My Husband Is CONVINCED My Hair Is Going To Hurt Our Baby | r/AITA Reddit

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Explore Marriott Bonvoy's world of inspiring hotel brands. Hey Waffle Gang I do hope you are well. My name is Mark and today we're checking out some more Reddit stories and if you do love a Reddit story why not consider in a like, subscribe, maybe that notification bell too. Let's crack on with today's first story. Much love guys now today's first story comes from a throwaway account and says my husband is convinced my hair will kill our baby. My husband is very protective of our daughter which is great because she's only four months old and needs a lot of protection but he is definitely a helicopter parent in the making. His current fixation is my hair. I have very fine hair before giving birth it was down to my butt but when our daughter was about three weeks old I got it cut just below my shoulders for convenience. For some reason it falls out a lot. I think because it's so fine. It's not a medical thing and not a postpartum thing because it's been like this for a long time. As far as I know I can't do anything about it short of shaving my head. Any suggestions are welcome. My husband is convinced that our baby will get some hair in her mouth and into her body and then she will need surgery to remove it or it will kill her. Every day he tells me to watch my hair around the baby. Every time I pick her up he tells me to be careful with my hair. Every time I make food every time he sees a hair on my shirt. Every time he finds a hair of mine he complains. And when I say every time I mean every time. Multiple times a day for four months and it's not like I'm walking around dangling it in her face. It's tied back or at least slung behind my shoulder. He's also sure I'm going to bang her head on the door frame when I'm holding her and walking so frequently tells me to be careful about that as well. But the hair thing is by far the most common and most annoying. I've told him I get it. I'm being careful and to quit reminding me. He says that when it comes to safety of our daughter he will tell me every second of every day to keep her safe. I've tried telling him to quit. I've tried pointing out more broadly that we can't protect her from everything forever. We're just stuck in this endless loop of him getting frustrated about my hair and me getting frustrated about him telling me about it. We've had numerous arguments over this and I just don't know where to go from here. And I think it's normal for most parents to be anxious but what OP seems to be talking about goes way beyond that. It's going almost obsessive and controlling and it just honestly sounds a bit exhausting to be quite honest. When he was talking about the hair thing I thought he might have been talking about something that I got into my head ages ago. I can't remember where I saw it but it was like a news article where a hair got wrapped around a baby's toe or something like that. Ever since I've seen that article it's been stuck in my head forever but he's talking about a hair being ingested and requiring surgery. I just wonder if you can get some kind of professional involved to explain this to him so he understands because you know it just can't carry on like this I think. But a commenter says there's a reason why new mothers all walk about with shaved heads. Oh wait they don't. His obsession is beyond normal parental I agree with other people in the thread. Speak to a doctor otherwise his baby gets more mobile then goes to school yada yada this is going to get worse. Before you know he wouldn't let the baby ride a bike or go on school trips because they're too dangerous. A commenter says talk to your doctor it sounds like he's having a hard time coping and it's turning into anxiety and in turn he's going to drive you nuts. Get your doctor's perspective on all of this because the reality is that babies are built for first time parents most people have hair and you've already told him and he doesn't want to hear it from you. So ask if you can talk to a doctor about it. About the true risks if he doesn't want to then you know it's his method of controlling anxiety. But really why wouldn't he want to go? He'd be agreeing to find out how to keep the baby safe as he wants. Best case he is wrong and the baby is safe. Worst case you are wrong and someone with authority tells you so and then the baby becomes safer. But I expect you'll be told you are fine. A commenter says it is normal to lose 100 hairs a day. I'm a stylist and have hundreds of clients. No one has ever killed their baby. I'm sorry your husband has become unreasonably obsessed. Tell him to ask his hairdresser and maybe talk to a pediatrician. His anxiety transferred to the baby is more dangerous in my opinion. So OP did update the post and says my post got removed due to hitting the limits but I wanted to provide a brief update because things definitely didn't go the way I expected but it did all work out for the best. My husband saw the post. He opened up the laptop to do something. He wasn't spying or anything it's technically my laptop but it's the only one in the house so we frequently share it. The post was left open on the screen. At first I thought he didn't see it because he didn't say anything. Then the next morning all hell broke loose. He was pretty angry saying that internet strangers do not care about our