for me. The more I drank, the worse I began to feel when it wore off, because you guys know that I went through a horrific period of years of anxiety, panic disorder, OCD, de-realization, de-personalization. I had a bunch of phobias. I just had so much fear. I was a very fearful person, and I had really bad social anxiety. The idea of having to be around people was really hard for me. I could barely look people in the eyes. I could not go to a social thing without drinking. I had a fear of panic attacks, which is literally panic disorder, so I would not leave the house because I was afraid that I'd have a panic attack. It says, my tolerance was rising, so I drank more. This is the violently toxic cycle that happens with alcohol. I went from having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol to being completely dependent on it, emotionally and physically. One morning, I went to Whole Foods. I hadn't had a drink yet, and within a few minutes of shopping, with drawl hit, and I was shaking uncontrollably. My head was pounding and my ears were ringing as I struggled to remember where I'd parked my car. It was absolutely terrifying to realize that I couldn't even take a short trip to the grocery store without having a drink. The shackles were tight. I was in bondage, and the future did not look promising. At this point, I had everybody close to me praying for me. But I couldn't bring myself to stop, no matter how many times I tried. It hurts my heart to remember how badly I did not want to be doing what I was doing. I just wanted to feel better. I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror, and when I did, I didn't recognize the person looking back at me. My eyes were empty and lifeless. There was no joy, no hope in them. I was a dead man walking, and I was really scared. Have you ever asked yourself, how did I get here? How could I have let it get this far? How did I allow it to get this bad? That was where I found myself. I was trapped in an endless cycle. I wanted to numb the underlying pain, so I turned to a vice. The vice produced an immense amount of shaming guilt that I couldn't stand to feel, so I ran back to the vice to drown out the noise, and repeat. So this is... Your kids are going to love decorating the reasonable bottle with the stickers that come with the first order. So many parents try them themselves, and guys they actually say that they taste really good. 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It's not by accident, and it's not just bad choices in life. Which that is a thing, right? We have a choice. Regardless of what happened in your childhood, regardless of how you were raised, regardless of abuse and all the things, you have a choice. And a lot of people grow up in really bad situations and still make good choices for their lives. So that's not to say that we're victims to anything that happens. However, if you see someone who is struggling with addiction, who's struggling with alcohol, who's struggling with sin, first we remember that we don't wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers that we have an adversary who's trying to take every single one of us out. And every single person, some more than others, grew up experiencing trauma and pain and dysfunction. And so people don't end up in bad situations just because they chose to get there. And so I think that's something that's really important in noting when we're talking about alcohol and we're talking about substance, like people are in pain and they're hurting so badly. And it feels so good to have a vice. It feels so good to have something to cope with, whether it's alcohol or smoking weed or even vaping or sex or blah, blah, the millions of things or being addicted to work and making money. Like everybody wants to have a vice because it does feel like it makes things easier and it doesn't. In the moment. In the moment it does. Right, but it's a never ending cycle. And it doesn't actually ever bring film in or peace. It's just... Yes, it numbs you for a second. It never frees you. Only Jesus can free you. Only Jesus can bring true comfort. I talk about my testimony a lot, but you know, I grew up in a situation where one thing led to another that led me to living a life of avoidance and escaping. I really have struggled in my life to cope, to give always a escape to something since I was a really little girl. And so growing up experiencing a ton of pain and a ton of confusion and a ton of like, yeah, there's... I'm not going to get into it, but there's like a million reasons why a little girl ends up addicted to alcohol, you know? And those things don't happen by accident. And so I found myself, as you guys know, having those panic attacks, my mental health was really bad. I was really scared in true-safety thoughts. We've talked about in true-safety thoughts before. Those unwanted thoughts that like are persistent that come up and you're like, oh, what was that that was scary? I was really struggling in my mind, really afraid. And so I started drinking to numb my pain, to avoid my pain. Alcohol was the only thing that made me feel better. All of my friends drank, you know? It was... Sorry, was this was started in Florida, right? Yeah, when I was in high school, from an early age, I mean, since 15 years old, drinking with friends, drinking on the beach in Florida, like, that was our lives. Like, that was all of our lives. I was no different from other kids, which is so scary. It's sad that there are 14, 13-year-olds drinking. Like the norm. Today, it's the norm. It's literally the norm. I know. And so, yeah, it started at a really early age. And even then, though, I'm coping, I'm meditating, I'm not well, I'm not feeling good. I don't know Jesus. And then I grow up and all of my friends are doing the same thing that I am, you know? And then I move to LA. And everybody drinks. Drinking is the most normal thing. You're now 20, right? Yeah, 18. Okay, 18. So we moved to LA at 18. And then, but even then, I recognize I wasn't an alcoholic, but I look back and I recognize that my drinking was different than other people. Everybody's drinking is bad, because it's not good, but mine was different. I remember specifically, you know, saddle ranch. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So I remember being at saddle ranch when I was like 18. And being with all my friends from college, it was the end of the night. We all had like those mock, those mocktails, those cocktails that are like all that sugar and like, yeah, those big ones at saddle ranch. And it was time to go. It was closing and we were getting up to leave. I remember this so distinctly that everybody sitting with me all got up and they leave their drinks full. And I remember finishing mine. And I asked my friend, like, why didn't you finish your drink? And she's like, we're just going home. Why would I drink that? I remember clocking to myself. That was not normal. Like what I just did. And then you finished it. And then I finished it. And that's just like one little instance, but like it was a, it showed me like, there's why are you even finishing that drink when you're just going to go home? You know, that's not normal. That's not good. And then I, for the next couple of years, drink on and off, not like an issue by any means. But then after I had my first panic attack at 19, by 20 years old, I found myself self-medicating, which means that I would drink for the purpose of feeling better. I would drink for the purpose of not having social anxiety, thinking I can't be with people. I'm like the most, I've been like the most social person my whole life. And Satan came into my life and literally attacked my strength, which is how much I love people and being with people. And he fed me this lie that I was like a socially anxious person. And he would tell me like you're introverted. You don't know how to be with people. You can only be with people if you're drinking. That's the only time you're fun. That's the only time anybody wants to be around you because that's when you're crazy and fun. And I would be like, yeah, you're right. I should only be with people if I'm drinking. And then so I developed a social anxiety where I could only be with people if I was drinking. And that only led me to drink more and more often. And then by 22, 23, as most of us know, my story takes a really dark turn where my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't even leave the house. I was like no longer a functioning human. I was in a relationship that was really toxic and really bad. I was living with the person. I lived in like this big house with a bunch of young people. And I lived with a boyfriend at the time, just perpetuated this culture of drinking. And it was just so dark. I'll never forget. I lived in this big house and it was like all brick. So it was kind of like dark inside. Like it was a red brick. I always just, it's like it was like the set of euphoria. Not like doing a bunch of drugs or like whatever, but it was just dark. And you have young people everywhere just living this LA life and they're drinking in this and that. And I am living in this house and it's so dark, even the walls were dark. Like I think about this time and I didn't have a life. And the people in the house would drink to like party. So they would leave. They would go places. They would like have friends. I literally stayed at the house. I didn't. Alright, Razor, Hanif you've been putting off a doctor's appointment. Dental cleaning, annual checkup. The one thing you said you'd keep an eye on, yeah, same. Usually I'll do what everyone does. Google my symptoms, convince myself I'm either totally fine or somehow dying and then still not put the appointment. But this year we're doing things differently. ZockDock is a free app and website that helps you find and book high quality in network doctors so you can find someone you love. We're talking about more than 150,000 providers across all 50 states and you can search for everything from dermatology and dentistry to primary care, eye care and over 200 other specialties. 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Alcohol changes everything and marijuana changes everything. These things are really bad for you. So then ultimately, I get out of this relationship, I move somewhere else. I go back to Florida for a little bit and then I, this is come back to Florida for like a couple of weeks, yeah, because I moved out of that house and I went to Florida. And this is like kind of embarrassing and but like you know what, there's no shame. I was in a relationship and then I literally jumped into another relationship right away, like literally and immediately and all of us grown up. Yeah, like literally no time in between, jump into another relationship and then live with that person's family. And I was talking to John about this the other day actually and I kind of like told him this story of like going from this one house with this one guy in his family, then to another guy in his family. And he literally with tears in his eyes was like, and you weren't even like looking for your boyfriend. You just wanted to be safe. And he's like, you were literally angel in the run, like one place to another where can I find shelter, where can I find safety? And and then I start dating someone