R Rated Jokes & The Shuffler Ghost

You did see NC, is that what they say? NC 17? NC 17, yeah. But what most of these jokes in Busboys I'm just saying. No, these are too rough for Busboys. Honestly, it's too rough for Busboys. You get cute, it's not gonna end well for you. How'd that work out for them? How'd that work out for them? They got cute. I haven't heard get cute for so long. I'm getting tingly in my underpants. I feel funny like when I used to claim the rope in gym class. This is the horniest. We gotta get you in the gym with that. Fasten your seat belt. Are we starting? It's how this birthday, that's what we're starting with. I know. Heather, are you excited? No, she got sick on that gall dang last run of gigs. She came, she doesn't always come out, but she came out to Nashville. She saw Busboys with me and Theo and then she flew back and there's a guy hacking and snorting and coughing right behind her and she saw it coming. He what? He's right next to you. Oh, he's next to you. Just kept blowing his nose, digging in that filthy seat back. Yeah. Stopping it back in. Knuckle, knuckle deep. Knuckle deep in that seat back, built theest place in the world. Soaking his wet hanky with more germs. And freezing air on Heather. Can we turn this down? Sorry, the pilot said, it'll get under control. Right now we have, the toilets don't work, we have no air conditioning, but sit back and relax and enjoy the room. And then the person over here is the only person with their window open and pitch black, so it's like giving you a lay-zic on the side. Oh, she sent a picture in, so maybe we can. You can't really cover up for the germs like this. Yeah, I bugged someone once because we were flying out of Hawaii and I thought it was gonna be really mellow, but then fortunately two storms have converged on our path and so it was just rock and roll. Like you're at six flags, you know? So everyone's all locked in like that, you know? And so I kept, once in a while, I would peek just so I could see cloud formations and know where the turbulence was and when it might end. So I was going up and down for six hours, this one. So yeah, you sure opened your window a lot. This is where it was. After the fact she ate you? Yeah, yeah, so you kept opening and then you closed it, then you opened it again. How did you think? I said, I'm so sorry, I wish you told me, I wouldn't have done it. I just, I really liked to go, wee, look, lightning. I told a woman, can you come over and look? And she goes, hi, is there any way, and she's just staring with her window open. And I see this, the way it just goes, hi, can you, we have a cusper. And she goes like this. Says no, I go, are you even allowed to say no? You have to do every other bullshit thing. Even have a shoulder strap now. And you go, if we're going down, I'm not, I have to torque my neck, get this shoulder yank it. I go, what is that helping? We gotta get, we gotta get you in the gym. Fasten your seatbelt. Even my seatbelt, I'm like, I ratchet it down. It's like you're an arm wrestling champ. You know my thing. What's your thing? Oh yeah, this one? Yeah, I just said, they always love, I'll go back a little bit. It kills. It's on the plane, does a seatbelt. There's a seatbelt, lock it, but there's the tongue way out like that. So the seatbelt is really loose. And then I grab that as soon as the flight attendant looks and I just go. Yeah, I wrapped around like a rodeo. Go. Yeah, seven seconds, eight seconds. All right, that's hilarious. I'm in a bunch of mood. I just looked at my calendar and saw that I'm flying across the country six times the next five weeks. And I thought to myself, why? I mean, we're not complaining. We're just saying that, you know, if you're not doing this, you're doing that. So I'd rather be swimming and hiking in mountain lakes. You know what Gerrit's told me about that? He goes, Hey, a couple of hops, couple of quick eight hour hops. And then I get 10% not to be a poor me. I gotta go make some money. Oh, I'm, I need money. Meanwhile, I'm sitting in my office. I get 10%. All I have to do is walk back down to my car. Drive to my mansion. Stop the bombing. It's a short hop. Go on. You know, you're the funniest guy in the world. That is me doing Edith Bunker. It's our main. That's turning to Edith. What are you doing, baby? Anyway, no, stop the bombing. Stop the bomb. He's another one. God love him anyway. What do we wait? Wait, here's more. Oh, here's a good plane story too. I have from the road. Okay. Oh, Heather was with me. So I think you're on this one. First of all, we're leaving. No, we're leaving now. I should've go to Pittsburgh gig and Alayna's next to me. And two things happen. One is we're pushing off forever. We're circling. I'm like, do they not know where the runway? You know, it's like so long. I always go, are we gonna drive there? You gotta be laughed. And then, yeah, a couple of people go, yeah, cool. And then, and then mid, oh, there's a bomb scare. They go, we have to go back. There's a bomb scare in Pittsburgh. Drive all the way back to the gate. And then we get to the gate and we're like, how are we gonna get a car to get to this four hour drive? And then they go, up, all good. Head and back out. No idea. You turn back out. So we make it. Okay. Screech your wheels. Oh, I see. Like in a shopping cart. So then in the middle of flight, this is the real story here, Dana. I love it. Drunk lady. Ah, nothing better. Slightly more mature, older. I'm torqued to talk to Elena, the other comedian. I don't realize, like, alien, she comes right here. And she goes, I got a joke for you. By the way, no one stopped her. I don't know if she's coach first. I don't know where I am. I just want to eat one. How does she fly in? Or she just leaned in? She leaned in. Lean in. Hand on this. Hand on my arm rest. Lean in too close. Even I saw Elena's eyes bug out like, and she goes, by the way, this is NC 17 for people in your cars. Turn it down. So she says, I got two jokes for you. She's got a scratchy voice, a little mist. Well, I'm getting a Jason Stratham vibe here for a second. Yeah, she's kind of rough and a little buzzed. And I'm feeling like a little vodka crann on