A Paranormal New Year's Eve with Trixie and Katya

Football fans, listen up! This April, buy and go to the FIFA World Cup final with Lenovo.com. Spend £499 or more and you could win two tickets to the FIFA World Cup 2026 final in New York! Plus, return flights, hotel stay and dinners! But remember, you must register for your chance to win. Enter now at Lenovo.com forward slash contest. Hurry! Competition closes April 30th. What's the most important thing you've done? I think we should have a town hall. I want to have a town hall. I want to have a town hall. I don't know about what. I do. What? All's fair. Oh, if... It's not a town hall. It's not adversarial. It's celebratory. Right. The dicks who did this and the cunts responsible. Right? So last month, this week, the dicks did the cunts responsible. My crusty... My crusty pussy. My crusty pussy. Last week on the pod, I told you that I would be willing to tell you about Girl. I've been waiting. Now, before you laugh. I haven't even eaten. I want you to... I want to tell you. I heard about this show being a... It's a stage show. And I heard about it being in Los Angeles and I said, I want to go. And I checked for tickets and the only I could go was December 2nd last night. So I said, I'm going to go. Now, I want to acknowledge that I've been having some health issues. Bladder issues. So I couldn't wake up and be on a red carpet at 8am this morning for the Hollywood reporter, women 100 luncheon, bruncheon. You're not a woman. I did want to go. You're not a woman. But that's why I thought I have to go and drag. I can't show up at 8am out of drag at the women's luncheon. They'll think you're like there to serve water. But me on the red carpet, I was just like 8am. That's... That's abusive. Also, but it's not that... Waking up, it was like, I don't feel good. I had a camera in my urine, my pussy yesterday. Like I can't pull the camera out of my urethra and head down to the women's brunch. Like I can't. You know what I mean? I can't. I can't. The dick. So they did it in the cunts responsible. I saw that you stole fizzy lifting drinks. You get nothing. Good day, sir. Willy Wonka. Oh, okay. Oh, the... There's a musical? No, no, no. This is... I was just saying it. It's from the movie. That's Gene Wilder. That's Gene Wilder. Thank you, Gene. We can do vocal stems in the pod. What the fuck is... What is this? NPR? Speaking of... Have you ever been on NPR? Sorry? Have you ever been on NPR? I think. I have a couple of times and whenever it airs... I guess I don't realize how many people listen to it. Maybe it was... Oh, no, I think... The phone blows up. Everybody listens to NPR. Yeah. Why don't we get NPR numbers? This is... Fresh air, Terry Gross. Do you listen to Fresh Air, Terry Gross? I love Fresh Air, Terry Gross. Democracy Now. DemocracyNow.org, The War and Peace Report. I'm Amy Goodman. Do you watch Democracy Now? I highly encourage you to do so. I listen to... It's a watch. I'm a big bat, Pod Save America faggot. Okay. So I love that. I'm sure they'd be happy to have you on. Oh, Thursday, I'm doing a live show with John Lovett. Can I see a tiebreaker? Love it or leave it? I believe... So I got tickets to the stage version of Paranormal Activity. Okay, what is this? I was like, I've never seen a horror play. I love the Paranormal Activity series. I love that those movies. You do? You like found footage? And I thought... And I thought... And I thought, if there's a stage version, it has all these amazing reviews. We'd be like, oh my God, it's so scary. And I said, I would love to be scared. So I went online, I looked up tickets, and I like a good ticket seat. I'm sorry. I always sort the seats by closest first. I like to sit as close as I can. I want to see tears. I want to see the real... Yeah, yeah. You want to get spit on by Jonathan Groff. Yes. And some people like to sit for their back. If I can get an affordable seat in the front, I will go for it. What's affordable? So get this. Matteo says, well, I was in the mezzanine in the middle. I'm gonna take it to like $240. I don't know how this happened. No, that's Paranormal. I got the front row two center tickets for 160 each. I don't know how it happened. Faggot. I don't know how it happened. Maybe they kind of hacked my iPhone and saw pictures of my fat cock. She just had a camera upper pussy. Right. We need to throw her a bum. Well, that's paranormal activity. It's very... It's above normal for sure. No, the camera. Oh. Found footage. That's periscope. Remember periscope? I do. You on Drug-Speaking French on periscope. Oh my God. What a time. Not only that, fully psychotic. I know. Fully psychotic. And full of French. With urgency, with 100% seriousness. Like you're an actor's on actors. And I was down by MacArthur Park. When the girls used to show up at your house? That was way, way, way back. That was in Boston. I was just thinking about that actually. They were like, hey, we're down the street, bringing you pizza. I was like, weird. Really weird. But I'm the dumbass who would live stream outside my home. And I lived above a bar. No. That's... She deserved it. What was she wearing? What was she drinking? Thank you. Okay. Thank you. So paranormal activity. So I go, front seat. I go and I show my thing and they go, lucky you. Your seat's right in the front, the very middle. So me and my boyfriend walk out the, oh yeah. Hello. So we sit and it's starting and I'm all excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. Let's go down. So it's an original story. It's nothing like paranormal activity other than it's a couple in a home where paranormal events are happening. Oh. And so it starts with this... I won't give away much. No, to give it all away. It starts with this couple who moved to London maybe two weeks ago from Chicago. And it's sort of inferred that the guy's on the phone with his mom being like, yeah, she's doing better. The female in the play, Lou, depressed seeing things. Postpartum. Seeing things. No, she hadn't had a baby. They dream of having a baby. They're trying to furnish a nursery because they want a baby. She's on depression medicine and it starts a little like he's like, you think you heard something? Just take your medicine today. Which in movies, ghost movies, when no one believes you, which would be the natural thing. If you called me and said you were seeing ghosts, I would not believe you were seeing ghosts. No, no, no, no. And right you would be. Right you would be. Because in the play, they just moved to London and they're staying in a little flat. And because paranormal things were happening in Chicago where they lived. And they kind of set up in the play. She's like, I know you don't believe me. This has been happening my whole life. And like an entity has been after me. I feel it in presence my whole life all the time. And it's gone better and worse. And right now it's been worse. Okay. And it starts with him not really believing it. I'm kind of spoiling part of the play. And so if you want to see permal activity to play, the magic of knowing nothing is amazing. Okay. But for those of you who