The Best of Love Stories #4

Hey folks, this is Risk, the show where people tell true stories they never thought they'd dare to share. I'm Kevin Allison, and every Thursday we release these special episodes where we look back at content from our earlier years. Hey, one little thing before we start, if you want to jump in on my online storytelling workshop starting on February 15th, 2026. Email me at Kevin at wrist-show.com for more info. Now this week, it's the best of love stories. Number four, both of these stories are highly unusual as far as what you might expect from an episode called love stories. But of course, that's the way we roll. In a little bit, you're going to hear from Reba Sparrow, the amazing co-creator and co-host of the Mystery Box show in Portland. That show was retired, but there's still tons of wonderful Mystery Box content on YouTube. But before that, we're going to hear a story of, well, you know how in wedding vows, they often talk about through the best of times and the worst of times. Here's a story about a couple that made it through the worst of times. This is my dear friend, Smith Galtney, an artist and storyteller, phenomenal photographer, who you can find at smithgaltney.com. This was recorded at a RISC live show in Brooklyn in 2016, and it's a story we call Pleasant Mountain. So my partner John and I were on a hike. It's 2009. It's a really hot day in August, but I'm wearing a long-sleeved shirt to cover the track marks on my arms. I'm addicted to crystal meth, but shh, it's a secret. Shortly into the first incline, an incline that wouldn't have fazed me about a year and a half before. I feel winded, and I feel like all this tingly feeling in my chest, and I'm obsessed and thinking that I'm actually going to have a heart attack. But I can't be honest about any of this, so I lash out. You said this was going to be a pleasant mountain hike. John stops and looks at me. Pleasant is the name of the mountain. We're hiking on Pleasant Mountain. I told you this before we left. Lately, he tells me a lot of things I don't hear. We'd moved to Maine several months beforehand, and in that time, he'd already gotten a new job. He was looking into ways, doing a lot of research on how we could start a farming business together. He's worried about how we're going to pay the mortgage two years from now. He also does a lot of wondering, like, why does it take me all day to run the most simple errand? Why can't I get up in the morning? What's with all the bloodstains on my shirt sleeves? He thinks I'm depressed. He keeps saying things to me like, you need to exercise more. And I'm like, I'm going to get right on that. Great idea. So then I go to Walmart and disappear for the rest of the day. When I'm in the car, I drive off somewhere and I go shoot up in really dodgy places like parking lots and department store restrooms. I'm in a hurry when I do this. I've got shaky hands. This is not the way you want to handle a syringe. I miss the vein a lot and end up with these really large tennis ball-sized abscesses on my arms. And they hurt, but not as much as the fact that I realized that I just wasted a fucking high. That really hurts. When I do hit the vein The rush is like the DSL of highs It's like the total sweep cut in the movie Where I go from zero to let's fuck in like five seconds My clothes all but like fly off of me And I start walking around feeling like sexy And I'm just like, alright y'all, let's do this Which is kind of a problem when you're in Walmart Sometimes I finally like, you know, I don't get home until really late at night And so I crawl into bed Or I sneak into bed And I stare at the ceiling and I try to regulate my breathing And I feel every second pass Anytime my partner gets close, I scoot away I don't want him to feel how sweaty I am. And I'm worried that he can actually hear my heart beating. It's pumping so loudly. I'm finally falling asleep just as he's getting up. And then when I finally get up, like at noon, he looks at me. He's like, will you please start exercising more? He's so in denial. We're both so in denial. And here we are and we're trying to hike up this hill together. It's this beautiful beautiful summer day And all my partner really wants to do is just hike up this hill with me Up until recently i'd been playing tennis I'd been riding bikes. I'd been working out if I can't make it up this measly little hill this pleasant mountain Then i'm confirming that something is just undeniably fucked up So I turn around And I head back to the car And he keeps going alone And when he gets to the top of the mountain He takes out his phone and he snaps a selfie And he sends it to me And when I see the look on his face It's heartbreaking It says I shouldn't be up here alone A year later I take the dog I hop in the car And I disappear for a week Thanks to a certain website That I won't mention I find an ongoing orgy Happening In a cottage in a small seaside Main town It's hosted by the local Psychic He and I smoke meth and You know he looks at me and he's like I see the number seven above you And I'm like dude there are seven people In my family And he's like well it's really interesting That you say that because I think I see your mother and I'm like, my mom's fucking here? Can she come back when I have clothes on and I'm not holding a crack pipe? When I'm high and he opens up a door and there's just orginess happening and I kind of disrobe and get into the fray and get lost in chemical sex for a few hours