Ep 573 - Angry Jets

Wow, wow, wow Wes. Look at those fat boys run! Oh come on Matt! Hello, this is Sean Gardini. I just wanted to chime in to let the audio listener know that I'm currently playing a video of Matt's race with Haas. So if you'd like to see that, switch over to the video. Keep going Matt! He's catching up! Some words of encouragement from Mrs. McCusker. Even for those of you who don't know, Matt was racing his cousin Haas this weekend on the Jersey Shore. So this is the footage of that. I think the end is coming now and Matt wins. So it was a good effort by both of them. But congratulations to Matt. He finished with about his 7 minute 30 second mile on the sand too by the way. And I think Haas was about 20, 15, 20 seconds behind him. So congrats to both competitors. And congrats to Matt for winning the race. Maya, get over here! Enjoy the podcast everybody. Goodbye. You're all firing on all cylinders right now. Pressure cord dude, the console war is over. The black nerds are broken the story. The black nerds are on it. That's a big deal dude. It's been a 20 year war. It has. It's been our whole lives since PS1, Xbox. And PlayStation was in the Bunderoo. PlayStation had the big Bunderoo. To try to win the war. So what crossed over? Both of them are like two biggest franchises. Spider-Man and Halo. Halo was Xbox only right? PlayStation is kind of one though. If it would have been Uncharted or Last of Us switched. Halo is the biggest one. Halo is the biggest one on Xbox. Spider-Man is big but I don't think it's their biggest. I don't know anyone who plays fucking Spider-Man. Everybody plays Spider-Man. Really? They love Spider-Man. It's just you Spidey rolling around. Not me your favorite part of the game is playing this Mario game. I couldn't beat the game because of that part. It made me check out for like a week. Spider-Man isn't like just Grand Theft Auto? Kind of? Wasn't like an open world? Yeah, it's open world. Soda would play. If you smoke weed and like wrestling, Spider-Man is for you. I mean Spider-Man is for anybody. If you had a PlayStation, you'd play Spider-Man. No, I wouldn't. You could play Spider-Man now. Yeah, you could play Spider-Man now. I bet you I don't. That's your loss, brother. I'm just waiting for Vietnam. I mean that does look sick. So it's like GTA, but why wouldn't you... GTA has got to be better than Spider-Man. Definitely. Sell me on why you'd play Spider-Man over GTA. Swinging through the city, they perfect the swinging through the city. That's kind of right. Swinging through the city. Swinging through the city. I would watch Soda play. Swinging was nice. Yeah, okay. I'd go when it first came out because I didn't buy it, but I went on YouTube and just watched like 10 minutes of somebody just swinging from in the air. That makes sense. Swinging through the city and even just kind of... Soda was high as shit. We didn't talk. I would just watch him play a video game, silently. He was so high. He got high as fuck, dude. I forgot how high he got. I would just go sit at his house and he would just get high as... We had a dynasty we were playing together. I'd be defense, or he'd play defense. I was offense. That's nice. It was nice. It was good bro time. Yeah. Except he'd get high as shit. Sometimes I'd show up after a couple of Bruce keys. Colorado buffaloes would lose. Dude, the dinosaur game, I believe it was Gabe who broke the news of the dinosaur game. The dinosaur game is pretty sick. What was that game called? We started out as a tiny little baby dinosaur and he slowly... Yeah, it's pretty great. I was... When I did the... Which we'll call it Dr. Phil Live, Soda was on the show. And backstage I told him about that dinosaur game and he was like... Yo, what the fuck? And I was like showing him videos. He's like, I gotta get this. I figured he would appreciate it. He would. Dude, just laying up at like two in the morning, just being a baby dinosaur and trying to get bigger is... First of all, it would catch me and I could get caught up in that for sure in that life. I've watched videos about it. It's pretty great. It looks so tight. Wasn't there a game where you started off as like a little amoeba and you had a... I might just be thinking of an episode of like a fucking... The aisle, right? You start off as a little baby amoeba. You gotta fucking become like a dominant life form. That's also... That's a good game. It's all, huh? No, I think it was... The aisle. The aisle. The amoeba game I meant. Or is that the same game where you start as an amoeba and turn into a dinosaur? I don't know. I'm just throwing stuff out there. I don't know. I'm just throwing stuff out. Toe Jam and Earl ruled. Yeah, shit ruled. Battle toes. Battle toes. I never realized Toe Jam and Earl were black. I never... I should have put that together. Are they? They gotta be. They're walking around with fucking boomboxes on their shoulders. They're that reporter again. The name is Toe Jam and Earl. Like, it's crazy. Yeah, Toe Jam and Earl are definitely black. Do you think Mario's gonna come into Nintendo and Xbox? I mean, PlayStation and Xbox... Do you think Mario's gonna come into the Xbox? They just came out with a new system. They can't... they can't... The Nintendo's not giving up the goods on the area. He's bigger than ever right now. That Mario movie fucking rules, dude. I still haven't seen it. Dude, I'm telling you. I was like trying... I think I said it before. I was trying to hate on it. Watching a guy watch it in front of me on a flight. And I was like, fucking grown man. Watched the Mario movie. And I watched the entire... He had headphones in. I watched No Sound Mario movie for a whole flight. It's like, yo, this is sick. It starts in Brooklyn. Fucking fall through a pipe. It's good. The Waps are there in Brooklyn. The Waps are in Brooklyn. The Mario Brothers are losers in Brooklyn. Dude, nobody believes in the Waps. Dude, they're fucking families. It's like the business problem. They say they do their own TV company. They do their own TV commercial. And they're like... I can't even find the live action one anymore. I searched for it. I love that. Who was in the live action? I love that. John Leguizamo, bro. What? The past always. The past? Fucking Bob... Bob Haskins. Okay. Fuck his Bob Haskins. I love the... You guys know him. Bob Haskins. You guys know him. Bob Haskins. What do you play, Luigi? Oh, he's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good guy. You play Luigi? Oh, he played Smee. What? He played Smee and Hook. That's Bob Haskins. That guy, he crushed me, dude. Yeah, he did. Idol Money lies in your current account, picking crumbs out of its belly button, wondering, should I eat them? But when you start investing with Monzo, your money's always busy. It turns on regular investments, invests your spare change, and tops up your stocks and shares, Issa. It even helps you make sense of risk and return. Monzo, the bank that gets your money moving. You could get back less than you invest. Monzo current account required UK residents 18 plus T's and C's apply. I'll give Bob Haskins a flamer. He plays Smee and Mario. He's from fucking... He's a British actor. Yeah, he's a beast. He was also in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Really? He was the detective. Yeah, we should have known Haskins. Haskins, the whole run. Hell of a run, bro. Yeah, hell of a run, dude. Fair enough. Super Mario, bro, is the movie. He was Mario. I don't remember the live action. It was the one where the Goombas looked exactly like Chris Wood. The Koopa. It looked exactly like him. The Koopa. Yes. It's the Woodman. Let me see it. I'm going to see this live action movie. Live action Mario movie was funny because their last name was Mario. He was like, I'm Mario Mario and I'm Luigi Mario. That was pretty funny. I just remember being a kid, watching it, getting hyped. I liked it. Yo, this is... I can't believe the console wars are over. This is like for real life changing. Yeah, I feel like the wave of relief. The Woodman? Yeah, I see him. Damn, this shit looked fucking sick, actually. It was sick. I don't think it's streaming anywhere. It's streaming on Amazon. Well, you may as well have a look for it. That's what chatGPP said. That was fuckers. ChatPP. I'm going to watch that tonight. It was a big night. I'm just watching people run around. Can't wait for football. Dude, you know what? La Mer last week, we were at the creek and La Mer tossed on the best of soapbox racing. Have you ever watched that before? Yeah, like Red Bull and the dudes do their own cars? Yeah, I go once. That was fucking awesome. We just missed it in Iowa. When he goes with me in Iowa, Nebraska in Iowa. Bro, that shit is fucking rules. It might have just been in Nebraska. I forget which one. It was that day. We got in too late. They were like, I just cleared the street. Dude, I was watching heavy critiques. I'm like, what the fuck are they doing? They're like, dude, it's soapbox. They just have fun and watch it. And I was like, no, I need to see one. Do you remind you of Mario and Luigi? Huh? Yeah, I don't know. For real? No, Mario and Luigi's a box, one of the cars. Do they really? Yeah, I've seen Mario and Luigi get wrecked in Red Bull. Oh shit. I swear to God. They had some cool ones, man. One of them was just like a giant castle. They get fucked up. Yeah, they get launched. Yeah, how do you like practice that? Because you must get hurt. I can see you like the crowd. If you put up the Red Bull decals, obviously I'll go all out. But like, just practicing that, you can get so fucking hurt doing that. Yeah, I doubt they even like practice that much. True. I think you have a couple beers and go fuck it. We built this thing. We just slide it down the road and fucking Des Moines, Iowa. That's a good day. I was getting kind of frustrated where I was like, dude, like you think these things would have better steer? I guess, you know, it's just people building them. I was getting like kind of pissed. They're like, right, brothers level cars. Yeah, they are. This thing's fucking never going to work. Yeah, I was like, dude, can I see one guy smoke this course? And it was like, no, nobody does it. I mean, it's, you know, hats off to doing it, but. Have you ever seen the Bobby Bobby Barbie car races? No. The guys is, uh, it's like in Texas, these guys, they go down this big hill and Bobby Barbie cars. Yeah. Yeah. And they just like a power