Ep 610 - The Bewick's Wren (feat. James Mccann)

Wow, wow, wow. West. I was told I was told the birds hatched while I was gone and I don't see any sign of it. Where? Yeah, you'd see the eggshells, at least you would think, but the papa comes in every so often feeds them and it flies out. He got some of the mom. Yeah. Or the mom. Yeah, they have stayed together, which I'm very happy. That's awesome. It's not just the mom. There's mom and dad. Or really? Yeah, it's very two-parent household. Yes. How I guess the one, the dad birds bigger, I guess, stronger, like he uses the reason how do you tell? Yeah, he and I smoke. He meets me back outside and he goes, you're bore me a beer, brother, my fucking just a symbol. My rent's being a real bitch. But yeah, that's very exciting stuff. And I got the bird birdhouse with a camera on it that will never be installed. You'll see that sitting on that island. No. The remainder of my time in this house. Where do you get a mount that? Is that going to be on the phone? I don't know. There's that tree over there. That'd be nice. I get it out there. You don't got to tell me twice to clam that tree. I'll clamber up that thing. I would love it. I love clambering a tree. I know. Fucking tree broken. What the hell was that about? Smash my car. So we thought that was an AI picture. La Mer sent. Fucking sucked. Yeah, that's bullshit. How the hell did it fall? It's just the way La Mer, you know what it is. It's all that construction on the road and it's a dead tree. And finally it just fucking. Oh, whoa. OK. Yeah, I mean, we're shaking this fucking house. Yeah, crack. There's a crack running through the floor in that bathroom. Do you know about this? No, the floor is splitting. Sidewalks cracked. Sidewalks cracked out there. Those vibrations. Yeah. Fuck shit up really badly. Insane with that. Now, that's like a whole part of civil engineering where you have to like the amount of vibration coming can like break windows and shit. It's pretty nice. Well, it split a gigantic tree that then destroyed my car. And it's well, it's a weird thing to like hold people accountable for you, but you know, your vibration is hard to prove. Yeah. But yeah, so they were doing stuff. Tree fell. Did it just like crack in half or did it? Yeah, like split and La Mer, you were very, it was nice. It was a good video you sent because it was kind of a reveal. You started with the tree and I was like, oh, a tree broke. That's fucking crazy. The thing is, sorry about your car. I was like, oh, fuck. How are the birds? I was actually concerned about the birds. Were you worried about La Mer's friends kind of like using the fallen tree to like climb in up on the roof and into the house? I mean, I he had a friend here the whole time. What Dorian was here. Oh, D's. I forgot. We go. He was a nice fellow. He was a very nice fellow. Spend some time together. But I'll tell you what, when you get off the road and you just want to fucking be alone in your house, you got La Mer and Dorian walk around. Hey, thanks for letting me come and stay as well. You're all right. You're not as big of a. As Dorian and La Mer together. He kept offering to make ribs for everybody and it never happened. He never gave me any. I think he did make ribs because La Mer came home looking for him. And then was kind of accusatory acting like I ate the ribs. Who ate the ribs? You didn't eat them. You didn't eat them. Dorian ate them. Don't he's a made rib. He did. He's true. It was where he made ribs. He's a them himself. So I was like, damn, that's crazy. If Dorian just took your food and he was like, well, he made them. He was like, oh, it's an important part. He ate a lot of inviting guys over in grilling. That's good stuff. Just you and a guy. That's good stuff. Dude, that's good. Clean the food. I know it is. If you do it like with, I don't know, you keep bringing different guys into my house and grilling with them and then leaving. You got to be a monogamous gorilla. You can't get grilled technique. Also, it's always just one guy at a time. It's never. A few fellas. It's always just here. Sneak into the garage. A little grill and chill. I got some ribs. And then we can watch cartoons. Let's get fucking barbecue sauce all over the couch. Scare my birds. You scare those fucking rins. Fuck you up. Don't talk to them. Yeah. What is the smoking radius? Oh, God damn it. Just went back. That's a good one. Call it out of the corner of my eye. I'm like, I have like cat visions. Think about playing Xbox and go. Oh, shit. The Renz are back. They're back. They're actually, that thing's bustling right now. So the birds flew. But I don't know how birds work. Is that like, they'd still chill and headquarter up in there for all? Obviously. Yeah. They're pretty active all day. Yeah, they're fucking rocking. I bought them some bird food off of Amazon. I googled what Renz eat. I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just put a little cup next to the nest. I don't know if they're taking it. I think either they're probably knocked it over a bunch of them made it. Yeah, they're probably watching that. I want them to be hardy. I want them. Yeah, you gotta, they gotta have their skills. I'm worried that the cardboard's not stable enough long term. You gotta put, you gotta, you gotta mattress. That thing's stable. I can't believe you also had Bud Light. And there's Bud Lights in there. Yeah. Yeah. Bud Light structure. Columns. There's columns in there. That adds to the age. It'd be funny if you eventually betray them by like moving their supports. Eventually I'll go, hold on. I'm out of beers. You're like the evil developer looking at the town. I could put those a good use. Yeah, they do have natural resources that I might have to give them a democracy. Tommy almost destroyed the structure. I know. It was great. Yeah. Reached in, till he flew out. You got bats. You got fucking bats in you. I'm surprised he didn't get hurt. He's been injured. He's been hurt a whole lot. He's been on toddler time lately. Yes. Every time I see him. It's a new Bruce G. Dumble. He's got a new boo-boo every time I see him. He's got to hide him from his lady. I tell you that, when he said what's up to Nate, he rolled his ankle out front. Do you remember that? Yeah, this is the night after he was over here and ripped his shins on the fucking pool. And they were like really fucked up. And his fiance gets mad at him for it, obviously, because it's his Bruce G. Dumble. So then he comes in limping. I'm like, why the fuck are you limping? And he was like... It's because of my shins. I was like, no, it's not. It's not because of your shins. He was like, I just rolled my ankle out front. It was a bad one too. He touched the earth. Like he went down. He went down. Oh. He did. The mom on me. He went right over to the car right over here. He lost his mario mushroom. Now he's small. He's got to watch out because he's getting to the age where that's a fall that puts you down for a long time. No. Jesus, dude. You said Tommy. I watched a video of Tommy from two years ago. He's aged 15, 20 years. You'll see. It happens to all of us. It's happened to me. I've got gray. Take a look. No, that's why my hair is a lot. If I cut my hair now, everyone can see them. Yeah, me. If you hit 40, that's, it's just, you are a client. It's going to get way worse for me. Oh, dude, it's... Ooh. Kitty. A great story like Monsters Inc. stays with you forever. And Disney Plus is where you'll find your next great story. From the return of the award-winning hit series, Rivals. Welcome to the naughtiest show on television. To the unmissable crime drama, High Potential. Gotta dead body. Gotta go. The first time of great stories awaits. This spring on Disney Plus, 18 Plus. Subscription required. T's and C's apply. Pretty crap. I played basketball again the other day. I still hurt. I had to do stand-up last night. I was on stage like... Like, grim it. My whole back was in pain. I was like, yeah, anyway. Oh, shit. No, I don't believe it. I think you're probably working the back out. I remember seeing the back last summer before I left. Dude, I'm still right now. Your back was in a spooky place. You admire me. We were at the pool. I do. I saw him swimming. He told me about his back. If your physique is as natural as you say it is, it's the most impressive transformation I've ever had. I appreciate it. I was in the mirror. I was in the mirror literally two days ago and Brady's like, what are you doing? I was like, James had a big back last summer. I'm making sure it's still big. I'm still riding high off that compliment. That's a nice compliment. Dude, it's huge. I'd never seen my back. I had no idea. You do have a nice back. Fuck, man. Thank you guys. I'm gonna be riding high. I'm gonna be riding crazy off this, dude. I mean... Nice with strong backs. Secret. Jack. Chris Icona's shoulders. It's like a secret. I've been working hard. I've been working hard. I've been walking around. I'm excited for... You know, I'm still working hard. I'm trying to cut a little bit. So I'm excited for a reveal pretty soon. Oh, yeah. Once the pool warms up and also when the rents leave, then we can have a pool party. No one's allowed over here until the rents leave. I'm gonna be like a four-year-old with cool shoes. I'm gonna take my shirt off and just be like... Is anybody gonna say anything? Yeah, b-ball was nice, dude. I'm gonna be the opposite, dude. Pop the top and sprint to the water. I'm gonna float with just my head above the water for the entire time. Get that gator float. Just slide right in. Yeah, I've been... It's coming to my attention. I'm a little aggressive for the basketball course. I talk shit the entire time. Yeah, you are a cocksucker out there. You talk shit. Anytime someone shoot, I'm like, oh, shit. Oh, God, watch out. Hold on. Anytime I touch the ball, I'm like, give me that ball. It's just honks out there with you? Nah, we had a lot of honks. Pretty good. You know, my neighborhood, the racial distribution's almost engineered. Yeah, it is a little... The first time I went over to your house for a party, I was a little like... Something weird's going on. It was just interracial couples. It's a bit of a college brochure of... Yeah, it is. I felt bad at an Indian guy on my team for the last game, and then he was guarding, and an Indian guy was guarding him. Oh, no. I got the ball and just passed it to the wrong guy, and I was like, oh, shit. Dude, all my team looked at me and started laughing like, nah, get it, bro, that's fair. It was two curly hair and an eight. Same fucking haircut. I was like, nah, dude, I'm sorry. I've never seen an Indian guy on a