Have Roasts Gone Too Far?

You got it. What was that? Don't be jealous of my massage ball. See this? David has a sore neck or back. Look now. Watch. It's like magic. Watch. Just watch. Watch. Watch when I do them. There. Now lean back. It's up your butt. That's where mine is. I lost it. I'm only laughing because how did you know that? It's a magician. You go like this. Here. See it? See it? See it? Where is it? Okay. I'll tell you those tech stuff while we're on. Listen. Is that a piggy? Yeah, this is a little piggy. That's what you do when we're trying to get extra jokes out of a bit. Get a little pointy. Do you have a pig? It's more like a warthog or something. That sounds too hard to get my nose involved. Anyway, are we all set? Yeah, we're already going. The thing about that magic ball that reminded me of Euphoria, you know what Euphoria is, that show? You have Cors, Sidney Sweeney in the hunt. What's that mean for an Oscar? In the hunt. She's so brilliant. My God. You're watching that, Bill? No, I don't see that. You know me. I'm a housekeeper guy. I watch that. Oh, yeah. The housekeeper. Right. Because when you love a movie and you're seeing all the performances and all the machinations, I saw it for a third time. Sorry. On the airplane. Shit, Horned Dog. They're both gorgeous. That's a good, weird movie. I like it. Yeah, we talked all about it, but I think it's no surprise. It's like three or four hundred million globally. It's not even a cartoon. It's just a cool, they call them sexy thrillers, fatal attraction, and so forth. But this one has that third act where you kind of go, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Yeah, what is happening? Okay, I've got a quiz for you. Okay, let me answer till the end. Okay. Is it called the maid, the housekeeper, the housekeeping, or the housemaid, or the maid-keeper? It's something like one of... I don't even know which one's right. Well, off top of my head, I think it's called, hey, keeping your house? But housekeeper, I think it's just housekeeper. I don't... Is it called housekeeper? When I look on box office mojo and you click on it, I'll just see... Oh, is it called that? Because I thought it was called the house maid or something where I go. I don't think this is a word everyone uses. Even it's a compound word. Right. I mean, they went through so many titles. We interviewed Paul Feig, the director. One was, yo, you keeping that house? Remember that one? I thought, that doesn't really make... One was the clean it up person. Yeah, yeah. Bitches be vacuuming. Remember that one? Yes. That one, that was in and out. They barely even considered that. In and out was there for a minute too. It's a huge list. Oh, it's the housemaid, right? I never would have guessed that. Oh, really? All this time, even when I got on the airplane, I put in housekeeper. Yeah. No, it's that you... I put in big boob girls that clean the stairs. And it was like, oh, that movie, don't you want? And then it put in some alts. I was like, no, not those. What is that? I'm sorry. I'm from another time and space. And what's the actress's name? The place is like Siegfried without Roy. Yeah. Siegfried. And her last name is hard and we're not getting it right. I'll get me some Siegfrieds and fries on the side. She's so fucking amazing in this movie. Yeah, she's great. And they're both stunning and then they're both good, which is a good combo. And who's the other guy? Chris Hemsworth? Is that who it is? The main... No, the main crazy stud husband, Heather. We got to give him some sugar. I think it's Chris Hemsworth. No. No, it's not Chris Hemsworth. Really? No, Heather. Heather. Sleep at the wheel. I went off the page. Oh, goodness. Until then, I'll tell you, she's on... Brendan Sklenar. That's a real household name. SKLE... You know, they used to say, don't change your name for Hollywood. I think we bring that back. I would really hyped it up. I would reverse it. Sklenar Brendan. I think that's a better thing. Sometimes just the reverser. Like if he was Spade David, I know. He'd be huge. Spade isn't bad, but if I was him, I honestly would go by Brandon Brendan. And that would be cool. People are like, are you Brandon Brendan? He's like, you mix it up. I just want to say he's Oscar worthy too. All three of them should have gotten nominated. Fuck the Academy, man. The bigger star guy, the Mexican guy was playing the gardener. He's actually a pretty big star. He's great too. No, it's just... And all he's doing is in the window like this. And you go, he's coming into this at some point. Yeah. He was great casting for the staring creepy gardener. Who hasn't had, you know, you're just in the kitchen, have breakfast, and the gardener's right up against the window with his hip like this, just staring at you. Even housekeeping, I seem like is... They're staring at me. Well, some housekeepers don't really see dirt, you know, if you don't have really good glasses, you know. When I... I will tell you that in Sydney, Sweden, in Euphoria, I was thinking of the... Oh, she plays a piggy in Euphoria. Does she? That's what I'm going to think of it. Was it sexual role play? Okay. Give me the one liner. What is Euphoria for? Here's the 2000 liner. What? Sandeah, which I said your name wrong. She's cool. Great actress. I know she is. It's really these two stories this season. It's Sandeah is involved in a drug ring and Sydney Sweeney needs money with her new marriage. So she's doing Onlyfans. So Onlyfans, a very trendy hip thing to talk about. But she obviously doesn't mind a little bit of nudity. So it makes it more realistic because a lot of actresses would play that, but not really good. Let me ask you if you have any regrets. Like when you were like someone in their 20s, like if I was... I should have been really naked in a lot of movies in my 20s because I was just ripped. For sure. And I