The Adventure Zone Versus A Midsummer Night’s Dream: Live in Columbus!

Hello, my friend, Hale and Wellmet, yada, yada, yada. Before you can get to your adventuring nut, you gotta nibble your way through a bit of a heart shell out here. With the MaxFun drive, it's time to pay the Piper, baby. Go to maximalfun.org, four slash join, or no adventure for you. Remember, Seinfeld? You will still get the adventure. But this is the time of year where we ask you to consider becoming a member of MaxFun, supporting the shows and the creators that you enjoy week after week, year after year. We've been doing this for a while now, but if you're new around here or you've never become a member, or you're looking to upgrade your membership, this is the time, maximalfun.org slash join. There's all kinds of different levels to choose from, find one that works right for you, and you'll get rewards. Like what, Griffin? Outrageous amount of bonus content, hundreds of hours. Why would you go back to Griffin, Dad? Oh yeah, shut up, Griffin. Right here. What kind of reward do you give for $5? $5, you get, this was extremely cool, Taz Cousinverse, Roll to Realize. It was designed by my grandchildren, and we had a fantastic time in the Cousinverse. It was an incredible adventure, and some new mechanics in that that I think are really gonna take off in the world of actual. But there's other BoCo there too. If you've never been a member, we got the Lords of Crunch in there. We got the episode we did with Matt Mercer. We got all the Charlieverse episodes, a whole bunch, and that's just at $5 a month, which is the price of a gallon of gasoline. So, listen, we're yammering on how these nerds get if they can't have their adventure cream. Jesus, why are you describing our craft in such a gross way? You know, hold on, they're raving for it. Let's give them a little bit of taste, right? Give them a slice, and then we'll see them on the other side. Guess that's how they get you. You know, fat happens. I'll just say one last time, maximumfun.org slash join. Now go get that cream, I guess. I'm not sure what I'm talking about. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, today by my dad and said, in case you need to bone up. Now, I was looking at this and Griffin said, what is that? And I told him, then I realized, dad only gave me this. So I want to know, dad, do you think I am your stupidest son or the son most likely to read the dumb book you bought? Which is it? I think you fall right in the middle, Justin, where he knows I know it the best. He knows Griffin doesn't care to learn about it. Not at all. And you're right in the center. I'm furious that you'd let him off the hook by giving him an answer, Travis. Well, I had my own answer. I mean, you are the farthest away from the college experience. Thank you, dad. Fair. How dare you call him your oldest son? There was some booze in the audience that were like, whoa, out of line. Hey, Paul, quicker view, Green Apple white call is hitting. It's an 8.5. The peach is also on fire, Paul. Well done, well done. Good choice. Paul and I were pretty stoked about some new flavor. Black cherry is OK. Yeah. All right, before we get started, you guys want to do a quick character intro for anyone who doesn't know. Yeah. My name is Lady Godwin. I was splattered in a terrible car accident caused by a dracula in the Wolfman. It destroyed the entirety of my body. Or so I thought I was separated from my fancy, fancy British lady body and strapped on the body of a barbarian lady. And then I go around the countryside and hit stuff with my ax, Jen from Iers. That's the whole story. Dads is always my favorite when we do Taz versus shows. It's a good time for me to go to the bathroom. It's weirdly early, but still, it's a nice break. If you've never listened to Taz versus, try to figure out the big sort of turning point in dad's character arc if you can. I play brother Philo, who is an artificer and a friar. And he is on this adventure. He went on the adventure with these others to kill Dracula because it was his calling. And on probably, I don't know, episode four maybe. Was it four? It was pretty early. Episode four, he saw a mysterious looking helmet on a bed, and he put that helmet on. And he was transferred into the body of Pinocchio the puppet. Yeah. It's like a family guy cutaway gag that just got stuck. Yeah, right, we did. It was like a one-off call. It was like burned into the episode, and you kept kind of seeing it. Like, they're not still in that cutaway, are they? They made one or two efforts to try to switch him back, but nah, he's never taken it. This is also Pinocchio. So he is, and as a matter of fact, his real body got shrunk down and is in one of these. He carries his own cadaver. He's an absolute ghoul and also the pope kind of. No, yes. Turbo cardinal. He is the anoram turbo cardinal. You're not allowed to add that because you're not being mutt tonight. That's true. You have a GM. I can decide. That's true. I GM the original run of Taz versus Dracula. Tonight, I will be embodying Denthelius, the High Elf Ranger. No, I'll be Winnie the Pooh tonight from the 100-acre wood. So you didn't know because the head part is not up yet. Oh, it came off because I'm terribly wet already. I'm wet everywhere on my body. Holy cow. He really is. Yeah, man. It's hot inside these poo bears. And I'm Travis McGrath. Thank you so much, Paul. Just as I thought. What up, Trav Nation? I'll be GMing tonight and making the magic. Let's jump right into it. The three of you wake up on the forest floor. That's normal for me. That's where I, that's the only place I do that, man. You remember very little of how you got here, but you see a small bowl of light each of you dancing before your eyes with tiny gossamer wings. One pink, one yellow, one white. Which one's mine? Yours is white. Yes. Pooh Bear, Philo, make a wisdom saving throw. But not Lady Godwin? Not Lady Godwin. That's fucked up, man. Wisdom save, 14 plus 317. OK. OK, wisdom save. I'm sorry, 14 plus 6 Dirty 20. A gentleman's 20, I love it. Can we stop saying dirty 20? That's why I say gentleman's 20. Every time you all say it, I hate it more. Please stop saying dirty 20. All right. I got a dirty 12. Come on, man. Perfect. Winnie the Pooh. I'm going to call Osha. This is my workplace. Winnie the Pooh, you look to your right. And you see a woman lying on the floor who you know to be Lady Godwin. She is beautiful, gorgeous. You feel strong feelings for her, but you're able to keep them under wraps. You're going to play it cool. But you, Philo, you look to your left and see a beautiful woman lying there. You are enamored. No, it's Lady Godwin, not Winnie the Pooh. Sorry, Buster. That's my left. I don't think you're ready for this, Jaleen. Philo's left, not your left, Claude. Oh, right, OK. You have never been so in love in your life. Wait, am I unconscious? For the next three seconds. OK. Your love for her is chased and beautiful like a night of old for a Lady Fair. Do you realize the unique vibe you've chosen to cultivate in the room tonight? Yes, I do. Hey, Griffin, every syllable you utter prolongs it. Lady Godwin, you wake from your slumber and feel nothing. You're perfectly normal. Drop kick, activate. You got the two of us. You're rocking with Pinocchio and Winnie the Pooh. We could not be more drop kickable accomplices. OK. So what do I? I don't have a problem. No, you're all good. No, you're fine. OK, good. Hey, Philo, where are you looking at me like that? What did you say? You are remarkable. With my, just to make anything else be happening right now, with my dirty 20, do I know that I was? Oh, yeah, you're fully aware that something strange is going on. Could you shut up for a second? You are the sun. You can hear that voice. You are the moon. OK, yes? You are. You have an astral body. OK, I have our body. You just step up on you, I agree. Hey, don't body shame him. No, I just mean he's got doubles. It seems a bit greedy, doesn't it? Something is terribly strange. I'm sensing that as well, Mr. Poo. I feel. You hear laughter echoing through the trees, bouncing off the leaves, almost tripping down the vines. As a green glow appears in the forest and a full-sized, you know, six foot tall man appears with large gossamer moth wings, laughing at the frivolity of the trick he's played upon you. And he yells, yes, that is right. I am the merry wanderer of the night. None of us said that. We did. Sorry, your whole deal is a lot to take in. But none of us. Yes, you should thank your luck, for I am the merry trickster perk. And you're all like super into each other now, right? Absolutely not. What? The puppet's weeding me out there if you have some sort of anti-enchantment? But you're in love with the puppet now, right? I'm not. I didn't even have a moment where I thought that I might be confused. Even though you rebuked me. I'm going to punch him in the face. In the blink of an eye, Puck is zooming around you to see a swirl of light. And then he's back to his post, and he looks pissed. You are cheating. You are cheating. Your head and your heart are not connected. They are different. Why are your head and heart not connected? Oh, isn't that funny? Yes. Well, they're quite separate, aren't they? They're from different lines? I don't know. I have a different head from a body. It is so hard to explain like this. But I have a different head than I started with. Well, a different body. Wolfman hit her with a car. She exploded and got a barbarian body. Can't you say that next time? I give that. Honestly, it's not. Forgive me for being a bit existential for a moment. Forgive me. But that's