will never see it or just want to know the tea, and I don't want to say too much, but I will. Yeah. So you're not going to go. No. Today was, I think today is the last day there in LA. They're going to London. They go to West Adelaide. I'm going to go to London to see it. Worth it. No, no, tell me. First class play. It's worth it. It was amazing. Tell me, tell me, tell me. So it starts with a few things like water turning on or like, oh, the Alexa turned on its own. Like the powers out, huh? Weird things. As a couple, you can tell they're in turmoil because they want to have a baby. Things start happening. And I felt, what I thought was going to happen was, him sort of not believing her for a lot of the play early on. Something happens. That's so crazy. What? He comes home from work and she thinks that been happening when she's alone. The lights are out. She's freaked out. And he, he goes to like, did you take your medicine today? And that turns into a fight. Because if you're a woman who's being haunted by real ghosts and your husband thinks that you're just a little sad. Thank you. You know, women being like, she get in your meds. You're being all crazy. I always think you're timing the month. Right. Yeah. You're hallucinating on the right. The stage magic in the show is so unbelievable. And so chilling. I've never been so scared in my life. I've never been more scared in my whole life. No movie. Nothing has ever scared me. There's a part where they get in this fight and she puts on this robe and she's looking for slippers and she's like going to go to bed because they get in this fight. Thank you. And he's on the phone with his mom and he's like, you know, mom, whatever. Like, yes. The mom is very Southern and very overstepping. And, you know, he's like, you know, I don't appreciate you talking about her like that, whatever. And she comes back downstairs in her robe and she's got her hood pulled up and she's all covered with a blanket. She's got a pouty and he's like, I'm sorry. I hear you. I'm sorry. That was wrong of me. Let's just have a fresh start. He's talking to her and she turns to the kitchen away from the audience and she's cutting vegetables with a knife and he's like talking and talking. He's like, you know, I read about this paranormal event that happened where these people swore that they were haunted and their animal died. And that's how they found out that there was a gas leak in the home and they were all hallucinating. It's crazy. It wasn't actually paranormal. It was a gas leak. And at the stage is like a dollhouse. It's two levels, bedrooms or whatever. And this was so scary. He's talking from the second level. She's in the kitchen from the second level. You see her pop her head on go, babe, who are you talking to? I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it was going to be her. And the whole audience goes, I mean, it was a 2000 people go. And he turns and it's her standing there. The blanket drops. She's gone. Oh, I love it. It was so screaming. Sorry to scream. The sound design was so low rumbling and things like that happened. Big musical stings with blackouts that were so fucking scary. Oh, that's it. It's a two hour play with one intermission. Between each hour. So things like that's one of the first scares that makes you like, oh shit. So then they have a ghost hunter. I'm like ruining the play. Is that okay? Yeah. Come on. So then it's sort of like almost comedic because now he believes her. Yeah. And she's lived this her whole life. And you know, her, her parents died in a fire when she was younger. She escaped the fire. And that's sort of the impetus of her seeing this entity was after her parents died. She's like, this thing is with her, right? And he's, she never told him. He didn't think she'd marry her. He'd marry her. So then they call an investigator, the parental investigator comes and sets up a bunch of equipment and then like an event happens again. That is so fucking crazy. You want to know? Yes. No, I don't. I'm just going to go to bed. She tells the story of her parents dying. And you know, they think they're talking to that ghost that her parents, they're not. That gets really crazy and scary. There's a part in the second act that scared me to my fucking core. And if you guys are going to see the play, do not listen to this. Okay. Okay. Tune out. I'm too. So his mom has overbearing Southern mother who's very religious. The whole play, they're sort of like his mom's a Bible thumper and his mom's like, maybe your wife needs to pray. You know, he's on FaceTime and he rigs up FaceTime at the beginning of the play on the TV that face the audience. So whenever they're on FaceTime with the mom, they can see the mom. The actress is on the backstage doing the call. That's true. Who is amazing. The acting was amazing. I'm in the front row watching tears, watching all of it. It was like, these people are telepathic. These people are television actors. It was serious. He's on the phone with his mom and his mom is like, it's getting a little serious on the phone. The mom, the mom's getting a little mean and the pivot is so small to his mom being like, why don't you eat a bullet, Jimmy? Why don't you kill yourself and kill your wife while you're, I mean, it's, it's so scary. And then the door rings and he goes to open the front door. He's all the time, he thinks he's talking to his mom on the phone. He opens the front door. His mom shows up, surprise. I'm here. I use my miles. So then you're like, oh my God. So now she's here. And before the end of the second act, before the end of the second act, the ghost hunter runs out of the house and it's like, if you have anyone in your life you love, you will not let them come to this house because you're fucked. You've moved from Chicago, the ghost has followed you. You're fucked. So his mom showing up that he's like, oh my God, mom, you got to get out of here, right? And the mom means well, she's super Christian. She's like, I just want you to pray. She sits with them. He's crying. She's standing across the room. She's like, I think having bibles in the house will even make this worse. Like this is bad. And the mom and him are crying and praying and he's feeling better. So during the phone call, at the end of the phone call on the face time, she, after she says, bite a bullet and all that to her son and he's like freaking out. He goes, she goes on the phone. She goes, why don't you answer the door, Jimmy? And the doorbell rings. And so that's when he answers his phone and says, real mom. So then the mom is holding him and they're crying and he's sobbing. And it's this moment of like, I'm not really religious, but like his belief that things could get better. He's crying with his mom. His mom is really religious and they're hugging and you was the audience like, thank God. And then she looks at him and goes, answer the door, Jimmy. And the doorbell rings. It was so fucking scary. It was the most scared I've ever been in my life. And he goes and answers the door and there's no one out there. And the whole time he's walking to the door, the mom, who