I'll never leave your good bad. I'll stay the night and one night we came to work. We used to keep time at home, right? That's okay, because no one here is. Take me. Every week, I ask listeners to send in their own stories of teenage embarrassment in hopes that their adolescent shame could make us feel a little better. And this week, we are going to hear from Dan P. As much as I hoped he was a robot, unfortunately, Dan is a human. But the voice you will hear is computer generated. So unfortunately, I do not have robot listeners yet. Okay. Let's jump into Dan's story. I grew up in a mobile home and if you know trailers, you know the HVAC is basically one long straight duct. As a teenager, I ordered a Playboy magazine and hit it in the heater vent in my bedroom floor. I had no idea that the pages were glued together. While I was at school, the heater kicked on and apparently melted all the glue. The page by page, the magazine traveled through the ductwork and traveled to every downstream vent in the house, including my sister's room in the living room. My mom was home and when she heard a weird noise, she looked down into the vent and saw a naked woman staring back at her flapping in the heated wind. When I got home from school, pages of naked women were laid out neatly across the kitchen table with a note that read. No video games. We're going to talk about this. Oh my gosh. Thank God it didn't start some kind of blazing. Exactly. Imagine if then the trailer had, I mean this could have been a lot worse than it did much worse. Dan is it? Dan, yeah. You're good. Dan, don't worry about it. I know. Also, Dan's still so traumatized by this. He had to use a computer-generated voice. He didn't even, he wanted no one to know this story, even though many years have passed. I get it. You know what? There's a time in our lives where these memories get cemented and like we can't for it. Like, so in my homeschool class, this ties everything in in fact in a nice way. In my homeschool class, I had a crush on one of the boys. Now, this is, this is a class of maybe like 25 kids. Okay. So, in fact, Valentine's Day in real life as we speak right now is coming up next time. So this ties in also for that. So it was Valentine's Day. Okay. And remember, I was a frizzy hair, bucktooth, tans and fan who often wore overalls and like, handsome shirts. And I get to class, sit down on my little desk and there is a note folded on the desk. And I open it up and it says, my name is cavern, so people call me Kate, Kate, your cap. So it's like, two-kate. Like, I have a huge crush on you. Love your secret admirer. Oh, shit. Wow. And I like, fold it back up and I'm like, trying to be cool and I'm looking around and looking around. And the boy like is like in front of me over there or something and he's not looking at me. Like, who could it be? Like there were a few boys in the class and some of them were cute and I was like, oh my god, who is it? Like, who is it? I can't believe it's happening. Like this is like, it's like Dawson's Creek. It's like, this is really happening and I was like so excited. Yeah. And then slowly I hear some giggles. And the giggles start to spread. And I look around. And it turns out that the whole class had written that note. Oh, no. They all did it to like make fun of me. No. And I was just like dignified, folded it and just went on with my, did not give them the satisfaction. I didn't leave the room. I didn't show any emotion. I was just like, you guys. Exactly. Ew. Yeah. So that's a story that I remember. I remember it more than like presenting a people's choice award. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Those moments really like at that age when your brain is still developing and you're so vulnerable, they just lodge themselves and then you remember it forever. Yes. Yes, absolutely. Also, you were, because you remember both the extremes, the feeling of, oh my gosh, someone has a crush on me. And it's like the first time that's ever happened. And then the flip side of it, which is like the first time an entire group of people has ganged up to make you feel like shit. Yeah, but you know what? That blad a crush on ended up being my first kiss. What was your first kiss like? Oh, I mean, it was back. It was in the boys locker room at the gym. Oh, so it smelled good. It smelled great. Not like feet at all. No, I definitely not like feet. He was like, I have to tell you something. I was like, okay, and then he has been I was like, did he kiss you with tongue? I didn't hope not. I don't think so. I was like 14. Yeah. Okay. So I was just shocked and he was shocked. And then I think he quickly like left. And I was like, okay. And I thought it maybe was a joke. But it wasn't because he would then like call me at home. And then like he caught me like a house in the office. Yeah, I mean like a Victoria's secret like body lotion. Sam. Oh, those were a minute. Do you remember the stench on the how you could smell him from a mile away? Strawberries and champagne. The best. Just great. The best. So it didn't work out for me after that story everyone. Don't worry. I'm also happily married to a very tall handsome man. Tall handsome man who loves you. He does love me. He really does. You mentioned something that I would like to explain because I think our dear listeners, how big of them may be too young to understand the horror slash wonders of a home phone. But also the terror that was having to call your crush. And then their parents. Oh my god. Answered the phone. You have to be like from and then you have to like make small talk talk to them and then sometimes if you had a brother Mm-hmm brother would pick up the phone and listen. Yep, listen in your For vacation