#621 - Andrew Santino

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Some people are getting gifts for their friends or family for Christmas. So thank you for letting us be a part of your holidays. And thanks for supporting the show. TheOvansStore.com. Thank you guys. Today's guest is a comedian. He's an actor. He's a podcaster. You know him from Whiskey Ginger and Bad Friends. He has a new special, White Noise, that's out on Hulu right now. Today's guest is my friend, Mr. Andrew Santino. Oh, what's up? Good to see you, man. Great to see you, bro. So good to see you. How are you feeling? I'm feeling good, man. I'm feeling good, dude. What's going on? I don't have to tour anymore. You're done. So, for how long? We might have to retake my special, but uh... You want to talk about it on the show? Yeah, I'm curious as fuck. Are you? Big time. Yeah, I'm totally okay talking about it. Yeah, I want to know. Yeah, well, so, uh, yeah, what do you want to know? So, like, you know, all I saw was what I saw on the internet of the taping and then I texted you and I was like, how are you? Are you good? What's going on? Yeah. Because the internet likes to drum up nonsense. Yeah. And you texted me some love back and I just want to know how it went or what was the deal. Like, what was going on? You know? Yeah, I mean, well, when we left out of there that night, we thought like it went pretty good. You felt good after it. Yeah, I felt good. I was like, I don't know if we got it because there was definitely some hang-ups. It was like, I mean, there was a lot of stress like going into it, you know? And I don't know if I want to go super down that road, but like, there had been, I switched off my medicine because I wanted to have a little bit more emotional, like a storyline. Kind of, I wanted to be able to like kind of connect a little bit more in some moments. And I was having trouble having any feelings because of antidepressants. It was just hard. It's like you try to get a feeling and it kind of stalls at it, like it's stuck in the mud, you know? So that was kind of one thing. And then like the government put out this DHS video that made me really scared. The immigration video? Yeah. Talk about pulling that out of context. They're so good at that. They just took something that had nothing to do with something else. You making a joke and then they're like, these are spokesperson. I didn't sign up for that. Bro, and so I just got so much like hate stuff. I mean, a lot of it I didn't see, but I would just see enough where it was like, fuck, this is scary. And that Charlie Kirk thing had happened not, I think a couple of weeks before. And so I started just getting real paranoid. I started getting real paranoid at home. I was paranoid about the show, like if there could be somebody in the audience. You know, like it just like, I think it made me really scared to be honest with you. And yeah, so that was happening. And then there was just kind of too many cooks in the kitchen on this set. And then during it, yeah, I was just like, I think my like, I just had too much. It was just, it was all kind of too much to, I think, get the show off as best as I could. And so that's all I left there thinking. Like I couldn't remember where the next joke kind of went. Yeah, sure. Cause it's overwhelming. Yeah. I think people don't know that. I think I've said that a hundred times is like, I always quote Dan Soder. Soder always goes like, when someone says, oh, I didn't like, I like theomore this way than the special or whatever. Or that, but it's because like with this, you're getting it straight from the tap. He's like, you're getting it right. You're drinking out of the hose. Like you're a kid. Like this is drinking out of the hose and podcast world and, and internet world and live stand up. Yeah. Then when you do, when you do a taped special, there's so many more elements that go into it that people have no idea. Dude, I was changing when I taped this last one I did for Hulu. White noise. Yeah. White noise. I changed 10 different things from the, to the, on the second to last show. Cause I was tripping. I was freaking out. I mean, and I, Zach Townsend, who, who's great comic who opens for me. Oh yeah. You know, Zach from Nashville. Yeah. He's great. And Zach was helping me kind of rewrite some stuff to like tighten it up and cut the fat. And cause I was bummed about a few of the jokes that I told they didn't hit the way they did when I was touring. And then it gets in your head. And then I'm sitting backstage kind of having, you know, this moment of like, do I just not do that joke? He was like, no, that's a great joke. But I think it's hard to get that confidence back when you, you feel overwhelmed. They don't really feel it as much as you do. No, they don't know. And there should be a meter that they see. Yeah. A live meter. Yeah. How I feel about this shit right now. And it's just jumping up and down. Yeah. And they can honestly, they can tell you're like, look, I'm feeling, this is like a four and a half right now. It was a six in Des Moines, but now I don't know. That's the worst when you get in your head about, because after the first one, you're like, now what do I change? Anytime you get to like the, you're standing at the finish line kind of, and you're like, what do I adjust? But you've been around the whole track with all these jokes. Oh dude. It's hard. You know what it sometimes it feels like, especially when a joke you think was really good, you know, some NFL players get in trouble because they dropped the ball before they cross the goal line. I feel like I was doing that a little bit because I wasn't committing to the joke because I was unsure of the way that the, you know, a tag came in or the punchline snapped. And then so I started to doubt myself, but that's so natural because TV's are because TV cameras are up. So your brain does a thing that it doesn't do live live. You fly so free. It doesn't matter. You know what I mean? That's me. Yeah. Dropping the ball before getting the head. So, but I did it on like two or three jokes. And then the last tape exact kind of reinstilled some confidence in me and was like, dude, just cut it out. That was nice of him to say that. Yeah. He helped me out a lot. He helped me out a lot. I like, I think if you don't have people with you and you're in your team of whether it's features or hosts or friends or producers or directors or whoever to kind of give you that extra, dude, you're good. You're good. It gets hard. And sometimes there's too many cooks. Sometimes you're like, I know how to make this meal, man. You got to leave me alone. Yeah. But when you need it, you need it. I think the more open we are to the audiences about that, the better off it is. Because the criticism is higher than it's ever been for specials and for live taping, for tapings. I mean, and I think when you come clean about what it is, what affected you and the reality of it, the more loving they get around it. Because this is a, it's just a difficult task to film something. You're trying to capture lightning in a bottle. And the greats do it often because they're the, the reason that Louis does it so well is because Louis, in my opinion, the greatest to ever do it. Yeah. So yeah, he captures lightning very well. It's really hard. I'm trying. I'm out there with the kite and the key. But it's tough to get it, dude. It's really hard. And we do the best that we can, delivering after we've already toured this thing a ton. And sometimes you over perfect it. You know, you want to pinch this and change that and turn this here and push this in front of this. And then at some point, you have to let it go. But I was concerned in the fact that I, you know, you're one of my oldest friends in comedy. And I just wanted, I wanted you to feel good because I know how it feels sometimes. When I did my half hour with Comedy Central, dude, it was my childhood best friend and my wife, my girlfriend at the time in the green room. And I got off stage and my best friend was like, bro, and he came and gave me the biggest hug. And I, can you give me like two minutes in the green room with her? Is that okay? And he got out and I just started bawling. I thought I tanked. No way. I just felt the pressure and I let it all go finally. Oh, dude, now that you say that, I thought my first special after I did it, I was like, I, why did I choose to do it? Like it was, I thought, let's do it at home. But people there had never seen comedy, a lot of them. There's a lot of like LSU Tiger fans. There was like some lady like yelling defense, the whole fucking show. I'm not even joking, dude. Cover two, cover two in the middle of your joke. People had no fucking idea how to act. People were just yelling shit out, like, tell the story. You know, it was just, and you know, so that was a fucking hectic. And I remember getting through that and being like, God, this is a, that was a, it was, that was hell. It's hard, but like, I wanted to know you were good when I hit you, because I wanted to know that everything was okay. And, you know, people have their own opinions on the internet of what went down, which is like that video that circulated of you talking to the fans after the show. Yeah, that was crazy. And I don't even really remember it, you know, because you're, you're, you're running hot at the end of a show. You're not really paying attention to anything. I think somebody had kept kind of bothering me a little bit. I want to say bother, because people came to the show, but someone was being aggressive, kept asking me for something like, will you do, will you do that? Can you do this thing? Can you make me a video? And I, I feel like I was like, look, lady, I'm just trying to take my own life. Okay. It's been a tough couple of months or whatever. You know, that's the only place I can imagine that I would kind of say something like that, or if I would just kind of set it flippantly or something. But I was trying to think of like what we're tort, because it's not like I was like, hey guys, it's, I'm just trying not to take my own life. It's been a cup, it's been a tough couple of months. It's not like I was making a speech like that somebody, but yeah, we left out of there and we thought like, oh, shit, everything's good. I think we got it. Let's wait and see in the edit. We went out to some country bar. We had a great time. Glenny Balls was there. My buddy Aaron was there. And then we wake up in the morning and there was just like a ton of shit online. And, and I was like, I just can't even deal with all this. It made me learn a lot about online. And I didn't even look at it. Like I didn't even look at any of that stuff. And I haven't looked at any of the articles. One of them popped up when I was scrolling. It was like the Obama's Netflix or something, which wasn't even true. It was just like, and there were moments during the show was like, look, guys, I'm just having a tough time. You know, like, I remember I went out there on stage and my mouth immediately got extremely dry. And I was like, oh man, something is wrong. Anxiety. You're, you're, you're excited and nervous about doing something so important to you. It didn't, that hadn't happened this whole time. Like, you know, and I was like, I can't go to my stool and get water right now. I just walked on stage like they're clapping. I can't fucking take a break already. You know, like, like, didn't you get water backstage, man? You're like, there's no water back there, man. We keep it all on the stool. We don't, we don't got it back there, brother. It's only on the stool. Like the guy that shits when he gets right to work, dude. Right. The moment he walks in the door. Oh, that. I got a shit right away. That's what it feels. I think it's, I think it's an overwhelming feeling that cannot be articulated. I'm not smart enough to do it, but I do know what that feels like as a comic. But are you, so what are you going to do now? You feel like you want to take that? I literally, oh, yesterday they just sent me another cut of like, I gave them some notes on a cut. They're sending me another cut. It might be fine. So we had two good halves. So I'm looking to see, but then also like there's some, I just wanted to have a little bit more of a story to it, which was the reason I was trying to have a little bit more feeling and emotion. So I could kind of like have a little bit more storyline in there. About like growing up and life and a little, you know, and maybe that's me was, I was trying to do too much. I don't know. But you start to realize that these are kind of, they're kind of like photo albums for, you know, your time and the time you spent with this material. I mean, Neil Brennan said to me right for the show, he goes, Hey man, this would be the last time you maybe ever do this material. So go out and have a great time with it and enjoy it. You know, take your time with it. Get the, you know, these are things that have brought you close to people and that have brought people out and hopefully sometimes made people laugh. And so it was just like, there was just a lot going on, dude. There was, and I was just like, there's just, I think I was just spreading myself too thin. I don't know. It's just a lot of shit. And I just don't know if I landed it as well as I would have liked to. But we had to restart a couple of times. There was like a thing where I was like directing in my head because I wasn't getting like certain information. I was like, well, if the stool was here in the first one, does it need to be there in the second one? And where do I put it when I move it? Just little things like that. And then they had like five extra people that didn't need to be there. It was like they would radio and it would just go to the person right next to him. It was like, we're living in a fucking. I almost thought it was a fucking, somebody was playing a prank on me. And then they, uh, I'd just gotten a security guy. So this, there's this fucking guy who was just fucking, I mean, you could put a piece of coal in his hand in the morning and you'd have a fucking diamond when it comes out. Or you'd have a fucking piece of coal that looked like it had a grill on it. At least by the afternoon, like a fucking tough guy. And, uh, he'd been like stopping some of my friends. I just didn't even, everything was just kind of like a lot. Would you, where'd you find this guy? By the way, I'm always fascinated with security guards. We found a guy, somebody in Nashville set us up with a guy that was there. Like a military ex-military. I think so. Maybe cop, fire department, FBI undercover cop, local mall security, high school, narc. I'm just going to get a guy that did ROTC in college. I don't even want that's what I want. I want a guy that did ROTC with that wooden gun and use his test 200. That's what I want. Yeah. My college roommate, my freshman year, my buddy Evan, he did ROTC and he got kicked out. You know how hard that is? It's impossible. They need you in there. They were like, brother, you're not running in the morning. You're, you're out. You got to go. And he just, dude, he couldn't wake up. He didn't do the exercises and they were like, you're out. And we've almost never kicked anybody out of Arizona state ROTC. It was like, they're begging for people. Shout out to Evan. He, the only guy I know that could get asked to leave ROTC. He was like, I'm committed. I was like, I don't think so. There he is spinning guns. Well, the crazy is you can tell when an ROTC guys in the military, because the rest of the guys are like lined up firing at the enemy and this guy's just fucking whipping his shit in a circle. Doing tricks. Yeah. He's just fucking flipping his shit. And buying Camaro's online. Dude, all the ROTC guys. Camaro's are mustangs. The Camaro's are mustangs. They got to be, it's either a Camaro or it's a 5.0 baby. Oh dude, all the ROTC guys in our high school, all they would do was buy these fucking cars, super, like they would buy sometimes if they could have been a nice Camaro, but every now and then some guy would like get jealous of the guy that had a nice Camaro. And he would get like a piece of shit and just put like a fucking $2,000 engine in that bitch. And it would just fucking, you know that car when you were a kid, if you backed it up, you put it on the ground and backed it up, it like built up energy. She had to go forward yet? It had like a wind up? Yeah. And then it would just fucking go as fast and just ride off. Never straight. That was that fucking dude, bro. That there was just a piece of shit. Like look at like a recycling bin fucking going at 200 miles an hour. And then they would write the 40 time on the windshield and it was like clutched shit that they would do. And they would put all these like snipers never die in shit tattoos on their arms. And they were just in fucking ROTC. Yeah, dude. They got dreams. That's going to be my security. That's true. That's exactly what you need. That's my security. Yeah. And so that was all scary. And then even just having a security, I mean, every day it was just like, dude, there was so much fucking, I was just dealing with like a lot of like, I started to get kind of paranoid. I mean, there was people after that Charlie Kirk thing texting each other like, you know, stay safe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there was just a ton of shit going into it. But we left out of there that night had a blast, dude. Yeah. You know, and thought that we might have a little silk at the tape. And then, yeah, then the media just like, you know, fuck them, you know, but not fucking, but it's like, fuck them. They just, you just realized that their bottom feeders, these websites that create these