Howdy, it is Jeffrey Kranor telling you that welcome to Night Vale is coming to Europe. Specifically, we will be in Edinburgh on May 27th, 2026. Manchester on the 28th, London on the 29th, and Amsterdam on May 30th. Those tickets are on sale right now. So go get them and come see our newest live show, Murder Night in Blood 4, is that last week of May of 2026. Murder Night in Blood 4 is maybe the funniest wildest show we've done for a live show tour. So I really hope you all can come check it out. Tickets are available at welcometonight Vale.com slash live. And hey, if you like other things that we make, you can check out some other podcasts like Random Horror 9, where Cecil Baldwin and I talk horror movies or best worst, where Joseph Fink and Meg Bashwinner discuss the IMDB rated best and worst episodes of important television shows. And of course, Alice isn't dead is returning April 13th, so make sure you are subscribed to that. Okay, now on to your Night Vale episode and hey, thanks. Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I'm very annoying. Welcome to Night Vale. Listeners, as some of you may know, I'm a real horror buff, which is a term for people who like to watch horror movies in the nude. And I regularly get requests from people who are looking for good horror movie recommendations. I want to feel fear. They say to me, please, they say, I want to look at a screen and be scared of it. I want to trick my adrenal system into thinking I'm about to die, but I'm not actually about to die I'm just watching TV. Well, today's the day. I'm going to run through a few of my favorite horror movies. Should you wear clothes while watching them? Well, that's up to you. But first, an update on Steve Karlsberg and his shipping company that has a total monopoly on moving goods in and out of Night Vale. The company uses the men who are not tall and men who are not short, formerly, of labyrinth and their secret knowledge of moving stuff through weird and wild space. Steve calls this company Steve's moving stuff with an exclamation point. Yeah, he's not great at branding, honestly. But he is now a multi-millionaire, strolling into the last bank of Night Vale where he used to work as a lowly employee, now with bundles of cash and checks to deposit in his account. He says he's not sure what to do with that money, and I told him to give it to me. And he laughed. And I said, why are you laughing? I'm serious. I give it to me. I want it. And he said, oh, Cecil, you card and slapped my back. I'm glad things are going well for him, but I really would like that money. On a personal note, I'm fortunate that the lawsuit involving Esteban at WitchCamp was so amicably settled, and I hope we are all very welcoming to the new Bear Family in town. The Bears were promptly sedated and caged by a commando team from the Night Vale Zoo. I'm sure they love their new home, which features luscious concrete floors, a beautiful flickering bear bulb, and an exciting crowd of onlickers gawking at them at all hours of day and night. But Carlos is concerned about Esteban's behavior since the camp. He's been a little withdrawn, scrying a lot, and pondering orbs. Carlos wants us to try sending him to a science camp to see if we can balance things out. If any of you have ever dealt with your child being straight up a little witch, let me know what you did about that. I'm going to start my horror recommendations with something obvious. The ring. Yes, it's a popular one, but if you're the type that wears socks while watching horror, and you want to scare those socks off, then this is the movie for you. The ring is the story of a cursed videotape. Everyone who watches it gets a phone call in which someone whispers seven days to them. And then seven days later, a little girl crawls out of their television and kills them. However, and here's the fun twist. No one has a VCR anymore, and so the little girl hasn't been able to crawl out of a TV for a while, and she's getting bored. So she tries to get a fad going to use VCRs again, you know, a throwback thing. VHS has a warmer texture. She whispers for her dead voice to people as they sleep. Digital is gold and lifeless while VHS reminds you of safe childhood mornings. Unfortunately, this backfires on her when people revive Betamax instead, and she never gets to leave the TV again, which is a terrifying fate for her. I saw the ring when I was 14 years old, and I'll tell you, I didn't sleep right for weeks. I was just so sad that the girl couldn't come out of the TV and be friends with me. More soon, but now, real estate listings. If you're like me, it's fun to hop on Zillow sometimes and look at the houses near you, and they're increasingly absurd asking prices due to the fact that we basically stop building houses in this country in 2008. So let's see what we have here. Oh, oh, this is lovely. It's a two-bed, two-bath for a pretty reasonable price. Now, to be clear, it consists of exactly two bedrooms and two bathrooms and no other rooms. Also, none of the bedrooms or bathrooms are connected to each other. They're in four separate structures at different addresses. But you know, 1.8 million isn't bad for that. Okay, here's a one-bedroom condo listing price under a million, so that's a rare find. Now, there is an HOA, and the HOA does do Shirley Jackson's The Lottery once a month, which is why condos are always opening up in that building. But this newly renovated kitchen is to die for. And you might. Next, we have a four-bed three-bath home, vaulted ceilings, open kitchen, dead-eyed children crawling around to the basement, stunning views of the Black Casm, new HVAC throughout. Uh, oh, listing says it's not for sale, they just wanted to brag. Finally, this is a nice little starter home, only 400,000, and it has updated