else and then I'm living in his house. My whole life is in shambles. I just got out of a four year relationship and now I'm in it. I was so unwell between the mental health and the alcohol. I was not making my own decisions. Yeah. I was even if you're not drinking a lot, alcohol will impair your decision making across the board. In every area of your life, it'll destroy your relationships. It'll destroy your marriage because you're not yourself. You're not. It destroys. Even if you're not in alcoholic, but you're drinking often, it will change who you are. And so now I'm at this new person's house and in this new relationship and thank you Jesus for that person because it was the best thing that ever happened to me. But imagine I'm a 23 year old girl making horrible decisions. I don't know what's going on. I have no guidance. I'm just, it was a mess. It was a mess. And then I've told the story before. So I'll make it somewhat quick. But I just, I need you guys to understand what freedom looks like because I'm about to be six years sober. And I don't even consider myself like a recovering alcoholic because I was delivered from alcoholism. I was delivered from addiction. And that's not everybody's story. It's not like I wasn't just like delivered from anxiety and some people are, I still struggle with anxiety, but I was delivered from alcohol and that sort of freedom, that solid, like freedom, like there is no, I'm not even, that's not a part of my identity anymore. Like that's available. And so for me, Socrates, you guys know Socrates had been praying for me for like six months every single day reading scripture. I'm praying for myself. I'm discovering who Jesus is. I'm learning a little bit about authority. I'm learning about who God is and what He died for and what freedom means and what the blood of Jesus is that by Jesus's stripes, I can be healed and that if I give my life to Jesus and I literally take authority against all that's happening in my life, I can be set free. And so I'm praying like this. I start praying for myself every single day, but imagine the breakthrough didn't come right away. It was a month and months of misery, destruction. Anyone who would have looked at me would have thought God is far from this person. Were you drinking at the time when you say, okay, so you're, you find Jesus. So learning about Jesus, but you're still in the process. Yeah. So by that point, I had met Socrates and I was born again, right? Like I had the first five minutes, he met me. He probably led me to Jesus. And I grew up Catholic. 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Like, but I had been truly born again and dedicated my life to Jesus. So I had been born again and I had been, but again, this is sometimes people's story. It's like some people have a this day. I gave them everything and everything changed. That's not my story. It was a gradual process. I was in way too deep in the darkness. You know what I mean? It took some time for me. And so all this, all these months of praying, Socrates praying me praying. Imagine how God was like with me every moment backing me, showing me like the light is coming. You will be free. I had no awareness of this, but God was, he was with me in the darkest moments of my life. He was right there. He was right there and it was Jesus who put me in contact with Socrates. He was Jesus who had Socrates lead me to the Lord. He was Jesus who orchestrated all. It was Jesus who got me out of that house and brought me to this house. And honestly, these are bad decisions, but works all things together for good. Romans 8.28. This is what he does. He even takes our biggest mistakes and says, I'm going to use this. And so I Thanksgiving 2019, I go to Thanksgiving dinner with my ex and his family. Who doesn't drink? And I bring the party in my bag, pack with me in my little bag. I brought alcohol with me because I knew there wouldn't be alcohol. And at this point, my ex had started to have conversations with me and being like, what is going on? This is not good. You need to stop drinking. And at that point, I was trying. I was trying to do just wine and beer, like no hard liquor. I was having a two drink minimum, maximum, whatever. I was bound. I was in bondage. You have to just say completely cut it off. Like you can't even give the devil this much room because he will keep you stuck and bound. And it's a lie to think like, oh, I could just do it. Sometimes there have a little stop. Stop. You have to go 100% the opposite way. You can't even give yourself this much allowance because you'll just keep going back. And I know. I know. And so Thanksgiving 2019, my ex catches me drinking at his family's house. That night he gives me an ultimatum. I write about it in the devotional. He gives me an ultimatum and says, I want nothing to do with you if you're going to keep drinking because I can't watch you do this to yourself. And at that point, you guys, I would go through withdrawals if I didn't drink for 30 minutes. Literally, I could not go that long without drinking or I'd start to shake. I was completely addicted and anybody watching who smokes weed or smokes cigarettes or vapes, like you probably know what withdrawal feels like your body actually can't go on anymore without that thing. And that is so anti-gospel. Like the only thing that we're supposed to need and depend on is Jesus. And so anyways, that moment that night, I received supernatural deliverance from alcoholism and it wasn't a big moment. It wasn't like I said, Jesus, I'm giving you everything and I'm done. I have spent hours and hours with Jesus asking him, what was that moment? Where were you? What does that look like? Where was this when this happened? I was going to get a picture. I was at my ex's house. He had six cats. And he was sitting on a step. I was sitting on a step that like leads into his room and he was standing up and he was looking like basically above me and being like, I'm done. Like I want nothing to do with you. You've lied to me. You've hid this from me. You said you were done and you brought it in your bag and now you've disrespected me and all this stuff. And it was exactly what I needed. I'm looking up at him and I'm all I'm thinking is I made peace of garbage. Like I hate myself. Like literally as much self hatred as you can have is what I had for myself. I absolutely hated myself. I hated what I was doing. And I've sat with Jesus and asked him, where were you in that moment? 