I Spent Years Hating Myself Until I Started This Practice

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Visit JP Morgan.com slash payments disclosure for details. Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guests. We have the inspiring Melissa Wood, temperburg in the house. So good to see you. I'm so happy to be here. I'm so happy to be here. Very excited. We connected months ago. Super Bowl. So what's the party? I think was this Super Bowl or F1? It was Super Bowl. Super Bowl. Gary Vaynerchuk was hosting a little gathering. We met there. But I'd obviously seen your work online for the last few years. So you've continued to just soar with your content, with your message. And how you're inspiring and impacting millions of people around the world. Mostly, assuming mostly women who kind of follow your content and who are really inspired by you. A lot of the women on my team are just like, oh, well, this is so amazing. And what she's doing. And so it's been cool to watch your rise. But I know that you grew up very dysfunctional, similar to me. You struggled in school and kind of cheated your way through school, similar to me. And just didn't feel like you were enough. And so therefore, similar to me, you wore masks. You projected like a sense of everything's got everything put together and everything looks got to look perfect and can't show people the real traumas underneath you. And you wore those masks for a long time to protect yourself, to fit in, to belong, to get ahead, whatever it might be, to survive. But when do those masks start falling off for you? And then you really started to feel like, oh, I'm going to dark place the longer and longer I hold on to this perfect image. When underneath, I don't feel perfect at all. Well, interestingly enough, I feel like I'm in this place in my life where I'm like ripping off a new mask right now, really? Yes. And honestly, like in this very moment, because as you overcome or continue to work through, right? Because I don't ever think you've fully completely healed traumas. And that's kind of my biggest awakening today is like even after all the work, it's like, and I love the work. I love the process. I've learned to be in the process. But I'm just discovering new things and new wounds have come to the surface. And I think when you get to a place of where you are really elevating and you're shifting into a different gear, like it's amazing what kind of shows its face to knock you down in a sense. And almost like I think about it is like, how bad do I really want? How bad do I really want to continue this quest of becoming? And I grew up in a very dysfunctional upbringing. I have four sisters. My baby brother was born when I was 15, my dad remarried. But it was just this endless cycle of survival and doing anything that you can to, you know, for me, I'm the middle child. And I'm assuming it wasn't like survival. We don't have food and shelter survival, but emotional survival. Emotional survival. And we did grow up very poor. So it was a scarcity mindset. And you know, my mom worked so many jobs. My dad worked so many jobs and it was like no matter what, there was never really enough. So it was always like a stress around money probably. Always. I was a stress around money. And I was very observant to that. I was so aware of how our surroundings made my mom feel. And I knew since the age of seven that I could help or I could ease some stress. And for me, that was like stepping in like the household and cleaning, like doing all the chores, helping my sisters with their homework. Even like I made this, we had this chalkboard and I would like make a list of all the things that we had to do. My sister's despised me growing up because I was super bossy and I just felt like someone had to step in. And I just like, I remember that feeling at such a young age. And I think when you embody that energy, it's so wildly disruptive for your nervous system. And when you're in it, like when I was living in Syracuse, I just like I did all the things that I could to just like push it down. And what things? Well, I was embarrassed that we didn't have a lot of money when we would get close for school. It was like we got one outfit and I would be the one curating the look so that my sisters and I could swap looks so that it looked like we had more money. Yeah, more clothes. And the emotional stuff, you know, when your parents aren't showing up for, like I remember this, oh my God, so vividly I was in second grade. And it was like parents day. And the song don't worry be happy. It was on. Well, and we were going around in a circle and every kid had their parents. And I just like I remember being alone and just like not having my parents show up. And I was so embarrassed, but I was so hurt and I wanted to cry. But I wanted because I didn't want other people to see. And you know, I always tried to make like, oh yeah, no, no, my mom couldn't come. And I don't even know if my mom remembered, but I remember the teacher holding my hand and like walking around with me and like just trying. And those things for me, it was like, it was constantly those types of things are, you know, at a soft bug game and your parents aren't showing up or forgetting to pick you up. And just, you know, they had a lot of kids and a lot of responsibility. But it's when you're a child, it deeply affects you. Isn't it fascinating that you're still remember that today? And it's like these memories we keep with us. You know, you're a parent now. I'm not a parent yet, but I can only imagine like, I'm sure you try to show up to everything you can. You try to be there for them everything you can. But then there might be some amazing business opportunity where you're like, oh, do I go do this thing and then have the babysitter or the nanny make sure they take them to school that day. But then is that the thing they're going to remember when they're 40 and like, is that their trauma going to be like, everyone else's parents were there and minding to show up because she had a business meeting or whatever. It's like, you probably can't win as a parent no matter how hard you try. Yes. There's going to be some wound or some memory because at a seven, eight, 10 years old, you don't have a lot of life. And that's like such a big moment for your life. It's such a pressure for a parent, I bet. It is. And I think as I've become a parent, I am, oh my God. I'm like, changed my relationship with my parents and then sometimes that changes again. But it's, it helps you to really understand how freaking hard it is. And have compassion for your parents. Yeah. And like they didn't have to meet. They didn't even just like, I think of the mindfulness movement. I'm like, I don't think those conversations were. They didn't have time. They had. In survival mode, you don't have time to be mindful. No. You're just, what do I need to do right now to survive emotionally? You know, and maybe financially or physically or whatever, you're in survival. You don't have the time to say, let me breathe, let my nervous system relax. We don't have that privilege in survival mode. And even if you have financial stability, but your parents are emotionally up and down constantly, you're still going to feel like you're in survival mode emotionally. Is it safe to be in this home? And that's kind of how I felt. It was like every week through a slamming or screaming or just disease within my parents. You know, I knew that they loved us, but they didn't love each other. Yeah. And they tried, but it was just constant friction. Where you're just like, what's going to happen today when I come home from school? I don't know. Yeah. Oh, I, and I rode the same bus. It's traumatic, right? It's so traumatic. It's very traumatic. So, and you mentioned in the beginning about how, you know, healing and intergros is a, there's a lifelong journey. And it sounds like, I don't want to assume, but it sounds like around 10 years ago when you were starting your business, you were kind of in early phases of a healing journey for yourself. Is that accurate? Somewhere around there, you'd be like started to uncover things and on mass things within yourself. And you went down more of a spiritual holistic path, right? Yes. I would say it was a little bit longer than that, more of like almost like 17, 15 years of that. But, you know, moving to New York, so I like moved to, it was like the first time I came here, I was like, oh, oh, I still feel that way every day, every day. It's amazing. I've been here for 18 years and I still get this like, it's epic. When you walk outside in the streets and just the energy, I love it. It's incredible. It's like, I'm going to go to the airport and swallow you though. And it sounds like it swallowed you the first few years. Oh my God. I was swallowed and then spit back on the list. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. What did you get caught up in in the first few years of being in New York? Did that really mess you up? Well, I moved here. I drove a U-Haul here with a friend and where'd you move to in this city? This teeny tiny little apartment on the upper east side, 61st and 1st. But still live in the dream. You're like, I'm in the city. Oh, yeah. No, I thought. But at first, we didn't have an apartment. We were sleeping on someone's couch. It was like a whole process. I didn't even have a bed. I had a mattress on the floor. It was without a day. It was like half the size of this. They've been like a 22 year old, you know? They've been a dream. You don't need much. I didn't. And I still like, I'm just like, how did I do it? So whenever I start to question my ability for anything, I'm like, girl. Yeah. And who can do anything? Sure. You know, and it is that constant reminder because like all the things come in and posture syndrome and all those limited beliefs. But when I shut that door after moving away from it all and being with myself, honestly, in a sense of peace and quiet somewhat in New York city, right? But like it was just away from all that chaos was the first time I was like, I felt all the waves of it. Like it was like definitely a panic attack, I believe, because I think at that time, I didn't even really know what anxiety was. But I was like, nope, and like shut the door to it. And like that was my like running away. That was the start of running away from myself running away from all the stuff that came up. And that really translated to like going out drinking, drinking late. And then binge eating numbing. Binge eating numbing. Numbing. Numbing. Re-drinking like every week or every day or. I was definitely drinking a lot on the weekend because I worked at the Chanel counter and Bloomingdale's. So I was like working really long hours on my feet. So like the nights that I had off, I would go out and I would just like reach. And I was a very different person when I drank. My anger really came out. Oh yeah. Wow. So your anger would come out within the clubs and you would like scream at people or just be a nasty girl or what would it be like? Yeah. Like if someone like pissed me off, I would, I've always been a little quick on the tongue, a little rougher on the edges. I've stepped over here. And I was just, it was like all my inner pain would come out. And then when all of that started to rise and even like dating guys, like I would get physical sometimes, that was just, you know, things I saw. I was repeating every pattern. And then it was, you know, when I would feel like it was too much and I couldn't face the pain. That was when I started binging like heavily eating eating. And then I would, you know, I also wanted to model. So it's like eating your face off and then thinking about, well, they want you to lose 15 pounds. So then I started purging. And this was something I did for a handful of years that no one knew about. I was really, really good. Really? Yeah. So I mean, that hiding my pain. Really? So purging. I mean, throwing up. What is? It's not comfortable to do. Oh, my God. You know, it's the worst feeling. You feel better like 10 minutes later. It's like at my heart. I was thinking about it. But the only time it is good is when you have an upset stomach, but you didn't have an upset stomach. Maybe you're eating too much, but you weren't like sick in the stomach like, oh, you had some weird food that you're throwing up. So what is that like psychologically when you're like, okay, I just ate too much or I just want to look skinnier and need to lose weight. But I'm numbing myself by eating because I am protecting myself. I feel ashamed of past or I feel whatever. I'm anxious. So I'm numbing myself by eating. But now I feel shameful and guilty that I ate. So I need to get purged. It's a vicious cycle. Really? Yeah. It's really. And I felt like I deserved it. Deserved what? To feel that pain. Because I was like putting myself through that and then it was like, you need to, it was a lot of like getting rid of the feelings. But I didn't know this at the time. I was just trying to get rid of, you know, what was physically inside of me, but it was so emotionally tied. And through my lowest of lows of going out and, you know, this is when I was, I was been drinking and then it was been cheating. And then I started experimenting with some drugs. Thank God it was short lived. And I had my wake me up moment of just feeling complete disgust in myself. Yeah, just I was so done. I could no longer continue that path. How do you know? This was mid-20s. I was like, you were here for a few years. You were in a cycle of just like shame or beat up and binge eating, binge drinking, just starting to try a little drugs here and there and being up till 5, 6am. Oh, yes. So I'm coming up and it was just on my knees over the toilet just disgusting. And I mean, I remember, I remember just like getting up looking in the mirror and being like, I hate you. Well, like I had so much hate towards myself. And I was just, I just had like tears rolling down my face and I was like, I don't, I don't want this anymore. I don't want to live like this. I can't live like this because it's going to end badly. I could feel it. And I also knew carrying down that road was like the easy way out because I was so good at taking everything down in my path. But like you didn't know it. But like I was like a mass destruction was a skill that I could, that I had mastered. Really? But you were looked up on the outside. People are always surprised by this stuff. And that's honestly why I share it and why I felt I needed to because. But you're good at hiding it though, right? You're going to be like, very, it's new in the next day. I'm put together. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I'm happy. Yes. Mm-hmm. And then, you know, that moment there is when I so vividly saw like these two roads of life, right? Mm-hmm. And this like gorgeous tree in the middle. And I just so vividly remember this moment. And it was like, you can keep going here. And we know where that's going to end up. Or you can choose to create this different path for yourself. And it's going to be really hard because it's going to be everything you don't know. But it can, it's like the path of like waking you the fuck up. And I just remember I was like, okay, I'm, I, I want it. But I need help. And that was the biggest moment for me because from being a little girl who thought that she could fix every single thing. And like, I carried the weight of everyone and my siblings. And I have always been the savior and coming in and trying to do all the things and, you know, pying my parents the house and like anything that I could do to save every one. But I was, I was just not saving myself. So it was this moment of like giving over. And not relying on my own strength for the first time in my freaking life. And that was like, that was like the, the doors opened. Wow. Wow. You need a tissue. Just right behind you. Yeah. Yeah. Shoulder. Wow. There used to be very little visibility and control and treasury. Today, JP Morgan payments delivers real time dashboards and control at your fingertips. That's the power of clarity. That's JP Morgan payments copyright 2025 JP Morgan Chase and company all rights reserved JP Morgan Chase bank and a member FDIC deposits held non US branches are not FDIC insured non deposit products are not FDIC insured. This is not a legal commitment for credit or services availability varies eligibility determined by JP Morgan Chase visit JP Morgan dot com slash payments disclosure for details. So you're in your mid 20s. You have, I guess, you know, a darkness that continues for months or years until there's a moment where you're like, okay, there's two roads I can take. I've had a few of those moments in my life. So I know that feeling of having make a decision. And you know, I grew up when I was eight, my brother went to prison. So every weekend for four and a half years, we would go as a family to visit, you know, during visiting hours. And I saw my life starting to go down that as well when I was 13, I had to make a decision. And I remember saying, do I want to end up in prison? You know, because if I keep doing these things, which were not massive at the time, but we'll build it builds, it'll build. And you're going to keep getting in trouble and bad things are going to happen. Bad things are going to happen. And do I want to live that life and deal with that pain and shame? And I just saw what that will, you know, and I saw all the other convicts in the, and I got to know them. And the trauma is in the pain that they caused their families from bad decisions. And it was just like, do I want that or not? And so you had this in your mid 20s and you knew that you couldn't do it all on your own anymore. And you said I need support. Yes. So what did you allow yourself to do after that? I called my friend and asked for her therapist number. I was like, I need help. I need a therapist. And like that was like the start, but I liked him. I mean, I like, like, my therapist, I was taking that at all. And you know, I like, I did want help, but it is really hard to break the cycle and to break the patterns. And I was lying and she was, she was strong. She was like the mother that I always kind of like needed to anchor me and call me out on me. Tough love. Super tough love. So, you know, I would come in, I'll like, add her all down. And I was like, buying out her. It was just, it was like, I got rid of one thing and I was looking for the next. You said you wanted help, but really inside of you, you're like, yeah, I still can do this myself. And I'm not going to give everyone the full picture. I think I did really want help, but when you are so used to, I'm like, I'm going to attach yourself to chaotic things to keep moving forward. It takes time. Well, it doesn't feel safe to be in a safe space because you're not familiar with it. Don't even know what that. So harmony doesn't feel safe. Right. Peace doesn't feel safe. No, because you're like, what's going to happen? Something's about to happen. Yeah. Where's the chaos? Oh, yeah. You're always looking for it because you're so used to it. It's familiar. And safe isn't safe. And you don't know how to feel calm in harmony. You're always looking to recreate chaos, whether it be in a relationship or whether it be in your life or addictions or whatever it might be. Oh, and I was very good at it. If the chaos wasn't there, I will bring it. Isn't that interesting? Oh my God. And relationships, things with friends work like being able to really self reflect and see where you are just a disaster in disguise. It is hard work. And I will be so honest with you today, like, I still to this day wake up. And my first thought, first from the moment I wake my eyes after doing this work for