Heather McMahan & Jackie Schimmel: Kitchen Sex & Cruise Deaths

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When life gets hectic, energy ups and downs are all you need. If you're seeking energy reassurance, Eonnext can help. From regularly updating our tariffs to get you our best value, to smart tech that helps you take control of your energy future, we're here for whatever's next. Just one of the reasons why we're rated excellent on trust pilot by our customers. Find out more about how we can help at Eonnext.com. Eligibility and t's and c's apply. Trust pilot February 2026. When you're Jeff Lewis, the drama never stops. For the last is a decade, you've been covering disasters. That's right. That's why he's here. The math ain't math and the gay ain't gay. And later you're going to need to do maintenance. Why? To be attractive for who? Oh, for us. Jeff Lewis has issues. Hey, Jeff Lewis and I have issues. In today's episode, Heather McMahon and Jackie Schimmel joined the show. We talk about kitchen sex, cruise deaths and ungrateful street musicians. Good morning. Comedian. I think you're funny. I mean, I'm hilarious. I'm not a comedian. How do you introduce yourself? I think you're funnier. Just a great girl with a heart. No, I think you're funny. The most comedians. I mean, I totally agree with you. Relax. All right. You're a lot funny that Heather. Listen, when you're right, you're right, but I can't claim comedian. Heather McMahon. You went on tour. Yeah, but I wasn't doing a tour. I don't do stand up. Were you sitting down? For parts of it, yes. Heather, I'm surprised you made it because I, for, I mean, you just kind of rolled in a few minutes ago. And I am a very punctual person. So I apologize. I don't know what's going on with the rideshare situation here in the greater Los Angeles area. I had three Ubers cancel on me and then it was like a 20 minute wait. You have a rating. No, my ratings perfect. My ratings prove it. Prove it. All right. You said it was perfect. I was worried though. I was when I heard about the Spirit Airlines bankruptcy, I thought, is Heather going to make it? Were they able to rebook you? 4.91. Wow. That's disgusting. And I'll show you that's on Uber. Let's look at my lift. You know what? I hate you all. And on there, where's the rate? Oh, see, she's filibustering. It's perfect here too. How do you find it? I think you're looking at Jeff's rating. Yeah. What's yours? I don't know. Shane, look it up. Yeah. Oh, I don't know mine either. I'm scared. Shane, look it up. Now in my defense, when I was living in London, I had to cancel a lot of Ubers because they're so slow there. Yeah. I do cancel a lot and that could affect my rating. Mine. Okay. Mine is 4.9. That's, I get impatient and I cancel. So that 4.91. What? Okay, that's surprising to me. My lift rating is a 5.0. You're a sick bitch. I can't look that up because I don't take lift. Oh, I don't either. I don't have that. So poor. I'm 5.0 on lift also. I'm a 4.74 on Uber, not great. You don't take lift because it's so poor. I love that. Yeah, no, we can't. Well, I used to because it was connected to the Delta Reserve credit card, so I was getting triple the miles. But that also shows that I'm so poor that I want the miles. So did you fly, like what did you do? They rebooked you on frontier. Oh yeah, when spirit shut down. Let me tell you why I was not okay with that. No, shut up. I have the highest status at Delta. Okay, I made 360. I was invited to a prestigious club that you have to get invited to. Wait, 360,000 miles? No, I'm a million miles. Honey, it's something you wouldn't even know about. What is this? Delta 360. Delta 360. I don't even know what that is. It's a tier above anything you've heard of. Anything. It's a secret club. Like I'm talking, you drink the Adrena Chrome. It's like, you know, it's a part of the Illuminati ritual. It's the whole thing. Didn't they send you custom sneakers? I got custom sneakers. Which are disgusting, by the way. From Delta? Yeah. Now here's the thing. It was a big deal that I got invited in because a lot of the people that get invited in are like, you know, they have like corporate cards. I spent all this money just me, myself, you know, running around telling dick jokes across America. So I feel like it was about time that they gave it to me a single, you know, LLC, S-Corp owner of absolute production. Because I'm, you know, I'm in like this group with all these like guys like basically run Home Depot. They're all C-Sweet people. And I'm like, I'm spending the same amount of money and don't get to write off half this shit. Why do I not? Because we use all of our miles, don't we? No. But I feel like we're constantly using our miles to buy shit. Yeah, that's true. It has nothing to do with miles. It's how much money you spend with that airline and like your loyalty. Oh, we're not that loyal. Yeah, I'm wildly loyal. Hardcore. No. Yeah, I had a cat named Delta. Like that's, I bleed out for the brand. You named your cat Delta. Yeah. And I would, if I ever have a daughter, I would also name her Delta. I love Delta. You need to be an ambassador for Delta. I am. I basically am. Here I am spreading the good word. I have to say those Spanx bras. Got it on now. That was one of the hottest pictures I've ever seen of you. Thank you. It was, can I tell you? Took a long time to get that. Took a long time to get that. I played the long game of Spanx and then I started a hemorrhaging period that morning. And I'm literally like naked under the robe. And I was like, this could not be a worse day than to try and shoot a lingerie. Just Jeff even give a shit. Did he see it? Oh yeah. He loved it. Oh, okay. Yeah. He wanted me to show it'd be more provocative. Yeah. He was like, you know, oh yeah, I look good. There it is. You look good. Yeah. You're never going to look that good again. No, ever. And I had like three tampons in that day. I was courteous, you know. I was like an old bottle of Barolo trying to keep it fresh. It wasn't good. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Now, Jeff. Go after that. Yeah. Jackie and I did some stuff together. We've been working. We just did a campaign together. And it was. For Wise Beauty. Yeah. Yeah. With the. That look. Yeah. It was fun. We had so much fun, but I'll tell you what, there's nothing better than doing a day of work with Jackie. Because when she's done and she's wrapped. Oh, it's a wrap. It's a wrap. How much do you love Lynn? Oh, God. Live, laugh, Lynn. Or star. Yes, love, Lynn. We went on an influencer trip to Cabo. Jackie and I and Lynn was on our was on our plane. She's like the sweetest woman of all time. She's just hearty. She's cool. She is cool. Just, yeah, easy. Easy. Easy to talk to. I dumped trauma dumped on her. That poor thing. We did too. Did you really? Oh, yeah. In between takes, I was like, Lynn, just read my aura. Lynn, where do you see? She's like, have your hands on me, Lynn. Yeah. And one boy, she was like, I'm not a soothsayer. Like I can't see the future. I don't know what's wrong with you. Oh, speaking of see the future, you saw Scary Sherry. I did. I saw Scary Sherry. Okay, Scary Sherry is his. I know. Psychic. Psychic. Okay, the woman before me, by the way, I went to Leot's house. The woman who saw her before me walked out in shambles. Yeah, she doesn't hold back. No, she does not. Like I was like, oh my God, maybe this is going to fuck up my Friday. I have like a whole day planned. I was going to see the Devil Wars Prado. I was going to get some sushi. I'm like, this is not not what I was anticipating. And I had a pretty good reading. It was like lots of good news. That's great. Good things. It's not always that way. So that's good. Any bad? Not really. Good. Fantastic. Here's the thing, no, time frames are always off, but she's accurate. But she's accurate about what's coming. But she's always wrong on the time frame. Just so you know. Well, not always, but sometimes she'll say like within three weeks, this is going to happen and something happens. But she tends to be a little murky when it comes to the time frames. Okay, that's what Leot told me. She told me that Andrew's going to have a life changing year. And if I want to stop working, I can stop working. Oh, God, can I go through here? Are you going to start? I was like, okay, great. Bye. No, a lot of times I will go and then she'll start reading people that are around me. So when I was there, I was like, thanks a lot, Shane. I got a 15-minute reading on you. It was all about me. And it was some personal shit that I had no knowledge of. And I'm like, hey, this is what she said. And she was a thousand percent accurate. Really? She's good. She was tapping into my sister a little bit, having made that big call. Oh, yeah. Great news for me, bad news for my sister. Oh, really? Haven't called her yet. Yeah. I might want to call her. I know, I'm avoiding her. I love her. I want to call her. I want to know. We've never really given out Sherry's number. Should we just do that? You're going to give it out? Why not? I don't know. Just text her if you want to reading. No, they'll spam her. That feels like a bad idea. Send me a DM if you want me to hook you up with her. Okay, because I don't want to respond to all those DMs. Send me a DM. Okay, what's your Instagram? Shane.duckliss. Okay. I'm going to keep picking me. I saw her. I think I saw her Sunday. You did? Yeah. Did she mention me? Just kidding. You might come up with the next one. You never know. One time she talked about Mercedes. Really? Yeah, because I was hanging out with Mercedes a lot, and she read Mercedes and Reza. Wow. But even when they're not there. Yes. Interesting. Yep. So like you have to send a message to your friend, Reza. I had to call Reza and Mercedes. Oh my God, I'm having a that's so Raven moment. She did say that one. Oh no, Heather McMahon. She said that me and one of my very, very good friends, that could be you, are going to start a company together, and it will be very successful. Oh my God. So it's obviously us. It's us. Who else would it be? It's just us. I'm not even making that up. I forgot. But you two are not that driven. No, Heather is. Okay. Oh, you are. Back the fuck up, real quick. Okay. I almost walked here, all right? No, I'm very driven. And I have to push her. Yes. Push, pull, carry. She'll be in a wheelchair. Like we're going to grow old together, and she'll be in a wheelchair, and we'll be living on Miami Beach. But you have to do all the work. But I have to do all the work. She'll be pushing me around. I'll be wearing adorable shoes. She'll still be thin, and be able to wear all the couture, and I'll be in a nurse's outfit piss, but I'll be the richest one. It is what it is. She's a fellow princess. Yes. So true. Wait, this is exciting, because we've been talking about this for a long time. A long time. What company you're starting. What are you going to do? I don't know. I have a couple ideas, but I don't want to, I don't think we throw them out there yet. We don't. We don't. We're going to work on it. We're going to workshop it. Protect it. But Sherry Sherry endorsed it. I totally forgot. We've got to workshop it. Let's do it. Now, you live in Atlanta, correct? I sure do. And you bought a huge Georgian mansion. Yes, and yeah. How many square feet? I think it's about 7,500. OK. 8,000. I don't know, actually. I got a saltwater pool. That's the only thing I care about. Yeah, it's gorgeous. But also, I'm in Atlanta. It's a different ball game, you know? No, excuse me. Yeah. Stop undermining your real estate. No, Atlanta's expensive. It's expensive and it's gorgeous. Don't do that thing. OK, fine. But I will say, cannot afford to furnish it right now. I told Jackie, she was like, Heather, don't be house poor. I'm like, I think I did that thing. Because now I'm starting to furnish and I'm fully panicked. Like, it's not great. Was there, did you have to remodel? No, no remodeling. That's why I pulled the trigger on it. I walked in, I said, we'll take it. OK, and then how long have you owned it? I've owned it since December, but the people who we bought it from are renting it back to us. So we move in in June. June, and are you helping her? I'm an interior consultant. Yes. No, you know she has, as you know, very expensive taste. Yes, but this is why I'm friends with Jacqueline, because we will high-low it. We're high-lowing. You're going to high-low. We're high-lowing it. High-lowing it. OK. She's also very high-designed. And what that means is, in 24 months, you're going to have to get new furniture. Because it's like, you know, it's very tasteful, but it's the latest trends and all of that. She follows all those trends. So you're going to have to, you know, redo it all soon. Well, we've been picking out of a lot of Italian antiques. So there's a lot of