231: Bad Boundaries?!

Are you locked and loaded down there? Yeah, I'm doing good now. Okay, woo! I am ready! It's been the craziest day. Yeah, it's like, God, I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but it's one of those days where I was so sick of hearing my own thoughts in my head, so I wanted to like turn on a podcast, but I couldn't focus on the podcast because the thoughts in my head were so loud, and so then I turned on music, and then I thought, maybe I want to talk to someone, but I'm like, but I don't want to talk to anyone. And so here I was just sitting with my own thoughts, just like, just struggling today. And like, I don't even know, I don't even really know why. It's just one of those days where like everything starts irritating you, and I don't know, like maybe it's like, I really want to get one of those rings that we've talked about where it can like track your cycle because maybe that could give me some insight into why everything is irritating me, but that's where I'm at. I'm with you. I have a lot of thoughts in my head. I feel like I can't keep a thought straight, and I've been off Adderall for quite some time, and when people are mean in the comments, like, Morgan, let Lauren talk, I'm like, I need to go back on Adderall. Really? I'm like, fuck. It's just like, it's such an ADHD thing to like want to jump in and like show them you're listening by adding to the plot, or like sharing, and it's like, I'm not trying to like share a story about me. It's just like a whole thing. We've been down the side of ADHD. So like I today have been like running myself in circles. Like I'll start a task, and then I'm like, what was I doing? And then I walk away and I start another task, and I'm like, what was I doing? I'm like, oh my God, I need to order lunch. I haven't eaten since last night at 8 p.m., and it's now three, and I'm starving, and okay, I better go back to this, and oh my God, I need to order lunch. I'm hungry, and it's just like a vicious cycle of like I cannot keep myself together. And then it like actually makes you want to explode when you like really, when you can't like, cause like I'll have times where it's like, I'm literally entering something in my computer, and then I go and click on another tab just to check at what time, what I was entering in was at, and I check the time that I completely forget. I get sidetracked and I do something else, and I don't finish my task, and it like actually drives me crazy when I have moments like that. Because work brain, work. It's like, I know, oh God, there's just like a million thoughts going in my house. I know. And then I have to try to form them on here. A half the time. Oh my God. I just recorded a Patreon episode. I'm like, I had the craziest stories that like I couldn't even think. Like I couldn't form a thought. And today might be one of those days y'all, because we got some doozies. Theme overall today is boundaries. Boundaries should be basic for a lot of people, but they're not. Boundaries are hard. Like some boundaries you think would be common sense, but clearly it's not based on a lot of the stories. So we are gonna get into it. And like I was just thinking, I looked up, I'm like, is something in retrograde, is that why we're all so goofy? I hope so. Give me answers for all this. It just ended yesterday. So I don't have an excuse. But here's the thing. While the retrograde is over, some astrologers say we might still be experiencing post-shadow effects until August 25th. Okay, so that's great. Okay, so that explains everything. I thought you were gonna say like a postpartum type of work. It feels like that. Yeah, yeah. Post retrograde, post-shadow. Yeah, okay. So yeah, okay. We'll see what we get into. Yeah, gonna be great. Gonna be good. I'm excited. I love this. Okay, good. Here we go guys, buckle up. Buckle up little doggies. It's gonna be, it's a good one. Let's dive in. Let's do it. We didn't even tell the people who we are today. Hi guys, I'm Morgan. I'm the host of Two Eye Takes. Hi, I'm Lauren. I feel like I haven't introduced myself in a long time actually. I know we forget it all the time. Yeah, I hope you guys can recognize my voice. I think so. Hopefully. We're like 230 something in. I still think that there's sometimes that people get us mixed up though and think that you say something or I say something because there's moments where our voice has a similar cadence. Sometimes. Once in a while. Once in a while. Okay, so this first one is coming from our very own Two Hot Takes subreddit. It's 22 days old now. Titled, my mother-in-law says, you're a mom now. This is what you signed up for. I, 22 female, have been with my fiancee, 26 male, for just over four years now and have a decent relationship with my in-laws. Back when my mother-in-law had my partner, his father was not involved in the actual parenting. He was the main source of income and my mother-in-law went back to work at five weeks postpartum. So my partner's Nan, call her GW, watched my partner and his brother a lot. GW gave my in-laws a lot of crap, especially mother-in-law. How she's selfish for not raising the boys, how it's a wife's job to raise the kids while the husband works. Typical old school mentality. My mother-in-law hated it and still resents GW to this day for that. My in-laws have the same kind of mentality. My partner and I had a baby seven months ago. It's been amazing and my partner has been amazing. I've got a horrible relationship with my family. So to me, my fiance being involved in our daughter's life is super important to me and showing my daughter what a healthy relationship is is my top priority, along with giving her a safe and loving home environment. Now, every Friday, we go to my in-laws house for dinner and drinks. Mother-in-law has made a few comments to me over the months like, quote, wow, you're so lucky fiance helps with bub. Father-in-law never did that, ever. Quote, he's such a good dad that he changes bub's nappy. Father-in-law never changed a single nappy in his life. Just stupid comments I've brushed off, but they have seriously annoyed me. What my fiance is doing is the bare minimum of parenting. My fiance recently quit his job. He's depressed and burnt out. So I told him to take a break. He deserves it. I'm a stay-at-home mom, but I've recently decided to work part-time at nights. Now my fiance has been applying for jobs despite needing the break and interviewed for this job that on paper looks amazing. But for us, it's just not the right choice. This job means he will possibly be away Monday through Friday, works nine days straight with 10 to 11 hour days. They have great financial incentives and willing to get him a truck license and chemical license, but with his mental health and our family dynamics, I just don't think my fiance will deal with being away from home so much. We were discussing this new job with Mother-in-law and she said how it's stupid to turn down this opportunity and he needs to take it. I ended up pointing out that I'm now working nights and will need to obviously quit my job because we have a baby. That's when she said, quote, oh, I will watch the baby and you can get her when you finish at 12 a.m. You can't quit your job, that's dumb. Bub is a terrible sleeper, hates naps, up multiple times throughout the night. I then pointed out that I would be a full-time mom through the day, working nights, and then doing night wake-ups with Bubs and said, when will I sleep then? And then she goes, quote, welcome to being a mom. This is what you've signed up for. I think I pissed her off because that's when I kind of snapped and went, I didn't sign up to be a single parent, Mother-in-law, and I certainly didn't sign up to co-parent with you. She's obviously gone upset and my emotions are heightened. I think what I want to know is, am I overreacting to be upset by her comments? Her and Father-in-law are more money obsessed and put their jobs before everything else in their life where I am not. I care about family, our mental health, our Bub. Money comes and goes, but this time in Bub's life, we will never get back. I'm in the mindset that a better job that is more suited to us will come along. Am I in the wrong? It's, I mean, it's your life, it's not hers. So she shouldn't even be a part of the conversation, it should be you and your husband figuring out what makes the two of you the happiest. So, I wouldn't say you're in the wrong. No. Did you overreact? Maybe a little because I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be a little bit of a lore in here. I'm gonna be on the bright side of things. A little shocking. But she did offer to like help, like, oh my God, you don't have to quit your job. Like, I can watch the baby, but maybe she doesn't know Bub's is a terrible sleeper. So in her head, she's just trying to offer this nice thing to make your lives easier and make sure that you can provide for your baby and like everyone's happy and you're supported. But then to like be like, well, I didn't sign up to be a single parent and I certainly didn't sign up to co-parent with you. No, I- That's a little to me. It does feel a little harsh for someone who's offering to help you. Exactly. I mean, I would not personally ever respond like that. I would also find it hard to keep it in when you do get a comment like, welcome to being a mum. This is what you signed up for. That is a slap in the face. She obviously is from a different time. And I find it so interesting that she would even continue this mentality when GW shamed her for the same shit and she's just continuing the cycle. Well, so when I heard that though, to be honest, like I was kind of thinking it was more of like a, that's what people say when they say, when will I sleep? You don't sleep. That's what I always hear. So when I heard that, I was thinking it was more of like, when will you sleep? Like this is what you sign up for, you don't sleep. But who knows what the tone and exact context was. For me, I would never speak that way to somebody, especially if they were offering help. But I do think that there can be this weird dynamic between parent and kids where when the parent is offering help, sometimes there's this defensiveness because it's like, I can do it myself. Or also, are you gonna hold this over me? You know, like I know that people have resisted getting money from their parents for their weddings because they know that their parents is gonna use it against them somehow. Or kind of, and so I think that like, maybe that's why their reaction came off so strong because if this was me, I would just be like, no, it's not gonna work that way. And me and my husband are gonna have this conversation. Appreciate your offering. But like this is something that we need to discuss between the two of us and what works best for our family and a story. I feel like this is a hard one, I completely agree. Like I myself have really tried to focus on changing my tone with how I address things. Like even if I know I completely disagree. If it's just something where it's like, it's not necessarily wrong, but it's not how I would do it. I literally like, I've turned into a little bit of a bite my tongue. Certain people, certain regards. But I'm just like, oh, well, yeah, I'll definitely, I'll have to look into it. Interesting, haven't heard that. And I just move on. Exactly. Because I know this conversation is not gonna go anywhere. And I don't wanna damage the relationship. Exactly. It's a pointless thing. It's about, you know, road construction. And it's like, wow, that's really interesting. I guess I wouldn't know, I don't live here anymore. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Their input is not gonna change my decision on what route I take. I'm gonna go my route and if it's a little longer, it's a little longer. For OP here, your mother-in-law can give all the input she wants, you don't have to take any of it. So just being like, yeah, you know, it is a good opportunity, we'll really have to consider it. Thanks for offering to help. Yeah, exactly. No, I completely agree with that. It would become a problem if she overstepped and said absolutely not, and showed up at the house and was like, this is what's happening. What if, like forcing their hand, that's a different story, but the comments, you can kind of just ignore it unless it becomes a problem. For sure, that's where you set the boundary. And I do think like there's no mention here of financial strain. There's no mention of the in-laws helping support them financially, because if in-laws were supporting them and they're like, hey, this is a great job, this is a great opportunity, you should take it. Then I could see why they might be more forceful on that encouragement, because they're supporting them. But it doesn't sound like that. It sounds like he's just burnt out, he needs a little bit of a break, OP's stepping up, getting a part-time job to help support their lives. And he's actively applying, like that's amazing. And it doesn't sound like an ideal job. If you get to a point where financially things get more dire, maybe you take it, he makes a little money, but he's still actively searching for something else, quits as soon as he can. Like those are decisions you and your family, you guys, you too, will make. As far as this, it's hard, some people are just not gonna change in their mentality. And so with your mother-in-law, I think you just kinda have to set a boundary. Exactly. Like thank you for your input, we'll talk it over. We don't really wanna get too into this with you. Like we love you, but we gotta do what makes more sense for our family. Top comment on this one. She sounds bitter and resentful about motherhood and is projecting that onto you. OP responds, I think so too. I'm just so mad that she's nitpicking every single thing I do. I don't think I signed up to lose who I am. Next comment down. I think it's fair to say, that was your experience, not mine. We have to do what we think is best for our family. Leave it at that. Next comment down, totally with you on that. If she tries to guilt trip or throw back in my day stories, just acknowledge with that it worked for you, but we're choosing what's best for our family now, then change the subject. Boundaries are about repetition and not letting her pull you into endless debates. I also will say, with people that like constantly nitpick you, they're nitpicking the information you give them typically. Don't give them any information. Don't share that you're doing this. Don't share that you're doing that. There's someone in my life that like I would open up to and like share little tidbits, but then when like there were moments of tension, those tidbits I shared would get thrown back in my face to the point I don't open up anymore. I don't share anything, especially things that could be used against me. So you can shift your relationship a little bit and set that boundary so that there's not much to nitpick. Because like, and that's really hard. It's frustrating because you do want to open up. You want to be able to vent. You want to have the support from your community, your village, but you kind of have that scale of like, should I vent to her? Or is the risk of being nitpicked, you know? And maybe you just then turn to someone else for support. Well, see that's what I'd be curious about though, because it's like, well, does OP's husband want advice from his mom? Like if it's so, then like, we'll have to tackle this a little bit differently. Because you might be like, no, I've really valued her opinion. Like I want to factor it in when I talk to my family. Like I think about talking to like all the important people in my life. Obviously my wife is, your opinion matters the most, but I don't want to have to keep this from my mom. Like, or these type of moments from my mom. Yeah, that's really true. Yeah, and like, unless it's like, okay, well, and then she can counter, like we'll look at XYZ times in the past where she has used this in a way to make our lives harder. And then maybe they can discuss what they do want to share and what they don't. But I don't know if has OP responded to give us updates on any of that. I haven't gone to their account yet to see if there's any updates. People are just kind of like, don't share information, don't involve in-laws and decisions like this and form them what you're doing after you've already made the decision or don't tell them at all. And OP does respond, I think I'm learning that now, which is sad. They both are really great when they want to be and at other times, extremely judgmental and nasty. Hard to gauge which one I'm going to get. So I think I'm better putting them on an info ban is smart. And I will say like, hubby can kind of step up too. Like those are not your parents. He should be the ones kind of setting the boundaries with his family. So like in those moments, he should be saying, mom, hey, I want to be involved in Bub's life. Like we did this together. We both signed up for a baby. Like he can be the one also stepping in and kind of putting his foot down, demonstrating to his mom, hey, things are different. Like I'm sorry you went through that, but like I'm stepping up. This is what I want to do. So OP did post an update. Oh, yay. Came a couple of days after. Thank you everyone for your advice. I definitely took a lot of it on board and realized that we definitely share too much of our lives with our in-laws. I just want to make clear that financially we are fine with my partner taking a well-deserved break. Yes, he is seeking help and no, we don't receive any financial support from my in-laws, nor do we rely on them. Now onto the update, which is great context to have. I messaged mother-in-law early this morning and asked if she'd like to go to lunch and chat. My mother-in-law and I have always gone along, but since we moved closer to home and had Bub, our relationship has certainly been very strained and gone downhill. We met for lunch and I started by apologizing for snapping at her. It wasn't fair on her that I didn't communicate properly. I ended up laying down some boundaries, telling her that we didn't need her opinions or judgments, we just wanted support, that I understand how I have different expectations in regards to my partner and his duties as a father than she had on father-in-law. She explained a lot about how they struggled, pretty bad financially back when she had my partner and almost ended up homeless. She apologized for coming across as judgmental and rude when she was just concerned. And we agreed that she would trust our decisions in the future and take a step back. This is looking great. Good so far. Perfect. Honestly, it was probably one of the best conversations I've ever had with her and really opened my eyes. For context too, I have ASD and tend to struggle with people's tones and especially in social situations. I acknowledged that I may have taken what was meant to be advice from a place of care and seen it as an attack. This may not be the update everyone is expecting. Partner and I have agreed that we need to stop telling them so much and maybe cut back on our visits. We've also both agreed that we need to be a little more responsible with our life choices. Things are definitely feeling better after lunch today. I've signed our daughter up for swimming lessons so hopefully we can both get out and about and make some mom friends. And my partner has decided to not take the job but is going to go back to study and hopefully finish his certificate in heavy diesel mechanics. Feeling very positive after today. Yay. Great update. That's wonderful. Good conversation. Boundaries are set. Love that. This is great. Wonderful. I was not expecting this. Me either. I didn't think we were going to get that kind of closure. Wow. But I like all the contacts too because that's what I was saying. In the beginning I'm like, okay. And she's asking, am I the asshole? And it's like, no, you got to set your boundaries. Was it a little aggressive? Yeah. But who knows what else she's been picking at you. Exactly. And tone is everything. How did she say it? Yeah. Was it like, your mom, this is what you signed up for, girl, you're not going to get any sleep. Yeah. And now knowing that she even like addresses herself, that she's like, I might not even like recognize that. Yeah. Because of my ASD. Yeah. So she's, and the conversation they had afterwards is telling me that mother-in-law does respect her. And she's coming from a place where her own trauma is responding. Exactly. We were financially in such a bad spot and we were almost homeless. I'm really just, I was just concerned. I want the best for you guys. Yeah. I'll help out any way I can. Yeah. Kind of. Yeah. So this is, this is really beautiful. Love this. Just putting a heart around this story. This was a great way to start. Yeah. I had no idea there was an update. So I'm like, I'm like, plus we're not used to this happiness. What do we do with it? Wow. Let's stop right now. Sorry. What? One story episode. See you guys next week. Speaking of happiness, I actually think maybe I know why today was weird is because I'm coming off of a high of yesterday. With Taylor Swift. I was freaking out. I was freaking out. New album. I know. She's, she's doing podcasts guys. Oh, that reminds me. Going on Travis Kallis podcast. We have lately been not putting our headphones on. Yeah. No headphone game. Hello. Oh, it's kind of on. Yeah. So anyway, I was watching, I saw she had her headphones on and I was just like, I got to put them back on. Like Taylor Swift is podcasting with headphones. I'm going to do it. I know. When you're in the same room as the person, you don't have to wear headphones. But if you're podcasting with other people that are remote, cause I think their setups are like Travis's in Kansas. Oh, they weren't together? No. Cause the brother, the two brothers do the podcast. Yeah. And so they live in different places. So that's why they have to use headphones cause they're talking through the computers. Yes. Yes. Yes. Well, okay. We always love doing the headphones because honestly it's, I loved it at least. Like it made me feel like I was in a safe place. In the zone. Yeah. So in the zone, cause you just like, you can hear everything so clear. Yeah. And so I loved it, but then Morgan made a good point. We look better without him. I just got my hair done. So I'm, today is a no headphone day. When she started like not wearing them, then I was like, you know, I always have to take my earrings off and it's kind of nice to not. So. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good time. Someone did send you earrings. I got them from the PO box. Really? Yeah. They're really cute. I got to keep them off, but I did, I did think it was really cool to see Taylor Swift in podcasting headphones. I love it. You know, maybe someday we'll get her on, go spam her comments. Can you imagine? Go on to hot takes. But okay. Moving along to this next one. Okay. The second one. Gonna, gonna see if you need a boundary or not on this one. I was an interesting one. Coming from Am I the Asshole? What would be the asshole public? Four days old titled, Am I the asshole? I partied after my wife got too drunk. This happened a few nights ago on our wedding day. I, Groom and my wife had our wedding with an after party. My wife likes to drink. And as soon as she arrived at the after party, she ordered 10 shots, taking five herself at the same time as guests, which I didn't see happening. About 30 to 45 minutes later, she's passed out. Me and her bridesmaids take her to the beach and put her on a bean bag, get her water and make sure she's okay. She said she needs to sleep and will be back partying in 10 minutes. At this point, I go back into the party, about five to 10 meters from my wife. I was also drunk at this point and lost track of time. But I went back to check on her and it was the same message. She just needs 10 minutes and she'll be back. My wife has done this before, kind of resurrected from a drunk state like this. So I thought she would that night too. An hour and a half, two hours go by and the party ends. And I carry my wife up to our room, take her makeup off, put water by her and get her in a bed. Fast forward a few days and she's mad at me because there are videos of me partying while she is passed out on the beach, saying that I should be looking after her and by her side the whole time. Says I've got some reflecting to do, but I wanna know what other people think. Am I the asshole? I kept going like back and forth. Dude, same. Same. I'm fighting for my life. Just my two brain cells battling. I'm like, you're the asshole, you're not the asshole. Oh, I don't know. Everyone sucks here? I mean. Yeah, maybe. Maybe everyone sucks here. Cause like, so she just did five shots within like. Ma'am, that is not safe. That's not, don't do that. People listening at home, don't do that. Are we sure? And what was the timeframe that she did this? I mean, he doesn't really have a clear example of timeframe because like he also says, I didn't see it happening. We arrived at the after party. She ordered 10 shots, taking five herself at the same time as guests. So maybe there's five other guests and she's like, take a shot. Okay. Take a shot. Oh. I don't know. That's how I would. Back to back. Oh gosh. I'm envisioning back to back and that's why like 30 to 45 minutes later, she's done. Yeah. What did you think was going to happen when you took five shots? Right. You could have had alcohol poisoning and like died. That's not, you can't, you shouldn't do that. I'm wondering if she was already blacked out cause it was an after party. And so she didn't even realize she took five shots. You know what I mean? She's drinking it like water at that point, dude. And I'm also just like. That's an alcohol problem. Right. Like you gotta address that. Yeah. Yeah. But like I'm also, let's go back to the whole beach thing. Where on the beach was this? Because that does feel unsafe. Like at first I thought he was saying he brought her back to their place, but like she was just on like, how close was she to the water? Like that, that's definitely raises some concerns. It feels, I'm going to assume big beach far away from the water, five to 10 meters away from him. So I'm envisioning like they're at like a beach bar, maybe a little tent and he can see her bean bag, you know, just right, right there. She's just right there. She's on the bean bag. I think it's safer having her within eyesight than in the versus in the room. Because if she throws up, that's fair. Then, you know, like you can see her, you can see she's in distress throwing up. Like this whole thing really, this whole thing sucks. Yeah. I don't necessarily fault him because like, what are you going to do? Just sit there while she's sleeping. Right. It's really, it's this hard line of like, well, I wish you wouldn't have drank so much. Well, I wish you would have taken care of me. Well, I wish you didn't put me in that position. Like you could kind of go back and forth on this one a bit. Well, and I think the thing for me is like, if this had never happened before, then I'd be like, dude, if this has never happened before, like make sure she's okay. But he's kind of making it sound like, this has happened multiple times where she's like, I just need to sleep for 10 minutes and then I'll be back partying. And did she say that or did her friend say that? That she just needs 10 minutes. She kept saying, I need 10 minutes. Yeah. See that to me, like he's off the hook. Because like, I don't, if she's done that before and she has come out and partied after 10 minutes of like a little power nap, then like that's what he's expecting. It's rare that anyone can make it up. It's impressive, but he's saying that she's done it. Yes, that's crazy. So overall, what do you think? Asshole, not the asshole. Everyone sucks here. It's a tough one. I'm gonna probably go with not the asshole based off of all of the dynamics. What do you think? I do feel not the asshole. It's his day two. I leaned towards everyone sucks here, but like given her and her abuse of alcohol, he was also kind of in a tough position. Yeah. I don't know. It's really hard because alcohol makes it so tricky. But looking at OP's account, very seemingly real account, OP is a part of the 10 year club. So this user has been on Reddit for 10 years, verified email. Okay, wait, I'm just realizing too, like it's literally their wedding day. Like he has guests to entertain and to that are showing up to be with them. So I actually kind of feel like you gotta hold it down. You gotta hold it together. You gotta hold it down for like the team. She sabotaged her own wedding day. And I get having this feeling of regret and guilt and you know, anxiety. But like you chose to take those shots, five shots, which is absurd. And I get regretting it, but like you can't pass the buck off on him. You need to address your problem. Right. And I think that's exactly probably what's happening is that she's feeling a lot of shame from that and like wants to take it out on someone else. But no, that is, I mean, if that were me, like I was completely forgetting the fact that it is their wedding. And if that was me, I would literally expect that my husband would continue to entertain our guests. Yeah. I mean, I would hope for that too. Like we spent a lot of money, like a lot of time. These people spent money to get here. Like everyone should have a good time. Yeah. If it was like a different party, then maybe I would be more like, why do you have to stay up all night? Why couldn't you just like come snuggle with me? Mm-hmm. Top comment on this one. Kind of thinking what a lot of us are thinking. Your wife has a drinking problem. It's not normal to order and drink five shots at once. No, that's really bad. Next comment down. This is also my thought. Also having a passed out drunk person near water in the evening slash night feels dangerous. So I think you could have a case for everyone sucks on that. Yeah. We need more context on the bean bag. Exactly. I mean, that's what I was thinking is like, it is, it sounds concerning. It definitely does. I don't like the idea of like passed out drunk on the beach. And a lot of people are like, yeah, you should have had her in a rescue position up in your room with you beside. And I get that, but like, it is really hard. It's this hard position of like, I guess, like maybe that is the right thing to do. He should have taken her upstairs and like his night from that point on was over. But like that doesn't feel fair. But obviously what's fair is not always best. Yeah. I mean, I guess, I guess the reality is, is that like it's not fair to him, but like when you are entering a marriage with someone, the first priority should be each other's safety. So I think that's why we're having a hard time with this because like that should have been prioritized, but like, is it fair? No. No, it's hard. Right? Like I mean. And someone does say here, yeah, not the asshole for continuing the party, but yes, you're the asshole for leaving her alone drunk passed out on the beach. OP says the party was five to 10 meters away. I'm not sure that counts as being a left alone on the beach. So people are kind of fighting about this context. For me, five meters, I'm envisioning five meters from the chairs we're in to like the other wall, like one, two, three, four, five. I think that's five meters. So for me, I'm like, that is quite literally a hop skip and a jump away. Like if I could see someone, that feels, that feels okay. Yeah. I guess like for me, I was picturing farther, but no, if it was. You're seeing the game like football fields. Yeah. Us and our stupid feats instead of meters. I know. It's so hard. But no, this is, this is, I don't know. This is a tricky one. And clearly people are having a hard time with it. I know. I'm so curious what you guys think. I will add some more context though for the wife. So looking at OP's account, there's no updates, no comments in regards to this post, but 10 days before this post, okay? Which would have been like maybe eight days before their wedding. OP posted an R slash travel lost passport. My partner is flying from Hong Kong to Indonesia. We have our wedding on Saturday. She is flying in 10 hours and currently can't find her passport. She is a Chinese citizen with no other passport. Can anyone help me go through any options that she might have to fly or get to Indonesia before Saturday? It's giving, she's a little irresponsible. A little bit, yeah. A little irresponsible. Definitely, she's definitely given that. Question though, what would you want or expect Justin to do if this was your situation? I am fine with this. Like if this were me, I'm fine with this outcome. Like you were watching me. I was with other people. Like I'd rather have more eyes on me than maybe alone in a room. But if he was gonna go to a room and then sit up there with me, like I wouldn't wanna take away from his day. Like that's also his day. I just, I think this is just such a shitty position to put your partner in. And so for me going forward, there would be a boundary of like, hey, no shots. Like I had a bad experience where like I took shots and I blacked out and I like just wasn't the best version of myself. Like, and I really have not done shots since then. Like doing shots now gives me anxiety. I don't wanna black out. I'd rather have a nice glass of wine and just slow sip and like feel good and like not be hung over the next day. Like I just, I really, I've changed the way I drink. And so I think you can have that conversation of like, hey, this is a boundary for me. Like that was not okay. That wasn't fun. It was dangerous. I don't wanna be around you if you're gonna drink like that. Like honestly, it's very concerning. Yeah. And it's tough though too, cause it's like it was their wedding day and there's kind of alcohol over the place. So it's like, that's why I was curious if this is a one