Zarna Garg

Hi everyone, welcome to another episode of Good Hang. Very excited to talk to my guest, Zarna Garg. Zarna is a stand-up comedian, producer, writer, actress. I met Zarna when she came on tour with me and Tina Fey as we toured the country and I got to know her and her work. And Zarna is just so funny and sharp and honest and she's gonna talk about a lot of great things today. We're gonna talk about her immigration story, we're gonna talk about her very complicated feelings about romantic love and we're gonna talk about the fact that it's never too late to change your career and do what makes you happy. And we're gonna start this interview like we always do by talking to somebody who knows our guest and who gives me a question to ask them and who better to talk about Zarna than her eldest daughter, the apple of her eye, the successful, beautiful, wonderful, Stanford senior, Zoya. Zoya Garg is joining us and she is every mother's dream. So let's see what Zoya has to say today. Hi Zoya, can you hear me? This episode of Good Hang is presented by Walmart. Now everyone's talking about back-to-school outfits and we all know how expensive that can be to get the shoes and the pants and the whole thing and the shirts and all the things that you need. But Walmart has the latest back-to-school styles for boys and girls starting at just $4. Who knew? So they've got graphic tees and joggers and colorful backpacks, Spider-Man hoodies, key chain charms, flannel shirts, flare jeans, crocs. Flare jeans are back! I love it! Who knew? Shopwalmart.com to score their favorite back-to-school styles starting at just $4. Zoya, you look so cute! Oh, thank you! I was so excited to be a part of this. Thanks so much for inviting me. Now, Zoya, you are Zarna's daughter. Yes. And the oldest daughter. Congratulations from one eldest daughter to another. I know that it is a hard job to be the eldest. Yeah, eldest daughter is really challenging. And I want to say that I'm very proud of Zara. She's a great daughter. She's a great mother. She's a great mother. She's a great mother. She's a great mother. And I know your mom would want me to brag for you. What dorm room are you in? At what college are you attending? I go to Stanford. Incredible. Well, as she likes me to tell other people, I am studying computer science, but I did get to do a double major in classics, which is for me. And by the way, I don't really know what classics are. What is classics? Classics is any class from ancient Rome, Latin, completely impractical stuff. You know, like it's like, she likes to say I take her tuition money and I light it on fire. But you know, it's for the arts, it's for my enrichment. This is Zoya. I'm gonna talk to your mom about her amazing book and us touring together. But I think a lot of people should be reminded of how important you were to her early success and how you motivated her. Can you just tell people how you nudged your mom into the work that she's doing now? When I was growing up, my mom had given up her career as a lawyer to raise me and my younger brothers. And my dad was the primary breadwinner, but when I was growing older, I noticed that she more and more really wanted to earn her own money. She was starting all these businesses, like a tomato sauce company and a toothpaste business and matchmaking which failed miserably. Everything was just not working essentially. And these were businesses that she bought the LLC for, made websites for, tried to learn on the internet how to sell services for. And I just noticed that the only reason anyone would buy her terrible chili was because she would make them laugh. I mean, she would stand in front of them and she would make them laugh. And I remember one day, I had been watching, like some Seinfeld clip and had grown up watching comedy and said, mom, you should be a standup comedian. And she looked at me and said, that's not a job. And I was like, no, in America, people get paid to make other people laugh. And she was so confused because to her, the jobs available were to be an engineer, a lawyer or a doctor. And so I ended up making her this birthday gift where I got all these notes from her friends and family, asking them to say one thing about her. And I hadn't prompted them, but I knew that everyone was gonna comment on her personality, on her warmth, on her ability to connect with people. And so she got the gift, she started reading all the notes, hand picking them out and she started to really believe in herself and she was like, fine, I will give it a shot. We ended up going to the worst comedy club in New York City. I don't even think that there's a name for it. I mean, it was awful. There was barely a stage, there was like a broken microphone and she just stood up there in front of two or three random people and ranted about me, about her mother-in-law, about America, about STEM, everything that she had just been kind of pent up. She just ranted about everything and then ultimately made the whole audience of like five people fall off their chairs with laughter. And it was just the most amazing experience and ever since then, she's been the funny, brown mom that just won't stop ranting about everything and anything. How many years ago was that? That was four years ago. It's amazing how far Zarina has come in four years. And I just have to point out, it's also amazing that you as a 16 year old, number one, wanted to be around your mom, thought your mom was funny and wanted your mom to be funny. Those things don't always... The way she talks about her family, I mean, to me, why it's so relaxing to watch Zarina talk about you all is no matter what she says, how she jokes around about her husband or her kids, there's so much love there. You are a very tight family. Yeah, we're really close. I mean, I didn't actually know what a family business was. Everybody kept saying, oh, you guys are family business, you're family business. And I just, I still don't even know what that is because I think Indian people love to work really hard. And then our life kind of becomes our work. But then if you're working together on like social media skits and you're working together and selling a book and doing all these different ways to help one another, it just kind of turned into a family business without us realizing it. And I think the only reason it worked was because we're so close and we trust each other. You know, you know your mother probably better than anyone else. What question do you have for your mom today? Anything you think I should ask her that our listeners would be interested in hearing about? I have been so excited about this. Now, she talks all the time about how she doesn't say I love you to my dad. But I have caught her going on a walk with him every day. And she says that she only wants everybody to study STEM and math and science, but she is a professional writer. And so I think what you should ask her is, do you think you're a hypocrite? That's such an older daughter question. That's amazing. I want to see her react to that because I feel very confused by this propaganda she's constantly spreading that she does not subscribe to herself. And I think it's a worthwhile question to get to the bottom of. So you're saying that when they go for their walks, do you think she's secretly saying I love you? I think that the walks are an expression of I love you. Of course. If she refuses to say it out of undying commitment to the lack of the word love. I do think that she loves him. Oh. So when I talk to people like you, I feel really good about our future. You're so smart and poised and funny. And I just, you know, I think sometimes you can tell a lot about a person by their children and how they relate to their children. And it's really, really cool to see the relationship you have with your mom. It's really, really special. Well, we're going full time together actually, which is really exciting. What do you mean? What's happening? So I acted as the pre-order campaign manager of her book, which we made it to the New York Times that started with I sold 10,000 pre-orders, which was very stressful. If you think it's stressful having Zarna as a mom, it's even more stressful to have Zarna as a boss. My God, her feedback. It's not feedback. It's just you're going to get fired if you don't do it. So wow, it was very intense, but we made it through such a good experience. So I'm going full time and we're going to be building the ZG family media empire. So that's what we're going to be doing. I'm sure she'll have lots of thoughts about, you know, employing your child and what that looks like. You are, are you getting paid? You know, paid is a strong word. My mom's texting me, what questions you do? Tell her, she just texted me. I only have my notifications on for her because God forbid she texts me, I'm dying. I'm like, I'm going to go. Tell her Amy said to mind your own business. What did Amy say? Question mark, question mark, tell me right now. She's actually not real. She's like, are you on? Did you forget? I'm like, what is wrong? So yeah, I love it. I'm always under threat. I'm always under threat. Somebody, I hope there's a therapist watching this podcast episode thinking I will sign this client on for