Marano. Yeah, a lot of Marano. I'm going to Italy in a couple of weeks to go find the Marano, touch the Marano, feel the Marano. Sniff the Marano. Sniff the Marano. Yeah, but I was deep on TikTok, where I found like all the wholesalers for like restoration hardware and all that. So I've been what? Oh, you're divulging this. OK. OK. So I've been what's happening? My plug over in Foshan, China. And I'm sending the links to Jackie. And she's like, I don't know how I feel about that. I want her to be the guinea pig, so I'm letting her do it. And she swears that it's the same thing as restoration hardware. I'm not seeing it. Now, I will say the closing of the Strait of Hormuz has really messed up my tariff situation. She's like, can you drive the ship around? Yeah, can you drive the ship around? Like, can you put it on a cruise? Or the other way. Somebody, I've got to get this crate of like outdoor patio furniture stat. But hopefully, I don't know, we'll see what happens. Absolutely not cruise to the Strait of Hormuz. Great. Wait, so you're going to have to house that big. You're going to be spending hundreds of thousands of dollars furnishing. Yeah, it's big. Well, you're going to see some ads that I'm about to crank out and you'll understand why. Yep, shoes, bras, Delta. I'm talking pharmaceuticals. Yeah, we got to talk bigger here. I will do a listen. I've been actively trying to do like Vagisill, Monostat, anything. The nittier, the grittier, the more uncomfortable. Please send it my way. I'm happy to do it so I can get a nice chaise lounge for my walk-in closet. And a lot of people are not willing to do that. So it's good that you're putting that out there. Listen, I very much so like people that I find iconic in my life are like Alisa Renna and Joan Rivers and they would do anything. Jackie just fell down. She just fell about four feet down in the chair. What happened, Jackie? I don't know. She tried to do a subtle adjustment and it was not so subtle. Now, do you not have any furniture to take to that new house? I'm taking a couple bits, but you know, my husband and I lived with my mother forever. And Robin has insane taste. And so she, and I didn't want to like take things from her. I furnished that house with her, but I'm taking a couple chairs, some gorgeous chairs. What happens to Robin? Robin's staying there. In her mansion. In her mansion. And then if she decides in like two years that she doesn't want to do that, we can sell that one and we have plenty of room for her in our new home. But you know, like, listen, I'd like to have a kid maybe in the next year. And if I'm going to do that, I need to be able to have sex in my kitchen. And I'm still having sex about four doors down from my mom right now. So it was time. It was time. Yeah. It was time. Okay. So you want to be spontaneous. And if you're in the kitchen and it's okay. Yeah. She can't do that with Robin home. You can't do that with Robin home, but we are not abandoning Robin. She's 15 minutes down the road, but it was time. Now Robin is going to take care of this big house by herself. Yeah. She will. What if she just downsizes into like a nice townhouse? You don't know Robin. Okay. When my father, you don't know Robin. You don't know when my father died and I, my husband and I were living in New York City. We came down and we were like, Robin, sell the house, right? And she can't differentiate between downsizing and downgrading. And our house is like a brick Georgia house that was built well. And then you go into these like expensive town homes and everything's plastic and bullshit. So she, no, she's not moving. Are you kidding me? You can't take the queen out of the castle. And how big is Robin's mansion? It's about the same size. God, that's a lot of house for one person. I know. A lot of house. I would love for her to sell it, but we'll see. We'll see. I don't want, I didn't want her to feel like she had to make a choice. It's too much change. The other thing that you have to think about is maintaining the home. So now you're going to need probably a full-time housekeeper. Absolutely. Do you have someone? No, I have no one. I don't have a housekeeper. I need the full kitten caboodle. Is zip recruiter in Georgia? Yeah. No, I swear I found a lot of people from zip recruiter. Oh, wow. I'll just zip recruiter. And use my code. Okay. No, seriously, I have, I use it. Well, then I'll do that because we had used a service in Atlanta and got a housekeeper a couple of years ago, and it was the wildest ride of my life. Like it was one of those, it just, it really took us for a wild ride. What did you do wrong? Pets. Do I, I do, I have two French bulldogs that will mull your children and bite your ankles. We have, there is a housekeeper hack that I was just, I just figured out that's been going on for months. So what they do is they go, we're going to walk Toby. Okay. And I thought, oh, that's nice. We're going to get Toby out. But even though Toby's going to school, you know, daycare, and then I take him on a 40-minute walk, but okay. So then it goes from one walk to two walks to three walks to four walks a day. One walk could be 35 minutes. They're walking the dogs so they don't have to clean. Yeah. Smart. And I just figured it out. And so now on Saturday, Maria is the one that takes the longest walks. The longest walk that I have timed is 35 minutes for a dog that goes to daycare every day and runs around for six hours and then walks with me for 40 minutes. Right. So on Saturday, and you don't know this, Shane, she's in the kitchen, she walks in and she's like, oh, I'm going to take Toby for a walk. And I go, no, don't worry about it. I'm going to do it. And she just did not know what to say or do. She wanted that vitamin D. She wanted the break. Uh-huh. Wow, smart. And then Aurora today, she goes, oh, I was going to walk Toby. And I go, no, it's okay. He's going to school today. And I said, and by the way, I noticed when I'm in Rose's playroom that no one's cleaning underneath the furniture. I said, I said every month, I said every month, we're going to be moving furniture and we're going to be cleaning underneath it. And we're going to be taking things out of cabinets. I said, I'm not going to live in that dirt again, because when I moved out of my old house, just moved out a week ago, Heather, it was filthy. No. Disgusting. Unacceptable. Oh, and he's got a full operation over at his