things. And you're like, oh, it's so sad. That's what they need. I think that's how they make their money now. And the way that we changed and the way that podcasting kind of changed uh, daily current media, you know, they kind of copied us, but they took the worst version of it. Where there's way more love coming out of you and this than they give credit for. So they're going to appeal what they want to be the best story. The best story is never going to be Theo was surrounded by friends and family having a good night. It's going to be the opposite. You know, nobody wants to read that. No one wants to read great time with Theo and his friends at the country bar with Gleny Balls. Nobody wants to read that. That's, I mean, that's the unfortunate truth. They want to read the other thing. They want to hear the drama. You know, they want the other, the other version that makes them feel a little bit more interested and peaked and that's a bummer. And we all do. That's the part of I even noticed like, like with myself, it's like, I needed not like, what do I give my attention to, you know, when I see things that it's like, oh, this couple split up or this sort of thing. I don't want to give my attention to that because I'm just adding to that thing of like, let me, let me add energy into this or look who got busted or just do shit like that. It's like, I'm just kind of giving some energy into that. If it's super negative, you know, Yeah, I watched that all the way. I think the only thing you could do now, even when there's a lot of negativity, not, you know, whatever in the, in the public sphere and the comedy sphere and the whatever it is, I think, you know, I focus on drinking coffee and throwing the ball with my dog every morning. It was like my favorite thing to do in the world. I did that here. I was late because of that. Oh, I have, I drink a whole pot of coffee in the morning. And I play with the dog and that's my like reset. I don't know. Cause there's no, there's nothing going on when that's going on. I leave my phone at the house and I just go for a walk and then go play with her in the backyard. Oh, you have a backyard? Yeah. We got, we got a little tiny little backyard in LA. You don't get much, but you know, it's fake grass too, which is, you know what I mean? Yeah. I'm not taking care of grass, bro. Well, in some of this new grass, it's crab grass or it's that, uh, it's that Chinese stalking grass or whatever it's called. That's Bobby Lee's grass, the Chinese stalking grass. I don't know. That's what he calls it. Chinese stalking grass, Moklai, it refers to Chinese silver grass. A species also known as Japanese stilt grass. The Japanese stilt grass is much more patient and kind for some reason. Yeah, yeah. There it is. Yeah. Oh, I can't, I can't take care of a lawn. You got land. Don't you have land up by you? Fuck no, dude. No, you don't have any land. I don't have any fucking land. I thought you'd have land up by you, dude. I'm looking right now to try to just get a little bit more space, but some places it's tough and one place I'm looking at it's kind of over by the innards, a little close to the interstate, so it's loud in the yard. You don't want that. Get away from that. Like if you're at the, you know, talking to somebody, if you're like, do it like. You really got to use your outside voices at a barbecue. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a lot of that, man, you know. So I don't know, I'm looking and it's kind of tough, you know, because I do like to be able to podcast from home, that sort of thing. Yeah. And, uh, and, and, and yeah. So it's been a journey. And then it's like, you know, sometimes it's like, I'll, it's like, you know, do I get a house where if I have a family, then we can live that, you know, it's like, I start to, you know, you get caught in that space where it's like, or do I just get a house for me? But if I do that, am I like locking myself into the, you know, it's like, but then maybe some of that's just overthinking things, you know. Yeah. Do you ever thought about doing a compound with friends or family, people come live with you? My man, are you clean? Is your house squeaky clean? Yeah. Are you like a neat freak? I mean, yeah, I'm pretty organized. I'm not, yeah, my house is clean. Yeah. I think I think I'm like, my dad was, um, the son of a military man. So shoes can't be out of place. Yeah. That's like a, I have the sickness. I'm like, just take it, put them, put it right there. Like my wife, I'll be like, why, those don't need to be there. Yeah. She's like, why do you care? I'm like, I don't know what's the sickness dude. It's like, just move them into the, into the other thing. I think I've got, that's like my, that's my, uh, my little OCD. That's your Vietnam? That's my Vietnam is where are your shoes? Put your shoes over there. That's my Vietnam. I flashbacks, loose laces on the floor and mud dude, move it. Oh, that's my foot Normandy dude. It really is. Oh, and I'm Agent Orange dude. So you know, I'm going to come down on it. Dude, I remember one time a fucking van full of ginger people broke down on our street and we'd never seen like a van full. They didn't have, you know, they didn't have it at the time or whatever. Right. And we weren't allowed in a van for a long time. You know that, right? More than five was a, was a small ginger army. Uh-uh. Yeah. You know, US government restricted more than five redheads at once in a moving vehicle. I think it was. Yeah. You could be in packs outside because we're controllable on foot, but in a van dude. Bro, we'd never seen it. And I remember my dad like four got out and he was fucking, you could hear his fucking temperature rise and dude, you could hear his fucking neck straighten a little. Hmm. Yeah. What are you doing here boys? Yeah. Keep it moving. And then five and then six. They had one that was like kind of weak or whatever and he got out at the end. We leave him in the back. Yeah. You gotta, the smallest one must take up the rear because he's got to protect from the back and he's got to be one of the first that could go. Yeah. Ginger's traveling in packs is a dangerous, dangerous thing. Yeah. You know, we don't really see each other like that. You know, like we don't, when I see another redhead, there was a redheaded girl yesterday working this event that we were at and she was like, my brother and I said, let's take it easy because I don't know if you're an enemy or a friend yet. You know, a regular person I meet on the street, hey, how you doing? Another redhead, I go, I like to see the resume first. Yeah. Before I let you into my space because I don't know what kind of ginger they are. There's different levels. Really? Is it really? Oh, big time. It's almost like black people in that albino guy or whatever. You know that guy I'm talking about? Yeah. That undercover black guy, bring that guy up. Yeah. So that's gotta be, there's gotta be a vetting process, you know, like can the albino black guy, does he say the n-word? Bring up a couple albigas. Is that a term or not? It is now, dude. Can we say that or not? Look at that, black albino guy with red hair. Oh, that's what the fuck is all. Bro, that is the future, dude. Bro, take my money, bro. Whatever he's selling. And I don't know if that's more me or more, if he's more red or more black. I don't know what group he'd go with. I mean, he's invited to the cookout and has to have a ring sunscreen, which is wild. That's fucking sunlight Jackson homie. Are you kidding me? Dude, are we getting in trouble for saying albigas? I feel like that's- I don't know, bro. It's vagant. There's my boy, Blake Griffin. He's a black redheaded. But he's so handsome and tall and athletic that he kind of wanes away from the ginger side. You know, we're usually pale, see-through and frail. Right. He's able to kind of almost- he's above it because of his height. Yeah, he superseded it. Yeah. He's gone above and beyond. That's so rare in that community. I mean, that guy still looks- I mean, 2000 plus black albino person stock photos. Man, they took a lot of pictures of this guy. Dude, is this fucking Henry Rollins? I feel like that's fucking- Bro, this is basically the albino Henry Rollins. Dude, we're going to get in so much trouble for making fun of these guys. We're not making fun of them. I'm showing some love. Yeah, you're right, actually. I'm fascinated when- look, you know what's so funny is I'm fed- That 100% is Henry, back to back. That's his alter ego. Yeah. Oh, Henry Rollins. Oh, Henry Rollins. Yeah. No, dude, I think when I find red in other places, it's kind of- It makes me feel that we're still around. Oh, yeah. Because we're fading fast. I mean, look, you can look it up. How many red- they said redheads were going to be dead by like 2045 or something like that? Bring up a batch of them. Yeah, that's a- that's close, dude. That is a little too close for comfort. For me, I don't want to be extinct in the next, you know, 20 years. I think redheads will be extinct. 2060. Okay, they bumped it up. So we're moving. Oh, it's a false claim. It's debunked. All right, good. Widely been debunked by geneticists and scientific organizations, but what do the people think, you know? It's more about the street. In the early 2000s, the Oxford Hair Foundation circulated a claim that redheads would vanish in the future due to recessive nature of the red hair gene. It sounds like a wish more than a thought. Yeah, than a hope. I mean, that's- that red hair results from mutations. Yeah, the mutant- Ooh. MC1R gene. For someone to have red hair, they must inherit two copies of the variant gene, one from each parent, because this gene is recessive. Many people carry it without having red hair themselves, and it can skip generations before reappearing. Wow. I'm a mutant. And I never- yet I've never been booked on any Marvel stuff at all. Dude, it's like a fucking Agatha Christie novel. Dude, this is crazy, bro. It's amazing. In short, while red hair will likely remain uncommon, it's not going extinct ever. The gene will continue to be passed on quietly through generations resurfacing whenever two carriers have children. Dude, it sounds like a- Romantic. Like a romantic murder mystery novel. It says it's quiet resurfacing whenever two carriers have children. It will resurface. I love that. Well, there is something kind of powerful that it's so unique, you know? And if you ever see somebody that has blue eyes and red hair, it definitely feels like they're like- Yeah, it's cheering on here. He's got blue eyes and red hair, right? Fresh off the tap. It feels like they're red off the tap. Yeah, he came out of the factory. Just- yeah, just like- It feels like they could have salmon swimming upstream in their veins. They feel super clean. Yeah, he's still warm from the- He's still warm from being baked. Look at that. He's still warm. See, I've got brown eyes. I've got the Italian side got the brown in my eyes. So I got brown and red. It is. It's a dangerous man. A dangerous duo. Yeah, dude, relaxing is the thing now. Yeah, you gotta. You're done touring, no more. You're gonna chill for a little while. Yeah, and it's so nice, dude. I've been going to football games. I've been trying to like plan a date and have- And then I'm going on the date, like or do something like that. Are you going on a lot of dates? Are you dating right now or no? Dude, I just ran into the most ridiculous thing. So I'm in an airplane, right? And the girl that was working in the airplane was cute, right? The flight attendant. Yes. And I didn't want to like flirt with her because it's her job. It's a small space, right? But I felt like she kind of like looked at me like a little more than just looking at- I felt like we made like- It felt like a little bit of a spark when we walked in. Sure. And- Did she know who you were? I don't know. Chances are high. Maybe. Yeah. And she was pretty tall too. So she could see me because she, you know, tall people can see a little bit more. So anyway, I get on the plane, I sit down and then I'm like- And I don't see her. She's like doing stuff. And then after a while, I was like, well, I gotta go up there. I'm gonna get a diet coat. So I go up there and while she's making it, she's kind of going a little bit slow and I was like, oh, I was kind of talking to her and stuff. And then, dude, I just- I fucked you. What a fucking idiot. I was like, I was like- I said, well, I said, you should come to a comedy show sometime, you know? I said, I work as a comedian if you'd ever want to come to a comedy show. Because we had some good conversations. She was asking me some questions back and then she's like, yeah, that sounds great. How should I get in touch with you or something? I was like, I'll give you my email. And I was like, fuck, what? Not a phone number? What are you doing? I didn't- well, first of all, I didn't know if it's unprofessional of them. Like, I didn't know how much you can hit on somebody on a plane. And it's also a very small environment. Like, if something gets weird or they feel threatened or something, or it's- you know, it's weird. It is a little- you're a little too close for comfort. You can't just walk away. Right. And we're right there so anybody can kind of overhear. Like, it's a small environment, you know, and everybody's quiet. So I just- what if she's like, you don't do that? You just don't know how people are going to react. That's true. But I mean, if you were feeling it, you were feeling it. If she was obviously vibing with you, then you throw her your knife. The email is- the email creates some separation where you go, this is my professional. If you want to come to a show, email me. You and your friends can come to the show. Well, I didn't know if she has marriage or whatever. So I was like, fuck, I don't- I just- I don't know. I'm always afraid, I think, if someone is like, married or has a boyfriend that I- I think that is like a big deterrent. And it didn't seem like she did- she didn't have a wedding ring on. Yeah. And she could just say, I guess I have a boyfriend. But I think there's like- I have like a big- I have like a lot of, I guess, like fear around that part. And so, yeah, I don't know, dude, but this is the fucking worst part. So she's like, I was like, well, just- do you have a panic bar? I'll just write it on a napkin at my seat or something. It was- we'd been up there for a while and some fucking Asian woman, right, was at the bath. She's banging on the fucking bathroom door now and nobody's in there. And I was like, nobody's in there. And she fucking couldn't put it all together, right? She couldn't. So she's still just standing there waiting. And I was like, fuck, dude. And now she's right- this Asian lady's like right up against me. And she's gonna go in there and make a fucking soup or whatever. Those fucking- you get a good Chinese person, they'll fucking make a soup in a fucking- They close off the sink? Yeah. They make it in there. Bro, they'll whip up a fucking little bok choy fucking back chowder in an airplane sink in 20 minutes, dude. Yeah. You know, Chinese people, you die walking next to a Chinese friend, they fucking put a pot right there light up. They make a soup out of anything. They don't give a fuck to it. They make soup immediately and they keep it moving. So I'm like, this bitch is trying to get in there to cook. That's why she was so anxious. For sure. So I'm trying to get this lady's email and I'm like, and the pin wasn't working good, dude. And now a line is building up for a bathroom that's open, right? So I'm like, this fucking Asian lady, she's wearing like three visors, fucking glasses. She was so fucking Asian, she wasn't even there probably. She probably wasn't even under all the stuff, right? You know? She probably- you probably had to order online if you actually wanted her to be there. But all the accoutrements and shit were right there. So I'm trying to write the email and the pin isn't working good. And I'm having to write it against like, you know, the plastic in an airplane, it's kind of like, it's not the best writing service you're writing against the wall. Right. That's up by the bathrooms. It's- Right. And so I'm- It's probably textured too. You probably- it's probably bumpy and textured. Yes. It was just a lot. So I finally got like four letters of the fucking email, but like I kept trying to like etch it into the paper so you could see it. If you put it by a light or whatever. I fucking- the time has gotten too long. It's so weird. It's like, hi-yah, hi-yah. This lady is fucking just beating on a fucking door. I think this door is even open by now. If she can't figure out that she can just go in there and start a bunse and burn her under the fucking sink, right? Light it up, man. Get it moving. So I finally give the lady the email and it has like four fucking letters on it. It's a- I just went and fucking sat down. Sat down? That's it? Oh my god. It was too hot. The space had gotten too hot out there. The stress was heavy. What a fucking loser. No, it's fine. No, not a loser. You get to keep swinging. That's the best part. What- but imagine this. Okay, so this guy fucking came on the airplane. He gave me a fucking half of an email address. I should have just left my fingerprints on her back a little bit or something. Or just fucking, you know. She was very fair. I should have just written it into her arm with my finger. Maybe you leave half the email to see how creative she is. Can you figure out the rest? Just like give a girl four digits instead of seven. See if she can figure it out. And then I was just sitting there like, dear god, what a fucking loser. And there's a long flight left too. Who gives somebody their email? I mean, you know, maybe she found it creative and cute. Maybe it was cute. If she really wanted to hit you up, she could find you. You're findable, dude. I know, but it just kind of broke my heart. Or it didn't break my heart, but it was just like, dude, what fucking just- what are you doing? Just give it to her. You're like the guy that runs the third base and then just goes over and wants to tell the pitch or something for no reason. It's like, just fucking go home. Slide, get to home plate. It's open. It was wide open. It should be said that PrizePix is the best place to win cash while watching sports. Football season is fully underway and there's no better time to join. The PrizePix app is really easy to use. That's what I love about it and it's different. To create a lineup, all you have to do is pick more or less on a few player stats. That's it. Right now, PrizePix is available in more than 40 states, including Georgia, Texas, California, and other states. That's a lot of states. And PrizePix will give you $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup. Wow. Win or lose, you'll get $50 in lineups. Use promo code Theo when you download the app and sign up today. I don't know exactly how they'll do, but here are my picks for the week right here. You can tail them in the app and you can even follow me on PrizePix at Theo Vaughn. PrizePix, it's good to be right. You know, I remember a time when I was shopping online and I was getting myself a set of sandals, foot sandals. And I looked up the customer reviews. That's where I go. I see, what do people think of these? And it said on there 4.7. Bam. Bing. I got them. I got them from my feet. I got them sandals. If you run an e-commerce business or you're involved in e-commerce, you know that customer reviews have an enormous impact on your business. Customer reviews turn me from a shopper into a buyer. And another thing that turns shoppers into buyers is ship station. There's a reason why successful businesses use ship station. Ship station grows with you. Customers report scaling operations up to 40 times with ship station. 