regret it. In police academy four, they go, can you skateboard? I said yes. And I said, they said any questions? And I go, I'm willing to go full frontal. And they said, okay, well it's PG 13, but it's take 100 considerations. DVD extras, you know. That's what I said. I said, I'm just throwing it out there. It could be for DVD extras. It could be for during the credits. And the peak of your physical prime, how many push ups could you do? Probably barely a thousand. You know, I did 17 pull ups. 13 pull ups. That's adorable. Now let me ask you a question. It's actually hard folks at home. Well, let me ask you a question. Did they allow you to do this motion where you go up like that or are you just going straight up? It was, I don't think they were these, which are easier. That's called chin ups. Oh, there's a different name. These are easier because you're using full bicep. Yes. These, I get my broad shoulders involved. But you go, did you go straight up and down? This is high school, right? Okay. They let me step on a box to do it. So took some of the weight off. Well, then you did Dana's perplex. No, but when I go to the gym, there's something called the gravatron. God dang it. I went to head one. Well, the gravatron is something where you go. You step on a platform and you put the pin in and say, it's not percentages, but you say, I basically counterweight. So I put my body weight at about 13 pounds and then I go. And you're still straight. And it's easier. Yeah. But I can do about five of those. Then I put it just four pounds. Right. Because say you weigh 150. Let's just do a little quick arithmetic for you. You weigh 150 and you go down the thing and put it in a hundred pounds counterweight. How much actual weight are you pulling up? 50. See? What's that one? I have no idea. Someone's being stabbed. Don't make me bring mine out. But on euphoria, long story long here. Let's go back. Sidney Sweeney says this little piggy, she knows guys are in the feet. So she's, you know, then she puts her toes in her mouth and so on. Like everyone's like this. Then she does something which I didn't even know, even though I'm a creep. I didn't know that a lot of guys like, oh, there's something, it's called something where she's bigger than life. So she does something in a set that looks like she's huge and goes up to a guy and pushes her boobs against the glass naked. And like the attack of the 50 foot woman, that old movie that you remember when you were about 30. 30? No, it's not rude. I love my age. Look it up. No, I saw that in the 60s probably. Wasn't it a 50s movie? It wasn't Rock Hell Wells, was it? No. She was in 1 million, 1 million BC. 1 million BC ever seen it? She's in a fir bikini. Owners per capita. Good one. That was quick. I want to give you some love on that one. Thank you. That's a horse. Is this live from your back garden? That's a rooster, brother. Here's what I really thought of your presentation today. You're just gambling with these. You just push a different button. It costs like a dollar 50. It works brilliantly. You're from Montana where men are men and sheep are nervous. I'm from Montana where men are men and then there's David Spade. And then you got a little tipsqueak. Hey, euphoria. Euphoria. Am I still talking about euphoria? I want to play a bad guy like a drug dealer, like a real prick on euphoria. Just no jokes, just being an asshole. I think it'll be good. Let's put that in the ether that you need that sort of cast. I like that. We'll do that after grownups. And also Zendaya, she has to do, she has to mule coke over the border. So they put it in balloons, you know what I mean? Like this. And I'm like, this is going to be good acting where she dips them in whistling oil and sticks them up her boo-hole, right? Because I think that's how you do it. That's how I do it. So instead she dips them in some sort of oil and then she swallows them and pushes them down. It's all like rough. It does look like she's doing it. She's not doing it, Dana. You don't understand. Oh, you think this is appropriate for children? That was a woman. Oh no, Piers Morgan is here. Piers Morgan's back. Hold on. Where is he? Grab it. Grab it. Where's the stick? I like Piers Morgan. This is going to be funny. He always jumps in and says something stupid. I didn't do a fucking thing wrong. No, that's right. This is Dr. Tony Fauci. And from the bottom of my all new leather Fauci's, go, fuck yourself. I like, did you see the video of the cruise ship? Where do you see someone coming out of the room like this? And it's Fauci. Oh, really? And he goes, oh, I'm not supposed to be here. Yeah. Because I'm just supposed to start this disease and leave on a little raft. Hey, man, I just make fun of everybody to get over it, people. But here we are. Get over it. So David Spade, you're talking about the TV show Euphoria for like 20 minutes at a 40-minute podcast. Must be very important to you to see a woman act like a piggy and suck her own thumb, her own feet. Is that what you find funny? You think people enjoy that? Is that your goal in life? Is to do gross wiener jokes and butt-hold references? Sort of. But I feel like Euphoria is really, they always say pushing the limits, but it doesn't mean it's in a great way. Like, I don't mind that storyline. I don't think it's that sexy. It's just sort of interesting that she's trying to make money and she's on a stream and so they tapping into what's going on lately. But I think the other story is a little better about Zendaya's getting involved in this drug ring because she's in way over her head. Is that what you find amusing? Oh boy. Something Euphoria. You went right back to that, Pierre. Is that? It's not amusing. It's more, it's supposed to be sexual. Do you ever do jokes that don't have sort of an X-rated sort of sensibility to them? Can you do just like, you know, the duck cross