Boiled Hamburgers w/ Brad Williams

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo! White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Woo! Well, you two are something. We're bad friends. Somebody's back from out of town. He's tired. He said he's down. He's drinking coffee, coffee, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Great. Thanks for coming out to Lincoln. That show was great. What? Exactly. Oh, thank you for coming out. And you were great. Oh, Sacramento. Lincoln, California. What? What a good show. Exactly. I didn't know what you were saying. You were like, thanks for thanking it. Lincoln. Well, because I was trying to think, is it Zach or Lincoln? It was. They said it was something else, didn't they? Didn't they say it was Lincoln? Lincoln. Oh, Lincoln. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lincoln Logs. Yeah. So thanks for coming out. It was a great show. You were on fire that night. What do you mean? You killed it. And, um, OK. What do you mean? You just shrugged me off. No, I didn't. You did. No, because check the tape. I know. But I'll tell you why. Why? Because I know if I said what I was going to say, that was going to start a fight. So I didn't say what I was going to say. Say what you're going to say. I didn't think I had a great set. And now, here we go. That's annoying. So that's why I edited it out. OK, well, let's go to something better. Fancy was wasted. You were wasted. I've never seen you that drunk. I've never seen you drunk at all, ever. Hammered. Yeah. You were hammered. One drink. One drink? You're alive. No, no, no, no. I poured you whiskey. You drank that. Bobby poured you a full glass. But I have to say, on stage, though, you had the two biggest laughs out of even both of us. See? Right? See was, that's a homerun. Perfect. The timing of it. It was so good. So good. What was the second punch line? It was a big one. Yeah, you got one more big pop. You got two pop. It was based on somebody that was on stage. It was a guy. Personality. Oh, yeah. Personality. Yeah, personality. I'm one word. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I looked at you as if to say, you know, congratulations. You hit the ball. Sometimes he really hits it hard. Really huge rippling loud. And because of that, we got a little gift for you here. This says, hey, bad friends, I found this Fancy B special while thrifting and just had to send it along. Thanks for making all the best podcast on the internet. Your number 69 fan, Mike. Shout out to Mike. You, of course, gave Fancy a shirt I'm sure he owns. Oh, that was an Israeli flag. It is. Wow. Do you own the shirt? I do not. That does not look good. You think that looks good? That does not look good. Desi hual. Yeah. It's also double XL, which looks it looks. Is that a Desi hual? I think so. That's a Desi hual. What? From a thrift store. Oh, from a thrift store. Oh, that's an antique. I'm like, what a thrifty. Imagine on Antiques Roadshow, somebody's like, I found this in an attic. It's a Desi hual shirt. Yeah. And they're like, these things are amazing. They're very valuable. You mean 100 years from now? Oh, yeah. Almost nobody wore them. No one wore them. Only one guy from Spain. He was their man and clientele. Desi hual was founded in Barcelona in 1984 by Swiss businessman Thomas Meyer, the brand originated with the aim of creating a different meaning Desi hual, affordable fashion style that stood out characterized by vibrant colors, patchwork, and bold, Mediterranean-inspired designs. It was founded on the concept of upcycling, starting with a jacket made from reassembled patches of used denim. So it's old shit that they threw together and then sold to you at a premium. Yeah, I mean. Brilliant. Conceptually, it's cool. I think they're using the wrong patterns. Execution. Yeah, the execution is bad. I think the idea is good. It is very good. Yeah, yeah. I can take this, right, and then this, and put it into a shirt, but necessarily it doesn't look good. Doesn't look good like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to find the right combination, I think. You haven't found your groove. The emperor has yet to find his new groove. I'll give it a try. But it was incredible time up in Sacramento. And then you immediately come home and you jumped on a flight to go across the country once again. You've got to be. I'm exhausted. You're a melee airheart dog. You're flying all over the place. Well, also it's like, so we finished the show Saturday and then we fly back that night. And then I show up to the airport pretty early and then five hour delay. Five hour? Yeah. I'm going home. So I'm sitting there at the airport. Had not slept, went to Philly, then shoot. Are they still on strike? Or is it bad on the way back? It's bad. Really? Oh, it's bad, yeah. Houston really hard still for weeks. It's five hour away. Well, I don't care about Houston, but yeah, but out here. I told Honey to buy me 5,000 smart waters, which is what we're doing. 5,000. Yeah. Why do you like smart water? No, no, it's not that I like it. It's just that I have this fear that the world is ending. Right. So I'm going to get seeds. I'm going to do a whole thing. You're going to get seeds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What kind of seeds? Sunflower, barbecue, ranch. So all you need to eat? No, I mean, to plant. No. To plant. No, sunflower. Sunflower's part. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could chew on those for days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to get that, you know what I mean? Chili lime, the Hispanic one. I like those. If you plant those, maybe a chili lamb. Sunflower seed will. Just a Mexican guy grows in your backyard. Yeah. What I'm going to do is I'm going to convert my backyard. Because I have the, not asphalt, but the fake grass. What do you call that? Fake grass. Is that what they call it? I think so. I mean, what do they call it? I mean, turf. Turf. Yeah. I have turf. I'm going to take that out, put real American soil on there. American soil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to put American soil on there, man. I'm going to get American seeds. You know what I mean? I'm not growing hummus. I'm not growing hummus, dude. OK. You know what I mean? American shit. Tomatoes. Because that's a Net-N-Ga Hoot-Go. Net-N-Ga Hoot-Go. Yeah, it is. No, it's not, dude. Yeah, OK. Yeah, I'm not doing fucking, I'm not doing fucking Goya. Is Goya? Is Goya, I think? What is Goya? OK. It just sounds like a Greek thing. I don't know. Is Hispanic? Yeah, I'm not. Only American vegetables and. Hot dogs. Cheeseburger. You can't grow hot dogs. Pretzels. No, no, I'm growing vegetables and fruits. Well, you don't grow hummus either. You don't grow hummus? Chickpeas. It's a bean. It's chickpeas. It's a chickpea. Well, how do you get chickpeas? You grow it. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. No chickpeas. No chickpeas in our house. Well, no, I mean, I'll eat it like if I'm with, you know what I mean. No, it's American. We're not doing that. No, I love hummus, but I'm just saying. All right. I do love hummus, but look, chickpeas are very easy to grow. Oh, fuck. Nutrient, dense, and drought tolerant legumes that thrive in warm weather maturing in 90 days. All right, I'll get chickpeas. All right, we got it. I'll do chickpeas. We'll be hummus boys. Yeah, we'll be hummus boys. But I just think that I have this fear that something's about to happen. So I'm going to Y2K this. So you think the global. Is that the one? Right? Yes. Y2K, yeah. And you know what happened there? Nothing. Yeah, I know. So it's going to be the same result. It doesn't matter, though, because it could have happened. The global food source will be depleted, in your opinion, in the next couple of years, we're about to run out something faster. We'll have the straighter hummus's closed. We don't know when that's going to open up. So it's like. We'll just make it crooked then. Crooked the hummus if we can. Yeah. Stop straightening that thing out. Yeah, you know what I should have done? What do I should have done? Why should I? Should you have done? I'm so tired. 