Marcus Black Talks Marriage, Infidelity, & The Power Of the Bible In Your Relationships.

This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed human. If you have not been taught how to be married and you sign up to get married, you're signing up for the voice court. Most women, their, their truth is truth after dark. Their truth is how they feel. Right. Their feelings are their truth. Right. You know what I'm saying? But it's, but it's not the truth though. Any woman who's trying to pull you away from what God calls you to do is a distraction. She's an op. Man. You know, real love can only be demonstrated after an offense. You can tell me you love me and I can choose to believe it. But until I wrong you, and I'm again, I'm not saying, Hey, put her through the ringer to see if she would it. Nah, I'm just, I'm sorry. You did you hear his thing? Huh? He said, cheat on your woman to see if she loves you. I saw that clip. You said that there's a certain part of a man that has to die in order for a woman to submit. Can you explain that? Right after that, huh? Yeah. Let's let's get to the. Okay. Now would you? Oh, so that was, that was Jenny. When we leave my next question. We gonna get back to these niggas. This is to take it over the game. All right, everybody, welcome to truth after dark. Do you think that men or women are more toxic? Hello, beautiful people. Welcome to another episode of the truth after dark. I am your host, Azar Faraday. The boy Paul Pierce. And today we have a very special guest in the building. He's the author of book, Bulletproof Love, host of the podcast, two sides of the game and someone who's constantly dropping real relationship gems. Welcome, Marcus Black. Man, thank y'all for having me. Of course. I'm happy to be here, man. I've been seeing y'all content a lot. Yeah. But I've had my thoughts. You know, we're here to share. Yeah, so awesome. Come in line, step in line. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're super excited to have you. I feel like you obviously been married, you said for nine years now. Maybe nine years. 11. So that's incredible. I mean, these days, you obviously don't see that all the time, especially in our community. So that's really dope. And, you know, I feel like you'd be talking that talk. So we're excited to have you on. Yeah. You talked about and you played a clip and I wanted to kind of like touch on that. You said, you know, you need to stop playing house. Yeah. And like, like, what do you mean by that? You talked about it, but like. People don't know. People are scared to make the jump. You said playing house in a relationship, like living together, paying bills, kiss together, but you ain't made the jump. But what do you mean? So, you know, most people just don't understand what marriage is in the first place. Right. Marriage is like a contract doesn't make you married. Covenant makes you married and you enter a covenant without a contract. You know what I'm saying now? In the land that we live in in America, a contract is a value, right? I have an I have an actual contract and it's valuable for me because if anything happens to me, my wife has direct access to everything by law. You know what I'm saying? If I wasn't locked in with her on paper, they may get his access to, you know, my mother or my child, you know what I mean? That has direct blood to me. You know what I mean? And I give it to her. So but covenant, right? And for me, my reference point is the Bible, right? My reference point is scripture. And when I'm talking to people, it doesn't even eat. Let's say let's say you're not. Let's say you don't believe in what I believe in, which is completely OK, right? But one thing about the holy scriptures, right, is. It's been tested over time. So right, even if you don't if we don't believe in the same God, we know that this system works. It's been proven, you know, saying for thousands and thousands of years. There's nothing new under the sun. You got to be crazy to think that you're going to come over here, be born in the eighties or whatever. And here you come with a new plan. You're going to run your own plane. It's going to work. It doesn't work. You know what I mean? And I learned from experience. I learned from bus in my head, wide open to the white meat, trying to figure out what works. And so from going to therapy and going to, you know, I'm saying, just trying everything, trying to figure out how it works. I found out that the the the wisdom that's given in the scriptures is not only factual, but man, it's imperative that you apply it. You know, marriage only works one way. Marriage only works in first place. It doesn't work in second place. You know what I mean? It has to like it has to go above everything. Has to go above your your parents, your children have to go against above your your hobbies, your homeboys. You know what I'm saying? If you're not ready for that level of sacrifice, you don't even enter, you know? Right. Right. Yeah. So how did you know you was ready? You said you've been married for nine together, 11. Yeah. What at what point like you? So I guess y'all was together two years. And they used like all right, it's time. Right. So for me, you know, my situation was a mess. Most people know that, you know what I mean? I was married before. You know what I mean? So she's a second marriage. Right. So my oldest daughter will be 15 this week. Right. So my first marriage, you know, we was on on and off for some years. And the actual marriage lasted about six months, realistically, less than a year. Right. And I said I was never getting married again. I wasn't married when I wasn't ready to I wasn't ready for marriage when I got married the first time. And what I just knew, I wanted to figure it out. You know what I mean? For my child, even even and not necessarily marriage, just the dynamic between men and women, I wanted to understand that I wanted to figure out how to have a harmonious relationship with a woman without the shenanigans, you know, saying with all the nonsense. So I met my wife, Brooke, in 2015. And it be like that, man, right after I say, man, I'll never get married again. Then I meet her and I'm like, damn, that's definitely her. I feel you on that. It's definitely her. You know what I mean? So I met her and we begin today. And there's a there's a long journey in between there. But to answer your question, I wasn't ready when I got married. You know what I mean? I knew I wasn't afraid of commitment. You know what I mean? I wasn't afraid of covering it, but. I didn't know enough to be afraid of it. You know what I mean? No one's no one's teaching us how to be married. No one's teaching men how to be husband. No one's teaching women how to be wives. We're not taught how to cover how to ban our home. You know what I mean? Husband means it comes from the root word. Husbandy, like it means house ban. When no one told me how to how to ban my home. You know what I mean? I didn't know. You know what I mean? My father didn't necessarily know. And I'm sure his dad didn't know. So where's this information coming from? You know, like marriage is the only license that you can go get pretty much. I can't think any other license that you can go get. And you don't got to pass a test. You don't got to read a book. You don't have to do nothing to prove that you know what you're signing up to do. You just pay your little two hundred fifty dollars and you are not clear to ruin your life. You know, and that's all we do. We be we fried. We really be barbecuing ourselves. Jumping into this machine, this system that was created by God. And we don't know how to work it. Yeah. You know, so what if we don't know how to work it? Why do it? And that's a great question. And I don't. And I think that marriage is not even for everyone. You know, it's extremely valuable. It's been the one of the greatest blessings in my life for my my overall evolution and maturation as just as a man. You know what I mean? Like when a man and a woman can figure out. The chemistry, you know, how to move harmoniously when we understand our roles, right? It's certain things that my wife can see that I just can't see. And it's certain things I can see that she just can't see. And so we're better together. We're better working in tandem, but we have to understand the roles. Like what do you do? How do you function at your best? What keeps you functioning at a high level and vice versa? And we have to learn one another, cleaving together. You know, the Bible says. And in Genesis two, it says a man should leave his mother and his father and he should and you cleave to your wife and to become one. So in a marriage, you cannot move as one in function. It creates dysfunction. So it's all about learning how to do it. If you have not been taught how to be married and you sign up to get married, you're signing up for the divorce court or you're signing up, signing up to be miserable because, you know, I want to say the the divorce rate is roughly around 50 percent still, right? But I think it's a lot higher than that. I think it's I honestly think it's like around 70, 80 percent, because I think there's still another 20, 