free. Zoya, when you crack and break and you rebel and you do your first thing wrong, I'm so ready for it. And Auntie Amy is here to take care of you. You can come live with me. When you're ready, when you're ready to just, you know, go full tilt, come live with me. But then you're also going to be under threat. You don't want to be on her hit list, right? Like if you side with me. Zoya doesn't scare me. She doesn't scare me. Oh my God, that is so. Okay, I'm wrong. I'm wrong, she does scare me. I'm very scared. You know what? Tell her everything's going great. Tell her your question. Thank you so much for having me. You're so great. So it's so good to see you. Thank you so much. Okay honey, take care. Bye, thanks for your time. This episode of Good Hang is brought to you by Visible, introducing Visible Inner Circle, the most flexible way to save on wireless. Connect accounts with friends, family, neighbors, you name it, and unlock savings together. Join for just $25 a month at a premium plan and save $5 per month. No contracts, no catch. Leave, switch, or change your circle any time. And with personalized payments, you can pay together or keep it separate, your call. Plus, it's all powered by Verizon with unlimited 5G data, so you can get reliable coverage and a connection you can count on. Switch now at Visible.com and save on wireless month after month. Terms apply, see Visible.com for plan features and network management details. Woo-hoo-hoo. I'm so happy you're here. I'm so happy to be here. So I was thinking the other day about new friends because I think, you know, we're the same age. It's never too late to make new friends. You are a new friend. We've met a couple years ago. Yes. And like, I just like the idea that you just are never too old to make new friends. No, and you know what? The beauty of making friends at this age is you're really united on your actual interests. It's not your kids, friends, mom. It's not your husbands, whatever, whatever. And it's not somebody you were related. It's really like the two of you love doing this thing together. And then that becomes the thing that unites you. For people that don't know, Zarna is a stand-up comedian joining us today. An actress, a writer, a producer. We're gonna talk about your book, This American Woman, the hit bestselling New York Times bestseller. We're gonna talk about your new special. And I wanna talk about how we started working together because that's gonna be really, yeah. And we learned, I feel like we learned a lot about each other by being on tour together. And we learned that we do not like to party. No. That's been the best part of touring with you guys. Everybody's happy to get in their pajamas and go home. We have like no interesting tour stories at all. But I did, if it's okay, I don't usually like to like, this is your life version of these things. But this, your book, which I had the pleasure to read and loved and told you and it really was moving, is it okay if we start with Little Zarna first? I mean, yeah, whatever, I'm really not gonna get emotional. I've decided. Oh, I'm gonna make you cry. Because that's not a hard thing to do because I'm like, it's right. The fact that Amy Poehler has read my book. Come on. And you were like texting me in real time as you were reading it. I was, you know, you ask, part of writing the book is getting the blurbs from your famous friends and it's a thing. And you chase your famous friends. Anybody you ever had lunch with or ran into at the grocery store or cross paths within Grand Central Station, you're like, remember me? And then you beg and plead them. And then you and Tina just got in, they're like, yeah, we'll do it. And even then you don't expect them to actually read the thing. Like, be honest, you know what I mean? You're like, they're gonna have an assistant run it through chat, GPT and give us a good line. And that's okay. Oh, that is a good idea. No, that is like, you know. Yeah, that's a good idea. People do that and that's what, but you read every word. You were texting me through, but like, did this happen and then that happened. I was dying. I couldn't believe that Amy Poehler has read Michael. Look, I've read a lot of autobiographies and blurbed a lot and this reads like a page turner. This is, your life is really, really fascinating, extreme, hopeful, at times dangerous, very, like a lot has happened in your life. You've had a very, like adventurous life and it just continues. In fact, I was talking to Zoya, your beautiful daughter who has a good question for you. And she was saying, you say you wanna have a big life. You wanted to have a big life. You have had a big life, Zarna. So let's start with little Zarna. Take me back to little teeny tiny Zarna in India. What were you like as a 10 year old girl? I was always getting in trouble. This big mouth has always gotten me in trouble. In fact, that's why the book is titled This American Woman because I had a habit of questioning people. I had a habit of being like, this doesn't make sense. And even the most obvious things that don't make sense back where I come from, you're not allowed to say it. But I would just be like, has anybody considered the alternative? And everywhere I went, people would be like, oh, she thinks she's American because any woman with an opinion must have come from there, that bad place. And you were in Mumbai at that point. I was born and raised in Mumbai in affluence. In extreme affluence. I grew up as the 1% of Mumbai back in the day. So I had everything. I had access to everything. I had access to Hollywood. I had access to TV shows in America, comic books, books. And I mean, the access backfired on my parents. Wait, what do you mean? But because I saw and read so much, I started questioning, why are we living like this? When we could be living like that. What did you see back then from American culture that you remember that you identified with that was at times maybe threatening to your parents? I mean, the first thing was not an obsession with marriage. I remember reading comic books and things like, books I read in India were all about young girls and who they were gonna marry and how those husbands were gonna be so nice and let them finish college. And that's a thing. In an arranged setting, you will have the boys' mother say, no, no, we're very modern. She should finish her degree and then stay home. Right, and you from a very early age, there was something inside you where you were thinking, this is not the right path for me. Well, I'm just curious. I know now, I'm curious about everything. I am even now, like recently I was in an airplane, we traveled so much for our work, right? And the airplane was like late as it happens. And I just started YouTubeing, like how to fly an airplane. I was like, it can't be that hard. And I was very serious that like I should look. So for hours, I was like, how do people, the curiosity has always been. But you're saying something very deep actually because I think the reason why your life has taken, it's like has traveled this way is because of just that. As you looked at things and you thought, it can't be that hard. It can't be that hard, yeah. Okay, so you're watching, what kind of stuff were you watching and listening to in India? Back then was Threes Company? Love. Come and knock on my door. Come and knock on my door. Yeah, I was like, yes, that's my life. John Ritter. I want the door. How funny is John Ritter in that show? All of them though, but Janet and Suzanne Somers and the landlady and the whole thing. I was like, this is why am I stuck with this situation here? My life was very much. So you watched a lot of 70s sitcoms. Family ties, growing pains. And you name it, I was obsessed with all of them. Yeah. And we got bootleg copies. How did you watch them? Somebody in America, some relative of some distant friend relative would record it playing on their TV. No, that's how we all watched it. And people charge rent. If you wanted to watch that recording, you had to pay rent for it. So any dollar, any rupee I had back then, I spent on anything American I could get my hands on. Were there, during that time, who were famous Indian actors and actresses that had kind of crossed over? There probably wasn't a lot, right? No, none. And it was probably. Crossed over to Hollywood? Zero. Zero. No, that was not even a thing. And there's probably just tons of racist portrayals at the time. Yeah, I mean, but if you watched how Americans were portrayed back home, it was equally bad. How were they portrayed? Every American person was like a villain. It was like, there was not one good, there was not one well-intentioned American TV back then. This seems to make a lot of sense. This makes a lot of sense to me. There would be like a woman who would show up and be like, you know, you don't have to get married to that old man. And then the whole country was like, oh, she's so bad. She's trying to save this little girl. Like, she doesn't know this man is gonna leave behind 10 goats when he dies. The deal has been made. You know, growing up, we're the same age. Like as a kid of the 70s, there was just so much stereotypical Indian representation in the US. That was how we knew Indian culture. It was