basketball court, ever. They were hooping. They were nice. Were they hooping? Yeah, one guy had a shot, but yeah, it's true. When you see them, it's usually not. It's like prison. They play with the Chinese guys. They put them over there. They're the others on the basketball court. There's the Div 3 in the prison yard. It's like, you guys go do your thing over there. Play hop frog, whatever you guys are. Is there an Indian athlete? Outside of cricket? Is there anyone who's passed over to... Like sometimes there'll be an Asian footy player in Australia. Yeah. The great Khali. Asians first, I feel like. There's like an Asian football player, right? Kickers or something? Definitely baseball. Yeah. I've never seen an Indian guy. Japanese and baseball are doing great. Tell you what, the... What is it? Hawaiian guys or whatever? They were doing well on the draft last night. Yeah, that's it. And that's... I feel like a Hawaiian guy is like, you get a lot of racial... It's like very safe racial excitement, you know what I mean? So you're like, oh, what is that? You guys, you're like campfires or something? You have cool tattoos. It's like, you know... I watched some of the draft last night and I don't know if the economy has gone worse, but the outfits they're wearing have become less ostentatious when they're getting picked. Last year I met... There was a lot of silk. Yeah. There's a lot of double-breasted people wearing edwardian ruffs and all sorts of crazy things. And this year, normal suits. The Samoans had big suits. Yeah. But everyone just had a normal... Is that a fair observation? I didn't see it, right? I think, yeah, maybe it was a subdued draft. Last year, everyone looked like they were in the capital at the Hunger Games at the summer break. Yeah, they'll bring that back, don't worry. They'll be dressed like fucking idiots. Is it because there's a war and people are going, it's not appropriate? Yeah, I don't think so. Where lime satin... They'll break it out. ...breaches. That is true. So everyone was kind of modestly or like classically dressed. It was insane last year. Yeah, that is pretty wild, man. It was probably the first time you really saw it. So, right? Yeah. And now I've just become used to... Yeah, we're all totally used to it. Like a pre-game NBA walk is the craziest thing I've ever seen. Every outfit's the worst outfit I've ever seen. The cool thing would be to go back to the late 90s, huge jacket, huge jacket ill-fitting pants of the late 90s. Yeah. That's the look that... Yeah, Jinko's, if somehow infiltrated the black community. I've seen a lot of dudes wearing super wide-leg pants. That's nice. Yeah. So that is... I don't know. I feel like that doesn't... I don't like it for them, to be honest. Jinko's? Yeah. It's not for them. I just think it doesn't look right. Unless you're like kick-flipping or something on the way up there, it's just kind of weird. I see how you... They're stealing your culture. Yeah, true. I mean, I... So now you understand that. Yeah. That could be a little frustrating. What, they're bringing in the frosted tips? What else are they going to take away from us? They kind of have, yeah. Oh, here we go. This episode is brought to you by NoBool. Matt, please speak for 15 to 20 seconds about the worst pair of pants you've ever had. Mmm. And go. Uh, worst pair of pants I've ever had. I know what they are. So I had these, another brand of high-end active wear, but they almost, they were so sleek, they felt almost like pantyhose. Mmm. And I would get a, and this is, I'm just talking pants right now, NoBool, I would have like a doorbell bulge. It looked like you could literally press the button and enter my house. Yes. It was, they were so tough. First of all, they were like so tight on me and I felt like a girl. You're saying your dick and nuts were sticking out. Yeah, like I was dressed, I felt like... I thought it was soft enough that it'd probably give you a slight job all day. That's the thing, but then it goes away. I was just so conflicted because I was like, am I borderline? Am I like that one politician's husband? If you know what I'm talking about. Oh yeah. I felt like him a little bit worse experience with pants ever. And then that was hard on the front. Matt, you're going to, you're going to love this. NoBool has decided to put an end to our misery. Thank God. All right. It's, it's a training brand known for award-winning footwear and apparel. And now they're bringing their no bullshit attitude to men's pants. What the fuck? Can you even say that? I guess. These guys are edgy as hell. 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That's noble project.com and use code secret pod respectfully. The jeans had a good run. Dude, me and me and Nate were fired up on the Sixers the other day. It was a fun game, dude. Dude, it was awesome. They all went up. They were on stage and I saw it was like the fourth core as all I saw was the fourth quarter. And I saw like the, I saw the Sixers only up by like three to sell. And then they went on and then the Sixers, Maxie came out with a layup screaming to crowd and one just might have been my favorite. Dude, just before that, just draining those two threes and like just like crazy. Three and hit that wink. Oh, dude, live. I rewind. I rewind. I hit fucking 10 seconds back and I go, dude, check this out. Look at this fucking wink, dude. How fucking cool was that? Nate was on stage while it was like, oh, shit, it was getting close. He went up and I'm watching Maxie ball out and I was just looking up there like, where is he? Dude, he needs to see this man. This is we were both, we were fired up. That was great. Didn't expect that one. I was just getting into Philly while that was happening. And it was funny because when you get into, it was the whole city was orange for the Flyers and the Flyers were playing the next night. That night the Sixers were currently playing. I was like, it's funny that the city is already like just giving up. Yeah. Everybody did except for them. Then that game, that was great. Yeah. Now I hear it and beads. I don't know. I don't know. I part of it, I think they're trying to fuck with Boston. They're like, he might come so they prepare for that because he is appendix. He just had no one's come back two weeks after having appendix removed. How many fucking guys have gotten that during the season? It happens more, it happened a few times during the season, but the playoffs is where people are like, maybe because it's the playoffs go rush them back. They also do have some crazy stuff now medically. Like, I feel like ACLs now, they just pop you like right back. Appendicitis? Yeah. I mean, compared to how you compare to what it, yeah. I feel like it ended. Yeah. Appendicitis is like, yeah, you're you got to be down for like at least three weeks, dude. I would imagine. But is that a sports? Is that like a sports recovery? Or is it just like, I think that's just like you can walk around. Yeah. Yeah. Rough and tumble play. Especially he's gonna play rough and tumble. Yeah, sure. Now falling on the ground every fucking 10 seconds. If we can win one more, make it a definite like game six in it, like six game scenario. I think he'll pop back up. What do you think about tonight? I think Celtics by 50. What? Usually, usually you win a game like that. Yeah, I was wondering. Usually a comeback. I liked it at the very end when they just put in all their white guys and they were just breaking threes the whole time. When your whites are missing threes, it's like, yeah, you're done. That's bad. That's bad stuff. Yeah, they put they threw in the fucking scrub squad at the very, you tell them like, I fuck this game. We'll get it. I think we can get one more home. I don't know about this very next one, but we can get one more home. Yeah, it's gonna be exciting. Yeah, I think I do think Boston's gonna come back strong. When you're missing like that, you're just like, all right, I got the worst over. I'm gonna start fine. They never, they never shoot like that. That's that's the problem. That was probably the worst game all season shooting. But there might be defense. Might be to match up. The marriage evil ass. Because he's a hater. He is a hater. He's a hater. He pretends he's not an actual hater. Yeah. I don't want to watch the game. Which is crazy for a guy who doesn't really give a fuck about sports. He just wants to see this for himself. He's an anime wrestling video game guy and then he'll be like, fuck the Sixers. It's just an evil. We're all happy for you to see Cody Roots. What do you mean? It's owned by a management group, right? It's not owned by one guy. It's owned by a group of people who are owned by one. That's why you don't like them. Because their only goal is to make money, not to be good or win. What the fuck do you think they're all doing? What do you think wrestling is? What do you think wrestling is? No, I'm saying that's not in the spirit of sports, though. Like when it's like Larry Balmer owning the Clippers, the Clippers are going to try. But when it's like a group of dudes who own like five teams. I've never heard this before. This is exciting to me. You want, you think if there's any, if there's more than one owner. No, it's a managing group. It's like venture capitalists like own the team. Yeah. Yes. The team is still the college, still the players. They're just trying to make money. They're not trying to like win. They're just trying to make sure they milk money out of people. I don't know what the Dallas Cowboys have been doing, but I think they're just trying to win. Yeah, but the goal is to win because that makes the most money. That's not true. Yeah, it is. It's totally better to win than to not win. It's definitely true. It's true. It gets people in the seats if you're good. Yeah, and you can still be a single owner, but they probably have investors too. You know what I mean? So what do you mean you don't think that's true? I don't think you have to win them. You sell more merch if you win the Super Bowl. What about the Cleveland Browns? What about the Cleveland? They sell out every year, but they never win. What about the Green Bay Packers? They've got a team on the ship. You know, like the City of the team. But they don't have a single owner. That's everybody buys in everybody. It's a community. Like the Flyers. Yeah. They've sucked for a decade. Yeah. Now they're back. Now it's like packed when they play. Yeah. And they're actually like, even the players are like, holy fuck. I didn't even know it could be like this. And it's like they're selling out every like, you understand? Yeah. But are they owned by a management group or