R/evenge | Reading Reddit Stories

Mmm, one iced coffee. 99 cents please. For real? No way. Mmm. Ah. Mmm. One iced coffee. 99 cents please. For real? No way. Mmm. Ah. What a deal. Your new morning groove. Ice coffee from McDonald's any size for just 99 cents till 11 a.m. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer. You know what I could really go for right now? Literally anything that comes in a McDonald's carton, wrapper, or bag. Or a McDonald's cup. Yes, any of those items you do it. We've got your cravings covered. Now stop in for the flaky flay of fish, the crispy snack wrap, or a large fries for just 2.99. Limited time only. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer. Badamapapa. Hi, welcome to SmoshReads Red Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is revenge. And I'm joined by two people who love revenge. More than anyone. They're plotting it right now. That's right. Tommy and Damien. Hello. Hi Shane. Hi Shane, we're not, there's nothing at all going on. Don't look under your seat. Don't do it. Go on. No threats. Okay. I trust you. And that's step one. We're in the movie. I don't like revenge. The first story about the Sith. Yeah. Good. I love revenge, and every Star Wars movie is a great movie. And that's the episode. And there we go. Thanks for watching. Bailey said if we get our comments up to 10,000, we get a special treat. We have a bunch of revenge stories. I think they're going to range from all over the place. There's, I know there's a lot of subreds. There's petty revenge. There's pro-revenge. There's nuclear revenge. There's every single level of it. But I think the petty stuff can be funny. I'm not a big revenge person in my own life. No. Just, yeah. I'm not either. Yeah. I like listening to revenge because it's like cathartic. Because like, yeah, I don't, I just, I go, oh, I don't, instead of revenge, I go, oh, I'm sad. And I'll just, I'll just eat that up in my belly. Yeah. You know? Eat it up in your belly and then it becomes just like a ball, like a ball. Yeah. A little PCU forever. Yeah. I think it's like a Beezore, a Beezoar or whatever that's called. Oh, a Beezoar. Beezoar. Yeah. That's like a ball. New word. Yeah. That's like a ball of hair that you eat. It's like a hair ball for adult people. And I think it also has hate in it. Huh. And that's the episode. And that's the episode. I missed this dynamic. We're back. We're back. All right. Let's get into our first story here. This comes from Petty Revenge. Gorge. I stole from a shopping cart. What was the text that made you do this? It's a quotation. It's a quote. I do this. I only do this when there's literal quotations there. What do you do for italics? He leans over. That's emphasis. So this happened a few days ago at a grocery store. I was waiting patiently in my lane and beside me was the priority lane for senior citizens, people with disabilities, etc. There were a couple of elderly people sitting on the chairs provided specifically for them while waiting for their turn. Pretty normal setup. Now some guy casually walks up and cuts right in front of the seated seniors. I speak up and say, hey, they're already in line. And this guy, without even looking at me goes, I don't see them standing in line though. Real smug, real dismissive. The elderly folks looked uncomfortable but didn't want to cause a scene. So I shut up and I simmered. A few minutes later, we're still in the lanes and I noticed his cart is stacked with what looks like camping gear such as a sleeping bag, paper plates, marshmallows, instant noodles, a portable stove, etc. And there it was, a single can of butane gas. And right there I saw an opportunity. The guys blabbering on the phone totally distracted. So I casually leaned over, plucked the butane from his cart and slid it into mine. He didn't notice. He checked out and left. I paid for my stuff including his butane and walked away. Somewhere out there, this man arrived at his campsite probably boasting about how smart and quick he is. And when he tried to fire up that portable stove, no gas, no hot food, no coffee. Just crunchy noodles and the sweet taste of consequences. Hopefully. Damn. I think they could have upped that revenge. Absolutely. That was a good social move to be like, haha, now you're in convenience. That's a nice revenge. That's your revenge I can check, Mark. I wouldn't have bought the butane because it's like- You stole it. Yeah, it's fine. I mean, he didn't steal it, right? He didn't steal it. He just took it out of the cart as like, hey bud, don't be a bud. If this were like a Disney movie, he would have bought it and then turned to the hungry elderly people and been like, here. And they're like, oh. And they make a campfire right there. It's like a land where he like breaks the bread and gives it to the kid. Like that's something he like breaks the butane, gives it to the- What? Is butane in liquid form. It's like you light it and it's that little blue gas. Yeah, like a lighter. Yeah. Okay, I was imagining the old people lapping it up like a dog. Go, go, go, go, go. It's like, whoa, okay. I don't know what the legality is of like taking things from people's carts before you've checked out. It's not technically stealing. It belongs to the store. It's just all within the store. It could be against store policy. Like what's stopping someone, say me. Okay. I'll say it. I'll say it. I'm at the store and I'm walking around and I see someone with a cart and it's filled up and I go, you know what? They did a good job. I think I'm taking that cart. That's all the shit up there. This looks good. Wow. You shot perfectly. I think you'll never guess what happened. That's awesome. You go ahead. Well. And what's going to happen? No, I'm just kidding. I mean, I feel like I'm going to be in a good position. I'm just kidding. I mean, I feel like you could do that. I also think like if this was like a weird apocalyptic mat-mack situation, they're like, there's no butane in the Tri-County area. Like you're going to have a hard time. That's when it's rough. But like the guy could have doubled back and realistically been like, I need to stop by somewhere. He probably realized. You can be in a certain way. Exactly. He probably realized he didn't have it. I know my mom did this once where this isn't like she left it in the store, but she like bought a bunch of stuff and then she went to her car, loaded everything into the trunk and she realized she left all the soda in the bottom layer of the car. Oh, so she like accidentally sold it. Like just actually left stuff there. Like that happens. Like we do that all the time. Wait, did she purchase it or no? Yeah, she purchased it. This was in the car. So she reversed stole it. But I've also accidentally I think left stuff at the checkout lane, whatever, you know, or things probably just can roll out of the cart. Like my butane rolled out. No one will miss it. Probably just got out of the cart somehow. Yeah, the perfect crime. Some comments here. Someone said, thank you for this nugget of petty revenge. You made the world a better place. Someone said nicely done. He'll probably have to drive or walk from his campsite to the nearest convenience store and pay triple the price if he wants to heat anything up. Someone said it was a good story when I thought you were going to tell us you just stole his marshmallows. This was diabolical. 10 out of 10. Love your work. Everyone's assuming this guy's going to get to the campsite before he realizes. It's possible because when you do go camping, you buy a bunch of stuff. You kind of can't keep tabs on everything. You're also probably not keeping it. I've never gone camping. I'm also not. You can tell by the everything about me. Yeah. But like I based on all the evidence. Based on everything. I don't do well outdoors. But I'm assuming you don't just bring it in the plastic bags. You're like, hey guys, I'm fresh from all these. Unless you went straight there. I would say you are only going to have paper bags and stuff if you're like staying in a cabin or an Airbnb. If you're doing a campsite, then I don't know. Unless it's like glamping, right? Where it's like you have a truck or a car. That is something I have done before. Yeah. That's the one that I'll do. So yeah, I'm staying in a cabin directly next to my vehicle. And that counts as camping down. Does it really? It sure does. Congratulations. You're a camper. I camp so well with the indoor plumbing and my asian bed. I had to kill a scorpion in my bed. That's part of it. Okay. That's true. I saw the scorpion. I grabbed the stair banister, whittled it, and it was like. I came out to all my friends wearing scorpion pants and armor. I crafted this. That's awesome. Out of the beast, I slayed. All right. So expert camper Damien is joining us. I thought he was going to steal more. He just stole the butane and he ended there. I'm like, this guy took advantage. He's in a lane he should not be in and he cut in front of two elderly people who were in line. So that's cutting and also disrespecting your elders. Yeah. I steal the marshmallows too. Yeah. If I was a witch, roll with me here, I