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Like I'm doing punch in San Francisco and Tempe Improv. And I just wanted to like do a bunch of like little clubs and then casinos to just kind of like really feel it again, because I had toured so hard that I was like, I kind of want to feel it again and go back out in the new year. So I'm doing a couple of clubs here before the end of the year and then casinos in the new year to try to feel it out again and jump around the country. Honestly, a lot of it too is so I can go see people again. Go to a casino one night and then go see a friend and go back to New York and all that stuff. Kind of jump around. Yeah, one day I would like to have a, maybe if I get married or get into a relationship, then I would travel with my wife and go like in a camper or something. Oh, I love that. Before we start a family and maybe do some shows, but also just go see a lot of places. Because you miss out on some places and it is nice to be able to schedule a place around like where friends are. You know who does that? Well, I mean, I don't know if he does it anymore, but I ran into Regan was with his girlfriend. I don't quite know the, I don't know. Brian Regan. Yeah, Regan's girlfriend or whatever, partner or whatever. And they were on a bus together and he was like, we're just touring the country doing shows, goofing around, stopping at places that we feel like stopping. I was like, that is the move. My wife just doesn't really want to go to all these places because she's got her own thing. You know what I mean? She's got her own career. So it's hard for me to pull her out, but it does seem like a cool little fantasy to get in the bus and stop by cool spots. You know, shit that I never get to see because we're on the road half the time, you're in a city and then you got to go. And then you're in a new city and you're like, oh, that'd be, we got to go. You got to jet so much. You know, but also after living on a bus with Bobby for a couple of months. Yeah, what was that? You were on the bus with him. Yeah, we did the bus tour last year. It was, it was really hard. It was really hard. What are some of the toughest parts about living on a bus with Bobby? I mean, you know, the number one rule when you're on a tour bus is no pooping on the bus. You got to wait to poop. I mean, and you can schedule it. You make, you make an internal agreement saying, you know, to yourself, we will poop when we get to a place. And he pooped on the bus within the first week. I mean, he broke the rule within week one, you know, you can't poop on the bus week one. How many weeks was the tour? It was like three months. Oh, God. He broke rule week one. And then his schedule is crazy. And his legs don't even do that. I actually walked in on him in the bathroom one time. His legs aren't on the floor while he poops. And I feel like it's so much harder to poop when you can't get traction from the floor. No grip. Yeah, he's not grounded at all. Well, we put a squatty potty under there so his feet do touch something. Oh, that's for him to feel regulated. Because I walked in one time, he was literally squeezing his body down like a tube of toothpaste trying to get it out of him. You have to roll it now with him. If you don't roll down with him, gravity doesn't do all the work for him, you know, because Koreans keep most of it up and high. So you've got to really kind of massage him. A lot of times I'll massage his shoulders and back if he says I got to go to the bathroom. I'll say, well, give me an hour with you first. So I'll roll down his back, roll his sides out, you know, you have to. You really have to. Oh, he's like a phyllo dough, brother. He's a very rare dough. Look at him. He is. And you got to let him rest. Now he's getting skinnier, though, man. He doesn't look like that anymore. He's on Osempic and he's flying free. No, he's not. He's on Wagovie, which is the alternative, because he threw up on Osempic pretty bad. He was sick as a dog. Every time we went out to eat, he'd get sick. And then he was like, I think I can't do it. So then he switched up and then he started taking Wagovie, which is like another alternative. And he's been incredible. I think he lost, he'll say the real number, but I think it was 30 something pounds. But look at how thin he looks there, man. Oh my God. Look how thin he looks there. That's crazy. He looks great. He's feeling much better. He's still looking for love, though. His whole journey is now, he's looking for love. You can't look too hard. He's searching, bro. You can't look too hard, man. He's staring deep, deep into that abyss of the dating pool. And also the apps. You're not on the apps. I'm not on the apps. Yeah. He lives and dies by those things. He loves them. He does? Yeah, but he doesn't commit. Did you ever do the apps when you were dating? No, man. That world seems so dark to me. Also, I see all my friends following the same traps where they hit up a girl, they talk for a second, then they never meet up or they never blink. It ends in a weird blank space. There's truly no risk reward. It's almost like... Yeah, dude. It doesn't matter if it happens or not. So there's no like, if you schedule a real date, you meet someone in the real world. The girl on the plane, risk. Real risk. You're on a plane. Here's my number or my email. Does it work? We'll see. On the app, it doesn't matter, bro. On the app, it's they stop. He talks to a bunch of girls, then he stops talking to them when he feels like they're not engaged or he's over it. Dude, yeah. I remember I was on the app one time years ago, and it was when Steven Avery was popping off. The guy that was killing people at that used car lot or whatever. And all my pictures were of him. And remember that one kid? Yeah, that was definitely one of them. And remember, and Brendan Dassy, who was like his accomplice. Dassy was his nephew or something? Or what was that, right? Yeah. And they were both, I think, retarded or whatever. And they... I don't know if that's it. I think they were both just... Back in the day, we just quiet men. Yeah. They were just quiet men. Brent Dassy was a misunderstood quiet boy. Now, I don't really know the... I don't remember this case in whole. My buddies played Dassy on Call of Duty. On NFL 2K? Yeah. Or on... Dassy's the unlock a player? He's got a screen name or something. Oh, I thought you meant he had an avatar. You could play as Dassy. I played NBA 2K with Dassy. He's just standing by a fucking burned barrel. Just fucking... Smoking a dart with his buddies. He doesn't even know. He's cooking wieners. Like, there's like a deceased body. And he doesn't even know. He just thinks it's an open fire. He's just... He's always in the gulag. He lives in the gulag, bro. He's just cooking franks on a stick over a burning body he doesn't even know. But anyway, I put a lot of Brent Dassy photos on there and a lot of Stephen Erie photos. Because I was like, oh, this is topical right now. Chicks will see this. A lot of chicks love crime. They love crime stuff. Yeah. And then I put the cousin from Home Alone. Remember that kid with the glasses? Yeah, I loved him fuller. Yes. You're gonna wet the bed fuller. You know who that was, right? You know what actor that was? Uh-uh. That's... That's... McCauley Corken's brother. That's the kid from Succession. No. Yeah, what's his name? Why can't I think of his name? Kiran Culkin. Kiran Culkin. That's him as a kid. Wow. You're gonna wet the bed fuller. Yeah, dude. I put a picture of him and then two pictures of me. And they got so pissed at me. Like, you can't put accused killers or whatever. And I was like, get fucked, guys. Well, you're just talking about what's going on right now. That's what's happening in the news right now. So they had, like, some shit or whatever. But anyway, that was the last time I was on it. I think so. That was probably about nine years ago. I think also, like... I just want to be addicted to that stuff. And I don't want to get to, like, the part where you don't get a response from somebody or you don't get something and it makes me feel bad, you know? You feel like it's a shot at you or something. Right. I think I'm too... I'm a little too sensitive with that shit. And I also don't like somebody being able to tell me no if I'm not right there. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's easy. Give it to my face. Right. Yeah. Know me to my face. Yeah. Email me and tell me no. Okay. I hope that flight attendant, wherever she is, I hope she's watching. And you got to reach out to Theo. Take him out on a date. What's your perfect date? What is... What's Theo's perfect date? Ooh, that's a nice question. You know what it is, dude? I realize it's just like going for a walk somewhere. Something easy. Like just through, like, a nice nature trail or something. Like, yeah, which sounds like a fucking... Which sounds very much like a fucking... Like you're going to create a murder mystery then? Yeah. Well, dude, did you see this thing with Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell? She did like a post about their anniversary. 12 years or something like that. And she wrote on her Instagram, yeah, that where he's hugging her there. Which by the way, I thought it was like... I thought he was hugging his daughter. It looks like a child. That's his... That's her. And it says, 12th wedding anniversary to the man who once said to me, I would never kill you. A lot of men have killed their wives at a certain point. Even though I'm heavily incentivized to kill you, I never would. And then a bunch of people were like, this is not healthy. She's just goofing. She's just playing around. Look at that. Look, wait, wait. Dateline NBC wrote screenshoted. What? Like they want to use it for something in the future in case something goes down. I don't know. She's just being played. She's just goofing around. Women, I think one reason why women like true crime and like murder... Murder mystery, yeah. Yeah. Is because at least the man's committing. At least if this guy's going to kill me. He's going to go all the way. And it's commitment. Right. That's why they like it. Women want commitment. So it's like, oh, this guy's at least willing to actually kill me instead of some fucking pussy ass guy who comes by and just kind of stabs me and pokes me and makes me get my nails and cooter shaved up and all this stuff just to waste my fucking time. At least this fucking decent man has come over here and committed to fucking crime and committed to murder. I am fascinated with the idea that why women like it so much. Like my wife, she doesn't like it the way that I see... Like a lot of women love murder mystery because I think it affirms their belief that any man could be a killer. Like it's almost like verifying the fact that they go, yeah, Theo's sweet, but could be a killer. I mean, I think they think that about every single dude could be a killer. For some reason, it's like ingrained in their DNA. It's got to be nature, protective years of nature of thinking like if the village is running out of food, the big Neanderthals are probably going to be like, we got to kill some of these women. They're eating the food. We got to get rid of them. We'll go find new women. I mean, that's got to be some weird old school, you know, human instinct. Like the women are... And also, don't females like... Don't the mantises, don't they eat the guys after they have sex with them? Isn't that what they do? Like the praying mantises, I think they... Don't they kill the man the moment that they're done getting impregnated? There's got to be bugs that do that like crazy. Bugs? There's fucking people in Memphis doing this shit. How many animals... Yeah, sexual cannibalism. Female praying mantises will do it. They'll eat the male during or after mating. You got to wait till I'm done. Don't eat me while we're going at it. Unless it's right after I bust. Yeah, right. Take me now. Yeah, or right when I'm doing it. That would be hot. Yeah. Kill me right when I'm doing it. Yeah, dude, that's crazy. What other animals... I believe it's male raccoons will eat the children of a female raccoon so that she'll go right back into heat to make one to make more children. To make another one. So they can have sex again. I'm lucky that didn't happen with me. You get a redhead baby or like I got a kill just to get another one. This is the one I want. Male raccoons do do that. Or no, sometimes kill and even eat the young of females. And one main reason is exactly that to make the female go into heat again. The behavior is a form of infanticide and it serves as an evolutionary purpose similar to what's observed in lions and some primate species. Wow. God, that's wild. And female raccoons can't become pregnant while nursing. They must finish raising the litter before entering. I can't say that word. Estrus. Estrus. When a male kills her kits, she will return to estrus within days, allowing him to sire his own offspring rather than raising another male's. Wow, that's insane. Something like some Stephen King shit. I mean, if that happened in human society, it would be absolutely crazy. Kill your own just so they get hot again. That's like a black mirror episode. Like in the future, you're like, we need to make the perfect human. So every time they have a kid, if it's not exactly what they want, like, you know, they're doing, now people, you can pick things. They're, they're engineering kids. Now you can pick the specifics of your kid. Like you want it to be a certain height category, you know, weight, hair, eye color. Like we're getting into, we're playing God. Like we're playing God. It's going to backfire tremendously bad. Like sometimes I think Shohei Otani was made in a lab. You see that dude, you're like, do you know a lot of six, seven Japanese dudes? 