Landon Donovan on Soccer, Tough Coaching & Today’s Soft Culture

Well, in this episode, we've got soccer sensation Landon Donovan. He joins me for a conversation. Rudy Pavich is doing the news. We'll do all that right after this. Thanks for tuning into the Adam Carolla Show. You can watch the full show on YouTube. Just search Adam Carolla Show and hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also get the podcast wherever you like to listen. And for extra content, ad-free episodes, and more, you can head over to our sub stack and sign up today. Hey, this is Adam Carolla from the Adam Carolla Show. Well, if you care about predictions, then you care about props. And when March Madness tips off, the props tell the real story. From buzzer beaters to bracket busters, nobody does tournament props. like BetOnline. For years, BetOnline has been the home of real sports betting. Deep markets, sharp odds, and player props built for fans who watch games and study the matchups and anticipate the upsets. 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With movies like Pineapple Express, the entire Star Trek film franchise, and Gladiator, and TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Fairly Odd Parents, and Ghosts, Pluto TV is always free. Huzzah! Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never. From Corolla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Corolla Show. Adam's guest today, American soccer superstar Landon Donovan, plus the news with Rudy Povich, and now Adam Corolla. Yeah, get it on. Got to get on. It's just a good mandate. Get it on. Landon Donovan is here. Soccer player extraordinaire. Played how many? 16, 15 years in the league? Yeah, ish. Lots. He's the all-time assist leader for U.S. men's national soccer team. And he's got a memoir out, Landon, a memoir. And it's available now. and it sort of covers your journey from prodigy, hero, burnout, and comeback. Burnout. So, I mean, you started real young playing soccer, right? As soon as I could walk because I have an older brother who's five and a half years old or five years older than me. So as soon as I, I mean, he was just desperate to play with someone. Right. So as soon as I could walk, he had a ball at my feet. Thank God. Right. So you're starting at three, four years old. And when you go, soccer didn't used to be a thing out here so much at all. Not even close, no. I always had this analogy, but you tell me what you think. People would say all the time, we have the best soccer player. Sorry, we have the best athletes in the world. We always just say that. I don't know if it's true. Maybe just mean black guys. I don't know. But we go, we have the best athletes in the world. why are we getting our butts kicked at soccer? And then I try to explain to people that when you do something generationally, it's in the fabric of your society. Absolutely. And I always would say to people, they'd go, these guys coming in here from God knows where, they can barely drive. You get behind these guys. I go, I know, because their parents didn't own cars. They're first new to this. It takes a while. That's right. To get into it, right? Yeah, I mean, if you compare it to other sports in our country, I mean, football, I don't know how long the NFL has been around, 50s, 60s, whatever. Basketball, probably similar. Baseball, 100 plus years. Right. And soccer, really, for the last maybe 20, 25 years. So it just takes time. And if you look at other parts of the world, it's everything. Because it's all they've had, and it's been around for a century plus. It is a religion. Yeah, that's right. And it's kind of crazy. and it's also sometimes a little scary, but it kind of reminds me like when Manny Pacquiao would fight and the Philippines would like close down, you know? You know why, Adam? It's like I analogize it to college football kind of, like the intensity and the passion of the fans, but with national pride on top of it. So like the Pacquiao example is great because everybody in the Philippines is like pulling for him. Yes. And so when Oklahoma is playing Nebraska, it's still Oklahoma and Nebraska, and they're close enough, and they're all in the United States. But if Ricky Hatton is fighting, then he represents the Irish or whatever. You're representing countries, and the same, obviously, with football. That's right. The version of that. Right. Yeah, like in Rocky. Exactly. When alone. Soccer's just like Rocky. So it seems like a safer sport. I'm trying to think, if you rank the sports, like you go, like, football's dangerous, and lots of injuries, lots of knee injuries, concussions and stuff like that. Achilles, yeah. Baseball, much safer. Basketball, there's, you know, knees and Achilles and stuff like that. What do you think soccer on the safer side, but not baseball safe? Soccer, you get a lot of muscle injuries. Because when you're running that long and you're cutting and exploding and all that. But you don't get as many crazy injuries. Rugby is also pretty brutal. Yeah, I could see that. But that's more contact stuff. So you start playing young. Yep. I would imagine being quick would be about the best attribute to have. Certainly now in the modern game, yeah. And sort of quick feet is kind of God-given. You can work on it a little bit, but it's not. I would say it's like you have an athletic ability. I have two boys and a girl. One boy athletically, just physically in how he moves, is elite, right, in that way. The other boy, physically very small, not athletically explosive, but can control the ball and manipulate the ball way better than the other boy. And so I see different types of athleticism, as you call it. But I think you're born with some of that. Some of that ability you're born. I don't know why my younger son is better technically with the ball. My older son can barely trap it, but he can run like crazy, right? So they have just different gifts. Yeah. I mean, I think, you know, in football, there's a Nigerian guy named Christian Okoye. And he was a track guy and he's from Nigeria. But at some point, somebody looked at him and went, just hold this football and go that way. And he took all his gifts and abilities. And I would say that the technique guys and the skill guys, eventually the flat-out speed guys will learn the technique and the skill. To some extent. Yeah. Right. And they can still be effective. Yeah. In soccer, you don't have to be the best technically. But if you can impact the game just by running and being physical, then you're going to impact the game. I mean, how much of it is just will? Like, not dogging it. Because, I mean. That's every sport, though, right? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, sort of, but not really like you take baseball. You go, OK, you know, I play baseball. It was fun. And, you know, you try your hardest when you get up to the plate, but then you're back at the dugout or whatever. It's like a lot of downtime. That's why there's so much eating in baseball. They're like you watch football. You go to the sideline. The guys are breathing into oxygen masks and they're showing them schematics on a tablet. But in baseball, they're making a weird rally hat by turning their hat inside out and making a pyramid from sunflower seeds. It's like maybe there's too much downtime. It's more of like a – it is a sport, but it's more of a skill, right, to hit a baseball. It's like that's an elite skill. Yes. Yes. And when the ball's in the air, everyone's hustling. Like I get it. But in football, there is some hustle. Like, there is a part where you rush the quarterback and the quarterback scrambles to the other side of the field and you chase him all the way down the field and tackle him. That's right. You know, and that's, but that's for seven seconds. That's a very short version. Yeah, in soccer, just, you could just out sort of will people, right? Yeah, and it's the one thing you can really control in soccer is how fit you are. Right. Right, which is when it always blew my mind when people didn't do that part of the job and just make sure you are as fit as you can be. It was like, well, why? Why wouldn't you get that part right? That's the easy part, right? You can control that. A lot of stuff you can't control. Well, you know, the thing about life and society is the stuff you can control does affect you the most, but it's also the part we do the least. I mean, anybody who's listening to me can get up at 5 tomorrow morning and do push-ups and then just have lean turkey meat for breakfast and then go for a five-mile jog and then go to work and be the first person into the office. And all the stuff you can control, it's like some kind of cruel joke. It's like it's all free. It's all easy. And it's the hardest. So why is that? To do. Human psychology, why is that? So we don't like discomfort. You know, I mean, that is so ingrained in us, you know. And I think it was, you know, shelter and food and being killed and, you know, there's a lot of— You think it's innate, like, biologically? Well, I mean, in the past, discomfort led to death. Right. Because you'd go, it is so cold tonight, and I'm going to go to bed, and I don't have shelter or wood, and you just die. Right. So you kind of learn, put your hand over an open flame, discomfort, move your hand. So that's sort of in us, like avoid discomfort. You're right. And now, and that discomfort, really, if you think about modern living, and I've been through it. Like, I'm not anything like you, a professional athlete or anything, but I've been through the two-a-days football and the San Fernando Valley and the run and wind sprints and all the stuff to get you to throw up kind of stuff. So I get it. If you really think about it, the only modern pain in discomfort we feel now is exercise that we foist upon ourself. I mean, you get in your car, you travel around, you sit down, you sit in air conditioning, you have a nice sofa, you have a big TV set, you got a fridge full of food. And then at some point, you have to impose discomfort on yourself. and that's hard to get people to do. I think humans are by nature lazy, right? I mean, and lack self-control. Yeah, well, what we want to do is the least amount. Right. I see it like when we would do fitness, right? You literally run around the field. Right. And if you don't say, if the coaches don't say anything, everybody to a human will cut each corner a little bit. Yeah. It's just like I flew in this morning from Atlanta. When they bring food down the aisle, whether people ate five minutes ago or five hours ago, everybody says, yeah, I'll have it. And they bring dessert down and everyone's like, yeah, sure, I'll have it. They weren't even thinking about dessert, but they'll have it. Right. So that self-control is an interesting piece of like humans. Like, I wonder why we got there. Well, I think we got to like I want to go to get from my place to the well as straight a line as I can, you