30 percent of people who are unhappily married. They're just their loyal to one another. But their relationships trash, their relationships been finished. The marriage has been, you know, saying stepped on, you know what I mean? So yeah, this is like I'm listening to you. Where what's the kind of tough conversations you have to have? Is there going through stuff? You have to go through some bad things. How did you learn to be married? Like, what is it that you talked about? What is it you went through? Well, I think the first thing you have to know is that you don't know. OK, like women hit me every single day. Like if my if my husband could just be more like you, you don't want him to be like me. I was a fool. Right. You know what I'm saying? I was a fool with it. Right. You know what I'm saying? So the difference between me and perhaps the man that you're dating, is simply desire. I knew I had it wrong. I knew I hadn't seen it right. And I wanted to get it right. You know what I mean? You know, we come from the era of the Cosby show, you know, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Home of Family Matters. I would see these shows and I'm like, man. Is this just TV? Or is it is it possible that it go like this? Because I've never seen this. Right. Not just not in my home grown up. I haven't seen this in nobody's home. And what I what I what I realized is there is just not being taught. So for me, this what happened. So after my first marriage, crash and burning and I infer deli was never a conversation. And I still ended up divorced. Now, and I thought that that's what women lead for. And I'm like, what the hell is going on? How I end up here anyway, which pushed me to be like, well, I'm going to just do my thing regardless. Why would I sacrifice everything for a woman? And there's conditions on it. You know what I'm saying? You really don't love me unconditionally. You really don't. You're really not going to be there for me for me, no matter what. Like most women. Their their truth is true that after dark. Their truth is how they feel. Right. Their feelings are their truth. Right. You know what I'm saying? But it's but it's not the truth, though. Right. Right. So that's a real statement. So for me, I had a very and this is very public. You know what I mean? I cheated on my wife, right? And this is not my girl. I cheated on my wife, right? And I wasn't wrong for for how I felt. I was wrong for how I expressed the high one about it. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's crazy, man. She she didn't leave me. She chose me and I'm not I'm not cosign of the woman. I'm not saying, yo, stay with a man who is emotionally abusive and cannot and doesn't understand covenant can't sit down. I'm not saying that what I'm saying is I had a moment where I was truly out of character. Well, I didn't want to say out of character finding my character in this space. I know how I am as a single man, but I don't even know who I am as a husband or as a father or as a pro. Even what this looks like, right? And in our society, one of the biggest issues is we're not allowed to make mistakes and recover. You know what I'm saying? As a black man, if you make a mistake with the cops, they're going to kill you. You make a mistake with your own within your community with your brothers. They're going to kill you. You make a mistake with your woman. She's going to leave you. There's no grace. And you know, real love can only be demonstrated after an offense. You can tell me you love me and I can choose to believe it, but until I wrong you, and again, I'm not saying, hey, put her through the ringer to see if she with it. Nah. Because Paul, you did you hear his thing? He said cheat on your woman to see if she loves you. I saw that clip. That kind of, so I wanted to make sure I'm just, because I don't want to, I don't want to give the wrong. And then I reprayed for her, but I said, you have to go through something major. But this is the thing that I have a question about. And I think women obviously reach out to you and you speak a lot on stuff. Oh, you know, you getting us fried out here. Yeah, it is stripping, but the playoff push is heating up and tournament hoops are here. And there's no better way to cash in on the high flying coupe action than price picks, where it always feels good to be right. 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I will say this, this is what I would probably ask for the women, right? At what point do you think that it's like, I'm staying with you and you did this, right? Versus, I'm staying with you and you did this so now you think it's okay to play with me. Cause there's a thin line between that. There's a man who's like, oh, well, she's not gonna leave me because I didn't did this, I didn't did that. There's also a thin line where a man might feel like not even appreciative that you are staying with them through all these things. So how does a woman know when it's like, hey, I know women ask this question a lot. Like how do you know when it's like, I should stay or hey, I should probably leave because you're gonna continue to disrespect me. Now that I stayed, you think it's okay. Cause a lot of men will be like, well, she stayed with me when I cheated. So I'm just cheating again. She probably gonna stay again. And I'm gonna cheat again. She probably gonna stay again. And then a woman gets broken down that way. So what is your advice on that? So that's a form of abuse, right? That's kind of like, you know, you shooting up dope and like, well, I didn't die. I didn't overdice those this time. Let's go for it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. I don't know why I pulled that analogy from. That was a good one though. That wasn't good. It felt good at the time. It felt right. You know, so, so, I would say in all things, heart posture matters, right? To this day, one of the biggest failures, or I'll say one of the lowest points of my life is that moment. You know what I'm saying? My infidelity. It's one of the lowest points of my life because it's not that I was wrong for how I felt. I just never thought, like my character, like, I'm a very solid individual, grounded individual. I just never thought that I would get to the point where I'd let somebody come tell my wife something. You know what I mean? I always felt like I would be able to sit down and have a conversation with him and be like, with this how I feel, and this is what I'm on and this is what I'm about to do about it. You know what I mean? Even from the perspective, because the healthy way is to sit down and have a conversation, you guys decide together what you're all gonna do about it. Yeah. Right, about how you feel. But even on a selfish one, it's like, it felt very cowardly. It felt, it felt, it felt, felt like I was running, it felt scary. You know what I mean? Like, I was ducking something. You know what I mean? And I just, I didn't like that on my, I didn't like that on my conscience. I didn't like how that felt as a man. You know what I'm saying? A tuck in my tail, like borderline, you know, in a way having two different lives. You know what I mean? Like, I'm living over here like this, and she's oblivious because, you know, I'm not absent at home emotionally, financially, spiritually, physically. I'm not absent at all. And I'm just doing this on the side. And, you know, so for me, that wasn't all time low. It bothered me. And I would say, this is how a woman should gauge it. If a man is, is cheating, right? Cause cheating is wrong, and we know cheating is wrong. Like cheating is absolutely wrong, right? And what is cheating? Cheating is anything outside what we agreed on. If we signed up to do this, and we say this is what we're doing, and you step outside of that, that's cheating. Breaking any agreement, breaking a business agreement. I told you I was gonna be here at 11, right? If I did a no show, no call, hey, that's foul. Even though we didn't have no paperwork, we had a verbal agreement. It's wrong. So we have to first be able to call it wrong, wrong. If we can, so first, cheating is wrong, but if the person who made the offense is not bothered by the offense, then we have a larger issue, right? If a man or woman can break an agreement and feel nothing, then we have an issue here. You know what I mean? You can decide whether you want to move forward with this dynamic. You know what I mean? For me, I felt terrible. I felt this big. It really, really bothered me. If you can tell, it still bothers me. You know what I mean? It still bothers me that, because that's just how life is. Once you got a marker and you marked out for life. That's life. People forget the great things that you did, but these, and my wife has completely forgiven me. I'm just talking about society I will forever be known as. Were you cheated on Brooke? Where you was meant? It's like, you know what I mean? Did you, was that, did that play out on TV? When you were, were you on, you were on Love and Hip Hop with your wife. Yeah, I do remember that. Was that happening on, I don't watch that show, but was that happening on there? Or was it a, is that how it became public? That actually