obviously is an apparition, is looking at them like, oh no. It was so scary. He opens the door, it's no one. She stands up and she's like, there's nothing for you out there. Everything isn't here. And then she says, peekaboo. And she starts going like this. And then the stage magic is so real. She screams peekaboo and pulls out her fucking eyes. Oh, baby. And then there's a black girl. You have to go to the. I need to see this. I won't ruin the ending because that's really the magic of what it all is. But I've never been so scared in my life. Wow. This sounds incredible. It almost went back around the way to not fun because mind you, I live in a haunted house. Sure. So by the way, there's development on that. Tell it. Roz, the ghost hunter, texts me. I did some research. We contacted a ghost called Evan in my house. There was a guy. Oh, go watch the YouTube video if you haven't. Thank you, Nick. $13 always be selling $45. $45. Yeah. Yeah. You want to do it? An OF, an OF where I just bought ghosts. Tried it. Tried it. So if you've skipped ahead, this is the moment where now you didn't miss the plot. Thank you so much for inviting me, by the way. Like you would have, you actually would have loved it. But I'm afraid you would have been in the front like, oh, they would have been too into it. No, I would have been jerking it with both hands, jerking the people next to me. Roz calls me and says, Hey, and you know that guy, that bearded guy that you keep seeing in your house? I said, yeah. She said there was a guy whose last name was Evans, who was a guitar tech and he had spent some time in your house. And after he'd left her house, sometime later, he was on drugs and got gunned down with a police. How about that? So I go home to that house. I get in bed, go to sleep, slept great, but I don't fear the ghosts. No, that movie was that, that play was the most scared I've ever been in my life. Wow. That is impressive. Kudos to them. Oh, I hope I didn't ruin it. Is it illegal to, to, illegal? And the stage magic of props falling off the walls, shadows, sound effects. That seems difficult. It was so chilling. It was so chill. Wicked, found dead. In the beginning of the play, they introduced this bell that is like, supposed to be like, oh, if this bell is supposed to be like a bell that people use that for the dead to contact the living. And that's on stage the whole play and you're like waiting for it to ring at some point. It, it gets so escalated. It was so scary by the end of it. I was like shook. I was like having a, a. Love pressure. Full body chills. Full body chills. Was that too much to talk about? What are you talking about? I don't understand what you're talking about. The author is going to be like. People don't want to know they could just tune out or pay $13. And that was honestly, I skipped the meat of the show as this people who are one year married, trying to, in a possible situation. The drama is the meat of the show. It was a little bit Stephen King where you care so deeply about the couple. That's what makes these scenarios scary. Things like her sleeping on stage and the blanket getting off her own. I don't even know how they're doing these things. Not to mention there's whole parts of the show where it's a two story dollhouse basically and he's walking around stage with just a flashlight. Her appearing in different places and not remembering any of it. Baby word for word. April is a dangerous time for me because the second the weather gets even a little flirtatious, I start behaving like a woman of a certain age who has simply had enough. Suddenly I need a spring trip. A trip where I need soft pants, dark sunglasses, and a destination where I can walk around at golden hour pretending I have secrets. That is the power of April. It thaws the pavement, reawakens my allergies, and fills me with the completely irrational confidence of someone who thinks a weekend away will fix everything. So this spring, I'm planning a trip to Savannah, where I found a home on Airbnb that is draped in both moss and charm. I want cobblestone little squares. I want to drift around in the spring sunshine like an ant who's on an eat pray love trip that includes grits and barbecue. I want to do some light strolling and maybe buy an impossibly impractical piece of jewelry in a local boutique. And at night, I want to sit down to a dinner that is so good, it makes me briefly forget pretty much everything. This is the kind of trip where you need to place that matches the fantasy. That's why I love booking stays on Airbnb, because when I travel I do not want to be crammed into a hotel room with a view of a parking lot. I want a real place to stay. I want a living room where I can decompress after a long day of wandering around and judging southern architecture. I want a kitchen for snacks, a table for my frosty beverages, and enough space to dramatically collapse on the floor like Julia Robertson's something to talk about. And if I'm traveling with friends, it's even better, because then we can all stay together instead of scattered down different hallways in a hotel. And of course, once I start planning one trip, my brain immediately escalates. Suddenly, I'm looking at Carmel next. Then Malta. Then Hokkaido Island. A little ocean air, some seafood, and maybe even a long walk where I pretend I'm processing something deep would really I'm just thinking about Russian pop music. Whether it's one quick spring reset or the beginning of a full warm weather spiral, trips just feel more personal when you book through Airbnb. When news breaks about Marvel, DC, Star Wars, or anything else you're obsessed with, the break room is where the conversation is happening. I'm Jon Costa. And I'm Zach Huddleston. Together with our co-hosts, Eric Voss, Jessica Clemens, Brandon Barrick, and Gina Ippolito, we help you digest the headlines around your favorite fandoms. Casting, plot leaks, interviews, actors crashing out on social media. We get into all of it. Plus, we do weekly aftershows and Q&As for the break room's favorite shows and movies. We got you covered and will give you the context you need to have a deeper understanding of the things you love. With new shows three times a week, you'll be up to speed in no time. Listen to the break room for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's the most scary thing you've ever seen? I think probably, I mean, I want to say Candyman. All fair. Huh? All fair. No, I think I want to say Candyman, but you know what? It's so lame, but Freddy Krueger really, really, really got me. Because I watched that so young. My parents had no restrictions on what we watched as children. So we watched HBO with three, four, or five years old, seeing real sex, all these basically softcore porn, horror movies, traumatizing. When you're young, your ability to be scared is very deep. Well, the thing about Freddy Krueger, I know he's so corny, especially the sequels are so bad. They're so, so, so bad. They get worse and worse as they go. But the dream thing, the premise is so good. The premise is so, so good. Yeah. That you can't, when you go