would turn him old. That would be my revenge. So that he's where he belongs now. Right. It's like, oh, well, you're going to cut all these old people. I guess you're going to be old as well. Yeah. Very smart. You're going to like jigsaw in that case. What was that? You're going to like jigsaw in that case. A magical jigsaw. You're like, you spent your whole life cutting people. You spent your whole life. Now you will be cut and then you just have a guillotine that he's in. Pretty good. A little butane with a little bow on it. Pretty good. Out of reach. I would have put a bunch of just like meat smells on his tent. You would have followed him out to his campsite. Yeah. And like attracted wild animals to his tent. Attracted a bear to his tent. You're getting ahead of me here. If you would have made meat smells all over his tent, then I would have worn a bear outfit. Right? Right. Because this is an idle wild where there's no bears. Right. So really scare them. See Shane's getting it. Yeah. I befriended the bears, learned their language, become one of them. That's good. And then stab him in his sleep. Stab him in his sleep. Yeah, stab him in his sleep. He deserves to die. With a harpoon. Nice. The thing I'm stuck on is make meat smells. Right. You know, you just make them. You just make them. And our next story. Yeah, we like, you don't have a pocket full of corned beef at all times. Oh, I do. Oh, I do. It's right there. Spring is giving fresh start vibes. Like suddenly you want to open the windows, drink more water and maybe act like you have your life together. But when dinner rolls around and you're this close to ordering takeout again, ButcherBox can help. They deliver premium, clean protein straight to your door. No antibiotics. No added hormones. No mystery ingredients. Just real food that actually fuels your body instead of slowing it down. Effortless glow up energy, but make it dinner. For over a decade, ButcherBox has led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiotic free, hormone free and independently verified. Because when it comes to fueling your body, quality isn't extra. It's everything. Clean whole protein means better support for strength, metabolism, and that steady all day energy we're all chasing. As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life. Plus $20 off when you go to butcherbox.com slash pods. That's right. Your choice of chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life. Plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com slash pods. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you. One iced coffee. $0.99 please. For real? No way. Mmm. One iced coffee. $0.99 please. For real? No way. What a deal. Your new morning groove. Ice coffee from McDonald's any size for just $0.99 till 11am. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer. But up up up up up. Spray. Spray. Spray. Spray. Spray. Spray. Spray. Spray. Spray. Spray. Spray. Spray. Spring is giving fresh start vibes, like suddenly you want to open the windows, drink more water and maybe act like you have your life together. But, when dinner rolls around and you're this close to ordering takeout again, Butcherbox can help. They deliver premium, clean protein straight to your door. No antibiotics, no added hormones, no mystery ingredients, just real food that actually fuels your body instead of slowing it down, effortless glow-up energy, but make it dinner. For over a decade, ButcherBox has led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiotic-free, hormone-free, and independently verified. Because when it comes to fueling your body, quality isn't extra. It's everything. Clean, whole protein means better support for strength, metabolism, and that steady, all-day energy we're all chasing. As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life, plus $20 off when you go to butcherbox.com slash pods. That's right, your choice of chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always. That's butcherbox.com slash pods. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you. Mmm, one iced coffee? $0.99 please. For real? No way. Mmm. Ah. Mmm. One iced coffee? $0.99 please. For real? No way. Mmm. Ah. What a deal. Your new morning groove. Ice coffee from McDonald's any size for just $0.99 till 11am. Price and participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any other offer. But up up up up up up. Okay, buckle up for the title of this next one. Okay. This is from a today, today I fucked up. Today I fucked up by playing music for a sex dungeon. Woo! I love that. Yeah. Video game soundtracks. On loop. Pokemon, red and blue. I hope it's classical music. Yeah. I currently live in an apartment building in Seattle. Nearby my unit is a man named Frank and his girlfriend who is quite vocal, thus why I know her boyfriend's name. Now Frank and his girlfriend have incredibly loud sex throughout the entirety of Friday and Saturday nights. Annoyed by all the sound and trying to find a way to blot it out, I began a habit a few months ago of playing music, singing, playing guitar, whenever they would start doing the dirty over the course of the last couple months. As an added bonus, I could hear my neighbors yell, sing, throughout the night, so I assumed that my playing was a helpful solution to an unfortunate circumstance borne by all of the other neighbors around me. However, tonight I noticed something kind of strange. They were having sex, per usual, and I began to play music to cover up the sound. I stopped to drink some water between songs when some of my neighbors started yelling, play. For some reason though, I didn't do anything for a few seconds, and I heard the guy, Frank's voice call out, keep playing or I'm not going to come, through the walls. I listened a while longer to see if I'd heard correctly, and they both kept moaning the same thing. It was at this point that I came to a terrible conclusion. In my attempts to cover up the sound of them having sex, I managed to pull some weird pavlovian trick where whenever they had sex, I played guitar and sang. Thus, whenever I started to play guitar to cover up an original sound, it just added to their voyeuristic thrill, and they started to depend upon it to finish. When I heard my presumed neighbors yell, sing, it was actually Frank and his girlfriend. Unsure if I was right, I started playing another song and when I finished, they were going as hard as possible and moaning heavily, so I figured that I'd assumed correctly. My neighbors get understandably angry that my music playing has made this neighbor a couple have sex, so then they began to have really rough revenge sex against my wall because they think that I've caused this problem, which I have. At this point, I'm listening to Frank and his girlfriend and the couple next to my wall, one couple horny and one full of revenge, and all of this was because I tried to save myself from listening to sex in the first place. Does that count as an orgy? I think you have to share a space. You have to share a space? For it to be an orgy. Because he's playing music, which is helping one couple, and the other couple is having sex to piss him off. To piss him off. It's as close as I feel like. That's like an orgy during COVID. Everybody starts at the same time, like everybody starts Netflix at the same time. With apartments, it's a wild thing of like there's a wall. We are technically sometimes in an apartment, it's like, oh, I'm six feet away from people having sex. Shout out, perfect person, Miles Bonsignore, we were just talking about him. He had said something about noisy neighbors, he's like, when you realize you're actually like, oh, we're in a community and we're sharing this home, it changes your mind on people being loud and toddlers running around above you, and it's just part of it. This though. This is revenge sex for the sake of noise is a lot of steps. I was on board with the story until that third part, and now I'm like, oh, that sucks. The revenge sex is confusing. I'm like, you're mad about the sound, so you're going to have sex? I was like, all right. Find Buster, we'll break out of our cold, angry marriage. Yeah, because you couldn't stop singing. You revived our dead bedroom because we hate you so much. You're a libido necromancer because here we go. Yeah, this guy is making a lot of people come. He's chilling in his room by himself playing guitar. Dude, you got to market that. This guy cannot go play on the metro. No. He cannot. It's going to be horrifying. It turns out he's Kenny G just playing like alto saxophone. What kind of music do you think he's playing to get him? It must be good. It's got to be. Are you singing run around by Blues Traveler? We got 50 copyright strikes just now. I think it's all sister hazel Blues Traveler. Yeah. A little cake here and there. Yeah, a little cake. He's never there. This is weird. I don't think it's any, nobody's revenge is anything here. This is all just a weird circumstance. The neighbors also shouldn't be mad at the OP because like the music made it worse. Okay, we'll talk to the people having extremely loud primal sex screams. We have some comments here. Stream all the weird Al Jankovic, Spike Jonze or other Dr. Demento type stuff and leave your place for a while. Someone said you should play the most ridiculous and childish song you know as an experiment. For example, you could sing the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse song and see if they can come. That's awesome. That's awesome. Now we're seeing if they can come. Now it's like how far can we go with this? Let's get to the next level. Someone said do you hear any other sounds like arguing or cooking? Masterbate to anything you can hear and throw it back at them. No. Keep watching Michael Bay films. I'm almost there. This guy should not take any of their advice. I think at the very least this guy should move. I know it's not easy but like this is not a, these people are not going to listen to reason. Yeah. I moved out of an apartment once because of my neighbor. Oh yeah? Yeah. Because of the sex? Well he did have goofy sex where it sounded like gorge. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse you're on. But no we got an argument. I think I've dropped this lord before but he would just be like on the phone and be like yeah we need to sell and re-rub and I'm like are you a cartoon? Anyway, so yes I think this person could eventually move but that's not an easy thing to do unless you have two friends who have a room in their home and they want you to move there. Have you guys ever had these, speaking of just noisy neighbors, with apartments specifically have you ever had the stereotypical upstairs neighbors where it's like what the hell are they doing? Like are they, how do, did they build a bowling lane in their living room and they're bowling? Yeah. No it's like fascinating what some upstairs neighbors do where I've had neighbors where I'm like, and I've actually figured it out and I'm like I'm pretty sure they were working out. I think they were doing an aerobics or like P90X type thing. So they're going like do do do. Yeah. There's just a lot of movement and I'm like what the hell. P90X my god I haven't thought about that in a minute. Yeah just like some crazy movement going on. I unfortunately am the upstairs neighbor currently and we're chill, we're cool. When the power went out during the wind storm that we had he came and gave me a flashlight we're chill, we're awesome. But I drop things every day. I can't stop dropping things. I'm just a dropper. I'm a dropper. I'm a dropper. Sue me. So like middle of the night I have my phone and I'll just be like, I'm sure he's like what the hell Tommy what are you doing? I'm just dropping stuff. I only ever had loud upstairs neighbors once and that was just because they had a toddler and like so any noise I heard I was like that's the toddler. But at the same time I was just like I guess I didn't, I wasn't making memories until like three years old but I also don't know what the kid was doing because it literally just sounded like. And it would do that for like an hour and a half every day. I'm like is this just you just do your runs? You just do your. I think that's what they do. Yeah and there's a period when you're a little baby where you stomp and you don't walk. Because you don't have knees yet. Shane does well. You do that like stomp? Yeah. Wow. Wow. Well that was quite the story. Yeah. I never want to hear it again. You know what? I can hear it again. I can hear it again. Let's read it again. Otherwise I won't be able to finish intercourse. There you go. It just dawned on me that people have definitely had sex to probably every single type of show we've done on Smosh. Oh don't do this. Are you kidding me? Of course. Don't do that. Just like the things happen right? Like I know 99% are driving or they're getting ready for their day. There are people who probably accidentally they probably, it's probably by accident. It's not. It's not. It's not intentional. It's intentional. Okay. But we've made what? A million videos? That's true. No it's possible. And there's a lot of people watching. It's the Netflix like are you still there? Do you need to get there? Yeah. No I definitely have had dance moms just running and then gotten intimate and then I hear Abby yelling and I'm like I gotta turn this off because it's taken me out. Wow. Yeah. So I'm sure it actually has happened. It's probably happened. A horrific thing to think about. Come right now. Did you do it? Did you do it? Did you do it? Did you do it? Someone did. Did you know if you start Smosh Reddit Stories 193? You gotta line it for when Tommy says come right now. Sorry. Jesus. Do you know if you start Smosh Reddit Stories right at the 30 minute mark you can come at the 31 minute mark? Tommy gives you permission which makes it 30. Sorry. All right. Moving on. All right. Okay. This next story comes from relationship advice. Okay. This is a 25 year old man, my girlfriend who's 24, destroyed my tanks of fire ants. Oh. Oh. Tanks. Tanks of fire ants. Tanks. That's how you tamed me. Crap them for something. Yeah. I said. That's a large volume of ants. Before you ask, no, she doesn't have a problem with me keeping ants. I'm quite sure that's not the reason. We had an argument earlier today. Later I left to get groceries and let her chill out. Came back, soon saw the state of the ant room, spare smaller bedroom where I keep them. Guess I should give a crash course on ant farms so this makes sense. Most have. We know. We get it. Ant room. Continue. Most have two compartments. One emulates the underground colony with tunnels and chambers where the queen nests. Then this is connected by a tube to a second part that emulates the above ground world where the workers go to forage for food. Hope that makes sense. So anyway, my girlfriend had disconnected the two compartments, dumped the colony on the floor, so that's soil plus ants, and dismantled the sides of the out world part to leave the contents all over the place. I am lucky everything is plastic or there'd probably be broken glass everywhere too. I've had these ants for over two years. There's hundreds of them. I have put hours and hours of work into growing this colony and crafting their environment. I know it will sound weird or stupid to some people, but it's my hobby. Similar to keeping fish in aquariums. It's like if someone dumped out your water and threw all the gravel and ornamentals around. Plus, leaving your fish to die. Except while I'm sure some of the ants have died, plenty are still alive for now. They have free fucking range of the entire house now. I am furious. Red fire ants are an invasive species that's gained a foothold in some parts of the country. Luckily not our part because of the climate, but as long as they're alive, they'll sting any unsuspecting person who comes into contact with them or is walking barefoot. They can cause serious allergic reactions in some people. This can be fatal. Ants are drawn to dark places, so they'll very likely go into the walls. And don't worry, yes I've thoroughly alerted the other tenants in the house what happened and how to protect themselves. This is serious shit. And my girlfriend could not be fucked to think of anyone else as long as she got her revenge. I'm just so pissed because I put in so much research, always took the utmost care safely handling them, never even had an accident, now it's all trashed. They're loose not because I did something wrong, but because she went psycho. But everyone will still think it's my fault. Let's be real, insects and other exotic pets, especially ones that pose a risk if they escape or are handled improperly, aren't exactly looked well upon. The owner is always held responsible. She did apologize, she said she just got carried away because she was upset. But I just don't buy that because if she honestly had no control in the moment, then why were my ants the only thing to end up destroyed? In a really thorough way at that, she knows it's important to me, it's not like she just attacked my old books from college or something. Also she'd been wearing shoes and gloves. That tells me the planning was there to not expose herself while exposing me and everyone else. What the fuck should I do? I would honestly kick her out over this, but I wouldn't be in the interest of public health because we're obviously quarantining together. This is 2020. Everyone is hunkered down. Right now we're in separate rooms as I am trying to clean this shit up as best I can and she shut herself in the bedroom. No idea what to do now. I'm still in shock she did this. I'll need to fumigate the whole apartment to be sure they're gone and who knows when that will be able to happen. Spring is giving fresh start vibes. Like suddenly you want to open the windows, drink more water and maybe act like you have your life together. But when dinner rolls around and you're this close to ordering takeout again, ButcherBox can help. They deliver premium, clean protein straight to your door. No antibiotics, no added hormones, no mystery ingredients. Just real food that actually fuels your body instead of slowing it down. Effortless glow up energy, but make it dinner. For over a decade ButcherBox has led