are they owned by like a guy? I'm not sure there's I'm trying to point out that winning helps financially. Yeah, I agree. Winning helps financially. Yeah. But it's owned by a management group. Yeah, for the most part. There's usually, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Well, that's a good theory. I like the idea of it of being like, you know, I want, I want a guy this, you know, there's an a, just put up like, an interesting reason for you to just not like to talk shit on Nate's team. Yeah. You don't even have a single owner. The F 45 gyms. Huh? Have I ever told you about the F 45 gym man? No. An Australian man who invented that kind of gym. And then he came out and he started buying teams. He came to America and he started buying teams, but he like didn't have huge money. So he bought like a rugby league team. I think like a very low level baseball team, but he named them after a cocktail. That he was inventing. I think I'm getting this right. I'm going to like his name was Adam Gilchrist and he called them like the Gil Gronys because he was going to come out with his own personal cocktail called like the Gil Grony, like a negroni, but his name. Yeah. But then he went bankrupt and the cocktail never came out, but the team had two years of playing as the. And they changed the name and like people were very upset who were fans of the team and everything about it. I'm not saying that he was necessarily a huge cocaine addict, but yeah, everything about it screams. He bought two teams. He named them both after cocktails that never came out. He was found to be legally playing the players or something. And then he, and then they like, they just want to let the play in the playoffs. And now they fold it. And now there's no team in Austin and that's a single owner. I'm there. See it's what happens. I was a tire. Am I getting this right? You need to check some balances of the organization. You know who else has a single owner? Germany. True. You want a strong man. I think you just missing Vince McMahon. I think that's what it is. Vince. I think he's rejecting his Vince loss onto the Sixers. How'd you feel about mania? Oh yeah. Brother, I'm kind of glad it didn't go. Really? What about Cody Rhodes? Cody one. That was nice. Yeah. S贏 many a dude. There was a lot of celebs. Also Cody Rhodes kind of like weekend data juice. Like, come on, buddy. We'll go to wrestle many a peace. You did. Cody Rhodes never reached back. Major. Big promises. Lou Meran. Lou Meran had his bags packed. You're like, daddy's coming to get me soon. You never getting. That's on the tree. That's how the tree went. That's how the tree went. I didn't even want to go to wrestle man. It wasn't even a good one. He didn't say anything. And then like the day before it was like, Jane, can you ask Cody Rhodes if I can go to wrestle man? I was like, no, dude. He has to find me to wrestle. How to get to Vegas for like 150 bucks on like planes. Yeah, it's cheap as hell, dude. That's. Well, yeah. No, Vegas is like notoriously cheaper, right? Because you they like are incentivized. Direct flights are like $800. Oh, for mania workarounds. Yeah, I was talking about a connecting flight. He told me about a connecting flight. Yeah, I was going to take a flight to Burbank and get off in Vegas. This stops in Vegas. Dude, that you should have done your personal road to WrestleMania where you just got metaglasses and just like film the whole journey of like, I'm going to get in here one way or the other. What do you mean? We didn't get off at a different stop. No, I got it. I mean, a connecting flight. No, but you get the connecting flight to another location. You get off in the middle. Yeah. Whoa. Get back on at the next flight. Okay. It's very sneaky. So you just get off and you're out. Yeah. Like I'm in Vegas is where I want to go. Smart. Yeah. I didn't know that was possible. They try to hold me and Nate had to do that. We flew what we got rerouted and ended up in Cleveland and there we had to go to Cincinnati or one of the other and they be like landed in the place where we could just drive and be there and the lady was like, you guys can't get off the plane. And I was like, I'm getting off the plane. I have a car in it. She's like, it's not safe. And I was like, I don't feel safe right now. I'm just playing. I got to go. I was telling Nate, I was like, bro, I'm not the fake heart attack. You're going to have to do it too. So I was going to be like, oh, Nate would be like, oh, me too. We got to go. Yeah. The pilot was chill. I was like, I'm going to get off, man. Let him off. I didn't tell you about this. And some guy tried to like flight big dick knees like, dude, I fly like 300 times a year. This is not a big deal. I was like, I'm not saying it's a big deal. I got to, I just have to leave this plane. Like the fuck out of my face, dude. Trust me, brother. This is nothing. All right, man. Fuck out of here. God, I was like, I just have to go because if I went back to Chicago and they got stuck there, I would have like missed the show. Yeah. Like this is not a big deal. Okay. It's cool, man. Yeah. Who are you? Fucking idiot. Yeah, it was nice. But yeah, I was, I was worried because I also thought too. I was like, yeah, who cares if I just like disobey the stewardess all again, I'll get, I won't be able to fly United. I don't even like you. I don't like myself. I could see myself doing that. That awful behavior sitting next to somebody. Me like, I take a lot of flights. This is nothing. I could catch myself in a moment of being a giant douche. Someone, someone next to me. I don't think I would. But yeah, well, I'm saying I'm capable of that. That would be something I would regret. Yeah. Yeah. But I could be like, I fly all the time. Just a stranger. I, I say it, I'll catch myself saying it at like the airport where I'll just be the same thing. Like, yeah, I actually fly a good amount, but I would never interjecting in a person trying to gain freedom from the airline to be like, dude, you just got to stay here. It's like, well, dude, I'm not going to a fucking corporate banquet where I can just not show up. I would think to myself, this guy must be freaking out if at the connecting flight, he's just like, you know what? I'm going to get out here and I'll drive. Yeah. Like, dude, you're fine. Fly a lot. That's how all the airports are built is to turn us against one another. So we don't unify and rise up. And I've thought about this a lot as to why that, why our airports, the uniquely, there's not like a nice traditionally designed airport. They're all cold angles and glass and judgment split you up, make you feel atomized so that when there's a delay or whatever, you don't, you know, you know, unify, you don't band together. They want you turning. Sorry, while you're talking the fucking Ren flew right back into the airport. I've done very about whatever this is. I heard, I heard a theory that they're actually my house looks like the new LaGuardia fucking blood. I heard a theory of their thin zones where it's like people are dislocated from like time. You don't know like you're different like a casino and an airport. Well, they were talking more like it's almost like a dream space where you're kind of like no one knows. Like you're in a different place. You don't know what if you're going to get to go or not. The time zones are all scattered. So kind of fuck people. That's why people freak out. That's that music that I can't figure what that music is that plays when they play a liminal space on a real. It's been stuck in my head for days. You know what I'm talking about? It's like Donkey Kong music. Yeah. Like underwater Donkey Kong music. It makes me every time it pops up on the real. I don't even know. I don't even look at the meme. I just feel like I small when you can go grand meet the new Voxel Grandland Griffin striking alloys, sleek black roof, heated front seats and 10 inch touchscreen. Everything you need for life on the move. Grand on style, grand on tech, grand on value. And during the Voxel sales event, get a grand of the new Grandland Griffin or any other new Voxel on top of all other offers. Search Voxel car offers offered to private individuals, 1000 pounds, including the 80 saving on new car orders between 15 to 35 of May must be registered by 30 June, 20, 26 18 plus season C supply. I feel sad. I've been watching people get kicked off the Midwest safety is taking over my algorithm. How good is my algorithm? What's the Midwest say? Best is long body cam videos. It's great. Great narration. Got breaks down the story. Yep. The officer recap. I like the officer. He's a Philly. He was a Philly officer, by the way. Was he Philly? Yeah. He recaps like this is what happens. It's very common. I'm, I'm, I'm so ready to now for civilian disturbances. I was in a, I was in Phoenix recently and I saw this homeless lady, you know, she like went and met up with her like homeless boyfriend and they were sitting outside a pizza place eating. And at one point the guy was like, that's fucking bullshit. And I was like, I might have to intervene right now. And I looked over and the lady just went, why do you look at it? I was like, whoa, what the hell? I'm you should have said I've been watching a lot of Midwest safety just so you know, I will call the cops right now. And you pull the trigger. So if you move quickly at all, 15 shots in your fucking car, there was one, it was sad, but there was a guy who was pretending to work on a house and he was just, I think he was probably just like stealing the pipes or whatever. So the cops like, he's like, no, he's like, I'm working here. And he kept, it was, he was like lying, but he was pretty, he was like, it seemed like he was smooth with it in his head, but he was also like, he would say the same thing over and over again. Place the shit. Oh, you guys got to see. He kept trying to do like contractor talk and they're like, so what are you doing in here? He's like, plumbing job, don't pump job and drywall company. And they'd be like, okay. And you know, and eventually he's like, the lady said, you didn't get hired. And he was just like, I got a gun. He ran inside. He's just ran inside and he did suicide by cop. It was sad. Yeah. Shot him in the head. It's really, oh, it's pretty. It's really intense. On HBO cops, basically kill them. And then the cops come to like, I shot him. There's that you get to see him talk shop and they're sitting there and they're like, cause he did like brandish what looked like a weapon at them. And the one cop rolled up, he goes, yo, I knew that guy. I got, he was a boxer, man. You would have fucked you up, dude. If you guys had a thought, I got knocked people to fuck. Sucked it. Jiu-Jitsu terrible. He was fucking over his body. There was a guy, he's like, badass boxer though, man. This guy was great. And then we got to get him out of here. He's dead. So many good ones. There's one. There's one. I mean, it's obviously really sad because it's a guy with like PTSD and clearly like a meth, Royd rage type thing. But he's on the bottom floor of this like apartment complex. So his windows go out into like the courtyard part, but they're like, while they're approaching, they're like, we got a disturbance. He just, they look into the room and you see him in the corner like naked, just like stand up and he's gigantic. He's like, ah, and he comes through the window to fight all the cops. So they're like, please stop. Stop. Stop, dude. Which one of you want to fucking die tonight? He like, Jesus. I killed this man. Uh, fuck. Is that all these videos? Not all. Not all. They try and get suicide. No, not all. And some are hilarious. Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah. There's some of them are really fun. There's his drunk. There's like a tall white dude. He got like, he's great. He had like a fighting with his girlfriend. Like a convention kind of thing where he's supposed to like stand at a table and hand out information. He ditched it and got hammered in like a strip mall, a restaurant. He comes outside, they like kick him out. He's just outside with the cops and they're like talking to him and out of nowhere he would just go, I got that good cushion alcohol. Yeah. Was this me? That sounds like my weekend. I got some damn bitches. I got a call. It was so funny. I don't know what I was doing. How y'all? They're like, they're like calling newbies. I was like, I don't know what I was doing. I was like, I don't know what I was doing. I was like, I don't know what I was doing. I was like, call newbies. I will. And he was like, play Spotify and be like play young thug. It was seriously funny as the bro. What happened there? He just would hit on the lady cop the whole time. The guys were talking to me. You know, tell them to stop talking to me. I only want to talk to you. And he's like, yo, you're so, I love you so much. Dude, he was so and then they taste him and he was like, ah, he fell down. He fell down. He got up and he goes, yo, thanks for doing that. Kind of like that. Do it again. They're like, dude, stop, get out of here. His boss comes and picks him up and he's like, you fucking asshole. Get in the car. And it was, uh, they did, everyone's mother. They have a fun one like that. Yeah. It was Shad. Yeah. That was Midwest safety. I didn't know that. Yeah. It was a Midwest safety classic named Shad. There's also, there was one guy who barricaded himself in his house. Those are always good. No one ended bad. He got, I think he got shot. Yeah. He put up a fucking fight and their cops are always so excited to break out there. Like, why do we have this military tank? This fucking giant bear cat SWAT vehicle. Just to put a fucking battering ram on the front of it, break down some guys, shitty front door. He's in there throwing fucking kitchen knives at them. They cast him out for like four hours. They're like, the sun's going down. We have to go in. I don't know how he's still in there. He's just creating barricades in the house. It's eventually pulled out of gun and they killed him. They'll get him. But he was throwing a lot of stuff for a while, which was throwing knives as well. They try to throw a fucking gas canister in that. See him throw it right back out. Damn, these guys fielding these things. I like when the dude slipped the handcuffs can of course women slip the handcuffs a lot. Yeah. There was a lady who slipped the handcuffs and stole a cop car and jumped in the front and just fucking be lined it and just drove 80 miles an hour. And then she like pulled off into the woods and luckily slowed down and just whacked in old stone wall. You see the inside cam. She's like, yeah, I mean, it is really horrific. Midwest, it's my whole algorithm now. It's just dash. And then there's the other ones that like to get pretty wicked, man. Yeah. You're like, no, I'm staying in the West. Check that bottom where it says Midwest safety. Yeah, I always do. There's some of them where I'm just like, yeah, because at least they blur out the carnage. Yeah, it's true. In Midwest safety. I saw one where a guy wasn't in the middle. Watch the mass shootings. No, I steer clear. I try to keep those ones really fucking bad. Those ones are sad. I steer clear. I saw one that was pretty fucked up on it. It was like a different thing, but it was a guy who had worked in a, I guess, like a some sort of care unit for like the developmentally disabled. And there was a lady who I forget what she had, but she was like basically a vegetable. She couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't do anything. And he impregnated her. So they're just like doing a routine thing. And they're like, dude, she's pregnant. And they're like, what the fuck? So they had to do like an investigative thing to figure out like what's with her. It's a miracle. Dude, the guy was just as young kid. He was a boxer. So then they like interviewed him. He's like, no, I'd ever got to spend a long time, blah, blah, blah. And everyone else they interviewed was like, check with this guy. He's fucking weird. Definitely fucked. Dude, he did. And well, so they did a paternity test, but they were like, they showed footage of him and he would be around or I think they talked about it. He would walk around the wildest. All the insolence, dude. He would, he would stand over them and just be like, which is shadowbox. And then yeah, they like, when they revealed the paternity test, they like told him like, well, you're actually, you are the father. And they just had the camera on him still. And he goes, fuck. Dude, fuck. Jesus, please help me, please. I'll do anything. He's like, I'll be poor my rest of my life. I don't care. And I do. You're going to jail for like three years. You're gonna be poor. Yeah. You're gonna be poor the rest of your life. You fucked a vegetable lady. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's really sad. So what is this channel? Dude, it's Midwest Safety. That's not Midwest Safety. No, that was you. That's like, you'll if you start with Midwest Safety. That doesn't sound like a Midwest Safety. That is not a Midwest Safety episode. It sounds like a Mori Povich. It sounds like a dream. Well, here's the weird part of Midwest Safety because they arrest women. There's a lot of female arrests. And there's an undeniably erotic component to the whole thing where it's like a lady in yoga pants. And it'll be sad. It'll be like, she's drunk behind the wheel. Her one year old is like trapped underneath the car seat. And they like pull the kid out. And she's just like, give me my fucking baby right now. They have to like wrestle her to the ground. It's just like. It's hot. You're saying there's an erotic. I think there's an undeniable. That one wasn't very erotic, but there'll be ones where they like wrestle a lady down into like a hotel bed while her boyfriend's getting like beat up. And I'm like, this is kind of kink. This is just kind of kink. We, yeah. It's not mine, but I'm like, it's you can see where it comes from. Yeah. There's a big strong guy coming in, beating your ass, beating your girlfriend's ass. They leave, but he's sitting around your boyfriend the whole time. He's like, he's raping me. Dude, there's one guy who wouldn't stop. He's raping me. It's quality. It was great. It's so funny. It's quality stuff. Sorry. This is my last one, but the, the one where they understand your joy from it. I'm so happy you found me. Oh, it's all I watch on the plane now. It's the best. Dude, he goes download them for the flight. See what happened there. This is just the best scenario ever because there's two people on a work trip. It's the wife's work trip. The husband's just there. It's hammered at the bar. And it was like, I guess he was like a quarter native American, which comes into play later. And he, so the woman just gets woken up to officers who's being like, wake up. And she's like, she's also drunk. She's like, what? And the husband's like, some guy started with me, babe. I stood up for myself. Don't worry about it. He was just fighting people. So it's over like saying, like, this is my land. You stole it from me. And they're like, shut up. And he's like, yeah. So then, oh, damn, he tried to reclaim his land. He tried to reclaim. He tried to reclaim territory. Like a holiday in express. So then a bunch of hockey dads threw like, exactly. These guys on a travel team getting wasted. Shut up. And then he said, he was like, I'll stand up for myself. Never stop standing up for myself. And he kept trying to step to the cops. They tased him. He must have got hit with the Native American algorithm. Dude, I think so. I've seen a lot of those. Those are my favorites. Just modern day Native Americans like you're on stolen land. Never forget that. And then they do a fucking ceremonial dance. Every comment is like, fuck you pussy, scoreboard. You lost. You're at home court of image. You lost bitch. Fuck you. So we scoreboard. I don't know if what I'm about to say is true, but it's what I just found out about. What? Cities, there are rules about sex offenders that they can't live like a certain distance from a school or other type things. So what they do in the cities is they organize, they space the schools and the other places that sex offenders can't go near. So the sex offenders can't stay anywhere. They do a full city plan to like block it. Do you know what I'm saying? Like creative force field around it. But then the pedophiles have to live in a little satellite town. The reservation. It's like a town full of sex offenders. And that's where they go and stay. Because they can't also stay in one building to maximum. So there are like these little satellite pedophile communities. Wait, pedophiles can't. Just on the outside. Pedophiles can't. There can't be more than two pedophiles. I know. Apparently. We're married. We got one more guest and we're fucked. Apparently they max out at two pedophiles in the building. That's why you can only have one guy at a time. That's why he's like, I'm having a big barbecue party, but just one of my pedophile buddies. You and Dorian. They're having a courtship. They both have their parole officers next to them. Second one. Well, it's also every city. I feel like the cities in Oklahoma are all surrounded by reservations, like the Indian reservations too. So it's