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So if this is something that's been on your heart too, this is a beautiful place to start. Protect your legacy and your loved ones today, tomorrow and beyond with trust and will. The most trusted name in online estate planning. Go to trustandwill.com slash ggb and get 20% off. Trust and will.com slash ggb to get your 20% off. Trust and will.com slash ggb. Like how did I in that moment, not even make a decision, but something happened where I was so defeated that I never drink again after that day, after that day, that moment, I remember and I sat with the Lord so many times and I feel like what I sense from Jesus is that those months of prayer are what led to breakthrough. Those months of taking authority of relentless prayer of having people back me in prayer, Jesus stepped into my story and literally my testimony is not by strength, not by my, but by my spirit says the Lord. That was what happened because I never made the decision to stop drinking. I simply stopped that night. I'm telling it's such a weird thing because I remember that moment, maybe having a thought of like, oh man, I have to stop, right? But I remember feeling so defeated and almost like I had left my body. I woke up the next morning and I didn't drink. Thank you didn't crave it. No, no, I craved it. I went through withdrawals. So my body was craving it definitely. So that first day I was in bed dying. I thought I was going to have a seizure with draws or the scariest thing that can happen to you. You're shaking in bed. You're sweating. I'm telling I, I was, I think I told my ex something like you have to get me a drink. Like you have to, I'm like pleading and begging like I can't do this. I'm bawling my, I'm like, it's one of the most horrific things you can probably see if someone go through withdrawals. And then he's like, no, no, you're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. It was literally God sent. And that guy wasn't even a believer. Like he's like, you're going to be fine. But what's interesting is that right in the other room was a bar of alcohol. So I could have walked five steps when he was in the bathroom and got a drink. But I didn't do it. God said no. It's the Holy Spirit inside of me, empowered me to not get up and drink. Jesus stepped in and said, you can't save yourself. You're done. I'm saving you. And then I always tell people like, I think I had to go to work a couple days later. I think I didn't leave the house for a couple of days. I just stayed in bed and had the shakes and was miserable and thought I was going to die completely disassociated. I'm driving to work. I worked at Joey Woodland Hills, a restaurant. I was a server and I was driving to work and there was this liquor store to my left that I had a tab at because I didn't have any money because I wasn't working at that time. So I didn't even have any money. So I literally had a tab at the liquor store. That's like how bad this was. I'm driving by it and it was like a instinctive reflex to turn into the liquor store every time I passed it. If I had alcohol, like I would just like not even think about it. I turn in. I remember so distinctly driving by the liquor store. It's right here. I'm watching it as it's going by. And then I just keep driving. And I think like I look back and then I didn't know what was going on. But now that I look back, the Holy Spirit was inside of me, moving my hands and my feet, letting me to where I needed to go. Literally not letting me, like I was no longer in control of myself. Yeah. It was empowerment. This is the Holy Spirit's power at work in our life. I never made the decision to stop drinking. And then it wasn't thousand November. It wasn't until Christmas. I didn't talk about being sober once that whole time, that whole month because I didn't know if I was sober. I never said I'm sober. I never said here's my sobriety day. I'm done. It was never anything like that. I didn't talk about it because I was confused. I didn't know what was going on. And then during Christmas, I remember telling my mom, hey, mom, I think I'm sober. And my mom didn't know how bad it was. So she was like, okay, awesome. And then it wasn't until maybe literally a year later that I started to talk to people and say, hey, I'm sober. I didn't even know that I was getting sober while I was getting sober. It's so insane. It's so wild. And I say all that to say you guys that I, Jesus pulled me out of a really scary place. And in my position, you do not get better without rehab or without AA or without a program or something like you don't just get better. And my journey with anxiety after that took a long time to heal. I had socrates who prayed with me very often. He was my connection to Jesus because I didn't really know Jesus for myself yet, but I had somebody. And if you