or a couple of days, I can't really remember. This is after chaining, you know, leashing my dog to a dining room table. And at some point when I come to, I'm like, I've got to find my dog. And I go to the dining room table, and she's not there. And we look all throughout the house, and I look under the bed, and there's my English bulldog, my sweet puppy, just gnawing away at a dildo. And when I pull it away from her, I see that she's eaten half of it. And it looks kind of like Hedwig's Angry Inch. It's just like this nub with testicles. I hand it to the host, the psychic, and he looks at it, and with great sadness, he says, My favorite dildo. I get out of the house, and I drive around, and days pass, hours go by. I don't really remember exactly what happened. All I know is that I ended up in an ER in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, and shortly after that the cops found me in a rest stop on I-95. I was hyperventilating and barefoot. I had bruises all over my arms. Still a hospital band on my wrist. A cop told me they were going to have to search my car and I was just like, look, you know, search my car but there's just a ton of porn in it and he was like, it's okay as long as it's not kids stuff and I'm like, yeah, but it's really embarrassing, you know? Somehow the idea of them pulling out a tote bag full of dirty syringes was nowhere near as humiliating as them finding DVDs with names like All About Cocks! With an exclamation point. It was a very comprehensive study. The cop cuffs me and he brings me to the Kittery police station, which is not exactly like the Mean Streets, but still I was being arrested. I'm booked for possession and furnishing a hypodermic needle. And when he uncuffs me and releases me, I have this feeling that something may finally be finished. Like I'm coming maybe to the end of something. And I actually have to restrain myself from hugging him. He was also very attractive. He was completely hot. So in rehab, I learned how to sleep again. I sleep for an entire week and I start eating food again. And look, I'm not going to lie to you and say that I went to some like girl interrupted like institution covered with like cold white tile and with German nurses and everything. I'm also not going to tell you that I went to some David Carr inner city place where there was some Samuel L. Jackson guy shaking me and saying, this is life and motherfucking death, man. I went to a really nice rehab in Arizona in the desert. There was a swimming pool. We got acupuncture. It was great for my old needle thing. Then we got massages because the acupuncture was really stressful. And, you know, it was desert, so there was like big skies and all of these technicolor sunsets and everything. And, you know, by the time that John arrived for family week, I was so chilled out, I was like, gosh, he is going to love it here. And when he arrives, I give him this huge hug, but I can see that he's visibly shaken, and he cuts our hug short. And then that's when I realize I've got another hospital band on, got a name tag on, and I've grown a full beard because I don't have access to razor blades because shit, I'm in rehab. I'm in a fucking mental institution. The next day, they give us an assignment, the two of us. We're supposed to draw two pictures. One illustrates how we are now, the state we're in now. and a second picture that illustrates the way we want things to be. John shows two stick figures at the bottom of a very steep, steep hill. One stick figure is holding onto the handle of a little wagon cart, and he's looking up the hill, ready to pull the cart up. Inside the cart is the second stick figure, who's reclined and lying in the cart. he's smoking, he's unshaven, he's got headphones on, and he's looking the other way. So I don't think I need to tell you guys which one I am. Okay, that's good. In his second picture, two more stick figures. They're riding a tandem bike on a flat road, and you can't tell them apart. And John looks at me and says, You can't tell who's leading the way You can't tell who's doing all the work Coming home from rehab is really weird In the sense that when I was there I felt like I was, you know When you don't have food and sleep for a while And then suddenly you get them You know, it's this very profound Immediate sense of change Like, oh my god, I've just You know, there was all these people there Who would, you know, a lot of like fashionistas Would come to this place And like they'd show up just like these sort of Tim Burton looking, you know, things. And they were like, I work in fashion. And then they'd leave and they'd be like, you know, I've always wanted to work with children. And that was me. I was like, I'm going to work with substance abuse people. I think I found my calling. But of course, you get home and like everything is exactly the same. And you just immediately slump and you're just like, oh God, you know. So I slumped. I sat around. I didn't do half the things I pledged I was going to do in my exit interview. And wouldn't you know, I used. And I used a couple of times. And on the way home from the last time I used, I was crying and driving. Have you ever driven and cried at the same time? It's not easy. Not easy. And I mean, it's not just like, you know, this. It's like sob shit, you know. I was like, I'm going to get in a wreck I knew that it was just very obvious what I'd been up to so it was like there was really no lying covering anything up and I got home and when I said