Staying Calm When Your Kid Loses Control

She freaks out into a huge tantrum if she doesn't want to listen or if something is not going her way. There's all this information out there about their big feelings and big emotions, how you can never ignore them. The bad behavior screaming over not getting their own way, that's what I ignore. But if they're really upset about something, I work it through with them, for sure. I think that the discussions around the big feelings and emotions comes from a really well-intentioned place of not wanting to dismiss their kids. I don't focus on the past, I focus on the future. That's what a coach does, and that's how I parented too. Welcome to the Brat Busters Parenting Podcast. My name is Lisa Bunnage. I'm a parenting coach. I'm a mom. I'm also a grandmother. And I'm Amy Bunnage, Lisa's daughter, and I handle the marketing and planning here at Brat Busters. While I don't have kids, each episode will dive into parenting topics and Lisa will answer your questions. Let's get started. Okay, sweetie, what is today's topic? Today's topic is how to react to big feelings and heightened emotions. How to react to big feelings and heightened emotions? That's a very general topic. I think that it might be a good place to start is, what do you think your top three leadership, calm leadership qualities are? You know, I don't like this question. I know you don't, but I do think it's a great place to begin because I think that all of those apply when things are getting heated in the home, when things are, maybe there's lots of noise, kids are getting loud. The reason I don't like this question is because there's like 500 leadership qualities, but the top three, if I had to pick them, I've written them down. Number one is you stay calm during the storms. So when the poop hits the fan, you stay completely calm and reasonable and you know, you talk low and slow and all that sort of stuff. And then number two is you be crazy during the rainbows. When you're playing with kids, chase them around the house with underpants on your kid on your head. You know, be crazy, be goofy, be loud. Okay, so calm during the storms, crazy during the rainbows. Now, as they get older, this third one applies, but it's super important and especially with teenagers. It's probably the most important is you become a great listener. You listen to understand and show empathy. You don't listen to gather information to lecture with. If they want your advice, they'll ask for it. They already know it anyway, usually past the age of about, you know, nine or 10. But anyway, and when they're younger even, you, I would say to my kids, like my mom did this to me. If I said, mom, I got a problem and she go, okay, what is it? And then I'd tell her and she go, well, you're a smart and I'd always say to her, what should I do? And she always said, well, I don't know. You're a smart girl. You can figure it out. And then she'd be chatting with me and she'd be feeding me little nuggets of ideas. I always thought I was solving my own problems. She taught me how to problem solve. She didn't cater to me and that she solved my problems at all. She wanted me to figure out how to do it myself. It made me very self-reliant and confident. I was really quite up myself and I look back. I really thought I was solving on my own problems, but that's what I did with my kids too. I never, ever just said, here's what you do. I said, well, I don't know. What do you think you should do? And we'd chat about it. Okay. So become a great listener. I think that we're probably, this applies the most is the calm during the storms. I think that's where, from what I see online, like this is something that parents really struggle with. It's also the listening because you want to solve all your kids problems. They come home with a problem and you say, okay, let's do this. I don't talk like that. I just say, well, let's work it out. So that's also another one. The crazy during the rainbows parents are better at when you're playing with kids. You're better at that. But yeah, stay calm during the storms. That means when they're upset, you just stay completely calm and reasonable. No yelling. You just say, okay, so what's going on? Or if they're screaming at you and having an absolute fit. You just say, okay, and then just ignore them. You ignore the crazy and you reward the calm. So if they're crazy when they're mad, right? And they're screaming at you, you ignore that. But then when they're calm, then you can talk to them. Okay. Do you want to get straight into the questions? I do want to get straight into the questions. Okay. The first one is Amanda from the United States. I have a four year old just turned four and a 19 month old. My four year old always had very heightened emotions. I've been implementing your recommendations for a little over a year now. We use the behavior board for our four year old and it works great, but we still struggle with high emotions. I don't know that it's a considerate tantrum, but she cries over very little things, even with her teacher at preschool says the same. She has been trying what we try, which is telling her to ask for help or shrugging it off when things aren't a big deal. So for example, she spilled some of the water this morning and it was a ton of tears and took a while to calm down. I explained that it's not a big deal. Shrug it off. Let's just clean it up. Any advice on how to handle or diminish these big