my neck. So she goes, first one. By the way, I go like this, huh? That's why I can't torque my neck too fast. And I don't want to. I'm like, I'm feeling out. What is the emergency? Yeah. She goes, I don't know if I told her these. She goes, what's the difference between jam and jelly? And I'm like, oh, I think one is made from real fruit. And she goes, you don't jelly a cock down your throat. That's interesting. That's a pretty good joke. And it's a pretty good throat. It makes sense. I go, jam it down your throat. I go. The closest of the lips scratching me. And then I go, ah, OK, OK. And then she goes, hey, she gives the laugh. Donates it herself. And then she goes, OK, one more. I'm like, are you on a roll? Is there any inkling you're killing? So she goes, all right. She goes, all right, here we go. One more. Now she's got all this confidence, even though we didn't laugh. She's on a roll in our language. I'm not connecting. Yeah, I'm not connecting eyes. She's still, we're both this way. Look at it. Give me a year when she said that first punch line, what happens to your face? Do you make a sound? Do you have a faint smile? I go like this. But she can't really see it. But I kind of know what to do. Oh, she's leaning in over you. I see it. I go like this. Oh, OK. OK. She's here. It's a little much. Yeah, she's over. But I'm like, I kind of can't really see it. But I go, OK. Ah, wow, we OK. That was a little more than I thought she was. I got you with that one. I'm like, I didn't react the right way. I didn't know. You sure it wasn't Keith Richards because it's a big and big. Go ahead. Kind of like that. Sounded like. OK. She, as if it doesn't get any worse, she's it's a tandem of bits. So she says, rapid. Here's another one. What did the one tampon say to the other tampon walking down the street? And I go, hopefully nothing. Hopefully because they can't talk. They're just walking peace. We're both stuck up cunts. No. Well, so bananas. Let's put a please stand by thing on here. Just I know I said it's a rough one. You did see NC. Is that what they say? NC 17. 17. Yeah. But most of these jokes in bus boys, I'm just saying. No, these are too rough for bus. Honestly, it's too rough for bus. It didn't play in my neighborhoods. I couldn't see. I know you are. You saw the trailer and you got through that and I appreciate it. Well, I'll be like, yeah, it's so. And then she's so happy with herself, not going by any reaction. Just like I did it. I did it. I told him I told those guys, I would tell you these jokes. So then I go, oh, great. You know, oh, these are so good. I'll put them in my act, which I will. And but the idea of it was was a little much and a little alarming for me. Well, I don't know if the same thing had a similar experience. And this is just me like flash memory saying she leaned in. I was on a flight maybe a year after this goes. I know David's paid. I told them some extra joke. And I said, you want a joke? And I go, look, can you do one that's PG or something? Just not in the mood. She goes, what's that? Why is a shy boy and a toy? This kind of a like. And she paused. I go, what? She goes, they both can't come out of this shell. Oh my God, that's a clean one for her. And then they come out of this. I should do a public. They both got to come out of the show. So anyway, I made that up. But anyway, that was a good story. What else? That's that. That was that was funny. Brought to you by Apple Card. 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So might be something fun to hear. Right. He's going dramedy basically, right? That whole show is a different move. Heartfelt and funny. Trevor Wallace also because he was in Busboys. We didn't have Mon. We were going to have Mon before Busboys. But he's on tour. He's very funny. He has a great scene in the movie. Well, you can look him up. But both of those just because we've been traveling so much. But we'll get to it. And we have an Orpheum gig. We have the big Netflix show coming up. Oh, man. Yeah. Orpheum. And that is me, you and Chris Rock. We're going to do our podcast. We're going to have one of our best friends, Chris, out there. And it's at the Orpheum in LA. Come see us. We're going to crack up. Well, I think I don't know. I'm not an advertising executive, but and I don't know the protocol. But I think when I looked at the tickets, because I like to see the ticket master. Oh, go to a section. 721 free seats. Is that what it means? Oh, really? Well, if you hover over it, how many free seats? No, we're doing great. It's just that it didn't say that we have our good friend, Chris Rock. Yeah, that's that's the fun of it. He's a ticket mover, if you know what I'm saying. A live show with Chris and the Orpheum. It holds about 2000, probably. But it'll be great. It's during the Netflix as a joke. You know, when I did National this weekend, I did the Rhyman. Great, great time, great show. But, you know, when it's a comedy festival, yeah, I have to say, love Nashville, love a comedy festival. But there was no cohesiveness. Like for this one in LA, Ted Surrenders is going to have all the comics over. There's something going on. Like here's the beginning of the festival. Like there's something to it other than just here's. Fifty shows in your town spread out for 40 miles. And that's your. Yeah, if you inherited some money recently, you can see all all those shows. There's there's 100,000 seats to be sold that I bet that's true. I know, because I think our friend, our friend, good friend, Nate Bergazzi. I think he's doing the Intuit dome. When you when you start playing domes, you know, you're doing, I mean, there. There's sure. And domes are good arenas. But is a dome bigger than an arena? Look it up. I want to play domes. I have to say, so here I go, I don't sell out. It's 2400. So it's pretty big, but I don't sell it till that night. And I'm happy. And I'm like, I think there's just too many choices to spend your comedy money over a week or two of a festival. And I said, even Shane Gillis is playing this week. And they go, yeah, he's playing tonight. I'm like, well, he's playing tonight. He's gobbling up early. He's gobbling up the Bridgestone Arena, which