cheating. Being existential? No, the body head switch thing. Existentials find that place. You guard your tongue. What? This is the woman I love. Oh, anything you could do for sincerely. Money, do you need money to make this not happen anymore? Does thou not wish me to find the love of my life? Yes, I'm also getting tired of this. Thank this guy gets it. For reasons Mies can't quite explain, thou don't enjoy hearing dad hit on me. I did think this would be a merry J, but now I'm creeped to all hell. And a bolt of lightning strikes Fyler down. Good night, everybody. And he stands up, you're no longer in love with Lady Godwin. Oh, gentle bear. No. No? You're not. Another lightning. You love nothing and no one. And let me say that. Your capability for love has been erased, Fyler. Burned out. And you attempting that gambit on me while calling me gentle bear the whole time is a nightmare. No, you're back to your normal weird self. Yeah. Hey, what I miss. I need no money. I need no things. I simply need distraction while I play out my revenge plan. Yeah, that's cool. How do we get out of these woods? How did we get into these woods? Shakespeare stole my story and played me for a dupe. Then he wrote this play and trapped me in a loop. So when I saw my moment, I reached out and I got him. And by the end of the night, you shall all kiss my bottom. I am Big Bentameter. If we do, if I kiss your literal ass, now can we skip the james make a perception roll? Yeah, sure. Ass and bottom. He has no ass. Wow, OK. Can't wait, Trav, to hear what you do with a critical one on. Yes, go for it. Awesome. Don't look. Wait, my eyes are closed. Who are you talking to? No one look at this. You still have to do the stuff, but look at you now, butt kisser. I am going to, I guess, just bite him with my bare teeth as hard as I possibly can. Wait, bite his butt? That's where I'm at, man. It's what I'm aiming at. Thumb ahead in that book. This is probably the earliest any butt has ever been bitten at one of our live shows. Normally we wait until act two to eat ass. Hey, Gripen. Yeah. With your critical one, you have disadvantage on this bite. Yeah, I'm looking in the book, Dad. I'm not seeing this part. Look up bottom. All right. It may change what you think. That's a 16 plus some stuff, some cool stuff. 16 plus six, 22. So boy, I hope that's the one we go with. Yeah. Fuck. Nine? He farts in your face. Shit, this just keeps getting worse. Yes, this is quite a distraction for you and for me. I need to return to my business. Have fun exploring the forest. And the green light vanishes, but still dancing around you are the blue light, the pink light, and the white light. And you hear them muttering to themselves in quite an annoyed tone. You can't quite pick up what they're saying, but you can tell that they're kind of frustrated. I'm going to grab a pink one and pull it close to my ear. Normal? Yeah. Normal thing to do. Make a, you can make an athletics check, athletics dexterity, make a dexterity check. Are you sure? You're trying to catch a fairy, my dude. I just feel like athletics, yeah. OK, athletics or dexterity. Run at it so fast that it just kind of splatters against you. I got a, hey, hey, I got a two. Hey. What the fuck, man? Oh. I cast enlarge on the pink one. OK. Weird. Weird, man. Weird dude. So weird, dude. Dude, you're best. Once again, this is why I love DMing for my family, because I established that they have the power of speech. Right. And then they're like, I know. I'll grab them. I'll make them big. Oh, that didn't work. I'll make them big. OK, so, did he make them big or not? It's like that really, really uncomfortable scene in Hook. What do I need to do there, Clint, when you cast enlarge? Oh, you just grow larger. Yeah. If it's unwilling, you can make a constitution saving throw. Thank you, Griffin. Yeah, you're welcome. Clint, I'm not going through another live show. 15 plus whatever. So I think I'm going to be there. Yes. On 14. I can read my screen, Griffin. Yeah, but it's faster when I do it. Again, I ask, what the fuck, man? I'm sorry. I was being rather brutish. I was rather unnerved. And I just wanted to hear. I thought you were part of the whole business with that nasty gentleman. No, you guys are as bad as he is. Oh, well, that's not fair. He farted in my open mouth. And I was, yeah, we love that, didn't we? Yeah, yeah. Sorry. To be clear, I love that too. That was good. You said you wouldn't look. I mean, I heard it. It was quite audible. Yeah, yeah. So what's your guy's deal? Do you know anything about him and how to get out of these woods and how to kill him? What his weakness is for his death? Sorry, we should introduce ourselves. Yes, sorry. I'm beesblot him. Bees? Peas blossom. You said something to him. Peas? Pea pop him. Are you guys getting this? Because it's hitting different for me every time. I believe it is peas blossom. Peas blossom. A pleasure to make you. And I'm mustard seed. Mustard seed, we got that one. And I'm mayonnaise. I don't think that's right, is it? Oh, I'm sorry. Are you my mom? Yes. So where did you go? I was kidding, mayonnaise. I'm sorry. I can't keep this rules up. Certainly you guessed from my scale. There's a largely unknown comedy rule, which is yes and, followed immediately by a, never mind. Actually, I got to, it's felt too mean. Like it was, it was a yes and to compassion. Man, if we had a dollar for every time we pretended to be somebody's parent to get out of a sticky situation on this show, we would be billionaires. Excuse me, but are you fairies? No shit, dude. Yeah. What gave it away in the glowing light of the Gossamer Wings, this fucking guy? I do not have a fairy in any of my... So let's go ahead and stop this right where it is. Look at that. Let me just cork it right there. Hey, just to decide, we're supposed to be heroic figures and kidnapping generally frowned upon. Hey, just a double check, you said something about killing punk? Yeah, does he have any major food allergies? Yeah, go on there heroic figure. Tell us more about killing punk. He farted in my open mouth! I saw. I may be a bad surprise to... Can I just say that would be the fucking most kickass villain origin story? If you're like, why is Lex Luthor like this? Well, one time, this dude farted in his open mouth. Monster beef. Yeah, so... Well, Bats, you see, one time your parents farted in my open mouth. So now I'm the joke. Yes, we suspect he brought us here and has the key to our freedom, and so we would like very much to... Remember, remember, when you farted in my mouth. So we want to kind of stop him. Oh, excellent. Yes, I'll tell you, I don't know how we can help right now, but we'll be there at your aid when you need us. And they're... No, not in the bottle, you pervert. OK. And so what this is going to grant each one of you is one pocket advantage for you to call on. You must call on P's blossom mustard seed and mayonnaise as your pocket advantage to use once throughout this live show. Cool. I go to mayonnaise, I say, you're my road dog for sure. Hell yeah, brother. I want P's blossom. Don't say it like that. OK. I will have P's blossom. You get one more of those in the office revoked. Don't push it. Dad, for this show, you should push it. Well, you also need all the advantages you can get up here. I would not piss one away. P's blossom, would you do me the honor of cooperating with me in the near future? Hell yeah, dude. Great. Get in the bottle. Hey, make a constitution saving throw real quick. No reason. No reason. You mess with the ball. So you want to pick the character sheet that says, brother, put a little on it. Constitution saving. Oh, right here. No, const, saving throws Constitution plus seven. The 10. Yeah, P's blossom farts in your mouth. Oh, no. And you take two points of damage. Oh, awesome. I didn't have to. That's great, man. P's blossom fart. Jesus Christ, man. Oh, no. The fantasy police showed up. This has never happened before. Dad, you've got to deploy that fairy fart this episode, man. If you huff it and think nasty thoughts, you can fly to Neverland. I want the tone and tenor of this show to change on a dime immediately. How many points off? Two. Two. OK. All right. Around you springs up brush and vines and the forest floor forming a pathway. But I need each of you to make a dexterity saving throw to avoid being whipped by this brush and sticks and leaves and branches. No fricking problem. Five plus two, seven. 14 plus two, 16. 