know, like as easily as I can. And I might even move my next hut closer to the well so I don't have to make this journey for the water every day. So we have a kind of a straighten it out, streamlining kind of efficient. Now, by the way, all this stuff turns bad at a certain point. I was going to say, I don't think it's healthy or good for societies, though. No, but you see, I always say, you know, you see a dog who's living in a condominium and they're up on the fifth floor and the place got wall to wall carpet. And then at some point the dog's going to lay down on the carpet and you see it walk in a circle for a second. Then it lays down, you know, and you go, what's he doing? And then you go, well, his ancestors out in Africa, wild dogs that had high grass. And they had to go around and knock the grass down. And then they'd lay on top of the grass. And you'd go, all right, but what's he doing? And you'd go, he's just doing what they did. It's just not really serving him now. And so humans, I think a lot of this stuff is like, oh, it was good to store fat on your body when winters were coming. It was necessary. And it was necessary, right. So a lot of this is like remnant stuff. And then I think we have made things too easy for human beings to their detriment. Agreed. And so, look, I obviously played soccer for a long time. I was just in Atlanta watching our national team playing, who are playing in a home World Cup for the first time in 32 years this summer. and I it must be a generational thing too that it's gotten too easy and when you watch I'm just speaking soccer now but I think it's across all sports the the unwillingness to like suffer and go through things and sacrifice yourself is alarming and there was a time and look I don't want to sound like the old guy but there was a time where athletes just grinded through things and the pain and the physical, like the old NBA. I mean, they used to beat the crap out of each other. Right. The NFL, right? And it's just, to your point, like people avoid that now at all costs now. And I think it has to be a generational thing or we've just made it way too easy on this generation. Well, I think a lot. One is you should do things like I have a cold plunge and I tell people all the time, they go, is it for inflammation or is it stop muscle? So I go, no, I punish myself. I just do it to inflict some pain. I could easily just put a cigarette out on my arm, but this is better. But it's like I do it for a little bit of punishment and a little bit of get over it and that kind of thing. And so everyone needs to simulate that now. and also I think what you can do is if you just eliminate certain things like you go Grubhub I go don't do it don't have the app don't know how it works and they go well they'll bring the food to you and I go I don't want to do that and they go well it's so much easier when they bring the food to you and I go I'll go get my own food and they'll go you know it's free they'll bring it for I go I it's a weird slippery slope that I don't want to go down ordering food and having them bring it to my house. And it's my sort of wash your own car. You know, but get the detailer guy. Come by the house. Just do it. Start getting in the habit of doing these things. By the way, you know, the pioneers were dying in Donner Pass and eating their horses and stuff. Washing your own car is not that big of a deal. Not that big a deal. And cook a meal. And do it yourself. And just do stuff. and then also like create a little what dr drew would call a little ordinary misery just like it's hot you got to do something you just do it yeah you know what i mean and you just break a sweat i love that and you do something that's like repetitive and mundane or something like just go clean the gutters of your house or something it's like well i'm not gonna waste a Saturday. It's not really wasted. It's more you conquering your own will a little bit. And so young people, I mean, life has gotten progressively easier as we progress. Like now you have a car that drives itself. There's no stick shift or whatever. So they've gotten indoctrinated into this world. That's right. That's all they know. And the other thing that I always bring up is money's invisible now. There's no cash. You know, we had to deal with it. Like you had to, money was like something you had to be concerned about physically, like because we didn't have the cash. Like who was going to pay? You know, leave the house. You got enough for a phone call because you'd have to use a pay phone. You know, it's like a lot of money. Now it's all just swipe of the phone, swipe app, swipe. It doesn't mean anything to them because it's kind of invisible now. And it does trickle. It trickles down. Like I talked to my daughter who was a 19 now and a good volleyball player in high school. And I'm like, you going out your senior year? She's like, no. Like why not? Coach is mean. I go, so what? All coaches are mean. They go, a coach is mean. Then I'm talking to her boyfriend. The guy says, a good football player. They're going, you going out? Nah, the guy's mean. I go, what do you want him to be? So all they do is they just yell at you, and then you run laps and stuff. What do you mean he's mean? I don't want to deal with that guy. I'm not going to deal with that guy. Coaches are like drill sergeants. They're there to tell you what you're doing wrong, not to praise you, and it's tough. So what are you talking about? Aren't you glad their coaches are like that? I like it. I do, too. I wish they were meaner. I know. I laugh every time I go, he shingled out one guy and started yelling at him and calling him soft. I go, good. I know. And by the way, the parents are a big part of the problem, too, because every time I have younger kids, I see at our school, a kid does something wrong. And the parent comes to the defense of the kid every time. It's just like, come on, man. Your kid's not perfect. They make mistakes. When we go into a parent-teacher conference, they'll be like – so they're dancing around it, right? They're like, well, he needs to work on his behavior a little bit. And I'm like, just tell me. What is he doing? Like they're so scared of the parents. Yeah, but don't you – see, obviously not everyone is going to play professional soccer. Nobody is going to play professional soccer. But you will use these skills and traits later on in life. And that's the part that worries me because people always kind of separate everything. I know for a fact that growing up how I grew up sort of playing so many years of football and getting yelled at by coaches the whole time has made it much easier for me later on in life to navigate any kind of adversity or whatever. Or also just having a really shitty, tough job, you know, working at McDonald's. Good, good, good thing to learn. Like, there's also a big part is you don't have to do what you want to do all the time. There's a big part of life where you just do stuff you don't want to do. That's right. So how do you, like, how did you deal with that with your kids? Because it's something I struggle with, too. You know, I'll tell you the problem, I think. At least I think I had a lot. my ex-wife, but the female wants to get involved and go, hey, leave him alone. You know, he doesn't have to, you know, because their wiring is more like. To protect. Right. And so you're like, you know, trying to teach the boy how to do a proper pushup and you're going, your hand's too close together. What? Listen to me now. I'm telling you to put your hand. And then they come in and they go, what's going on? And then you go, why are you yelling at him? And they go, I'm not yelling. I'm teaching him how to do. He doesn't need to have you. So there's like this weird dynamic that's going on. Now, if you got a woman who, you know, played water polo at Stanford or something, you're probably going to be on the same page. But a lot of women and especially kind of modern society, they're like, well, watch your tone. You know, it's all about like tone and everything. Everything's a microaggression and you're bullying everybody and all that kind of stuff. And so it's kind of a bitch to try to do the old school football coach in a new world order. Now, like I said, if you got your partner fully on board, you can do it. But if they're not, it's basically what happened with me and COVID. Like I was just going, hey, I'm not going to put gloves on to go in the supermarket. And my daughter and everyone else was like, just do it. So now it becomes an uphill battle, essentially. You know what happens? I'm fascinated with human psychology. So I think what happened is you're a little older than me, but our generation of parents were so hard on us. And I used to get spanked and whipped with a belt and all that stuff, right? And instead of the pendulum coming a little bit more central, we always go to the other end of the spectrum. And this happens in sports. I'll give you an analogy in sports. You have a coach who's sort of laissez-faire, very democratic in their leadership. Things go wrong. Who does the owner want to hire? The dictator and the authoritarian and like the straight edge instead of just coming somewhere to the middle. And so what we did with that generation is our generation was very hard. And so now our generation is like, can't touch our kids. We can't do this. And then it's gone way too far. And that's not healthy either because our kids are growing up without any adversity. Yeah, I mean, I totally agree. I don't, you know, I mean, I wasn't hit as a kid. I was kind of free range. I just did whatever I wanted. But it was kind of interesting. I sought out discipline because I think young males kind of seek it. Like I found football so I could find some structure because I had no structure at home. And then football is nothing but, and sports, organized sports. It's like nothing but structure. But I will tell everybody, I played baseball for a long time, too, and that was a good time. It wasn't running wind sprints or getting yelled at all day in the hot sun. There was no pads. I had to wear full pads out in the sun. It's like my helmet would bake and stuff. Baseball's a lot funner than—they're different stratas, and some are tougher than others, and some they run you. I mean, in soccer, they must just run you and run you. But I think young males, well, first things first, I think we've decided to raise young males and young females like they were the same creatures, which is, that's mistake number one. You know, young males need a little discipline and they can handle a little adversity. It's fine. Some injuries, some setbacks, some disappointments, some embarrassments, you know. So when we played football, they would always go, look, we're going to line everyone up on the sled, the blocking sled, and you're going to all get in your stances, and you're all on defense, and the coach would hold the ball out. He'd stand on