Giggling about boy moms, being amish, and brazilian waxes

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Subtit, Loon. Very fixed to Wi-Fi. Manifest that should be Campy Manage. I'm in the day just got away from me. Okay, we got a recommendation from Paige on this one. Welcome my Glendale Gagler. Welcome to your people. My people. It's like an old Kardashian reference. I always forget to sometimes pick up my microphone. Yeah, yeah, your little pink microphone. We're back, baby. We got our Duncan refreshers. We're back, we're a little late. We had a snow storm. Things were happening. I'd like to jump right in with some things that have annoyed me thus far in my week. I love this because literally when I tell you we've been holding back, the two episodes a week is giving me life. I've never had more shit to say. Get on it. I actually think it's making me more present in my everyday life because I'm like, I'll be talking to someone. I'll be like, can you repeat that? I'm going to talk about it on my back. No, the amount of times I don't respond to someone and just start writing in my notes up and they're like, are you okay? I'm like, this is going to be perfect for something. I can't get into it right now. I'm curting content for the others. I also have a small surprise for you. Like when we get into it, like not even a surprise. Like something I need to read to you. Anyway, first and foremost on my docket. Like I have a surprise I can read. I'm so sorry. She's like, I figured out a sentence. I sound it out some words and you know it forms a sentence. I said to me the other day, like, oh, how did Gigglebook and I go, the what? They go, the book, I got the book my friend wrote. Yeah. You mean last year? You mean last year. I'm talking about 226 babies. Sorry, that was last fiscal year. I've moved on. My first gripe because I think it happened like right after we recorded last week. Did you see the live climber? I knew you were going to say that. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. So I'm with Alicoport on the road and we're waiting to go on stage and she goes, oh, this guy's like climbing and we put it on in the green room. Of course, every girl is just like, go to therapy. Every girl is like, the things men do and stuff going to therapy. What were your thoughts? I thought it should be illegal. First of all, I thought this seems like a huge liability for Netflix. They just bought another company. This guy dies. It's all done. No, I'm not at the end. He's just standing on top of it. And I'm like, at any moment, he could sneeze. A bird could hit him in the head. Also, if he were to die, I mean, I guess they had like... I guess they'd cut the camera. It must have been delayed a little. Yeah. But that would have traumatized the generation. When he got to the top, I go, now how's he getting in the bell, then? That's what I was like. Is there a helicopter coming? How's he getting down? Also, the things men do to not take care of their family. Like spend some quality time with your children. And then having his wife watch, like he's at war or something, was strange. There are men that will literally throw a fit if their wife goes on like a girl's weekend. And this man's like, hey babe, so I might die tomorrow. You're good with the kids though, right? Like, what the fuck? I wonder if they asked the wife, like, can you watch if she was like, no, I have a family to take care of. I can't watch my husband like rock climbing. I think there was one like sound bite that she gave that was like, yeah, like he said, he talks about this when we were dating. I didn't think he was serious. I thought it was a bit of joke. No, the things that men will truly do to not just speak to someone who went to school to become professional, psychiatric, helper. It's crazy. Like call your mom, call your dad, talk some of these like childhood things through. I also call up your nearest pizza delivery person. Have a quick chat and figure it out. I mean, this I just I could I actually was so mad watching it at one point. I go turn it off. Turn it off. I hope this guy fucking fought. I was so pissed. Well, I hate to say it. We have no connection to this man. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Is he the villain? Did he do something wrong and he's trying to escape? Is this Godzilla? Like, what are we watching here? Here's the other thing. I felt like a mom because I was like, okay, now if my child turned on Netflix, click to this. And then all of the sudden thought he could scale our home. I'd be livid. And God forbid the guy fell and my child is sitting there like, huh? Like I just don't know what he's saying. You know what he's saying? The girls are trying to like climb their dresser right now and it's like this. We don't need this. It was a weird flex on Netflix's part. But like, it also is annoying me because it did well so people love fame. So next thing the men are going to like, nominally, there's going to be weird shit doing like, I'm going to go underwater for some two hours. No, like let's just practice empathy. Let's practice empathy. Love thy neighbor. Let's practice empathy as a country. Let's calm the fuck down. Also, you know that when she was first dating him, he was like talking of his ass. I love climbing and she was like, cool. I love a guy with a goal and passion, you know, who loves. Love his will. Yeah, like you see a challenge and you and you know she was sitting there like, how the fuck did we get here? Like she was thinking about that other guy on him. She was like, I'm not really out dorsi. And at first she thought it was boring and now she's like, that would have been nice. I could have been or with a shoe salesman. Like I could have been with someone normal. Stop pretending you're out dorsi on these abs. We know you don't like mosquitoes. We know, yeah, you like a sunset that doesn't mean you want to go camping. Let's just be upfront in the beginning because that could be you. This is a warning. You know what's funny? I was talking to one of my friends the other day and she was like, oh, like yeah, like I did the half marathon. And then like one of my other friends was there and was like, wow, like how long did you do it? Like how long was your mile? And she was like, oh, like I think it was like nine minutes. Guys, do you know I've never ran a mile? And... Humber Brack. And they looked to me and they go, if you believe it, you can do it. How? Like our high school didn't do it. I didn't, I didn't join any organized sports. So who's telling me to run a