wheel kind of thing. Yeah. The power wheels. Yeah. Like Barbies and power wheels. Yeah. The little Jeep things. Yeah. It's a Jeep thing. They take it down a hill and they fucking wipe out. Oh, those things would roll. Yeah. If you just put them on a hill, they would start moving. Yeah. I've watched tons of videos of just kids getting fucked up on those things, whipping it around, hitting a curb. That's great. Yeah. Now what a lot of people do. They don't get ejected from the cars. The kids stay in the house. They go forward. They go ahead first. They never get ejected. They're not like the Saudis. We have one. We have a power wheel and Maya's pretty good at driving it, but then Chloe will go gremlin mode and put her foot on the gas. We're like, stop. My turn to drive. Yeah. From the past. She's already practicing her fucking crazy girlfriend. She's already going to be a crazy girlfriend. She's like, what did you do? Yeah. I had to be dying tonight. They're pulling into the garage. You might as well be careful. And Chloe's went bank, gremlin mode. They're almost hit the car. It was so fucking funny. Stop. Stop. Total gremlin mode. Yeah. I get, yeah. Now a lot of parents have them on remote control, but you're getting like the power wheel, but you sit and control it remotely. That'd be so fun. It would be fun. I know it's not great parenting. It'd be fun. No, it's like safer. Yeah, I know. But you gotta let them ride. Yeah, you gotta let them ride. But that'd be nice. Dude, it'd be so funny fucking with them. Yeah. Just forward, backwards, forward, backwards. That's a good DUI. True. You can just sit in a lawn chair, have a couple drinks, fucking race kids. Just one eye in your kids. Yeah. Get me a controller. We got it. We got a controller. We can fucking Mario Kart with actual kids. That would be fun. That's awesome. Fuck. That'd be so fun. Good call. This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is brought to you by Dudewipes. Matt, take it from there. Well, let me tell you something about these Dudewipes right now, man. I'll take it right here. Here we go. I'm your butthole. Yeah. I'm your butthole. Me. The most overworked, underappreciated part of your body. Name two or three poor choices that your butthole never appreciates. For example, Buffalo Whings, Ice Coffee's, Gas Station Sushi. Yeah. There's, I mean, all of those. What's going on? This is disgusting stuff. Yeah. Jalapeno Poppers, Root Beer Floats. That's a weird one to tie to your butt. I don't know what that would do to my butt. Root Beer Floats. Yeah. They also put in here, two foot double ended. Yeah, that's bad for your butt. Corner store chili cheese dogs. I'm the one dealing with your poor choices. That's from the butthole. What? And then you drag a dry ass tissue across me like you're sanding a piece of shit coffee table until I'm a throbbing red balloon knot. Who the fuck wrote this ad? Dudewipes, available at retailers nationwide on Amazon. Look, they do fucking rule. You don't have to write that ad read. Yeah. They're good for your butt. It's, I mean having traveling with them is for real. Traveling with them is great. First day of traveling, my ass falls apart. Terms, it's just completely blistered. You get an oil slick. Exactly. And these are designed specifically to get rid of those. Well, the oil slick then irritates the skin. If it was just an oil slick, fine. But then your skin gets all irritated. But having these to come back from and just, like after like a warrior in battle just kind of dabbing it, you know, ah. But yeah. Dudewipes. Extra large, with wipes with scents like mint chill and shea butter. Stop being an A hole to your B hole. We take it all back. That's fucking cool. Yeah, that was great. Dudewipes. Available at retailers nationwide and Amazon. Yeah. We support this product. For sure. Dude, I'm a, I got crushed the other day by a piece of, I'm not even going to say it's bad information. I think I didn't take it in properly, but I was, I've been trying to like cut down on my caffeine because it's been getting a little bit out of control. So I'm just like, my brain's just looking for reasons like keep taking in lots of caffeine. And I saw, I didn't even watch the video. I saw like the thumbnail of a human video where he's like, you want to, you want to skyrocket your cortisol. It was like a chart on his Instagram. I don't think it was a video showing like why you want to skyrocket your cortisol. So I was like, he's right. I should drink as much coffee as fast as I can as soon as I wake up. And dude, I like had a whale of a day. That's nice. I had like, do you ever drink so much? You feel like you're just like your innards are just like, I almost feel like mechanical all the time. And so I'm dude, I had my second cold brew today. Maybe you can relate that. Yeah. Cause I had like, I was, I'd, I'd spiked my cortisol. I'm like, all right, I'm totally on protocol with human right now. I mean, maybe it was like do it through exercise. I didn't listen to the thing. I was just like, I'm just going to crush coffee cold brew right in the morning. And then I ended up having like a genuinely stressful day and was like, I thought it was going to fucking die. I was, it fucked me up. I'm trying to get back off the bean. I abused it. You're good at tracking what's doing what. I'll just be like, I had a good day. I don't know what the fuck caused that. Yeah. This is a good day. This is a terrible day. I knew it was the coffee though, cause I, I know I have a down kind of do a science and then it was just like, I was like taking a walk with my wife. She went to get some coffee and I was like, yeah, I'll fucking chuck a cold brew. He remember told me I need to spike. You went to, after I already had like a 24 ounce cup, I was like, it's time to spike the cortisol. That's my problem. I was walking in the morning in your neighborhood. Nice walk. Yeah. You're living a real life. Yeah. That's crazy. Taking a walk. I'm just walking with my babe. Yeah. I want to start going full old Indian men staying like 10 steps behind her with my hands behind my back. That's the dream. They take your babe for a walk. American women could never stand for that. No. They'd be so mad if you were 10 feet behind them. Yeah. They have to walk side by side. That's literally the only time I'm 10 feet behind her when she's already mad at me. She storms ahead. They have to be side by side. Yeah. Even in New York where everyone's on the sidewalk, you're like getting single file. Yeah. They're all people are passing. Yeah. Babes like to keep you right at their hip. Yeah. They're like walking. Yeah. They're not. They're really bad at walking. They'll pop. They'll bump you. They can't stay in a straight line. Yeah. That's why they need you next to them. Yeah. Yeah. I'm happy to help. My babe will hit the fucking, she'll hit the jets on me. She'll hit turbo. She's mad. She'll fucking speed ahead. She'll turbo off. And so it's always like, bro, you slow your little fucking ass down. She gets mad. Walks as fast as she can. I'm like, bro, I could fucking smoke you right now. You ever hit the slow down when they speed up? That's my move. Yeah. It's a good move. She gets mad and speeds up. I go slow and I'm like, we'll just part ways. Well, it's nice when you go slow and then they turn around and you go, you're all the way up there. What the fuck are you doing all the way up there? I didn't see you back there. Yeah, you fucking did. You know what you're doing. You know exactly what the fuck you're up to. Yeah. And then hit the jets. It's so funny. Angry jets is crazy. All the angry jets is so funny. I see you hit the angry jets. I'll hit them. Video game angry jets. I'll run. I'll run, dude. I'll run away. Angry jets is a type of. She hit me with the diabolical angry jets because we were like heading into like a preschool thing. Like a, you know, like two nights before school started. I got him. How much I fucking hate angry jets, bro. We're late for a dinner. She's going to rush in before me. Oh, it gets me out of the car into the front door. You're going to run through the front yard to get there. We got to walk in together. Yes. This is how diabolical was because I'm driving and we get into the fucking parking lot. I don't know why. And I've talked to other people, babes do this. Well, they'll be like, there's a spot right there. And it's like, yo, man, I'm driving when I don't like without you, I don't circle parking lots helplessly. Like I know how to pull into a fucking spot. If you say it, I'm not going to park in that spot. Now that's the worst spot. Yeah. I'm just now I'm not. I'll park over here. So I started as being like, I can park the car. I don't need your input. You know, I know where I'm going because it's like it's a new place. We don't, I don't know where you're going. Fucking. So she hit the angry jets. Conquisture. I know exactly where I'm going. She hit the angry jets on me and I like kind of could have gotten lost and I had no choice, but the fucking Harry up. I was like, fucking bitch, I had to fucking hurry up real quick. She could have lost. If I got lost, I would have never found a parking lot. I would have found it eventually. But I was just like, she hit the angry jets and I was like, God damn it. I actually do got to speed up right now. I don't know where the hell I'm going. I sat out of video of like exactly where to go and I was like, do you watch it? I was like, yeah, I'll watch it. I didn't watch it. So I don't know where to go, but yeah, that was the last set of angry jets I got. But then it was cool. She chilled out. The angry jets. Yeah. I was like, I had a girlfriend that would be so mad if we were late for anything. Yeah. Like lose your mind. Like it was like a mental issue. If we were like 10 minutes, like we were late to go to my parents house for dinner. Is your parents like we can be three hours late. Yeah, it's all good. It doesn't matter. She lost her mind in the car. Silent car ride, angry jets to the front door. And then right when you walk in, hey, how are you guys? Nothing, nothing. Fucking psycho. Nothing, bro. That's crazy. When you're fighting and they get a phone call and they're like, hey, he's like, yeah, where's that fucking energy towards me? Yeah, give me that energy. Yeah, why can't I get fucking hey? But we hit that. They get that from us though. Yeah. They hear me talking on the phone with having a blast. One of you guys. Yeah. Then