the sled, and he'd just hold the ball out. He'd go, all right, when I move that ball, you guys all fire out on the sled. but do not if you move before you move that before that ball moves you're all doing laps and even hold it out there and he don't look down in their stance you know looking at the five-man sled or whatever and at some point he'd go like sit and at some point someone would lurch forward and he go all right higginstall you just earned everybody a lap So you guys can take a lap You can thank Higgins And everybody would be like god damn it Higgins And we'd all be running a lap. Now, people go insane. You'd be fired. You'd be let go from your position. Cruelty, yeah. All we learned is don't be that guy. Just don't let, don't fuck your team up. Do not, do not be that guy. And Higgins-Staller learned not to be that guy. But his thing is there was perfect context. He fucked up. Now we all got to pay because we're a team. And he learned a lesson. That's right. All right. Moving on. It's fine. 11-year-old boys. I see it with my boys versus my girls, too. And at school, I think school, I mean, kind of tangential here, but school for boys is brutal. And the idea of sitting at a desk for six hours to an eight-year-old boy is literally. It's torture. It's hell. It's torture. It is hell. And I see them get home, and they are so wired with energy. And I just think to myself, what are we doing to these guys? What are we doing? I'll tell you what's happening because I've been around to experience what was happening, which was we decided at some point – and I tell Dr. Drew, who was in this camp many years ago. Like, you know, he used to say this stuff 25, 28, 30 years ago on Loveline. We decided that the feminine direction for society was a more civil and nicer, congenial society. So we go, who do we got? Well, on one side, we got men. What do they do? They fight. They war. They wage war. They brutalize. They sack towns. and rape women and, you know, we had Attila the Hun and Hitler, all dudes. You know what I mean? Like, oh, you're Genghis Khan, you go all the way down, and it's just a bunch of dudes. And so then there was this sort of this movement where, like, you know, if we had a female president, they wouldn't have wars anymore. We would solve all of this with a more feminine approach to life. It's a safer, less violent, sort of friendlier, for lack of a better term, approach to life. So we started sort of going down that path, like being more feminized stuff. So you go, what are you kids doing? I mean, you get that Gillette commercial, Andrew. I'm looking at you. It's insane. You know, you got two seven boys wrestling outside and it's labeled toxic masculinity. There is no there's no toxic femininity. There's just toxic masculinity. So then there was all this sort of macho man, toxic masculinity stuff. So we went, all right, well, let's tack away from that. And so the young boys want to go out and wrestle for, you know, they want to spend P.E. wrestling. And then the female teacher comes by and goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So you're basically taking sailfish that were meant to just go through the ocean at 40 miles an hour, and you're putting them on a dock, and you're going, no, no, no going in the water for you. Uh-uh, uh-uh. But that's a woman doing all this. So if you take a look, women get attracted into the field of teaching, you know, especially younger grades. And then they attract more women in the field. So now you have the school board head and the administrators and what. Now you've got a bunch of women sitting around and someone goes, well, what about tackle football? And they go, too dangerous. We're not going to let them do that. You agree, Sally? Yeah, you agree, Jenny? Yeah. How about you, Anne-Marie? You too? Okay, good. No more of that. And how about wrestling? And how about rough and tumble play? And they go, no, no, no, no, no. We sit indoors. We'll listen to Anya and we'll string beats. Well, that's what you bitches want to do. We want to fucking go mix it up outside. And you tamped it all down. Well, that's the system they're entering. And they're basically like saying, say it all the time. What if schools were just all run by vegans? You think you're going to get sloppy Joes on Fridays? You think you're getting hot dogs on Tuesdays? No, eventually they're going to work that Tofurky into that menu because that's what they do. So we shouldn't be surprised. I'll show you this. Is this Gillette? This commercial is not that old. It's like five years, five or six years old. But they're talking about men being evil. Bullying. The Me Too movement against sexual harassment. Is this the best a man can get? You ever stare aimlessly into a mirror, Landon? Is it? And think about your sexuality? We can't hide from it. It's been going on far too long. We can't laugh it off. Who's the daddy? What I actually think she's trying to say. Making the same old excuses. Boys will be boys. Boys will be boys. Boys will be boys. But something finally changed. Allegations regarding sexual assault and sexual harassment. By the way, Gillette's going to cure this? They make razors? Then there will be no going back. Because we, we believe in the best in men. Men need to hold other men. Right, men need to act like chicks. That's what their definition of our best is acting like a pussy. To say the right thing. To act the right way. Bro, not cool, not cool. Some already are. in ways big and small. But some is not enough. We need all men to act like pussy. So if another war breaks out, we're fucked. Because the boys watching today will be the men of tomorrow. They'll be the fat, soft, lactating bitches is ordering Grubhub of the future, you fucking retards. It's where my mind goes. So it's what I was saying earlier when the pendulum swings too far. Yes, too far. So like for decades, centuries, whatever, there were men did a lot of bad stuff. So did women. So did people. But instead of it, how do we find some common ground? The pendulum swings all the way back. And that's not healthy either. There's what our society does. We go police brutality, defund the police. Right. Right. That's all we do. Exactly. You can make a million examples. And I use sports as an example, right, with coaches. And it's not – I mean politics, right? So it's just not healthy. It's not healthy. And instead of being rational and sensical, we just swing the pendulum all the way across. Yeah. Yeah. And we're now – oh, this is kind of in the same subject. That Jillian Michaels clip, I think we have somewhere. You're not allowed to say obese or overweight anymore. By the way, I'm going to file this under not being able to say prostitute and swap it out with sex worker, which I don't feel is any better than prostitute. I would not want my daughter to be a sex worker. We do it with all of our terms. We do it with all the terms. right oh oh oh oh oh o'reilly auto parts what business are they in they're in the business of keeping your car on the road um i don't have too many car issues but when i do i always go with o'reilly lots of parts i'd give them for my projects cars race cars i'm working on they've got thousands of parts in stock, either in-store or online, so you never have to worry. If you're in a jam, they're going to be there for you. They're also, they can test your battery, and they'll do it for free. 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Pay never. this is now but the thing that's funny to me is when the alternative suggestion is worse than the original one so like i get certain things where you go don't say polack say polish person you go okay well that sounds better than polack okay fine but sex worker doesn't sound better than prostitute and little man doesn't sound better than dwarf so i this one i think this one was like fat body adjacent or something i don't know let's listen to jillian talk of this one this one cracks me up i'm gonna do my best to not use the o word because i find it pretty offensive so i'm gonna use fat bodied as we talk do you understand why people find it harmful and triggering. Overweight and obese is literally just having too much body fat. It has nothing to do with the quality of the person. Yeah, I agree with you on that. Are we going to debate the claim? I wanted to clarify though the language. Are we going to pretend like I'm a three and you're my mommy telling me how to talk? Wow. Okay. So the claim that you're saying is that it is inherently unhealthy to live in a fat body. Where are you getting that information from? There are dozens of MRT trials that show having excess body fat is causal, not correlated. No, that's not true. There is no... All right, we're basically men or women. Women or men, fat people are healthy. Did you watch Rest His Soul? George Carlin used to talk a lot about the changing of words. It's not a stewardess, it's a flight attendant. Right. It's just... It is it's it's an interesting thing because and by the way, I would much rather be overweight than fat bodied. But that's just me. It's it's interesting. The verbiage and the in the sort of attack and the corrections. It's been around and it's interesting because it's real subtle, but it's sort of an attempt to take over the conversation. And it's been around. and I would always tell people all the time when I would do Loveline back in the day, I would say, one time I said to someone, are you, this guy's like, said he was seeing impaired. And I said, are you blind? And he said, we don't use blind. We say seeing impaired. And I said, well, there's a version of seeing impaired where you can drive a car just during the day, but you can't drive at night. Well, seeing impaired. I go, but that doesn't mean anything to me. What happened to blind? The other one we used to have where you can't do anymore either is we used to have all the different stratas. We had cross-dresser, and then there was transvestite, and then there was pre-op, tranny, and there was post-op. And you knew where everyone was. It wasn't one big title where you didn't know, like you go, well, she wants to use the bathroom. And I was like, well, does she have a cock and balls or is she not? Because listen, if you had your surgery, go use the bathroom. You've checked your weapon at the door. Now, the other one, they would do two. This may be unpopular, but I'd go, oh, so you're a victim of rape? And they'd go, rape survivor. and I'd go, I don't, why do we have to change everything? I'm not, it means, it all means the same thing. So psychologically, what do you, why, what do you think that is? Like, by the way, there was a, I was watching a comedian. I forget his name. Now I'm like hesitant to say he's obese. He's overweight. He's like Mexican-ish fluff, they call him maybe. Fluffy. Fluffy, yeah. So he said, he went and ordered something at a like, whatever, McDonald's. Gabriel Galicius, by the way. Yeah. ordered something, and he