265, you're like, this dude was made in a lab to be the greatest baseball player of all time. Where was he made? What lab was he made? I mean, look at the size of this man. Arguably the greatest baseball player I think I've ever seen live. It blows my mind. If you watch him live, you've seen him live. It's unbelievable. It's shocking how good he is. And he can't even tell us how much fun he's having because he doesn't even speak English. That's why he does that though. He doesn't want you to know. He stays, he stays, he stays that way. He's not trying to learn. Shohei Otani was not made in a lab. Bullshit. Yeah. He's a real human born in Japan. He was born in Mizusawa Iwate Prefecture known as Oshu. Yeah, Oshu. Wow. In Japan where both athletes and his youth, his mother played badminton. Oh, that answers that. I guess badminton players always make the best baseball player. Bro, imagine how savage his mother is at badminton. She's the baddest bitch at badminton. His father was an amateur baseball player. I did know that. But a factory worker for the most part. Oh, that's cool. The rumors claiming he was created in Japanese laboratory are satirical. That's right. Humorous. That's what we're doing here. We'll figure it out. We're just joking around. But dude, everything's getting outsourced now, dude. Everything's, bro, we're doing this new thing with the micro where we're gonna do. Dirty jobs, micro? Yeah. I love that guy. Oh, he's great. His voice is great. He's fascinating. God, dude. Dude, every time he talks, I can hear my mother c***ing. Which is crazy. He gets women pregnant by the barotone in his voice. I mean, we need to get rid of that statement. That's insane. That's crazy to say, right? Keep it. No, I like it. Keep it. Okay. It makes sense. I don't think so. Let me give you my email. Just give me half. Is Roe married? I'm not sure. If he was a single guy, my good God. God is doing fine. Yeah. Let me do some cleanup. I mean, and it's very like, and it's very newsworthy because he has inflection that jumps up and down. He worked. No, he's single. He's never been married, been in some long terms though. He worked on QVC whenever he first started. That's how we got to start? Yeah. No shit. And so we're doing this thing where it's like, it's like small American companies, like mom and pop companies, like trying to create like an avenue for them to sell Christmas gifts to other people. So we're going to do this episode that's all about that and feature a bunch of different products. It's kind of slicing out Amazon, so to speak, right? You're like, take it back to the local shops. Yeah. So then it's almost like you get two gifts. I get to get somebody a gift, but also get to give another person a gift by having, by buying something from them. Yeah. Like what Tom's shoes did kind of, you know, where you buy a shoe, they give a shoe to somebody. Yeah. I don't even, I don't know if that's true, but. Well, all these products are American made. So everything is like, it's purely American made. But one of the things we're noticing, dude, is like, there's nothing made here. No. Like if we shut off China completely, we would fucking be living off of beef jerky. And. Which I love. And wind chimes. Okay. Bro, and garden gnomes. We're still producing those like crazy, bro. We there, you go past the nursery down the street. There's a hundred thousand of them. I'm like, who's still buying these, but they're still made here. And by the way, the more I see companies that are trying to do the made in the USA thing, the prices go skyrocket. That's the, that's the worst part that you're like, I want to support them too, but my God. Well, it's just no, there's no infrastructure here. I mean, you can't get hardly anything done here is what we're seeing, right? But some of that's starting to change. Like there's people that want to do it. There's this good ranchers company that is like sourcing meat. That's just in America. There's American giant, which is finally created an avenue for like getting cotton gin here and that they can use to create textiles and shirts. Like, but it's like electronics. No, that's gone. Nothing. We lost that a long time ago. We were never going to, I mean, but also they make, they make the best electronical shit man. Like if you've seen in Japan, they've got those streets that have kinetic energy that stores energy for, you walk on a, now when you walk down some sidewalks in Japan, it stores kinetic energy as you walk in the sidewalks. Look at that. So you press down and it takes the kinetic energy and stores it for, for energy usage in the future. Brother, there's a pothole on my street that's been there for nine years. We can't get that shit fucking fixed. And they got kinetic energy sidewalks. I mean, yeah, that's where Mike Rowe keeps his voice in that pothole. That thing's deep. I live down here. But dude, there's, yeah, they have a sidewalk over there that can tell if you're a f***ing or not to them. They really? Yeah. Damn. Isn't that crazy? Japan is advanced. But dude, that's a scary day to take your son for a walk. Let's see what happens here, fella. They took the idea of a, what was it, what was it when we were a kid? What was it called? A, uh, there it is. That's the road. And that's us just painting. That's me and you just walking around. Now, if you come when you're on that block, that's how they know. Then they got you. One of us. That's for sure, dude. Rowe, it's that. Yeah, that's the kind of shit that's. That's out of pocket. That is great though. That's that rainbow street. But the craziest thing was, remember, they put all that rainbow and the black pride stuff right next to each other. And meanwhile in black culture, they like do not accept. Yeah, that is not on the same block. They want that. Yeah. They're like, move that to the other block. Put that s*** in the cul-de-sac. That s*** is a dead end. Put that s*** on the dead end. Dude, technology is getting so crazy, man. Did you see the, um, f***, I gave her my f***ing email. Can you even imagine? Half an email is even worse. But what? I tried as f***ing hard as I could. She gave me the pen. Dude, but, uh, the, ah. And then just sitting in my chair and just being like, bro, why did you go up there? You got a diet coke and give woman half of a f***ing email address. You are f***ing good. Oh, um, no, speaking of technology, dude. There's a, there's a toilet. Bring up that toilet. There's a toilet now. They want to be able to, um, is it film you while you're doing poops or whatever? Yep. They, they film you while you're shitting. Or it's, uh, they want to be able to test your poo poo. Oh, I like that. Test me to see if I'm healthy. Yeah, but f***ing dude, what if you just had a f***ing nightmare? You had a couple, you know, you had a couple of barks, root beers and some pizza. Right. It's going to, it's going to let you know how bad it was for you. That's good. I want to know. I want to know. And bro, can we discontinue hot honey pizzas because those are making people. Why is that a thing? I don't understand honey on the pizza. They've put in that, they always do that. They go pepperoni, jalapeno and hot honey. That's the new sh**. I don't like that. I don't, when did honey make its way onto that? It's just people that want to sh** more. There's people that can't. Kohler makes a tiny camera in your toilet to analyze the contents. Some smart litter boxes can monitor our pets' habits and health. So having a camera in our human toilet bowl seems inevitable. No, it doesn't. I don't need a camera in there. I don't want it to watch me. I don't want that stuff posted. The Kohler's like uploading now to Facebook. Ricky just sh**. Ricky sh** gets a four stars. See my little wiener barely making it over my balls first thing in the morning when I'm shitting on Facebook. My dad would post a hundred percent on accident. He'd be like, help me take this down. I posted the Kohler clip. Like Andrew, what? Andrew, I posted the f***** Kohler clip. Please help me take it down. It was a thick piss dammit. Look, sometimes I pee sitting down. They're f*****, they're calculating it wrong. That would be my fear, dude. But it says it right here, the 599 Dakota clamps over the rim like a toilet bowl cleaner, pointing an optical sensor at your erect excretions and secretions. Excretions and secretions. It then analyzes the images to detect any blood and reviews your gut health and hydration status, depending on the plan you choose. The fee is between $70 and $156 per year. We need to go back to my grandfather who never went to the doctor. He was like, I don't, I'll figure it out. It'll get me when it gets me. My grandfather never wanted to know, like this is something interesting. There's a couple of friends of ours, not my liberty to say that, Wen got a full body test to make sure that okay. And one of our friends came back with something who you know. And you know, it scared him a little bit, but he got to taking care of it was benign. So luckily it was okay. But I got the fear of, he's like, you should go do it. And I thought, I don't know if I want to know. Like, do you want to know? I think just let it happen when it happens. I don't want impending doom. I just want to live life until it's over. I think it's, there's so much noise stressing us out that more noise about our existence. I don't really like this. What's this comment that's coming at us right now that I think might hit us or whatever. I don't want to know. Just let it hit us. Don't tell me it's going to hit us. I don't want to, I don't want to know it's, it's going to happen because I'm then I'm preparing for it to happen. I'd rather just keep living free until it happens. But what if you're living free and your neighbor is just digging a huge hole in his yard to fucking hide in or something? Let him live then. That's his choice. People build bunkers all, people have been building bunkers for how long? I mean, as far as we know, the Denver airport is a big bunker. I mean, and they've told us for years, they're like, no, no, that's not true. And then the older you get, the government goes back on what it said. Remember when they said there was no UFOs when we were kids? They're like, there's no fucking UFOs. And then like a year ago, they was like, yeah, there's UFOs. Yeah, we got it. And we got a bunch of them too. We keep collecting them. And they're in the water. They said that. Remember that shift? Yeah, they're living in the water. Yeah. They're getting transferred. This is where they live, for sure, dude. It's Hasidic Jews and the underground protecting the aliens. We got a conspiracy theory. Remember the Hasidic Jews, they busted them in that fucking tunnel. No, in the underground. And then ever even. No, they wiped that away. They were like, we're never talking about that again. There's a dirty mattress and they never even. The secret synagogue, that's what it was. That was the wildest shit I think I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. They busted them crawling out of those things and then out of a sidewalk. Yeah, the one that was due to design the sidewalk was probably the most, like, wild photo. Oh, dude, speaking of wild photos. And it was a sidewalk that judges you to that knows it. So it was like, banker, extortionist. Right there. Yeah. Look at them crawling out of a grate. That is insane, dude. Dude, look, the sidewalk is just rattling off right there. You want to talk about a weird photo, dude. Did you see this Time Magazine picture of Trump? Did you see his response? It made me laugh so hard. They took a photo of them. They said, you know, they put them on Time Magazine for the hostages and they wrote his triumph, you know. That's a picture they used? Well, look at his neck. Yeah, he commented about it. He was like, they deleted my hair. I mean, you zoom in on that guy's neck. It's banana. That is the worst photo I've ever seen, dude. Oh, that neck, it's definitely, it gives long nut. Yeah, that's a long nut, Nick. That's a long nut. Honestly, look, I mean, look what they did put the sun in his hair. He's like, they deleted my hair. They don't like my hair. They, I mean, it does look photoshopped. It's hilarious. They fucked him on this. How Gaza heals. That whole thing was just a fucking bunch of bullshit. You think they were going to give him, like, this is why it's funny. Time Magazine wasn't going to praise him all the way. Like, of course they were going to put a bad photo. You think they were going to give you the photo of your choice? Come on, no fucking way. By the way, I think about that all the time when I take photos with fans of how stupid I fucking look. And then when I do die, they're going to use one of these dumb fucking photos of me. Like half closed eyes, looking the other way, blurry, dumbheaded. Every time I take a photo, I'm sure I look like a fucking idiot when I take one on the road. So when people want photos now, I always go, hey, man, they go, hey, can I get a photo? I go, yeah, can I, can you, can I selfie it? So I can just take it of us. That way I know I'm like, hey, then I know, I know what I look like. I said, like, a fat, dumb, red moron. They deleted my hair. Oh, disappeared my hair. That's what it was. Disappeared my hair. They disappeared my hair. Dude, I'm hanging out with, oh, I was with a kid rock the other night. And he calls Trump, dude, it's like fucking. He's got him on speed dial. It's like one AM. He calls him. He's like, let's go. Trump answers the fucking talking. I'm like, dude, what is going on? How is his house, by the way? It was awesome. Kid Rock's house is. I've heard it's wild. Right. It looks like the White House. Is that true? He's a sweet dude. Bob's a nice guy, man. He's, uh, he's like, he's thoughtful. He's, you know, he's kid rock, but he's also like, you know, he's also a fucking complete fucking. Yeah, it looks like the White House, right? Isn't that it's a dupe of the White House? Yeah, that's it right there. God, that's bananas to me. And you can see it from, you can see it from town. If you're at a restaurant, it's pretty cool. It's perched up on the hill. Yeah. That's Nashville or where is that? Yeah, that's a national. Dude, last week we went to NBA Young Boy, which was dope. We went to watch Ella Langley play, which was awesome. And this kid Dylan Marlowe, I give her a name. I don't think so, but I'm really bad when it comes to that kind of stuff. Like I that that group I was playing in the hallway, I'm in love with them and I forget their name. Oh, Cameron Marlowe. Sorry. Dylan Marlowe is great. I've watched him, but Cameron Marlowe, this guy. Is this his brother? Are they related? No. No. Oh, wow. Handsome fucking dude. Yeah, I didn't look at him like that. I am. I'm looking at him like that. Yeah, fuck him then. I might. I always figure half of it's got to be talent, half's got to be handsome. He's a handsome cat. You know, I will say this, now that I think about it a little bit more, which I'm not going to think about a lot, he's a little bit handsome, but. He is. Bro, sing is like God. I mean, just like. Country? I don't even know. It's a gospel country guy. It's just like it's a lot. God's music. Phenomenal though. And then we went and saw your boy, Dermot Kennedy, the other night. He's Irish. Yeah. Yeah. One of my one of my own. LinkedIn is pretty great at a lot of things, like helping you tap into the latest trends and insights in your field. We cannot stop your coworker from tapping her pencil. LinkedIn can help you find new jobs that align with your career goals. We cannot help you find the source of that weird smell in the office fridge. Yeah. And while we can't stop your coworkers from bringing their hobbies into the office, LinkedIn can help you bring your career to the next level. LinkedIn is the network that works for you. Oh man, when was the last time that money stressed you out? Made you feel guilty or jealous? Money can make us feel a lot of things, but what if it made you feel hopeful? Get more out of your money and start building a better future with Acorns. That's a company that I trust. 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View important disclosures at acorns.com slash thEO. You know it's fall, it's autumn, and it's that time of year where things start slowing down. The leaves start changing, the air's got that little bite to it, and suddenly you're thinking maybe I should start doing something new. You know, building bird houses or making candles or making dang hats out of goat milk and paper mache. Whatever it is, this is the season to fall into a new hobby, and Shopify makes it easy to turn that hobby into something real. We run our own merch on Shopify, and it's the best place to start or grow a business. Hands down. Doesn't matter if you're selling out of your garage or your phone or a little shop downtown, Shopify takes the guesswork out of all of it. You don't need a big team or fancy office. Shopify is your office in your pocket. So if this fall has got you feeling creative, don't overthink it. It's time to turn your passion into a paycheck. Go to Shopify.com slash T-H-E-O and make it happen. That's Shopify.com slash Theo. You know what I need to do with you? Truly, because I've been watching a lot of videos on TikTok. I went down a rabbit hole. There's a really pretty woman who goes to these the gathering of the juggalos, and she gives you tips on how to operate in that space. Like, do you know what the poo dollar is? So at the juggalo, when you go to ICP shows, there'll be money on the ground, like all over the place, but it's wrapped in poo, somebody pooed in it, and then they film you picking up a poo dollar. And she's giving you tips on how to not get caught picking up poo dollars and... Oh, that's good. It's very sweet of her. You should cool chick. Let's see if we have it. She seems great. I mean, I love watching her videos. She's giving you tips of the gathering of the juggalos. There's a girl right there. Is that her? People get so fucked up here that they pass out for 12 hours and don't feel or hear or see a thing. Because they're asleep. It's the gathering of the juggalos in Thornville, Ohio. The gathering of the juggalos is a fucking 12 out of 10, dude. This chick is fucked up, huh? They're throwing full cans of Fagot with people, and they're taking wristbands. And so when you're just like a dead body laying on your cot for 12 hours, people come out to you and fuck with all of your shit, dude. Enjoying a 12 hour nap. Yes, that's it. Plus three points. You've got to have a tent. You've got to have a safe place to sleep. Because I know a lot of ninjas that are out here passing out on the grass and just laying there. Because they got in with their last bucks, they don't have shit sort of passing out in the road. Wherever they can sleep until the sun comes up, dude. We're here to gather. We're here to have a good fucking time. We're here to not give a fuck. Because society doesn't accept us. So we're going to accept everybody that's here. Being accepted plus 20 points. Those people are asleep, you idiot. Yeah, you can't mess with people that are sleeping, dude. He's just recharging after being partied out all day. Dude, that chick, is that a lesbian? Who was that lady? That is crazy. She's AI, dude. This is the new world. We'll never know if these people are real. The amount of times I'm fooled now by AI is getting out of control. Like, it's also, I don't know why, Sora? That's what's called Eso. That's a new thing. Sora is making more, maybe it's my feed, there's more Kobe Bryant videos than I've