just have one person, do not neglect having even one person that will be there for you, that praise for you because their prayers will carry you until you're strong enough. So I say all of this to say that I can't believe I'm standing here today, almost six years sober, never craved it one time in six years. That first week of going with draws is through with draws is a little bit different, but like I don't even consider myself a recovering alcoholic because I'm not recovering. I've already been recovered that day. I recovered by Jesus, by the spirit of God, supernaturally. This is the Jesus that we talk about here. These are the types of things he does. So if anybody's sitting here thinking that whatever has bound you, the alcohol, the cigarettes, the addiction, whatever you think has all this hold on you because Ari and I both know in different ways what it's like to be so bound by something that even as a follower of Jesus, you think this is the one thing Jesus does not have authority over. There's no way that Jesus is stronger than this. And we're here to tell you that we've both been through a lot of stuff. I went through something that I stand here and I'm like, I don't know how I made it through, but Jesus was stronger than the alcohol. Jesus was stronger than the addiction. Jesus is and forever will be stronger than whatever is in your life. He's already put it under his feet and you have the authority. You have the right to put everything. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, with it being March, we've just been thinking about this. We've been thinking a lot about women and everything that we carry, the visible things, but also the invisible ones, the way we show up for our families, our relationships, our work, the emotional weight, the expectations, the way we're constantly pouring into everyone else. And if I'm being honest, I don't think we always stop to ask how we're doing. I was actually thinking about my mom the other day. She really embodies that. She just shows up with so much strength and love. Even when I know she's carrying a lot and it made me realize how important it is that we also have a space where we can be supported because you matter too. And therapy can be one of those spaces where you get to just process what you're carrying, set boundaries and just take care of your emotional well-being in a real intentional way. BetterHelp makes it simple to get started. You take a short questionnaire and they match you with a licensed therapist based on your needs. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch to someone else at any time. They have over 30,000 therapists and have helped over 6 million people globally, so you're not alone in this. And I think that's really the heart of it, giving yourself permission to be careful too. Your emotional well-being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash girls gone Bible. That's better at HELP.com slash girls gone Bible. Thing under the authority of Jesus to bring everything under submission, to bring your body under submission. If you're addicted right now to anything, any substance, you have the ability to speak to your body and say, I put you under the submission and the authority of Jesus Christ. And I say, be free in Jesus' name from whatever it is, alcohol, all the things. You have authority and it will not have a hold over you anymore after today. I first of all just, I just, I just love you. I love you. So much. I love being your best friend and I love you saying the story is like the first time every time and I just thank you because this isn't easy at all to share these vulnerable parts about your life being in a dark home. And I know how hard that was to talk about that from the beginning. And you don't know how many people you help, like you don't know how many people you free, you don't know how many people look at you and say, look at this girl. Like I'm not alone, I can get through it too. I'm not unworthy. I'm not too far gone. So many people that are drinking that come up in this thing that like, I know because I'm from Massachusetts. So this is what we do. Like so many people feel like I'll never be able to come out of this. Like I grew up in this and they hear you and they see you sitting here today glowing beautiful on the other side of it. And you don't know what you're doing for those people. And I've even talked to a girl recently last week in Massachusetts and you were half of the reason why she has a woman center that she helps recovering alcoholics. And she's been so much for four years. Because she found Jesus through your story. Oh Jesus. So I just, I know it's like, you can't even see it, but you don't know what you're doing. I love you. By being open and vulnerable and loving on these people that are battling it. So I'm just so proud of you. I really am. Thank you so much. I really am. I wanted to ask you, um, I, and maybe you like, maybe you didn't struggle, but what did after you? Okay. So you were delivered and what did that next season of your life look like? Like can you walk us through how your life looked? Because I know that you were partying. You were in LA. How did your life change? What did your day to day to life look like? Because even when we're delivered, we still have to do a complete life change. So tell us what your life looks like moving forward after the alcoholism. 