the road type jokes? I know. I don't really. I don't really. This is a real gotcha moment for me. I guess they're all dirty. Pierre, did you see the roast? Yes. I watched it and then I had to turn it off. It just got a stomach ache. Got nauseous. That's a lot of X-rated, really offensive stuff. It is. Why is it funny to have grown men and women try to bring each other down in such an X-rated fashion? Is that what the Americans like now? Is that what you're all about? That's a good question. I said, is that what the Americans? Oh my God. I was thinking. You like to think, don't you? Pierre, did you think it was too racial or do you think it was too mean maybe? Well, I don't find it funny when people are truly sad and embarrassed at the hands of a lethal comedian with five or six writers writing inappropriate stuff that goes right to the core of a human being. I'd rather watch I Dream of Jeannie reruns. That's true. You know that show. Yes. Oh yeah, I know it. You're like major helio in A. Jeannie. Why don't you make your tongue six feet long and lick my nuts from the kitchen? I can't. Dana, that was a dice clay joke. I thought it was so funny. Oh, dice. The greatest. I love dice. You ever see I Dream of Jeannie? And a lot of people in the audience are like, not really. We're younger. And he goes, major helio. He's always like, Jeannie. She's like, can I do anything? He's like, oh no, you could make my bed and maybe a lemonade. What are you an idiot? Jeannie says, can I do anything? You know what, Jeannie? You can. How about you make your tongue eight feet long and lick my balls from the kitchen? On tour now with John Lovitz, by the way. Run and get your tickets. Dice. I'm going to see him and I'm going to tell him to do that joke. He's like, yeah. So funny. I know. Oh yeah, he's not with Lovitz a lot. Lovitz was at the Chris Rock, which we should say in our sister podcast. Right. Our other podcast where we have a guest, Chris Rock. Chris Rock was live at the Orpheum maybe. And it's out right now. Right now. Lovitz came to watch. We had a big crowd. It was a lot of fun. And Chris Rock was hysterical as usual. Hey John, I like your jacket. Jealous? No, not really. Not jealous. John was a full-fledged guy. John was a full-farm. Do you know all he likes blue, which I do too. And all his cars are blue. And most of them have a flat tire or at least... And his balls. They sit in the front. I'm kidding. A great story like Monsters Inc. stays with you forever. And Disney Plus is where you'll find your next great story. From the return of the award-winning hit series, Rivals. Welcome to the naughtiest show on television. To the unmissable crime drama, High Potential. Gotta dead body, gotta go. A lifetime of great stories awaits. This spring on Disney Plus, 18 Plus subscription required. Teas and seas apply. Hi everybody, I'm Maury Povitz. On my podcast on par with Maury Povitz, I'm going to sit down with the icons. The stars and the faces at the very center of today's big cultural moments. With everyone from comedians Josh Johnson, Dan Soder, Leigh Ann Morgan, to newsmakers Don Lemon, Joy Reed, Aaron Parnas, and so many more. So join me for new episodes every week because nothing is off limits. Great conversations. They're always on par. Follow and listen to On Par with Maury Povitz wherever you get your podcasts. I saw this. Spencer Pratt, they're giving him a shit now that we're talking about the election now and time. Spencer Traff from Reality Show, it falls into showbiz, but... He's from the hills. He's from the hills, but 20 years ago, like a lot of people 20 years ago. So buddy is trying. I don't know if he's going to win. I don't know if he's that good. I don't know. I just know it's very interesting to see like a guy out of the blue come in and shake it up because LA, there is some fixes we could do. There is definitely some fixes. It's not perfect. Never will be perfect. But they were busting his balls. Sorry, was Lauren in there? Yeah, there's no such thing as utopia. Oh, that's a good thing for Lauren to add. I like that. He's just waiting for something else to say. Looks like a docket. It's okay to have a lull in a podcast when there's three million that they could click to. You don't need to talk over each other. Give it some air. Give it some space. So he lives in an air stream, which funnily enough, when I used to roll with Sean Penn, he had one in Malibu. He had one because when he lived with Madonna, which some people are too young to remember that, their house burned down. It was like an acre in Malibu on the mountain. And one time we went out there and I was like, I thought our house burned down. I think I saw Auntie. He goes, no, I still love it. So he had an air stream and he just drove out in the middle of his burnt acre park in front of an air stream. He's like, wants some flap jigs. So that's what Spencer has. And he didn't add where he goes. Yeah, Sean was like, you know what he did? He played a cassette of Jewel because Jewel was directing her video. Oh, okay. I think dating her and wanted me to hear. Anyway, that was, that gives you the timeline. So here's Spencer Pratt. They just were running that air stream. And he said, here's where I live. Here's where Karen Bass and all the other people live. Right. Mansions, you know, they say mansions for like $3 million. Meanwhile, those aren't for sure mansions we picture. What does a big ass house become a mansion? Five seconds. I think it's not what you think as a kid with like 20 rooms and like that. I said five seconds. Oh, fuck. I think 20 rooms. Wrong. I hate that I like the piggy. Well, I don't know why I picked the piggy. It seems to have an overarching meaning about a lot of things. Here's what I saw. And I don't know if anything's true. All blah, blah, blah. Is when the fire happened, house burnt down. I'm sure he had an air stream