I got high again I used again I was expecting him to just finally be like okay, I can't, I can't, I can't no more, no more but instead he just was like you haven't been trying You haven't been doing anything He's like, you know you can do this You just have to work at it So I listened to him You know, for once I actually heard everything he said And hitting rock bottom is a really weird place to be Because on the one hand You've totally fucked your entire life Up to that point So it feels absolutely impossible That you're ever going to get back on your feet again But the good thing is that you've lowered the bar So low That like the smallest amount of effort Just radiates through your entire world You know, if you get up Like before 10 o'clock Like everybody is like And then if you take a shower Everyone's like I'm showering Then if you say you're going to go outside Everybody just flips the fuck out So at one point I actually woke up earlier than John And I got up and I made the coffee And I was like, God, I love waffles So I made some waffles and like he woke up to the smell of coffee not the scent of chemical sweat next to him it was the smell of coffee and I was like oh I just made some waffles and like the next day he like looked at me and he was like you know when you made waffles for me it made me so happy and I was just like dude it's fucking waffles what is wrong with you I also took up photography In this time It was like Everyone in rehab was like Find a new thing Don't go home and play guitar again I don't play guitar I DJed on DJ software Which is so much more pathetic But anyway I took up photography And it was like this whole new thing And I immediately got obsessed with it And it was Christmas Eve And I was going through all these pictures that I'd taken of our life. And I looked at him and I was like, you know, we have a great life. Do you know that? And he was like, that's the best gift you could have ever given me this year. Just gratitude. And so in August of 2012, it was another one of those hot days and we decided to give Pleasant Mountain another shot because I'd never made it to the top before. and I put on a short sleeve shirt and at some point I started to get winded I was like is this the point where I asked to turn back and he looked at me and he was like we are so past that point, that was so long ago and we get to the top and there's all these people hanging out because it was a beautiful day so it was like everyone was hiking up there and there's all these people up there hanging and catching their breath and everything and I went over and said hi to them and was taking pictures and he's kind of standing back and I'm like, what's going on with him? And I finally go over to him and I'm like, do you want to come say hi to these people? He's like, no, let's go over here and talk. And so we go over and we sit on this rock and there's like this amazing view and just the phrase, let's talk, I'm like, oh shit, what did I do? Did I not hike up the mountain fast enough? Am I like, I don't know, I'm like, was I in the cart again? And he looked at me and he said, so I was wondering if you wanted to get married So that actually the way what that sound I felt on the inside right in that moment Like it was just like, I was just inside my stomach was just this gigantic little soft, oh, I felt really giddy and like lightheaded for a moment. And I felt like kind of queasy and I felt like really aroused and horny. And I was like, I was like, Jesus Christ, I feel like I'm high on meth here. But it was like better because it wasn't without all the teeth grinding and psychosis. And so we hugged and we kissed and it was like really wonderful and it was intense and kind of clumsy. And I looked at him and I was like, did you just propose? And he was like, yeah, I think I did. And it's sort of like, we're already kind of like looking back on it. It's like it's already happened, but it was perfect. It was absolutely perfect. So I grabbed my camera, and I hold it out in front of us, and we kind of cuddle in close. And I snap the picture. And in it, we're both smiling, and you almost kind of almost can't tell us apart, and you certainly can't tell who pulled who up the mountain and you don't know who got up there first. Thank you guys. We'll be right back. This episode of Risk is sponsored by BetterHelp. We're taking a moment to celebrate women and all that they carry at work, in relationships, in families. March includes International Women's Day, and between caring for others and managing unseen responsibilities, women's emotional well-being can easily be overlooked. Take a moment to celebrate a woman in your life who's had a lasting and memorable impact on you. And let's all reflect on the roles we play, the expectations we place on them, the pressures they feel. Therapy can help create balance, set healthy boundaries, and support overall well-being for everyone. Now, at BetterHelp, their therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. BetterHelp does the initial matching work so you can focus on your therapy goals and find someone who's good for you. And if you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally, with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for a live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Your emotional well-being matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash risk. That's betterhelp.com slash risk. we're back I was sitting up in bed with my boyfriend at the