baby so why would their advice be relevant? For the rest of the day when I asked him a question he said go and ask your internet friends. After he calmed down I did apologize for hurting his feelings but emphasized that I was also upset by his unreasonable behavior. It took a day or so but we're back to normal now with one difference. He's finally stopped obsessing over my hair. I don't know if it was reading the comments on my previous post or just realizing I was so desperate about the situation but he has finally stopped mentioning it all the time. I think he's done it maybe once or twice in the last couple of days. I can live with that. So yeah for a second I thought everything was going to shit but maybe seeing the post was the best thing for him in the long run. I haven't yet approached the idea of him seeing a professional about potential PPA. It's difficult right now with a pandemic and I'm sure how accepting of the idea he will be. I do plan to broach the issue with him but I want to wait for the right moment to do so. But yeah thank you for the advice you gave. Come on to reply to that saying wow I read that thing and it really seems like he might have a serious mental disorder. He's scared of absolutely made up absurd things. What is PPA though? I could not find what it stands for. Opi says yeah I mean postpartum anxiety but just anxiety in general would also make sense. I actually have diagnosed PPD and PPA stemming from previous mental health issues I had before I got pregnant. I'm generally pretty aware of mental health and potential issues. I'm concerned he has anxiety surrounding our kid but he's not at a stage where I'm seriously worried about a state of mind. He's not having panic attacks, engaging in dangerous behaviors and our relationship still involves a lot of healthy communication. He still has contact with his friends and family and still eats and sleeps healthily and keeping an eye on his anxiety and do plan on bringing it up but it's a sensitive issue partly due to culture. It doesn't come from a country which has great mental health support so I want to plan how I approach it as well. Another commenter says I know you're looking at this as a win but is it really? In the end you got angry and was very immature. Go ask your internet friends when you tried to get third party help. You apologize to him and he never apologized back. Opi says I would view it as a win because I know my husband and our relationship well. I don't expect us to never get angry at each other and I don't even expect us to never yell although we both try and avoid yelling on the rare occasions we get into bad fights we have yelled. Sometimes we get angry like everyone and we lash out. That's not to say we fight all the time or anything but I think it's unrealistic to expect that you'll never fight with a partner. Important thing for me is coming back together after the fight and discussing apologizing where necessary and moving on. We appreciate the issue often isn't solved through one conversation but we commit to approaching it calmly in the future which is why I plan to still approach him about his anxiety but I'm going to choose a time and place where the conversation will be productive instead of defensive. Op then responds to a comment regarding overprotective fathers being obsessive over their daughters decisions and lifestyles and says I would never let him do that and I'm sorry you were treated that way. I was very lucky in being given the right of independence and protection growing up. I've been very self-sufficient from a young age. I don't know about your dad's upbringing but a lot of my husband's issues stem from having the opposite experience growing up. Yet one parent dead, the other working three jobs, living with his grandparents, pretty much ignored by his older aunts and uncles. He never had someone to protect him and he wants to give our daughter that advantage he never had but obviously he's going in the wrong direction. Comedians says, do you do ponytails at all or a loose bun or a hair band? That could be a good compromise maybe. I hope he says I do tie my hair back as much as possible but it doesn't really do my hair much good. Honestly I'm shit at hair care and that stuff so it'd probably be better if I invested more into it which I very well might do. I hope you're on a husband having emotions and being verbally abusive and says you didn't scream at me. I realize saying or hell broke loose might not have been the best phrase but he is not a screamer and has never screamed at me. Do you mean psychotic or psychiatric? Because they are two very very different things and my husband has definitely not shown any signs of being psychotic. And there was a lot of comments saying you know this probably isn't the end of OP story because it just seemed that she apologized and seemed to think that that was all done now. Whilst people were saying you know he's not just going to drop it just like that. Other people mentioning men can get PPD and PPA as well and he should definitely be seeing a doctor. Also people talking about anxiety in general and saying maybe this was just the straw that broke the camel's back but what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below and let's move on to another story. Hey Sainsbury's, I'm cooking for everyone this Easter but I don't want to break the bank. Got any tasty offers? Well with Nectar there's half