just, especially in comedies that we watched and tons of non-Indian actors and actresses playing those parts. Like it was, yeah, we did it. We had no sense of the other side of the world. And you wouldn't, because also we didn't encourage our kids to be actors or writers. So how would they play those parts? Like, you know, right now this is a raging debate in Hollywood that's representation and all of that. But we act like we've been doing it for 50 years. We have it. This is a recent thing. So we are growing our pathways. We are growing our channels, our stories. I mean, I still, I do this. My kids aren't allowed to do this. Absolutely not. I'm not gonna let my kids become artists and writers. Zoya has, my daughter has an article published in New York Times that is widely considered one of the best essays of all times. And her English teacher at her college tried to convince her to be a writer. And I was like, dad, evil woman. I was so upset. She was like that American woman in those movies. Yes, like all these American women, my dad was right. Okay, so 10 year old Zarna is feeling pretty like emboldened and, you know, talking about what she believes in and like, you know, challenging left and right and looking at things that, you know, she wants to change. And then you lose your mom at 14. Yeah. And that is a huge blow. And you write about it so beautifully in your book. And your mom was such an important person in your life as moms are. But can you tell us a little bit about what your relationship like was, was like with her? So when she was alive, I thought I was like her least favorite child because she was actually very close to my sister, my whole life. I was the youngest of four. And, but my mom was, you know, she was a very, even though she was a very Indian stay at home mom, what you would call a stay at home mom housewife here, it's, that was her life. But she too must have been curious. And I've pieced this together in hindsight because I didn't know then, because since her death, so many people have come up to me and said, you know, your mom helped us get started in this business or in this endeavor or this career or whatever. We had no idea. See, that's a very American thing here. When people do charity or they give, they talk about it. That's, that's a thing. Like when I first came to America, I was shocked. They're like, this is my foundation. Like this is a thing we give so many millions of dollars. In India, my mom probably gave a lot, but she was so scared of my dad finding out that if he found out that he would put an end to it, that it was whispered. Like the women who gave like had like a little secret network and they would like whisper to each other, but it was never openly mentioned. So we, even her kids had no idea that she was doing any of this. But she must have been like a curious person. She must have been like an entrepreneurial person, like living out her kind of dream through these secret things that, because I know now that she helped countless people launch their businesses. With what little money she could square all away from my dad. I mean, as when people lose their parents young, you kind of have this frozen idea of them. And it is really amazing to have more knowledge come in so you can fully see her as a woman rather than just a mom. Yeah, so she maybe had a little bit of a hustler energy like you. Hustler and she was adventurous. She loved to go swim in India. That's not a thing back then for women her age. And your dad then became, it feels like during that time, you kind of have two traumas very close together, which is you've got this, the loss of your mom and then your dad really being eager to for you to get married at a young age. I mean, yeah, eager. There was an ultimate, it wasn't even like his suggestion. It was like you're doing it. Because I think I was the youngest of four. He was himself broken at the time. I'll be honest, it did not feel that traumatic to me because I thought he's gonna come around. See, sometimes I was like, let me be mature. And understand that he's shocked and that this is a moment and that we are all gonna just come back together. It's gonna take a few days or a day or two. Your 14 year old brain was trying to make sense of that. Yeah, because it was so out of left field. Like this is not something we were thinking about or talking about ever. In my family, it was widely accepted that I was the curious one. I was the academic one. There was even a hint of pride at the idea that I got good grades. I really thought that in a matter of a day or two or a few days, this would all resolve. But what happened instead? He was very determined. I learned the hard way that dads back home, they're not messing around. When they say something, they mean it. And he was very much like, no, you're either getting married or you're not living here. And because he himself had come up through really hard circumstances, he had no mercy, none. You know, sometimes people are like, but how could your dad be so harsh because they can't imagine it? But that's the world we come from. That's the world he watched his siblings die in front of his eyes. That's the world he had taken himself out of. So to him, we were the most pampered brats. They're like, you have air conditioning and a car like shut up already. Yeah, I mean, that's what I loved about your book is you take really deep dives in everybody in your family and you really try to understand them. You really try, especially your dad. I never held it against him. I've never thought of him as a villain in my life. I understood it was more a clash of like two very strong-willed people. And it's unfortunate because he forced me to learn English. I was like, this could have all been avoided if you hadn't hired 10 English tutors when I was little who taught me to read all these books and watch all these movies. Those things used to be my homework because all these English tutors would show up. My dad would line up, be like, she will learn the language of success. And then at some point they would run out of worksheets. So they would be like, watch an episode of growing pains. So you have this risk taker, generous mom. You have a dad who has strict boundaries and cares about success and it gets smushed into you and you're 14. And then you're kind of on your own in a very interesting way. What happens between like 14 and 17 for you? So I left my house. When my dad said you have to get married, I was like, I'm not doing this. And I took off with literally nothing. Thinking I'll go to my best friend's house. And my best friend was very happy to have me for two days. And the second day her mom was like, we think you should go home. And that's when it hit me. I was like, oh, shit. Like, where am I going to go? And then even then I'm like, oh, I have this other best friend, you know, the spare best friend. She's not your real best friend, but like you've kind of kept her in the orbit. And suddenly she's looking really good. She's like, suddenly I'm like, oh my God, let me call her right now. I'm like, I'm not going to call her. I'm like, declare my love for her. Yeah. So I did that for a few days. And then like, and every day I was like, any minute now, he's going to come and get me. Any minute he's going to send the driver and like nothing. And then slowly the friends stopped taking me in because my dad got wind of where I was going. And he was a very scary figure. He was very successful and scary at that time. What was it? What did he find? What did he find his success in? So he built, he himself was a lawyer in India, educated himself through very difficult circumstances, but built a business selling textile machines to Europe and America. So when he made a call to them and said, you're not going to take her in, it got real. You know, then they were like, oh, you know, she really needs to make up. Also, most people didn't see a problem with what he was suggesting. Right. Most people thought I was the problem. Right. The parents of my friends were all like, what is her problem? Like he's going to find a good guy. He's not. So in their eyes, the solution was find a good, educated guy who's going to let her finish school. And then what's the issue? We're all getting married anyway. So their parents were kind of leaning towards, anytime I showed up, it was like I could see them calling my dad and saying she's here. So those options started drying up very quickly. So what happened once they dried up? Where did you go? I got really lucky in that my mom, all the people that she had helped, really poor people. People with no means, like, you know, vegetable sellers and like people with the most humble means started taking me in because they saw me wandering around on the streets and they knew that something was wrong because they had seen how I was and how I had become. I mean, those were like, it's crazy to talk about stuff like, I couldn't wash my clothes for days on end. That was one of the biggest things when you're homeless that you struggle with. It's like, when I was at a friend's house, I could take a shower but I never knew what to do about the clothes because how do I suddenly explain to them that there's no, you know, but I was very complicated. But