time thing. I know no other context, but, oh Peef, you're out there, let us know. Was there an overall consensus? Like what did people vote it? So there's no voting bot on this one. Too much conflicting. A lot of people are addressing the alcohol and the safety. Yeah. I live in Wisconsin and that would be excessive even here. I'm Irish and even I find it excessive. I'm Australian and I've done it plenty of times. I'm in recovery now. Sorry. Like people are like only focused on the alcohol aspect. Like no one's even giving a vote on this. Yeah. Well, that I mean five shots in one go is like, it is dangerous. I was just like, what? Yeah. Five, like did I read that right? You're trying to take yourself out. Four has got to be the max. I'm kidding. I'm just like, I'm just so flabbergasted. The only vote I see after scrolling, not the asshole, you took her makeup off. That's sweet. Yeah, I know that was sweet. You continually checked on her for hours. Also sweet. Someone goes here and this comment has awards. Checked on her, took her makeup off, presumably got her out of her wedding gown, made sure she had water. All while drunk himself, not complaining about her getting too drunk to party together on their wedding. Yeah. And not even once mentioning the wedding night, intentionally ambiguous, and people think he should have done it better. Log off and touch some grass people. So. Yeah. I don't know. I don't have the answer. I'm not the asshole. Everyone sucks. But. I would be pissed if, I am seeing, I will just add, I am seeing a lot of not the assholes towards the bottom now. Yeah. I'm like, if my husband left me on the beach all night and I woke up to the sunrise outside and he was in our, That'd be a problem. And I would be pissed. But I think that it seems like he did the best for the situation. I mean, yes, he could have watched her, but I'd even think like if he brought her up to the hotel, he's, he would probably just pass out. And so then he's not even watching her. I know. For her safety. That is true. Cause like if he's also drunk and drinking. Yeah. And he brings her up and goes to sleep. Yeah. That's almost more dangerous. Keeping her open in an area where multiple people can keep an eye on her. That is very true. I'm putting this one to you guys. I don't really know. I'm like, it's very dangerous. It's very bad. But like overall, I feel like, I feel like he handled it the best he could. Yeah. Flying to Indonesia too. Like we don't know where he's coming from. She's coming from Hong Kong. Like, this is crazy, but we're moving along. Okay. Number three. Number three, you guys. Whoa. Okay. This next one is coming from our slash relationship advice, four days old. Titled, my 28 female cousin, 22 female. Just told me she saw my fiance kiss my twin sister. Whoa. On accident? I, 28 female need some advice. Oh. For some backstory, I'm engaged to my long time partner, 30 male, and I'm in the process of planning our wedding. My fiance and I are at our family's lake house for a week long family reunion. I've been super excited for this trip to have a much needed break from work and wedding planning and also to have a chance to see all of my aunts, uncles, cousins, et cetera. This morning, my cousin, 22 female, pulled me aside and told me something completely unexpected. She said she went upstairs to grab some clothes and as she was walking down the hall, she saw my twin sister and fiance talking quietly in one of the bedrooms. Then she said, she saw them share a quick kiss. I am in shock. My twin sister and I have always been so close. My first thought was that there's no way this happened. I've never seen or noticed any tension between my fiance and sister. And they also have very limited opportunity to be around one another. We live about an hour from one another and are busy with work. I cannot imagine that either of them would do this. I'm also wondering what to believe of what my cousin told me. I have no reason not to trust her, but I just wanna believe that she saw something wrong. I don't know, a kiss is hard to mistake. So I am currently resting up as I have period cramps and don't feel well. I asked my cousin to keep this to herself at least as long as I can figure out what I wanna do. We're all staying here together for the week until Sunday. If I confront them now, I know this would cause a huge scene. However, I don't know if I can wait until we get back home knowing I'm just festering inside with this knowledge. So I'm here turning to Reddit. I don't know if I need advice. I'm looking for support, a rant, et cetera. I suppose any advice or comments are appreciated. Oh my God, I just really, really, really want her to get evidence. Like I want her to set up a camera and bait them somehow because it's just, it's so frustrating that we just have word of mouth, but we also don't know a quick kiss. Was it a kiss on the cheek? Was it a whisper in the ear about something for a surprise for you? It's like, was it misinterpreted? Does cousin have a habit of taking something out of context? It just sucks when it's like this because I'm like, I just want this hardcore evidence. But I've said this before where a lot of times if somebody tells you that they saw people cheating, it's because they're cheating. Yeah. I know it is interesting because in this scenario, the cousin doesn't really have any stake in the game. Right. I would assume that the cousin wouldn't make this up if there hasn't been a history of your cousin line, but also at the same time I look at me in my life. If my sister and Justin were off like talking in a bedroom and my cousin happened to see them like and came to me, I'd be like, well, that's really weird, but like I'm also closer with those people than I am with my cousin. But everyone's relationships are really different, but OP is even saying like, I'm extremely close with my twin sister. Like what? Right. Like that is a very clear boundary. You don't fuck your twins fiance. You don't go there. You don't kiss them. Tell Belly that. Who? You don't watch the summer, I turn pretty. Oh, I've read the books. I know how to ends. Oh my God, do not tell me. I know how to ends, girl. Don't you dare say a word. I literally got my hair done today and my hair girl Jamie and my new assistant, Dina, who you guys will be meeting soon. We were all talking about it and they're like, oh my God, did you watch the episode? I'm like, do you guys not read the books? Okay. What team are you on? Oh my God, always Conrad. Always and forever. And, but it's just like, it's so funny. I just saw this TikTok because Brian used to be like, Team Jeremiah the first season, I think. Yeah. And now this season he's also Team Conrad. He switched a little bit. So I showed him this video because this girl literally throws her TV down the stairs. Whenever she sees Jeremiah like say like, hi honey, I'm home. She throws her TV down the stairs. Gross. But anyway, so yeah, that's why I said belly does. Yeah. Tanded. But yeah, I'm like, I don't know. I feel like I'm honestly inclined to kind of believe the cousin like, but how do you test it? That's why like I'm trying to think like how she can get proof. It'd be so creepy. I'd just be like behind them in a bush. I'd be like the Homer Simpson just slowly backing up into bushes. See, this is why I don't think like looking through somebody's phone is like the worst thing. So we do have an edit. A lot of people had the same question you did. Are they identical? Do they look alike? I thought the same thing. I'm like maybe it was just a quick pass by the hall. Like, hi babe. Like what really happened? So OP ads, edit. We are fraternal twins. No chance we could be mistaken for one another. Totally two different looking people. Not identical twins. Top comment. Bring your cousin, sister and fiance all into a room and say that your cousin saw them kissing and is this true? Someone is lying and seeing all their reactions at once should tell you who. And lock the doors. No one's getting out. No one's getting out. I have the truth. Make them put all of their phones in a basket and then read through the phones while they watch you. I'm just kidding, but we were talking about this was it on father knows episode? Ooh. About the phone? It was a father knows episode. Yeah, because we always get these episodes where people will write in and be like, I'm feeling so guilty that I looked through my partner's phone and found out that he's cheating on me. And I'm like, why does everyone always have to say that they feel guilty? You had a hunch and you just trusted your gut. You trusted your gut, you got the evidence. Like yeah, it's not ideal. And if you feel like you need to look through their phone, then it's probably already a sign. But in this case, I'm like, you need evidence. I know. Because you don't want to end your marriage or you're about to be married off of a cousin saying something when you're like, I could never even imagine that of the two of them. But now you're always going to wonder, what the hell happened? I know, so someone does say, you'll need proof before making an accusation. I don't know your cousin, but they could be lying, not saying they are, just saying you didn't see it and they offered no proof. And OP goes, that crossed my mind. The reason I haven't jumped to do anything is for this exact reason. If they deny it, then what? Yeah, exactly. Like then you have nothing, you have no proof and they can be sneakier. I have this like crazy situation that happened with one of my friends and I don't know if I want to like give all the detail, but basically she hooked up with somebody who gave her a fake name and said he was completely single. And she actually like reverse image searched his icon on like his phone. Oh my God. In like the contact, because she wanted to find his Instagram and follow him and found out that he's married. And so she like asked him, are you married? And then he basically said, not really. And then they moved on from there. Wife looks through his phone because she had a hunch, found the messages and texted my friend and then basically was like that they're indeed married and have kids and asked my friend if she would help with like a testimony. Oh wow. Yeah. Wow. Because of course like her husband's saying, no, that's not true. Oh man. And she's like- She's like crazy. And she's like, and she's telling my friend, she's like, he's doubling down saying that like that never happened. And like, I can't imagine how crazy that would feel. Going through a person, like talking to a person you don't know and trying to get verification at your husband's cheating and the person saying, yes, he is. And then your husband saying, absolutely not swear on my life, didn't do it. Like I don't, that's just, oh, the mental. Yeah. Fuckery. Well, that's why I'm like, get your evidence before confronting them. I know. And a lot of people in the comments are pissed about the phone. People are like, look through their phones. And people are like, that's a violation of privacy. Quick getting your advice from TV shows. Don't look through phones. Don't get your advice from Lauren on a podcast. But I'm not like advocating for it. I'm just like, don't feel guilty. Like if it, and this is what I've always said about the phones. Yeah. I think you should be able to trust your partner. If your gut is telling you, look