so many years, goes to a dark place. Really? Yes. I now know how to get myself out. And it's just, I think when it's so embedded in your nervous system, it takes so much time to get yourself out of that place. And I know now. I know when I'm bringing it. I know when I'm being self-destructive. And I'm definitely so far from that part of me, but she's in there. Let me tell you. Oh, of course. Great access to her if I need her. But which is also a good thing, which I've learned to really embrace and love and be like, you are one fired. This don't like me. God knows if we needed it. It's there and the access is quick. But I'm just being honest. Sure. What is the first thought that comes to you on a daily basis when you wake up or on a typical day? Where does that dark thought go? It's like the overwhelm. It's just like, oh, my God. It's just, it's that immediate, almost like being on that wheel of anxiety, but I step off now. And I'm like, no, no, no. And this is where I've cultivated this practice. And this connection with source and knowing that I can connect it any moment and any time. And that is what helps me see the light of day. And I shared this once on, I was doing a Q&A and I shared this. And it was the most viewed thing I had. And I realized that there is still that part of me, right? That wants to make things look really pretty with a bow. And of course, I've cracked myself open, but there's still so much. And I think that is where I'm at right now today where I'm like, I am so done just like ripping off these masks and really just being so radically transparent with myself, but also with people who are ready to do it for themselves too. Because it's not just for me. And I think that's where this work has fueled something in me that I've always known was in there since I was a little girl. But it's this choice every single day. Like to this day, it's like, I'm choosing, choosing to be devoted to myself. So when you started waking up from doing destructive things into creating a more healthy lifestyle for yourself 15, 17 years ago. And you went down that journey and you started these healthy practices. You said, okay, I'm going to reach out for support. I'm going to find a therapist, even though I'm still lying to my therapist. I'm doing the steps though. And I'm like in the work. And then what else did you start doing to develop a healthy practice for yourself? Did you, were you still nightclubs and, you know, modeling and doing these things that weren't supporting you or were you removing yourself as well from environments? So instead of like for me, instead of focusing on removing one thing that really helped me when I was in it and still when I feel overwhelmed, it's like, what can I add in to help like make me feel just in ounce more at ease? And when my therapist started really calling me out on things and it was like, okay, I can't even lie to her. Like I just have to be honest. So it was like that was that stick was old. I couldn't do that anymore. But then I was finding I was feeling this like, I need to be told. I need to be told what to do. So I started seeing a health coach and I remember the first time I walked in and I was like, okay, give me the diet. Like that I was in that mindset of like tell me the thing, I'll do it and then I'll see results. And you know, I was trying to lose weight because I wanted to be a model. And at this point, I had gotten signed by a top agency, but it was like, I lost like 15 pounds. And I lost 15 pounds. And then it was just this long road of torture because I thought that I was very into fitness and very into wellness, but my relationship to myself was still so disconnected that I was looking outside of myself for all of the resources. So I was taking what a trainer would tell me to do. You needed to do 45 minutes of cardio and then 45 minutes to an hour of strength training. And I became psychotic with that. So it was like every day, an hour of this and I was working out two hours a day, writing down every more solafood. It was so obsessive. It's exhausting. It was exhausting. It was unwellness. There was. Did you feel like you were getting was when you looked in the mirror, you're like, oh, this is working though. Are we like, I'm still not getting the results I want. So when I was in the height of really just, it was like micromanaging every single thing. I did get really, really thin, but it was unhealthy and I just loved. It was painful. You didn't feel healthy. No, I didn't feel healthy. And then plus when you're suffering from needing disorder, the flip can happen too. Where then I started gaining a lot of weight. Yeah. When I was doing all the crazy workouts, hit workouts and running myself into the ground, I was actually at my heaviest. Really? Yes, because it was just pumping my body with cortisol. I was so stressed out going into workouts, stressed out, leaving. And that was like a big moment in my life. I remember so vividly leaving a super popular class with a popular instructor. And there's no shame because things work differently for people. And I think that this is where we need to cultivate these relationships with ourselves and see what really makes you feel in harmony with yourself. And I just remember I like God of the train, 14th street, and I was walking and I was like, I feel horrible. How am I paying to feel worse? What is wrong? And I was just like, I think I'm just, I was just searching. And then I started meditating. I felt this. How do you know? Roughly. So this was at this point, I, it was like 12 years, 15 years ago. I'm 41. You do the math. 20, 26, 27. Exactly. And I, you know, I still felt this. Although I was slowly, I was like becoming more self-aware, like patching things up as I was going, but I felt that I was, I was just out here for all the answers. Tell me and I'll do the thing. And I was covered in cystic acne. Really? I had horrifying cystic pimples all over my face, my neck down my back. And I did everything. It was like I saw every dermatologist I did acutene. It was just, it was awful. And now I realize like that was my, and how I internalized my anxiety for so many years. It was coming out in my skin. It was the stress. It with a combination of products I was using and food for sure and why I meant. But it was my nervous system. It's great to wait till like, you know, bang on my door. And I just felt like, you know what? I've got to go in here. Like I've, I've got to like almost because I think when you are so dysregulated, you don't even know what home and safety is. So there was just this feeling that I felt I needed to, I needed to take all of that and coming here. Wow. So you started meditating. I started meditating. I've meditated every day since. Wow. And that's how I'm here. And I can tell you that for a fact. I know that with everything inside of me because it was the thing that helped me see myself for the first time for like who I really was. And not any persona or facade that I had put on. And I was really interested in wellness, but because my relationship with myself was still so dysfunctional, it was the thing that helped me look in the mirror and like find so much like deep love, like true love for me and for my skin and loving myself through my acne and not being at my happy weight. And it just helped me. It was like almost like just like defogging the lens and everything got like a little bit brighter. Wow. How much on a scale of one to 10 before this, what was your self love scale? 10 being like you really loved yourself from an authentic conscious place. One being you hated yourself. Like where were you on that scale? I was probably like a three, four, the work that I was doing from like a one to. So like I was and that said doesn't sound like progress, but it is. And I think that's the thing that I. Do you really hated yourself before that? I hated myself because of my actions. Yeah. I wasn't proud. You were out of alignment with yourself. Complete. Completely disaligned. And when you can, you know, I was, it was very much focused on the physical. And then once I realized that I could regulate from bringing some calm to my mind, even just a little bit. Wow. Then I started moving differently. And this is when I started understanding like no wonder why? Like I don't like those classes are not working for me because they make me feel really stressed out and anxious. And they bring out all that stuff that I'm like really working towards shifting. And then I started blending elements of Pilates and yoga. And it was like I was just weaving these things together, but it felt like this like inner dance with myself, but it felt good. And I was not punishing myself for what I eat anymore. And I was just literally inflow. Like it brought me in this flow state. And at this time I didn't even have 10,000 followers on Instagram, but I just felt this, like it was like, I have no idea how what, where, like what you're going to do, but like you have to share this. And you have to share this because you have to come back to that seven year old little girl who was looking outside the window when your dad drove away when my parents separated. And I felt like this is it. Like this is unfortunately, like this is the card that I've been dealt and this is my life. And I think so many people who come from broken situations or even bad marriages feel like this is it. And it's not it. And you can change the course of your life at any point. Every moment is an opportunity to begin again, to do something different than you did the day before. That just helps you feel so deeply connected to yourself. And, you know, I talk a lot about meditation and movement. And that is how I created a platform. But as I met this point in my life today, it's from being so connected to whatever it is you connect to. But to me, it's the creator. It's this higher power so much greater than me. And like when I