ever seen. And they have him, just yeah, they have him like dunking on old women in the gym and shit. This is Otani's mom. Oh, that's Otani's mom. Wow. That's a badminton champ right there. Is that Sora or that's real? That's Sora. That's Sora. But that, how would I know? You were like, oh, Otani's mom is a champ. How would I know? And it's not even as great as it can be yet. It's going to be weird. What do you think happens with the future of, like, will they still continue to use actors? What will they do? I don't know, man. I talked to a guy literally yesterday who creates, he has a company that does simulators for golf, right? And he was talking to me about the simulation technology that they use for golf. And then he's like, eventually, you may not even have to need to go play the course. We will have everything feel, hear, smell, like it will feel like you're in there. The temperature will be the same as it is on the location. You'll feel like you're playing with your group. Like you will be, I mean, we're uploaded into that, into that, you know, that metaverse or whatever. When he was talking about it, because he was super intellectual and I'm an idiot. And it scared me a little bit because I thought, well, then are they going to need, are they going to need that stuff? I mean, I just think, I don't know what the business is going to look like, but I do know live entertainment will always, you will need to go see somebody live. I hope. I'm praying that people will still want to go feel that human interaction. You know, in the same way that like young people are getting into more analog shit, you know, this guy I was talking to yesterday, his son is a young man and he was like, he likes records. He likes CDs and tapes. He thinks it's cool because it's throwback, you know. And I think that will have a resurgence in its own right. But eventually everything is going to be so digital, it'll be an afterthought. There'll be, I don't know, I hate to think of it because I do want creators to still create. But I think one of the only forms that will exist, unfortunately, would be live. I'm probably wrong, but I think people still want to see people live. But as far as entertainment goes, if you think someone's not going to get home after a 12-hour workday where they busted their ass, doing something all day long, they get home, they kiss their kids and their wife, they put their kids to bed, and they sit down on the couch. And instead of scrolling, they go, hey, will you show me a movie where the rock is a pancake chef and he's got to get into a fist fight over overcooked pancakes with Jason Statham? And it's like, boom, boom. And that's what they make. You know what I mean? You know that's going to happen. Wow. You get it. I don't think it's healthy, but you know that's going to happen. Or it's my wife's birthday. Can you make a collage? I forgot a gift. Can you make something right now and 3D print it? Man, it's in your living room already. Yeah. Like remember back to the future when they made that pizza? Do you remember that when they're in the kitchen? Bring up that photo. It was so ominous. It was so ahead of its time. They're in the kitchen. Is it a medium pizza? It's like a little time. It's this big. Personal pan pizza. Yeah, personal pan. But then once they put it in the machine, it comes out as a full pizza. And I thought that's 100% in the making right now. Like there's no chance that they're not. Look at that. It starts as that. And that was so long ago. And they put it in something and it expands to what it truly is now. Here's the crazy thing. It'll all taste like pizza, right? It'll taste like all the flavors, but none of it will be actual. It won't be pizza? No. No. It'll be some sort of digital makeup of a thing that resembles pizza. There she is. Putting a little tiny thing from Pizza Hut on the tray in the center. Black and Decker, shout out, plug. Good company plug right there. The hydrator. Hydrating. That's what it said. Hydrating. That's how I would do it. I would do impressions of all those noise. Look at that. You think that's not coming? It's coming. And that was in 1989. That looks good. Brother, that looks delicious. No. And not an ounce of it will be pizza. You're right. It'll just be whatever it is, whatever's in the ether. Like that, what's that meat company? Oh, I can't believe it's not meat or whatever. Or meat. Impossible meat. Beyond meat. Beyond meat. Yeah, dude. It's just like the technology is getting crazy. Did you see that thing with AWS and the beds? What do you mean with like, what did they do with beds? AWS crash causes 2,000 smart beds to overheat and get stuck upright. My dad, I can just, I physically can see my dad being like, the fish too fucking hot. What's wrong? My mom yelling at my mom, you're sweating. Move over. God damn it. Move over. He doesn't know that it's the fucking bed. The AWS over me. Move over. He's got her out in the yard. In the garage when I sleep. God damn it. The outage, a major American web service, American web services outage on October 20th had the unexpected side effect of causing chaos in bedrooms across US. As owner of eight sleeps, $2,000 plus pod mattress covers found their smart beds had no offline mode and were stuck at high temperatures and odd positions in the night. Just sweating like this all night. That is awful. $2,000 mattress too. I mean, good God. You're a Totino's, you've become a Totino's pizza roll. Hydrating. Hydrating. Well, this is the problem where tech is getting to tech. You remember in high school the one kid that had a water bed? There was always one kid in high school that had a water bed. Like we knew one dude whose mom and dad would let him have a water bed. Yeah, or their dad had one. Their dad had one and they got to use it. Like I knew a kid who had a water bed. Really? Yeah, I knew a kid. He was only child, his parents were old, so he was a late life accident. And he got, bro. He had all the toys. We could do whatever we wanted in his house. His parents didn't give a shit because we were in high school. They were like 60. They didn't give a shit. They were fucking retired and we were 14 years old. So they weren't, they were on vacation. They were in Boca. You know what I mean? Like we were kicking it. We got to do whatever we wanted. He got, and he had, I remember he had a Cobra Mustang 97, 98, and he had a Ford Lightning SVT. I remember most of us didn't even have a car. And he had two. His dad taught me stick shift on a 19, I want to say this right, 76 or 67 Stingray. Which one was it? Was it 76 or 67 Corvette Stingray? He's taught me stick shift and that was one right there. He had all the toys, huh? Yeah, man. 76. That's what it was. 76 Stingray. That's, I learned stick shift on that in a church parking lot. This guy's dad taught me how to do it. And that, dude, I thought the app was like, that's, they're the coolest people on earth. He had everything. He had a water bed. Oh, bro. Giving my email. I did a half of it. I'll give him half your email, bro. But I remember he had the water bed and I thought, how that was the fly of shit on earth. And then one day he was like, no, man, you get stuck in that thing all the time. You'll slide into a corner and you'll be slung against the sea. You're waking up like a pirate today. He's like, it sucks. Yeah, you're fucking, bro, or somebody puts a little fucking bass in that bitch. You're sleeping, bro. And there's a little trout just coming up near your mouth, trying to, just because it's the salt from your drool is going through. He's got to fill with koi fish. Bobby's fucking shitting in there the first week. He gets it. Yeah. Like, dude, do not shitting your water bed. Do not shit on the water bed, please. It'll move. Dude, it's just like, the technology is just crazy. Like we had Craig Newmark, the founder of Craig's List on, and he's a big advocate. He does a lot of fundraising and donates a lot of money to cybersecurity. That's like a big world that he's involved in. And he says that, like, yeah, there could be a hijacking of like a product where suddenly all the cars just go and drive off a bridge or something you can do. That scares the shit out of me. Yeah. Or all the Teslas just go to a fucking gay bar, the Jets game or whatever, which is pretty much the same thing, dude. But just imagine you're sitting in your car and you're like, what the fuck? Everybody's going to Trenton, New Jersey or something. I just have the same time. And there's nothing you can do. Yeah, that scares me. Like when I get in my car sometimes and it tells you it updated, it's like updated a map without you even saying it's okay, they're eventually going to update and a total have ownership and control over where you go. Yeah. You won't even be able to, they'll tell you where to go. Time for a check-in. It'll just take my ass to the doctor. You're avoiding this. Let's go. You know, like, I don't want to go to the dentist. We're going to the dentist. Like I think it's just going to, technology is going to start to own us in a way where we won't have to make, we won't even be able to make decisions. And we'll just eventually, generationally, people will just be okay with it because that's the way of life, right? In the same way that like, remember going out to dinner, when I was a kid, I remember when my parents were, when my mom was dating my stepdad before we, before they got married, they'd go out to dinner and they would let me come sometimes and I'd be under the table with tablecloth and all they would see was a little hand, grab a French fry and then go back under. And that was my little like adventure time, right? And it was my little play world under there. And then now the kids all have iPads and iPhones and I'm not criticizing, I'm not a parent. So I don't know, but it's so normal that when you see a kid without an iPad or an iPhone, you're like, what is that? What is the fuck is he doing? Was he thinking and coloring and talking? Yeah, who's just muting? Who's just fucking mute? Something must be wrong with him. Right. You're like, what's going on with that kid? But it's become the norm. So I think the future of tech will be, it would be abnormal to make decisions. We will be, it'll, we'll be gone and it'll become so custom for your life to wake up and good morning Theo. Today and on your bathroom mirror, what did I, what did I, what did I, what did I, what did I, what did I, what you have to do? Not what you want, want, you don't want, you don't get to want. You have to do all this shit. Right. These are the things you have to take care of. You must do this. This is, this is your day. And that will be built in your car and your car will know your toilet. Your car would be like, your shit was bad. More water. Wee, wee, straw. Yeah. Just make you suck it. Time to jerk off just on my hand. No, wait a minute. You must come. Okay. That's the commercial. Yeah. You can't go to work until you get a colonoscopy. There'll just be stuff like that. In your car. It'll just be in your car. Please bend over. Performing colonoscopy. You're on the seat. Your seat will be able to tell us through a fart or something if you fucking, if you're going to lie to your wife that night. Smelling your fart. What did you eat for lunch? I had a salad. It tells your wife. He had a burger, a double, double. Wrong. You fucking liar. Well, dude, I mean, everything's just getting bizarre, dude. The only way to get away from it. The only way to get away. Okay. I want to hear this. Oh, and Benjamin got away from it. What do you get? What do you mean? Oh, get away from tech. I mean, he lives out, you know, like he lives on the internet still. So that's the irony of that. Like he's, he does live on the land or whatever, but the only way, real way to get away from it is to, is truly isolate, like genuinely and not ingest anything on the, not participate in any of it. Like, have you ever seen that woman that lives way out in the Arctic tundra and she lives alone and she refuels planes for, for, uh, but she lived, and she's got a hard. Oh, brother, brother, and she lives way out in the middle of nowhere. And she's kind of this, she lives completely isolated. Oh, a life below zero. Sorry. That's what it is. Sue, Sue from life below zero. Yeah. Way out in Alaska and way Northern Alaska, Cav, Cavac. And she's alone, bro. And there is nobody in sight. Oh, she's a pretty lady. But this is truly, I am, until the cameras got there, she's disconnected. She lives off the clothes that either she makes or that are given to her. She lives off her own energy and power. She makes her own food. This would be the only way. Truly you could act, dig a well, disconnect. At their huff and gasoline too. Right. Once in a while you need a bump. I mean, you know, the evenings get lonely. You do want to huff a little gas. I wouldn't want to do cocaine out there. I hate doing cocaine and being very cold. You want to be hot when you're being freezing cold and doing cocaine. You're freezing cold. Well, she's huffing a little bit of gas just to give her something to think about at night. Dude, but that would be crazy if they had like a, yeah, a new Bravo show out there. It's like cold bitches. Oh, it's cold, but these chicks are still. Steaming hot. But they're still piping hot. What the fuck do you want? Fire. Polar bears fucking suck. You want to refuel? Loser. I like when she talks shit to me, if I'm being honest. Mike Rose presenting the whole thing. Salmon again. No matter how cold the temperature drops. Andy Cohen and Bravo presents cold bitches. I'm a bitch. That's the tagline of the show. Dude, who is the iciest bitch? It's a competition. Honestly, that's the only way. And that's not us. I'm never going to be able to live off the land. I'm not the, I'm a dependent, dude. I'm a dependent. Have you ever caught and cleaned something like you've ever cleaned an animal? Have you ever killed and cleaned an animal? Steve Rinella said he'll take me and teach me how to do some stuff like that. Brother, it is daunting. Dude, my brother put on Facebook, if any people have, he just moved into an area in Utah. He put on Facebook, if anybody sees any erroneous squirrels in their area or raccoons, call me up or doves and I'll come over and pop them off. Right. And dude, he was fucking in a small town. He'd just gotten there because he was just getting into like trapping and shit like that. Like he would fucking set a trap at this at the end of somebody's fucking ditch or whatever. It was crazy. He was not out in the woods. He was doing this shit in town, dude. He's just in Salt Lake City. Bro, it was fucking crazy, dude. The church called him in. The shit was pretty bad for a bit, but he evened it out. But he learned how to like, he'll make fresh coon over there if we go over there to eat. He'll make a, yeah, just a pot of squirrel meat. He's into it now. Are you cleaning something? Like my grandmother used to do that in North Carolina. My grandmother, my nanny, they would have chickens. They'd had all sorts of animals, but she would kill, clean and cook herself. And doing it or even being around it. I'm not up for it. I think it's hard to do, man. Like I'm thankful for farmers and people that do that for us because good God, I've been around like deer is getting cut up after I went deer hunting when I was a kid. And I was like, damn, I couldn't do that. I just don't know if I could, you would have to at some point for survival, but it takes a lot and it takes kind of a disconnect. You get comfortable with death. You get comfortable with the idea that this is like a mutual agreement between you, the land and the animals and all this stuff. But I don't think I could ever get to a point when I could disconnect and not. I like people too much to be isolated. I'm a little social squirrel. I need to be, like, you know, when I talk about, you know, I've taken big chunks off from drinking and stuff and we have alcohol at my house. But I don't know, I couldn't tell you the last time I drank a beer at my house without friends or family around. Like my wife and I will never, like if we cooked dinner, we're not having a glass of wine, like people kind of do with dinner. Did you do sober October? No, I'll just take chunks of time. I'll just, I'll pick a time. I don't even, it kind of will hit me and I'll go, I'm going to take some time down and I'll just take a bunch of time down and, you know, just change my perspective on stuff. And then, then I'll, you know, go out with a bunch of people and maybe, maybe want to have a drink and then maybe I'll stop again for another couple of weeks or whatever. But, but I did find that, like, even if it's at my house right there, I'm not interested. I only really enjoy those activities when I'm with other people. Because I love the social aspect. To me, it's more like, can we go out together? Let's go get a nice dinner. I went to a nice dinner last night with, with you. Yeah, with my business manager, sweet and both of them. And it's just, I like that communal, that's the Irish in me for sure. That's like, sit around, have a cocktail, tell a story, have a laugh, joke or, you know what I mean, talk shit. The Irish, yeah. There's nothing better. I mean, that's the purity of life, I think. Community. Yeah. Oh, and just being around your friends, dude, that's been the toughest thing sometimes for me about like, like my friends, most of them are married and stuff. And so sometimes people are like, dude, like, I'll hang out with like, kind of younger folks sometimes, but it's like, there's nobody else, dude. It's like, everybody's married. With kids. With kids. With kids. Even harder, yeah. And so they have families or whatever. And so it's like, yeah, sometimes you just get, you