mile? I've made you walk a mile before against your will. That's different. That's a trick. I mean, like I've never gotten dressed and been like, I'm going to run. Watch me run. Well, famously running a mile was my most traumatic event in college. And I promised not to run a time mile since. And I've been able to do that. So if you guys want hope and you want to look towards like something that's motivational and inspiring, Pigeon, I both haven't run a mile in a long time. Can I guess what your mile was at your height of like your peak athleticism? Well, this is a sports podcast. Let's go. Don't get me going, girl. This is my shit. Let's go. Wait, I've been winning my whole life. I'm going to say at your peak, you could run one mile sprint in like four minutes and 30 seconds. Okay, that's insane. Is it? So under four minutes, it's like the best. The way I love you so much, you're like, well, you're my best friend. You're strong. You're fast. Okay, not to get into my dark past, but after you have 10 a season, we all have a summer free. And you can stay at the school and train, but not all of us do. Did you? And then I did my first season, like freshman, and then I was, I didn't. That sounds traumatized. So when you come back, the coach isn't just like, welcome back guys. He's like, so what do you guys do all summer? And are you ready to play? And we're like, what do you mean? And he's like, it's like survivor. And he's like, okay, we're all going to do the mile test. And if you run more than seven minutes, you're not making the team. So you're immediately up for an elimination. Wait, more than seven minutes. Yeah, so if you run over seven minutes, you're not qualified for your scholarship. So my fastest was 615, which for like a sprinter, that's pretty good. And famously, my friend was puking in the bathroom after. So I went in, I started puking, the whole team started puking. And that's a trauma bond that you could never undo. And it's women supporting women. And we all felt so light and skinny afterwards. It was truly amazing. You would have loved it. That I would love. So yeah, no, I can't. I know, ever. That's when anyone's ever like, oh my god, you're going to be on traders. Or like, you should do. I'm like, I'm not running for someone else. Well, I think like, I've lived a lot of lives. And I'm like, I've done this shit. And the amount of messages I got from the last episode of me explaining the nuances of tennis, like, rudeness to you made me realize, like, like, also, I was on a team with seven girls who had to play against each other. Like, this was, this was torture. This was torture. Speaking of traders, I watched the first episode. Well, I fell asleep, but I like started the season. I watched the first episode. It's so much funnier. Now that I know the Colton lore to go back and like, be starting the season, because in the very first episode, he kind of says, here's the thing with, here's my thing with like, men that I think you were so locked in. I'm so locked in. You're like, you're not getting away with me, but you're not getting away from me. Okay. I don't even know Cassie, but I stand with her. Here's my one thing that I've learned over my many years of dating that I use to like the overlook in men. This also would, I would say, goes for friendships too. If someone has to repeatedly tell you who they are, it's a quick lesson that that is not who they are. Not who they are. That's who they want to be, and they like, probably try and be that version of themselves, but that is not them. Like, if you're dating a guy and he's like, I'm a really nice guy. I'm just a nice guy. I'm a really good guy. I'm like, no one said you weren't. Why are you saying that to me? I'm just, you know, I'm just stupid. I get myself in these, I, I, it's like, no, you're evil. You're manipulative and I've, and I've caught you. Every guy that says they're a good guy is evil, continue. And in the first episode, he's going up to like find out if he's a trader or not. And I don't even know what Cass member says it. Like, oh, you're like, you're laughing so much. Like, I wonder what you got, what you are, like trader or faithful. And he says, I'm just a happy guy. You'll learn that. I'm just, I'm in a good mood. And then again, that was scary. I actually got chills when he said that. I got old. Because first of all, no one's happy. Let's just get that. No one's happy. You're at work. Period. No one's happy. You're a fucking liar. No one's been happy in the history of civilization. You're a liar. Then when he goes, everyone says like, how did you like play in the NFL? First of all, you barely played in the NFL. Second, he was like, people think like, oh, I'm so big and mean. How did I hit people? Wait, what are you talking about? Yeah, you stalk someone. That's the, I rather you be in the NFL, get CTE because you got hit so many times, than ever stalk anyone. You literal freak. Anyway, I don't even know if I can continue because he makes me so angry. And here's another thing. And this is the last thing I'll say. You ever meet a girl and people will say, this is only a phrase for women because people hate women. But where they'll be like, she is crazy girl eyes. Like, you ever meet a girl and you're like, oh, yeah. Now I usually make that person my best friend because I'm like, you're a little bit crazy. I was about to say that's the only people I surround myself with because I'm about to have a good time. And like, you're a little bit nuts. I'd like to see what you do. He has crazy guy eyes. Like he has the eyes where you're like, oh, like you'll slip my throat. He's scary. Anyhow. So I hope you guys are enjoying traitors. I hope you guys are loving it also. On a lighter note, we've decided that if you want to name your baby and you're confused, you DM page, I realize I've had it maybe once before. It's too much responsibility for me. Like I feel like that's too much of a heavy burden for me to carry. Yeah. I'm going to be honest. The pages though, they come pretty, they're coming to me with prepared, pretty good names. I would say there's a handful of times where I'm like, I don't. We got to start at the drawing board again. I don't know if that's flowing the way you think it's flowing. But most of the, you don't know these people. She could be like, that was my like dead grandma's name. Sometimes we'll say in parentheses, family name I have to. And I'm like, okay. I feel like a lot of boy moms have in their head who they think their son should end up with. And it's this like mythical creature. I got hit