Giggling about tinned fish, tracking farts, and Tampa

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I've had a month. And I think what's going to have to happen is you can't come in. I have to do some quick, because I'm afraid you're going to get upset. It's going to ruin your day when you see the state. I had leftovers last night. When my parents are gone, I know an adult, but I live. You've lived alone for over 10 years. And Des is not around. I'm like Jimmy Neutron. I'm like sleep over time. I'm peeing in the shower. Like I don't give a fuck. And then I was like, oh my God, Paige is coming. Is that something Jimmy Neutron did? There was like a movie where all the parents like disappeared and the kids went crazy. And that's just how I live my life. Like you don't have to put plates back into the sink if you don't want to. Like here's a perfect description of how you and I are different. Yesterday, my glam showed up to my apartment and I had like a little plate of pastries. and Mitchell literally said, is that real life or were you like taking a picture of something? And I was like, honey, that's real life. Grab a pastry. When my glam came in yesterday, which is, let's talk about our glam. I'm like, you might get bitten by something. You're like, if you have an allergic reaction, we don't know what it's from, but you might have one. It could be anything. It could be anything in here. Also, I woke up and like my back was kind of hurting. Like something on my back was hurting. so I was like touching my spine and a part of my spine was like sore I was like did I break my spine and then I realized I just have a massive pimple which Paige loves like how happy she is she loves a pimple I'm just on my spine I have to see it I have to show you guys but I thought I thought I was paralyzed I was like I'm gonna be paralyzed yeah okay oh that's a good one oh that's a good one like my back is perfect yeah i could get in there but like it hurts like what's your strategy how are we like you can't just go in you have to like well i have to assess the area and see if there's even like a head that could be popped i don't think there is you need to compress it first yeah i'm so scared i love surgery you can like take a needle and i have like all tools for it so you have to dig in that is honestly i think one of like my highlights of ever like dating a man is like when you get to the when you get to the point where you're like let me pop that pimple for you that's when like true love comes in like I love if you have that with me you don't need a man if I had a boyfriend that had like shoulder acne that's my fucking dream well you could go hard on the shoulder for some reason it doesn't hurt as bad yeah oh god anyhow anyhow how are you i'm good you were in brooklyn this morning i was in brooklyn this morning oh this was what i wanted to say because now i'm like not in a coma from doing sag awards anymore because i was talking about how like i didn't need my beta blockers as much as i thought i was going to do going to need let me just set the scene for like in the morning in the morning any day like that that I'm gonna be nervous and I know I'm gonna take a beta blocker I can't drink any coffee because I'll just like freak out I had hot water with lemon and then the only thing I could consume was half a banana oh your body shut down no my body was like no I can't take nothing in nothing out I'm the exact opposite I'm like put it all in and then it's all coming out. Like my body's like, no, no, closed right now. You think you're going to have a simple syrup? Get out of here. Simple syrup is a risk on and on. Get out of here. Oh my God. So that's what I had before. Then I take my beta blocker. Okay. Then I do what I have to do. Oh, you took beta blocker in the morning. I took a beta blocker 30 minutes before I had to be out there. Oh, okay, yeah. I do the whole thing. I go to the awards. I'm sitting at the award show. I'm probably sitting there for like a little over an hour, maybe like an hour and a half. I'm sitting there. It truly felt like someone came up behind me, took a baseball bat and just like hit me in the head. Like I got an instant headache, but I think it was my adrenaline like starting to come down. I literally turned to my assistant and I'm like, we have to go immediately or I'm gonna like literally pass out at the table. We get in the car, we go back to the hotel. At this point, it's like 730. we walk into my hotel room because she has to take my jewelry was so fucking expensive i actually can't believe they didn't send a person usually if it's over a certain amount of money they'll send a human being that watches the jewelry but they were like have at it i was wearing someone you lost your pink your pinky ring and you were freaking out and i was like i can't deal with this right now oh my god i forgot i lost my pinky because your pinky's so little that nothing would stay. I had over 1.5 million dollars of jewelry on me at SAG. See I would have said no. I would have been like no thank you. I was just expecting like oh I'm gonna give it back immediately after this like they're gonna send a person. They didn't send a person. So we walk into my hotel room. I she unzips my dress because she's like also giving my dress back. I'm taking the jewelry off and I'm like hold on a second I'll be right back. I walk into the bathroom projectile vomit You love vomiting. That's like your go-to. I come back out and I'm like, and now the day is over. I have completed my task. My body is also understanding that the day is over. That was your bowel. Your pirouette. Literally into the bowl. And you want to know the worst part? I was like, wow, today was a good day. Like today was a good day anxiety-wise. I'm laughing because I do the same thing, but through the other way. Yeah. Which, when I explain that to you, you stop seeing me as gross and start seeing me as just like human. I started seeing you. But I want people to understand when you see all these celebrities like glitzed out, it's all Lent. It's all borrowed. And like the second they get off the carpet. I don't know why I thought you were talking about like Lent, like actual Lent. This is like you're half Jewish. Wait, so what happened? with the jewels. We gave them back. But like she had to hold them for a certain amount of time? She just had to hold them until the next morning. Someone came and got them the next morning before we got on our flight. This reminds me last time we were in LA doing interviews I had a necklace that no one told me how much it was thank God but I couldn't get it off because you know when some of these clasps are like insane like getting into Fort Knox and I went to college couldn't figure it out also my nails were long and I FaceTimed my stylist at like 2.30 a.m. Thank God she doesn't sleep. Yeah. And I was like, I'm about to get on a plane at 6 a.m. with this on my neck if we can't get this off. And she was like, that cannot happen. And I'm like, okay, well. There's like a picture of Jane Fonda