to sleep, well, when you watch Black Phone 2. No, but is he a ghost in that or something? Is he a ghost? This is, can I just, can I just ruin it all for everyone? I'm not going to see that. I'm not going to see that. Black Phone 2 is hard, stiff Christian propaganda. He starts attacking them in their dreams, like Freddy, them flying around. Well, the awake people are watching them sleep, getting slashed and stuff. It's fully Freddy. And it's super Jesusy. They're investigating murders at a Christian camp that he had killed people at. The, the, the grabberies called in those movies. And the first Black Phone was so good. With the black balloons and the mask. Yes. The first Black Phone was so good. The second one, I didn't make it all the way, I turned it off. It was to Christian. It's so Christian. That's strange. And I don't mind Christian because the conjuring is always like demons versus. They're, they're pretty religious. They use the Bible. Right. But by the way, the last conjuring, oh my God, bring a book. Was that the, the, the Deli maybe do it? Bring a book. It was the conjuring last rights. It was the most recent one. I don't think I've seen it. It sucks. The pacing is so bad. Have you, girl, have you seen that audio that the dry queens are all doing? The Defiler. And I do know your name. You are ballet. Oh, it's so bad. But the gays are, oh, I did the Boston Halloween gig with Plain Jane and she did a lip sync to it with those big rubber boobs. You are the Defiler. She's kind of like bag it. I, I, Mary, the nun, the nun. Do you know that? Did you know that I went, that's one of the only premieres, Hollywood premieres I've gone to. The nun. And I love those movies. So they gave me an invite. So I went and you know, you walk through a carpet in exchange for your free ticket. I actually felt bad that the actors were in the room while we were watching. I was like, this isn't good. It, it sucks so bad. It's just, there's, it's so filmy. There's not, there's nothing to it. It's all jump scares. Like when, when the measure of the movie is just blood pressure, that's not scary. That's jolting. Do you know what I mean? Paranole activity, the stage show, almost no jump scares. Real, built momentum scares. Yeah. Actually, I like Candyman. There's, I don't think there's, there may be two jump scares. And they're not like actually they're fake outs, like with a dog or something. You know what I mean? All the, all the, the really scary stuff happens in broad daylight. Like it's not like, you know what I mean? It's like, like hypnotizing it. That's really like, it needs to be scary without, I don't like a jump scare, but I do like a, like in this play when the mom has like answered the door in the doorbell rings, that is scarier than anything. Well, that's just scary. And the shining, the kid in the shining when he asks, is there something bad here? That's really scary. When somebody says something like that, the, do you know what is terrifying? Opening the door and having the, the, the guy on the bed with the kneeling and then the other guy with the bear mat, whatever the costume. Yeah. That's a fucking terrible thing. Yeah. Yes. That's fucking terrible. Very bad. That's what I felt like when I fucked and dragged when I saw myself in the mirror, when I saw myself in the mirror, I saw myself getting my dick sucked in a wig and I thought I saw like great party. Like really, I was like, girl, when I get on the top with my unit on and you tiptoe your gray feet on the dirty tile, Oreo cake stirs everywhere. Can't take it. Can't take it. Oh baby. Do you like those holiday zebra cakes? I know. Those little Christmas trees. Do. No. What's your favorite Christmas cookie? Fina came over for the holiday special, which is out now, and she made her beautiful homemade gingerbread and homemade sugar cookies with royal icing. That bitch can make fucking cookies. I know when she makes the chocolate chip cookies, I eat them all. She put my ass on my pussy. She pulls them out of the oven and puts kosher salt on top. She eats. I don't even like chocolate chip cookies that much. To me, like a chips ahoy, I will never just eat one of those gross. No, dry? Yeah. That's dry shit. Sick. But you like an Oreo? I mean, yeah, I like an Oreo. I like a soft out of the oven chocolate chip cookies. Yeah. Classic. Take it out, put it right in your face. I use cucumbers for the eyes. Cute combo. Wait, what's the, I'm trying to think of what else is scary, what else is scary, what else is scary? The first conjuring scared me pretty bad. It's just cheap. The paranormal activity first movies. Rills. Really? I watched it in college and I was so scared. Did you watch the paranormal activity where they go to the Amish village? Baby. It's good. It's like the best one. Okay. They're making a documentary. This girl's trying to connect with her family. She's not, she doesn't know and she's related to the Amish. So she's making a documentary staying with them. Very scary. What is the scariest movie ever made? What is the scariest movie? The visit. Oh, when she goes to the grandparents. That is like one of the scariest moments. That's boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Those aren't your grandparents. Yeah, but it's kind of a slow burn. But then she like, she turns out to be like a, yeah, like a vampire kind of. And listen, old people, I'm fine with old people being crazy. Yeah. And also, it's ages. Yeah. Like, you know what, I was thinking about like barbarian. It's kind of like ageist anti-woman in a way. It's like, oh my God, what? She's a crazy lady naked. That's crazy. That's me. Right. That's me. Just drink from my bottle. Everything gonna be fine. So what else is the tea with you? Oh, I wanted to talk. Oh, I just thought about it in the parking lot. I just went to, did you go home for Thanksgiving? Yes, that's what I wanted to say. What did you do? Okay. So I went to my sisters in Atlanta to visit her. Your sister lives in Atlanta? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. She's been there for a little while. She just got a new house. Direct flight from LA. Oh yeah. Thank you. Delta. Hello. Hello. Wait, something happened on the flight. Hello. What happened? It was, I was, I got surprised. Okay. It's very relatable. This, I got like- Like you got on the plane and everyone had those hats and blowers and said, surprise. No, they just booed me. They just booed and they made me go to the back of the plane. Yeah. And you were like someone coming out on Maury. They were booing and you were like, shut up, shut up. Y'all fake. I took my top off. No, I, it was- Screaming y'all fake while you get on the plane. Y'all fake. You are not the father. I, it was a, like a, it was not a lay down bed, but it was something, it was the in-between level of first class that I've never experienced. I know this is going to be great with the listeners. Like it was like a reclining- If you don't start flying in coach. You will. You need to, you do need to do a ton of haul. Steerage. I need to get in a, with the dogs. Yeah. I need to get with the crates with the dogs. No, no, it