said something, and she said, oh, we don't use that term. Right. And he was like, okay, you want to play that game? And he's like, well, then I'm not fat. I'm unexercised, right? And he just went to jail. And so I don't know why psychologically we – why do you think that is? Like what would Dr. Drew say? I think we do it – people do it to control the conversation. But why do they want to control the conversation? I don't— Because this woman— Just give them powers about what we were talking about in the beginning, just having control. Yeah, the woman who's arguing or going to debate Jillian Michaels has a shit argument. Her argument is full of holes, and it's worthless, and it won't hold up at all. Her argument is being fat is as healthy as being thin. So she's got a shit argument. And that's up there with males can be women and women can be men and all that. When you have a really shit argument, then you have to control the conversation within the debate. And a good way – so if you want to get somebody – it can be little. If you are going to debate something with somebody, and let's just say you're debating someone and you're going to debate that Italian soccer is better than German soccer or something like that. And then I go, all right, well, I'll say why Italian soccer is better. And then I go, so listen, first off, the Italians have been dominant in the World Cups for more than 50 years London. And then you go, it's landed. And then I go, oh, sorry. Yeah. So now you kind of get – you get people back on their heels when you're correct. Just tell them how to pronounce it. So what this woman does is she goes, I have to argue with a nutritionist who's an expert, and I have to try to sell her this argument. Basically, the argument I'm trying to sell is it's colder in July than it is in December, which is a retarded argument. So I'm going to start off by saying here are words you can't say or I'm not going to say, and I'm going to flip things up. And then we can argue about that. Instead of the actual. Yeah, it's kind of the word salad group they get in. It's kind of the ones – first off, they make sweeping statements like nobody's illegal and everyone needs to be treated with dignity and respect. And you can't go, fuck that shit. You got to go, OK. Yeah, OK. So every child deserves to have – and you go, oh. And it's just a sort of way to win or at least compete. Is it just – is it ego then? Is it like what – I'm just – There is an ego in that everybody, you know, here's what I would tell you. Everybody used to say the Cannes Film Festival. And then at some point the elites would go, it's Cannes. And then everyone went, oh, okay. And they started saying the Cannes Film Festival and then the elites went, it's Cannes. And all they're doing is going, I'm smarter than you because I am telling you how to pronounce everything. So it makes you feel better. And what everything is. Yeah. It's a way to sort of win. Or sorry. Sorry. It's not a way to win a debate. It's a way to tie a debate you should lose. So that's what this woman is. I'm going to start off by telling the nutrition expert why she can't talk this way and why I'm not going to talk that way, which, again, doesn't really have anything to do with the debate. And you'll see a lot of that. And then there's kind of a sexist, racist version of it where, like, when you hear. So you got another clip. Sorry, Dawson. Remember that clip where Robert Kennedy Jr. went in front of Congress and they were grilling him, like they're trying to beat him on vaccine stuff? And he said in one of his statements that there are certain vaccines African-Americans shouldn't get because they're not affected by this thing. or there's a difference biologically that they don't need this. I don't know, like an Ashkenazi Jew or something has it more susceptible to that or this. Right. There's some version of that, which is like, all right. So blacks would get sickle cell, but I wouldn't get sickle cell. So I wouldn't really need a vaccine for sickle cell. But that doesn't make it racist. It just means it'd be a waste to do that. And so he's got someone arguing with him who's basically just wanting to put him down. And so they bring that up and turn it into a racist slur. But it's not winning the argument. It's just a way to try to get him on his heels. So it's kind of a technique. I was thinking, like, when I go to the doctor, they tell me, like, you take a blood test, like all these extensive blood tests. and they just tell you matter-of-factly, you need more vitamin D in your system. Right. Or you need more, and that's just based on what you need. Yeah, yeah. And that's – Oh, yeah, or you need to lose weight or you need to quit smoking or whatever it is. That's what you need to stay healthy. Yes, this weird thing that somehow you're harming people by not telling them what they need to do. If you have a patient who needs to lose weight, then you have to tell them they need to lose weight. Bill Maher talks about this a lot when he does because he's just sick of the whole like, you know, just put whatever you want in your mouth and your body and you're going to be fine. He got destroyed by these people for telling people during COVID to lose weight. Right. That was almost that being outside sunlight is basically the best. Now all the data says it at the time he was killed for it. So here it is. It's a woman of color. and she doesn't like Kennedy. But so listen to the technique. She's trying to get him on vaccines, but then turns it into race. You said the following, and I quote, we should not be giving black people the same vaccine schedule that's given to whites because their immune system is better than ours. Can you please explain what you meant? There's a series of studies, I think most of them by Poland, that show that to particular antigens that blacks have a much stronger reaction. There's differences in reaction to different products by different races. So I have 17 seconds left. Let me just ask you then, so what different vaccine schedule would you say I should have received? What different vaccine schedule should I have received? I mean, the Pollan article suggests that blacks need fewer antigens. This is so dangerous. So you get the same measles vaccine. Mr. Kennedy, with all due respect, that is so dangerous. Your voice would be a voice that parents would listen to. That is so dangerous. I will be voting against your nomination because your views are dangerous to our state and to our country. All right. So she tries to turn it into a me. and there's a lot of the argument where they go, you know, I have a child who got COVID. It's like, shut up, bitch. Everyone's got a child that got COVID. Like, they'll do a lot of me. They'll do a lot, oh, because I'm black and then I can't. And then people go, no, no, no, no. But it's all word. It's controlling. And then it's dangerous. I don't know why it's dangerous to not give a group a vaccine that doesn't need a vaccine. But according to her, it's dangerous. So it's a conversational. And then once you win the conversation, then you start making rules. And then you're in charge. And now we got a bunch of stuff you get to do or can't do because I won this conversation and I'm making rules. Yeah, what happened to let's – I just believe let's do what's best for each individual. It's simple, right? Well, if black people need less vaccines, then give them less vaccines. Do a study. Figure it out. That'll be that. And if they needed more vaccines, then give them more vaccines. And if rough and tumble playing, diet and exercise are good and all that helps young boys develop, then let them do that. That's right. So the book, which is substantial, by the way, as I hold it up, it feels like 400 pages. It's like three-something. It's funny. You go through the process and they're like, it's got to be like under 330 or there's a sweet spot or something. Mm-hmm. So. Well, it's, the thing about, when I wrote a book, I've written books, the funny thing is they go, how long does the book have to be? Because you're just talking to a shitty student here, and I want to know how long this got to be, you know? And they always go, eh, between 80 and 100,000 words. And I go, how many pages? How many pages? I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. But then you get into it, you start writing it, and it starts to come. It starts to flow a little bit, right? Well, you probably – did you actually physically write yours? No, I had somebody type while I talked. You had someone type, yeah. So I had someone write it. Ryan Berman wrote it, a friend of mine. It is – it's an interesting process, man. I would argue it is a great gift to write a memoir because you would never do it on your own. Correct. Somebody has to come to you and go, here's some money. Do this. And I think people go, oh, wait a minute. I'm an artist. I can't be bought. Like, no, no. People want to get paid. They need money. and it's a kind of endeavor you wouldn't do on your own. And also somebody has to come to you because it would be the kind of thing where you'd like, I don't know, it's a little hubristic to do it on your own. You want someone to come to you and go, hey, you would make a great subject for this. And then you chronicle all these experiences that were all scattered to the wind and you kind of forgot about. You put them all together and then, and there it is. Like it lives. All right. You're not going to believe me then when I tell you this. I self-funded this. What? Mm-hmm. Wow. Nobody came to me. Nobody came to you? Mm-mm. I mean, we had had people over the years. Mm-hmm. I wasn't ready or I just didn't have the time. I didn't want to do it. And finally, it was right to do it. But I wanted to self-fund it. I didn't want to be beholden to anyone. I wanted to control the editing process. I wanted it to be mine. I didn't want someone to say, this chapter and that chapter have to go because of this. And you need to add this because it's salacious and it's better and it's this and that. So I wanted to be in control of it. Did you sell it once you created it? Nope. So this is all self-published? I mean, we have a publisher, Page 2. It publishes it. But they help, you know, push it, promote it, and they have whatever. But nobody, we didn't go sell it to anybody. No advance. Nope. So you're just in on the profit. Correct. Every unit that sells, you get X amount. That's right. Wow. That's noble. Kind of ballsy, huh? My wife's like, what the hell are you doing? Well, what I would say is it's good to gamble on yourself if you're going to be ballsy. The worst thing you're going to have is just an experience. That's not like- Look, if I make a penny or a million dollars or lose 20 grand, I mean, wasn't the point of it. I didn't need the money. I don't need the attention. I just wanted to put my stories pretty unique and I wanted to share it And I will say so far Adam it came out last week