close my eyes and I meditate and I go in and I like bring the energy to my heart, it's what it's like I feel so surrounded and so safe and just reminded that like I am being divinely guided. And we all are when we can get ourselves to just take a moment. And I mean, I did it in the morning for 20 minutes this morning. Before speaking, I always like to really, really ground. So 20 minutes is like, I love that. However, that doesn't always happen. I am so consistent, but I'm super flexible. You have to be because I was crazy with all the things before. And I'm not disciplined. I don't even love the word. It doesn't work for my nervous system because it makes me feel like I'm rigid and I write things down. I need to track and I need to know how many macros I'm micro. I'm just like, I don't know and I don't care. But when I'm feeling this, where I'm feeling this aliveness and this excitement for honestly, like, it's so interesting because I feel like I've been there so much, so many deep challenges with work and just all of the things that come with being an entrepreneur. But I am so excited for no reason. Just like, it feels so good just to be like, show me. Like, guide me and through saying so deeply connected is what has just continued me on this path of like cracking me open. Had me set up that $24 tripod I got on Amazon, setting up my phone. I had no lights, no camera, zero editing. I mean, I literally would, I would press play and I'd be like, hi, and I would go and run back on my mat and then I'd be like, okay, today and I would just like do the thing that I did myself, but I brought people along with me. And then the more that I started doing it, it was like people were like, like, can you do that longer? Like, where can I get this clip? And you know, it was like Instagram stories when I first came to life. And then I just felt this. I was like, I need a home for these humans who want the same thing. We all want it. We all want to be, you know, when I come back to like my why every day, I just want to wake people up to this inner strength within themselves. That's it. That's what I have to do for myself every single day. And through sharing it, it was just like, it was crazy. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I was connecting with people all over the world who were like, thank you so much. They were writing me these letters and I'm sobbing. And at this point, I'm pregnant with my son and also coming to this place of like, I know what it feels like to be brought up in a disconnected home. And I have like wanting to be so connected to it all, whether it was a little chaotic or completely, you know, a sense of calm. I just, I wanted to be with it. And it's just been this incredible. It's a journey of what's next. That's incredible. The thing that I'm hearing you say, which I really love is that when you started to, it sounds like you're seven year old self was screaming at you during your adult life when you were doing things out of alignment with what she wanted, right? When you weren't protecting her, when you weren't showing up for her, she was screaming at you in different ways. He was like, you know, the acne was coming out. You're, you know, going against your body by binge eating or binge drinking or, you know, late nights, all these different things. And she didn't feel safe with you as an adult trying to take care of her because you weren't taking care of her. And so she felt unsafe, right? And when, and when you treat your inner child poorly as an adult, bad things happen in your life or you don't feel good, right? Yeah. And you're not attracting abundance. You're not setting yourself up to be able to manifest your vision. You're not bringing the right relationships in your life necessarily. And things feel off. You feel out of alignment because you're not taking care of the inner being inside of you that needs cared for. And what it sounds like, I'm hearing you say is when you said, okay, these two paths I can take, continue destruction or, you know, reconnecting to self and doing better choices, that's when, when you started, and you started to really be present with yourself and take time to listen to the still small voice, which is God, I think, and also your inner child. Yes. It's almost like the voices of both combining and saying, what does the inner child need and what is God directing me to do? I love exactly. And when you are able to meditate for a minute or 20 minutes a day or however long you do on a daily basis, you can hear the decisions you need to take today. And you can be guided on what you need to do in the next step, even though you don't know what's to come or you feel almost certain or what should, what's the future going to bring when you can listen to yourself and where you're guided, you can take action on what is needed today. And it sounds like you've been doing that for now 10, 15 years. And by doing so and continuing to be an alignment with your intuition by serving your inner child and by serving the higher power for yourself, abundance and manifestation becomes easy, easier. And you just said, like, I didn't even have 10,000 followers. I just started taking these actions and doing what felt right to me and being consistent for 10, 15 years. And because of that consistent integrated, authentic actions, it's like, ah, manifesting everything. I'm on the cover of these magazines. And this is growing. And it's like, wow, these things are just happening for me, right? But if you were going down destructive paths, this wouldn't be happening. No, of course not. And that's why I say, I know I am here because of my practice. Because my practice keeps me grounded to myself. It keeps me completely locked in with what matters most to me. And like the thing that matters most to me in my life is having peaceful, balanced, peaceful harmonies in my life, in my workplace, in my relationship with my family, with my friends, with every single thing that I do. And it's so interesting, the more that I just kind of like give over because I can be a little bossy. Definitely bossy. You're like my team when they're watching. They know. No, they know, but I'm not a mic from manager. But I am a number eight on the Enneagram. And that has really helped me understand as an active controller. That's why I've remained the CEO, no matter what every single person told me that I needed to hire a CEO. I just, it never felt 100%. I've tried and tested a lot of things that were other people's ideas. And let me tell you, they don't work. I hate to say it. And that's where I'm not always right, but when something feels completely wrong or I have nothing, do nothing. Do nothing. Nothing. I'm in such a flat place right now. And I feel, oh my God. What do you mean? Like you're not taking on new projects or you're not like launching new stuff or what? I'm just, I am being. And it's wild what happens. Yes. Like it's so interesting because there is this part, I've tried things. I've had PR. I've done all of these things. And I think when your mission is so big and you want to really spread your message, just far in his wide, you try things. And even when it feels against the grain. But I am such a sensitive, energetic person that I've just really learned that I have to listen to that. And when something just feels like even an ounce of force, like listen, I could have pitched, you know, had, feeling on my team, reach out to everyone and all the pot. But I'm like, no, that is not the way for me. It's through true authentic connections. And like I just know that, right? It's like we met in the way that we were meant to meet. You reached out so flute. By the way, it was so nice. I was like, oh, this is just like so me. Like so organic and it felt raw. And that's when I think the most incredible things come into your life when you're not gripping or forcing or forcing. Yeah. And trusting the timing of things. Yes. You know, I tell my fiance Martha, like, she's always like, I wish we would have met like 10 years ago. Like we would have had it such a lot. Like life would have been so much better. And we wouldn't have been through so much pain and laser breakups and something like that. And like, I wouldn't have looked at you the same way 10 years ago because I wasn't ready for you. I wasn't ready to be in a loving, peaceful relationship. Like I wasn't ready. I would have been like, oh, you're like an attractive, like beautiful girl who's really talented. But you don't have enough wounds for me. You know, it's like, you're not a something, you're not a project that need to like help out or something, right? And I wasn't attracted to that. I wasn't attracted to peace. So I would have created, you know, I would have hurt you probably, you know, I'd have probably done something wrong or I'd have been like, you know, whatever, I just wouldn't have been ready. That's so honest. It's so great. And I needed to go through my own healing journey to feel ready for peace because I didn't have peace inside of me still. And so I needed to be peace before I could have peace in my environment. And she's like, oh, it makes sense. But timing is everything. I agree with you. And, you know, until sometimes we could have breakdowns, unfortunately, like you had a big, big breakdown when you're in the mid 20s, then you were ready for a breakthrough, right? And unfortunately, it wasn't sooner. You know, we always was like, we had peace and less pain and sadness and things we did poorly sooner. But timing is everything when you can trust in higher power. So do you believe in God? I do. For me, it's like that it is this, it's a higher power. Yeah. And where was your life when you weren't believing in a higher power versus where you do now? I mean, it was disconnected. Yeah. There was no anchor. And there was no contentment, like just like feeling never happy. Oh my God. Contentment is such a never