house. Yeah. Oh, I'm sure you do. So now Monica got promoted yesterday. Okay. From house manager to a state manager. Oh, state. God tingles everywhere. Yes. I prefer villa manager, but I'm also into a state. A state is sexy. She's going from two days a week to three days a week, but it's a lot of responsibility and no more compensation. Wow. Okay. Sounds like a great deal. That's how these promotions go. Yeah, I like that. Okay. Cruise. Absolutely not cruise. Yeah, absolutely not cruise. Now the first one, huge success. Crazy success. So much fun. Okay. But you had a ton of talent. Yeah. Like a ridiculous roster of talent. Right. You think you're going to do that with just Jackie Schimmel? I don't feel confident about it at all. But Jackie was the number one most requested diva to come aboard. Now I called Jackie. I was, uh, I remember the day at the time I was at a Trader Joe's pilfering over Spana Copa. Literally folks have asked me like, did you put a gun to her? I had a mic pretty much. Basically I said, Jackie, just cut the bullshit. Like just do this with me. She called called me in the middle of the day. And basically was like, Hey, how are you? I'm like, is this about the fucking cruise? I knew it. Two seconds. I could tell in like the decibel of her voice. It was sweet. It was coming to me like in a moment. And I'm like, is this about the fucking cruise? She's like, well, yeah. And you don't have to go, but it would be really important. The way she prefaced it was very deeply manipulative. You know, also you're going to be financially compensated. Well, so I don't want to hear it. It's not like a make a wish face. Well, well, yeah. She took a whole budget probably. Yeah, she did. And that and people are angry that I don't have room to bring other like people. And I said, sorry, call this shimla. It's so funny because we're going to be doing a couple of live shows coming up. First one in San Francisco on July 30th. The tickets will go on sale tomorrow. I thought about bringing you to a live show. I can't afford you. Oh, I'll do anything to leave the family. I love San Francisco. I can't afford you. You say that now. You got a quick six figs, you know. It's one day. She's going to take your entire furniture budget. Jackie is just. She's living in a roller rink. Really? No more Shea's lounge, no more outdoor furniture, nothing. That's why she's outsourcing her sofa from sign up. On a beach towel, if it means that Jackie Shimmel is on the Absley Knot cruise. I'm coming. I really honestly, it's only for just my sick pleasure of watching her just panic on the Lido deck. I'm like, there's no birds out at sea. Just so you know. Yes, there is. When you dock, there are. Oh, sorry. Shut up. I know. By the way, people are inciting me photos. Of themselves on cruises with birds and a lot of birds. A lot of bird magnet. And the amount of, by the way, the amount of messages I'm getting from strangers being like, rogue waves, hepatitis outbreaks, all these things that happen on cruise ships. We were reading about that yesterday. They're stuck out there right now. Three people died on that cruise. The one person's really sick. Guys, get your tickets at Heather at sea.com. It's going to be a great weekend. When is it coming up? Okay. So it's 2027. Yeah. And you can get your tickets at Heather at sea.com. When is it going to be fun? It's May, I think second through seventh next year. Well, one year away. One year. How much does it set us back? Sorry. What's it going to set me back? If I want to buy a package. It's, you can afford it. That's all you need to know. No, there's, we have. Can I afford the alcohol package? Yes, you can afford the alcohol package. You know what's so funny about like our followers is that the most expensive rooms go first. I mean, I have people fighting on a wait list for like the ultra sweet. And it's the interior rooms that, those are the hard ones. And we don't care that they're putting it on eight credit cards. No, we don't care that they're putting it on eight credit cards. No, let me live. And it's going to take them 20 years to pay it back. If they even pay it back. Not our problem. I'm going to be doing that with my new house. So are you kidding me? I'm opening a pottery barn credit card this afternoon. So I would recommend you use all of your cards. Yeah. You book the premium package on Heather's, absolutely not cruise. Get the alcohol package. Then file bankruptcy, right? File bankruptcy, but if you're lucky, you will watch Jackie Shimmel bar for the legal tech while the birds pecker eyes out. So I think for that experience alone, it's priceless. No, you're going to have her on. The second hand to virus case confirmed after death on cruise. She's got the update a few hours ago. I'm so excited. Seriously, how many deaths now? I think that's three, two deaths, three deaths and a virus. Can I ask where the ship was coming from? I don't know enough about this. It was going from Miami to the Bahamas. Shut up. I think they're in Europe. My publicist is going to be so pissed right now. No, where were they? What part of the world? I think they're in Europe right now. Okay. It's Dutch. Yeah, a Dutch cruise. But if you don't want to get sick, you have to buy the premium package. You have to buy the premium package. Yeah. If you don't want to get sick, you have to consume so much alcohol on the ship that it just kills. And I think what you do is you pass out for the people that spend the real money, ginger shots. I think it's a great idea. Gorgeous. Yeah. You know, we'll have IV stations. Something that we did on the last cruise is because there were no children. We took out the kids club and we have like a nurse's station where you can get IVs and other wellness. Fine. So you, fine. I've thought of everything. You have an infirmary. Exactly. It's fine. That's all you need. Yeah. So that's a year away. I mean, it'll pass. It'll pass. Yeah. It's fine. Go ahead. This too shall pass. Call in and make your deposit. How many people could go on this cruise? I think like 1600. We did get a bigger boat. Yeah. 2,000 maybe. Uh-huh. And I think right now we're at like 60% sold. So, and that's just in the first week. So it's going to sell out. She over there used to work on a cruise ship. Really? And she, her first cruise ship was the Norwegian Jewel, which she'll be sailing on. Oh my gosh. And I survived. You've got to go. I know. I've