is like a dome. So I go, I don't want to go. I would rather see Shane. I don't want to have people pick. Then the guy goes, well, you sold out. I go, I know, but. OK, here's what we do if we want to cannibalize each other. Absolutely. That when you play a big city, there's a million choices. And you play Vegas too. This comedy festival, it's so many seats. So what we do if we're bored, you know, you and Heather and me and Greg, whoever, we just get on a bus. And we go kind of where Bob Dylan goes. We go to Billings, Montana, then we drive two hours to Great Falls. We sell out the college arena. Right. And then we could do that. Yeah. Off off. What do they call them? Secondary markets. Yeah. Great audiences. Good. A lot of people don't come to their market. Jack Nuga, Little Rock, Memphis. I mean, you go to the big cities first, the second wave of the tour. You go to where you land and then you drive two hours. But the crowds are happy because they don't get everyone. And so they're like, Hey, we need a show and they come out. They show up. Yeah. Harry Styles. Something we talked about that sold in like in 10 minutes, 30 Madison Square Gardens. Yeah, he's out of his mind. But he's smart. Well, he's smart in a sense that he just is in some house and the helicopters to his gig instead of touring. He's but huge fans have to fly in there, get the hotel. Yeah. Tickets. So it's like five thousand to see Harry Styles. Yeah, I'm sure it's yeah, or Vegas, you know, residency people come to see you. OK, so that that that am I one last thing before I let you talk or say anything? I don't have anything. Is I stayed in another haunted hotel. No, I thought of Dana. Nashville. I thought of your situation at that one place. Nashville is full of ghosts, by the way. It was Pittsburgh. I said this hotel, because again, they go, they brag about it. This hotel is 100 years old, minimum, minimum. It's 120 and then someone at the show. I'm like, oh, they go, where are you staying? I go, this place they go, oh, I go, what's that? I go, is it haunted? They go, well, that's what they say. That's the word. And you know who they have? What what famous ghost? The Shuffler. The Shuffler. Oh, yeah. Is that a famous ghost? It's in Pittsburgh. And I go, please don't explain. They go, what it is, is in different rooms, they will hear. Oh, Shuffler. Two feet. On your carpet. OK. There's nobody there. And you can book the Shuffler rooms. No, the Shuffler picks you. And of course, I go home scared. And Dana, I kid you not what happened at 6 a.m. The fucking Shuffler. Heather, I told you this, didn't I? And of course, you put your phone on it. You've got a recording and you've got the sound to play for us now. In a perfect world. What I was doing is too busy calling 911. And trying to get. What would that sound like? There's someone shuffling in my room. OK, so I'm laying down dead asleep. Can't sleep on the road really, because it's different time zones and shit. And then I hear this. So four. And I go and I swear I go. This is not the Shuffler. It better not be the Shuffler. And then I go, you know what? It's the garbage. It's someone in the alley. Nineteenth floor. Air conditioning. Nineteenth floor. Yeah. And I go, why is the f-ing fucking Shuffler coming to me knowing I'm scared? That's probably why. So I get up. I get up. What am I going to do? I'm so stressed. My neck hurts. Turn the light on. Get up. Yeah. I can't deal with the Shuffler. I can't right now. So I went back to bed and just was like, just that dead silence where you're like, I don't want to hear it again. Don't want to hear it again. Because if I hear it again, I'll freak. Don't hear it again. Not great sleep. Still give a show that night. Ten out of ten. Other people's words. But. Well, you have to count your blessings. First of all, whoever this is, is between wherever you're supposed to go. And so he's in between and goes, he's probably a pretty nice guy. Like, I want to have something to do for a couple of thousand years while I hang out in this sort of zone. You know, and he's not a violent guy. So he says, I'm, ah, fuck. I'm going to shuffle my feet, man. I'm going to. Right. I'm not going to. I had one where the whole thing was, yeah, there's a strangler. Ghosts called the strength. Yeah, but don't, you know, I don't know what I'm talking about. So I was in the room. I like that's stupid. I turned the light out 20 minutes later. It's like. I do like a ghost of the hook. You know, in a name, the shuffler is kind of cool. It's like the Joker. I had the strangler and I turned it on. It was like some sort of milky figure looked a little bit like. Burgess Meredith, to be honest. And I thought of you. He's going to strangle you appointment. Rock. It's just funny when you mentioned someone's impression, there's a one, one thousand of. Oh, and then the joy of. How exciting. I get to do it. It's great. Actually, when Crispin Glover sees the shuffler, he goes, hey, you get your god damn hands off me. It's like a junior Woody Allen. Sure, I know. I know you probably have your special shoes on for more. Traction on the carpet. But no, you're a wonderful shuffler. But you know, if you could do it in 10 a, I greatly appreciate it because I enjoy my sleep. You're a beautiful, intelligent shuffler. You know, the shuffler has a hook. The shuffler came in, got talked about a lot. We're talking about him now. Look, in Nashville, when I went there, you know, I can't remember any hotel, Old and famous. The guy goes, hello to the water. The most excited hotel. And then you automatically before you check in, they give you a tour of where the ghost was and where the ghost went. And here he would terrorize guests. And then his elevator shaft that he may fall down. People were killed in. Yeah, he's completely harmless, but he will scare you if you let him. He had a British accent. Oh, you got a ghost. Oh, Heather got the ghost or at the rhyming at the actual gig. The rhyming is beautiful. Oh, OK. So she she know. Yeah, it is. Oh, they say Hank Williams is up in the corner sitting there like a ghost. Heather Scope got all the creakiness. I like that. The shuffler, we don't know who it is, what it is, but