appliances and an enclosed porch. Now, the location isn't great. It's hundreds of miles from Night Vale, past the sand wastes and the scrublands deep into the arid nowhere that surrounds us. But hey, working from home is a thing, right? This has been Real Estate Listings. This next horror movie is a classic. Some might even say it's THE classic. That's right, I'm talking about John Carpenters' Halloween. Filmed on a shoe-string budget with an unknown cast, Halloween redefined horror forever. It's the story of a young orphan whose Captain Kirkmask gets bleached until it's unrecognizable. In a fit of rage about his ruined mask, our hero goes through town, meeting locals and family members he hasn't seen in a while. In the end, he has an argument with his sister and then leaves town. Halloween is something of a coming of age tale, and also there's a part where a guy gets pinned to a wall with a knife. So I guess it's also a little bit of a screwball comedy. Today's show is sponsored by Dix Automall, out on Route 800, just past the man who was always on fire. Seeking a Jeep on the cheap? Want a Ford you can afford? Look no further than Dix Automall, which is right by the man on fire. The man is standing by the highway, the flames melt his skin, but he never quite dies. He screams at cars that pass. His screams sound almost like words, but they cannot be deciphered. Some nights we go out and stand in the glow of his flesh and try to understand him, but we never quite do. We're always close, but never there. Some of us think that one of the words he's saying is obligation or possibly seagull. One of those two, for sure. Maybe. All to say, passed by the eternally screaming and burning man, and you'll be at Dix Automall. Our prices can't be beat, at least not by any place you'll be able to get to in this remote area. Good luck shopping around. Dix Automall. We also think the burning man sometimes says the name Annabelle, but it's also possible he's saying Enville. This has been a word from our sponsors. I asked some of you at home to call in with your own horror favorites. Here they are. He's sweetie. It's your favorite scientist, Carlos. I guess I didn't need to say my name anyway. Um, okay, so you know I'm not much of a horror guy. If I want to feel scared, I just think about my trial living in a planet totally reshaped by climate change, but if I had to pick one, ooh, that's a tough one. Oh, I got it. Love actually. It's Dana. We haven't talked in a long time, so it was certainly interesting that your first communication in me in years was a note written on the back of a 7-Eleven receipt that just says which horror movie with the age capitalized for some reason. Anyway, it's the purge too. Let me know if you want to actually talk sometime. This is Deb, the sentient patch of haze, and I'm here today to present and add from what, no ad. You want to know my favorite horror movie? Oh, sweetie, I don't work for free. No, no, no, a good day to you. Cecil Buddy, it's Tameka. I'm kind of in the middle of some intense crossfit right now. I'm doing the one where you push a tire for hours, and I'm hundreds of miles out in the desert now. No idea where I am or how to get back. There's a cute little house here, though, and it has a for sale sign. Anyways, I'm sure it'll be fine. Personally, I love vampire movies, so you know that I'm all about that sequel to Brokeback Mountain where they're both vampires. Thanks, everyone, who called in. I thought it might be fun to have a little history lesson. Let's learn together about the history of famous maxims. We all know the phrase, take one for the team, and we know what it means, to steal one dollar from a bank in order to help a local sports team. But where does it come from? Well, this is an interesting question. It used to be that baseball teams were formed on a conscription basis, due to it being a boring game that no one wanted to play or watch. And so an army was formed, and this army would march from village to village, and at each village they would steal one young child for a life of baseball. When the army approached the terrible thunder of their boots filling the air, the whisper would go out through the terrified town that they had come to take one for the team. So now you know. Another fun saying, a penny saved is a penny earned. Okay, we all know this one. It's about cheating on your taxes, but where does it come from? To learn about this, we have to go back to the ancient days of 1983. Back then, there was an elderly man who lived by the old Night Vale Hospital across town from the new Night Vale Hospital. This man was known as the penny man, and if you brought him a penny, he would pay you a penny. Not the same penny, no. He was paying you for the service of bringing him a penny, and his rate for that was one penny. He was tough, but fair. His face was scrolled with dirt and his eyes squinted into yours like he was staring into the sun. At night, he would wander from house to house, knocking gently on the windows and groaning, so you would know that everything was okay and you didn't have to worry. The penny man loves you so much, and he is sorry for what he must someday do. Finally, the saying, a rolling stone gathers no moss was apparently originally a sex thing. So that's where that comes from. Well, back to my wrecks. Of course, you can't talk about horror movies without talking about iconic horror movie themes. Who doesn't think of jaws when they hear that, duh, dumb? Or Norman having a weird time in the shower whenever a bird goes, near you. But I'd say my favorite horror movie theme, and you'll know it right away. It'll bring to mind almost an entire movie, sort of a prusty in moment, but scary. Anyway, my favorite horror theme is this one. You're so full, Cosmic. You're