472 - Wicked?, A Terrible Life, & The Golden Age Of Travel

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What if you got to have it in God was just doing a podcast? What if that was what it was? What if that was it? You get to have it in God hands you a mic and you sit on a couch and you're like, it never ends? And God's like, no I'm in an ad deal. What if that's it? And God's like, is it this wild? You're like, yeah it's crazy, I'm happy I'm here. Then God starts laughing and you're like, yeah I'm gonna laugh. Because of God, then God's reading an ad for CalShi.com. Just seems, you know, seems to be where it's all trending. Where the afterlife is just going to be a very long podcast. Where you get to ask God anything and He'll explain the whole thing to you. He'll literally go through the whole thing. Like you're like, can you tell me about creating the world? He's like, yeah, sure. And it's just, you know, that's just it. There's nothing after that. We've reached the end. This is the end of things. It's just on a loop forever. It's just podcasting. Just takes, just takes. You and God just have takes. God's like, every on a grondis very thin now. You go, yes, disturbing. Is someone gonna get her? I mean, that poor girl, I see her on that show, on that thing wicked, which is, they have the second wicked now that's come out. And her and that other chick, Cynthia Irivo, they're very odd. But that Ariana Grande, that's who I'm speaking of, right? It is Ariana Grande. She looks very thin like where I'm worried a little bit about her. And hopefully, at Thanksgiving, someone just kind of has a sit down with her and go, honey, you're gonna have to eat some of this food. You know, because it's making people a little like today, you got to prove it. No, I am eating. Yeah, yeah, but you got to, hey, you got to eat a little bit of this food. I know, but my stomach feels, hey, hey, eat a little bit of the food, not just a teaspoon of mashed potatoes. You got to eat a meal in front of everyone, because if not, we're calling an ambulance. That's the way Ariana Grande is at where you go. If you don't eat a meal in front of your family right now, we're going to call an ambulance. And we're going to force a pipe down your throat. And we're going to force feed you. And if you'd rather that, we'll do it right at the table. If you want to put a feeding tube in, because that's, she's at feeding tube. Ariana Grande right now is at feeding tube, where if a feeding tube, and I'm not making light of this, if a feeding tube doesn't go in soon, it's game over. So Ariana Grande needs a feeding tube immediately. And hopefully they do it Thanksgiving. And it might be nice. Everyone's dead Thanksgiving. And go, Ariana's having a little issue. So we're going to put a tube in her and she can drink her dinner at Thanksgiving. Mash it all up. Here's the thing, it doesn't have to be pretty, but it's got to get in. That's what I tell Ariana. It doesn't have to be pretty, but it's got to go in. So if you want us to take some mashed potatoes, some gravy, or even like baby formula, if you want to start there with like baby formula, and we'll put a feeding tube in you, and we can start again like you'll one will do that. But your your your so thin you look like you're going to break and people are nervous. So put a feeding tube in and we'll start with like baby formula, nutrients, and then we'll work up to like a smoothie made of gravy and mashed potatoes from Thanksgiving. I want her to thrive. God bless her. She needs to eat not as much as me. I know the calm. Not as much as me, but as somewhere between where she is right now, Ryan is the happy medium because you're going to have to put a feeding tube in her. There's no other way around it. Can you get a photo of a get a photo of Ariana Grande up and right the word thin. Don't make a liar out of me. Find a photo of a beautiful woman talented woman want her to get help wicked whatever. You know, great on Broadway. Is it great in the movies? I haven't seen it. I'm sure it's fine. That's not the point of this. The point of this is a warning a word to the wise. A warning here. Let's get some nutrients in this woman. Isn't it bad? Can I see it on the thing? I can't really see it on the monitor. Is there a way for me to see it? I guess I could look at it on my phone. But she's very, very thin and it's disturbing a lot of people. And I just want it. I want it known that the Tim Dylan show is offering to take Ariana Grande to Smith and Walensky's restaurant, Stakehouse, and feed her cream spinach through a feeding tube. And I don't care who looks at us weird. I don't care who looks at us weird. If Ariana Grande wants to come with me at my expense to Smith and Walensky's, I will, I will, I will put a prime rib in a high velocity food processor and we will blend it and we will put it in the tube. Along with the cream spinach and a coke and a cake will get it in. All we got to do here is get it in. Let's get to nutrients in the in the lady. Go down to some of these. Some of these are terrifying. They're just, they're too thin. They're too thin. We want, we want the best for her. She's a really talented woman and and everyone has a problem and everyone, everyone does. This is, but to me, now I haven't had this particular problem, but this can easily be fixed with a feeding tube. Put the tube in, it's like sleep apnea, which I don't have, but a lot of people have it and you put that CPAP on and you go to bed, put the tube in, set it and forget it. Get a tube in and get one in now. And fuck them. I eat through a tube. Tell them that. Tell them the eating food revolt. It's, I feel revulsion at solid food. So I eat like a baby. And there's nothing wrong with it because I want the best for her. Now this is interesting because this is being recorded on Wednesday. Now happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Thanksgiving is passed. I hope it was good. Now it hasn't passed yet, but in the magic of the internet, this episode is being recorded on Wednesday night. You are going to get this on Saturday. After you have Thanksgiving, I am having Thanksgiving with my cousin, a lovely aunt, my cousin's wife, fiance wife, I think they got married to whatever. And they're lovely people. We're going to a restaurant because that's the move. When you're older, the move when you are older, it will take a lot of stress off a family when you just stop pretending this is a family. Stop pretending you have a family. And it will just, it takes the pressure off these situations. If you have lots of fun kids and everyone's running around or even if you just have one kid and there's, if there's a point, but a lot of families, myself included, are older, childless ex-addicts who meet very much like an AA meeting and love each other, care about each other, sure. But it's not a holiday that's