the people that she had helped started saying, do you want something to eat? And even then, do you know what's crazy? In India, a lot of street food is served, is sold, folded in newspapers. I was more interested in the newspaper. Even in those moments, I was like, I'll take whatever because I knew I would get another page. Like, I was so, that was the one thing that like killed me so hard that I lost my access to what was happening in the world, that they would give me food and I would take all their papers from them. I'd be like, whatever you have left over, I started taking me in, then my sisters in-laws, I started reaching out, fanning out into distant relatives, like, whoever, anywhere. I had a couple of teachers in my school that were very kind, that would be like, you know, this weekend we're not home if you want to stay at our house. So, it was really like a whole quilt work of solutions. And during that time, did you ever think, you know what, I'm just going to, I'm going to meet somebody and have an arranged marriage? Like, what stopped you from doing that? I really thought you would come around. I hadn't given up yet, but towards the end I did, like a year plus into it, I was like, it's not going to happen. So, I did fold. In the end, I did go crawling back to my dad and he was very happy and I was welcome back. I'll never forget with a bottle of Coke. He was like, how's your American adventure and he was gleeful. Like, he was saving that bottle for me because he knew there was no exit. So, I remember, you know, and he ordered pizza, which is like, only bad people ate pizza back then. Nobody good ate pizza. So, I already knew how I was like, it was going to be icy. So, then, in that moment, what happens between then and when you go to your sister's house in the States? So, he had found and kept a guy that he, in his estimation, was the right match for me, the glass parent of India. This guy's family controlled the entire glass industry in India and he was looking for a girl who was like 10-ish years younger than him. So, that's the appropriate math in the arrangement. It still remains so. Listen, this is a real way of life. Like, it sounds crazy here, but this is how people live in big, big countries on the other side of the world. So, he didn't think, he was like, he couldn't understand. He's like, have you seen who I'm matching you up with? Wait till you see his house. Like, in his mind, he couldn't comprehend what the issue was and I couldn't understand why he couldn't understand that none of it was appealing. But I did, I went and we had a whole, you know, arrange style, the opposite of meet cute. You're right, there's no pumping into each other. No, my God, do not touch each other, do not cross. It feels like a job interview. His family is 10 people on that side, our family is 10 people, there's a broker in the middle who's like moving around with the questions. Because people know what arranged marriages are. You heard that phrase. You don't know how arranged marriages are made. In India, it's a very open system. Like here, for example, you're not allowed to say that you want the most beautiful woman you can find. Or the women are allowed to say I want the richest guy I can find. Even though that's what she may want, you don't say it. But in India, you just say that. You tell the broker what's the best deal you can get. They say things like he's wearing glasses, but she's losing her hair. This is a match. And the broker will sit there in front of your face and say, he's five foot tall, but honestly, your son, there's another brother, and that brother will inherit half of this. So he's not all that. It's interesting because there's this transactional nature of it that I think then here, there's this pressure for everything to feel very romantic. And I want to talk to you about that because you and I talk about it a lot, is that there is this pressure that if something doesn't feel really organic and real, right? And all that pressure and that they're not able to talk about it, I believe only hurts women in America. That's my statement. Because for example, in that transactional world, both sides have access to information for better or for worse. Here, what I find is that the guy can still see what a woman looks like. But God forbid you ask if the guy has a real job or like he's making something up. I would like to see a tax return. I do want to get into this because Zarna has tried to set me up a couple of times and she's only tried to set me up with billionaires. Yes, because I told you Amy that is the step up. Nothing else to me has made. Zarna's only shown me pictures of billionaires and also often ones who have heart disease but that's ideas. That has to be the move far as the movement. You would say things like you need someone who makes a billion dollars and I would say it's very hard to meet someone who ethically made a billion dollars and you see, you'd roll your eyes just like you did there. You'd be like, what does this have to do with anything? Ethics, listen, we can fix the ethics. Sometimes you're rich enough that then you whitewash the whole, you start a foundation. Come on, can you tell everyone about it? Good hang foundation. Okay, so then the meetup doesn't work. You push against it. You disappoint your father. I actually didn't. I thought that was going to happen. So I was like, okay, you know, and I got five whopping minutes with this guy alone because I asked for it. He didn't even care. Could you imagine? He didn't even care to like, can she speak? Nothing. I'm sitting there like a mute and he's like, okay. But I was like, can I like talk to him because I now have, I think this is going to happen. Right. So when I met him and for the five was like, what do you want to do with your life? Like I was like, do you really, there was a lot of glass in that house. So a lot. Talk about living in a glass house. It was like, but it felt a little like, wow, this is a lot of glass. It could get boring. So I wanted to talk to him and whatever. And he was very like, you know, in that circumstance, he's the child of a very wealthy. He's got control of everything. He was very much appeasing me like, she has all these dumb woman questions. Let me just give her something. So I had really fully capitulated in my heart. But then my US visa came through that I had been fighting for for two years. So interesting timing. The timing I'm telling you, it was that the next morning I got a telegram. I grabbed my stuff and I ran. I ran out of that house so fast. I didn't say a word to anybody. I was too scared. If my dad found out that he would like find ways to hold me back. It's such an incredible moment. Like your entire life hinged on the timing of that. Do you think you would have come to America if you had been married? No, then it would have been over. I mean, I could have betrayed my dad and I did. But I don't think I could have done it to a guy and his whole family. I did nothing wrong. That guy did nothing wrong by me. So I would not, I don't know if I would have been able to do that to him. And when you left, you really did leave kind of without telling anyone you were going? I was so scared. I only said bye to my brother. My older brother. Shoresh. Yeah, you have a very close relation to Shoresh. Shoresh. And so you say a painful goodbye to him and you head to Ohio and your sister is living there. Yeah, Akron, Ohio. How old are you when you arrive? 17, just under. You just immediately get to work and you study and what happens next? So I got to Ohio because the University of Akron where I got my degree agreed to take me in as a foreign student and that back then foreign students were not the rage that they are today. They were so rare. But they, my sister reached out to them and said this, my sister really loves to study how can we make this happen? And they worked it out and my brother-in-law my sister's husband himself is a doctor has been practicing for decades in America very extremely cerebral extremely like, you know, academic. Yeah. So he appreciated that quality of me so much that he was like, if you can come here just study as much as you want. Like he saw the merits of it. Even though he himself didn't come from a family he's the only one in his family who got out of his life the way he did. But he saw it and saw it so deeply that the two of them it was unbelievable. They were like, study as much as you want. What do you need? How many books? I was like from a world of like hiding and reading every newspaper to like in a, like the libraries in America are the size of like I mean you can't even dream that big in India. Like our library in India was like a little hole in the wall if you had 20 books you were doing well. But you would go, I would go here to the Akron library and I would be like oh my god, I could spend days. And you and you loved, what else when you came to America in 17 did you like immediately love and what were some things that you were like what is this? What's going on? I loved that nobody was telling me what to do. That was just not a thing including college. Like school and college in India is very like the teacher will, when the teacher walks in you stand up, you show respect and