she answers. Yeah. No, nothing. What'd you talk about on the podcast? Nothing. I swear to God. I don't remember. I don't remember. Okay. Well, if you're rushing me up, I'm not. I'm not rushing. I'm talking normal. Dude, it can be a fucking hour long phone call if I'm like, yeah. All right. I'm going to head out. It's like, fine. What? How are you? She has to say goodbye. I know. Yeah. She has to say goodbye. Oh, okay. What are you doing? I just, I don't want to be on the phone. The bros here this week, we were hitting some pretty hard good nights. Really? Gave in those guys. A couple good nights that week. It was uncomfortable. What do you mean? It's like everybody's just chilling. Watching Sicario, Sicario ends. Go. All right. Good night. Good night, guys. That's like, all right. Good night, bro. Yeah. And you close the door behind you in your bedroom and go, oh fuck. Is that guy, that guy put a hit on me? It's queried into blazes. Yeah. That was, I remember sharing the hotel room with said the kid because I would go to the small room to lay down. Good night. Sharing the room. Yeah. And it's have to be like, good night, dude. Good night. It's weird to hear the silence. Now you got whispered at night. Yeah. You go, hey, man. Good night. What are you thinking about? Sleep tight. Good night, dude. Because we watched that documentary about the heroin addicts. It's nice you said the kid though. Said the kid was great. I had the beezerine. Me and bees were sharing rooms. It's just a troll. It was crazy. Yeah. Me and said the kid got stoned and watched that HBO documentary about the heroin addicts followed over 30 years. And the guy. He died and explodes. His body apparently dead. Dead bodies. He melts at the end. He melts. And we just watched a guy turn into a puddle and then just like turning off for like. Good night, man. Good shit tonight in the little room in St. Louis. Good for you. I mean, it's so funny. The difference of your life. I mean, it's so funny. The difference of your life. I mean, it's so funny. The difference of you and said the kid. Yeah. It was me, O'Connor and Beezer. There wasn't one good night. Yeah. No one remembered one night. Every night people were like, you know what? Fuck you. Although that's three's company. That's someone's. Someone's club. Someone's sharing. Usually I started stacking those two at the end. Yeah. You can get those. But I would split rooms with the guys. My favorite story I've said a million times is me and Beezer were sleeping. Had twin beds. No, no, no. Okay. But I woke up in the middle of the night and he was facing the same way as me. The distance was less than this. We were laying on our sides. He was awake. And I was like, dude, what the fuck? I had to roll over. Nothing worse than being like 30, 30 something. We were old as shit. We were sitting at each other in a hotel room in Cleveland. My dad would hold it down. I'm sorry. I keep cutting it. It was also dark enough that I had took me a second to be like, his eyes open. Are we making eye contact? It's just the Beezer's face. He was like, yo, dude, what's up? God damn it, dude. I fucking my life sucks. My dad would have to get like, he would get like a job somewhere kind of far away. Dude, like it'd be like a three hour drive. So he would get the shittiest fucking motels. Yeah. It would just be like me, my dad, my brother, my uncle, Doc, one of my cousins and like four Peruvian dudes. And we would all be in like shitty motels. And I would just like share a room with like one of my uncles and be it's hell. It's disgusting. It's being like 27 sharing a shitty motel. Disgusting. We had no problem with pretty ladies. The story of fucking through. Fucking sucks. You know, but five in with them going like loud as shit you've ever heard. I'm just sunburnt for being outside all day. We ate at the worst possible place just in the middle of like nowhere. It's trash people. I was like, you believe how big this fucking steak is just eats a 24 hour steak. It was 12 bucks. Man, that was great. His ladies in a room is like. He was fucking farting his ass off. Yeah. Me and B's we were like a couple. He would snore atro pillows at him. It was yeah. Great times. Yeah. Yeah. My dad still held down like if he went away to work by himself, he would just eat ice cream and steak every year. He was like complete bad kid ice cream steak milkshakes. No, it's around. Yeah. It's just you and the ice cream. There's nothing else in the universe. He got a new he got his a atrial fibrillation river atrial fibrillation. You got to fix. He's like, I'm like, dude, you got to start chilling. He's like, my God, it's saying I got brand new heart fixed as a Fib. They go up through your leg. Oh, OK. Send a thing and like cauterize the vein. They go like through your whole body and cauterize the vein. Apparently I was talking to one of my friends who does like medical stuff and he said if you they're doing surgery and they have like your heart open, sometimes you'll just go into like a Fib. And he said they just take a little thing and tap it with a tool and it sends it back in a regular beating. Oh, what do we got here? Amber. Oh, yeah. Oh, crap. Well, missing child. Yeah. If you see your black shirt, black shorts, wears glasses, fucked up. Why are you looking around? Oh, the description was Nate. Nate's girlfriend put on the umbrella. What was the description? Kind of was, but it was a girl. Jesse. Look out for his 18 year old white guy. Be on the lookout for his SD guy in a rickshaw. I wish just wants to like finally see a guy. I get those umbrellas all the time. I feel helpless. They put out a fucking wide net there. That's probably like Houston. It's in like, yeah, it's in like so late. So hopefully nothing bad happens. And we'll be on video being like, it's fucking Nate. Yeah. It's usually a parent. Yeah. The umbrella is usually. That's a youngster for that though. What do you mean? They said the guy, the suspect who has the child is only 18. Oh, never mind. So maybe it's, you know, fucking that. It's not great. It could be an older brother. Older brother's like, I'm getting my sister. But usually it is a parent's being like fucking. Yeah, it's usually a dad. Yeah. Or a mom going without custody. Usually dad. Yeah. Sometimes you have to fuck up so bad in hockey custody. It's not even, it's not even funny. It is how you end up on an ambulance though. True. True. Yeah. Yeah. You're a crazy bitch. I'm going to call the cops. I'm doing it. That ride would be tight though. You're getting iced out. Now you're driving, you see the fucking, the description of your car on the fucking road sign. You go, ooh. You're at the aquarium. You're like, give me 10 more minutes, man. I'm just trying to get to the aquarium. That is such a fucking hell hole of a situation, man. Losing your kids? Yeah. Like having to stay, having to stay, do all that stuff. I'm a mistake, you're literally not allowed to see them. Yeah. You're too much partying. I was, I like volunteered briefly way, way, way back as like a volunteer for like assisting in like family court where like you had to like, I'd like go talk to kids who were in like up for foster stuff. And there was one dude, there was a dad who, I mean he was, he, you know, he needed to do better. But the funniest part was he failed the drug test for cocaine. But he knew the exact like parts per million in your bloodstream that it was allowed to be. He goes, what are you talking about? My levels are fine. The judge was like, no, I gave you mine, which is like, if you have any, it's over. He's like, well, that's unfair. Well, that's not right. Cocaine's going to get in there. Don't fuck. He was like, I had the fucking bump. I took a drug test and it didn't come up. She's like, that's why I gave you mine. He was like, this is bullshit. This is fucking unfair. That is kind of bullshit. The boy had a bump. I know. Can't even see his kid, dude. Obviously he's going to do a bump. Just wanted to bump. Can you imagine how happy anyone will see a kid? You're at the bar, someone's like, I got some coke. Yeah, fuck it. Yeah, for sure. Shit sucks. Yeah, or feel good for 10 minutes. Although he might have been at the bar two years before where he had his kid and was like, yeah, I love some fucking. For sure where it started. But at this point, fuck. Yeah, at this point, once you got, yeah, once you're not allowed. It's bump city. It's bump time. It's bump time. But I mean, he's supposed to be, I think he was in trouble for not making enough money. It was kids. That's even more bump time. I don't have any money. If someone goes, do you want a bump? Yes. That's why he doesn't have money. I know. It's a chicken in the egg. It's not. It's definitely the bumps fault. But once the bump's taken over, dude, you go fucking. Yeah, true. You just mean the bump. Yeah, or just be like, yo, let's get this coke up and see you fucking get a job on a forklift. Like let's fucking get a job on a forklift. Like let's fucking move this. Let's go. That's nice. Yeah, let's get the bumps up. We can go bumps to Lyons. Yeah. Get your warehouse job. We'll be doing fucking lines. The judge is just sending you like when bro has the bag, shmeagle meaves. Shmeagle meaves are nice. That would be nice to get like, cause you do have like deadbeat fathers and just be like, yo, put them on amphetamines, bro. Get these guys cranked up. Get a broom in their hands. Get them on the fucking construction site. Yeah. Get them messed up. Fucking go the opposite. I did it and almost worked. Well, yeah, exactly. He met the boys up and said, we love Czechoslovakia. Czechoslovakia is ours, dude. That would be it. It's like meth these guys up and get them on, get them in some grind set mentality. Cause you know, maybe they're going the complete different, you know, wrong direction with it. If you're in an office not doing meth, what are you doing? It's a fair point. That's crazy. You got to be stemmed up. Offices. I was stemmed up and gone to work and it was the best day of my life. It's awesome. I was walking fast around. Yeah. I was fucking just being mad, walking fast everywhere. You know what? I like working at this garage. I could work here the rest of my life. Doing demo with the coffee was the best. Just crushing like a 24 ounce coffee. Speaking of the devil, there's some coffee here. Ooh. Lemme ease quick to his feet. I used to work for my dad and just crushed coffee and just like break