price on selected sides of salmon and selected beef joints and whole legs of lamb are better than half price. Ooh they'll be as happy as my wallet. Sainsbury's good food for all of us. 18 plus Nectar required excludes locals end 7th of April subject to availability, teas and seas apply. Now our next story comes from conception drama from the relationship advice subreddit. And I do want to give you a couple of trigger warnings before we do get into this story. It does contain death of a loved one, death of a child should I say and lots of grief within the story as well. So if you do want to skip it please feel free to do so. Timestamps are always down in the description and along the timeline below. Thank you. It says my 33 female husband 40 male is considering conceiving a child with his ex. I'll preface with the fact that therapy isn't absolute given already so I will be seeking that out. But in the meantime need some advice to just process what we even say to a therapist when the time comes. Okay so the title needs explanation because it is complicated and a nuanced emotional situation. Apologies in advance for rambling. I am still trying to make sense of the entire situation while grieving and just trying to get the pertinent details out for advice. My husband and I have been happily married for three years now. My husband had a son from a previous relationship before we got together. I've been in my stepson's life since he was two years old. He turned six years old this year and got along very well. My stepson's bio mum, BM and I have never been friends in any capacity. But I've always been cordial or respectful on the rare times we interacted and never had any issue with one another. My husband and bio mum are similarly cordial and respectful and communicative around their son's needs but not really friends beyond that. We pretty much adhered to a parallel parenting style and it worked fine. Four weeks ago my stepson tragically and very suddenly died from an infection. It has been just absolutely devastating for everyone. Bio mum is especially just wrecked. Her son was literally her entire life and purpose has a stay at home single mum. My grief cannot compare to the level I know she feels and I do have compassion for that. My husband is of course also exceptionally distraught. I've been doing my best to be understanding and how they both need to grieve as parents. Two days ago my husband said it's something he needed to discuss with me. Explain that bio mum approached him with a request. She asked my husband to be a sperm donor for IUI slash IVF as she desperately wants to be a mum again and wants to conceive a child with the same partner that her son had. He basically made it clear it is something he is willing, even wanting to do that he knows he needs to understand how I feel about it. Well I don't know how exactly to communicate what I feel about it at this point but the feelings are not good ones. I told him I need is some time to process this. My husband and I have been trying to have a child of our own for the past few months so this is even more personally difficult for me to take in. I think I already know that I am not okay with my husband having another child with his ex but I am thinking of suggesting we offer a financial support to seek out alternative fertility options that do not involve my husband's sperm and quite honestly do not involve 18 years of co-parenting. I am actually not even sure what bio mum and my husband are thinking regarding that in this scenario. Additionally bio mum is 41 years old so there is a high probability this whole situation would be a lot of money and time spent without any results. Overall I think I am just in shock here. I feel disrespected and angry but I also understand it's not really just about me here and that the both of them are struggling to cope with this unimaginable grief. I would just appreciate some level of advice from people outside the situation specifically advice on how I should convey that I am not on board with this without making it a point of contention. Edit. Thank you so much already for the responses. I feel like this is happening to someone else. It is such a shocking and emotional wave after wave. Very difficult to process and think totally rationally. Honestly consider understanding and compassion to be personal strengths of mine so I appreciate the replies acknowledging that I am not betraying that by being a firm no on facilitating this situation or just add that I am fortunate to be financially stable independently and my husband and I have already set aside a fairly significant sum specifically for child support. To even have this specific scenario not arisen I feel obligated to offer some if not all of that to buy a mum since it is always intended to go to her and son. Anyway I will keep reading through the replies. Thank you again and at this point plan to speak with my husband this evening about feeling it is inappropriate to consider this now and dealing with his grief first and foremost with professional help. Look they are clearly grieving massively here and of course she would be. At the same time that is clearly driving some seriously questionable decision making and this just in my opinion needs to be an immediate and firm no. What was it four weeks later she is asking this. It is just absolutely wild. Like I said grief can make you do absolutely wild things. Seeing it in real