then the teacher will be like open this page and like put your foot down and there's so many rules. Here I would go to college and people are eating and drinking and their feet are up on the chair and I was like what is happening? And of course back then there were all these language, I remember the first time I asked a guy for a rubber like you know in India an eraser is called a rubber. And you know right? You're laughing but that was a real thing and then when I came in 1992 I believe the big person in the news was Jeffrey Dahmer. Oh yeah. Who is from Akron? That's not a good time to go to Ohio. So I remember thinking never go to anybody's house ever. And that still is a good thing to actually keep in mind. But also the freedom my god. For the first time a college professor would be like what do you think? I remember the time somebody asked me what do you think and I was like nobody's ever asked me that. Never. Even in our classes back home you only ask the boys what they thought. The girls just sat there and then you not only had to hear whatever this stupid boy thought but you had to applaud and be like deep. Amazing. You and I have talked about this a lot on Tora which is that in fact you wrote a really nice thing at the end of your book about me and Tina and I just want to read one part that I love so much because it's exactly what we talked about a lot which is you say you were saying what Tina and I helped taught you which is very nice which is like you know you're doing business with pleasure you can work with your friends and you say aren't women amazing to live and work this way and in 500 years men are going to discover that you can mix your work life and personal life without ruining your family and then call it a whole renaissance. Because you know that's what's going to happen. You guys are doing it. That's actually been one of the most bittersweet things of touring with you guys. It's so much fun to see how you guys work up close to have that front row seat but inside my heart I have so much pain about it too like what could I have done if I had had that Tina or Amy in my life you know because it's and this idea you guys shattered this whole notion of business and whatever don't mix men do whatever they want they start companies with but the women have been told don't mix business with pleasure. Yes. So dumb. And you're still a baby's earner. You're only five years into this. Five years. Five. Yeah. Five. And you're where you are but I know you're impatient and in all the right ways and ambitious but I just want to you know you're just getting started in this business even though you're already a vet and a pro. I mean I don't know I don't know any other way to do things because I remember somebody told me I had a comic dream is to have a sitcom and I was like oh that's just telling family stories I can do that now. Yeah. And I just started building my little world with it like why am I going to wait. Before you did that though you became a lawyer. Oh my god don't we can't we don't even need to talk about it. There's some joke like the only thing that lawyers have in common is that no one wants to be a lawyer. Yes. But you were a lawyer and you were what kind of lawyer were you? I was personal injury. Wow. Yeah and I was actually like I loved it. I was like that dog should have been chained. You know. Yeah. Yeah. Okay so then while you're being a lawyer and you're like okay maybe I should try to meet somebody. And I want to segue into how you met your husband. And I think the best way to do it is to have you read this ad. So in your book. Oh my god. I love this ad. I never lived down. Zarna. Yes. So in the summer of 1977 when you were 22. 1997. Excuse me. You made me nervous for a minute. Sorry in the summer of 1997 when Zarna was 22 she put a personal ad on an Indian singles website. Will you read it Zarin? Yes. It's so funny and so good. It's like a beautiful poem. Yeah. Well I'm going to sum. All right. Here's the ad. To sum I am too short or too plump too dark or too argumentative but enough about me. This is what I need from you. A husband and a partner. Somebody who is ambitious but not truthless, confident but not arrogant and humble but not timid. Most of all he is honest. I'm on a mission to build a very successful life and you must be ready to go with me. Only contact me if you want to get married. No friends in all caps. Kindly include your most recent tax returns and medical records. Zarna. I thought it made sense people. In my defense it made sense in the world I came from. And also it's so funny. It's so funny. I know it's serious but it's also so funny. It's you and a nutshell which is it's direct. It's clear. It has a point of view and it's really funny and anyone reading that would I think be drawn to the wit of it. I don't want to brag but hundreds of people didn't respond. They did and back then I was the only woman speaking for myself on the internet. I was like a lot of people just responded because they were so excited not to have to speak to somebody's cousin and uncle and auntie and whatever. But I do think dating in America and marriage is like do I love this person? Is he going to make me happy? These are the things you think about. I was like happiness is not happening. Let's just be okay with that. It was more like I'm going to win this war against the world that I'm fighting. Who's going to be my best recruit? Who's going to be my best soldier and partner? I think a lot of immigrants see life like that. We see life like we're in war and we're building a team and an army. I do that now. I remind my kids every day you do not have the luxury. You are in it. Sometimes my kids get scared and nervous of all the things that I throw them into and I do have a habit of throwing them into. You entered your daughter into a beauty pageant. I did. That was more like a philosophical take because she's five foot tall and I didn't want her to think that she's not beautiful just because she's short. Because we always assume beauty queens have to be tall. So I remember calling the pageant people I was like what is your height requirement? And they're like we don't have one. I said you don't. I assumed there must be a minimum and they're like no. And then I was like correction can I apply for her? Okay. Sorry but I stopped you because you're right. We here believe that you're building a team and that ad is I want you on my team. And Zirna what I love about that ad is when you say what is it when you say I'm going to have a very big life. I'm going to build a successful life and you have to be ready to go with me. I mean I didn't want to lie to somebody. I think you should cast a narrow net and be like this is what I'm doing. Why talk to the 20 other people who are going to be like let's have fun. Well you know you were one of the few people when I was single who I could actually talk to about dating and being single because there's just so much weird stuff that people project on you and like you know talking to married people are the absolute worst. And all they do is try to set you up with people they want to be with. They're like what about so and so and it's like I think you want to be with so and so. But you were so when we were touring you were so fun and funny to talk to about it because you did you have because I find this ad you're going to think I'm crazy but I find that ad very romantic. Oh I know see I know about the romance. Here's why I find it romantic because you're advocating for yourself. You're really saying like I'm a catch and I know myself do you want to come with me on this journey. But also you're talking about like what what's ahead. You're like I see good things ahead you're 22 when you make that ad. 21 actually. So you are not a successful touring comedian with her own sitcom and you're not a comedian at all you're studying to be a lawyer. There's just a lot of like like trust me that life is going to be grand with me like that's very romantic even though it seems very nuts and bolts. So I love that part of you is you have this forward thinking big ambitious dreams for yourself and the people that you love because you're a big time dreamer but you're a realist at the same time those two things are I do the work I do do the work and when I wrote a screenplay my screenplay that ended up winning I didn't just write a screenplay I was going to write a trilogy and I was like I'm going to call Bob Iger. I had no business I just saw his name somewhere I was like I should call him he should make my trilogy why not my brain but that's kind of how I got up with you and Tina I remember when I saw in the news that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler touring instantly I called all my agents I have so many agents they never have the foresight I don't know why but on our side Burke, Mike Berkowitz a great agent at WME who helped book our tour he told us about you so you probably poked and then we heard and then we watched your stuff it probably was in the air at the time and you were doing a lot of work at the time I was of course and I still do I'm working every night I'm on a stage so I do do the work the dream cannot just be the dream you have to put in the work but I actually like