didn't happen on there. But when we did Love and, like that actual situation didn't happen on TV, but when we did Love and Hip Hop Family Reunion, Brooke talked about it on there. Okay, got it. So then that's how that went public. But yeah, like if, if somebody makes an offense and they can't say, listen, I'm wrong, that wasn't okay. Like I actually don't think that was okay. You know what I'm saying? And then from there, like for one, I didn't do no lying. You know what I mean? I put my hands up and just told her everything that she could have even thought that she might have wanted to know, right? Which I was fully transparent. And then I began to do the work, you know what I mean? What does the work look like? That's a good question. It started with me just, at the time I used to live off of a loyal, loyal cane of into it, right? So there's like a, it was like a Barnes and Noble right across the street. So I'm at Barnes and Noble at this time, few times a week, I'll just go over there for hours. I'm choosing books, I'm reading books in there. I'm gonna spend countless hours in the self-help section trying to just figure out what it, what is this thing? What is this whole thing about? What allows me to move like this? What is the root of it? And then, you know, getting therapy. You know, I met my therapist, Dr. Fuller, and she helped me tremendously unpack this childhood trauma. There's so many things that we deal with. And I talk about this in my bulletproof love. There's so many, there's so much trauma from being children, you know what I'm saying? Young black men in America that no one ever thinks about. And it's all, we just carry it around because we're not allowed to cry. You acting like a little girl, you know what I'm saying? We're not allowed to vent about it, you know what I mean? We're not allowed to, we just suppress. And suppression is not deliverance, you know what I mean? So it's crazy when I met my biological father. I remember, I met my biological father when I was 27 years old. And it tripped me out cause I walk like him. I talk like him. Our natures are similar though. Like I struggle in the same areas he struggles. I'm the dominant in the same areas where he's dominant. You know what I mean? And it's crazy cause the scripture's going back to the Bible it says that the sins of a father has passed down two and three generations. It's certain things Paul got to deal with as a man that he never asked for. It's in his bloodline either from his father, from his grandfather, from his great grandfather. Generational trauma. Generational patterns, generational curses, it's all there. But if my father or his father, anybody's dad is not sitting down and be like, listen, in our bloodline, this is what we deal with. And you got to watch out for this because this is going to cause this. Like I dealt with alcoholism. So off top, you know what I'm saying? My little girls, I had to let them know, hey guys, addiction is in our family. You know what I'm saying? So it's not that you don't have a drink, but you have to understand that this thing right here will consume you faster than it consumed somebody else. We have to let them know so they can know how to score. How can you take a fate that you don't know? That you don't know exists. So that's the biggest thing, you know what I mean? Having so much childhood trauma that I got into therapy and I was able to unpack. Going back to being eight years old and being molested by my babysitter, you don't know the impact that has on you long term sexually. No, I'm sorry. Would you be surprised how many young men, it's not looked at like that. I know. When a young woman is judged, a little girl is judged, it's not viewed like when a little boy, they talk about this all the time. Yeah, it's real. And a lot of young boys, especially black men, were molested and for them, it's looked at like, well, he's a man, so he wants sex. And he wants, like that's popping for him, that older woman wants him, but it scars a man and it makes him move differently because of that. And it's not addressed because men can be predatory, but with women, we don't say that about women. When it's real. It actually concerns us and so a predator though, right? Because what I didn't know was happening. So I grew up in a matriarch, right? Like a female dominated family. And I love women and I respect women, I honor women. But subconsciously, I had this desire deep down inside that I didn't even know was there to actually conquer women. Because I was conquered by a woman as a child. You know what I'm saying? And so, like there's certain women of power, right? Or not even power, just when I was, when I was growing up, like my teenage years, twenties, I see a woman who was dominant, right? Who was dominated men, she mistreats men, she handles men in certain ways, she's just dominant. And in my, like sexually, it's like, yeah, we know how to shut that right up. You know what I'm saying? And it's sick. It's sick, you know? Yeah, that's deep. That's a thing that a lot of men deal with. So thank you for speaking on it. Because I feel like the more men that speak on it, the more men will realize that, you know, it's an issue. You know, I think a lot of people don't even realize that. Sure. You spoke about a lot of men leaving their purpose partner. Can you explain that a little bit? And what that means and what is a purpose partner? So when God created us, right, he created a solution to a problem, right? And there's a huge misconception growing up that our job is our purpose, right? You got Paul who's known worldwide for a particular thing, right? And we often confuse that as purpose, you know what I mean? If we're not taught otherwise, right? When God created Mark, is God created a solution to a problem, right? When you sent here, that's your purpose. Your responsibility is to, like you have different things. You have your area, you have your purpose and your calling. And then you have your talents, right? And skills, and then you have areas of grace and all these things are supposed to work together. Now your purpose partner is who God has enabled to assist you on that journey of becoming who God called you to be and solve the problem that God called you to solve, right? So a lot of times we'll get into relationships because if that's not the foundation of the relationship, we're just wasting everybody's time, right? The only thing, you know, my podcast, the clip went viral because I was saying that my wife goes above everything, right? The only thing that goes above my wife is my God and what he told me to do, you know what I'm saying? That she comes second to that. But it's not really second though, because her and I are one. Now, if now a girlfriend goes second, but my wife moves with me, you know what I'm saying? Like it's like Nick Cannon saying in the drama like one band, one sound, right? So she doesn't take the back burner to my purpose because she understands her role in my purpose. So she works with me. She doesn't work against me. Any woman who's trying to pull you away from what God calls you to do is a distraction. Man, man, she's an opp. She's an opponent of God, actually. And we can't treat them like that because she doesn't know that for one. And two, you didn't know something because you shouldn't even be with a woman who is an opponent of what God sent you here to do. You shouldn't even be over there. But that's not how it goes. You know what I'm saying? She pretty, you know what I mean? Little waste, fat ass, good personality. And we just tap in, we like, listen, well, I get to my purpose later right now. I got one purpose for you and you know what I mean? I just need you to come help me in another. But you talked about your purpose partner challenging you in a lot of ways. And I feel like you spoke about how that usually makes a man be like, you know what? I'm leaving this situation. I'm gonna go over here where this person isn't challenging me to grow or isn't being like calling me out on things or making me communicate, making me be vulnerable. Like they, men will be like, I'm leaving this. And I'm gonna go get with the girl. That's just cool, fat ass. We don't have to talk about nothing. We don't have to grow in this situation. What is your thoughts on that? Like why do you, how? It's just maturity though too. Yeah. You know, when you young and you just fresh into adulthood, you know. You don't even know how many people really looking for something like longterm. You know, you just like, you're looking at the outer person as you get older, you be like, you start valuing what they can bring to the table. You know, it's more than just a look at a certain point. I just think perspective, like our vantage points aren't the same, you know what I'm saying? I wasn't 21 years old with a million dollars. So what I need from a woman and what you needed from a woman was not the same thing. You know what I mean? And we can't approach it from the same place. You know what I mean? I need a woman to help me build. You didn't need a woman to, at least you didn't perceive at that time that you needed a woman to help you build because what we've been fed as young