filled with, and I haven't had it yet. So by the way, I'm probably wrong. And it's lovely. But have a reasonable expectation of what these things are. They're for children, holidays are for children. And if you don't have a big happy family, just grab a few people in your family and don't try to cook or do anything at someone's home. Go to a restaurant. You have an in and an out. It starts at four, you're out at six. Hug kiss, bye bye in the car. Don't do anything in somebody's house unless you have an actual family. If you don't, do not pretend to. Release yourself from the idea that you have to pretend to have a family. Just go to a nice restaurant with people that you enjoy, whether they're blood relatives or not. And you know, that's all you have to do. That's all you have to do. Nobody has to be like putting a meat thermometer in the turk. Hey, cut it out. Especially all you divorce heads out there like me. Once a family has been blended and it's like a divorced family, unless you're you get a really, really good one. You know, there's a ceiling to the to the love that you feel because most people will be strangers. You'll just you'll be sitting at a table with people you don't know who are you. So I'm going to say that when you have a divorced family, somebody at the Thanksgiving will go, who are you? And you'll be introducing yourself to each other at the Thanksgiving table because that's a stranger. That's someone you don't know and you just met them because your mommy or daddy married somebody's mommy or daddy. And now you're meeting their cousin, whoever. Just have a reasonable expectation of it. Meet people and sometimes the move is to hit a few thanks, give it. Sometimes the move is to hit a few. We're doing dessert with other people. You know, whether that's true or not, you don't want to get into deep. Again, if you're in a position like I am where you're you're a child of divorce and you go to a house, you don't know who any of the people are. And you're sitting there, there's a lot of kids. Some young people listen to the show. They'll be sitting at a Thanksgiving and someone will be talking to them and it'll be a stranger. They don't know who this person is. Your dad is plowing some woman and she may not even have married her. Your dad's banging some woman and her kid is talking to you or her sister's husband, whatever is talking to you and you're sitting there and you're 16 or 17 years old and you're going, I don't know who the hell these people are. I don't know who they are. You're not my family. It's something. They're something. You know, you shouldn't be rude to them. You shouldn't. You know, be ungrateful for whatever they do for you. They might make you a nice dinner. But know that you are your family has failed and you are living in the ruins of that. Know that. You're living in the ruins of what was in attempt at a life. You are now in the ruins of two people's lives, your fathers and whoever's. You're in that now. You're in the pieces that they're trying to pick up off the floor of their life. Does it mean that mashed potatoes are good, but just know that you are in an experiment. You are now a part of an experiment of people who are trying to, and I don't begrudge them, this they're trying to figure out their life. It's, you know, it's nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with you and do the best that you can in that environment if you're a child of divorce. Or you're in a blended family and maybe it's a super cool blended family like the ones on TV where everybody loves each other and everybody and and it's not. It's not going to be. So you just have to do the best that you can living in the ruins of these people's lives. They're trying to create a meaningful life and you are just around. And there's nothing wrong with it. By the way, it's actually good. It's actually good because you then can you know, you can enjoy it and then maybe next year you got a mom's or Christmas you go with mom and whatever. I don't know. I don't know how you're going to live your life. But you know, I was talking to somebody the other day about Thanksgiving Eve. People used to go out in that analog dial up weird millennial world. People used to go out and they used to go to a bar with their friends when they came home from college. And I went to community college, writing go anywhere. And Thanksgiving Eve people would come out. They'd get really drunk and really fucked up and they'd see all the people that they knew. This and then they would realize they couldn't really be friends with those people anymore because something had changed and what changed was time. Time, even that little bit of it from from graduating from prom and graduation to November, which is you know, basically six months. Even that has just now your at a distance from people that you were close to and that experience was an important experience going back and seeing someone you go, oh, we're kind of tight. Oh, I was going to visit you. Yeah, I was going to visit you and the nobody visits anybody. Our people do people will occasionally. But it's the beginning of this, you know, it's the beginning of you growing up and that's an important thing people don't do now. People don't do, they don't really go out like I mean, some people do, but people don't go out like that and have that experience where they would they would see people on Thanksgiving Eve. And like there'd be a cool family that would let you go to their house and you pregame at their house and the mom and the dad would be trying to keep it going. And you'd feel it for a little bit. You'd feel that old, good old fashioned feeling of being drunk in the suburbs in America. That would be it's a great feeling. Truly, it's one of the best feelings in life is being drunk in the suburbs in America at a friend's home in their backyard smoking a weed. Yes, it'll make some people's kids a frenic the weed. But that is one of the greatest feelings you can have, but that feeling is less and less fun as you get older and it gets sadder and sadder and sadder as you get older and you get angry or an angrier as you get older. And then the people who get drunk in the suburbs at my age are scary. They're very scary when they're really drunk at the suburbs at my age. They're usually not doing great, but when you come back from college the first time and you get to go back to your buddy's house and then maybe some of the high school kids are there and they're like, what's that like? And I remember that and I remember I was in community college, but I was still fun and people liked having me around, but I always felt like because a good friend of mine ended up going to Cornell, this kid that I was friends with, he ended up going to Cornell and I went nowhere and I felt very insecure about that as I should have. You know, well, the joke's on him now