good enough, right? Never good enough. No, no, no. And I mean, I relate so much to your story with Martha, who I love, by the way, she's amazing with Noah. Like, Noah, I feel like he was like a saving grace in my life because he's so calm, he's so grounded. He's like everything that I just was so unknown for me. And it was a massive part of me being able to drop into myself and to really go deep and do the work because I felt safe with him. And I felt this safe sense in my life that really I think when you do have that and it's very important that while he brought so many elements of that, I was discovering it within myself. I wasn't look, I'd oh, by the way, when we first started dating, I was like, he's going to save me. Thank God. I need to be saved. I thought he was going to save me. He was going to like, and then he wasn't really. Yes, I remember like he would wake up in the morning and he was like, so happy and he would like be so excited for his day. And I would I hated what I was doing. Wow. And I was just like, how do you feel like that? And like, how do you find your thing? Like, I was so I was like, the grip was so tight and I was just searching and he was like, just try to and I have it. I still it's hard for me to focus. Definitely on diagnosed ADHD. I mean, it's just it's there. But he said, if you can just like pay attention to like the thing that you're interested in. And for me now, it's like, he attention to the thing that like lights you up and just give it a little focus. Focus a little bit on it. And I was like, okay. And I'm like, does he mean like I'm fit modeling? And then it was funny because during my like, I would be fitting all day. I like worked as a fit model for years, but I was at making bank and it's a guaranteed cash and it was amazing money. And I wasn't like a big model, but I was like, I don't make hair anymore because that was exhausting trying with all these super models in the room anyway. Like, at least I'm making money. You're in a room and they're like fitting like the jeans and the shirts to you all of yeah, exactly. You don't have to like be on for photography to like be in the world stage. It's actually not like runway modeling. You're just like, I get to hang out and the designers are just like fitting to me in. Yes. I was making great money. And I just remember like when things really kind of turned on where, you know, I would go to my my fittings and maybe the tech designer was like, I'm feeling really tired. And I'm like, well, what is the first thing? Like, well, how do you go to bed? And what is the first thing you do when you wake up? And then it was like, I was coaching. I started coaching, but I loved it. And then it was like, so when you're unhappy in a situation or if you don't love your job right now, bring a little joy to the job. You got to dig a little deep. And like that when I started doing that, wow. First of all, the lights go on. And I was like, I am so I love helping people. And I was just like a little thing. I'm like, well, take magnesium, turn the lights on, put your phone away. And it's like nothing's changed. I'm still like sharing all of these things. But then I started working. So I went to the Institute for Integrative Nutrition Online, the online course. And that for me was like, I didn't even want to do it because I hated school. And I was like, oh, God, you have to take a test. And they're like, it's open book test. But I'm, you know, and I'm still was like, oh, God, just the idea of taking a test gives me severe anxiety. But I was like, you know what, I'm going to challenge myself. And I remember Noah saying, let me get it for you. Let me pay for the course. And I said, no. Thank you. And I have to do it for myself. If I let you pay, I'm just going to be like, oh, whatever. I knew that. So I was like, I have to burn this. We need to invest it. I needed to invest. So doing that. And then I started coaching people for free. I, you know, I would meet them in coffee shops. And then, and then I was, I like pitched myself to this integrative doctor. I was, he'd never worked with health coaches before. He hired me. He worked first health coach, he ever hired Dr. Morrison, Figg shout out to you. Thanks for believing in me. And now he, you know, they have health coaches in their practice. But it was like listening to that, like the focus for me really helped me understand that like, okay, I couldn't leave my job because I was making great money. But on the evening, maybe like a couple evenings a week, I put it dedicated a little time. And then the evenings became weekends. And then the weekend became. And then I had people want to pay me. And then I was getting all these offers. And that was really it. Like that was when I was like, I think I can literally do this. Live off this. And I started coaching full time. And I loved it. But I knew there was something missing. And I'm in that place right now. And it's so fun. What was missing? I felt like I loved talking through. But when I started blending movement, it like I became alive. And that was how I started teaching digitally. And I never, I'm not a trainer. I never started teaching in studio. I started teaching online. And then, you know, I feel like even after all of these years of doing this and love, I love what I do. I am so grateful and so proud of myself that I'm like, you did it and you're still doing it. And you're going to keep doing it because the unfolding is what I've learned to really just get excited about, right? And I love speaking and I love being able to spread this, but also to help people apply their lives and their mess and their stuff to like, to really get them there. To like hold, you know, it's like hand holding and guiding along the way that I feel like is something that I love to do. But there's something that happens when I'm on stage or speaking where I feel, I feel at home. Wow. That's beautiful. It's really interesting because there's a lot of people that are struggling or suffering or in depression or anxiety and what I have learned over the years at the fastest way to end your own sadness and suffering is to be in service to someone else. And like you said, you were maybe a little down or whatever and you started coaching people just like for fun for 10, 20 minutes. And it just made you feel alive. When you're in service to someone else, helping provide value to someone else, it's the greatest gift you can give yourself to. Almost selfish because of how good you can feel to help another person. That's how I feel with the work that I do. Like I'm just like, you're amplifying it too. Yeah. So it's like you're helping millions and you're like, man, what a gift. Like this is so beautiful that I get to be of service and use my pain or my sadness for so long. And what I learned on how to get out of it to help other women who are struggling and whatever they're struggling with. And if people watching and listening just knew that like if you're suffering in any way and sadness right now, the fastest way to overcome that is to get out of yourself and start helping someone else, helping someone with whatever you can help them with. I don't care. Listen to them. If you have no skill, just listen to them and sit with them. If you can provide value in some way, provide value for free, whatever it is, it's going to make you feel better. And the more you do it consistently, it's going to get you out of that sadness and suffering. And it's not going to solve everything, but it's going to help you a lot. It really does. And I think also like moving your body like it's wilds. What movement can do. I think it's just like it brings magic to your life because all the, you know, all those endorphins and you're dopamine, the serotonin, you're just like, and I think that just becomes a magnet. 100%. So bringing like it's like it opens up the energy. Yeah. If you can, if you can meditate on a consistent basis and call in your mind, if you can move your breath and be intentional for a few minutes a day with your breathing, whether that's with movement or not. And then if you can use movement on a daily basis in some intuitive way, you're 90% of the way there. That's my medicine. That's it. And if you can start just eating a little bit more intuitively, you know, a little healthier, it's going to solve a lot of problems. Oh my God. A lot. You're just going to feel better. You're just going to feel better. You're going to be clear. You're going to be happier, more joyful, more loving, more grateful. And it's not going to solve everything, but it's going to solve a lot. It is. And I think people are waiting to feel motivated. And if let me tell you, I'm a super motivated person. I don't always feel motivated to do the things. So when I'm feeling that way, like I lean on my habits, it's like your habits are the vehicle that are going to inspire and turn on this motivation inside of you. Then you become more motivated to keep it moving. But like if you're sitting around waiting to be motivated or inspired, like we have to, we have to know that we're the creators of that. And it's like coming back to the things, unfortunately, that you may not want to do in that moment. Like I don't wake up like skipping to meditate and work out every day. And by the way, I do it for like 30 minutes. But I'm consistent and I've voted to myself daily. That's great. And that's where it's like less of this like pounding into the ground and it becomes beating yourself up and extremism. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But how do you stay consistent when you've got a, you know, a big business now, your mom, a couple of kids, you know, you're married, you've got responsibilities as a wife. You've got extended family. I'm assuming that have stuff coming up all the time. You've got friends. You've got how do you do it? How can you stay fit, healthy, calm, you know, how do you manage it all? It's even more reason for me to stay consistent. And I know what it feels like to feel bad. And I know that it feels like to live life feeling like that. And I don't want to. And even on my most down days and some days like I do think you just have to let yourself like being that and to feel all the feels cry, say that like you like really get it out because it's got, you have to release it. But I, I still do the work. I still come back to it because it has me here. It has me living a life beyond my wildest dreams. And I never thought things were possible. And I now know that anything is possible. I really, truly, with everything inside of me believe that when you want it and when you, it's not even working hard for it. I think you have to work super consistently. But when you're just willing to feel all the feelings to, you know, it's, I always say it's like the days that you don't want to do it that you need it most that will completely elevate your process. Yes. And it's just like I, after all of these years and I still have these, you know, I have such a deep relationship with my inner self and it's like these internal conversations that I have. And I get myself there. And I do, I do. And I just, I want to live this life to the fullest. You said though earlier that like you're in a place that's kind of an interesting place right now. It's, you said, I don't know if you said flat or neutral or neutral. What are you uncovering right now? Like in the last decade, you've really uncovered a lot and grown a lot and created a lot, right? And where are you now? You mentioned earlier also like you're still doing even deeper on masking and letting go of, you know, past moons on a deeper level. Is that mean your, what does that mean? Yeah. With your, your business and also with your, your personal journey in the soft. So right now I am, I'm doing some energy work and it's funny because I feel like since I've been doing this work, I've kind of shifted away from other things like I love therapy and I think therapy is a great tool. But this has been something very transformative for me to understand that like we're all energy. And I, it's like, I'm just like vibrating energy and I can feel people's energy and it's just something that magnifies my life. So the more that I'm just really paying attention to the energy that I hold around me and it's really hard because I went like this with my business, right? Like I, when I really hit that peak growth and then it's like, okay, like what are we doing? Keep experimenting and building. Create a launch this. Exactly. And hire more people and test and trial of these things and it got away from me. It got a little too far away from me. And I was so unhappy. And I, I've been feeling it for a while. But it's overwhelming. And then, you know, it's so easy to be like, oh, well, this person, although if we, you know, didn't do that, make that decision. And I was doing this listening to other people. And I've, I've actually never talked about this. But there used to be very little visibility and control in treasury. Today, JP Morgan payments delivers real time dashboards and control at your fingertips. That's the power of clarity. That's JP Morgan payments copyright 2025 JP Morgan Chase and company all rights reserved JP Morgan Chase bank and a member FDIC deposits help non US branches are not FDIC insured, non deposit products are not FDIC insured. This is not a legal commitment for credit or services availability varies eligibility determined by JP Morgan Chase visit JP Morgan dot com slash payments disclosure for details. A couple years ago, I brought in some investment. I just with a small group of people and it was really like not completely locked in to like my gut, you know, but it was a guided decision that I felt from people who are very intelligent. I was like, you know what? Like to cesspool on. Yeah, of course. And I also have stood behind for so many years like, oh, well, school wasn't my thing and finance isn't my thing enough of that. Like it is so easy to hide behind and just think you can just like hire things. And I do believe that you have to really give the majority of your energy to the thing that you're really, really good at. But I had to really face this feeling of like, why am I so uninspired? I had nothing. I was just like, it was all, it was just like putting on an act and I could do that. When was this? Um, it's been going on for a year, but it was, it was like chipping away at kind of understanding maybe in certain rooms. The vibes weren't vibing and I'm just like walking away and I'm like, why am I doing this? Well, yeah, and I'm just like, why wasn't it vibing? Who contributed to the vibes being off? And like, I had to go under the hood of my business and own that the decisions that were made were my decisions. At the end of the day, you said yes. This is because of things I have chosen to say yes to whether I felt it or not, I did it. So owning that is when I was just like, and I pulled up the sleeves and I'm like, and let's get to work because nobody can fix this but me. And it was just a lot of deep, like for me, it starts with intuition and energy, but then it has to be supported by aligned actions. So you feel the thing, you take note, you kind of investigate and then it's like you, you have to ask questions and. And sometimes there's just certain people that are not meant to be in your orbit and that's okay because I think when something's not working for you, it's not working for them either. Sure. Of course. But you're pulling the blog, you know, or they're pulling the plug by the way. And it's amazing what was kind of starting to happen and shift. And I had built this beautiful space. This like, you know, I started doing this stuff in my living room, Noah, when, you know, he was like, it's so funny because he's like, you know, you were doing this thing. And I was like, so happy for you that you were like content doing this thing. But then it's like when he started paying attention, he's like, you're like, you look real business. It was really cute and funny. And he was always supportive. But he's just like, whoa, like this is crazy. And then I, he literally built a custom desk in our living room. And I had me and two other girls on the team. So, you know, I went from that and then I went to like this, we work space that was a closet, three desk. Now I've built this beautiful space with a studio in the office. Incredible. But I didn't feel good being there. Really? No. I didn't know why. And I had to uncover and I had to ask hard questions. And then I had to face things. But through the process of listening, and taking action and other people sometimes taking action, I am in a different space in my life right now where I feel like I've like just cleaned up some comp webs and made some really hard decisions of also buying my investors back. They're amazing. The most incredible group and it was nothing to do with them. It was just the simple fact that something was not completely feeling in the flow for me. And I think I put on my own pressure of feeling like I've got to deliver this thing, but also understanding that I think people, you know, make, make it sound like the North Star should be selling your business. And I just like the more kind of raising money, selling the business, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh my God, hiring more and more people. I was just like, I love that I love what I love this. I don't think that's, I don't think that's it. And just being really honest and transparent and has helped me to just really come back to myself. Wow. That's beautiful. Yeah, more is not always more. No, it's not. And I think testing and by the way, because I think it's so easy to think about all the money and the things you say, oh, God, the time. And I wait on that for a bit, be honest. But then I'm like, thank you. Thank you for showing me, for guiding me, for allowing me to really own this. And to just know that those were my lessons. And I had to do, I had to go all, you know, through all of these things to be at this, this neutral chapter, which you know, I like highs when they're high and I even can vibe with a low when it's low, because it's just like, I'm used to this. But you're not used to this. No, but I'm, oh my God, it's so beautiful. And I'm just like, you don't know what to expect next, is that what it is? Or you're not clear yet? I know that I want to do more motivational speaking. I'm a motivational speaker and just saying that more. I'm like, Melissa, you are a motivational speaker. Stop saying you want to be. You are a mode of, and I just, even that, like exercising that skill and the way that I talk about it. And getting, getting myself out there to do more things. And I feel really excited without knowing a damn thing that's about to come. So what does that look like? If you had a vision for your life for the next few years, what is that feeling or experience look like? Honestly, it all comes back to my community because it is, oh my God. I mean, and how this came to be is I did my first, like really big class in Brooklyn at the one hotel years ago. Like a live class. Yeah, like an in person class where I, you know, we did a meditation and I guided a class, but it was the speaking part that I walked away from that experience. And by the way, it was so crazy because I stayed at the one hotel the night before because I was like, I need to just like get grounded. And sometimes when your kids are client, you know, I was just like, give me a moment. This is my first big thing with 300-ish people that I had ever done. And I was in the room and I like thought people were like screaming on the, on this like the street. But then I looked out the window and I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. I think they're lined up. Wow. I mean, and