Hank Williams. That's pretty hip. National was my favorite show almost of the whole tour. So they were so fucking nuts. It was great. I wish I could have been there. I had no stamina to go see Shane after I was going to huff over. But it's so crowded in those streets in the National. Like drivers like fucking rather too. We couldn't get through. It's like our drivers like going between people and then there's cars on both side. I'm like, what do we do? Is it we got to go the other way? Waiter hotel. That's where you are. Oh, so what? Chili's. It's a lovely way to spend your Friday evening and a thing they call gridlock. Okay, there's something about traveling eight feet in two hours. And it kind of puts a little extra lift in your step. All right. It's the take. Like when Adam Scott said he took two and a half hours leave Coachella. Oh, that Coachella story. My God. Oh, I don't get that. Yeah. But check that one out. So great story about Coachella and the crowding. And how ridiculous is what else before we get into hot stories? I don't know. We got these two horses. They're really cool and stuff and we feed them and they're happy and this horse really. No. I just saw that too. I saw that too. Well, when I come out, it just stares at me because it doesn't know if it's Tom and Tom. My son Tom feeds them a lot. So it just stares at me. The horse doesn't know if you're Tom. Yeah, sometimes thinks, well, what's this? But what happened yesterday? Usually there's two of them and they wander around. They're really good buddies and we feed them little apples and stuff. And sure yesterday, the big horse who's going to have a baby in July started sprinting galloping across the yard, which is huge. And then started bucking up. Did this for like 20 minutes? Is it just Zoomeys or what do you think? I think it's one or two things. One is a sudden surge of energy and it's literally just working out kind of. Oh, I can still trample things. Or there was kind of a heavy wind and it sort of spooked her. Yeah. Your stories are about hotels. My story is about farm life. Green, knickers is the time for me. Sometimes when I look on Instagram, I follow like a horse named Waffles with their friends with a butterfly named Donut. It's all and I get hooked into these stories of like these two incongruent animals are friends. Well, any kind of being on planet Earth that has no higher consciousness and just operates in this innocent thing. I mean, they live in the moment. They don't make no judgment and they love us. Don't be jealous. They love food and they want some action. She already had some action. The stud in the valley impregnated like 300 female horses. And the other horses just, hey man. Any more work today, boss? No, you're driving around. You see stud farm. It sounds illicit. It doesn't sound like some natural organic thing, but then all these giant stud horses come out and then it repeats itself. Then you drive by the horse because I guess. Pull in. See what's going on here. No, they literally, they do have a sign of a horse. It's the stud farm. It's like a big cartoon horse with a cigar. You're right. Like, hey, hey, hey. Come on in. See what's going on. Yo, yo, yo. Guess what? I'm never too tired. The horse just has the signs is what you doing. W. Y. D. Yo, yo, yo. Roll up. Don't be greedy, ladies. There's plenty to go around. I'm doing 70 today. Heather, we've tilt that. We turn that one down a little bit and then we're going to find buzzing around. But we got to go around. We got to buzzing around. I do like the horse stud, though. That's kind of funny. It's kind of kind of on the totally mobile and don't know how to do anything. Okay. Okay. You want to show everyone your sick face? You look good. Shockingly looks good. I'm doing six cross country trips. If I get do all those and not get sick, it'll be amazing. Oh yeah. You got all this cross country flights, man. I just did three weeks and three cross countries. Sock. We're not complaining. We know it's the first world pro. No, I know. I'm just so just so they understand. It's part of my charm to complain. I just love to fly. So anytime I'm in the air. Oh my God. This is April to June. Oh boy. Okay. So. Hmm. It's time for time for buzzing around. You do. Do you know what's time for buzzing around? Yeah, I just felt like ready for buzzing. I have a little idea that I can. We talked about it with a wide variety. All right. This is sponsored, of course, by five hour energy with a wide variety of bold flavors to choose from. You get as much caffeine as a 12 ounce premium cup of coffee, but zero sugar, zero sugar crash. Find the five hour energy shots online at fivehourenergy.com or Amazon today. Look at. Now remember, folks, these these little riffs that David and I talked about, he gives me ideas and there's nothing really written out. Right. But it's not it's not funny. It's not prepared. It's nothing. It is. I just thought I don't know why you have a flight of fancy. I'm thinking buzzing around. What would be kind of interesting? So I thought you're at sort of a restaurant bar, whatever. And you've got old timey actors with new, new, new movie stars having a conversation. You know, so let's get the characters here. First of all, OK, first is Carrie Grant. Jimmy Stewart. I don't believe it. What a delightful place it is. Don't you think, Jimmy? Yeah, it's a great place to have a cocktail. What's your name? Hey, I'm Timothy Chalamet. How are you? Timothy what? Shalloway? I'm Timothy Chalamet. Are you are you an actor? Are you some kind of performer? Yeah, I'm in movies. You ever seen Body Supreme? Well, you look, I don't know. I've never seen it. I've never heard of it. But are you good in it? Yeah, I think I'm all right. Yeah, it's all right. What are you guys? Who are you guys? Well, I'm John Wayne. This here is Walter. Walter Brennan. Yeah, I'm a sidekick. Walter Brennan. I did John Wayne. No brag, just fact. Well, you're a little on the slight side, Timothy Shallowamba. Drag just fact. What do you say? No brag. No brag, just fact. I was from the guns of Wilson in 1960s. He has three sons. He goes, he's his third fascist. He in the West, you know, he's the second fascist and I'm