where she like went to an award show and then there's a picture of her the next morning in her kitchen in the same dress and she's like, I couldn't get the zipper off. And like there's so many things in my life that I'm like, this also happened to Jane Fonda. And I don't know why but like I'm obsessed with her. Jane Fonda's so iconic if you don't know about her like learn no you should actually watch her documentary it's really good I did oh you did I have to re-watch um my that's my thing with fashion though like it's so uncomfortable and I I've recently somehow ended up in a bunch of jumpsuits I don't know what I did in a past life first of all they don't fit my long torso my labia is literally fighting for its life and then obviously you know I like to pee slash poop yeah like I don't even know what's gonna happen but i'm like i need to be in the bathroom and in this you're like and my everyone's like you don't just take the jumpsuit off you have to like take your microphone off you have to it's a whole thing yeah so anyway this is not relatable but i'm just saying every girl relates to a jumpsuit you know what is relatable that i can't believe we didn't talk about but honestly i think i saw it after we had like recorded last week did you freaking see the Tampa airport banning Crocs and pajama pants. Which isn't a funny bit. I thought it was a bit. And me, who is like such a Croc hater. Yeah. I was like, let the girls wear their choice of shoes. You're like, just because it's not for me doesn't mean I need to ban other people's rights. And America literally take note. You don't approve of something doesn't mean it's not right for other people. Just because I don't want to do it doesn't mean I'm going to take it away from you. Take away rights from people. Okay, first of all, I have so many thoughts on this. This makes me now want to walk into the Tampa airport with no flight, just wearing pajamas, marry my Daphne. I might do a Daphne photo shoot in the Tampa airport. That was my first thought. I was like, what great marketing. With my Crocs, and then I'm going to throw gibbets all over the airport. Here's the thing that I found offensive. the over the overarching message was please stop showing up i think like looking disheveled or like which is my brand but continue but my thing is from a legal standpoint but also florida does whatever the fuck they want i feel like yeah from a legal standpoint because we are lawyers yeah how are you differentiating what's a pajama pan and what's not and also it just felt very pointed at women yes did it not it came off like hey girls stop it's fame off like girls wear a fucking power suit to the airport now i'm gonna show up with a gown uh not that i've ever like been in this situation where i've like had to sit next to a man on a plane and i felt like he was like wearing something weird but there's definitely times where i've seen men at the airport and i'm like, well, those sweatpants are not appropriate. Like, they're too tight. Like, did you put underwear on, you fucking freak? Like, so if we're not addressing the men's penises in their pants, don't tell me what kind of pant or shoe I can or cannot wear. Well, this is my issue. If you invite me to your house and you say, Hannah, I'd prefer you to not show up in your pajamas and Crocs, I can respect that and say it's your house and it's your party. If someone ever said that, that would also be insane. No, but also like it's your house. There's a dress code. It's a private event of you and I want my friend to have a good event. However, as someone who flies for a living, first of all, I don't know where I'm landing. I don't know where I am. How are you think people like are like, oh, I'm flying to Tampa and I have to now prepare a dress code for when I land in Tampa. I don't know where I land and I'm always wearing something comfortable. That sounds like a you problem. No, but like, as in, when I'm on tour, am I about to be like, oh shoot, the Tampa airport, I have to change my outfit for the Tampa airport. As someone who owns a pajama brand, I felt very singled out. But also, if you wear jeans to the airport, like, you don't travel a lot. Yeah. You're like, you're a masochist. Also, let's just say men's jeans are very different than women's jeans. Really? Men's jeans, I feel like, are soft, a little bit softer, because it's not like, we don't care about their shape. They're not hugging anything. So I think that when men are in jeans at the airport or even like a chino pant, it's very different. But I've definitely seen men in like full sweats. Also, you see these mothers with like four children. They're about to get on a flight at 6 a.m. She doesn't have to dress all her children. I want those kids in their comfortable pajamas so she can just get them out of bed and put them on the plane. You're making mothers like dress children in fucking what? Like office wear? Yeah. That would be adorable. That would be adorable. Imagine you brought your baby on a plane. She just had a headset on. She's working customer service. She's just like, sorry, I have to take this. No, Tampa's going to get sued. That's crazy. It was just, I just thought it was so crazy. Also, who in the meeting was like, I have a really good idea? Also, you're dealing with Florida. Like, that's going to backfire. All the Cookie Monster Pajama girls from high school are going to band together. Okay? They're going to, like, they're somewhere getting their nails done together. And they're coming for you. You know what makes me uncomfortable when you go to an airport and men are wearing cowboy boots? Why are you in full drag at the airport? With a mini heel. That's a heel. With a fucking heel. That's a high heel. And then a hat. So then I'm there with you. I can't see. You can't see anything. You're wearing your hat. Why are you in full. Can't even see the gate numbers because your hat is so big. Literally. Here's my question. What were they doing with the Crocs that they had to be banned? Like were they taking them off and throwing them? Like what? They can go sport mode. I can't see that there was ever a problem with people wearing Crocs. The one thing with Crocs is because they rubber sometimes against the like flooring it would like I would like squeak but not really I would like I would like trip a little sometimes you like our legit infield reporter yeah as someone who's been on the ground yeah and tried it out however I am one of those people in the morning I don't want to wear like tie shoes in the morning I want velcro yeah or slip it on we've seen. That's why I love Crocs. Yeah. What if you're, I'm on a comedy tour and I brought one comfy outfit and Crocs to travel in. What are they going to say? You can't do your show tonight because you showed up in Crocs? Well, that's my question. How are you differentiating what's a pajama pant and what's like a sweat pant? Yeah. What are you telling people they have to go back to where they came from? Like the only situation I could see is like if someone tried to get on