and he came out of it. But then I guess, unless it's Bogus, he now lives at the Belle Heraldel and his family lives in someplace else. Right. That's what that's what they, so I was getting at is the ad shows. He's like standing in front of the air stream, which I'm sure he is real because he put that on there after it burned down because they don't know where to go. TMZ asked him, popped him on it and he said, oh, well, I don't really live anywhere. So I can say I live there because that's what I own. I stay at the Belle Heraldel for last month because of death threats, which is possible. If he just sits there, people can just drive up right up to him and beat him up. Well, once he got now in a new kind of fame in the political arena. Political is very scary. You got to be able to wear a Kevlar jacket under your t-shirts. And he has security now and I saw a picture that and then his, maybe his kids are up in Santa Barbara. Fine. It is, it's a half a gotcha. But I have to say, when you're starting to do well, there's someone else here running. And you know how it is when people start to do well, one side or the other is going to go, we'll take care of that. And then they dig a little harder and try to make sure no one gets too ahead of the race. So both sides are really, it's a bloodbath here and also for governor. Yeah. Politics is a brutal thing to go into. I really kind of amazed how thick skinned people get with the constant, you know, like Bill O'Reilly said about Trump, he can take more punishment than anybody else. Just, just as far as just the onslaught of hate. I couldn't take it. I can't, I can't even read the comments saying your hair wasn't good today. I, I roll up and start crying. I can't say the comments I'm about to get from my hair. And most of them are not from me. I will say not to defend Trump. So when he was building, of course, everything I say is probably not true. But when he was building that addition to the White House, he says, okay, yeah, the ballroom. I'm building it with everyone's mad, but I'm paying for it. When Obama did it, it was taxed. And friends. Yeah, and friends. Me and my friends and donors. Great. Yeah. So you can't get mad. But lately, I think it's moved to tax dollars. So I think that's a trick because they're giving Gavin Newsom a shit. Because the state capitol is being built for a billion. It seems high. Both of them, when you get to a billion, seem high for a big house, a big whatever it is. State capitol or the White House, it's all, but I think, well, it must be a security thing with bunkers and shit. That's gotta be it because I don't understand. So I do think Trump shouldn't have said that addendum of like, oh, now it's gonna be taxed. Oh, I had not heard that. Governor Jerry Brown just lived in like a little park or something. I don't think he lived in where the mansion. Yeah, he lived in like a little house. That guy was, he was the real deal. Okay. Now he lives up in Northern Nevada and some kind of track of land. We'll take that little bottom triangle in the Mata. He made a hut out of hickory and that's his main abode. Just give me whatever little rocket man lives in. Just a little shit shack, little stabbing cabin. Get up there near Wendover. You can go drop a couple silver dollars if you're feeling lucky. What's Wendover? Wendover is the place I almost got killed in the private jet. In Nevada? Yeah, there's a big, there's a casino. You can fly into Salt Lake City and drive an hour and a half. And there's a casino in Nevada way, way up north. Sure, it's a total in town. You probably have, you'd remember it. I'm going to Yuma, Arizona. Beep, beep. Hi, I'm from Arizona. God, scraping the bottom of the barrel. I think you're going with me. Are we doing Yuma? Are we doing Yuma? What? Another casino. It's literally down by Mexico and California. It's right. Well, wait a minute. I don't know if I have that in my calendar. You're doing it and you're doing an hour 20. And I'm doing three minutes. I'm opening it up with a hot seven and just getting out, getting a diet coke and watch the magic from the wings. That'd be you. I got a year up guy. Let's go. We're blabby. Oh, it wishes. I know. Hold on a sec. There's a special guest. Hello. How are you guys doing? That guy looks like Epstein, but it's not him. I'm not Brian Epstein. You silly fool. Brian Epstein. I have everybody. Oh, whatever. From the Beatles? I used to manage the Beatles. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Yes. I used to manage the Beatles. Now I manage my mustache. Jealous. Can you go on a mustache like this? I look like Jeffrey Epstein. It's the bane of my existence. But I'm not him and I'm not in witness protection by itch. Dana, did you see the roast, by the way? It doesn't respond. I was going along with it. That's worse than the pig reaction. No, I was laughing. The roast. Yeah, I've seen clips. Yep. Anything jump out to you? The comments I got after were a little mean and sometimes not really jokey. They're just really rough. And then Michael Che said it shouldn't be where a lot of a black roast with more white writers. So I mean, I think you can always dig in and find something negative. But roasts are fucking brutal. Don't even get involved. It's just so brutal. You don't want to be in there. You don't want to be in the room. You don't want to be. I thought they shouldn't have had those actresses there because I feel like Netflix was like, hey, you should do the roast. It'll be fun. You don't know much about it. But it's a big event and you can make fun of people. And then they just get eviscerated. They don't even know what's coming. Yeah. I mean, you know, again, I grew up with this sort of Jimmy Stewart, Dean Martin, roasts. Those were great. They were, it was all kind of a happy thing. But at one point, roast jumped the shark and went downtown into what is the