through the phone and then your gut is right and you find something, you gotta be done. You don't have trust. It's gonna be a really crazy uphill battle out of the Roche Motel. If you wanna get back to being in a good spot, but like, it's just really hard. Like it's this fine line of like, do you trust them? Or where are you guys at? For sure. We do get an update on this one. Oh, let's hear it. We get an update. Update. To those of you who are requesting an update, here it goes. After going back and forth on whether I should try to snoop through my fiance's slash sister's phone, or just sitting everyone and asking, I decided I would go through with the ladder. My cousin actually came back later to my room to check on me and we had a brief conversation. She let me know she supported whatever my decision was and she would be there to back me up if I needed that. While sweet, it kind of quashed any thought that my cousin could be manipulating the truth. And honestly, after that conversation with her, I couldn't keep holding it in. Yeah. I got the four of us together and laid it all out. I told them that my cousin came across them talking in the upstairs bedroom and witnessed them kiss. Whoever told me to tell them what I knew and then zip my lips, thank you. I didn't even have to ask questions, but I could see the guilt flood over my sister. It seemed like my fiance was trying to find a way to backtrack, but then my sister started profusely apologizing and crying. Wow. While she's crying, my fiance tells me it was a mistake and only one kiss. What? Lies. Liar, liar. Oh my God. Liar, liar. Pants on fire. What? Just one kiss. No, liar. This is where I said I wanted them to show me their phones. And if it was only one kiss, I shouldn't find anything. Perfect. My fiance hesitated again. But I told him we would be done if he didn't let me see it. 100%. From what I could find, my sister started flirting with my fiance, starting off with compliments. I don't know if she was just stroking his ego, but their texts were very much so flirty in nature. Up to this point, I am pissed, but unsure what this means for our relationship. Until I get to one of their last messages that was sent this morning from my fiance saying, quote, I know I should regret that, but I don't. I told him to pack up his shit, and we would talk about this at home. I told my sister I was disgusted, and she should leave me the fuck alone. So I haven't technically called off anything, but I'm going to take the next couple of days to really sit with things. I can't imagine being able to go back to him after all of this. I feel sick. I don't want to be anywhere near my sister, but I would rather be here to have space from my fiance. I think right now, I haven't truly processed what this means as I'm seeing red. As mad as I am with my fiance, I feel so betrayed by my sister that has quite literally been with me through all of my ups and downs. Yeah, that's so messed up. What comes over someone to do something like that? Was her sister just secretly so jealous of her this entire time? This was her last hurrah or something of trying to make herself feel better than her sister? Like what are you thinking? I just don't know what would come over someone to do that, especially right before the wedding. Yeah, why? Are you that deeply insecure? Do you have no confidence in yourself and your ability to find someone who loves you so you have to steal your twin's happiness? I'm so confused on the timing of it. It's also like, and the fact that she started it, he is an outsider. I'm thinking a lot of the stories we've seen, it's usually the outsider of the family kind of provoking, but this is a twin going after, and I know we've had a lot of sisters going after their siblings, husbands, exes, baby daddies, whatever, but I don't know, this one, they just, they seem so normal. And then what? And then there's also that part where it's like, wow, it was really that easy for you. Oh, just somebody gave you a little attention and it was that easy for you to cheat on me. Like, holy shit. Imagine if he's at work and he has a coworker who gives him some attention. He's gonna go back home with her. It's just crazy to me that it was just a few flirty messages and now you're gonna kiss her right before your wedding. I know, like you're that weak? Yeah. You can't resist a little bit of temptation or someone stroking your ego and flirting with you a little bit. Yeah, it's pathetic. It is. It's pathetic and then also just like- No boundaries. Yeah, what is, I don't know what's wrong with people that do stuff like this, like right before the wedding. Right before the wedding. Yeah, I'd go nuclear. And I feel so bad for OP. I mean, this is coming from our very own Tuatik subreddit, maybe a listener out there. It's a really tough spot to be in. The love of your life, you're getting married, your twin sister's the one that it's probably a made of honor. Like, and some people on our sub, we're not very kind in the comments. I actually just removed this one, but someone essentially was just like, you're super, super dumb if you stay with him. They said it in a way worse way. Okay. This won't be his last time doing this. If he was comfortable enough to do it with your sister, I'm 99% certain he has done it before. People do clap back and say, that was unnecessarily rude and harsh. Next comment. What was the comment that I've read? Oh, oh, got it, got it. Like being kind of mean OP. I removed it now, so it's gone. But someone goes, not only was that unnecessarily harsh and rude, she said she's done, she just hasn't physically called everything off. She needs time to process everything, but it is over. Yeah. Like God give her a minute. You don't need to like find out the most devastating, difficult news you've had so far in life. And then notify everyone about it. Actually, I'm logging in as Zola, wedding's off, just so you guys know, fiance cheated. With twinsister. People have a right to keep things private for a little bit. Yeah, absolutely. Like people have a right to grieve. 100%. Because this is a loss. Yeah. Like damn. And even just like accepting that too, because it's like, I think it's very fair that when you're ready to plan the rest of your life with somebody and commit to them through thick and thin. And I agree with you. I think that everyone deserves that time. And I don't know why anyone even in the comment would go crazy about that because people are being terrible. That's wild. I mean, just like reaming it kind of on her. Like if you stay with him, you're an idiot. Did you tell your parents? Like you're gonna be an asshole and then expect to get information from this person. Don't be so dumb asleep koala. Be fucking kind. Like you're an idiot if you stay with him. You don't know what she's gonna do. Just be like, hey, like I don't know. I'm just like, we're getting really defensive of our little OP here. Yeah, of course. OP does respond. At this point, I don't know how I could. Thinking about living the rest of my life, knowing how insecure he made me feel. And with my sister, hard pass. And yes, I did tell my parents, thankfully they support me and are livid with my sister. I feel bad for ruining the rest of the trip. But I know I'm not truly the one that ruined it. Not at all. And so someone goes, did your sister leave too? No, but it sounds like she's leaving in the morning. I wanna know what sister had to say about that. What's your excuse? I'm just curious what she is mustering up. I'm trying to see if there's any comments to see if there's any explanation. But luckily I do see that OP is getting a lot of support. Had a nice little FaceTime with a couple of their closest friends. I just hate his last message. What if they get together? I mean, at this point she's got nothing to lose. Sister is not gonna talk to her anymore. OP does say that she's gonna go no contact. So, I mean, what do you have to lose at that point? I could see it. It's not out of the realm of possibility in my head. You would hope that she would try to fix things with her sister. That would be the hope. I mean, even if it took a few years. Yeah, years, I mean, probably will. Yeah. I mean, you can never like fully heal from that. I mean, you can fully heal from that, I don't know if you can like fully, fully ever forget that. You know what I mean? Like every time you see your sister and you're having a great time with her, I feel like there's a little part of you that like remembers the pain that she caused. That's just such a core memory of like pain to be able to forget. It's really, you'd have to go to a lot of like fucking family therapy together. I just, I don't know, the sister really needs to address her issues because that is a really shitty thing to do. And it's coming from a place of insecurity or somewhere. Like if we look at the little feeling wheel, like it's coming from somewhere. It's not right, it needs to be addressed. You just took out your sister and her fiance. You took out your relationship and it's also him too. Like he's scumbag too. But like you definitely set the first flame. Right, well, I would, yeah. I mean, if we didn't like hate sister, I would say thank you because you just saved her from marrying a piece of shit. True, very true. Also something about this just reminded me of something that Alejandra said once, which I think is like a phrase out there, but I just hadn't heard it from anyone besides her. She was talking about relationships as a plate. If you drop a plate and it shatters into pieces, she's like, you can still glue it back together and the plate still works. My dad says this about a glass all the time. All the time, I think if you watch father knows, like my dad says this is about a glass constantly. But you shatter a glass, but you put it back together. Still cracks. Yeah, you can still see the cracks, but you can use it, but you can still see the cracks. And so that's what I kind of think like what, if like her and her sister ever were to get together again, like that's kind of, cracks are gonna be pretty lords on that one. Yeah, I agree. I'm not seeing any reasoning from the sister. I just see OP did tell him that he needs to get the stuff out of the house. I'm mourning the relationship my sister and I once had before all of this. Ultimately though, we do share some close friends. Not sure how this will impact those relationships. Hopefully they see your true colors. I don't know how I could ever truly trust him. Together, six years, no other red flags. Like no red flags. Wow. Is what I'm seeing. Cousin's been a blessing in disguise. She's been very sweet through it all. She's gathering intel, so OP doesn't have to interact with sister. I just wonder like if he was doing other stuff or if that was his weird moment of kind of freaking out before the wedding. Cause I'm like no other red flags in six years. It's crazy. I'm like, was he being sneaky or was he just, did he have like a meltdown right before the wedding? I don't know. It's weird. It is so weird. Cause you usually hear that there's like some other signs. Something. Right? Something. That's tough, but we're moving along. OP, if you're out there, keep us posted. Yeah. I would love to know what the sister's reasoning is. Yeah, at least what she says to you. Who knows if it's even legit. If it's the truth. Yeah, for