because I'm the most important person in the world. Actually, but but I remember that and I feel bad part of the reason people are losing their minds right now is the internet sucks. It's not good. Your wins are barely wins and your Ls are are are barely Ls, meaning like the lives that everybody has created on the internet are deeply unfulfilling lives. And even remembering like simple things that you would do, you know, with friends or whatever, these these things that are so important to do in life, people don't even do them anymore. People don't do them. Everybody is being manipulated by algorithms and they're all going insane, but life's actually kind of simple and it's not that complicated. And and truly one of the best things you can do when you're, you know, I know everyone's like, nobody wants to drink anymore or do whatever and I'm I am. I'm sober 15 years. I know the drinking can be fucked up. But one of the best things you can do as a young person is be drunk in the suburbs of this country. With your friends, there's only a finite amount of time that you will get to to live a silly life without responsibilities and you shouldn't immediate you should not totally get rid of that to become some political psycho or somebody who needs to make a billion dollars in crypto tomorrow or looks Max where you're smashing the bones and you draw with a hammer. And it's what people are doing. They're smashing and these are they're already hot. These people are already hot and they're smashing bones with a hammer to make their face a shape and this is a bad life. If you're smashing your bones with a hammer to make your face and you're already hot. Some of these guys I go, you're already hot. What are you doing? If that's what you're doing or if you if you if it's all politics or if you are trying to be a so rich and that's consuming your life and you're not laughing with your friends and you're not trying to meet someone like it just these lives that people create there they suck. Truly they're not good lives. You know, like you you you read about these people that are galatic lies to one direction or the other they're they're they're angry all the time and they're they're they have all this purpose and they're but but none of it's like none of it's too like have any fun. So everybody's trying to get rich and change the world but no one's having any fun. I have a lot of fun. I do I try even though sometimes it's hard because my phone is tapped and there's people trying to kill me. And by the way and I was a texted Candice this morning, you know, insulting it's going to be when I find out how much they paid for me to get killed. Nothing. They're transferring she thinks or and I and I believe her she found something that they transferred 1.5 million somebody. I don't I don't know what's going on but you know, they're going to Venmo somebody 60 dollars to hit me in the head. You know, you insane that's going to be they're going to Venmo 60 dollars for somebody to just come up and hit me in the head. But I still try to have fun. Small you do small things that are fun. You don't need to solve the world's problems. Oh dear my small business owning friend, you never grow good business with bad website. I know but it's really hard. Do not do the despairing try aionos. 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Whether it's baby gear, kitchen upgrades or a treasure for your home you didn't know you needed. Rebel has it for way less up to 70% less shop from rebel.com and save big. The thing with having friends and going out in real life, one of the reasons you want to do it is so that you can meet people you don't want to be like. Your friends have uncles. By my friend at this uncle, we called them drunk. He was a great guy. He had a chubby wife. They would drink it beat each other up. And any hung out with us all the time. He was drunk. He was angry and he smelt. There's a lot of great things about him. But we said, we don't want to be him. He lived in this basement apartment. Him his wife can hammer and fall down. And as fun as it was, we said to ourselves, he this is a problem. But they were very fun people. They were good people and they took us in and let us drink and use drugs in their home. But we they just, you know, there was really, really fact I once in a limo and we went to a strip club and this really, really fact I was like, what a good in that club. I'm going to fucking tear it up. And then he just slept. He fell asleep because when you're that big, his body's working so hard to just stay alive. He fell asleep in the strip club. I'm sorry, in the limo before we got to the strip club. And then we all went outside to the limo and he woke up on the way back to my friend's house where they were dropping everyone off. He had just slept the whole time in the limo. And he had never made it into the strip club. And we said, and we said to ourselves, that, that's tough. He was a good guy, but he was so big that his body was working so hard to just stay alive that he couldn't get into the strip club. He fell asleep in the limo for and we were in there a couple hours. He just slept in the he slept in the limo. It's just this really, really, really big guy sleeping in the limo. And it's important for you to see things like that as a kid to go, I don't know if I want that. I don't want that as a life. Doesn't mean you're going to be perfect. But you go, I don't want that as a life. You know, like the drunk uncle would break up with the check all the time they'd have the screaming fight. She'd be banging on his door. They'd fight on the lawn. The neighbors would call the cops on them. And there was a they were fun, but you would say I can't live like that. Too much chaos. And that's what you need to go out. But I feel like that I got to be honest. Not to sound too dark. I just feel like that's not coming back like those real world experiences that are so important aren't coming back. Where, you know, everybody's formative experiences now are all digital. They're all online. So people are just again smashing the face with the hammer, the looks maxing, the Bitcoin. I need to have all the money and Bitcoin is with young people. I need all the money now. I want to drop ship. I want to have a Lamborghini. I want to live in Dubai. It's like dude, relax. Be 19. Calm down. I mean, there's plenty of time in life for you to get involved in some scam. And it's like you'll be around statistically. You'll be around to get in a scam at some point in your life that won't work out. You don't need to do it when you're 12. You don't need to be in a scam at 14 years old trying to drop ship and playing these games like people are just chasing. And online puts it all out there. It's like, you know, I believe like all these coaches are always coaching people as to how to like just make millions of dollars. And