was like, you know how sometimes it's like first class and it's just, you know, it's up in the front. The UK of a lawn chair. Why are they waterboarding you? A fucking lawn chair. It's like, can I have a glass of wine and they just throw it in your face? Not even. It's crazy. They're like, did you want, did you want to coke Deiro and then they hear your accent like, you are awesome. Yeah. No bitch I don't want. Warm soda. A thimble of warm soda that tastes like shit. Anyways, it was a recliner. Right. It was a- Oh. I loved it. I was smiling the whole way. I was like, love, you'd love. And I read, I read misery. And then I went over, my, stayed up my friend David. David, who does slicked up, he moved. Love David, love slicked up. Shout out to slicked up. Shout out to slicked up. Shout out to David Mason. He left under the cover of night like a thief. I've never felt so shocked and betrayed. What do you mean? He left LA under the cover of night like a thief. He moved? He moved. I feel so shocked and betrayed. Where is he now? In Atlanta. Well, can I say if you're, he's a small business owner and a designer and an artist. Doesn't, doesn't, doesn't change the fact that my shock and my betrayal are still very more. They might have better tax breaks for small businesses. Doesn't matter. I'm still shocked and so betrayed. Anyways, he, it's so funny because all between me and like a lot of my friends, me who will talk about something for about 15 years and never do it, he just like casually mentions, I think I'm gonna move to Atlanta next day, gone. But he had a great, he has a great house. He should have consulted with you first. I feel so shocked and betrayed right now. And you did it at my birthday. Moving to Atlanta, but it was great. I know nobody cares. Ugh, whatever. What about, what about this opening a clock store at the mall, sucking tick and clock? Sucking tick and clock. That deserves its own kiosk at the mall. A kiosk. You know what I see for you being one of those people that's, ma'am, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. And I just throw up on them or the gold face, the gold face, the gold face. They love to sell the gold face mask. I just want to fix people's cell phones. But I just put them in my mouth. Very helpful. I just put them in my mouth. If you have nothing nice to say, you can sit with us. I'm Susanne Lambert, comedian, mean girl, and internet menace. And this is the Mean But True podcast. Every week, a special guest in the night will talk pop culture, current events, romance, whatever we feel like. I don't know. Are you a cop? We'll be keeping it funny, playful, and petty, per usual. You cringe at the sight of people posting QR codes to fund their own bachelorette parties. You need to know how to respond to that co-worker with a bad haircut, who's always making digs or just need to get something off your chest. Make sure to subscribe to Mean But True wherever you listen to podcasts. And thus of course, you hate fun, in which case, don't. I'm Suzanne Lambert and this is Mean But True. Avengers Doomsday is going to be the biggest Marvel movie since Endgame, and we are so hyped for it. New Rockstar's latest podcast, Road to Doomsday, is our way to share that hype with the new Marvel fans, the old Marvel fans, and everybody in between. Every episode of Road to Doomsday digs into a movie or TV series that helped get Marvel Studios to where it is now. There's so much fascinating on screen and behind the scenes lore that led from Blade to Doomsday, and we're here to map every twist and turn on that journey for you. Join the hosts of New Rockstars as we put collective lifetimes of obsession, fandom, and industry experience to productive use on the Road to Doomsday. Road to Doomsday is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. But wait, my nephews, my sister's children, the sons of my sister. Mama, these motherfuckers are so cute. I don't give a shit about children, as well documented. I don't care about children. My new thing is, are adults that great? No, that's true. Human beings are all flops. But these motherfuckers... You love them. Owen, he's a little man now. He's growing up. Cold? He's gotta be fucking four or five or some shit, I don't know. He's eight or 12, I don't know. No, he's gotta be like... He's three or four or five, six, seven, eight. He's like a young man. He's talking, he's moving around, he's gotta... We're playing with a lizard, a motorized lizard that climbs on the wall. We're having a blast. Kids toys now, don't even get me started. Mary, if I had a remote-controlled lizard that could climb the wall... Do you know what, we had a wooden paddle with a ball and a rubber string. We had kick the can. Girl. And I'm not joking, we kicked a can. I was in Kentucky and I was at some friends who have twins. Their children have a 3D printer. I said, I'm sorry. Wait, what? They have a 3D printer? Yes. That's crazy. That's too much. I was like, back in my day? Yeah. We had Jenga. We never... I didn't have a printer, any printer. So Benjamin is... Ben is the baby, he's 11 months, he's almost a year. Cute. This motherfucker. You love it. I want to put him in the oven on 450 and just broil him and eat him. There's a lot of great things about babies, the chubby legs. Mary, he's... This motherfucker. The Michelin Man legs, the tiny little toes. The Gerber baby is so ugly by comparison. The razor fingernails. Babies have sharp fingernails. Razor fingernails. They're so small. Baby... Comment below. Baby finger... Adorable. Baby fingernails are fucking sharp. They're dangerous. This is what he thinks to me. Right. I don't see a resemblance yet, but... Not yet. You don't think so? Wait, look at this. Look at this motherfucker. He's so fucking cute. So fucking cute. There's this great age where babies look like old men. Love that age. So cute. I just want to fucking eat him. I just want to eat him up. Right. Wait. Well, maybe you should visit him and then you can do that. This is me. Right. Have you thought about having more of a presence in his life? No. Right. Showing up once a year and taking some videos, hardly parenting. You know? Parenting. No, I'm... You know, I... I am wondering... Can you take him down to the learning annex and enroll him in some classes? Take him down to the Brookland Education Center? You should open some kind of savings account for him. Oh, mama. I'm way ahead of you. I'm way ahead of you. Right. I got... I got... I got plans. You're going to will him your bed. I already got him all set. Oh, good. But not the other one. No, no, no. He's... Let me tell you about this motherfucker. I'll keep the nephew talk to a minimum. I think he's mine. My brother's son, my nephew. Right. This motherfucker is going to be president of the United States. Okay. He's so funny. He's so quick. He's so hysterical. He could probably do it now and do a better job. I know. It's like at... They could win. He should run now. I seriously... He is so smart and he's so funny. Like at that age, it's like six years old. I don't know. They're like... Again, he's two or 12. I don't know. Somewhere