survived 14 months at sea over the years. Wow. Once you cruise and you become a cruiser, it's truly the most fun ever. Is that where you got your nickname? Past round party bottom. I'll never tell. What happened that season? So that's a yes. That's a yes. Yeah. Thought so. But maybe that was when you got that nickname. Yeah, maybe. How old were you then? I was in my late 20s, 30s. By the way, have you weighed yourself since your trip? No, I won't weigh myself until Friday. Fridays are way days. Oh. Oh, just Friday? Just Friday. I don't do it every day like you do it. I went home to see my family. So I ate a lot, which is fine. I can eat a lot. It's fine. So why Friday though? Because you think that the rest of the week is going to level it out? Because I'm terrible on the weekends and then I'm good during the week. So like I have a very strict diet during the week. I eat pretty clean because I'm also here and I have to have an upset. IBS. Oh, yeah. So then, but then I binge on the weekends. It's probably unhealthy actually. Yeah. It's a great thing that we're doing is unhealthy. Doesn't everybody do that? Yeah, I indulge. I indulge during the week and then also the weekend. Yeah, same. I'm usually eating chicken tenders over a trash can and the back of some dark theater. It's disgusting. See, this is why you don't want children because what's going to happen is they don't eat all their food. Yeah. And then you take it over to the sink and it's staring at you, even though I had a full-on try already. But then there's chicken tenders sitting there. Can't throw away chicken tenders. You can't say no. Self. Okay, my little fat fuck will eat anything out of a sewage system. I can't keep that kid fed. Are you out of your mind? Yeah, mine doesn't eat, which is kind of probably a good thing. So lucky. Yeah, I think so. She's, so her nanny was kind of complaining about her love life. Jim Monroe. Oh, okay. Oh. And I was... You're very open. Yeah, and I was kind of overhearing and she said, yeah, you know, I just can't win. And Monroe says, she goes, well, if you don't want to lose, don't play the game. Oh. And I go, I'm going to start going to her for advice. That's unbelievable. Yeah. It's accurate. If you don't want to lose, don't play the game. Don't play the game. I was like, that's fucking smart. Yeah. So smart. That's a good line. I thought so. I'm going to take that one. Damn. The name of her next podcast. Now, she told me this weekend, she wanted something. I said, well, how are you going to pay for that? She goes with my trust fund. And I go, I go, what trust fund? There's no trust fund. Yeah. Wow. So somebody just assumes that because her classmates have trust funds that she's got one waiting for her. I was going to say, yeah. The kids are talking about the trust fund. They sure are. I don't have to worry if robots take over the world because daddy's got a trust fund. Yeah. Wow. I had to explain to her. So then I said, no, no, no, that's not how it works. No. But she really just asked me question after question. Daddy, when I'm a little older and I want to go shopping with my friends, like how much can I spend? She keeps bringing this up. I go, I don't know. I go, you're going to take my credit card. I go, we're going to talk about what you can spend that day. You know, whatever it is, if it's $50, $100, whatever. And I said, you're going to have a budget. And she just thought about it for a second. And she goes, daddy, I can't trust myself at Sephora. Same, honey. She goes, I just don't think I can have a budget at Sephora. And I go, thank you for being honest. You're not taking my credit card to Sephora. Right. We're going to have to do cash. How old is she? Nine. Nine. She's not. Could you imagine? Nine at Sephora. What are they even buying? Well, like, Monica has been organizing her slay station. Slay station. I love her. Oh my God. There were 50 lipsticks in there. Oh my God. Where the hell did she get 50? I didn't buy 50 lipsticks. That's insane. When I was her age, I had like one crusty NYC, like Walgreens lip gloss. It was the vanilla glitter lip gloss. Yeah. It was at Smucker's. They came out with like their own line. That's the jelly. The jelly. And we would just smear that on and just do the lords. Remember the Dr. Pepper lip? Yeah. Yeah. Nothing better. Lips back. The good news is. Maybe this is our business. Oh, tingles. Tingles. Hold on. We love, we love food. Maybe we bring back food inspired lip glosses. I don't love that. OK, great. That's a bad idea. OK. OK. Just keep workshopping. Yeah, workshopping. Yeah. When life gets hectic, energy ups and downs are all you need. If you're seeking energy reassurance, Eonnext can help. From regularly updating our tariffs to get you our best value, to smart tech that helps you take control of your energy future, we're here for whatever's next. Just one of the reasons why we're rated excellent on TrustPilot by our customers. Find out more about how we can help at eonnext.com. Eligibility and T's and C's apply. TrustPilot February 2026. I'm in the kitchen with Charlie Bigham. So what have we got here, Charlie? My brand new pan-fried pad thai noodles. Noodles? But you're Mr. Fish Pie Guy. Guilty. And while ovens rule at roasting, the pan is king of noodling. Whether it's pad thai, yakisoba or laxer, finding that perfect texture is a bottomless noodle rabbit hole. But all I have to do is stir it in the pan for six minutes, right? Bingo. Try the new Charlie Bigham's Asian Pan-Fried Noodle Range, handmade in my kitchen. 