all these coaches do is drive around and have other people film them driving around in a Lamborghini. So I mean, I don't even understand what the money is for at this point. And then all these young people are like, well, I got to make all this money so that someone can film me driving around in a Lamborghini. And then I don't understand. So what? I don't know. I mean, then you have a Lamborghini. Okay. I don't. Is that all anyone wants? Is to just live in Miami and have a Lamborghini? It's like a horrible life. This is people that don't know any. This is what you want when you're a 15 year old. You want to have a Lamborghini and live in Miami. You think it's a good life. It's a terrible life. I know a lot of people that have it's like a terrible life. They live in like some white apartment that looks like they're living in a club. They upload photos to themselves on on the terrace of that apartment, which is, are they paying for it? Who knows? There's a film crew that's always filming them go from room to room to room. And then they get in the Lamborghini and they go out to clubs every night. I mean, it sounds funny if you're 14 when I was 14. That's it's amazing life. Why would that ever get old? Hot chicks or hot dudes or whatever and there's a beach and you're in Miami. It's not great. I don't know one happy person that lives in Miami has a Lamborghini. Not one. Not one person in Miami that's genuinely happy that has a $300,000 car in Miami that's really happy. It's I mean, and again, it's not you start shitting on people that want to make money. But go do something you like. You go one life. You just want to make a bunch of money for what to get some horror. Some only fans horror in Miami to ride around in the Lamborghini with you and do coke. Like, I understand that it seems great to be, you know, doing lines of Adderall at two o'clock in the morning, wondering if some horror is stealing from your Miami apartment. I understand that that seems amazing. Is this horror stealing my watch in a Miami high ride? I know that's what people want. But there's more to life than that, like a lot more. Truly, you'll be happy. You're doing other things. You'll be happier doing other things with your time than that. I know that's the goal that seems to be the goal of like every person that exists on the internet under 25 years old. They all want to live in Miami. They all want to have a Lamborghini and they all want to wonder if an only fans horror is stealing your watch at two o'clock in the morning. Is she going through the drawers? What is she looking for? If that's the life you want to and you want to go to the DJs, all these DJs, go DJs playing and I like these guys. I like John's summit. I like these people. Enough with the DJs and the crap. Enough. Enough with this Coachella, I know this garbage. Enough with this shit. Enough. It's not a life. It's not a life. It is not a life to go to Coachella and dress up like an Indian and stand there in 98 degree weather. You know, on a hunt like Angel Duster, whatever. I mean, they're not even doing Angel Duster. They'd be more interesting. I don't know what they're doing. I mean, I guess they're on shrooms. What a bit Molly. If they're on Molly, it's not a life. It's not a life to stand at a con. Stop with the concerts. It's another thing. Stop with the concerts. Enough with this crap. Stop with the concerts. Enough. It's not a life to go see live news. It's not a life with that with these concerts. These drug addicts, they get out of jail. They put them right on stage and you're up. You pay 120. I'll see some junkie with 15 children. Enough with the concerts. Stop. Stop. Stop with this. Every minute of the day, it's someone at a concert. No one has a dollar to their name. No one owns anything. Not to sell like Ben Shapiro, but he might be right about that. Nobody has a dollar and everybody's watching a Billy Eilish pretend to sing for three hours. Stop. Get a life. Get a job. Truly. Stop with this crap. You're going to see DJ. Enough with this shit. The bottle service, the Vegas and the fight. Stop with the fights. Stop with this UFC. You don't have the money for that. Go get your own ass kicked in the streets where you live. Where the government has an enforce to crime. You go get jumped somewhere. If you got a passion for that, stop going to UFC. Cut it out. It's not a life. It's not a life going to you. I say it's not a life. Sitting in the thing. Don't you see it's not a life. It is not a life. Not a life. Stop this shit. I see all this crap online and these people just go from a Miami apartment to the UFC to a concert to see some junky criminal. And you know what I mean? It's what is this? What is this? It's a collection of meaningless shit. It's a collection of meaningless horseshit experiences. It mean nothing. Yeah, you know, I saw John Somin at the third that we went. What do you have said that we were here? We went to stuff. It's nothing. There's no through line. There's no through nothing. What are your photos going to be when you're old? A photo of you and at a at a day party and fucking at the wind? What is this? It's not a life. It isn't. It's a collection of things that that look like a life from the outside. I'm telling you it's the and this is what the internet does. It gives you the idea that these things are alive. Well, I have a life. I went to a coach and we know. No, it's wrong. It's wrong. You think it's a life because it's a photo dump. You went to brunch at a pancake that's you know, some Asian talked about and that's great. I like Asians and I like what they're doing in the breakfast realm. But it's just not the point. That's not the point. Old Tim, you have a pancake on your hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm in a game that I didn't create. What I'm saying is this, the things you're doing are not a life. These these random things you're doing that you're only doing because other people you know are doing them. Other people you know are doing the things that you were doing. 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At Morrison's we've got everything you need to cook up a fuss for your mum this Mother's Day. Pick up a whole British chicken fresh from Market Street, for half price. Was five pounds? Now just two pounds 50. Now that's a hot deal. Morrison's to shop at Morrison's. Majority of stores non-line, chicken 1.45 to 1.65 kilos, ends 15th March. Like are the Sean Duffy, the sky who's running the travel fingers? How Americans turn flying into accessible transportation? Secretary Sean Duffy urges travelers to dress up and being a good mood. Hey Sean, fuck you. Hey, fuck you. By the way, shut the fuck up. How about you get the planes in the fucking sky you scumbag and shut the fuck up? I'm sick of being lectured by this fucking government that knows nothing about what's actually happening out there. Okay? First of all, first of all, the whole entire experience of travel has become an unending hell. Okay? Everybody is understaffed. There are delays at all the major airports. The airports are old. They fallen into disrepair. The planes are old. The pilots are underpaid. The staff is underpaid. It's a horrible experience. Sean, it's a bad fucking experience. Let's watch him. Let's watch this guy and fuck him. Something I didn't know in 2019, 400% increase of in flight outbursts by passengers. 