like, you got the res, you got the city, and then it's pedophile. Little pedophile satellite town. Charle Park. What's that? Just Middle Earth. Pedophile. Oh, dude. Pedophile Park is Pervert Park. Pervert Park. Florida. That is a sad dog. If everyone get really sad, watch Pervert Park. Pedophile. Charle Park. Pedophile. Charle Park. Florida drives by and throws bottles at it. Then you talk, they interview the pedophiles, who have all obviously had the worst. Yeah. Except for one guy. Yeah. There was one original vampire. One original vampire. The rest of them tell you their life story, because you're like, fuck these pedophiles. You see bottles flying over at them, you're like, good. And then you like tear their story. You're like, oh, that's fucking really bad. Then there was one guy who was like, I just got fucking horny, man. I drove to Mexico and tried to take a kid. And yeah, they beat my ass and I drove away, but I got arrested on the board. I drove away. I beat my ass and I drove away. What the fuck? You used to fry that guy. He's like, I was just jammed up, man. I just figured I could take a kid from Mexico. It was a stressful day. So I went to Mexico. He was just fucking horny up. Yeah. Yeah, it's real. But the documentary is just a lady who's a pedophile. And it's just like, yeah, I was like, I was fucking my day. She would like fuck her dad on and off as an adult. It was Pervert Park. A solid thing going. They just, she was on again off again. Yeah. Well, I think she'd been obviously vampire bitten early in life. And then she was just like, yeah, new expression. You like break up with her boyfriend. His mother like vampires. Yeah, yeah. Pretty much, dude. Pretty much all of them for the most part. Yeah, the rest of his kids. We got to break the cycle. Yeah, just don't last kids. Yeah. Well, chemical castration. Yeah. Castrate. I think that's fair. Chemical cast. Where are you guys getting all these fucking Oklahoma effects? What the fuck's going on here? We've actually been studying Oklahoma very closely. I guess more things to say about Oklahoma. While Shane's gone, we're going to master Oklahoma pedophile law. Damn, so it's like the panhandle's so small in Oklahoma. It's for a little penis. What is it? Is it just sever your desire? Does it like fuck your gens up? Like what is it? It makes me unhappy to think about it. I only thought about it because I've watched the Bagonia movie and at the start they chemically castrate each other. And from that point on, I was against the movie. Really? Do you know what I'm doing? I'm talking about. Yeah, I watched it on the flight. He was very good. Yeah, pretty good movie. Maybe a pedophile cop. It's sort of hinted at that he might be a pedophile, but then they... Oh, you know, I think they make it pretty clear he like molested the major guy. He says, I'm sorry I did that to you. I never did it to another kid. Yeah. Okay. And it's, anyway, he's very good. And you know, it upset me. The whole film upset me. Yeah. Pedophile stuff. At least they're not glorifying it. You know, chemical castration is... I think that's a fair route for the pedophile. You know, but then it's like, what the hell do you do with him? What do you, what do you do? That'd be a good coming of age tale. Pedophile chemically castrated. It has to find himself. Get on the straight and narrow. Call his friends, barbecue, one on one. Yeah. Because what do you do after that? You're a pedophile. You've been shamed. Yeah. Now you're like altered physiologically where you can't do that. You'll never do that thing ever. I would imagine. So then it's like, what do you do? You got to just boss up in a fast food chain somewhere. The glow up would be crazy. The comeback. No Bill Price. You go to college, study hard. Yeah. Then his science works. I mean, you invent AI. You're completely undistracted. You can finally fuck. Just raking your mom's leaves very efficiently forever. Become a cooling champion. Yeah. I mean, that's gotta be crazy because that's where they go. They go usually they live with their mom after you get a pedophile, you get busted, back to mom. Yeah. Then your mom dies. Now you're a lone pedophile. It's got to be a minute. The future, just you or the computer. Like, let me just look. Yeah. Let me just get a glimpse. It's for old times sake. Cops come immediately. I fuck. Dude. Yeah. That'd be bad. Good stuff. Yeah. Chemical cast. Fair. I've chemically cast a couple of times. Yo, with the BLs. With too many BLs, you go, I've got nothing. Nothing's working. You're running Oklahoma drills on yourself. Yeah, that's the Oklahoma drill. That's tricky though, because if you don't chemically castrate yourself enough, now you're a super breader. Now you become the ultimate. Dang, man. But yeah, that's good stuff. I didn't know they have they set it up to where they have. I don't know what the other buildings are that they could. Told you. My friend who made my shirts, who came down from Oklahoma. Went out for breakfast. An odd piece of information that he knows. Well, his his wife works in. There was a word they used that wasn't halfway house that was a halfway house. The recovery set or recovery house. Yeah. But that's where I heard about it. And she'd heard about it. I don't know. Again, I don't know how true it is. Pedophile recovery house. It feels crazy. Well, they do lump the they lump. Pedophile recovery house is nuts. You're all the circles being like pretty normal day, pretty chill. Yeah. It's all the boss the other day. That's a new reality show they're doing. They get 10 of them in there. And if they do, if I could child, they have to be removed from the house. And the last one. Wins. They win. They win a trip to Thailand. Last one wins. Free holiday to Thailand. No questions asked. All right. This is my idea for a show. It's not a bad show. It's good. You hold off on the big reveal on the prize. Cause I could turn viewers off. Cause you're investing. Like I've really rooting for this guy. You're here. I got other ideas for show. Russell Brand just got in trouble. Yeah. I think he kind of did that to himself on that one. Oh yeah. I mean, obviously. No, he's like fucking governments coming up with bullshit. I just fuck me on this. And they go, I fucked the 16 year old. What the fuck? A while back. Rep snitches. There was allegations against him a while back that he had fully been like, this is the deep state obviously. And then I think, I think the probably just grew too hard. He's like, oh yeah, there was that one time. He was, it was within his legal right. He was, it's that's the whole thing. The British were different about it, you know, quite recently. And yeah, you could back then you could just have sex with 16 year olds in England. You still can. I think still can. Yeah. Shouldn't. Should not at all. Frowned upon. Very frowned upon. Not mine. It's not mine. Mine's mine. Is it your own? Yeah, it looks like it's yours. It's like you need to produce yourself. Dude. You dumb doper. He's Russell Brandon. We got to we got to pause anyway. Yeah, I'll be right back. This episode is brought to you by prize picks, a preferred partner of the NBA. The regular season is wrapped and the NBA playoffs are finally here and there's no better way to cash in on the high flying hoops action than prize picks. America's number one sports pick up. Every bucket, every dime and every win means more when you're playing on prize picks. So don't pass up your next shot with prize picks and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. Matt, we got to riff again. I would love for you to riff on. I don't know what what is the official team sixers got to be sixers obviously. Yes, the sixers. I'm going more maxi more points. Yeah, I like that. What the heck? Guys and animal. That's great. Guys, prize picks is simple to play. Just pick more or less on two to six players. Sap rejections. If you get your picks right, you could cash in pick from all your favorite sports, anything from basketball, baseball, hockey, UFC, soccer, college basketball, tennis, golf, eSports and more. And the good news is if you want to get in on the action, prize picks is now available in all 50 states, including California, Texas, Florida and Georgia. So join millions of users and sign up for America's number one sports app. Download the download the app. All right. Download the prize picks app today and use code drench to get $50 in lineup after you play your first $5 lineup. Whoa. That's code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup prize picks. All right. Here we go. Guys, does anyone want to go first, by the way? I don't want to take out. Go ahead, Lamar. Get in there. Everybody going to be in Florida May 5th, May 6th, May 7th, May 8th, May 9th, and they'll be back home. But also May 5th, there's optimum knocks at the Creek and Cave. So please check that out. Lamar Lee, that fun and everywhere else. All right. Thank you. Oh, it's May 16th is all I got right now. Toronto will be nice, but I believe it's full May 16th. Wait a minute. You're in Toronto on May 15th. May 15th. Yeah. What's up? It's a good time to be in the six. Is it really? What in May? May 15th. Why I'm in the May 15th. New Drake release. What are you going to be there? I'm going to be going nuts. Damn, that's going to be awesome. Well, hell yeah. Did we go look forward to that? And guys, the next day, there's some tickets left for the Riviera Theater in Chicago, Illinois. And yeah, that's May. We got time, but I'll be honest. That that one, I wouldn't lie to you. That one's going to sell out. So come celebrate the end of this part of the tour in Chicago, May 16th. That's it. May 4th. I'm at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles. May 7th. There's still tickets available for the May 7th Thursday show at the TD Garden in Boston. And then that's it. Obviously July 17th. Come watch me have a heart attack in front of the entire city of Philadelphia. Fuck it. Albuquerque Phoenix, San Diego, Los Angeles, Seattle, Portland, Chicago, New York, Boston, Pittsburgh, Orlando, Naples and Tampa and San Francisco. I'm coming to you this month. It's going to be a big month. Yeah. JDFmcann.com. All going out right now. James Donald Forrest McCann, Catamaran Plan. Oh yeah. Big times. Yeah, get in there, Sean. Hello everybody. I'll be now getting from the fucking camera and don't do this cute bullshit. Just fucking do it. Hello everybody. How's that now? Dude, just I'll be in Springfield, Missouri, Tulsa, Oklahoma and Oklahoma City in Cincinnati, Ohio in the month of May. Please come Sean Gardini.com. Why are you so mad at me? I'm not. I'm joking. Oh, oh, I got it. I got a funny