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It affects me differently. Now, Jackie is the matcha pro. She understands all things matcha. She's been drinking it forever. But when I was in Japan in March, I was there for 10 days. Every time I attempted a matcha, I felt like I was crawling out of my skin and I was going to have a full-blown panic attack. And I am a bitch who can handle a black cold brew. You know? So it affected me differently. But I also have a very shaky central nervous system. Jackie, tell us your piece. I mean, I was going to say that you have a shaky central nervous system. And that doesn't track because, factually speaking, matcha does not have as much caffeine as coffee. It's a sustained, easy, breezy release of caffeine. Eltheanine, bitch. But just because it's a sustained release, I don't think... No. It's somebody, let's a fact check. So, no, matcha generally has less caffeine than coffee, but provides a more sustained energy boost. An an ounce cup of coffee typically contains 95 to 165... MGs. Milligrams. Milligrams. Thank you, caffeine. I don't know. Jameson. That's embarrassing. I was thinking... Not the chips. Gotta love the chips. I was thinking... I love it. Thank you. Well, Anayna, serving a matcha has about 38 to 88 MGs. Thank you. Thank you. So you'll be serving matcha on the cruise. I will be serving matcha on the cruise. Yes. Just stained alertness. Yes, I know I will. I need people to be tweaking in just the right ways. But you also offer a coffee package on the cruise? We do, because on the last cruise, when I tell you the funniest part about everything surrounding the cruise is the Facebook group before the cruise. These women do not know how to just come and relax. We had women fighting over how many cure egg cups they're like, well, if I can't bring my Starbucks cure egg cup, you got a cure egg machine. I'm like, we have an actual Starbucks on the ship. Like, calm down. Wow. This one woman wanted to bring like her diet, Dr. Pepsi's, or something. And I was like, first of all, no. Jill Sharon. Yeah, Jill Sharon. I mean, it was insane. And so that's what I'm also going to do on this next. Surprise. Can you imagine? Jill Sharon's going to be on the cruise? No, god damn. Absolutely not. But I would love, I think that's what we're going to do is we're going to have a show every day where I just roast and rip apart everybody in the Facebook group. Like finally, I was like, get on board. People were like worried about what snacks they were going to bring. I'm like, you're on a full, like floating city. How many buffets do you have? How many restaurants? Too many. We have. So you don't know? Too many. Yes. Yes, I don't know. Listen, y'all are really not helping me sell this cruise. And therefore, I will never come on the show again. Now, when you were on the Norwegian Princess, did you have a Starbucks? Jewel. How dare you? Oh my god, I'm sorry. Ooh. Oh, is that a bad thing? It's a jewel class ship. It includes the gem, the pearl, the jewel, so there's yes. Did you have a Starbucks? We didn't. This must be an upgrade. It's an upgrade. We have two pools. OK. Two pools. On the jewel? On the jewel has two pools. Two pool, Jewel. Yeah. And we're going to have a sexy cowboy, like magic Mike S. strippers. We're going to bring the queens on. It's going to be fantastic. So you go, but you want the stripper package. But you want the stripper package. Yes. So there's a lot of upsells. There are a lot of upsells. And I don't think I see any of that money, which I need to rework that contract. Shane, will you see how much room is on my visa? Yeah. And Jeff, you'd be very happy to know at least when I was on there was a hibachi girl called Tepin Yaki. Are you serious? I was going to ask about that. Will you look up the restaurants right now on the jewel? Yeah, look up the restaurants. OK, I'm going to say there's seven. How many do you think? I'm going to say six. How many? I think six. Shane? Four. OK. If there's a hibachi, I mean. There's always hibachi. I will drop that. I love Tepin Yaki. You're going to be there every day. Every fucking day. I love a ginger salad. A white rice really just replenishes my soul. A white rice with soy sauce at any given time at any given day does something to me. And I will say the saddest part of my experience on The Last Cruise is every. I never got to like go out to the restaurants because I'm working from sun up to sundown. So I said all I would do is just eat a T-bone steak in my in my room every night. I think Brittany in Texas is just booked. Line three. Yes. Hey Brittany. There we go. Hey, Britt. Hey girl. Hey. Oh my god. I'm like legitimately like freaking out right now. Shout out Shane. Shout out Britt. I just want to let you know I've been obsessed with you since 2019. You got me through their pandemic. I have my cruise booked. I got the biggest best state room. Don't know how I'm going to pay for it. That's. Right. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it later, Brittany. We are all living over our means right now, Brittany. It's fine. Living abundance. No, Brittany, do you actually have a job? Great. Well, yeah. Okay. I definitely collect a paycheck. I don't know how hard I work, but yeah, I definitely collect a paycheck. Say with Jackie. Girl after my own heart, Brittany. I do sales. So it's about work about 10 hours a week. Don't tell my boss that shit. I mean, see, you have to put an effort. What are you selling, Brittany? Plumbing. So a lot of shit we drain pipes. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Someone's got to do it. Someone's got to do it. And your job. Someone has to do it. Mark, say something. Yeah. No, I work. I do business development for a commercial plumbing company here in Texas. So. Okay. So don't. Sounds legit. I know. Don't sell yourself short, Brittany. Seriously. And are you getting all the upgraded packages? Because it sounds like you're going to forward it. Well, I just heard. Well, I, yeah, you know, I got that money. I didn't really lose a stripper package. I got to get that. Yep. Oh, yeah. Look into it. And part of that, my husband will come to your room and just, you know, I don't know. Go down on you. Go down. Okay. It's funny you say that because I've tried like messaging you on Instagram so many times. So one day I was like, fuck it. I'm just going to message Jeff. So I did and he replied and it has been my claim to fame to this day. Yeah. I was like, well, Jeff messaged me back. Brittany, did you spend your life savings on this cruise? Definitely. And I think my unborn children's education fund. Yeah. That's okay. Yeah. That's fine. Brittany, I'm thrilled you're coming on the cruise, but if you ever DM my husband ever again, I'll fucking kill you. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I told all my friends, I was like, oh, shit. I don't want her to think I'm trying to like, you know, do that. So. Now, Brittany, did you get the coffee package as well as the alcohol package? Oh, I'm going to have to get it all. And I also just heard that there's an IV bar. I need to get signed up for that. Yep. Oh, we're going to have a, we're going to have a braids station. You can play mahjong. There's going to be, there are so many activities and activations. Your head will just explode. I can't wait. Okay. What are the restaurants on the jewel? Your dining options include 13 options. I won. I won. I said seven. Including Cagney Steakhouse. Spin there. Delicious. Tepanyaki. Delicious. La Cucina. Italian. Delicious. La Bistro. French. Been there. Delicious. Chin Chin. No. Chin Chin. Chin Chin. Chin Chin is going to be there. I love the Chinese chicken salad there. Me too. The peanut noodles. And then Oshin's bar and grill. So that's for late night. And then also. On the top deck, Garden Cafe, and then included dining is Zara's Palace. Yeah. Wow. A palace. And I will be sitting in my room eating a deep-boned steak by myself crying. Speak for yourself. I'll be at Tepanyaki. Yeah. But then that steak restaurant, Cagney's. So good. Martini, Caesar salad. Oh my God. Rib eye. All of it. I'm there. Things are looking up. Loaded baked potato. Uh-huh. Great. But don't sleep on La Bistro French cuisine. Oh, I won't. Get a steak. Steak free. It's with a little au poivre. Brittany, I'm so excited for you. Thank you. Have fun. I can't wait. It was so fun. Bye, guys. Bye, honey. America and Savannah. America. Hi, America. What's up, Papillanas? Hey. Bust down. Shout out, Shane. Shout out, America. All right. I got my cruise book. I'm bringing my twin brother because he's turning 50 at some point in the next couple of years. And I really wanted to know if there's going to be a pit bull performance. Honey, there's going to be. We're trying to get Mr. Worldwide on the cruise. Stop. No, I mean, I would love to. There's no budget for that. There's no budget. Yeah. Listen, whatever you want, I will make it happen. OK. This is truly the cruise of dreams. And you bet your ass pit bull will be on that cruise. Whether it's me, Dress and Drag or actually. You can't be saying that. Yeah. It will be me, Dress and Drag. That's what it is. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. Thank you, America. I will tell you, we are huge pit bull fans here at Jeff Lewis Live. Same. And just so you know, my claim to fame is I started dressing in drag as pit bull about 10 years ago, and I'm the one who started the whole thing where folks go to the concert stresses him. And Pit Bull acknowledges it and we have communicated about it. And he's doing a show in London this summer where he's trying to break the world record, I believe, for the most amount of people wearing bald caps at a concert. And if I'm not invited to that concert. Oh, he's got a flyer. He's got a fly my ass out. Do you listen to Pit Bull globalization? Do I listen to the best other than yours? The best XM station ever. I agree. Yeah. I agree. No, it is better than fireball. Way better than mine. Oh, yeah. We reached out. We reached out to Pit Bull because we wanted to because we're such huge fans. We wanted him on the show. He declined. But that's shocking. However, he acknowledged how much we love him and how much we love his station. If you've never been to a pit bull concert, I say this all the time, it will change your life. Truly. Like I, you know, obviously I've been doing impressions of him forever. But going to that show, it is a euphoric out of body experience. It's incredible. Wow. Now, is it Kailin, Kailin and Tulsa line two? Hi Kailin. What's going on? Hey, you said it right. Hey, so first of all, hey Heather, hey Jackie, one of the reasons I am booking probably today for your cruise, Heather, is because Jackie's going. She's my spirit animal. Love you. Thank you. Okay. Well, thanks. Love you. Well, I do love you, but I. No, it's fine. It's fine. Okay. Great. Great. Okay. But do you know anything about payment plan? Do you think I know about payment plans? It doesn't know shit. My American Express is maxed out right this second. At the commercial break, I opened a text for my husband that was just pages long of him screaming at me about my MX belt. Listen, I don't know how the booking works. I don't know anything. My job is to curate an incredible experience that when you step on that ship, you get a tingle in your vagina that it goes all the way up to your spine to reset your central nervous system. Okay. It's going to be incredible. What about your penis? Would you get a tingle in your penis all the way up? Rock car directions. Boner alert. Boner on the. I'm doing the payment plan. Yeah. If you go to if you go to FAQ at Heather at sea.com, there is an automatic monthly billing plan. There you go. Oh, I got a whole year to pay it off. You have a whole year to pay it off. That means we have a whole year to get. Oscar, give me your credit card. You could also do it if you have a PayPal. You could do it in four, two weeks spread apart. That's how I do it with all my weight belts. Oh, yeah. Okay. See, you're just going to brush over that. I'm going to brush over that. I didn't know. I panicked. I didn't know how to respond. You're just going to let that go. What do you mean you're weight loss? Let's let's break that down. I'm a wrestling fan. I buy replica belts. Okay. Hold on. The replicas are just as expensive that you need a payment plan for them. You're not even buying the real belts. Good question. No. Who's your favorite wrestler? The Undertaker. Just so you know, because my last name is McMahon. He's going to be on the cruise too, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. Full WWE. Growing up, dudes would always come up to me like, McMahon, is your dad Vince? And I'd be like, hell, yeah, he is. Everyone thinks that my dad was Vince McMahon. And thank God he isn't. Yeah. I don't know who anyone is. That's the only reason we booked you. He owns WWE. Oh, okay. We booked you because we thought you were his daughter. Exactly. Now, I do think I would thrive at WWE. I think so too. I think I would be an incredible wrestler. No, no fucking way. Me and Heather talk about this all the time. I beat the shit out of her. If me and her went like head to head, is it a rink? We're a ring. It's not a ring. We're not on ice, Jackie. It would feel like we were on ice because I'd take your ass out. I'm not saying that we have to fight. I'm just saying for my own journey, I think I would be great at WWE. I totally disagree. Did you jump out of a moving car while fighting with your husband? What? Melanie in Arizona line five. Is that you? Hi. I definitely am. Yeah, I did. On the bitch Bible, Heather, you talked about you were in a fight with Jeff. Yeah. And he called you a bit. Yeah. On