men, as young men is once you have this certain level of monetary success that you've made it, it doesn't matter how much we lack mentally or emotionally or whether we found our purpose in that. You know what I mean? So you were asking me about men walking away from their purpose partners, right? And it really just comes down to the role of least resistance. And most men have, I think most men haven't even identified what their purpose is in the first place. That's not even something we're pushed to. You know what I'm saying? Listen, we are taught to go get you some money. And anything attached to that, we feel like it's our purpose. I know, I got young homies that sell dope. I got older homies that sell dope and would tell you that that's their purpose because they're taking care of their family. So they're doing what God's gonna, let's like, man, I got, I know people that do all type of wild things in the world, good and bad. And it's not necessarily their purpose. Like your path is your path, right? So, and your path is a part of your purpose, right? Because without you playing basketball, you don't have the platform, right? So God used this skill and this gift that he gave you to give you a platform. So now you can do what he actually called you to do. Now that you've become who, I'm saying, who you are in this space, now you, God gave you influence. Like we're not gonna act like everybody that has a talent and has money has influence, right? We're not gonna act like every legend in a space has influence, you know what I mean? Nobody wants to hear what Tim Duncan has to say on the podcast and he's top 10 dead or alive, in my opinion. Yeah, for sure. You know what I'm saying? But we don't really care about his opinion though. You know what I mean? So when God gives you the people, when God plant something in you, this is spiritual, like I'm saying, to attract the people, to attract the masses. It's not for you, it's for him. When God gives a woman beauty, it's not for you, it's for him. When God gives you certain gifts, these are just draws so that you can point people in the right direction. We supposed to be out here directing traffic, that's all it's about. For sure, for sure. But we don't know that. Who's teaching it? Who gonna teach us? And that's why, well, what he sent me for, that's the solution I'm in. That's the problem I'm in. I'm one of the people he sent to fix. And that's why I use my platform to do so. I thought I was gonna be Jay-Z. You know what I'm saying? Like, man, I signed my first record deal, I was 19 years old. My wave was like between 2009 to 2011. You know what I mean? My first mixtape, my second mixtape was hosted by DJ Drummer and DJ Khaled. I was scorching out the streets of Chicago on fire, out the streets of Southern California. I was going crazy. Marino Valley, I'm going crazy. Yeah. I thought I was gonna be Jay-Z. Ha ha ha ha ha. And I watched all my peers fly by me. Yeah. And it's not a talent thing. Like, I'm respected amongst all my peers. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like Drake, no. Meek, no. Like Cole, no. Game, Wiz. They, King, Lowe's, everybody with a gun, they know I got a gun. But it doesn't matter. You know what I'm saying? And you be surprised how many people spend their whole life pursuing somebody and like, because you know this, man. If God don't touch it, it don't. How many niggas you know is wild on the court? Yeah. I'm no cast that rap today and they might still trying to miss. Come on. Because if God don't touch it, it's over with. You know what I'm saying? So, but I thought that my gift, I thought my purpose was to rap and my purpose is to teach. It just so happens I can teach through music. I can teach through my books. I can teach through a platform like that. I can teach many different ways. And I still do teach through my music. I still do allow my music to speak in a certain way, but it wasn't my purpose. You know what I mean? So we just got to be cognizant of these things. You have to look at where has God given you grace? When grace is an area where like things, it just be easy. You know what I'm saying? Like there's certain things I'm talented, super talented at, but I always have to fight for it. This over here? It's avariless. I post a clip, two million views. Because God planted something in me and this is where he gave me grace because this is what he wants me doing. You know what I mean? Not that he's like, well, I don't ever want you rapping and giving. That's not, that's not, he wanted me doing it like this. That's why he touched it. You know what I'm saying? There's so many young men who are incredible. Got niggas in LA like Frank Nitty. That's incredible. That's funny because I know him. He's incredible. Phenomenal, that's the homie. Phenomenal person, phenomenal husband, phytonc. But if you pay attention to his grace, right? He's found his grace. And I believe, honestly, he'll probably be like the next Jay Lorenzo or something like that in the fashion space. You know what I mean? And he uses his platform socially, you know what I'm saying? As an influencer, basketball is a vehicle. You know what I'm saying? So we have to start leaning towards, you gotta look at the floor and be like, okay, where did God give me grace? You know what I'm saying? Shack has grace in the paint. He don't have no grace on a perimeter. You know how when it's on game day, you might be tired, beat up, life-thrown, doubles at you, but when your number gets called, you're supposed to be ready. Intimacy the same way. Your partner's in the mood and you want your body, the confidence to show up on demand. That's where Rolls-Parks comes in. Helping you be ready when it matters. So when it's game time, you don't hesitate, you perform. That's why Rolls-Parks matters. It's a two-in-one prescription treatment for guys who want harder, more controlled erections without the stress. They dissolve under your tongue so they hit fast. On average, you're ready in about 15 minutes, less weighting, less pressure, more confidence, and it's not just one and done. 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I'm gonna ask you some like rapid fire questions, and you're just gonna tell me which one you would choose. Just a quick like thing. So this segment is brought to you by Rolls-Parks. Okay, so being right or keeping the peace? Keeping the peace. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Now, I don't wanna get on here and be like, let's not cap, right? It's supposed to be keeping the peace. Okay. But sometimes I just be like, you just need to know. You know what I mean? But that's wrong though. Right. But it's wrong though, but I deal with it sometimes though. Okay, so what about winning the argument or winning the relationship? Oh, winning the relationship for sure. Okay, that's a good one. Saying what you feel or saying what won't start a fight? I think both are important. I just think how you communicate what you feel. It's very important. Okay. Walking away to cool off or talking it out immediately? Oh, we have to cool off. Yeah, man, I always wanna cool off. I get that though. Yeah. I get that. Because we gonna say something we don't need. Yeah, I get that. I get that. Just to add to this real quick, a major hack in my relationship with my wife and I was, we decided when we're in heated space, we text. We don't talk on the phone. We don't talk face to face. What I found is when I write out what I say, what I feel, I look at it and I be like, she gonna take this like this crazy, let me delete this. Or let me add this in or that's gonna piss her off, delete that. Yeah. Right? As to where she's standing in front of me, it kinda just flies. But you know what, I will say, I think that's great because I'm a writer and I love to write things out. But I think a lot of men, your might be an exception, but a lot of men feel like once they see a paragraph, even Paul has said this, if a woman texts this law, it's blowing them. Like he doesn't even wanna read that. He can't read that. Yeah, but you know what he will read? What? A contract with some Amazon it. So it just comes down to how valuable what we're reading is. When I see it clicked open, I check out immediately, unless it's from my wife. Because if she's sending me a four page letter and text that clicked open, she trying to get something off her chest. I gotta just sit here and read it. As much as this just piss me off. Yeah, see, I have that because I'm like, I know, man, they gonna see that and be like, girl, I'm not reading all of this shit. Like that's what it gives. But that's a difference from a wife and just somebody you just hanging out with. 100%. Because girls have sent me a click to open. And I'm like, yeah. And to this day, I don't know what she said. Right, for real. To this day, for real. I don't know what she said. So it's a difference if it's your girl versus just. I don't have to die for you. I don't have to sacrifice my ego. Because really I don't feel like it. That's what I come down to. And I don't have to feel like it for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Okay, protecting your ego or protecting your partner's