cut for bid anyone was trying to be on the internet. I don't know if Penn cottage had a modem We not till I was not till past these things but sometimes I'd be on the phone with somebody It did not be my crush me my best friend. I was talking about my crush for a very long time and then my brother would just be like Yeah, I mean Like Because anyone could just pick up the phone and listen and you wouldn't know you wouldn't know That's how that thing that's like in Mean Girls about three-way calling that stuff went on all the time Wild, it was a wild time Did you have an a-i-m. Did you have like a were you have a message boards? Oh so excited and my Screen name I think was like purple haze Because I was like playing guitar at that time so that's actually oh that is cool. That's actually cool Um, do you remember like oh god chat rooms? You're Yeah, yeah, yep. I remember chat room But the most thing I remember is trying to come up with what my away message was going to be oh my god Was it a song lyric mine was of course? I don't remember what it was But I know that I spent a long time trying to come up with just the right away message so that so to people who don't know what we're talking about You could have like a chat it was like a chat name you could go into chat rooms and talk to people and then when you were Going to be away from the computer in order to let them know you'd have a little message That that meant you were not currently available for speaking correct Voice mail that you read yes. Yes, like a little thought bubble I'm pretty sure mine was Fiona Apple related. Oh That's yeah, that's cool. Do you still play guitar? No, because I chose long nails. Yeah, there was a time where I discovered that I loved having long nails and you really can't You really can't have both I came to say the vanity one out. Yep. I feel the same way. I took guitar lessons for a while and one it hurts Yeah, and two I like long nails. So I just know You have to let the cows if the cowl says don't develop your Did you ever check message boards? Oh God like I'm sure you were in a Hanson. Oh, you know, do you remember? God, this is very niche. Do you remember girl calm G. U. R. L? I think so. This is so weird. I feel like it was like God, I wonder if any well, I'm sure some people listening know what this is it was like this kind of like little theory like Alt girl like website where there were like quizzes and like this and that and they had a message board on there that I was Forrequent Okay, and it was very interesting. I don't remember I think I started a lot of topics about Hanson and stuff like that. I mean I so cute I really loved them so purely still do I still listen to their Christmas album every year Did you remember did you ever know of the Moffitz? Yeah, I knew of the Moffitz. I was in a Moffitz music video Yes, so I love that you were in like the Hanson the You know Hanson is who the Moffitz wanted to be the mark the Moffitz came they were a direct descendant of Hanson and I was in that one which I Listen was so much fun. I got to like ride a tandem bike and it was it was very it was very cool dreams Yeah, dreams. I know true. Yeah Did you have an awkward phase? Because I didn't see it I mean I was just kind of I mean I was very klutzy. I was a very klutzy individual I was a little bit horrible. I mean is it I I was always tripping I was but no I didn't necessarily have like a super awkward phase, but I did you know I my first like real public out there boyfriend was Lance bass Who you know I'm sensing a pattern here I was wondering if you'd pick up on it. I I started started young liking men who were never going to be interested in me We all we all do these these things I did emotionally unavailable men in a different way. Okay, so you know I think there's a there was definitely a safety feeling for me. Yes, where That's no that's so real and I do also think it fits in with the idea that I have always been a person who loves for my romantic relationships for the real foundation to be like a true great friendship. Yeah, and You have you have time you have nothing but time to develop a wonderful friendship if you're in a relationship with a gay man Oh my mom's first boyfriend also turned out to be a gay man and they had a blast together Yeah, and they just I had told her milling in times like find him and She did find him and they just like reconnected which is so beautiful because they're both you know in their late 70s now Oh, man, he like lives in New York and they face time. I think I mean it's so That's that's sweet. I mean, I've for all the things we can complain about social media The fact that you can pretty much If you have good intentions, and this is lovely if you have good intentions the lovely idea of reaching out to someone You have always thought fondly of being able to find them and then reconnecting with them is Such a gift. It's amazing. That's the best thing about the internet the best thing about the internet is that and like finding and adopting pets like finding lost pets or adopting animals like That stuff is like Or rescuing people like yeah, like that absolutely incredible and everything else is bad. You love cats. How many cats do you have? I have two currently. Okay, okay. Are you thinking of getting another? Of course always always my poor husband. He He knows that it's it's imminent. I have two beautiful daughters Barley and lentil Oh, they're sisters. Yeah, and I dream of getting a black cat and naming her sesame You need to do that. That's really cute. Yeah, I would really love. Okay. I you know, I never read comments But I posted about my soulmate kitty when she passed away milley Yeah, someone in the comments wrote something