the industry with meat and seafood that's antibiotic free, hormone free and independently verified. Because when it comes to fueling your body, quality isn't extra. It's everything. Even whole protein means better support for strength, metabolism and that steady all day energy we're all chasing. As an exclusive offer, new listeners can get their choice between chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life. Plus $20 off when you go to ButcherBox.com slash pods. That's right, your choice of chicken breast or top sirloin for a year or ground beef for life. Plus $20 off your first box and free shipping always. That's ButcherBox.com slash pods. Don't forget to use our link so they know that we sent you. P.S. living together for almost a year dating for more than two if it matters. Obviously like I am overflowing with ant farm facts now and I love that and thank you. And it's not, she shouldn't have done that. Not asking you know what do you deserve it but he didn't talk at all about what the revenge was for. Right, I don't have that in my mind too. I'm like kind of, I'm just curious before we discuss it holistically. What happened? Right, right. We do have that element. There's the balance of things. Ultimately though, she screwed over not just him. But everyone in the community. So like she unleashed a bunch of terrifying bugs. It was also revenge on herself. Like you made your living space unlivable. You made it ants. It's the equivalent of like I'm mad at my roommate so I lit our house on fire. Exactly. I said sorry Shane. What? No. That's crazy. This is April of 2020 which means they are quarantined, they're stuck and she's unleashed hundreds of fire ants into their apartment. They've got another year. You can't get out of that easily and you're going to get bit. That's why I can't respect revenge in general. It's always going to be something that hurts a lot of people and doesn't really solve anything. Like sucks for the ants, sucks for everybody else. Yes, exotic pets being dangerous. Yeah, it is your responsibility as an owner. But I also have to imagine that there's not much you could have done to be like I've protected it from my girlfriend in case she got mad and I have a laser grid. And now they're okay. Yeah. But I also want to know what the conflict was. I do want to know what he did. The fact that he's just like yeah we just got into an argument over some stupid shit. So I've been feeding her ants every day in secret. I killed her family but she did this. But she got ants. But if I'm their roommate I kind of don't care what he did. I'd be like yeah that's cool. You unleashed a bunch of terrifying bugs into my space. That is in the wrong. Yeah, it's so clear for the comments out there. I'm just so curious. I'm curious too. There's got to be. How do you resolve that? So you have to fumigate. He said he has to fumigate but he's like I don't know when we can do it because... You have to be out of the house for like 20 minutes. I think they have to truly live with hundreds of fire ants in their apartment now. I have a personal anecdote about that actually. Ant. Well, ants. And that's the episode ever. And that's the episode. Thank you so much for watching. I recently had to deal with a bug situation in my space. I noticed like one or two little things in the kitchen and I'm like oh this corner I haven't cleaned in a bit. I need to organize. It'll be fine. And similarly there is a bird nest outside of my window that for the few years I've been in my space. It always has a new generation of birds coming in, laying a little bit. It's awesome. I get to watch the babies grow and I'm like oh any day now they're going to fly. And then sometimes there's a couple generations per year. It's awesome. This time turns out there's something called bird mites. And due to the climate they're now a little more prevalent. And when the birds go away and leave the nest the mites are like dang we don't have anything to be a parasite at. Oh wait a minute. Look in there. And while they can't reproduce without birds they can bite the shit out of you for like two weeks along with your cats. So I had to like clear out the entire space. Like every important electronic get it out of there, take care of the cats. It was a nightmare. And I tell you that to tell you this. Bed bugs have a higher threshold than these things. So these things were fine. But they don't always have to fumigate now. Now they heat your space. They bring in these hot air blowers and get it to a certain degree. So I think they got my space up to like 140 degrees, 150. Whoa. Whereas bed bugs are like 180. Yeah. So like I had a couple of things that were that I forgot that were like candle electronic candles but I guess still had wax and like melt and everywhere. They're super dead. But like yeah they cook the bugs out of your walls and everything. So well these are fire ants so it's going to be like 300 degrees. They're going to make your home. They can live in lava. That's true. They can. Minecraft is crazy. Yeah. Their relationship sounds like it should not be happening. No. No. Like at all. I was just there just for anybody at any time saying like I was out of control. I didn't know what I was doing. It's like oh then you're not safe to be around. Then okay. People. Relationships. Yeah. Yeah. Oh sorry I couldn't control myself so I unleashed poisonous bugs. Yeah. While I was putting on gloves I was like I'm so crazy right now. Yeah. Comments. I think you've got to figure out the specifics of a general plan to break up with her and get her to move out. There's no coming back from this in my view. I agree. Yeah. Someone said wow as someone who keeps many reptiles and insects I would be absolutely devastated if someone destroyed the tanks let alone endangered by animals. I know how much time, effort and care goes into the maintenance of these animals especially ants and I'm so sorry this happened to you. I don't have much advice relationship wise but if it was me I know I'd want nothing to do with someone capable of such reckless behavior. Good luck and I hope you can salvage your colony. Oh he said thanks for understanding. Appreciate it. To be honest salvaging the colony is not my priority. I'm upset but I'm trying to do what I can to keep as many as possible from getting out of the room. I've had diatomaceous earth. Diatomaceous earth. Diatomaceous earth on hand just in case there was ever an accident so I've scattered that and will vacuum later. Lastly someone said be glad you are not married and break up with her. It will hurt and that's okay. You will have escaped someone who in calculated anger did what she thought was the most hurtful thing she could do to you. Yep. Yeah. 100%. Gaging on how she, I mean I don't know. But the thought of just destroying things, there are certain reactions where it's like such a red flag. This is actually, this is where it goes past the red flag. It's now the thing that the red flags warn you about. I think in any relationship having revenge against a partner for any reason is like that's already signed to be done. Yeah it should be over. Yeah. I agree because then it's like okay so we're not partners, we're not teammates, we're opponents. Right we're enemies. Right. We're enemies. Right. Yeah. There's things like that. I would say this and then it reminds me of when people threaten divorce or breaking up or I'm like okay so we're broken up. Yeah. Like there's just some things that I, in my head I've always been like alright so that's the, that is the flare gun. Like you've launched it. We're done. Trying to hold power over someone. Yeah. And also since everybody asked, diatomaceous earth is awesome. It is. What is diatomaceous earth? Oh you sprinkle it on the ground. You sprinkle it on the ground. So diatomes, these little life things that are like not fungus, not plant, not animal, they're these little diatomes. They are in the ocean, they die, they sink to the bottom and become diatomaceous earth. So they're like little dead bodies. They're like little dead bodies and they're almost like glass in a way but they're too small to cut us. But something like an ant watching, walking over it with like a chitinous shell that gets cut and it can't hold water anymore so it doesn't kill them immediately. They just die off in a little bit in a non-poisonous way because they can't get any kind of hydration. That being said though, it's extremely dangerous to breathe in. It is bad for your lungs a lot. So if he's like, yeah I'm sprinkling it everywhere and I'm going to vacuum it up, it's like, uh oh, that's also super bad for you during COVID times. These people are going to die. No, I mean I have some of them. They have fire ants and poison air now. Yeah. And glass air. And COVID. And COVID. People on Venus seem to be fine. Where it rains glass. Yeah. That's fine. That drone they sent there only lasted like two seconds but yeah, it was fine. Well we discovered robots can scream. Oh my God. Didn't it have like, it had like a camera that had like a diamond lens and it was just like, everything like shattered. It was like terrifying. I didn't keep up with