Welcome to the Ryan League podcast. Thank you so much for letting me be a small part of your week. I realize that you have so many options, podcasts that you can listen to on your way to work, during your workout, or while you're doing household chores. But I am very honored that you would choose me. Over the last couple of weeks, there has been an influx of what I would like to call landmine conversations, to say the least. These are conversations where things can escalate and get explosive very, very quickly. And a lot has happened in our world. A young Ukrainian woman, Irna Zarutska, was stabbed to death on a train in Charlotte. A young American man, Charlie Kirk, political commentator, was shot and killed at Utah Valley University in front of over a thousand college students in Charlie's family, friends, and colleagues. Also, there was a school shooting at Evergreen High School in Colorado. Ironically, I believe that's the 47th school shooting in the United States between college campuses and K through 12 schools. And these are all headlines that we could easily double click on and talk about in depth. But let me begin today's episode by saying this. There is nothing about your heart, about your mind and your soul, that was created to handle, merely scrolling on your phone in the middle of the day. To in one scroll, you witness a woman being stabbed on a train. You can see this video, you're just scrolling. You're minding your own business and you're scrolling and you see a woman being stabbed on a train and you scroll again to see some basketball highlights. And then you scroll again and you witness an assassination. And then you scroll again and you see a trailer of a new Apple TV show. And then you scroll again to a second angle of the assassination. And then you scroll again to a funny Mr. Beast video and then you scroll again to reading the news of a school shooting. You scroll again to a friend's post about what they had for lunch. And then you scroll again to someone who's mourning the assassination. And then you scroll again to somebody who thinks the assassinated person deserved it. And they're like enjoying the fact that somebody was killed. And then you scroll again to a perfectly placed ad that is selling you something that you had mentioned to a friend three days ago at dinner. And it's like you could have experienced all of that in less than two minutes in the palm of your hands. And can I just take a step back and just say just for a moment, that's not normal. That's not normal. I would even argue that maybe that's not okay. Our great grandparents may not have seen all of that in their lifetime. And yet our kids could merely be scrolling on their phones and experience all of that in a matter of minutes. And so isn't it fair to admit that maybe just maybe after we, after our kids merely having technology in the palm of their hand and experiencing all of the aforementioned scrolling, wouldn't exactly put us at our best right away? I can't speak for you, but I obviously can speak for me. When I experienced all of that in a matter of minutes, I needed a minute. If I'm honest, I still do. And I believe what we all experienced over the last week and a half for those of us who have phones, I believe we actually experienced national triggering, collective triggering. It doesn't matter what you believe about all of these issues. Somebody has a problem with you. Yeah, it doesn't matter where you stand. If you're vocal, that's a problem. If you're quiet, that's also a problem. It's interesting. You could have never heard of Charlie Kirk on a Wednesday night and were expected to have a hot take about him by Thursday morning. Have you ever been minding your own business, having a great day, and then somebody gets mad at you, and then you actually get mad at them for being mad at you? You weren't actually mad, and you're not actually mad at them for something they did. You're mad that they're mad. That's what I've observed over the last week and a half. A lot of anger. And then anger, that there's anger. A lot of hurt. A lot of offense. And I would argue that when we are all in a heightened emotional state, we're simply not the best version of ourselves. Not to mention all the other things you're dealing with in your life and career and family while navigating cultural chaos. I like the world didn't stop spinning because we witnessed an insane amount of trauma on our phones. No divorce proceedings didn't stop. Chemotherapy didn't pause. Depression didn't take a break. Job quotas didn't cease. Kids didn't give their parents a sabbatical note. The challenges of everyday life kept going while we tried to navigate a heavy national conversation. And what breaks my heart on top of the loss of life is that in the midst of all of it, I'm consistently seeing a loss of friendships over one post. Twenty-year friendships that dissolve in 20 seconds. I'm amazed at the amount of people who are making major decisions while being triggered. People who are making church decisions based on one post. Job decisions based on one post. Family gathering decisions, holiday decisions based on one post. And I would simply lovingly argue that we collectively are not in a healthy enough place to make those kinds of big decisions right now. I