Chapter 51: Demon Time

Midnight Burger will always be free to listen to, but it's not free to make, so please consider supporting us by subscribing on Supporting Cast, Patreon, or Apple Podcasts. For early access, ad-free shows, exclusive content, and our enduring gratitude. Just follow any of the links in the show notes for this episode. Is on Seagious. Please prepare for decontamination. For what? Eva is in Denmark. Prothni tech mechiert, all ze kin simple a pakke islvildas, al ik met ymuddech an prothin. Life is wherever the hell he is. Rough crossing. How did I get here? The Mokko Waynes are in space. And of course, let's not forget about this. A dick in a box. Oh, hi. Welcome to the Caspiraria. That's right, folks. Our heroes are spread across the multiverse like a little country croc spread across a really, really, really, really infinitely big piece of bread. What are they going to do now? Well, turns out everybody's taking the initiative. Gloria is asking Seagious. Casper is asking his ex-wife. Leif made a bomb. Eat shit, croc. And for whatever God forsaken reason, Eva decided to stick out her thumb and hitch a ride back to Croc's castle. You rang, doctor? I'm not sure where we go from here, folks, but it's clear that all roads lead back to Kryptesia. Also Fiona's here. Mineral environment? Story times over, kids. Let's start the shift. This is Justin broadcasting on the under signal. I am talking to you at the end of a historic day here on Seagious. Midnight Burger has returned to us and the party has been nonstop. Midnight Burger's relationship to this planet is a very important one. And today did nothing but solidify that relationship. As you may know, the planet's intense efforts to summon the diner to Seagious paid off in a very gratifying fashion when we were able to retrieve the mission data from the Vargin, the very first extra solar mission undertaken by the original coalition generations ago. That wasn't the only surprise on board Midnight Burger when it landed. Inside the diner was an entirely different crew than the one we've come to know. Two earthlings and an earth sorcerer. Now I can't tell you much about the earth. I'm told he was immediately whisked away by diplomatic services and putting contact with his home planet. But I do know that one of the earthlings is a former armed forces pilot and the other is a barista. An antiquated earth profession who specializes in making caffeinated beverages. Okay, okay, I'll have more on all that later as I'm sure you can hear the countdown has begun. Glory is now back on board Midnight Burger and its 12 hours are up. It's hard to say right now how this day has affected everyone here on Seagious. It's all happening too fast. But I will give you this quote from Owen Sussito. He's a scale farmer from the southern stills who came all the way to the capital just for this day. Nothing can change the fact that I'm a Seagian, but I feel like this day made me more Seagian than I was before. Oh, here it comes everyone. Wonder when we'll see it again. No party for my arrival? I attempted a party, did I not? The first time you arrived. Oh, right. Fool me once. I hate parties anyway. Thanks for letting me bring my cat. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's incredibly difficult to surprise me, Doctor. You must be insufferable on movie nights. So you can imagine how shocked I was to see that a beacon was sounding all the way from Earth. And a few hundred years in the past at that. How did you manage to get my attention? Well, I had this thing that did this one particular thing, but then I thought, hey, why don't I take this thing and do this other thing with it? That sounds hardly scientific. I've decided to abandon science. I'm getting really into crystals lately. How are you here, Doctor? Don't worry about it, Croc. I'm here because I'm magical. I'm here because I decided to be. What do you want? A bunch of math? You don't seem like a math guy. You chose to be here. Yes. After all that you went through to leave? Yes. Why? Maybe I wanted to be here. But nobody forces me to do anything. I left so I could choose to come back. You risked your life for a bit of agency? Honestly, I risked my life because I was curious about what would happen if I risked my life. And if it killed you? Honestly, I was a little curious about that, too. Hmm. You're unlike your compatriots. Am I? They appear to be supremely fixated on rather by Zantai concepts of right and wrong. You don't seem bound by such things. I'm bound by the usual things. Time, gravity, coffee. Can I get some coffee in here, by the way? I've been in Renaissance Denmark and Europe without caffeine. It's a dark, dark place. Of course. Wow. Look at that. So they just drop out of the sky with whatever I want? Within reason. Got it. Can I get some pool floaties and nine Dixie Cups, please? Why in the world would you ask for those things? You said within reason. That's within reason. Depends on the situation. Thanks, Bosco. You can hold off on the Dixie Cups and Pool Floaties, but I will be needing a tailored cigarette or five as soon as humanly possible. Also, any clothing that doesn't involve a goddamn corset, please. Oh, yes. That'll do just fine. One might feel you've returned here simply for the coffee. Well, I certainly wasn't going to wait a hundred years for Europe to figure it out. Should I assume your fellow agitators have survived the crossing as well? How would I know? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Problems with the plumbing? I hear that's common in old places like this. Speaking of agitators, I have a small number in the kingdom. So, Kazi didn't obediently sling off to another system then? She did not. She's rebelled to the end. She's assembled an ineffectual little band of merry men and is attempting to fight me from the shadows. Kids, am I right? They'll be done away with soon enough. It's a shame. She's quite brilliant. She would be a treasured asset to my efforts here. Your efforts? I've been thinking about your efforts ever since I left. Have you? Yes. And? I still think they're real dumb, Krok. Oh? Enlighten me. Circling back to it, you want to take an entropic universe and turn it into a recursive one. You want to take a universe that constantly careens toward its own ending and make it last forever. That's correct. Why, though? Don't you protect the things you love? No. No? No. Why? Because you can't protect anything. Everything dies. In your life, there is nothing you've moved to protect? Not that comes to mind. I see. The universe is not the same for me. How so? For one such as you, your life is a game you've been placed within, and your life consists of learning the rules of this game as you played. That's not bad. The universe is not so rigid for me. It is a thing to be manipulated. And if I can manipulate it, the question then becomes, what is the world I wish to make? Okay. I'm skeptical. I'd expect nothing less. You came all the way back here to tell me that? No. Then why? Secrets of the universe, Croc. What of them? You have them. Gimme. Hmm. Dinners at seven. Okay. Nuggets, please. The ones shaped like little dinosaurs. Whatever you like. Excellent. Carl. Goddammit, where did you go? Grading Sorcer. Your data has been logged and is currently under review. Please rest assured that your endeavors will greatly enrich ours. I have been informed that you have not had interaction with the home world since being assigned to your terminal mission. I wish to expand upon your understanding. Coming up. As you are aware, there is no reassignment for a terminal mission. It is meant to be a mission that continues throughout your entire lifespan. Your terminal mission distinguishes itself from others, in that it is classified 0.3. There are only three sorcerers in our current temporal locus to have been assigned to a zero terminal mission. Please be aware of your importance to your planet and to our mission. Knowledge above all. Moon, how you doing? Good evening, Captain. Who's that? I was reviewing a message from the high curator on Earth. Is that like the president? We do not have a centralized leader as you do on Earth. Rather, we have three councils. Curation, Invention and Integration. My immediate council is the Council of Curation. So what's the news? There is less than I was expecting. It appears that the mission I have been tasked with has only been undertaken by two other Earths in our history. That sounds pretty top secret. I had suspected as much. So it's all about places like the diner? Yes. As I had previously surmised, there is an elusive relationship between my planet and places such as Midnight Burger, that relationship is unknown. There was an Earth presence here at the diner before my arrival as indicated by the Earth door in the deep freeze. And according to Fiona, there are many places like the diner throughout existence. But we have yet to encounter another, so it has been difficult to develop a theory. Now, however, I have received sparse accounts from my homeworld. Let me show you. M. Display new packet imagery media only. As you can see, there have been reports from others with my same assignment. These are dispatches from other places like the diner. We have here what appears to be a designated stop for rail guided locomotion. That's a train station. Also an establishment which appears to belong to an Earthling named Tim Horton. Sure. But this one is curious. There appears to be no actual structure involved, but there is a refreshment station and small chairs made of plastic material. That's Chada. Please explain. It was after the war. Old folks in Hanoi started selling iced tea on the street. Chada. Ice tea. It turned into the place everybody crossed paths. Guys would park their moped there, some old dudes would play a chess game. And it all revolved around some old lady selling iced tea and crackers. These places, they all seem to be wildly different with only core similarities. So, why would your people start building things in these places? Why did I? I built a lift so that you may come to the roof. I imagine they built things because it's what we do. We cannot help ourselves. You're looking a little overwhelmed, Ful. There is much to process. Why don't you come downstairs for a while? Come meet our new passenger. She's got lots of stories to tell about this place. Maybe it'll shed some light. Yes, of course. Fiona. Yeah. Eight years. Yeah. Oh my God. I would stop noticing for a while. But every year, Peter would come along and remind me how much time had passed. Are you okay? I'm okay. I went through years wondering what all of it was for. But then every day the doors open and there was a lot to distract me from that feeling. Then the guys came along and others and it kind of became my life. How long was it for you? Just a few months. Damn. Time travel. I'm so sorry. No, it's fine. Really. Everything in my head was a lie. It was something that was put there. But then I spent eight years here and that was mine. That was eight years of my life I had just lived. I had to say it, but I needed it. And it was like, it was like it knew that. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Does it? Is the diner alive? I don't know. I mean, every once in a while I feel like it's watching me. Every once in a while it listens to me. Maybe not alive the way we think of it, but not alive. I'm so glad you're back. Good. Are you glad you're back? Am I? I saw that guy. What was his name? Brody. That was a pretty steamy goodbye you two had. Yeah. He's great. But we've both got things to do. He has dreams of repopulating Earth with Scottish people and I am not the candidate for that particular position. Speaking of having things to do. Yeah. We are probably heading back to Kryptasia now, aren't we? I don't know. Leif, Casper and Ava are still out there somewhere. So we're either finding them or we're going back in. I haven't been back. This whole time? I don't think so. I know we're going back eventually. This thing doesn't leave unfinished business. When we got on Clementine's trail, it did not let up until we got her. What do we do when we land in Kryptasia and there's a whole army waiting for us? Improvise? Yeah. You know, the first year here was pretty terrifying. It was just me and Peter and I didn't know what was coming through the door. Then it started to get easier. Some other people showed up and a couple of years ago I looked around and kind of felt like, wait, am I good at this? Am I doing okay? And then as soon as we started talking about Kryptasia, I went back to year one again. I know. I mean, aren't we essentially trying to fight God? How do we win this exactly? I don't know, Fiona. What I do know is that we're not going to be able to do anything with all of us spread to the four winds. We've got to get back together or we're screwed. Okay. Fiona, look at you. You're doing amazing. Most people would have hopped off at the first safe place. Yeah. Some people did. All right, y'all. I have convinced Moon to come down from the roof. There you are. Voon, are you doing okay? Well, yes, Fiona. Please forgive my antisocial behavior. I had much data to review from my home world. Anything fun? It was supplemental for the most part. More information supporting that which we already know. So, Gloria, Voon is an ert. Really? He came on board a long time ago. He's been a big help. No. I know a guy who's a big fan of your planet. Yes. Fiona has told me of your colleague's affection for my planet in our endeavors. It is very complimentary. It's not just him. Some sort of device from your planet got us out of a very sticky situation one time. Remember I told you about that brunch planet? Oh, right. Yes, I have been debriefed about this device. It's fascinating. A quantum bubble processor. During my enlightenment phase, such things were only a theory. Damn. I wish Laif was here. I hope all that stuff on the roof has been helpful. It would be, but you won't touch it. Why not? Laif used it all the time. Voon is a man of principles, aren't you, Voon? There are several levels of aggressive security measures in your colleague's systems, but even if they were not, it is against my core principles. Earth's belief technology is an extension of the self. To violate that technology without express and form, consent would be a moron. And he believes it's so strongly that he got shrunk down to the size of a kendo one time. What? It's true. I became trapped in a diminuator. It shrunk you? The effect was temporary. He rode around on my shoulder for two weeks like a cockatoo. Oh my god. Okay, but seriously though, Pocket Voon was adorable. The shift in perspective was illuminating. It was how we discovered the inscriptions under the table. The what? That's right. Did you not know about this? No. It's table seven, right? Table seven. Check it out. It looks like when people decide to leave, they scratch their name into the underside of this table. Look. There's so many names. Casper wasn't the first one here. The Thugronies told me about Marissa and Cody McClure, but look at all those names. Lily Sterling. Emmett Hale. Fernandez Campbell. Who knows how many times this place has changed hands? Wow. Looks like it's time to go to work. Peter, zone defense. Zone defense. Do you guys have any way of knowing where you are? Yeah, Voon. Can you do a sky scan? Of course. One moment. Looks like a regular old forest to me. It looks... I'm going to go out there. Are you sure? Yeah, I need to get a closer look. We'll come with you. Does any of this look familiar to you guys? It just looks like a forest. Could be anywhere. It is as we expected. We are on an uncharted planet in the Crippessia galaxy. Is that where we want to be or where we don't want to be? Both. It's weird. I feel like... What? I've been here before. Moran stressing. Thanks, Bosco. Uh... You're not eating. Must I? Hmm. That's a good question, actually. Do you eat? I've eaten. But do you need to? See, these are the questions nobody asks about malevolent space gods. How do they bend the laws of physics? Sure. That's important. But also... What do they have for breakfast in the morning? You're playing into your idea of me as a malevolent space god. When I rise in the morning, I should... What? Eat an entire planet? Crack it like an egg. Ooh. Can you do that? The answer is no. No? What kind of malevolent space god can't crack a planet open? No. I don't eat breakfast. Well, you should. It's the most important meal of the day, croc. Maybe you wouldn't be so malevolent. Why malevolent? Why malevolent? Yes. Seriously? Yes. Well, you've enslaved trillions of people on hundreds of planets. All in the service of something greater. Something greater? I'll generously call that debatable. Then let us debate. Okay, sure. Second part first. All right. Let us assume for a moment that my cause is just. Assume that my dream of an eternal universe is an enviable goal. If you insist. If the entirety of the universe is at stake, is it not worth sacrificing one small galaxy to save it? The trolley problem, croc. Seriously? I'm sorry if this debate is beneath you, doctor. Please. Indulge me. Okay. Do I sacrifice one galaxy to save the universe? Yes. No. Really? Really. Explain. If it's meant to die, let it die. Meant to? Yes. But you have the power to stop it. Not all have this power, but you have. You must abandon passivity. You are, as a scientist, an observer. You observe and discern the intricacies of the universe, but in this little theoretical universe of ours, you are no longer the observer. You are given the power to change the course of the heavens. You are given the choice. So now, you must choose. If it's meant to die, let it die. So you watch as everything cascades into nothingness? Yes. Why? So I can watch. Why? Crocs, I think you and I have the same problem. Have we? Yes. And what is that? Baryogenesis. I beg your pardon? You stood there at the beginning of the universe and you watched it take shape, right? That's what you told us. I was there. That shouldn't have happened. The beginning of the universe shouldn't have been the beginning of anything. Matter and antimatter should have collided, destroyed each other, and been reduced to photons. The universe should have been an ocean of light. No Ava, no Croc, no dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. But instead, for everyone to be able to see the universe, for every one billion particles of antimatter, there was one billion and one particles of matter. And from that tiny discrepancy came you and me and the nuggets. Why? I'm unsure. Right. For someone as powerful as you, that's really got to burn, right? Most scientists on Earth, they have to sit there on Earth and theorize about black holes and how they work. But you, you can just go there. If you want to observe quantum particles, you can just shrink yourself down into a teeny, tiny croc and observe them. The universe is always at your fingertips. But this is one thing you can't know. Why is there something instead of nothing? It is elusive to me, yes. The only way to learn something like that is to observe the universe as it was, as it has become, and as it will be. And if I'm suddenly aeva the malevolent space god and I start messing with the cosmic plumbing, I'm never going to get the answers I'm looking for. You're building a casino on top of my excavation site, croc. You should stop messing with things. How can I observe the universe when you're out here fucking it up? You're not upset that I've enslaved trillions of people. You're upset that I've ruined your research. They're the same thing. And if they weren't? Croc, I like to save my theoretical energy for my physics, not for trying to figure out why you decided to be the multiverse's biggest shithead. What's funny? I'm surrounded by sycophants. Oh, I see. Not a lot of people calling you a shithead. There are not. I've got plenty worse I could call you. You want me to go for it? I can use my imagination. Allow me to apologize. Apologize? I'm ruining your life's work with my actions here. You are. And I apologize. How may I heal this rift between us? Pencils. Writing, influence? Yes. Very well. Anything else? Yes. Name it. You were there at the beginning of the universe. I was. Tell me what you saw. I saw the universe. I saw the universe. Tell me what you saw. I'll improve upon that. Oh, yeah? I shall take you there. You called it the murder beast? Yeah, but don't worry. Don't worry about the murder beast? It's fine. How? That was just what we called it. It wasn't the most accurate name in the world. Good. That's just how it looks. So it looks like a murder beast, but it's actually what? We never really found out. It's kind of dark. It was some creature that was engineered to be cannibalistic. Whoa. Yeah. Apparently it could only eat its own kind. That's how it had to live. When was this? It was my first shift. Ever? Yeah. What did you do? I, uh, I gave it a cup of coffee. You did? I didn't know what else to do. It eventually left after that. Okay. Why are we looking for it? I, uh, I don't know. My heart really went out to it. I, I want to see if it's okay. Wait. So your very first shift was here in cryptasia? Shit. I didn't even think about that. We had no way of knowing at the time. It was a long time ago. Yeah. But Gloria, you guys could have been here yesterday. Oh shit. That's right. Fucking time travel. Right. Phil, are you seeing anything? I'm up on the roof and I'm not seeing anything. What exactly is the plan here, y'all? Yeah, I don't really know. If I may, from a data driven standpoint, it would be useful to me to study an organism after it has encountered the diner. It is where that we return to a planet other than Thegreon. I would enjoy the opportunity to compare these cases. All