the fascist. No brag, just fact. I like that. I should say that. Well, you're a little slight, Timothy Shallowamba. There was a tribe named after you. Yeah, I'm pretty sure, Duke. What's your name? Well, I'm the rock. Well, you're a big, you're a big glass of water. What have you been doing? Well, I lift weights. What do you lift weights for? You should lift logs and screws and guns. What about you? What's your name? Well, what's your name? Christopher Walken. What? I'm Christopher Walken. Duke, he sounds funny. He can't be a movie star. Do you make movies? Yeah, make a lot of movies. I'm Christopher Walken. Yeah. Wow. Oh, but Lancaster cook. He he he walked in. Yeah, but Lancaster and cook Douglas. Well, you need oxygen. Give me a second. I know there's two. There's so many. I know. I don't know why we're here, but we are right. Oh, we were just wrestling at Cook's house. Greco-Roman style. We love the rest of it. Don't we cook? We like the rest of it. And then we have some lemonade. What about? Great. Nice. Hey, hey, what's your name? What's your name? You look vaguely familiar to me. Hi. Hey, I'm George Clooney. George Clooney. Well, you look exactly like me. You could be my doppelanger. Couldn't he, John Wayne? Well, he sure could be your doppelanger. Right, Jimmy Stewart? Yeah, it looks like a real doppelanger. What about you, Walter Brennan? Yeah, no breakage. In fact, he's a doppelanger. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm Boatline Castler. He's a doppelanger. And I think we're going to have to cut this sketch down and post. We'll tighten it up. Well, we'll cut it down. All right. We'll keep the funny parts and see. See. Wow. Yeah, was that buzzing around or not? That was buzzing around. I didn't have a script, as you could tell. Tasty, Caffee, but I like it when it's a little rough. It's a little messy. Enjoy big flavor in a tiny bottle of five energy shots. Pack the flavors of the season. Portable two ounce shot. We should do this trick where I go like that and then you reach and you grab it, you know, find five energy shots at fiveenergy.com or Amazon today. Let me see. What did you want to do? Well, what I would do would be like here, here, David, you have one and then you would have one. Heather's going to try it. Ready? OK. OK, get ready, Heather. Where do I? What do I do with it? Just go toward the camera. Go toward the camera. Oh, no. Why are you? Why is Heather just stepped on the camera and unplugged it? We please stand by. We have an emergency. Please stand by. Please stand by. I didn't know where it came out of. OK, here we go. We got it. We got it. OK. OK, you started to hand it. OK, here we go. Thanks, Dana. Not bad. Dude, that wasn't AI, folks. That wasn't AI. He actually got it. Look, do I look like I have it? It went over to him. Look. There's no other explanation except that somehow it teleported to David. AI. OK, let's go over some stories. Let's hit it. Let's hit it now. What do we got? Oh, my gosh. What's in the news? What's what's happening? Making my screen brighter. I'm going to respond spontaneously. All right. Oh, Oklahoma principal who disarmed gun wielding intruder crown prom king. Finally, they're nice to one of the teachers. I always see them beating up teachers, but these kids today. So this guy. I heard the story. This this there's a school shooter and the guy tackled him, the principal tackled him and I think he got shot. Yeah, and they all voted him and he got applause. Oh, we have video. No, he's a bit of a tearjerker, though, because, you know, well, they show a video of him tackling the guy and I think he takes a bullet. But he lives and then he goes to prom and they seek. They conspire to vote him prom. Yeah, I always wonder you never know, but the studies they've done is that and he's obviously really brave. A lot of people respond like that when it's just they don't have a second. Right. You know, I mean, not that it's still highly unusual. You know, you would have been under the desk with me crying. OK, let's see what this is. This is probably too long. Oh, here he is at the prom. They're getting the award. Our queen is Michelle. Well, they back up. You don't have to go all the way back to the queen. Some cheer later, I'm sure. Here we go. Oh, big applause. Where is he? They don't know where he is. Oh, here he comes. OK. Does he walk a little slow? Getting some low fives. Didn't overspend. He's getting a crown. He he doesn't look like he's young and athletic. He just did it through adrenaline. No, he laid he laid on the guy. He like, yeah, I got on top of him. Yeah. Oh, here's the video. Wow. Oh, OK. Here's the shooter coming in. Hey, what's up? Hey, man. And what is he? What are these shooters? What the fuck is that him? Is someone sitting on the bench? Can you see that? He's got a revolver. This guy does. He's walking in. He's threatening. Oh, boom, from the side in the face. Oh, and he's got his hand on his gun. But he's trying to dig him, but he's hard with those new balance on. He's trying to. He hasn't got command of the drug gun yet. Sorry. No, I think he got shot. Oh, there. Finally. Oh, oh, there's the gun. Yeah, they got the gun. This other dude grabs it. Did he really get shot? Don't eat it. Yeah. And then I thought they said he got shot. But yeah, good job. Hero, right? Well, that was that was awesome. I like that's a feel good story. I mean, you know, it shows you the times have changed. You know, we'd have a prom king and he was like the stud football player. Now it's whoever the best at tackling active shooters is generally the king. He gets gets more votes. Yeah, it's so common. They said it was awkward the next day when the prom queen did the walk of shame out of his apartment. Hmm. She's like, hey, man, it's kind of mandatory, king and queen. Yeah, there's there's other things that go on at these high schools. You want to go. You want to go back to high school. Part of you. I sort of do. I want some movie credits and then go back to high school. Well, that was some movie. Yeah, that'd be a great movie. You go to your high school reunion and, you know, you know, I go back in time and I still look too old, even though they do all the CGI in the world, they're still like, this guy's too old. Oh, by the way, I thought you were great in the. Is it the come up? The what was the name of the movie? Outcome outcome. Sorry. I get that outcome. I did. I thought you were great in it. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Very natural, funny. I wanted more of you. I know there was more weight. There's more. I hit up Jonah Hill and I go, Jonah, come on, dude. And he's like, I know. I think the movie was probably two hours, a little over two hours and they cut it down to an hour twenty three. So I said, because I saw Matt Bomer, the other guy in the movie. He's a good looking dude and he's super cool. Anyway, he was like, oh, dude, I got about a half hour hack. I had a big scene with Keanu where after something you find out in the movie of me, then I see Keanu and on the balcony. And it's very awkward. And we're having a talk and my wife had a baby. So I'm holding a baby and it's the most awkward talk. And I go and Jonah was like, it kind of felt like the end of the movie. So we had to get rid of it. And I'm like, how about you get rid of the real ending and keep that? Well, there's some brain stone. You're not afraid to kind of crack the whip when you need to get up. I love Jonah Hill face. No, he's great in that. It's really funny and Keanu Reeves was charming. It was a cool movie. I just wanted to insert this because it may not be. I just Trump always comes up with phrases that make me laugh. And the fact the cute thing he keeps working that just, you know, is that we're going to make a great deal. We're going to make a great deal as long as they don't get cute. If they get cute, get cute is a great term. I mean, it's a global conflict. There's weapons flying around. No one's they could get cute if they get cute. It won't work out. They might get cute if they don't get cute. I think we could make a deal. We can make a deal if they don't get cute. If they get cute, we won't make a deal with. I warn them. Don't get cute and deal. Deal and you were warned. And then the spokesman comes out and says, President Trump has warned them not to get cute. So if you see people getting cute, you know what's going to happen. You get cute is not going to end. It won't end well for you. How'd that work out for them? How'd that work out for them? They got cute. I haven't heard get cute for so long. I know and he uses it. I just know what talks like that. Get cute. Old fashioned. I wanted to throw that in here. That's funny. It's not the place for it. No, it's it's a heavy conflict, but good cute. We could make a deal. He said deal 319 times within the last 20. We could make a deal. We might get a deal. They want to make a deal unless they get cute and they get cute. We won't. It's like saying he's acting like a real weirdo. Those Iranians are so weird. Sometimes you're like, no, that's not the right word. People liked Hans and Franz closing the straighter hermeneuse. Thought it was a good idea. Oh, that's a great idea. With the muscular, bolder size. For many men, the shift can happen gradually or all at once. Workouts feel harder. Yes. 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David, for a limited time, our listeners can get 50 percent off for life plus free shipping and three free gifts at mengotomars.com. That's mengotomars.com for 50 percent off and three free gifts. When you check out, it's also available on Amazon after you purchase. They will ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. It's called fly on the wall. All right, next story. This is the scene from Bus Boys. If he told me it's a great idea and I go, oh, wait, this is too funny. Read the top. OK, this Wayne's World. Remake looks terrible. We've got we've got Joe Biden's. Was the blonde woman in Joe Biden's administration. I thought this is just random people. Oh, that's so funny. It looks like Hank Kingsley on the left from Larry Sanders. Oh, I thought it was that's not Jack White. Oh, that's not. Well, I know one is Michael Mike Myers, but that's not you. That garth is a little different. I'm going to say it if it's just random fans, God bless you. But that is funny. Yeah, they're happy. It makes them happy. I think that a fun get meds. Wayne does not wear glasses. Oh, that's right. That's the giveaway. All right. Party on. Hey, hey, that was a really nice one you did. I liked it a lot, you know. But next time make sure that Wayne doesn't wear glasses. Your hair is on Fuego today. Well, I I watched it. You know, you do it the night before. Of course. And then when I woke up, I had this and I did it wasn't planned. And I thought I just I tried to squish it down and just went. I know I did a little pert plus myself yesterday. Mm hmm. Oh, yeah, it's you and the planner both like this. Why am I spring scene now? Yeah, when I put on my big boy boots in my head, that's six foot Warner Springsteen coming at you. So with me as Garth, when my hair goes like that, that's five, six and a half a Dana Carvey coming at you. No, actually, tall. Pert plus is conditioner and shampoo and body wash and deodorant. The plus is all that. What if it was just pert? It would just be shampoo. No, nobody wants just pert. Pert like actually signed for used to say I took some extra strength. Anacin or whatever, buffering or whatever is old. Extra strength, Advil. What happened to just strength? Who's ever going to just take strength after extra strength? I know that's I like just very Jerry extra strength. Can I what about the strength one? Who would get that one? They could get extra strength. I can't believe this, people. By the way, Nyquil's gone fucking bazoodies. They have and I have Z quill. Now I have clear Z quill with no sugar. It's not blue. It's clear, which is actually good. And then they have regular Nyquil. Then they have daytime dayquil. Then they have Nyquil for pain. And now they have severe pain, Nyquil and severe flu. Wow. God dang. They fill out an Amazon warehouse just for a night. Great, great memory for you to get through all that. I was just like one of you when you really have to sleep and you're really sick. Nyquil really knocks you out. But the last time I go because I kind