Dimorphous Expression w/ Are You Garbage?

An engineer around the corner, whenever you need, British Gas have over 6,000 en route at speed. Fixing lights that won't light or have started to blink, a pipe with a leak and that weird smell under the sink. If your boilers kaput and your blue fur needs a rinse, we've got your back to stop that cold water wince. You don't need to be a customer, we can help you too, taking care of things. It's what British Gas do. TSNC Supply, 6,000 engineers correct as of Jan 2026. Hey, bad friends! Come see me live. I am running around the country. I'm going to be in San Francisco at the punch line at the end of October, Halloween weekend. Then I'm in Brea. Brea, come out and see me. Brea, California, November. Tempe Improv, returning to Arizona State. I'm in Hammond, Indiana in November, around Thanksgiving. Windsor, Ontario, Canada. Bethlehem, PA. Hanover, Maryland. Atlantic City, New Jersey. And then Valley Center, with the Harrahs down there in Southern California, by San Diego. And then also Canyonville, Oregon in February. And then finally, Wind Casino. I'm at the wind in Las Vegas in March. Come see me at the wind in Las Vegas, baby. Andrew Santino.com for those tickets. AndrewSantino.com. You two are bad friends! Who are these two idiots? What dude? What did Asian do? You two are disgusting. What? You two are something. We're bad friends. I went to the doctor last night. I know what happened though. Two nights ago. Well, I saw a close up. Is your wife beating you? Are you okay? Blink twice? Of all people that talk about their wife beating them? You're the biggest I've ever met. You're king. You're king. Yeah, you get pegged every night. Because I want to. No! That's what they all say. It's sexual assault every night, dude. No, you know what it is? A tear. So we guessed what this was in my eye. My eye got worse. It's called Blethyritis. How do you get it? Infection of the gland within the eye. Could have been like dirt or whatever got up in my eye. Bobby touched you. Bobby touched you. You're, he's on one today. You want to fight today? Yeah, I did. You are. I miss it. Yeah. He said something to me earlier. I had to physically assault him. What did he say? It was something about... You got a lot of nerve, dude. You got a lot of nerve, dude. I went into the urgent care. Urgent care took two, no less than two and a half, three hours to even get in. And the woman gets in and goes, who poked you in the eye? Really? And I said life. And she goes, oh, that's a good one. And she goes, this looks infected. It actually looks pretty bad. We should get this medicated. Here, this is the worst part when you go to a doctor. She goes, we're going to get you eye drops. You have to do two every four hours, two in your eye, right? And antibiotics, just general amoxicillin or whatever. I go, great, this should knock it right out, right? Like I've had styes or whatever before. She goes, yeah, we don't want it to spread. And I was like, why would you say that? Well, if it spreads, it can go to your brain. Whoa. And you can die. Whoa. You know what they say too? Is if you, this triangle of your face when you get acne and if you pop it, you could die too. What? Yeah. Where? It's called the triangle of face sadness. Oh, I just saw that movie. Yeah. No, but I'm saying that they're saying that if you pop the shit, is it they, they, the internet, dude. Yeah, the internet. Yeah, my doctor read it. Dr. Reddit said this. No. It, what is the danger? What would I just say? Danger triangle face. You shouldn't pop a pimple on the danger triangle on your nose. On my nose. Why? Why is it so dangerous? Think of the small segment of your face as the direct line to your brain. So through the sinus blood strain from your brain and infection in the, in the danger triangle, like pick from a pimple, nose piercing, gone wrong. Possibility of a facial infection to become an infection that impacts the rest of your body. Can it really kill you? Don't panic. You're probably not going to die from poppy to pimple on your nose, but technically speaking, it's impossible. It's possible. It's possible technically. You could get a brain abscess, brain infection. Wow, this is real. Okay, so this thing in my eye though, she was like, yeah, no, it's okay. But I mean, you know, could, if it spreads to your brain, you could die. And I was like, what? Why would you say that? Well, the possibilities. I didn't want to know. Doctors are supposed to give you the possibilities. Yeah. Really? Yeah, I'm the doctor. Yeah. Hey, Dr. Lee, yes? At all? Your eye, we looked at your eye. Yeah, what happened with my eye? You could die. My eye, I could die. You could die, you could also go blind. From blepharitis. Yeah, Freddie Mercury. That's what he had? Yeah, he had some, something in his eye. Really? Yeah. Why did I go to a doctor behind this gas station? Listen to me, I'm a doctor. All right. You're Mr. Doctor? Chevron. Oh, yeah, welcome to my Chevron station. Oh, you're a doctor? Office. Oh, thank you. Okay. What race do you think that was? Sudanese. No. What? What do you think? Bangladesh. Yeah, East Ethiopia. Oh, East. I was doing East Ethiopia, dude. Yeah, yeah. Look up, gas station robberies now in Sherman Oaks. Big thing in the valley here, they're robbing people at gas stations. I'm not going anymore. I'm not getting gas. I'm just running out and then I call AAA. They gun butted that guy. Some guy had like a Rolex or something on and they gun butted him. Then it just happened another week ago. Some guy, he got out of his car, gun butted him. They're just robbing people at gas stations. What's a gun butt? What's a gun butt? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They hit you in the face with it. Oh, the butt of the gun. And let me say this to a thief. Yeah. Just shoot me. Don't gun butt me in the head. I don't want to fucking just kill me. Shoot me, baby. Our gun butts. They'll knock you out. The butt of a gun is heavy. They're hitting you in the face with a gun. And what are they taking? Your car? Anything. They've taken car, jewelry, clothes, cash, clothes. They left a man naked and Van Nye's. That's why when I pump gas. Don't pump gas. I have a lighter. You do. And I have the fucking thing. Right? Gun butt me, dude. Right? Vietnam Monk. Remember those Buddhist months in Vietnam? That's what's going to happen. Yeah, like the whole place. You're going to be lit on fire, dog. And also, there's nothing to steal except for my wallet. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Or your car. They can steal your car. That's Bobby. Gun butt me, dog. Yeah. Yeah. I'm also a dude. You know what's so awful? What if that was an accident? He was just trying to get gas for that guy's car that ran out. Yeah. Gas. Fuck. Yeah, my question is, is that like, you know, you know why they did that? It was for, well, it was a peaceful protest, right? No, they're protesting the oppressive Saigon regime. It's a protest, right? Whatever happened to me, just making a sign. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like protest. That sounds a little too far from me. Make a sign. Yeah, yeah, like stop Buddhist hate. That'd be me. All the people are lighting themselves on fire. I stopped Buddhist hate right here with the sign. Like that's, don't you think that's extreme? That's, don't, do I think that's just, yeah dude, a little bit. The guy lit himself on fire. Like I'm a Vietnamese monk. You're a Vietnamese monk, right? Yeah. I go, we got to oppress this Saigon regime. What do you think we should do, Tony? Yell in the street. No, no, that's too, that's not gonna do no much. Okay. What else do you think we should do? Get our friends together to bond together to create a community of people that- I have an idea. Yeah, what? We shall last half a fight. No. No. Extreme forms of protest and couples, violent tactics, terrorism, welfare, vandalism, extreme nonviolent acts. Great album cover though, Rage Against the Machine. That was one of the greatest. Great album. They got a lot of flak for that. Didn't they get a lot of flak for that? Album covers that got flak. You know what, interesting topic, because McCone, you and I were talking the other day about Pusha T's famous album with a picture of Whitney Houston's dying hotel room. Daytona. Did you ever see this? No, I wanna see it. They had a photo on the cover of this wonderful album by Pusha T, and that is the photograph of Whitney Houston's hotel room when she was found dead. Oh my God, dude. And there's bottles of whiskey and vodka, and then whenever there's tinfoil, you know tinfoil is no good. Why? People smoke crack out of tinfoil. Okay, I put my bubble gum in there. You do. Yeah, don't make a- You know what, Andrew? Don't make assumptions. You're right, I'm a big detective. The tinfoil is there for various reasons. You said I was a good detective the other day. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, the Beatles yesterday and today, right, another controversial album cover. Do you know why this was controversial? Because there's baby's heads and stuff? No, because look who's in the back. It's three in the front and one in the back. Little rude, a little rude. Very odd to put him in the back, by the way. Yeah. Why did they do that? Asterisks. Compositions. Asterisks. Compositions. What's your favorite album? Asterisks. Compositions. Asterisks. Compositions. What's my favorite album of all time? No album cover. I'll tell you mine. Go. Captain Beefheart, Trout Mask Replica. Look it up, dude. Captain Beefheart, Trout Mask Replica. Yeah. Sounds like one of those mad libs. Oh, that's pretty cool. I love that one. That's good. I was going to give you something like Blood Sugar Sex Magic. Okay. I think I like Blood Sugar Sex Magic from Chili Pepper so much because it was also like a time in my youth. It was like something about the time of like the sexiness of the album cover. I don't know why I liked it so much as a kid, but I loved that. It's like they're all tongue licking of like, I don't know why I thought that was badass. No, I liked Mother's Milk because there was a titty on it. That one was great too. Same thing, another Chili Peppers. Yeah, dude. That was a poster. You go over to some kid's house named Ryan and he was like, she's my new fucking poster, dude. Can I tell you this? My mom's livid about it, dude. My dad was like, hang it up. Could I tell you what just happened with me and Anthony Kitas? Yeah. So I've never talked about this though. For some reason, this is 20 years ago, Kitas, Chris Rock was in the main room and Kitas saw me. Cool. And then Kitas came up to me and goes, oh, you're really funny, this and that. So then Kitas would go around town just to watch my sets. Right? It's like following you? Yeah. Same night or many nights? No, just throughout the months. Wow. We're being very friendly. I got his number and the whole thing. And then all of a sudden one day, I do this show at El Cid. I used to love El Cid. Right? Yeah. He brought the whole band out there. To come see you. Yeah. Wow. They were in the front row. I bombed so hard. Is that there? Is that? No, no, this is way years later. I bombed so hard that he didn't talk to me for like 10 years. After that. Right? No, I'm not kidding you. It was night and day. Like I ate it that hard. No way. Oh, no, it was, I still remember the show. I remember their faces. There was nothing I could do. I didn't have the skill set to dig me out of this hole. Okay. Damn. And then he just recently goes because, you know, he has a music observatory thing that he does with Flea. Yeah. And they do a yearly benefit show. And they asked me to host it. I can't because of Irvine. And I almost canceled Irvine to do it. Yeah, that's- Would you? No. Host a benefit show? Yeah. You're going to tank at that too. He's going to see you tank 20 years later. Benefit shows suck. That's so hard to do well at. Yeah. Because people are kind of uncomfortable and they're there like and they're stiff and they're dressed up. It's not like a relaxed atmosphere. I mean, we like doing benefits, but stand up. No, I'd rather just show up, give you money, and be a part of the thing. Yeah, but you would have done it if you didn't have something to do. I don't know, man. I don't like doing those things. They give me the- You bomb. You bomb hard. You bomb. You eat shit at those things. Yeah. Nobody wants stand up at a- They're like, we're raising money for sick kids who have cancer of the brain. Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Lee. It's fucking impossible to do well. You bomb. I just, it's bad. What's your opening line? What's up, everybody? What's eating you? God, dude. Let me tell you guys what's on my mind. You're gonna get a head- Yeah. Step right on that. Step right on it. What was it? What was it? I said, I want to tell you guys what's on my mind. God. Oh, fuck. After every punch sign, they go, think about it. Think about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Rain it in. Let's rain it in. Yeah, but- By the way, after you ate shit, he made stadium arcade-yum. So was that your fault? Right. Sorry, dude. Have you ever bombed in front of like a, someone that you didn't want to bomb in front of? Famous people? Yeah. I mean, I bombed in front of Rock pretty, pretty, pretty horrifically at the store in the OR. And I think from that, he's never really taken me serious because he sat in the bucket seats. He was staying at the hotel nearby, came over. Sometimes he stays in LA and just doesn't do a spot. Yeah, he'll just come by. He's so nice. He was in the bucket seats and he watched me, I mean, torrential. It was like, it was so fucking bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I brought on Faheem or someone afterwards, and I'm sure Faheem fucking crushed because he always does. And I just was working out new shit in the OR. And it was late night, dude. Did you- wait, did you know he was there? I saw him. So before you knew he was there? Yeah, it drove me nuts. No, no, no, no. This is what you do then, dude. He sat down and I was like, fuck. Then you go, I have to kill. Don't do the new stuff. I have to kill. It was 1145. It was like a late spot and I was like, fuck it. There's just- Okay. I was just trying new shit. Bobby, are there famous people every time you perform? What do you mean? Is that why you don't do new material? Oh, this guy. Okay. Is he looking for a fight, dude? Yeah. Give it to him. No. Give it to him. I have some things I could say, but- Say it. No, I'm not gonna say it. Say it. No, no, no. It's dark stuff. I know some dark stuff and I'm not gonna do it because you like to go personal. Yeah, he really does. Yeah, I have so many new jokes. That was- Watch this one. I know, it is good. I told you that last time you left. Why would you say the joke? Because you didn't roll down the window or acknowledge me. My point being is this, okay, that I'm doing everything I can to come out with new stuff. I'm taking risks on stage and for MacCone to say that joke again is it's really hurtful and rude. You're talking to one of the top 25 working comics today, okay? Yeah. Top of 100. Top of 25. Thousand. Yeah, we saw this whole thing and let me clear the air real fast. Let me say something genuine about this. Theo Vaughn is someone we've known for a long, long time. I can't right now. I just want to say my piece. I hope he's okay. I just texted- he texted me yesterday. I know, I texted him too, but I'm saying like, I texted him. That doesn't mean shit. He's going through something very deep. On stage, you know, that clip is gross of him saying I'm trying not to take my own life and I think people think that was like a bit and he's really in a dark place. So we wish him the greatest and I was texting with a lot of other comics because I think it's a- yeah. I know there's a comedy show. I just- I'll wrap it up real fast. I'm just saying, I think people don't know. I know, I think people don't know that we- some of us suffer from actual real clinical shit. And I have- I have clinical depression. I have very dark days. We- You guys have lived through my shit. He's got it very bad. I'm sorry, but I think fucking people just think you're a clown and you're like, you're not a human. Well, he's a fucking human. So my heart goes out to the guy because I know he's struggling a lot. So we love him. I really do. Sorry, sorry to be fucking honest, for three seconds on the show. No, no, no, no, no, what? What do you want to do, another Filipino accent? East Ethiopian is over here. And welcome to Chevrolet, whatever. My Chevrolet, Dr. Zamip. I'll just say mic, okay, so, um, we, the reason why I love Theo so much is that I have the same exact sensitivities and vulnerabilities as he has. We have the same kind of issues mentally, you know? And when I saw that clip, it was heartbreaking. It was so heartbreaking because I understood where he was at and I reached out to him and all I can do as a friend is say, I'm here 24 seven, I'm just available and I'm really concerned for him. I mean, he seems to be fine, but I'm still very concerned for him. Yeah. It's a very difficult thing to survive mental health issues in this kind of environment because it's so fucking hostile out there. Particularly when it's wrapped in fame and success. I know people are like, cry me a river rich guy, but like he's very successful and he's so famous and that does a thing to you. It's like inundation of attention. And so it really distorts your sensibility sometimes when you're as kind of popular and wanted and everyone's around you and they want something and they need something. And I don't think people understand that and they never, and that's okay. Also people don't understand that he is such a kind, soft, sensitive kind of a guy. Yeah, he has to put, we all put on that. He's so mindful about his feelings and about people around him. He's just, I just care so much about him. And you read things about your friends and you just wanna say you got it wrong buddy. It's like not him. And it's like, people say things about me, you, this and that and I get it. It's just a double edged sword. Yeah and you love swords. I love swords, yes. You're a big sword. I'm a sword guy, Katanas especially. I did get on a big kick of watching Japanese guys sharpen swords enough to drop a blade through a pineapple. I sat for hours on the internet watching this guy sharpen a blade so he could drop it, just clean through a pineapple. Okay, I feel like I can do that. No you fucking can't. Drop a sword onto a pineapple. Patience, you have the patience to shave that to a fine point, you do not have that. What do you mean even by you saying this? He literally would hold the handle and hold the blade and then drop the blade and hold the handle with his fingertips. You can edit. He doesn't edit. You can edit. You can do it 10,000 times until you get it. I can do a cartwheel. I can do a cartwheel. Bicycle. Do one. What is a cartwheel? Show me and I'll do it. Entrance on Letterman, do it. That's one of my favorite entrances of all time. Chris Farley everybody, look at him. Yes, look at how perfect it's so. Yeah I can't do it that good. That was insane. By the way, he tried to do three, watch go back. He bailed on the third. God this guy was the king of fucking comedy. Go all the way back, go all the way back, go all the way back so we can see it from fresh. One, two, watch go three. And he's like, oh shit. God Farley's the man. Oh my God, dude. He was so good. I know. He was so good. Going over to Spades House and seeing that jacket, the fat guy in a little coat jacket. And then he falls off the back of the chair. I mean, that jacket I told Spade, I was like, I know you'd never sell that, but I mean, good God, I'd pay so much money to you. If he was still alive, we would probably know him. Do you think or not? I don't know if he'd know us, but I mean, if he was still alive, he'd be the most famous comedian in the world. Yeah, I mean, he would still probably, he could be at Spades House one day and you could say hi. Yeah, that's how we could see him at Spades House. But also he probably wouldn't, yeah. What? I don't know, I just, you know, when you're in that, what he was, as big as he was and as much as he was in it, it was almost like, what's the other side of that look like when he gets clean? You know, you probably go away from comedy. You get clean and you level out. Right. Because it was so money. He'd be on the Olympic, no? 100%. You and him would be doing Oz commercials together. Oh, is that, good. Look at the lineup. Tommy Boy, Beverly Hills Ninja, Black Sheep, Cone Heads, Almost Heroes, Wayne's World, Air Heads, Wayne's World too. God, dude. The guy was literally just getting started. And as we know, Shrek, the original voice of Shrek, we talked about it on the show before. Also he didn't do, cause at one point you tried to go serious. He didn't do like a serious role. No, the only role that you- But eventually he would have, you know what I mean? Totally. Like the whale too. Super whale. The blue whale. What? Okay. God rest the dead. I'm sorry, that was mean. God. What? Too soon? No, it was good. Okay. But even like John Candy did JFK, he was great in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. John Candy showed moments of brilliance in every comedic role, but he did serious stuff all the time. The difference was Farley had soft and fun sweet moments, nothing like Candy. Candy and Uncle Buck, Candy and Plain's Trains, Candy and fucking, Candy and Home Alone. Dude, the guy, he showed moments of like, unbelievable cool runnings. A movie that was such a wacky, he was sweet in that. Yeah. One of the greatest. One of the greatest. One of the greatest. Him, John Candy, John Goodman to me, were like when I was a kid, were two of like the coolest funny guys. And Goodman wasn't your traditional comedic actor, but he was so funny. Yeah. Like King Ralph is one of the best movies I think I've ever seen. Conceptually, I don't know why we haven't done that again. Why haven't we done King Ralph again? Where a fucking regular Midwest, like blue collar guy inherits the keys to the royal kingdom. Isn't that a genius concept? Your great uncle left you the keys to the kingdom. Yeah. Is that not even listed on his filmography? King Ralph. I remember as a kid watching Stripes. I know he wasn't in that fucking love. But those movies. This movie was so good. Which one? King Ralph. I never saw King Ralph. Oh, dude, it's so fucking good. Who's in it? John Goodman. What? John Goodman, Peter. How did we go from Candy to Goodman? I said these two guys were kind of comedic heroes when I was a kid. I don't remember, I didn't see that trend. I didn't listen to what I'm saying. I was trying to think, I'll tell you why. I'll tell you what just happened. You disconnected. I just, not only did this disconnect. Somebody picked up the