right. Something tells me a murder beast is not going to be as personable as the Thigronis. It won't be, but I promise once you get past the terrifying appearance and the mouthful of teeth, it's just like a little puppy dog. It's all right. Not the first time we've been on a bug hunt. A bug hunt? That's what Phil calls it every time a shift involves a problematic creature of some kind. Remember the enigmatic cat bird? Oh god, don't remind me. He assisted an ornithologist to find a bird whose population had been reduced to one. In acres of thorny bushes. Fiona came back looking like a scratching post. And after all that, Phil found it with his goddamn binoculars. Work smart, not hard, y'all. God damn, I miss those days. I'd love to just be looking for someone's missing bird right now. Wait a minute, did I ever have those days? Gloria, may I ask you a question about your time as the diner's proprietor? Yeah, sure. In this particular case of this unclassified creature, a language barrier was obvious. That aside, how often was a linguistic barrier an issue in the operation of the diner? A linguistic barrier? Um, not very often. Interesting. We have had the same experience. Isn't the reason why everyone speaks English because they like our movies or something? It's true. Due to the triad's affinity for your arts and culture, your planet's dominant language has become a lingua franca for its three galaxies. That is, however, three galaxies in a universe with a conservative estimate of two trillion galaxies. I guess I never had time to think about it. Is it only traveling to places that speak English? It's unclear, but it is possible that, like any ship, its cargo is considered before charting a course. Weird. It is truly odd. Guess your homeworld gave you a pretty strange gig, didn't they? In my last debrief with the homeworld, I was told that only two other Earths in history have been given this assignment. In history? It is very rare. I guess they must really trust you. I'm afraid it was not a merit-based assignment. I simply happened to be in the right place at the right time. I had only recently left my enlightenment stage before I encountered the diner at a space station. I don't think any of us were ready for it, so don't feel bad. Except maybe Ava. Ava is the scientist who traveled with you? Yeah. She had figured out some sort of way to find this place. She had? Yeah. She's got all kinds of brains going on in her head. I would very much like to speak with her. Me too, Voun. Ava's an acquired taste, but I miss my friends. Her notational diaries were left behind, but they are in an unknown language. Oh, right. Well, with any luck, she can tell you about it herself. Hey, speaking of language, you just reminded me of something. The first time we met this creature, there actually wasn't a language barrier. There wasn't? No. It could understand me. The creature could understand your language? Yeah. Curious. Oh, shit. Fiona? Something's coming. Oh, shit. Should we freak out about this or not? Fiona, you're going to be fine. Like I said, it's super terrifying to look at, but it's not going to hurt you. Horror movies aren't going to hurt me either, but I still really freak out. Fiona, you ran through fire one time. Remember that? Voun, remember when she ran through fire? I had to reconstruct your shoes, Fiona. This is different. It's the anticipation. I have time to be scared, so I'm scared. Do you want us to distract you with a brain teaser? Shut up. Here it comes. Oh, my God. What's- Oh. Fiona, what are you seeing? Who is this little guy? Let me guess. It looks like a cross between a pig and a panda. No, it totally does. What is it? It's a... we just call it the pig panda. Hello, little man. Peter, look at this guy. Gloria. What's up? Stay completely still. We're being targeted with a weapon. Oh, shit. Turn around nice and slow, Ert. And don't put that floating ball of yours in the air. I'll shoot it down. Tita? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Shoot it down. Tita? Gloria? What? Hi. Holy shit. You're alive. Holy shit. You're alive. Yo, what is going on? We have a visitor. Who? It's Tita. Oh. Here it is. Are there any small rooms in this castle? There are not. What is this place? Think of it as an observatory. But rather than remaining fixed on the ground, it will take you wherever you would like to go. From here, you may observe any point in all of existence, at any point in time. That's impressive. Thank you. You built this? Of course I built it. Nice work. And where are we off to? Like I said, the beginning. Very well. Observing the beginning is problematic, as you know. This is it? The big bang, as you call it, was not an explosion into space, but an explosion of space itself. Before that, we find ourselves here. Nothing. All of existence compressed to less than the size of an electron. We would observe it, but light does not yet exist. The idea of observation does not yet exist. Nice. This is where you're from? It is. Without time or space, you were conscious. Yes. What is that like? I couldn't tell you. Existing without time or space is a concept that cannot be brought into this world. But there you were. Yes. Your entire existence was contained in 10 to the negative 43rd seconds. Yes. But without time as a concept, that means nothing. Your people have a name for this. The Plank, Epoch. It was a period of time so small you almost can't measure it. And yet, for me, it was an eternity. Keep going. Here we go. I don't have the same words for this as your race. How would you describe what we're seeing? The universe is expanding and cooling. Quarks are binding into protons and neutrons, and then those fuse into the first nuclei. In the origin, helium may be a little bit of lithium, but the universe is an opaque, blindingly hot plasma. Photons can't travel more than a tiny distance before being absorbed and re-emitted. It looks like I thought it would. The surface of a star in every direction. The temperature is tens of millions of Kelvin. And that happens in a few minutes. And then? Fast forward to about 400,000 years. Very well. There it is. What do you see? A three-combination. Electrons bond to nuclei, the fog clears, photons are streaming freely. This is the first time the universe could be observed. We're radiating at a frosty 3,000 Kelvin. Everything is reddish-orange. This will cool over billions of years, leaving behind the cosmic microwave background. But first, we go back to the darkness. For hundreds of millions of years, the cosmic dark ages, the universe would go from a uniform glowing ember to absolute blackness in every direction. And then slowly, individual points of blue-white light flicker on, clustered in filaments and sheets like a city returning from a blackout. And the rest is fairly predictable. You have now observed what I have observed. What's happening now? You're observing my first act. As I watched the stars form in the darkness, I tried my hand at it. It was a poor effort. Rather than compressing matter into a star, I managed to form a simple rock in the void. It was not as splendid as the stars, but it was mine. I stood upon it as I watched the universe. Lonely croc on a rock looking at the stars. There's a song in there somewhere. So you went from being Le Petit Prince standing on a planet to all of this malevolent space god bullshit. I'm afraid so. How does that happen? I watched the universe create itself. It felt as though it belonged to me. It became something I had to protect from destruction. How can you not see how inevitable that is? You see it as inevitable because of the nature of your existence. You and all the other creatures in the universe, you are born dying. Death is inevitable. For someone like me, born before time, untouched by time, death seems an inconvenience. An inconvenience baked into every aspect of the universe. Every aspect save my aspect. What is to become of me when the universe fades into oblivion? Jesus Christ, croc. Don't tell me you're doing all of this because you're scared of being alone. I fear nothing. Bullshit. Oh yes. You live in a massive fortress with a huge gun on the top of it. You're surrounded by an army. You fear nothing? Hmm. You know, usually when engineers talk, I don't listen because, well, because who cares. But I was sitting there on the diner and I heard something interesting. Those little time travel squirt guns you give all your little mystery men? It's kind of a weird choice, right? They're very effective. Are they? We've offed quite a few of your guys at this point. Something more conventional like your average laser gun or plasma thingy would actually be a lot more effective against us. But you use the time guns. It's almost as if, I mean, I'm no engineer, thank God, but it's almost as if you want your men armed with weapons that work not very well against something that can die, but work very well against something that can't. Because if something couldn't die, the best thing you could do would be to fling it to the other side of the multiverse, right? I'm just spitballing here. I'm no engineer. Thank God. We have the rest of your life together, Doctor. Let's not waste the connection we've already made. You're scared shitless, aren't you? Grant me a favor. Stay here for a while. Stay here on this lonely little planet I made for myself all those ages ago. And attempt to see it all through my eyes. I promise it will enlighten you. You promise, huh? I do. Okay. I'm gonna need some more coffee. Whatever you like. Last chance to level with me, Croc. I fear nothing. So this planet's listed as having humans on it, but we can't see anything from long-range scans. So, Kazi sent me over here to make sure we weren't missing anything. I've been humping my ass through the trees for days now, and I don't see anything. I don't know what the deal is. So, you guys left and just turned back around and went to war with Croc? Pretty much. I thought it was a stupid move, but it's actually going okay. We touch down on a planet, drive out whatever unfriendlies are there, take their ships, and then we fix everybody's brain. Turns out when you tell Earthlings they've been duped by the bad guys, a lot of them want to sign up for war. You guys are crazy. How many planets have you freed? I don't know. A hundred at this point? That's great. So, you're alive. I'm alive. Cool. Not sure how that helps us, but, you know, welcome back. Has anyone seen any sign of the others? No, nothing. Honestly, I figured you guys were dead. I thought we were holding out hope just to make David feel better. How is David? Good. His aim's getting better. I mean, how is he emotionally? Oh, I have no idea. This place looks different. Yeah, Fiona's made some changes. Used to be the smell of tacos. Now it's the smell of Fiona's grilled cheese sandwiches. Excuse me. What's up? May I scan your person for relevant technologies? Yeah, fine. Don't