I like, I started to panic because I was like, are people like, like, are you sure they are? It was so weird. I started feeling like no one was going to come. I know that feeling. Oh my God. And then I didn't prepare it. Damn. Oh, you've been preparing for 10 years. You know, you've been doing reps. Yeah. And honestly, that is my inner genius that I can drop in. I'm so connected to source and that just flows through me. I've never like, I don't plan a class. I don't plan a meditation. And I didn't plan a talk, but it poured out of it. Wow. It's cool. And I went home and I remember I was like laying in bed. My legs are up the wall as they are every night before bed. And I was talking to Noah and I said, I feel the most like at home. And I just feel that's what happened to me today is what what I meant to be doing. You felt alive. Yes. I felt so alive. When's the last time you did one of those? So that's where things get interesting, right? Because I've done some. I have done some, but I can really hide behind teaching a class because it's safe and it's known. Versus what verse just getting up there and speaking. Oh, so it was so you've been doing more class teaching. Well, like it kind of blends. It's like a mode of, you know, a meditation and then we move and then we, and by the way, that is beautiful. And I love doing it. But I just like every time I'm speaking, just speaking just, oh, not doing it class. And by the way, people like our members, my members come to me. Like sure, I can give, I can put you through a killer workout. Oh, one guy that you, you know, a lot of people are strong. This is, it's different because it's mostly using your own body weight and just like the blend of that alone combined with the way I kind of, you know, will fuse things together. But people come to me for, for, for the, it's like what I give in my energy. And feeling motivated, right? Like because that starts to pour through me when I'm teaching. And I feel that in my soul. Like that's what they really want. They want all of it. All the things. But it's a feeling. It's a feeling they get to work out anywhere. Yeah, they can't get anywhere and they do, you know, but, but they get a feeling and something unique with you. They want more of. Yes. And I'm, I'm really, I'm stepping into that. So what does that, I mean, okay, I'm trying to understand that. So you like doing classes, but that's not the main thing you want to be doing. It's, I feel like it was, I love teaching digitally. Yes. Like I am, I'm not in person class. I mean, I'll do it. I love it occasionally, but like I'm not going to teach every week in a studio or like train client. Like that is not my soul. So what is the vision then for your soul's work? Is it to speak on stage for this next season of life? Like, and not teaching a workshop or a class, just speak it. So it's a combination of both. Okay. And I'm, I'm really what is the perfect speech look like for you? Where you feel most alive? I, it's starting with my keynote. Okay. I'm like really giving like the story and the how I have got into this place. But then it's taking that and it is giving the how to to everyone in the space. Like with a class example or no. No, no. No, no. A meditation, definitely a meditation. Maybe we'll get up and we'll do something. But not like laying down in the mat. No, no, no. Okay. So it's not a workout. It's not a workout. It's a speech speech. It's a real. Okay. So when's the last time you did one of those? So the last time I did that was I was invited to where did I see? Where did I speak? I went to Austin and Snapchat had me come for what is it? Why am I drawing a blank? Self by self. Self by self. Thank you. Like it was huge for me to have them come and how was that? It was incredible. It was amazing. But that was like five months ago. I know. Thank you. Look at this. I love this. So what are you waiting to do? Well, I'm we're I'm doing one in the beginning in Q one. We're looking at booking the space like right now. Like I'm we're I'm actively working towards getting this thing together. But it's there's nothing standing in the way. It's it's more now. I know that I've taken a lot of this space to like get myself. And I've done a lot of talks in between. Like I did one last Friday. I'm doing one next week. And you know, room of 70 people, 100 people I've spoken to 500, 500 plus. So I've been grooming this. Uh-huh. But this one I'm putting on. Okay. This is my event. Yeah. In early next year, as you know, that takes. I mean, it's a lot of work. So we've been chipping away at this for a while. But I can very confidently say in 2025, it's happening. It's freaking happening. Like, can I I really can't wait. And when I even like last Friday, when I spoke to be seven new women, I was like, I am so like I'm the most me I've ever been. Okay. So you feel the most alive when you're doing this. I do. I can see it in your energy. You know, I completely shifted. I felt it. But you've only done a couple of them this year. It sounds like right? No, I've done more than a couple. Okay. I've done. I've done a lot. Yeah. I've done a lot, but they're very much like I'm being invited. Sure. But I wanted to use this time to like exercise my skill. Of course. You know, I mean, why don't you just do it at your office space like once every week or every two weeks, like just let women come in and do like a, you know, 100 person event and just get your reps. Yeah. It doesn't have to be a big. No, it doesn't. We're like, oh, we have to plan six months in advance to have what I feel like I really, my energy vibrates. Like I feel very called to like the space we're looking at as a thousand people. Like I just, I've done the 500s. I've done a little more, but I feel like I'm just. Yeah. And I have been, I mean, the thing is with, and I love you're going with this. Call me out. Yeah. Yeah. I am. No, I like it. Thank you. Because it's also I have to face that. I have, and this is something like I had to ask myself like, am I procrastinating? This is when I started working this. Doesn't need to look too perfect. Yeah. And I was like, am I broke and it was so clear. And this is when I really got to work. It's been about four months of this. I had so much detangling to do. Yes. And I, it's not an excuse. I hear you though. But when you're so tangled. Try to give your energy to something. You can't. Yeah. And it's now as things are all, you know, starting to open up. It's like I, I'm opening up. Sure, sure, sure. Time is everything. It's everything. I was talking with, uh, I was with Gabby Bernstein last night. We were talking about you. And, um, talking about how, you know, she's always, she's level watching your journey and just how you've exploded. But, um, she did something for years, I think. I mean, it was a year where it was like once a month. There was like a beautiful church in New York City that she would just. Oh, I used to go. So there's got to be something like that where also it's, it doesn't have to be a big production. No, I like that. I want to do this once a month for 300 or 500 or however many people where it's like a 90 minute thing. And I'm just going to get my practice reps here in New York for the bigger thing that I'm going to build later. Oh, I really love content for the app. And it's whatever you can invite your friends. You can bring, you know, and other people, whatever it might be. And just whoever shows shows. That's a great. It's a thousand people, but I'm going to bring my best once a month. Mm hmm. And, and you get a rep every month. And I'm going to create something for myself. And I'm also going to have content for the whole month. And I'm going to have, you know, more videos to show other big events. What I'm doing in front of create like it's just going to activate it. Mm hmm. I love that. I mean, I felt a very strong. Yes. When you said that, like it can, doesn't have to be produced over produced, but it could be a beautiful church. It could be like, I'm in the way where Gabby did it. But it always looked, it's pretty beautiful. I, yeah, she, I've been to like one that she did at a church and that I was, I would go to Mary Ann Williams. And it was also like, got a bird teacher. I was, oh, I went weekly for so long. So if you do something like that, yeah, it could be once a month to start. You know, I love it. Like this is great. No, I like this. I'm really liking this. And what I've been, what I've really been peeling back the layers on is clearly perfection. Mm hmm. Can you tell? Yeah. If I were you, I would say, you know, you should give yourself a challenge to make it feel a little scary. And I wouldn't wait till next year. I would say, how do I do this in November or December? OK. It's like, how do I do this before the end of the year? Mm hmm. Well, I don't feel fully prepared. Well, it scares me a little bit because I feel like I wanted to be this produced, perfect thing. And just show up and give my heart and soul to my community. Mm hmm. I love it. And that's when I'm best, by the way, when it's less produced, which is what I've gone back to. It's a mic and you want stage. Yeah. I've put a little music on and that's it. And you deliver, you know? So I mean, the holidays are coming up. It's like it's perfect time. November, December to like just put something together and see who shows up. You know, it's scary when you don't know how many people could show up. I just had to vent a few weeks ago. And I was literally like, I have no idea. It was a 6,000 person venue. And I go, I don't know if people at a show or not. Like we're going to have 1,000 people here and it's going to look empty. Right. It was until people were there, you're like, Oh, okay, this thing is full, but it's a little scary. It's really scary. And I've been doing it for eight years. Right. And I was like, so I don't know. Or something what I'm hearing you say is like