2000. Because they've had it. Because they've had it. There should be more. Hold that. There should be more outbursts on flights. You should get on a flight and start throwing haymakers. There should be a flight should be non-stop fighting from the minute you get on a plane till it lands. The way that you were treated when you travel in this country, there should be nothing but violence from the traveling public who've had enough. Let's see a little bit of this here. Gold incidents. You want to change that? Yeah, so that on Trump talks about the Golden Age of Transportation, the Golden Age of America. But the Golden Age in transportation truly begins with you, the traveler. Right? And so if you think... No, it doesn't stop that. How would it begin with me? You fucking moron. How would the Golden Age of Transportation start with me when I get there? And I'm literally at the whole thing. It's nothing to do with me. I've no input on how anything's run. I just show up. You buy a neck pillow and you get on a plane. I'm there 40 minutes before the flight, thanks to clear. How would the Golden Age of Transportation start with me? You retard. It doesn't even make sense. The Golden Age of Transportation starts with me. Do you have... You're the Secretary of Transportation. It should start with you. How about not passing the buck to me? Well, then what the fuck are you getting paid for? You scumbag? The Golden Age of Transportation starts with the people? How about you? Who's job? You're the Secretary of Transportation. You fucking scumbag. At the baggage claim. You have passengers, a berating gate agents. Because they're retards. Because they're fucking stupid. Stop hiring stupid retards to work. And they wouldn't need to be berated. But since you keep putting these fucking down syndrome people and no disrespect to them, by the way. I don't even like that. I use that word. But you know what I mean? I had a cousin with Downsons. I have no problem with the Downsons. Your community. I like them. They're sweet people. It's not their fault. But even that you are putting people behind the desk at these things that shouldn't be there. And then I shouldn't berate them. Why should I not berate them? They're berating me. They're berating me. Passengers on airplanes. People dress up like they're going to bed when they fly. You don't even have a tie on your scumbag on airplanes. They're having a hard time taking their luggage and getting in the oversized or the above band. Help people out be nice, be courteous. And so we want to push people as we come into a really busy travel season. Help people out. Being in good mood. Dress up. Bring civility back to travel. And I think everyone's experiences can be that much better. Why would I dress up when the plane doesn't take off? Why would I dress up when the plane doesn't leave the runway? Sean, you scumbag, you dirtbag, telling people to dress up. Get the plane in the air. You dirtbag. Why would I dress up? I know I don't take these airlines, but why would people dress up to go to front to rail lines? Hey, Sean, they're live suck. That's why they can't dress up. They're going to identify the body of their daughter. That's why they're taking that flight, Sean. Maybe they don't want to put on a nice holiday sweater. They're going to identify to see if the body in the lake is their daughter. And they don't have a lot of money so they're on frontier airlines. And the body's been in the lake for a few days. So it's starting to the stomachs to stand it. But the facial features are still pretty intact except where the wounds are. Maybe they don't want to put on a nice, a nice pantsuit so they can go down to Austin, Texas, and identify the body in the lake. Why do you think people are traveling, Sean? They're traveling because their lives are terrible. A lot of them, some of them are going to the holiday. Sure. A lot of them are just leaving under the cover of night because they owe money and they're trying to settle somewhere else. So maybe they don't feel like dressing up to get on a budget flight to Phoenix to work at another tattoo shop and hope this one works. He's I'm sick of people in government going, well, the golden age of travel starts with you. Dress up. Be card. Hey, Sean, no one has any money. No one has any goddamn money. You fool. Why isn't everyone dressed up on the Southwest flight? Because everyone's fucked. That's why. Why wouldn't they help someone? Everyone helps people with the luggage. Nobody doesn't help people with the lie. That's such bullshit. Get up, get up, spirit brawl and hit image. Spirit airlines brawl. Play something good. This is what it is. This is what life is. What year is this from? It doesn't even matter. You have to play this whole thing. I want to feel it. No word on if any of the passengers involved are facing charges. Spirit is looking into it. Well, very same airport. 10th moments for passengers. This is a Delta flight where Hayes filled the cabin of a plane. A special scene. Dress up. How about dressed? I'm for that. This morning at 8. Don't you want to dress up for the plane to go on fire? Probably a South Carolina. But then came the Hayes. Yeah. The crew declared an emergency. That's right. Immediately return to the airport. Put on a nice shirt. No, for the engine. He's Delta now looking into the car. Get it out of here. Everything's a joke in this country. Dress up. Nice. Plains are exploding in the sky. Dress up. Nice. How for holiday spirit and dressed up? Every minute of every day. I don't know why I get every plane issue. Every minute I'm awake. I'm getting some type of communication that a plane has been forced to turn around. Over the Atlantic because a pilot is trying to kill themselves. Every minute of every day. There's some engine failure, a fuel leak, a hydraulic issue, smoking the cabin, an unruly passenger, a medical emergency. People go on planes right now and just die. Then they've got a land to plan. This guy is basically like, why aren't you dressing up for what's going to be one of the worst experiences of your life? Now, here's one point he does have. You should dress nicely when you fly because it might be the last time you ever put on clothes. It might be the end. It might be dead. There's too many people flying. There's too much travel in this country. It is motivated by this lie that there is