touch my gun. Of course. Friggin' Earths. They're always scanning everything. Where'd he come from? Fiona picked up some friends along the way. She's actually been gone a really long time. Apparently it's been eight years. Eight years? Jesus. She kept it running, though. Yeah, she's a trooper. Fiona, how's your head? It's fine. Thank you for asking. And there's a guy on the roof? Yeah, that's Phil. Hang on. Hey, Phil, are you seeing anything up there? Nope. I am not seeing anything. Okay. Fiona's baking sandwiches. Do you want to come down? It'll be right there. So what is Kazi's plan exactly? Is she really trying to take down Krock? Oh yeah. She is pissed. She'd never admit it, but she spent most of her life studying the guy. She really admired him. Now it turns out he's King Shithead. She's either going to kill him or he is going to kill her. Can she really piece together enough of an army to do that? I don't know. The thing with guerilla warfare, as soon as you get up enough troop density, you're facing a pretty big reaction from the powers that beat. That's coming any time now from Krock. We'll see if we can survive that. I was just about to head back to it when you guys showed up. Hey, when you were out there in the forest, did you see anything? There's no humans out there. Anything else? Like what? Like a... well, like a really gross looking thing with a big mouth full of teeth? Oh yeah, I saw one of those. You did? Yeah. Gnarly looking. Do you think you can find it again? Probably. Its tracks are all over the place. Okay. I need a favor before you go. What's up? No monsters yet. Okay. Need any help? Nope. Everything okay? Uh huh. Okay, so we've been working together for a while. Uh huh. Which means that when something's wrong, I can kinda tell. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine? My first crush just walked in the door and it's fine. First crush? Yeah. The huge orange woman with Ram's horns was your first crush. It was a long time ago. Okay. Aim high. Aim high? What does that mean? Aim high. Fiona, you realize that is far too much woman for you, right? No, it's not. Also, it doesn't matter. Also mind your business. I know what's going on. I know what's going on. Let me tell you what's going on. I'm going to deliberately burn your sandwich. You have been going through, respectfully, a bit of a dry spell. I'm not prepared to discuss this with you. A bit of a dry spell. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a quality woman when I'm going to vanish in 12 hours? We're a long-term relationship people, Phil. A bit of a dry spell? It's a historic drought, Phil. And that has been highlighted by the fact that ground zero for your sexual awakening has just walked in the door. You seem to think that saying this out loud is helping, but it is not helping, Phil. We should get this out in the open. I don't want it out in the open. I want to lock it away forever and throw it in the ocean. Hello. Are we once again discussing Fiona's lack of sexual stimulation? Yep. Hey, what do you mean once again? It's come up. No, it hasn't. It has been a topic of discussion 17 times in the past 30 days. Boon, stop counting everything. I feel like I should apologize at this point because it doesn't help that I have been doing very well out there. Don't remind me. It doesn't help that I am the transdimensional delivery man. How do you just give yourself nicknames? I've explained to you why this is. This is just cruelty now. Why is it, Boon? Because of your levels of game, Captain. I'm Fiona. Boon, what is Fiona's current level of game? Based on your metric, Captain, Fiona currently has a game rating of zero. No game. No game, Fiona. Can I explain to the two of you what friends are supposed to do? Be honest, I thought. Honesty is an important cornerstone of friendship. This isn't honesty. This is you making fun of me. What friends do is they should push all the bullshit out of the way and get down to what's really going on. That's what you're doing. Yes, because what's really going on has nothing to do with a fine woman in the dining room or the fact that you can't get some lately. That's not what's really going on. What's really going on? I'm scared. There we go. Can you share your feelings with us, Fiona? This is where it all started for me. This galaxy. We've been in a lot of scary situations. I know. I haven't really been able to shake this one. The work's been able to distract me, but now... Your feelings are real and appropriate, Fiona. We have returned to the epicenter of your trauma. It is not uncommon to feel as though no time has passed, that you are once again a pawn and a victim of malicious actors. It's starting to feel that way a little bit. It is at this time that we ask you to repeat the captain's adage. You've lost a lot, but what have you got? What have you got? I have you too. That's right. It's important to focus on growth and achievements when you feel emotional regression. I really love you guys. We know. You have said so 23 times in the last 30 days. Hey, we're taking our sandwiches to go. I gotta go wrestle a monster real quick. Uh...what? It's a present? It's a present? Son of a bitch? It's present? Oh, hello there, Karl. Where have you been? Mouse hunting? How are the mice on this planet? It's present? Welcome to the beginning of the universe. What do you think? I mean, it's not exactly the beginning of the universe, but it's close enough. Carl, you're just in time because I've just had a dramatic revelation. Would you like to hear it? Okay. Don't freak out, okay? Our charming host slash jailer brought me down here, and he fired up this machine of his, and he showed me the beginning of the universe, from nothingness to now. It's truly amazing to see it. It's how I imagined it. Is there this part of me that wishes there was something I didn't predict? Sure, but it was a hell of a show, one that would have impressed anybody. But there is this one question that I asked him, and it stuck with me, and it stuck with me, and it stuck with me, and here I am now. I asked him, did you build this? And he said, of course I built it. Why is that sticking with me? I asked myself. Why is that sticking with me? And then it came to me. Why did you build this? Why would you have to? You describe yourself as this person who can manipulate the fabric of the universe, and yet you built something. You see, Carl, we humans, we make tools, and we make tools when we find the limits of our humanity. I can't reach that thing, so I'm going to make a thing so I can reach that thing. But we're talking about a god here, Carl. We're talking about a guy who can always reach the thing. But he can always reach the thing. Why did he build the thing? The thing about science, Carl, power is never imagined. It's always measured. In humans, though, power is almost always imagined. The school bully strides through the playground, confident, because he's never really challenged. His power is always imagined. It's a hallmark of being a member of this race of demented monkeys that I, unfortunately, find myself a member of. Power almost always is imagined. What have we seen this guy do, Carl? We've seen him teleport. That's pretty impressive. Have I in my travels encountered people who can make things that teleport? Yes. Time travel. Have I seen people build time machines? I fucking live in one, Carl. What have we seen this guy do? He's got little minions that chase us all over the multiverse. He's got a big gun on the top of his castle. He's got a magical dome that can show me anything I want to see. What have we seen him do? That's right, Carl. We're back to the catcher in the rye. The problem with the world? Fucking phonies. What was that, Carl? What the hell? Carl, come here. Am I seeing things? Or is that another dome, just like this one? Who's in there? Is someone in there? Is this a paradox? Am I seeing myself traveling back to the beginning? No, that's not right. There's someone in there. Holy shit. Leaf? Leaf, what the fuck are you doing in there? Who is that with you? Carl, what the fuck is happening? Leaf! You know what? Fuck it. Let's just go with the Hail Mary pass. Yes, I know it's a sports analogy. You better be able to understand this, god damn it. Leaf. Leaf, look at this. Leaf, it's all bullshit. He's not a god. He's just a shithead. Look at this and understand it. Come on. Are you reading it? Understand this, you fucking grease monkey. And he's gone. What the fuck was that? Careful, don't hurt him. Don't hurt him? Look at the claws on this fuck. Oh my god, Tina, be careful. Give him the atomic elbow smack. The creature's center of gravity is much higher than yours. Use that to your advantage. How? Can you take it off its feet? Hey, sweep the leg. FYI, Murder Beast was a totally appropriate name. Alright, buddy. Down we go. Now what? Try and hold him there. Just try and hold him still. You should have took dependent's arms behind him. Alright, fucking monster. Ow! Stop, stop biting. Come here. Come here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cry me a river. Now what? Okay, just hold him there. Hey, hey. It's me. Hey, can you see me? Do you recognize me? He's digging his damn claws into my leg. It's me. It's Gloria. Do you recognize me? That's right. It's me. I gave you a cup of coffee. I think it's working. We're not going to hurt you, okay? Tita, go ahead and let it go. You sure? Yeah. I think it'll be fine. Okay. It's okay. It's okay. I remember you can understand me. I'm not sure how well you understand me, but I'm just going to talk. You were the first person I ever met out here. It was a long time ago for me, but I don't know how long it was for you. I tried to help you, but I don't know if I did. But what I wanted to say that you helped me, after I made you that cup of coffee, I said, this is a good job. That was when I knew I was in the right place, that I'd done the right thing. I guess I just wanted to say thank you. Oh, God. Uh, guys, it's moving toward me. Guys. It's okay. Are we 100% on that? What does it want with you? I have a sparkling personality. Gloria, you mentioned these creatures were engineered to be cannibalistic. Yes. But it has encountered the diner, a change agent. Perhaps it has overcome its engineering and has graduated to another behavior. We don't think that new behavior is eating lesbians, do we? Gloria, you have brought the sandwiches with you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay. Okay. This one is prosciutto and peppers. This one is green apples. All right. All of them. Sure. Amazing. That thing is hungry. It may be deeply malnourished. Its chosen diet may have changed without it knowing how to feed itself. It's back on me again. It's probably still hungry. Let's get it back to the diner. Look at this fucking place, Carl. I should have known he was a big fat baker when I saw this castle. This is