200 years ago, they should just widen that thing. But they have no foresight. You know what I mean? But I'm like, hey, we could make it wider. What, the straight? Yeah, wider. Bigger. Bigger. Yeah. You should have been a civil engineer. I know. I watched the Pluribus again last night, and that is literally what we're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you finish it? Gosh, it's pretty good. I got one left, I think. It's a really good show. But we got to watch it in chunks because it's anxiety inducing. So I can't get through the whole thing at once. You have no anxiety? Huh? You have no anxiety. I have all of it. About the world. Oh, oh, about the world? Yeah. No, I'm comfortable, dude. I'm comfortably numb. Oh, you're numb. Like the song. Yeah. I have become comfortably numb. Good song. It's a good song. Yeah, you nailed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Doomsday Clock, January 27, 2026, as of this year, was set at 85 seconds to midnight. Closest the clock has ever been to midnight in its history. Wow. Well, speed it up. Push the seconds over. Let's have fun. There's a lot of anxiety I feel in the world. I think maybe I'm just like a sensitive guy and I just can feel things. But when you walk into a carbushop and you look at somebody, what's wrong? I'm a sensitive guy. I can feel things. You're an empath? Is that what you're thinking? Well, I'm dating a witch. You are dating a witch. So it rubs off on me. I know. My eye, I can't see out of my right eye. You guys doing? Yeah, yeah. She told me the other night that she can see the future and stuff like that. What did she see? She goes, she stopped doing it because it's like too much. She gets tired. That's her reason to stop. I mean, she got taught it. You know what I mean? That's also not just looking at the future, like looking to people and communicate with like spirits and stuff, right? And she's like, it's. I could run a three minute mile, but I just don't want to do it. Yeah, yeah. No, but it. I just don't feel like doing it, but I can. That's pretty much it. Yeah, it's ridiculous. That's not ridiculous. You can do it, but you just won't. No, you literally can't. You can, though. Physical limit. Can you? A three minute mile? No. OK. No, nobody can. OK. No one can do a three minute mile. Not you or me. I know, but there are people out in the world that can. Yeah, maybe like Mofongo Babango. Yeah, Mofongo Babango. He can. He can do it. Yeah, yeah. Well, the girl that I'm dating is the Mofongo Mofongo of witches. No human has ever run a three minute mile. OK. Wait a minute. She said she could look into the future. I need to hear the rest. Not the future. It's more like she can see things, communicate with spirits, and see things in the past. And that's the opposite. She's going the wrong way. She's oh, yeah. She's she's in. Wait, dude, she's in that other universe to communicating, and she's going backwards. And they're like, the information's up here. She took wrong. I don't know why you guys are laughing at this. You know what I mean? Religion. It's absolutely mind boggling. Dude, fuck you. It's absolutely mind boggling. Shut up. That you would take one's religion and mock it. Witches and magic practitioners often use divination such as tarot, runes, or scrying. She's scrying all the time, dog. She's scrying? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. One time her dog actually started scrying. Do I believe? They cry different. They scry. Oh, they scry? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't. Yeah, it's even more painful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they float when they cry. They scry. So, you know, too, we live in a country where we have freedom of religion. That's right, baby. Best country in the world. And for you to mock one's religion is to me, absurd and offending. Time out. It offends me. You're allowed to have the freedom to religion, to any religion. Yeah. I have the freedom of speech to mock your religion. Which religion is this? Yeah. Which are witchcraft? Witchcraft is a religion. It is a religion. But I have the freedom of speech. Voodooism is a religion. Is it not? Yeah, it is. But we can mock it. That's the whole point of freedom of speech. Wicca, like how? Wiccans. Yeah, Wiccans, yeah. Chesky girl. Yeah, but, you know. What you're saying is contradictory in and of itself. If it's protected religion, then so is speech. So we can make fun of it. That's the point. But it's kind of my religion. It's not yours. I know. I know it's not, but I want to defend the right. Defend your honor. People have the right to have their own religion. And people have the right to not defend them. And you're laughing because you're laughing as if, like, it's not real. No, no, no. It could be. No, no. We're laughing at it. It could be. We're laughing because it's real. That's the God she believes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's the goat God. Yeah. And tell me. I've seen that guy on the Braia before. Yeah. Tell me, Carlos, you were at the drawing room at 1.30 in the morning and you saw that. Yeah. In Los Feliz, at the drawing room at 1.30, right, Macon? Yeah, yeah. At the end of the fucking bar, you've seen her or whatever that is. Ain't going to get a drink. He might be a drink. He might be a drink. Yeah. I walk here from Echo Park. Right? You've seen. The horned goat lives in Echo Park. I got a great one bed, one bath. What else does she tell you about the future? Does she tell us what's coming? Has she given you any insight? Well, you remember I told you that I found your name in my freezer, right? She was putting it in there. No, that's not it. Did I tell you that? You told me she made you put it in there to cool me off. Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah. It didn't work. No. You're hot. The freezer spell involving your name is typically used in witchcraft to blind, stop, or banish a person from causing trouble. Exactly. That's what I was doing. Freezing their negative actions are cultural. I was banishing you, dude. Didn't work. I know it didn't work. I'm unbanishing. I know. I realize that. I realize that you're unbanishable. Also, I realize that, you know what I mean? You can't be binded. You can't bind me. Like in Lord of the Rings, did that ring? No, nothing on you. No bind. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what race you are in that world, but you cannot be bound to that ring. Unbound. You're unbinding. Yeah, so that didn't work. You could be stopped. You could. It's to be stopped, you know what I mean? But it would take like, you know what I mean? A Russian army, I think, to stop you. Don't tempt those guys because they'll do it. So, witchcraft to bind, stop, or banish. Yeah, banish. The two, three of those, you can't do that. Andres Santino. You know, I tried to freeze your negativity, and it didn't work. Also, it was in there for like months. It was between, you know, like butcher box meat and a frozen pizza. Didn't work. Yeah, I put it between like, you know what I mean? And then like one day we're like, well, eat a pork chop and we lifted it, right? And there was like, Andres, you don't fucking eat a pizza. It's just my face. No, just your name. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I ripped it up. I got like, I can't. You ripped it up? Yeah, I can't. Is that banished? Well, that's why I was having back pain that day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you got back? Maybe that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds like, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Binding this motherfucker. Oh, unbound. Yeah. But you know who is a huge soccer fan? I just had no idea. It's Gillis. Oh, is he? Love soccer. We were in the van, we had lunch. And I was watching the Arsenal champions of the game on my phone. He's like, what are you watching? I go, Arsenal playing, you know, and he goes, fuck Arsenal. I go, fuck you. Of course I would say that because I defend myself. That's your argument. Yeah, that's my argument. That's my argument. Yeah. Yeah, you know me. Who does he follow? Can I just finish the conversation? I go, would you say to me, man? He said, you said that this Rubin was the best thing on the menu, it wasn't. Because he was like, you got to try the Rubin. It was OK. Anyway, he's a man you fan. He's a Manchester United fan. Thank you. And then I asked him specific questions. He knew everything. I was mind boggled. He's a big sports fan. But he was like, I've been following him since I was a kid or whatever. I even, historically, I was asking him questions. And Gillis is a man you've had fans so is. Give me another comic that's a man you fan, you know? I feel like we do know someone that's a man you fan. They have the. He's black. They have a tatted on them. He's black. Oh, Ian Edwards. Yep. Yeah. Exactly. He has a tattoo. Doesn't he have a tattoo? Yeah. Couldn't see it anyway. That's good to see you. I know I could. He was about to come up. Dude, you're so fast today. There's only one last. I'm so tired, you can't be quick today. OK. It's just too, you know? Yeah, it's too, you know what I mean? You talk so fast, sometimes I'm not there. He's just in the laser gun. Oh. It's like those Greenland sharks. You know about those soft fuckers? Have we talked about that? Greenland sharks? Yeah, they live to over 400 years old. Some of them 500 years old. Really? The Greenland shark, the longest lived vertebrae on earth. Studies estimated to live 400 fucking years. They're found in the cold deepest part of the Arctic and North Atlantic. These sharks, is my ex up there? These sharks grow at a glacial pace for only one centimeter per year, reaching maturity around 150 years old. So they grow up at 150. That's when they're like an adult. What happened historically 400 years ago? Just Google that. What do you mean? Like what happened right from today? From today, 400 years ago. A Greenland shark was born. Born. Do you Google? Yeah, Google that. I want to see that. What happened today, 400 years ago? Yeah, what happened today, 400 years ago? Or this month? No, just say today. 