100%. I mean, I lost all of my friends during that time because my friends during that time, I mean, I was like doing nightlife. I worked, I was, you know, doing bottle service. So I, first of all, quit the bottle service job. Thank you also to my ex for saying you're never doing, you're not going. They are because it just breeds alcohol. You're not going to stay sober in an environment like that. So I think what's so important for everyone to hear is that your friends and your environment are literally everything. My ex during that time, he also got sober with me because he was like, you can't do this by yourself and you certainly can't do this if I'm also drinking. So he got sober and I went into intense isolation. And that's not what God would have for people. God would have us be in Christian community. I didn't have that. And I didn't even know what that freaking was. I had never even been to a Christian non-denominational church. I was still like, you know, I had no idea about any of that stuff. But for me, I went through isolation. I was with nobody except my ex at the time and maybe one or two friends. I wasn't around alcohol for at least the first six months of being sober. Nobody drank around me. And then after that, I was able to be around people. But it was intense isolation. And I went through deep healing and socrates walked me through so many things. We had so many, honestly, and I'm not ashamed to say this because I'm not ashamed to be charismatic, deliverance sessions. There was a lot of prayer that had to go through. I had accumulated a lot of darkness and a lot of stuff that was not good. And so I had to I dedicated my life to healing. And at that time, I wasn't reading the word yet. So I would advise people differently than what I did because I got a lot of anxiety journals. I got gratitude journals, but I was trying, you know, I was doing all the things for healing. And I was meditating. I was trying to silence my mind. Now we know that we meditate on the word and we fill our minds with the word of God. But anybody who's in that position has to go through intense healing and your life has to change. You cannot be in the environments that you were in before. Me getting out of that dark brick house that I was in, I was going to die in that house. I would have died in that house. And I needed to be away from all of that. And God in the middle of my absolute destruction somehow led me to a place that was the opposite of that. And that was the most important part getting out of the environment. And I know guys, are you and I are like loyal people who are like, you never leave anybody. You never like, I'm sorry, but I'm going to be the one to say it. You can lovingly like Tony said last week, like you can say like, I love you so much, but like this doesn't work for you. Have to get out of situations that aren't good for you. You have to get away from people who are influencing you to do things that you shouldn't be doing. It's life or death. It's you will do what the people around you are doing. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I, I mean, so I grew up around it my whole life. And it goes back to generations and my family of alcoholics. And that's another thing that can have plays a big part in being an alcoholic is it goes back in your family line. And so I just saw so much darkness and alcoholism. I just looked at my family and I was like, I just, and like where I come from and how I grew up even in high school. I mean, half of my high school died because of alcohol and drugs. And we, there's so many scriptures, right? I like that we can even read. I mean, there are people drink wine in the Bible, but you have to be careful in proverbs 23 verse 29. It says, who is anguish? Who has sorrow? Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining? Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns trying out new drinks. Don't he is at the wine? Seeing how red it is, how it sparkles in the cup, how it smoothly, it goes down. For in the end, it bites like a poisonous snake. It stings like a viper. And first Corinthians verse 6, it says, you say I'm allowed to do anything, but not everything is good for you. And even though I'm allowed to do anything, I must not become a slave to anything. I just, I don't know, I grew up and I've seen how much it destroys, you know? You can get sober and then you fall. Yeah. And then you go back and I've seen it my whole life with friends and family and, and, and drug addiction and alcoholism. And it, I mean, it's one of the worst diseases you can ever go through. It's, it's not as simple as it seems from most people. And so, yeah. And I just, the whole, like, the whole time we talk about alcoholism, I just think of how many people fall back into alcoholism and they're like, I'm too far gone. It's such a journey with, with substance days. It really is. My dad's best friend owns a sober house and that's the girl I was telling you about. And this girl that was in the sober house, my dad's best friend started talking about girls gone bible and she's like, wait, engine R. She's like, I found Jesus through their podcast. She started talking about you, how she saw how you were sober and she's like, I've been sober for, I think it's been three years and now she literally runs sober houses for mothers, single mothers that were alcoholics, that struggle. And I just want to talk about, I was so blessed to have met her and hear her story because she, it's something that she grew up, she had been drinking since she was seven years old. Wow. Wow. And I feel like this could help so many people because most people do need AA. Yeah. Most people do need to go to rehab. Yeah. And I feel like that's okay. That's so okay. Yeah, because it's, I mean rehab saved my dad. AA, like truly saved my dad, it gave him community, it showed him the bible. But I just wanted to read to you because so many people at Massachusetts just struggle