meaning to be found elsewhere. There is not. There is not. Find a little corner of the world. Find a little store. Find a lesbian who makes a little donut. That's all you know, you see here you go there and she'll be in early making a little donut that little lesbian and you're going there and sure she's feisty and not fun to talk to. You get a little donut, you get a cup of coffee, you walk your dog, stop making this complicated. Find a little coffee shop where a lesbian makes a little donut, a little fritter. But make it. I want to see them make it. I don't want it shipped in from somewhere. I don't even like when they buy it. I want to see it being made by a lesbian. Then find an Italian restaurant called Mama Georgia. And go to that once a week and get a bowl of spaghetti and talk to Mama Georgia about all the migrants. And then you find the Chinese restaurant. You find the bar where you can go and talk to the bartender. You find the nice little gym. You find a little job. You find someone to share it with and that's it. That's it. You're not this where where are you going? Stop. You got it. Can you imagine? We're going we're learning in Vegas in 20 minutes. For what? For what? For what? For what? Does he a DJ? Have your friend follow and die? Does he falls off a balcony or something? Just staying. You look just find a nice little tent. You can still find them by the way. There's not a lot of them. There's very few of them. You find a nice little town where you can get involved with a few nice restaurants and a pub. And that's what you do. Do not overcomplicate your life. You do not need a billion dollars in crypto. You don't need to be in Dubai because you're trying to not get kidnapped for your crypto. That was in a lunch other day and somebody's like that guy's got a lot of crypto, but he always thinks it's going to be kidnapped. I'm like, what is this? What is this? What lives is everyone created by the way? He did a real well in crypto, but he thinks he's going to be kidnapped like every night. He can't even sleep. Folks just get his shepherds pie to local pub. It's ground lamb with carrots, some potato, some mashed potato, nice crust on top. I mean, I don't know what to tell you here. I don't know what to tell you. You want to be in Dubai with a billion dollars of crypto worrying about being kidnapped. What do you? Can we stop this shit? Stop this crap. Stop this garbage. Get out of LA. No one cares about your script. Oh, you wrote a script. Cut this shit out. You think it's 2004. Stop. Go be a teacher in Vermont. Just go be a teacher in Vermont. Teachers are lazy people. They are lazy people. They do almost nothing. Truly. Here's my president of the teacher. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the class. Today we're learning about photosynthesis. The light comes in and it does, you know, chlorophyll, it's all green, fuck off. That's it. That's what they do. 100 grand. And then every summer, they get to go out and, you know, stop around, do whatever the hell they want, get a side gig. Just do that. Stop with this crap. You're collecting all these experiences, but they don't lead to anything. They're all these isolated events that are there to telegraph to other people how well you're doing or how much you're raging or turning up or whatever the fucking it just doesn't matter. Just have local fun and just be around people that you have some level of comfort with. Everybody is over complicated life to a degree that's unimaginable. I have a weird life. I have weird friends and a lot of them have high profile things and they're not happier than anyone else. Truly, it's a public service announcement. Now I'm not going to be friends. I'm not going to not be friends with them. Maybe friends with you. What? Some of these cyclos on Instagram are like, what are you going to do with me? I'm a regular person. What? What? It's relaxed. That's what the point is this. Get a fucking, I'm tired. So many people, I know, they think life is such a complicated thing. They stress themselves out. These kids stress themselves out. Find a good scam. Find a nice little townhouse. Enough with the garbage. Get a dog. Get a dog. Not to shoot the anyone like that. It's too perfect looking. I don't dig it. Everyone else likes it. I don't like that Australian shepherding that mure on. I don't like its eyes. But get a dog. Get go on a date, go on date night with the wife. You take her on a little date night. You go to the French restaurant in town. You want to be in Dubai going, is that a creek in the door or is someone kidnapping me for the, am I going to get tied to the chair and tortured from my crypto? That's happening to people all over the place. They're getting tied to the chair and beaten for their crypto. And that's what everyone wants. They go, I want to live in Miami and I want to get kidnapped in the middle of the night and and taken to a warehouse and tied to a chair and beaten for my crypto wallet password. And wonder all the way there if the only fans who are I'm fucking gave them my address. The answer is yes. Don't overcomplicate your life. I hear cash but tell maybe out. I hear Pete Higgseth might be out. We don't know. Could be is this Russia Ukraine deal going to go through? I don't even care right now. I don't even care about this Russia. I'm not interested. CalSue.com will tell you who will leave the role in the Trans and the Trump administration 12% in cash but tell here's what I'm saying. Okay. Be thankful for simplicity. This is really really listen up here. Really listen up. Be thankful for the simple things in your like reconnecting with people or you know having a good productive first date or something or working in Panero when you got out of rehab. Yeah, it's not the best job but you just got out of rehab. You're lucky and not dead. Be thankful for these things. Truly. Be thankful for this. Local is the answer. Global is not the answer. Well, what's the Ukraine to shut up. Tell me about your deli. Tell me about the school you're going to send your kids to local is the answer. Be thankful for local. I'm telling you. You know, I talk to so many people and so many of them are insane and their lives are so complicated and some of that's their fault and some of that's not their fault. Some of that's just the way it is and the way it goes. But some of the happiest people I know there's such a simplicity to their life. They've learned that they don't they don't need like everyone young people today. Everything's got to be dialed up to everything's got to be the craziest thing. The richest. I'm the richest part like all everyone wants it and you're chasing nothing. You're going nowhere. It's meaningless that things you want are meaningless. Develop some faith. Engage in a healthy way with religion. Engage in a healthy way with a passion. Truly. Get a hobby. Get a