feelings over little things? We've been trying to teach her to shrug it off for over a year with not a lot of luck. I'd use diversion. So let's say she spills water and you say, okay, let's get this cleaned up and you clean up with her without her and then you divert. You say, okay, let's go. So she's all upset and crying. So I'd say, oh, let's go read a book or let's do this or I'll tell you what we're going to do here. I've got this. We're going to have to get ready because we're going now. I would, I would completely take the energy over like sure. Her energy is very low because she's feeling bad, right? So I take it over and I'm all cheery and I'd say, and I redirect. That's what I would do. I've dealt with it. No big deal. Let's clean it up. The talking about it is what makes it worse. Don't give it any attention. Discussing it. You just did. It's no big deal. Let's get it cleaned up. Don't keep talking about it. It makes it worse. It's just water, right? She spilled water. She's upset. Just clean it up. It's done. It's over. Okay. Let's go. We're going to go in the car, but I'm still upset. Yeah. It's all over. Kiddo. Come on. Let's get going here. What are you going to wear? Let's get in your cl- You see how I'm controlling the energy? What are you looking at? You look like you're not happy about what I just said. No, I was trying to think about it, but I think that you covered that quite well. Yeah. I did deal with it, but it's not a big deal. So I didn't make it a big deal. She did. I didn't. Now that goes back to the pool story. Everything, I deal with stuff and I deal with the negative, but I deal with it very quickly and I get it over and done with because I like stuff to be positive around kids. I'm a very positive person by nature. I don't like to dwell on the negative and don't look at me like that because she's the two of us complain about stuff or mother and daughter. We can do that. I don't do it with other people. Anyway, so yeah, but you're controlling the narrative. Okay. So my mom was like that. If I got all negative about something, she'd say, yeah, okay, well, I'm going to go bake a cake. Do you want to join me or something like that? She was very like, when she dealt with it, it's already over. Okay. It's done. Move on. But you've got to, you got to show her that it's not a big deal. You don't just talk about it. Talking about it makes it a bigger deal. It's like talking about bad behavior. I don't discuss bad behavior either. Once I've dealt with the emotions and it's only spilled water. You said it's all the little stuff. If it's something big, that's a different answer, by the way. If it's something really big, if grandpa died, yeah, we're going to talk about it. I'm not just going to say, oh, well, it's just grandpa just died. Let's just go somewhere. So that's a different thing. But if it's not, now I'm laughing. We're both giggling over that because it's so ridiculous. They're completely different is what I'm saying. Spilled water, no big deal. Grandpa dying, big deal. Different answer. I do like how you were like, I don't dwell on the negative. Well, it's different between us. Because we're mother and daughter. If you're going to whine and complain to anyone, who are you going to do it with? Right? Oh, I mean, how many times did you hear about my neck? Kink. Her neck. Kink. I swear I wanted to kink it myself. Enough about the neck. King. Geez, oh, Lou. And I'm just as bad. If not, I'm worse. I'm more of a complainer than she is by far. Okay. The next, you don't even want to contradict that. She goes, okay, the next question. No, it's true. I'm the, I'm the, I'm the emotional crazy one in our relationship for sure. I'm the nutcase. She's very calm, level headed, but we do when we do complain, it tends to be to each other. Okay. The next question is Abby from the United States. My strong willed daughter is three only child as a single mom and dad's not around. She is highly emotional and intense. I've been utilizing your techniques for several months now with no improvement. She freaks out into a huge tantrum. If she doesn't want to listen or if something is not going her way. If she's playing a game and can't do something, she throws the game or dull, whatever the object is, or starts hitting, kicking, screaming that she can't do it. Nothing I've tried has been successful. She started doing it when me or her teachers asked her to sit on the potty too. She freaks out saying she can't do it. How do I handle this? Well, I don't know how you're doing it now because it probably is being fed somehow and it probably starts at home. Don't worry about what the teacher's doing. I never teach leadership to teachers because I don't set them up as leaders. You're the parent. You're the leader. So at home now, I'm wondering if you're talking about it too much because, okay, if you sit down and talk about their problems, once they've been solved, you know, they've already been dealt with, right? This is after you've dealt with it. Okay. Well, we cleaned that up or you've gone potty, whatever it's all over and she's still upset. That she's feeding off of you. I talk about energy a lot. I'm not woo woo that type of person, but it is, it is there. There is an energy in the room, right? You want to control that. Now, if she keeps going on about it and you've already dealt with it, it's completely over. She's trying to pull you in to that conversation. It becomes manipulation at some