feelings? Protecting her feelings every time. I love that. Letting small things slide or addressing everything? Letting small things slide. Everything about nothing. Pick your battles. Yeah, 100%. Okay, being understood or being loved. Both. You have to choose one. I feel love when you understand me. When you desire to understand me. Like you going out your way to try to see why I'm coming for you. So I'm being understood. Makes me feel loved. Okay, okay, got it. Thank you for that. Being loved or being respected? I feel love when you respect me. So being respected. I feel like man on a respect a lot. Men still love R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Exactly. That's what I feel. Like I be telling a woman all the time, like if you don't respect him. Then it's over. Leave him alone. I say that too. I'm not going biologically like, nigga I don't even work, I don't want to touch you, I don't want, I'm not interested. Disrespect. I have, let me just tell you something. That's all I'm saying. I just hit my trick. I have no tolerance. Yeah. None. I have none. I don't do none of that raising voice, fingers all in it all, talking all, I don't, let me tell you something. No, I have no grace for it. Yeah. None. Not anything. You can say what you mean, and you can mean what you say, but you have to figure out how to say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I agree with that. I think that women, I have a viral clip like this. If you don't respect a man, because women will lose respect for men in relationships based on the things that they do. And you'll start to be like, I had this man here, and now he's bringing me down, down, down by your actions, right? But I always tell women, if you get to that level where you don't respect a man, you have to leave him alone. No. Because it's gonna get to a point where you guys are not gonna be able to function. You cannot get to the level. You have to check yourself. See, this was wrong in a minute. You just got me going again. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, please. You know the problem in our world is we think that honor is based off performance. And honor is based off of position, right? If you are in a military, right? And you are, let's say you are E2, E3, you know what I'm saying? Or entry level. And a major general walk by, it wouldn't matter if he, if it's somebody from his family, kill somebody in your family, it wouldn't matter his sexuality, it wouldn't matter his religious beliefs, it wouldn't matter if he cheated on his wife, it wouldn't matter if he talked crazy to you every time you see him. You have to respect that badge. Then stripes on his chest? You have to respect him. But you're speaking of a place of a covenant and a marriage. There's situations in which you are not married to this person or you guys have not created a covenant. So you don't have to. I have to respect that guy, because I'm now in a contract where I'm here. If I'm not in the Navy and in the Army and I see him and he killed my brother, I don't respect him. And I'm not gonna honor you like I do. If you would have not showed up at 11 a.m. And you- Say it one more time, I missed you. My point is, is like, you know, you spoke about like, you don't, like if you didn't show up today on time, it was a no-call, no show, I would have lost respect. Like I'm not gonna work with him. And you would have done the same for someone else, right? But when you are in a marriage, you have to, that is your job. But when people are not married or whatever it is and someone's dating someone, women lose- If you're in a relationship, say not married, in a relationship. If you're in a relationship, people lose respect for their partner while they're getting to know them. Yeah, people do, but it's not okay. It's not cool. It's not okay because like the video I just posted, while I'm about to post, soon as I leave here, that I played for you guys this morning. A lot of people are married and you don't even know you're married, okay? Let's go, if we wanna go back to the biblical times, to how everything was, once a man, what's the word, consummate? Like once- Yeah, consummate. Once a man, it goes up in you, it's a dub for one. But we don't even play ball on that level no more. We don't even value- No, we don't. Purness no more in our society, right? Exactly. But if you are, being one point, like I said in the video, if you guys live together, right? It's beyond dating. You guys, once you got, here's another word for marriage, right? A committed relationship. Once you guys are committed, you've chosen one another. It's merged already, it's a wrap. Ain't nothing you can do about that. So again, whether you're in the military, whether you're at work, right? If somebody works at Costco and you on a register and you feel disrespected by the manager, right? You have to watch how you talk to that man or you'll lose your job. Well, no, this is what I'm saying. I'm not saying that you should talk crazy, but losing respect is a real thing whether you act on it or not. You can check yourself. Like you can lose respect for someone and not disrespect them. Okay, let's go. You know what I'm saying? Let's go, let's go, your feelings fire. Go ahead, please. Let's go, your feelings fire real cool. Go ahead, please. Because this sets the whole- Lose your respect for somebody and you already disrespect them. How do you control losing? Like for instance, if a woman did something to you that's like wild, you lose respect for her. You can't tell me you have not lost respect for a woman that does something out of pocket that you're like, oh, she went here and did this, she blasted me on the internet. She did this, she did that. I said, that's respect. But I'm saying you also lose respect for that. We're not called to respect y'all. We're called to love y'all and be gentle with you guys. You guys are called to respect and honor us. We don't need the same things. But you're telling me if someone does something to cross that line. What line? Give me an example. Because one thing with women also, you guys create lines on your own that God never created this line. This is the line you guys created. I understand that. Y'all stand on the other side of it and y'all with such pride and it'd be like, who said that was a violation? I understand that. Like for instance, emotional abuse. What did that look like? Constantly cheating, constantly lying. Constantly doing things that crossed the line that we agreed upon in a relationship. Women after a while, you don't look at that man in the same light. You gotta carry the respect. You can carry the respect. That doesn't mean internally you don't feel the same about it. Now boom. That's what I'm trying to say. Okay, what are we gonna do? Like that's the whole thing I'm trying to say. Right, right. Well no. I keep saying that like, you're not gonna act on the disrespect, but eternally you can look at this man in a different light. And I say when women feel that way, that's when you should consider walking away. Well if that's what you say. That was my whole point. Well I missed it. My fault. I was my fault. I probably didn't verbalize that correctly. My apologies. But that's what I was, that's all I'm trying to say. I missed it. No, I missed, I might have not said it correctly. But that's what I'm trying to say. Look at this right here. So this is the instructions for kingdom households, right? Says wives, submit yourselves to your own husband, ask unto the Lord, right? So women don't understand that this is the standard, right? If Jesus told you this, how would you respond to him? Yeah, okay. That's the standard, right? And then it says, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Whether we're right or wrong. So in your mind, you can be like, man, that's right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You can never jump out your body. Right, right, that part. You can never jump out your body and say these things. And men know this. I agree with that. Even with other men. I agree with that. Men know there's certain things, let me not even use myself, right? Because there's certain people, I use myself. It's certain stuff, I'm just not going. You ever see somebody say something on social media? You would never say this to me. You would never say these things to me in person. Facts. And how do you know? Because we walk around in public all the time and these things never happen, right? Facts. Men know how far they can go with the next man. Yeah, I agree. When a man disrespects another man, he felt like he could get that off with no problem. I agree. You know what I'm saying? So respect is such a very serious thing. And then it says, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her and cleanse her by the wash another water with the word. So we supposed to, for us, we supposed to die for y'all in all areas and y'all supposed to submit to us in all areas. No man wants to die for a woman who's not respectful or dismissive. Yeah, for sure. And no woman wants to submit to a man who's not gonna die. Yeah, no, I agree with that. I 100% agree with that. Well, thank you for doing that segment with us. If prescribed, new sexual health patients get $15 off their first order of sparks on a recurring plan. Connect with provider at roe.co.tad to find out if prescription roast sparks is right for you. We had it all click for you. You had a near death experience. Is that correct? I've had lots of near death experiences too. Any in particular that just made it just, it just was like, man, something's gotta change. And I mean, for me, man, it wasn't any near death experience that made me wanna change. You know, we all have like an internal GPS. I'm somebody that always wanted to get it right. Yeah, yeah. I'm not one of those people who just wanted to get it wrong. Right? Like I got expelled from high school from a gun charge. If I leave it there, it paints a certain picture. Right. But then I would have to tell you that, well, I didn't have the gun. Another homie had the gun. Somebody, actually not one of our homies, somebody else had a gun. One of my homies swung on dude with the gun, dude dropped the gun and I just got the gun because I felt like it was safest with me because ain't nobody gonna die if I got it. You know what I'm saying? And I got caught with it. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. So in certain scenarios I was being in, I have been in that it was in the reflection of my heart though. I always been silent. I'm fearless, but it's, I've always desired to get it right. I've always been a smarter one. I've always been something, been someone that God has used to lead. Even when I was lost, I would, it was, I had more insight and more wisdom and more understanding than those who were around me. So I just wanted to get it right. And we're often just not giving the time to get it right, bro. Like if you think about it, on average, I read a study, it says on average, the average man is not psychologically fully mature to like 43, 44 years old. And then women mature 10 years earlier, right? I believe that. But in our society, women are expecting men to have it all together at 25 years old. Sorry, I don't know. I don't know, I'm trying to figure, I wanna know. You know what I'm saying? But I would just say my wife, which is the greatest gift, somebody who gave me the space and the grace to grow. She allowed me to figure it out. And she never, this why I give her all the kudos in the world, man. And I, a thousand salutes, bro. My wife treated me like a king the whole time. She never spoke down to me in a condescending manner. She never got to yelling, cussing me out, talking to me like I'm not nothing because of areas why I missed it. You know what I'm saying? She saw the king in me and she spoke to the king in me when I was acting like a fool. And it made me play up. I didn't want to disappoint that I'm loud. That's how she, look at me, let me sit up. Let me figure this out. Let me be who she believes that I am. And that's why it's so important. Like women, there's only two entities in the Bible that are referred to as a helper. Okay, that's the Holy Spirit and a wife. And they're supposed to work in tandem. A woman who was not moving with the Holy Spirit really can't function at the capacity in which she's supposed to. Yeah. You're supposed to be able to look at a man and discern what God placed in him and know whether you have what it takes to help him with that or not. But also you guys weren't taught either. Yeah. But then there's that. It's a two-way street because I think as a woman, if you do want to help, a man also has to allow you the space to do so because there can be people who are resistant to that, like vulnerability or being open or allowing that to happen. So it's a two-way street. Like everyone has to be able to help. Which I get most men, they don't want to be a burden. They don't want to feel like they're supposed to be strong. And I feel like black men have been taught to be that way in a lot of aspects. So it's hard for some men to be vulnerable and to allow someone to help them. Well, I think also women have to be taught how to help. Yeah, I think that's true too. Because so many women, man, it's crazy because you guys are helpers. Yeah. You guys mistake helping and fixing. Your job is not to fix them. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes, man, let me pull out the script real quick. We go to, I'm gonna tell you the hack. If it's applied properly, if we go to first Peter three, I ain't mean to turn this into a transaction. No, please. We're both, yeah. We both are God fearing people. So we, I love that. So this says right here, this is key, right? First Peter three starts at one, it says likewise wives, be subject to your own husbands. Watch this so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word by the conduct of the wise when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Ooh, right? It says, don't let your adorning be external. The braiding of your hair or the putting on a gold jewelry or clothing that you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of your heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle, inquired spirit, which in God's sight is precious. This is what women don't know. This is the jackpot right here, okay? God don't play about y'all. So when you play, how you supposed to play, right? Let me tell you something, when I'm wrong, and with all the wisdom I have, I'm still not above being wrong, I still be wrong, right? To this day, I still be wrong. I don't be wrong how I used to be wrong, but I still miss it. I can miss it with humans, right? But when I'm wrong, when I tell you, my wife does not get out of character, she not gonna do no yelling, she not gonna try to check me, because you can't check me. You can't check me. You weren't created to check me. You were created to help me, but there is an entity that can check me, and the Holy Spirit functions as not just a helper, but a convictor when you're wrong, or when you're right, it's really the God, it's a teacher, it's everything, right? So my wife, when I'm wrong, my wife will go pray. She'll respect me, she not gonna dishonor me, she not gonna get loud, she gonna, she gonna go, okay, baby, that's cool. She'll go pray. And I always know when she go pray, because I'll be out of mind of my business, and when I tell you, God get on my ass so crazy, and I'll be back, I'll get back to the house, something might take 30 minutes, it may take eight hours, but I tell my wife to listen, listen, sweetheart. I'm sorry. I got it, because I can be checked, I just can't be checked by you, and your responsibility is not to check me, but because we're not being taught this, you're forfeiting your power, you think you can check a man, whole time after the fall of a man in a garden, when Adam listened to Eve, God don't want you to be able to check him. He wants you following him, he don't want him following you. That's deep. So when you just know how to, okay, no problem, because he's not gonna get away with it if you know your power, you just go meditate, go to your prayer closet. That's real. And you can talk to the guy, all right, daddy, make it on that bullshit right now. And when I tell you, it happens quickly, but again, this hasn't been talked. But yeah, I think both people have to be tapped in too, in order for that to happen. That's not what scripture says. Scripture says that if you're tapped in, the other person can get tapped in. We have no choice in this space. It says even if a man is an unbeliever, even if you don't believe in God, he will be won over. It's a complete hack, but women don't want to hear this because women have not strengthened this muscle. No, that's real though. I think we need to hear this. Yeah, this is deep. I know you also mentioned that, you said that there's a certain part of a man that has to die in order for a woman to submit. Can you explain that? Right after that, huh? Yeah. Let's get to the, okay, now I'm with you. So that was genuinely my next question. No, you're like, are we gonna get back to these niggas real quick though? No, no, I think what you're saying is real. I think women need to hear that, even myself. Like I can grow and learn from that, really, genuinely. No, but I'm being honest. I think that you taught me something even sitting here, and I feel like as women, we need to be open to learning things because there's a lot that I don't know. Like being in a relationship and I wasn't taught certain things. And I read the Bible and I do pray every day, but in moments where you could be frustrated or you could feel like things aren't going your way, instead of trying to constantly have a conversation and not get anywhere, you can just pray. And that's something that I have to work on as a woman. I could admit that and I could say that all day. And I feel like I haven't always been that way. So that's something that I can learn from for sure. 100%. So as far as men dying to themselves, right? So when we go back to scripture, this is all, and I'm citing these scriptures because I'm hoping somebody, when people watch this back, open up your scripture and go see it. I don't care, listen, I don't care what God's, if you don't believe in Jesus, you have to still understand, this book is just the coldest