10 plus 11. Oh, OK. Philo and Godwin, you take six points of damage as you're whipped in the face by branches and thorny vines. Poo Bear, you're tucking roll, my dude. You're cool. Yeah. I've been telling you guys when you're in the woods, you've got to keep your head on Swib. Everything out here is out to get you. I guarantee it. You two are just sort of plant food walking around. To them, I actually have a limited range of motion due to the surgery, believe it or not. I can't swivel at all. It's about 15 degrees one way or the other. Very much like predator. Yeah, very much tunnel vision. The three of you find yourself in a forest glade with different kind of stumps and logs, almost fashioned like buffet tables. And all around you, you see laid out bowls of some of the most delicious and enticing food you've ever seen. Winning, you see bowls of every flavor of honey. You can think of lavender, orange, even flavors you've never heard of, peppermint honey, double honey flavor. Double honey, the forbidden honey. Almond honey. Almond honey, soy honey. Zesty teriyaki honey. Triple dog Daria honey. Wasp honey that the scientists swear doesn't exist. But you know does. You see the most delicious. The triple X red hot honey, all of it. Cool. Now normally as a man of the cloth, you're not tempted by such earthly things as food. But you see before you bowls and bowls of communion wafers, all flavor blasted with every flavor you can think of. There's cool ranch communion wafers, nacho cheese communion wafers. Nacho cheese. You see, pizza-licious communion wafers. Nacho cheese. Nacho cheese. And you know that these are Euguristos. They're Euguristic. Now Lady Godwin. Do they have all blessed? All blessed. One with everything. That joke would have killed in Canada. They would have flipped their fucking shit. Now Lady Godwin, you have a bizarre, almost mind-bending experience of you can see all kinds of platters of rare meat, both in the way that they're cooked and where they come from. But you can also see that these are bowls and plates and platters full of sticks and leaves and dirt and bugs. That's what you see underneath the things that you see. Honey time, baby! Winnie the Pooh and Filo. This is all very Billy Corgan of me. Filo and Winnie the Pooh make a wisdom saving throw. Godwin, I need you to make a contested wisdom versus strength saving throw. On myself? Yes. I'm going to, can I elect to just fail it? I think it's true. Yeah, if you're not trying to resist that. If you put 18 bowls of rare, if you put the elusive wasp honey in front of Winnie the Pooh, he'll literally tear your arms off to get to it. Yeah, Gryffindor, I'm going to give you inspiration for choosing to fail that. Thank you so much. So now you have basically two pocket advantages. A second mayonnaise appears. Holy shit! This is my brother, Mayochup. I got my wisdom is a 19 and my strength is a 23. So you feel you see these things and you're like, ooh, gross. That's not food. But your body pulls over to them and starts thinking. So this is exactly like eating Taco Bell. Damn, dude, get him. So your hands almost out of control, in fact, out of control of your brain, start picking things up out of these bowls and shoving them onto your face. OK, great. Philo, what about you? You're going to love this stuff, guys. Oh, it's fantastic. Well, no, your head is fully aware that this sucks. It's vulgar. Blah, blah, blah. What about you, Philo? 17. With a 17, you fully know this is a trick. You're drawn to these things, but your brain is able to just barely stop your body from shoving these things into your face. But your friends, on the other hand, even though Lady Godwin is protesting, Winnie the Boo isn't trying to stop himself from all. No. From eating whatever the train starts. I've been waiting for this forever. Dad is the voice of reason that has to talk us down from the ledge. Now, fellas, wait. Excuse me. Lady, it's a bear. OK, people. Well, no. Nope. Friends. Friends. Nope. Ha. Co-adventurers. OK, yes. He looks down because you're about to start eating the sticks. And he says, ouch. That's my cousin. And that's a former employer. So are we eating sticks or bugs? What are we eating? Now, are you trying? OK. Dad is trying to convince me that I am eating his friend. Another puppet's arm. Another puppet's arm. But now, hold on, Travis. That's a very stupid thing. But I do see sticks and am eating them. So I think that's got a good chance to convince me is anything, right? In my mind, he just said this honey is his brother. And I'm like, you're saying that to get this fucking honey away from me? If you try that, the arms? So easy to come off of you, my man. Let me do a contested wisdom with that to see if he can convince my mind that this is family. Yeah. So, Justin, you're going to do a wisdom saving throw. Dad, you're going to do a persuasion check. OK. Well, mine is a. Persuasion. Got it right there. Mine's a one. Mine's a two. OK. OK. Wait. Dad. All right. And now let's play it out. Go ahead. OK. You are right now eating an associate of mine that I am actually much closer to than you. And if you keep eating that, you're going to get splinters in your throat. And that is where your sutures are. So I don't think that's a real good idea. He just wants your beef. Don't listen to him. Look, pal. You didn't roll shit. OK. Listen, none of that was anything. Total garbage. But it worked. You've convinced me. This is your former employer, did you say? Bob, I had a newspaper round. A puppet newspaper? Isn't that how most of them are, Justin? Oh, let's bookmark that. Oh, wow. I'm taking down the print media. Wait. Can I just say, you all had to think about that. There's a moment where you're like, wait, what is that? What can he be talking about? Is he talking about how corporate monopolies on certain media properties? But is he against the free press? I don't know. Let's just fucking woo. Just to cover our bases. OK. So I do I manage to stop eating? Yeah. The two of you are free of this glamour. I finished. I'm done. I'm done. Really? I ate all my. I ate it all the honey that you had on your shelf. So just let me introduce myself. Can he see? Can he maybe get maybe our plates can become his honey? Oh, yeah. OK. It doesn't go away. As you eat it, it keeps filling back up. Holy shit. I ret- this is my end, my grail. I've made it. Enjoy the rest of your adventure, practical strangers. I'm so happy for him, but I don't know how many sticks you could eat if you're a bear. Before things get rather dicey. Philo throws himself up on the table and just starts break dancing to sweep all the plates off of the table. Yeah, I thought you were going to say break dancing. I thought I figured you would say break dancing. I'm going to rip. You heard me warn him twice, right? I'm going to rip his arms right off of it. Like the second his shadow crosses over the plane of my. Like a dog guarding its food bowl. I'm so sorry. I warned you twice. It's not me. It's Winnie the Pooh and his insatiable appetite for honey. So is that an attack? You're going to lay the smack roll down on him. Yeah, sure am. Excellent. That's a seven. I'm going to use the heroic inspiration from earlier that you gave me. That's a seven. All right, that's better. 16 plus 6, 22. OK. What do I roll? No, he is attacking against your AC, Clint. I mean, it could be like a strength check to see if I rip his arms off. I don't know if he's able to contest that. I'll give you this. Give me a deck saving throw. And you need to get a 10 or higher to avoid being ripped into pieces. Rip, rip, rip, rip, rip. That's a six. Well, plus one, seven. OK. So I'm done rolling. Now, Winnie the Pooh. Yeah. Give me a wisdom saving throw with advantage. With advantage. All right. Critical failure. And 14 plus. Why don't they just put all this shit on one screen? Technology hasn't evolved that far. Wisdom save is actually really good. That is a non-natural 20. A gentleman's 20? I don't like that either, man. OK, a GMO 20? Yeah, sure. OK. With that 20, the anguish that you feel at the reaction you just had of ripping his limbs off snaps you out of it for just long enough to see bowls of sticks and mud. And it's just. And bugs. Cool. Just enough to convince you it's not honey. Now, Philo, your arms and legs have been disconnected. I don't know why I'm about it. He didn't say anything about my legs. OK, sorry. Just his arms. But as a puppet, that's not as bad as it could be. Sure. How instant is his realization and declaration that he has realized the error of his ways? Because I have a drop kick in the chamber that unless he is audibly protesting that he is no longer going to attack Philo, I am going to have to fire off. Yeah. It takes a second. It takes a second. OK, I have to drop kick you. I fully understand my man. No hard feelings at all. I totally get it. I ripped the arms off your road dog. Drapel drop kick. What does that mean? So it's like a grapple attack. The target must succeed on a strength desk. It chooses which saving throw. DC equals 8 plus profits plus strength. Or it has the grapple condition. Oh, you strength. I'm better at that. OK. Seven. Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again. Yeah, 15. OK, so I grapple in with my drop kick. So you drop kick him. I drop kick him. But at the end of it, he's grappled by my legs. Are you an octopus? What are you talking about? I mean, I don't know. It was just I was about. You kick my ass so hard, it buries into the stuffing of me. Does your boot get stuck in his asshole? No, it's like, OK, you guys got to understand. I had a drop kick in the chamber. We've established that narratively, right? That's canon. I can't just stop the drop kick. But what I can do is make it a non-lethal grappling drop kick at the last second. He got one full-blown drop kick to winnie the pooh. His ass will be back in the big machine at the Builder Band Factory. A.A. Milne would be back working at the Senoko Station. OK, there's no more poo to write about. Because I done killed it. But instead, the foot goes in me. Here's what I'm going to say. If you want to control your drop kick that much, give me a deck saving throw to control the arc of your drop kick. OK. This is going to be great. Would you prefer it is a high number or a low number? Is it a golf situation? It's a nine. I got a nine on there. OK, with a nine, you boot him into a bush. All right. Could be worse. And out comes Winnie the Pooh. Oh, bother. You kicked me quite a long way. I'm so sorry Winnie that I didn't realize you would snap that of it. Oh, yes. It's OK. I'm quite all right. I'm terribly sorry. We should be moving on. Shall we continue on our journey? Absolutely. Lead the way. I need to cast one very important spell. It's called MEND. I want to put my arms back up. Can you do that without your arms? Yes. Oh, did I do that? Yes. OK. It's OK, Winnie. Am I dead or can I come out of the bush? No, you don't. I don't come out of the bush. When you fly on the other side of the bush, what you find is you stand up and you're on the other side of a stone wall that run between you and where you just were. This fucking forest, Winnie, sucks shit. Could you hand me those two arms? Of course. Do you want your left on your left and your right on your right or switch it up? Doesn't really matter. I'm very flexible. OK. And I cast MEND and my arms are back. Oh, excellent. Let's continue on, friends. Man, that's a pretty good trick, actually. Did I hear him say friends? Friends. I want to do a perception check. Just because he called you his friend? Yeah, because we just established that we're not friends. Give me an insight check. We established, like, 10 minutes together. We're not friends. OK. Give me an insight check. That is our code word. That's how you know if we're being held hostage. 