stuff. He's fucking sick. Yeah. Just drop and tire, drop ceilings, let him fall. Yeah. I was, Beezer gave me Adderall and I was at Toyota selling fucking mufflers. I acted like I knew what I was talking about. When I was on Adderall, I knew cars. You were an allied army. Yeah. I was fully anti-air. I was going, what are you fucking not going to take this? Listen to what I said. The soldiers abducted my fucking wife, you asshole. Shout out to the bro. True. He needs, I need a fucking, we need to get him in here, man. He'll come. Yeah. We got to get him in here, bro. Get people, get our fuck, get the bag up, man. We can all get shredded. We should take our shirts off for him and just fucking smother him. Dude, I would, he would murder me. You think so? If he was like, pop your top off. Devastating. He might change my life though. That's what he does. He motivates people. I could give him a hug and be like, thank you, bro. Yeah, true. I needed to be publicly humiliated on the internet. I saw a guy who popped his shirt off and then proposed to his girlfriend. Thank you, man. At the army convention. Proposed to his girlfriend at the, Andy, with his shirt off? Yeah, he popped his shirt off. Andy big upped him. Which I will say, you know, everyone likes to say, you know, the dark side of it is the body shaming, all that stuff. That's not great. But imagine Elliot being like, bro, you're so fucking jacked right now. That would be nice. And then you propose to your wife and then Elliot's just like, let's fucking go. That would be sick. I'd be so sick. Yeah. You watched the video like 10 years later and you're like, yeah, this was a good idea. Having Andy Elliot get hyped on you would be so sick. But yeah, when you, when she leaves you, you're back to being fat. You're watching your fucking wedding tape. Time to grind. You're sitting there. No, that is bump time. Dude, dude, I used to be so skinny. Andy Elliot said I was jacked at my wedding. Yeah, I have a bump. Having your marriage fall apart and all you have left is your video of you shirtless at the Elliott army. That'd be devastating. Although that guy's fucking probably making six figures a month, dude. So at least five months. So, you know, shut the fuck up. Six weeks grinding. He's grinding his fucking ass off. My hard work paid off. Packages by Expedia. You were made to occasionally take the hard route to the top of the Eiffel Tower. We were made to easily bundle your trip. Expedia made to travel. Flight inclusive packages are at all protected. This episode is brought to you by Simply Safe. And this Simply Safe On is the sound of peace of mind. Simply Safe sensors, HD cameras and 24 seven security monitoring protect your home inside and out against breakings, fires, water leaks and more. So you can relax. Visit Simply Safe dot code dot UK slash pod for an exclusive discount. Man, dude, I didn't I didn't. So I started to say I didn't finish the race. Oh yeah. I'll stop cutting off. No, dude, so it's him. I've stemmed up there and bumped up. It's Tim first in right now. Bumps it. But yeah, dude, it was supposed to be hard sand. So I show up and I was kind of nervous. I was like, fuck, man, he ran the 630 on a treadmill, which I knew like, you know, like it's not bad on the elements. So I had that on my side, but I was like, still 15 seconds ahead of me. But we get there and there's like this hurricane that's just like bouncing around the ocean right now. And apparently there was a storm. I guess a week or two before I came there that like transformed the entire beach. Yeah. So he was, you know, he stays there all summer. So he was like, he knew it was like, yeah, it's hard sand will be fine. I show up, dude, it was like soft like inches of soft sand. So we had to run like three lifeguard stands down, which is a half a mile then back. So like the whole mile dude, the first quarter mile was fucking soft, super, super soft, like top of the beach soft sand. That was, I don't know if it was dry. I can't even, I don't know if it was dry or wet or what, but it was fucking like your whole foot sank down. So we did a quarter mile in that and I'm checking my pace. He was pushing like a five minute, 30 second mile and fucking like the softest sand imaginable. And I'm just traveling. I'm like, there's no way you like this is. Yeah. You got to tip your hat. Yeah. It's a suicide. So I kind of slowed down behind him and he eventually slowed down. And then we got to that third lifeguard stand and we came around and I was just going to follow him the whole way. But I was like, let me push the pace a little bit and see what he's got in the tank. Push the pace turned around and he was he was lagging. So I was like, oh, he's playing with my head, man. He's going to fucking come flying up behind me. So I like gave it a good quarter mile push again, turned around. I was like, oh my God, he was back there. Yeah. And then I forgot there. I had pushed the pace, but now I have to do a whole other quarter mile and like the softest fucking sand imaginable. So I was dying and then I was like, all right, I see the finish line and Chloe was like pick me up and I obviously picked her up. Of course. It was it was quite it was wholesome. It's quite flex. So it was it was wholesome, but the flex coming off from my come from his perspective on this. It's a flex. The flex of a guy holding his his child picking up crossing the finish line. She's 35 pounds. Go on. Thank you, God. Thank you. I love my beautiful family. And you're back there dying and fucking. He was in the Sriracha Singlet. He was in a Sriracha Singlet. In a singlet. But he had the shorts. I also was telling you props to him for not I would have second you took the lead. Dude, he would have sat in the sand. I'm not laid in the sand and gone in the water. That's what I said. Dude, you took that seriously. That's so good. I was just fucking with you to try to make you run a mile. No, I had nothing but respect because he pushed it so hard to finish it out after coming off of like a pretty serious medical thing. Yeah. And it was like, dude, you are fucking psycho. He is a psycho. Just training for a month and it was real the hardest shit. It was the hardest kind of race I've ever done. Yeah. Just running in sand. Your wife sent me some videos. It was nice. And she did the start off. The start off was so mean. The start off was so funny. She was like, these two fat boys are on it. I was like, she's so mean to me. Yeah, that's funny. She's so my breath all the time. She was so proud of you though. She was proud. When you came back. She was pumped, but it was also like. But yeah, if you're an onlooker, you gotta be like, damn, this guy's an insane person. He had some weird looks because we were like right with each other running like trudging through the sand. But then afterwards there was like a, I guess he was a light. I've met one of the lifeguards there. He's a fan of the cast. He's a man. But there was another guy who was fucking sprinting after we were done. I think one of the lifeguards got him charged up and he was sprinting. He said, nobody's going to out work me. Nobody's going to out work me today. He was sprinting in the fucking sand. But yeah, the race was sick. But I do. I watched the thing today on Twitter where a marathon mom like the runner lady, the whole family was there and her kid, same situation was like reached out like mom picked me up and she blew past her whole family. And it was like fuck off and cross the finish line. It was like, I couldn't do that because it was in, there was a part of me being like, I don't want to fuck up my time, but I was like, I got to pick up my sweet angel, try to across the finish. But I think I did probably like seven something. I think I think I did like seven something in the sand. It's not bad. You're moving bro. I felt so fucking slow, but it was cool. It was a good, you know, it was all to me, I was like ready to trash talk, but I was like, no, it was, it was all all props to the horseman because that was for real, like an insane display that he was able to do that. I can't find my fucking workouts. It was about seven something. That's something to be proud of. Whatever. Now you should be proud. I hit the track. I got back to Monday. I hit the Tuesday. Hit the track hard again. I thought I was going to die. I was after my cortisol spike. I was like, I got to hit the, I ran the day after my cortisol spaz and for real thought I was having a heart attack. I finished cortisol. It's a stress hormone. It's just like a spike your stress with dude. I should read the whole post. I just saw the graphic and was like, any excuse to fucking chug some Joe in the morning. I was like, you know what, Hubertman, you're making a lot of sense right now. Let me just crush. So I need to drink more coffee earlier. That way my course all crashes. It's the same excuse people like you're supposed to drink wine. It's good for you. No, you're not. Apparently, the rest of the study, well, the study apparently was completely funded by like alcohol. Wine. Yeah. Like a 100 wine. Wine did the reserve at all. That was their big thing. There was an antioxidant in grapes called reserve at all. That's apparently good for you. Yeah. And they always go to Europe. They're like, this is why you're being so healthy. They drink wine with every meal. I think it's probably also a social thing. You know, you're hanging out with people. You're going to have a happier, better life. You're less likely to lay around and get sick. It's the hangout. It's the chill. It's the vibe. It's the Bdubs. It's the Bdubs Council. I had a Bdubs Council in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Did you really? Yeah. How was it? Hit the council for the UFC on Saturday. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it was great. You went to the dubs? Yeah. Assembled the council. That's nice. The council was me, Sam Town and Sam Reel. Good council. That is good. Also, Bdubs is approved by RFK Junior. They use the sea oils. They use the towel. Yeah, they do the beach towel. It was approved. Yeah, so. You're just following orders from when? You're just soldier following orders. I was listening to the fucking final go to beat ups. What's your stance on 32 ounce Bud Lights? Yeah, you're obviously, you're out at their good feet. There's no sea oils. Dude, I mean, if two a day are good for you, why not 18? Why don't I have two pitchers? Yeah. That's good. But yeah, man, that was a sick week, man. We did the beach. The beach was very fun, like hanging with the fam and then just did the dreaded show at the Atlantic City Ocean Casino Resort. Why was it so dreaded? Dude, it was great. It was fun. It was great. It was good. It was just new stuff. I picked out trying to do that much new. It was an absolute psycho move. Yeah. But it was fun. My heart, my heart was in it. I just got two, I got two pumped on the John Martin documentary because the whole time they would they would talk about how like he was, he was like a really good musician and he would work with like labels and stuff and they'd be like, bro, you're, you got the goods. Just make this one album. You're good. He would go, couldn't do it. I'd have to make what I wanted. He'd make the weirdest bullshit and it would never work out. Fuck yeah. It was tight though. He was just like, yeah, why I could have done that. Why would I do that? He's like, I'd rather just play what I want. And then he's like, it just is what it is. Which, you know, I'm not, I'm not liking myself to JM. Obviously. But it was, it heartened me. It was like, just do the stuff you like doing and just have fun. So it's cool. Yeah. He was, him and his bro would hit the bar, just crush pints, play a show in like a theater hall and he goes, we couldn't get back to the pub fast enough. They would go back, crush the Guinnesses. Yeah. I was thinking about it. I kept sending you all the things on the plane. That shit fires me up. Eventually. Yeah. But it ended, the ending was rough. It was definitely a cautionary tale. It's going to be a crash landing. It was a complete crash landing. His diet. So like the funny part was, was like, they started the documentary. The starting point was that like he was laid up in a neck brace because he had been driving drunk and crashed. Now I get a fucking neck brace. He had the brace and he crashed into a cow on the countryside and got like fucked up. He's drunk. He's drunk. He's drunk. Dude, it's a hell of a run dude. It's a hell of a run. I know. And then he just drunk hit a cow in a neck brace. No, he, the neck brace is from hitting the cow. No, I know. Fucked. No, I know. I'm saying, yeah. That's how it, like, I mean, that's a legend. And then there's like pancreas. One of them, something exploded is, couldn't drink and then all he would do is drink whiskey and eat pickled eggs. That was the doctor. Like you got to get it together. And he's like, all right, whiskey and a pickled egg diet. Just farting himself in your blip. The farts, the worst farts of all time. He was a big guy at the end. Yeah. He's a big boy. Big dog eating fucking eggs and whiskey. He was like a, if you look up old videos of John Martin, he was just like a, like a thin rock star type and he became a frill. Dude, whiskey and eggs is crazy. You're gonna be a freak. If whiskey and eggs and he had like a mangled foot and then they chopped off at the end of the documentary. It was a smell so bad. It was crazy. Dude, they wheel, he was doing like, he was for real, like a huge musician and he like was off the road for a while and it ends with him just doing a show and a pub. He was like a, like, he had like a cult follow. Exactly where I wanted to be. Awesome. Dude, it's for real. He was small Irish pub and just fucking rips a show for like 40 people. That's heavy. Can't get up. It really was. It's heavy. Sitting down. He can't stand up anymore. I'm sure everything hurt, but. No dude, he couldn't get there. And then the funniest part was he didn't think of any of the, so he just showed up and like no one had any idea where to plug anything in. He just was like, oh fuck, I didn't plan this out at all. Do his dying day. It'll work out though. Dude, I mean, he's a fucking man. He's, if I, if I end up back at Kelly's. Great run. Huge bro. Yeah. Sit down at the stool. Sit there. Go missing foot. You guys want your Trump impression? Give me another Guinness. I'll do a Trump impression. Yeah, he's the fucking bro, dude. John Martin's absolute beast. He was, I think Eric Clapton covered one of his songs and then him, he was like, he hung with like the big dogs and also a, dude, who was he? Phil Collins. Him and Phil Collins got divorced at the same time and just lived in a house together and both worked on separate albums and they would be in like recording and they'd have to take turns like fighting with their ex wives. And Phil Collins was like, it was honestly like one of the saddest periods of my life hanging out with that guy. But he goes, I got a great album out of it and the guy was a fucking man. They would both be the, they was that, yeah, that's dude. Look at that. Give that bro to the give him his respects. Show him to the cam, man. John Martin, final form, absolute fucking beast. Let me take a look at that one fucking foot in the pub in the chair. He's so far, dude, so fucking sick. I've been studying all the songs. He does like crazy. Every song is in like the weirdest tuning possible. He just completely rearranged. What? He's hammered. And his live performances. Let me see that. Let me let the bro fucking glimpse this. Bro, that is absolute heaven. Bro, it's Kelly's ball wheelchair at the pub. He's the best. He's for real the best. Let me show you the before and after is crazy. Yep, there he was. There he was just slowly. He must have done those eggs. Oh, bro, he got so big. So many eggs. I think one of his organs exploded. He turned into a robot. Nick, dude. Yeah, he's truly the fucking man. All of his live performances. He's like, you can hear how coked out. He is the entire time. He's like, hello and all that or whatever. OK, now I've been wearing this shirt for seven days in a row. He went to sit down and went from me. Yeah, come on now. Let's do it. Him and his bro did an album for or a promo like a promo for an album where they were supposed to be like boxers in a ring. Just that was like the picture. And then out of nowhere, like while they're taking pictures, he has slugged his boy. Obviously. He was absolutely the fucking man. Yeah, John Martin, he's I've been getting real deep into his stuff. He's excited for the Oasis. Yeah, I'm fucking away. I'm very pumped on those guys. You see Oasis in Chicago. Yeah, that'll be nice. Very exciting. That's that's the best part. I like when guys do like in between songs, they just talk and fuck around. Like yeah, I caught him doing it. He's got it down. He's nice. They're both I watch. I watch their videos as much as I watch them listen to music. Yeah, it's awesome. They're YouTube videos of them just talking shit. So fucking funny. They want to interview where they I love it when he's like, how do you handle hangovers? Back to the pub. Don't dwell on it. Fuck yeah. Yeah, English guys get after it, dude. Yeah. English guys don't fuck. Apparently the pints in America I've learned are they're a lost art. In England, it's like a whole. It's like as much detail as we put into like latte art over there, like getting that foam top on the beer is like a whole different thing. Their beer is more carbonated, apparently. So they want to they fill the overfill the beer on purpose to get that fucking. I have all this talks make me want to split the G a little. I have an English bro who tasks me. He goes if you showed me a picture of a point, he goes, if you know anywhere that serves a point like this, let me know. I need I need it. Bro. But yeah, I have a I do like the. I'm I'm on a big English kick right now. It's good. They're funny. They are. They are funny. Do you see the meme of like the archetypal English life or life of an English guy? And it's like, no, it's just like it's like a true a true Brexit. Geese, dude, it's just like a seven step point or checklist where it's like, you know, go to uni, graduate Thailand trip with the boys. Job here, beat wife, die. It's so. Shit rocks. Yeah, they're good bros. The English are good bros. We definitely check out the there. I think there's a couple of John Martin documentaries, but dude, it's fucking. This one is like I watched it. I was like, damn, this is fucked. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. Matt, what was your favorite part of last football season? Super Bowl. Yeah. 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The camera got these all that red light. It got to them. Yeah. Goodbye. I'm going to repeat that. But that's what he loved to do. I watched a way worse documentary. Did I tell you this last week about the cameraman in Iraq? No. Don't watch it. I feel what it's called. It was this guy who like it's a it's a good documentary. But the way it ends is fucking horrific. What happens? He's following soldiers around. They shoot an Iraqi and let him die. OK, like they like drag him because by law, we're supposed to the United States is supposed to try to revive someone. OK, like help them. Was it a civilian? No, he had a gun. He was shooting at them. So they were like, yeah, but it's on camera. They he just sits there and films this guy die. And you see the guy like. Like it's yeah, fucked. That's the enemy. Of course. But you know, watching it's fucked up. Filming it's crazy. You have to revive the guy. Yeah. What? We're supposed to at least give him medical attention. We are the nicest, dude. Yeah, we could destroy. Yeah. But so it is weird. Like you have to shoot them, but you also have to try to revive them. I mean, it's not I get the point. It's nice, but that's also fucking weird. Like, I guess you don't. I guess you want to these guys didn't. Yeah, you're sitting there like fuck you, dude. If someone is laying there dying, the guy that one of the troops comes over is like, oh, yeah, you thought you were fucking cool a second ago. Now look at you. You're fucking dead. If someone was shooting at me, I'd be angry as well, though. I'd be furious. Yeah, especially if you're all the things they've seen. Yeah, like you saw your friends get shot. Yes, exactly. That's such a weird. If somebody harmed you and I saw them die, I wouldn't be like help them. If somebody tried to end my life, I wouldn't be like, all right, guys, time out. Because then you can also get shot while you're helping the guy. Yeah. Unless I mean, do they have another form into the shelter? Yeah, you just talk shit to him. Yeah. Put a blanket over his head. They're like, he's dead. Clearly not dead. Well, you can. But you can still talk shit to them and try to like put a bandaid on. Yeah. And this guy just filmed the whole thing. Yeah. So that was I thought. This guy was fucked, though. He was an Australian dude and he was he got to Iraq right away, like right before the war started. Yeah. And he got like embedded with a bunch of people, but he became like a liaison between Al Qaeda. So Al Qaeda was giving him their tapes to give to the press. And he would go out with them at night. What? And film them firing mortars into like US bases. They were he died. I thought you were telling me this guy dies. He makes it. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. What's it called? A. No. It's older. Yeah. I see one car. Cameraman story from 2003. And another one called. No, that can't be right. Not a single one doors. That's kind of how the fuck to even set that up. Like, yo, guys, I'm going to. Can I have some of your? Yeah, I guess it is only the dead. And Michael Weir. Yeah, that must be it. Unless there's a different Australian version of that. Does that how that ends? That's our colleagues in it. Yeah, that's it. So that's how it ends. This is him filming a guy die for like 10 minutes. His soldiers getting trouble. I bet the soldiers got in trouble. Oh, man, what a dick. Yeah. Why do you film that? I don't know. But I guess it's this job. When you watch it, you there's I know you can't understand. We can't understand. Now, watch you die. I die and see and dudes be like, fuck him. It's like, yeah, some harsh. Yeah. I mean, it's the harshest. The worst thing ever. The meanest you can be. So worse. Yeah, I was just laying on the couch. Watch it. Like. Fuck, I got to play with the Toledo Rockets. So we got to get some action. Yeah. But if you're like, I mean, it's not even competitive. Not even be the word. But like, I'd be you'd be so charged up, dude. You're in a firefight. Yeah, I couldn't. You're not even thinking clearly. That's when people talk about like cops and shit. It's like, dude, so they just got shot at. Yeah. So yeah, the empty to clip in them. It's like, it's not nice. You shouldn't do that. But it's like, bro, I'd be I'd spaz the fuck out. Yeah. I can hardly not spaz like driving with my wife. Dude, they the footage of him filming. It's like night vision of all the Alcada guys is like, it's scary, bro. Yeah, dude. And it was right when David, his name is David Pearl, right? The guy got his head. The journalists. Oh, no. They got beheaded. So this guy, this guy was crazy. He was like willing that he's like, yeah, I'll meet up with you guys. I get they might cut my head off. But oh, yeah. Damn. Yeah, they show that a little. They show the pearl thing a little in the documentary. That's a tough one. Yeah, that's fucked up. It's really they like show it right before they cut his head. And then they you hear his audio of it. It's so bad. Oh, no. It's never a clean. It's a knife. It's literally. Oh, Jesus. It's a saw every time. Oh. Yeah, it's really bad. Oh, I knew that the Iraq war was bad. Yeah. So I just found out it's 2025. I'm still confused how they even like fight wars now with all the technology. It's like it's crazy. Like you have satellites giving you all the image you think though. But Ukraine, Russia is right trench warfare. Yeah, just with shitty like Walmart drones. God damn. Just come in and blow you up. Yeah, but like, oh, man, I guess every I guess everyone, not everyone, but I guess the major powers have competing technology. So yeah, you can like do like. So Russia would be going wild. You would think are they not? It didn't hundreds of thousands of people die. No, they yeah, a lot. But I just mean like the technology. It's so weird. The technology now is like you set up fucking like fishing wire above your line so drones can't come in. Really? Just like lines. Yeah, there's just wires everywhere. What? Yeah, it's it's fucked up. Oh, so it's a little like you got to warfare with a canopy of like tiny wires. Stop the drones. Yeah. It's it's crazy. That's fucking scary. The scariest. Yeah, dude, watch. I mean, don't watch it. I guess it's like it would have to the canopy would have to be like the sides blockated to so you have like a tunnel every once while. I've seen drone footage of one getting into like a tunnel. Oh, no. Yeah. And the drones are just like doing little robot. They're just drones. They're literally like. Yeah, yeah, like the shitty Walmart drones. But they are they weaponized? Yeah, just tie a fucking grenade to it. So scary. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, dude, let's yeah, we got to all come to the table, dude. You got to come. They came to the table this week. I heard. Yeah, that's good. It was nice. I watched the Trump dogs, Linsky, Macron. I watched them at a table. They were their buddies. But there was no Russians at the table. Putin was not there. They're trying to get one of his bros. No, it was just I think it was like a securities guarantee. I forget exactly what that is with Ukraine. Isn't it going in the way of like Russia's going to get a little bit of Ukraine? I don't think they're going to take it over. That's the that's like the problem. Yeah. Zelensky is saying we're not going to concede that territory. Yeah. And. But also we won't join NATO. That's kind of the kind of big thing. All right. And I think Russia wants Ukraine to demilitarize. Which yeah, if I'm Ukraine, I'm going. Not so fast. True on a second. Yeah, true. They're just like complete coming in with tanks. It's like, yeah, we're going to leave. But you know, you don't get to have guns anymore. We'll be back in five years. Yeah, true. I don't know. Maybe. I mean, yeah. I like seeing Trump on the roof, dude, when he was walking around the roof. What was he doing on the roof? He's just up there taking a walk. He was on the roof of the White House. The reporters like, Mr. President, what are you doing? He was just. Going for a walk. I like that before you go to the negotiating table. Stroll around on the roof like fucking Zeus at Spod's house. Yeah, dude, these guys are retarded as fuck. You just took a roof stroll. Took a mad dog walk, dude. What's it like? Like a wrap around there? There's no like garden or anything. The roof is like HVAC. You just walking around up there. No, I'm wondering why are you up there? Hopefully they figure it out, man, because we got. That's good, though, before meeting. Yeah, get on the roof, stand on the roof, watch the watch your guests come in. Yeah, like Batman. I mean, dude, I'm still mystified. Like how much is a dumb question, but like how much to say does the president really have? And do they have like the final word for real or are there people being like, yo, bro, like, no, you have to because I guess they're just getting advised. And then we're talking deep. Say, I guess he's not. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. You know what I mean? But it is tight to just get up on the roof. I'm making a big decision right now. I was thinking up here. He didn't even say he was thinking. He literally reported yelling and he goes, just take a walk. Jesus Christ. I'm back. That's all it takes. Give me one fucking shot of him walking on the roof. I'm like, yeah, that's the bro. Guys, if I say guys, I forgot about episode. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Forget about the fucking list, dude. Yeah. The letter, the letter is hopefully it's not real. They did. Trump continues to just do the best work of all time. Never bring it up. Yeah. Let's go. This will pass. It will. These fuckers will forget about it. It will. It'll pass. It will. It is. It is funny just to be like, bro, like, man, that's such fucking old. That's old hat. It's crazy. That's such old news. Yeah. I've been I've been seeing a because it reminded me of that because they used a lot of the Dems use like weirdo on a lot of the repubs. Yeah, they're they're weird. Yeah. I now there's I get a lot of like parenting stuff. And now there's people going viral and they all do it. There's like they all see one thing and then they start copying it. But there's a bunch of like parenting experts being like, don't make your kid weird. You know what I'm talking about. And everyone's like, yeah, it's just like a weird like, like, what are you talking about? And what he's going to be weird. Yeah. If you're a parent watching Tick Talks about not making them weird. That's what I'm saying. You got a weird kid. I think my kid who's been sitting on a couch, watching me play a dynasty with Toledo, he's going to beat the fuck out of your kids. It's chill. He's been watching the guy in the film. But it's like it is weird. They're coming out being and it's like, I don't know if it's like purposely like to get people to argue in the comments, but it's like, you need to make them not weird. It's your responsibility. And you know what I'm talking about. So people being like, oh, I know what he's talking about. It's like they're all fucking weird as hell. Is it like a homophobic? No, I don't think it is. Me like, dude, don't make it. Maybe that would be the fuck I'm talking about. They don't make me say it. You could better not be weird. I don't know what they're talking about. We have that gay shit at my school. That's coming up for me a lot. Just being like, you it's your job to correct that. Teachers have to deal with weird kids and it's not fair. It's like what do you say? I get it. I'm with the teachers on that. I think you're having fucking weird ass kids show up to school. Yeah, but they're like you can't. That's just like your parents are. I always I always equated it to if you had like super nerd parents. Yeah, you're going to raise a nerd. Same with fat, fat families or a thing. There's no harm in the the nerd kid. I mean, he's going to just I mean, as a teacher, as a smart nerd. Yeah, that was that was a big revelation. Dumb nerds. Dumb nerds. Mostly dumb. It's not a fucking big bang theory. They're dumb as shit. Yeah. And they're mean dumb fuckers. I I got fucked in college. I cheated off the nerdiest looking kid and he was a dumb nerd. We both got like 74. So I was like, what the fuck, dude? Why do you look like that? You can't even walk normal. I figured you would ace this test. You walk fast as hell. I thought you were the smartest kid alive. You walk in a 45 degree incline so fast. Yeah, I was this kid was like such a wretched nerd that I was like bingo. Here's my ticket through this class. I got a 75. My hair is laughing because