overcompensating. Look how high the ceilings are. I can't even see them. Disappointed. Carl, what are you doing? You're doing the open the door dance at a wall. Please don't open just because you meow at them, okay? What the fuck? Carl, did you just do magic? Carl? Secret passage, huh? Okay, fine. Fiona. Hey, I think I said a new record for grilled cheese sandwiches. That thing just keeps eating them. Cool. What is this? Oh, that's rubbing alcohol. You know, there wasn't a first aid kit in here and I thought, you know, with all the trouble we get into. Whatever. You put this on wounds, right? Yeah, but it's... You need to put some on me. I... What? You scratched the fuck out of me. I fixed my leg, but I can't reach the ones on my back. Fiona. Yeah, yes. Right. Isn't that going to really hurt, Tita? Yeah, it would hurt if I was a big weenie. Do I look like a big weenie to you? Nope. No, you do not. Okay, here. Okay, there's a huge one between my shoulder blades. I'm going to take my shirt off. Jesus Christ, seriously. What? Nothing. Let me get a clean towel. You doing all right, Fiona? I'm okay. You're scared. I'm okay. I can smell it on you. Really? Is it that bad? No, I mean, it's a Laharian thing. I can literally smell fear. Oh, I guess it's not great being back here in Cryptasia. Sure. Okay, you're done. All right, I'm going to teach you something. Teach me? Capraksha! What is that? It's Laharian. Try it. Capraksha. Capraksha! Capraksha. From deep down. Capraksha! Capraksha. From deep down, Fiona. Capraksha! Capraksha. Good. What is it? It's what a Laharian says to death. What does it mean? It means I fucking dare you. Capraksha. Keep working on it. Thanks, Tita. Sandwiches are burning. Oh, shit. I was handsome. He fell asleep in my lap and I think I'm stuck here for a while. Looks like he needs it. Yeah. So, listen, Vune and I have been talking. What's up? I think you may have freed him from some pretty terrible behavior, but you may have fucked him up a little in the process. I was thinking the same thing. The creature has no developed behaviors to feed itself and it is also in a hostile environment where it will be preyed upon by other creatures like him. I think he's got to come with us for a while until we find a good spot for him. I'm so glad you said it. I was just about to ask you. There's got to be some place out there for him. We know he loves Fiona's cooker. You've got a weird life ahead of you, Murder Beast. Gloria, my ability to scan biologics is rudimentary, but I am capable of a general overview. However, due to the creature's inability to consent to such scans, do you think you would be able to stand in as its ward? Yeah, I think that's a good idea, Vune. Scanning. Well, shit. Now I have all these sandwiches. They pass them around. I have one. I've got to head back to the fleet. Kauzi went and got herself injured, apparently, so I've got to get back and whip people into shape. I'll let them know you're here and we'll figure out where to go from there. Okay. Tita, I don't know why the diner brought me here without picking up the others, but I guess we just have to keep going regardless. Don't worry about it too much. They're pretty smart. They can figure something out. Except for Casper. That guy's fucked. Thank you, Tita. It's an hour time, fuckheads. Gloria. What is it, Vune? This creature is human. What? The data is telling me that this creature is a deeply augmented human. How is that possible? Many changes have been made, but the base DNA sequence is that of an earthling. Holy shit. Oh my god. It's just another one of Krux's experiments. This is a perversion. He must be stopped. That's my cat in your lap. I don't know how to remove it. Oh, he doesn't like being removed. This is a pretty big gun you've got here. What do you call it? A weapon. Okay. Did you make this? Yes. Who are you? Hello, Jezinka. I'm Ava. I've been hearing this thing firing up a lot since I've been here. What are you shooting at? Targets. What are your targets? Relevant. Uh-huh. Jezinka, do you make things around here other things? Yes. I see. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. There is no man behind a curtain. It's from a movie. Do you watch movies? No. Where are you, Jezinka? Please narrow your question. Where are you from? Ren. Where is that? The Bracken System. And where is the Bracken System? The Andromeda Galaxy. You're far from home. This is my home. I see. How did you get here? A starship. A starship belonging to who? My father. Your father? Kroc, the propagator. Yes. Fucking family business. Jezinka, do you make all of his technology? Yes. Why? I make things. Yes. Why? I have answered your question. Did you hit it? Relevant. Isn't the point of a weapon to hit something with it? The targets are provided to me to test the weapon. You're not trying to destroy the targets with this big weapon? The destruction of the targets is not one of the weapon's intended purposes. I see. What are the intended purposes of the weapon? There is one purpose. What is it? To destroy the diner. I see. Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be sure to tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness. And if time and tide royal you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember we're out there somewhere looking for you. We open at six. Midnight Burger is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters. 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The Treasure Trove of Troublesome Trolls, I Did This for Fun, Cookie Nebu, Axel Zapata, Siona the Goblin is Bringing Leafa Laserspoon, Jason McDonald, Orianda, Bean Dino, Phillip Lenick, Hugh Jass, J2, Brian Montgomery, Artemis Record, Safa Alusi, Trev Bracks, Gunner Tweedle, The Bard Without a Ballad or a Mallet, Nazo, Platform Jail Mechanism Burn Museum Theorist, Hole Please, K.K.O., Impressed Squishy Face of Greater Catoopia, Anna Garcia, Goblin King, Raze of Noop, Kiki's Best Friend Would Like to Go to Breakfast, Bubber Duckle, Yegor Loose, Terry Cads, Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Leif, Chapter 1, Loaf Tracks Retires, The Prodigal Ilem, Catalyst for Chaos, Sculliver, Sam and Shane, Ahsoka Likes Hugs, Going Anonymous, The, Ma Dukes, U.S. Marshall Stacey, Ooh Chickadee, Dango Dale, Estee, Not the Website, At every moment in every corner of every possible world there is always a way home and it's already found you. Jau Paulo Lemos, Odd Keep, The Sentient Lighthouse, The Faceless Old Bethany Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, D. Shane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosaphir Doggo of Doom, Burnt Barbecue Beef Brisket, It's official, they're called Thigronies, Kevin Winans, Marlon C., Just Wellmed, Madame Perrie, Cherish Hellfire's Hellest Sharefire, Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnesey West, Knox, Lisa Lou, Emmett Hale, The Triads' Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats Love the Diner, House Chaos of the Critter Cacophony, Max Nia and Ivan, Sixth, Sick Sheiks, Sixth Sheeps Sick, Nope, Nevermind, It's Mark, Minion Simone Mimiedevis, Mr. and Mrs. Ronald and Misty Don Mitchell Jr., Gaia Turtle, Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragonrider, We Will Not Rest Until Puerto Rico and Palestine Are Free, Pluto Crow, Nissey's Mom, PokeSplort, Whiskey Rebellion and Jen Riot's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zefra Vitriol, Altrian, Shibu and Griff, Slim Nandy, Goth Leif, Jen and Britt, Adriana Bartolomucci, Jonah Is Gay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Ballion Fair has retired and now raises herds of mongos. Hood's Pocket Protector, Listening to Ava Sing Poisoning Pigeons in the Park made my shitty day instantly better. Valkyrie Storm, Patricia Who's Always Late but Somehow on Time, DC Squirrel, Kyle V. Interstellar Highwomen, Shelly Act on the Verge, Gale Friend, Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, The Sparky Tech, Prop the Crocogator, Ringleader Volt, Jazz Punker, Captain Tightpants and the Companion, Agent Night Breakfast, Brady for Mission Control, Renee N., Katarina De La Playa, RIP Eloise Waffles, The Fluff Wrangler, Aki the Space Druid, Phantomland, TTRPG, Dice, Curiouser K8, Your Local Blacksmith, Ash Montgomerie, The Boggiest of Birches, Jason HVAC Tech for the Diners Deep Freeze, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr the Wefermont, Gumrie Foxworth, Maryface, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, The Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Nicole 6-4, Amara Salazar, Banjo Boscolo, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford, Vestiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish, Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Frylord, Gravity's Optional, but Fries Aren't, CJ's Big Barbecue Beast Ro for Bethany's, Angel Vasquez, Evil the Cat, Steven Raymer, Jaycarp Fishman, The Great Goblino, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Joji the Birdwatcher, A Flock of Gray Horses from the Top of a Sycamore, Lilac Morcella, Rachel Crempa with Special Thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband Steve, don't worry about the order, honey. Your Majesty, Temporal Hash Brown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep, Jamie Rainey, The Slim Reaper, Ruben Eden, Smedley Pease-Nodgrass III, but please pause 2-3 seconds and then say, call me Smeddy. The Shreveport Bohannans, CC the Umbrella Mage, Bradbury Sasquatch loads Chekhov's gun and rides to join Bethany's Army, Din, Cosmic Ketchup, Lack of Lifestyle, August the Shmoggest and Haasfest, Moosey, Hoodspocket, Garen Sprocket, Local Repair Cafe, The Crafty Introvert, Postmaster General Kwan sent me, Blake Busmagian, Nitwit 14, Royald Way too harshly, DJ Johnny B, The Clopman Diamond, Marco Montano, No Longer Doing a Bit, Shiny Fields, Adam Tachak, Christopher Wendell, Unproductive Banana, Paul Sefer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Bex823, Auntie Cryptid, Barry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime, Master Uggwe, Barry, Dillie is Dallying, Podcast Junkies Photoshop crashes, 8 hours gone, Futile Screaming at the Ocean, Fox Hatlin, Dylan Caroni, Pedro Vibresto, Slider, Malachi, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, The Gayest Library Janitor in Indiana, Learn How to Be Calm in Heart Stumbly, I'll Be Waiting, Physic the Good Bush, Definitely Not One of the Bad Bushes, Funding Rebel Bethanese to Overthrow the Dually Elected Bethanese, Haxadecimal Bethany is Non-Binary, Vape is Ten's Big Black Gaping Hole, The Planet Goobrius wants to know if Croc is a Crocodile or a Propurgator, Bruce, Jessica Gigoma, Toracle, Jenny the Bear, a Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Miss Luan, a British woman with cute dogs, cuppa noodles, schmizzy two-shoes, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Matt Grigsby, Justin Smallen, Riku 31, Craig Dunn D, New Type Without a Gundam, Astral Sea, Iklmi, Picklemi, Ticklemi 2, Witch Loud, The Cartoonist, Guy with the Chops, Sam, Mitchell Yee, Bagelknife, Imelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan Kay, 77777 has been my favorite verbal stim for months. Nate, Forklift lifts forks for Cliff, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Violin Loves Middie, Brian Passley. You only had it right the first time, Joe. It's Suubasa, not Subawasa. Grena, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Shiny Let's Be Bad Guys. Our overhead is way too high with all of these names. Please make sure to turn in all receipts. Love, Josh, from Accounting. Satsuma, Silius Goose, Dr. Jones, Icy Axe, Coach Shane of Toad Sucks Central, Go Cranes, Sky, Cole Arthur, Lego Croissant, Cassad, Norwen Mergler. You have all been assigned to write a four-page essay on your favorite arthropod. It will be 50% of your grade. Joe Kappa, Dogma Mom, Wee Bitch, Open Broccoli, Icy Fish, The Hacker known as Ivy DeBerb, Blue Tune, A Fisty-Ass Chickadee, Poultry Landmine, The Scrappy Poet, Jenny the Cryptid Paladin, Maverick Artist, Shit, It Was a Mimic, Basil in Their Tea, Waiting to Gossip with David, Ainsley, A-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y, Angnor, A-T-B, Kiwi Lovely Bead, Zoe, Cash the Goblin, Professor Freyda, Dr. Professor Reverend Bethany Wethany, Lethany Woofie McFluffenburger, M-D-P-H-D Esquire, and that's not pretentious at all, Aham, as looking for a cure to the Bethany Mutation that the Society of Bethanies began the war with so many years ago. Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson Twote, still trapped, but I've stopped asking why the freezer is, I am, we chill. Son of Defarge, Whisko Teach, Scott A. Snellgrove, Give Pease a Chance, Samalama Dingdong, Behold Lady Sarah Purr, Whisker Vale, Countess of Wood Hollow, Mistress of the Whispering Pines, and Beloved by All Creatures Small and Opinionated, Ricardo Galamba, Kari's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, hashtag we weave him of gossamer. Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucky Von Buckbuck, Cherry Applebee, Medium Rare Extra Toasted Bun, Saucy Caesar, Belt, Aspen as a Verge Fanboy, Mick J67, Ava's favorite My Little Pony Pencil wants Joe to slap into a slim gym, Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, Representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time Chapter, Nathaniel Lee Industries, Lord Entropy, Bok Bok Motherfucker, The Fae Wanderer, Everybody's Favorite Clown Splotchy, Pinstrike Algorithm, Psycho Queen, Kosher Steak, Gabriel Stryfe is Brought to You by Charlotte Brown, Gary Gygax, and the Number 42, Flo Rida, Alyssa's Shiny Pants, Gondor Culls for Aid, Muscles Fatits, Arnold Rumspringer, The Demise of the Temple of Bethany's, Allen Berglund says, Hi Mom, Ryn the No, Kitty McSkull, Raven Stromdans, Hapless Novelist Passenger of the Dimensionally Impermanent and Temporally Incontinent Bookshop Cafe, The Wild-Eyed Prophet, Tessa Craig, Perfectly Personalized Disaster, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Javi D'Nero, Big Chunk, Gideads, Boom Boom's Wooden Leg, Will the Real Maudib please stand up? Jilly Bean, Benjamin, not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia, Is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table? A Singular Nightbird, Bethany in a Green Field, I am the Lizard Frantically Firing Flashet Guns, A-E-I-O-U-Y-N-W, Bumblefay, Mr. Epsilon, The Mothman, Long-Haired Matt, DJ, Lenny Harris, Robert W, Brielzebub, Kresimira, Jessyla Ryn, The Bean Wizard, Myth and Stitch embroidery loves the Mucklewains, Lulu Louise, Doolio, The Brew Crew Family, Bert Rubba, your most benevolent lord and master of the multiverse, Geoffrey George, Ellie, Don't Tariff me, bro, Oopsie, Evelyn, The Wizard Muses holds out their cat for you to pet, Gremlor, Existential Pancakes, Jenny will boom, Errant Popsicle Stick, M. Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spiders Mom, Bubble Butt Bethany has Banana Breath, Lama Fresh, Jare the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Sad Little Earth Monkey, Revan the Redbeard Wizard, Burt Burt and the Funky Bunch, Korrora the 12th, Bethany II, Electric Boogaloo, Welcome to the Kwan Pound, Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen, Mr. Muccio Kaiserschnitzel has successfully recruited Sarah Murphy's cats for the Trouble Puffs Fight Club. The wolves in the deep freeze say, Ah, woo! Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moon's number two fans, Simpson, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue, I pushed her because Joe said so, even older Liz, MacBear Cat, Grack Pinfeather, Citican Druidic Scientist, Astro, your friendly neighborhood android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Reacy, the Midnight Missionary, out there somewhere looking for you, Rotten Ronnie Sleeps in Grandma Panties, Artist Dragonborn, Big Big Garage, Bill Zanganolester, Joaquin Jimenez, Big MF Juice, the S.I.P., Muffins, Space Wives are officially Verge and Diedra, Chad Hatter, Cosmic Teamaker of the Triads, Captain Jack Harkness once Peter the Robot, Tell your cat, I said, Oops! Banana Manaz, a corgi called Kibble, Cuddly Kraken, Sarge the Bard, Seminity, L.L. Coolment Jams, Travis Roberticus, the other original Caitlyn, Ken Daddy, the Jaded Umbra gets slightly less jaded as peace once again returns to the land. Leia Izati, Millie was taken, Dead to Me 86, B Camp, Shan Man Man Man, Karma Karma Chameleon, Kinran says hello, Zoe and her army of mice, Briar Long Lost, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal, Trixie Belle Dubois, Dr. Boudiologist, the Glutes Doctor, the Hoodspocket Police are asking for public tips about their stolen station toilet. Currently, they have nothing to go on. Thank you for pressing to your Anglophone emotional support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Surly Jess, R.I.P. Lance McClain, you would have loved Midnight Burger, Adam Toclove, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Arrows to God, the size two fish you've been looking for, Iyokai, Borja, Spiders are cuddly, the main immortal pinball sounds in the diner, Chiel Neal, Sin City Scuba Steve, Pollywog, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Wilbur Winklewright, Wristwatch Wrangler of West Worcestershire finally spots Red Nails, the Carnage clears, Professor Thaddeus Snookums the Eighth, Mr. Grinn, Glenn Petrovsky, this moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler, Elizabeth Hammond, CheepCon, the real CheepCon coming to you from the frozen Midwest wastelands, except no imitations, SteamVision conductor of the interdimensional time spanning hype train, Dave Harreld, Wisecube, Dirty Diaper Fussbutt and the Piggy Runt, BroMine, pronounced Bro, Mine, Main Hum Ding Up, Mother of Pearl, Fiona now owns Laves 18 inch Peter, Sealface, Rigor Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Coilane, Trebeck's Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Darth Ox, Michelle K, Aaron Arnold, Boyo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoing, as in Boingy, Madame Manderby, Roz and Sluntmaster J, Alpaca Lips, I'll take one butter and Brie on Rye, please, Elliott Paints, Undead Akira, The Lord Reverend, Ryan, Thomas' 10-10-Ebristan Staffel Tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales, The Lovely Laura Lovely, Keith Gamgee, Sam Wise's Flamin' Cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Goatshee, Charles Robert Darwin III, Esquire PhD, Jacob Mitchell, Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crow Hill, Ola Milikan of The Welcome Wagon says Ekabel, The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Becky, Just Some Guy from Adelaide named Ryan, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hairpointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says, Wolf, Whiskered, Any Two Hands for the Double High Five, Marissa the Ghost, Local Snowplows in your area are dying to meet you, Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Ol' Kelsie No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone Eventually, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Slyfox, aka Brare Rabbit, Panstarts Champion, the constantly lost geographer, Timothy Aiotis, Chance wants you to know he cares, Wolf Stark, Elliott, Hobbs Decoe, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yen, Mubi the Golden Calf, Suda Satoshi, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Aaron Elizabeth, K Narcotics, Solomon Price, A Daydream You Won't Escape, Bubba 485, aka Shemelbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Somelier, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Barkley on the holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, Oh Magus, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Spaced Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madame Lotus still especially loves Finley, Mr. Steamwave, My Friend the Rhino reminds you it takes strength to be gentle and kind, Hoop Challenge, Dream Founder, I'm your Huckleberry, Elizabeth T, Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke, Grandpa Gus, Boom Bastical Kimlicker, Coco Yumi took her painted ponies to a show and won three awards, Hugamuffin, Big Foot of Doom, DL, Annie Atkins, A Bounty Hunter called the Crandy Man, Garot, our cat said to tell you, meow, think fast chuckle nuts, flash banged, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President, Pop Rock Quicksand, the Benny Apper is allergic to the desert, Mr. Squizzle sizzle, Whizzle Fizzle the horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War, invites for tea are being sent now, Abanaso, Mr. Rage, Adelor, Transpace Dinosaur, Spooky Spater's Storytime, William Kent, Andy, the McDjimmies from your local dimension, Ryan Abbey, Thomas Adams, Drink Spiller, Stephanie Book, Entropy Eigenbasis, Andrea Crowther, Martin Dears, Kevin Dottree, The Flower, Two Daddy Jazz Hands from Maus Toots, Dan Gentry, I hope something good happens to you today, yes you, V Greenlee, Ron Hayden, Michelle Hopper, Jake the Cook, Josie Jones, Bootscootin Dave, Anthony Lakey, Britt Littlefair, T.U. Luther, Some Days You're the Beetle, Some Days You're the Dung, Lauren Mayer, Glenn Morris, Richard Ryan, Michelle, Michelle Myers, Ally Upsy, Not to Be Confused with Upsy, Fridge Pickle, Rosemary Prim, Robert Savat, Lizard Lee, Eliza Sharp, Donald Schingler, Daniel Stavey, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Kella T.Arena, Rachel Vasquez, Luca Vecchito, Nia Venturi, The Beloved Yet Borderline, Inappropriate Empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Justin Wiley, Brett Zimmerman, Aero Jones, Jubal, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin is a hoe, Mimetic Hygienist, Rogue Art, Aaron Starr, Joshua