know, like, you just find people that are still available, kind of, you know, I'm not complaining about it, but it's just like, or maybe I am complaining about it. No, you're not. But yeah, it's just, it's definitely different, I think. But, but the anyway, dude, the greatest thing is just fucking being around people. Like, I'll go hang out like sometimes around the Vanderbilt football team. Dude, because it's young, dude, they're fucking everybody's having a good time. The vibes are up. And it's just fun. It's like, oh, this is fun, dude. I'll go sit over at the players cafeteria and have lunch over there sometimes with the guys. That's great. Dude, we fucking sit there and clown for an hour, bro. I mean, just everybody clowning, dying, laughing. It's like, it's the greatest thing. There's nothing better than being around some guys. It's even like guys that work on like in blue collar job, just that lunch break, we get to sit around and fucking laugh, talk shit. Even if it's the same shit you talked yesterday, it's just those moments. Community matters. I think it's really hard to be alone. By the way, that's not, you're not complaining. I have the opposite effect. So like, since we don't have kids and we're in our forties, most of my friends that are married do have kids, so it's difficult to hang out with them. I found that more and more is kind of a hiccup of life. But so a lot of our friends now are in their late fifties because their kids are already grown. So they're out of high school, they're off in college or whatever. So they're kind of, you know, they're empty nesters again. So then we hang out with them. So I find myself hanging out with older now couples because their kids are already grown versus my closest friends now. They all have babies or four or five year olds and it's great to see them, but it's really hard because their balance is so difficult. And I don't judge it because I get how hard it is. Like, I know that's hard for them to go, dude, we got one on the way and this one is this. And so a lot of our friends, like we took a vacation with another couple and their child is grown. So it's great. So now we get to just, it's just couples again. Do you know what I mean? Like the old days and, you know, it's, I do have thoughts about it sometimes when I'm like, it is very interesting how that is my section of friends now is much older than us only because all my friends have that, they're occupied with soccer and, you know, and getting these kids in their, on their schedule. So it's hard, but it's hard to see, it's hard to, I'm trying to, it's hard that you lose your friends, quote unquote, for a couple of years when they're going through this growing times with their kids. That's been the hardest thing for me growing up is like now being in my 40s, not spending as much time with people that I wanted to spend time with. It's really hard because they're, they're, you know, yeah, it is a bummer. They're busy and you can do about it. Yeah. And they need to be busy. They're being a parent or they're taking care of their family and stuff like that. It's even tough when it's like spending time with your own parents and stuff or step families and stuff because it's like, you know, it's a time where your life is kind of like you're working a lot and not that you can't make time, but it's, you know, it's like, I don't know. It is harder to make time. I'm going home. I go home to Chicago now. I'm trying to go home at least every month, at least once a month. That's my goal. That's great. Yeah. I think I need to make, I just want to make more time as my parents have gotten older. It's more important to me than ever. A lot of personal reasons just because of my connection to my family and, you know, they're getting a little bit older. So I just, life hits a little bit and I think that happens in your 40s. You start to see your family, you know, you start to see it. And so then I started to dedicate it. So if I'm anywhere near the Midwest or I'm going east, I'm almost always going to go home. You're popping in. I have to. I feel like it's not I have to, I want to. I just mean like I've dedicated it to myself to be like, go home, go see mom, go see dad, go see, you know, my childhood friends that are living at home and... Oh yeah, you've always been close to your guys. Well, yeah, I got a friend literally landing today who comes in, comes into my house today. I'm excited as shit. I just think like there, you try to, you try to really covet these relationships and it's really hard because you get busy and no one talks about that. And it really does get hard. You still love these people as much as you ever did, but life gets, life gets in the way of friendship sometimes because they get busy. Yeah. And their patterns change and their responsibilities. Like somebody wants to have a family and so they get a wife and they start to have a family and stuff. And it's like, there's not, there's not not room for you in there, but it's a tough room. You have to, you know, kind of get it where you can. You got to sneak in where you can. And that person's objectives are different at the time, you know. Yeah. And it's even harder if you don't like the spouse. Oh yeah. I'm lucky. I don't have, I don't have really any relationships where I don't get on with my friend's spouse or partner. That's got to be the worst. But my wife, oh, there's cold bitches. Vandy Cohen produced cold bitches. Oh, Laura Loomer's in it. Is that the girl from the office? The blonde girl is that Angela from the office is on it. And that's, uh, and who's the girl on the right? Is that Isla Fisher? This is a real show. No dude, that's is AI did what we said. Oh my God, dude. I'm like looking at these six. That's Anna Kendrick on the far right. Sorry. That's who that is. And who's on the far left? That's Kira Soltanovic. That is Kira. She's not a cold bitch though. No, she's not. She's the shit. I love her. But I could see her casting them in just for that. Well, none of these women are. We just say who they look like. For humor. Yeah. Yeah, they did who they look. I love Kira, by the way. She's so fucking funny. Dude, one thing I have to do feel bad about about the, when we're taping especially just got with those just a moment where it was like, we got to figure this out. Bonnie McFarlane came and she was just. So fucking funny. She was on the show. She's great. I don't know if I'd ever met her actually. I know Rich, but I just had never met Bonnie. We all know Rich. But she had to go back out like after she'd already done a set dude. She was like a saving grace of that. She's a. I got to text her and thank her. She's an incredible comedian. And honestly, one of those people where you're like, I, this sounds disrespectful, but I mean in the nicest way. It's like, I would hope that she was so much more famous. Cause she's successful, but I feel like the world should know her cause she's so fucking funny. Some people are so good that you're like, everyone should know you. It's creepy that people that you're successful, but like the world should know how good you are. That happens in comedy a lot where you're like, how does not everyone know who this person is? They're so fucking funny. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh yeah. It's yeah. It's unbelievable. It's, it's, it's a pattern of the. It's a pattern of the world of comedy though. It's very difficult whenever someone's like, why this thing? Not that thing. I can't tell you. Some things are a shoe in, right? Like when I first met Shane, that was a shoe in. I knew for a fact, Shane was going to be very sick. What, you know what I mean? No, this is look. Oh yeah. This one. I just knew, I just knew when I met Shane. It's so perfect. I knew when I met Shane, you were like, well people are, everyone's going to know Shane. Yeah. Some of his looks just encapsulate. It's not a generate, but it's just in cap. It's so encapsulating. A mood. Yes. A mood that people relate to. Yeah. Such a specific mood. He's got a couple of. Dude. Dude. Yeah. He's one of the best. I mean, he is once in a generational town, but some people you know are going to, but other people you're like, how come that person is not as, they're so funny. Like they're so, you know, I don't know. I think it's unexplainable, but. Yeah. I was so grateful that she even came and was on the show, but I got a message her and just. Show her some love. Yeah. I just took a break after that. After everything, I was just like, this is just, it just, it just was all a lot. I just needed to like some time to just kind of like decompress at home and just do some things that I like doing. Are you getting, are you, do you have a hobby that takes you away from all the shit? Oh, I've been going to SEC football almost every weekend in different cities. But do you have a hobby that you can do alone that takes you away from everything? Yeah. I like to do yoga. I like to work out at home. Just going to recovery meetings, things like that. You know, so those are fun things. I would like to maybe get a new hobby. I think if I get a new house, I could get a dog or something like that. That's a good hobby. So that would be great to have, you know, even just to have that. That's a great responsibility. I was just thinking about this. Oh, how was the comedy festival you guys went to? Was it good? Riyadh? Yeah. Wild dude. It was crazy. Well, the backlash on the internet was even more insane. It was insane. That stuff seemed ridiculous to me though. Well, dude, there's so- Do you feel like it was? Everyone is a walking contradiction and there's a million miles of hypocrisy in people's arguments. And the fact that the community was attacking each other was very strange to me. But you know, like overall, my feeling about it was Jimmy Carr said something that I thought was kind of a powerful statement. He said, I don't always tend to look at where a country has been, you know, because they're all flawed. But I'd like to see where they're going. And he says, I'd like to think that where they're going is an attempt at progress and future in growth. And people may disagree with it. But, you know, when we went over there looking at the faces of 27, 28-year-old kids, that my own American ignorance, I was like, well, they're going to be riding on camels and they're all wearing cover-ups. They were dressed, you know, like street kids for the most part. It's 27-year-old, 28-year-old kids who were in jeans and t-shirts and they just wanted to see us. And we met the fans afterwards. And it was kind of a beautiful moment, you know, and I haven't dug in the whole thing. Well, I haven't paid a lot of attention to it because there was a lot of noise and hate. And, uh- Yeah, I haven't delved into it. Well, it's fine. People can feel how they feel about it. That's fine. The world will keep spinning. Um, but there's a lot of hypocrisy out there. There's a lot of hypocrisy and a lot of people contradict. We're all walking contradictions, right? So when you start throwing stones, just make sure, you know, just make sure that your plate's clean. Because I just feel like, um, something, something that you've said six months ago, you may disagree with today. And I think at the core root of it, we forget sometimes that we're just comedians. And you and I, when we do shows like this, is like, we want to have fun and make each other laugh and just, and joke around and bring humor to this whole space. And when the community begins to attack each other, you know, I just think it's a detriment to comedy as a whole. I don't take myself that serious. I'm, unless I'm on the golf course and then I'm fucking dead serious. No, no, no, no, no, but I just don't, I don't, I don't take myself that serious. I'm a fucking stupid clown. I'm a, I'm a, I'm an, I'm an ASU graduate, uh, barely heist, made it out of high school who went to school for communication because I was confused. About what I wanted out of my life and my career. My whole goal was to make people laugh and feel good. And what comes along with success is responsibility to some degree. But the public's idea of my responsibility and mine are two different things. Mine is to spread love and comedy and make people feel good and laugh and entertain people. Hey, man. And also, um, and also live my life and enjoy it as much as I can before they tell you to, you're not funny anymore to get out of here. So if there's anything I can do, I'm just segwaying naturally. My biggest thing now is like, can I make people feel good and also do, do good? And I'm doing this thing on December 6th in LA, LA city Valley college, um, uh, Southern California Special Olympics. I'm, I'm doing a fundraiser. You get to, it's called ho ho homers. You come, come hit home runs off your favorite celebrities. If you're in town, I'd love to have you. I might be in town that week. I'd love it. December 6th is Saturday. LA city Valley College. It's for, it's for Southern California Special Olympics. And stuff like that means more to me than all the noise in the bullshit of the internet of opinions over what a comic should or shouldn't do or whatever that world is. And that to me is the most important thing is like, can I do good, feel good, uplift other people and comedians in the community? Yeah. And then the rest can fuck off into space because I'm just trying to do my best, man. I mean, fucking leave me alone sometimes. My good God, you know? Yeah. It's, well, it's just the, and the media is just so dumb that all they care, it's just like about creating controversy. I, it's funny. I didn't think anything of it. Like, like I've got to ask to go to Qatar again in a few weeks. And I think I'm going to go over there, right? I had a great time when I was there. Last time it was so cool to see a lot of the guys there that are, it's a Muslim country. A lot of the guys we're talking to, at first you see their outfits, bring up the picture of us. And, but then you talk to them, the guys like, oh, I fucking went to Oregon. I went to University of Oregon, go ducks. Right, right. What, like we think like all these people like live in sand castles and are fucking like, you know what I'm saying? There you are. We're in the garb. Also, that was another thing we asked if that was disrespectful, if we were, and the guys wanted to give us one. They were like, oh no. It was so cool to have. I still have money. They were very nice. And also, you know, I was, I was writing jokes about it because I was like, I don't know if I'll ever joke about it. But I think it was funny when someone's like, you know, they're all terrorists and you're like eight million people in Riyadh or to all of them are terrorists. What are you, what are you talking about? And they go, well, they did 9-11. And you're like, I thought we said we did 9-11. What do you think? I thought, remember when you guys were all like, we did it? I thought they said we did. I just think there's a lot of walking contradictions. Oh, 100%. Well, so, so it's hard for me to have, it's hard for anyone to yell so loud about something to me because I go, well, nothing is perfect. But if you're trying, if your intentions are right, if your intentions are good, I do believe there's hope for growth. And people are allowed to be mad about it. And I just, what I didn't like, what I don't like is in the community, stabbing and going after other people in the community because I just think it's an odd move. I don't understand it. Go off if that's how you want to live your life. Enjoy the drama. But I'm in a room, I just don't, I don't give a fuck about your judgmental opinion because you yourself are not on high. Unless you're not, are you tweeting your hate at me from a phone that was mined from lithium by people that were trapped? What are you talking about? Who made your car? Where'd you get gas? Who made your clothes? Unless you are Sue in Alaska and you live off of yourself in the land, you don't have a lot of room to talk. You really don't, I'm sorry. I just think- And none of us, in a lot of ways, you're right. There's so much hypocrisy, man. Yeah, it's like we're, I think we were committing hypocrisy without even realizing it sometimes. Yeah, we do, we do, we are walking contradictions. The human condition is to be a walking contradiction. Brother, when I was a kid, I remember feeling like in no world do I feel like I want to get married. I don't really, I was like, I don't want to get married or have a family. I pine for that now as an adult. I'm, you know, I wanted to have a family, we couldn't have a family. And that changed my perspective. And I remember being in college, being like, I don't think I'm ever doing that shit. You know? Yeah, I hate that shit. That's foolish. That's not for me. I want to be a comic. That's all I need is this and this and this. Your views change, your goals change, your affiliations change, your friendships change. Like you keep changing. You know, when they wrote in your yearbook, never change. That was the worst advice anybody could ever fucking give you. You should change, you should change a lot. And you should keep growing and changing. I mean, fuck man. Yeah, if you're still sitting there playing pencil break and fucking eating your buddy's boogers, so you can have money to buy candy at lunch, dude. You're a sick fucking dude. Yeah, please change. You can't play paper football forever. It is fun, but my God. I was nasty at that shit. Dude, that shit was, but this was the rule, dude. Right, this. So fucking dumb. Meanwhile, you're supposed to be learning in years later. You're like, why am I dumb? Oh, but dude, you're right, dude. Yeah, the end fighting on most comedians I didn't understand. People sent me, there was a clip from Mark Marin where he like said something about me in his comedy special. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like Theo would interview Hitler. Right. And I'm like, well, it's kind of crazy that you say that. Well, he's dead, first of all. You can't. Well, also the milk boys just interviewed him. So what are we even talking about? What are we talking about? Right. Well, I think that the other side of the Marin coin, which like Mark loves to start shit. That's like his whole. He loves this right here. We, I probably, I shouldn't even have brought it up. Yeah, we don't have to. But I mean, he loves to start shit. Like that's a part of his, that's his discourses talking shit. And a piece of me knows when we talk shit about people we love, we joke around about each other. There's love behind it. And I don't know what the, if there's love behind with you and him, I don't know your relationship. The internet seems to know, they think they know fucking everyone's relationship, which is even more mind boggling. But I do think. Yeah, it's always been fine. I always think if it's, if, if, if you joke about somebody, if it's funny and it's in jest, it's obvious. And if it's not, it tends to be a little bit more obvious. And so I don't understand that kind of approach. I don't get it. But I also know we can all touch a lot of bases, right? Like in the sense of like, I've known Mark for a long time. He fucking annoys the shit out of me. I also, it's like in the comedy buddy space, I have a lot of guys that I, you get on with sometimes and then you fall out and then you get on and then you get pissed off. And then they do these things, but we're all in this co-work, co-co-worker space. I do think you shouldn't, I do think there's no necessary need to go after other people. I don't get it. But a lot of times it's not my war to fight or our wars to fight. So I let people go do it. People shoot at us and I'm like, whatever, man. I'm just going to still make dumb fucking comedy for my fans until I'm dead or until they tell me to go away. I'm just going to have, I'm trying to have the most fun I can with my stupid little dumpling in our little studio until they tell us to go away. And I don't give a fuck about the drama. I mean, the drama is such like, grow up, give me a fucking break. Yeah. But you're right. You didn't deserve, you don't deserve to be attacked on a special. That's very strange. I think even Mark would admit someone I've known for a long time, not been close to, but we've known him from because of the store. Someone who I think he himself would admit, I would hope that wasn't the best move to put you in a special. I mean, why? Why? You know what I mean? Sometimes I write jokes about my dad and I'm like, why did I put that in a special? You know what I mean? Like a friend or a colleague for that matter, because you're probably not friends, but I just don't know. I don't know if it's necessary. Maybe he just meant it as something funny, you know. Well, look, yeah, the core of it was probably him trying to write a joke about it, but I don't think you're close enough for that to be, for that to have that kind of, you know. Maybe to say, Hey, what do you think about this? That would have been great. If you say to somebody, Hey, man, are you cool with me right doing this joke? Yeah. Or I'm just letting you know I'm doing this joke. But the media also likes to fucking make shit. It's like, yeah, what our country is complicit in so much shit. Like, you know, it's like one thing that I thought was like go go into like a Muslim country, like they have their rules, they have their way of life. It's not my way of life. Right. It's their rules. I don't know what it's like to grow up there and to live there. I don't know what what like pros and cons are of having like such like staunch beliefs or like sticking to such doctrines and stuff like that. Like, I don't know. I can go and look and see. But for me to say that your country needs to be just like our country, which has been complicit in a lot of fucked up stuff. The most fucked up shit. Not the people, but the government. Right. Right. Who the fuck am I to go say, you know, I'm saying like, it's really hard for me to be like, you guys need to be more like us when it's like, we'll look at all the fucking bullshit that we're being shoehorned into. Right. That's a perfect statement that we're being shoehorned into. Well, here's the argument. Right. And also, we don't know what the fuck we're talking about. So if you disagree with us, that's fine. That's fine too. I don't care. Well, that's what people say. They go, well, you didn't get paid by the people got paid by the government. I said, well, yeah, people bring promoters and companies bring people in all the time. I that that's kind of how the globe works as far as entertainment goes. People can't produce a show. Someone has to do it. And I think the idea was, let's bring Western entertainment here, not in an effort to like avoid some of the bad shit that's happened, but more to try to change culture to grow. I'm hoping that's my that was my hope for it. And people are like, just say it was about money. It's like, yeah, dude, we perform for money and to bring comedy to people. These two things can coexist. The idea that someone's like, just say it's all about money. No, dude, it's also about the idea that this is an enticing new world. It's like shit, dude, I've never performed overseas. I've literally never performed anywhere outside. I've done we did London and Dublin. I've never done any other country outside of North America. Yeah. And that was kind of fucking wild for sure, especially all you guys and girls, all these comedians going over there at one time. It's kind of wild, man. It must have felt otherworldly. It did. I mean, it literally was. It felt like it felt like I was put. It felt like it was in a movie. I was like, this feels so, so out of my own element. And and you get any that Lebanese food, you better believe it. No, what? You get any of that, that Saudi Arabian cocaine of it? No, man. Or a little bit of that nose sand. No, I got a wicked eye infection instead. I got fucking sand in my eyeball and then fucking. No, but you know what I think at the end of the day? You need a colonoscopy. You're like, this thing's fucking in my car. And just because you got sand in your eye, like this thing's fucked, dude. My buttocks dilated now because this fucking the bad the fuse is broken. Or whatever. It's fucking just like, dude, all you do is brush your teeth. And it's like, you're a homosexual or whatever. You're like, what the fuck? We're taking you to church. You have the Baptist set up. We're taking you to church. It tells my whole family. It sends them all text messages. Andrew's gay, Andrew's gay, Andrew's gay. What? Oh my God. Yeah. No. My Jeep did that. Yeah. It took a thick shit early this morning. That thing's fucking overreacting. Shut it down. Dude, is the government still shut down? Yeah. Is that still shut down? Because I have to fly in a day or two and I'm a little worried about it. Pull it up on perplexity. Is the government still shut down? Dude, that's how dumb I am. I don't even understand what that meant when they said the government shut down. I was like, all of it? What do you mean? What does that even mean? They're just not, they're not gathering. The shutdown began on October 1st due to Congress's failure to approve a new budget. And now it's lasted 22 days. Dude, I'll tell you this. Everything's privatized now anyway. Dude, have you been to the post office? Dude, I went to the post office the other day. Okay, dude, I went in there. There was, I'm not even joking. This is true. There's two birds fighting over a fucking box. And there was a black woman that worked in there just trying to spray them with lice all to get them out of the facility, dude. And I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, I know that post office. I've been there. I'm like, what the fuck is happening? Well, they have carrier pigeons are back. Dude, they got to keep them under control a little bit. Any government building you enter, you're like, this will be a fucking nightmare. It's all been privatized, dude. It's over. Yeah, it's done. Yeah, it's done. You have to realize it's just a shell for private companies. Now that's all it is. I mean, look at, they're holding the UFC at the White House, right? Which is going to be unreal. And that new office that he built. The new ballroom. The new UFC at the White House is insane. But think about that. We're going to be on the lawn of the White House. It's become a performance thing. And they know why it's going to be inside gambling, inside the White House. So they'll just set up a fucking table for. Dude, I've seen those videos, this guy betting millions and millions of dollars. I know he's got it like that. But my God, the anxiety of just watching him bet three million bucks makes my insides drop out. UFC 250 on the lawn. This is going to be so crazy. I better be really nice to Joe Rogan this year. You're going to get a ticket. Your front row, baby. Your front row. That's insane. To commemorate the 250th anniversary of the United States, the UFC plans to hold a historic mixed martial arts event on the South lawn of the White House. I'm not kidding when I say this. I thought you were fucking around. I like about this. I thought that was, it was an AI generation. I thought that was just a joke, but that is actually the plans to do it. What is that? It's going to be on his Trump's birthday. Oh, it's going to be on his birthday. Wow. I thought it was on the 4th of July. They changed it. They couldn't get that date. Oh, I'd said that up there. Yeah, okay. They couldn't get it. They were booked out for the 4th of July. The White House was booked. They're booked out. Imagine if they'd have unbooked the White House, but that's, you know what I'm saying? That's where we're at. Everything, it's all become, we've all, everything has become, you know, the post office is because everybody uses Amazon or FedEx. Now that's what I'm saying. It's like the governmental, you take your shit to the post office. Good luck. They don't know where it is. You don't know where it is. No. It's basically a halfway house for mail. It's a recovery for mail. Yeah. It's a fucking... That mail's on his 12th step. It's doing really good. Nick, what do you think about that when you hear about UFC at the White House? Nick's a big UFC guy. He's big, huh? Yeah. It's crazy. It's like we're living in a simulation. And the fact that they just use perplexity to generate their AI images of the White House is crazy, too. It's like they don't use an artist, but it's going to be wild. And... You're going to go, Nick. Wait, who uses that? Perplexity does that? They're the ones that generated that image that set up for TBS. It was TBS Twitter, right? Yeah. Those really look like AI-generated images of their mock-ups of what it's going to look like. Wow. I mean, that's going to be un... It's going to... But it's just like, you know what I'm saying? That's where we're at. I know. It's like everything that was governmental that meant... A lot of the things I think that had felt like a lot of purpose and texture and heightened. And like something that was almost above us and untouchable is now very accessible. And maybe I'm looking at it too negatively that it's all just been commercialized. You've said it since 2018. Everything's WWE now. And UFC and WWE are the same company. It's going to be at the White House. Because UFC owns WWE? Yeah. Is that right? Yeah, they merged into TKO. It's a good name. With William Morris, it's all a conglomerate. William Morris. The agency, yeah. This is the thing that's going to start to happen is... They're going to start to create things. And I believe this already happens. They create things in stories in the news to create a story. And then they make movies and stuff about it. Like it's all... Right. Oh my... It's all feeding the next story and machine. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, for Dana... It's so exciting. It's incredible. That's wild that it's gotten to the place now where it's... It's this globalized. I mean, it's... It's... It's got to be one of the fastest, if not the fastest growing sport. I mean... Well, because he was fearless. I mean, he said, we're going to keep this going on during the pandemic. They picked up so many... How big did their fan base grow during the pandemic? Can you look that up? Well, because everybody else... Right. The only one that operated, right? The NBA was in a bubble. They were like the only ones that operated, right? I mean... Yeah. I think they're the only ones that did that, like the bubble thing or whatever. And they were all getting shh, like... Well, they're all getting f... Going leaving and getting f... And coming back. How much UFC? Yeah. Oh my God! 40% in 2021 alone. Jesus! According during the COVID pandemic, with overall pay-per-view sales and sponsorships hitting record highs, they were the only show in town. Damn. Dana White's f... You got to respect him, man. I mean, it's a brilliant businessman. He invested in it early on. And Rogan was also there at the beginning. I remember watching that interview on ESPN with him. We watched it literally the other day in the car when he got in the argument with that boxing promoter about the boxing promoter being like, this will never be... This will never be a beloved American sport. And Rogan kept using facts to destroy this guy's argument. And it was so true. I mean, even I remember the old cage days of like Tank, Abbott, right? Is that isn't it, right? And the San Diego, in the Orange County guys and... Tito Ortiz, those guys. And I remember thinking like, man, this is like this wild sport. I didn't even know then, I didn't really think. I was like, will this become like a major thing? Like will this be ESPN broadcast or Pay Per View broadcast? Like will this get to that level? I didn't think then it would. I didn't doubt it, but I never was like... I didn't know if that was possible. You were like, it seems like a niche thing, but it's not true. American culture loves... We love one-on-one. Yeah, that one, that guy. We love this idea. It's sort of like human cock fighting in my view. Or pit bull fighting. Guys are elbowing each other to the heads. Guys are kneeing each other. They get at the leg locks. Yeah. They start rolling around on the ground. Bro, that's a fucking... And submission holes. Joe, you can't respond to that first, Joe. How is that human cock fighting? You know what that is? That's actual fighting. You know what boxing is? What boxing is a very limited form of fighting. It's kind of a silly agreement. Say like, we hate each other, we're going to fight, we're going to duke it out man to man, but we're only going to use our hands. That's it. But what ultimate fighting is, it's the actual sport of fighting. It encompasses all aspects of fighting. Ground game, kicking, punching, elbows. Submissions, all the above. That's why it's much more exciting. That's why it's a much more dynamic sport. What boxing is is one aspect of mixed martial arts. If we ever advertise... It's true. It's one aspect. I mean, it's just one little aspect of, you know, the total package of what fighting, in its, I imagine, in its original form, human-to-human combat, had to been all systems go. It was everything. It was wrestling, it was fighting. I mean, can you imagine the first, you know, the first fighting that homo sapiens were doing? There wasn't rules. Like they were fucking, they were, they were probably using rocks. I mean, they were probably bashing each other. There wasn't even a referee. There wasn't a referee. No, no, no. There was one local guy. There was one frail ginger man. He was breaking up. Guys, guys please, be nice. One pale ginger was the ref. Yeah, I mean, it's just impressive. It's impressive that it's grown to the scale that it's become. When Joe has taken me and I sit and watch, I'm mesmerized. I mean, I can't lie and say that I'm a huge follower of it because I don't know enough, but I do love watching it because I think it's incredible athletes doing just remarkable shit. It's amazing. It's incredible that they get to this place of this kind of training and technical, the abilities, it's wild to fucking watch live. And when you listen to Heavyweight hit each other and UFC, you're like, God, dude. The sound, I mean, you could feel it in your bones. It's nuts. Yes. Sometimes it's hard to swallow. You're like, God, that's not fucking what's good. I know. But they want to do it. That's the craziest thing, man. Oh, I remember in high school, when you would hear about these kids watching UFC and it was like kids who were smoking dope. And one guy's sister was like, call girl or whatever. I mean, you would hear some crazy shit. And you'd be like, dude, we can never go around those guys. They're like getting a pay-per-view of this shit where it's like a four pound guy beats up a little fucking Chinese guy or whatever, or like a strong baby from Vietnam or something. They would have these crazy fucking fights. They had crazy fights. Like they have a blind black guy or whatever who's just fucking super violent. And they got him fighting something. It's just like this fucking, it was crazy. But now it's like, it's just become so mainstream, but they were alive during COVID, man. Yeah, like that fight, that's just, that's a guy that works at AutoZone. Yeah. Fighting with a guy that works at AutoSandwich. Dude, that guy. This was the first ever UFC fight and the guy on the right was in forgetting Sarah Marshall. You just passed away a couple years ago. Oh, rest in peace. Taylor Willie. God, that