sure. Idol money lies in your current account picking crumbs out of its belly button. I'm wondering, should I eat them? But when you start investing with Monzo, your money's always busy. It turns on regular investments, invests your spare change and tops up your stocks and shares, Issa. It even helps you make sense of risk and return. Monzo, the bank that gets your money moving. You could get back less than you invest. Monzo current account required UK residents 18 plus, T's and C's apply. Okay. So this next one, also a little bit of a twin story, a little bit of a wedding story too. So it is coming from Am I the asshole? One month old titled, Am I the asshole for not going to my twins wedding? I 24 male have an identical twin. We're not close, but I thought we had basic mutual respect. That belief was tested. I grew up in a traditional Southern town and only began coming out in college about five years ago. It's been slow, especially with family, but since moving to DC in 23 for school and work, I felt more comfortable living authentically. After moving, I met my boyfriend, 26 male, and we've been together two years. Over time, I've introduced him to friends and family when I felt safe, cut to November of 24. I was home for the holidays and told my twin and his fiance about my boyfriend. They seemed happy for me while staying with them, wedding details arose, and they asked if I'd be bringing a date. I said, yeah, my boyfriend, my twin had gone to bed, but his fiance said, quote, while there are pros and cons, it's up to you if you want to bring him. That felt like a green light. My twin constantly deferred to her on decisions, so I didn't think I needed to double check. Five months passed. My boyfriend and I had spent $1,300 on travel, flights, hotels, et cetera. Three weeks before the wedding, I mentioned on a call with my brother that we were all set. His tone shifted, quote, oh, is boyfriend actually coming? I reminded him of the convo with his fiance. He said, she never gave me permission and accused me of making it up. Wow. Then said, quote, we can't allow your boyfriend to come. We worry how dad's side will react. I offered to call my dad on the spot. He dodged, saying that he'd check with his fiance, despite just saying it was his decision. An hour later, no change. I was still invited alone, still expected to buy a groom's men matching suit. No chance. Even though I wasn't in the wedding party and show up smiling, that's when I snapped. Yeah, I asked, quote, if I didn't invite your fiance to my wedding, would you still come? He couldn't answer and ended the call after some harsh words. Trying to make things right, I came out to my dad, which I feared for years. To explain the situation, he was surprisingly indifferent and even said uninviting my boyfriend was extreme. He offered to talk to extended family. I thought I was removing the main obstacle. Weeks later, my twin called again. He now claimed our friends would be weirded out. Oh my God, get over yourself, you weirdo. So the excuse shifted. I said, quote, if my boyfriend's not invited, I'm not coming. Yeah, he didn't budge. Here's the kicker. Days later, my dad told me the fiance admitted she did give me permission, but changed her mind when she remembered, quote, who would be there? She denied this to my twin. Also, one of her bridesmaids is openly gay and brought her girlfriend. But according to the fiance, quote, she's not part of the family, so it's different. Oh my God, I hate these people. So I didn't go. I'm still wondering if I made the wrong call. No. My absence was noticed. Good. I got texts asking where I was. My mom had to explain it repeatedly. I hope she said the truth. So instead of avoiding attention, my absence became the story. Yay! Take that, loser. My relationship with my twin is dead. Good. And some family ties now feel fragile. A part of me wonders, should I have sucked it up and gone solo? No. Just to preserve bonds that shaped my early life? No. So, am I the asshole for skipping the wedding? Absolutely not, no. And I love, I love that the wedding was made about where are you? Yeah, like take that. Oh, he wasn't invited because his boyfriend was excluded. No, he wasn't invited because. After he was invited. No, no, no, that's not it. No, he wasn't invited because he's gay. Well, yeah, yeah. But I'm saying like, but that's like, she's homophobic. Yeah. And the brother is not supportive. Yeah. By not being supportive and is therefore kind of roped into the homophobic category on the Venn diagram. Yeah, I just, if I was the mom, I would have just said it like that because that's exactly what it is. And it's absolutely ridiculous. And that's why I'm like, OP, you shouldn't question the ties that are fragile or shaky now because what happened was ridiculous. That was awful. And you shouldn't have to deal with that or people that will treat you that way or people that are okay with that treatment. That's not, that's not how, no, it's not how you want to live your life. So I don't think you did anything wrong. No, I don't either. I mean, this is insane. This is such a fair boundary to have. You're not gonna let me bring my partner. Yeah. You're not supporting me. They're together, they've been together for years. Like they are being very homophobic and discriminatory towards their brother, whose family. And they even say that where it's like, for the bride to have a bridesmaid that's gay, bringing her girlfriend, it's different. She's not a part of the family. Yeah. Oh, so you'll be friends with a gay person, but you don't want one in your family. What? How does that make any fucking sense? And like, I hope that that friend knows what the bride is like, because that's not someone I'd want to be friends with. Yeah. Absolutely fair boundary. You should not regret not going. You are not the asshole. They kind of created this day. And like, yeah, it is odd that the groom's twin isn't there. Like, I don't know how they didn't put two and two together that like if you exclude him, that's gonna be a big story. Yeah, exactly. That's why I'm just like, those are such good consequences. It like made its way all the way around. Like you were trying to claim that you just didn't want the attention not to be on you guys. And then that's what happened by you trying to control the situation. Yeah. Very true. Yeah. Top comment on this one. With 34,000 up votes. Oh wow. You came out to your dad, got gas lit by your twin, got lied to by the fiance and still tried to make peace. Yeah. You did more than enough. They chose drama, not you. That's the other thing. Exactly. About this whole story. Fiance gave him permission, ring boyfriend. It's your choice. Yep. Pros and cons either way. Then lied to the brother. I never said that. Ridiculous. So she's manipulative. You just brother, you just found out she lied to you. What's going on here? I don't like it. Especially because they literally asked you have a plus one. And the fact that they were like, you need to wear a suit that matches the groom's man, but you're not in the wedding party. Then why do I have to wear matching suit? Exactly. No, no. Wear what you want, dude. Weird. But on a positive note, I really, really like that the dad was not acting like an asshole. Yeah, it seems like he was not as OP expected him to respond. It was hard to kind of gauge what his reaction was, but it seemed more on the positive side than on the negative side. That's great. Very surprising for OP even to be like, he was kind of indifferent or whatever the word was. That is in my head, a positive thing. Versus like, I'm never talking to you again. There are quite a few comments from OP, but nothing that adds any new context for us. Just kind of like clarifying with people, I did clear this with her. My brother really wasn't in charge of planning the wedding. So I really ran everything by her and then it got to my brother. I do think that's a little bit of a thing. You probably should have had them both in the conversations because it is your brother and clearly she's an unreliable narrator and historian, but I think this kind of worked itself out the best it could given the unfortunate family. And keep doing you. Like you don't deserve that and it is a fair boundary to put down. But okay, moving along. Bowser is back. Ha ha! Bowser! Bowser! Yeah! Everyone calm down. The Super Mario Brothers can take care of the kingdom. Let's go. On April 1st. Toad pack our things. Woo hoo! The galaxy. Is waiting. Who is this? Special. So some cool dinosaur just shows up and he's now part of the group. Cool. The Super Mario Galaxy Movie. Only in cinemas April 1st. Okay, so this next one. Coming from True Off My Chest, three days old, titled I Hate My Wife's Dead Friend. Whoa. My wife is grieving the loss of her best friend. We'll call her Sally. She was one of her closest friends who she had known since elementary school. I know she's devastated, really hurting, but I hated the lady since the moment I met her. Oh my God. Sally was always jealous of my wife, embarrassed that her career wasn't as big as hers. She got married and had kids young, but then got divorced young. She was constantly belittling my wife, making her the butt of the joke in every situation. My wife is chubbier, but still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Sally would act like she's job of the hut. She was clearly envious of the fact I treat my wife better than any man had treated her, and she acts like my wife should be punished for it. She was not a good person at all, and frankly, good riddance to her. I'm upset that my wife is hurting so deeply and is left with a lot of mess to clean up. Sally has family, but they don't know her as well as my wife, so she's helping pick up whatever slack she can. She was always so gracious with Sally. I don't know how she does it, because she typically has a very low tolerance for passive aggressiveness. I know Sally has affected her self-image and the things she says get to her. Now she's left with this heavy grief on top of that. I'm doing the best I can to support her. I love her with everything I've got. I just had to get this off my chest because I don't want my personal frustrations to interfere with being there for my wife. All this is just a reminder that she is a better person than I am, and I'm lucky to have her. I did not see it go in there. Like, I really thought, you thought OP was gonna be kind of a asshole. Yeah. Wow, I know. I mean, I feel like for him, he's definitely gonna kind of have to set a boundary for himself where like, his feelings for Sally and how terrible she was, don't affect him supporting his wife, which it seems like he's doing and he recognizes he needs to. So hopefully he can keep having that boundary. It's hard because they didn't just have a falling out because she wasn't a good friend and a good person. Or she just died. And so it's just like, damn. Well, you can't be like, she's a bad person, cut her off. Now you just have to support her through this grief and you can't really say anything because it would just make it 10 times worse. Right, no, exactly. And then I'm sure that she's gonna continue to talk about her even more because there's a lot of things that remind her of her and the anniversary. So yeah, I think that OP is gonna just have to learn how to accept that and be able to support her because