I was at a signing event in Atlanta this weekend This woman came over and she said interesting things She said, I read 200 books a year. I read a lot of autobiographies, biographies, memoirs. She said, there's only one other that I've read, this was such an interesting comment, where I came away from reading the book liking the person more than before I read the book. She said, every time I like them a little bit less. And she said, yours and some guy from, I forget what he's from. And I was like, all right, I don't know how to take that, but it sounds interesting. Harvey Weinstein. Yeah. That's the only other book. That's good. So, yeah, so it's resonating, which is good. Yeah, yeah. Listen, I am all about the experience. If you want to try anything in show business, it's going to be lots and lots of stuff and nothing comes out the other end. Yeah, that's right. I mean, the amount of auditions someone goes on, the amount of meetings and discussions and spec scripts and everything. Wasn't comedy like that too? I mean, the amount of jokes you try and all the things that you're going to just like. All, comedy is all free at the beginning for multiple, multiple years. And even the successful people, I mean, yeah, I mean, you know, Jimmy and I used to sit around and write stuff and write, right? It's just nothing, nothing came out the other end. Like there was no, there's no paycheck. I mean, it really is. Everyone would do it if they knew they were going to get paid. Right. You're doing it on a flyer. You're just – and like early years, like if you're doing – you're part of a troupe, the Groundling or the Acme Theater or Upright Citizens Brigade or whatever. You get part of an improv group. You got to pay dues. Like, you know – Oh, you're actually paying. You physically pay them to be in the group. That's wild. And then you spend weekends and weeknights sitting around and writing sketches that you never get paid for. Wow. Like it's all free. You get used to working for free. Wow. And even later when you have success, if you go back and look at the totality of a career, I've done at least 50% of it free. That's incredible. Yeah, but you do it like sports. You played for free. when you're young because you love that sport. And there's no guarantee. I mean, for most people, nothing comes of it. In fact, you're paying in the league dues, the uniforms, the travel. It is no different than being at the Groundlings and paying for classes and paying for dues and membership and that kind of stuff. The percentage of those people get to Saturday Night Live or become Will Ferrell. Point zero, zero, zero, zero, zero. Yeah, right. Right. And and and you all you do is pay and pay and pay and pay. And then eventually at some point you become not good enough and you just take a regular job. And you've had this whole chapter. But I would argue doing stuff for free is probably better. It's a pure it's a pure form of interest. because if I say to somebody, hey, come over and whack all these weeds in my backyard. I go, how much? I go, free. Fuck you, right? Because no one has an interest in it. But if someone said, I'll come over there and I'll whack those things for free, I'd go, well, this person has an interest in this. We can bribe anyone into doing just about anything. I mean, you think about it. It's kind of sad, but it's true. and the real job that you want is the one you would do for free or did do for free so you defied the odds by ending up having a job and a career and the first part of it was all free but that's how you know you want to be there and i i had the same thing i did what i wanted to do for free and then got paid to do it. And I think if you were wishing for something for your kids, I think that would be the wish. Yeah, I agree with that. I just wonder if this generation will do anything for free. Oh, they don't. No. Because they just get everything. They just get everything, and it's like free. I did say at some point, I don't know, my son, I don't know, he was 13 or something, And I said something like, why don't you take the trash out? And he's like, meh. And I said, I'll give you 10 bucks. He's like, meh. We're good. But to be fair to him, I was thinking about him last night. He's 19. He's been to Japan two times already. So I said, ask me how many times I've been to Japan. Answer, zero. And my number one answer would be because I can't afford it. now I can afford because I gotta work like I can't be out for three weeks he and by the way he's cool about it my kids are cool about it it's just something they're used to you know what I mean and it's like in a weird way it'd be like describing racism in the south to them like black people had their own drinking fountain they'd be like what for it'd be like what why That's insane. Right? So money, bills, coins, all this stuff we did. It doesn't register. All the tedium, like all the work. The other thing, too, is I think boredom is important in that most of you, like, let's just say this. You're out in the field. You're running your ass off. You're sweating and you're pushing yourself. But if you have a 65-inch TV, 500 channels, air conditioning, and Grubhub waiting at home, you might tend to spend more time there than out in the sun running wind sprints, right? Oh, no question. I think a lot about my childhood and how bored I was sometimes. But then from that comes creativity. and you just make shit up because you're just trying to figure, and sometimes my kids go, I'm bored. Right. And I'm like, dude, you have no idea what being bored is. Right. But I think being bored is good sometimes. I do. No, I agree. It's like taking away the phone and shutting off the TV and just having sort of sitting with your thoughts, you know. And like I remember some of the best work I got done is doing laundry at a coin-op when I was like young and poor. And what I would do is I'd bring in a big pillowcase of laundry to the coin-op because I was living in apartments or rented houses or something. I'd wash or dryer. And I would go to the coin-op and I'd put everything in there. And then I would just sit on that fiberglass chair and I'd bring a notepad. And I'd just be writing sketches and notes and jokes and sketches. And I was there for three hours just sitting there. And there was no TV and there's no radio and there's no earbuds and there's no anything. But you have the notepad. That's awesome. And you're kind of captive. You can't really leave. And you're just there. And you go, I'm just going to bring this pad and come up with the next great sketch or bit. That's probably how you got a lot of your material. I did. I did create a lot of material in those environments. And then, you know, even like later on when we started the man show, I just took a lot of that material and just transferred it over. It's like, this is stuff I've been thinking about for a long time, but now, but clearly if I had you porn on my phone and air conditioning and a washer dryer and grub hub, I don't think I would have had those moments, you know. And it's weird. And now we have to simulate it. So we no longer have to walk to the well. You have to hit the treadmill, which is a simulated walk to the well, right? And the walk to the well was necessary, but the treadmill is optional. And that's where the problem is coming in. Can I ask you a question? I was just thinking about. Sure. What's your, from the time you started until now, how has comedy changed? And in particular with, you know, comics rely on free speech. It's like the basic tentpole of what you can do. How has that altered and changed? I'm curious from your perspective. I think there's a lot of – so there's always sort of trends in everything, music, comedy, fashion, automobile design, sports. It's like there's an aesthetic part of it. There's a rhythm part. It's sort of 80s comedian. There's a whole look. You know, so now there is no one aesthetic, like comedically. It's everything. It is like saying you go back to the 50s. Every guy had the same haircut. They wore a fedora. They had the same suit tailored. You know what I mean? You go look. Right. You go to a major league ballpark and they show pictures of the stands from 1935. And every guy's wearing the same hat, wearing the same suit. In a suit. So now you take comedy. You got guys go out there in T-shirts and sweatpants. You got guys out there wearing suits. You got guys with short hair. You got guys with long hair. You got guys with beards. You got guys with mustaches. Like we used to just go, what's the fashion? And the material and the comedy sort of followed a trend too. You know, there's like Catskill, Borscht Belt and like stuff that was very 50s comedian, you know, and then George Carlin came around and other guys like Richard Pryor and they started sort of mixing the format up a little. And so I guess the trend, there is no trend now. It's just sort of everything. And there's – within that group, there's a group that's sort of the police men of comedy saying like, hey, man, you can't say retard up on stage. You know, like they look at their jobs as sort of police stuff. Then there's – Actual comedians. There's actual comedians who do that. Interesting. And then there are comedians that completely go rogue because they don't want to be policed. And so you created what I always say is, you know, L.A., as soon as we try to force everyone into an electric car, half the people bought a Ram truck. They're like, fuck you. Other end of the spectrum. They swung it. They swung it. Right. Right. So L.A. was nothing but Honda Civics and Camrys in the 80s. People just bought a medium-sized car, got from point A to point B. Now everyone has to sort of swing. I'm going full electric. I'm going full diesel dually with the towing package. You know what I mean? And the truck nuts swinging on the back hitch, right? So same in comedy, you're saying. It's a free for all. There's still a kind of a may the best man win kind of thing. Like they're still, you know, they're guys like Shane Gillis and they got knocked down and they got comedy policed, got out of the thing and they pulled him out of SNL. But he's so talented that he was able to make his way back up, you know. And if you don't have the horsepower and you get canceled, you're never coming. You're never coming back. If you take people that are good, bona fide talents, Louis C.K. and guys like that, well, they're not really – you can't cancel them. Ricky Gervais. Ricky Gervais. They go out. It's like a really great musician. Like kick him out of the band, throw him off the tour. He's going to find his way back on stage and he's going to sell records. So the sort of politically correct policing is more done for the middle. It's not done for the insanely talented mavericks. Like you can take a guy who's like a mid-level guy and go, here's the deal. You got to use everyone's pronouns. Otherwise, you're going to get fired from this place. You