foulest, most like the first time I saw one and really watched. It was Chevy Chase. That's the one that we're jumping. And then I saw the camera and I could tell there was pain in his eyes. And I thought, is this like an execution or something? This is not friendly, funny. Chevy, you fall down a lot. It was like, yeah. It went from Sinatra getting roasted by Don Rickles, his friends, Paul Newman, huge stars, John Wayne. Chevy was the first one where I think they just hired assassins. When it's not a friend, just a good road comic. And they're like, this next comic, and they're like, hey, Chevy, you fucking asshole. And he's like, me? Who's this guy? And then it's like over and over what a piece of shit you are. And then he go, this kind of lost the fun. I know. Well, I should probably announce this that I did sign up to be roasted. You would get a lot of money to be roasted. Right. But here's my strategy and tell me what you think about it. So there are, hey, your movie's bomb, this and that. I will just pretty much cry the entire time. Oh, yeah. What happened to you? Why are you even saying this, man? I'll just be in tears. I'll roll in a ball and just cry the entire 90 minutes. What do you think, Heather? I like it. I would say this. If I get roasted the whole time, I'll have a mic. I mean, you'll see this sticks and stones. I make my bonjo, sticks and stones. Yeah. But how about this? So I roast me. Just say anything. Hey, Dana, that's a dumb plan. Shut up. You shut your face, man. I don't like you, you fucker. I mean, that's me at the roast. Okay, give me one. I'll give you one. Hey, David Spade, you're Joe Dirtnought. This roast is over. And then I walk out. Here's me on the roast. Right? Okay, to roast me. Okay. Hey, Dana, I guess you like five or energy. You have three boxes. And then you have to imagine me in an ejection seat. I'm like, what'd you say? Mine. And I just hit the ceiling. I'm not going to sit and take it. Fuck no. There you go. Well, definitely you'd bring two or three of these. You could play that after every roast joke they do against you. Yeah. Yeah. But there were some good jokes. I have to say this roast, I'm not saying it was a chubby chase. It was a good roast. I only saw about an hour, but you see the clips and you go, oof. Rough, rough. It's just that, yeah, whatever. It's raising money for a charity, right? Right? Sort of. Oh, sorry. I stepped in. I think Kevin Hart gets paid. Well, that's, Chelsea Handler took it. Chelsea looked, I thought she looked great. I mean, she was really, again, I don't even know if I would have gone about it, Chelsea. She says, she's funny, but, and she did some good jokes. It's just when you start everyone's, like sort of, when I went to the roast, they were lasered on Ann Coulter and after the roast. I remember that one. Because she joined in late. Someone fell out. Right. And Martha Stewart was funny. Was that one or two? Yeah. One of them. I don't think she was on mine. Because you don't expect her. Go ahead. Yeah. What happened is someone fell out like three days before. And I think they just said, hey, this will be a way to promote your book. I don't think she knew what she was getting into because if you like her or not, it was a, it was really rough. They just, and even after, I think Jeff Frost told me, he said, you're lucky because there was more jokes toward you because you haven't done a roast yet. And then they all, a lot of them switched to her when she joined. Like all the like, oh, let's get her instead. And so I could, I couldn't even handle anything. Like I was like this. Do you really think that? No, no. Do you really think that? Because some of those stay with you. When you hear an angle of something that like if you didn't know something about yourself and then everyone's doing that joke and you're like, I wasn't even aware of that. Well, that's the thing. They're holding up a mirror and you're kind of like, you don't know what your contemporaries really think about you. And so they're going for your weakest points and you're like, oh, so this is like, which heavy they were brutal that way. It feels Roman gladiator. Yeah. And so the more cruelty is like, yeah, the audience is going crazy. You got, you know, so it's not. It'll help the career of someone if they're really rough. They're like, you got them. You got them. You took them down, man. We like to see our perform. But, you know, Kevin Hart, he's been on those shows a lot, right? This is the first time he was fully. He gets roasted a lot. So it felt like he kind of, it was going to be 80% short jokes, but I like Cleverge. There's some real clever jokes though. Yeah. Good comedy, good jokes is always good, but is it still on Netflix or they kind of moved it? Yeah, it's live. That's why the only negative is it like three hours because they don't, they used to edit them. Now they don't, they're live. So there's some fat in there. But here's a good nagging thing they do on TikTok. Heather might have seen this one. I liked it. Take you who? Talk to your wife. Where the guy, it's where you make someone feel bad, but you, you act like you're not. So the guy asks his girlfriend, hey, if you could change anything about yourself besides the obvious, what would you change? And she goes, oh, wait, besides what? And she goes, well, just besides the obvious, what would you change? If you could change one thing and she goes, what's the obvious? And he goes, no, besides that anything. And she goes, wait, what is, what's the obvious? Yeah. Is there something that everyone thinks he goes, yeah, yeah, but not that. And he got her going for about a good 40 seconds. Of course she goes, hey, fuck you. Like, but it is kind of funny because you say, so if someone said to me, I would go, there's a lot here that you could get. I know. Well, there's an old saying that I think is very