book of wisdom. Don't even, like if you don't, you don't gotta believe what I believe. It's just cold. And I've read all the books, I read the Koran, I read the Torah, the Torah, the Tanakh, I be in them. It's so cold. It's freaking, like when you go back and you read certain books, like, the way of the superior man, or you read certain books, like, what's the, it's a major, but all books of wisdom, it's all plagiarism. They all take it directly from the book. And they just don't, because they're not making religious books, they're not citing scripture, like I got this from here, but they're using the principles. So, in Ephesians 5, right, men love the scripture, where men, where God says to, that woman have to submit. We love that. Go crazy about that. You need to submit, right? But the scripture, the verse right before that, tells us it teaches mutual submission. It says submit yourself one or two another out of reverence for God, right? So, what I learned is, when I submit, and we submit in different ways, and in the same scripture, it tells you how to submit, but a man has to submit himself to his wife's needs, to his woman's needs, right? So, I have to die to myself so that she can have whatever it is that she needs, whether that's time, whether that's communication, whether that's whatever she needs. I have to die to myself so she can have that. But then, man, what most men don't understand, because we haven't applied it, oh, man, oh, a woman would do anything for a sacrificial man. She'll do anything for you. If you want your true helpmate, you want your true partner, you think, man, my wife ain't going for this, she ain't going for that, man. Listen, let her believe that you'll die to yourself fully for you. Ooh, I mean, for her. For her, yeah. And watch her tap out and be like, look, it's whatever about you, shorty. It's however you want it to go. You know what I'm saying? But we have to be willing to allow our ego to die, our pride to die, our fleshly desires to die. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know it's crazy, bro. You know how many women, and I'm not endorsing this for the record, but you know how many women actually wouldn't be completely opposed to the idea of you with another woman if she knows you'll die for her. You'll die to everything for her. You'd be surprised. You'd be surprised what your woman would go for once she knows that ain't nothing above her but God. You'd be surprised. Well, that's not surprising to me because I know a lot of men who've been in relationships who have cheated, but they women know that that's like that. Like sex is one form of cheating, right? There's so many different forms of cheating. I look at it as like, that's through the flesh. That's through like, just like me, as me, we just, by nature, are attracted to women and we just want the bodily fluids and just the bodily touch from another woman. Yeah, we need it and women are attracted. Women are like Eve. They just constantly give us that scent to where we smell it like a predator. Like, seriously, it's like they have a scent. You smell it, you go that direction, like food. But then like, when you've shown your woman that you like, damn, he's done all this. I know for sure he'll die for me. That's why they didn't leave the first time. I'm telling you, because you, like, I know me and that show, I've shown it in past relationships. Like, I know I'll die for this lady or something like that. Or, you know, you like, because you sacrifice. But die how though? Man, I take a bullet. Yeah, but that's not the depth we're talking about. I'm saying I didn't sacrifice. This is about sacrifice, but then I had to learn and I'm still learning about relationships. You know, I've been married before. I was married for like 12 years. I've been in long-term relationships like a few. But like now, I'm starting to get it now though. It took like, I'm 48, I'm like learning now that was different, that I can do different. Like as far as like the communication, the sacrifice, how I'm letting her understand. I'm getting better, you know? Because man, that's me, we don't talk. We don't express our feelings. Like you said at the beginning, we hold stuff in. You know, we bear the burden, the weight of the world and don't give it to her when we should sometimes like let her help carry some of the way and vice versa. And it's just the communication part is, I think that's the most important part in helping them understand that I'm here, that I can sacrifice for you, that I know that you know from my communication and being around you that I'll die for you. I don't know what more. I think- What more you can give to show that. Unless you actually step in front of a bulletin. Like how do you show that? How do you show you can that- I think that- Let her believe that you'll do anything. I think this too, I think what you guys are saying is real about every, I respect both of what you're saying. I think a part of it though too is like, you're saying, oh, a woman being okay with you being with another woman and all of this. I think a big part of that sacrifice is showing us that you have the discipline enough to not do that. 100%. That's a part of it. It's like, yes, men are hunters by nature. They wanna conquer women. Women are beautiful. I admire women, body, everything like, ooh, she looks good. I know when a woman looks good. And I know that the temptation for a man is very strong. Like as a woman, I could go out every day and not see one man where I'm like, ooh, he just turned me on. I wanna like, but men have, their sexual desire is extremely strong. So showing me that you have the discipline to not act on your sexual desires is a huge part for a woman to understand like, oh, you really will go hard for me. You will let a part die in yourself for me because I know how big of a part that is for most men. A man who can sacrifice and be disciplined in his sexual desires and habits is a very powerful man. Period point blank because men, men are led by sex and lust and being able to put that aside and being like, this is my woman, I'm not gonna act on those things. No matter what the circumstances are, if we're going through a hard time, if we're not having, like all those things is what starts to show a woman like, okay, he actually loves me or he's actually disciplined in that area, which means he can be disciplined in other aspects of our life. And I think that's a big part for women because like you said, a lot of reasons why relationships end is because neglect, because infidelity. That's cheating, neglect is cheating. Exactly, he said that actually. So that was something I was gonna say because he just said neglect is cheating. Emotional discomfort is cheating. Like if you not, like I come home, I ain't seen you in a week and you ain't even like at the door or just like acknowledging me even here. That's like, what the hell is that? Like what is that? So, but cheating has to be stamped though, right? It has to be, we have to mark this thing off, right? In order for us to say something that's cheating, it's cheating, we have to first come to an agreement, right? Like for example, let's say my girl don't like terms of endearment, you know what I'm saying? With other women, like sweetheart, honey, love, that would have to go. So, and let's say she expresses to me that I don't want you to do that, right? Well, let's say I never tell her what I mean. That's how I talk. So if I continue to do it, I'm not cheating. I'm articulated to you that that's... It's a natural reflex sometimes too for people to just be like, all right, baby. Just meaning to know. I think that's a natural reflex. But it doesn't matter if it's a natural reflex. If I say I'm not gonna do it, right? So if she says I'm not okay with you communicating like this and I say, okay, I won't do it. Now when I do it, I just cheat it. You cross the line. But if I never agreed to it, then it's not cheating, right? So any of these things, I wouldn't care if she said, we binge watching this Netflix show and you agree we're gonna watch it together. You know people really be mad about that. Yeah, they do. You watch it without me. For real. We're only watching this together. No, for real. That's a real thing. You feel played with. That's a real thing. 