of feel a little groggy the next day, I just had my wife take a sledgehammer and just hit me and knock me out with that. And I slept great. It's about the same strength because Nyquil, if you have that little cup and you wake up and it's on your bed on the side, I'm like, you're out. I mean, my friend said, oh, I tried that. And I go, well, don't do like a little teaspoon because you got to get used to it. And he goes, oh, I filled that whole cup over the line. He goes, I woke up at 4 p.m. the next day. I go, you know, Nyquil's no joke. I wake up like this and it just the night goes dribbling out and the cup is sort of bent and just kind of caught up in my pajamas. And the cops pick it up with a glove. They go, Nyquil related. Do you wear pajamas? Does anyone I wear PJs? Is any human wear pajamas anymore? I wear sweats. Well, that's not pajamas. Sweats and a t-shirt. Oh, oh, like button down button down. Ricky Ricardo. I live Lucy. Matching. Heather wears matching. Cute and matching sets. That's adorable. Sets is a word you don't know, Dan. But that's she wears an airport set. A set. Yeah. Yeah. You want to buy it. No. Yeah. Every woman at the airport is in sweats and a hoodie that matches. Yeah. And they pull the hoodie. But guess what? The germs come through to Heather's. Heather, I want to ask you a question. Were you masked or unmasked during the flight? I look in your text, they're flying the wall text message. You'll see what I looked like. Oh, yeah, we have a picture. If you see that picture, throw it up or just throw up. And I think the problem was the culprit who didn't stop blowing his nose for four and a half hours was not wearing a mask and never washed his hands or moved at all. Yeah, the guy heaving and coughing was sitting next to her and didn't wear a mask and didn't apologize profusely and didn't throw himself off the plane. The amount of people who are sick. Here comes the picture. Here it is. Oh, that's Heather. Oh, so you're you're you know, you're being exposed. You became the invisible man. That was my whole four and a half hours. I still got sick. I know that's her eye. I get it. How did David not get sick? Immune system of iron. What is he, Superman? Oh, we split up because she came for the first gig and then the Oh, bus boys screening and Q&A and then she flew back and I was on my way to Pittsburgh with the bomb scare. It's sorry, I got COVID and then I had I got the guy to get me Paxilovid right away. This was months ago, but I had a gig in Vegas and I'm going, well, I can either go or not go. But day one, pretty good, pretty good. I think I can go. I don't think I'm contagious. And then I was just laying in bed all day and I did the gig. Pretty good story. I was at the worst day of when you were sick. No, the Paxilovid for me because I got it early. I popped up pretty hard, but I was still was very tired. But you know, you fake it till you make it and show you can get through it. An hour is tough. Some of those gigs an hour is tough. I love it when they say 45 would be fine. That means I pick up my guitar at 35. Whoops, tricks of the trade with when they're drunk and tired. It's midnight. Hey, hey, my, my. Yeah. This company gets me very high. Right. I'm doing one in Solana doing 30 this weekend. And then a meet and greet. I don't think so. Just 30 minutes and get out. That's pretty good. But you know who I have to follow? George Wallace and he kills. You're following George Wallace. Isn't that funny? Bob's Aimee and George Wallace. Yeah, you don't. Man, you're good. Well, you always find a way because you'll come out different and you'll do your sort of self-effacing stuff. Yeah. And then they then they love you. The funniest part is, you know that George Wallace kills. So this is when I told you that you're like, you're following George. George Wallace is a killer, man. Yeah, a strong president, incredibly likeable. We'll do a little bit of crowd work, work it back around. No, I don't. You don't want to follow that guy, but you can because you're David Spade. I've followed Dana Carvey. And if you can do that. OK, let's play another story and then we'll we'll wrap up soon. Everyone's got so much to do. Wait, don't get cute on me, David. Don't get cute. Is this evidence that Anthony Albanese is not real? Like it's just a digital copy. Minister Anthony Albanese is not real. He's actually replaced by Dana Carvey from Wayne's World. And where's your evidence of this, Cameron? OK, in 1990, Dana Carvey did a movie called Opportunity Knocks. Yeah. The impression, George W. Bush. The impressions. The toilet saying, handheld bad. Hand dries. Good. Very good. Also master disguise 2002. Church lady in Saturday Night Live. You hardly see me anymore. He's doing podcasts with David Spade. I'm glad that I'm not a fan of David Spade. I've been recorded. He's that busy. How are you getting around going to Malaysia, selling deals with petrol? Going to footy, going to Hall of Fame Games, going to Rabbit O's Games. It's Dana Carvey. What's his link with Anthony Albanese? They wear glasses. It's funny. It's you, dude. He sounds like someone from my church. That's me. When you do exactly. How did they find me? So. But. Ha ha ha. That Dana. Dana Carvey. Carvey. Flying the Wow. That was a doppelganger, man. We should have him on the show, man. Let's get him on the show of all people. My conspiracy is that Dana is this guy that doesn't really look like him. I told you before we did these things today, I said, oh, you got some clips. I go, don't get cute, don't get cute on me. We got. Don't get me cute. You made two appearances. You made Wayne's World. Yes. In the news. Oh, that's right. Everything keeps going. That's funny. Just what goes around comes around now. Oh, yeah. You're big. OK, one more. OK. One more. Well, this is our final. I'll use our sponsor. This is our final clip of the day. Oh, this is a real thing to talk about about this state of Hollywood. OK, go ahead. OK. Doug Liman, big director. Liman's new movie starring Casey Affleck and Pete Davidson should have cost around three hundred million dollars, but according to the producers, they made it for 70 million using AI and it was filmed in 20 days, almost