wonderful. You are not loved. You're so full, Cosmic. You're so full, Cosmic. You're so full, Cosmic. You're so full, Cosmic. You're so full, Cosmic. You're so full, Cosmic. But you don't love me, you're so full. You feel a hole in the space, feel your thoughts. And you don't love them, but it's their love. Attention. Attention. Rail travelers, platform paces, window gays and our rest of the gossiators. Have you heard? The big rail fair for ease is here. Rail fairs have been frozen across England until March 2027 on standard class tickets, including off-peak, anytime and season tickets. For more information, visit nationalrail.co.uk-flash-fares-for-ease. I'm almost out of time on today's broadcast. Soon the woman at the end of the long haul will climb up her staircase and switch the radio tower off for the night. And then she will slink away again down the staircase to wherever that staircase leads. None of us will ever dare to find out. So before that happens, let's get into my absolute favorite horror movie. I know what you're thinking. Cecil, what is it? Is it Psycho or Nightmare on Elm Street? Or that home video we all received of the guy eating his own hand, which definitely was a bummer to watch, which we all did. The entire thing without looking away for some reason? No, those are all great, except for the video of the guy eating his own hand. Which was traumatizing. But my favorite horror movie is the one about someone who is going about their day, listening to a man tell them a story. They don't know this man, not personally, but they like his voice and they like the stories he tells. Maybe they've been listening to this man for years. Maybe they just found him. But here they are, with headphones or laptop or car speakers listening to the man talk. They are now not merely themselves. They are also a listener defined by their own passive action. And then the man's voice is cut off with a hiss and hiss. But we do hear the man again a little, but something is different. Something is wrong. His voice sounds distant, like the listener is hearing him through a thick wall or a gap in reality. The man tells the listener that he is looking at them. The listener cannot see the man. Not yet. The man is tapping his long dirty fingers on his leg and humming a melody that is older than humanity. His eyes are like holes with no bottom and his teeth click like a spine breaking. The listener is looking frantically around for the man and indeed the man is getting closer. Perhaps the listener hears a soft squeak in the floorboards, the sound of movement through headphones, the rustle of something lurching to life in their backseat. But the listener will not see the man, not until the man wants to be seen. That's the bad news. The good news is the man wants to be seen. Very. Very. Soon. I love that movie. It's called Heat and it stars Robert Tineiro as the listener and Al Pacino as the man. Oh, it's so spooky. You have to watch it. You have to. No, really, you'll get in a lot of trouble if you don't. Please, don't make me report you to the authorities. Stay to next for the third act of a horror movie, where things really start to fall apart. Good night, night veil, good night. Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Night Vale Presents. It is written by Joseph Pink, Jeffrey Kramer and Bri Williams, sound design and production by disparition. The voice of Carlos is Dylan Marin. The voice of Dana is Jessica Nicole. The voice of Tamika is Symphony Sanders. The voice of Deb is Meg Bashwinner. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin, original music by disparition. All of it can be found at disparition.net. This episode's weather was Watermelon by Clavicle. Find out more at the link in our show notes. Comments, questions, email us at infoatwelcometonightvail.com or follow us on Blue Sky at Night Vale Radio or on Instagram, Tumblr and TikTok at Night Vale official or join America offline, our new internet service where you don't use the internet. But mainly check out Welcome to Night Vale.com where we have a twice monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up to date directly from us to you. Today's proverb, bedroom tip. Try incorporating ancient rights and chance to spice things up. Hey, all it is Jeffrey Kramer speaking to you from the year 2025. And did you know that Welcome to Night Vale is back out on tour? We are. We're going to be up in the northeast in the Boston, New York City area going all the way over to the Upper Midwest in Minnesota. That's in July. You know, kind of draw a line through there and you'll kind of see the towns will be heading. We'll also be doing Philly down to Florida in September and we'll be going from Austin all the way up through the middle of the country into Toronto, Canada in October. And then we'll be doing the West Coast plus the Southwest plus Colorado in January of 2026. You can find all of the show dates at Welcome to Night Vale.com slash live. Listen, this brand new live show is so much fun. It is called Murder Night in Blood Forest and it stars Cecil Baldwin, of course, Symphony Sanders, me and live original music by desperation. And who knows what other special guests may come along for the ride. These tours are always so much fun and they are for you, the diehard fan and you the Night Vale new kid alike. So feel comfortable bringing your family, your partner, your co-workers, your cat, whatever. They don't got to know what a night Vale is to like the show tickets to all of these live shows are on sale now at Welcome to Night Vale.com slash live. Don't let time slip away and miss us when we are in your town because otherwise we will all be sad. Get your tickets to our live US plus Toronto tours right now at Welcome to Night Vale.com slash live. And hey, see you soon.