with this in my like mid 20s. It was the first time ever I'd had like a boyfriend where me and the mom didn't like vibe. And I feel like my first boyfriend ever, his mom set the precedent of like, this is how mom should be and she was so cool. So I never had an issue with moms. Then I was like 24, 25 and I dated this guy. And one time we were out to dinner with his family. And we had a waitress like a normal girl waitress and she would come over to the table and do her job. And the mom looked at my boyfriend and said, the waitress is stunning, isn't she? And then like would hit him. Oh, you almost Theresa, you guys, that table. And I remember turning and being like, what the fuck come to find out. I remember learning that she thought that I like was not good enough for him whatsoever that she felt like I was like uneducated and I was like, wait till I go on a reality show you stupid bitch. It was like my first time ever seeing a mom hate you just because you're dating their son and it's a slippery slope. I feel like with moms there's three different directions. The first one is you meet the mom and you go, that's why he likes me. She's that girl. She's me. I would have been friends with her. We are friends. Actually, I prefer her to him. Actually me and her complaining about him. Actually, I love this woman. I will text her after we break up. So you're kind of like, oh, I love this because I see what he sees in me because he loves his mom. Two, some guys are trying to break familial trauma where you meet his mom and you realize you're the opposite of his mom and he's rebelling against her to be like, I don't want this in my life anymore. And you might be more like his dad. I don't know, but he might be trying to break. RIP does his mom. Yeah. Do you think you're similar to does his mom? Well, I actually think does and his mom are very similar and that's why I would have loved her. Got it. Um, like, she is him. Like I am like my dad and also, no, I just all the time I'm like, which she would have loved me and he's like, I don't know. He's like, holds it over my head. He's like, she wouldn't like that. You didn't fucking do your bed this morning. I'll tell you that. She wouldn't have liked you getting all chatty in the, what up? He can use it against me. But um, so then there's the mom. The, yeah. And then lastly, there's the mom who is like, just not like, you don't connect it all and you go, oh, he's chosen wrong. Like he's picked wrong and like, he's into me for whatever reason, but I'm not his, his and person because like, I don't fit in with this family. But there are so many families that you might not find it fitting with, but he's like breaking the cycle of whatever family issues there are. Families are fucking complicated. I'll add the backooms. Right. I'll add the backooms. It's crazy. I do want to say I got a DM of a gorgeous giggler who had, and I'm in the DMs. You know, especially on tour. She rescued three kittens, two were white and one is like white and black and she was like, Hannah, what do I name them? Long brain storming session. We came up with sesame for the black and white one and then ricotta and coconut. Okay. Sounds like a horrible recipe that would taste disgusting. The cute name. Like a chopped recipe. Well, this is the thing also, you guys, when you send me your kit names, I need to know about you. You need to know where you're from. What's the vibe? I can't just give you cute names. I wanted to register. It's like, you have to give Hannah like a little background. Yeah, because I'll go off. I need to know something that connects with you. Also in my travels, I did something super fucking embarrassing. This girl stops me at the airport, giggler, and has the cutest dog. And as you know, we love dogs if they're cute. It's like men. If they're cute, I like them. So they make me laugh. The dog. The dog has this scarf around its neck. Accessorize, gorgeous. And I go, oh my god, it's this woman, like a cartoon woman. And I go, is that judge Judy around his neck? I go, that is iconic. And she goes, no, let's Ruth Bader Ginsburg. It looked like... Okay, you know what? From the side. From the side profile. In a cartoon, I just came in so confident where I was like, fuck yeah, judge Judy, we love judge Judy. And I was trying to be cool. She's having such a fun interaction with me. And she was like, you dumb ass. I read a book. What kind of feminist icon are you reading a book? And I was like, love your dog. I gotta go. Love your work, Ruth. If one of your goals for 2026 is to be healthier, then why don't we kick off the new year with AG1? One scoop of AG1 supports energy, digestive regularity, immune defense, and a healthy mood. So you'll be ready to take on whatever your 2026 resolution list is. And if you're a little late on your New Year's resolutions, there's no right time. You can start AG1 whenever you want. AG1 truly is the next generation of healthy daily drinks. It's clinically shown to support gut health and fill in common nutrient gaps. With 75 plus ingredients, including five probiotic strains, AG1 replaces the need for a multivitamin, probiotic, and more. 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So all your records are accurate, sorted, and ready for tax time. Which changes the way you see MTD. Search MTD ready with zero. You turned your dating app for pets into a business, which just turned over its first billion. You turned around the fortunes of a failing football club. Plytly turned down a Nobel Peace Prize and turned up on Mars in your own reusable rocket. While struggling to turn on the dishwasher, there's more to imagine when you listen. Discover business development titles on-audible. Subscriptionrequatchyaudible.co.uk for terms. So my episode came out last night. Yeah, Martha Stewart. Mm-hmm. She's exactly what you want her to be, and what you think she's going to be. What she disappointed in you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you didn't do anything, but overall, where you like... Overall, she was like, you could tighten it up. You could figure it out. Like I feel like... I feel like she was... She was like 10 minutes away from being like, I could hang out with you for a week, and I'd have your shit all in line. Like... Like... I don't like people that immediately meet you, and they're like, I'm obsessed with you. I love you. You don't know me, first of all, second of all. I know there's room for improvement. Give me notes. She was this close to looking at me and being like, why am I here? I felt that, and I was like... And I stand with you. In her documentary, her parents were really critical of her, and she's very critical, but that's why she's so successful in what she does. Well, I actually was so in awe of her, because she's just like... She's a legitimate entrepreneur, a powerhouse of a woman. Like she walks into a room, and everyone straightens up. I've never been on an Amazon set, where things have run as smoothly as they did the day when Martha Stewart was there. I was like... Oh, so you guys already people? I was like, whoa! Like people were running down the hall. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. They're like, do you want lunch? I'm like, when do we get lunch all of a sudden? No, I came to Frise, which I was like... They were like, we have caviar on the break room. I'm like, what? No. I'm like... There's... There's Danish scones. I'm being prepared right out of the oven. I was so nervous to do it. And then what I didn't anticipate, because obviously, Invitables page is like, it's fun. It's cheeky. I'm not asking hard-hitting questions by any means. But I wasn't anticipating her asking me things back. Like questions back. So there was this moment where I was... Wait, she loved you. She loved you. I don't know. That means she loved you. Or she was just interrogating me. I think she was just like, where I'm here to do a job. Let's do the job. Goodbye. Or she's like, who am I in bed with right now? No one told me. So there was this moment where I was like asking her about like sheets. And like, I was like, how often do you... As one does. How often do you change your sheets? And she was like, well, first of all, I don't change my own sheets. You actual... Nimrod. She was like, well, my housekeeper changes them every two to three days. And I was like, oh my god, that's a lot. And then she turns and is like, well, how often are you changing your sheets? And I was very confident with my answer. I was like, why do it once a week? And she was... It was as if I had lepercy. Like I was the most contagious. I was patient zero. She was like, once a week. Once a week. This is so good. Because the way Martha would have heated me. Wait till you get a load of my best friend. Oh, wait till I got to make a wish project. Next, she'll be going through. Wait, once a week is like... I thought good. Overboard. It's overboard. She looks at me and she goes, you're rich enough to have your housekeeper. Because then she was like, I go to my housekeeper comes once every two weeks to do like a deep plane. Also, housekeeper is strong word. We have apartments. We have apartments. I have crown molding, Hannah. She goes, you're rich enough to have your housekeeper come once a week. Like, I literally feel like she looked at me and was like, you're dirty. You're dirty. But it was phenomenal. I'm a good book for you. You need to have every now and then have someone, you know, you know, you know, you'll have to have no less than four times. And she was right. Like every time I looked at you, you know you're right. You're right. It's giving, it's giving like gymnastics coach. Like I'm obsessed with that energy. And also like, maybe you do, you're ready to step up. Like you're not the page in her 20s. Let's Martha say what they should. One of my biggest rivals of revelations though, I was like, oh my god, it can't be to hear her answer. I was like, when you want to like order food and not cook, like, what are you ordering? She goes, I've never done that. I go Friday night. You've never ordered a pizza. She goes, why would I? Why would I order pizza? And I just was, I was so flabberg. I couldn't even get through it because I couldn't have you read one of my books. She was like, I have an insane garden. If I want to pizza, I'll make a pizza. Anywho, she's my, we have to do a high-pitched try to be Martha Sue. I'm like, I'm obsessed with her. Like the attention she commands when she walks into a room and like the level of detail that she's like, no, do it. I'm like, yeah, I'm obsessed. Can I also say when I meet an iconic person like that and they are good at listening and they ask me questions, they're always the best people because so many people just talk at you, especially in like the entertainment industry. So when you're talking to someone who you know, they don't even need to be there. And they take the time to hear what you're saying. I'm like, oh, they're smart. Like they're still learning at whatever age they're at. They want to know what the kids are doing. They want to learn about different industries. So anyway, Martha, shout out to you. We love you. I wanted to bring up when she said that that woman died, the journalist. She's not infected. She's just dead to Martha. Like I wanted to bring that up. But I was just like, I don't know if I should. Like I'm not at that level with you yet. But like I think about it at least once a week. That's the problem with like as a comic interviewing really famous people because one wrong question and the PR is like, and you're done. We'll never talk to you again. So it's just like thin line. Do you want to know where I've been bombing recently? Bombing. What? The elevator. And usually I can do a quick elevator joke to anyone. Yeah, and then you leave on a high note. You don't have a follow up. You leave on a high. I'm babe. You need a high budget. I don't. We need a new material. We need to do a writer's room. Everyone's now look, I got into an elevator the other day. Man standing there had a dog. Okay, woman walks in to the elevator. She also has a dog. I'm not even in the combo. Woman says to the man, so cute. He goes, thank you. I go, she was talking to the dog. They both looked at me. I go, sorry, this is my floor. I was more tall. I was like, I laughed at Spawn A. Have a little game. Tough crowd. Okay, have a good night. I'm here to Wednesday. Get out of there. I've crossed the line. My apologies. That was kind of high brow humor. It was quick. It was a misdirection on it and a little dad joking. I thought you were going to say, I thought you were going to say thanks too. Oh, you're talking about the dog. See, that was just bad audio. Sorry, I was just sort of doing elevator guys. You know, anyway. I have such a wide range of personality and elevators. I'm either like deathly, anxious, daring, forward. And like, everyone seems like they're standing too close to you and you're just like, this is the most awkward thing I've ever done in my life. I'm around with my friend, like so passionate about a conversation. I'm not even aware of this people