one. Nice. Sean's demise. They probably got attacked you. We were doing we did the celebrity. We did the celebrity theater in Phoenix and Sean's rapping off. You know, we're in the round. It was it was truly just all of our skills. It was fucking sick. It's harder than I thought. I was all cocky. I was like, on the round for fucking 20,000 was Shane just unleash me. Dude, I went up there. I was like, cause Sean was just up there. He stood pretty still the entire time and I'm like, man, he's not moving. What the fuck? It's kind of weird. And as he started like moving around towards the middle and he's doing his closer and as he's like almost done, some guy just goes, Fag. It was from behind me to the page. And I was like JFK. He just blew my brain. And he was up high. He was up high. Yeah, it sucks even more dude. I found him. Yeah, he got him. Sean got strong out of revenge for sure. But it was, it was then I walked out there. I'm like, why he was like so tight. I'd walk up as soon as I stood up there. I was like, oh Jesus Christ. This is kind of difficult. And it was, it was fun, but it was a lot harder. Yeah. The first time I did that, I was with opening with Bert and I literally just rotated in a circle in my left. And I looked down the cord was around my feet. Dude, that's the thing that gave you a corded mic. So the whole time I was like trying to, it was fun, but I was like, God damn, that was, I kept slipping into like, I felt like I was like at one point I kept to myself. I'd be like, just felt like Christopher Titus kind of where it had to be very like, and another thing like if you like doubt yourself at all and you feel like you, I would just fall apart. So I had to just be like, yeah, I had to be the ultimate performer. I kept laughing myself. I was like, dude, the ultimate showman right now. Because you couldn't, you can't like, I don't know. I'm struggling with that. Just in general, like you got to actually start taking yourself seriously enough to be a performer. Like these dudes helping me with the roast, writing the roast, like Mullen is like, you got to like, you're capable of this. Like do this the right way. You don't have to do the whole like disconnected awkward. Yeah. Yeah. Like you can do this. And I'm like, yeah, I got no chance. I'm going to go up there and be like, dude, I didn't write these jokes. It's fucking weird. This one's funny though. This is a, blah, blah, blah. I thought you did good at the SPS. I thought I was very, it was a very clean. Yeah, but I was still like, You know what? You should have to give up the, I mean, it's like going to Dean Martin and going, what if you didn't have so many drinks before you went out that night? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I don't think you need to switch it up. Dean, you don't need to be drunk. I know what you mean though. Because when you're on, there is a thing though, you're on camera and they're like, yeah, it was, I felt a similar pressure where it's just kind of just for some reason being the round. I really, I couldn't be like, fuck man, I don't know. I had to turn around and be like, here's another thing I'm thinking about that. I totally believe in as a great, the whole time I had him like this sucks. You're retarded. And I'm like, no, be quiet. We're in the round. You got the tightest mode right now. It's time. I don't know why. I just sits on a chair and goes 60% of you won't be looking at me. I would have a fucking panic attack, dude. I still believe in the lazy Susan. I think that would be good. I think the show, I think you should stand still and the stage should slowly. The stage does, it does revolve, but it didn't, it wasn't on for my, it does for bands. Yeah. That'd be so sick dude. That's the one thing too. When I was in there, I was like, I just want to play music so bad. I wish I could just play music in this place. It'd be awesome. Yeah. Music would be so much better. Go on stage at Zach, Ryan's and sing a song. That's awesome. Sing lawyers guns and money. How awesome did that feel? It was fucking sick. Yeah. That's it. Rules. Best for the whole time. When you're like doing that, you're just the whole time like this is awesome. Just hitting people with like dumb ideas about like vaginas are weird. You guys cool over there. All right. Everyone on board. Let's go. I'm a professional. Especially in the round, when you turn around, you realize everyone's kind of checked out a little. Yep. Like when you turn back around, that's when people get, it's funny because they're being polite, I guess, because they don't get up to go to the bathroom when you're facing them. Yeah. So like I'll turn around and people be like, oh, it's like a teacher. There was one kid sit back down, get off your phone. There was one kid who every time I would turn in his direction, he would be like, he was completely spread out and his heart was just like, every time I look at him, I'm like, fucking punk. God damn it. Then he laughed really hard at one thing. I was like, oh, God, I got him. He's cool. He's cool. All right. That guy's great. Round is nice though. When people are yelling, yeah, there was somebody yells, I go, all right, fuck that corner. I'm going back. Punished. Now you're on time. That was the other thing too. They were, it was the rowdiest crowd I'd had in a long to the whole time. They just like, ah, ah, ah, and it was like, you get, this is not the place for this guy's behave yourselves please. But it was, it was very fun. I had a good time. But I really, I was like, dude, that was, it was difficult. It was so hard. It was like genuinely difficult. I was, you know, so my XP points, I got four XP points. I got done. I was like, all right, I got, I leveled up for sure. Nice. And then I went to, always happens to me. I'm like, I'm going to Tucson right after this or I'm about to crush. It literally had a panic attack on stage. I just completely just kind of subquell within myself. Like, yeah, dude, I don't know, man. I told you guys I'm married. I'm like, fuck dude, it happens like every 10th time I'll have a point where I'm like seven minutes in, I go like, would it be weird if I took a break for five minutes and came back and I'm like, yes, extremely knocked this off right now. And then it just goes away and it's always a huge relief. I'm like, all right, cool. Just completely absorbed and whatever that is. It would be knots while you're up there. It feels so good. No, I'll be right back. Everybody 10 minutes. Get grab a drink. I'm going to go take deep breaths. I'm going to do box breathing outside and be right back. And I definitely am not coming back. You're never going to get me back on stage. I'm getting in a car. I might work it as a bit and just be like, I got this fucking round. My whole panic attack bit. I'm back. I just did the round last night. I just saw me. I was like, Titus out there is crazy. It could be a phone. Yeah. It could be a phone way to end a show. Yeah. We're going to take a quick intermission. I'll be right back and just sprint. Sprint out of this. Sprint right now. You're building in. You're building in. You say good night early when you want to go. Yeah. Because not enough shows happen. That's where you get your standing ovation. That's where you get your little break. And then you get your on-core. You get your on-core. Yeah, but I'm like nine minutes in. No. That means that you're really going to get that on-core. You're going to build eight or nine on-cores into the show. You just keep getting to go off. Have a think about it and come back. That's nice. Is it for me? Thank you. All right, I'll come back. It would not work in comedy. No. Well, you've got to train the audience. People got to learn. We don't give them the round of applause. It would never be an on-core. So everyone would just start. They would write. If I did 10 minutes. You've got to get the word out. You've got to get the word out that it's going to be on-core time. All right. People have to know it's like the opera. You know there's going to be a symphony. You've got to teach the audience to on-core. True. True. It's not fair that we don't get the on-core. No. I'm done. I'm so happy. Yes. I'm so happy. Now, but not after 15 minutes. Going back out with another. That's my plan. That'd be nice. You could do a little on-core, but man, it's been, I don't know what that does to my body when I just, when I'm like having, and it's just the physical symptoms. I'll be like, oh, what the fuck's that? And I go, oh, great. I know what that is. And I go, anyway, guys, and I'm going, going to fucking pass out. This isn't good. This isn't good. And I just go, no. And then my body just slowly comes back. And I'm like, that is some kind of cancer. I'm wearing the ring that was telling how you would like that. What's it called? The physical ring. The aura ring. But then I say, how, what's it like when you're on stage? And you said, I take it off. I don't want to know. Well, you know what? I'm wearing a hat right through the head. You know what's weird? I wore it one time. I did it for a whole hour. I was curious. I was like, what, I wonder what my body's up to. You know what's funny? It started out like the highest stress possible. And by the end, I'm at like completely restored and peaceful. It's real. Cause I'm like so probably relieved. You're in the pocket. Once I get the first 15 minutes, I'm good. Yeah. And then it happens in that first 15 minutes where I'll go like, dude, I think you skipped a giant chunk of material. And I go, what is it? I don't know. I don't remember it, but I know I did. You're going to finish with like, you're going to be done with like 27 minutes left and you're going to be fucked. And I'm like, no, I'm not. Stop. Come on. Can I take a break? I was, I was trying to add that heart monitor for that shot or the Chicago Friday night with the audio. Yeah. You're seeing spikes, cortisol spikes through the brutal course and roof. Dude. Any time there was reverb, I was just like, what the f- how could this be happening? Yeah. That was, you did this. That's fucking brutal. Cause then you're like, well, maybe it doesn't sound so bad in the crowd. That was the other thing up on stage. All you could hear is there's speakers all around you. So it's just your voice echoing in your head. And you're just like, please make that stop. Please. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard anyone say. And it's me. Yeah. And it's coming around from 360 degrees. Stop. Yeah, that happens. But yeah, that's, I was, I was happy to champ that every time I walk in cocky, I go like, it was so funny walking up and being like, these guys have no idea. I'm a veteran of the round. And I just walked up and was like, oh, shit. This is crazy. Fuck. What the fuck dude? Fuck man. And I would start a joke here and ended over here and I'm like, fuck, you guys probably weren't paying attention to the first part. Shit. That, uh, that happens. It just takes you back to the first, it's the equivalent of, man, these lights are bright up here. This background is pretty loud. It's like the first time I had six. It's very unnatural. And it gets me every time. But these, these bros were at the show in Nashville and they're like, how do you like, do you get nervous? Do you, how do you go out there? And I was like, I literally, I can't think about it. If I take once before the show, if I'm in the green room at all and I'm like, fuck, there's 20,000 people and I'm just going to have to stand there and the entire night depends on if I do good or I just wasted all these people's time and money. It's the most people ever that anybody's done this and I'm just going to stand there by myself. I mean, you've literally affected traffic patterns in the city. Like the city has been altered. The whole, there's so much. The economy of the city, like the local bars. Philly is going to be. Yeah, that's going to be wild. Well, when I open for you, I don't, it's because I, whenever, if I'm doing something for someone else, typically it's just like, there's not even room for like anything. Yeah. Cause I'm like, this is great. I can't fuck this up, but it's for myself. I'm like, no, dude, this sucks. But yeah, it's a, that's going to be fun. Thankfully the roast is there to break up the panic attacks. True. So I'll be focused on freaking out about that. You'll be panicking about that. That's a nice reprieve. But no, the link's going to be sick. That will be tight. The link is going to be, but every single person in Philly, if I go to, like I was in Philly last year, every single person's like, I'll see you in July, dude. It's going to be like, fuck is the football stadium gig that you're doing? Yeah. What is the capacity? It'll be like a hundred thousand. No, it'll be close to 80. It'll be the all time record at the stadium. Cause it's the round as well. Yeah. Obviously for any event. Hopefully. Hopefully it goes well. It's going to crush. It's like, it's going to suck. Sounds like a good way to ruin every day in the lead up to the gig. Yeah. Yeah. Every day until July 17th, I'll be, I'll be staring at those rims. True. Now that's nice. Those guys. Dear God, make me a bird and take me flat far, far away. Please. I wish I could be one of those fucking rims. You know what I was thinking about today? I saw, I saw a, I guess it's a crow. What are those birds at the airport that just fucking scream at you? Oh, those are like Austin crackles, dude. I love dickheads. They are funny. I fucking love dude. I was, we was driving, I had to go to like PTA meetings this morning. So we're like driving on the highway. It's all a crackle just chilling on like where like this homeless guy usually chills and I saw he like, he became a crackle. I think he did. I think he floated down this thing like floated down so lightly and landed on this little like metal thing on the highway or like where you get off on the off ramp. And it was just like picking crumbs out of cigarette butts. And I was like, how crazy to be a bird, just be flying like this celestial being. And then you have to just land a fucking wicked earth and you're just like picking crumbs out of shit. Then you fly again beautifully. I saw, as soon as I landed in Austin, I saw two of them bathing in a puddle on the road. It was disgusting. Just dirt water. Dude, moments ago they're soaring majestically. And then those birds, there's nothing majestic about those. Those things blow. They are some of the shittiest birds. I love them so much. They're funny. They are really funny. But they just scream. They have no fear of people. They're just like mean pigeons. Yeah. We've got a new bird in Australia called the, it's the noisy Indian minor. And they're an invasive species from India. And there he is. There he's loud. I know, I know. There he's loud Indian birds. That everyone goes, you got to kill them. But we don't have guns and we don't have BB guns. So you've got to find creative ways. You just can't have BB guns? No, you can't have a BB gun. What? But this is the, all the bird people used to work for a bird charity. Everything's like, we love birds. We've got to protect birds. And then they'd be like, the Indian bird, fucking kill that bird. You guys don't even know, you guys don't even allowed to have BB guns. What does the government say? You're going to shoot your eye out? The government says it's going to get a lot of you. I want a red rod, a BB gun. No. What's one of the many problems for an Indian bird? So what's the Indian bird? No way you guys are not allowed to have BB guns. What about the Alpac? Do you live in the fucking Alpac? I've never seen a BB gun in Australia. What? Okay, wait, you've never seen it. No, I don't believe we're allowed to have them. You must not be. Because if you were allowed, I feel like, yeah, that's actually probably a good rule. Australians should not have all that white trash DNA and no BBs. That's crazy, dude. Dude, there's nothing better than your older cousin being like, dude, check this shit out. I'm so scared. I don't even want to hold that. I'm too scared. I remember someone I remember the pump action. Are they allowed to have them have to be allowed to have toy guns. They're not this. It says they're just highly regulated and treated classified as fire. I got my BB permit. You got a license for a BB gun. That's what it seems like. Yeah, you need a proper license and registration. What? Or else it's a criminal offense. How are the bin chickens doing? I like those guys. We like those. We're a big, yeah. Taurus taking pictures of them. We look like fucking morons. There was a Vietnamese guy who was killing them. Yeah, I knew we were good. You know this story? No. Oh, it was a story on the news a while ago in Sydney where a guy was like killing them and eating them and he got in trouble and he was like a Vietnamese guy and he was going, you were allowed to do it back home. And then later on in the news story, they're like, they're allowed to do it back home in the state north of the, in Queensland you're allowed to do it. Everyone thought he meant Vietnam. He's an odd Vietnamese man just killing street birds, but he meant Queensland. Anyway, it was fun. You could eat them in Queensland? In Queensland, apparently you can eat them. That's nice. They're big. What do these Indian birds do? They just squawk and they're invasive. They push the other birds out and they work in groups. There's about 15 of them bullying our sweet native local birds. No. Damn. It's really funny. You know, it's just a big gang of the Indian. My this will seek out like the bird. The gangmate lonely Australian bird. Yeah. You know, on a bus or something. Dang, that's crazy. It's not right. I was just listening to it make bird sounds for like two minutes. Just sounds like a regular bird. Like the Indian. Yeah. It just sounds like a regular bird. I think this is a well, how verse are you on your pro? You're pro. I love bird noises. They get rid of that big. We got big, beautiful strange birds that they're driving out wild. Cocktoos were a cookaburra. Cookaburra. Birds of paradise. Rife birds. We got the cassowary. They're very scary. They kill British people every now and again. Those are scary. So what does the cookaburra do again? I know it does. It's the old country. The American of the bush. Just laughs. Cookaburra laugh. Cookaburra gay life must be. That's that song. You'll be birded out. I mean, we got to clamber up, man. We got to at least inspect the site. I would love nothing more than for us to install it. And I'll share the app with you. You can also have the bird watching app. And we can stare at them together because we'll both get the notifications. And I'll go out there at night sometimes. That's what the Petrion is. Petrion is a live bird feed now. I would love bird feed. It's a feed. Bird feed. I like that. It's good. Maybe we can tweet the bird feed too. Man. Now, so you guys see how much better this is than our pedophile 30 minute show. Talking birds. That's fun. I forgot all about it. And we managed to make the bird thing racist, which I like. And of course, the mayor defended the fucking invasive species. You're an invasive species. What do you have to say? It just seems like a nice regular bird. Get them out. Lock them up. Having to kill a bird for your government would be kind of chill. Oh, damn it on the dumbest guy ever. My car that got destroyed. Do you have anything in here? It's got my social security birth certificate. Every single thing I own is my own. Don't worry about it. Because I had to get my driver's license. Damn, someone can just steal your identity. You're going to walk up to the fucking link and some guys will be like, hey, guys. He's just crushing. You're like, get him off. Damn, this guy's good. Just murdering. You just got to do 20. Turned out all you do need is a Trump impression. You are in a weird position of getting to pick the car now. It's a huge identity moment. I know, and I don't know what car to pick. I think you get one of those Houston low ones with the big spikes coming out of the side of the wheels. I can't do that. Why not? It's crazy. It's time. Too much attention. You got to go sleek. Very sleek. You know what I mean? I liked my car. That was a nice car for you. Yeah. I'm in the... My CRV is still rocking. I'm going to ride it out, but I got... Every car I pick, everyone's like, that's the gayest thing I've ever... G-bladdy or thought G-bladdy or it could be a cool girl, dad car. I thought I could get a cool car. I was like, it's for real so good. I was like, well, then you tell me what the fucking... Get a raptor. I was like, I'm not driving a fucking raptor. Yeah. You're not a pickup truck guy. SUV. I've seen you drive a Suburban. SUVs are nice. You're nice in the SUV. I've been driving trucks. Everywhere I... When I drive for any show, I rent trucks to go from city to city. That's exciting. It's been kind of fun. It's been driving every new pickup truck to see which one I like. I can tell you, though, the people, I'm back in a people mode. I'm back in a minivan. Back minivan. 