point. Okay. I don't know if that's what's going on with her because you haven't really told me how you deal with it. That's the problem is I'm not exactly sure if you're talking about it or if you look upset. See, I would always look like, okay, so I'm going to, now I'm going to be doing this. I'm going to do the dishes. Do you want to help me? Okay. Time to do the laundry. Come and help me. They often will follow you around screaming and crying because they're getting met and they get worse before they get better because they're used to being able to pull you in. See, a kid wouldn't do that with me because they know they learned very fast that I'm in control. They're not. Okay. So they learned that the more they scream and cry, the more ignored they're going to get. Okay. But I'm just, oh, I'm going to go do the dishes now and yep. Okay. I'm going to fold some laundry and yeah, I think I might just go through this magazine. I'm going about my day. Now, as soon as they calm down, I say, oh, do you want to go read a book? They learned so fast that what gets my attention and what doesn't. It's amazing how quick kids pick this up. Parents don't. Kids do. They learn, oh, I get it. When I'm nuts, she ignores me. When I'm nice, I get all this attention. They learn that really, really fast. I think you're feeding it is what I'm saying. Are your kids driving you nuts? They don't have to. Check out bratbusters.com for my bootcamp courses. If you want to learn how to become a leader. Do you find that that is something that a lot of parents lean into? Absolutely. Because there's all this information out there about their big feelings and big emotions, how you can never ignore them. No, that's true. But the bad behavior screaming over not getting their own way. That's what I ignore. Okay. If they're just carrying on to manipulate you and get your attention when they don't even need it, you know, they just want to control you, right? That's the stuff we're talking about here. But if they're really upset about some life, I work it through with them for sure. But I wait till they're calmed down. I don't discuss it while they're screaming at me. So does they calm down? Then I might say, okay, well, let's figure this out. That's the way I talk. I don't say, what's bothering you, sweetie? I don't talk like that. They're just going to start screaming. I'd say, okay, well, let's figure this out. What's going on? Let's figure it out. I might even get a pen and pad and write stuff down. Okay. So they're doing this and that, you know, I want to look like I'm going to help them problem solve this. Okay. I take action. You know, I'm not a therapist. And it's not the way I operate anyway. What I mean by that is, I'm not a therapist. That's what I mean by that. But what I mean is therapists go back and they want to talk about problems. I deal with them, but then I always want to move forward. That's what a coach is. Like I always say, a lot of my clients have therapists and then they hire me for coaching because they're dealing with other stuff too, whatever. But I say, I don't focus on the past. I focus on the future. That's what a coach does. And that's how I parented too. I didn't focus a lot on past problems. I'm like, okay, well, that happened. Let's learn from it. And what can we do better next time? Or who can we hang out with now? I was always trying to move them in a more positive direction so that they would have a lot more confidence and feel more in control of their lives. When kids are crying and following you around like that, they feel lost. Okay. Cause they don't have a leader that's guiding them into this problem solving attitude, this positive attitude. That's what I really want you to do. When I was working with kids who were like that and they would follow me, but it didn't work. And I'm like, oh, well, that happens sometimes. So what are you going to do about it? You know, and then they actually started changing. I was amazed how fast that worked with kids I was just working with. They would go, oh, okay. Well, I could do that. It empowers them. They feel confident. They feel good about themselves. Now all of a sudden you're listening because they're coming up with all these ideas or you're helping them. Now you're, they're getting my attention. Now they're getting all this positive attention, which is really what they wanted in the first place, but they'll take the negative stuff if they can't get the positive. And again, we've talked about this a lot. How I think that the discussions around the big feelings and emotions comes for really well intentioned place of not wanting to dismiss their kids. And also you talk about this a lot is that there's lots of different parenting methods out there. There are. I'm just one and I've been doing this for 50 years, 50 plus years actually. And, and so it's just one method, but it's one that works. It's like diets. There's lots of different diets and there's lots that work, but you can't mix them up and it's like that with parenting. My like, if you were to throw time out into my method, it was tank. I think timeouts mean I can't stand it. I think it's horrible. Can you imagine if you made a mistake at work and your boss said, you go put your nose in the corner for five minutes. It's just so demeaning and kids, I'm their voice. They don't know how to explain that, but that's how they feel. They feel like crap. When you put a kid in timeout, they feel like garbage. They