a flight and they were dressed like extremely inappropriate and provocatively like then may okay but I feel like there's even been stories where girls are like in leggings and people have been like you can't get on this flight or something honestly you should be worried about the drunk men that get on these goddamn flights a little bit more than what the girls are wearing there's so many flights where I can't believe people have even been allowed to get on the plane I was with my mom flying from Toronto and she looked at me and she was like you know people are drinking right now and it was 9 a.m and I was like I go you know I think some people get flight anxiety and she goes no I think they're just I think they're just having fun being hammered and this was a Monday you know I didn't realize that until I was like well into my 20s that people get like hammered on flights. Well, I had my experience when I was sitting with a woman who was blackout on a flight who I haven't reached out to. And every now and then I'm afraid she's going to come out of nowhere and be like, why haven't you texted me? One time I was dating a guy and in my defense, I didn't know he was a drug addict because he was like a good one. We've all been there. We've all been there. No, sometimes we do it subtly. Yeah, I did. I had no idea. Yeah, yeah. Same. Until we got on a flight one time and while we're whilst on the flight I was like falling asleep like I'm coherent but my eyes are closed like if anyone's around I'm asleep and I heard him talking to the people next to us and he was just lying just like lying about everything and it was on that trip that I realized that he had not gone to bed from the night before and he was in fact a drug addict and he got so hammered on the flight. I actually feel like security got involved at some point, but I like stayed asleep. You blocked it out. I think I meant to block it out. Wait, that is so you to like, someone's getting arrested and you're just close your eyes. I think I have narcolepsy. I straight have narcolepsy. You wake up, you're like, where is he? What happened? Someone's like, does anyone know this man? And you're like, let him fight for yourself. I do think traveling with your significant other is important. You learn a lot. Yeah. you learn a lot i think it's really important i've never had like well one time someone tried to leave me in paris honestly i digress that sounds like iconic though someone left you in paris they could have left you in atlantic city yeah that's true i have a quick psa for the gigglers i found the ultimate hack gatorade lower sugar no artificial flavors sweeteners or colors and it has 75% less sugar and all the electrolytes of regular Gatorade. It's the biggest life hack ever. I'm a Gatorade girly. I've been drinking it my whole life. And some would argue I don't always need more sugar in my life. So this is perfect. And it's great for when you're sweaty. Paige, have you ever sweat before? Okay, I'm so glad we're bringing this to the forefront. And I hope my mother is listening to this because all growing up, my brother got to drink Gatorade all the time. And I'd be like, Mom, can I have Gatorade? And she'd be like, you don't play sports. and now in my adult life I actually do play extreme sports because I've flown to Fiji worn suede sweat so badly that I literally dropped to the ground also I've been to one of your fittings you try on 40 to 50 outfits in record time that's an extreme sport extreme sport there's always Gatorade in my refrigerator because you never know I go on a brisk walk I'm like I need to i need electrolytes i need to hydrate i need something more than water and i used to you know be running around the tennis court but now i'm running my mouth doing stand-up and that's why i always have gatorade lower sugar in my green room to prepare because this is a sports podcast we are athletes i won't sweat through my clothes but like it's happening where you'll just like you'll full-on sweat through it's almost like a badge of honor oh yeah and did you know that Gatorade lower sugar actually hydrates better than water. And we know that because we're women in STEM. And my favorite flavor, this is the lemonade. If you know anything about me, one of my favorite phrases is let's get a lemonade. Like in the summer, I'm like, what if we got like an icy lemonade? And so I always grab a lemonade flavor. I think that a classic flavor, when you think about Gatorade, what do you think of? Gatorade fruit punch. Nothing hits the tongue quite like it And you immediately think of like At recess with your friends Having the best time Some people say the colors And some people say the flavors And that's just like a Gatorade thing In the comments, which girl are you? Do you call Gatorade by the color Or the real name? Or it's government name? I bet that gigglers are very split Because I'm a color girly And I feel like you're a flavor I'm a government name Because I don't mess around When it comes to my Gatorade Like you put their first and last name in your contacts. I also love Rainberry and I got the big lemonade. It's really good. So I'm about to have a hydrating day with lower sugar. Whether you're sweating through a workout set or your Daphne pajamas, you're an athlete. Act accordingly and rehydrate with Gatorade lower sugar. It's giving 75% less sugar and all the electrolytes of regular Gatorade. You'll be looking and feeling like your best, most hydrated self. Guys are wearing ballet flats now. Well, Harry Styles and some other guys who are more fashion forward. But like they're wearing ballet flats. Did you see Rosalia got asked a question? What's her favorite thing about men? And she said that they're gay. Rosalia's a giggler. That's my president. Sorry. That's my religion. That was so real. I love Rosalia. You know, she's my style icon. What brand? I want to know who's responsible for this. And when you say ballet flat, like, does it have a bow? Harry Styles is wearing, like, a bell bottom with a ballet flat. With, like, a tabby? Not a tabby. Which, by the way, I need to get in on those tabbies. Yeah, I can't believe you haven't. It just hasn't. I don't know. I feel like, because I'm scared. It's so you. Because I also don't understand. A tabby, for you guys, don't know, it's when you look like a hoove. Yeah. Do you have to get a special sock for that? The admin is actually stressing me out. Honey, I don't know. I've never looked into a tabby. My assistant wears them all the time. But that's her style. That's like her vibe. Like they do look cute. But I just like in the back of my head, I have my mom being like, just because it's expensive doesn't mean it looks good. Oh, that's why I haven't done it because I think they're expensive. And I'm like, I'm not paying more for less of a shoe. You cut the shoe in half. Yeah. Like on the top. I'm really upset about the men wearing ballet flats, though. Can we have anything? We can't have a single thing. We can't even go on hot girl walks anymore. They want to go on walks. Men