that new story. This was like in the 80s. The Russians sent a rover to Venus and it just like got destroyed. It had a monkey on it for no reason. Classic. Classic. Hey guys, I'm here. Thanks for letting me know about Diet Tomatius Earth. No, that's really cool. I remember you telling me about Diet Tomatius Earth before. Just in cool conversation. That's wild. All right, our next story comes from Petty Revenge. She erased us from her wedding so I'm erasing her from mine. All things balanced. As they should be. I love it. When my brother got married, his bride, now my sister-in-law, had very specific expectations. She wanted everyone in the family to wear their wedding colors and we all did. People flew in from out of state. Everyone made an effort to make her feel celebrated. The day before the wedding, she made some off-handed but clearly pointed remarks about how our side of the family never takes anything seriously and she wasn't expecting us to take this seriously either. The comments made their rounds and feelings were hurt before the wedding even began. But we still showed up, looked great, and participated. Fast forward to getting the wedding photos and video. Not a single photo of our side of the family was posted. Not one. In the entire three-minute highlight reel? No faces from our family except a three-second clip of my parents with the bride and groom. The rest of us, it's like we never existed. I texted her cordially and asked if she could send me the pictures with just our siblings since none had been posted. She responded that we never took those pictures. That's wild because I remember helping people adjust corsages for them. She doubled down on the gas lighting. I gave it six months and asked again. She suddenly had no idea what I was talking about. Fine. Here's where the petty revenge comes in. I'm getting married in eight days. I've been engaged for six months and planning this moment since she tried to erase us. I hired a great photographer and videographer. What she doesn't know is that the videographer has a secret mission. Make it look like she's getting all the attention. Back her, hover near her like she's the star of the show. She will feel so seen. And then, the final cut? She won't appear for even one second. Just like she made sure we didn't. I didn't even invite her originally. Word must have gotten out because she cornered me at a family dinner and said, unfortunately I have to work the day before and after your wedding, but I should still be able to make it. I was so stunned I just said, that's fine, the Airbnb is booked whether you're there or not. So now she's coming. Ugh. I spelled her name wrong on the wedding invite on purpose. That was my first move. The video blackout will be my last. Not asking for advice, not asking if it's too mean, it's not. It's exactly fair. Happy to finally talk about it freely. That's hilarious. Not asking if it's too mean, it's not. It's fucking awesome. I win, shut up. I win, go to hell. Comments disabled. Fuck you. I do love that energy. Not the whole, there's little talk about it. The energy is hilarious. I always feel this way a little bit where I'm like, okay, this is your sister-in-law. When my brother got married, his bride, okay. This is his brother's wife. All right. Yeah, would his brother not be invited to the wedding in that? I know. That's why I'm like, okay, you are also making things uncomfortable for your brother a little bit too. Right, and it's close to home. I'm like, all right, so you're going to have to make it so that only she's not in photos, but your brother, what if your brother has an amazing photo but she happens to be there? Are you willing to erase that memory? I guess that's what she did for her. Look, she's not asking if it's too mean. She's not asking. It's awesome. I'm also curious what anybody else had to say about that to her. If he was like, oh, can we get those photos? And she's like, I don't know what you're talking about. Aren't all the other siblings curious? The entire side of the family. The brother, I guess, doesn't seem to care that none of his family is in any of the photos, which makes the bride, this sister-in-law sound awful. The fact that she's like, oh, I erased your entire family from the photo. Your family wasn't there. She doesn't seem like she loves him. History will not remember you. That's also such an intense move to do because that's got to be, I mean, depending on the size of the wedding, that's quite a few people who are getting erased. It's a lot of work to navigate around that. I will also say this person sounds awful. They sound like a person who deserves revenge to be had for those who believe in revenge. It's not real. I will also say for OP, though, your wedding is in eight days and you seem obsessed with the system. This is all you seem to care about more than you getting married and your husband. I'm like, 30 years from now, are you going to be like, you know what, I shouldn't have gone so hard in the paint on my brother's ex-wife. Dropping some water and walking on the plane. Because now, like, oh, shit. Like truly, she might be an ex-wife someday. And it's like, oh, that person's a distant memory in my life, but my wedding, I don't have a lot of photos of because I was so... Now she's telling... She sounds like she has a lot of plans going on. She probably does have stipulations to make sure she gets all the photos she wants. And then we'll say that she's prom queen and that we dump pigs' blood on her and now she's carry. What is it about weddings that make people... Weddings are cursed. What do weddings do to people? I don't know. I am. Every time. It's like a birthday but bigger. I guess my feeling was so much as I'm like, this feels just like a lot of negative energy on what is supposed to be the most joyous day. Absolutely. Of your life. That's always my take. Because I'm like, if this person's truly this awful and you're going about getting revenge, is it not better to say like you're not invited? I agree. Is that not better? Like now it puts your brother in awkward position, but this is your wedding, this is your event. But I'm like, this just feels like a lot to me. You could also just take the pictures and then in post, just separate her eyes a little too far. Yes. That's awesome. That's awesome. Just alter it to the part where she's like, what? Make her regret being in the photos. Exactly. It's that TikTok trend where the filter is slightly on and they're like, mom, look at this new thing and she's like, I don't... Yeah, what's wrong with me? Yeah, yeah. I love that. I've seen ones where the dude takes photos and he edits his friend to just be like a couple inches shorter in every single photo. That's kind of funny. That's so diabolical. That's awesome. Or just like make someone's head just a little big. Exactly, exactly. Like a little big. Exactly. Just a little big. Like a George Lopez app. She's got a big head. The George Lopez app. But then, because then you can have your wedding and you don't have to worry about it. Right. I mean, you just do that later. Yeah, I'm just like, I don't want to be thinking about this. Like this is a lot of time and effort. It is. You don't have to do this. It's too much. Comments. Actually, you can just instruct the photographer to take unglamorous photographs of her. Like her eyes are closed or weird facial expressions and just posted on social media. If she complains, you can just tell her, well, at least everyone is in my wedding photos. Someone said, you didn't ask your brother for the photos of your site at the wedding. I get the petty revenge of not having her in any of the videos and not putting photos of her in the album. But at least ask your brother for the photos. He likely knows where they are. Lastly, someone said, get her a vegetarian or gluten-free meal by accident. Make sure she has a seat facing a pole or something. Spell her name wrong, but differently on the table setting. Don't give her enough forks or whatever. Make sure she misses a piece of cake because she's allergic. DM me for more. That's awesome. This is mild inconveniences. He's trying to sell you a course. He's like, he's petting a cat in a giant dark like throne room. I'll get you gadget. Exactly. My brain just came up with the dumbest joke. Lay it on me. That will cut. Just DM me for more. DM me more. The substance. Give her the substance. Give her the substance. Give her the substance. I'm just, yeah, it's so much energy. This is the main thing for me about revenge where it's like, yeah, just don't invite her. She's like, why wasn't I invited? It's like, oh, you kind of were rude to us at your wedding. Like communicate. Be like, hey, it really sucked. I don't want you there. It's going to bum me out. Yeah. That's the revenge. You don't have to be like, and then I tricked and then she looked in the door and there wasn't any. Yeah. Exactly. That's the most part. If I'm not invited to a wedding, I don't think anything of it, right? But that's for the most part. But this is her brother's wife. You know the brother's going to get invited, so you're assuming you're going to be invited. I