think that there's nothing wrong with stepping back and saying, hey, I need a minute. I think there's nothing wrong with saying, hey, I don't know all the ins and outs of what happened to Jimmy Kimmel. But I'm not going to let your thoughts about it determine our entire relationship. I just have to wonder what it would look like to move from I'm done with you. Don't ever speak to me again to I need a minute to process. Or, hey, can we talk? I want to understand something. I just would never want to make a 20-year friendship decision in the middle of being triggered. It's not wise and respectfully. I don't think it's mature. And I realize that cutting people off is what you want to do in the moment. And it might feel good in the moment. But this I can guarantee you. It's not who you want to be in the future. I promise you that. In fact, if someone cut you off, what would you say? You'd say, wait, wait, just a minute. Hold on, hold on, hold on. No, no, you don't you don't understand that that's not what I meant. Let me explain only to find out that you've been blocked for life, blocked for life. You would be like, whoa, wait, hold on just a second. What just happened? Blocked for life is a crazy life sentence to give somebody over the beef of the month. Now, what's interesting is I did five events in five cities over the last week. And I actually had an opportunity to speak to probably hundreds of people over the last week. I was constantly on the phone, walking around the bench, checking in on people and just having some pleasant conversations, even some difficult conversations with leaders and friends that are navigating turmoil organizationally and relationally. And some of the people that I talked to, I agreed with their point of view. Some of the people I talked to, I didn't at all. But I actually enjoy talking to people who don't agree with what I think. I'm okay with that because real talk, I don't always agree with what I think. I look at old videos of me and think sometimes, no, I don't actually think that's true anymore. Like, like I've changed my mind over the years on so many things. Why? Because I've grown. I've learned. I've changed. And I don't want to surround myself with sameness. So if you're listening to this today and you're going, Ryan, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm totally okay with that. I've looked at myself sometimes and have said the same thing. We are in the same boat, my friend. But here's what I will say. Having had plenty of difficult conversations over the last week, I am very, very hopeful. And the reason I'm hopeful is because I'm proud to say that over the last week, I've lost no friends. Yeah, I've lost no friends that I know of, but I'm pretty sure I've lost no friends. I lost some followers, but that's normal. You lose followers when there's no crisis, but friends, family, those are the important relationships you want to keep intact. Those are the people that you have conversations with that you absolutely want to get right. I didn't say you want to be right. I did say you want to get it right. Now, here's what I want to share with you that existed in all of those conversations that I think actually helped me grow closer to people who share different beliefs and experiences that are absolutely far from mine. Number one, respect. Our conversations had a high level of respect. Our tones were respectful, not politically charged, politically curious. Now, I'm no political avarice. Okay, I do great work with bipartisan organizations that serve elected officials on both sides of the aisle. And a lot of people who are in the middle. But regardless of who I'm talking to, I realized that there is a version of our conversation where we can disagree without disrespect. I don't need to demean, name call, downplay, diminish or dismiss your ideas. We can disagree without destruction and it mostly comes down to first mutual respect and carrying a tone that reflects that respect. Respect doesn't mean we have to soften our convictions or water down what we believe. It just means we choose a posture that values people as much as we value positions. When respect sets the tone, conversations stop being a contest to win and start becoming an opportunity to understand. Respect doesn't erase the tension, but it does keep us from turning every disagreement into a demolition dirt. And when respect is present, even if we walk away still disagreeing, we walk away with dignity intact, both ours and theirs. Respect will not guarantee agreement, but it does guarantee that we don't lose our humanity in the process. The second thing that was very present in the conversations that I had with numerous people over the past week and a half that I think allowed us to have a strong growing relationship was humility. There was a lot of humility in these conversations and I can't say that about myself. You'd have to ask my friends and colleagues and clients, but I can say it about them. They all, all as angry as they were about all kinds of things over the last week and a half. They all said, hey, Ryan, can you give me another perspective? Hey, could you, you talked to a lot of people. Could you help me see it from a, from a different angle? What are you hearing? What are you seeing? I'm curious to