around. And I'm like, yeah, because Paige gets, Paige gets some infections if she has like anxiety if she's overworking herself. And which like, I've had to when you overwork yourself, it comes out through your body and it can be your vulva. And then there's the like someone tries to laugh with me and I'm not really in the mood, but I'm like good enough to be like, okay, we'll have a little back and forth. But like, let's not make this a daily thing. You know, I haven't brought it up in a long time, but I just feel like the gig was needed to know my recent experience. I have a grandpa story. We were having such a nice time. And now you're going to cry. But like, I did eight cities in 11 days. I'm tired. And I was in Seattle the last night and I get to the hotel. And when I tell you I put the TV on blasting immediately passed out. Thank God I said no arm. At like, to wake up. I wake up and I have all these missed calls from my husband, which that's terrifying. Is it? Oh, I was like, he's probably like, oh, I guess the ketchup's missing again. What if Osmo you're just like, yeah, he's something's going on over there, but it's definitely not important. He also, he's so cute. He like is a sprayed that I will over sleep for a show, which knock on woods never happen. So I've another whole call me. I'm like, what's up? And he's like, are you getting ready yet? I'm like, okay, yeah, I've gone. I've gone through. Are you on your bronzer stuff yet? So I call him. He's like, are you using primer? I'm like, you know, I don't use primer. Do you not use primer? I mean, I put more to it. Is it on? Glad to get the milk grip primer. It's truly the best. Is that the green one? I like it. You're a destiny. It's the best primer ever. I don't want to go anywhere that my makeup needs to last more than two hours. If that's the case, like, I should have. You're being hand in you are oily and you, of anyone you should be using a primer. And that's for when you told me, and that's for when you told me that I wouldn't use any trend. Okay. That video, there was the funniest comment. Someone goes, only your worst enemy or your best friend could say this. And that's what Giggly Squad is. Only your worst enemy or your literal sister could say this to you. And you also, you got shot and then you said, but thank you for that wound because I've grown from that. I've been maimed, but not killed. Thank you. What? I've been maimed. Maimed means like you're hurt, but you're still alive. Wait. I'm stealing that. Exactly how I felt. I've been maimed, maimed, not killed. Okay. Keep going. So I call Desback and he's like, what have you been doing? And I'm like, mom is sleeping, mom is working, mom is busy. And he's like, well, I've been at a social gathering. And there's an older man here who says he knew Jerry Burner. And I said, babe, I have to get ready in 10 minutes for a show. I can't do this. He goes, please, just get on the phone with this guy. And the guy's like, hello. He goes, I, the situation. And to school find yourself in our truly remarkable ball. He goes, I coach basketball in Brooklyn and I battled, you know, a lot of, you know, I was a social rights activist and your grandpa was at the top of it. And he changed me as a person. And he's the greatest guy I ever met. And I love Jerry so much. And I, I can't believe I'm talking to his granddaughter. Now you're spilling his wings. Stopping, sobbing. A sweet old man telling me how my grandpa was such a great person. Because sometimes I'll tell myself like, you're literally making him to be bigger than he is. Like, he was a normal guy like stopping sad about it. And now I'm like, no, he was literally my everything. And then I'm like, did you tell, do you know I'm his favorite? I'm his favorite. And he's like, that's not important. I'm just telling you my experience. How did it, does even happen upon this convo? Well he's with a bunch of like old guys as they do. They find each other. And the guy was just saying like, I used to coach basketball in Brooklyn. And he's like, do you know this guy, Jerry Burner? Oh my god. Jerry Burner. It's so crazy. The world can be so small. So mind you, it's 5.45. I take 20 minutes to do my makeup. When you guys see me walk out on stage, I'd been sleeping about 35 minutes before that. And when I got on stage, that's my prime time. That's the first time we spoke. Like 7 pm. That's the first time we spoke. I'm ready to fucking go. But so 5.45, I'm sobbing. And not like a beautiful one tier like Kim Kardashian crying. Like I'm like heaving. Every memory is coming back. Because you know, I've been suppressing it for a while because everyone told me to stop crying over it, which was valid. But I've been holding it down. I also haven't talked to a psychic recently. So I'm like, this is my grandpa talking through this guy to be like, hand, I love you and I miss you. And don't forget that I'm that bitch. And maybe he didn't like that. I talked about Nana so much on the last pod. And he's like, okay, remember like me too. I don't know. I feel like you can like truly ask the universe for like signs. Like, like, I really feel like you could be like, grandpa give me a sign. And it has to be like so specific and like things like that happen. So I'm sobbing. I'm sweating because I just woke up for like four hour now. There's lines on my face. I actually fell asleep with a bun, which you know is a bad idea because then it's all crimped and crazy. The car is picking me up and never put in your hair in a bun. No, something was going on. Oh, because I put a mask on. Wait, do you know that? I don't think I've ever seen you like in a bun. No. Like you only do a ponytail. Even to sleep, you're either hair down. Actually, when you sleep, you're always hair down, which is another great. I'll do messy bun if I'm hot, but I'm not committing to it. Like I'll take it out real quick. I've seen you when you're hot. I've never seen a messy bun. I've literally, here's, wait, this is crazy. I don't even know how you do your messy buns. Like, I don't know the way your wrist goes. Like I couldn't recreate it. You're like, I don't know who you are and everything's been alive until this point. No, I'm thinking I really, you only ever do a ponytail if you're like, I do love a ponytail. It's because you guys, I love myself so much. One note, don't love the shape of my face. That's a pretty big. I love everything about myself except my general personality. How I look. So when I put it in a bun, I feel like everyone's like, whoa, there's her head. It's just too much head and