go, fine. Sure, whatever you want. I got young kids, man. You tell that to Elon Musk and he goes, fuck you. because he can do it. You know what I mean? So it's a kind of a, in a weird way, it's now become a sort of meritocracy where everyone's got a voice, everyone's got a channel, everyone's got a microphone, and we're just going to let the best man or woman win. But there are people who always want to police it, and I've always said, you know, I got into it to say what I wanted to say. Were you always like that? Or have you gotten more firm in I'm going to say what I want to say? I would say I get more firm in that the more people try to tell you not to say what you want to say. But I've always said the same thing, which is essentially this. you know when people go well you know but when Kennedy says that black people don't need you know that's got to come across as kind of I go I don't give a fuck it's either true or it's not true if it's true then he can say it even if it's untrue he can say it but the point is is I don't want to change my opinions because things sound uncomfortable like to you it'll either be true or it won't be true well that is the essence of free speech, right? I agree. And by the way, I no longer trust anyone who wants to police it because I'm worried about your motives. I worry a little about your motives. I think there's ulterior motives here that run deeper than just offending some folk and whatever. But also, who puts you in charge? Who decided that you got to figure out what was okay for people to hear or say? You know? Right. So, but the best way to combat it is just for everyone to say what they want. Right. And then you decide what you want to agree with, not agree with, like, not like, and, right. Yeah. And in this thing of like, well, yeah, but you say this and then you get people to do that. Here's a little thought experiment. They go, Trump, this guy's got legions of dopey followers and they'll do whatever he tells them to do. If he tells them to jump off a bridge, he'll jump off a bridge. That's why it's dangerous when he lies. You same people said he said to inject bleach to kill COVID. That's what you guys said. You said Trump said to inject bleach. How many people injected bleach? So I don't think your experiment's going to work. Or he didn't say that. But either way, people sort it out. They may love Trump, but they're not injecting bleach. All right. The book, everyone, a memoir, landed. Landon Donovan, come back anytime, Landon. It was nice to be here with you. It was nice to finally meet you after all these years. Likewise. I grew up with you, so I appreciate it. 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Protect your equity today. That's HomeTitleLock.com, promo code Adam, or use the link below. Welcome back to the Adam Carolla Show. Here are a few upcoming lectures at Yale University that you certainly want to miss. Worrying about inequality when there's so much poverty in the world. Our moral and legal obligations to displaced people. And reversing extinction. Why climate justice needs animal rights. Make sure you miss these important lectures at Yale University. Let's get back to the Adam Carolla Show. This is my point. My point is I don't want to go to any of those lectures, so I would not go. But when Ben Shapiro shows up, you guys have to chain yourself to a dumpster and then start spray painting stuff and then storm the auditorium. Why not just treat it as a lecture you don't want to go to? See what I'm saying? Yes. Oh, I had such a long conversation about this in Nebraska with somebody over the weekend. Really? Anytime that you post something that is maybe just skews a little bit more to the left, nobody on the left will ever, you know, they won't try to condemn it. They won't agree with it. But the second you write anything online that goes against what they are about, they will blow your ass up off the Internet as fast as they possibly can. You know, I never thought about this, but let's think about it. Because there's kind of an origin for everything. Here's what I'm saying. There's a sort of chemical, practical, genetic, evolutionary thing for everything. So, and I'll straighten out that statement. So I'm thinking a lot about women and feminization and being in an influx of feminization into government and policy and we're getting everything's being safety oriented now and that's a feminine thing. But you think about the left and you think about online and, you know, on acts and firebacks and clap back and the people on the left, by and large, there's a greater group of college graduates, educated college graduates and women who can type 60 words a minute. You know what I mean? The dude, Joe Sixpack, who first off, the dudes, the red dudes, they want to go hunting and watch MMA and get drunk and get into a fight and stuff like that. They don't really want to share their feelings and opinions. So if you put something out there to the right, you got a bunch of people that, A, probably struggle with texting. Like, I'm a blue collar dude. It takes me a minute to – I can't get into a protracted text war with somebody. It takes too fucking long for me. I can't do it. I misspell everything. I can't do battle with someone on X because I don't have enough bandwidth in my brain. I can't type well enough. And also, sitting and typing feels really shitty to me. My plan is like I want to go build the house. I want to go add on the deck. I don't want to sit and do this. But that's why I was a shit student because sitting and writing and reading and preparing was all shit I didn't want to do. I wanted to be outside playing sports, building something, jumping off a roof. So you're already kind of at a cultural disadvantage when you think about it because these people have nothing but time. They have no side projects. They're not building a kayak and laminating wood in the garage. They're not doing an addition onto the house or building a cabin at their lakefront property. They're not engaged in any of that shit. They're fucking sitting around and texting and tweeting and then taking breaks and beating off and then taking another break and get the shit that the food got dropped off from Grubhub. And then they go right back to doing this. This is their muse. For me, being indoors all day, and I'm not going to say for me. I'm just saying for, like, dudes who are, like, right-leaning, who like outdoors. I mean, you think it's, like, literally the term is called outdoorsman. Yeah. That's what dudes on the right want to do. They want to go shooting and stuff on the weekend. They don't want to go tweeting on the weekend. They want to go fishing. They don't want to go tweeting. Yeah, yeah. My girlfriend, who is a crazy leftist and one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet, she will sit on the Internet all day on threads and respond to people in a very funny, kind of jovial way. But I've asked her many times, how many times have you posted something that is very left-leaning and people on the right come after you about it? She goes, well, not very often. I said, well, you're proving my point. Well, if you're out fishing. You ain't got time for that shit. Right. Or skeet shooting or something. You're just gone. I mean, literally, I would argue in the physical project department, like the I'm going to put that shed up in the backyard, that storage shed, or I'm going to add on the thing, or I'm going to put a bay window in the kitchen, or I'm going to build a treehouse, or I'm going to go, you know, chop some wood or something like that or whatever that is. that is, I would say, statistically quite a bit higher in men than it is in women and quite a bit higher on the right than it is on the left. And you basically see it like here, Los Angeles, we have a mayor. One of them is a socialist career bureaucrat who's been to Cuba 25 times. And the other is Rick Caruso. Rick Caruso would be the let's go build shit dude because I'm a commercial builder. She's the sit around and talk about it person, right? So they don't let their fists do their talking. They let their thumbs do their talking when they're texting and tweeting. So it makes perfect sense that you would get – I have no idea what we're looking at, but it makes perfect sense that we'd get a much greater response. Yeah. I got a video right now. Oh, I'm sorry. This is the Bob Barker. Oh, there's a video of these people sitting around. So that's what that's I see everything. You have to account for the phenomenon. I think that's what that is. Yeah. I got a video right now that going ridiculous because during the NCAA tournament when it started I said here are the top five college mascots that liberals have not canceled yet And that all I wrote Just something very simple and not even that funny but just something ridiculous And I think just putting the word liberal in that video, people have lost their minds. And I don't think they realize the more that they comment and the more that they just keep throwing. It throws it right back into the algorithm, and it keeps growing that video. So if you guys would just stop commenting on it, I haven't commented back to anybody on this thing. I'm not engaging. You guys are. We have the Bob Barker thing where he's getting—you know, it's great. Basically, he's getting me too. Bob Barker probably lived to 100 years old. 99, actually. And now he's gone. But he was beloved, but now not. By the way—all right, sorry, we'll play the clip. Eventually, CBS, after receiving a lot of complaints about staff hitting on the models and staring at them and making creepy comments to them, they instated what they call the 10-second rule, where you are not allowed to openly stare at a model for more than 10 seconds. I already hate this job. It's a long time to stare at somebody. Yeah, it's crazy. One, two, three, four, five. All right, hold on, pause it for a second. Listen, bitch, you don't have to be a model if you don't want to. Yeah. You could be a fucking librarian or you could be a doctor or a lawyer. You don't have to put tight clothes on and stand there. Your job is people looking at you. First off, these are narcissistic bitches because they're sitting around explaining. Rudy, remember that time everyone just kept staring at me because I look so hot? Yeah, I do, actually. So I had to institute a rule. What I got is a 10-second rule. You can look at me for 10 seconds because of my beauty, because I'm striking. And then you've got to avert your gaze. And then once you're done averting your gaze, you can come back and look at me. And speaking of gaze, I'm only affording you five seconds. I don't want to be stared at by homos. And a 40-foot radius. And a 40-foot no-fly zone. Yes, you women, people looked at you. By the way, at some point in Let's Make a Deal, you come out in your tight gown or your bathing suit, and you stand next to a sea-do for 20 minutes while the whole audience