entirely inside this converted showroom in London. And what nobody is talking about is what this could mean for the industry, because all of the studios are quietly experimenting with versions of this workflow right now. I'm Jason Fisher, the founder, a stage runner and former head of production at Disney Paramount and AMC. And today it's part two, how AI is going to impact Hollywood and what it means for production and jobs. And it might surprise you to hear that the producers think this could actually increase jobs. Yeah, we'll get to that. And by the way, what you're looking at right now throughout this video, I created using the latest tools just to help illustrate how this process works. These are not clips from the movie. So I spoke to the producers behind the film, Ryan and Matt Kavanaugh. I'm the founder. ACME AI. So they made it for seven already has 10 films and two TV series. In some stage of production right now using. Right. I think because the actors are the noisiest about being replaced, but the behind the scenes people getting replaced is important to like set dressing and, you know, building set designers building. Yeah. All all that tech, like, where type electricians and I guess you need lighting for. For Pete and Casey. There's been that shouldn't cost 70 million. I didn't get the 70 million thing. What was that? I mean, why would they say it could have cost? If you did it. No, it's going to cost 300. But it's still 70. Okay. 70 is way more than any movie. Maybe I've ever done. You know, look, there's been an seeding of this for at least 20 years with CGI. There's a show on HBO, The Gilded Age. And you can tell the whole town and all the people walking is just, I guess, a AI, but it's, you know, it's it's been around a little while. So it's just a process like the background extras are definitely generated characters you can see. See another group that gets shafted extras. They'll just be extras are important. Yep. Atmosphere people. They're the glue and these things make it look real. You get good atmosphere extras and it really helps the scene. I don't know how you negotiate this, but I was reading this morning that the longshoremen negotiated a thing where no automation, no AI, we're just going to lift stuff with manly hands and Trump was supporting that. Don't get cute. You got to go, you know, but I don't know how you put the genie back in the bottle. Without Barbara Eden helping you. It's hard to put the cat shit back in the cat, you know. Did you understand my Barbara Eden reference? You did. Of course I did. I was in love with her. Would you say, would you tell the audience who that is? She's the babe that lives in the bottle. She's genie. From that. That's B with. From the network. I was more in love with Bewitched as shockingly. Elizabeth Warren in the 19th, is that, no, it's Elizabeth Montgomery. Sorry. Gorgeous. Uh, that's, that was the first probably television sitcom woman that sort of got my attention. I'm getting tingly in my underpants. I feel funny. Like when I used to claim the rope and gym class. Fucking Garth was the horniest. All right. Well, that's probably a good full. That's a full like 10 out of 10 show. Yeah. That's a full. We didn't get cute. We never got cute and we made a deal. We showed a lot of clips and we had, we had 19 impressions in our little sketch. This is the following after the second weekend of busways with the first weekend we got the top 10. First, it was the only independent movie, the top 10. So that's good. Something. Well, by the way, two things. One is I was pleasantly surprised. You got it initially on 800 screens and you look at the metric of average per screen. You were way up there. 2000 per. Thank you. Yeah. And these are like, we don't ask. We say we got in 200. We got in 250. Then Regal will call. We're adding 150. We're like, Oh, thanks. And then they're like, Hey, Australia wants it now. So we're going to send it to Australia. Hey, Canada and the UK. Now we're Canada, UK, New Zealand's coming up. So it'll go on this wave. And then when it comes out on, you know, where you can buy it at home video on demand, then it'll at least have more awareness. But I have shockingly gotten nice feedback from it. So because people on Twitter love to hate and it's probably way more positive, shocking, but someone did give me an F minus. And I was like, can we just leave it at F? I mean, let's not get so dramatic. Like they gave apocalypse now an F minus. Minus. No one's got that. I said, just go all the way down to G. If you're going to go that low, then people think it's good. Yeah. How about not seeing the movie? If you know, look, I think people have to understand that big corporate movies, not we've been in them, not to become them. They have a distribution deal and that company is just pushing the movie and negotiating all these things. You guys are the little engine that could the homemade product bought and paid for low budget. But the thing about it, it's it's potently what it is. It's an R rated kind of, you know, sort of throwback, fun, simple movie to to kind of, I don't know what you call them. Just down on your luck underdogs underdogs and all the misadventures and the silliness, which I love the print, they just they just want to be waiters and their lives would be great. The wispy is premise. Yeah, they fall down in the dirt a lot. They fall down in the work. Yeah. Lawrence. Well, anyway, so excited about that. And I will see you next time and come see us at the Orpheum if you're in LA. Yeah, don't be don't be nervous about seeing us. We're going to bring it. Yeah, bring it with Chris and rocks always on fire. Thanks, everybody. Bye bye. Bye bye now. Hey, guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app, give us review five star rating, and maybe you can share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Matty Sprung Kaiser and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech, booking by Cultivated Interaction. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney and Lauren Viera. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. You can email us at flyonthewall at audisee.com. That's a u d a c y dot com.