life seeing it in these stories but I always say as long as you do it in a healthy way you know you do you but this is absolutely not it. You don't solve grief by what they are considering doing. They both clearly just need professional help in this situation not a baby. Comedicists to OP yeah this is a big no. There are so many emotions here and during times of grief they might not be thinking rationally but having another child to replace one you lost is not the answer here. I think the first step is couples counseling with your husband where you state that you aren't comfortable with him fathering a child with another woman while you are undergoing your own journey together. Let's leave the bit about age and viability out and that you think it would impact your marriage then the intricacies of co-parenting said child would also make you uncomfortable. It's terrible that you're all going through this and I hope that you can heal in a healthy way. Comedicists Biomarm is trying to have another son just four weeks after her son died. That sounds like she's simply trying to bury her grief by replacing her dead son. This is not healthy and your husband cannot enable her. If he's going to do anything for her it should help her find grief counseling. OP comes in with her first update and says thank you again to the blunt takes on my situation. Bays are still mostly a blur right now and writing out my issue and reading through the straightforward advice did help ground me a bit. I went ahead and took action on something I could control. Reached out to my therapist and got a reference for a couple's counselor who was specifically experienced in dealing with grief and child loss. I was thankfully able to get us fit in for an appointment this week. After I returned home from work last night my husband came into our room and immediately started sobbing and apologizing. He had spoken with his dad that day and told him what Biomarm had proposed. My father-in-law, bless him, had apparently went off on the delusion of it. My husband and I had a long into the early morning talk about it and he was able to recognize and explain that what seemed like interest in Biomarm's request was misplaced desires. He explained that he's been so focused and excited about the prospect of planning for a child with me for the last four months and envisioning life as the father of two. And it felt confusing to still be feeling that while dealing with the devastation of losing a son. Biomarm's ask was a total shock for him too and when you're face to face with someone grieving so deeply, ask him for your help slash a solution however absurd it is. It's not always easy to think logically. He was receptive and seemed relieved to have the therapy appointment. Some hopeful that will be a start in unpacking these complicated and conflicting feelings. We agreed that he should ultimately end all contact with Biomarm but we'll still consider what sort of short-term slash lump sum financial support makes sense with consult from a lawyer to keep it entirely copacetic. I realize some commenters find the financial part odd but I just feel strongly about extending appropriate generosity in this transition since we have the means to do so. We also agreed to hold off on any child planning until sufficient time and counseling takes place. Also I just want to address the comments on stay at home single mom aspect in defense of Biomarm. I only mentioned that part to say how entirely devoted she was to her son. She was the primary physical caregiver and yes the child support order was enough that allowed her the option to stay home full-time and live comfortable but not extravagantly. Is it the same decision I would make as a career-minded person? No but that was her prerogative and I do respect that. I really don't know much about Biomarm as a person but what I do know is that she was raising a kind, funny and smart boy who was loved and cared for and that was what ultimately mattered. To say there's a lot up still in the air emotionally is an understatement. My husband and I are saying the right things to each other now but who knows what it will end up being in practice but I'm hopeful at this point that my husband and I will be able to move forward together. So OP did come in with another update that came four months later and it said I received many very kind, compassionate, helpful comments and pms from my original posts and I thought it'd be easiest to update here for those that ask because it's a wild development. I think you can see the previous posts on my account in the comments as they were removed for low karma on this account. So I found out that my husband did not tell me the truth about Biomarm's request. The truth being that he and Biomarm had frozen embryos when they were together from years ago and she was planning to use those. I obviously had no idea that they had done this and likely would have never known if not for the fact that Biomarm did have successful implantation and is now in a first trimester. So my husband was forced to come clean. The distress I feel about everything that has happened in the past four months is beyond words. So that's the update. I don't know what to do regarding so many things about this. At least have a good therapist. What the bloody hell? Commenter says so he agreed to let her use the frozen embryos without your knowledge. It's only letting you know now that the