looks at you, right? Yeah, exactly. And why are you shitting on the thing that built you? They all love it. I hate that so much. Is there more to this? By the way, Pop Art. Eight, nine, ten. It was something that was put in place to placate the people who were complaining about being objectified. And it wasn't, to my knowledge, enforced. There was no one monitoring how long the guys were staring at the models. It was a joke. It was an appeasement. Okay. This is a problem. This has to do with Bob Barker, the guy who hosted the show. The sweetest guy who wanted your pet spayed and neutered. That guy. So when you die, you can get me too'd and then I'll call you a racist too. But by the way, you know, if it's 1957 and people use the term Negro and then you use the term Negro, too, that doesn't make you racist. That just means you're born in 1931. Yeah, man. That is the thing I hate about it. When people go back retrospectively and look at things that helped build them or paid for a lot of things. Oh, my God. I was just rewatching the Sgt. Slaughter documentary. That guy, his entire world was his wife and his family. and when he was on the road, his wife sat at home and when she would say, I would drop the kids off and because Bob was on the road, I just sat at home all day. And then when he would come home, I told him, Sergeant Slaughter needed to stay in the garage. And I'm like, Sergeant Slaughter built this goddamn house. Why are you shitting on Sergeant Slaughter? Oh, don't get me started on Sergeant Slaughter. I know you're more of an ultimate warrior guy, but still. Listen, I like the honky-tonk man. All right, let's do some news. All right, let's do it. So obviously this story has been walking around about Kristi Noem's cross-dressing husband, but apparently this came out out of a gentleman named Mark Caputo, a White House reporter and CBS News contributor, who talked about how this story was broken by an illegal immigrant who was out for vengeance. Did you see any of this story? No. I mean, I saw the story. Man, sexual proclivities. First things first. we should all give thanks to our lucky stars. Now you go, oh, you know, we're healthy. We want people to be healthy. You don't want them to have a cleft palate and a heart disease and, you know, born with half a lung or something like that. But then as you start moving up the food chain, you go, well, thank God I got a full head of hair at age 61 or whatever these things are. we never give thanks for not having cuckoo sexual addictions like just being attracted just being straight that's a gift yeah i mean it's not so much in the modern era but i'll throw out you know our country and society living in the middle east you know what i mean so you're not trapped in the wrong body you're not hankering for cock you don't need to watch german chicks step on cockroaches so you can come. And that's a fucking blessing. Have you been looking at my web browser again? Yes, I just wanted to bring that up with you. Yes. Yeah, so just not being a weirdo, not being a pedophile. Like literally, I'm attracted to nine-year-old boys. Could you imagine a fucking burden? I gotta put a weird sports bra on like a Canadian shop teacher and get out there and deep cut reference to that guy. and then take pictures so I can orgasm, you know, talking to other dudes. Like, it's so nice not to have that burden. Not to have any of that. I agree. Yeah, having the people out there that, you know, there's a DTF St. Louis. I don't know if you've seen any of this on HBO at all. Great show. Jason Bateman is in it. But a lot of it is about, you know, watching your wife get plugged by another guy and all of this stuff. And man, just having regular hetero sex with another person of the opposite sex is that for me, that feels enough. Well, look at. Think about what P. Diddy's missing out on right now. Think about what Harvey Weinstein is missing out on right now. Yeah. Think about Bill Cosby's legacy. They could have just been flying private and being the toast of the town. Yeah, when you see the guys out there, I always think about Danny Masterson. That guy had Hollywood by the balls. He could add any woman that he wanted, but he chose because that is just what is inside of people. Aaron Hernandez, you're never going to get that out of him. Yes, you are one of the best tight ends in the NFL, but at heart, you want to walk around and murder people. That's who you are. So, yeah, crazy story. Trump wages war on California insurance giants. I don't know if you saw this tweet that came out, I guess off of, I guess, true social posts, but President Trump took aim at insurance giant State Farm and other providers by accusing them of abandoning Southern California that was devastated by last year's wildfire. He says people have been paying them large premiums for years only to find out that when tragedy struck, these horrendous companies were not there to help. Well, look, the thing about insurance companies, and I'm sure this is true, but insurance companies make their money insuring things. Yes. And like gas companies make their money refining oil and turning it to gas and then selling it. And commercial builders make their bones building stuff. And this is all stuff they would happily do in California. but if you regulate them too much, then they're not going to do it because it becomes too burdensome. So we just drive away industry and business, and then we get mad at the industry and the business. So our blue way of approaching life is we're going to defund the police and say nobody is illegal. We'll have cashless bail and so on and so forth. And then you can try to run your CVS pharmacy on the corner, but it's going to be looted all the time with these mobs. And we're not going to do anything about them. And we're not really going to arrest anybody. And then shoplifting is going to be a huge problem. Half of your inventory is going to be stolen. You have to lock everything up in cages and everything. We're not going to prosecute or police or do any of that. And then at some point, CVS goes, fuck it, we're moving out of Oakland. And they go, whoa, where are you going? This is some kind of racist shit. And where are these people going to get their prescription meds and condoms? It's like CBS is in the business of making money. They're not a charity. They would like to. They opened a store in Oakland with the presumption of making money. After 10 years of losing money because you guys can't run a city, then they leave. And then you usually get angry at them. Like Gavin Newsom wants to know why Chevron's gouging and charging more money for gas or whatever. You overregulated it. The insurance companies leave. Elon Musk leaves. Everyone leaves. So insurance companies want to insure and did insure and worked in California for a long time insuring. But if you make it too difficult for them to do it and you basically offer how would one insure homes in the Palisades? That's their job. Their job is to insure the homes. Your job is to not have an empty aqueduct and clear the forest. But you don't clear the forest or fill the aqueduct, and you want these guys to keep insuring you in the place that's going to burn down because they're aware of it. Yeah. And there's also the footage that comes back that sort of sets a narrative, too. Like you watch the documentaries about Hurricane Katrina, and these poor people have lost their homes of 40 years. They come back and they go, I know you guys got flood insurance, but it wasn't a flood. It was the levees broke. So sorry about that. We're not going to cover that. They don't want to pay anybody. They're in the business of you paying them and them not paying out. And I'm not really defending them because they're doing what any business. Look, Chevron is not charging 275 a gallon. They're charging 675 a gallon because they're just in the business of going, well, if you want to make it harder for us, we'll just pass. We'll pass that along to the customer. You know, so we make everything difficult. It's impossible to do business in California. And so businesses don't want to do business here. Absolutely. All right. What's next? Four people connected to a company hired by New York City to operate homeless shelters for migrants were arrested Tuesday as part of a federal public corruption investigation. You're from Minnesota. What do you know about this? Stay in your lane, bro. The charges Tuesday focused on two leaders of the nonprofit Bragg's Home Care Corporation who were accused of stealing more than $1.3 million from the taxpayers-backed organization and two subcontractors who, in the indictment, say paid bribes and kickbacks to the men in exchange for contracts worth millions. is look obviously this is gonna be the new subject for our society for a while it's gonna be all this insane waste and abuse and fraud because it's it has to be this way because it we cannot help it yeah so somebody brought this up but it's true. You, you know, you go to Stanford and you're just a 19 or 20 year old kid and you're a good kid and you did your homework and you took the SATs and, oh man, we got to get more people of color and positions of power. So you go to Stanford and, and you're a good citizen. You did what you had to do to get to Stanford and you studied and you did well in the test and you did extracurricular activities and now you're at stanford and so you go through your first semester at stanford and you're doing your homework and and uh reading your books and being a good student and you go through your second year let's say and then your third year comes around and your roommate says um you go you got finals coming up and uh you know they only give you an hour to do the final so i'm really going to stay up all night and the roommate goes, I get three hours to do the finals. And you go, why do you get three hours? No, it's one hour. No, no, no. If you get a note from your doctor saying you're on the spectrum of Asperger's, then you get more time. Even guys can take it the next day and stuff like that. Really? You just get a note? Do you have this disease? I don't know, but you're just going to get a note. You can turn the note in and then you can get an extra hour to do your homework. Well, next thing you know, that's what everyone does. Now, this kid's not a bad kid. He's not a criminal. He's not a thief. He's not a gangbanger. He just had, saw an opportunity, took the opportunity. You start taking money and spreading it around that way, everyone's getting in on it. It will be everywhere. Ask any person who has ever been a, say, entrepreneur or self-employed about their taxes, and they will justify every single penny they possibly came to get the most back. Absolutely. Yes, and we used to think women wouldn't engage in this. Turns out they do it more. Way more. We used to think black people wouldn't do it. Turns out they do it more. So this whole thing, I was like, we have women of color and position. They'll do it as fast as any red-haired dude from the 50s would do it. Yeah, yeah. Turns out just people are – doesn't matter what sex, race, whatever it is, man. It's all the same. Everyone wants free money. Absolutely. Everyone – investigators are also probing whether city council member Farrah Louise – what? A woman and her sister, Debbie Louise, an aide to New York Governor Kathy Hochul, accepted bribes and related. Here's the whole thing. Everybody will abuse the system. Now that we understand that, we must deconstruct the system completely. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you were talking about this the other day, but wanted to bring this up because I have a personal story that actually comes with this. So why Tiger Woods won't hire a driver? So Tiger Woods has previously declined to hire a driver for himself due to privacy reasons, a source tells People exclusively. The professional golfer, 50, was arrested and charged with DUI with property damage in Florida on Friday, March 27th. Woods doesn't want anyone to watch over him or know what he is doing, is what this insider says. Now, that was a point that you were making the other day, that he doesn't want people up in his business and knowing where he's at and what he's doing. And there was a – Well, part of it is – I can't tell you how many times I've Ubered to the airport and, like, been on the phone in the back of the Uber and not wanted to get into whatever subject. What are the guys sitting there? Yeah. Now, they could invent the quiet car, and it just had the shield in between. Remember during COVID, they'd hang cellophane and stuff on it? You'd see, like, nine inches of daylight on the right, flapping in the wind. But that was good science at the New York Cavs. You could do a partition and, you know, Tiger, you could probably get one of his Range Rovers, right? And for probably under 20 grand, you could have it outfitted with a partition that was like double paned, soundproof. You know, Tiger could go and go sit in the front, have you go yell in the back and you couldn't hear him. but someone's dropping him off at his Guma's house at 3 a.m. That's another situation there. Yeah. So the reason why I brought it up is you were discussing this, that people would say, like, why didn't you just get a driver? He's obviously rich. He can afford a personal driver. Why not? There was a professional athlete from Minnesota. I won't say his name. I don't know if he wants this out there, but a friend of mine and a good acquaintance became his personal driver after this athlete's second DUI. and they basically for the first six months he would just have you know run them to the bank or run them to the store whatever it was but all of a sudden one night he was like hey man um we want to go out for a couple of drinks why don't you show up around seven o'clock pick us up next thing you know it's four o'clock in the morning he's still driving this athlete and their friends around and and uh at the end of it the guy was like well all right you passed so what i wanted to do was for the first six months was I needed you, I needed to trust you. I needed to get you into the circle. So that's why we've been kind of slowly, gradually getting this relationship to where I can trust you. And now this is what it really is. So if you want to be on board with this, this is what it pays. You will have all these secrets, but on top of it, I do need you to keep your mouth shut. And this guy said, absolutely, man, where do I sign? And was on board with it. So hiring a driver you don't know, I get, but bringing somebody into the fold that you trust and you make them part of the crew. Now that's a different story. Yeah, it's just that part where you have to cross over into, this is my girlfriend's house, not my wife's house. You know, that and here I smell it. I can do a little booger sugar or whatever that is. It's hard, yeah. Because I've had other comics that I've gone on the road with where I go to their house to pick them up and I go, hey, I didn't know is your girlfriend home? And then they get a weird look on their face. and then we get out in the car and they go, by the way, home girlfriend is upstairs, road girlfriend, we're picking her up at a Walmart. And then they come on the road for the weekend and then we drop her back off at the Walmart when we get back to town and then he goes back to his girlfriend's house. And now I'm stuck with this secret for the rest of my life. You're talking about Jeff Foxworthy? Obviously, yes. You might be a cheater if you pick up your girlfriend at a Walmart and a Dodge Charger. Well, I have a thought. I don't know if you have another story or not. No. Okay. I have a thought. And Dawson, you're going to be in on this thought. You're going to like this thought. So there was a Colorado Supreme Court ruling, and it was about, I don't know, trans kids and having conversations, counseling and whatever. And Colorado's gone fucking nuts. Like when I was a kid, Colorado was like, you know, Denver Broncos and Rocky Coors. Yeah, John Denver. John Denver. That was about it. They become progressive fucking crack crackheads over there. I don't know why, but it's not good. And obviously they're going to ruin Colorado. But they were fighting. There's a Supreme Court and I see we can figure it out. But basically they were saying if your kid is thinks he's trapped in the wrong body or she's trapped in the wrong body and they're 15, the parents can sit with a counselor and clergy and whatever and have a discussion about this with the parents there. Of course, that was a bridge too far for Colorado. They want all that outlawed because they want every kid to get their genitals mutilated before their 18th birthday. March 31, 2016, the Supreme Court ruled 8 to 1, Charles v. Svendez, finding that Colorado's ban on conversion therapy for minors likely violates the First Amendment. The decision of the court sided with Kaylee Childs, a Christian licensed professional, whatever. Okay, so, all right. But here's what I want to say. And tell me what you guys think of this. It's eight to one. It's eight to one. So these are Supreme Court. These are the law of the land. When you take the Supreme Court, and you go total amount of law experience, including law school and clerking for this and working for your own firm and all that kind of stuff. You take those nine people, you've got 400 years of law study, right? I mean, you got nine, some are a little younger than others, but some are older. You have literally at a minimum like 300 years of law experience, right? Ketanji Brown Jackson is a progressive. She's not in there to apply the law. She's in there because she's a progressive, right? And when we do the Supreme Court, we have our gentleman's agreement, which is you're not here to support this side or that side. You're here to interpret the law and give it. But we all know politics gets in the way. And so people tend to lean this way or lean that way. And I get it. Your fan can't help but cheer for your team. But we need you to make like sober, qualified decisions. So if you are so partisan that it is eight to one, it's 400 years of experience against your 19 years. But if it's eight to one, you got to go. Yeah. Because you've showed yourself for being partisan at that point. Yeah. Because everyone else has agreed to the rules. They've stuck with it. And so here's what I'll say. there should be a rule in the Supreme Court that if you get too many eight to ones or seven to twos, you got to go. And you would knock this shit off. You would knock your partisan bullshit off and it would work the other way too. Like if it was all a bunch of stuff and you're the one conservative who sided with the NRA, you get caught in too many of those, we'll throw you out. In boxing, if you didn't see the same fight the other two guys saw too many times, you're not a judge anymore. They'll throw your ass out. Because they go, we all just watched this fight. We all just saw what happened. And we all just picked the winner. And you went the other direction. And that can happen. But if it keeps happening, you may be a bad judge. Yeah. Yeah, that's why even baseball has gone to automatic balls and strikes. And, boy, that has got to suck when you get two or three of those called against you in a row. That's got to hurt a little bit. It makes you realize that you're not as good at your job as you think you are. I think she's a partisan hack. And, by the way, the right is a little bit smarter. They're not going to get into an 8-to-1 situation because you look like a dope. You look like what you are. But if there's enough lopsided stuff that you're on the losing end of and it could be on either direction, we'll boot you out. Yeah. And that would make you measured and more measurable because you have the supreme law interpreters in the world and eight of them saw something and you saw something else, which means you didn't see it because there's nothing they didn't think of. It just meant you are a progressive who agrees with whatever retardism Colorado is trying to float up our asses this week. And for that reason, you don't need to listen to Ketaji Brown Jackson. She's compromised. Yeah. And these assholes that say that The Wizard of Oz is not a good movie. You know what I mean? Like all these people that are out there. Yeah, sorry. Toy Story was freaking fantastic. All right? The Pixar stuff is written better than live action stuff. Absolutely. All right. April, Salt Lake City, 10th and 11th. Wise Guys, two shows there on the 10th and the 11th. And then San Diego, Solana Beach, belly up doing some live stuff there, stand-up shows and live shows. Phoenix, Desert Ridge Improv coming up. That'll be April 19th. Sorry, April 17th through the 19th. You can go to amcroll.com for all the live shows. What do you got, Rudy? Let's see. This weekend I will be at Bananas Comedy Club in Rutherford, New Jersey with our good friend Jonathan Kite. The following week I'm going to be at L.A. Comedy Club at the Stratosphere in Las Vegas, and then I'll be in Phoenix with you. So, until next time, Adam Crawford, Rudy Pavich, and Landon Donovan saying mahalo. Pick up your phone and leave us a voicemail. The number is 888-634-1744 and get tickets to see Adam Carolla at adamcarolla.com. star trek film franchise and gladiator and tv shows like survivor spongebob squarepants the fairly odd parents and ghosts pluto tv is always free pluto tv stream now pay never pluto tv has thousands of free movies and tv shows we're coming at you with everything we got This is the mindset. Free. This is the mantra. Free. This is the mindset. Mindset. Mindset. With movies like Pineapple Express, the entire Star Trek film franchise, and Gladiator, and TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Fairly Odd Parents, and Ghosts, Pluto TV is always free. Huzzah! Pluto TV. Stream now. Pay never.