are going on walks? Yeah, they're going on walks together. Do what? Who knows? They've already taken us down. They already have golf. That's what golf is. Just men walking and hitting bad shots and then telling each other it was a good enough shot. Now they're walking around and talking. The last thing we need is them talking to each other. Chris, are you guys talking? Have any of your friends asked you to go on a walk? No, I go on a walk sometimes. By yourself? By myself, yeah. That's scary. No, but I think that's better than them getting together and walking. True, but I also don't like when a guy's alone, I'm like, where are you going? What are you planning? What are you up to? Yeah. I don't like when they get together like that. When there's two, I don't mind because I feel like they're obsessed with each other like they're gay. Yeah, they offset each other. But when there's three. Three or more, you got a problem. You got a problem because one of them is doing something. Three or more, something illegal is happening. Also, I talk about this in my stand-up, but do you know like in your college and in your 20s when you'd go over to a guy's apartment, why are there always 17 dudes playing FIFA? And that's the worst. I think it's them being nervous. It's them needing emotional support without ever saying like, hey, I'm nervous. Like this girl's coming over. It's more like I'm going to have this girl come over. And it's also performing for them. Like, look how much this girl likes me. I'm about to dig down this girl. But then I'm like, this isn't a fucking performance. Like, I came here to, I don't even know if, I don't even know what to do. Like, I don't even know why I'm here. And suddenly I'm having to, like, walk into your bedroom and do a fucking walk of shame before I even did anything. Also, I'm giving you a bad handjob. Like, this isn't going to be a thing. Can I just say, because, like, I'm no better than a man, I thrived in those situations. What would you do? What was your move? I loved them. They were like my that that was like my college experience. I was like, guess what? Also, I'm funny. Yeah, you didn't see that one coming. Yeah, yeah. I just it was like, tell me who all is going to be there before I show up. Also, because in your head, you're like, this is going to be so romantic. Like he's gonna be waiting for me with candles and a glass of wine. And then you walk in and just eight guys being like, are you Sarah? And you're like, no, that's not my name. That's not my name. and then I'm like oh yeah you like I know what I know that guy I've seen him on Facebook you're fucking a rat you I don't like you. Do you have any guy college friends like now in your 30s? Well my college experience because it was in Wisconsin like everyone lives in Chicago or they were like foreign on the tennis teams but I keep in touch with a lot of them like virtually. I couldn't name one of them. Maybe I could name one of them. We were like close with the tennis guys. I've never formed a real friendship with a man like I that's actually untrue I have I have friendships with I would say I have friendships with like two men that I really have a legitimate friendship with but I'm not even talking to them and if anything I'm now I'm talking to their wives yes yes yes you know like I'm not I do have to say I thrive with the audience too now that I'm Looking back, I think girls, when you walk in and you see those men and you get scared because you're like, what are they planning? Am I going to be kidnapped right now? Instead, you take control. This isn't a time for them to diminish you or whatever. Well, they're actually way more nervous. They're so nervous. That's why they need to be together. You are of them. I remember. It's kind of like a spider. Like, it's scared of you. You're not scared of it. I remember when I started to become powerful because the male athletes were scary and they were like the shit on campus. Like, they were literally celebrities. Like, when they're walking to school, like, everyone's like, there's the quarterback, whatever. And the women's teams were training with the men's teams. And I remember I got hit by a car. I digress. And I... That is the epitome of Giggly Squad. You're telling a story, but, like, you add in a sentence... Say the most traumatic thing you've ever heard. We'll actually get back to that. But there was a lot of times where you'd have to just walk in front of, like, the entire football team. team or the entire hockey team when you got hit by a car did you fall to the ground i was chucked up in the air landed on my back with a backpack apparently saved my life and i was just like lying there and then stayed there because it was quite nice to just lie there for a second oh you think it's funny he was funny you almost lost me because what wouldn't have been a thing in my head i'm picturing it like grazing you and you've been like oh it was like that's terrifying yeah so anyway back to me i no i did there's a thing called box jumps where you had to jump onto a box. And the whole men's hockey team was like on bikes. And I was like, for whatever reason, alone, scared, doing box jumps. Box jumping. And I jumped and just like rammed into. Nothing to see here. Just jumping on my boxes. Just let me jump on my box. I jumped and like I was trying to show off. And of course, like I hit my shin and started bleeding. I fell. It was like a whole thing. How hard were these boxes? Oh my God, they're like hard boxes. Yeah. Oh. And then there was this one time where, like, I started dating this football guy. And I was walking through the gym. And, like, four of his friends were there. And I guess I was, like, they knew I started seeing him. And they were like, Hannah. But they didn't know I was crying because I just found out about a family member who was sick. So I had to be like, hey, guys. There's so many parts of this story. But then this was my, like, this was my moment where I think it shaped who I am as a person and why I love comedy now. Wow. And making fun of men. Really getting to the crux of it and your entire personality. You never have to be embarrassed in front of men. You are in control. I'd been hit by a car. I was maimed. I was down for the count. And I think me and this football guy were like now not talking that much. They put you in this little pool as rehab where you run on a treadmill that's in a pool. Honestly, I should get that for Kitty. So your weight is like lifted so you don't put so much weight on it. So I'm at this little pool in my, I guess I'm wearing like shorts and a sports bra. And like this is intimate. And I'm also like probably crying. And all the football guys are lined up on bikes like right. Watching you. Watching me do this. So it's like so annoying. One of them is like my fucking ex-situationship. And I'm like cool, amazing. So I get out and I'm just like soaking wet. Yeah, you're like hi, this is me. Barely wearing any clothes. Yeah. Like eyes probably swollen from crying. And I walking by and he decides to