phone and the internet cut out. Yeah. Mom, I'm on the fucking, you're mom. I was trying to think of the movie Stripes. So while you were talking about the whole thing about Goodman, I was like, not even listening. I was like, what is that movie? You never listen to me. Of course I do. We go bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. When's my birthday? October 6th. No. Don't look at your phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not October 6th? No. It's gotta be October 6th, then. It's not. October 16th, fuck. 10 days, but I knew it was 6. Yeah, that was true. October 16th. Are you upset? I didn't know. Yeah. Simply safe. Oh my God. Safe is real security that stops crime before it starts. So you gave me Simply Safe. I did. We helped you install it. You gave me, installed it, right? And I have a couple of Filipinos living at the house. You have too many Filipinos. And seven animals, right? And now I feel completely safe. Because you guys, you gotta know, if you wanna trust something, you gotta trust Simply Safe to keep your home, family, property, whatever it is, important, safe. That's why you need Simply Safe. Like Bobby, he's got cameras, he's got monitors now, he's got motion detectors. It's a game changer. It's a game changer. The agents take action while the intruder is still inside the house. That's right. They're there for you when they're there. Yeah. For you. There's no long-term contracts either or hidden freeze. You can cancel at any time. Cancel at any time. Named best home security systems by the US News and World Report for five years running. And a 60-day money guarantee. So you can try it and see the difference for yourself. That's right. Right now, our listeners can save 50% on a Simply Safe home security system at simplysave.com slash badfriends. That's simplysave.com slash badfriends. There's no safe like Simply Safe. Kachava. You know what? When I want nourishment, and I want something pleasant in my mouth, I go to Kachava. I'll tell you why. Okay. 25 grams of 100% plant-based protein. Yeah. Five indulgent flavors. They're all good. Chocolate, vanilla, chai, matcha, and coconut asai. They also got 26 vitamins and minerals. Six grams of fiber, 85 plus superfruits nutrients and plant-based ingredients. I'm telling you, Kachava has changed Bobby's life because it is delicious. I love it. And two scoops. You get so much more than you could ever get from any of that other crap you're putting in your body. Energy drinks are a drain. Stop consuming them. Okay. You can try Kachava risk-free with their love it guarantee. There's thousands of reviews that agree. If you're thinking about adding more plant-based protein to your diet, this is a fantastic way to nourish your body. You can try Kachava risk-free, which is the best part about it. And Bobby got me into it because I am not a fan of artificial flavors. I hate them. Okay. Or colors or sweeteners. I don't like GMO. Get it out of here. No soy, no animal, no gluten, and no preservatives. Fuel your daily adventures with Kachava. Go to kachava.com and use the code BADFRIENDS for 15% off your next order. That's Kachava. K-A-C-H-A-V-A.com. Code BADFRIENDS. For 15% off. ZockDoc, your eye. Look at my eye. By the way, I use ZockDoc. What do we do? We got to get on ZockDoc and I did it to get a new doctor to help out my eye. And now your eye is getting better. It's getting a little bit better. Still looks weird, but it's getting better because ZockDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. With ZockDoc, you can book in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more. You know, I've used ZockDoc, which is a big thing for me because I moved to a new neighborhood. I told you this and now even more than ever, had to go back to a doctor, had to get my eyeball checked out, make sure my statin levels were good, and you can filter on specific preferences. You know, if you're looking for a male doctor, if you're looking for a female doctor, you're looking for a tall doctor. They don't have that, but everything else, all right? And you can even find a same day opening if they have it. Once you find the right doctor, you can actually see their appointments right in front of your face. So how do they get ZockDoc? Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZockDoc.com. And instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's ZocDoc.com. ZockDoc.com. Bad friends. Bad friends. Let's take old movies like that and see some of the new comics that could fill those sheets. Oh, okay. It's very interesting. Three of me goes. Oh my God. Me, you. No. Okay, you're right. I mean, wouldn't it, it wouldn't get- I'd like to put us in something because I can't get any work. I know, me either. But I get some fucking work. But they would, they would, imagine a studio. You and I could do Plains, Strange Automobiles and it would be fucking amazing. That'd be amazing. I mean, how much more am I Steve Martin to his John Candy? I mean, genuinely. Yeah. We'd have to get you off the Azempic though. I have to game wait. You'd have to game wait to make it fun. But don't you think a studio would be like, okay, three of me goes, let's go to Seneca's first. Let's go to these kind of people first or no. Yeah, but that's fucking boring. I know that's not a shot at him. That's what they would do. Give me someone. We're making our world. Now I'm gonna say, from a studio- From a studio- What are you a studio exec now? Yeah, from a studio exec, I would be like, Santino or Seneca's probably Seneca's. All right, let me say this. Our ecosystem, our ecosystem that we're talking about. Yeah, friends that we know. All right, so here we go, three of me goes. Well, you're obviously the Chevy Chase part and fucking- I mean, that would what I would want. Yeah. Who's Steve Martin then? Steve Martin would be Nate Purgazzi. Perfect. Yeah. And then you are a little netty needle and a- No, there's no way they would pick me. Oh, who are you talking about? We're casting this move. No, no, I'm gonna be the bargattender. Freddie asparagus is part. Freddie asparagus. Yeah, yeah. Smile, smile. Yeah, smile, smile. Who would be- Who would be little netty needle and a- Oh yeah, who would be that? Martin Shorten, netty needle and a- Who would be him? I wanna be Dusty Bottom so bad. That's a tough, that's a tough. And who would be Patrice Martinez, the one of the first girl that he falls in love with? That Steve falls in love with? Who would be her? Oh shit. Angela Johnson. Angela Johnson. No, I'm trying to think of a, yeah, it's gotta be like, who's the most famous Latino comedian? Angela Johnson. Oh, Sofia Nino de Rivera. What? Annabelle Ferrera, I mean, I don't know any of these. I mean, fancy, shouldn't you know? Sofia Nino de Rivera. Shut up. It's so annoying. Wow. Yeah, he'll be a hero. Have her on the show. Hey, is this hurricane gonna hit Florida or is this bullshit? Let's fucking do more hurricanes. Remember that when we were kids, I feel like it happened all the time. Hurricane, what is that? Emelda. Forecasters are monitoring hurricane emelda, which is, am I saying that right? Emelda. Why do they think they name it names like that? And it goes in alphabetical order. Hurricanes are given names to improve public and professional communication making storms, easier to identify, track and discuss, especially when multiple storms are active. Right, cause they've got, sometimes there's three hurricanes going on at the same time. I like when they combined. Oh, when they hook up. Oh, that's my favorite. When they hook up. Yeah, yeah. When they don't know and then when they combine, they're bigger. They're a hororgy. Yeah, yeah. It's a little hororgy. That's a movie where like six come into one. Or you have two natural events happen. Earthquake and- So two hurricanes that meet, you know, and then an earthquake in the ocean. Love. Which causes a tsunami. Just, it just happens, right? And there's a tornado sweeping through the Midwest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fires on the West Coast. Yeah, yeah. It just happens at one place. And then we all die. No, just it'll happen in a rapture. Rapture. Rapture. Oh yeah, what happened to the rapture? What happened to the rapture? What happened to the rapture? Excuse me. Yeah. Excuse me, what happened to the rapture? What happened though? Did anyone- It said it's back on. Was anyone raptured? Here's a new date the Christians believe in. Oh, there's a new one? Big of the wrong date. Wait, it was two weeks ago, right? Yeah, what date was the rapture? I don't know. It was a Tuesday, I think. Well, let's see. Go down. Let's see. The 2025 prophecy may be expected to occur on the 23rd to 24th of September. That's right, it didn't happen. Failed to materialize. Yeah. An anticlimactic letter that's dismiss it a long line of unfulfilled doomsday claims. However, some believers say it's still coming. South African pastor Joshua McKayla. Well, I mean, that's, I didn't need to. Joshua McKayla. I don't know how to say it. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, You know what I did on the 23rd? I was waiting for the rapture. I was in my backyard completely naked. Do you know why I was naked? Why? Because when, when you have your clothes on, it leaves where you left. I want that to be a mystery. All right. Where does, where's Bob? Where's Bobby? I don't want them to know where I, you know what I mean? I feel like if I was raptured, no one would believe it. I mean, people would think, Bob, you're on one. People like, he relapsed, he's on one. He's out there. Yeah, yeah, I don't think that like, if people were right. And how stupid would I be? I'd be like, you guys don't get it. He was raptured. And they're like, okay, dude, where is he? Yeah, yeah. I mean, if you were raptured, do you think he would believe it? For sure. I'm rapturable too. I don't think you're rapturable, dude. Come on, dude, I keep tempting the rapture. I think I'm getting it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, who would, I don't know, dude. I'm not rapturable. I don't, well, I don't think so. If I'm not rapturable, you're not rapturable. Well, you're, okay, fine. A person raptured is according to some Christian beliefs when they're a true believer in Jesus Christ. Okay, that, that's- I believe in Jesus. I believe in Jesus. Now you're done. Oh, damn it. Is that the prerequisite? Say it again? Is that the prerequisite? I love it. And you did it good on that second one. Is that not how he said it? That is a prerequisite to being raptured. Yeah. You must believe. But okay, what if I have all the other ones, except for that one? Well, you gotta talk to the guy. Imagine he gets up to fuck. You know what I mean? He gets up. What are the conditions about rapture? Do you have that? I think it's just that. You gotta believe. That's the only thing. That's it. You've gotta accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior in your heart. I just did it. Seriously? Yeah, I just did it. Well, you're gonna get raptured. Yeah. Okay. I don't think you believe that. Imagine- Oh, wait, no. There's a few. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me the few. Wait, hold on. But imagine we all get raptured and we're waiting in line and Jesus is like, why is Bobby naked? We all have closed off. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm just like. And one of the apostles is like, that's a bit he does for my show. And he's like, Jesus, he's gonna give you a pubeshot when he's here. Receive Jesus Christ. You receive the fundamental steps to believing in Jesus Christ, accept him as your Lord and Savior and repent for your sins. Read and study the Bible. No, you don't. Okay. Pray and confess. You do. Live a faithful life. You do. Join a healthy church. You don't. Be patient and endure. You do. Is that it? Just six. Yeah. No. Yeah. So understand the event. No, it's coming. So we gotta get you to a church is really what it is. So do you pray and repent? I pray. I pray too. Yeah, I pray a lot. Yeah, yeah. I pray four people. I pray for the show that fancy gets replaced. Because what else do you do? I've never seen you go to a church. You don't talk to God? I've never seen you go to a church. What do you mean I do? I go to church every Sunday. That's why we can't do the show on Sunday mornings. Do you really go to church every Sunday morning? Have I missed? How many Sundays have I missed, Macon? Macon knows. I mean, none. Sometimes he comes and watches the dog. Are you kidding me, dude? You go to church every Sunday? What do you? Okay, okay. Stop. Not if we're on the road. Stop, stop for a second. Yeah, we can't on the road. Stop for a second. Stop for a second. Okay. May I speak? Please. Okay. That says a lot about our relationship. Why? Cause you've never invited me. You don't want me to be saved. Do you know churches at 8 a.m., right? It doesn't matter. You don't want, at least one time, like, hey bud, you wanna go? Do you think you could get up at 8 to go to church for real? I would. Genuinely. I go up on Sunday mornings and I go to Third and Gardener, which is an early AA meeting. I go to that. That's at 1030, you said. Yeah. Okay, you wanna go two and a half hours? But you think I sleep? You think I sleep when I go to Third and Gardener? No, I stay up all night. Well, that's not good. That's my point. I would go if you try to save me, but you don't want me to go. You don't want me to go to heaven. I want you to go to heaven. Yeah, but then why wouldn't you invite me? Okay, look. You don't want me saved. I want you- I want you to go to heaven, but I do think I've already put in a couple of requests and they've been denied. It's invite only? What do you mean? Request from Jesus? It's like Raya. Like you can get in, but it's like you gotta have a few people to vouch for you. And also if you- You've been banned. Yeah. You got banned from heaven, bud. But honestly, if you wait a couple of weeks, I don't lift the ban. Come with me. What's the church called? I'm not telling them I'm fucking here. You want to come? Yeah. Let's go. And what do you wear? A dashiki. What do you mean? You wear street clothes. Oh really? And wear whatever you want. There's no rules to church. That's old school shit. That's old fucking funny duddy. It's honestly, I'm so shocked that you go to church. But you can't wear shorts. Have you ever seen- Jesus don't like knees. Have you ever seen me wear shorts? Yeah, not really. Yeah, exactly. Actually, now that I think about it, I think I've ever seen you. Oh, that's not true. On a beach, yes. We've gone swimming together and I've seen you in shorts. I know. Yeah, you've seen me in, yeah. I've seen your little thong. Yeah, cute little black thongs. Those little black thongs? Yeah. Dude, they were so funny. Yeah. With that sexy. That's an album cover? What is that? It's for the bra. Oh, a flyer for bra. God, the kid's got a much better body now. I gotta tell you, you should reshoot that photo now. You should reshoot some of those old, like, nudie photos and see what you look like now. God, look at how young the kid is. Oh my God, look at how young I am. We want you to be saved. I want you to be saved and the fans want you to be saved. And I believe you can do it. Yeah, I wanna go, I wanna, that rapture talk was really scary and I just, Oh, buddy, come on. I don't wanna go up behind. You're gonna be saved. You know why? Because you have a good heart and a good soul. The number one rule, I believe in all religions, is to try to be a good person. And you're a great person. And that is your entry ticket to the afterlife. Yeah, but I've giggled at a couple of funerals before. Funerals can be funny. But they've been in truth. I've been giggled. Every time I'm in a funeral, there's a laugh attack. Well, yeah, who said that they're supposed to be sad? Yeah. Why are they sad? Like my brother and I were at a funeral once and we heard a knock. Is it closed casket? Yeah, it was closed casket, but we heard like that. And I looked at my brother and we just collapsed on the ground. So funny. I started laughing. You know what I mean? It's funny. I know, but still you're not supposed to laugh. Do you ever have a laugh fit when you're not supposed to laugh? Sometimes I laugh when I'm uncomfortable, yeah. Because you don't know how to feel. You know, like I learned something the other day that this is, this dimorphous expression is the phenomenon of displaying two contradictory expressions or actions in response to a single intense emotion, such as crying when happy or feeling or just squeeze a cute object. Yeah, sometimes you feel so overwhelmed you do something you usually wouldn't. I laugh sometimes when I wanna cry. Yeah. You know? When feelings are too emotional for me. Dude, dimorphous expression. I've never even heard that before. What's up San Diego? We're dimorphous expression. Just bawling while they play. Dimorphous expression. That's a great abandon. Or it's a great album. Dimorphous. Yeah. Dimorphous expression. I've literally never learned. We're learning new shit. I had someone I know they had someone in their family do assisted suicide. Oh no. Which is kind of crazy. Well, because usually people that do it do it because they have a terminal illness and they're like, well, I don't want this to get progressively worse, I wanna say goodbye. But this is kind of a crazy story. The person like had through themselves a goodbye party or whatever, you know, these living funerals is like a big thing that people do now. Yeah. But they kept pushing back the date of the, because they had a couple of like secondaries of like, maybe I don't wanna, let's move it back a little bit. What do you mean? Like they kept changing the date of the assisted suicide because they kind of had probably a few good weeks or something. It's fucked up. Cause don't you think after you do that, you'd be like, all right, I don't wanna do it. If I bailed once, I don't know if I could go through with it. Yeah, it's a dark thing. It's crazy. It's just like, it's a hard. I don't know how to spin this, but yeah. Spin it, spin it, spin it. Pretty dark. Spin it, you got it. I know it's in there. Yeah. I don't like physical pain. You don't wanna experience any physical pain. I think once the physical pain is just even if morphine or any of these drugs stop working, I just, I feel like I'm gonna move on. You ever had morphine? Like when I was in Vietnam. Like a drip. Yeah. On the field, yeah. Like a drip. Yeah. You've had a drip in a hospital. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, they gave me that shit when I had my torn ligaments in my leg. Wow. Yum. It's un-fucking-real. You feel- It's a warm, I mean- Oh, it's warm sunshine. Yeah. It makes me go heroin. Yes, yes, yes. It's not surprising why people are addicted to all these, you know, opiates. No, of course not. Morphine drip is the continuous intravenous administration of the opioid pain medication morphine IV dog. Drip, drip, drop. A drip, drip, drip. With that drip, drip, drip. I got that drip. I got that drip, drip, drip. I got that drip. Just two IVs in my arms. I got that drip, drip, drip. I'm just drooling. Wow. It does feel good, dude. It does feel good. It's bad news bears. You know when you get on it. You know, they're like, be careful, cause it's fun. You know what? I think in the last five years of my life, when I'm 70, I think I'm gonna do it. 70, the last five, that's the, what are you talking about? I think I'm 75, I'm done. You're living way past 80. I'm 70. I think I'm gonna go, you know what? I'm gonna liquidate everything. And I'm just gonna shoot heroin. Please don't. Yeah, or fentanyl. There's a new fentanyl. There's a super fentanyl, right? But I think I'm just gonna boom, boom. You can come over to my little apartment. I'll have, I'm gonna downsize. I'm gonna downsize. And I'm just gonna drip my way into heaven. Super fentanyl. There's a new fentanyl, dude. Super fentanyl. Carfentanyl, extreme potency. Synthetic opioid estimate, maybe a hundred times more potent than fentanyl. 10,000 times more potent than morphine. Damn, dude. It's on the streets now. Give that to me in the hospital, dog. They're like, Andrew, you just have a paper cut. I'm like, I need it. Who took fentanyl? I was like, nah, it's not enough. You know what I mean? Well, probably cause they're fucking used to it. They've, their tolerance is too high. Do a little extra fentanyl then. No, that's not gonna work. Listen, Charlie, Charlie Sheen was like, I was banging seven gram rocks. I was like, fucking go. Yeah. He couldn't get enough. That was the greatest documentary. I love that documentary. We were talking about that for days, dude. It's so good. That documentary, what a life. And the thing that got him sober was like, incredible. Yeah. Yeah. Happy he did. Sheensies, AKA Charlie Sheen. Did you see Jason Bateman's new show, Black Rabbit? Yeah, everyone's talking about it. Better good. Yeah. Good. And Jude Law. Yeah. Jude Law, so good. Yeah. And the new Paul Thomas Anderson movie, everyone's saying great. So good. A lot of people are saying it's good, but I've seen a little bit of other sides. I've seen people say they don't like it. You're watching yourself. Yeah, I'm gonna. You wanna go watch it? I'll go. Yeah. Let's do it this week. Let's go. Yeah, I'll watch it. Would you watch it again? I'm gonna go watch it again. Wow. Oh, you are. Cause you have no life. I like go to movies. Are you dating anybody right now or are you single? I'm single. You taking anybody out on dates? No, I like to go to movies by myself cause I can get a better seat. Yeah, I agree. I do like going to movies as well by myself, but you're not seeing anybody at all, huh? I'm just walking on a date, but I don't know. You know, why don't you be honest? Cause you talked to me that how badly you wanna have love. You're like interested badly in love. The problem is that people now watch the show. So. God fancy. Yeah. You know, I will get you back to Spain pretty fast. Keep that vibe up. Yeah. I don't like watching movies with somebody because I get influenced by them. If they laugh or if they, yeah. Yeah. I'll be sitting next to somebody. Like I was watching Superman with like three other people. My brother, dumbfounded and Jean. And I'm watching him like, I'm trying to get into it. What's that combined IQ in that room? Sorry. I'm trying to get into it. Fuck you dude. That's not my friend group dude. And family. What the fuck? Your brother, dumbfounded. Jean Hong is. Yeah. He's gets you over a hundred. Yeah. And I turned to my brother and my brother just goes, as soon as he did that, I was like, oh, it's bad. No, that's just. And then it ruined the whole thing. I know. You know what I mean? Or like somebody will just be like, their eyes closed. Yeah. Yeah. I took my dad to Lord of the Rings, the two towers. Sleeping. Dude, because he had never seen the first one or the third one. Right. Because the third one wasn't out. And I just remember just opening my, you know, what's going on? Right. In the beginning. Just watch. And then like five minutes and he's just, it just deep in his sleep. Gone. Yeah. But he works a lot. He has no interest in, you know what I mean? What was he interested in? He's never seen a movie. He, you know, my dad was one of those immigrants that was like, he doesn't know what music is. I've talked about this before. I know, but it's so funny. Not as music. He doesn't know what music is. Turn it on. He's like, I mean, yeah. But right before he died, right, I had air pods. The translation ones, then the ones. No, no, no. No, no. And he was like. They finally communicated. I know what you're saying. After all those years, I love Roy Radiohead. Yeah. In a rainbow is amazing. Yeah. What you put weird fishes. What's this? I know. Yeah. So he, we put in Eric Clapton, Recona. Sorry. Yeah. Recona. We put Eric Clapton and what's that song? Tears in heaven. Tears in heaven. Oh, God. Put it in. We play it. Never heard music before in his life. Now, I mean, obviously he's in the elevator in a mall. He hears it in the ambiance of it. Pierrot Leban. Pierrot Leban. Your dad dies. He gets to the pearly gates. He's like, Pierrot Leban. I'm sorry, sir. What do you keep singing a song? Yeah. Did he smile through the song? Did he take it? And he's he's like we play and he's kind of sitting there and then a single tear. No, I swear to God. It's so sweet. Comes out his face. And it was the first time he ever. So you take the next one. Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven? I must be strong. Is that how it goes? I must be strong and carry on because I know I don't be wrong. Heard in heaven. Brother, and this is about his kid falling out a window. Yeah, we didn't explain that to him. He was doing cocaine on a boat. I don't know what the story was. Was he doing cocaine? I don't know. He was he loved cocaine. Traditionally, he wrote a song about it, but it's about it's about his son falling out of a fucking fucking towards that fifty third story apartment. How do you move on after that? God, how do you? How do you move on after that? Fifty three floors like this. No. I mean, so long. That's. So many stories. What do you think I've ever seen? I'm sorry. Oh, my God. It's so long. How long is that? That's a long time. Long time, man. No. Oh, my God. No, that's so fun, too. Yeah, yeah, forever. Yeah. Whoa. Look who's here. Come on in, Prince. Sit down in these chairs. Hey. Hey. You could have came in and mugged us. Hi, boys. Did you guys lock the door? No, we left it open for you. What's wrong with that? You don't like that? Jack Plack did it. Yeah, Jack Plack. Ship station. Check it, check it, check it. We go to ship station. We have an online store and, you know, since the inception of Bad Friends, we've been using ship station and we love it. We really do. If you run an e-commerce business, you know customer reviews are of an enormous impact on your business and you need scalable features to help ensure accuracy. You get shipments to their door faster and wow your customers. You want to keep them. Automate your workflow, save time, and reduce human error through an unlimited number of ways to automate the fulfillment process. That's right. Best in class carrier savings discounts up to 90% off rates on all global major carriers. Centralize your fulfillment operations all in one place with the 400 store carrier and tool integration. It's amazing. 90% of companies that stick with ship station for a year become customers for life. That's exactly right. We've been using ship station for a long time. We're going to use them for an even longer time to get you what you want from us. So wow your customers and to get rave reviews with cheaper, faster, and better shipping, upgrade to ship station today to get a 60 day free trial at chipstation.com slash badfriends. There's no credit card or contract required and you can cancel anytime. That's chipstation.com slash badfriends. Cash app. Hey man. I want to feel safe when I'm transferring money. And I didn't feel safe. I used a competitive app years ago and I got hacked. Yeah. OK. And that was so annoying because someone was renting a boat in Florida. And my bank was like, are you in Florida? I was like, no, I'm in LA. Well, I needed that boat, dude. You did need that boat. No, and thanks to Cash App, they have high, high end security that keeps you and your money safe that protects you the way you deserve. When you get the Cash App card, not only do you get access to a ton of perks, like benefits, exclusive early access to nationwide concerts, presales, or discounts on popular brands, but you also have extra security with the power to instantly lock or unlock your card right from your phone in one tap. I wish I had that. Turn on your security lock in your Cash App settings now to keep your account and your information safer than ever. And pay attention to scam warnings if sending money to someone new. With Cash App, you can spend, save, and live your life knowing your money is right where you left it with advanced built-in security, protections you count on, and help when you need it. Spend with peace of mind today and order a Cash App card in the app or at cash.app.com. For a limited time only, new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real, just download Cash App. Use our exclusive referral code. Secure 10 in your profile. Send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash App. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners, prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC. Instant discounts provided by Cash App, a block incorporated brand. Visit cash.app.com, slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Need anything from Tesco? Like Nescafe Azir and 90 Grams Instant Coffee, for just £3.50 this Easter with your Tesco Club Card. Because every little helps. Majority of larger stores, Azir and 90 Grams ends 14th of April. Club card or app required. Is your hair wet or just greasy? Wet. Let's go to the shower. OK. You look good, though. Look at the lettuce on the kit. Don't get defensive. He's doing all right. Ask you a fucking question, man. Your hair looks good, too. Looks nice. I want to feel like it does. You cut it. It looks stylish. Introduce our fucking guest. And you look fit. Kevin Ryan H. Foley from Are You Garbage. Hey. Ladies and gentlemen, Are You Garbage is in the house. Hey, man, friends. Thank you. Love the chair. Happy to be here. Do you like the chair? Hate the chair. Why do you hate the chair? Because I'm a fat pig. I feel like Biggie. This is what Biggie felt like his whole career. Give me the loot. Give me the loot. That's the one phrase he knows. I'm not kidding. He says that every week. It's the only thing I know. That's correct. Because that came off quick. I was like, damn, Bobby's OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you say mean, diminutive stuff about yourself? Yeah, dude. I'm all fatty. You're successful now. You feel, are you bigger than you were before? I'm actually going on the way down. I started Zep Bound what, six weeks ago? What's it called? Zep Bound. Zep Bound. Yeah. Is it like Ozympic and Wee-Go? He said, we'll go. He said, we'll go. Yeah, yeah, me, too. You are? You want it? I'm down 40 pounds. What do you mean you always look good, though? I've never seen it. I blew up. Really? Yeah. I'm down 30. I'm down 30. You look great. You're down 30. Can you see? Yeah. I told you, since I came in, the hair looks good. You look thin. Look Hollywood. You're 35 pounds this guy's got off now. 30. 30. Yeah, thanks. What would you get the biggest, what you were at? Probably 250. Shut the fuck up. Wow. I'll tell you. Five. Yeah, 5'11, probably right on smidge under six. What? Wow. 250? That was big. OK, as many times as. Boozing a lot. Boozing, eating good food. It's like, you know. You have the roundest eyes I've ever seen. Thanks, bud. You, not so much. Zingers. Bring them out. And fully, your eyes are pretty asian-y. Really? To me, for I, yeah, it's more Japanese. It's more Ronan. OK. Yeah, you know what I mean? You know, a bigger samurai. I like that. Yeah, yeah. I will say, if you gain weight, it does smush your eyes a little bit. When you lose some fucking weight, those things are going to be big, beautiful eyes. Are you thinking about getting the injection? What do you mean injection? Oh, no, you're, I mean, you're already on it? I'm on it, yeah. Is it the same thing as ozympic and. No, it's different. The side effects aren't as bad. And yeah, it's. Zep bound is a brand-name for prescription medication. Tears zepatide used for chronic weight. OK, let's go down to, let's see what the side effects are. Generally, consider safe when used as a directed, but comes with a potential side effects. Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation. You already have all these. You gotta have stuff to begin with. Yeah, you know, that's all I'm saying. And it made me gay. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no shit. I like guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's awesome. Yeah. I like it. And then you guys are sharing hotel rooms, fatigue and hair loss. You got a lot of lettuce who cares. You're fine. The constipation I have a problem with. Brutally. Yeah, yeah. Brutal. It's brutal. Metamucil for it. Yeah. The combat. They'll be good three days. Remember that I celebrated? Oh, yeah, no. Yeah, three days. Three days, and I sent you a poop photo. Yeah, it was nice. Yeah, it was like celebration. Saved it, printed it. The ozepic, it was brutal. It was like I was getting chemo. That's why I had to stop. Did you throw up too? Oh, I was. He was throwing up. The ozepic was awful. Awful. Awful. No, you're on it too, huh? See? Buddy, I don't have a fucking one side effect. I'm humming. It's great. On Zep Bound or on? Zep Bound. You guys are both on it. You guys sponsor by it. Do a read real fast into the camera. Are you a fat piece of shit? You have no self-control? You want to see your dick look a little bit bigger? Get on Zep Bound. Ain't that. Does your dick look bigger? No, same size. Really? There's no more life in it? 30 pounds, 25 pounds came out of my penis. I had a very thick penis. Sorry to hear. It was like a spam can. You can't change that. You know what I mean? That's, it's genetic. No, as you lose weight, it looks bigger. Mine started to look a little bigger. You've seen that Sydney Sweeney commercial. He's like, my jeans, my jeans are Asian. That's cool. Pick out. You know, I don't like it. Fuck you. I don't like what we're doing right now. I'm not making it funny. I got a small piece myself. I don't have a small piece. That's the thing. That's the thing. Me either. Yeah, you either. No, no. Wait. I don't have one. That's the thing. I know. Yeah. Me too. For my body structure. Sure. Very, very good. OK. Like, you know, like Spudweb. OK. Your dick can jump high. What do you think? I'm just saying. No chance. Obviously Spudweb is not going to have Shikilone's. Yes he is. Yes he does. Historically, you've never heard of this? This guy has a fucking pipe. It fell out of his shorts one time when he was dunking. The confidence you need to jump that high is a little guy. Yeah. How tall was Spudweb? He's got a big one. 5'6". 5'6". 