2000 Japanese Toyota. Beautiful fabric seats. It's got a V6 engine in it. I've looked at the retro. It's nice. Everyone's saying don't buy a new car. Everyone who's like a hardcore car guy is like, don't buy anything new right now. Get like something old. You know, it's been made like 10 years ago. I don't know why. I wish I knew about cars. My brother almost convinced me to do a Cybertruck. It's so easy to... I was like, yeah, I'll just do that. Because there's 0% interest right now. I'd like that. That's nice. You have the Land Cruiser? Yeah, that's nice. 1997. That's cool. I mean, you're connected enough. You could get the Waymo things on. You could buy whatever car you want. You guys should just get a Waymo. Buy your own Waymo. Then you can drive anytime. James, you're on to something about that. You're one of the only people in the world who might be able to get on the phone to the Waymo Corporation. I should have the world's first private Waymo. That would be... Dude, I honestly love Waymo. It's just everywhere I go. Everyone's fucking with the car. Also, no highway travels at all. So I'm drinking and driving the whole time. You wanna fall in there? Just fucking losing my mind every trip. Yeah, I was gonna do a Waymo to meet my kid somewhere. It was like a 20-minute drive. I'm like, I'll get on the Waymo. It was like an hour and 20 minutes. I was like, all right, let me just... You custom fit your own Waymo. You got a bed put in there. You just get to lie down and go to sleep. I would like to lay down more. Yeah. This is my idea. This is what I think Waymo should be doing. I might be able to try to have not stood up for a day. Dude, instead of flying, you fly for an hour and a half, you get to the new city. This is my idea. Beautiful bed in a Waymo. You just go to sleep, drives you to the city. And you wake up eight hours later. And between the plane and Waymo, you could have a Segway where you just kind of get tied to it and you just need to get... Yeah. ...sleep on that and fucking just takes you to this. I think I'm just inventing paraplegia. That's what I'm going for. Yeah. I think a guy sleeping on a horse just tied to the saddle. That'd be a fun thing. We should start getting the heroin people on Segways. Segways. Hit them. They hit that fucking lean forward. That thing's going nice. Hit that fucking lean forward. That thing's going 90 miles an hour. That thing would be fucking crazy. Their noses are like right over the ground. That'd be nice though to be like, I put them on Segways and just point them north and be like, yeah. Go. Go and get. Yeah, that's the thing. Austin is just those fucking shitty birds and homeless people. Those two, I've always seen them together. That's a very symbiotic relationship. They do. They do. That bird was just eating like homeless crumbs. I was watching it just pick at just like weird shit. Like they're elephants. The what? Like they're elephants. Like the birds are on them. Yeah, cleaning their teeth. That's why they're screaming at the airport. They're just picking little particles out of their teeth. They're like, ah! It's so weird. It's weird to see it again. We don't have crack in Australia. We just have methamphetamine. It's a slightly different homeless person. Yeah, it's way more. Crack people are a little more, they're in a fantasy land slightly more. There's the mood is improved. And I don't know, there's a spirit of joy about it, but the meth people, it's just sheer. I couldn't disagree more. No, meth people are skipspookier, I find. Yeah, they're more like politically tapped. More ready to have violence, more ready to question your ideas. Yeah, I'm not saying, I'm saying the people in Austin are fucking evil. I've never walked by a fucking homeless guy. I mean, he's having a good time. They're literally having audible arguments. I see a sense of, there's a theater about, like that woman who wears caution tape instead of clothing. You know, she's having an experience, she's doing. Yeah. I don't know if I've seen her. They're funnier. Oh, you see her when you see her. Crack people are funnier. Remember the street joke guy in Philly who come up and they got a joke for you guys? Yes. That was, that's meth. I don't see them here. Yeah. I don't see the crack. You know what, yeah. Homeless people here. I see the angry run. That's more of a Philly thing, you're right. A lot of angry homeless people here. Meth is pretty big here too now though. Yeah. Meth made, meth kind of like piggybacked heroin cities pretty hard. Where it would kind of like come in and a lot of heroin guys got into meth as well. It's just a bad one. Meth is the worst. Phoenix is meth city dude. Yeah, Phoenix is bad. Phoenix is bad. Me and Nate saw fucking me, me and Charliesville needles on the ground walking around. I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't make everything about Oklahoma, but last time I hosted Oklahoma, they'd cut the, when you go to fill up your tie, like someone had a flat tire and you go to do that and they cut the, the tip off at the gas station that you used where they, it's called the needle. Yeah. And they said they cut the needles off for drugs and I thought they were using, they they were using, they were like fucking jamming that into their arms, but they use it like a pipe. It's a perfect pie. So that they just don't have them. That you can't fill your tire up in Oklahoma. She would piss me off. It's not right. Yeah. Oh, it pissed me off. But yeah, meth, I would agree meth is, I think one of the, if I had a move to a city, I got to pick the drug. Everyone's on here. Meth is heroin's pretty chill. Pick heroin for sure. Yeah. Slipy. The heroin's. Meth would be the worst, you think? Yeah, I think so. Meth's because they get like real, you know, it's a very like, I got to do this thing now. Yes. Kind of drug. There's the head moves differently. We've got a lot, we're still in Australia. I only got really heroin's gone away and meth is, but it's the head moves like this and people get skinny and yeah, sweating and I'd be a public transport and I'm seeing it. It's some, our buses are not as spooky as yours, but they're still, that's why it's weird when you get one. No, I'm not commenting. Can you do it in a smile? Can you, can you do a takeouts now as Australia's still anti take it or like take it away food from the restaurant kind of thing? Yeah. Food poisoning. We sometimes we're discreble about it. Yeah. I remember we tried to take the food. We tried to take our food and you guys can't have that. I was like, what? I've convinced neither of you to come back for a show. Yeah. It's the flight. I liked Australia at the flight. It's just brutal, bro. I don't know how you just bounce the back and forth. Huh? Lovely hours. I had a great time. I watched succession for the first time. That's nice. It's pretty good. Yeah. I'll never watch it. I watched the. I watched season four. I'd never watched any other. Oh, no. That's the worst way to watch it. It's so good. I can tell it was beautiful. I got the picture. Yeah, we're going to do it. We had time for us to take the company. They all suck. They're all weak. Same thing. You're not serious people. And I thought I said that before. I've said that to people. I like when I don't know what season it is when the old man goes to the like liberal news station, he goes, thank you for welcoming, welcoming us Romans into your Greek amongst your Greek city. It was just a funny, weird, rich guy thing to say. Remember, I have no idea what he's talking about. I'm like, Dan, it sounds so cool. Yeah, it's all. Wish I now that I've studied Rome, I know what he's talking about. Speaking of dude, I am. You think it's time for the Patreon? We got we I got to. Oh, we're going to do it this week. We already did. We did the page this week next week. We're going to have a dude. I have 19 pages of notes typed about the fall of Rome, just like the beginning of Julius Caesar crossing the Rubicon, why he did it. What's the foundational myths of Rome? What shape the Roman citizens identity? I wish I could be here for that. That's my dude. Yeah, you're a fucking you minor. I know you had a minor degree, but also at some point I want to put pressure. I'm happy to do it publicly that the Civil War podcast is. All right, I'll do it. Just you do it. Do you want to do it now? You want to do it? Give me a minute. I am. I'm thinking about Little Sherman and Grant podcast episode. OK, discuss Sherman and Grant. See what they were. You don't want to start with the call. You could rattle off the top of your head causes of the war of Northern aggression. Oh, brother. Oh, brother. You've got an hour in you for that. Maybe. It was blacks. There was a dog. Industrialization, the forest of industrialization. I'm all right with that. Yeah, we can all do that. It's nice. Be nice. So we can start researching stuff. Yeah, it's time. Sherman and Sherman and Grant of the Bros. It's time for you guys. Nate, it's time for you to learn about Sherman and Grant. What's the South? These are Northern guys. OK, you let you let these ask Grant. OK, I'm all in. William Tecumseh Sherman. I'm in. Anyway. That should be it, huh? Yeah, I think we did it. Great job. Yeah, we tease. We tease some future as a bit of a CTA, you know, CTA mix in there. Nice. That's what it's all about. Good to see you, John. Thank you for having me. Thank you, man. Stoke that I had to go away. Almost immediately. Yeah, but we'll reunite in Canada. How cool is that? We'll be together in Canada. What do you guys do in the same place? Toronto will be in Toronto. The agent has for some reason put us both in Canada on the same night. Kind of wild. But it means we'll get to hang out. True. But everything's good. I couldn't even. Yeah, we're both. We're both. All your shows are both at capacity. So it's my word to go. Good to go. That's still is kind of weird. Yeah, it's very strange. I'll see it every now and again. I'll get in soda somewhere where I'm kind of like why are we the same place? I don't like that. Who are you bringing to Toronto? CJ. He's from. I was going to bring CJ. Sorry, AJ. Sorry, my bad. I'm getting my boys mixed up. AJ. I'll bring AJ. OK, going alphabetical. We're at H. H. Hungry Jax. I'll be supply. I'll be supplying the. They're a big sponsor of the Adelaide Gros who, by the way, seasons turning around. It's going to be all right. Cryboys. I heard big taxes. He had six. Five had five goals. And it was fantastic. I can really we if we make it to the finals. You called him. Wow, wow, Wes. Whoa. Oh, now. Cut that. Cut that. And then James McCann said cut that. I said, how I said, how are the crows? I don't need that on me. Oh, cut. Do we have a nice wholesome moment before we mention the football? That was a good place to end the part. I do believe probably over time. Goodbye, Cryboys. He's my hero. Yeah, you would never want to do that. Trust me. All right. Bye.