14, 400, and McCone, get hit by a bus. What is this? Around 400 years ago, the first recorded Africans arrived in the English colony of Virginia at Point Comfort. Your upro. Rupro. A marking of pivotal tragic start to slavery in North America, roughly 20 enslaved people were traded for supplies. Yeah. OK, Greenland shark. Not a good time. Not a good birth time. Yeah, people are on the almost start. And then the baby's born. Wow, not good. It's not good. Not good. I'm just saying though that they've been around. I mean, imagine there is something alive today that witness, not witness, he was an online going, oh my god, this is atrocity. He wasn't like, I got to check this out as a baby. But he was still a lot deep in the ocean, born when this shit was going on. What are you guys doing? What are you guys doing? Are you guys trading and buying humans? I'm going to go back to the depths of the ocean. That's crazy. Imagine interviewing one right now on his deathbed, and he's like, do you guys still buy humans? You're like, wow. Yeah. That's what they look like? Yeah, that's what they look like. They look 400 years old. They look 400 years old. 400 years old. That's crazy. Beautiful, though. It's beautiful. What's the longest species that, what's the longest age length of a species on earth? What species is the longest? That one. Yeah, that's it. All this living vertebrate. Vertebrate, yeah. Yeah, vertebrate. Yeah, yeah. Longest. I'm sure there are plants or trees that are longer, do you think? Trees live. Yeah. The longest lived individual in vertebrate is the ocean kwa-hawg, a clam that can live over 500 years. No. Wow. Oh, or the immortal jellyfish. They put it right there in the game. So, what happened 500 years ago? Gokulbaz. 500 years ago. Yeah, yeah. I'm a clam. What did we see? I'm a clam. We're clams. What did we see? What did we see? So, tell us what the world was like. Well, it was shaped by the height of the Protestant Reformation Expansion of the Spanish Empire, Boo, and the flowering of the Italian Renaissance. Yay. This painting is beautiful. It's gorgeous. A clam today was just like, wow, look at the artistry. Well, look at that. Magellan. So, a clam saw Magellan. Whoa, on the beach saw Magellan. Yeah. Yeah. What is he doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or me, I'm more of a Columbus guy. Oh, yeah. Right? Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, you're happy about Magellan? No. I like Magellan. Yeah, I like Columbus. That was their soccer teams back then. Yeah, yeah. Are you a diehard Columbus fan? I'm more of a Magellan guy. The Inca civilization at its peak in South America stretching from modern day Columbia to Chile just before the Spanish conquest in 1533. Another bad thing you've done. So basically what we're finding out through the history of invertebrates and vertebrates is you guys are up to no good. Pieces of shit. Pieces of shit. Well, the Philippines, you guys, oh my god. Oh my god, what did you do? What did you do? Lapu-lapu. Lapu-lapu. You lapu-lapued it. OK, so Google Zoom in real fast. Yeah, what is this? Immortal jellyfish. A glass sponge lives up to 15,000 years. Whoa, 15,000 years. What happened 15,000 years ago? I'm a glass. We're glass punches. We're glass punches. All right, around 15,000 years. Be a glass. Yeah, be a glass punch, dude. The world was transitioning out of the last ice age, bringing warming climate, producing glaciers. Man, is it getting warmer? I can feel my toes. I can feel my toes finally, dude. Whoa, dude. Humans begin transitioning from purely nomadic foraging to living in semi-permanent settlements. Yeah. Oh, they are? And the suburbs were born. No, I'm kidding. The use of clay for artistic expression began beads pendants rather than utility. Children's adults were shaping clay, reflecting a forgotten chapter in social development. Wow. It is cool to be the first person. What do you call that? Hammer. We witnessed. Yeah, we saw a hammer. We saw a hammer, dude, getting invented. That's insane. Hammer in the morning. Isn't that insane? There are glass jelly. What are they called? Glass sponge. Glass sponges that were around when a fucking hammer was invented. The same guy. What do you mean? Glass sponge. Same guy today. Same guy today. Same dude. Yeah, yeah. Same guy. Same dude is still around. Crazy. Is it boring? I bet he's having a good time. All he's doing is this. Depends on who's visiting him. Have you done this? How long can you do this? 15,000 years. That's insane. But there's no thought. There's no. This is the funniest thing. He literally googled glass sponges daily life as if they have like a nine to five. Y'all brought it to life. Give me daily life. Bobby, he's got the glass sponges to get ready with me, TikTok. Get ready for me to float in the ocean again. I have the answer. Sitting in one place using their silica glass spicules, whoops, sorry, to filter vast amounts of water for bacteria and plankton. So they're filtering. They're living fossils. They can live forever and ever. Show me the video at the glass sponge. I'd love to take a look. You know, this is the thing about the show. Is it a poop fart show? Yeah, but do you learn? You sure do. I sure do. You sure do. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. Acorns is easy. You can sign up in a minute and start automatically investing your spare money, even if all you've got is spare change. Well, here's the deal. All of us are trying to prepare for the future. 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If you need GoFundMe, use GoFundMe. Start your GoFundMe today at GoFundMe.com. That's GoFundMe.com. G-O-F-U-N-D-M-E.com. This message reflects one person's experience. Maybe this thing. No, I'll... Okay. Which is film Porifera. But most sponges are classified as spongy. Is this fancy? Did he do this? Spongy. My previous job. Glass sponges are classified in the class hexactin. They're actually beautiful. Dude. They exist in all oceans. Is he a deer? They're Asian and white. Yeah. The only two colors back there. That's us. We started it all. We're sponges. Dude, we started it all. Asians and whites. And you know why they're so pretty? Yeah. You know why about them? Why? Because they're untouched. Right. Because no one's fucking with them. That's why they're pretty. I want to kill one. Okay. Because... Strange life. Survival in the dark depths. Oh, look at that. They beautiful geometric shapes they get to form into. The silicon structures are so well formed that they can transmit light similar to fiber optics. Amazing. Yeah, but here's my argument against this. Yeah, let's find something negative. I'll say because the difference between that and the alveocy, the Greenland shark is there's no consciousness. It doesn't have a brain, per se. As far as you know. But it doesn't like, you know what I mean? It doesn't have thoughts like, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Why did dad leave? Where did all my friends go? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you know what I mean? Or you know what I mean? God, gas prices are so high. I mean, they don't have thoughts. And he's like, well, they are doing... Well, you saw what they're doing to Iran. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's no... Right? They're not on Twitter, I guess. Greenland shark, you know what I mean? I don't know what they're thinking about. Probably food first. Food for 400 years. The second Coachella tickets. No, I'm kidding. That's not... Do you think they got backstage passes? What? The Greenland sharks got backstage passes at Coachella? You think so? That's very funny. It's like when Greenland shark watching Harry Styles. Right. It's just a popping thing. No, so I mean, Greenland shark has a brain and is... Right? Hunting in the dark. They don't have brains? Greenland sharks? Yeah, all they do is hunt all day. And they have brains, right? So they have thoughts. They don't think much though. How do you know? It says... They're instinct... They're living purely by instinct, focusing on slow motion, scavenging, opportunistic hunting in the dark. But that every day is a new day to hunt. So it must be fascinating to them because they're approaching new shit all the time. They don't stay in the same place. Do they stay in the same area? Right? Don't they stay far and wide? They're the slow swimmers of their size. They have stealth mode. But also this, right? It's like they have to know what to eat and what not to eat. So they don't eat everything. That's instinct. You don't have to know. Garbage disposal. It's just like, you know what I mean? Diet Pepsi can, aluminum can to eat. I mean... That's what instinct is. You don't have to know it. They literally say... So that's not a thought process. Listen. That's an instinct. Yeah. OK. Despite being apex predators, they're primarily scavengers or garbage disposals. With diets that include seals, polar bears, reindeer, anything. They'll eat anything. Rain deer. They'll eat fucking anything. Rain deer? Yeah. Rain deer. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Where does it say reindeer? Right there. Right? I just... Yeah, yeah, go... Where? Rain deer. Rain deer. Santa's after you know... Oh, he crashes into the ocean. Right? And then Greenland sharks are like, he just... Yeah, again. It's like ho, ho, ho. Very good. Every year he kills them. Every 300 years he does this. Right? And he just eats one, huh? What the fuck is that? It's the parasite that lives on most Greenland sharks. They just don't care because... On their eyeballs, right? Yeah, they... I saw a documentary where they live on the eyeball so they can't even see. Oma Tokoiida. Oma Tokaiida. Yeah. Oma Tokaiida is a monotopic genius of corpops and soul species being... However, the specimen has been found on the skin of the great lantern shark which has been assigned to the genius but not the species. But they live in the eyeball. That's amazing. That's how much the Greenland shark does. Both eyes so the Greenland shark can't see. You mean because they got little dudes on their eyes. Just clean it out. Well, they have no arms. That's the problem. They don't have arms? No, dude. No. What's going on down there? They can't wave or anything. Well, what if one shark just... They can't even wave to their friends like, what's up, dude? Haven't seen you in 300 years. Hey, dude, I haven't seen you in 350 years. Where have you been, dude? Oh, it was over there, he says. There, they can blow bubbles. What if they blew bubbles right on the parasites and got it out of there? Then they can't do it. I mean, I would rub it against like a rock or something. Can you do that? Yeah. Just generally rub it against a rock, but I guess they don't even know how to do that. Yeah, they're dumb. They run on insects. Yeah, they just don't know. They have a brain, though. Yeah, wouldn't the brain tell them to rub their eye? No. No, because it's like, you know, it's so dark down there, who gives a fuck? That's what Google says. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so dark down there, you could have whatever on your eyes. It doesn't matter. I mean, you could put peanut butter on your eye. It doesn't even matter. You know. They do have peanut butter down there. I know they do. A lot. Yeah. But you can do whatever with your eyes. You know what I mean? They can be Asian down there. They don't. No, they are. Kind of. Yeah. That's not even. Asian Greenland Shark? Cut that out. No, I'll leave it in. Yeah, yeah. It's very good. Asian Greenland Shark? Wow. They live forever. They live forever. Who? OK, let me ask you. Oh, look at that. He's eating Udon right there. Yeah. Let me ask you, what's the A- don't Google it yet. What's the apex predator in the ocean? Probably. The one that no one fucks with. The killer whale. That's it, dude. Yeah. You're brilliant, Bill. No one can bind you. The killer whale. Isn't that the host? No one can bind him or banish his time. Can't be bound. Yeah. Can't be bound. Can't put me in a freezer. Yeah. Can't put me in a freezer. But yes, it's the orca. It's the orca. Yeah, the killer whale. The killer whale, dude. It's got to be. So those are insane. But not as cool as a sperm whale, which gets up to the size of like, you know, three school buses or whatever. Yeah. Or have you seen an orca pop his head out and look at you? No. Yeah. I've never had it look at me. Oh, I mean, me either. I just saw it on YouTube, but I'm just saying they do it. They'll just pop up, right, with their one eye and look at you to see if it's something that they want to eat. Oh, fuck. You know what I mean? And then they go, nah. You know what I mean? And then they pop back down. Can you imagine being eaten by one of those things? Because sharks bite, but they don't always consume. These things eat you whole. Yeah. They're not saying hello there. They're going, can I eat? Should I eat you? I'm going to eat you. How many people get eaten by orcas every year? Not a lot. Let's guess. Let's guess. Let's guess it before. Seven. You think so? Yeah. I'm going to go 16. Oh, OK. All right. Orcas kill zero people a year in the wild. No documented cases? Wow. They don't like us. We don't taste good. Wait a minute. For sure, I feel like we've heard a story where someone's been eaten by. While orcas are powerful apex predators, they do not view humans as prey. We only taste good to Jeffrey Dahmer. That's the only apex predator that we taste. He's sitting in the ocean for a long time. Waiting for you to take a swim. There have been no confirmed records of wild orcas killing a human. Not even researchers that are in the wrong place, wrong time. How many people are killed by polar bears every year? Let's guess. One. It's got to be more than that, because researchers get killed on, I'm saying five. Between 1870 and 2014, there were 73 confirmed polar bear attacks resulting in 20 human deaths. All that time. Yeah, it's not a lot. Yeah, it's not a lot. It's not a lot? Yeah, you are. It's not a lot. So it's probably less than 1% wise. How about dogs? How many people die by dogs every year? Oh my god. That one's got to be high. High. Let's guess, guess, guess. Hmm, like 100? No, I'll say 1200. Holy shit, that's a lot. Yeah. 30 to 50, I was right. That's just the US. That's just the US. In the world, we said. 25,000 to 330,000 human deaths annually worldwide. I was closer. You were way off. We were way off. I know. The majority of these fatalities are caused by transmission. What does that include? Oh, rabies virus. People that get. Oh, no, I'm not like, you know, we're talking about like mauling. Malt to death is way less. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Way less. India accounts for a significant portion of these deaths where high populations of stray dogs contribute to the risk. Right. Those videos you see, there's just dogs. Literally, there's like every human, there's another dog next to them. Yeah. Dingoes. Probably killed people too. They don't. It's a lie. Dingoes don't. No, that was like an old weird, you know the dingo at your baby is a falsity. Oh, OK. The dingoes are just like small dogs. Oh, they are? Yeah, they're a little, little tiny. You didn't see one over over there? And I saw a dingo. God, I love dingoes. I love me dingo. My. You're going back to Australia. Are you excited? You're going to go see our boys. Brad and Trim. Yeah. I can't wait. It's going to be fun down there. Um. OK, well, that's all our animal talk. Well, no, I mean, because I've been, because instead of the war, I've been trying to like get my algorithm to change to a more animal. I've only been watching war. Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to do more animal, you know, around the world. So it's like, you know, trying to change my algorithm on my TikTok because it depresses me. Well, open up your TikTok right now. What's the first video that you have up there? I don't want to. All right, what's your. I'm going to see what my algorithm is. Sean Penn and Zach Alfenakis. It's rent free in my mind. I'm going to be 37 this year. And I like to think about when my parents were 37. Like stuff like that. You're going to stick a Greenland shark on her. Yeah. Let me just, yeah, I'll open up and let me hear this as then. Yeah, just here. Ready? Yeah. Just here, no, see. Oh, it's a guy jumping off of a cliff doing, skydiving. Yeah, yeah. We're in LA trying supposedly to eat Vashuorma in the city. Kill yourself. Everything is. Kill yourself. Jesus Christ. Whenever you hear those TikToks, I go. And I never, I disagree. Every time I disagree, I've never went, yeah, that guy was right. This is the best burrito. No, it's never happened. Well, that's like, I saw one today that was boiled hamburgers from 1903. And like they live, you know, I was like doing an advertisement for this place. And Pete, that's it. Boiled hamburgers in Wisconsin. Look at the video of them boiling a hamburger. This guy can't even explain. That's not it. I wish that was the video. The guy can't even explain. They were like, what do they taste like? And he's like, well, good. He couldn't even tell you. Yeah. Boiled hamburgers. Oh my god, that sounds soggy. So soggy. Oh my god. There it is, right there. No, thank you. Do that one. Celebrating down. Celebrating 115 years of boiled. Yeah, this is the guy. This guy right here? No, no, no, that's the new. He looks like a boiled hamburger. Yeah. Look at that. The burgers and from there. They pour water on them the whole time. Oh, what you're saying is they don't boil the bun. They boil the burger. Oh. I thought you said, I thought you thought a hamburger. No, no, stop. Push pause. OK. Boil the bun. You just lied. What? You lied. What are you talking about? A hamburger is with the bun as well. So you're saying they boil the patty. Yes, that's the point. Well, then just say patty. They also don't boil the cheese or the lettuce. That's what I thought. Well, then that's not a hamburger. Are you the dumbest guy alive? No, no, are you a liar? When I just said it's called a boiled hamburger. Right. That's what it's called. OK, now I'm getting the context of it. So the meat, so I'm tired. Don't even. No, no, you don't want to start. Don't try to backtrack that. I'm not backtracking out of it, dude. I need to defend my fucking life here, dude. Please? All right. It's just in my mind, it's like they boil the hamburger. Now, in my mind, you envision a hamburger, right? Which is just let me finish. You envision a hamburger fully cooked. Let me finish. Let me finish. And then they boiled it? Yeah, yeah. So they put the fucking bread down. That's how you thought about it. Then the meat, right? Then onions, cheese, you know what I mean? Relish, ketchup, right? More bread, right? And then they boil the whole thing. That's what you thought of boiling it. In my mind, I'm like, it's so soggy. Oh my god, dude. So if they boil the meat, that doesn't sound