your dad's anniversary, your dad's death. Yeah. Yes, you're 100% right. And I did. It wasn't fully moving. Like he was kind of grazing through his stop sign. But I opened the door that Tahoe's Z71 and I rolled out and I was walking down the mean streets of Atlanta, Georgia, just huffing it in some Gucci loafers. The best. Yeah. Because here's the thing. My husband's like Italian, so he'll always pop off. But I don't. So when I get quiet and then fucking go nuts, that's when you need to be afraid. This can't be the first time he called you a bitch though. He really doesn't know. No, it wasn't the first time he called me. Just the wrong day. It's just the first time you really react it to it. Yeah. Yeah. You just had it. I just had it and I lost my shit. So that's the thing is I'm a slow burn. I won't pop off all the time. I pick my battles and then when I go watch out world. Oh, yeah. I like that little tennis necklace you've got going on. Oh, thank you. That was one of my wedding gifts. Jackie Shimmel does not miss a thing. She just clocked the inner workings of Jeff Lewis Live. So we have all these calls lit up and then it'll say the names and then next to it'll say average caller. So funny. What was your question? I'm like, what does average caller mean? Like just not that funny? And you said yes. That is true. So if you are, you know, if you're a little unhinged, we have little notes. Yeah, I love that. Sometimes we have a must take. Right. Exactly. It makes sense. And I got to be honest, there's a lot of average callers. Y'all should know. Y'all should know. So bring your A game if you go live on it. Correct. So you were at Boston, no, no, Bristol Farms. You're at Bristol Farms. Yeah. And you walked out and you walked out and you saw a guy playing a trumpet. I did. And what did you do? Well, I thought he was doing a beautiful job. It was a gorgeous day and he was in the little median at the red light and I rolled down my window. I never have cash. There was a lot of people waiting at every intersection. So this would be a perfect opportunity to do a good deed with an audience. I happened to have a $20 bill. Okay. I rolled my window down. I said, thank you so much. And he looked at me. My wrist is just dangling there. And he said, I'm not homeless. And I said, you can't support the arts. What a asshole. That's what I said. I'm on your side. Thank you. I thought that was so nice. Everyone was looking at me. I'm like, oh my God, I'm such an amazing person. And I said, no, no, no. I just want to thank you like for making this red light so enjoyable for all of us. And he literally looked at me like he was disgusted with me and said, okay. And then took the money. And then I awkwardly rolled my window up. And I thought, no good deed goes unpunished. What an asshole. Anyone playing a musical instrument in the parking lot of Bristol farms, you assume that they're homeless. I didn't even. I was just trying to do a good deed in front of a large amount of people. You thought he needed money. No, I wanted to thank him for contributing to society in a positive way. You have rich, white, savior complex. That's my line. I said that. Yeah. But that wasn't what was happening. But also he doesn't have to be homeless. He could just be doing his art, trying to get a little support to make a mixtape. I was like, listen, my husband's in music. I understand. He's jobless. Clearly. Yeah. It was usually jobless means homeless. And toothless. Thought I was. Yes. Homeless, not toothless. Exactly. The people in New York City Subways who are playing instruments are, I assume, not homeless. And they're happy to take them. I assume they're homeless. No, they're not. No. How do they afford the instruments? I don't know. He was also old. It was hot. I thought I was doing a nice thing. Just someone sitting on a street corner. I just assumed they need money. Well, I would assume that they are trying to put their art out there. And they usually have a little cup or an open guitar case for some extra change. I love how you're trying to feel good about yourself by giving people money. I do the same thing. Yeah, all the time. Yeah. It's guilt. It buys you points. Slightly. Slightly. I was like, this week. And it's usually after you buy something really expensive. Maybe. Then you feel guilty. A little bit. Well, are you two going to be getting into air mass one of these days? Oh, I got it. I got a contact. You got a contact? We're good. Where? Because I think if you're doing this. We're more in short. She was like, why didn't you girls call me? And I was like, I don't know. I thought. Oh, did you talk to the family assistant? I did. She put me in touch. Yeah. But see, Morgan has so many Birkins. You know, I think that she, if we go, shopping with Morgan, I just think I'm going to be too poor to shop with Morgan. No, we're not shopping with her. She just said she would connect us. Yeah. Oh, we can't go with her. We can't go with her. We'll be like, what's your entry level leathers? We can't do that. We can't do that. No. Too embarrassing. But they're going to bring out some ugly Birkin, probably. We'll take it. OK. Listen, I almost bought one in Japan. And I, and I'm upset that I didn't. Was it real? A Japanese Birkin. Yes, they're all real. So they have this insane resale market. There you go. There goes the last of the ticket sales. There goes the, truly, truly. We're playing that. Yeah. Thanks for listening. If you want more of this, listen to Jeff Lewis Live every weekday on SiriusXM, as well as the Jeff Lewis Channel, exclusively on the SiriusXM app. When life is hectic, energy ups and downs are all you need. If you're seeking energy reassurance, Eonnex can help. From smart tech that helps you take control of your energy future to always staying below the price cap with NexPledge. We're here for whatevils next. Just one of the reasons why we're rated excellent on TrustPilot by our customers. Find out more at eonnex.com. NexPledge variable rates are always below the option price cap. 25 pounds exit fee per fuel applies. Eligibility and season fees apply. TrustPilot February 2026. How does it feel to face the storm head on? Go beyond the map. Drive into the extreme. Or win a Ford Explorer. Test drive one before the end of May and you could win one. Now how would that feel? Search win a Ford Explorer. Ready, set, Ford. T's and C's apply 25 plus only. See ford.co.uk for details.