between two or two. No, he's like... I was gonna say... Yeah, yeah, six. He's so funny. I don't remember any child being that funny, that young. Right. I don't know. Good for him. And he looks exactly like me, which is very suspicious. I did not fuck my brother's wife. Right. Okay. But your brother looks so much like you. This all makes a lot of sense. No, he's so cute. He's so cute. My niece, I stopped by home for Thanksgiving and I went to my mom's house and she did something... She does something very Wisconsin that I really appreciate. She luck you out? No, I'm like... I don't ask for anything. I come over and she just sets up a TV tray with cheese and crackers. It's like, that's all I need. I love that. That's all I need. You don't have to cook. You don't have to... For me, if we're visiting my family, I'm like, we can go for three hours the whole weekend and I'm good. Love them. But I don't need to spend a lot of time with my family. No, that's what I was struggling with. First of all, my brother-in-law, Ian, is incredible cook. He air fried this motherfucking turkey, air fried this turkey, air fried the turkey. It was so delicious. He's such a good cook. It's incredible. But I... I love the air fry. David and I went to my sisters and my parents were there. And I was struggling with how long do we stay? You were with David? Yeah. I stayed at his house and then we went to my... Okay, sorry I didn't get that. Hot tub. Fun. Hot tub. Hooligans around the street on books. No, on bikes, just like young kids. Oh, kids. Kids, hooligans. Getting wild. But I was like, I don't know. It's like I flew all the way here, but I don't know when to leave. Sure. So it's like three, four hours. Can I be honest? It's... That's enough for me. It's... I felt like it was so good. You were me sitting with my mom and talking for like two hours. My niece was at church that day because her dad said the family's religious, so they've been taking her to church. And so honestly, getting to be with my mom without kids running around was really nice. Different vibe. Kids love them. Annoying. Thank you. Also exhausting. Messy. And also, Graham, when he was much younger, he was like... I think he slept about a half an hour night and then he ran... I remember this. His energy level was like crystal meth. Devil child. Devil, the son of Satan. And now he's mellowed out a little bit, but still very energetic. We have a child in my family who's at an age where isn't interested in any toys, just wants to take pictures off the wall, grab silverware. Everything that's on a toy is fair game. Is a toy, yeah. And so you're watching an adult pick up one thing. For every two things you get thrown on the floor, one thing is getting picked up and it's a losing battle. It's a whack-a-mole. I think the newborns can't only make so much mess, and then the older kids, but there's that middle baby zone where they have no responsibility. I don't know. Terror. Like two, three, four years old. I think I would be a really tough parent. I think I would be really hard. I would have to... I would love the newborn. I mean, I'm a born breastfeeder, but then I would ship them off to boarding school until they're 20. I mean, do you think boarding school is bad? Do you think it's bad to ship your kids away? I don't think it's bad. I don't know anyone who did it. I think it's just a different... I don't know anyone who did it. I do. So I grew up with a rich girl. Like we were not rich. Like Gwen Stefani, rich girl? No. Like she went to a 20,000... Okay, in the 90s, her high school was $20,000 a year. She did it a whole year in high school. She lives in Spain? Everything's great. No, but imagine that in high school. Imagine your high school costing $20,000 a year in the 90s. These days, that same high school is probably $50,000. Think about it. I can't imagine. No. So she was rich. I think I told you the story where I got so drunk I drove her dad's BMW. Oh no. I got so drunk at her house, face down, like dead drunk. We had to wake up her sister who was 14 to drive the dad's BMW to drive me home because I had my mom's car. Mary, it was so wild. It was so off the hook. So off the hook. My friend who was drunk drove my mom's car with me in it. And then the 14-year-old daughter was woken up to drive the beamer, to drive the girl back to the house. Oh yeah. That was Shnana Nagan's we got into in high school. Christina. And I walked into the house, my mother's in her robe having tea in the morning. She's like, oh, thanks. I need the car to go to work. Does she know what the tea was? Oh yeah. I mean, I walked in dead drunk. What's she mean? We had a discussion. We had a discussion. Didn't take her. Not about that. Just about other things. You said, you know what? You're right. I'm going to quit on booze. Well, I never really drank again after that. You said, I'm never going to have an issue. Movies with little bitches are always like, I'll never tell a lie. Love that shit. But I mean, they really soured me on drinking. Yeah. Drinking is kind of disgusting. Why does it really love it? Maddie, can you grab my computer? You know what? You know, I think is really the vibe. Do you remember that little bitch from a little house on the prairie? No, I never saw it. Nelly Olson. She's the one who got pushed on that. No. No. Who's that? Who's that? In the green gables? That's not that. That's not that Joe is it? Little. Oh, wait. Yes, yes, yes. It is. It is. It is. Oh, the dad? Yeah. Hot. Well, yeah, I know. But I was I was thinking of the theme recently. What do you think about it? Let me play this for you. What do you think about it as a disco remix? Hold please. I know this is like not on anybody's bingo card today. I've been doing a lot of producing for other people. I got to I can't say who, but I'm doing remixes for other for pop girls, real pop girls, people in the car. Would you would you gaze? Would you bop around to the little house on the prairie disco theme? One, two, three. This is horny. Hey, everybody say one, two, one, three. Everybody. This is horny, horny. I'll see you at the Grammys. I was listening to it. I was like, why is it this it's it's a dreamy, it's a dreamy 70s. It's almost like never ending story kind of night. It's very like, oh, you need to do dynasty next. Please do dynasty next. Girl, you would fuck up dynasty. I was like, what about fuck? I live. You do dynasty next. You have to. Maybe that's next. What about a whole album of just disco TV? No, it's girl that is so fierce. I had when I was like 16, I mailed away like because, you know, no internet. I sent away a check in the mail and I got back. It was goth remixes of exactly that theme songs like Charles in charge. Charles in charge. And then like all I figured what it's called, it was really fierce like it was really fierce like concept all dark and dark. We've just drew like theme songs. I love a reimagining. It's fierce. I I have a two part story to this. One is one of the girls that just got to do a remix for she hadn't heard the remix yet. And she came to the studio and we were sitting in the studio with the big speakers and she we played it. And I was like, it was one of those moments when she actually hasn't heard this and now she's going to have to either fake a responsive. She doesn't like it. I was like, this is awkward. She couldn't get enough of it. She was like, she stood up, started screaming. She started dancing. She loved it. And it was so gratifying. That's fierce. So I was like, oh, thank God she likes it because she could have been like, it's a nice start. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, wait, we love it. Thank God that was like that's fabulous. Will you please do dynasty next? Yes. I'll give it a shot. I want to finish the house on the prairie. Dynasty. Twink peaks. Twink peak. Sometimes the remix, you know that song by, do you know Pet Shop Boys? They're kind of gothy, right? No. They're not at all. Because they're a little bit depeche-moled. No, they're like New Wave. Yeah, but don't the gods like that? It's like adjacent, but it's definitely not goth though. Um, their version of you were always on my mind. With Liza? Oh, no, you were thinking of, you were thinking of the Dusty Springfield version. No, I'm thinking of the Pet Shop Boys remix with Liza singing. It's so good. I forget what it is. Oh, I heard that. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yes. I don't know what song that is. It's a cover. I maybe I'm going in. I forget. Oh, that is what it is. Yes. Yeah, yeah. The Pet Shop Boys, maybe I didn't love you like a-ba-ba. Oh, I love them. I read, I was like, why did they think they were doing in the UK, a holiday special in the UK honoring Elvis where they asked all these bands to do their own versions of Elvis songs in their own style. And they were like, we all, we all like, you're always on my mind. It's widely considered the best cover of any song ever. Really? Because it makes the song sound like that's the original song. It's so good. That's fierce. And you know what's Veneno? Remember when she's titties out in the club dancing to that song? Oh, that's right. It's such a great piece of music. You know what else is the fucking fabulous cover? One of the best covers of all time, Do In Time by Lana Del Rey. Yeah. Better than the original. The great heartbreak of my life, the biggest regret that I have for her is that she didn't do a whole album of covers. She still could. She still could. But it was- What do you want her to do? This is time to speak it into existence. I want her to do classic rock. Sure. I want to do Led Zeppelin, The Doors. Black Velvet. Jimmy Hendrix. Yeah. I mean, all, I would love for her to do all like, male tunes, you know? Oh yeah. I mean, Leonard Skinner. I mean, she could fucking rip that shit apart. She could fuck up wild horses. The pink Floyd. Wild horses. Like, I mean, Roger White, she could, like 60s, 70s classic rock, she would, she would take it fucking, she would take down her bloomers, pull her butt cheeks apart and just shit on it. Right. As the time when we filmed this, I think Wicked came out last week. Now, what do you think about all this? I didn't see it because I don't want to go to crowded theater. I didn't, I tried to watch it at home the first one. It's not for me. I'm not a hater. Yeah. I know you told me a hater before I'm trying to change my ways. I don't want to be a hater. Right. Like, but it's just not for me. Bro, it's okay. It's fine. I watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade when I was home for Christmas. And I don't normally get to watch it, but I had a really good time watching it. They were saying- What's your favorite balloon? Mary. The Pokemon ones, obviously. They were saying that it, go online and search for the comments. The comments are like, of course, this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is woke. All because they just had Cynthia Rivo sing. And people are like, there used to be white people in this parade. Black les. Nobody wants anything black or gay. Or it's like Thanksgiving used to be great. What about her voice? Her voice is transcendent. Of course. Transcendent. She's like a technically an incredible singer. Yes. She, I mean, I was like, she's appearing, she's saying Feeling Good, which I thought was a universally loved song. Feeling Good is woke. I'm feeling good. No, no, no. That's woke. And then there was one part where somebody was saying like, maybe it's called outside or some shit. And they took Boen Yang's hand and did a spin. And I'm like, this derailed the Thanksgiving parade. Pikachu is flying in the sky. That's woke. Do you know what I mean? Also, did you know I looked it up? Originally, the Thanksgiving Day Parade was a Christmas parade. It just happened so close to Thanksgiving, it became Thanksgiving. But originally it was a Christmas holiday parade. But I've always thought of it as Thanksgiving. Because Santa Claus is about to still be here. It's also a weird mix of people singing live and people not singing live. And it's just trying to see which one it is. You know what? Because sometimes they do. Let me tell you something. Sometimes they're not. Let me tell you something. Like I do. Ask me if I felt shocked and betrayed when I learned that Whitney Houston was lip syncing to a recording of the Star Spangled Banner. When you heard, oh, I was not. I was not shocked and betrayed because she recorded that. That was her voice. There were her vocal. I don't care. It's outside. The wind's blowing. It's not possible to do what she did in that. I don't care if they're singing in the parade. I don't care if they're singing ever. No, no, no, no, no. I care that it's their voice. But I've seen, especially with Russian singers, it's such a... They don't even bother with the farce. Why move my move the lips? Mary, they have air guitars. There's not an outlet in the place. Oh, yeah. They got a full band. No plugs. Nothing's plugged in. There's no batteries. Nothing. Everybody's doing... You have the songs play in the order of the album. Mary, just put on the CD. Album version to the T. Put on the CD. Every once in a while, they'll turn the mic on. They'll be like, you know, like, hello. For my background singers. But I don't want it... Like, I've seen singers who, like, Alapuka Chauva in her farewell tour, she was like in her 60s. Uh-huh. You know, she's got a voice. These days sounds like a bag of nickels down a wooden stair. You know, like, not great. But I... So I don't want her to sing live, necessarily. When she did sing live three or four songs, it sounded like who done it. And it was like a little uncomfortable. So I wanted her to do the album versions, or I wanted her to sing over a track. I want her, and I want her mouth, and I want her body there, and I want the music there, but it doesn't need to come out of her mouth. Right. Do you... Does that... Is that crazy? I don't think it's a crime. I don't think it's crazy. Some people... Okay. If they're dancing... Ben Platt is playing the same theater I saw at Pernavile Activity. It's a live show, Evening with Ben Platt. You go because you want to hear the same... That's a vocalist. Right, you want to see