wise. Um, people, other people's opinions of me are none of my business. Well, that's not bad. I don't care. Think what you want. I don't care. I'm called the Teflon man. No, I'm not. You're rubber. I'm glue. What you do to me, I do to you. Is that how that goes? When people say, uh, I say move and they say, make me. I go, I don't make trash. I burn it. And then everyone goes, oh, snap. I love the world you live in the roasts and comedy store. And all the comedians, Bobby Lee's running around. Bobby Lee, Shane Gillis coming out there. The Netflix, uh, Posse. Brunch. You couldn't make the brunch and you really did want to make the brunch. I do. I was going to make the brunch. I was ready to go to the brunch. We did a podcast at your house. I was going to ride shotgun with you to the brunch, but my back, I don't get back stuff. Don't, you know, how did that go by the way? The guy was extraordinary. Dr. Parker. Oh, he was. Yeah. Extraordinary. He did stuff, you know, he did stuff to me. I'll never forget. And then he also did some chiropractic work. That's a joke. Everything you say is X rated. No, he did stuff like, and it really worked. You lay down on a table and then he puts a belt around you like you're strapped in and then the table starts to separate like you're in a torture chamber in 15th century Rome. But just in a very gentle way. Then open your backup. Yeah. Yeah. And then it really opened everything up. And then I, you know, he. You still had a drive. Didn't you were flying? Well, then I drove, I flew after that six hours. I flew to New York and I did a corporate, I did a gig the next night and then I flew back. And then I'm meeting Matt at departures. I got that. We, we, okay. We planned it. So I'm going through the American Airlines. I'm walking like a mile. Just I am following people. I guess I'll go left. I guess go there. I don't know where I am. And then I say, okay, I got to go up. So I see an escalator coming down. Oh, great. There's escalators. Then I see the escalator that was going to go up. And I mean really up like 200 feet. It's broken. Then I see a staircase, 200 stairs straight up. I'm kind of adrenalized. I'm pretty strong. I'm pretty tough, but anyway. So I had a really heavy suitcase and I just went up and it felt really good because I was sitting for six hours. Now it's a little bit tweak, but it was very good. He was very good. Okay. I am glad you're feeling a little better. Oh, we got to do buzzing around. Okay. I want to do, and this is live in our thing. I want to do King Charles. The dog? King Charles from Great Britain. Oh, okay. I mean the dog. There's a dog named King Charles. That's all these other dogs. King Charles on a live frafter isolated somewhere. And who else might be with King Charles? What's Heather's hair doing in the frame? She's fixing. She's finding. Oh, she's a prowl girl. All right. You can keep going. Oh, I have to introduce it. That's right. So you're going to do King Charles and who else? Well, who would be very not you wouldn't expect with King Charles? Arnold. Arnold and King Charles. It's time for buzzing around, Dana. Buzzing around. Which we do. Sponsored by 5R Energy. With a wide variety of bold flavors to choose from. You get as much caffeine as a 12 ounce premium cup of coffee, but with zero sugar, zero crash. Find 5R Energy shots online at 5Renergy.com or Amazon today. Now, you're one King Charles. You want two others? Yeah, I wanted King Charles because I saw him do the address to Congress. And I just like doing him now. This is such an intense accent. Okay. On a live fraff. On a live fraff with, let's say, the receptionist at your doctor and well. Oh no. I'm going to have to call the doctor. That's right. She's going to say a lot of that. Okay. The receptionist character King Charles. Oh, and Tyson. Oh yeah. Okay. Tyson, the receptionist and King Charles on a live fraff. There we go. Buzzing around. Here we go. Buzzing around. Here we go. Take one. Well, you know, it's so strange that here we find ourselves in the middle of the ocean. There's no way around, no paddle, and no way to retrieve ourselves in land, right? Receptionist lady. Oh, we're in the middle of the ocean. I'm going to have to call the doctor. Yeah. Maybe you could call the doctor, Mark, Mike Tyson. You know, I'm not calling the doctor. What are you going to do about it? What do you mean? I'm not going to call the doctor. What do you like? I like this. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? Oh, you want to stop fighting? Well, hold on. Hold on, Mr. Michael Tyson. I love your boxing matches and all the boxers in history. You're one of the best. I mean, the predecessors before you, Jack Dempsey and others, their predecessors, Jack Sullivan. I don't know what you're talking about. What are you talking about, the predecessors? Pre-to-what? The predecessors. I didn't go, I didn't go, I got a third grade education. What are you talking about? I don't know about the predecessors, but your predecessors, perhaps we could throw you in the ocean with some kind of buoy or rope around you and you could swim to the shore with the strength in your muscles. Yeah, I'm not going to jump out of the raft in the middle of the Pacific. You're not jumping out of the raft. You want to, oh, no, he's not jumping out of the raft. Oh, yeah, I got you. Yeah, what are you going to do about it? You got to call one of my predecessors? I don't really bring out relationship to fisticuffs. Fisticuffs. But what are you going to do about it? I'm not going to say to you, put up your dukes like a business assistant. Dukes. What are you going to do about it? That's all I got to know. What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do? What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? The more you say that, the more I want to punch you in your shits. How he's baiting him into a fight. Yeah, go