felt horrible. No, great. Thanks, Nick. Now you make us feel bad. The guy's dad, you bring up a picture of a guy who's fucking dead. I didn't know that. Nick. I thought that was AI. Son of a bitch. I didn't know those were real guys. What's his name? Where was he from? Taylor Willie. Hawaii. Nice. Oh, I got my Hawaii shirt on today, this surfing shirt. Can you surf? You know what Hawaii means? It's Hawaii. And Ha is wind. I think look this up because I'm going to fuck it up. Okay, Hawaii. Hawaii. One is water. It's like it's broken up. Ha is breath, life force. Hawaii is water and E is representing supreme or divine. It's kind of beautiful. Oh, it's the best. Hawaii is fucking the best. They crossed it, dude. Dude, I love going out there, man. Oh, yeah. It's so funny too because living on the West Coast, it's like either go to New York or Hawaii. Same flight time. I'm like, I think I'm going to go to the islands. Like fuck. Whenever I'm like, it's the same flight time to go to New York, I was like, I'd rather go West, go out to the island, just disappear out there. I honestly, like I get it. When people go and retire out there, and like you meet some guy at a local bar or something, he's like, I move from the state. I moved from Arkansas 28 years ago. I never fucking going back. You know, I get it, dude. It's heaven on earth out there. Okay. And we moved here. My wife's a lesbian now, but we're still together. We're still traveling. Yeah, she does. She does the coconuts. Yeah, she does her thing. I do mine. I'm playing in a band and it's going really well. Everybody knows me. You know, everybody knows me in this little town. That place is fucking great. And you'll see somebody at night. They'll be driving a car. The headlights don't work, but they're shining a flashlight out of the fucking window. It's got a mag light on the side. It's just like so bootleg. But I love that, dude. It's just like it's their own place. And they, uh, yeah, there's nothing like it. It's a great, so phenomenal spot. Yeah. All the American things have gotten crazy. Like it's just like everything's kind of changed, you know, it's like Mount Rushmore. They're going to put a nose ring in one of the guys fucking. It's just gotten crazy. Washington's got blue hair now. I think Washington's wearing a choker. Franklin's got a fucking nose. He's got a tongue pierced. Ah, they're building a tongue with a pierced. I got it. And then underneath it says this shit is fire. Even those guys, man, they wanted during the American Revolution before it, they wanted to like, they were a big part of like the expansion to take over Indians land. Like there's always just been hypocrisy in this country. Yeah. We live in a hypocritical world and we can't be critical of everyone. We can try our best to do our best, but the idea that we're impervious to criticism is bullshit. We are all walking contradictions, you know, and the better we are at admitting the fact that we don't believe everything that we used to believe and that's a healthy perspective, the better we'll get along with changing and growing. I'm a progressive person, right? And the idea that like, I want people to live their ultimate freedoms. So in that right, I'm very in a socially liberal world. I want you to be as free as you want to be. I don't give a shit what, you know, what you identify as, who you want to be, a gay straight, whatever you are. I want people to feel free to be their own human. And I think the more that that love resonates with people, the more comfortable we are with getting over the fact that your business is your business. I don't have time to fight with people about how they operate and live their lives. You're not harming other fucking people. I couldn't give a shit about you and your freedoms. That's the best part of the country. You should feel free as fuck here. And other countries should follow suit. The problem is we should stop infighting. If we show the most love for our progressive culture that we just let people live the way they need to live, the world, I think, will take a note a little bit better. I love that America gets a lot of criticism, but I do think we are making waves and changes. We just don't ever get credit for it at all because we're continually fixing. A lot of places aren't updating. They're not doing the updates. We're trying. We are all trying in different ways. Some updates people don't like and it moves fast. And then sometimes people think, oh, well, we're regressing. But I think if your heart is in the right place to let people live their ultimate freedoms of life, whatever that may be, I think culture will continue to grow and change. It doesn't happen overnight. The world will not change overnight. And neither will the fucking United States. We're all doing our best to get there the best we can. You may not agree with all of it. I don't agree with a lot of my peers. You know, there's friends I have that we don't share the same opinions about stuff. That doesn't mean we're not going to be friends. And that doesn't mean we can't still get on. To say that we're all going to view things and feel the same and think the same, that's fucking insane. That's not a logical way to live. It's, well, it's also, it's just impossible. It's like, if you think like one race should run everything or one group, it's just that's never going to be the way it is. Right? No, it shouldn't be. We, people should, we should, you know, my grandfather used to always say that old, old man thing of like, you know, he doesn't talk religion and politics. He never did, you know? And, and, and he was many friends, he was friends with many people that had different politics and religion than he didn't mean he couldn't be, couldn't get on with them. Yeah. Right? Now there's a divisive movement of hate, separate, and I think that's fucking sad shit. I think educating, talking, empathy, I think all these things help people grow and less, less infighting, less drama, less bullshit, less hate, less vitriol, because it comes from an awful place. That's spiraling into, we're spiraling into a negative, negative fucking world, man. Bad. It's weird. It's bad. I think the only way out is to do good as much as you can in your life and your community with your loved ones, your family, and your friends and push, push more positive shit out to people. I mean, it sounds corny, but I mean it. Like, stop the bullshit, dude. All this fucking, then the internet is like fueling negativity. And it's when we click on it, it's when we watch on it, you know? It's like, yeah, Poirier says that all the time. He's like, man, I don't watch it. If it's something like, if it's going to be gossipy, if it's going to be that kind of stuff, don't bring it into me. I just don't want that in my world. Doesn't need it. Yeah. And our worlds get affected pretty easily. You don't think about it. It's just like a pool of water. And it's like you put this bullshit in, and you're just fucking sitting there swimming in bullshit. Yeah. And I don't want to swim in bullshit. Yeah. And I'm not, yeah. And nobody's perfect. And I'm not saying that I'm great at it or anything, or even that I do it well. But to be conscious of it, that the people that are creating things for you to see, they may not have your best interests at hand. You know? I think the days of that being, or even pure truth. Dude, one of the worst things was after the comedy special and people were making articles and stuff, people would find old videos of me talking about stuff on this podcast and put it out like it was new. Of course. And so then there was like emotional stuff. Like we've talked about a ton of stuff on this over the years. Like, I mean, I kind of like, I'm kind of a late bloomer. And I like kind of came in understanding some of my own life and thoughts and feelings a lot on this during podcasting. And fucking people, like even like positive groups were like putting channels. Like, why would you fucking put this? I'm getting, thousands of people have sent me this thing and you're like acting like it's brand new today. This is from five years ago. Right. Date it. They should date it. I don't know. It's all like, and there was a ton of nice stuff. It was all nice. All comes from a good place. But it's just, it's all kind of fascinating, you know? You know what I learned? I think I've learned in the more recent years. And I mean, this is all of us. All of us are little tiny kids in a big adult shell pretending that we know what we're doing. Oh, I don't care how intelligent you are, how adjusted you are, how well to do you are, rich, poor, no matter where you come from. We're all little kids in this big shell pretending that we know what we're doing. It's like a little tiny guy driving the machine. And we all think that we're, we know what we're doing, but we're not. We're all insecure, broken little children who are just trying to pretend to be adults and figure our shit out. We're all figuring it out. Yeah. It's, it's all a lie. It's all a lie. This, we're all, you know, like no one is more mature than one. No one has a better idea of how the world's going to work. Your opinions are as basis the next person. You're just a little kid inside of a human shell. And so I think remembering that gives me some solace that I'm like, this guy isn't better than me, isn't smarter than me, isn't whatever. We're just little kids in a big body. That's all we are. Yeah. Trying to, trying to do good if you can. And, and, and that's it. And, and have, have empathy for the idea that you don't really know somebody. You don't really know them until you know them. Yeah. Shooting at them is not going to do any good. You know, stop taking shots of people. It's just weird. I don't get it. I mean, yeah. I don't know. I think recently I've just been thinking of all the grace that God has had in my life. And you think about that too. Just like all the times that something could have been bad or that he was like supportive or all those things, you know. But yeah, man, you're right. We're all just, everybody's just hopefully trying their best. Yeah. You know. And continue. And learning as we go. Yeah. And we don't know what the fuck we're talking about also people. So. Well, we know what we're talking about. I don't know if it's right for anybody else, but I know how I feel. Yeah. I know where my heart's at. I know where my soul's at. Imperfect people trying to just figure it out. That's, that's it. You know. Are you guys done trying to have a child? Do you think? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think also our age now, like we're at an age now in our 40s where I think it's like, you know, we've accepted it so to speak. I mean, I don't know that's not the, it's not the right word, but we're okay. I'm okay with where we are now and we'll see what the future holds in terms of like, what is our next adventure in life? You know, where do we move? Where do we go? Who do we support? You know, I have a 54 year old Asian boy that I take care of every day of the week. A little Korean boy. He's kind of my child. I feel like I've adopted a lot of children that I work with in a sense that like you're, you're producers and we have young producers, editors, and I've kind of take them under my wing. I think my children have started to become my community. You know, if I can help out new comics or if I can give advice or if I can lend a hand or do these charity events or something, I think that's become a little bit of my child, you know, to me. If I can do that, that's, that's become my focus. And it may change. Yeah. But I think for now that's where I'm at, you know. Yeah, I start thinking about that kind of stuff. Like if I don't have kids and it's okay, you know, it's like, I'll find like other ways to be of service or you get little pieces of family from other people. Or maybe I'll just, you know, spend that time more just with my own family that we didn't get when we were young. And that's kind of like the part that I get out of life that my spirit gets this time, you know, and maybe there's something else next time, you know, maybe it just gets to kind of remake old thing, you know, redo things that weren't close or have a new experience with some of those things. And that's the parts of love that I get out of this time. And that's okay. And that's good. Yeah. You know, I look at it as you've ever seen that, you've never seen that game that it's in an arcade. You could look up a picture of it, but you put in, you put in quarters or change and they pile up and there's a thing that slides back and forth. You've seen that thing, right? I love that. Right. And the idea is like you keep putting in money into that thing. You may never and probably never are going to get the full flush of the coins. Someone else will though. So it's kind of like a sociological experiment in a way too, right? Like your greed could supersede, right? But there is something interesting about this that like, if you looked at it in a beautiful way, you're kind of loading up coins for someone else to have fortune. It may not be for you, you know? So it's kind of, that's kind of the story of life. I mean, seriously, it's a little cheesy, but it's almost like you're just loading up coins and doing right. It doesn't mean it's going to pay off for you, but it may pay off socially for the future, for somebody else. And isn't that kind of dope? Like that's why I think doing something for other people, whether it's charity groups or lending a hand or whatever, that's kind of my idea. I probably won't be there to see the reward, most likely. But that doesn't matter. It's kind of dope that I know that someone's going to feel that because you felt success and reward, right? And so when something has blessed you with success and reward, isn't it cool to know someone else is going to get it? Whether or not you get to enjoy it, that's not the point. The point is the knowledge that it will and may happen or may happen. Oh, yeah. I mean, there's people that have helped me along the way and I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be in a place for success or reward. I mean, we're all just kind of like a composite of the people that have supported us. Totally. Or the composite of the love that's been shown us, you know? And even our outcomes are. Thanks, bro. Thank you, dude. This was fantastic. I got to come ginger. I got to come bad guys. You got to come. You got to come. Bad friends. You got to come see us. You got to come see us. I got to come bad friends. We'd love to have you back. You know that. I love to see you around. I know you're out and about and you're moving a lot, but take time for you. Do whatever you got to do to center yourself and enjoy. Enjoy some rest time and get away from all the bullshit for a little while. Yeah. You need it. Yeah, I do need it. I do need to make sure that I keep that a focal point. And I appreciate you asking about it, man. And I appreciate you checking in. And yep, bad lies, whiskey, ginger, and bad friends. I got them all. No bad lies, whiskey, ginger, bad friends. Go watch them all on YouTube and podcasts and all that. Come see me live. Go to Andrew Santino.com and come see the boy, you know, doing some new dates. Yep. We got tours coming up. And also you got white noise that's on Hulu. Yes. Go watch that on Hulu or internationally. If you don't live in the United States, you can go watch it on. It's on Disney Plus. They're all under the same, the mouse, the mouse house on Bella. Were they good to work with Hulu? Yeah. I mean, you know, they let me kind of, they let me kind of figure it out. We were kind of working it out as we went along. You know, this is their first foray into specials with Burr and Sebastian and Gaffigan. And, you know, they had a great lineup too. And Bobby too, right? Yeah. Bobby's doesn't come out till next year. He doesn't film until January or January or something like that. That's cool. You guys are both doing it on there. Yeah. I'm proud of the kid. And we're trying to do a show with Hulu. Hopefully they'll want to, you know, we sold them an animated show and we're waiting for the yes. It's amazing. It's like stories from our high school and we are, everyone that's a young person is a bug. And all the adults are humans. And Bobby's a roly poly and I'm a lightning bug. And it's kind of great, man. It's this beautiful dumb friendship show about stories from our high school about how we, you know, you felt like you were in, but you were out sometimes and Bobby was using. Yeah. He was big into it. I mean, he couldn't get away from it, but he was still like this brilliant little artist who couldn't get out of his own way. And so we use all these stories and put that stuff in there. It's kind of fun. So hopefully we'll do that. Hopefully that'll come up and that'll come to fruition. But otherwise just come see me live and watch Bad Friends and No Bad Lies and Whiskey Ginger. And that's that. Yeah. There he is. Look at us. Who is that? Yeah. Oh, a little bok choy termite. Who was that say? That's not us, but that's not our picture. I don't know why they, I don't know what that photo is. But yeah, we did, right. We did an animated pilot that hopefully it's in the works of Hulu. Hopefully everyone will get to see it. That's my boy Nick Christ on the right who helped write it and put it together with us. And that's Bobby on the left looking like Bobby does. Oh yeah. He's kind of like the handicap Michael Landon. Andrew Santino, thanks so much, brother. Thank you, bro. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones. But it's gonna take it. Life lock. How can I help? The IRS said I filed my return. But I haven't. 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