that Really resonated with me and I think he was a guy or well, I don't know. They said um always have three cats He was like because of one drops just get another one and then you always have three. I was like And actually There's some logic there because when milley died, I was destroyed hmm and I mean re like you know, you know Yeah, I have stuck children and I have a godmother rather than my own children These animals are like your children and even if you do children it's the same feel like you just love us so pure. Yep I was like If I get a third I could have this never ending triangle cats Yep, yep, it sounds messed up but for anyone who's loved and lost like this the pain is so severe It is it's very it's very great and it's one of the many things you have in common with Jonathan Taylor Thomas is Yes, he has cats and he has dogs and he loves them greatly He does not have children of his own, but the animals are his children and he feels every loss he Specifically rescues elderly animals Well, he takes a lot of strength. It sure does and he yeah, he takes very good care of them But it is it's it's painful every single time it's so I've lost A lot of people in my life and animals and it's it's It's Comparable they're comparable to one another because yeah, it's When you have a person you can talk to that person and they can tell you their wishes. Yep And animals really can't and so you're fully responsible for that The well-being of that animal yeah at life. So it's life is pain. So You do a lot of work with the ASPCA, right? Is that would you like to shout out any particular rescue organization that you work with? Oh my god Well, I I if anyone reaches out to me on behalf of any animals or adoption and stuff. I always post for them Um, I really love let me get this right I because I love a lot. There's some local rescues and Los Angeles that I think are so Awesome forgive the phone There's kitten rescue LA cute There is where I got my babies is called tailtown cats in Pasadena and it is a cat cafe I love a cat cafe. So you can go And go into a room filled with cats. What could be better and you can adopt them. Yep And it's run by some great people and I got my babies there And um, there's also best friends Best I got I got my dog from best friends best friends is great So best friends has places all over the states but LA is the one that I go to and Take lots of pictures. Well, they animals and promote for them and stuff. They're always doing such great Work with dogs and cats. They have all kinds of animals in these places and then There's one Um Okay, I think it's called oh yeah Straight cat alliance. Okay, great straight cat alliance is um Another wonderful rescue organization and they have you know kittens cats. I a lot of them have you know dogs Do they work with everybody and I will also shout out best friends because during the horrific fires Mm-hmm they Spearheaded this unbelievable like transportation Thing for animals locally getting them out of the palisades and all the d&n stuff like that and relocating them to save me And they open all these pantries so people with who had lost everything could go get food and supplies and stuff for their pets. I mean they just and and vets Yes donated all of their time to saving these animals really amazing Yeah, there were the fires were a terrible time but like with all tragedies It seems like some of the best of humanity comes out Uh right when you need them and that yeah I remember I was following you and reposting some of the things you were you were posting when people were trying to reconnect Families with their lost animals. Oh my gosh But they did they did with a lot of people so yes, you know, that was really great and yeah Like mr. Rogers said look for the helpers look for the helpers and zo loft is a helper Yeah, thank you So so much for spending your time with me this morning. It's just I love seeing you you are um Array of sunshine. You are my zo loft ice. I see you and I feel Immediately better and so let's try to get lunch when I'm back if you are still on hiatus. Oh, I'll be on hiatus Okay, I adore you And I could Could be at your doorstep any time. Okay, let's do it I would love to spend more time with you because it's not enough. Oh, yeah, I have to get I have to give you your one of one as well My god, I'll have to find your one of one do you have yours? Uh, I don't think I have my one of one but I did buy a bunch of my own cards off eBay like a weird uh weirdo obviously I was like oh, I'm one that I gave to my brother. Oh, I don't know what it means I Don't I want my one of once this is huge. I'm gonna try I'm gonna track your one of one down for you We're gonna we're gonna try to find my one of one. I eat yeah. Yeah. Well, we'll try to find it cat Thank you so much. I love you. It's always pleasure. I love you and it is never enough Bye You can see this ray of sunshine Wednesday nights on shifting gears eight seven central then streaming on hulu the very next day And you can follow the podcast on Instagram at teenbeat pod and make sure you're subscribed to our feed That way every single episode is downloaded onto your phone when it's released like some sort of bad you two album And don't forget you can share your embarrassing stories with me by just sending in a voice memo And it could end up on a future teen beat send that to teenbeat pod at gmail.com Teen beat is an iHeart podcast produced and hosted by Daniel fishell executive producers Jensen carp and Amy sugarman executive and charge of production Daniel Romo producer and editor Tara suitbox The theme song is by mark office. Yes that mark office follow us on Instagram at teenbeat pod This is an iHeart podcast guaranteed human