say something Like Like something like looking good or something like that And I just look at him and I say don be a creep And everyone starts dying laughing Like, ooh. And I remember like feeling so powerful and being like, as long as I'm funnier than them, they can never get to me. Like you tried to make me feel awkward in front of all you guys. You'd be fucking awkward. He might have been giving you a compliment. I don't care. I don't care. No, but also don't fucking. How dare he? Don't fucking sexualize me. Don't single me out. I'm a female athlete trying to recover from a car accident. And you're trying to, in front of your boys, show off that you're like, yeah, nice ass. Yeah. No. You're a fucking creep. You're losers. And I don't want your affection. Or attention. Or attention. Fuck you and the Tampa airport. Yeah, literally. Fuck the Tampa airport, which I think I have to fly in soon. What if my face is just like, they just tackle me the second I get there. Yeah, they're like immediately banned. They go, she's been promoting Crocs. never did I think ever that I would be single-handedly standing up for the croc community. I was like, hey, I may not agree with them, but they have the right to express themselves the way they see fit. Just because they're different doesn't mean that it's bad or wrong. Exactly. Just because they're different and I don't like it doesn't mean they need to change. Yeah. And that. Accepting of all people. Yeah. Whether or not they wear crocs. 100% and that's the policy we stand on. Anyway, have you been eating tin fish? We don't even try to have segways anymore. I'm so fucking happy you brought up this tin fish. Oh my god, tell. I haven't eaten it, but their packaging is adorable. Well, you're thinking of fish wife, very cute. The marketing is so cute. But what is it? Why is everyone obsessed with it? What kind of fish is it? All kinds? Good question. So apparently, this could be completely wrong, but like in Portugal and in Italy and Spain, they have these cans of like smoked fish that they like sardines and they also have like octopus. They have all kinds of fish. So my brother calls me and my brother's like, I'm obsessed with tin fish. And I'm like, tell me why. Sounds like a great like band name or like really cool men's brand. Like, oh my God, like Tinfish. Tinfish. Yeah, it sounds like a rapper. Yeah. A DJ. DJ Tinfish. Yeah. Tinfish and 50 Cent did like a song together. Tinfish remix. We did a DJ Tinfish. By the way, I miss when they used to yell the producer in the beginning of songs. Yeah, why are we not giving him credit anymore? Yeah. Yeah. What happened to DJ Mustard? I've been wondering for years. What happened to Mustard? Hey, Con and Young Jeezy. Let's take it easy. Yeah, I want to know who's producing it. It was like the Walt Disney would be like in the beginning. Yeah, like let us know. Let us know. Give credit where credit is due. Also, do you remember when every pop star used to just have a random rapper for 30 seconds at the end of the song? I don't know why immediately popping into my head is Paul Wall. and what is Hulk Hogan's daughter, Brooke Hogan? That song is so good. One of my favorite songs ever. Seeing them looking and he don't say nothing. What happened to Paul Wall? I really thought that like. He's around. But not in the rap capacity. Well, he's not singing opera. Right, but like he had two or three major songs and then one day he was just like, adios. And we never saw him again. Like you didn't know. He's with Jack Harlow somewhere. That like the last time you listened to one of his songs is really going to be the last time you ever saw him. Yeah, and I hate to get emotional, but... But also, I hate... We haven't looked it up. He's probably been making a lot of music, and it just hasn't crossed our desks. Chris, do me a favor and look up... Chris, are you texting during the pod? Look up Paul Wall's bibliography. What's he doing? What's he up to? I got you. I'm Googling exactly that. Not a lot to work with here. I feel like he almost might have gotten out of the industry because something happened to him. Or maybe he just did well and was like, I've said what I need to say. I've made all the rhymes I can make. He's performing this weekend. He is? He's performing this weekend. We're at. Houston. I'm so proud of him. I think he's from Houston. Wait, I'm so proud of him. Performing at the State Fair of West Virginia. He's at the State Fair of West Virginia. Oh, he's got a custom jewelry business, too. He has a custom jewelry business for grills. I really didn't see him as the State Fair circuit. He goes, he does bracelets now. anyway so tin fish oh yeah what's great about it and i don't work for tin fish by the way but my brother told me that like the minerals and vitamins are incredible and my mom who was a dietician always told me like at the end of the day it's best to like actually eat your minerals and vitamins like rather than like taking a vitamin taking a vitamin or like just fucking eat a vegetable eat a whole food yeah so these fish have incredible vitamins and minerals and the oils with it are really, really healthy for you, for your skin. You're just opening it, taking it, eating it, or you're putting it on? Great question. So you could put it, like, as part of a charcuterie plate. It's a great, like, healthy lunch to just, like, open one up. They have salmon, all this stuff. They have ones that are really spicy. Wait, Kitty would love this. Kitty would, oh, my God. Tin fish for the cats. We need a tin fish collab. We need to do tin fish for cats. um wait kitty was and it like really I think that's just wet graded yeah true I think they've invented it they invented it and it's cat food we're like don't put that in the pod because let's ruminate on that one and it's literally just fancy feast food it's like yep nope the scientists have crafted fancier feast fancier fancier feast um but you also can put it in a stew you could put it you could put it in a pasta actually i haven't i don't want to ever put it in a pasta so this is the thing my brother's been obsessed with it and trying it because what's his favorite fish he's been trying everything he's been trying all the tins but lois my daughter hates the smell of it so she keeps going pew daddy it smells it smells so lois hates the tin fish movement but but daniel is like i would hate it too i think if i were lois it's really it can be really strong smelling do you have to refrigerate it i think if there's an apocalypse all the tin fish girlies are going to survive or is it i was going to say is it like tuna where it's like you can keep it in the cabinet you don't have to put it in the fridge also i should triple check that before i like give all the girls e coli everyone's like i listened to giggly squad and I got E. coli from an octopus. So double check that. But I do think if you are into like sushi or you're into like fish, you like tin fish. Are you going to try it? Because I don't know if I'm going to. So I went to this restaurant. I think