ahead, punch me. I know what do you think you're going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? Oh, you're on a tape loop. You must be dehydrated. I'm going to call the doctor. That's right. Yes, call the doctor, Jolio. And remember always in the life raft with Mike Tyson, there's nothing he's going to do that you say. And he's going to always say to you like his predecessors, yeah, what are you going to do about it? I mean, what are you going to do about it? Where's the piggy at the end? What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do? Hey, I think we've got something to eat. Look at this. Look at this. Just jumped into the raft. Jumped in. Oh, good. Johnny, good. I love pork just like my predecessors. And sea. Thank you. That was a good buzzing around with no prep sponsored by Five Hour Energies, Tasty Caffeine Flavors. Enjoy big flavor in a tiny bottle. Five Hour Energies shots pack the flavors of the season portable. Two ounce shot. Five Hour Energies shots pack the flavors of the season portable. Find Five Hour Energies shots online at fivehourenergy.com or Amazon today. Oh, you got it right there? Yeah, let's do a couple of stories because we're already running late. Yeah, we're always running late. That was a good one. I liked it. I liked it. Thanks for the assist, Heather, with the receptionist character. Yeah, it was always funny. And Tyson. Thank you. I like that Tyson, if he got dehydrated or there was a fight that they would have to call the doctor. What are you going to do about it? Okay, this is a baseball one. I don't know what it is. Oh, no, it's bullfighting. Holy shit. Is that real? This is a new thing they do, yeah. Wow. It finally brings some fun back to bullfighting because they always want to fight. You can see the blood when they get gorge. They don't have a cape or anything. They're just gymnasts now. Dude. There's no deception. Mary Lou Retton. Wow. Look at how cool that is. I know you're going to say it's AI. You know what? I think it could be AI. It could be, but they say. But I'm not sure. This is... Listen, they need this to bring back bullfighting. It's getting all stale. What's the vertical? What's the vertical? Let's see. Okay. I don't know if I would stand there and do a standing back. So maybe it's AI. I mean, I would go on a bull ring and I'd tussle with it. I'd grab its horns and try to wrestle it to the ground, but I don't know if I'd try to do a back flip over its head. Well, first of all, is it AI? Five seconds. I don't know because everything's AI. So really, this is going to... I'm saying this is going to get all the way to court where you say we have a video of you committing a crime and you just say it could be AI and then you walk free. Yeah. And you just go, you know, judge, I've enjoyed my time here. I like all the evidence stuff. Pretty cool. We had lunch breaks. I enjoyed it a lot. I'm just going to tell you, you go fuck yourself because guess what? I got two little lettuce floydings. It allowed me to walk out right now and ain't that freaking thing you can do about? One is AI and one is AI. So long. You say, judge, is that AI or not? You got five seconds. And judge goes, oh. I do that a lot with anyone. Any question, you have five seconds. What's your favorite movie? You have five seconds. The best is you make it more stressful if you go. What's your favorite movie? You have five seconds. Five, four, five, four, five, five, five, five, five, five, four, three. They can't think of you. He's like, I'm not going to hang out with you anymore because you make me nervous all the time. You know? You're not going to hang out with me? Yeah. What are you going to do about it? I mean, what are you going to do about it? Just buy a pig. Oh my God. This is a combo platter. I'm operating on all comedic cylinders. Part of me thinks it's real because you see a lot of athletic young people doing things like that. I agree. It could be real because they should be doing that, but I don't like when they stab them. So they should just dance around. Oh, the whole, and then they stab them a hundred times and it dies slowly. I don't know. I had me way loved it. I'll take that part out. Yeah, but Ernest, him and way loved it. What are you going to do about that? Ernest, him and way. Why does Mike Tyson know anything about Ernest? Mike Tyson is very bright. He says very wise all the stuff he says. Anyway, our next story. What do you got? What do you got? California mayor. Ellen Wang admits to be, oh yeah, Chinese agent. What the freak? Yeah, did you hear this story? North of Arcadia, that's in Los Angeles County, just north and east of downtown LA. Now facing federal charges of acting as an agent of China. Eileen Wang is set to appear in court this afternoon, expected to plead guilty in the coming days. No, she's not guilty. To one felony count of acting as an illegal agent. Wang faces a potential sentence of up to 10 years in prison. This is great. The charges stem from a website that she ran. No, the website was called communismfromChinaisthebest.com. It gave it away. Isn't China great? Why does the USA suck so bad? Your system's not as good as ours. Let's be more like China. Lovecommunichina.com. Communism is sort of inching in any way, but I can't believe they called her and she said, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this stuff tells us something I accidentally saw. You ready for it? Yeah, go ahead. So Michael Pompey was a former in Trump's administration, whatever he's, secretary of state, whatever he's, a big global. Pompey. Yeah, I've heard of him. Michael Pompey, I think. He just said that China, communist China, is just all over our society, just infiltrating everywhere. So I'm watching him say this. They're in our schools, they're in our businesses, they're in our politics, they're just like infiltrating. I thought, I thought you're exaggerating, reach for the clicker, that's bullshit. And then this story comes to my mind. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Well, also buying a lot of land near army bases. Like I would just say, let's make it quid pro quo. Can we go buy land in China? Can we do everything they know? So that, but I think we had taken advantage of in those situations. I think we want to take over a country, just buy all its farmland and just go with animals on it. Did your animal have a baby? What did we talk about last time? The baby's coming in July, just rest for it. Livestream, livestream. But McGraw says, hungry, I was feeding it last night. Oats. Holland oats. I used to joke, I go, Holland oats, remember when they broke up? Yeah, oats had a chance on his own, didn't he? Tonight, oats, one night only. Oats, one show. With his opening act, sewing his. Sewing his is the opener and oats is the headliner. Pretty good joke. Not bad. All right, next one. Let's try it. Let's see this. Okay. Yeah. Oh, watch this guy attack this bad guy right here. You ready? Little jiu-jitsu for you, Dana. Wow. No, that's amazing. He's hacked an armed security guard. He jumps on him with a kind of Bruce Lee move and gets his head in a. I've seen that move before. If you're not, don't see it. Yeah, I've seen it before. That's like perfectly done. Yeah, that was Lorne and Marcy, one angry night. That's a tricky one because the reason I don't do that move, like at the post office, if someone bumps me, is that. Jump up and get them in a leg lock. It's a hard one to get right. I get that wrong a lot of the time. Yeah, I've heard. Okay, that's all. All right, one more and then we'll get, you got to go. You got to get in your mud bath. There's just heating up. I got to get in a mud bath. Oh, it's an aquarium. And this guy's being an asshole and lighting a cigarette. Okay. They're saying don't put it out. And he throws it in the water. Oh, the dolphin. The beluga whale. The beluga whale. I can't believe what I just saw. So the beluga whale senses the pressure, doesn't want, knows there's no smoking, and spews like 10 gallon on the guy's head with a cigarette. Did I get that right? Your video, not mine. It could be AI, but if it was AI, he would have nailed the cigarette a little harder. Right, could have been AI. If it was AI, he would have stood up and walked over the whale. Now I'm thinking it's AI. I know. What is it? It doesn't matter. We have our chuckle either way. Where does it go? What's going on? What does it matter? Who cares? The world is spinning out of control. Who cares, man? Just be happy. What happened to Tulsi Gabbard? Why did she get raided? That scared me. I don't know what's going on. Did she get raided? Isn't she still in Trump's administration? They raided her office and they're like, wait, aren't you the raider? Why are you getting raided? He went in doubt raid. That's what they're saying. Hey guys, just hold up. We haven't raided in a while. Maybe she knows something because all these scientists that are dropping like flies are like, they all know something. And they're like, oh, they just put two in the back of their own head and it's suicide. Well, that's going around a lot. That any of these scientists related to UFOs. Yeah, I had the hantavirus. Yeah. Are you okay? No, I was just had a nightmare. When did you get it from fucking Mickey Mouse? I had a haunting virus. So did I get it from Mickey Rourke? Well, I got it from Ratatouille. That little, that guy's the horniest animal out there. He's cute and everything, but he's riddled with diseases. They wanted me to do that lead character. I turned him down. Ratatouille, then. Yeah, I said a French rat, not going to happen. Finally, Pixar makes a bomb. But then they rewrote it and put some Pat who's got a great voice. I have a boring voice as myself. Here's your Ratatouille. Hey, man, I got to go make some food. Here's you starting your Ratatouille. Like, you got to get a little sandwich. And I'm like, oh, God. Yeah, I'm Ratatouille. I got to make some food. Get the pots and pans. Clang, clang, clang. Get the mixer. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Brr, hum, brr, hum. And the water dripping. I did this character, which I only did a couple of times at Open mics, called Sound Effectie, which I've told you. And it was just, you could do it better than me, but it's just a guy, that's all he does. Ladies and gentlemen, Sound Effectie. You know, it's like, so I'm walking across wet grass. I open my car door. It's the same sound. I start my car. Shitty Sound Effectie. I'm just a mirror. I don't, I don't, I don't. That's not bad. I don't need to, I just. I clean my teeth. I pick up a cup. All right, that's the show. Take, I take a sip. Grr, grr. All right, this has been the show. We ran too long again. This has been the show. People, we gave you way more than you paid for again. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And that's it. Okay, thanks everybody. Thanks for joining us. And we'll see you next time. See you next time on Fly on the Wall. Hi. Hi. Is that a geese? I think so. Okay. Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review. And if you're interested in watching this podcast, you can find us on our website. Follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five star rating. And maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Audicy. And the executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Mattie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese-Dennis of Audicy. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman. And the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet-Tec. Booking by Cultivated Interest. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answered on the show. We can email us at flyonthewall at audicy.com. That's a-u-d-a-c-y dot com. Thank you.