10 plus, oh, 13. Like, who's going to laugh at that? With a 13, it seems like either something's off or a big emotional moment has just happened and you missed it. You're not sure which one it is, but it's one of those two things. He did try to kill me. I think that would shake him up, a person. Winnie, can I ask you something? Yes, of course. It's kind of tearing you up, which you did to Philo, isn't it? Yes, when I tore him up, it turns out the real tearing was in me. I forgive you, my child. Oh, OK, dad. Oh, I am rather peckish. Anyone hungry? I could go for a smack or all of jelly. Say again. Honey? Yes? It's too late. What is it, darling? I want another try. I want another chance. OK, he's going to start running off into a bush ahead of you about 10 feet to your left. He's going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, running astute. But I do shit like that all the time. So like, it's not that weird. You'll never catch me. OK, he said that. I'm going to throw the back of Jennifer Meyer at his kneecap. You are doing some really out there shit with attacks this evening. It was like, I'm trying to be a little more or not. Like, I wouldn't try to sever. He's the poo. Like, I wouldn't sever his leg. He's a child of the icon. OK, here's what I'll give you. His or his AC is 15. That's true. If you get a 15 to 18, then you control how hard you hit him. If you get over an 18, it's just going to hit him and do damage. OK, come on, juice. OK. And 15 to under. Misses. OK. Cyrold 11 plus 6, 17. Right on the money sign. So what are you hoping to accomplish with this Jennifer Meyer's throw? Just hit the back of the kneecap, knock that little stupid bear to the ground, and make him go, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. It hurts so bad. Someone help. It's never hurts this bad. Ow, ow, ow, it hurts so bad. It's never hurts this bad. I'm turning the Elmer Fudd a little bit. Jump, buddy. Help me. Yeah, he goes down inside the bush. OK, I slap him with my open hand as hard as I can. You go over to him and slap him? Yeah, on the face. OK, as Lady Garwin crosses behind the bush to go slap Winnie the Pooh in the face, the two of them come back out. Oh, I'm so sorry, Winnie, that I attacked you. It's OK. Oh, bother, I'm sorry that you hit him. Who do I see? You're back there with Winnie the Pooh. Dude, you're in the wall zone with me, man. Wait, Winnie the Pooh is there? Yeah. I slap Winnie the Pooh across the face as hard as I can. What the fuck? I told you. Oh, what did I say? What did I say? What did I tell you? I didn't tell me anything. He said that he was. You made me chase you. You made me throw my axe at you just to slow you down. Who are you? Something really funky is happening, and you are yelling at me, and it's making me so sad. Sad. Let me see your knee. My what? Your knee. Are you a subscriber? OK. OK, I flip him over. My credit card is regularly denied on OnlyFans. You know that. Now, I show him my knees. They are un-axed. OK, something very confusing is happening, but for the life of me, I can't bust it out. Filo, meantime, you see your traveling companions, Lady Godwin and Winnie the Pooh, they have made up after their strange and brief fight right before your eyes. Now, Filo. Yes. Should we get moving maybe back to where we came? Well, not back to where we came. We're going to head on out of the woods. Oh, I don't know about that. Yes, I agree. That might not be the best decision. It's hard to tell these two apart a little bit. Well, we've operated all this time as a democracy, so yeah, well, let's go wherever you want. Hey, guys, if we do this the right way, the three of us might get the second act off. It should be pretty cool. Winnie the Pooh points towards the bush and says, yes, that's it that way. We didn't come that way. Yes, but that's the way we're going to go now. All right. You know what? After what we've all been through here over the last. Stop looking at me. I'm not there. 45 minutes. I think I should trust you because now we are friends. Filo crosses behind the bush and Filo comes back out to Winnie the Pooh. And Lady Godwin, they're like, oh, yeah. Wait, fuck. Oh, shit. Yes, we didn't think this one through, did we? Oh, Balda. And the three of you are back on the other side of the wall now. OK, so I saved the day. I'm the hero. Yeah. Yoics. Everyone drink. We need, OK, we need to give each other passwords. So in the future, we know that we are the legitimate us. But we can't let anyone else hear them unless they are needed. Are we agreed? Yes. I want you are saying it out loud in the forest that wants to kill your mind. OK, listen. The three of us have to come up with a secret code in secret together now. This is great podcast. Yeah. This is what's going to be interesting. I think we have a foolproof plan now. Foolproof plan. If I had only not had ear plugs in, then I could have heard it. You were a. That's only hearing through the monitor right now with his special ear attachment. So everyone plug your ears. So no, I'm just kidding. That's not how we hear. You hear a rustling in the undergrowth, in the leaves, as a man in what at one point would have been kind of flamboyant and very dressy attire, but is now very dirty and stained and ripped. Comes running up his hair as wild. He has a crazy look at his eye and he goes, tell me that you're real. Oh, what? Waffle something. Was it waffle that you're all tautled right up to him? Dad just tried to put our fucking password on blast, but he did not hear it right. We said that in secret so Travis would hear. We took a break from doing the show for people to generate a secret password. The idea that you would belch it out like that is so hurtful to me. Not 30 seconds after the. So hurtful to me, but it wasn't the mention of waffles. That was just our opening idea. We have a different, better one, Dad, that we didn't tell you because we knew you'd fucking blow it. Well played by me. I tautle right up to him and hold out my tummy. Go ahead. Go ahead. Poke. Oh, thank God. What is your name, young stuffed bear? My name is Winnie the Pooh of the Hundred Acre Woods. Fuck, that was good, man. What's your name? Bottom the weaver, they called me. Perhaps the greatest bottom there ever was. Powerful I am. Power bottom. Yeah, we fucking get it, dog. OK, do you have. Travis is going to die like a goosest gloop in a tunnel of this gag. Do you have a dog? Do you? Does he have a donkey head? Because that's like the only thing I remember. Are you talking about? He's a normal man. OK, fine. Do you have a first name because I'd like to never say bottom again? Nick. OK, Nick. But I prefer to be called bottom. Yes, absolutely. We could handle that. Are you real? Tell me you're real. Yeah. Well, in many ways, I am a pretender. OK, well, we do not have time for this. Pop his belly, quick. Poke my belly. Boop. He's real. I've been trapped in this wood for God knows how long. Can I give an insight check on this? You may. Bottom to try to figure out what his deal is. Oh, that's pretty good. That's going to be an 18. And to that 18, I'm going to add a particular number. And that's going to be a plus three. So 21. He is a sincere idiot. OK. Everything he is saying is true. When he says God knows how long, it's unclear whether that is because it's been a long amount of time or because he has failed to keep track of it. But he does seem to be sincere in his panic and his desire to be helped and befriend you. OK, bottom. Yes. I think you're the real deal, Holyfield. But I'm not quite ready to tell you our secret password. That's fair. To all I need is some food. Gods, am I hungry? My stomach, how it grumbles. How it rumbles. Empty it is. I am an empty bottom. Oh, man. Looking to be filled. OK. OK. I. Well, there's an all you can eat honey buffet on the other side of that there wall. And you would share it with me? For sure, my friend. No problemo. Just get on over that wall and it's all the honey. And what was yours? Slabs of beef. Oh, there are holy wafers. And holy wafers. Jesus, they're going to blow your gourd bottom. Don't you have some value we can extract from you? What a terrible way of looking at the world. How did you get here at the first place bottom? Did you? I walked. So how do we walk out of here? If I knew that young stuffed bear. You got me there. Here's what I'm going to do bottom. We're going to turn around, face the other way, and walk until we're left. That's what we're going to do right now. We're all four of us going to turn around and walk out the way we came because we haven't been in here that long. So we have the best chance of getting out. So you follow us on the