it's called. Tin fish? In LA. It's called like Fish Wife or something. I've talked about it before in the pod. And you can get this whole like tinned fish charcuterie spread. And you can put it on bread. So if you want to explore new palettes, you can try it out. Does your mom eat it? You will do anything my mom does. Well, I just look up to her. She's very fit and healthy. Yeah, she's so healthy. I have to double check. I'll ask her. I don't want to speak for her and her ways. Please don't speak on her name. This also could be totally made up because it's from the internet, and I actually can't trust anything I'm seeing on the internet lately. It's becoming really chaotic. No, I'm a 65-year-old woman. And I'm like, is that AI? Well, now things that are an AI, I'm like, that's AI. And people are like, no, that's the world right now. And I'm like, that has to be AI. Apparently they invented an underwear that's like a fart tracker for people to see like how your body is processing foods and stuff. For people to be like, do you have IBS, whatever. This, again, could be totally false. We have no funding for women's health. you hit menopause and they literally say why don't you just kill yourself but yet they're tracking farts no we've truly lost it as a society they definitely just use men for the study um how many farts do you think the average person is farting based on this study in a day yeah in a 24-hour period and they said it's higher than any like previous reports that people told like people said like oh I fart this amount what's the actual amount okay I would say that people are farting like five times a day 32 I am not farting 32 times a day and the second I saw that number if that's true I was like Paige is holding in 32 farts a day more I'm probably holding in weeks. I definitely fart 32 times a day. 32? Not like big ones, but I feel like every now and then there's just a little air comes out. You're farting once an hour, like more than once an hour. I think there's some hours that are particularly hotter than other hours. Like I have some quiet hours, but then I have some crazy hours. Sorry, we're doing quiet hours here. Some firework hours and then she'll be quiet. I mean, also then when you're sleeping. Okay. Which I don't want to bring up. And what is it? Is it underwear that you're wearing and it's tracking it? It's tracking it. That seems like radiation. They track like the nitrogen, hydrogen, peroxide. I feel like I'd get a UTI. Oh, for sure. Something is not sitting well. Are you wearing cotton underwear for your UTIs? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Every now and then I get a message. No, I'm still UTI free. Oh, my God. Yeah. Us Weekly. Where's that? Where are you guys? Where are you? You embarrass a woman, and then when she solves the problem, you still make it seem like she's out to die. They're on to the next thing. They're on to the next thing. No, I don't want to jinx it, but yeah. That's the problem with press, though. The problem with press is they love a good headline, but then they don't check if it's true, and then they don't give an update when things have evolved. So people just remember the horrible thing, and they're never like, what? Yeah. She's taking care of her health and she's in a better place now. Thank you for taking a stand. What are you up to this weekend? Oh, my God. We never ask each other that question. That was so weird. What is a weekend when you're over 31? You can still dabble. You can say 32. No, because 30, you can still dabble. But you can say 32. You're 32. I'm 33. Well, if you're 34. Don't say my age. A woman never says her age. I love being 33, though. What am I doing this weekend? Literally nothing. Oh, I'm in Indian Wells. Oh, yeah. I wish you could come. You'd have fun for like two hours. What is Indian Wells? So it's, you know, there's the Grand Slams. There's four Grand Slams. For what? For tennis. You're like, what's your name? What planet are we on? Well, sometimes you're talking about March Madness. There's just so many things. There's a lot of sports. You're very overwhelmed. There's a lot of sportsmen thrown at you in the last couple months. did you see tom brady called logan paul a bitch the men are fighting i'm on tom brady i don't know but giving real no it's literally giving real housewives calling a man a bitch is really funny let's call more men bitches oh i do i think i hit my quota i'm been calling them bitches i love that i never call men bitches do you want to know one of um because it's also kind of calling them like a mean girl calling a guy a bitch which is so funny One of my favorite insults to one of my boyfriends, because it was like really visible, was I would call him one of his friends' names because he like low-key would like beef with this, like he would beef with this friend. So you'd be like, that friend was right? No, and I would just be like, okay, you know who you're acting like? Oh my God. And so like if we'd get into a fight, I'd be like, oh yeah, okay. And then like say the name. And he'd be like, that's not, that's not what I'm acting like. And I'm like, seems like you are. And then, like, say his name again. Once you know a man's triggers. You have to get niche with it. Oh, yeah. You can't generalize. Every guy is a new opportunity to find a... If I had a nickel for every time I called a guy a loser, I'd be like, oh, God. You love that line. I love that. That just comes out with... Well, it gets me really upset. They really don't like being called losers. No, when I first heard you call a guy that, I was like, that was iconic. Because I say it deep. Like, I could say the whole sentence. You make the word 15 minutes. You go, you're a loser. You're a loser. Loser. Yeah. Loser. That's like me saying, shut the fuck up. Yeah. All the girls should now go on Instagram, go on TikTok and be like, practice calling a guy a loser. You know who I actually got calling a guy a loser from? Who? Let's give credit where credit's due. Kourtney Kardashian. She called Scott a loser? years and years and years ago like literally like the first couple of seasons this could have even been like the first like Take Miami season I distinctly remember her calling him a loser and him getting like really upset by it but to give credit where credit is due because I guess that's the theme of this episode he was an amazing reality TV cast member for that show like obviously that show would have still like been on but there were a couple seasons were like that was the scott show he was the perfect in between to kind of be like the voice of like what everyone was thinking do you think him and courtney would have stayed together if they weren't on a reality show no because i think ultimately courtney no i think ultimately scott had too much of like an addiction true to like going out and drinking and that like you can get just so beaten down with that just so much until one day you like you actually exhausted me to the point of like I can even be around you I'm so tired. Are you going to