just feel like crap. They're not thinking about what they did. They're just sitting there feeling awful about themselves. I hate timeout. I can't stand it. It's really common though. And yeah, I've never done it. Never will. So yeah, just pick one method, follow it for three weeks, give it a go. If it doesn't work, then say, well, at least so she's an idiot doesn't know what she's talking about. Move on to someone else. But there are three criteria. I think I would never take parenting. It's heavily experience based kids stuff. Now, I would never take parenting advice from someone without these three criteria. They have to work with tons of kids. Okay. Cause you can't just learn it from raising your own family. I didn't learn much with my own kids. I kind of was a leader from day one. So didn't have a lot of challenges with them. It was all the kids and teens I worked with. Those are the ones who taught me all this stuff. And that's, so that's number one. And they've had to experience with tons of kids. The second one is they have to finish the job with their own kids. If you haven't lived with teenagers, how on earth can you teach parenting? How do you know where people are going? How do you know where they're going to land in those teen years? I'm always investing in those teen years for my clients. And the third one is they have to have found parenting fun and easy. If they didn't glide through it and think it was the best time of their whole lives, why would you be listening to them? Doesn't make any sense at all. If they struggled and they're telling you how to get past all the big struggles, why did they struggle in the first place? They weren't a leader, right? So anyway, that's the three criteria. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there with those qualifications. But a lot of my clients are teachers, principals, and child psychologists. I couldn't do their jobs, by the way. Those are specialties and their businesses. Parenting is different. It's personal. There's no degree for that, okay? It's just experience-based. So yeah, it's personal, very different. Like I said, I have so much respect for teachers, especially my God. I've sat in so many classrooms and thought I could never do that. What a hard job. Like I'm not good. I don't do groups. I do connecting one-on-one with kids, right? So, but yeah, to handle a whole group of 30 kids, and wow, I just idolized teachers. I think they're phenomenal. I idolize. Okay, I don't know. Well, yeah, I do. You know, I've had some phenomenal teachers and I've seen, I would say Anne Walker, I idolized her. Anne Walker, you know, Australia. No, I think my... I idolized her. Yeah, both my kids lucked out and got her. She was a good teacher. Brilliant. I think he'll be okay with me mentioning this. So you idolize your son-in-law. Oh, for God's sake. Oh no, my son-in-law is a teacher. Darn it. Yeah, he's gonna hear. He's gonna hear about this. Okay, we've always got this running joke, you know, between us. Like we never tell each other how we feel, but we know how we feel. Whatever. Hear that? My mom idolizes you. Oh, I'm not gonna hear about this one. You don't have to. He doesn't listen to the podcast, does he? Oh, he'll listen to this one. Oh, great. Darn it. Darn it. Well, I idolized some teachers, you know. Some are okay. But my point is that parenting is a very, it's a very personal relationship. That's why it's so hard to do. So many of my clients are professionals. They run huge corporations or they're famous or politicians, whatever. They can run a country or whatever. I'm not saying I have any presidents, right? You know what I mean? But they're really powerful people, but they struggle with their own kids and they can't figure it out. How come I've got respect for millions of people and yet these two little things at home are just driving me insane? And I say, because it's personal. It's a totally different relationship. It's a totally different method. You know, teachers struggle with parenting a lot and it's because they're trying to apply the same stuff at home that they do it in classroom. Some stuff does crossover, but a lot doesn't. It's personal. It's different. Okay. The next one is Aliyah from the United Kingdom. Is a lull in a tantrum enough to initiate connection or do we need to wait until it fully ends? My 18 month old will have really short breaks in her crying. If I don't step in straight away, she will resume her tantrum and carry on for over 40 minutes at times. If I take that moment to intervene, then she may stop the tantrum, but I'm not sure if that means I'm just distracting her from it, which is what you suggest we do for younger babies. I don't ignore tantrums with babies and their babies up until about 15 months. It's a gray area. 16 months is sort of toddler. It's in that gray area, but she's still young. I use a redirection or diversion and you do. I do indirect redirection at that age. Not so much with a baby. I do direct redirection. I've said that so many times now. It's like this. So they're really, she's 14 months old. Is that right? 18. 