Damian, and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClaude, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chis Alfredsch, The Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelli, Jonathan Kay, Pearl Null, Another Monster, Pettibite Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs1012, Scotty Oates, Byrotron95, Happy 13th Birthday, Danny, Dance Break! Spikoo, the Bracken system in its homeworld, Wren, simply Tony, it will always be Finley's work hole to me if you know you know, Gabrielle Castillon, Whom, what, when, where, and why is what all the gronies say while listening to Midnight Burger? Pico de Gallo goes great on Midnight Burgers, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's Bar, Retorted, Serpardi Animal, Byro the motherfucking dragon of the Shreve Fort, the motherfucking dragons, Uloy Jackal, Ari Shore, you Mike Robb, the Nancy Sinatra, Courtney'd to leave it alone if you want to live, Must Be a Witch, Cat with a K, Miss Shan Frizzle, Mythegroni has a first name, Stampernstein L. Moustachio, Lucifer Hezekile, Lachihuahua Brava, Adeline Peetz, C.C. Carousel, Corth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Moms of Milf, Scout and Fox Glove says the Flora's Lava, Red Nail hiding in a crowd of Bethanese to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire, Kerdomsky, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulcet De Leche Studios presents Under the Truscan Sun, Get Outta My Booth, Bug, Propagator, I Hardly Know Her, Sad Angry Crabman, Chuck McFinley, Effie and Zebulon's trans great granddaughter Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlisle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Anna Kearney, Crashly Strange Lilia, Forchnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzuki Okie, Spotted Brino and Her Hand Me Down Frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow Headphones, Hinkel, Pikeman Stover, Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's Alexander the Boss, Skrizles, Flap, Giddy Giddy Giddy, The Firekeeper, The End is Nigh, Jeremiah the Cancelled, Librarian Alex, Spike and Faye, Johnny Ellen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Auntie Becky is owned by Five Rescue Cats, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Longblade Shortsword, Forget Normal, A Damn, CJ Johnson, A Dragon Sitting on a Tord of Dice, Wendell Whitaker, Chumbo Wumbo, Vikkachu, Smivy, Globed Rulette, Andrew Fuller, Bon Mihung, The Soup Witch, Fetishini Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch Hunt's Bethanese, Pebbles, VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip Your Dad is Not Your Dad, Nick Borow, Midnight Plumber, His Royal Highness, Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty the First and Accomplice Princess Penelope, The Marchioness Mischief, Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slave of Bahamut, Omi Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Cat Holts, Calarton The Tired Knight, The True Megamike, Fred and George, LaVinia, Avamatics Jr., Liza Worth, Cass Williams, Christie, Yeet Maboy, 46 Toolshed 2 and El-Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt says in A World of Slugbots, Be a Hugbot, Red the Gray, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Never Child, Dr. Nassos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kiboko Dunnord, Kozamine, Theodrax, Joey B, Lucas Barton got his barber to listen to Midnight Burger, Little Debbie Cupcake, Taryn says, Hey, Oreos are Rabbit, Sandlewood Mountain offers peace for your soul, Whimsical Fuckery, Megan with an H, Hey, it's warranty lady, look, I've been thinking, maybe it'd be best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit, I need more. Patricia the Time Lord, Kashak the Lizard Wizard, Casts Jelly Bones, Mango Connoisseur, Brady Bug, The Quirky Jester, The Big Moussin with his Boxing of Donuts, That Old Glory Cole, GL Miao-Nay's Cat Butler, Oshin Lu, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile, Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack, Churro the Space God, Eliza Travels the Universe, Lindsay Bowen, The Goddamn Podcast Lawyer, Alex Spruce, Dr. D Birdcloss, Weather and Mrs. Dubopt away Birdcloss, Weather want to say hello to the whole Sweather family. I lost my galaxy britches in a game of pants darts, angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durk-a-Dub, Gloria's ex girlfriend, Kelly clickspring, the wild thistle, most likely cast, James Harlow is still sad about missing Burger Con, Jasmine James, Dr. Caber and also known as Omni, thanks Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Zephyr, Anatha, Zenbria, Jennifer Culkin's Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat 666, Oh my God, my dad found out about my Patreon name, Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag, September, previously observed in the pattern, Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finley and his Rubinesque parrot, Stuck in a pit of Skittles, Sea Squatch, Deflator Mouse, Tony Piakarski, Adrian R, the Devil from Table 12, Javier, Crazy Thadley, Cremulus is just happy to be here, the twisted twigster, Real Housewives of Seegius, Thay Queen, Upschnart the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, For My Mother, CCTXGirl6823, Waiting on the Diner, Nicole Studioso, K. The Flying Penguin would like everyone to know that penguins are not native to Greenland, no not even the flying ones, Truckstop Sandwich, Indigo Escargo, Love My Captain, Joe Malma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Ames Afection for Internet Protection, RetroMG, NightScript, Widget the World Watcher, Wearing a Wastecoat and Wig, Lana Bananas like the climate of the very tropical equator so you should never put Lana Bananas in the refrigerator, Uhtred in Rose's Viking Void Vitals, fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Rider, Tim Nacey, Ruben Clamzo, Turwen, Scrambled Eggs, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Scallbulb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, Bolivar Shag Nasty, The One True Cheap Con, StarScribe, Lucian Thunderstruck, GLaRB NarS7, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Deuzer now identifies as Roman Durge, the other Adele, Chef Gal Val, Lia Hall, Sarah May. Minsky Enterprises is excited to announce that Cone of Silence Consultants, LLC, has been named its exclusive provider of logistics services. Silly Willy Bubblebutt. Sierra, not from Arkansas, is having a hard week and asked me to put some sauce on her name. Sierra, these days I've just been using chalula green sauce. I tried Zabs for a while, but I've decided it's not my thing. I hope that's okay. Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Fluff Lost in Time, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mound Up, Wandering Scholar, Kringle Over Coffee, Mad Yogi Eileen, a cat named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Dominic Narwhal 8, I Am Annie, I Live Forever, in every moment I've existed. I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Sylvia, Jucitin, Papitos, Rower Hauer, Henry the Goose, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, I Am a Bomb Till I Think of Something Else to Do, Brrrr, Ritwards, Hotshot Huntly, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon Says What? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlyn, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Transdimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the Thirteenth Sea, Mr. Trigvie, The Fourth Era, Printing with Cats, Khaleesi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dina, 7000 Possums, KBS 1017, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow, Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures and his pilot, Uzi, Drifting Through Space, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbyist Painter and Her Bird of Fire, Painted Oni, Q-Dell, Pharrell, Emily with Two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblik, The Third, Kerplunk Kerplunk, Woops, Where's My Thribble, Jackie Wavelet, Yeoi Gagarin, D. Gritzler, A Grimlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scoracchio, Genuine Jacob, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poovie Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Mat Mat Sharkman, Stilo, Bumbling Lilyby, Buffy's Daughter, A Quick Pause So Joe Can Sip From His Tiny Tea Cup, I'm Sorry I Can, I Actually Put The Sauce From Sierra Not From Arkansas In My Tea Cup So I Cannot Sip From It At This Time, I'll Catch You Next Time, Panda, Curtis Lillig, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stoles, Daylin Y, Shatter Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank The Wonder Lama, R-Craft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, The Ornamental Hermit, Jay To The Lynn, Just A Regular Fox, Jeremy Impson, What The Hell, Cineplex, and All The Black People In North Carolina, Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty The Ginger, Ava's Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biftet, A Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, The Shape Shifting Sad Girl, and Her Girlfriend Say Joe You've Done It Again, Pippa Skin In The Pippi Pond, Sarah Nicole, The Kells Fights With The Bethanese, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, Descendant Of The Spweather Catfish Whisperer, Vagabond Mary, Randy's Amigo, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid, and The Delinquent Duo, Norman Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hill Billy Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger's Security Chief Shatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Neonix Reno, Frankenator, Nordle Bash, Jordan, R1XBalasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hafeweisen, Mason K, and the mysterious AZHQ that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of James', a trifecta of Tony's, one of whom still wants to be late, but sadly, no Bethanese. Rowan, Thady Of The Black and Herald Of The Stars, Ariane Cant Manage Normal, Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nihilist, Dr. Dr. B, Zoprez and The Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots, Superbeth Becomes An RN, Alongside My Boots Dup Farm Friend, Geneva Boss, Arkanzen Not Arkan Sawyer, Brothers Of The Cosine, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, Captain Scott, Letty Lou, He was a shifty one, that Nick Howard. Kinger was here, Bobby Ray Winlan Jr., Bbap Bdabba Dewbop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTurps, Big Brother House, This Is Lord Robert O'Tardis, You Are Live On Channel 4, Please Do Not Swear, Jeremiah Franco, Justin The Nick Of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So He Made It, Cody McClure, McHadley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazart, Jingaloss, Eris Goddess Of Nobody, Hazmatilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am A Laif On The Wind, Static Ego, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B, Nobby, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pathologist, Going To Be Lit, Captain Emerald L., Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Externally Screaming, But Bethany, I Made Biscuits, Skibo And Fuzzle McBumpernits, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher The Raven, Christina Senatus Teleporting, BRB, The Shanes Are Not Organized Enough For A War But There Is A Growing Number Of Us And It Is Concerning, Definitely Not An Android, Seriously I'm Not, The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo The Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dana Dana Bobana, Fee Fife O'Faina, Queen Aubrey And Drake, Drake May, May Lover, Tequila Mockingbird, Spweather Goose, Dameron The Space Goblin, Iso Pale, Exquisite Whimsy, I Am Lord Zoltan, Hear Me Roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Max The Conqueror Imposes Economic Sanctions On The End Be Bethany's For The Whole Laser Saw Car Incident, Wes And Heather Wonder If Derek Adair Will Join, My Cat's Name Is Beef, Katie Kate, Get Your Colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemeli, Work From Elvis, Bo Ho Go Bye Bye For JoJo Po Go That's A No Go Bro, Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Ms. Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino, A.K. Sid The Sloth On A Bike, Priya Gandhi, The Wandering Mermaid Would Like You To Know That The Little Mermaid And The Creature From The Black Lagoon Are The Same Exact Story, Little Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit Bethany, Two Polar Cat, Carl The Teller Of Dad Jokes, Skylab's Multidimensional Multiphazic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Verde Soul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngen, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Local Marsh Hag, Daniel Knitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyros Calling, Joe Suasion, The Wizard Supercalifragilistic Xpialidocious, and Introducing Risi Pontiff As The 36th Doctor. Too Many Jans, says, Things Are Bad, But We're Going To Win, Pamela Roselle Tierra, then Stina Says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Catbird, Countess Of Carbon, Slappy The Squirrel, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love Is For The Nerds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash And The Surviving Crew, It's Just Tyson Now, Casper Needs All The Hugs But Joe Needs An O2 Tank, Quote Says, Joe Is The Writer's Room, Nasty Dog 74 Needs Crew For Ship, Brown Coats Okay, Awkward Heretic, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, North Lee Kay, Lost Basan, You Know The Moon Prison Outside The Triad, Kim Cell, Silly Goose Hong Kong, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saber Wolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Tater's Precious, It's Just Steve, Rupal Atreides, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, Deidra, Mike Whiskey And Your Friend Frosty, No Seguaro, Ben Barr, Stand Clear Of The Closing Doors, Please, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wasanasen, Vyrestria, Theosis the Theologianish, Why Is My Daughter So Farrell, Sand Help, Fernwood Gal, Nelly G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Horn Swaglin Daniel Arthur, It's A It's A Fucking Dog Rapture, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Windchimes For Safety, Cameron Winterborn Welsh, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Alexca Habaniera, Code Stranger, One Bet, A Bet, Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha, Matt N, Alfie Revenneurum, Momona Kiki, Frelp, Mlin, Feedma Fish, JRR On SFP, Lahari, Jay Spark, Lucid Harbor, Lil Mera Leopard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts Magorts, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold It Now, Hit It, Had It, Head It, Hot It, Hud It, Bradley Ashby, Peter, William Dyer, Vicki Abert, Brad Menir, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bo, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain, Crazed Bear, Dr. Lattice Trash Angel is living in the walls because they bought a house and have walls now. Witchcraft is crafty lizard doing today, Noble Barrel. Yes, my brain is weird, thank you. Bibbidi-bobbidi-boom, Megan The Meg Young, Corey Merose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wren, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aronetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, that homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sara Farmer and Bella Donna, first of her name, Crittle, Twilio, Heidelberg, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vincates, Maclump, Azana the Leather Smith, Salazar the Dome Age, Hayward's finest, Garren Ilazando. To my little, you'll always be my good girl, you took a piece of my heart and left a paw print on my soul. Till we meet again, Sir Shitzalot strikes again, damn animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruisin B Anthony, Trick says Whirrp, Tibbled the First, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Tipmittans, Courtney the Frogologist, Corey and Stephanie say hello, the fun tucky wrangler, Scrim Brulee, Yay Aron, The Singing Loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yos, I'm so Antigone fun, I'm Ava's evil twin sister Bethany, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, The Amburgler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeone, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Ted's, Corrine Sbrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, K-Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny De Anomaly, Charmé, K-On with Karma, Amanda Nock, The Wondrous Mathazophon, Hashtag Nisan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Dug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muthin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, In Shuldigan, Rebecca Trossel, So Good, Many Names, God There Are, Chris from Tacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, Sir Alphonse Suitperson, Night of Hood's Pocket, Polished Poldrons, Pacing Pine Pats, Protecting Pocket from Sneaky Skull Duggery, Mitzy Lu, Kelsey Home, Still Casper's Number One Fan, but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Matt Mosby, St. Fu, Harry Fishnuts, Astrono-Weeb, Magno's The Civil Gnome, Welcome Everybody, I'm Hydelon and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger Emotional Support Group, Starlight, David Pirini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaselaf, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds, Danny and M, Charles Q. Choi, A Bug Named Nat, CeCe Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Coconator, Ron Was Here, Magic Pony, Robert Olaveri, Often Wrong Dan, Jess Gioia, Killer Odd, Dr. Pont Gusher Esquire has been secretly and poorly teaching his Dungeons players Welsh. Creator 67, Mervade of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Debra Whales, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A. Raybourne, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Enthanomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and L.A., Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, Fuck Ice, Captain Blep, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ Says What? Amelia Lucero at all, Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon, Blargo Blargo Blargo, The Jazz Man, Tonight at 11, Lorak the Barbarian S, Hicks Bezzie Mates, Zellis Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's Just a Blake, Alice Malice, Owner of a Flu Santa Charmera, Kelly Jane Danky, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, AKA Casper from Another Universe, Chadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Thornus Animator, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, No Not That Ava, The One With N, Grimm Says, Trans Rights Y'all, Zacky Knat, Underwater Corvid, Spizy Ringtom, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Brune Myceliel, Grolix and Tarabang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyrallus, Omvega, Coming Soon, Dances with Burritos, Guaught and Loaded, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Mison, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, JR the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Crusty McBeardface, Maloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Call Me Zen, Kaliberi, Malmomburg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, Otromero Spiritis Fred Fred Berger, What The Chuck, Sonon Asuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd VanVorris, Nea Der Russo, Pitches Atouichi, Ingy the Crack and Azula the Brave and their ever faithful squire, Grabthar, Jen Extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie and Existentially Exhausted Bean. Thank you! Great! As soon as you get up enough truth… Yes! Extradjudicially! Honey, do you want to go back for anything? No. Does anybody want to yell anything? I sounded very ava in the… You called it a murder beast? And then I… I could enunciate more like Dave. You called it a murder beast? But you gotta spit a little bit. Or even… You called it a murder beast! You called it a murder beast! I could do this literally all day. Peace in our time, fuckheads! Damn, it walks out! That's honestly how I want to leave the room. I've decided to abandon science. I'm getting into… Oh my god, honey, I'm sorry. That's right, you're doing great. By honey, I meant Kareem. Oh, sweet darling. Please stop me if I ever make a moment where someone goes, No! Like, in a serious way. We'll see, we'll see. If it's leaf, I'm gonna let Tom do it. Where was it? Around 43, 44. There was just a cat eating near me. I didn't want there to be little residual munching sounds. I didn't want to kick the cat. So… Oh! We moved back to the cross-calf. Sound. Give him the atomic… Fuck! Give him the atomic elbow smash! Honey, when the murder beast is sleeping, can you please make him do… Honk, shoe, me, me, me, me, me. Aw, it's like super cute. Yay, we have a pet murder beast! Who needs a pet pat for the diner? Yeah, it's a Dorps. Yes, I will do honk, shoe, me, me, me, me, me. Can you just give us one more Capraccia, like, from your balls? Yes, I can. Got enough sounds? You got enough sounds? I got enough sounds. Can we just get a couple of, like, huh, huh, huh. Just me just sounding constipated for thirty minutes. Two or three. Do it. Do you want me to do it? Yeah. I'll do it. You know I will. Oh my god, that's crazy. Oh my god, I love you so much. Amazing. Fantastic. Embrace intelligent order fulfillment with ShipStation. The only platform combining order management, warehouse workflows, inventory, returns and analytics in one place. What used to take five separate tools, ShipStation does in one. 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