with this. This is like, there's something about the Northeast that you just grow up in this environment of alcoholism. And it's so normalized. It's just, it's crazy. The name is Angelica, by the way, and she said, for someone who has struggled with addictions since I was 12 years old, I look at these definitions and all, and all I see is sips as symptoms of what addiction is. The most important part is not even addressed in the clinical books or taught in school for those studying addiction. What the world is doing is treating the symptoms and not getting to the root. From someone who has tried every method possible, I can tell you that the one true answer to addiction is addressing the spiritual part. Addiction at its root is so deeply spiritually connected to the deceptions and the lies that we believe about ourselves, about this life and about God. From someone like me, I was born into addiction and alcoholism. It was a part of my life from a very young age. It was part of how we lived, how we coped, and honestly it was a solution from my spiritual brokenness for many years. I never wanted to live. I was always suicidal. And the very first time I took a substance, I finally felt like everything was going to be okay. Exactly. Yeah, drugs and alcohol took away that feeling of unworthiness, that feeling of never being good enough or pretty enough or smart enough. It gave me the ability to be free from the mental torture I had experienced as far as I can remember. Growing up being abused emotionally, physically, and sexually, obviously played a huge part in that. And again, that is all spiritual. When you're a child, and you experience physical, sexual, and emotional abuse, you're being exposed to bond experience. So she goes on and says this, in the big book of alcohol synonymous, it says that we can have our own conception of God. While I understand why that's written to help people take their first step toward faith, I also recognize that it doesn't fully align with the deeper truth. At its core, alcoholism is self-self-centered and driven by the need to control and have things our own way. It's rooted in pride and thinking we know better. True freedom then comes only when we surrender that mindset and truly accept God truly is. So I thought that was so interesting. It's wonderful. It says in AA because I always thought that they teach about God, but they say in AA that you can have your own conception of God. Yeah. They call it a higher power. Yeah, I didn't know that. I thought it was all about God. You thought it was Jesus? I did. Yeah. Yeah, I just, I thought that was interesting if anyone's in AA right now battling. That can be tough because when you make your own God, you're fighting this battle by yourself and we can't fight the battle by ourselves. So you can only be Jesus. Yes. You're true freedom will never come from a higher power. While that probably does help a lot of people, that probably the idea of a higher power is a beautiful thing that definitely helps people and they're still not truly free. And they still haven't found the true source of freedom. And even if somebody is able to get free on earth and stay free from alcohol, if they don't give their life to Jesus, we know where they're going. Yeah. And that's devastating and that's heart-wrenching and that can't be the case. And like I'm so happy that you mentioned that. Like having a higher power does not equate to believing in Jesus. You either put your faith in Jesus or you're believing a lie. Yeah. And we just want to say alcohol is not a sin. Being drunk is a sin. Alcohol is not a sin. However, looking to anything other than Jesus for comfort is a sin. Looking to put anything except Jesus for fulfillment is a sin. So having a glass of wine, yes, isn't necessarily sinful, but what is your heart behind it? Are you trying to have more of an identity? Are you trying to feel more comfortable? Are you trying to feel like more of a version of you that you want to be? That is sinful and it's just so bad for you and it's false peace and it's not worth it. Alcohol impairs your judgment, whether you're drinking or not, if it's in your life. Like it will impair your judgment for days after you even have one night of just a couple of drinks. It changes your brain chemistry. It makes you a different person. You know, imagine if you're married and your spouse married one version of you, but then every time you drink, they get a different version of you. That's not fair. And I'll just say one more thing. When you are struggling with alcohol, you need to be surrounded by a body. Yeah. And whatever it is, you're struggling with. We are not designed to do this alone. Jesus gave us each other. Like we need to be surrounded. I can't tell you when I am in like a fight or flight from my life because I'm struggling mentally. I need my people. This is why I talk about people, friendships so much because this is what is going to get us out. You need to be surrounded. If you are dealing with addiction, you need to be surrounded. You need these people to hold you up and carry you through. That's why people have sponsors. Exactly. Sponsors are the best thing for you. Get a sponsor, get a trusted sponsor that can walk this thing through with you. Yeah. You need people. You need people, absolutely. And like Ari said, there's nothing good that comes from alcohol. In fact, there's a lot of bad that comes from alcohol. So even if you're not just addicted to alcohol and will, we will even talk about that more. But we can read Genesis, verse 20 or I'm sorry, Genesis 9 verses 20 to 27. Here we have Noah. And this is a story about how drunkenness leads to.