partner. These are all important things. You don't need to be the richest person. You do not need to make all this money in crypto. You don't need to have, you know, you don't need to have a crazy social media presence that makes people feel guilty or something. You don't need that. You can go have fun and not put it on on Instagram. And I'm not saying don't go have fun or don't go have experiences, but cut it out with the half of the shit you people are doing enough with this crap. Enough. All right. You know, chapel, Ron, enough with this. Who cares? Who cares? I know some guys are just fusing photos with chapel or oh, I know chapel. Ron. So what? Who cares? There's nothing cool about that. There's nothing cool about that. I know Marjorie Taylor green. How about that? You scumbag? Well, it's true. I hope she's well. She's left her. She's left the Congress. I'm just saying that people need to, people need to dial it down, turn it down. I would go to these people that have all these dreams with the looks maxing their thrills smashing their jaws with a hammer. I go, this is what kind of woman you get in here? What kind of woman is requiring this to smash her to draw what a hammer like this? All you need to do is be a person. Learn how to be a person. I mean, I don't know. I'm just saying it's definitely, I did a j crew commercial the other day. It was a lot of fun. There was a lot of kids on sat because I was playing a coach and they were in the, it's like a short film for j crew. I playing a ski coach was yelling at the kids. One of the children in nine years started a rumor that I had a wig on. Okay. The other kids started a rumor that I had a wig on. I started going back and forth with this person who was nine years old was actually very cruel. Another one of the kids, they were calling me Tim cheese. They were doing the six seven. They're trying to shit on me. I called one of them. I was like, oh yeah, young Sheldon. So I got him bad and I did hurt him. I saw it in his face. But they were pieces of shit to me. They were vicious. They were disrespectful. They were not professional at all. It was weren't set. They're actually not professional at all. And it was hurtful because I thought that there would be a level of respect and that their parents would have talked to them about who I was and things that I had accomplished. But that's not what happened. Okay. This show is like huge. And no one, not one kid cared at all about me. It was insults and insults and this one and that one and big back. That's the one I called young Sheldon. He called me fat. Then it became a bad Israel. Here's the point. Who are these little bums? I don't feel bad for them. I hope AI takes everything from them. I said that to them. I said none of you will have jobs. AI will take it all. AI will take it all. Okay. So I'm just saying the experience I've had with that generation has been really negative. Really negative. They're just all sociopaths. Okay. Some of them were okay. But like I'm they were trying like some of them were okay with the lines. I think I did a good time. I think I did well. It was an all day shoot. Everyone was getting tired and everybody was fighting. You know, but they held it together for the most part. You know, but I'm just like I have a really limited interaction. Like I don't I don't know what's going on with younger people. I just know from what I saw I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it. There's no respect for authority. One of them threw like a sloth thing at me. None of it was cool. None of it was cool. So I'm just saying that I want to give advice to people and tell them that like all the things I see online these trends are all ultimately very destructive. And you know, I'm really sick of the you know, we need to make things easier for younger people. And we need to change the value system because the value system is like rotted. It's completely rotted. And the lives of the I don't know who these people are looking up to. I don't know what they're not even watching movies like you used to want to live in like a nice tutor style house in an area with like changing, you know, changing seasons and you have a little family and everything like that. That's like the dream, the home alone kind of dream. You want a community. You want a lot of people around you. And now like everyone's like, how wouldn't it be cool if I lived in Miami with an only fans or and we snorted out a role and then someone kidnapped me because I have crept out. And you're like, I just don't know what happened. I don't know how that became the goal of young people in this country. It's like not good. Everyone wants to be some type of quasi criminal who's like on a private jet land, they can open lock airport in Miami ready to go rage. You're supposed to be in the suburbs of America. Save the suburbs. That's what it should be. You need it's a very, very simple thing. It doesn't need to be the craziest thing. You don't need it. You can go to Coachella once. You don't have to go every year. You don't have to go every year. You don't have to go every year. All right. It's crazy. Oh, you're at the Caliucci. What's this at the concert? The Caliucci concert? Hey, hey, hey, enough with this. Go to the dentist. Be a dentist. Go be a dentist. When someone goes, oh, I'm going to Caliucci concert. What are you doing? You go, I'm a dentist. I'm a dentist. You know, you know, what's a play a little bit of that of the Caliucci concert. If we can, it's K-A-L-I, right? Caliucci. I have a friend who's on tour with him. I'm sure it's great. Can we play this? We're going to get played a little bit of it. All right. It's fine. It's good. It's good, but you don't need, folks, you don't need to do this all the time. You don't need to do this all the time. You know, this is all I see people doing. All I see people doing now is you just go to a concert. They just get, they just take drugs and go to a concert. Who cares? Go somewhere else. Stop this crap. Don't get mad at me on the messenger. I'm the messenger here. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong. Thanksgiving dinner, tough and a tough economy. Guess what? So what? Do half what you do. Do half of the dinner this year. Do half of the dinner. Do half of what you usually do. If people don't like it, have everybody bring one thing, and it's already over anyway, this comes just Saturday. Who cares? I'm just saying that's what I would do. If I was hosting Thanksgiving this year, you know what I would do? I would tell everybody, if you want to eat it, bring it. Bring it. If you want to eat it. Because I don't have anything this year. That's what I'd say. I don't have anything. And when you're not coming in my house, you're not coming in my house. We're going to sit in the driveway and we're going to solve the Charlie Kirk murder with Candacell. That's Thanksgiving this year. That's Thanksgiving this year. That's what it is. Come solve the murder. Solve the case. I come in and have a big whiteboard. You come over my house for Thanksgiving and a big whiteboard. And I have names and planes and and that's what we're doing. We're going through the whole thing from the jump. That's what we're doing. Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for all of you. And obviously the people who watch this show, I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful for our brand sponsorships and partners that align with our core values in mission. I'm thankful for friends and family. I'm kidding. I am. I'm thankful for I'm thankful for the Middiest Peace Agreement. I am and I hope everybody there can just kind of take a moment because it's been a rough couple of years for a lot of people over there. And I hope they realize that life is precious. And it's time now for rebuilding and healing and not being a knucklehead. Because the last couple of years, people over there have been knuckleheads and dodo birds. And if you're a knucklehead or a dodo bird, it's not the way. So what I'd like you to do if you're in the Middle East, I'm not even specifying where. But if you're in the Middle East, Israel, Palestine, Libya, Lebanon, whatever, don't Turkey, Saudi Arabia, even though you fired me, I've moved past it. Don't be a knucklehead. That's what I'm saying. Hey, in Chicago, everyone shooting each other, stop doing that. I'm thankful I didn't get shot in Chicago. They shot seven people a few blocks away from my hotel. I'm thankful for that stop shooting each other. I'm asking you nicely now. It's not, I need to think, oh, it's cool if I go shoot this guy and maybe it is cool. I'm not, you know, why can't I say it's not cool. It's probably cool. It's probably cool if you shoot a guy. People will look at you differently. You'll be treated like a serious person. You might get a woman out of it. It is probably a cool thing to do if you shoot someone in Chicago and kill that person because now you're a legit person. It kind of legitimizes you in the eyes of many people if you shoot someone in a callous way, like if you shoot them in the face, if you get out of a car and shoot someone in the face in the middle of Chicago, it's probably a really bad-ass thing to do. But still there's other ways, you know, there's other ways to get those things, get to respect in the woman. Not as immediate, probably. If you shoot someone, your cred goes really high really quickly and people are like overnight, people like, wow, that guy's fucking don't fuck with him. But there's other ways to do that that might take a little longer. You just have to kind of settle in and screw in for the long haul. And they shot seven people in Chicago right outside of the Chicago theater and I'm grateful I was not shot. I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for that and I'm thankful for because I've played that theater a few times. I wasn't playing that theater this time. I was in some dump and now we're outside getting some new material and thanks to everyone who came. But I've played that theater a few times. This one I'm thankful I wasn't shot walking around downtown Chicago every day in this country that you're not randomly shot is something you should be thankful for. Every day you want to kill the car accident in a road rage incident every day that you do not contract some type of tick-borne illness, you should be thankful every minute that you are not victimized by some type of roving, frothing at the mouth psychopath who you know like we MK ultra somewhere and like pull that in the military to put into some special crazy program and like put him in a room with loud music and then just release them as like some type of kind of assassin psychopath and they just wander the highways trying to kill people. Every minute that guy's not in your face is a good minute. Be thankful for that. Every time you're not killed in a national park by whatever because no one even explains what happens there. People just disappear but anytime you're not killed by some mysterious thing in a national park that nobody really wants to talk about, although there's area of these parks you're like not allowed to go in and people don't really know what's going on. Any time that's not happening, be thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful. You know what I mean? anytime your child doesn't call you and go there was a school shooting and my friend got popped. Be thankful because you're living in America. These things are all tragic possibilities. Be thankful. Be thankful. Truly. You don't have to jump up and down or whatever but like you don't need to be a millionaire. You just not you just be thankful for the simple pleasures if not having a home invasion wake you up in the middle of the night. Be thankful. Be by friend woke up with a gun in her mouth. Give us to Birkenbeg's. Give us to bags. We'll get out of here. Be thankful. Be thankful that no one has woken you up with a gun in your mouth for your pocketbook yet. Be thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful for all these things. Be thankful that you are not you know in some type of crazy. Be thankful is real is not blackmailing you. Be thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful. Be thankful you don't live in whatever on that in that disputed territory that Ukraine Russia thing up there in the north. Be thankful. Be thankful that you are an American citizen with rights not a lot and they will go away but you have them now. Be thankful for that. Be thankful. You don't need to be a crypto billionaire who's kidnapped and tied to a chair and beaten for their password so they can take the fake money out of your account and the only fans who are you don't need all that you don't need all you don't need a camera crew that lives in your house that takes photos of you driving Lamborghini's around a parking lot. You don't need it. You don't need it. Get a small little place and hang out there and live a life like a human being. You're not going to be able to do that soon. Everything I'm describing is the ultimate luxury. Soon robots are going to drag you out of your house and rape you on the lawn and there's nothing you're going to be able to do about it. So be thankful that you can have a shitty little life. You're right at the end of humanity. You're right at the end of humanity. Be thankful you can have a shitty little life because it's not all going to be sunshine and song. It's not all going to be Coachella and cocaine. We're heading to a real, real interesting situation. Be thankful that you can have a shitty little life in a corner of the world that is still pretty free for now. Be thankful. And I am very grateful and I am thankful for all of you. I was kidding about Israel. Love you. Bye.