understand why she probably just, I don't know. This sounds like an awful type of relationship where it's like in-laws that hate each other. It just starts from such a petty place. The in-law, she did something so petty. I do think it's strange, OP is not talking to her own brother. Her brother seems to be non-existent in this story. Yeah, he's not a player in the game. He's a big piece of this who allowed that shit to happen, allowed his whole family to be erased from the wedding photos. I'm like, and it is the in-laws fault. It sounds like this was all her directive, but he should stand up for his own family, right? I would think. I'm serious at this point if the brother is somehow a part of this. We aren't given much context, but if the sister-in-law is saying, your family never takes anything seriously, is it not possible that the brother said something to the effect of, yeah, I don't know, they're not filling their end of the bargain. Yeah, they were supposed to book the thing a week ago. They didn't. Maybe it's like, yeah, your family doesn't take anything seriously. They could both be pissed and not be giving that information. Interesting. We don't know. The last, okay, the petty, I'm going to say something really petty here. Whenever I hear about people going at length for revenge things like this, which is just, I'm like, okay, I get it. I get that this will be cathartic for you. If someone I knew said that they were doing something this extravagant, I'd be like, don't ever tell me. You don't have time for things. You clearly have all the fucking time in the world if you are going to have a side mission of this length. Like, do not tell me you're too busy. Do not tell me you're like, oh, I have no time lately. You had so much time. Yeah, it took you, it took you, it took you a day to text me back. Like what? Hey, remember when you went at length and you planned an entire videographer to follow one person at your wedding? You got time. Text me back sooner. You could have your own show. This is some Nathan for you shit. Yeah, truly. Yeah. I think that's my biggest take on revenge. I'm just like, I don't want to put, I'm too lazy to get revenge. That is my issue. I think people need to learn to be okay with like not winning a situation like you're safe, your friends are cool with you, your family's cool with you. You get to be like, yeah, that shitty thing happened. What a bummer. Yeah, I don't get to win that. Yeah. I'm going to go sleep. 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I'm Sarah Gibson-Tuttle from Olive and June and this is exactly why we created the Manny System. We wanted to make it possible for everyone everywhere to give themselves a beautiful manicure at home. With our tools and our long-lasting polish, each manicure with our Manny System comes out to just $2. That's right, $2. No more 30, 40, $50 Manny's that you get at a salon and they take hours. Now you can paint your nails on your time and love them more than ever. And by the way, when people ask, who did your nails, where did you get them done, you're going to proudly say, I did them myself. Get 20% off your first Manny System with code DIYNail20 at oliveandjune.com slash DIYNail20. That's code DIYNail20 for 20% off at oliveandjune.com slash DIYNail20. I've been in my bed comfortably. It's why what I think makes more sense, which I think is the more usual thing is when people are like, oh, well, I'm done talking to that person. Yeah. Cutting them out. I'm like, yeah, they are clearly, they have no positive intentions towards you. So like, that's fair to cut them out. I do think some people do cutting out as like a form of revenge. And that's where I kind of disagree. Cause I'm like, hey, you're, you may, that may not affect them. Right. They might not care. Cut people out because they are. Do it for you. Do it for you. And I think this is a situation where I'm like, hey man, yeah, don't, don't invite her. And when she cornered you like, just be like, you're not invited. Or like, if you, you, you succumbed there, fine, but then hit her up later and be like, actually, there's not a seat for you. But that's, that is tricky with the brother. Yeah. And it's like, I don't know, weddings are tough. I would love to hear the videographer's point of view. Yeah. Holy shit. The first wedding or the second one? No, the one who's, who's been given a side mission. To follow her and specifically videotape her. That'll cost another thousand dollars. Cause I'm not going to freak her out where it's like, hey, this videographer will not stop following me. He's like, smile. Yeah. I'm in the bathroom. He's dressed up like a dumpster wizard. Yeah. It's like, I don't think he's supposed to be. Is it like a ghillie suit and a bush? Oh my God. Classic like sulfur bulb of like water scoop. Like a classic. Tin type camera. Wild shit. Our next story comes from, am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for not respecting the fancy soap policy in our bathroom and accidentally starting a soap based arms race? Oh. Whoa. Okay. So my wife, who's 30, bought this absurdly expensive soap from a little shop. ASOP. Probably ASOP. It's probably ASOP. That is some fancy soap. ASOP and his fables. I know. I have tortoise and hair expensive as well. It came in a tiny frosted glass bottle wrapped in twine with ridiculous branding like hints of pine, regret and artisanal disappointment or something like that. She placed it on the bathroom counter and told me this is for guests. We don't have guests. Ever. Okay. Maybe once every two months. I told her that. But apparently the idea of a guest potentially seeing that we use commoner soap is too horrifying to bear. So the fancy soap was enshrined like the Mona Lisa untouched. Fast forward, I ran out of my regular cheapo soap which came in a cracked plastic bottle with a pump that wheezed like a dying guinea pig. So in a moment of desperation and dirty hands, I dared to touch the holy grail. It was halfway through using a single pump of the fancy soap when she walked in looking at me as if I was defiling the sacred artifact or microwaving the Faberge egg. She said I was wasting it and that it's not for everyday hands. I was pissed. Then I did the unthinkable. I went out and bought my own fancy soap. $30. Great fruit and cedar. Smells like if a lumberjack went to therapy. I put it proudly on my... Okay, this Reddit guy is actually pretty friendly. This person is really good. They're working on her type 5. This is a funny Redditor right here. I put it proudly on my side of the sink. I declared that this is my new soap and only I have a right to use it. Suddenly, it's Cold War Soap Edition. That evening, I saw over her shoulder she was searching for more soap bottles on Etsy, like she wanted revenge. At this point, I now want to invite some guests over to make sure they use my fancy soap and not hers. Haha! Now she's mad I'm mocking her and says I'm turning cleanliness into a competition. I told her she started the soap cast system. I just refused to be born into the lower class. She hasn't spoken to me in two days, but I smell amazing. Tell me. Haha! But I smell amazing. Just break up! Haha! Just break up! Our marriage is falling apart, but is this worth it? We smell great. We spent $600 on soap this month and nothing is wrong. Oh my God. This isn't an am I the asshole. Is this worth it? Is this worth it? Yeah, this is worth it. Yeah, there's some stories that I read where I'm like, you're not an asshole, but I'm like, you guys don't like each other. It sounds like, I mean, maybe they do. This sounds, the way he's writing them, like this is silly. It sounds like. You guys are probably, they're probably laughing about it, but he's making this sound like it's more of a sitcom situation. But it's very funny. This is Kevin James. Yeah, like truly. King of Queens. This is very common in like my family of like having things that are really fancy and nice that we don't use. Right? It's like, oh, well that's for special occasions. It's like once a year. Like, I don't know. I definitely believe in the like, when you get nice things, you use it. Right? Like absolutely. This plate is for when the Pope visits. It's like he's not gonna visit. It's not gonna. He's not gonna. Yeah, I'm tired of using a paper plate. Yeah. Look, also soap for me is one of those things where like sometimes fancier is not better. Like I, whenever I go to visit my mom, I feel bad, but like she very much shops anything that's like a little greenwashed where it's just like, okay, this soap is chamomile and natural and it's a little sticky for some reason or whatever. And I'm just like, I just need the $1 like antibacterial. I'm like, I need soap. Yeah. Like everything I get there, I'm like, do you have sugar? She's like, we have monk fruit. I'm like, get some sugar and salt and pepper and soap. Like I'll bring my own. Just none of these things do the thing they're supposed to. I think also, I don't know if I'm right or not on this. Probably are. But we'll see. But I think, especially when it comes to things like soap and like cleanliness things, it's a 1% real stuff, 99% marketing. Yeah. Like