18 months old. Oh, cause she's still sort of in that area. I would use indirect redirection. Okay. So I might go over and start leafing through one of her books and maybe quietly reading it to myself. The idea is you're letting her know that you're not going to give that tantrum any attention, but you're over there reading one of her books. The idea is that she'll come over. But if she starts tantrumming when she comes over because she wants your attention, I would stand up and maybe just walk away then. So you can give her, you can kind of try those two. She's still sort of in that cusp area, you know, for 15, 16 a year and a half around there. She's still, you can use a little bit of redirection, but if she does start up again, I would get up and maybe do something else. Then I might ignore her cause she is 18 months old. You can't ignore a tantrum. Okay. The next one is Jordan from England. My daughter who is aged two in October has a strong bond with my partner, her data, where two men, I'm the Papa. For around six months, she has been very rejecting of me at times, especially during emotional tantrums, which I deal with calmly as per your advice. She will continuously yell at me, go away Papa. I want data. This can go on for up to 45 minutes and I'm worried there's something I'm doing wrong or that I will always be the unfavorable parent. I'm probably just taking it too personal, but it's really hard to receive. My partner is more timid than me. So I tend to do all the tough stuff like cutting nails, blow drying hair, cleaning out stuffy nose. And I'm worried she's associating me with the negative activities. Okay. A little bit confused. Two in October. So age two, so turn two in October. Just turned two in October. I see. Okay. So the same sex dad, those two dads. Okay. Dad and Papa. Okay. So I don't care if they have a preference in one moment. I still say, well, you're okay. I'm doing it anyway. So they tend to do that because they're trying to control you. They're trying to take the, they're trying to take the leadership role. So she obviously loves you both, right? Don't worry about that. She loves you both. And often when they're sick, they go to the one who does clip the nails and clean up their nose. So that's the caregiver. They often, they need you almost kind of more in a way, especially when they're sick. So don't worry about their feelings. They love you both. Okay. Or she loves you both. So yeah, when she does say, I want Papa or I want data, whatever, you just say, okay, well, I'm doing it. So if you're changing their diaper and they say, I want the other one, you say, no, I'm doing it. Just say that and then just do it anyway. They will eventually learn that you're in control of who's changing the diaper. You're the one playing with them. You take control of that. She's just trying to control you. She's using your feelings against you. She loves you both. Okay. It looks like they don't, but they love, they love, they love both parents, but they do definitely play, try to play you against each other sometimes. I can envision that being tough though. Yeah. I remember, well, I've said this so many times, it's probably repeating myself because I've said it so many times. The one where I remember both of you tried this when you were little, you, dad was giving you a bath and you wanted mom and I was in the family room and you said, I want mommy and I yelled out, well, you're stuck with dad. So deal with it. They never did it again. And then because we were just so final and then the next time that the other kid did it, dad said, well, you're stuck with me. So deal with it. Like in other words, you're not going to control this and they were fine. They never fought it because they knew there was no point. They only tend to do what works. She's a little bit young for that, you know, but past the age of three, three and a half to four. They only do what works. So if controlling you works, they're going to keep trying. Whereas our kids never did because they knew there's no point whatsoever. And they learned that really young too. I can remember that. I remember they were year and a half and I don't remember what it was. It wasn't the bath. It was something else. I think it was changing them. I want mom or I want dad or whatever. And then we said that and then they never never said it again. I was shocked at that. How fast they learned. It's the tone of voice and the fact that you don't give into that control. It's just manipulation. They're just playing you. That's all. The next one is Erica from the United States. My 17 month old has a meltdown every time he sees food that he can't immediately eat like my dinner being prepared. We've tried giving him snacks and water before dinner to ensure he's not too hungry, keeping him out of the room. But there are inevitably times that we can't keep him fully out of the line of sight because we're solo parenting and the meltdown ensues. Do we just ignore the tantrum and repeat that dinner will be done soon? Yeah, a lot of parents say this. What do I do? They're having a meltdown. I'm saying so. Just let him have the meltdown. He'll eventually learn just completely ignore it. You're busy making dinner. Just make dinner and then to put dinner on the table. He may still be kicking and screaming. Try to put him up in the high chair and he'll eventually eat. Yeah, you just ignore it. He's just hasn't learned any patience yet. The way they learn that is by being ignored. Okay. So don't give that any attention whatsoever. He's just, he's just learning. He's little. He's just learning. Okay. We have one final question. So to me from South Africa, two and a half year old daughter, I find myself saying, no to something. Then she cries about it. I go back on my word by giving her what she is crying for. Not because