you just being able to show up and hundreds of people coming and you being able to deliver. And the joy that brings you like in the memory that gives you at night afterwards. And how you get to talk about it and how you get to relive it. That memory dividend is sounds like it's one of the greatest joys you have when you're on stage speaking. And so don't limit yourself when your ability to serve until the perfect timing or the perfect space or the perfect. I have to detangle everything. I get the detangling, but it's like you can keep getting practice reps locally in a smaller venue. You know, thank you. So I needed to hear that. Yeah. And once you're doing it, you're doing it disservice by not adding a space for them to show up. You're freaking right. They're messaging you saying we want more of you. And this is the thing you want to do more of. It's not like you're wanting to do something that you don't want to do. It's not like your audience is asking you to do like a mastermind or coaching programmer. Another course, you're like, I'm just tired of creating more. They're asking you to do something that your heart is telling you you love the most. Based on what I'm hearing you say. A million percent. Thank you. I like this. I would set a date in November, December. Okay. And say, I'm just going to get a venue that I can just do a two hour talk. And that's the thing. I'm just like, I don't want to set it just like I walk in, do the thing. That's it. No productions. Yes. Mike and some music. I like less production. That's going to be a big thing. And you can keep doing the thousand person venue later next year. You can set that and create that. But this is where your heart and your soul comes alive and where you can serve your community. It doesn't need to do Gabby Bernstein Marion Williams from style, you know, it's like serve. Thank you. Yeah. I really needed. I'm going to text you and see next week if you've got a date. Done. No, I feel like as soon as you set it, and I think this is where, you know, with my team right now, I feel like I've really just been coming back to the basics of like what brings me alive. Like I've actually went back to doing my lives on my phone with no. Like we have lights in there, but it's like dark and it's not perfect. Not fancy. Oh my God. It's like it's when I'm the most me. I mean, even consider going back and just make it look like your living room. You know, maybe don't want to film your living room anymore, but make it set it up like your living room. I do still film in my living room. That's cool. Yeah. I will never stop doing that. At home. Yes. Yeah. That's cool. I bring it with me everywhere. That's amazing. Amazing. Yeah. I would love to see you on a stage in New York, like just a church or some venue like get everything. You gave me a gift. Like you could be once a month. It doesn't have to be weekly. And just see how that feels. Okay. And book it. Only book it one month ahead. If you don't do it next month, I don't have to do it anymore. If it's getting too overwhelming or doesn't feel right up, I'm stopping. You know, team get ready. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't. I'm calling. And that's the feeder for like, oh, we're going to do a thousand or two thousand person venue next year. And this is like, you can sell tickets to that at your monthly thing. Yeah. I feel like I've been standing in my own way. And honestly, it's so interesting because I think you can be really excited about something and at the same time, so scared of really stepping in 100% and I will admit that. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. But this is a, you're here for a reason today. So I'm, you gave me a, is it was like an electric like listen and yes. And well, just you talking about it and like this, what you're most alive is what you're saying. Yeah. Feeling that and I'm like, well, why have you been done in a few times this year? Right. It's like, do once a month. You know, not in your own here in New York. Yeah. This has been beautiful. I've got a couple of questions for you. But what I'm hearing you say throughout this entire conversation is that when you give yourself the space and time to start listening to the direction of your life. So am I in the direction that I want to be in or am I not based on how I'm feeling based on my environment, based on the people in my life? Am I on the direction of my own path? And do I feel good about me? So I have a good relationship with me. When you've been able to do that consistently, good things happening in your life, when you keep taking, taking consistent, healthy actions on a daily basis, more abundance comes to you. You're manifesting the right things, organically things flow to you better and it feels more effortless. When you're making decisions that are not in alignment with your inner child or with the divine, it's a lot of effort and things don't flow to you. And there's a lot of destruction and sadness and suffering in your path. And so I want to acknowledge you, Melissa, for the journey you continue to take to be on service to the little girl inside of you, to be there for her, even when she's maybe screaming at times and you're doing not everything perfect all the time, but you keep realigning with the values you have that she needs. I know you have kids, but the most important child you have is the one with yourself. And so I acknowledge you for being on that journey to being a great mother to yourself, as well as your own kids. And being of service, using your soul to be of service to your community. And I acknowledge you for making the actions in your business recently to realign with that, even though that might be scary and worried what people are going to think about me. And when I'm going to upset some people in these different things, but more is not always more. And so I acknowledge you for taking these challenging courageous steps. And I'm so excited that we're connecting and I hope to see you continue to be in your power without it being perfect. Oh, yes. I've got two final questions for you, Melissa, before I ask them, how can people or listening are watching be of service to you today? Where can we support and follow you and serve you? Thank you. I just, I'm so full of gratitude. It's such a beautiful thing when you can really take it in. You can come to Melissawoodhealth.com and I have workouts and meditations. I have over a thousand videos and I really, truly have something for everyone that was always important to me, no matter what stage of life you are in, whether you are pregnant, newly postpartum, have never worked out, have taken years off. And you know, with these workouts and the programs that I've created, I feel very confident that it will guide you to a place of true inner alignment with yourself. And meditations, I have recipes. I really share so much. I try to give it all there and our Instagram for Melissawood Health is at Melissawood Health and my personal is at Melissawood, temper her. Awesome. Okay. Well, make sure to check that out. And if you're in New York, make sure to follow her to see when she's doing her right here in New York at the end of this year, hopefully, no pressure, but only if it feels aligned for you. It does. Yeah. You would have hired. I have to do this, but it's like, if you feel called the end of this year, it's happening. This is a question I ask everyone towards the end of our conversations. It's called the three truths. So imagine a hypothetical scenario. You get to live as long as you want in this world, but it's your last day on this earth. So imagine your, as old as you want to be. And from this moment of this conversation until that last day, you get to create everything you want in your life, whether you want to create more or less, whatever it is, you get to develop and create anything and all your dreams come true. Everything comes true. But for whatever reason in this hypothetical scenario, you have to take all of your work with you, all of your content, the videos, this conversation, anything you create, we don't have access in this world after you're gone, hypothetically. But on the last day, you get to leave behind three truths, three things you know to be true from all your experiences in life, kind of like your three lessons to life. This is all we have to remember of your content. What would be those three truths for you? Oh, God, this is so good. The three truths for me would be to listen to your gut because it's guiding you in ways and directions beyond anything you ever could have imagined. In your heart, because when you do, it opens the doors to everything in your life. And the third would be to be exactly who you are. And no matter what's going on around you and people are doing things you want to do, and they think they're doing it better, the more that you can just come back to you and move through life in the way that you do is where I think the beauty of us really unfolds. That's beautiful. Final question was, what's your definition of greatness? My definition of greatness is having this contentment and alignment in your life, and no matter what it looks like because I think when you peel all of that stuff back, it's this feeling that you wake up with and you just feel so good and excited for it all. Like that to me is just what living a great life is and being a great person and just showing up with this greatness through it all. Awesome. Melissa, thanks for being here. Appreciate it. Thank you so much. Amazing. Anything you wanted to add or anything else. Oh, my God. I feel like we went there in every way, shape and form. It's so interesting to you because I feel like I told my story so differently. I love what you pulled out of me. That's great. It's beautiful. Thank you. Appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. 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