implantation is successful. I can't even imagine how you're feeling right now. But what about you? Were you guys still actively trying for a baby? Opus says yes. I'm now questioning a lot about what he relayed to me in regarding his past and general communication with Biomarm. It seems like they maybe always had some kind of understanding that she could utilize the embryos when she wanted regardless of my steps on passing. I even think that weirdly she thought I was aware of this or something. But yeah, we stopped trying after my stepson's passing. Of course, I can't imagine also being pregnant at this time. So I know that's for the best. And yeah, I honestly feel really embarrassed to be involved in this, like some kind of third wheel. I'm mad and I'm really, really sad and sad for their future child. Commenter says, oh gosh, I'm really sorry to hear that. I was hoping it was done without his knowledge. Understand that Biomarm and your partner are grieving, but it's a big lifetime decision that your partner excluded you on. You went into the relationship knowing about your stepson and that was your choice to accept. But in this situation, it seems that you have been refused that. What does this decision mean for you and your husband? What does he have to say? Opus says he just said he didn't expect to meet someone like me and didn't want to lose me. So he basically compartmentalized things and hoped for the best. It all kind of feels like variations of lies now though. I wish more than anything that all this could have come to light without my stepson's passing being the catalyst. No one is anywhere close to accepting the grief of that at this point. I plan to let my husband and Biomarm move on with that without me though. Commenter says, how did he think he was going to get away with this? I get that your husband and his ex are grieving, but that is basically a screw you to your marriage. He lied to you. Is he now going to go to all the anti-natal classes, attend the birth and have 50% custody? You signed up for it the first time around, but this is an entirely different scenario, as he now decided to start putting your own family on the back burner because he can't cope with two babies at once. I'm so indignant on your behalf and honestly thought you had it sorted at your first update. The only way I think you could salvage your relationship at this point is if he signs his rights away as a sperm donor and is not on the baby's birth certificate. OB says I'm mortified at how hopeful my previous post reads. I feel quite set on filing for divorce as soon as I can get myself out of bed. I'm not fit to be a stepmom or a wife anymore. And the last commenter said to OP, OP, I hate to say this, but I don't feel that is the truth. The timeline is super tight for everything she'd have to do for transfer. Plus, I don't think it would be ethical for a doctor to implant so soon after the death of their child without clearance from a psychologist. There's a chance they ended up sleeping together during their grief and she conceived then. The embryos would just make a more convenient excuse and he'd probably see that as less of a betrayal. I'm so sorry you're going through this. This isn't what you signed up for when you got married. If you stay his betrayal, even if it's just the secrets and lies will always be right in your face. Out for your sake and your mental health, you remove yourself from the situation. That poor child is always going to be in the shadow of the one that died because their parents didn't heal properly before conceiving them. Good luck OP. Many healing vibes being sent your way. One of those last lines from OP was a real punch to the gut I think where OP said I'm not fit to be a stepmom or a wife anymore when she was like literally the only person in this mess who was trying to be compassionate, offering financial support. She arranged therapy but I think divorce in this situation separating from this mess is the only reasonable thing to do here. You can't carry on building life on the back of this and it very much felt like we've seen in previous stories before and it feels so shitty to say but it just feels like they're looking at it as like just a replacement child. Four weeks after she was talking about wanting another baby. I mean that is absolutely brutal isn't it? But what do you guys make of this situation? Let us know your thoughts down in the comments below. Now just a huge thank you for being here today getting involved in the stories, your love, your support, your time. It always means the absolute world to me so thank you so so much for being here truly and hopefully I'll see you in the next one. Take care and much love. Hey Sainsbury's, I'm cooking for everyone this Easter but I don't want to break the bank. Got any tasty offers? Well with Nectar there's half price on selected sides of salmon and selected beef joints and whole legs of lamb are better than half price. Oh they'll be as happy as my wallet. Sainsbury's good food for all of us. 18 plus Nectar required excludes locals end 7th of April Availability, teas and seas apply. Dating apps easy online shopping simple banking app sorted life admin. That's what a digital ID could change and the government is opening a conversation to make it work for you. Your voice will shape the final product so search digital ID consultation to have your say. Digital ID making public services work for you.