the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's not dancing the house down. I think we all need to, like, the Britney fans have never really cared if she sings. The Britney fans haven't figured out. Who cares? She's there. She's there. It's her. And she's, you know, Mariah Carey. I don't even... Those are her breasts. That's her gown. That's her... She's beautiful. She's there. It's her music. She wrote it. She's here. That's all I need. I don't care. I want... I would lip sync. Well... It doesn't matter. I don't think it does either. I don't think it really matters. I mean, especially at the parade, who cares? I also, after the parade, the dog show plays, the Westminster dog show. Now that is woke. Is it Westminster? No, it's the... The... What is it called? The... The... Yes, that played. Fun watch. I never really watched it. It's weird that it just... Best in show is... It's that. I know, I know. Best in show is so close to that. Rhapsody in white. Who won? This... These are beautiful dogs being led by the worst dressed mannequins you've ever... I mean, these clothes are fucked. From feet. From feet. These judges are putting on... The national dog show. Mom, they're wearing camel capris. Three sizes too big. One of the judges was wearing a brown knitted long sleeve turtleneck dress to the floor. She was dressed like a branchless tree. It was so crazy. Like a haunted wooden log. Looking like the cat's ass. The man takes his time... They don't want to take away from the beauty of the animal. The women's fashion choices are very... Debate team. Well, when we're talking dog show, we're not exactly thinking couture. Why not? You don't want to take away from the beauty of the dog. The more dog-like you look, the more gorgeous your dog is going to be. It's the log lady versus... Versus Annie Wilkes. Yes. But it's like that she's doing... That's what I want though. I don't want Giselle Bunshin. I don't want, you know... They also growled. They did this graphical graph where they broke down the most popular dog names by state. What is it? What is it? There are two main ones and they both piss me off. Is it Kelsey? One of them is Luna. Oh, of course. One of them is Bella. That's our... Those are the two main dog names. Our producer's name is the dogs and Luna. Is it? Yeah. Mark's dog's name is Luna. Hock. Yeah. Basic. Wisconsin was Daisy. Kentucky was Bear. But Luna and Bella, I was like, what are these... What happened in... What happened in culture? Is it? Well, Luna, Bella. Think about it. The moon, Bella. What is your... You got three dogs. What are their names? You have... Knowing me, probably Doggie. Doggie, Puppy, and... No, you have... You have... Doggie, Puppy, and Pristina Aguilera. Doggie, Puppy, and Xtina. You got Ticap Chihuahua. You got a Weimarana. And then you've got a Shih Tzu. If I have a Chihuahua, what are the dogs? Ticap Chihuahua, Weimarana, and then a Shih Tzu. Probably knowing me, this is my Ticap Chihuahua. Chihuahua. Ticap Chihuahua. Could be. Ticap Chihuahua. Just Ticap Chihuahua. Yeah. Weimarana is... Simpy Sweepee. Simpy Sweepee. Simply Sweepee. Simpy Sweepee. Simpy Sweepee. Oh my God, Cindy Sweepee. Cindy Sweepee. I saw her press thing that was like, people keep telling me how much they connected with Chrissy. Shut up, bitch. What's at the hell down, ho? Wait, what about that? I love jeans. It's so diabolical. It's fierce. Just like, sip it. And then the Weimarana. Oh, the Weimarana. Oh, the Shih Tzu, sorry. The Shih Tzu. Obviously, Caleb. Fierce. What about you? I love like regular people's names. Linda, Jeffrey, and Curtis. No abbreviations. No... Paco, Racco, and Linda Evangelista. No baby talk. Straight human language. Yeah. What are you doing? Yeah. Bella and Luna. I mean, you know... I just... We got to look outside ourselves with names. Well, yeah, we also have to look at what are the top two female gymnastics girls' names, because it's like McNavy and Mc... McBrayland. Yeah, they're very like Midwest. I don't want to... I just feel like Bella and Luna also both feel just very Caucasian. Maybe that's not the case. I think also women's energy bars. Maybe that's how they're naming it. This is my shih tzu, Nature Valley. This is my cat, Tiger's milk. Oh, my God. Nature's Valley. I don't know. I just... This is my dog, Nutragrain. I feel like with dogs because we don't have to use people names, the world is your oyster. You can't name your baby macaroni, but you can name your dog macaroni. It's like Ann, I think poopy. Her dog's name is poopy. Who's Ann? Ann Pine. Oh, poopy. Yeah. I think so, right? I had a cousin named poopy. It was her nickname, but I have an aunt named Gooch. That's true. So we're doing all kinds of stuff. How many cousins do you have? Do you know? Who knows? You don't know. My aunt's Gooch is 60th birthday was last year, and I went. People I either have never met or have no recollection of. Hundreds. I don't know who was related. I know they're all related to me. I had no idea who was related to me and what way. On how many uncles and aunts do you have? Oh. I mean just a couple, but I have great aunts and uncles. I have a lot of babies. No, no, no, just uncles and aunts. I don't know. Your mom. One now. I have one aunt. Just Gooch. Yes. Damn. But she got like four kids and they all got kids. So what is that? What are those first cousins? Guess those are second cousins. Second cousins. I'm saying I know we're related, but I don't know what the terminology is even. Would you have sex with them? Do you think that's wrong? Let's take a break. Actually, we got a wrap. I don't think it's necessarily bad. Is that bad? To fuck your cousin? Second cousin. Listen, if I roll up to the family reunion. I mean, we don't have, I don't think my family has hot people, so it's not been a big press. It's not. I mean, it's kind of a dog show at my family reunion. You know, if somebody showed up in my family reunion and said, did you know that your second cousin is Josh Hutcherson and is here and wants to talk to you? Like that might be strange. I don't know. Because yeah, we would be, I know he's a little short, but I don't know. You know who else is really short? Jeremy Ellen White. Yeah. Do you feel horny to that? I feel, I feel neither way. I've saw him at the Rose Bowl, four foot two. That's right. We hope you enjoy this. If you want to hear more, just tip $18 in the chat. Honestly, I want to say I never know. When I listen to the pod, which I don't always catch them. I never remember talking to you or what we talked about. No, me neither. This is a repeat shirt, I guess. Sometimes I think like, oh, am I, I love to listen to my own pod, but I'm like, I don't know what we said. Me neither. And we tape them so far in advance, sometimes a month in advance. Who knows? Yeah, no. How many days happen? You know what, you know what? Use a new day every day. Every day, every minute, something else. Something brush. I hope your bladder's okay. Yeah, me too. Me too. I'll perforate my bowel just in solidarity. It sucks. No, I know. It sucks. Goodbye. Bye. Goodbye. 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