bring the Bob back? No. Because I just keep getting all these notifications being like the Italian Bob is in. The French Bob is in. Who's a Bob right now? Who's Bobbing around? Your assistant. Oh, yeah. My assistant has a Bob. Taylor has a Bob. I bobbed for so long You just feel like Well you would never go back to that exact bob I mean in my lifetime again Will I have a bob? Totally Wait do you know people try to say that like I hate you Because I was telling you to shave your head And I'm like sorry Sorry for having a vision Me making other accounts And commenting Being clearly Hannah has an alpha page No that was me If I had your facial structure I would enjoy having short hair but I can't pull it off you believe in me so much I see so much for you and you think I am like truly one of the most gorgeous people ever on the planet like any outfit you're like Paige go wear that like I literally am your real life like Barbie doll that sometimes you play with when you're into like clothes and stuff and then other times you're like what if I just what if I just ripped your whole head off oh you got mad at me recently because I love sending Paige vintage clothes to buy and every now and then you don't respond or you'll respond okay cute which like makes my day and then sometimes you'll get angry and be like why would you ever send me this well because sometimes I think you're fucking with me I'm like clearly you couldn't have looked down on your phone saw this article of clothing and thought cute because if you did you need your eyes checked You can pull off a lot of things. And you also can set a trend. Thank you. Like, even you wearing all the emerald jewelry, I feel like that. Are people doing that? Wearing emerald jewelry? Like, green jewelry. No, but, like, green. I didn't, like, invent. I know, but I could see girls wearing green jewelry. Being like, oh, it looked regal. Yeah. So, anyway, I just, I'm still sending you stuff. Like, are you okay that I send you stuff? Yeah, no, I like it because you want to know what? when you send me stuff of things I should buy in my head I go oh she's relaxing good she needs to relax right now she's just like online shopping so it's like I know that you're in a state of relaxation shopping online and not buying anything and then sending it to your friends to see if they'd like it yeah is a form of therapy it's like sending memes but like less mind work yeah and like sometimes I have to stay true to myself and be like get this off my goddamn screen sure So you don't want your algorithm to – if I fuck up your algorithm, you just start getting tabbies. If I start getting ads for, like, horrible clothes – I mean, this is Hannah. Hannah literally did this in my algorithm. But also, I – all of my friends have different love languages. And, like, I feel like me sending you a light pink Chanel ballet flat is a form of love. Like, if I could just get you a smile. You, like, see, I get you. And if you bought something because I sent it to you, then, like, we are connected. I feel like I have. You have. I mean, but I've sent you a lot. Yeah, in the ratio of things sent to bought, not great. But I have bought things. Paige is a different size than me. So when I'm vintage shopping, I'll be like, that's really cute. Oh, no, it's not my size. Yeah. It's Paige's size, though. Would she like it? And I love feeling like I found something for you. Yeah. Well, because also you don't like to splurge. No, I hate to splurge. That's my middle name. Yeah, I'm like, if I'm not going to enjoy it, someone else should. Yeah. But that's like you with food. If you're like, I'm not going to finish this, Hannah should. that's exact that is exactly it you go i've had enough this is too much for me but hannah will actually treat this how it's supposed to be treated also our silhouettes are so different i can't buy if it says mini dress i can't buy it because my butt will be out and then i'm the one who's inappropriate getting kicked off a plane right we can see your butt crack and this is like it's the right size for me but because I have a big butt it doesn't some of these dresses are insane like when you put it on it's short for you imagine if you had your butt pad on yeah and I love something mini like if one in doubt I'm shortening yes I've never shortened anything in my life honestly the only thing my tailor ever does is just shorten things for me like make it more mini well because I love a knee-high boot I'll try on clothes and they'll be like your midriff showing first of all don't say midriff to me like just say my belly button's out but it's not my fault it's because of my torso and then they're like can you not show your stomach and I'm like can you get me a full shirt now if Tampa came out and said no midriff No midriff? I'm like, what are we in, fucking public school gym? I'd actually be more understanding than no pajama pants. Because that's an area of your body that you wouldn't show your midriff in a business professional setting. But what if I accidentally go to grab a magazine and my midriff comes out? Well, that's different. I love what we're fighting about the midriff rule that isn't made in the Tampa airport. I'm like, well, what if my midriff? No, we're literally being Karens on TikTok. So we're like, oh, really? You said that? But what about? Have you ever thought of this? It's like, okay, well, I wasn't talking about that. I don't want to see a man's butt crack. Why aren't there rules about that? Because I've seen more male butt cracks than any person should ever see. If you really, yeah, I really feel like if you really want to see, like, the state of where the country is at, you just have to take, like, a flight from Florida to New York. I thought you were going to say you just have to look at a man's butt crack. No, because like I, there's just no men anymore on the planes. Like the amount of times I've taken my bag off the overhead bin, I'm like, it's insane. But they can wear pajama pants. They're already not doing anything. Why do they also need to be comfy? Also, pajama pants, it's lounge ready to wear. Yeah, just like I'm really like legally, I'm wondering how they even got the okay to put out that thing. Should we take them to small claims court? Like, we don't have anything else to do. I don't want to go to court in Florida. I feel like court in Florida is like, did you do it? Okay. Like, I don't know. It just feels weird down there. When you're getting your hair washed at a salon, do you keep your eyes open or closed? Depends who's washing it. Oh, like if you don't trust them? No, like if I know them and we're talking, like I'm going to keep my eyes open. But like if it's like a new girl and she's really getting in there and I'm really feeling it, like I'm closing my eyes. I feel like even if I'm talking, I'm closing my eyes. Do you want to know something, though? I haven't been to a salon in years because Mitchell just like does my hair literally in my living room now. So like I don't get a – Salons are a vulnerable place. Yeah, I