she's crying, but because I came to the realization that there was no need for me to deny her that thing. For example, her dad and I were traveling in separate cars. She wanted to go with dad and I said no and forced her to stay in the car with me. But then she started to cry inconsolably as I was driving. I then realized there was no harm in her going with daddy, but I did not want to go back to my no. So how can I establish myself as a leader? How do I deal with that situation? Uh-oh. Careful what you say. Once you've said no, you got to follow through even if you're wrong. You got to follow through. Okay. I remember once we were living in a where we lived, the kids are raised in Australia, born and raised there. And we lived in Brisbane. And we went, I was going down to the Gold Coast with my friend to dream world. It's a big theme, partly Disneyland. And it was an hour's drive from Brisbane. So we met in separate cars because we had all these kids car seats in that. So we met down there. My son would have been, I don't know. I think he was four. I think because I think I was pregnant. So and he was just turned five when she was born. So anyway, and he had a miserable. He was just in a mood, right? So we get down there and I was fed up with this mood. He was just in a mood all the car ride down, just not saying much, you know, just like that. So we get down there and I said to him, I said, if my friend was right there, we just met in the parking lot. And I said to him, if you don't put a smile on your face, we're driving home right now. And as soon as my friend went, oh no, she knew I would have, and I went, oh no, because I knew I would have driven home. So even if I didn't want to and it was ridiculous, I would have driven home because I'm a leader. When I say something, I have to follow through. Anyway, he instantly put this big, ridiculous fake smile on his face and then it turned into a real one like one minute later. So it all worked out. But be careful what you say. Okay, that's the thing. If you're not going to follow through, don't say it. And if it doesn't matter what car she goes in, then keep her in the car. She's screaming in. If it doesn't matter, then keep her in that car. Why on earth would you give her what she screams for? You're training her to scream to get what she wants. So you're training her. That's why I said, oh, oh, when I first heard the question. Okay, so yeah, you're training her to do that for sure. She just, if you ever go back on what you're doing or what you said, because she's screaming, she's learning. Of course, she's going to keep doing it. She'll do it right through the teen years. I'll just scream and I'll get the color car I want because you bought the wrong color. It's kind of like that. That would be a messy situation. Well, it happens. I had a client who I was given permission to tell the exact model and everything, but I won't do that. But yeah, they bought a car for their teenager. It was the right color, but not the right paint finish. Very expensive vehicle, like, you know, more expensive than some people's houses. And they put it back and they gave it, they gave, put it back in the shop and had the right finish put on the car. And she was mad because it took so long. And then, and I said, and you wonder why you're hire me like fix that. She not, she'd be driving, she'd be riding a skateboard to school if that was my kid. But anyway, so yeah, it happens. They'd trained her. You see, they were really disgusted that she wasn't grateful and they couldn't figure out why. So yeah, we had some work to do, but it worked out. Okay, that was it for the questions. Okay, I think that's it. So the question was how to handle big feelings and big emotions. If they're over anger at not getting their own way, then you just ignore it. If you know you're following through and doing the right thing and they're just mad because they're not being able to manipulate you, then just ignore that stuff. Okay, if it's something really huge like grandpa died, then you sit down and discuss it with them and console them. There's different big feelings and big emotions. If it's based on anger because they want what they want when they want it, that's different. If it's because something's really upset them, that's different again. You also want to raise problem solvers, even if it is something big. Come on now. What are we going to do? How about we go visit grandpa? You know, like you always kind of want to end with a positive and something proactive that you can do even if it's a big problem. Okay, you want to bring up the positive in your kids. Thanks so much for joining us. We'll be back again soon talking about another parenting topic. Happy parenting. Thanks for tuning in. If you're ready to dive deeper, check out bratbusters.com to learn more about the behavior board, parenting courses, and private 101 coaching with Lisa. If you've enjoyed the show so far, we'd love it if you could take a moment to follow, rate, and review us on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback helps us reach more parents just like you. The information provided in this podcast is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional advice. Lisa is a parenting coach, mom, and grandmother. She is not a licensed psychologist or counselor. Her services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. For a full disclaimer, please visit bratbusters.com forward slash disclaimer.