that bad. It looks. Look at it. That looks disgusting. OK. Sloppy. It looks like it looks like. I mean, it's better than boiling the whole thing. Yeah, yeah. Shouldn't boil the whole thing. So good. Yeah. Press play. Watch him smash it in the water. OK. I mean, it's ludicrous. Was that is that dumb of me, really? Yes. No, I don't think so. Yeah. No. No. Look, look at that. Look at that. Press play. Smashing it in the water. That looks disgusting. Oh god, dude. Can you push pause for a second, please? Can I defend this? Can I still try to defend it? Sure. Wiggle your way out of this one. Sometimes, because this is 115 years, he's been doing it, right? Right. Did I not say that? OK. So sometimes this. All right. Just listen to my logic, please. Yeah. Before you like mock me and laugh. I already laughed. All right. So because if you do, your name gets back into the freezer. All right. I will try to banish you again, dude. Where's mine? Anyway. Expellius, Asianus. All right. So just can you just listen to my theory here? Sometimes you have to think about it in context. OK. It's everything. It's everything, right? So it's like, you know, people go, you know, like music from the 60s, right? I put it in context. Like this is the beginning of, you know what I mean? Stages of rock and roll, you know what I mean? And so when you're listening to it, you listen to it with that context, right? It's not as well produced as like a Harry Styles album or for instance or whatever, right? So it's like when you go to Felipe's downtown. Love. Great, right? Great, right? But you put in the context that this has been around for so long and they haven't really changed their menu that much. So you eat it with that context like, oh, my God, this is like, you know what I mean? The same as it was in the 40s and it's cool. A Greenland shark might have had this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or those clams. The clams. So what I'm saying is these boiled hamburgers is the same thing. It's like a nostalgia thing. It's a context thing. Oh, yeah. You and I. When they boiled bread back then. He thought they made the cheeseburger and then they boiled it. It's insane. I know. I know. Now. All right. Now. OK. Now that. All right. Now that I think of it. By the way, I agree to them when he goes, it's got to be soggy. I go, yeah, I'm thinking, yeah, the meat's got to be soggy. But I was. He's like, no, the whole thing is soggy. And you know what? Bad friends at home. Yeah, yeah. Somebody please make a boiled hamburger and send us a video of you boiling an entire hamburger and send it to Carlos in the booth at JBL.com. Anyway, we, you know, went to Laurie's. Laurie's. You said it like a Southern black man. Went down in a lorry. You know me and Laurie. I love Laurie. Have you been to Laurie's? Laurie's. Yeah. Yeah. Laurie's. Have you been there? Oh, I be. Yeah. So you know what Laurie's is, right? Have you had had the season season salt, Laurie's? Laurie's seasoning salt. You know that, right? So the same year, check out this information. Laurie's. The same year they developed the salt, you know, means the guy that invented the salt opened a restaurant in L.A. called Laurie's on La Cienega. I can listen to you say it all day. He opened up Laurie's. Also, this is day seven of me not smoking cigarettes. Wow. You make it so weak of no smoking. I'm so proud of you. So. But wait, you went to Laurie's. Right. And so, you know, Laurie, like Kyle, Laurie. Yeah, yeah, I went to Laurie. Yeah. Who that? Kyle, anyway. I went to Laurie's and she's like, what? She goes, there's these, you know, the tin. Yeah. What did they explain it then? I've been to Laurie's. What is it then? The tin. When I say tin, what do you mean? The tin. What does it mean? When they cart out the tin. Yeah, yes. Yeah. Yes, exactly. I've been there. So you know what you're talking about? I've been there. I told you four times. OK. By the way, by the way, I've been there and then I never went back. I don't I don't like it. I like it. You do. Dude, it's also 60 percent Asians that go there. Well, that's why I don't go. Yeah, we love it. Yeah. Once it once a race takes over a place, I'm out. OK, well, that's crazy. I want it diverse. OK. So anyway, we go to Laurie's. Like that. I backed right in. Right. Right. Wiggled my way out. Wiggled the way out. Escape room, racial escape room. Yeah. I don't like it when there's too many Asians because I like it more diverse. All right, let him out. So when you. Right. Normally, when you go to any restaurant, right, you know, you order your prime rib. Sure. Right. And it just appears from the back of the kitchen. Right. Somebody prepares it. Somebody boils it back. Yeah, it boils it back. So many boys up that prime rib. Go ahead. I'm looking at terms of wet bread. This is a good example. What about Yorkshire pudding? That's a wet bread. Yeah, it's not our thing. I know I'm just saying. So in my mind, boiled hamburger, you mean it doesn't sound that preposterous. I'm going home tonight and I'm boiling. OK, let's let it go. All right, you're at Lowry's. So we're at Lowry's and she goes. And what happens is you order your prime rib and there's there's different cuts that you can get. That's right. There's a California cut. Right. There's a regular cut. I get the Tokyo cut. Of course. Yeah, because it's small. It's a small part. Catering to their audience. Yeah. Yeah. And so they so you order a cut and all your sides and they bring a little tin cart. And they bind your feet. I didn't know they don't. They don't buy. So they they come with a tin cart, right? They open it up, right? And they slice it in front of you. Right in front of your face. Right. And they pour all the side in front of you. A lot of juices. A lot of juices, right? The juice, the fuck out of it, right? And you get your quick pudding. Yeah, you do. You're right, which is a wet bread. Wet bread. It's a wet bread. Yeah, it's a boiled bread. It's boiled bread. And then, you know, and then she goes, why do we they do it like this? I go, it's the nostalgia of it. Yeah. They've been doing it like this since like whatever, the 40s and stuff. And that's why Asian people like it, because it does some elegance to it. It's also reminiscent of the past. It kind of reminds you of the shining ballroom in the movie, The Shining. You know what I mean? That kind of a vibe, you know what I mean? Gigantic chandeliers kind of gaudy a little bit. Opulent. But also dark and dim. It's a really cool place and the food's great. It's good. Yeah. And it's like, but it's the it's the the ritual of it, right? So when you said it boiled bread, you thought about loud. No, I'm just saying to me, it's like, you know, you know, if they've been if they've been doing it, whatever there's a region of this country for 115 years that way, it was Wisconsin. Yeah. Can you imagine this is the longest this is the longest of rebuttal. Yeah. Like a court case, the judge would be like, sir, sir, sir. Yeah. It's worth throwing the case out. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, it was very good, though. I think that the reason why we talked about me quitting smoking it or no last time. Go ahead. Let's hear it. But why I quit because it's going to kill you. That's not why. Oh, yeah, yeah, that is why. That is why. Yeah, yeah, that is why. Yeah, but oh, the black. Because you're just spit. Yeah, spit. No, no, no. The reason why quit smoking is because Remy died. My dog. Long cancer. No. Yeah. Hey, man, Bob. Go down to the college store. Now they're here smoking in the skin. Let's have a stick together before we go to the garbage store. No, that's not what happened. Yeah, you have a long camp. Your dog has stayed for a long time. That'd be insane. How many packs has he smoked in a day? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, um, hey, man. Hey. That little bad William. They go that brand William. What's up, man? Go that, go that, go that, go that, go that, go that, brand William. We thought we'd bring in your furniture from home. Make you feel comfortable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it. I sat in a blue chair in case we're doing a gender reveal. Yeah. All right. So is that a boiled hamburger? A boiled hamburger. So so we've got this stuff. Carlos brought us this stuff. Carlos, why did you bring us this? Yeah, yeah. What is this for? So you could see what it's like to be like Brad. Oh. Oh. So this is what it's like for a toothbrush. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, yeah. So then, yeah, man. So wow. Yeah, yeah. It's tough, isn't it? Yeah, it's tough. Big. I realize how tough it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You can still write with this. Well, but you got to use the toothbrush with two hands. Oh, I see. I see. Like a really hard scrub. That's the only way it works. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. This is how they polish the pyramids. Remember back in the day? Dwarves didn't. Yeah, I wasn't there, but I'm just saying. Wait, dwarves didn't do that? No, we didn't polish. There was one dwarf that worked out on the pyramids. How do you, the top one, they send you up there, no? Someone tells me the dwarf was at the bottom. They were like, yeah, get the bottom. Get the stuff we need to get down there. Yeah, it's like. You can lift him to the top to put the little, you know, the top apart at the top of it. If you see a dwarf window washer, he's not doing the top. No, he's on the bottom. He's on the bottom. Oh, you're on the bottom? Yeah. I'm all I'm just saying you could be done. I've always been a power bottom, Bobby. You know this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On top is fun for you. Is top fun for window washing or sex? What are we talking about now? Have you ever been to Jimmy Howes? Wait, what? Jimmy Howes. Jimmy Yow? Oh, A-U-S. It's for men five, eight and under. Because that's where I get my suits. That's where he gets his suits at Jimmy Howes. I didn't know this was a real place. This was never discussed in the meetings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like to highly recommend Jimmy Howes. He would love you. I'm going to have to go there. Yeah, yeah. Holy shit. I go there all the time. So like I will walk into Jimmy Howes and just be like, wow, I have a challenge for you guys. Yeah. You say five foot, eight and under. Let's let's hit the under. No, they have it all. They do. Have it all. Yeah, they do. They have it all there. My dwarf ass. Yeah. Go to Jimmy Howes, dude. They have a section called your dwarf ass. In the back of Jimmy Howes. Yeah. We already plugged this guy so much. We're giving him good business. I know. I mean, now he's going to get. Probably Dinklage goes. All my money. Yeah, yeah. Wait, Dinklage goes? He hates Dinklage. I know, I know, I know. Arch Nemesis. I can't. But you're not going to go at the same time. You guys have like, you know what I mean, a schedule. Aren't you guys on an app? Yeah, an app where it's like, we can't be here at the same time. Two dwarfs can't be here. There's only one section for you people, right? So that's a lot of traffic. Isn't there like an ID? You have to make an appointment, you know. Like when dwarfs can come in. Yeah. OK, so what's a dwarf app? Go ahead. The dwarf app actually is the same as the car app. Lift. Lift. Very good. What store has the best dwarf clothing? Oh, the best dwarf clothing. Like Brad's going to go shopping today. Aside from Gap's kids. Yeah. Brodos. What's called Frodos? Let me tell you. He can't get. Let me tell you. Dude, that's a great clothing. Frodos. Frodos, dude. Yeah, baggins. Or the Shire, whatever you want to do. Let me tell you. That's a good clothing business. I will tell you where the best clothes are. It's at Plantain Republic. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys. Plantain Republic. That's really funny. Well done. Well done. I will say. All right. Selection at Build-A-Bear. I knew it was coming. It's so great. I could be an astronaut. I could be a dancer. That's so funny. I could get whatever I want there. And then we can put a little button in you so you have somebody's voice inside your stomach. Yeah. I finally have a heartbeat. Go to that heart. Remember the other day you were at the store a couple of months ago and I was like, where'd you get that jacket? It's dope. Yeah. No, Build-A-Bear. I did ask them that. Why'd you laugh at that? They're not for you. I know. I know. That's why Bobby asked. But I was really like, I liked your fit that night. So I was asking like, where do you get? Like, I feel like I go, where'd you get all that? You know what I mean? And you were explained to me like, you know a guy. That shirt is great. Where's that shirt from? This shirt is from a kid's bowling team. That's dope. That's dope. I just jumped him after a match. Imagine. I know what it was. I could take him. It was the pants. Oh, the pants? Remember the pants you go and you bought a bunch of those. Yes. Yeah. So that's what it was. Yes. So you may, yeah. If you find something that's good, see, I do that anyway. If I find something I like, buying is a bunch of them. Let's go. That's what you do. I buy them all the clothes. You have to. Why? If I like it, it fits. Because I don't like how certain jeans fit or pant. I'm like, I'm just going to buy a few of these. Because you have the opposite problem with me. You have long legs, but then no ass. I got a nice ass. It's no ass. No ass. You're out of your fucking mind. Are you kidding me? That is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're bending over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a gorilla. You're sticking it out. That's not a good ass, dude. That's booty. Yeah, but now the pants are pushing it up. What about mine? What about mine? All right, hold on. Let me judge. You asked for it. I asked for it. No, it stands straight up. Look at it now. Look at my ass. OK. You know what? You know what? Brother, I got a great shitter. You're out of your mind. I stand corrected. I have a nice shitter. I stand corrected. Only hair at the bottom. Yeah. How'd you do that? Well, look at this. Look inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so pink. Dude, you have the pinkest asshole I've ever seen. I know. It's so pink. I won an award in 06. You definitely have a virgin asshole. I do, brother. It's like a piglet's asshole, this guy. I just never been touched. It's never been touched. It's never been abused. That's not what I'm saying. The color has nothing to do with the asshole abuse. Oh, it has a lot to do with it. Oh, really? Yours is darkest night. I know. It's like a black eye. Somebody's punching my fucking asshole. I'm just ethnic. They're punching it with their wheels. No, they're not, dude. No, they're not. It's not my guy. You who lives in your asshole is the Greenland Shark down there. Who has a darker asshole? The Greenland Shark or me? By far you. OK. Oh, like, I literally, you have the pinkest asshole I have ever seen. It's so pink. It's insane. I bet you. Do you shit out your mouth? Because there's no way shit comes out your asshole. Brad, you're a genius. You must shit out your mouth. You've seen what I do on stage. Yes, I do shit out of my mouth. Are you a little bisexual or no? No. I've had a male female threesome. Yeah, the devil's threesome. Yeah. Devil's three. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard of that. That move. Devil's two and a half. It was a lot of fun. We didn't do an Eiffel Tower. We did a Leading Tower of Pisa. It was a tall guy in me. Yeah, yeah. It was a tall guy in me. So I've done that. I thought I don't know where that put me. But did you touch the guy at all in any way? Yeah, but it was accidental. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was always accidental rubbing. Yeah. There was. Well, like, we had to switch positions at one point. Right. And this is back. I'm going to just tell you right now, if I ever had sex with you and another girl, I'd be laughing so fucking hard. I would not be able to get hard, dude. You know how funny that'd be? Oh, my God. You would you would be hearing the sound of Mario getting a coin every time I thrust. Oh, my God, dude. Oh, it's so funny. How all right, how scared would you be if you were having a threesome and and the and the other male was a dwarf of the male having the bigger dick than you? Because that that's why I got to give this guy props that had the threesome with me. Yeah. Because like he was very confident. And then it turned out I found out why. But a big old. Yeah, a big one. Can I ask you a serious question? If I may, because we're fucking around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I want to ask him a serious question. Of course. Do you think as a comic, like sometimes I think, you know, like the reason why, you know, I had the upper hand in comedy was because I'm a smaller Korean dude. And I looked the way that I do, right, which sets me apart from other people. You think that the dwarfism helped you in your comedy? Oh, at first it helped. Yeah. And then later it hurt. What do you mean? Because at first it helped because of his joints. I mean, they're really hard. I had to walk a long way. Those comedy stools on stage are high. You know how high the stage is. Oh, my God, I had to get a sherpa for those things. Yeah, yeah. They had to make one of those. Ooh. Get them up on stage. Go ahead. So it helped at first. Yeah. Because then for the exact reasons that you described that people wanted something different on the show, they didn't want to just your average straight white male, like just a straight redheaded white guy. Like that's so boring. Yeah. That's just so horrible and boring, even if they do have a nice hat. Because I believe that it was harder for you. You let him finish and we'll get to it. Yeah. And then so that got me on shows. But then it was harder to get past the threshold of people think I was a gimmick and people to actually like pass me onto the next stage of like, oh, no, but he's actually funny. Like actually funny. He's on stage. I don't know, dude. I think that's your own head saying that because it's like, you know, I mean, there's a lot of space. There's a lot of space. Yeah. That's an echo. Oh, it's an echo. OK. Yeah. That's a big old head. When I was on the cruise, when I was performing, I thought to myself, Brad, you would have just disappeared because he was shaking back and forth. Oh, my God. I love. You mean, gone to the other side. Dude. I love comedy on cruises. Fun, right? Fun. He had fun. When it's a theme cruise. Yeah. Did you do the Joker's one and Bert's cruise? No, I did the the workaholics guys. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. OK. That was really fun. That yeah. With me, Swartz, and it was so much fun. That's so cool. Yeah. I do the Chris Jericho Rock and Wrestling Rager at Sea. Wow. So that's pro wrestling, comedy, and heavy metal on a boat. Wow. Do you get to wrestle? Oh, there's clips. Oh, really? Yeah. There is a clip of me giving Horn Swoggle a stone cold stunner. You can find that. Fucking way. Yeah. Oh, he took off your hat. He stole my hat. That's son of a bitch. Gives me the finger. Oh, my God. That was the moment when like Sonic the Hedgehog gets hit and the coins just fly out of him. Yeah. Me giving another dwarf a stunner. You got to go down there. It's taking him an hour to get back up. Wow, that sounds so fun. That was so much fun. So like, as a wrestling fan, I can tell you, the holy shit chant is one of the best compliments a wrestler can get. And we got that just staring at each other. Oh, wow. I didn't have to go through a table of thumbtacks. It's a very, look at that. That's a very holy shit moment. Did you practice that? No. Oh. That's instinctual. Felt it in the moment, man. Yeah. That's a dwarf on dwarf crime. OK. Yeah. Wow. I'd love to know those stats on dwarf on dwarf crime. That's my favorite thing. You did it, but it was the same height as before. It's not the same height. As I'm sitting down, it's the same height. Bro, I have watched dwarves get into actual fights. It is so funny. Really? It is so funny. So every summer, there's a national dwarf convention. Oh my God, we got to go. We got to go. Where is it? This year, it's in Mordor. This year, it's in Mordor. That's very good. This year, it's in New Orleans. Oh, wow. We got to go. We got to go. Yeah. Little Rock. Smallville. Pebbleton. Go back. The Little People of America and the LPA National Conference is an annual week-long event providing support, education, community for people with dwarfism and their families. That's a fun way of saying boning. Last year. Last year was in San Diego. Yeah. Wow. I went to that one. So the ticket's half off. So when you. Stop it, dude. The only one is in Minneapolis. Minneapolis. Yes. That's a good one. Very good. That's a really good one. Very good. So this year. It should not be in Ireland. If it's in Ireland, we're going to trip some people to fuck out. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Someone's going to walk out of a pub and go, holy shit. This is like when the crickets fell from the sky. You know what I mean? It's happening. I saw a fucking sign of the apocalypse. So click on that thing. The future national. I want to see this 2026. It's happening in July. Yep. July. It's in New Orleans. And then 2027. It's in New York, New York. Wow. Wait, why can't we go to this? If we went, would it be weird or no? Yeah. OK. Oh, I would be weird. I mean, we. Yeah, it would be showing off. Yeah. We don't have security guards or anything. Oh, OK. You guys get around. What if you guys need to grab something from up on a top shelf or something? We need you guys. Dude, I mean, but. But the people that are working there are not dwarves. Are there or no? I mean, yeah, it's all it's all. So everyone. Volunteers. Everyone working there is dwarves as well. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So like. Is the building smaller? No, it's a regular hotel, which always trips me out because there's people staying in this hotel that don't know there's a dwarf convention going on when they book it and they just show up like I've hit the. Some guy on a sales trip walks in. Yeah. The marquee walks out of the bar there in the lobby. He's like, fuck. Yeah. Could you imagine if you did drugs for like the first time and then you woke up the next day? You're surrounded. You're surrounded by dwarves. Tripping on mushroom. I'd be like, holy shit, I fell into Narnia. So how many people go to this convention? Over a thousand. Right. So that's like 300 regular people. Yeah. A thousand little people go every single year. And now is this raising money for anything at all? Yeah. So it's a LPA. It's a charity. What does that stand for LPA? Little People of America. Oh, there is an organization. Yeah. Little People of America. LPs. Little Men. Wow. Yeah. Amazing. Now this is actually, let's be honest. This is similar to summer camps and all that stuff. This is just a hookup convention for young single. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. You go all year and you're in your friend's owned and then you go to a dwarf convention and you're hot as fuck. That's pretty cool. And it's awesome. Now, were you getting late at these when you were single when you were going to these? Bro. Wait, seriously. With other dwarfs? Bro. Really? Really. I've got stories. Give us a song. I've got story. I've laid waste to some little women. What? So little women to turn you on? Yeah. Oh, OK. You're married to, you're married to, well, you. What do you mean little women turn you on? Yeah, why is that funny? Because you acted surprised. No, he inquired. No, because I'll tell you why. Because I know some Asian dudes are attracted to white girls. Traders. Not the same. It is the same. Traders. No, it's not. They're traders, right? Yeah. Well, he's married to a full-size Asian woman. I understand that. Oh, is he a trader? I know her. He's a trader. Great. He's a trader. Yeah, he's not a trader. That was your point. You cut our trader. Yeah. A lot of the dwarf women call me a trader. Yeah. Do they really? Yeah. That's insane. Yeah, this is very true. No, what do you mean? This is the same as like. Black guys. What? Like black guys with white girls. Yeah. What's up? Like black dudes when they're with white girls. That doesn't happen. I go home. And vice versa. Hey, hey. Who's the trader there? You going to leave him out there? Yeah. Go ahead, let him fly. Oh, no, I don't need help on this because I know it's true. OK. Oh, he knows about black. Black women complain that black men are. I mean, with white girls. Oh, right, right. Yeah, yeah. Oh, dude. That's what he means. I thought he meant he didn't like it. Oh. I was like, are you good? Yeah. I didn't read that. But you understand, that was my boiled hamburger moment. Yeah. Yeah. But also, he didn't like it. But he doesn't like it. No, yeah. But what it's worth. Yeah. Let's be honest. Yeah. But OK. How many, and you're all a consenting adult, how many little people, how many little women, love that movie, how many little women, how many little women. We should remake it with little women. Why did they not? How is that not? How many little women in a weekend? It's a weekend? It's a week. It's a full week? Yeah, full week. What was the full takedown number of a full week? Of my. How many women did you sleep with? Of my best year. Your best year. I mean, we hit two hands. No way. You're talking one or two a day? Yeah. Wow. Wow. It was fun. Wow. Wow. I told you, it's a fuck carnival. Wow. I was fucking Matt Reif at that damn thing. It was great. Wow. We hooked up with Matt Reif. You're the Matt Reif of little people. The Matt Reif of little people. Wow. You're doing crowd work. No, I had a very good time when I was single. That's amazing. It was fun. But who do you find more attractive? Little people or? And this sounds. Non-little people. Or non-little people. Like what do you? Or reachers. Or reachers. You call us. Can we call them reachers? Wait, what's our derogatory names? Reachers, what's the other one you call us? Biggers. Biggers. Biggers. Yeah, biggers. Big Us, big Us. So what do you find more attractive? I say hard-art. You have to say big. Say biggers. Yeah, I can say big-ers. OK, got it. Don't like you big. Biggers be crazy. So do you prefer big-us or do you prefer little-us? Little-us. Little-us, right? Liliputians. Liliputian. I'm just learning this. It sounds crazy, but I truly don't have a preference. Oh, yeah. I truly don't. Because he's been with both women. Yeah, it's great. I've just never had the opportunity to date a little person. Come on, you're Asian. There's plenty. To many women, you are the little person. OK. Yeah, yeah. But you know what I mean, though. Yeah. Have you had the opportunity? Like, I've never been hit on by a little person or got to go to the convention, man. Yeah, I mean, I've never. I never have. That's kind of crazy. No, I've never been hit on. But because here's the thing. Every time I've ever seen a little woman, she's with a little man. Yeah. It's like, I've seen many little men in public. Little men. I've seen, I don't know. Slow down. Spallers. Yeah, yeah. I've seen many male dwarfs in public without women, by themselves or in a group. But I've almost never seen a dwarf woman with a group of other dwarf women in public out on the town. Why did there needs to be more than one? You have a selection? What do you call that group? They're not M&Ms. What do I call them? Yeah. It's like a murder at Crows. I like the green M&Ms. I mean. What's a group of dwarves? Is it a coaster of dwarves? I don't know. I don't know, dude. I've never seen a dwarf woman. Look at those girls with a handful of them. I can see like 20 women coming out of a Waymo. Bro, there was one time at a convention where there was