don't get – Going to a salon, you first of all, you show up and they make you look like a white rat. You spill your guts. at a salon oh well because you're you're so vulnerable like you're an open wound you've never looked uglier in that mirror because you look like a wet rat only place to look is at yourself yeah and then they're doing crazy stuff with the clips to your hair and then they're like do you want to take a photo and you're like no like i've never looked worse and then a lot of the time the haircut happens and you're just like and this is i'm gonna hate myself for the next three weeks thank you I'm gonna thank you I'm gonna pay you now yeah I haven't gone and sat in a salon in a while but you know what I used to do this is like so girly of me and I wonder if you ever did this when my mom when I was younger and my mom had to go get her hair done I would be like hyped like fuck yeah we're gonna be there for like four hours I'm gonna look at all these magazines and all these pictures she's absolutely gonna get me a goddamn snack then I'm gonna snack on that and then I'm going to walk around the salon. Like I loved salon days. Paige, I have the most insane story of me visiting my mom at the salon. And literally probably getting kicked out. So my nana – okay, don't say what happened to you. My nana was going to this guy since like the 70s or 80s. And his name's Lance. Of course. In Tribeca. Because what else would his name be? What else would his name be? In Tribeca. So then it was like a thing. Like my mom now goes to Lance. and she was like Hannah I'm gonna bring you to Lance and it was like this like big deal and I wasn't getting my hair cut to it's Lance Bass it's right before NSYNC but I walk in and like it's the most gorgeous cool salon and I think it's so cool because my Nana goes here and everyone knows it's like she's a local celebrity oh your Nana's granddaughter I must have been I was young it'd be hilarious if I was 17 but I was like seven or six or five I don't know well all I remember is apparently I just started rolling around like I was like running around rolling around and I got hair all over me you had no respect I started to have what was taking place in that room I started freaking out because I got so itchy because I was rolling around like a mad force and my mom was like I'm so sorry she has really bad ADHD and then I was like mom we have to leave and then they were trying to wipe me. I caused a stir. I can't imagine. I literally, this is one of the reasons I wish that I knew you when I was little, because I would see girls like you out in the wild or doing something. And I would always remember looking at my mom like, are you getting a load of this girl? And I never did anything outlandish. Why did I think it would be fun to literally be a Roomba for the salon. And then it was such a horrible experience and I was like, I don't ever want to go back to the salon. That was so scary. I almost died. I would sit silently. I think I had gum on me at one point. I'm sure. Like my mom would be like under the thing and I would just sit right next to her and like watch her. I think my mom was like, stay here and read a magazine. And after two minutes I was like, I'm fucking like doing parkour. You can't lay out. Yeah. Also, that's where my demons find me. the second I'm still under the sun. Because I feel like over the summer, like, we were like, well, we're going to, like, lay out. And then, like, you're down for, like, literally two seconds. And you're like, and also, like, you're not, you can't, like, like, I could lay out for hours. I love a walk. That's my prime. Because it's not too much exertion of energy, but I'm also not still where, like, everything from my past comes to the limelight. See, I'm timing it. I'm like a rotisserie chicken. I'm like, and we're shifting. We're turning. You could, like, what's the longest you could lay out for? Oh, my God. When I was in high school and, like, it was, like, the summer and no one had any responsibilities except, like, being in high school, I would get out there at, like, 10 a.m. It was a full-time job. And I'm not coming back in until, like, 4. I'm tracking the UV. Yeah. No, I was, like, that was my job. That was my job. Apparently there's a new thing out. It's, like, a sticker. I don't know if this will be like good or bad, but you put the sticker on and when the sticker evaporates, it means you have to reapply. Wow. Based on like the UV. Women in STEM. Women in STEM, for sure. No, I do take sunscreen seriously though. After the fact. They're like, it's called too late. Once I'm the perfect shade, I really take it seriously. Once I've set my base, I'm all about the SPF. Absolutely. My final note is just a PSA. stop texting people what are you doing where are you tomorrow are you in New York what are you doing tomorrow okay I ask one time no but it's like am I gonna be held hostage don't ask me to if I'm available before you've even said what you want me for are you subpoenaing me for something also how do you spell subpoena you and I are really on this word subpoena Hannah and I every other text we're like imagine if our text ever got subpoenaed. I tried to spell subpoena. We can't manifest that. It's literally impossible. Subpoena is like, someone is fucking with everyone. Because like, I always think, I keep thinking about like, the Blake Lively, like the whole thing. It's like, okay, there's so many stray friends that are like, are you fucking kidding? Like, I feel like I would be the adjacent friend that like, I then became the story because it's like, her texts were so unhinged. Like now, we don't even care about this lawsuit. It's more about Paige DeServo's unhinged. insane text messages. Like, I really, I say all the time, I'm like, if you ever get subpoenaed, please delete my number. Every now and then, they'd probably be like, that was funny. Oh, the girls would be like, and where's the lie? Where is the goddamn lie? Every now and then also, I still love a funny GIF. Well, that's what we voice note too. I love a good GIF, a good voice note. Voice notes make me feel really safe. Paige goes, yesterday she goes, can I say something crazy to you? I'm loving it I'm like it's 10 p.m I'm like yeah I'm looking through my gifs I find one of a chihuahua like a funny one like a funny chihuahua and then she tells me something so serious and dark and it was like that facetime meme where like your friend calls you and you're like making a funny face and they're crying I literally goes I'm so sorry I didn't read the second text yet I was sending a gif and he just I sent her a chihuahua getting excited and then she was like I don't know if this life is right for me. She's like, I'm questioning my purpose on this planet. And I was like, okay, disregard the gift. Wait, that was so funny. I know. It actually made me die laughing in my bed last night. Anyway, thank you guys for giggling with us. We love you so, so much. We're late for our next thing. We actually are late. We love you. Talk soon. Thank you.