way back out that we came in. And we'll all leave together. Makes sense to me. Perfect. In other words, we're going to use the back door. I am so ready. I can't. Not at his age. Not at his age. It's embarrassing. Can I deploy my druidic knowledge of the woods, my home biome, to try to get some sort of a bearing here? Bearing. Thanks, dad. I can always count on you. I can. I have wild shape. Can I just like turn into a bird and give a quick butchers? Can I do a quick butchers of the forest? Give me an arcana check before you do. OK. An arcana check. That's going to be a 10 plus a 2, a 12. There is a strange kind of vibration of magic from the leaves and trees around you. You could try, but you're unsure of what success would look like. OK. I don't want to turn into a bird because I don't actually think I can do that. But I thought if I said it fast enough, it would just kind of go through on a technicality, which has happened so many times before here on this program. And I just kind of want to use my nature understanding to see if I can figure out like a heading that we should be going towards. So I guess just a nature check. Can this be trying to find out like how to execute on what I just said? Like he's trying to get a heading on their way back out? Or are you trying to find a different way forward? I'm just I don't know. I come from the woods. So I would like to utilize that knowledge in some way, shape, or form. Very, very general. Nature plus five, nat 20. OK. OK. With a nat 20, you sense that nature magic, that you were feeling that strange vibration. You get a sense of the direction to which that just keeps getting stronger. And you get a vague sense of that starts dissipating in this direction. And from your eyes, the way that it keeps getting stronger seems to be the thinnest of the woods what you might consider a path. And you see behind you thick undergrowth, seemingly no way to pass. And that is where the magic weakens. Listen, I know we had a whole thing. But we've got to go through the thick stuff. Got to go where it's thickest if we want to get out of here. Why, the path is easy. But as a good friend of mine once said in a poem, don't take that one. Try the other one, he said in his poem, it's pretty chill. You know, I have picked up my two arms. No, I see that. And I'm really sorry, by the way. We're going to be working through the traumas of today for quite a while, I think. I could go to the thicket and pick it with a stick just to see. Yeah, sure. I don't actually think there was a plan associated with that freestyle rap you just did. But I was just trying to work in and into the woods. Sure, OK. So sure, let's go deeper into the woods. It's an illusion, trust me. OK, I'll follow any. When he says to trust him, what does that trust look like from you, Lady Godwin? To trust him? That it's an illusion. What do you mean? Like, what do you do? That I trust, I follow Winnie the Pooh wherever he goes. OK, Winnie, what are you doing? I'm going to walk towards them thick branches to try and part them with my druidic magic, because I rolled a goddamn natural 20 on my nature roll. And if that turns out to be a trick, I'm going to be protesting the act two of this show from out in the lobby. OK, give me a wisdom saving throw. All of us are just. No, yeah, wisdom saving. Just you, Winnie. 18 plus 6, 24. So you know it's an illusion. You say to yourself, this is an illusion. You start moving towards this thicket faster and faster. And you start to feel doubt like there's, I don't know, and you overcome it. And you say, this is an illusion. And you become more confident in your steps. And you hit this line of thorny brush that looks like it is just going to tear your soft felt outer skin, a sunder. But instead, you feel nothing. You bust through, and you're in a clearing. And you see Puck there with Shakespeare dangling over a boiling pot of some weird green fluid. As the three of you come busting through, and Puck goes, oh, shit. You made me eat bugs and farts today. Yeah, that's a statement of fact that I agree. I think there shouldn't be a second one. Try again, but the second hat. I should put like a warning or something. Yeah, you're right. Like a follow up or some sort of action. Otherwise it was just a checklist of awesome things that I did. All right. Puck, I never do this. Can we try again? You want a second run at the entry line? Yes. Take it from the top. OK. OK. Go ahead. You made me eat bugs and farts today, and I don't like that. So now we're going to kill you and save. What's up, William Shakespeare? Well, I don't know about that. I'm not a fighter. I'm a lover. So perhaps it makes more sense for you to fight each other. And from behind him steps fraud when FOLO and Winnie the two. And we're going to roll initiative when we come back after intermission. Everybody head out into the lobby, grab yourself a poster, grab yourself a drink, and we'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's us again. Jump back in to remind you that it's the Max Fun Drive. A lot of options for joining, a lot of rewards. But one of them, you can become a new member, right? You've never been a member before. You can also upgrade your membership. Maybe you've been doing, you know, $5 a month for a while now. You listen to even more shows or the spirit is moving you. You can move up to $10 a month, $20 a month, whatever. You can also upgrade your membership. Maybe you're not ready to move up to the next membership level, but you want to toss a little extra coin to your Witcher. That's us in this scenario. You can do that. All three of those contribute to our overall total of new upgrading and boosting members. Go to maximalfun.org. And like I said, there's a lot of different levels with a lot of different rewards. Isn't that right, Clint? Why it certainly is, son. So natural. At $5 level, we've got the Taz Cousin Verse, Roll to Realize. We got all the past highlights, Lord's of Crunch and our episode with Matt Mercer, all the Charlie Verst stuff, making up. I'm going to jump in real quick because I don't know if we've mentioned this before, but MaxFun members, we've also been putting up live show audio early before it gets published to the main channel. Yeah, that's right. And that's available to members as well before it's available to the public. And that's available to members as well before it's available to anyone else. We're very thoughtful about things like that. $10 level, all that stuff. And also the Duber on board enameled keychain. I mean, that's if they choose Taz. If they choose Taz as their show of choice. All right, what else are they going to choose? Why are they listening to this break if they're not going to choose Taz? It's a good point. Yeah, it's a good point. Yeah, Taz is it. You get that Duber on board keychain. $20 a month, all that stuff, plus the good clean fund toiletry bag or the embroidered rock advisor. And dad, I'm seeing on here this is is this true? A lot of the shows, including Taz, are going to be going ad free if you have a $10 a month membership. Is that right? Yeah, I sat down and made the decision that we owe that to our listeners. Very bold leadership. Well, you know, that's what I am. The payter family, as you know, Justin, $20 a month, the good clean fund toiletry bag, the embroidered rock advisor, $35 a month, all that other stuff, plus an insulated stainless steel water bottle. That's the best kind of steel. He's unmatched. You're not just trying to get up to 50. It's the custom metal max fund membership card. Amazing. I mean, the point is these are all if you help at any of these levels, obviously, you're an amazing champion. But the real thing is you're helping to make shows happen. You're making shows possible. If we've been doing this show for gosh, 13 years now. 12. Is that right? 13, 12 or 13 years? And it's a real joy that happens because of your enthusiasm and your excitement. So we've been able to hire a whole staff to help us make all of our shows, including Rachel, our editor, who does so much incredible sound design work here for the Adventure Zone. We've we've got like a real actual team of people who help us make all this stuff. And we were only able to kind of grow and make make all of the things that we make with their help because of your help. When you go to maximumfund.org, slash join you pick the shows that you listen to some of the the money that you kick in goes towards Max fund to help with all the administrative stuff. And the rest of it goes directly to shows like us. And it's it's why we've been able to do this for so, so long. So if you enjoy Taz and, you know, you get something out of the shows that we listen to, or you just think Max fund is cool. It is cool. There's not really another media company I know out there like it putting out, you know, shows like this and letting the creators keep all the rights and being co-op owned is it's a great thing that they are doing and we're so proud to be a part of it. And we hope that if you enjoy listening to our shows, you will think about supporting it very directly at maximumfund.org slash join and get a bunch of great stuff. What? That's him. He's a dream. Oh, I thought you were saying like my name. His nickname. Oh, okay. I want to get back to the show. Okay. Please go. Let's kill William Shakespeare. No, no, that's not. Yeah. Justin, that's not what's happening. Let's get his old ass. Well, that's not. Let's roll for initiative. Okay. Griffin, were you about to start playing some games? What? No. You're about to start gaming. Dad grabbed my knee and I was like, is he dying? Is this it? Is this it? Oh God, is it going to happen on stage? Oh no. I've always seen it. I've always seen it. Is it going to happen on stage? Oh no. I've always said I wanted to die on stage. Yeah, you have said that. I've seen you die on stage many times, Clint. That is a... I really walked into that one. You sure did. Well, hobbled into it. Mostly you're very old. 19 plus two for 21. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. 11 plus two, 13. 18 plus one, 19. God. Now I roll high number. What did you get, Justin? 13. Get his ass, yes. No, actually that was good. We normally discourage this level of audience involvement, but you fucking dragged his ass. Yeah, yeah, that's great. That was good. That was good. You know what's weird is that at the top of Winnie the Pooh's character sheet at his inventory is Carpenter's tools. Why the fuck, man? What do I got that? Well, he was the son of a Carpenter, Winnie the Pooh was. I guess so. Here's our... No, sorry, that was Jesus. Here's our poster up here. Yes, hey everybody. Mattie Vion did a kick ass job with this poster. Wild about it, all the special little details, and there should still be some available out in the lobby for you to grab them. Also, the Paul Subborn Memorial Camp food drive is still rocking and we're donating all proceeds to that challenge coin to the Mid-Ohio Food Collective. So grab one of those if you're able. I miss you, Paul. I miss you, Paul. So I'm a nob you're gone. I miss you. All right, P, rest in Paul. He can hear us. I know, Dad. It feels like he's dealing with us. Paul is watching. From my distance. All right, who? You are up first. You are faced with Winnie the Pooh, Fraudwin and Folo, as well as in the background there, you have Puck dangling William Shakespeare over a boiling vat of green strange liquid. Gosh, it really feels like I should deal with that situation first, but I'm not. I am going to point at Winnie the Pooh and I'll say, except no substitutes. I'm going to cast plant growth, specifically overgrowth. All normal plants on 100 foot radius sphere centered on that point become thick and overgrown. Travis, the type of plant I would like to specifically conjure up and grow today is those nasty, nasty vines that whipped my two cohorts earlier in the evening to try to give him a taste of, I guess, his own medicine. So you're going to whip him with thorns? Yeah, I guess so, yeah. But not thorn whip, which is the thing you have. I figured this would be cooler and a callback. Okay, let's do it. It would hurt more than a cantrip that I can shit out any Friday night. Okay, what do I need to do? Is it an attack roll or is it? Well, I'm bending the rules of what plant growth does, so I'm going to say a dexterity saving throw or you take one million points of damage. Well, hold on, one of those I'll give you. You're trying to beat 200. That is a not 20. Motherfucker, fuck, fuck you, Winnie the Pooh. No, Winnie the two, please. You're right. Winnie the two does 18 backflips. Shit, whoa. That is what I do. You got me right in the middle. I learned it from watching you, dad. Okay, now I have a question. When Winnie the two does 18 backflips, do I clock that? Like, am I now? Do you count all of them? No, do I see the 18 backflips and I'm like, that's a fake Winnie the Pooh. I'm standing next to you. I know, but there's a lot of charms and deceptions here. And I just want to, yeah, I just want to make sure, I want to store that away for later, that I have a way of telling these two apart, that's all. Okay, do a wisdom saving throw. Okay, saving throw. Interesting. Okay, wisdom check. Okay, now I'll do your saving throw, it's fine. Plus zero either way, 17. Yeah, that's not Winnie the Pooh. I'm next to you. You saw this Winnie the Pooh. Walk out from behind the puck. Do you 18 backflips? You're like, huh, that does seem like, no, you know what? I'll tell you. I don't think that's him. Okay, Trav, here's what I was angling for, I guess, is that I would also notice some kind of mole or something that would let me differentiate the two of them forever. You understand? I have that hole you kicked into my ass. That's me. Hey, check this shit out though, this is really gonna zing you, dude. I may have missed with the attack, but every creature moving through this area must spend four feet of movement for everyone. Foot it moves, got you. Good luck dealing with that minor inconvenience. Okay, I'll make sure to write that down. Dad, you are up. Brother Philo is going to use one of his many infusions. And- Like B12 or- It's going to sick it on Lady Fraudwind. Okay. Kind of fucked up that you're not attacking your own doppelganger, I think. I actually think it's less fucked up. I want to say, I think it'd be more fucked up if he was like, I've been looking for a chance to beat the shit out of myself. Yeah, yeah, hey Griffin, let's talk about problems. Like what you just said is, Dad, why wouldn't you kill yourself if you had the chance? Fair. Is that every man's dream to kill himself? To kill his own image? So I, my good friends, Brother Philo brings out his old friend, Cronut. The sweet puppet Pumpkin Hamunculi. The Pumpkin Hamunculi that freaks out Lady Godwin. Okay, Dad, who 3D printed that for you? Cause somebody did. Your middle-est brother 3D printed that for me. Shitless now Travis. And very carefully painted it. That's Dad's father's day preso. Aw, cute. Cronut, attack! Cronut's gonna fly right into Lady Fraudwin's legs. Assuming that Lady Fraudwin possesses the terrible fear of Pumpkin. I have to, if not, then my entire purpose this evening is for nothing. Wow. Don't dangle that fucking carrot in front of me, Dad. To know that I could take away your entire purpose? You made it. I know, and I'm really struggling with dichotomy of feeling successful in my 3D print or ruining my Dad's existence. Look at his little leg. Damn it, you've sold me on his little articulated legs. Okay, pops, make an attack roll for me. Jesus Christ, man. You got too many fucking props on the table, Clint. You're like my fucking kids at Red Lobster, man. Just toys everywhere. Give me an attack roll plus four, Clint. Get this man a placemat some crayons. Okay. And a lid for his Coke Zero if you don't mind. What do you need from our father? An attack roll plus four, so a D20 plus four. There's so much swiping. Yeah, okay, plus four. That's a 23. Yeah. Holy shit, what is that? How did you, oh my God, is that a flying jack-o-lantern? Yes. Fuck shit, fuck. Listen to your knees. Okay, give me a 1D8 plus two damage. And Lady Godwin, I'd like you to make a wisdom saving throw with advantage, please. Yeah, I saw that coming, thank you. Okay, 1D8, that's six plus two is eight. My first wisdom saving throw is a five. My second wisdom saving throw is a 15, that's 10 more, all right. In this moment, that pumpkin's a friend. You're not sure about next time, but right now, you know that it's higher, it's not directed towards you. Okay. Up next though is Folo, who is going to, yeah, come swinging in with their quarter staff aimed for you Winnie the Pooh. Do I have a quarter staff? You do, man. You have Polar Mastery? Shit. And you bring that shit up all the time. Yeah. All right. Do your best. I'm not 20. Do worse than that, do not do your best, no. All right, not 20, sure. I got hit points for days, chill. Okay, so that's going to be 12 damage. No problem. Quap, quap, it hits you quite good. And then with Polar Mastery. God damn Polar Mastery, you got me again. That is an 18 plus four, 22. Fuck that single dice you have there. Yeah, that hits my. Why, this is one of the Flame Bright dice available on magraemerge.com. Yeah. That's another four points of damage. Great. No problem. Not even worried about it at all. Godwin, you are up. OK. So what we got in front of me? Lay out the landscape. Another Winnie the Pooh, another Godwin, and another Philo. How many of them are dead so far? None, man. We haven't done very good at all. Still two. I did make it somewhat more difficult for them to move through the space that surrounds them. OK. Are we, can I ask this Travis, are we in any way confused about this? Not currently. It's still two lines. OK. I'm going to punch myself in the face as hard as I can. I'm going to need you to clarify, Justin. OK. I want to punch the other me in the face. OK. Ah, I almost got you. Honestly, anything else feels mean, right? It's like Winnie the Pooh and Pinocchio. So I think I'm just going to punch the adult woman. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, sure. All right. Make yourself an attack roll. Are you doing unarmed strength? Yeah, I want to be kind to the mug, you know? Mess up the goods. To fuck, man. Wait, but I get another one. What? A fighter, right? No fighters take several hits, attacks, right? Yeah, OK. OK. Yeah, thank you, everyone, for backing me up. That's a nine. Fuck me. No, a nine plus six. Nope. I didn't say that. I said a nine. Oh, shit, dude. I did the math on my own, brother. He has a nine all day. Well, up next is Lady Fraudwin, ah, man, who is now going to take a swing at you with Stephanie Gilbert, her ax. That is an eight plus six at 14. That ties? Yeah. Yeah, all right. Yeah, that is how that works. And that's going to be one d12 plus three. Guys, we're getting our asses kicked in front of all Columbus. Oh, that's 13 points of damage. Ouch. And then as you pointed out, a second attack. Yeah, thank you. Now, wait, is that? That's a 19. Are they actually a barbarian? Or are they an illusion? They are a barbarian. OK. The illusion of one. OK. So that's 25 to hit. OK. That does just clear it. OK, great. And OK, that's one plus three, only four points of damage. Oh, OK, good. I can. That's like nothing at all. Don't even worry about it. No worries. OK, and up next is Winnie the To. Shit, he's going to be so mad at me. He's going to be so mad. Yeah, Winnie the To is going to thorn whip at you and say, this is how you do it, motherfucker. I don't like that at all. No, not with a not one. That's not how you do it, whole bother. I'd say that's so bad some of it ought to get on him. Yeah. He'll have the thorns. As he whips, the thorns come off the whip and hit him in the eyes. And he dies from it. I say, good luck moving your full speed, dipshit. No, but I will say the fairy that is embodying Winnie the To knows he's going to have to explain it to his partner later, and he's going to be really embarrassed. Yeah, sure. So just know that he'll take psychic damage later. It's a moral victory for sure. OK, we're back at the top of the order with Winnie the Pooh. This is how you do it, motherfucker. I'll hit him. I'll hit him with a good old fashioned thorn whip. OK, so wait, just so I can understand your progression. Yeah. What you've done is you failed to hit him with a shitty semulchra of a thorn whip, and you've lured him into a false sense of security. And now, just when he thinks you can't thorn whip, you're going to thorn whip him. And he's going to lean in because he thinks it's fake. Yeah, right. Does a 24 hit my fake ass? Yeah, it does. That is going to be nine points of damage on the thorn whip of my fake ass. Wow! Ow! All my beautiful stuffings coming out. Is it? Yeah, not all of it. I take it to get stronger. Yeah, give me a constitution check, Griffin. That's how it works at the Build-A-Bear. Yeah. Just a constitution check? Yeah. I just checked Ohio State law cannibalism is forbidden. That is going to be a 14 plus 0, 14. Yeah, with a 14, you're going to pick up five, like, temporary hit points. OK, I'll take five tip hit points. Thank you. Oh, no, that's my stuffing. Not anymore, it's not. It's up there with the bugs and sticks and mud. I forgot about that. All right, Dad, you're up. Uh, cast flaming spear on... cast flaming spear... spear... The... The... The... The... The... The... The... The... The... The round thing will... Hey, can we take it back from one? Just real quick. We're going to run it back. Give Dad a second run. Hey, everybody, I'm Justin McRoy. Welcome to the Adventures. Woo! Oh, you will also take this moment to kindly remind you guys of your pocket advantage from your fairy funds. Oh, yeah. I have not forgotten. OK. I just am saving it for real good shit, man. I cast flaming spear on... Brother Philo's doppelganger. Philo. Philo. Philo. OK. He needs to make a dexterity saving throw. Thank you, Griffin. You're welcome. I love having Griffin as Dad's spell interpreter. It's so helpful. OK, that's not great. Um, you said a dexterity saving throw? Um, dexterity saving throw, that is an eight plus one, a nine. No! No! That does not avoid, and... Talking to the mic. 2D6. Right there. Right in the mic. It's the one in front of you. 2D6. Six and a three. That's nine. OK. That is going to, because I don't know if you know this as a puppet, he is made of wood. Yeah. Be double damage. So that is going to hit him for 18. You look like a fucking high profile stockbroker right now with the many characteristics you have in front of you. It's so cool. This is how a professional DM does it, Griffin. Yeah, dude. Read-a-Book. No, he's got me. No, he got my ass. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't do that. Don't do that. It's different styles. He got his ass. All cyber, all digital, all day long. I don't keep things analog like that. I gotta keep it in the fucking cloud because there's so much of it. That's how big data gets you. Big data's never getting access to these character sheets. Okay. So you're saying big dad? Big, sorry, big data. Oh, no, big dad took my character sheets again. Dagnabbit. God damn it. He's so big. Alright, so then, FOLO. Is anyone else in the range of that burning flaming sphere? Because it does have a bit of range. Oh, what's the size of it? Well, five feet. Five feet? Yeah, you didn't notice that when you were kibitzing? What kibitzing did I do? It's a five foot diameter sphere. I gave you double damage. What the fuck are you talking about, old man? He's talking about me. I'm talking about him. Okay, yeah. No, every, like it's about evenly spaced. Cool, I'm glad I said something. FOLO is going to run an attempt to tackle FILO. Yes. Oh, good luck with that. Just tell me somebody videos it, please. Give me a dexterity saving throw, Clint. Yes, Travis. Lady Godwin only likes bunraku pornography. It's the only thing. You will need to beat a 15. I got a six. Not quite. The two of you go rolling. Just is it ass over tea kettle? Is that the term? You go rolling in a big tumbling when you come up. It is unclear which one is which. I lost track. Did you follow Lady Godwin? I have a good way of telling you a part, but not him. No. It's me, FILO. It's me, FILO. This is it. The moment we've practiced. Go ahead and say our secret password that you definitely heard and remember. We'll say it on the count of three. One. Wait. OK, hold on. Can we have when we have like a is there some sort of magical reason we can have to talk for a second? Were you? No. One. Hold on. I want to be over here so I can see both of you at the same time. OK, OK. Wait, they're going to. OK. Yeah, they got to get the whole OK. One, two, three. Waffles. Flop. Waffles. We did say waffles. It's a certain point. So chicken and no. This is the phony right here. All right. Up next is Lady Godwin. I'm going to shove one Pinocchio into the other. Yeah, dude. You got a six street on a strength or dex. Wait, which one are you shoving? I don't left. I what by what way could I answer that? You can you, Justin, know which one's which. I know, but like I, Lady Godwin doesn't. So what do you say? Left you. I mean, dad, I don't know. Why wouldn't I attack dad if I have the option, right? Yeah, it's like love. Yeah. OK. No, I'm saying if you wanted love, you should have learned the password. That's right. And let that be a lesson to all of you. That's right. That's right. OK, everyone who feels love in the world knows the password that you don't. Exactly. OK, here's what I here's what I think, Travis. Yeah, flip a coin. OK, heads. Even even you attack dad ought to attack me. Wait, shouldn't Justin roll it? That's OK. That's a 10. You attack down. OK, dad, I'm going to do a. So you got to succeed on a strength or decks saving throw. So roll strength or decks. You choose which one is best for you. It's these woods, man. They're really turning us against each other in a way that is going to be so healing when we're done with it. Where to go? Did you say where to go? That's fucking chilling. Look at your little son. I don't help you with this stuff. I mean, it was a 20. It was a 20. Look at your special boy. He's helped you all the time. You never even asked me. That's your special little wonder boy. I don't ask him to lean over and tell me what to do. No, I know he says it was a 20. I dad's never lied to me in my life. Yeah, that's right, son. OK, so I'm going to believe it was a 20. A not 20 or a GMO 20? No. Now, hold on. You're losing it. OK, I was believing you 30 seconds prior. I don't know what GMO means. A fake 20. No, it was a real 20. I'm just a guy. You get multiple attacks, right? Lady Godwin. Yes. Talking is a free action, right? Yeah. Can I just say which one of the two use the real Pinocchio? Not me and my nose grows. Not me and my nose grows. Wait, no, fuck, it doesn't grow. All right. Shit. I hit that one in the face with my axe. Which one? The one that fucked up. I was too deep in character. 22. Yeah, that hits. All right. Yeah, that's one D 12 plus three, 10 points of damage. I don't know if you know this about wood and axis, but it is a weakness. Yeah, I'm just now thinking about it. This Pinocchio would have been horribly burned. So. So you had it coming, you think? No, I'm just saying it should have been pretty easy to tell the two of these guys apart. OK, so you hit it for 20 points of damage. OK, is he still ticking? Barely. I look at this Pinocchio damn son. You're made of sturdier stuff than I would have assumed it first. Yeah, it's ain't no balsa here. But when either no, sorry, fraud when is going to take a swing at Philo. With Stephanie Gilbert. That is Jesus Christ. A 19 plus six, 25. You do not have to add anything to that 19 to make it sufficient. Yeah, I'm so sorry. I thought this would just be a fun romp. I don't get a chance to, you know, man, he just hits you with the ax. It's yeah, no, that's 12 points of damage. Wow, man, that sucks. We're a little sick. And then a second attack. You got to stop making braggadocious. Fuck me. Another 19, 25. Wow. Well, Max damage plus three 15. He's OK. He's OK. I'm OK. He's OK. But but it's getting dicey. No, that's what the idea. Fuck shit. OK, when either two is going to cast Wildshade. OK, I'm glad we've broken our pattern of just hitting each other with thorns and saying this is how you do it and turn into a big old black bear. Oh, man. And you know, oh, bother. Oh, and is going to attempt to pick up Winnie the Pooh in his jaws. OK, am I rolling against that? Or are you? Yeah, so you're going to give me a deck saving throw versus his attack roll. Kick ass. Can I do a strength saving throw? Isn't it either one? If it's to avoid? Yeah, if you want to. Yeah, I would rather do a strength. Believe it or not, I'm stronger than I am fast. Winnie the Pooh. No way. Yeah, I have to. That's the only old flub all stuff was left. Titanium bones in there. I got 11 total. Oh, that's pretty good. But his by attack is eight plus four, a 12. Oh, shit. Now he's going to pick you up and start shaking you around. But currently just grappled no damage. That was close enough that I'm going to say no damage. But he is shaking around like a chew toy in a dog's jaws. OK, cool. Up next. Give me a collective d 20 roll. So each of you roll d 20. 