learn. They also use this phrase a lot. Hey, I could be wrong, but here's what I'm seeing. And, and hey, Ryan, I don't want to be a prisoner of my own algorithm. So, so just, just, I realized that I could be wrong based off of what I'm seeing. It frustrates me, but I realized I'm not all knowing and I'm not all seeing. So could you help me see something that I can't? And I did my best to reciprocate that sentiment. I think there's an art to holding space for disagreement. Some people will passionately share their beliefs, their takes, their values, and the way it's presented is it can feel like they're not just asking for your perspective. They're asking for your agreement. And I believe what they're really searching for is companionship in their conviction. They're looking for a tribe in the conversation, a signal that says, I am not alone in this. And if you don't nod your head fast enough or like their pose quickly enough, it can feel to them like you're rejecting not just their opinion, but their very identity. But holding space for disagreement, I believe means resisting that pressure. It means reminding yourself and the people you're talking to that unity does not have to equal uniformity. You can affirm someone's dignity without affirming every detail of their worldview. You can be a safe place for someone to process without having to sign up for their side. That's the art. I think it's creating room where passion can be expressed. Conviction can be honored. And yet relationship doesn't have to fracture when conclusions don't match. I learned a lot over the last week and a half. And I got some perspectives that were new. Some of them stretched me. Some of them challenged me. Some of them even changed me a little. And I think that's the gift of real conversation. You walk away seeing the world a little bigger than when you walked in. And that's my hope for all of us is that we would have the kinds of conversations where our world gets a little bit bigger, not smaller. Now, as a person of faith, I could easily do an episode on what I believe Christians posture should be in times like these. But that wouldn't be a podcast. That would be an audio book or two. But as a person of faith, I do have a prayer for you. Even if you're not a person of faith, that's okay. I still would like to pray for you because I pray that if you need a minute that you would take one. I do pray that you would be slow to post and quick to listen. I do pray that you wouldn't lose 20 year friendships over the beef of the month. And I do pray that if you cut someone off, that you would rethink that. That if you are needing to have a difficult conversation, I pray that you would do so with the tone that is respectful and has a lot of humility that is absolutely curious about how the other person is processing what's going on in their world. I have quite a few friends who are pastors. Most of them told me that their attendance has been way up over the past couple of weekends. And I think that's because people are carrying a heaviness and have needed a place to navigate it. I think the people we live with, work with, go to school with, digitally socialize with are in some pain. And perhaps they got that pain pre-stabbing, pre-assassination, pre-school shooting. And the response to those events from others perhaps have triggered and opened up wounds that weren't caused over the last week and a half. So my prayer is this, is that you would continue to be passionate, but also consider it. That you continue to be bold, but also compassionate. That you continue to stand for what you believe, but not step on people while you do it. My final prayer is for hurting people today. That includes hurting people on the left and on the right. That includes political leaders and commentators who are often responsible for rhetoric that we need to be able to have conversations with one another. Hurting people includes the family, friends, adversaries, colleagues, and employees of Charlie Kirk. My prayer for hurting people includes the families from 47 schools in our country who are navigating the trauma of a school shooting. Some that are recent and some that have been forgotten. My prayer for hurting people includes families who lose loved ones to violence every single day, but have zero notoriety. It includes leaders who've been beat up over the last week and a half for not posting it right, recording it right, or saying it right. They're hurting too. My prayer for hurting people includes people of faith and those who don't know what to believe anymore. Because at the end of the day, hurt doesn't choose a political side. And I believe healing shouldn't either. That's my prayer for you and me today. My friends, thank you for listening to the Ryan Leigh Podcast. Today's episode was not the normal short and sweet, but every now and then, I think we need to go a little bit longer. Now, today's episode added any value to your life. I'd love for you to share it with a friend who might need it. As you step into this week, I do want you to remember, everyone you meet is carrying something you cannot see. So I'm going to encourage you to choose kindness, lead with grace, and let's keep building a world where we don't just disagree, but we also care. I'll see you next week.