I've now fully embraced that I'm a very serious type of person and so but just quickly then you met your husband and tell us about your husband so he is also a very boring serious type and and we live a very boring serious life together and we like what we do he's a very nice guy he understood I think he himself came from complicated circumstances so there was some kinship there so I can't say like I can't be like it was hot and heavy and I don't even know what any of that means like there's no making out and all that okay maybe a little bit but there was a little making out there was a little I know and my kids read the book after it was written God I made my kids were like mom you didn't warn us I know they like little warning mom yeah I was like you see how I feel when I walk in and you have your little boyfriend hanging around yeah you think I want to see that you know kidding you'll see Amy your kids are a little young but it's coming I can't even picture suddenly there's a girl and like these short shorts and she's like making pancakes for your son and you're like what is happening so intense so intense and your son in front of you is gonna be like her pancakes are better okay so it reminds me of a question that Zoya had for you okay so Zoya we talked to your wonderful eldest daughter and as the eldest your baby it's the babies in your case Zara you did not have it easy but babies can sometimes have it easy no I did in many ways have it easy yeah because they did protect me well it is interesting yeah when the baby comes there's just been another kid in the house when you're the first pancake speaking of pancakes it's it can it's you know everything gets tested out on you anyway and Zoya is like I mean your kids are so great your kids are so successful mature those are instagram lies let's do another episode I will bring all their flaws we will lay them out they're so crazy are you kidding me Zoya has a million meltdowns every day in the disaster she's at Stanford I told her she should party and I told her yes and she should party and I told her she should fail no oh my god who cares oh she doesn't even matter anymore Zara I wrote the tuition checks I care deeply I told her she should rebel and when she does she can come up with anti-Amy I mean I think she should study the classics no no stop I knew there was an agenda over here like Stanford sponsoring this episode I mean it was like like she was so great and she's such a good girl anyway her question for you was you know you talk about how you never say I love you to her dad your husband no I would never why not why wouldn't you it is so wrong on so many levels it is would doom our marriage he would be sure I was dying like there's no other circumstance if I but you but she said you walk together every day yeah we do so she's like are you a hypocrite because that is in a way how you say I love you okay I knew she was gonna ask some question like this she's like that like she's very like mom you don't really mean it she doesn't know that when we walk they see us walking and think it's a romantic walk it is not a romantic walk we are going through every bill that is outstanding we are going through we're going through every tag statement that we didn't pay attention things he did his mother is visiting now I'm yelling at him and he's trying to make the peace and he's like can she stay for two weeks and we're negotiating that down it is not a romantic walk we are best friends her dad and I I believe that we have a really good friendship yeah and I actually think that the friendship has to the test of time it has I think had we been the romantic I love you like because we don't buy into that full romantic notion of it and I'm more like talking to a friend it would be like if something happened and you wanted to clear the air with Tina you would right yeah but with a spouse you're actually more afraid I know it's I mean that's what I mean about your frankness and and it is it's very it's very I think we I think we agree here clarity is kindness I agree when you're clear about yourself or what you need I think that's a kind act and people think that being direct is can be like overwhelming or even rude when in fact if you do it without trying to hurt somebody you're actually just expressing what you need but we have a we have a very like sideways way of going about that and I've heard you give advice to people who are looking for love and it's and it's I mean you kind of consider yourself a matchmaker you even wanted to be one at one point I was one I was it was the boar's business I should not be in that business that whole business is telling women it's not too late when it's actually too late it's just I'm sorry it's not sorry no no because no because they come with these unrealistic you will have a 45 year old woman who's like I want a 20 year old hotty who's also a surgeon and who's also going to inherit a billion dollars I had to be there and be like okay you get to pick one thing right you can't like I don't think that that's the case with most women I think most women are very realistic I think men are very unrealistic the men are the men don't go to matchmakers they don't feel any sense of urgency right it's the women who are like why am I not married you meet a 60 year old dude and he's like I'm thinking about it what are you thinking to them I'm like you're gonna die you're gonna die I have to tell them like I will even tell them like a few guys I like by the time you're done thinking like already a lot of your body parts are not working I can see it as a broker it was my job to be honest and be like anybody who's evaluating like you're not making enough money to cover up for all this so what are we gonna fix here but it's an interesting time more than ever because women don't really need partners they really don't need partners and they shouldn't and honest can I can I have a really hot take care of that I've never had and my daughter is gonna get choked I almost believe that get married young once and get divorced get married get out of your system because get it out of your system the women who are not married at all sometimes romanticize it to a point but like married women look at them and you're like oh my god it is not like which you know that you know that married women live shorter lives and unmarried women yes and married men live longer but they're taking our lives they're taking our lives they're literally like sucking it out of our bodies like literally so I now think my daughter if she actually you know I would be like listen get married once a few months year or two get it out of your system because the women I find who have it the hardest are the ones who never married and who are imagining literally imagining Prince Charming I'm like he farts it smells bad his mother is that bad it's not a story but get the romance out of it and then focus on your life and build your thing yeah worry about building your own life it's so true I mean but but it's quite revolutionary the way you talk about motherhood specifically as well as marriage because you know motherhood is a grind and it is no one talks about how tiring it is and how boring it is and how difficult it can be and we're all supposed to pretend like we're having the best time in our lives and our children are our biggest gifts and miracles and they are their wonderful wonderful miracles and I'm so happy to have them but but it's just like from one woman to another one mother to another one married woman to another one divorced woman to another when you start telling the truth on stage and you hear it from other people it's a huge relief you feel really seen and that's your comedy your comedy is really really good jokes but you're telling the truth about life in real time it's why people really respond to you I mean I think so I make jokes about it and I you know I talk about how 16 years of being a stay at home mom I learned that I'm not into my kids and and I like the kids but it's the job of mothering that's like horrible and I just say it now I mean it's just no point that's the thing if you're gonna do the comedy do the comedy I do four open mics a night here I can't do that do you still do four nights? I'll stop in at any club because I'm building material constant I'm building I am I'm working on my third hour I'm working on my second book okay and so we should talk about that because you have a special coming out in July tell us it's called Practical People Win Why beat it on the bush? Such a good title Practical People Win you had a huge special on Amazon one in a billion one in a billion and you did a movie what's the name of the movie? A Nice Indian Boy and you worked with Jonathan Groff he's my son-in-law in the movie yes yes oh my god he's unbelievable he's so gorgeous why are you doing this? you hang out all the time why are you an actor and you're singing and you should be in med school John this is a weekend job I tell him all the time and even he's like my plays do well he's like I'm doing okay the poor guy has to feel like he has to justify to me because I had such an overbearing mom character in that movie that we kind of all became the character we were together for a month and every day