he's a dumb nerd. I would have thought you were a super genius, dude. It's a 45 degree angle guy. But he got me. 90 pound fucking book bag. On his tippy toes at all times. Tippy toe Walker, no friends, giant book bag. You know, this kid's going to get a 95. You'd think you crushed the bio exam. I my mom gave me a booklet of like basically grade school of like all my report cards, pictures, all this stuff. Dude, I did so good from like first to third grade. Yeah, I didn't really I was like crushing it in school. I I don't even remember this. I had like in first grade, I was in like the Garner Valley newspaper for fucking spelling bee. Apparently I was a spelling whiz when I was little. I can't I can't spell diarrhea still to save my life. I lose every time I'm like, it is impossible. I might get a private tutor just to teach me how to spell diarrhea. Every time I try to write a text message, I try to write it like four times a week. I spell it so badly it's not even known close. Spell checks, not even close. I can't treat it. Daughter. It's like, no. Every time diarrhea. Like, dude, come on, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, exactly what I'm talking about. Dude, it's been really funny. This will go in back through all my report cards. I was such a good little kid. I was bro. I was the number one. Oh, you were a good boy till seventh or eighth. Till puberty. I think fourth. I think I got straight A's until like seventh or eighth grade. I turned bad in like fourth. I remember I got to C for my last report card ever in eighth grade. Really? I had to call my parents. I was getting O's. I got a fucking C and they were like, I don't give a fuck. There's getting O's and VG's. Religion. I was. Bro, I think when I was real young, like first and third, I was getting some I was a bad kid. Really? Yeah. I was a good boy, bro. I thought I was like bad when I was here. I remember getting in trouble, but I was getting like it was kind of. Yeah, I wasn't like bad. Yeah, I was just getting like redirected. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But no, I also and it's funny. It wasn't like getting kicked out of school for being a sex pervert. No, that was off the table. I do. It's funny seeing like reading the shit you wrote as a kid. I keep cutting you off. I'm so sorry. Please, please. My dad would beat the fuck out of me if I got kicked out of a school for being a sex pervert. Wasn't it wasn't an option, bro? I would get fucking dude. I would get beat. I'd be here. You'd be done. No, that was it wouldn't be like a belt or anything. It would be like a fistfight. Yeah, beating this disrespect was a big one. If I like if I dress code violations, he'd be like, come on, man. Yeah, if I was like disrespectful, I would get my ass kicked. No offense to your parenting. I'm just putting myself in the shoes of them finding porn at school. I'm getting the fuck beat. I think you shouldn't have went through my thing. For sure. She was she was always star. That guy's kind of she was always on my ass. I think it was a whole long thing. It might be that that's a positive of having African American parents. What? Like, did you even have a warrant to go through his phone? My parents don't have to be like, you did the right thing, sir. Yeah, they did. My mom, they neither one of them did that. They were they were. But do you have a warrant? My son ain't a fucking sex pervert. No, it wasn't. It wasn't. I don't remember me. Yeah, I was not that big. I was I was 16. I didn't know you were on the road. 16. Yeah. Are you 10th grade? 16. Yeah, 16. Yeah, I guess that's old enough that I wouldn't have got my ass beat. Yeah. And the pictures are just pictures. Yeah, picture pics. Getting kicked out of school, though, I would have got it would have been the apocalypse if I got kicked out, it would have been. Yeah, I'm over in school. Suspension, my dad belted me. Yeah, you get in trouble for it. When did you get in school? Suspension. Seventh, eighth grade school in school. Suspension. Eighth grade. Yeah, that's death sentence. Got the belt. By the time I got in high school, it wasn't. Yeah, by the time I didn't do anything that bad. What'd you do? Fucking laughed because my friend farted during stations of the cross. That's bullshit. And then when I got detention, I yelled he farted. And she was like, that's two in one day. That's in school. Suspension, you're out. Get out. Stood in the hallway, cried, just going, my dad's going to beat the fuck out of me. I called it. Yeah. Yeah, my dad chilled by the time we got in high school, it was just you just get high school. Yeah, it wasn't getting like you weren't good because I got suspended in high school. Crazy to belt me in high school. Dude, I was like six, three, two, seven. By then, yeah. By then you're too big. By then, like, especially like, you know, me and my three brothers could have ganged up, tried to fucking do some damn. I started beating Phil's ass. Did you? Junior and senior year. He would have won in a fist fight, but wrestling, I could tackle him and hold him down. I thought I could. I stepped up to my dad freshman year and he like picked me up. Freshman year. Freshman sophomore year, he was still hitting me. Yeah, I thought he like slapped in the face for drinking. Like, did you drink? No. Took my shirt off. I was like, I'll fucking fuck you right now. You fucking pussy. Run back upstairs and cry. Cry to my mom that I'd run back downstairs. They all fucking beat your fucking ass. You're a fucking drunk. I'm not a drunk. Just having like four fruit punch in vodka. Yes. Fuck you. I was wearing a white Michael Victor. Is he? It's covered in fruit punch. I kept coming down the steps. We all you fucking pieces. Yeah. He was drunk enough that he was talking shit back. He was like, yeah, right pussy. I'll fuck you up. I was like, I said, dad, you got to be like, shut up. I think he actually tried to shut up like five times. I stepped to my dad one time. I think freshman year. I was like, what, dude? What are you really going to do? And he was he just like stared at me for several seconds. It was like, get the fuck out of my face and go upstairs. I was like, yeah, I was like, thank fucking God. Yeah. I was so I was like swaying on my feet drunk. And he was probably just tidy whites, just being like, bro. I now, especially knowing how fucking angry they were. Like, dude, there was they were fucking dying. Six kids just working and one of them taking a shirt off me and like, you piece of shit. I'll beat your ass. Just going to go to bed. Just doing. I was full shed. Dude, hard physical labor. The body came video of the guy at the hospital or the guy at the hotel. We didn't watch that. No. Oh, you would have loved it. What do you do? Chris O'Connor showed me this is this extremely drunk guy at a hotel. I was just keeping like, Shad, go to bed. His name is Shad. Shad is crazy. And he's like, no, no, I'm not going to bed. You motherfuckers. And like, Shad, come on, dude, just go to bed. No, I'm not doing it. It's an hour of when you left, you put on cops. Big body cam footage right now. You left a good video. The guy probably was beating his girlfriend. They were both kind of like coked up and drunk. And he was sitting outside and they were just like, dude, just all if you all got to do is leave. All you got to do is leave. He's like, fucking out of here. And he would take his sneaker and be like, fuck, you just throw it on the ground. And then finally, he starts to walk away. And then one cop is like, kind of knowing, like, dude, we can't send this. This guy's a loose cannon. They're like, come on, man. He's like, I thought he said I could leave. And they're like, now you're under arrest. He's like, fine. Then he goes to the car and he goes, bang, slams his head. He goes, why'd you guys make me do that? They love doing that. Yeah, that's a sick move. There's my favorite one I just watched recently. It was a domestic dispute. But it looked like it was clearly the lady. The guy was all fucked up and she was fine. Cops are good at sniffing that out. She had a couple before that with different guys. But they go inside, they interview everybody, and then they come back outside. She's the one who was like, get him. Get him right now. She walked up to the cops. I feel like that's a rule of thumb. The first person you see in a domestic dispute was the beater. Yes. I swear to God, every time. They spin her around to put the cuffs on. The back of her shirt's a giant logo of a twisted T. It says it's a bad day to be a twisted T. So nice. And arrested in the bad day to be a twisted. I mean, there are you know, many people across the country caught the twisted fury from their wives and girlfriends. Just to hit you and call the cops twisted metal hits you and calls the cops cops come. You're just like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, just got off of work. Yeah, that's hell. That's truly hell. Yeah, I never like I constantly marvel at how hard the wheels can come off in a home life. And it's not that hard, dude. It can happen so easily. It's like it's just not that hard, especially if you grow up and you have like no decent example. Yeah. And you just now you're married and you're like, hold on a second, I remember what to do. Yeah, if she yells, I can make her stop yelling. Maybe my stepdad was right after all these. Maybe my mom was a bitch. My stepdad was the fucking man. Yeah, I'm going to hit her. I'm going to see what happens. Throw a fucking jab. Throw a combo in the kitchen. I mean, it's crazy. There's no classes on that. If you are not hitting just on like how did like co exist peacefully like nobody knows how to do it even. No one can calm a lady down. Nobody can do it. No one on earth. But you said like if you you could barely read, you have you're just it's just your daily experience. You have like maybe an old grandfather who was like in the picture and worked at a factory. Now you got to deal with an angry drunk lady. And also also you're wrecked. You're hammered. You're hammered. It's a bad day to be. Of course. It's a terrible day to be a twisted. I'm not saying it's right, but it's like it's it's like it's an it's an impossible situation for anyone to figure out, let alone somebody on like maybe a seventh grade reading level being like you're getting absolutely mind fucked by a lady after you're working at a job that sucks and she's drunk and you're drunk to try