15 dad. I can read this. I don't want to. One, the loneliest number that there ever was. OK, Justin, I got a 20. Holy shit. What did you get, Griffin? I got a 15 15, 16, 36. OK. Oh, total. OK. You're adding them. OK. Smashing through the trees behind you. And one horse open sleigh. I don't think Santa Claus threw a lot of nothing. Nothing through the woods behind you. Nothing happens. But are you? No, he's a big 10 foot tall, hulking beast made of rippling muscles and throbbing veins. It appears to be a man, but so gargantuanly swole almost a minotaur, except instead of the head of a bull, it is the head of a donkey. Cool. OK, I'd recognize those pectoral muscles anywhere. Is that you, bottom? Bottom. Shit. Power bottom. Can I? I don't know if he's with us or against us, but can I roll animal handling to try to to harness this power bottom for our side? Yeah. What is Lady Godwin seeing, Trav? Exactly. Oh, really? There's no illusion. Not an illusion, my dear. I got a 16 plus six, a 22. Power bottom sees the poo and does a strange, kind of awkward, but deep like bow, very theatrical. That's right. To Winnie the Pooh. You remind me. You fared hungry bottom. Filled up bottom. OK, no more talking is rule number one. Our DPS against the real boss man has been pretty piss poor so far. Can you handle our light work? Which one bad one? I mean, start with the. The pretender to the honey thrown and then the other two, if you can, if you have time. Yes. Go get him, bear bottom. Come on. What? It's he's a donkey, man. He's a donkey, though. Yeah, that is an 18 plus five. Yeah, 23 against Winnie the two. Give me a string check plus 10. Me? Yeah, but it's. Oh, I'm hard. I'm fucking stepping into the Eva suit of cool. You're gundamming him. That is a natural 20. Yeah, so bear bottom just swipes across the ground and you hear Winnie the to go home. I've lived in the. And then a big mushroom cloud of fluff goes flying up into the sky about three miles away. That's what happens. It's really, really, really packed in there. Um. Up next is Filo. Wait, hold on. I was in Winnie the to's mouth. OK. I'm going to call in mayonnaise now. Yeah, you're going to give me a dexterity saving throw with advantage. OK, that's cool. That's cool. Fourteen plus two, 16. And then 16 plus two, 18. Yeah, fucking dice. Can I tell you an 18 was the goal? Oh, yeah, OK. Yeah. Thanks, mayonnaise. As as power bottom swipes, Winnie the to in the air, you get caught between power bottoms like middle finger and ring finger. And he swipes you down and goes, you save bear. Put you back on the ground and patch your little head. OK, how was mayonnaise involved in that exchange, even a little bit at all? Manage was whispering in power bottoms here. OK, saying, hey, don't. Hey, don't watch. Don't do this. Be careful. Cool. Cool. Thanks. Thanks, mayonnaise. Hey, thanks, man. Thanks. You're welcome. Awesome. You saved me. You saved me. Wow. Who saved you? Right? Sheesh. I mean, pretty explicitly. I was on a dark path until you came into my life. Wow. Yeah, man, you should have known some of the shit I was into. Oh, God, let me take my turn. Who's left in front of us standing of the of the enemy? Two is the only one we've. Yeah, Winnie the to is out. Phylo's. Lady, fraud, when and Folo are still in. And Folo's taken a shit ton of damage at this point. Yeah, I'm going to hit Folo with Melph's acid arrow. Amazing. Wow. You know exactly what kind of stuff you don't like being hit with. And one of them is Melph's acid arrow for sure. Know thyself. So that's the details. If you press the button with the number on, I actually wrote this word. This is a word that says cast. This is an attack. No, I actually wrote this one down. This isn't a tie. So you're going to roll a d20 plus six to hit. OK. All right. Now, have you used your mayonnaise yet? I have peas blossom. Thank you. I've ever heard in one of our live show. Have you? Look within yourself. Do you have any mayonnaise left? Fifteen. Fifteen. Yes. That will hit Folo. He knows it's him. Now you're going to roll forty four damage. Forty four damage. Fuck. All right. OK. So that is only going to be. Fourteen points of three, three, four, four, about as good as Melph gets. Yeah, you melt. Folo down to little wooden shoes, just clogs down. This has an impact on on Brother Philo. OK, this is wisdom saving throw. All right. No, I mean, that's that's narratively sound. Wisdom saving throw. OK. And that would be this minus one here. Holy shit, they paid to come. Eighteen. Yeah, it has lasting damage, but not like real damage. Yeah, just like emotional damage. You're fine. OK, so you pack it down in your heart. You'll deal with it later, like on your death bed or whatever. I look at the little shoes and start laughing. A totally healthy response. Totally normal and cool. Up next is going to be let's see here. I'd be my turn up. Yeah, up next is Lady Godwin. I want to do an insight check on the fake me. To see if I can see with my severed nature that it is in fact a fairy and not me. OK, go for it. OK, and I'll give you advantage because it's established that your ability to see through the hammer. Eighteen and a 13. So 18. Yeah, with an 18, you can see it's actually two fairies. One controlling the head, one controlling the body. I eat the top one. That's his. That's his right as an American. Dad, tie my brazier, please. It would be I'm eating the fair. It would be an honor. Thank you, dad. I'm trying to eat this fairy and Travis. If I have any trouble getting it down, I got a little extra man and he's the help it go. You know what I mean? OK, yeah, man, give me a constitutional check with advantage. I just want to for future record to be known that Justin is the one making this particular move and not me. Just for future brand auditors, just know that this is absolutely not my shit and it is Justin's shit. And he is the one who will own it fully. Normally, normally, Trav, this isn't a very funny number, but normally in this case, I think it kind of works. What I got the best of my two roles was a 10 at trying to swallow the fairy. I got a 10. Plus anything. What? Plus anything? No, just 10 with a 10. You eat the fairy. OK, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And right now you don't suffer anything. You do it successfully. But I eat the other fairy. It's easy. Well, hold on. As everyone knows, fairies are immortal. So the ones that you've melted have and kicked have survived. So right now there's no damage. OK. But there will come a moment later, right? Where perhaps a bodily function is finished. Yeah. And maybe some damage will happen. You're saying I'm going to have to pass the fair. That'll be after the show. After the show. That's not the thing we have to worry about now. That's not Chekhov's gun. We're not going to resolve that here tonight. Next time we come to Columbus and do a live Taz out of nowhere. Lady Godwin's going to shit a fairy out. Lady Godwin is Lady Godwin. Probably during the drive home. OK. Yeah. OK, you've successfully slayed the three doppelgangers. Now all that is left is Puck dangling William Shakespeare over a van. And he's been so chill, by the way, not dunking. Well, he has been enjoying the show. And you know what's interesting? A lot of I kind of thought William Shakespeare would like say. Or like get a hand on the ball. Like, you know, here's what's going to blow your mind. He's gagged. Yeah. And not like in a metaphor. The way. Sorry. What were you going to say, Grover? I say he was also gooped, but it doesn't make any sense. It's fine. It doesn't work a second time. Ah, says Puck. But how will you know? Which is the real Puck? And you see, along with him, three other pucks pop up about 40 feet that way, 40 feet that way, 40 feet that way, forming a diamond. And the one who is just talking goes, you are no which one's the real me. Yeah, cool, man. And the other three nod. Well, I guess in that case, I will drop kick the one that just talked, I guess. I mean, I'm not, I'm no, you know, I'm not a smartest man, but I feel like I'm going to go and drop kick him. That's good. But how do you know? Make it a 10. 21. How do you know? And he lands in the vat of. Really? Thank you. He lands in the fact I look over, I say, and I look as the other pucks disappear and I say, Puck, Puck, Bobuck, banana, Fanna, you suck. And Shakespeare pulls down his gag and goes for sooth poetry. And that's where we're going to end it tonight. Thanks, yo. So much. Thank you for coming. Thank you to Fanna. Thank you to Paul and Amanda and Rachel and everyone here tonight. Come see us at Origins Game Fair. You've been an absolute treat. Have a good night. Yeah. Wouldn't you hate if that was the last ever? Taz, hello. Crazy. He's an energy. So. Alarm. Is a nightmare version of the Max Fun Drive where you didn't go to maximumfun.org for slash join, pledge five or 10 bucks a month to help keep this show going. And we have to shut it down. We have to fold up our tables and all the back of the trailer. They ain't the only office in Spain. The angel clearance has come to give you a haunting vision of a world without your support in this Max Fun Drive. And you're going to wake up. 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