face. That's why I don't do a fucking slick back bun. I do a slick back pony. Okay. Like, no. But like everyone has their thing. Do you ever claw clip? You could start claw clipping. Yeah, except I like to lay down. I like to sit and claw clips are not good. I know there's something going around like claw clip for girls. Again, I support women and dogs. Is that a new club? It's like a thing where like you can like put your head back with the clip. But again, I digress. Also, people don't talk about what best friends do. Like they say, oh, when you're having multiple conversations on different apps, people don't talk about when you're having multiple conversations on the same text chain where you're literally like both answering multiple things at the same. You know what I mean? Where your answer one story. Continue telling you the story. Tell a new topic and the person's also responding. Like that's my flow state. And I think we can't run the country. I just had seven conversations in one. In one. In ten minutes. We are knocking it out. So yeah, that is my prime time flow state. I do want to say one thing because I just like I feel different. I feel better than people. I feel like I've been reading my book. And when I say reading. What page are you on? I'm on like 130. Have you been reading it the right side up? I've been reading it while simultaneously comprehending it. Are you highlighting? I'm not highlighting because I'm not crazy. When are you reading? Like what part of the day? I'm going to tell you. So like this morning I woke up like early like 6.45 7 a.m. and I'm like okay I'm not getting out of bed. And typically I'll go on TikTok like I'll scroll. I'll like look at my apps. Look at my email. I like read for like 20 minutes in the morning. And then like before bed like instead of scrolling TikTok all like read. That really sleepy and then like throw something on the TV and then like immediately fall asleep. And I'm like I have a frontal lobe and she's there. She's you know what that's called? Amish. Oh, that's so crazy. You just. Holy omnis. And that's a crazy you just said that. The show I put on last night was called suddenly Amish. Yeah. And you're about to get to that. And it's normal people thinking maybe they want to be Amish. So they go test it out. We're so. Oh my genius. That's so. That's so scary. No, because I was honestly like omniscientist Amicia. What do they call it? Amish. Amish. I'm in whatever. It's I'm into it. They're onto something. Well, they said that their people are. Besides like the young I have a couple notes. Small, small notes. The younger generations are leaving the Amish community. And so they're really dwindling. And so they're trying. Because do you understand what like a discussion would be when you're Amish? They'll be like, oh, like well, first of all, I don't know if they know celebrities, but they'll be like, how much milk should we put in this recipe? And they're like, Google it. And they're like, we can't. And then like you just can't Google things. Like that. I mean, they don't have electricity. They have to do candles. I don't even think they have a lot of. And they don't even have scented candles. Maybe they do have scented candles. No, I'm sure they I'm sure they've mixed something up. Lavender. They mix something. Yeah. I would be interested in like their hair care because they've got such long hair like treasuries. Really? Where you're so right. No breakage. No breakage. And they're going in braids too. Yeah, like what shampoo? There's a lot of heat. They're not using any heat. They're not Dyson air wrapping. They don't even know what that is. I wonder what they do for like face masks at night. They probably use banana. Do they even know the face masking is a thing? So some of them have phones and I feel like some of them are on TikTok. There is one Amish girl that I always get attacked with because people say we look alike. So honestly we do. It's pretty. For the longest. And I mean like probably till I was in high school. I thought Amish and Mormon same thing. And I mean it's like I mean there's a ventiagram. Yeah, there definitely is. There's a ventiagram. They would they would like each other more than they would like us I would say. Anyway we're not getting into it. It's coming go but real lasting growth takes time. That's why I love that neutrophil isn't promising a miracle in 30 days. They're here to help you grow your hair and confidence from within one day at a time. Neutrophil is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand. Trusted by over one and a half million people. Neutrophil's hair growth supplements are peer reviewed NSF certified for sport and clinically tested to measure improvements in growth quality and strength. Your formulas are designed to target key root causes of thinning. Things like stress, hormones, nutrition and aging all based on your life stage. Including formulas tailored for postpartum and menopause. 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This is your business supercharged with the help of zero and having your numbers sorted all at the same time. So you can finally focus on taking business where you want to. Supercharged your business today with the help of zero. Search zero with the next. I feel like this is the part of the episode where we always talk. Like people say we're not organized but we're actually super organized. It's just like organized chaos. This is when I bring up my one inappropriate like poop. Yeah, like something that you did in public that like should be illegal. Yeah, that's not to brag. But I found the one place I don't fart. This seems like a riddle. The one. The one. Can you identify the one place in Hannah Berner doesn't fart? Like that I'm like this is actually inappropriate and I'm gonna hold it. You're gonna hold it. Okay. Not sex. Church. But I'm like you haven't gone. That would require going. The doctor's office. No, you've done it. No, definitely. It's fucking. That's what they're like. Is that normal? Is that normal? Wait, I mean to think. Wait, I really, I really, on a plate. No, you're, wait. No. That's a plate. That's a plate. That's really, really. Sorry, that was great. Wait, this is actually so you coded. Okay, I'm gonna give you a clue. Okay. The Kardashians talk about it. It's something you love to do. The Kardashians talk about it. It's something I love to do. Like I hate it and you're like glam. I would do it all the time. Glam in the glam chair. Now, I'm gonna explain. You guys, what a glam chair is. You sit down. You don't