100% You feel played with. So whatever there's an agreement, and I think a lot of times people get into these relationships and they're never, they're not articulating what the issue, this is not a deal breaker, but this doesn't work for me. Can you not do this? And then the person has to sign off on that. Be like, oh, okay, I'll die to that for you. You know what I'm saying? It comes down to that. Like if you stink at communication, like do y'all fast? Yeah. What's the longest y'all ever fasted? I've only done three days. I'm like fasting right now. I don't eat top to three. I do it once a week. Usually. But I've only done three full days of fasting. I have not got past three days, if I'm being honest. But I do. Yeah, it's tough. It's tough. That's called dying to self. You don't have to have a skill in order like, you don't have to have a skill too fast. You have to have a desire too fast. Yes. So that's what dying to yourself looks like. You don't have to know how to do it. You just have to be like, okay, listen, I'm gonna do this for you. Whether it's communication, whether it's dying to myself physically or my fleshly desires for whatever it is. I don't know how I'm gonna do this, but I'm dammit, I'm finna do it for you. Cause you mean that much to me. Securing you, it means that much to me. Being locked in, you feeling like, you feeling safe with me. It means that much to me that I'll let this die. And you know that this is difficult for me. But I'm gonna die to that though. No, I love that. That's real. That's real. This is the more or less segment brought to you by PricePix where you can win real cash by picking just more or less on your favorite players. Use code TAD and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. Okay, so I'm gonna ask you some more or less questions and you can answer. Is it more or less of a red flag if someone says they never argue in relationships? Less? Okay, is it more or less attractive long term? A person, sorry, let me have to start over. More or less likely to last a relationship with strong chemistry, but weak friendship or strong friendship, but average chemistry? Strong friendship, advocate chemistry for sure, easy. Yeah, I could believe that too. You think a friendship is the foundation of a relationship? 100%, I think as long as God is at the foundation and you have a friendship, that's what protects everything, you know? My wife, my best friend. Yeah, that's important. More or less a problem, a partner who's super flirty, like when you're out and about. What's the partner though? Is it a date? No, no, we're talking about like your girlfriend, your partner, you're in a relationship, a committed relationship. Someone who's outside flirting for attention or someone who's like super isolated, they like can't go out and talk to people, you can't like bring them around people and they'll just be quiet. Which one's worse? Oh. The flirting. Man, a friendly ass girl. Yeah, exactly, I agree with that. And stand up friendly ass girl. My girl mean as hell, she's polite. Right. She's very polite, she's nice. Yeah, I mean to. Well, she's kind, she's not a nice girl. Yeah, exactly. You could be kind and not be nice. No. Because the man will take that. Unless you know it and she's the sweetest girl on the face of her. Exactly, yeah. She's not friendly. More or less risky, moving in too fast or waiting too long. Moving in too fast for sure. Yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that. More or less dangerous to a relationship when a partner has lots of opposite sex friends versus not a lot of friends at all. Say that one more time. So which one's worse? Your partner having opposite sex friends, like a bunch of male friends basically, or having only a few friends? I think both of them are suspicious. Like why you don't have no friends? Like don't nobody like you? Yeah. Like nobody like you? I mean she has like a few solid friends. Oh, long term? Like they've been their friends for a long time. Yeah, I think that matters. I tell people about that. If they have long term friends. Like if you're 40 years old and you don't have one friend for 20 years. Yeah. Like you don't got nobody? At least 15. 15 years, yeah. Come on. That mean don't nobody rock with you. Yeah. Damn. I have like four friends but they all been my friends for 20 years. Yeah. So that mean you're solid and character. That means you're consistent. Yeah. People rock with you. I know people who don't have no, ain't really got no long term friends. It's more girls. Girls change over friends like. Yeah. Man. Week to week. I try. So for me, it's like I've tried to acquire new fresh friends and it's just always something weird with that. So like I have my solid four friends for 15, 20 years. And these are just who I rock with and it is what it is. You know, like I don't, I don't be. It points to loyalty. Like it's a, you get points for that to me. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My wife has so many, me and Brooke been, I've been here 11 years. There's been people who've been in her life double the time I've been around. Yeah. Y'all not tired of her yet? She must be a great person though. And my friends love me down, honey. So yeah, I think that is a judgment of character too. If you've been, that's a good way to look at it. My wife has got friends that have been around longer than me. So are you do believe that men and women can have opposite sex friends? Yeah, it just comes down to intentionality. If you like, every man doesn't have the capacity. Women have more capacity than men do. You know what I'm saying? Most women feel like everybody, that may get not your friend, you know what I'm saying? But certain men have the capacity. I'm somebody who has the capacity. I believe that too. As a man, alright. I think that a man, I don't know. I don't know. I got some homegirls that's cold, not straight up and I ain't never touched them. And I find them attractive. I'm just not like, oh let me say this, I recognize they're attractive, but I don't allow my, I'm not attracted to them cause I wanna allow myself. I said, here's the thing though, all my homegirls are extremely valuable. Because if you don't add no other value to my life, the only value is that ass. Right. So, and I, and you can't offer me that anymore. Like, you know what I'm saying? I ain't married, you know what I'm saying? So you gotta get on. But my wife has male friends. My wife has, for sure, like two. Solid ones though, they're solid, thorough. I stamped them niggas. Miss you know them and y'all kick it? Yeah. But it's all about boundaries though. You know what I'm saying? You have to say, if you her friend, be her friend. But that's the problem. So for me, the reason I'm a little scarred is cause every male friend I have, even if they are talking to me about my relationship or I'm like talking to them about giving them advice, about their and a full blown relationship. There's always been a moment where they're like, man, you know, that moment. And I'm like, man. They make me a tender boy. And I could never talk to you again after that. Cause now, nah, I'm cool. So it's just like, that's my been my experience. But don't, for your relationship, Cudamon, but most niggas, most men feel it even if they don't express it. My point on why- You just respect the ones who value the relationship enough to not express it. And this is my point on why I feel like, nah, like I'm cool. I'm cool, like I'm cool on that. But thank you to our good friends at Price Fix, America's number one sports pick at use code TAD to get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. That's our Price Fix, man. Y'all, y'all have me from my show too. Exactly. Well, thank you so much, Marcus for coming. We really do appreciate your insight. I feel like I've learned a lot from this conversation and things that I can apply in my relationships and stuff like that. And I really appreciate it. Really appreciate that and admire what you're doing. If you wanna say where they can follow you, we'll put it all in the description, all his stuff, his book, his Instagram, but if you wanna tell the people where you're at. I love what you guys are doing here. And I appreciate you guys opening up your platform. And let me come down here and bounce ideas. This was great, I enjoyed it. My book, Bulletproof Love, I can't stress that enough. If you're interested in, if you wanna learn how to heal from childhood trauma and break generational curses and be in a healthy, harmonious relationships and learn my A-step system, it's all in there. And it's bulletproof. It's crazy because there's actually, just like driving a car, right? Just like doing nails or doing hair or plumbing. There's actually a route to do it. We just haven't been taught. And in my book, I teach you how to do it. You know what I mean? If you wanna know what's out there. I'm gonna definitely be picking up that book. And then the podcast. Yeah, Two Sides of the Game. Yes, sir, every Tuesday, two o'clock. Perfect. Two sides of the game. Shout out to my brother, Stump. Yeah, we're gonna, again, add all of that in the description so it's easy for you guys to find. But thank you again, Marcus. Thank you everybody for watching. Make sure you subscribe. And I'm gonna need y'all on my show too. Of course, absolutely. I pull up on y'all though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna make y'all go to Vegas though. I come there like... Well, we're definitely always down. I appreciate it. 100%. Thank you guys for the 100,000 followers. We're very new still and you guys have been really supporting us and our journey and we really rock with y'all for that. So yeah. Make sure you continue to like, subscribe, coming up with new guests every week. So man, keep following us, keep joining us. Week in and week out as we give you new content. We appreciate our fans. We love y'all. Thank you again. Buh-bye. This is to taking over the gang. All right, everybody. Welcome to Truth After Dark. Do you think that men or women are more toxic? This is an I Heart podcast.