a group. There was a group action going on. And there was an orgy. Yeah. Little people have a little people orgy. And there was about. But that's LPO. I call it LPO. Stop it, Karla. Stop it. Stop it. We all slept in the same bed that night. But instead, we slept like sideways. Like sardines. We fit. You fit. We fit. Wow. Well, that's the best thing about that convention. You guys can all share a room. Yeah. One room. Like puppies and stuff. Yeah. Like a litter. You call it a litter? I told you it's called a handful. Handful. Handful. OK. And yeah. You throw a couple pillows in the bathtub. You can fit three more in there. You're good. So how many people fit on the bed? I want to do the math on this. And this is real? What size bed is it? Wait, wait, wait. It's a king hotel bed. He's going to tell you what is actually real. No jokes. No jokes. No jokes. We always make sure there's either like six or eight of us. Oh my god. There can't be seven of us. Why? The animals have started singing. Yeah. We do that on purpose. This is like a sleeping white girl. We will literally look around and be like, OK, there's six. If one guy comes up, we're like, you can't come in. You can't come in. Yeah. Find another. Really, that's lower than. It's a lower thing. We don't like it. Yeah. Oh, you don't like it? Yeah. We like there cannot be seven of us in a room. Wow. That's so funny. But that's really fine. Nine's fine, though. No, yeah. Yeah. Any number but seven. Because OK. Totally cool. Because of the movie. Yeah. By the way, did you guys see the results of the Razzie Awards? No. The CGI dwarf actors. Oh, that's right. You've won me that. Won an award, which I think is. I think that's great. Fucking fantastic. Yeah. That it was not actual dwarves playing the dwarves. Yeah. Which I know you have a big gripe with. Are you still mad at that? Yeah. Of course I'm still mad at that. I'm just not on a fucking payday, dude. Yeah, yeah. All seven artificial dwarves. All the AI CGI dwarves got. Yeah. Yeah. As worst supporting actor. And Nicholas Cage was up there. Stephen Dorreth, Greg Kinnear, and Sylvester Stallone. Who was Cage? Or Cage for what? Gunslingers. Oh, I see. Yeah. Yeah. Seven. He phones it in. Seven CGI dwarves. Didn't used to. One for worst supporting actor. And according to this website, they took home a joint Razzie stealing yet another award that could have gone to a real life dwarf actor. Let me ask you something. I could have won that Razzie. Now, if they did use dwarves in the actual movie and you didn't get the part of the seven, would you be mad? Heartbroken. Oh, yeah. That would be heartbreaking. It's like. Being one of the funniest guys on planet Earth and not getting it. Yeah. Because they're right. That would be heartbreaking. It truly would be. Because there's not that many of us doing the acting. In the acting space, yeah. Yeah. Like how many in the acting space is going to be. I would argue there's too many of you in the non-action space. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotta get you down to one profession. Probably 20, right? I mean, you see the same guys at every audition. Right. So it's like 50-50 getting it for you. Probably. Yeah, if they used dwarves. Who's your Frederick Douglass? Is there a historical figure that you can go back to? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. Who is it? Billy Barty. Billy Barty. That's what I want to know. Look up Billy Barty here. Billy Barty, he was an actor and he actually founded Little People of America. He founded LPA. Wow. So all of those orgies happened because of Billy. Thank you, Billy Barty. That's your MLK. Yeah. OK, wow. Yeah. We should at least get a half day off work. Oh, yeah. For his birthday. I had a dream. You all right? He doesn't speech? I mean, I'd make fun of you, but that's kind of what he sounded like. Billy Barty. Yeah. So that's our guy. Wow, that's your guy. And how long go to he pass away? How long has he been dead? Let me see, 2000 he died. 2000. So you never met him? Oh, no, I met him. You've met Billy Barty. Yeah, I've met him. Wow. Yeah, he's a great guy. Did you get nervous when you met him? No, because I didn't really know who he was. But then he didn't know his social impact. Yeah. At the time you didn't. Yeah. And now I know. So you blew off Billy Barty. Yeah. He was in Willow? Yeah. Yeah. He was in Willow. Yeah, yeah. He was the source worker. It's like the power to control the universe. What finger? Was he R2D2 or? No, that was Kenny Baker. Oh, Kenny Baker. I know way too much. Yeah. No, that's good. You know your history. I think that's important. I got to know my history. They gave us a monthly. Yeah. So it's more of a pamphlet, not really a whole book. So he died at what? What does it say? No. 76, is that what he was? But historically, but historically who's your like, you do have a gang? It's Khan back then or? Oh, like, oh, like a dwarf. Evil dwarf. Like, there's an evil dwarf back then, like 200, 300, 400 years. I mean, I think there was one dwarf serial killer. Oh, whoa, this is dude. I forget his name. Well, look at this. There's a couple here. There's Tom Thumb, the original Tom Thumb, Charles Stratton. Yeah. And then there was Count Joseph Borowski, a 3-3 Polish born entertainment musician, author who was welcomed to European courts later lived in England. The Ovitz family family, Jewish entertainers Romania. OK, the Ovitz family. If you gave me unlimited power in Hollywood, I make that movie. The Ovitz family. Yeah, because. Why? Why? Why? They were a family of Jewish dwarves from Romania, but they were taken to Auschwitz. And they were experimented on and not all of them survived. Don't do it. Come on. Do it. Don't. Do it, Bobby. Don't. It's a hat on the hat. Don't do it. I really don't have a joke for it. Don't. Yeah, you don't do it. Don't. Do it to my face. Don't do it. Look at me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember I have a child. Yeah. Just a little train. Stop it. You want? Is it going to put you guys in a toaster oven? Easy bake. Easy bake. You guys are in dog cages. Ding. Yeah, yeah. You heard the ding of the easy bake. You're like, ding, dwarves are done. Oh my god. So those are the worst jokes ever. The dwarves of Auschwitz. Yep. Wow. That's so fucked up. That's so fucked up. That's the documentary that we're doing. The food. Stop. No, I wouldn't ask. What are you doing? I mean, real though. Stop it. Can I be real about it? It's just like, you mean, right? They weren't as hungry as the other day. I knew it. I knew it. Because it's not as if they give you less bread. They give you less. Thank you everyone for slicing bread. We're sitting there like, we're eating good time, boys. You just get like, I'll put on. We got to starve the dwarves. What do we do? Cruton. Cruton. Cruton is a loaf of bread. What are you going to fucking loaf of bread? You two guys give the same amount of food? I don't know. I wasn't there. OK, all right. That old? Yeah. Seven dwarves of Auschwitz. The fact that there were seven of them. Seven dwarves of Auschwitz. That's the original story. That's where it's from. Oh, wow. That is crazy. Remake that, Disney. And I swear to God, if you CGI people, seven dwarves of Auschwitz, that's a cool fucking, well, they got to make that movie. That's a movie that you should produce. I want to produce it. Yeah. I just don't have them in a movie right now. You know, you got to find the rights to it, is what you got to do. Who has the IP of that? Who the hell is John the Dwarf? Yeah. John the Dwarf, the desert father of early Christianity? Yeah, John the Dwarf. What? John the Dwarf. Blame me? A Coptic desert father. Yeah. All right. And then there was one dwarf I know who was actually the one that actually mapped the inside of the human body. Like one of the first ones. Well, because you could crawl in there. Exactly. Get in there. Get in there. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. All right, voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice voice Dude, it's okay You'd see the lump in the chest like from alien In fact, that's what motivation for alien was that burst out of the chest There are five There's four there's four chambers I'm gonna find out how many stomachs we have Yeah Right, oh, this is why we've been friends for so long so long because we have the most fun And Brad by the way oh Brad by the way for people that want to know not just a great guy great comedian has a special out right now Yeah, watch it's live lot listen to the title of this. You ready? Yeah, it's real The name of the title live on short street On short street the theater the theater he filmed that at sits on short Wow In Lexington, Kentucky and when does it come out Brad April 12th April 12th Yeah, April 12th on my YouTube channel. Yeah, go to Brad Williams comedy You can you can watch it some might argue it's a short film Yeah, that dude if that ever won like I should make that seven dwarves about seven dwarves of Auschwitz But make it of short film. Oh my god Just so we can win best short film at the Oscar. That'd be so good He's a little funny. No, he's very funny. Mm-hmm. You see the man live right now Brad look at them and say thank you. Thank you for being a bad friend. Hey everybody. Thank you for being a bad friend Wow You