we were my director so just so you know our director in that movie is not only a movie director but is also a cancer surgeon he's an Indian guy whose mom won't wait wait wait he's a director and a cancer surgeon and his mom won't let him quit the medicine for the Hollywood thing so three months of the year he's in Boston at Harvard practicing cancer medicine because his mom won't let him quit she's like I don't trust these Hollywood people she's right the business is terrible right now so it's a real thing so I used to tell Jonathan I'm like look at him see he's doing it Jonathan should do both Jonathan you can go to med school while you're on Broadway could you imagine if you're dying and Jonathan Groff walks in that's going to give you life right there that would extend your life by a few weeks right there and he just as he's as he's in you know giving you a shot he's just singing a lullaby to you at the same time sounds great and I want to ask you about because I loved this story and I don't think you've told it we were texting like I said before we've been on the road a lot what have you learned about being on the road me and Tina I mean we just really we've had a lot of fun on the road and it's because we don't like having fun on the road exactly because the pressure is not on that's right we're not trying to be cool we're actually not actively not trying to be cool we're not trying to find the hot spots we're not trying to like collaborate with like the cool people in town you guys have famous guests all the time on your shows and like I don't see any like I hope we get to see it you're more like alright what do we have to meet everybody but I appreciate that because you're there for the business that you're there for I appreciate that you take your audience very seriously the show yeah that's the one thing we have in common and I think as women working that is the bar you have to perform up here if you're going to have a career and you know that Tina knows that and I love that and then as soon as it's done it's done we unwind sometimes we text each other from our rooms and we're like totally we're like how fast did you get in your pajamas tonight but you told me a story about a show you did in Dubai and I think that that was an amazing travel story could you could you tell me that because you were traveling during that giant flood or storm what happened then I first of all I didn't want to do the show but Dubai Comedy Festival I did it because back home those women don't see this version of any woman like I am one of one in this whole world who does what I do very homestyle brown people comedy take on your mother and lot of and these people had been requesting for so long that please come the women would love to see you and I was like very torn because you know I wasn't sure how the comedy and it's not America people don't understand what America is here you get up on stage you trash your president it's fine you go on stage you do that somewhere else you're going to end up in jail like if you really like it's no joke you really will not leave the country so I was very had mixed feelings but I agreed to do it and this is a huge humongous once in a lifetime flood while I'm in the air 20 minutes before we're landing in Dubai the flight gets diverted to Oman musket and we land in musket and we're stranded at the airport for 3 days because all these airplanes landed in musket because there was no safe place to land and you stayed at the airport there was no place to go and you know what like people knew who I was a lot of people and words spread so they were like tell her to tweet tell her to tweet that we're frustrated tell her to tweet that the airlines are getting and I don't do any of that my page is a very positive page I'm not one like oh you this restaurant sucks that's not my wife so I kept being like guys I don't do that I'm pleased because they would shove a phone in my face and be like make a video so I did think that that storm was brought on by my mother-in-law because she does have a history of trying to destroy my career in many ways my comedy special on Amazon has thousands of perfect reviews and then 12 one-stars from the same region in India you know it's her you know it's her she takes people's phones and she presses it but I was there for three days and it was and I remember texting you because you were like worried for me because you knew how stressed out I was and I remember at one point you were like oh so sounds like you moved to Dubai and I'm like what because at the time I was so hopeless that I was like am I ever gonna leave after two days you start thinking is this ever gonna resolve but your text came in to oh sounds like you've moved there now it was nice knowing you and Zahran I love the end you write about it and you write about it in your book but you get on stage you have an incredible show right like you make it with hours to go or something minutes it's one of the only shows that went on last year I think three shows went on mine was the only one and your brother joins you on stage and that was a really powerful moment yeah my brother actually joined me in Mumbai after Dubai I went to Mumbai which was very painful so you went to Dubai and then you ended up in Mumbai I was very scared of my Mumbai I don't like doing comedy in India I have such a negative association with how people perceive me that I'm not comfortable I agreed to do one show and my brother and all his friends and everybody was in the audience and I just couldn't I called him up on stage at the end because it's my hometown you realize what home is when you're gone and you come back and you're like oh my god I know every street I know every store I know every building even 30 years later so I called him up and oh my god I was water I couldn't even control my I started crying he started he couldn't he started crying because he was like what is this whole thinking feelings thing happening and I think it hit a chord with everybody in the audience because they all had everybody has that somebody that they miss whether it's they lost them to life or death or distance or whatever and that ending of that show became that moment of like you know I told I told people in India so here we talk about immigrants in America right people who come here Indian people are used to talking about people who leave and why they leave and the perception back home very much is that everybody leaves for the money that you get a good job in America you earn an American dollars and that's why you leave and I remember like telling them I was like you know in India I'm referred to as an NRI that's a non resident Indian and I said you know not every resident Indian is an asshole like we didn't all just see the money and some of us actually were just trying to survive like we left such I remember weeping through the entire flight to Ohio and some of us can't believe that we're not here yet and I think that that's the first time they had heard that from somebody who is considered successful in America they are much more used to American Indians coming back to India and telling them everything that's wrong with India you need to fix these potholes you need to be more democratic give women more rights they go back and they like sermonize because they're so successful they feel like they've seen a better life and I'm the opposite I have so much love for India I have so much pain in my heart for leaving not just my brother like I went and I visited all those old fruit sellers and I mean they're all gone but I met my driver my driver who's a character in my book also the guy who drove me around so I could sit in air conditioning and read in peace that was a thing in my childhood so I remember having making that speech and like the whole audience was in tears we were like we are all much more one than than we think whether you live there or you live here or whatever your story is the day the human emotions are the same like I didn't want to come here I really thought I was going to live in India and like make my life I thought I would my mom would be would be swimming with me till I was 50 years old you know and I met my mom's best friend oh my god that was the most painful my mom's best friend who came to the show wow Amy I was gutted I was like you got 40 more years of life yeah you know and she was like if your mom was alive she would be so proud and I was like oh my god I'm not sure about that actually I'm not I was like oh no because I remember when my horoscope my astrologer told my mom that this girl is going to talk and talk and talk and my birth my mom was terrified for me hmm but my mom's best friend was in the show too she was like I was very oh my god I can't I want to share that you gave me this bracelet and also people should know it's an expensive bracelet oh Zarna loves expensive things you're always telling me to go buy fancy things you're kind of a pusher when it comes to shopping well we have reasons like I'll have a bad day and I'll be like Amy this was a Gucci tote level bad day yeah and you understand I think that that makes it why do we work so hard if we can't do that but you gave me a beautiful bracelet and you told me that can you explain so in India