what else is there to do? No, I know. Just kind of a crazy one. Top comment on it. What a beautiful sentiment. You are safe to rant here and your wife sounds like an amazing woman. And that is like the positive in this. That last line, all of this is just a reminder that she's a better person than I am and I'm lucky to have her. That's so sweet. Good for him for setting that boundary between his feelings and letting it out so he can better support her. Yeah, definitely. That's just, that's really sweet in the darkness of this story. But okay, feels like we're done with this one. Moving along. I've got this one from Am I the Asshole, four hours old at the time I found it, titled, Am I the Asshole for not inviting a friend to my significant other's birthday trip? Hi, I'm a 35 female and my significant other is 36 male. I planned a birthday cottage trip for him and invited all the people he wanted on it. Mostly his friends and a few of mine that he adores. He particularly asked for one of my friends to not be invited because he does not like her energy and is of the opinion she is envious. Multiple times she has tried to buy clothes, jewelry bags, shoes after seeing them on me. Exactly the same things. I hang out with her in a group setting only since a couple of years ago. She found out through someone who mentioned it in passing that they are looking forward to the cottage trip. She reached out to me and asked me why I am trying to kick her out of the friend group and she is always left alone. How do I respond? Am I the asshole? See, I don't, I feel like I don't have enough evidence of this friend. Like does he really, like, what does she do besides buy the same things? Like maybe she just thinks they're cute. I feel like all of us are always sharing links to clothes or shoes that we like. So I don't really have enough context because I'm like, if she was continuously bringing down the group and there was always drama because of it, then I think that's super fair. But I'm like, I don't know. I guess like if they all hang out in group settings all the time and you just like exclude one person, that is hurtful. So yeah, I'd feel, I'd feel snubbed. I feel sad about it. Yeah. So that's why I'm like, is she, we're not getting enough like contacts like. So OP does clarify. Okay. I'm gonna comment. Wanted to clarify a couple of things. Firstly though, I appreciate your candor. Secondly, I should have elaborated more. I was trying to give a small example of envy where it has been noticed that a lot of things that I owned were later on bought by her after seeing them on me. I agree. It is very complimentary if it happens in passing or a few times here and there. But this has happened countless times. To provide more examples. In the past, they tried to date one of my exes, which I didn't think that much into before because it was 10 years ago. But now I am. If I start learning a new skill, pick up a new hobby, she has joined the exact same. The frequency of these occurrences have increased in the recent past. Hope this provides more context. Lastly, wanted to clarify, we did not invite everyone but her. On my side of friends, my significant other invited only a couple of friends that he has one-on-one relationships with. Does it help your judgment on this one? Yeah, I guess, and that's what you say back to her. I mean, do you not want to be friends with her anymore? Maybe you should have a conversation too. I know. Honestly though, it kind of sounds like a scary conversation to have given. Well, it's giving like a little bit of like, she's kind of a stocking. Yeah. No, it's not too far to date your ex to copy everything you buy and wear, to learn all the new skills you're learning and join these classes. Like you want to be me. You want to be me. Yeah. You want to be me? Like it's a little, scary. Yeah. I've seen too many true crime things though lately. I'm in a dark place, but that's where I jump. I'm like, something's a little fishy here. But if you told her, what would you say? I mean, I don't, that's a good point. Like what would you say? I don't want to be friends with you anymore. No, not like that, but just kind of maybe, that's a good question. I don't know. What do you say? I know. What do you say? It's easier to do the slow fade and just like not include her and stuff. Right. But what do you respond back to her when she's asking? I mean, you can just tell her, it's not everybody. Yeah. Like he has a one-on-one relationship with, she's going to try to have a one-on-one relationship with him then. I know. Well, and that's what I would be sad like to clarify again. It's not just her that's excluded. So I think you could say that. I'd just say like, oh my God, no, like, not trying to do that at all. Like this is just who my fiance is, my significant other is really close with. Yeah. Like that's all there is to it. Yeah. I'm just wondering like how much relationship is there because maybe it's worth being like, hey, I feel kind of weird that you always copy me, but don't mention anything. Like if you like my stuff, that's great, but it almost feels, it just feels a little bit off. Yeah. And then kind of like open up the door and like see if she actually is saying or not. You know? Yeah. I think that would be a good way to do it. Just be like, but like do you need to address it now? No. Because I kind of like- I mean, we go and have a fun trip, but like maybe in the future, I'm like, if they have a one-on-one relationship, then like maybe that's worth it, but it's like they're only hanging out in groups. I do really like the top response. Okay, let's hear it. Not the asshole. Quote, this is partner's birthday trip. He invited his closest friends. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Fair enough. Next one down says, not the asshole. Just say there were limited spots and because it's for his birthday, he selected them. Then move on to the next topic. It's hard because like I wish it was that easy, but knowing this person's vibe, like I feel like they're not gonna make it that easy to move on, but like you can't say you didn't try. Yeah. And then if you have to address other things like the copying, then you can get into that. I could be on board for that. Yeah. Okay. How old are they again? Mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah. 35 female and 36 male. They're old enough to not have this drama. Yeah, no, I think you definitely have- All right, to just go on a trip and invite who you want to. Like it would just be weird no matter what age though. If it was like everyone from the group setting besides one, then it's pretty, it stands out. So it's like you almost kind of have to like address it somehow. But like if it's not everyone from the whole group and just people who he has a one-on-one relationship with, then no problem at all. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with you. Okay, one last one for us here. Lauren found it. I'm going in. I got no idea. I teased the title as we were sitting here off camera trying to pick the last story. And all of the titles were so good. A lot of them will probably be going to Patreon. We got to do a boundaries theme over there, I think. This one, I'm going to tease it to you guys. And I don't know why name issues is coming up a lot, but it's would I be the asshole for refusing to name my child after my wife's deceased dog? You should have teased the other one. That other one I'm like really curious about. Am I the asshole for telling my youngest daughter she may not post a video of me having a hot flash? I'm curious. I'm very curious about that one. Okay. Well, here we go with Lauren's because I, you guys are going to hear the title, you'd be like, good choice guys, good choice. So this is coming from am I the asshole, five years old, titled, am I the asshole for demanding my fiance tell his coworkers that he will not be renewing his vows with his work wife when they return to the office? Brutal. Hell no. My fiance, Mark works closely with a woman, Megan. They both have similar responsibilities and need to work together as a team. I've never had a problem with this. They don't really interact outside of work. We've been working from home the last several weeks. I happened to be in the living room with him yesterday while his office had their weekly zoom meeting. During that meeting, people began talking about what they wanted to do when everyone returned to the office. I could hear someone say that my fiance and Megan must really miss each other. Several other people began referring to them as work wife and work husband. Then someone suggested that my fiance and Megan should renew their vows when everyone is back in office. Yeah. Mark just played along and joked that they would be registered at office depot. I left the living room in tears while he continued oblivious to how I was feeling. I confronted him after the call and said, I felt humiliated. Our wedding was supposed to be in September, but we've had to postpone it and it's not clear when it will be safe to reschedule. And here he is talking about renewing his vows to someone from work. Wild. Mark explained that it was just a joke and not a big deal. He tried to show me some joke article his office had been passing around about how teleworking is ruining work wife relationships. Good. I said the term work wife itself is offensive and humiliating because I'm supposed to be his wife. Yeah. I demanded that at his next meeting, he needed to publicly apologize to his office and tell them that he will not be renewing his vows with Megan because he is engaged to marry someone else. I said he also done on a piece of paper and makes him recite it. I said he also needs to tell his office that they need to stop calling him and Megan work spouses. He says he can't do that because it will be embarrassing and hurt his reputation at work with his colleagues. I said, quote, oh, is it hard to feel embarrassed? I would never know what that's like. He called me an asshole. Now that I've cooled down a little bit, I need to figure out if I overreacted. Am I the asshole? No, but I will say going back onto a work call and announcing I will not be renewing. No, that's a little too much. But what I do think the part that's very valid is to say to your coworkers like, hey guys, I really don't find it appropriate. The work wife term. So if you guys could refrain from saying that, please. That's fair. That's super fair, especially going forward. Like, hey, I'm getting married soon. You know, I got a Mrs. At Home now. Yeah. Gotta set some boundaries at work here, you know? Can't have two wives, ha ha. You don't have to get serious with it at all. You can make it a whole joke and just it being like, I'm a married man now. I'm off the market at work. Yeah. Make it funny. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, just I definitely think that's like super valid to ask for. What I also would just like to know is like, why do people do that when they know that somebody's in a relationship? Like, I get that people like to use the term playfully and that there's a lot of people who don't actually mean anything romantic by it. Just people who work together a lot. Okay, fine. But at the same time, I'm just, it's so common that people cheat on people with people they're working with. I know. That it's almost like, why is everyone around you almost seemingly encouraging it? Yeah. I don't, it just, it feels a little odd to me. Yeah. It's even if it's playful. It's one of those fires I don't like to stir. Yeah. I just think it's not worth it. Like be buddy buddy. It's not funny enough to be worth it. Exactly. Yeah. Like, I don't know. Like why not brother and sister? Why does it automatically resort to wife and husband? Yes. Why can't it be siblings? It's my work, bro. That's so fair. Like, that's cool. You're gonna have as many siblings as you want. Justin, you'd go from only child to siblings. Woo. Yeah. But like, if he came back and was like, I got a new work wife, I'd be like, the fuck you don't. Yeah. No, for real. It's so silly to some people, but to me it's just a sign of like basic respect. Like, yeah, it would piss me off. And I think with wife, there's almost this implied flirting, a crossing of boundaries, a little too casual, maybe the professionalism of a work colleague has been lost because, oh, we're wife and husband. Like, I don't know. I feel like it's a slippery slope. Yeah. You don't need to be a little penguin. Like, you stay up on the rocks. You don't go out on that iceberg. I've never heard that. That's funny. I don't even know why I don't know. I'm just like, I sound like a penguin. Oh my God, that was horrific. No, I like that whole thing that you just did. I liked it all. You know when I was coming out of anesthesia? No. For my surgery? What happened? The only thing, I can't remember if I talked about it on an episode or a Patreon. The only thing that was in my head, me. Well, it was your birthday the next day. And I actually was panicked that I would be too messed up and I'd forget it. But I was good. But no, I kept rapping Happy Feet, the penguin song. Oh. You know, have you seen the movie Happy Feet about penguins? Yeah, but I don't remember the song. I don't remember the song. Can you sing it for me? Don't push me, cause I'm close to the edge. And I'm trying not to lose my head. Wow, it doesn't even ring a bell. That's really good. Maybe it's the way that you- It's the way. 100%. It's the way. Top comment on this one. Just kidding. Everyone sucks here. Which I will agree with. Now that I've had a second to sit with it, I was gonna say not the asshole, but then I had to really think about how she was like, you're getting back on that Zoom call. That's a little overboard. Okay, so top comment. Everyone sucks here. I think the whole work-wife thing is disrespectful and silly, but you did overreact to what was obviously a joke. He's not literally going to be renewing his vows with anyone or registering at Office Depot and forcing him to tell everyone that they need to stop calling him a Megan Workspouses. He's going to make a mountain out of a molehill. And give everyone the impression that you're a difficult person. Just ask him to stop joking around. I think it's really fair. Like if my boyfriend was like, oh yeah, everyone calls the girl I work with my work-wife, I'd be like, tell them to stop. Yeah, here's my thing. But like the way that she went about it, like going and announcing like, guys. That's not gonna happen. Town hall, need everyone here. Next. Yeah, next office meeting. Get it in the minutes. It's in the minutes. Yep, calling off the wedding. Davorst bitch. We're done. Like that's just so, so aggressive. And also just like, it could be really like, we're interfering with like the whole company we're out. So I just think that- I agree. I think that there's a good way to say like, hey guys, like let's stop using that term. Yeah, OP does respond to that top comment. No, they were actually planning on how to do it. Like we're in the office to hold the ceremony and reception, et cetera. Oh my God. My fiance was fully on board planning. What? Meanwhile, I have to nag him to constantly help me reschedule our actual wedding plans. These are red flags. I don't know if Megan's the biggest problem. Someone goes, in that case, not an asshole for asking that he don't go through with it. But it would be embarrassing for him to publicly apologize and say he wouldn't go through with it in front of everyone. Maybe ask him to talk to Megan separately and tell her it's only a joke and won't be doing a ceremony. Is she sure that they were gonna do a ceremony? That's like weird. I mean, she was crying. Like she heard the whole conversation. But like, but did she verify that with her partner or is she just- Did you overheard it? On the call. Yeah, but they might have just been sarcastic. Like you really think that they were gonna like walk down the aisle and stuff. I have a really hard time judging sarcasm. I'm super gullible. So for me, if I was overhearing this on a call, even if it's jokey, I'd be like, oh, it's a bit, but they're gonna stick to it. Hearing this, I would have assumed, oh, they're doing it. I just think they're gonna get a cake. They're gonna like make a veil out of like toilet paper from the bathroom. I just think that would be such a weird thing. Exactly. That's why it's like hard for me to believe like that anybody in an office setting would set that up. Like, where is management? HR, are they agreeing to this? Like what? They're not on the budget. Oh my God. It's not fiscally responsible. Yeah. So someone responds, have you considered looking into their relationship? Usually the whole work wife thing doesn't come about unless both participants are flirting and hanging out a lot at work. I'd be more worried about that than being embarrassed of it. Strange priorities. True. Well, OP responds. Okay. Oh, believe me, I want to find out more now. You got downvoted 218 times. OP did? Mm-hmm. Why? People are like, girl, you need to focus on your relationship with your fiance and why he's barking at your wedding planning and stop focusing on the work wife thing. If you keep traveling down the path of accusing something going on with his coworker, you're going to breed resentment between both of you. Give awkward vibes to his work. Instead, if you focus on why you feel so insecure to begin with and tackle that problem together as a team, I promise that you will feel like any work relationship he has is not a threat on your super insecure relationship. But as of right now, your angle for the other woman is not very flattering on you and is very hard to empathize and sympathize with. This, that feels a little harsh. I think it's fair for someone to be uncomfortable by the work wife thing. I mean, based on this conversation that we were just told, as it's being told to us, obviously we might need the other side, it would make me really unhappy. I wouldn't love it. But I do think there's a point where it's like, you guys like, you're saying he's not helping with your wedding. You're saying, like, you do have some issues to address. Right. But I feel like that might have been... That comment was just like saying that she's... Super insecure. Yeah, and gonna lose him and all this other stuff. And it's just like, wait, I thought we were looking into, is he even there with you? Like, are you guys on the same page? Do you guys both want the same things? I thought that's what we were looking at, not this like, get it together and don't be insecure because it's not a good look on you. What, like... Call a judge based on the only context we have. I read all the comments from OP, that's all we got. There's no update on the account. It is five years old. It's crazy to think about that this was... During COVID. Times. Feels like a lifetime ago, but yet yesterday at the same time. 100%. It's so weird. If OP is out there and you hear this, I'd love an update. Would love that. Did you guys get married? Did he renew his vows with Megan? Was Megan at your wedding? Like, how did this all go down? I'd love to know. Maybe they converted Megan from work wife to best man. And then maybe the two of them went to a cabin together and then slept in the woods. Shit. That just happened on the Patreon episode I did with Michaela. One of the guy friends was the best man of honor. Man of honor for the bride. Okay, got it. And on the bachelorette trip, he was invited. Oh no. No. It's crazy. No. Wait, did they sleep with their clothes on? I'm gonna... We had one of those too. Did I tell you my high school ex-boyfriend told me that when he was breaking up with me? No. Oh my God, he went to his buddy's cabin and this girl that was always kinda mean to me, they shared a bed, but they kept their clothes on so they didn't do anything. Find out later. They did. They did stuff. Oh, that's so... I was really hoping to believe him. Cause you know, like back in that time, you would share like, yeah, like tight spaces. Yeah. I was really hoping he would come through. I know. God damn it. My first love for dating him freshman year. That's just tough. It's tough, tough L. So especially because she was mean to you, that makes me mad. I know. That's like was the hardest part. I'm like, why did it have to be her? See, that's what like I think that... Anyone else. Who, what was that? What was OP's... Megan. No, no, no. The other one that said that he didn't like her friend who passed away. Sally. See, that's what I want. Like when I'm dating someone, like I want him to be like, if he sees someone being mean to me, like he's protective over me. Like he has my best interests. And so whenever I hear stories of like a guy cheating on his partner with the girl that was mean to her, I'm like, that is low. Low blow. That is so low. Like anyone else. Oh. Oh my bully. Oh my bully. That's all I got for you guys. Woo. Woo. Woo. Morgan's so happy that she gets to go home and go to bed. Yeah, once up closer to bed. And pack for my back to bed trip. Also I'm looking at this. This is the last episode of August, which means the next time you hear from me, it'll be my wedding month. Whoa. Whee. I know I have so much homework. I still have to get going on my prenup. It's just a whole thing. I got a lot of my to-do list. I need to buy my flight and I need to figure out if I'm... It was so cheap the other day. It was literally like $200 round trip. What are you doing? I know. Well, I was... Why are you procrastinating? I was waiting to get the thumbs up that I could work from home or work from there and be gone for two weekends. Damn. So... Did you get approved? Yeah, so I'm... You gotta get on kayak. I know. Now I just need to figure out like where I'm gonna stay for part of the... You got it. You can come up to Duluth. That's gonna be a good time. Yeah, I'll figure something out. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you guys so much for being here. Head over to Patreon if you want more stuff. Lauren's on two bonus episodes this month. One is with Justin. It's a trio. That one was really good. That was like one of my favorite episodes we've done in a while. It was like very deep-divey and the stories were crazy. And then the other one... I'm not forgetting which stories they were. I always like blink after... No, it was the one where she wrote in. She was like, my husband accused me of killing his sister. Oh, that was a crazy episode. It was nuts. Yeah. And then the one I recorded tonight with Makayla was like, my boyfriend is the man of honor. Am I overreacting? And it just was... So, head over there. But other than that, love you all. And until next time. Until next time. Bye, guys. Bye.