to peacefully figure your way out of that maze. I would say is impossible. It's impossible. And again, you can't hit a lot. Especially see she swings first. It kind of hurts. Yeah. You go, I didn't think that was going to hurt. You fucking scratch my face. It hurts. Now you know I can't let you get close. You shoot the legs. Hey, you just reacted. You're reacting. I can't let you get close. Shoot the legs. Fucking full on fucking Homs Adam. The cops coming is beat the shit out of you. And then you get your ass beat by the cops. Cops come kick your ass. Although I'm telling you cops, I have just heard enough stories where they're pretty good at ferriting out when it was just a lady going nuts. Yeah, because they'll come. I've heard enough people think of a guy goes nuts. It's obvious. That's kind of I think that's the case. Fucking damaged. Yeah. Yeah. That's I think that's their indicator. It's like, yeah, you know, if this guy hit you, you'd be like for real fucked up. Yeah, I don't know. I could be wrong. And usually those guys aren't fucking suddenly smart enough to be playing it cool in front of the cops. No. Yeah. Usually they're back in the house and I have a gun in here. You have to fucking kill me. Get the fuck out of my house. Yeah. Yeah, I have a gun. I think if you just come up and just see a dude sit on the front porch, just like holding his head, you're like, all right, here's a victim. Right. He's got the nice back. If someone's just like pacing their porch like. Why'd you do shit? Fuck off my property. You know what? Yeah, that's hell, man. It can really descend into a hellscape so easily. Yeah, it's terrible. Yeah. And it's I feel like it's. I'm not going to say that norm, but it's like through like a bad neighborhood. The house is a lot of times when it's criminalized. True, you know, true. That's true. And it was fully legal. It was legalized. It was a little quiet. Yeah. Then they said, legalize it. We got legalized. Tired of this fucking government regulation. That must have been crazy to be the first group of dudes where they're like, no, it was like the 90s. They think it was our parents. It was. Yeah. Yeah, they true. Yeah. True. We deal with pronouns. They have to deal with fucking not fucking absolutely gut punching. Not those in the combo. Not going straight to the body. Going straight to the body hooks. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you're in. You're deep into your deep in the ninth inning of an argument. It's like, no, you said this and you're like, I can't remember what I said. Yeah. I'm going to do the annexation of Puerto Rico, dude. It's time. It's time for my trick play. The Philly special. Philly, dude, you got hit in the headset talking to the coach. Philly, Philly, you want to run it? Yep. Let's run it. I still think we should legalize bouncer protocol, because if you're a bouncer, they get to deal with angry drunk women. You know, you have to do it. You have to get them on the side of your hip, fold their arms across their breast and you can physically remove them from the establishment. That's legal. Yeah. If you don't feel like arguing anymore, you should be able to come here, fold her arms across her chest, bounce it into a bouncer, into another room, back yard, just back yard. Sprint, bro. Yeah. You can't back in. You can't back out. No, you'll be howling at the moon. You can't back out. But it's like that's riding the tiger, though. You know what I mean? That's holding the tiger's ears. Holding the tiger by the ears. You go, I can't let go. I got thoughts even the back yard. You should just have two safe rooms where you let's like you should just get a panic room. A panic room. Because I can fight your wife. You press a button, the bookshelf closes. Panic room is nice. That's nice. And I like people who barricade themselves. Barricaders are nice when you just fucking suffer some reason, stack like four mattresses in front of your door. The cops kick it. I know it talks about to be forever. It makes me laugh every time. Barricading. Barricaders are so funny. It's a sick move. It's just like a mental. It's like some form of mental break where you're like, I don't want anyone to get in here ever again, but you don't have like enough stuff. And the door ends up opening out. You go, oh, shit. Yeah, right through my fucking barricade. It's just one piss soaked mattress. Yeah, door opens out, you get tased. Fucking sucks. I always forget the watching that watching cops and seeing dudes get chased down, man. It's like the gear those cops have on them. It's crazy that you get caught. I don't know if I'm just talking from hitting the track, but it's like you're I'd get hooked down by anybody. They're not a lot of them aren't running like that, though. Doesn't matter. I'm getting hooked. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for sure. I'm going to shed some tackles though. True pad level. Yeah, you're gonna get some dirty. Watch it. I'm nice in the. They knew I had fucking top speed. They didn't know I could also beat you in the shuttle. You would get dirty. I mean, I get a lot of dirty yards. Bouncer cover that backside. Come on, come on, man. You get arm tackle from backside. The end you can't you can't run on my team. True. That's what I'm saying. I do. I still want to do a community day where you do a thing where like you can have cops try to catch you. They have all their gear on and you just go to like a big football field and like maybe some like obstacles and you run an obstacle course with cops trying to like use a radio to catch you. That would be so fun. I think you can arrange that. Yeah, that'd be sick. Don't bring those fucking honkass firefighters. No, I'm keeping them at home. Bring them and you can fucking have them block for me. Yeah. Or you can sneak one. You can join the cops and go, we're tasing firefighters. The firefighters are going to try to escape. You should put up a battle. You should get a battle going. Cops are as firefighters. That would be nice. Firefighters get hoses. Cops get tasers. I think cops are as firefighters. They're going to get close to the fire. The flag football game would be nice. I can be steady Q. Tackle. Yeah, tackle foot would be nice. Yeah. They all have good insurance. So if they like get hurt, who cares, it'd be fine. Yeah, I might. Speaking of ball, though, I got to I got to address the. Yes, I wore Texas gear in a commercial, dude. So what? What are people coming down on you for that? Yeah, Christoph Waltz is not actually a Nazi. Sometimes actors take on roles. That's what the fuck. Wait, what's you have to fill me in? I don't do a Bud Light commercial. Just came out and it's we're supposed to be Texas fans. Yeah. So what was the? Not a traitor for not wearing. Well, like I'm saying, I'm actually a Notre Dame fan. Yeah, for sure. But you know, I'm an actor, dude. It's Bud Light commercial. Oh, right. I'm a Thespian, dude. Yeah, you're playing the role. Pretending. You want to get deeper into the character? I had to pretend. I actually said that because when we were filming Madden, I'm obviously a Raiders. I support the Raiders. And they were like, you have to do interviews and stuff there. And they're like, how do you feel? How do you think the Eagles fans are going to. Feel about this? I was like, I don't know. Guys play Nazis in movies. What the fuck? Matt Damon, like, sucked the guy's dick in a movie. Yeah, he didn't actually say it. Well, I mean, he didn't do it. He straddled a guy. That's worse. Oh, it's true. You know about Straddling. And they over it was a stunt double. Now he was Matt Damon. I'm sorry. I gave the game stunt double. He might have a game stunt double. He could have had a game stunt double. Well, you mean I had a game stunt double? No, you do your own stuff. You Jackie Chan, bro. You Jackie Chan when it comes to the stunts. You have a mad. Matt Damon rocked that role, I will say. I don't know. I never saw it behind the candle. Aubera, I heard it was good. It's so good. He's so gay in it, bro. It's like it's genuinely impressive. Yeah, like the biggest one I watched was one you told me to watch the Liberace. That was fantastic. That was a great show. He crushed it. Yeah. Who was the who was that? That's a played. That guy, and Andrew Kanan. Yes, who played him, though? That guy is like a major. He's a phenomenal actor. Yeah, the Andrew Kanan and still. Did you watch the Menendez Brothers one? No, it's the same show. Like they did. Oh, OK. Who played who played him? I don't know, but they they was great. Watched it. You're going to really like it. Yeah, it's right up your alley, dude. I do. And you got to watch Eddington. What's anything? It's a new movie that came out. It's again, perfect for you. Really? It sounds like one of something you would write. Yes. Oh, I think I know you're talking about this. Yeah, I got to get to it, man. I've been the ending is like you wrote it. Really? Yeah. That's fucking popping me up for real. I was thinking it while I was watching it. This is exactly Ari Aster. Don't care. Beast. Yeah, true. Fuck directors. No, he's a beast. He wrote a hereditary, dude. Hail Payman. Did he really? Yeah. Payman. No. Ari Aster is the craziest student film. It's called What's Up with the John Tons. I don't know. I don't want to. I want to. How much does it cost to just like film a short like a 25 minute movie? Probably not that much. Yeah, right? Yeah. I've been thinking about trying to write and direct a short. Dude, probably 40 G's. Really? Yeah. If you have nothing crazy, it would just be. Yeah, talking some. Interesting. Watch Eddington. Watch the end of it. Check it out. I'll check it out. Do me a kindness. Try to pee, but tonight. I will. No, my plate. There's no I'm going to be. I gotta go to the motherfucking chip. Oh, fuck. Late as hell. Yeah. But I do have a flight. I have a flight coming up. So I'll download it on my phones. Yeah. I'll watch on my phones. You're gonna like it. I think if it's a movie you described to me, I think I would. Yeah. It's Joaquin Phoenix. Oh, I love him, dude. He's the best. One of the goats. He's the best. I'll watch anything on the flight. You have my word. Yeah. All right. Good stuff. But it's not testing. Not at all. He is not. Try it now. Her bull. Lessons. Service repair to smoothness, nourishment with the regimen use versus non-conditioning shampoo. For entrepreneurs like you, sign up for your $1 a month trial at shopify.com.