we have a day a religious day that is traditionally celebrated between brothers and sisters called Rakshabandhan where the sister tries a bracelet around the brothers wrist and promises to love him and he in turn promises to protect her that's how that tradition started in the modern iteration of it sisters tied to each other a bracelet it's usually a modest red thread but like we don't play that way we don't roll with the modest red thread situation and I feel so grateful to have you and okay it's Amy's podcast so like I don't feel as grateful about Tina yeah just let's focus on me Tina doesn't have a podcast does she have a podcast? she doesn't have a podcast it's Amy's number one I feel so grateful you guys kind of took me under your wing and I wanted to express the promise that we take very seriously back home it's this thread that we tie and we really it's a commitment it's not just a thread I'm living that commitment with my siblings I lived with my sister for years could you imagine having to take in a sibling for years and I was outspoken even in Ohio like I had my moments with my siblings everywhere I still love my brother dearly and it's something like I know if anything goes sideways in my life he will be there on day one so I gave you this bracelet and also I love giving I know you are a giver you're very generous aren't you no but I love giving is so much more fun than getting well I could talk to you forever and I have but I want to end with a good segue that which is we both took this like enneagram test and we found out we were the same number for the people who care Zarna and I are both enneagram 8's which is kind of rare for women but very quickly what that means is we're challengers like if someone says you know this way you have to walk this way Zarna and I are like what about this way and we have to question authority basically and you've talked about it a lot like how you kept saying well maybe I could do it this way well what about this way and we you know I never have to guess how you feel and I love that that relaxes me yeah some people are different but before we go I wanted to read to you if anyone who cares about this kind of fun like personality stuff I wanted to read to you things that annoy in enneagram 8 and see if you agree yeah okay because these really made me laugh okay people who talk just to talk oh annoyed the worst yeah the worst like please don't like people that are like you're on a conference call and they're like I just also think it's just no no please don't think please don't think like when they start that it's like you know fake people can't stand just say it we don't have to agree but I still appreciate the honesty totally agree I love I don't even I don't have to agree with anybody I like conflict it makes me feel kind of alive you do like conflict a little bit a little bit indecisiveness can't just make a plan please leave the chat now yeah if you're gonna add 10 more layers of should we go here should we not go here I will be like you're out me too I'm starting another chat and I bet you're like me too when people in the bill comes and everyone wants to pay it's like please someone just someone just pay it's not that deep it's it's it's an egg salad relax people who need constant praise no my god I know I know you would can not a good like right like well grow up to me if you're doing a good job and I love to tell people they're doing a good job and so do you but to me no news is good good news and don't wait for it don't be fishing for it the worst the ones that are like I just I guess I just was kind of sad that I didn't hear that and you're like oh that you did a good job great job now first of all you did the job you were paid to do so let's just say that because we're in a generation now you gotta pay these people and like constantly mother them and reassure them like I'm like you know I don't pay people to do a bad job like yeah if you didn't do a good job tomorrow you're not gonna be here yeah but you gotta tell them yeah you do and then the last one which I love is asserting power in a situation where they have none that one really struck me when others pretend that they have power when they don't oh that's so lame like what comes up for me and I mean a lot of stuff comes up for me at airports is TSA yeah yeah but they you gotta play the game a little bit of course you kinda have to here's how I play the game yeah I'm completely prepared yeah I would never go through TSA with any I would if my if the alarm goes off I'm fully shamed for a day if I get like if I forget to take my water bottle I don't I don't deserve to fly but when someone asserts power I mean that's actually not really true now that I think about it because they do have power but when someone pretends they have power and they don't yeah that makes me nuts but they do it all the time these are petty games it drives me nuts but I play it of course you know like doctor's office they'll be like we don't have an appointment we have an appointment we don't have an appointment I'm like like let's play this game for five minutes and then give me the appointment well what are you how are you like with doctors because I'm very challenging with doctor very I was gonna say very bad and now chat GPT has made it worse I'm always like who made you the boss and they're like a school I went to school but as soon as they come in I'm like oh no no no no and you're that way too and I have so many questions for them yeah and the last thing I'll ask you is what are you listening to right now that's making you laugh what are you watching where do you do what do you do to laugh I mean your job is comedy the good Angpod girls Rachel dredge you can't talk that moment I'm sorry I'm so glad you were part of it the dog the doorbell the Uber drive we were all we were all so frazzled we were like what is happening I know I was like is this is she creating for a minute I was like did she plan this but she couldn't have no Rachel dratch continues to be such a wonderful not only friend and comedian but for me she helps my mental health yeah because I used to watch Debbie Downer when I needed to just laugh and now she's yet again provided a moment for me that I like go I go back to and watch it's gonna be one for the ages I go back to it too but do you watch comp do you watch comedy yeah all yeah I do all I watch all the stand-up comics I don't enjoy comedy yeah I mean I'll move through it and I also see them in real life a lot so yeah we do it for our job so sometimes I just really don't want to watch it because if it's good I'm a little bit like damn that's good you know and if it's bad it's just like what am I doing yeah yeah but you do you watch I watch all of it yeah but right now who are you loving to watch I mean so many great women comics oh my god Hannah Burner I know Hannah and I you know we have our own little thing too and I know you have your thing she's amazing yeah and it's it's stand-up comedy but it's like adjacent it's got this social media angle to it which is my space yeah so I love seeing the moms who are like creating all this like weird things around stand-up comedy because for so long it was dominated only by men and they did it their way which is like the minimum effort right 25% right just put your shirt on not even it's don't even iron it show up baby but the women like brick wall literal brick wall and look at this no plants no no plants nothing but the women are doing like Jessica Kirsten who's like you know a friend of mine like she's she's lesbian she's a mom of four it's like so much interesting stuff happening in that space that those are my favorites to watch awesome so I could talk to you forever I really do feel like you're such a great example of your just it's never it's never too late to meet you know it's never too late it's never too late I like to say that if you win the day before you die you still won I love that and it's about winning it's big things coming big things coming always why did I marry this guy I told him big things big things are coming always and big things are here thank you Zarna Garak thank you baby Polar well Zarna thank you so much you're amazing your book this American woman check it out and you know I'm going to take this time for this Polar Plunge to just plug Zarna's stuff because Zarna would want me to do that and and all of her stuff is so great so check out her old special one in a billion on Amazon check out her new special that just came out practical people win check out any of the dates where she's touring and she's so great it is a great night out and of course this American woman her New York best seller Zarna Garg everywhere taking over taking over this business as she should so thank you for joining us Zarna thank you for listening to Good Hang and we'll see you soon bye you've been listening to Good Hang the executive producers for this show are Bill Simmons, Jenna Weiss Berman and me Amy Polar the show is produced by the ringer and paper kite for the ringer production by Jack Wilson Katz Belain, Kaya McMullen and Aleya Zanaris for paper kite production by Sam Green Joel Lovell and Jenna Weiss Berman original music by Amy Miles all I ever wanted was a really good hang