time, Michael and he had his head leaning up against my chest and he was looking up at me with these dark doe eyes and he had this really thick curly hair that I like to run my fingers through and he looked like a good 10 years younger than he was. We were in our early 30s at the time. And he says to me, I have a request. I know by the tone in his voice and the way that he's looking at me that this is a sexual request. And we'd only been together at that point for about four months, but we had developed a very quick sexual trust in one another and we'd been experimenting with each other's fantasies. fantasies. So we were doing a lot of anal play, for instance, because he was really into that. And he bought for me a bed harness, but that goes between the mattresses that would allow my wrists and my ankles to be tied up at the same time. So I was really into that. And we were doing a lot of like really violent role play to where we had to have a safety word, just kind of playing around with our fantasies. So when he said, I have a request, I was like, bring it on. What's next? and he takes a deep breath and he seems like kind of hesitant and he goes I don't know if I want to tell you this one actually it's kind of fucked up and I was like no everybody thinks that about their own sexual desires at some point I'm sure it's fine this is safe you can just tell me and he was like yeah no, it's really bad. And if I tell you, I'm afraid you might break up with me. And I was like, Michael, you know, you don't have to tell me, but if you do, I am, oh, I'm such an open person. Like you can just tell me. So he finally looks up and he takes a deep breath and he says, okay I want to suck on your tits and call you mommy while I get myself off now being the very open person that I am this wasn't that big of a request but coming from my background he couldn't have said more terrifying words so let me back up about eight years prior to this moment when I found out that I was pregnant I was ecstatic for two reasons I was gonna be a mom and my tits were going to get bigger so I grew up in a household with a mom and a sister who were very well endowed and they liked to remind me on a regular basis that I was not my mom was constantly telling me that I had my aunt Karen's tiny tits and my sister was like oh but it's fine because you don't have any hips either so at least you're proportionate yeah and even my brother my brother was like oh you're so lucky you're never going to have to wear a bra. Because I had what he liked to call my boobs starts. And he was like, starts are perky, so you're fine. So to them, this was just like a big joke. But to me, it planted a seed really early on that my body wasn't enough. That I wasn't feminine, and therefore I wasn't attractive. And I was also born with what's called a protruding sternum. And if you look at me from the side, I'll show you in a moment. You can kind of see it, but not really, because I'm really good at hiding it. I have a lump sort of in the middle of my chest here. And it's just, it like mocks my boobs. It's like, it's like I'm this big lump in the middle of your chest, like next to these tiny little mounds. Ha, ha, ha. So I've always had this insecurity about this area. So when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, yes, because at some point my milk is going to come in, right? My boobs are going to get bigger than my sternum, and I'm going to look like a real girl. So at like eight and a half months, my milk did come in, and I threw a small party for myself in the aisles of Target. Because I was able to buy a size C bra. And about like a month and a half, like a month later, my son was born. And the first thing they taught me in the hospital was how to breastfeed. Now it's not as simple as you might think. You think it's just like expose boobs, attach infant, go to town. But it's more complicated than that. So they taught me to form my hand into the letter C and then cup my breast and massage with my thumb to help encourage milk flow. And they also told me to hold the baby in what they called the football pose. So his head is looking up at me and his body is like going lengthwise this way, which felt really uncomfortable. And I was like, what? Nobody told me. Like, I'm used to seeing the traditional hold the baby this way. and that's what I wanted to know, but they were like, no, do it this way. And then the nurse said, but before you try, because you got to teach the baby, before you try, I want you to wear this nipple shield I had never heard of a nipple shield before So for those of you who don know what that is it like a plastic nipple that looks similar to what you would find in a baby bottle but it kind of suctions to your boob. And it's supposed to help the baby to nurse. And I was like, wait a minute. Shouldn't the baby, like, instinctually know how to nurse? Oh my God. The nurse knows my tits are inadequate. And I felt horrible. I was like, there's something wrong with my boobs. There's something wrong with my nipples. She knows that I'm not going to be able to breastfeed this baby. And I have to tell you, I was really attached to the idea that my breasts would now have a purpose, like a function. Because before, their purpose and function was to be voluptuous and sexy and attractive, and they failed. So now they had the opportunity to redeem themselves in motherhood. And I was like, oh my God, I fail already. So I put the nipple shield on because I was young and I didn't know what else