wanna go out there, I'm sure. You don't wanna go out there, I'm sure. No, but like you sit down and a lot of strangers surround you. Like it's a makeup artist. They are on you. Yeah. No spends and you're sitting and if you even make a little bit, it could throw them, like you up to sit still. Yeah, make-up chair is one place where I will hold my fart until the end, they leave and then my body's like in turmoil because if it comes out wrong that's a that's a make-up that spends- It spends everyone's going down at the ship. You can't blame one of them, it spends a lot of until the end they leave. And then I like my body is like in turmoil because if it comes out wrong, like that's a, that's like me. It's me. Everyone's going down at the ship. It's me and they're trying to do their job. You can't blame it on one of them. It's like we're born in order. We're born in order. Honestly. With air. It's a form of torture chamber. And they don't want to be there. No, but if I were to fart and it smelled or like they heard it, I'd just sit with them for another hour. Remember their girl that was selling her? They were selling her. Do you remember? Yeah. What a time. I feel like she also was lying a little bit. Also, do you know where I'll fart? This is so fucked up. And like people might never look at me the same again. Where we're past. How far in an elevator? How far in an elevator? I don't care. Because I believe karma, karma work to mysterious ways. And there's some people. You ever walked through an elevator and smells like shit? You deserved it. You deserved it. That just me passing it on. Wait. Thinking of glam, I'm actually having like a real serious crisis. Oh no. So I had to do something for a hair brand to the other day and I don't dye my hair. So they were like, oh, she has like a couple of grays and Mitchell was like, no problem. I'll like throw a little glaze on. Mm-hmm. The glaze was the wrong color. Okay. So the way to you see me in person tomorrow, it's not even doing it justice on here because we're virtual. The top layer Hannah of my hair is black. I've been washing my hair multiple times a night with baking soda, trying to get it. I think you think I'm exact. That's so amish of you. I have black hair. I have black hair on the top and then the, wait, why couldn't he just like put some powder on top? He was like, he was like, oh yeah, I'll just like throw until I texted him and I was like, hey, we need to fix my glaze. I'm freaking, I look insane. And no shade to anyone who dies their hair black, but if you dye your hair black, what is your actual problem? Well, it's giving like, bad-em-sfamily, I guess. You know what I thought? I was like, I felt in the mirror. I was like, I look old. Like, I feel like it aged me. And now I'm like, oh, now I understand my older women, like do tend to go lighter in their hair. It's a blue. They're like, give me a light purple. Let's go. Because I'm like, I look so harsh. And I love my color brown. That's why I literally don't dye it. Yeah. And so now it is crazy how like a guy could never tell the slight hue of change that it's the shower hair. I've tried to show what I mean. 8,000 times. I'm like, no. Open your eyes and look at this. You got hair. You're having a full mental breakdown. That's good. That's your hair. I got snowmite. It's snowmite hair, actually. This is non-micolar hair. Well, you know what this is. This is karma because our second season of reality TV, I started Sprout in Grace. And Paige took it upon herself to Mama Monkey Me. And at the pool, sit on top of me and yank out with a tweezer every single gray hair, which is apparently rule number one with Grace. Don't do that. But and I knew that in my heart of hearts, I was like, definitely not supposed to do that. But my best friend was having so much fun in that. I love her. I love grooming. I love grooming. I love their people. That's why I, you were like, that's why I dated. I dated so many male projects. Because I'm like, oh, give me 15 minutes with you. And I'll just, mm-mm. Yeah, if I just pop a couple pimples, it's go time. I also discovered something I've never done before. And I don't know how I'm 34 now. I haven't done this before. But you know that you, if you're in a rush and you're really greasy, and because you haven't washed your hair in a bit, that you could just wash the front of your hair. Well, I have bangs, so I've done that before. But just like the crown. I think it's called a hooker shower. What's it called? Yeah, you put a hooker shower. No, that's not. I could be making that up. No, a hooker shower is when you just do your armpits. I thought it was like you just shave. You go, I know this. I did this in my childhood. Yeah, I thought it was like you just shave your vagina. And then like use perfume. Oh, that makes sense too. But yeah, you put your hair in a bun, but then you take out the front, like you're about to do a slick back. And then you just do full shampoo conditioner. And it was incredible. Cause yeah, life has changed for me. I think I could beat the patriarchy now. Oh, God. Oh, God. This is actually something that my friend Stephanie was like, I can't believe you've never said this on the podcast cause she was shocked when I said this to her. She was like, I think you're dooping everyone. She had said something and I was like, Oh, I have to shave my vagina. And she was like, why would you have to shave your vagina? And I'm like, what do you mean? Like I don't want to have a bush. And she was like, why don't you have your vagina laser? You've lasered everything else ever. And I would like to say I've never once had a Brazilian wax. I've never had my vagina lasered. And I think everyone said that's so not page coded. Well, why did you stop there? Like, I thought point is like they're already doing it. Like what? No, she said the same thing. She was like, but you've gotten your bikini line lasered. And I'm like, yeah, and I've had it waxed before. And she was like, so why did you stop there? And I said, I don't know. She was like, you go to the gynecologist, you spread wide open. Like what is the difference between getting it lasered? And it's something in me that you're like shy. I'm like, I'm sorry, I can't get on all fours and have this woman look inside my vagina in my asshole. Inside your soul. Yeah, like it was just something about it where I'm like, I don't want to. So you don't have your butthole laser? No, I, no, this is all I laser. I only laser my butthole. They come in and I'm like, just, I truly, I'm not getting I shaved my vagina, not every day because that would be insane. But like every time I know I'm having sex, like I shaved my vagina. People do use like a trimmer, which I'm bald. I feel like we didn't do back in the day. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sorry, I need to get to a grasp. I love it. If people, we start really light. And then if you make it to the end of the episode, you're like, yeah, I don't have hair in my labia. She was shook. She literally didn't hang out. She literally didn't hang out. You know what I'm talking about? I have hair inside my labia, Majora, not menorah. Google, Google. No, it's like when they laser, they have to like open a flap. Open it up. Yeah, they open it up. They bring her to our balance. Okay. I'm like, at some point, I'm like, no one's even gonna see this. My husband's never even seen this area that you're into my vagina right now. But it's sensitive. It's sensitive. No, I'm just like, I guess, do you wanna know probably what it was? Is like the aren't bushes bad? I don't know. But the first time I ever shaved my vagina, I didn't wanna tell my mom, I shaved my vagina. I don't know why. Yeah, because it means you're becoming a woman. And it's weird. Yeah, so just like ever since then, I've just like kept it to myself. Oh my God, you never talked to anyone about it. You're like, let's wait to talk to all the gigglers. That'll be more comfortable for me. But now I'm like, I mean, I guess I should just like go get it lasered, but it's such a commitment. But you don't have to worry about the sun if it's just your vagina, which is the upside. We are in an industry full of like gaze and girls. And we do a lot of like trying on clothes and stuff. And like hip-hop. Like I know they're not gonna like run around and be like, I know a page of the vagina looks like, but it's, it's just such an intimate moment. No, you're so right. But do you feel like with other stuff, not your vagina, but like cause we do so much fashion stuff, we are so easy to take our shirts off with strangers. Hannah, which is not normal by the way. I actually like, I think I offended someone the other day. I was on set. I'm not gonna. I was on set. I'm gonna report it. Yeah, actually like if there was HR, you're on a list. No, I want some. I was on a set and they were like, hey, we're gonna have to mic you up. And I had a dress on that had a slit. And so I hiked the slit up cause they were like, we have to put a thigh strap on. So I hiked the slit up and the guy was like, oh, and I go, I'm from reality TV. I don't give a shit. This thing, we are desensitized. It shouldn't be like that. But like, we used to change our clothes and with like cameras around. You don't know who's watching, but you're just at the point where you're like, whatever, I don't give a fuck. Like I'm so tired, I'm not gonna go into the other room to take my shirt off, like whatever. Also, like you were on a sports team of all women. I went to an all girls high school. Like if you were getting, like we were getting undressed. Like, yeah. I recently was in a place though where like I was wearing a bra and they wanted to steam my shirt cause I don't show up anywhere professional. And there was like five women there. But I like obviously I just met them when I walked in and they were like, we can all leave. And I'm like, no one's leaving. I'm wearing a sports bra. Like, no. But then I realized maybe they feel uncomfortable. Maybe the other day I got a massage and she came to my apartment and she's talking to me and she's like, okay, and then we'll do this in this and I just started taking my pants off. And she goes, okay, I'll step in the bathroom and give you a minute. I go, it's fine. Let's just get in there. And like these are my tits and here we go. But then part of it is like how do we just become confident where it's like this is our body. We're not like sexualizing it all the time. I guess I feel like I'm an artist. When it's a girl and I'm in that type of situation, I'm like, look at whatever. Like you have a vagina, I have a vagina. When it's at a work thing, I feel like this is gonna get faster. I'm not embarrassed if you see my underwear. You know I have underwear. Like you know I have a vagina. We have a weird fucking job. Yeah. Like most people's jobs aren't like, can you just walk around in your underwear for 10 minutes while we figure out what you're gonna wear? And can you talk to people that you've just met five seconds ago? Like our comfortability factor of you walking a room, there's people working on a project you've never met and you're just like tits out. It's wild. But I'm proud of us. Yeah, I'm proud of us too. We don't have like body just morph you. So that's good. That's what people are like, how do you talk for an hour about nothing and I'm like it's easy compared to just showing your tits to strangers all the time? I put my mom's gonna call me after this and be like, hey, what do you do for a little night show? My mom's gonna call me and be like, hair should be on your vagina because it stops bacteria from getting in there. Maybe that's why you're getting so many UTIs because you don't have any hair on your vagina. She said it to me before. Okay, it's like eyelashes. It's like eyelashes and nose hair, she said. She was like, they're supposed to be hair. I'm like, okay, well, I'm from the 90s, so I can't. You know, any who. Well, good girls, we love you so, so much. And thank you for giggling with us. And thank God for my Duncan refresher because I don't think I would have gotten to the vagina story without it. Wait, are you drinking a mango pineapple? I am and we never get the same thing. I know, look at us twinsies. It's so good. We did that like without even knowing. Sympathico. MUSIC Starting making tax digital is seamless with zero's HMRC recognized software. If you're a sold trader or landlord whose income tax is going digital, not only is zero MTD ready. It also gives you better control of your finances, like capturing your receipts with a snap. So all your records are accurate, sorted, and ready for tax time. Which changes the way you see MTD. Search MTD ready with zero. You turned your dating app for pets into a business which just turned over its first billion. You turned around the fortunes of a failing football club. Plytly turned down a Nobel Peace Prize and turned up on Mars in your own reusable rocket or struggling to turn on the dishwasher. There's more to imagine when you listen. Discover business development titles on Audible. Subscriptionrequatchyaudible.co.uk for terms.