the $1 stuff is probably as effective as the $30 stuff. It's just, it just looks nice. The ability for soap to bubble and froth is something that they added so that you can visibly see it doing its work. It doesn't need to bubble. Yeah. I have heard that. It is a thing. All natural soap can't just sort of just be. So like a facial foaming cleanser is bullshit? I don't know about that one. I know it's dish soap that does that. I'm sure some things foam and bubble mat. I do appreciate the bubbles because it's kind of like a tracker. I'm like, okay, that's where I'm getting the soap all over the place. Yeah. It's so fun. It's fun. It's a blast. I love it. But no, I'm a believer of like use the fancy china. You know, I've always felt that way. I think it's silly to have things that you don't use. Do you in video games get a bunch of items that you save for boss fights and then never use them? Because I do that. I've done that with breath the wild for a long time. And then I got to a point where I was like, no, like I'm going to swap it. So I use my best stuff. And then it's like fun once you run out of all your best stuff and you have shitty things. And then the game is actually fun. Yeah. So it's a challenge again. Yeah. So yeah. So soap. And then when you start to valley, it's like, okay, you get like really, really fancy crops. Like, you know, if I can use that shit, sell it or use it. Like, like don't just hold on to it. The ancient fruit, you got to turn that into preserves and sell it or even ancient fruit wine. I make ancient fruit wine. Haven't played either of these games. You got to play start to valley. You would love to start it. I know, I know. You have too much of a life and friends and goals. Okay, buddy. Yeah. Cut to me yesterday, like 8pm, like I guess I'll go to sleep. I was like, the day's over, I guess. All right. The verdict was not the asshole. I agree. He technically didn't do anything that makes him an asshole. He bought his own soap. He bought his own soap. That is all he technically did. Do they have a shared bank account? I don't think so. The way it was. The $30 is going to hit him hard. Yeah, $30 is rough. Comments, it's always heartwarming to see two psychopaths find each other and fall in love. Godspeed to both of you. Someone said, I'm invested in this. Please update weekly. Add a fancy hand towel and perhaps a little bottle of some kind of fresher your friends might like to dab on after they wash their face. Beard oil or something for after a meal and maybe a scented witch hazel and some cotton balls and a pretty photo of the forest. Someone said, please OP, put your soap in a clear box with a small lock. Wear the key on a long chain around your neck. Dear Lord. Jesus. Pass it down to your son Aaron telling him that he will see the secret of the basement one day. Yeah. Then when Shiganshima district is attacked. Now this I know. It's attack on Titan. Now this I know. Our producer Bailey has just informed us of something quite shocking. So Bailey looking for an update to this story went to OP's page. This man this 30 year old man I'm assuming. And besides this story, besides this am I the asshole story, his page is entirely photos of his dick. Including a gif of him at the beach helicoptering his penis saying no better place for a helicopter than the beach. So I'm doubting everything. Really that makes me believe him way more. That is the guy that would be like I'll start a soap arms race. Yeah. It's like hey man I hope you're using that soap. Especially if I'm a guest at your house. I need to know you're using that soap. Yeah. Please. Gotta make everything clean for posting. If you find any sand on the sink you know he's been making by the sink. That's always so funny when you like go to someone's page and it's like whoa, lower drop. I remember there was a Twitter post. It's always Twitter. It was a Twitter post this was years ago. This is like five years ago. Where it was like this guy posted like kind of like an incel type of like red pill kind of post like hating on something or whatever. And someone quote retreated it and was like hey dude we can see your likes. And then you go to his likes and it's entirely Nintendo rule 34 porn. Like it was all Nintendo waifus. That's all it was and it was hilarious. It's like bro we can see him. Very funny. I hope a Goomba was involved. Probably somewhere along the lines. Who do you think took the photo? I like when they have guests over when they walk out of the bathroom it's like so you smell like cedar. Okay. Yeah. You made the wrong choice. What was the first one where he mentioned that it was smells like regret. I think he was being fun. Regret and disappointment. Okay. And then his. That's a witch's brew. It's like a good writer and apparently a great dick. Great. Great. Well I was about to ask but I don't think I can ask a co-worker. It is time for our last story. Today I fucked up. This is a true off my chest but they wrote the title as if it's a day today I fucked up. Today I fucked up by not flushing a yellow jacket in the toilet causing my guest to get stung in the balls. So this is revenge because it's the yellow jacket's revenge. Today to my horror a yellow jacket got in my apartment. I got insanely lucky in that when I saw it it was sitting on a magazine at an easy height to trap. I thought fast grabbed an empty glass and slammed it on top of the things screaming internally and praying not to trigger its rage. I looked around very carefully but thankfully didn't see any others. Meanwhile it had started going berserk in the glass so I worried the second I took the top off it would fly out an exact revenge on me. However just leaving it under the glass made me incredibly squeamish. I hate bugs. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to hear the staticky sound it was making. I just wanted it to be gone for my life and to pretend none of this had ever happened to me. I considered moving it to another room where I wouldn't have to look at it but I kept catastrophizing situations where it got out. I could forget it was in there and pick the glass up or someone could knock it over or any number of things. So finally I very carefully picked up the glass and the magazine underneath it. I kicked my toilet open with my foot and bam I dropped the whole thing in there. Magazine cup all of it and slammed the lid down as fast as I could. I didn't want to risk lifting the cup and letting the yellow jacket escape before I got in the toilet. I had considered trying to shake up the cup until it died or became disoriented enough to be docile but I couldn't escape the feeling that my dumb ass would lose hold of the magazine and then the motherfucker would be loose and extremely agitated. I didn't flush of course not with a whole ass magazine and a cup in the toilet but my logic was eventually the yellow jacket would fall into the water and drown. So I'd open the toilet in a day or two. I've got a bathroom in my room and a guest bathroom to fish out the items and flush the bug corpse. So I recovered from the heart attack for the most part and settled down to watch some TV. A while later a friend texted that he was in the neighborhood and asked if he could come over. I said sure we had a beer watch some Olympics. This is a good friend a close friend not the kind who asks if they can use the bathroom when they're visiting. So a while into the night he gets up. I don't think anything of it because we'd both been getting up periodically to grab snacks plug our phones in whatever else. Before I realized it it was too late. I heard the door close and I started to call out oh hey you should actually use the other one but he didn't hear me. All I heard was a strangled then a crash and then the door flies open. My buddy falls out naked from the waist down crawling backwards screaming what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck and clutching his testicles. I had to control myself and tap into my more humane urges because with the knowledge that thing was now loose in my not very large apartment all I wanted to do was leave but I had to help my friend up. He was in serious pain. Then we had a real dilemma because he didn't want to put his balls away but we also wanted to get out of the apartment and go into the hall or outside safe from the yellow jacket which at that point was out for blood and could have been anywhere. My ability to remain calm in the crisis was not helped by the fact that he was attacking me the whole time. He thought whatever had just happened was some kind of fucked up prank because there was random garbage floating in my toilet and he felt like he just had an electroshock to the dick. He was hitting me with his free hand and going why was there a book in there seriously what did you do that really fucking hurts and saw and on and on. I told him there was a bee in there there was a yellow jacket in there and his twisted mind jumped right to my having done it deliberately. So half naked and I'm assuming still in searing pain he tackles me he's yelling you sick fuck why would you put a bee in there and all this other stuff. I was too