to do. And the baby started nursing. But the problem was when I got him home, he wouldn't nurse without the nipple shield. And I know. I really wanted that skin on skin contact to help, you know, create that bond. And it's a very special thing when you're nursing your child. and I kept trying and he just would turn away every time and I felt horrible. I felt like a failure as a mother and I was like, these fucking tits have done it again. So I started to I was really, really stressed and what happens when you're nursing and you get really stressed, your milk flow will stop the more stressed you get. So I stopped producing as much milk and my son, so he wasn't drinking enough and he started to lose weight. So I went to a lactation consultant, and she basically told me that my milk flow was inadequate, and that I had to stop nursing, and that I had to feed him formula, and if I didn't, then he could die. So that was one of the worst things anyone has ever said to me in my life. And I just spiraled into a really deep postpartum depression. I couldn't look at another woman breastfeeding on TV, even in public or in her own home, without having a really horrible resentment and jealousy. I even wished, not even wished, I like hoped that when my friends were pregnant that they would have problems breastfeeding so that I wouldn't feel that resentment towards them. So when Michael said to me, I want to suck on your tits and call you mommy while I get myself off, I was terrified, like completely terrified. I was like, there's no way this is going to work out for you, dude. Because these tits aren't big enough to be sexy and they're not maternal enough to fulfill your fantasy. This is a complete disaster. And while all this is going on in my head, I'm silent, right? So he starts to freak out. And he's like, oh my God, why are you quiet? Why aren't you saying anything? Oh my God. Oh my God. I knew it. You're going to break up with me. This is horrible. I shouldn't have said anything. He's just freaking out. And so I, because he had expressed such hesitance in telling his fantasy to me, I didn't want him to think that there was anything wrong with his fantasy because I didn't feel like there was. So I was like, oh my God, I have to do that. I just have, I have to do this and so I he's like freaking out freaking out and I very robotically mechanically said hush baby it's time to eat And I formed my hand into the letter C. And I cupped the breast, exposed, started massaging. Attached man-child. And then I was just like stiff. Just like stiff as a board. and he just he like he like latched on and he looked up at me and he smiled I think he was kind of in shock that I was like going through with this and I was kind of like cradling him very awkwardly and he was just so happy and that felt nice that he was happy and he started to nibble on my nipple a little bit and I was like, all right, but you're not going to be satisfied. He's like, do what you got to do. And he started to nibble a little bit, and he just kept smiling. And because he was smiling, that made me feel good, and I got a little bit of a tingle. You know, the one that starts here and that goes down to the lady zone? I got a little bit of that. And I was like, okay, this isn't that bad. It's not good, but it's not that bad. And then he just kept going for a couple minutes, and I started to relax a little. and then he pulled away and he switched to the other side and he was still like playing around on the nipple and suckling and just smiling so much and he started to stroke himself and I was like oh that's actually hot just seeing him like take pleasure in me was hot and then I will never forget this. He pulls away and he looks up and he says, mmm, mommy, tastes like cantaloupe. Now for those of you who don't know, breast milk actually tastes like cantaloupe. Like not just mine, but like universally it tastes like cantaloupe, which is a super weird thing to hear while you're having sex. So I laughed. I couldn't help it. I laughed and that helped me to relax even more. And he, he laughed a little bit too, which is always good, I think. And, um, and he just kept sucking and sucking and then he was just jerking himself off. And I started to feel really empowered. And I, and then I felt like really sexy. And then I felt a completely hands-free orgasm. And that sent him over the edge, and he just shot his wad all over both of us. And we both collapsed on the bed. And he looks at me, and he goes, wow. And I was like, yeah, wow. And I have to tell you, after that happened, all that resentment that I had for those women for eight years, gone. I didn't have any jealousy, any resentment for any of those women. And I'm not trying to say that if you've had a trauma, you should sexualize it and things will be great. Maybe they will. But for me, taking something negative and deriving pleasure out of it really helped with that healing process. So now, I am the very first person to ask my partner if they'll suck on my tits. And maybe call me mommy. This is Risk. This is Eden Burrell behind me now. And we just heard from Reba Sparrow, who you can find on Instagram at happyapplepdx. And that's it for the best of love stories number four. If you've got a story about love, the good, the bad, or the ugly parts, pitch it to us. And maybe you'll be on the next episode of this series. Everything you need to know about how to pitch us is at risk-show.com slash submissions. Folks, today's the day. Take a risk. Thank you.