5'6". Wow. God, what a demand, huh? It was great. Twitter's been feeding me a lot of Asian porn lately. I don't know why. Oh, Twitter's feeding him? Amen. All right. He's obsessed that there's like full blown porn on Twitter. It's great. He's like all over. You know there's porn on the internet. I know, but something about Twitter. It's been two minutes. Why do you like it so much? You think just because it's like you're reading about news and disaster shit and then you get off to a little Asian foot town? I don't know. It's awesome. I love it. What's your favorite kind? Of porn. Yeah. Of Asian. Of Asian? Yeah. Japanese. Japanese, Korean. And then. Wait, wait. Japanese goes number one? Of course. Into the porn. Oh. Japanese is always number one. Everybody knows. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Japanese girls? Anime, anime, anime. Japanese has always been number one. They've been number one forever. Then three. Hey, pop's making a move, though. Yeah. It is making a move. Not good enough. That girl Rose is beautiful. Who? The Sega Rose. You know what I'm talking about? Why are you looking at me like I know everything? Like he's a fucking expert in every Japanese porn star? Yeah. What is it called? Rose what? Her name's Rose. She does the song with Bruno Mars. Apata. Bobby, you don't know this? Yeah. Oh, she's gorgeous. You like her. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. Great singer, too. Would you leave your wife for her? Absolutely. Yeah. Throw it all away right now. Nice. Would you really throw it? Kevin, how about you? What? No. No. No. You're not going to leave your wife for Rose? No. Number one, good. And of course I wouldn't. Oh my god. Tetsu. What, Kev? What? I wouldn't. No, no, no, no. You don't like Asian girls? No, I do like Asian. I've dated an Asian. It's the top of the day we talked about it before, yeah. It's the top of the day. Well, white's number one on your list, isn't it? You always say keep it white. That's what he says. Keep it white, baby. You're married to a white. I'm married to a white, yeah. She's a good looking. She's a good looking guy. Yeah, I'm not questioning that. I'm questioning the racism. He just did the Trump. She's a good looking. She's a very good looking. Look at her, she's good. What's been going on with the dogs? I haven't seen you guys in a long time. On tour, running around. On tour, the back on the block tour. Getting by is what we're doing. What are you talking about? You guys are cruising. We're getting by. Rough summer. We're rough summer. Why'd you tour in the summer? We didn't tour in the summer. We were off. Kippy had a baby. Oh, congratulations. The first one? Yeah, first one. Oh my god. Congratulations. Let's guess the name. Yeah. We'll do it. Donovan. A big McNabb guy. Chad. That is so nice. You're attacking my whiteness? Yeah. No, because you're an artist. I'm an artist? Yeah, it's going to be a little artsy. I call a guy Fat for a little bit. An artist to be able to. You call him Fat. I do the Asian thing. Devin. It's one. Devin. Kevin and Devin. Devin's good. Yeah. What is it? What? The baby's name. Marcus. Marcus. No, we went with Dan. Dan. Daniel. Dan? Daniel. Daniel. You went with Dan? Why? He was going to go with Earthquake. I don't know that. I ain't never met a bitch named Kada Lisa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Mr. Pat. What? I mean, was that a hard struggle to come up with Dan? Irish. Irish. It's an old Irish thing. That's how we do it. OK. Yeah. That's how we do it. That's some Irish pig shit. But it's not like I'm going to fucking name my kid Chong. Should. Chong Lee. Cheng and Chong would be amazing. Good name. Good boy. Strong lad. It's a family name. You going to do this whole fucking game where people are like, he's in the top birth percentile. Is it all that bullshit? He's a big family. Yeah, see? I know. 99 is 99. Well, let me guess the weight. The weight was him? 450. The weight of Dan, your boy. What full term. At born? At born? I don't remember. I don't know anything about that. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. But, Age, when you look at the baby, do you feel like family? Does it look like you? No. Yeah. Does it feel like you love the baby? I mean, he's your best friend, right? Love the baby. Yeah. Adorable Irish baby. So if Kevin passed away, would you take it? I always love coming and talking to these guys. Would you take care of him? He's a good time. He wouldn't let me. So who's the godfather? Don't you have a godfather? Not yet. You got to pick somebody. It's got to be. I will. It's got to be. I got to go with my brother. No, no, no, no. It's got to be. Let me push for Age. No, he's got to be his brother. No, I would love to hear this. Please state your case, Mr. Mr. What? You're going to say something. Go ahead. Well, Chong or whatever it is. No. I don't know your brother. So this is tough. He's on that super fentanyl we were talking about earlier. Would you give me your kid if you passed away? I mean, he would be first in line. Yeah, he's not hit. Yeah. What do you mean? My relationship with him, you don't have the same relationship with Age? I do. But I'm not Andrew. That would be like. I don't even know what that means. That would be like if Andrew left his kid with you. I would. Yeah. Andrew would leave. I would leave my kid with him. I leave my kid with him. OK. Yeah. And he would make my godfather. I would leave my kid with him, but not the other way. Yes. So what's your fucking problem? Because he has better prospects. Yeah. And I'm an idiot. I'm a moron. You're my only prospect. You're not a moron, buddy. There's no chance. I don't know. It seems like they're turning against me. You don't seem like a moron. Mormoron. You're not a moron, dude. I guess, of course, name me a state in Kansas. You can see the question. Kansas City. It's confusing. That's a very question. Yeah. Kansas City. Yeah, exactly. Boom. Boom, Bouncing. Capital of California. Fuck. It's not LA. It's a... It's a mess. Stop. Sacramento. There it is. There we go. Capital. You know what? Take my baby. Yay! Thanks, buddy. I knew that's all it took. I would want that, but no, it would be bad. You have kids? You don't have kids. No kids. No kids. Ask me a question. What is the capital of Pennsylvania? Pittsburgh. No. Oh, fuck. Do you know? Name something that comes with hot pot. Hot pot? Yeah. Potatoes. Pretty good. Very think. All right. That's actually very funny. We tried this one time. Are you smarter than a fifth grader? We lost every... I lost. We failed every fuck question. Yeah, we did it on Patreon. But are you guys college graduates? Yeah. I am. I went to Temple University. That's a good school. What about you? I flunked out sophomore year. God is good. Where? Widener University. Shout out to... Played football. Hey. Widener. Yeah, Widener's awesome. All right. You know it? I went to Skinnier. Our rivals. I hit the things best. We beat you guys all the time. I could never catch them. The game's over, I guess. Now, I went to Arizona State. Dude, I'm a fucking... I'm a Dumbo Bumbo. Yeah, it's a big dummy. People always say that. That's Arizona. I think they're awesome schools. No, wow. They're fun. Hot checks. It's a party school. Doesn't the one have like a lazy river? That was like always the big thing. It was a great rumor. And they also said, 90% acceptance rate. Let's go. That's pretty good. Can you check Temple University? Yeah, it's got to be like 30. I bet it's under 50. No, it's... Really? They claim they have like 500,000 students. They have like the biggest... Oh, you're just as high as us. Hey, what's the school? What school has the highest acceptance rate? Do that. I want to know what that is. Let's take a guess. My guess would be Florida State. Yeah. It's got to be a state. No, but it's like... Penn State, maybe. No, they just have so many. Oh, yeah. College of Staten Island. Yes. Oh, SUNY. SUNY is like that. 98% rate. University of Mississippi is cited with a 98%. So everyone could go to Mississippi. If I was denied at Dixie University, am I... Bobby, did you go to college? To kill myself? No, you go to college. I didn't get one to nothing. Why would he need to? Look at this, huh? Yeah. I'm a brainiac, dude. Ask me anything. He was already... I'm a brainiac. Potatoes, hot pot. Weren't you already working, like right after high school? Yeah, in a sweatshop, yeah. Making nikes. Is that what you're saying? In fact, yeah, he made those. I made those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, really. I got some notes for you. No, you were already cruising in entertainment a little. No, no, no. I started at 23. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. No, from high school to 23, no future, almost die. Damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I had no future. I had no idea what I was going to do. You guys got six guys on the road with you. What are you talking about? Videographer, producer, manager? Uh, yeah, we got a guy, Diops, we call him. Director of operations. He gave himself that title. Pretty much drives the van and stuff. Now, he's our boy, Ryan D. He's our fixer. He's great. We got him. We got two openers and a producer. Two opener, comics that we might know or know. Yeah, Colin Chamberlain and Sam Rubinoff. Oh, no. Just right now. New York guys, Colin Chamberlain and Sam Rubinoff. Colin works with Jessica Curson a lot. And Sam is Jewish. Yes, Sam is Jewish. You have a resident. You got to have one. You got to have one. Sam has a great NLA. You got to have a Jew. Trust me, I know. You guys do the bus when you're on the road or no? We have. We've done the bus. Fuck that. I kind of like the bus. You don't like it. We'll never do that shit ever again. We love it. This guy had night terrors every fucking night. You guys got a bad hang. Yeah, I loved it. No, I'd rather just go to the hotel, get a nice hotel. I get that. I get that. You don't like waking up in the new city? No, I like waking up in a nice hotel bed instead of listening to this guy scream bloody murder every fucking night. And then him up to 530 playing video games and peeing every fucking night. Yeah, he does. Jesus. I poo in the bus. What? Rule number one. That's not the bus. That's the squad. You guys got to fucking step it up a little bit. Yeah. Honestly, fuck this whole team. You don't know. You got a weak crew. My favorite is with Bert. You're on the bus with Bert. Well, he's got nine buses. I sleep with a baby when he's when. I almost died. Remember, I fell off the fucking bus. You guys did that tour with him? No, no, we were on that. But I mean, that was national headline. I saw that on fucking. Well, he posted about it so he could cancel shows. Unfortunately, probably we will not be performing tonight. I'll be back in 2026. What the fuck happened? I caught to my rip. All right. So I was I was on the top bunk, which pitch black like three in the morning, which he shouldn't be in the first place. I hear an atom bunk guy. I also asked. I'm a bottom. I asked people, hey, can I get the bottom? I have little legs. That's that's like, no, I claimed it. That's fucked up. Like, bully shit. He also has shame on you. Yeah. So I'm on the top bunk, right? It's pitch black. I don't know where we're in the middle of the south somewhere. It's right. Right. I opened up the curtain, right? And I have to go to the bathroom. So I take my hand. I can't see it to brace myself on the opposite opposite side of the other bunk, the ledge and I miss it. And I just I fall forward and I hit my mouth on the fucking thing. This guy thinks you're going to reach across the bus. These arms are like a foot long. Jesus got T Rex arms. Yeah. Anybody wake up? What? I really wake up. No one woke up and I was on the ground with knocked unconscious. They woke up. They were like, you got knocked out. Yeah. And I and there was blood everywhere. So I go to the front of the bus. I sit there and I go to the driver and I go, I think I need to go. He goes, no, man, we're seven hours away. I'm bleeding. I think I need stitches. No, seven hours, dude. I fucking and I start testing bird. Everybody no more replies. Everyone's asleep. Yeah. I'm just sitting there just in a pool of blood for like hours. It was fucking crazy. Get a paper towel. Put some ice on it. I did all that. What do you think, dude? Did you need stitches? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he did. Oh, I forgot. Like a bunch of stitches and three. You got three. I knew a bunch was a big thing. Well, wait, what do you mean? Well, you say you didn't get 15. You got three. I got a lot. Three. More. Now we're saying what's in the lawsuit. What? 45 stitches, broken neck. And you know what was great? And this is Bert and, you know, the whole team. Leigh Ann. Leigh Ann, yeah, the whole team. The squad. Love the squad. Love the squad. And they were like, you know, obviously go home, but they paid me for the gigs. Great. Which is so cool. What do you like the most? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Every time we go on tour, he's going to fall off the bunk. Yeah, yeah. I can't put up home. That's getting off cheap. They're probably worried you're going to fucking. I would never do it. Even if I died, I wouldn't do it. Not to Bert and Leigh Ann. There's other people we would do. I love them so much. But not that. You can't sue them. You can't. You can't meet better people. No, they're probably. They're probably. The best. Two of the best people I've ever. Leigh Ann. Oh, my, come on. She's awesome. Yeah, she's great. You know what's so funny, though? The bus thing. Our driver. And that was also that guy was a fucking lunatic. We had a lunatic. Mega Man. What the fuck was his nickname? He had like a, he was like a superhero nickname. One night I wake up because the bus is like, you know, this. And I'm like, dude, what's going on? I walk up there and I pop up the curtain open. You know what I mean? I pop off the buttons. This motherfucker is going off on his wife. Do you remember this? He's yelling at this dude. That's awesome. He's like, that's what I fucking said. Who's that one that's always the fucking bee? And he's yelling into his headset mic. And so I was like, he's wide, he's wide awake. So I put the button back on, went back and laid it. I thought he might be dozing. That he's not going to sleep for six more hours. No, he's locked in. We'll see you later, Salt Lake City. We'll be there. Fucking bitch. We, I hated it though. We had one that broke down. We did like Route 66. We had one that broke down and barely made the gig. Like pulled in as like, you know. Oh, now see. It was, we had a sleep on the bus just parked in Tulsa or something like that. In a sketch like behind the venue because he couldn't get the bus started. Did you guys go to Memphis by any chance? No. We'll never go to Memphis. Fucking bring up Memphis. I fucking hated it. It was PTSD. Like the event, like the show. We tanked shit in a way we've never done. I bombed so hard. They had, that just happened. Really? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The city of Memphis is all. Is this a special kind of bomb? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Recently? Yeah. A couple years ago. Two years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, it was so bad. We stayed, we were on the Elvis's. We were on Graceland. We played fucking the Graceland stages. And we're thinking, this is the best. Dude, we're at the fucking album. Layup. Dude, nope, tank shit. And then we were also like, can we go get something to eat? And they're like, I don't recommend it. Yeah. It's not the nicest area. And I was like, well, we're hungry. That was the room. You guys don't have bad gigs? Yeah, no. Yeah, every once in a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Worst gigs. So what's the city? They're not going to name a city. No, that you tank the hardest in. On the tour. What was that? Where were we? Oh, is that one that we pulled into? Wasn't Salt Lake. It's like a Denver-ish kind of town. But in, I think, Arizona. Well, Phoenix. Phoenix. Flagstaff. Flagstaff. Yeah. We fucking, I mean, it was like, we had a lot of cash up here. Flagstaff on a Wednesday. Oh, wow. Fucking SoulBlight. Is that the venue? That was the one we played. Oh, OK. Yeah. Flagstaff got you. It was just, and it wasn't, and like, it was. Just soft. It was one of those things. They ended up, like, they had a good time and like, but we just. I can tell you, our fans and Memphis did not have a good time. Not with us. We just didn't love it. Flagstaff's also pretty beautiful. A lot of people, like, a lot of whites like to go up there and get married and. It's beautiful. A lot of cash up there. One thing we did do to circumvent the bus, because the one the bus is very. Circumvent. What does that mean? Go around. OK. Say no. Don't use big words around my friend, man. I apologize. Being kind of sending. My apologies. Let us reiterate. At Stamps, pretty good. They had that, they had circumvent up. Find a way around. We bought a, we bought a very nice, the nicest conversion van we could buy. And we kind of used that as the tour bus. Runs, Diops, our boy Ryan D will drive it out to Michigan. He'll pick us up at the airport in Michigan, and then that's where cruising around in that for the week. Wait, why Michigan? Or like wherever the run. Oh, I was like, yeah, you guys aren't living. Are you guys living in New York where you live? Queens. Queens, kids. Yeah. Both of you? Nah, I got a Manhattan. You're not getting that Ammonie in Iowa. Yeah, you're not getting that Austin itch. Huh? Nah. The heat would kill me. Yeah, true, genuinely, yeah. You guys dread being here? Not at Bad Friends, but in LA. I love LA. I don't have any of that shit that other people say. That's what I like about you. I don't like it. It's, you know, too, it's rapid. Hey, troop, troop. Check please. What's up, troop, troop? I love it. Yeah, I don't hate it. I'm not one of those guys. I just don't love it. It's just not, I enjoy my time out here. I like seeing my friends. I get it. We stay, we got a fucking very nice house in the hills. We're having a big, the whole. Oh, you rented a crib for the kids. Yeah. What are we talking about? Nice. Nice property. Good place to OD at. So Airbnb? Airbnb looked up it up, looked it up on Zillow 6.5. How long you guys, how long your time for? But let me get that right. Let me say it again. Circumvent. Circumvent. How long are you guys in town for? Until Thursday. Yeah, we were here Saturday and Thursday. We called you to dinner. Yeah, he loves taking people to dinner. I was looking for your car in the parking lot to see what you were whipping around in. I don't drive anymore, man. Not after the accident. What accident? You don't hear about his accident? He was died. Nah. Yeah, dude. Is that true? I hit it. You're fucking with me. No, dude. He's high. Look at my eye. My eyes are fucked up. I hit a couple. That was pink, guys. You know, it was bad. It was in his car? It was in his fault, though. Well, I mean, I was drinking, but yeah. All right. Easy, dawg. No, it's not funny. Why would you joke about it? No, I shouldn't joke about it. I shouldn't joke about it. I mean, he almost died, dude. Nah. Yeah, dude. It's in fucking Hollywood Reporter. Hollywood Reporter brought it up. A deadline. Pull it out. Let's see if that's my ticket there from the hospital. Yep. Holy shit. It was really bad, dude. It was really bad. Did you get knocked out? Yeah, dude. I was there for three days at the hospital. It was fucking terrible. I don't remember anything for almost a week. Yeah. Almost a week, like five days. Who was this? Dude, he was hooked up with the machines. It was insane. A month and a half ago? He's lying. No, dude. He's lying. Pull it up. No, no, no. Let me see the Hollywood Reporter. No, no, no. Here's the thing. I would have heard this. We are going to pull it up, but here's already. Once they type it out. No, no, no. No, what I'm going to say. Get the domain. The domain. Hey, Kevin, will you listen? Nope. Yeah. Sorry. OK. I got excited. Right now you have sad eyes. You just complimented them. I know, but they're drooping. They're sad and I don't like it. He's tired. So what I want to say is before we look it up, I want to say this, all right? Already. Will you look at me right now? I'm not done talking. Go. All right. We told you a fact. OK. And you doubted it. That's right. Yeah, sure. Which means there's division between our teams. That's right. Yeah. Right? We're not cohesive. No, we're just not suckers. You know what you tour up to. We lie all the time. Now you're going to be interested. We respect it. Tino formerly said that he crashed his Kia Sorento. Incident appears to have been minor. 2001. 2021. It was a 2021 Kia Sorento. Yeah. That's wrong. He's been in the hospital for three, four, five years. And I was there every day. I was only there for three days. Out of those four years, Dad. That was one of my favorite bits. I always kept saying I got. Really good, though. I crashed a Kia Sorento. Yeah. People fucking for some reason there. If you said you got in a car accident, you're like, yeah, dude, I crashed my old Kia Sorento. People are like, damn. Like they buy it right away. Yeah. I don't know why the car validates the accident. I was going to make fun of you for driving a Kia. I was a Kia. What are you, a drive-flashy guy? I drive a Kia. You live in Queens. You don't have a car. Do you have a car? Yeah. I got a Jeep. OK. Yeah. Oh, so you did better than a Kia? Hot shot? Yeah. I have a question. Bobby, are you dating anybody? Can you talk about that or no? OK. Good. No, no, no. I'm absorbing what you're asking. Uh-huh. And I'm going to answer you properly. OK. Yes, I am. OK. Very nice. Yeah, I'm getting a lot of shit because they're white women. OK. OK. They're all white women. So you're dating casually. You're not into relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. And my Asian friends and family are going, what's up, dude? Really? Yeah. And I'm like, I don't. Those are the ones that like me. What? What do your friends and family say what? What's up, dude? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mexican? No, that's. Some of them, yeah. Yeah, some of them. Yeah. No, but they go, uh. Do other Asian celebrities give you shit for that kind of stuff? They don't talk to him. No? He's a nice Asian woman. John Cho, nice Asian woman. Yeah. I just I can't. What's your problem? Because those Asian women find me to be unclean, which I'm not. Very clean man. Excuse me? You're very clean man. Yeah, but people think, but based on my online presence or whatever, that I'm a dirty fucker. Right? But the book are reading and stuff like that. The book are reading and stuff like that. Well, have you not? Of course, yeah. Yeah, exactly. I've never done it. Me either. Never once. You've eaten your boogers? I've eaten my boogers. When I was a young man. No, I've never done it. Younger man. Not interested. Yeah. What about touching your butthole? If it comes out, it doesn't go back in. That's how I feel. When's the last time you touched your butthole? Bare finger. I had a stint. I had a run. I had a run. I got over it. You know what I mean? Not sexually. Just touching it. What? Not sexually? Yeah. Oh, I was talking about sexually. What do you mean? Just touching my butthole just for impassing? Whatever. Like a little boop? Like, boop? Yeah. No, no, no. No? He loves it. Bobby? What about you? I'll do it now. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not afraid of it. It's actually fine, yeah, if you're playing with a toy. But I mean, you know what I mean? If you're having fun. You've done that with toys? You should see the size of the thing I put in my ass. Show them the thing I put in my ass. Yeah, he's lying. He's got it. He's got it right here. Unbelievable the thing, the size of this fucking thing. I wouldn't have suspected that. My man, I like that. You don't know what you know. I'm just gay. Are you? What? Shut up. How long have you known me? Yeah, that thing. I put that thing right here. Whoa! Man, can I borrow that thing? Holy shit. No, you're married. I've met your wife, haven't I? So you think you've met my beard? Nice. Yeah. I love that. No, I'm seeing a couple of guys right now, but none of them. Nothing serious. Nothing's sticking. No, yeah, I've never touched my butthole unsexual. Really? What are you doing with it? I don't know. Making sure it's there? Just crossing that line and touching my butthole. Yeah. I have a difficult time committing right now. To your butthole? To your butthole? Yeah. Really? Yeah. What do you mean relationship? What vibrates? Huh? It goes like that. Your butthole does? Yeah, yeah. And I don't like it's sassy. Jeez. No, in terms of women. Yeah, you're playing the field. You're having fun. I'm not playing the field. I want to find. You're dating. No, I want to find. I want to find. I want to fall in love. No, stop that. You don't? You went through that. How did that turn out? Get out of here. I know. Enjoy yourself. Yeah. But I'm ready again, I think. No. That's your mistake. You're ready. Get back up on the horse. Don't do it. Bobby, fall in love with yourself. That's how you fall in love. Gay. Yeah. Fuck that. Let him fall in love with a woman. No. Yeah. I don't know if I'll ever get married. You're too old for that shit. No. Yeah, for sure. How happy are you? You got a boy. Yeah, very. You fucking amped. Yeah. Are you nervous? Yeah, it's crazy. I'm still nervous. I don't know what to go. Did you do a gender reveal thing? You did one of these things? Nah. Shut up what a cut I did. What have been fun to do? Did you? Have you done that? No, I don't have any kids. You don't? No, but if I did, I think I would do the gender reveal, but I'd do it real crazy. Like what? Blow it up. You know what I mean? You just do a golf ball. You do the golf ball. That's what you got to do. No, no. You know, like light a boat on fire. Color of the smoke. What I mean? A little extravagant. Something obnoxious. Are you guys going to have kids? You want to have kids? We can have kids. No kidding. No, we tried. Yeah, it doesn't. You see it fucking around? They start bringing that up. It can't go through the butthole for some reason. I don't know why. It doesn't make it. It's not a loop. I know we thought it was a loop, but it's not a loop. No, we tried. We can't do it. You being serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I tried to get them to adopt maybe. Would you want to do that? Yeah, but a white slov. You know a little white slovic baby? They're giving those are pretty adoptable right now. Not a little Asian kid? Not a white slov. Little Asian kid? I got a little Asian kid. Hey, buddy. I have one. If I was going to adopt, yeah, I think that's a whole another thing. Like I have friends that were adopted and that's a whole another set of things that come along with it. Sure. So I might, but I don't know. I'm just not sure. The good thing about adoption is you got time. You know what I mean? Like I don't know. I don't know whatever. Yeah, I do whatever. You're not fighting a biological clock. There's always a kid wanting to be adopted. Maybe, seriously, maybe. I'd like to adopt a kid that's like 17. Give him one good year. An athlete. Get an athlete. Yeah, dude. You know what I mean? Get him up to Shamanad, one of those high schools. If you adopted a kid and years later they want to find their biological family. Yeah, that's what's tough. Depends if they adopt. Would that hurt your feelings? No, if the adoption is open or closed, right? Some of them are. Even if it was closed, they're like, you know what, dad? You're a great dad. I'm even though you're so angry sometimes. But anyway, I'm going to look for my biological family. Is that OK? Yeah, that's good. Go back to China. Is that what you want? Hold on. Go back to China. I'll send you right back. Wait. I'll put you in the box that you came in. And I'll send you right back. You'll be on the bottom of a Hyundai trailer. See that attitude you're doing right now? That's the reason why I want to find my biological parents because this is how the way you talk to me. Wait, hang on a second. You're the only kid I know that didn't get into Mississippi State. How about that? Back to China. Hang on. So the kid you would adopt would be a bad actor? Is that what's going on here? What was that accent? What? What was that accent? You're better than that. No, no. Cleveland, dude. That's it, yeah. That is an outside of Cleveland. Well, let me do it again. I was a kid. Do Australian. No, no, no. No, do Australian. Yeah, I got an Australian kid. Or do British. I'll give you that. Make it easy. Cock me. Daddy. Cock me. That's not cock me. Brother, he's not going to die. Alex. Daddy. Yes, son. I want to find my biological family. Oh, they're in China. I told you that. I thought I was British, Daddy. Well, you are. You're a British Chinese kid. You do a kid then. Don't do it. We're your family. Yeah, don't. We're your gay parents. We adopted you. This is a fantasy we play out all the time. Yeah, this is a fantasy. You're 18 years old now and you're telling us. Telling you what? That you want. I'm gay and I want to hook up. Sure. That's the kind of point I like. Step parents porn. Very nice. I did see on TikTok today a montage of kids coming out to their parents and their parents being so supportive. It made me cry. That's awesome. Was there anyone not supportive? Well, that's not that montage I saw. But I'm so glad. It was my favorite one. What? Yeah. No, not in my house. That's crazy when that happens, when you hear that shit. Oh, dude. How could somebody, not even that, that kicked them out? Oh, I can't believe it. How much of a fucking piece of shit? I had a buddy when I first moved to LA, this guy that I met his parents, sent him to pray away the gay camp. We talked. Oh, that's crazy shit. Yeah, dude, but it made him more gay. Yeah, here are those places are hot as shit. Yeah, it's awful. It was nothing. There was never going to fix anything. It's a fuck mark. And his mom used to say, wild shit, she'd come. We lived in the same complex. His mom would come and visit. And she'd be like, how come he can't get a pretty girl like the girl you're dating? And I had to fucking keep up the lie. I was like, I think he loves being single. Oh, really? She didn't know. No, they fucking, they know. It was just a denial. Yeah, it's a sheer denial. But don't parents know? You would think. You can usually smell a gay in your house. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just like, dad, dad. Sure. Yeah, you ever go to your friend's house and they're like, this is my son Riley. He's like, hello. You're like, uh-oh. I thought his parents already knew. Do you like dancing, Riley? Yeah, I think they know from a young age. Yeah, of course. I'd just be like, yeah, I know that already, kid. Yeah. Get the fuck out of the house. Now, pick your beads. What if your son came to you and said, dad, I think I'm gay. What do you say? I'd be OK with it. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Would you be disappointed at all? I'd start calling my daughter, but sure. No, I'm kidding. No, I mean, I think, I don't know. I'm three months in. It'd be weird if he did this. You know, if he told me now. Oh, it's coming. But five months, that's what they did. Five months. Maybe it was a gay girl. So stupid, dude. I like starts listening to Chapel Roan. Yeah, I don't know. I would be fine. You'd have to be fine. You don't know. You'd have to be fine. I'm a progressive guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. My best friend's gay. Right. Sure. On the weekends sometimes. You never tried. What? You never tried to flip the other side of the menu as Charlie. Great line. We were talking about the best line. Great line. That whole thing is fantastic. Doing your show. Doing your show. One of the most fun. I remember doing it and being like, oh, yeah, I want to go. That'll be fun. That'll be cool. And then I did it. And I was like, that's one of the best, most inventive podcasts on the internet. Your rhythm is perfect. You guys' relationship is fucking amazing. Seeing you guys grow. We love you guys. I love you guys. Seeing you guys grow. And I was also like, pfft. This is, some people take off and you're like, when? No. You know what I mean? When it happens to someone, you're like, yes, good. Yeah, that is the goal. This should be the big thing. Go, go, go. We love you guys so much. Everybody in the comedy pod, Little Sphere, has been so great to us. And nobody's jealous. Nobody's, you know, high tides raise all ships. Yeah. And that was an away game. We want you in the studio when you're in New York. I come to New York. Yeah. I did it. Both of you. You did it in the old studio. You were in the old studio. You got a nice big studio. I know, but I went to one studio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It did. Take it easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Where do you love to have you back? Where's the new studio at? Midtown. Second biggest comedy podcast studio in the city. It's bigger than that. Seriously? Bigger than Schultz's, yeah. Wow. But Schultz's is. Oh, for a game. Come for the game. Schultz is way nicer. And his staff is all cool as shit and gorgeous. They're all minorities. You guys have only whites. That's why I want to go to RU Garbage. No, we got an Italian guy. Yeah, we got an Italian guy. We got an Italian guy. We don't eat with him, but you know. You guys want to promote anything? Yeah, check out the pod, RU Garbage, where we do twice a week public and then Patreon as well. We have a very active Patreon. And we're on tour right now. Back on the block tour, all tickets available to rugarbage.com. It's stand up and we play AYG with the crowd. And we have a special, RU 66 special, which is a combination of all that. And we each have half hours on our page. Go see the kids. RUgarbage.com is where you can get all that information. We'll put the link in the description down below for the fans. We appreciate you guys. We love you guys. Thank you for being garbage friends. Love you. Thank you for being garbage panfans. And say, into that camera at the same time, say thank you for being a bad friend. Thanks for being a bad friend. Good boys. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!