horrified by trying to keep my friends dick from touching me while simultaneously trying to locate the yellow jacket again. Suddenly we realized we'd seen it fly out of the bathroom so it must not be in there and we locked ourselves in and calmer heads prevailed enough for me to explain the whole pathetic situation. The yellow menace managed to get him in the neck as well so he was subjected to an overwhelming amount of pain head to toe but he wasn't allergic to anything so he was able to get home just fine. An added awful fucking bonus to this fuck up of mine is that while I do know how to tell yellow jackets from hornets and hornets from honeybees and so forth I didn't know they don't all leave stingers behind and I was taught that if you're stung the first thing to do is remove the stinger by any means necessary to stop the transmission of venom. So I spent a good 10 to 15 minutes massaging my buddy's ballsack until we thought to google what happens if I can't find slash remove yellow jacket stinger and learn that they rarely leave anything in the skin. So it was a painful and awkward night all around. The yellow jacket is still in my apartment somewhere. I fucked up the moment I didn't just kill the thing when I had the chance. Stay safe out there reddit. Can I. Okay. Yeah. Primary. What's up. Yeah. What's everyone's primary question. My primary question. I think we have the same. There's a lot of questions. The first thing that the first question I want to ask my first question is you're so worried about this yellow jacket your strategy is to throw objects into a toilet. I think that's not a lie. And also when you have a toilet there's like the actual seat you sit on and then lid but there's a little gap between the seat and the actual like toilet bowl very easily climb out. Can I. Are we allowed to say this Bailey that this obviously did not fucking happen. Are we avoiding saying that. I think you're allowed to say that. Okay. So because there's so many logic things we was like I have a very tiny apartment but I have two bathrooms and I didn't want to leave the thing in just the cup because someone could knock it over but apparently I live alone and have a second bathroom. Therefore I just threw it in the toilet and we'll use the second bathroom like you didn't want to leave it in the cup and go to the other bathroom yourself. And I'm sure your question Shane is is our guest going full naked to like piss or shit or something and then didn't look in the toilet before doing anything. My question really different questions. My earnest question was I'm like okay maybe the stinger was left in his balls. Why do you have to be the one to massage the ball. That's yeah I'm like your buddy can massage his own balls. So I suck this penis a little bit just to try to get him to calm down. I want to get the venom out. A lot of venom came out. I saw this on house don't worry. So he does answer that question because his friend is in so much pain that he's not feeling like he doesn't have the vantage point to be able to find a stinger in his balls. I've never been stung by a yellow jacket to be clear. Is it so much pain that he literally cannot function and cannot. It sucks. Have you ever gotten like a shot at the doctor when like it's a newer person still learning and they kind of hit the muscle and it's got that like twinge. Yeah. It's like a bug bite with that. Like it's not fun. I was going to say like I thought a bee sting and yellow jacket sting. It's like the sting hurts but it's not like you're left in writhing pain for hours. Is it like a jellyfish where you're like because you know a man a war fucking got all over me. I'm like yeah we need to go to the hospital. Right. I mean I I got stung on like the back of my knee when I was a kid by a yellow jacket and it sucked but like you continue on with the day. I will also say that like when your vulnerable bits get hurt the last thing you want to do is be like I'm going to air it out for the more danger. Like I'm like you probably put that back in your bag. Come back. Yeah. I'm like you would probably put your pants on and not tackle your friend assuming they sicked a bee on you. This feels like what I think happened here is I think some version of this really happened and then he just added a bunch of creative writing to it. Realistically he and his friend saw a spider and that's just. He's like wait a minute. I could see someone trapping a yellow jacket and doing the thing where they throw that in the toilet and like shut the lid. Sure. And just because some people just don't make the right moves. There's also a pressure situation where like you can't just throw an upside down cup into water and have it be like oh it's going to fill right up. No it's going to be like boom and then yellow jacket flies out. Yeah. And if the yellow jacket is drowning it's going to crawl up on your magazine or book or whatever as like a little Titanic situation but the door is big enough. Where it loses credibility is he's going around his whole house and I'm like you didn't go out your door. Yeah. You went everywhere in your house with this yellow jacket. You didn't go outside. I was just so frightened. You could throw it. You could honestly go if you're afraid to just open it up. Just leave it outside. Just go leave it outside. Yeah. And like some poor person is going to walk by and actually kick it open. And then what's this? Yeah. Oh free upside down cup and a book. I do that all the time. Bug on a bathroom door and you go outside. It takes just a minute and if you're so terrified of yellow jackets that you're shaking and you can't do it you wouldn't forget. You would warn your friend. Yeah. I'm mad about this now. I was so terrified. I was so terrified by trying to keep my friends dick from touching me. And then I spent a good 10 to 15 minutes massaging my buddy's ballsack. What happened to your resolve? Oh he said there's there's needless dick contact and there's stop the transmission of poison dick contact. I sucked it up. Yeah. This isn't real. Someone said is he okay now. I can only imagine the pain. Oh he said he's all right. Thanks for asking. I'm not going to shit ton of pain but put a call in with his general practitioners answering service who basically recommended home remedies or gutting it out. And obviously to watch for X, Y and Z then come in if they occur. I've been worried so I checked in on him and his last update was that he was going to try and sleep in hopes it's somewhat better in the AM. His girlfriend's over trying to trying the home remedies out so I'm happy to know he isn't having to cope alone at least. Fingers across for a speedy recovery. His girlfriend's like hey your balls have already been massaged today. Your balls look really massaged. I was thinking the opposite of like it's a stupid plan where he's just like oh my god Bennifer thank god you're here. Someone needs to massage these balls. Or they're going to fall clean off and we don't and my hands are ooh they hurt. Can you? Someone said you are no longer friends. War has made you brothers. Look there's a there's a world where this is real. I don't know. Some people are ridiculous. You can say dumb. This guy's definitely dumb. Yeah. After 15 minutes we were like huh and then we found out yellow jackets don't even have honey. Yeah. No I mean it reminds me of the Three Stooges episode where in all their antics they end up sucking all each other's dicks. You got me with that one. You got me with that one. You got me with that one. Wait wait wait wait. Forget about Shemp now. This just doesn't work against a dick. Oh god. For people listening audio only they're like what is happening. I think their imaginations are good enough. Right. All right. All right. Oh well that's all our stories for today. That was something. That was some revenge. That was some revenge. Can I share one thing finally about revenge that I feel like people need to know. When people say revenge is best served cold I only recently found out what that means because I always thought it was just like oh you got to be cold when you're revenge. That's what revenge is. No it means wait a minute take your time and plan it. The meal has to cool down. Serve it cold. I also never knew that. Isn't that crazy. That makes sense. Makes way more sense than like be sure to be an asshole. Yeah. Wow. Okay. All right so then the wedding person. Serve it cold. They definitely served it cold. Wow. All right. Thanks for a little knowledge drop at the end of the app. Be sure to Google Dietsomacious Earth and tell them I sent you. Nice. Use my code. It's like Google code. Use my code for Dietsomacious Earth. It's good band. Anyways guys. Yeah. Thanks for being here. Thanks for the revenge. That's great. Yeah it was good to be here. The greatest revenge was the fact that you know. Yeah. You gave us an hour of your time or whatever and like ha ha. Yeah man. Yeah how about that. For sure. All right. Well thank you for watching. Hope you had a good time. I hope you're not needing to get revenge on anyone. Yeah. Hope that's not necessary. 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